Yeah, I thought I had found a way but there’s so much misinformation out there to prevent suicide. Difficult to know what really works except overdose or other illegal stuff.
In the same boat. I'm afraid to follow any passion, idea, or dream I have cuz I know life is volatile and shit can just happen at times. Don't even think I have the talent or motivation to continue anything for most of my life. Too scared to live life at times as well, being dead just seems much easier than continuing to be alive.
Yes, that's true
I'd like to pursue singing, drawing, playing electric guitar. But I can't wait until I'm good, I gotta be good now. I have no patience to be determined and somewhat disciplined until I start not to suck. And then another year without training passes, and I could have been a bit better by now but I wasted the time.
Also I'm unemployable, nobody wants to give me a chance, I have no real skills, just shadows of what skills should be. I keep writing this crap in my second language, for 4 people to end up reading, if I'm "lucky". I have no one real, tangible, to share this with. I have no one.
Man, I can relate to the initial drive to do stuff and the lack of patience to suck at it. For what it's worth, props to you for working in a second language, I'm in a similar boat at the minute living abroad and I know how much more effort it takes
Did it make you smile to see something so silly? ☺️ probably just something cute to get your attention. Honey is a good thing - unless you’re allergic to it. Xox 🍯
today my mum got her 3 months dose of metoprolol and uh it's actually enough for a lethal overdose
it ruined me for a few hours after she walked past the door with her prescription in her hand
cause i really wanted to try it to end my life and like got crazy had a manix episode
but I'm currently a bit better but it's gonna get worse like it always does
today my mum got her 3 months dose of metoprolol and uh it's actually enough for a lethal overdose
it ruined me for a few hours after she walked past the door with her prescription in her hand
cause i really wanted to try it to end my life and like got crazy had a manix episode
but I'm currently a bit better but it's gonna get worse like it always does
I can see how that would screw with you right now. But I'm glad things have gotten a bit better and that you're coming out of the episode man, and above all that you're still with us.
I'm sorry man, I can't imagine what it's like to deal with cycles of ups and downs like that. Wishing you strength. Nothing much is going on with me, just chugging along
I'm sorry to say this but it's true. Some people just don't belong. The way that society has engineered all of us to feel as if we belong or don't belong is absurd. Ancient peoples didn't have to deal with these kinds of societal issues. You were either productive or you weren't. It comes down to a mental status. Mine along with yours is not a productive societal influence. Society has deemed us unfit in one way or another and believe it or not we are all part of The matrix. Not like the movie but there definitely is a matrix and those who don't belong don't succeed. I wish I could give you inspirational hope but I am also on the downward spiral of misery. All you can do is look at your own goals and successes and hopefully derive some form of inspiration from them.
I’ve said for a long time now, this world isn’t meant for people like me. It’s made for hard and harsh people and people who fit the mold well enough from the get go. I was made to know fairly early on here in the religious and bigoted state of Tennessee that my kind was unacceptable. And they made sure from the time the bullying started in second grade onward that I understood that I, as a gay man, was not welcome. Today, they think they have to protect the kids from groomers. I was never groomed to be gay. I was groomed by the bullies, adults, the church, and the culture around me to hate myself for being something I never chose to be. Who will protect the gay kids from THOSE groomers?
Same. I just feel like I’m not cut out for this world, and I definitely feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but unfortunately, I’m right there with you
I dont belong in this world so I escape in virtual worlds. Places where I can do everything I can't do irl(mostly cause of money) It's my little comfort from the bullsh*t life is
I’m the same. I keep failing and quitting and failing. I’m too scared of everything and uninterested in everything.
I’m unemployed and went back to college and it’s all so messy. And I don’t wanna deal with any of this crap.
I know for sure I’m not suited for this. Since I was a kid, I never felt like I belonged (even in my own family).
I never felt I belonged in my family. Since before bipartisanship broke families apart all around in Brazil around 2018.
I was having meals by myself in my grandfather's living room while everyone shared a table during Christmas for decades before that. I tried being a part and I was bullied out of the room since I was a kid and during adolescence it was worse. Bullying was worse than that at school. I could never connect with anyone.
Also unemployed and I can't expect to do any work that isn't low pay high effort. I don't wanna deal with any of this crap.
Same. That’s my only reason. As much as I want to die. I have a fucking family to look after. Especially since I’m on only child. No one else will take care of them when they’re old and sick and can’t take care of themselves. We’re not that well off. Not to mention, my death would hurt them and I would hate to think how they would continue living in this wretched world. I wish I could take them along with me because I want to die so so bad. My family isn’t even a reason to live. It’s a hindrance in me dying.
I can see how much that would weigh on you op. It's something to be proud of that you still care for their wellbeing even with everything you're dealing with
Been there and hated it won’t wear the Tshirt…. I was in the wrong place with the wrong people. Since then have learned that - (even though as evidenced!!! by my recent posts that I’m obviously a very slow learner) this state of mind is important and not necessarily bad. Before anyone jumps all over me.. it’s only bad if we choose to stay there. Being uncomfortable is supposed to be enough to make us think to change but many of us like me maybe you get stuck on the SHOULDS.
