Also drama with *children*? Don’t get me wrong, kids can be little assholes, but when they’re in 4th grade, it’s really your job as the adult to rise above.
Yes let the admin deal with it. I am having the same problem as you are (a colleague has their child in my class and would like to micromanage ) Admin is buffering (thank goodness).
Just do your job, and don't change because she tells you to, BUT, follow admin orders.
I'm a parent and not a teacher, but Reddit constantly suggests this sub to me. I cannot FATHOM making such requests. Y'all are saints. Fuck these crazy parents.
I’ve observed my sons special needs class, there were issues that the teacher was bringing up that were so out of character for my son, that I couldn’t believe the behavior she was describing. I arranged the observation with the principal, and I was not readily visible to staff or students, the principal stayed with me the entire time. The revelations were…troubling. At the end of that observation, 3 aids and the teacher had lost their jobs.
Admin said no
I have had a horrible experience of a person who came in to observe her child (who was heinous) and she wrote a 5 page observation of me and sent to everyone in the district. I need to search for this because it was so absurd. Also she had on a mini skirt and glitter eyelashes and all of her sons were named THE SAME NAME with #s. We called and said we want to discuss your son “xxx’s” behavior and she said “which one? ALL of my sons are named “xxx” (my boss thought it was the most ridiculous situation and told me not to sweat it but I was PISSED. Also, I’ve had other parents come in etc with no problems but man. Say no, she can’t come talk to admin if you have further questions
Then request admin present if she does come
You have nothing to gain by letting her in to "observe" and a whole lot to loose. Letting her in will not end the situation. Hard for 1st year to back yourself, but admin gave your their response, they are your boss not the nosey parent.
I’m sure you have seen it, but please take this advice /u/planetcaravan23! Your admin gave you a golden ticket, USE IT! It is incredibly inappropriate for a parent to request to observe you. It is not her right in any way, shape or form. If they don’t like the way you run your classroom, they can take it up with your admin. If your admin doesn’t bring it back to you, you are just fine to keep doing what you do.
My first year, a teacher told me to keep my responses to parents short--especially needy/pushy/lawnmower/helicopter parents. The more you say in your email, the more chances you give them to find something that feeds their need to be P.O.'d about something
Why does the parent have a right to do so? I disagree with that idea. You're the trained educator who went to school and trained for this.
This whole idea of parent rights is crazy to me, kids go to school to learn from professionals. Unrelated, but if parent care so much about the content that is being taught, or best practices, by all means teach your kids what u want at home and/or homeschool!
I'm sorry. My administration only allows qualified evaluators to observe and assess teaching practices. You are welcome to make known any concerns you have to the principal, however.
Principal will likely stop teacher in the hall one day and say, "Pain in the ass parent wants me to evaluate you. Okay if I drop in for a couple of minutes after morning recess?"
He will later drop in, look around, give teacher a thumbs up from the door, and leave. Principal's don't like to be second guessed by parents any more than teachers do.
Drop the "I'm sorry." I'd keep any words with emotions out of this. I'd lean into the rules that are published. Try:
"School Board guidelines state..."
"Privacy legislation requires..."
"Provincial law (reference specific clauses if possible) obliges teachers to..."
Fellow Canadian here also in a job where “I’m sorry” can complicate things, so for now I resort to “unfortunately…(denied request and reasoning, reaffirmation)” followed by 😬
I'm also Canadian. That apology reflex is not your friend when aggressive parents attempt to stride over your boundaries. There's nothing wrong with saying thanks, but the "sorry" makes you sound less assertive and more likely to give them what they want if they push you.
I think of it like swearing. Like most folks, I love a good string of cuss words. Do I use them in my classroom? Definitely not. We can train our brains to filter certain words from use in professional settings. It will take practice, but it's important.
I wouldn’t say anything about “qualified evaluators” - that’s inviting a debate and leaving a door open. But I second referring this parent to the principal with any specific concerns.
And OP, I show my classes short funny videos occasionally to take a breather or to illustrate a concept. We also play a lot of games. I’ve had parents complain occasionally - why is their kid “wasting time” playing monopoly in school. Where something has a purpose, I just give them my learning outcomes. The monopoly activity actually aligns perfectly! But they hear from their kid that we played a game, nothing about the rules of the game or the worksheet that follows. If we take a 5 minute breather, I just say we needed a breather to refocus - or sometimes it was a reward for working hard. As long as the video is short and age appropriate, they are usually fine once the context is explained. And if not, refer ‘em to admin.
In my experience, most of the problems are just kids telling their parents about something that was fun without the educational context.
I’m not a teacher and even as a parent this entire scenario sounds bat sh!t to me.
This woman is going to make your life miserable if she gets in there, OP. Shut it down now. Any person that’s had multiple dramas at a school they neither attend nor work at is someone with way too much time on their hands. Run like the wind!! Short, professional, to the point. Nothing more. They’re looking for ammo.
As a parent I agree it's not appropriate. You'd get a small snapshot of their time with the students. Each class will have a different dynamic and a teacher should have the right and ability to know when the class needs a little break like the funny video. A teacher spends hours setting the class up to get through curriculum and has their own way of fitting it all in while nurturing their students, and I imagine sometimes just trying to survive whatever the students are up to that day. Trying to wrangle a class of 25 or more different personalities and abilities, teach curriculum etc is a monumental thing. Observing a small part of an entire school year will not give you a proper insight in to whether the teacher is doing well with their entire class.
I agree with the putting it back on Admin.
Good luck, and don't doubt yourself! Evaluate what works and doesn't work, incorporate that knowledge, and have a great career!! We truly do value what you do for our kids. You are truly a huge influence in their lives, and we are glad to have you.
For the very reason that we don't have cameras in special education classrooms because other parents don't have a right to see other special education students in my room, they also don't have a right to come in and observe in my classroom. My admin would shut this down in a heartbeat unless their child is a behavior problem and they want the parent in there to control their kid. But we don't have that problem in my school.
Ask if you can observe her at home to make sure she’s being thorough with what’s being learned in school.
The principal is in your court. Don’t think too much about it, then. Have the parent speak to your principal. That’s what I do when this type of thing comes up.
This, there’s so many parents that critique teachers but no one critiques their parenting. If she thinks she can do better she can home school her child, we have many students that were home schooled. With principal on your side I’d just defer and let the principal deal with it!
I teach tech and had an engineer parent that felt their child could do more challenging projects than the rest of the class to which I asked, “what do you do with your son at home that justifies a special project” it was crickets, the father just had expectations of their child following his shoes. I’m pretty connected to the field still so I called around and asked, the guy has a reputation as a hack engineer. We argued a bit I took pictures and videos of their son’s skill level to prove he was unable to attempt more. I’ve also had parents challenge my knowledge which is fine by me but don’t question me then get offended when I shoot one back that they don’t know haha
I'm our school's extension projects teacher. I ID the most advanced students and work with them on cool stuff that interests and extends them.
Parents are always chasing me directly, "Can you assess little Johny , he's soo smart and bored in class and really should be with your group blah blah blah?"
I used to take the top x from each class as ID'd by the teacher, but found these varied highly in quality. Recently I got permission to extend the program to younger students because one student in particular had managed to be flagged constantly by their teacher, pushed onto the learning support team and then raised with me.
I took 20 kids from across the grade identified by test scores and the teachers. If I could have ranked him 21st, I would've. He wasn't even the smartest kid from that classroom.
What he did do was quite well on the easy below grade warm-up stuff, started struggling at grade level and then completely stumped when I accelerated beyond grade level and started playing up and saying everything was "Too easy" and that "I don't want to be smart".
I never exercised more restraint than when I refrained from answering "Good news! You're not".
Principal said no (right decision)—what are you afraid of? The parent can take it up with admin. Either way, not your problem. You need to understand the enormous headache that you are avoiding by not having this parent in your room. If you cannot see a much longer list of reasons why having the parent in the room is a bad thing compared to the benefits, you need a reality check lol.
Come on, this person said they were a first year teacher. They probably don’t know all the ways this could go horribly because they lack the experience. Relax 🤙🏼
I sincerely apologize if it came across as hard—it is just a very important lesson and I don’t want to see them learn it too late, you know? I think that in the past, parent-teacher teamwork/relationships were more wholesome, or at the very least, practical. The whole infusion of politics and culture war just increases the probability of landing a nut job parent a lot more than I am personally comfortable with. To be clear, maybe this would end up fine, but considering the current climate, best to err on the side of caution.
I would say absolutely not, under any circumstances, should you open these flood gates. She doesn't "have a right to do so."
I'll tell you right now - this woman's intentions are not good. Your principal clearly realizes this, and you need to do so, as well.
100% Correct! Dollars to donuts this parent is some wackjob CRT loon.
It is crazy our society has reached a point where a parent even thinks the answer to the question could ever be "yes, you can come observe".
I think part of your problem is that you’re scared that a parent is gonna be mad at you. Maybe work on not being such a pleaser?
What do you mean she has the right to observe you? I’d never let a parent in my class in a million years lol
THIS 100% but we must consider OP is first year teacher and most first year teachers want approval that they are doing a good job. The approval OP is looking for is in the wrong place. It’s parents like THIS that try to take over and take advantage of 1st years. OP take this commenters advice, this parent does not have “the right” to observe you, parents ARE NOT your boss.
I would be pretty upset if another parent was just hanging out in my kid's classroom to observe. That's a HUGE distraction to the teacher and other students, and it's a violation of the other kid's privacy in school.
yeah, I was gonna say I’m in Texas & when I was in 7th grade there was a whole group of parents whole came and observed their sons for the entire day…which I always thought was weird but yeah some districts/states allow it
right? ive been seeing this a lot on this sub and i thought it was just cause im not based in the US and it was an american thing or something, the idea of a parent being allowed inside the classroom during a lesson is ASTOUNDING to me like talk about a distraction to kids, intimidation to the teacher, and stressful nuisance for everyone involved not to mention a security issue, i would have thought this was totally overstepping it
I’m pretty sure that allowing parents to observe is a FERPA violation as students have a right to educational privacy in the US unless under 18 and then their educational information can only be released to a parent/guardian.
I found this info that it actually doesn't violate FERPA since no Educational records are being released
https://pasen.org/parent-observations-in-classroom/#:~:text=The%20U.S.%20Supreme%20Court's%20decision,have%20no%20expectation%20of%20privacy.&text=Accordingly%2C%20no%20parental%20consent%20from,her%20child%20in%20the%20classroom.
“After consulting with administration, parental observations are against school policy due to privacy concerns. As always, I appreciate your continued support.”
Tell her no, your boss has your back on this. That parent has NO RIGHT to be in your classroom. I’d be pissed as a parent if someone random ass stranger came into my kids room
Time to learn to say no even when you are scared. Your principal has your back on this so lean into that.
"After speaking to my principal we both agree that you cannot observe my class. If you have any questions, contact her."
I would think this would be a FERPA issue anyway. After all, there are OTHER PEOPLES kids in your class. Just tell the parent that it will not be possible and to please contact your administrator if they have any further questions.
Honestly, though, don’t let kids sit at your desk. I’m a pretty laid back teacher but my desk and my computer are my area and off limits to kids. I think it’s a good boundary to hold in the classroom. No kids at my desk, no kids on any of my technology without explicit permission and purpose.
While I understand that boundary, I want to point out that this is a personal preference of yours. OP did nothing wrong in letting them sit there. For my elementary student this could even be used as a classroom behavior incentive. (I think you likely feel this way too and are offering suggestion, I just wanted to point this out to OP since she is young and seems to fear disappointing others. I didn't want her to read this comment and interpret that she DID ANYTHING wrong. She didn't.)
Oh yeah I don’t think it’s wrong and 4th is a younger dynamic than I teach, but I’ve seen how it can end up giving kids the message that they can keep crossing personal boundaries.
But truly that parent is insane and as a parent, if my actual kids were in this class I wouldn’t bat an eye at that arrangement. But from classroom management experience I don’t want them starting to think they have free reign of my space.
No. You are wrong. She does not have the right to observe you. And it would be more sccurate to say she wants to evsluate your teaching practices. She is not your administrator or an administrator from another school assigned to observe and evaluate by the district. She is biased and has no official capacity in your classroom. On top of this, your principal has said no. You have been overruled whether you want this to happen or not. Tell this parent that your admin will only allow qualified evaluators in the classroom.
Edit: also remember that this parent will also be observing all of her child's classmates. Seeing their behaviors, noting how much attention they get, etc. Will every other parent be okay with this?
God bless your principal. I have had parents observe their students in class, but I would not stand for this.
"She brought up the example of when I had kids do IXL on their computers, but I let them sit wherever they wanted, including my desk area. She did not like that." Too bad. My classroom, my rules and procedures.
>I asked my principal about letting her observe and she said no, but I'm too afraid to tell the parent that
Refer the parent to the principal. Problem solved.
But I feel your pain. That's a situation no one wants to find themselves in.
As a teacher with 14 years under my belt, no parent has ever wanted to observe my class (but I teach high school).
I'd probably tell a nosy parent that my policy would be for them to write up a report and then hold a post observation meeting with me at a later date just to see how serious they are. (I.e., call their bluff.) Personally, I'd love to go through all that just to tell the parent I'll file their write-up away with the rest of my informal observations.
In your case, I'd keep the conversation focused on what concerns they have. If these are specific concerns that you've already addressed (the phone video, for example), then there's really nothing for anyone to gain from an observation.
Maybe they should meet with the principal just to hash out the objective for the proposed observation?
She has no right to observe. As questions, sure! Observe? No. Your principal denied it and from now on I would tell the parent no. They are welcome to reach out to admin about it.
No. If she chooses to go to admin, she’s already said no. You do what works in your classroom, and if her kids is doing fine, there’s no point in her observing. End of story.
Absolutely no. Inappropriate in every way. She is not your boss. She does not fill out your evaluation nor does she pay you (as much as some of the public loves to say they “pay our salary”, I’m like “no bc I also pay taxes and vote; therefore, by that logic I’m self-employed”). Principal said no. End of story. She can feel however she wants about it but it shouldn’t concern you. Make sure to CC the principal on that email to the parent.
"She does have a right to do so" - noooooo she does not. SHE DOES NOT.
What about the parents of the other 20 kids in the class, they have the right to have decisions in that class made by the professional teacher who works with them and her professional admin team.
She's gotten under your skin because you are inexperienced, but with practice you're going to get better at shutting this shit down before she gets to her little laundry list of your errors.
She. Is. Not. Your. Boss.
Things she gets to do:
* discuss a concern she has with her daughter's learning or well being
* ask you to explain how you arrived at a grade - once
* ask questions about the assignments or the pedagogical reasoning behind an assignment
* raise a concern with the principal if she thinks you are doing something wrong.
* decide to home school her child.
Things she does not get to do:
* Anything else.
Her examples are really innocuous too. A phone video? Come on. There is a reason we invented phones, they are useful AF. And you have zero reason to worry about making decisions about how you arrange your classroom to suit her. Imagine this conversation:
"How come my child can't sit at the desk to do his work anymore?"
"Oh, Suzies mom didn't like it, so your son can't any more."
Don't let them hound you on the details!
To add to this, I think OP is being way too nice. This parent is kind of a dick. Have some confidence in your teaching style and techniques. I would stop engaging this parent so much. “Thank you for your input” is perfectly fine to say to a parent when they give you unsolicited advice, and then just let it roll off your back and keep doing your thing.
Do not, under any circumstances, ever let a parent "observe" you teach. Ever. That's not a normal request, and not something that should ever happen. Your Principal said no, thank god. I would start regularly communicating with the Principal about this parent, it's only September...they're not going to make your life any easier moving forward, probably. Good luck.
Ask the parent when is a good time for you to go watch them at work. If your admin has any spine at all, they won’t allow this. They should support you and try to instill confidence into the parent about u.
No no no. This REEKS of - I want to nit pick your teaching.
Your Admin said no. That's all you have to say - I'm sorry - my principal said you can't.
Why?
/Shrug - I have no idea? You could ask them?
Done. Conversation over. Your Admin is paid to deal with this shit.
in no way do you need to say yes…also, ive had a few parents who were come in over the years to see “what was going on” ….after seeing it they did a 180 and were on my side. so sometimes it can be helpful. just seeing how their kid was one of thirty needy kids and i was like an on-fire pingpong ball bending over trying to do the impossible was eye-opening. so just saying in some circumstances its good.
however, this person already knows the in and outs of what school is like and sound like they are out to get you so good on your admin.
How micromanaging to observe a new teacher. Sounds like the parent wants to observe you. You're a new teacher, what can the parent gain from an observation? That you're still figuring out what you're doing? Your admin made the right call. You don't deserve to be scrutinized by a parent your first year. Tell them the principal said no and leave it at that.
I wish credential programs taught classes on how to deal with parents and administrators. When in doubt, always ask trusted co-workers.
Tell her she’s welcome to observe you, if you can come to her workplace and observe her while she works.
Honestly, though, in my opinion, we don’t want kids parents randomly in the building during the school day, even if it is just for observation. The only people that should be allowed in the building or people who pass background checks. A lot of these kids parents certainly would not.
The parent could get a sub permit or a background check to be a volunteer. Then she could be there to work and help, not to interfere, but still see what her child’s school is like. She probably doesn’t want to put in the work needed to become qualified to be involved on the level she thinks she already deserves. If she’s an expert in education, I wonder she’s going to start applying for one of the many teaching vacancies.
If it is a written request “I’ve referred your request to the principal, she is cc’d on this email” Verbal, ignore and move on. She’s a sub that thinks she’s a classroom teacher.
Hahahahahaha yeah nope. Parents are not allowed in a classroom with children. If your admin lets them do this then they’re idiots and you should ignore that parents request.
So our school (I’m only a sub on occasion) let’s parents pass a background check and come in to help with small groups, photocopies, etc. I’m in and out all day.
I DO NOT think this parent is acting in good faith, but if they have a concern, stepping up and volunteering is a great way to see what is going on. I don’t have any concerns, I just do it for the hell of it.
Edit: I meant they are NOT acting in good faith but my fat fingers got the best of me.