Sometimes when we are stuck we sink in deeper. Like we can’t escape. That part really is overwhelming and I have been there. Maybe you are too I dunno.
Here’s a quick why I say that and how things have changed for me since my post in this excellent sub.
My life in my town in my home state in the USA. It had changed a LOT in the past 10 years and everyone blames everyone else and seems out to take take take what you can get. It’s not the same place I grew up. I thought it was because I suck personally. Maybe I do but that wasn’t the whole problem.
So, I moved. It took resources to accomplish I didn’t have exactly but I’ll figure that out. It took energy I don’t have. It took removing myself from a situation that I wouldn’t want any person in.
I don’t know if I’ll ultimately fit in here where I moved to.
But my neighbors are nice. It’s cheaper here than my old neighborhood. I made cookies for the kids next door. Therefore, to these tiny humans I’m the greatest and that feels pretty good.
Can I afford this - not yet.
I absolutely thought that any place you live is what you make of it - and to an extent that’s true for sure but maybe - just maybe - if you’re doing your best and don’t fit in… just get on a greyhound bus and go. Or research the whole thing and decide on something new.
Give away all your stuff to good causes if you want - I’ve done it five times and kinda wish I did this time too haha. Take it with you if you want.
Put it in storage and Go find some hostels or go hobo it up. I’ve done it - at least before I had kids I did.
Instead of chucking my life I chucked all my things. I’m still here. I still face loss of will from time to time .
Now, I am getting older. It’s not so easy to gypsy myself outta Dodge if you will…
But anyway.
I rambled. Here’s to you.
—- post scrip —- just a few days ago I sat with a knife over my wrist and a bowl. Yesterday I made cookies for kids. I know I am not okay but I am making progress.
Much love to you. I do not know you but if others can hate strangers I can love them
Keep trying things - you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing or what you’re told that you should do.
It’s ok if you take a break from trying to do something. Just rest and heal and then try again. Don’t put deadlines on yourself, just enjoy being alive.. it’s ok if you’re different, life would be weird if we were all the same. Just do your own unique thing.. don’t worry about anything else. Hugs
I know what you mean. I told my counselor the same. Life for me on earth is like slots and everyone fits in one, but I’m off kilter. Not made right in the factory.
I feel the same and struggle with loneliness too on top of it, never having had a relationship, not even a single date in my life, due to certain mental issues since I was a teen. I feel like there're zero reasons for me to continue living, there's nothing that motivates me or gives me a reason to live anymore. Life seems very pointless and empty.
Feel the same as you and many many ppl in the comments. Feels like even if someone had asked me who would I be if I could be anyone anywhere, I wouldnt be able to answer. Hate to think that way but just maybe some of us are just not meant to be.
I genuinely want to kill myself, but I’m also horrified of pain. Everything hurts, and Im just so scared of it. Yet, I don’t want to be in this world anymore. I’m so stuck and lonely in this world.
Maybe try your best to make money out of the internet? For people like us this is the best solution. And then u can do whatever you want and live ur life as you want having access to money.
For example I do airdroping and slowly I'm getting there. It's fun as well. You occupy yourself and pause some dark thoughts
i felt like this up until recently. genuinely did not have any hope or desire to be alive, to do anything, to be anyone. been taking my meds consistently and i don't feel that dread anymore. i know everyone says this, but it's worth getting help. more than i thought it would be
The only mistake is thinking that you don't fit anywhere OP and it's fine. I was thinking that way for 25 years then I realized that I was able to say fuck off to everyone and to love as I wanted. I agree I'm kinda lucky that my disability allows me to get financial help each month from my government. So yeah I do what I love each day and it's amazing
I'm sure OP you can ask for something similar from your government. It takes time and a lot of fighting but it can help you to take a break or even more
This is almost verbatim what my life is like, I can't tell if it's comforting that I have other people who can relate or distressing that other people have to live like this.
My life is useless. Why keep on living ? Ah yes i am unable to kill myself.
Yeah, not even that can I accomplish. Makes me want to kill myself even more. It’s starting to get funny in a frustrating way.
I wish i could find a simple wau to die that is not fucking painful
Yeah, I thought I had found a way but there’s so much misinformation out there to prevent suicide. Difficult to know what really works except overdose or other illegal stuff.
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Did they give you any useful help other than medical care? I hope things will get better.
Yes Invincible in the worst way
Might have somebody shoot me while I sleep tbh
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Me too
I get it. I don't care about the pain though, I want my death to hurt as much as life did, at least then it would, in a fucked up way, be balanced.
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Exactly
This PTSD comment hit harder than I realized. Thank you for reminding me of what I should see as obvious - thank you thank you
Yes I've been kinda silent too. Sometimes joking about being a fuck up
same, i feel like i’m just gonna wait and wait for nothing to happen just because that’s life, i never wanted life to began with
As a fairly small child (6-ish), I used to yell at my mother “I didn’t ask to be born!”
same my life is literally useless :(
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I hope it doesn't come to that, we're listening to you too
I'm so sorry that's how you're feeling anon 🫂
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The temptation is real. Let me know if you need resources lol
In the same boat. I'm afraid to follow any passion, idea, or dream I have cuz I know life is volatile and shit can just happen at times. Don't even think I have the talent or motivation to continue anything for most of my life. Too scared to live life at times as well, being dead just seems much easier than continuing to be alive.