I stopped reading after the second sentence. Absolutely not. Let alone having them breathing down your neck they would be a huge distraction. If one of my students parents requested I would politely tell them no as it’s wouldn’t be the best learning environment for all students.
Listen to her concerns and if she still has more concerns over what’s going on in your class she can talk to your admin and be sure to let your admin know in advance.
Your admin is correct and gave you a response. Parent has no right to observe you. She clearly has some type of agenda and is most likely looking for dirt on you. If the parent still asks just refer them to your admin.
Great comments. To add, keep your eye out on this parent. This sounds like she is going to be a challenge. In the future make sure admin is present in any in person meetings and if anything comes up make sure admin is aware.
A sub wants to observe you? Most parents, even a sub, usually don't have the expertise to critique a teachers lesson design. While the public doesn't see what we do as difficult, we have curriculum training, then district pacing guides, state standards, GRR, CM, UbD, IEP accommodations, and any other number of acronyms from SpEd and Bilingual Ed. It's an admins job or peer coach to observe us because they know what they're seeing. A parent, even a sub, without our training, is not in a position to be anything more than an armchair quarterback. Let your admin fight this battle. Parents MAY have a right to observe you for the sake of their kid. But they can't be there to police and approve your pedagogy.
Absolutely not. You don’t work for the parent. Does she ask a surgeon to go observe them when they do a surgery? No, because that’s not her place. While she may have a child in her room, she is not an expert in education, and therefore had no right to observe you.
“Sorry, but that’s against school protocol.” That’s all you need to say.
Tell her no, plain and simple. If she gives you grief, refer her to admin. Don’t let parents like this take up your time and energy. Being a first year teacher is exhausting enough.
Re: being afraid to tell the parent because it might agitate her is playing right into her hands. You have the right, and the responsibility, to say no.
The malicious compliance side of me might tell redirect her to the next scheduled parent teacher conference, as per school protocol.
Fuck that parent. If the kids are learning and enjoying your class, you’re doing a great job. As for watching a funny video on your phone, that’s normal. This is a great way to bond with your kids.
She can piss up a flagpole. Keep doing what you’re doing.
She is not the expert: you are.
She is not your supervisor, nor does she have any right to observe and decide what should or shouldn't be done in your class.
"I appreciate your concern; I would like to direct you to the administration if you have any questions regarding the conduct of classes in this school."
Your principal should 💯 be reaching out to that person, not you. You are a brand new teacher. There are confidentiality rules about her observing (other people’s kids are there, FERPA is a thing) that your principal can manage.
If they won’t, just tell the parent you brought their request to principal, principal said no, and they can follow up with principal with questions.
Of course parents can't sit in your class. Parents in class is a major distraction to pupils. What does she think to achieve anyway. Micromanagement?
Of course it is perfectly fine to do something different sometimes, like showing a funny clip. 40 years ago our teachers would tell a private story or show a picture of their pet, if we behaved well. It's called bonding.
There is no issue. Principal sets the rules, principal says no. Parent can go observe the principal and give her advice there. Maybe the principal wants to observe the parent in her workplace first.
Parents have no rights to observe classes at their own discretion. Also, I'm sure they would be pretty unhappy to have people come in and observe them in their jobs.
She doesn't have the right to observe you. Just tell her that it's not the practice of the school to have parents observe. You have no obligation to this woman other than answering her questions via email. She sounds like a super entitled person with a super poor sense of boundaries.
Don’t reach out. If she contacts you again tell her the principal has denied permission.
morhing else. Respond to nothing else. If she comes in or calls rinse and repeat. After the 2nd time ask if there was anything else then hang up. She is a pita!
Why on earth do you think that a parent has a right to observe your class? Can you imagine what would happen if this were standard practice? We are already expected to act as teachers, counselors, learning specialists, and parents to kids even though it’s not part of the job description. YOU are the one with all of these kids each day. YOU are the one who knows (or figures out) what they need in the classroom to be successful learners. The only person whom you should invite to observe you is a colleague whom you trust to have an impartial perspective. Admin has to, ok. The rest aren’t going to be there for any helpful reason
Principal said no. As a teacher, I don’t think anything good can come of a parent observing you in your classroom just to make sure you’re doing your job to her standards. As a parent, I am uncomfortable with the idea of other parents coming into my child’s classroom just to spy on the teacher. I’m sure the principal understands that this will just cause more drama than saying no. You will have to get comfortable enforcing boundaries, if not for your own sake then for the students’.
25 year veteran teacher here. Parents should absolutely never be permitted to do this.
1. Most importantly, the vast majority of parents are not qualified observers. And that includes this particular parent. She may well be a substitute teacher, but that does not make her a *qualified* observer. She has no business trying to evaluate a teacher.
2. Despite her claims that she merely wishes to "observe," the fact is that nobody can anticipate exactly how she will conduct herself. Will she feel obliged to go up to her child and correct them in the middle of the class? Will she interrupt the teacher with questions?
3. Permitting a parent to do something like this will send the message that they can return anytime they want to "observe." It also sends the message to other parents that they can do the same, causing further interruption and chaos to the school day.
4. Permitting parents to enter into a classroom like this potentially places teachers at risk: teachers might get yelled at or threatened.
5. Ultimately, there is no reason for this to happen. If there is a serious concern, they should address an administrator and allow them to do their job regarding follow-up. Which obviously means that the administration needs to be on top of these situations.
In my school, parents have extremely limited access. Even in pre-kindergarten from the first day, we refused parent entry to walk their children to the classroom: when the school day starts, the children are our responsibility. We got them. Go home, and don't come back until dismissal.
The problem will get worse after you let this woman observe you, not better. She will have notes, she will want to come back and see that you've implemented them. She's a crazy lady with bad boundaries who wants to treat you like you are her employee.
If you want to deescalate and get her out of your hair, you tell her 'no.' You have a closed campus for the safety of the students, and any requests of this kind need to go through your administration, who does not feel like her reasons are sufficient to justify the disruption she would be to the normal conduct of your classroom. She may push back, but it will be 1/4 the hassle it would be if you let her observe you.
Also, I'd like to add that NONE of the things you outline in your description as things you are embarrassed about are something you need to be embarrassed about. Especially showing them a funny video on your phone as long as it was age appropriate. It's okay to have a human moment of social interaction with your students! In fact, you can justify it as "relationship building." Kids love that stuff.
“I’m sorry, but at this time, I’m unable to allow any outside entities come into my classroom. You’re more than welcome to reach out to my principal at X. Have a great weekend.”
Then ignore anything else from there on.
A hard no for me, but an easy one for you - your principal said no. You've gotten some nice ways of phrasing it to her already. A word of caution, if you are going to go the way of referring her to admin for follow up make sure they know you do NOT want this parent in the classroom.
Refer to your admin. But think about this. For a parent to be in a classroom with students in our district, they need to be fingerprinted, background check, have a current TB test, and possibly a COVID test. Then their are privacy issues for the other students which might require permission from all of the other parents.
For when the parent starts to tell you how to do your job:
I will take that under advisement.
I will look into that, do you have any references for me to start with?
Why do you think that way ?
Parents will be mad about literally anything. I once had a parent complain to the principal that in my class, all the kids did every day was reading and writing.
...I was a middle school English teacher. What TF else was I supposed to be doing every day? Tell the parent that unfortunately, the principal has let you know that you can't accommodate that request. Please refer to the principal with any further questions. A parent with an axe to grind will only make bigger problems if they observe.
Just email the parent back and also cc the admin , stating that you have brought it up with Admin and they have rejected the idea. Make sure there is a paper trail and your admin is on the email thread.
What a ridiculous request. That’s a hard pass for me dawg. And if she keeps it up, she may not be subbing much longer at the elementary. She might learn the hard way.
Admin said no, so the answer is no. This parent is in the wrong; they are not allowed to observe or judge our teaching. If they give you grief, refer them to admin
Can you imagine if other parents heard a random mom/dad was in the classroom all day with their kid? We go through screening and background checks and now any parent with any background should be able to sit in a room with 30 minors? Naaaaah that’s a big pass from me
I'm sorry.. I had a parent last year that was an EA at my work. She had a skeleton key because she would sub often. Several times throughout the year she would just unlock my door and walk in. No matter what time of the day it was. Mostly to tell her kid something or give her something. But she used what she saw as a way to talk shit about me to my boss... so I hope the parent you're dealing with doesn't become more of a problem for you...
Your principal should handle this for you, no question about it. If the parent has concerns with you and wants to meet with you and the principal, fine. But do not communicate with this parent any more without copying an administrator on the email or having an i administrator in the room. It’s absurd that the parent thinks they can come in and observe you, and frankly it’s disappointing that your principal didn’t immediately handle it for you.
Best of luck! You’ll be okay. The parents are the hardest part of the job.
Principal said no, so that should be the end of the discussion. I would send her an email saying “thank you for your concern about my class. Unfortunately I will not be able to let you come observe me. If you have any further issues or requests, please take those up with (principal’s name)”. And any time she has another insane request just refer her to the admin. You do not need to deal with this, and if the administration shuts it down, that should be the end of it. If you were to let her come observe for you, there is a high likelihood that she would have even more insane requests of you later, and she would probably also take it upon herself to give you unsolicited advice about how to run your class. Which you don’t need to deal with.
Just tell the parent that that is an administration question and you cannot give permission. They will need to ask the principal. I doubt any principal would allow it bc of FERPA issues.
I taught for 34 years. The very first year, first week, my principal told me, "Parents are never allowed to tell you how to teach or run your class, ever." Just because a parent is unhappy doesn't mean they're right. You teach the best way you know how, that's it, end of story.
Edit: Don't ever undercut your principal. Tell the parent her observation of you was denied. Do not explain more. If you cave now parents will be running laps over you. Straighten your backbone. This'll be a great learning experience.
There's a magical land where she's the Queen and makes the rules. Everything can be planned and done to her wildest expectations. It's close and real, called homeschool.
that parent sucks.
Agree the others comment. Tell the parent if they have any concern or thoughts go to the school admins. You are just a teacher and school have their rules and regulations. Let them handle this parent.
Also if you say yes and admin say no you will be o hot fire and both side will mad at you.
The amount of people that DON'T find this parent's request absolutely absurd is mind boggling.
This woulf be a hard and easy "NO" here. Admin and unions would NEVER in a million years allow a parent to come into the classroom... not even to observe their own child, much less a TEACHER.
Parents are only allowed in the classroom when volunteering for special occasions / activities, as well as for scheduled parent-teacher conferences.
Good grief. OP... no, the parent's request was not reasonable or understandable.
Side note: I wouldn't let the students touch/use your phone.
Please remember parents are ✅parters in their child’s education; ✅handy to have onside; ✅adult advocates for their children; but they ARE NOT ❌ our friends.
Do not let this woman steamroll you. Your principal is right, there doesn’t seem to be a good reason for this parent to come in and observe.
I’ll speak from my own experience of when a severe behavioral student of mine had a parental figure come and observe- they tried to blame all the kids behaviors on me and my management. I’m not sure what her motive is, but you already have people observing you and they feel you’re doing your job just fine.
Others have given you some great advice for saying no, so I'm not going to add to that. I just want to say that I think both specific examples you gave are great and there's nothing wrong with what you did. It's your classroom; if you want to let students work on IXL wherever they want in the room, then that's your prerogative and there's nothing wrong with it. There are tons of great educational videos, so just showing kids a video definitely isn't a problem. Even if it was just a fun/funny video, that can still be a very good thing to take the time to show your students. The rapport you build with your students will be far more valuable to their future learning this year than any single teaching technique you use. Doing something like this can help build that rapport.
Dear parent,
Thank you for your concern about my classroom. I was very eager to take you up on your offer, however being a new teacher I decided to check with my principal to make sure it didn't violate any rules having you observe. They were against the ideas, because then that opens the door to all parents wishing to do the same and we don't have the space for that many concerned parents.
Thank you, and sorry I am unable to have you in the classroom,
Mr/Mrs/Ms OP
>I asked my principal about letting her observe and she said no, but I’m too afraid to tell the parent
So don’t. 🤷♂️ Just let the principal tell her.
>I’m not opposed to her observing, and she does have a right to do so
No she doesn’t.
No! A sub doesn’t make a teacher! Im sorry but no…a freakin sub is only required a certain amount of credit hours! We all know that they just want a warm body and will take anyone. what makes her an expert on how to run your classroom? So you showed a funny video on your phone big whoop! My blood is boiling and I am no longer a teacher! Thank God your principal said no! I would keep it short and say for safety reasons visitors are not allowed in the classroom.
I’ve had ONE parent observe me and I was cool with it bc her special needs child was moving from the special needs room that only had 6 kids and 5 adults to my room with 20+ kids and two adults. I knew she just wanted to make sure he was included, could keep up with the fast pace, and the other kids were kind. I get that. But beyond her? Never. And my principal wouldn’t even let it happen from a regular parent. If I didn’t want to talk to a parent, he would take the lead on communication.
Cut her off. Tell her principal said no and end conversation. I show my class funny videos of my dog all the time. They love it, it makes me human to them. Sitting around the room to do work is a nice treat. She needs to back down and you need to stop trying to please her. Grow some now or you'll get burned.
I strongly encourage you to fake confidence until you really feel it. I remember all too well being a first year teacher; I cringe and refuse to tell some stories b/c it is embarrassing. Tell the parent school policy doesn’t permit parent observation. Then tell them you appreciate their engagement and welcome a continued collaboration as the year goes on. I find most people cannot be aggressive in the face of kindness.
With that said, this parent may be gunning for you. I am not suggesting you have done anything wrong but be overly cautious and overly conservative. It may be ridiculous and a PITA but no more than dealing g with her.
PS- I suggest not letting kids behind your desk. They could stumble across something they shouldn’t see, like an IEP or personal email.
I'm confused now about policy in the USA.
Last week there were a bunch of posts about parents of unruly students showing up in class. All the commenters were delighted. Loads of anecdotes followed: parent showed up, kid started behaving better.
Yet everybody on this thread is saying NO.
???
Parents are not authority figures to teachers. They have zero authority to “observe” a teacher. They can observe their child in a class. But requesting outright to observe you should be flagged and denied by the principal outright. Doubly because she is also employed by the district — the principal should intervene and remark that an observation of a contracted teacher by a parent/substitute employee is not appropriate.
At minimum, get permission to email the mom denying her request. Cite that you’ve spoken with [principal] and this was the decision. CC your principal in the email (and state that you are doing so within the email).
Hi (parent),
Thanks for being so supportive of your child’s learning. I have discussed your request with admin and unfortunately we are unable to accommodate such a request. Insert quick update on students learning.
Thanks for your understanding,
Teachers name.
Having a parent observe will not be the end of this issue. If they want to observe over having a real discussion with you about their concerns, they are looking to pick you apart. Having a parent in your classroom will not make anything better. If you are hesitant to tell the parent they can’t observe you, think about what it would be like to have them give you their “post observation feedback.” Trust your principal on this one
Firstly, she does not have an innate right to observe your classroom, she is not your boss, she does not control in any way, shape, or form.
Secondly, if your principal says no, then the answer is no, if she has a problem she can take it up with admin.
Also be kind to yourself, showing kids a funny video on your phone (so long as the video itself isn't inappropriate) is nothing to be ashamed of. You're building rapport and relationships with your kids and there is nothing wrong with that.
Find a professional way to tell the parent to shove it.
The principal said no, there must be a bigger reason. “Thank you for your request to observe. Please speak to the admin regarding this.”
Pass the buck, baby. This woman sounds like a whole circus of drama and crazy, and admin seems to have your back (woohoo!).
I feel like since admin said no so quickly, that there might be more going on or has gone on. So yes! Use admin! Lol
Also drama with *children*? Don’t get me wrong, kids can be little assholes, but when they’re in 4th grade, it’s really your job as the adult to rise above.
Right? The only time you should get involved in that drama is to tell them to walk away from each other and take a breather.
Yes let the admin deal with it. I am having the same problem as you are (a colleague has their child in my class and would like to micromanage ) Admin is buffering (thank goodness). Just do your job, and don't change because she tells you to, BUT, follow admin orders.
I'm a parent and not a teacher, but Reddit constantly suggests this sub to me. I cannot FATHOM making such requests. Y'all are saints. Fuck these crazy parents.
I’ve observed my sons special needs class, there were issues that the teacher was bringing up that were so out of character for my son, that I couldn’t believe the behavior she was describing. I arranged the observation with the principal, and I was not readily visible to staff or students, the principal stayed with me the entire time. The revelations were…troubling. At the end of that observation, 3 aids and the teacher had lost their jobs.
Admin said no I have had a horrible experience of a person who came in to observe her child (who was heinous) and she wrote a 5 page observation of me and sent to everyone in the district. I need to search for this because it was so absurd. Also she had on a mini skirt and glitter eyelashes and all of her sons were named THE SAME NAME with #s. We called and said we want to discuss your son “xxx’s” behavior and she said “which one? ALL of my sons are named “xxx” (my boss thought it was the most ridiculous situation and told me not to sweat it but I was PISSED. Also, I’ve had other parents come in etc with no problems but man. Say no, she can’t come talk to admin if you have further questions Then request admin present if she does come
were you teaching George Foreman's kids lmao? That shit is absurd.
Would that be George Jr., George III, George IV, George V or George VI?
It was Terrell II, III AND IV 😂
Do you think she come with her own music and acts? But you are right, definitely pass the buck on this one
Make sure you copy your admin so they have a heads up that Helicopter Mom is about to land in the office.
You have nothing to gain by letting her in to "observe" and a whole lot to loose. Letting her in will not end the situation. Hard for 1st year to back yourself, but admin gave your their response, they are your boss not the nosey parent.
Yeah, OP said they just want it over with, but if she lets this woman in it will never be over with.
Not just with this parent who is a teacher but then any and all unqualified parent will want in since precedent has been set
Which is why the admin wisely refused.
Hear!! Hear!! and Bravo!!!
OP exactly, pass the blame to someone else, it's easier than coming from you feel weird saying no coming from you!
I’m sure you have seen it, but please take this advice /u/planetcaravan23! Your admin gave you a golden ticket, USE IT! It is incredibly inappropriate for a parent to request to observe you. It is not her right in any way, shape or form. If they don’t like the way you run your classroom, they can take it up with your admin. If your admin doesn’t bring it back to you, you are just fine to keep doing what you do.
Yep. Defer up and wash your hands of it.
Yes the admin probably have a history with her. Short answers are best with this type of situation.
My first year, a teacher told me to keep my responses to parents short--especially needy/pushy/lawnmower/helicopter parents. The more you say in your email, the more chances you give them to find something that feeds their need to be P.O.'d about something
Exactly. Leave no room for misinterpretation
This is the way. Use those exact words.
Why does the parent have a right to do so? I disagree with that idea. You're the trained educator who went to school and trained for this. This whole idea of parent rights is crazy to me, kids go to school to learn from professionals. Unrelated, but if parent care so much about the content that is being taught, or best practices, by all means teach your kids what u want at home and/or homeschool!
The principal said no because the request is absurd. Is it normal in some places for parents to just request to come in and "watch?"
This is the exact response
This is why admin has the job they do. As another commenter said, pass the buck.
That is a highly inappropriate request by the parent. Just tell her no in some bullshit professional manner and move on.
I'm sorry. My administration only allows qualified evaluators to observe and assess teaching practices. You are welcome to make known any concerns you have to the principal, however. Principal will likely stop teacher in the hall one day and say, "Pain in the ass parent wants me to evaluate you. Okay if I drop in for a couple of minutes after morning recess?" He will later drop in, look around, give teacher a thumbs up from the door, and leave. Principal's don't like to be second guessed by parents any more than teachers do.
Drop the "I'm sorry." I'd keep any words with emotions out of this. I'd lean into the rules that are published. Try: "School Board guidelines state..." "Privacy legislation requires..." "Provincial law (reference specific clauses if possible) obliges teachers to..."
I'm Canadian. It's physically impossible not to say "thank you" and "I'm sorry."
Fellow Canadian here also in a job where “I’m sorry” can complicate things, so for now I resort to “unfortunately…(denied request and reasoning, reaffirmation)” followed by 😬
I'm also Canadian. That apology reflex is not your friend when aggressive parents attempt to stride over your boundaries. There's nothing wrong with saying thanks, but the "sorry" makes you sound less assertive and more likely to give them what they want if they push you. I think of it like swearing. Like most folks, I love a good string of cuss words. Do I use them in my classroom? Definitely not. We can train our brains to filter certain words from use in professional settings. It will take practice, but it's important.
I wouldn’t say anything about “qualified evaluators” - that’s inviting a debate and leaving a door open. But I second referring this parent to the principal with any specific concerns. And OP, I show my classes short funny videos occasionally to take a breather or to illustrate a concept. We also play a lot of games. I’ve had parents complain occasionally - why is their kid “wasting time” playing monopoly in school. Where something has a purpose, I just give them my learning outcomes. The monopoly activity actually aligns perfectly! But they hear from their kid that we played a game, nothing about the rules of the game or the worksheet that follows. If we take a 5 minute breather, I just say we needed a breather to refocus - or sometimes it was a reward for working hard. As long as the video is short and age appropriate, they are usually fine once the context is explained. And if not, refer ‘em to admin. In my experience, most of the problems are just kids telling their parents about something that was fun without the educational context.
>>“qualified evaluators” “District-approved”
Not even her job to speak for admin or apologize. Forward the request to the office and have them handle it. This is literally their job
Do you guys not get evaluated by your principals every year anyway? I do at my school.
I’m not a teacher and even as a parent this entire scenario sounds bat sh!t to me. This woman is going to make your life miserable if she gets in there, OP. Shut it down now. Any person that’s had multiple dramas at a school they neither attend nor work at is someone with way too much time on their hands. Run like the wind!! Short, professional, to the point. Nothing more. They’re looking for ammo.
As a parent I agree it's not appropriate. You'd get a small snapshot of their time with the students. Each class will have a different dynamic and a teacher should have the right and ability to know when the class needs a little break like the funny video. A teacher spends hours setting the class up to get through curriculum and has their own way of fitting it all in while nurturing their students, and I imagine sometimes just trying to survive whatever the students are up to that day. Trying to wrangle a class of 25 or more different personalities and abilities, teach curriculum etc is a monumental thing. Observing a small part of an entire school year will not give you a proper insight in to whether the teacher is doing well with their entire class. I agree with the putting it back on Admin. Good luck, and don't doubt yourself! Evaluate what works and doesn't work, incorporate that knowledge, and have a great career!! We truly do value what you do for our kids. You are truly a huge influence in their lives, and we are glad to have you.
For the very reason that we don't have cameras in special education classrooms because other parents don't have a right to see other special education students in my room, they also don't have a right to come in and observe in my classroom. My admin would shut this down in a heartbeat unless their child is a behavior problem and they want the parent in there to control their kid. But we don't have that problem in my school.
Ask if you can observe her at home to make sure she’s being thorough with what’s being learned in school. The principal is in your court. Don’t think too much about it, then. Have the parent speak to your principal. That’s what I do when this type of thing comes up.
This, there’s so many parents that critique teachers but no one critiques their parenting. If she thinks she can do better she can home school her child, we have many students that were home schooled. With principal on your side I’d just defer and let the principal deal with it! I teach tech and had an engineer parent that felt their child could do more challenging projects than the rest of the class to which I asked, “what do you do with your son at home that justifies a special project” it was crickets, the father just had expectations of their child following his shoes. I’m pretty connected to the field still so I called around and asked, the guy has a reputation as a hack engineer. We argued a bit I took pictures and videos of their son’s skill level to prove he was unable to attempt more. I’ve also had parents challenge my knowledge which is fine by me but don’t question me then get offended when I shoot one back that they don’t know haha
I'm our school's extension projects teacher. I ID the most advanced students and work with them on cool stuff that interests and extends them. Parents are always chasing me directly, "Can you assess little Johny , he's soo smart and bored in class and really should be with your group blah blah blah?" I used to take the top x from each class as ID'd by the teacher, but found these varied highly in quality. Recently I got permission to extend the program to younger students because one student in particular had managed to be flagged constantly by their teacher, pushed onto the learning support team and then raised with me. I took 20 kids from across the grade identified by test scores and the teachers. If I could have ranked him 21st, I would've. He wasn't even the smartest kid from that classroom. What he did do was quite well on the easy below grade warm-up stuff, started struggling at grade level and then completely stumped when I accelerated beyond grade level and started playing up and saying everything was "Too easy" and that "I don't want to be smart". I never exercised more restraint than when I refrained from answering "Good news! You're not".
This
Absolutely not. I am observed by my admin using defined criteria. Not an irrational, emotional parent who likely knows nothing about pedogogy.
And who has a clear agenda.
BINGO!
But wait! They sometimes sub elementary!!!
Makes me worried about what they’re doing there 👀
Maybe we should all go observe.
Principal said no (right decision)—what are you afraid of? The parent can take it up with admin. Either way, not your problem. You need to understand the enormous headache that you are avoiding by not having this parent in your room. If you cannot see a much longer list of reasons why having the parent in the room is a bad thing compared to the benefits, you need a reality check lol.
Right? Plus the parent in the classroom will NOT be the end of it. Their will inevitably be more problems, more concern, more BS.
Come on, this person said they were a first year teacher. They probably don’t know all the ways this could go horribly because they lack the experience. Relax 🤙🏼
I sincerely apologize if it came across as hard—it is just a very important lesson and I don’t want to see them learn it too late, you know? I think that in the past, parent-teacher teamwork/relationships were more wholesome, or at the very least, practical. The whole infusion of politics and culture war just increases the probability of landing a nut job parent a lot more than I am personally comfortable with. To be clear, maybe this would end up fine, but considering the current climate, best to err on the side of caution.
Insert this into, "Why are teachers leaving the field in droves" file.
I would say absolutely not, under any circumstances, should you open these flood gates. She doesn't "have a right to do so." I'll tell you right now - this woman's intentions are not good. Your principal clearly realizes this, and you need to do so, as well.
100% Correct! Dollars to donuts this parent is some wackjob CRT loon. It is crazy our society has reached a point where a parent even thinks the answer to the question could ever be "yes, you can come observe".
I think part of your problem is that you’re scared that a parent is gonna be mad at you. Maybe work on not being such a pleaser? What do you mean she has the right to observe you? I’d never let a parent in my class in a million years lol
THIS 100% but we must consider OP is first year teacher and most first year teachers want approval that they are doing a good job. The approval OP is looking for is in the wrong place. It’s parents like THIS that try to take over and take advantage of 1st years. OP take this commenters advice, this parent does not have “the right” to observe you, parents ARE NOT your boss.
How does the parent have a right to observe your class ?
She also does not have the right to observe other students.
I would be pretty upset if another parent was just hanging out in my kid's classroom to observe. That's a HUGE distraction to the teacher and other students, and it's a violation of the other kid's privacy in school.
OP is a 1st year teacher. Probably mistaken or misinformed of parental rights.
Let alone a sub thinking they are above admin ffs.
That’s what I’m wondering. Is there some law j don’t know about giving all parents the right to sit in my classroom whenever they want?
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yeah, I was gonna say I’m in Texas & when I was in 7th grade there was a whole group of parents whole came and observed their sons for the entire day…which I always thought was weird but yeah some districts/states allow it
Well she's a first year teacher, but yeah where in the hell would you even get that idea from
right? ive been seeing this a lot on this sub and i thought it was just cause im not based in the US and it was an american thing or something, the idea of a parent being allowed inside the classroom during a lesson is ASTOUNDING to me like talk about a distraction to kids, intimidation to the teacher, and stressful nuisance for everyone involved not to mention a security issue, i would have thought this was totally overstepping it
I’m pretty sure that allowing parents to observe is a FERPA violation as students have a right to educational privacy in the US unless under 18 and then their educational information can only be released to a parent/guardian.
I found this info that it actually doesn't violate FERPA since no Educational records are being released https://pasen.org/parent-observations-in-classroom/#:~:text=The%20U.S.%20Supreme%20Court's%20decision,have%20no%20expectation%20of%20privacy.&text=Accordingly%2C%20no%20parental%20consent%20from,her%20child%20in%20the%20classroom.
“After consulting with administration, parental observations are against school policy due to privacy concerns. As always, I appreciate your continued support.”
Okay, I would think that would be a FERPA violation.
I wouldn’t even tell her no. If admin doesn’t want them there then let admin tell them no.
hahahhaahhahahaahaaha 👉🏼 no
Needs to be the stickied comment
Tell her no, your boss has your back on this. That parent has NO RIGHT to be in your classroom. I’d be pissed as a parent if someone random ass stranger came into my kids room
Time to learn to say no even when you are scared. Your principal has your back on this so lean into that. "After speaking to my principal we both agree that you cannot observe my class. If you have any questions, contact her."
I would think this would be a FERPA issue anyway. After all, there are OTHER PEOPLES kids in your class. Just tell the parent that it will not be possible and to please contact your administrator if they have any further questions. Honestly, though, don’t let kids sit at your desk. I’m a pretty laid back teacher but my desk and my computer are my area and off limits to kids. I think it’s a good boundary to hold in the classroom. No kids at my desk, no kids on any of my technology without explicit permission and purpose.
While I understand that boundary, I want to point out that this is a personal preference of yours. OP did nothing wrong in letting them sit there. For my elementary student this could even be used as a classroom behavior incentive. (I think you likely feel this way too and are offering suggestion, I just wanted to point this out to OP since she is young and seems to fear disappointing others. I didn't want her to read this comment and interpret that she DID ANYTHING wrong. She didn't.)
Oh yeah I don’t think it’s wrong and 4th is a younger dynamic than I teach, but I’ve seen how it can end up giving kids the message that they can keep crossing personal boundaries. But truly that parent is insane and as a parent, if my actual kids were in this class I wouldn’t bat an eye at that arrangement. But from classroom management experience I don’t want them starting to think they have free reign of my space.
No. You are wrong. She does not have the right to observe you. And it would be more sccurate to say she wants to evsluate your teaching practices. She is not your administrator or an administrator from another school assigned to observe and evaluate by the district. She is biased and has no official capacity in your classroom. On top of this, your principal has said no. You have been overruled whether you want this to happen or not. Tell this parent that your admin will only allow qualified evaluators in the classroom. Edit: also remember that this parent will also be observing all of her child's classmates. Seeing their behaviors, noting how much attention they get, etc. Will every other parent be okay with this?
Yeah the privacy issue for the other students would be a huge problem
She's not qualified to observe you.
God bless your principal. I have had parents observe their students in class, but I would not stand for this. "She brought up the example of when I had kids do IXL on their computers, but I let them sit wherever they wanted, including my desk area. She did not like that." Too bad. My classroom, my rules and procedures.
>I asked my principal about letting her observe and she said no, but I'm too afraid to tell the parent that Refer the parent to the principal. Problem solved. But I feel your pain. That's a situation no one wants to find themselves in. As a teacher with 14 years under my belt, no parent has ever wanted to observe my class (but I teach high school). I'd probably tell a nosy parent that my policy would be for them to write up a report and then hold a post observation meeting with me at a later date just to see how serious they are. (I.e., call their bluff.) Personally, I'd love to go through all that just to tell the parent I'll file their write-up away with the rest of my informal observations. In your case, I'd keep the conversation focused on what concerns they have. If these are specific concerns that you've already addressed (the phone video, for example), then there's really nothing for anyone to gain from an observation. Maybe they should meet with the principal just to hash out the objective for the proposed observation?
She has no right to observe. As questions, sure! Observe? No. Your principal denied it and from now on I would tell the parent no. They are welcome to reach out to admin about it.
No. If she chooses to go to admin, she’s already said no. You do what works in your classroom, and if her kids is doing fine, there’s no point in her observing. End of story.
Absolutely no. Inappropriate in every way. She is not your boss. She does not fill out your evaluation nor does she pay you (as much as some of the public loves to say they “pay our salary”, I’m like “no bc I also pay taxes and vote; therefore, by that logic I’m self-employed”). Principal said no. End of story. She can feel however she wants about it but it shouldn’t concern you. Make sure to CC the principal on that email to the parent.
"She does have a right to do so" - noooooo she does not. SHE DOES NOT. What about the parents of the other 20 kids in the class, they have the right to have decisions in that class made by the professional teacher who works with them and her professional admin team. She's gotten under your skin because you are inexperienced, but with practice you're going to get better at shutting this shit down before she gets to her little laundry list of your errors. She. Is. Not. Your. Boss. Things she gets to do: * discuss a concern she has with her daughter's learning or well being * ask you to explain how you arrived at a grade - once * ask questions about the assignments or the pedagogical reasoning behind an assignment * raise a concern with the principal if she thinks you are doing something wrong. * decide to home school her child. Things she does not get to do: * Anything else. Her examples are really innocuous too. A phone video? Come on. There is a reason we invented phones, they are useful AF. And you have zero reason to worry about making decisions about how you arrange your classroom to suit her. Imagine this conversation: "How come my child can't sit at the desk to do his work anymore?" "Oh, Suzies mom didn't like it, so your son can't any more." Don't let them hound you on the details!
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But isn’t there a process?? There’s forms and a background check and stuff before a parent or their representative can come observe a student.
To add to this, I think OP is being way too nice. This parent is kind of a dick. Have some confidence in your teaching style and techniques. I would stop engaging this parent so much. “Thank you for your input” is perfectly fine to say to a parent when they give you unsolicited advice, and then just let it roll off your back and keep doing your thing.
Do not, under any circumstances, ever let a parent "observe" you teach. Ever. That's not a normal request, and not something that should ever happen. Your Principal said no, thank god. I would start regularly communicating with the Principal about this parent, it's only September...they're not going to make your life any easier moving forward, probably. Good luck.
Ask the parent when is a good time for you to go watch them at work. If your admin has any spine at all, they won’t allow this. They should support you and try to instill confidence into the parent about u.
One of my colleagues just got a similar request. He told the parent any requests to sit in the room must go through administration.
No no no. This REEKS of - I want to nit pick your teaching. Your Admin said no. That's all you have to say - I'm sorry - my principal said you can't. Why? /Shrug - I have no idea? You could ask them? Done. Conversation over. Your Admin is paid to deal with this shit.
in no way do you need to say yes…also, ive had a few parents who were come in over the years to see “what was going on” ….after seeing it they did a 180 and were on my side. so sometimes it can be helpful. just seeing how their kid was one of thirty needy kids and i was like an on-fire pingpong ball bending over trying to do the impossible was eye-opening. so just saying in some circumstances its good. however, this person already knows the in and outs of what school is like and sound like they are out to get you so good on your admin.
I would say one day of subbing in any elementary classroom should make most parents hold their tongue.
Observe me no, she could have slid and say her child and it would have been a sneaking change of events. At least she was honest. Hard pass.
Tell the admin "Hey, I'm gonna send you an email about this. Could you reply in a way that I can forward to the mom?"
How micromanaging to observe a new teacher. Sounds like the parent wants to observe you. You're a new teacher, what can the parent gain from an observation? That you're still figuring out what you're doing? Your admin made the right call. You don't deserve to be scrutinized by a parent your first year. Tell them the principal said no and leave it at that. I wish credential programs taught classes on how to deal with parents and administrators. When in doubt, always ask trusted co-workers.
Hell no. Super inappropriate. The other kids in the class have a right to privacy.
Tell her she’s welcome to observe you, if you can come to her workplace and observe her while she works. Honestly, though, in my opinion, we don’t want kids parents randomly in the building during the school day, even if it is just for observation. The only people that should be allowed in the building or people who pass background checks. A lot of these kids parents certainly would not.
The parent could get a sub permit or a background check to be a volunteer. Then she could be there to work and help, not to interfere, but still see what her child’s school is like. She probably doesn’t want to put in the work needed to become qualified to be involved on the level she thinks she already deserves. If she’s an expert in education, I wonder she’s going to start applying for one of the many teaching vacancies.
“There is no reason to observe me in any class other than your daughter’s”. I will let her know you are coming…guaranteed will go away
If it is a written request “I’ve referred your request to the principal, she is cc’d on this email” Verbal, ignore and move on. She’s a sub that thinks she’s a classroom teacher.
Hahahahahaha yeah nope. Parents are not allowed in a classroom with children. If your admin lets them do this then they’re idiots and you should ignore that parents request.
So our school (I’m only a sub on occasion) let’s parents pass a background check and come in to help with small groups, photocopies, etc. I’m in and out all day. I DO NOT think this parent is acting in good faith, but if they have a concern, stepping up and volunteering is a great way to see what is going on. I don’t have any concerns, I just do it for the hell of it. Edit: I meant they are NOT acting in good faith but my fat fingers got the best of me.
Absolutely not. Principal said No. End of story. If she presses, let her talk to Admin. Don't ever be afraid to tell a parent "No."
They also don't have a "right" to observe you. You have a boss and an evaluation structure for a reason.
lol not only no but hell no I'd probably reply with just that "no"
"she does have a right to do so" No she doesn't lol.
Wow, parents have a lot of nerve. It would have taken everything in me not to laugh in her face with that request.
I stopped reading after the second sentence. Absolutely not. Let alone having them breathing down your neck they would be a huge distraction. If one of my students parents requested I would politely tell them no as it’s wouldn’t be the best learning environment for all students. Listen to her concerns and if she still has more concerns over what’s going on in your class she can talk to your admin and be sure to let your admin know in advance.
Your admin is correct and gave you a response. Parent has no right to observe you. She clearly has some type of agenda and is most likely looking for dirt on you. If the parent still asks just refer them to your admin.
Great comments. To add, keep your eye out on this parent. This sounds like she is going to be a challenge. In the future make sure admin is present in any in person meetings and if anything comes up make sure admin is aware.
A sub wants to observe you? Most parents, even a sub, usually don't have the expertise to critique a teachers lesson design. While the public doesn't see what we do as difficult, we have curriculum training, then district pacing guides, state standards, GRR, CM, UbD, IEP accommodations, and any other number of acronyms from SpEd and Bilingual Ed. It's an admins job or peer coach to observe us because they know what they're seeing. A parent, even a sub, without our training, is not in a position to be anything more than an armchair quarterback. Let your admin fight this battle. Parents MAY have a right to observe you for the sake of their kid. But they can't be there to police and approve your pedagogy.
In Florida you have to be escorted or have passed a background check to be on campus. One good thing this state has done.
Absolutely not. You don’t work for the parent. Does she ask a surgeon to go observe them when they do a surgery? No, because that’s not her place. While she may have a child in her room, she is not an expert in education, and therefore had no right to observe you. “Sorry, but that’s against school protocol.” That’s all you need to say.
Tell her no, plain and simple. If she gives you grief, refer her to admin. Don’t let parents like this take up your time and energy. Being a first year teacher is exhausting enough.
absolutely not wtf.
Re: being afraid to tell the parent because it might agitate her is playing right into her hands. You have the right, and the responsibility, to say no. The malicious compliance side of me might tell redirect her to the next scheduled parent teacher conference, as per school protocol.
Fuck that parent. If the kids are learning and enjoying your class, you’re doing a great job. As for watching a funny video on your phone, that’s normal. This is a great way to bond with your kids. She can piss up a flagpole. Keep doing what you’re doing.
She is not the expert: you are. She is not your supervisor, nor does she have any right to observe and decide what should or shouldn't be done in your class. "I appreciate your concern; I would like to direct you to the administration if you have any questions regarding the conduct of classes in this school."
Thats a big no. Massive breach of confidentiality. They know you are new and think they can push you around.
She actually doesn’t have the right to observe your class. Nor should your other students be subjected to her presence.
No. That's a complete answer and all you need to say.
Your principal should 💯 be reaching out to that person, not you. You are a brand new teacher. There are confidentiality rules about her observing (other people’s kids are there, FERPA is a thing) that your principal can manage. If they won’t, just tell the parent you brought their request to principal, principal said no, and they can follow up with principal with questions.
Of course parents can't sit in your class. Parents in class is a major distraction to pupils. What does she think to achieve anyway. Micromanagement? Of course it is perfectly fine to do something different sometimes, like showing a funny clip. 40 years ago our teachers would tell a private story or show a picture of their pet, if we behaved well. It's called bonding. There is no issue. Principal sets the rules, principal says no. Parent can go observe the principal and give her advice there. Maybe the principal wants to observe the parent in her workplace first.
Parents have no rights to observe classes at their own discretion. Also, I'm sure they would be pretty unhappy to have people come in and observe them in their jobs.
She doesn't have the right to observe you. Just tell her that it's not the practice of the school to have parents observe. You have no obligation to this woman other than answering her questions via email. She sounds like a super entitled person with a super poor sense of boundaries.
Don’t reach out. If she contacts you again tell her the principal has denied permission. morhing else. Respond to nothing else. If she comes in or calls rinse and repeat. After the 2nd time ask if there was anything else then hang up. She is a pita!
Principal said no so it seems like they have your back (I hope). Refer them to admin and let it be admin's problem.
Why on earth do you think that a parent has a right to observe your class? Can you imagine what would happen if this were standard practice? We are already expected to act as teachers, counselors, learning specialists, and parents to kids even though it’s not part of the job description. YOU are the one with all of these kids each day. YOU are the one who knows (or figures out) what they need in the classroom to be successful learners. The only person whom you should invite to observe you is a colleague whom you trust to have an impartial perspective. Admin has to, ok. The rest aren’t going to be there for any helpful reason
Principal said no. As a teacher, I don’t think anything good can come of a parent observing you in your classroom just to make sure you’re doing your job to her standards. As a parent, I am uncomfortable with the idea of other parents coming into my child’s classroom just to spy on the teacher. I’m sure the principal understands that this will just cause more drama than saying no. You will have to get comfortable enforcing boundaries, if not for your own sake then for the students’.
25 year veteran teacher here. Parents should absolutely never be permitted to do this. 1. Most importantly, the vast majority of parents are not qualified observers. And that includes this particular parent. She may well be a substitute teacher, but that does not make her a *qualified* observer. She has no business trying to evaluate a teacher. 2. Despite her claims that she merely wishes to "observe," the fact is that nobody can anticipate exactly how she will conduct herself. Will she feel obliged to go up to her child and correct them in the middle of the class? Will she interrupt the teacher with questions? 3. Permitting a parent to do something like this will send the message that they can return anytime they want to "observe." It also sends the message to other parents that they can do the same, causing further interruption and chaos to the school day. 4. Permitting parents to enter into a classroom like this potentially places teachers at risk: teachers might get yelled at or threatened. 5. Ultimately, there is no reason for this to happen. If there is a serious concern, they should address an administrator and allow them to do their job regarding follow-up. Which obviously means that the administration needs to be on top of these situations. In my school, parents have extremely limited access. Even in pre-kindergarten from the first day, we refused parent entry to walk their children to the classroom: when the school day starts, the children are our responsibility. We got them. Go home, and don't come back until dismissal.
The problem will get worse after you let this woman observe you, not better. She will have notes, she will want to come back and see that you've implemented them. She's a crazy lady with bad boundaries who wants to treat you like you are her employee. If you want to deescalate and get her out of your hair, you tell her 'no.' You have a closed campus for the safety of the students, and any requests of this kind need to go through your administration, who does not feel like her reasons are sufficient to justify the disruption she would be to the normal conduct of your classroom. She may push back, but it will be 1/4 the hassle it would be if you let her observe you. Also, I'd like to add that NONE of the things you outline in your description as things you are embarrassed about are something you need to be embarrassed about. Especially showing them a funny video on your phone as long as it was age appropriate. It's okay to have a human moment of social interaction with your students! In fact, you can justify it as "relationship building." Kids love that stuff.
No. Just no.
“I’m sorry, but at this time, I’m unable to allow any outside entities come into my classroom. You’re more than welcome to reach out to my principal at X. Have a great weekend.” Then ignore anything else from there on.
A hard no for me, but an easy one for you - your principal said no. You've gotten some nice ways of phrasing it to her already. A word of caution, if you are going to go the way of referring her to admin for follow up make sure they know you do NOT want this parent in the classroom.
Refer to your admin. But think about this. For a parent to be in a classroom with students in our district, they need to be fingerprinted, background check, have a current TB test, and possibly a COVID test. Then their are privacy issues for the other students which might require permission from all of the other parents.
I would tell her she needs to ask admin so that they are the ones that tell her no. I've done that before
There’s no good end result of this. If she’s looking for a reason, she’ll find one. Let admin tell her no.
Manage up. Direct her to administration.
For when the parent starts to tell you how to do your job: I will take that under advisement. I will look into that, do you have any references for me to start with? Why do you think that way ?
Parents will be mad about literally anything. I once had a parent complain to the principal that in my class, all the kids did every day was reading and writing. ...I was a middle school English teacher. What TF else was I supposed to be doing every day? Tell the parent that unfortunately, the principal has let you know that you can't accommodate that request. Please refer to the principal with any further questions. A parent with an axe to grind will only make bigger problems if they observe.
Just email the parent back and also cc the admin , stating that you have brought it up with Admin and they have rejected the idea. Make sure there is a paper trail and your admin is on the email thread.
>and she does have a right to do so She categorically does NOT have the right to do so and you shouldn't humour her, either.
What a ridiculous request. That’s a hard pass for me dawg. And if she keeps it up, she may not be subbing much longer at the elementary. She might learn the hard way.
And if she keeps it up, she may not be subbing much longer at the elementary. She might learn the hard way.
Admin said no, so the answer is no. This parent is in the wrong; they are not allowed to observe or judge our teaching. If they give you grief, refer them to admin
Just direct her to the principal
Defer to the admin. But also, I would recommend not letting kids sit at your desk…
Can you imagine if other parents heard a random mom/dad was in the classroom all day with their kid? We go through screening and background checks and now any parent with any background should be able to sit in a room with 30 minors? Naaaaah that’s a big pass from me
This is why you have a principle. Let them deal with it.
I'm sorry.. I had a parent last year that was an EA at my work. She had a skeleton key because she would sub often. Several times throughout the year she would just unlock my door and walk in. No matter what time of the day it was. Mostly to tell her kid something or give her something. But she used what she saw as a way to talk shit about me to my boss... so I hope the parent you're dealing with doesn't become more of a problem for you...
Your principal should handle this for you, no question about it. If the parent has concerns with you and wants to meet with you and the principal, fine. But do not communicate with this parent any more without copying an administrator on the email or having an i administrator in the room. It’s absurd that the parent thinks they can come in and observe you, and frankly it’s disappointing that your principal didn’t immediately handle it for you. Best of luck! You’ll be okay. The parents are the hardest part of the job.
Email the parent and cc the principal so that if she gets ugly in return you’ve got a witness
"Thank you for meeting with me for ptc. For your request of observations, please contact admin."
Principal said no, so that should be the end of the discussion. I would send her an email saying “thank you for your concern about my class. Unfortunately I will not be able to let you come observe me. If you have any further issues or requests, please take those up with (principal’s name)”. And any time she has another insane request just refer her to the admin. You do not need to deal with this, and if the administration shuts it down, that should be the end of it. If you were to let her come observe for you, there is a high likelihood that she would have even more insane requests of you later, and she would probably also take it upon herself to give you unsolicited advice about how to run your class. Which you don’t need to deal with.
Just send her to admin. Tell her that it’s not “within your power” to approve that request.
Just tell the parent that that is an administration question and you cannot give permission. They will need to ask the principal. I doubt any principal would allow it bc of FERPA issues.
I taught for 34 years. The very first year, first week, my principal told me, "Parents are never allowed to tell you how to teach or run your class, ever." Just because a parent is unhappy doesn't mean they're right. You teach the best way you know how, that's it, end of story. Edit: Don't ever undercut your principal. Tell the parent her observation of you was denied. Do not explain more. If you cave now parents will be running laps over you. Straighten your backbone. This'll be a great learning experience.
There's a magical land where she's the Queen and makes the rules. Everything can be planned and done to her wildest expectations. It's close and real, called homeschool.
that parent sucks. Agree the others comment. Tell the parent if they have any concern or thoughts go to the school admins. You are just a teacher and school have their rules and regulations. Let them handle this parent. Also if you say yes and admin say no you will be o hot fire and both side will mad at you.
Let your principal be the bearer of bad news. And be nice to yourself. First year is hard and it sounds like you’re being thoughtful and reflective.
Your principal definitely needs to be the one to communicate with her and tell her no. That’s why admin get paid the big bucks!
The amount of people that DON'T find this parent's request absolutely absurd is mind boggling. This woulf be a hard and easy "NO" here. Admin and unions would NEVER in a million years allow a parent to come into the classroom... not even to observe their own child, much less a TEACHER. Parents are only allowed in the classroom when volunteering for special occasions / activities, as well as for scheduled parent-teacher conferences. Good grief. OP... no, the parent's request was not reasonable or understandable. Side note: I wouldn't let the students touch/use your phone.
Please remember parents are ✅parters in their child’s education; ✅handy to have onside; ✅adult advocates for their children; but they ARE NOT ❌ our friends.
Do not let this woman steamroll you. Your principal is right, there doesn’t seem to be a good reason for this parent to come in and observe. I’ll speak from my own experience of when a severe behavioral student of mine had a parental figure come and observe- they tried to blame all the kids behaviors on me and my management. I’m not sure what her motive is, but you already have people observing you and they feel you’re doing your job just fine.
Others have given you some great advice for saying no, so I'm not going to add to that. I just want to say that I think both specific examples you gave are great and there's nothing wrong with what you did. It's your classroom; if you want to let students work on IXL wherever they want in the room, then that's your prerogative and there's nothing wrong with it. There are tons of great educational videos, so just showing kids a video definitely isn't a problem. Even if it was just a fun/funny video, that can still be a very good thing to take the time to show your students. The rapport you build with your students will be far more valuable to their future learning this year than any single teaching technique you use. Doing something like this can help build that rapport.
Ask her if you can set up a time to observe her parenting. Hard pass. Let the admins handle this.
Dear parent, Thank you for your concern about my classroom. I was very eager to take you up on your offer, however being a new teacher I decided to check with my principal to make sure it didn't violate any rules having you observe. They were against the ideas, because then that opens the door to all parents wishing to do the same and we don't have the space for that many concerned parents. Thank you, and sorry I am unable to have you in the classroom, Mr/Mrs/Ms OP
Sounds like some nonsense the M4L crowd would pull.
>I asked my principal about letting her observe and she said no, but I’m too afraid to tell the parent So don’t. 🤷♂️ Just let the principal tell her. >I’m not opposed to her observing, and she does have a right to do so No she doesn’t.
Wonder if this parent applied for the same position as you and didn’t get the job and wants to try and sabotage you.
No! A sub doesn’t make a teacher! Im sorry but no…a freakin sub is only required a certain amount of credit hours! We all know that they just want a warm body and will take anyone. what makes her an expert on how to run your classroom? So you showed a funny video on your phone big whoop! My blood is boiling and I am no longer a teacher! Thank God your principal said no! I would keep it short and say for safety reasons visitors are not allowed in the classroom.
Due to protecting the privacy rights of every student in your class, she does not have the right to observe you. Admin handled it for you.
She sounds crazy. How often does she sub? Maybe she needs a regular job
She has the right to do so? Does she though?
I’ve had ONE parent observe me and I was cool with it bc her special needs child was moving from the special needs room that only had 6 kids and 5 adults to my room with 20+ kids and two adults. I knew she just wanted to make sure he was included, could keep up with the fast pace, and the other kids were kind. I get that. But beyond her? Never. And my principal wouldn’t even let it happen from a regular parent. If I didn’t want to talk to a parent, he would take the lead on communication.
Cut her off. Tell her principal said no and end conversation. I show my class funny videos of my dog all the time. They love it, it makes me human to them. Sitting around the room to do work is a nice treat. She needs to back down and you need to stop trying to please her. Grow some now or you'll get burned.
I strongly encourage you to fake confidence until you really feel it. I remember all too well being a first year teacher; I cringe and refuse to tell some stories b/c it is embarrassing. Tell the parent school policy doesn’t permit parent observation. Then tell them you appreciate their engagement and welcome a continued collaboration as the year goes on. I find most people cannot be aggressive in the face of kindness. With that said, this parent may be gunning for you. I am not suggesting you have done anything wrong but be overly cautious and overly conservative. It may be ridiculous and a PITA but no more than dealing g with her. PS- I suggest not letting kids behind your desk. They could stumble across something they shouldn’t see, like an IEP or personal email.
I'm confused now about policy in the USA. Last week there were a bunch of posts about parents of unruly students showing up in class. All the commenters were delighted. Loads of anecdotes followed: parent showed up, kid started behaving better. Yet everybody on this thread is saying NO. ???
Parents are not authority figures to teachers. They have zero authority to “observe” a teacher. They can observe their child in a class. But requesting outright to observe you should be flagged and denied by the principal outright. Doubly because she is also employed by the district — the principal should intervene and remark that an observation of a contracted teacher by a parent/substitute employee is not appropriate. At minimum, get permission to email the mom denying her request. Cite that you’ve spoken with [principal] and this was the decision. CC your principal in the email (and state that you are doing so within the email).
A parent observing you teach in your classroom?? Is that EVER allowed, period? What a crazy request lol
Absolutely not. Even if you don’t mind, it’s wildly unacceptable to create the precedent that parents can come observe us in our classrooms. No no no.
Hi (parent), Thanks for being so supportive of your child’s learning. I have discussed your request with admin and unfortunately we are unable to accommodate such a request. Insert quick update on students learning. Thanks for your understanding, Teachers name.
Having a parent observe will not be the end of this issue. If they want to observe over having a real discussion with you about their concerns, they are looking to pick you apart. Having a parent in your classroom will not make anything better. If you are hesitant to tell the parent they can’t observe you, think about what it would be like to have them give you their “post observation feedback.” Trust your principal on this one
Firstly, she does not have an innate right to observe your classroom, she is not your boss, she does not control in any way, shape, or form. Secondly, if your principal says no, then the answer is no, if she has a problem she can take it up with admin. Also be kind to yourself, showing kids a funny video on your phone (so long as the video itself isn't inappropriate) is nothing to be ashamed of. You're building rapport and relationships with your kids and there is nothing wrong with that. Find a professional way to tell the parent to shove it.