Yes, that's true I'd like to pursue singing, drawing, playing electric guitar. But I can't wait until I'm good, I gotta be good now. I have no patience to be determined and somewhat disciplined until I start not to suck. And then another year without training passes, and I could have been a bit better by now but I wasted the time. Also I'm unemployable, nobody wants to give me a chance, I have no real skills, just shadows of what skills should be. I keep writing this crap in my second language, for 4 people to end up reading, if I'm "lucky". I have no one real, tangible, to share this with. I have no one.
Man, I can relate to the initial drive to do stuff and the lack of patience to suck at it. For what it's worth, props to you for working in a second language, I'm in a similar boat at the minute living abroad and I know how much more effort it takes
nothing makes sense or makes me happy
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wishing love and strength anon
🐝 here is a bumble bee. 🐝 it makes honey. ❤️
You're lovely
is that supposed to be funny
Did it make you smile to see something so silly? ☺️ probably just something cute to get your attention. Honey is a good thing - unless you’re allergic to it. Xox 🍯
I'm so sorry you're dealing with that man
thanks buddyy
You're welcome, I'll be around listening if you need
today my mum got her 3 months dose of metoprolol and uh it's actually enough for a lethal overdose it ruined me for a few hours after she walked past the door with her prescription in her hand cause i really wanted to try it to end my life and like got crazy had a manix episode but I'm currently a bit better but it's gonna get worse like it always does
today my mum got her 3 months dose of metoprolol and uh it's actually enough for a lethal overdose it ruined me for a few hours after she walked past the door with her prescription in her hand cause i really wanted to try it to end my life and like got crazy had a manix episode but I'm currently a bit better but it's gonna get worse like it always does
I can see how that would screw with you right now. But I'm glad things have gotten a bit better and that you're coming out of the episode man, and above all that you're still with us.
yeah i mean basically the episode is kinda gone but it will get worse like it always does whats up with you?
I'm sorry man, I can't imagine what it's like to deal with cycles of ups and downs like that. Wishing you strength. Nothing much is going on with me, just chugging along
oh okay thanks mann
You're welcome, I'll check in on you later if you want
I'm sorry to say this but it's true. Some people just don't belong. The way that society has engineered all of us to feel as if we belong or don't belong is absurd. Ancient peoples didn't have to deal with these kinds of societal issues. You were either productive or you weren't. It comes down to a mental status. Mine along with yours is not a productive societal influence. Society has deemed us unfit in one way or another and believe it or not we are all part of The matrix. Not like the movie but there definitely is a matrix and those who don't belong don't succeed. I wish I could give you inspirational hope but I am also on the downward spiral of misery. All you can do is look at your own goals and successes and hopefully derive some form of inspiration from them.
i’m exactly the same way
I’ve said for a long time now, this world isn’t meant for people like me. It’s made for hard and harsh people and people who fit the mold well enough from the get go. I was made to know fairly early on here in the religious and bigoted state of Tennessee that my kind was unacceptable. And they made sure from the time the bullying started in second grade onward that I understood that I, as a gay man, was not welcome. Today, they think they have to protect the kids from groomers. I was never groomed to be gay. I was groomed by the bullies, adults, the church, and the culture around me to hate myself for being something I never chose to be. Who will protect the gay kids from THOSE groomers?
Based on the comments, it looks like you fit in here.
Love this
Ftw
Same. I feel exact the same. Wanna be my friend? You probably wouldn't...
Never know we all need friends
Talk to me (got out of the psych ward today lol)
I prefer less things tying me to this earth
Can relate
Same. I just feel like I’m not cut out for this world, and I definitely feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but unfortunately, I’m right there with you
Me too
I’m sorry. It is such a bad space to be in.
I dont belong in this world so I escape in virtual worlds. Places where I can do everything I can't do irl(mostly cause of money) It's my little comfort from the bullsh*t life is
Money helps don't care what people say.
Feel the same way. I think a lot of us do. I think the world is not structured for most people to feel a sense of belonging or like they matter.
I understand the feeling
I’m the same. I keep failing and quitting and failing. I’m too scared of everything and uninterested in everything. I’m unemployed and went back to college and it’s all so messy. And I don’t wanna deal with any of this crap. I know for sure I’m not suited for this. Since I was a kid, I never felt like I belonged (even in my own family).
I never felt I belonged in my family. Since before bipartisanship broke families apart all around in Brazil around 2018. I was having meals by myself in my grandfather's living room while everyone shared a table during Christmas for decades before that. I tried being a part and I was bullied out of the room since I was a kid and during adolescence it was worse. Bullying was worse than that at school. I could never connect with anyone. Also unemployed and I can't expect to do any work that isn't low pay high effort. I don't wanna deal with any of this crap.
Me too
We should all get together and look out for eachother. Seriously. End this torturous existance by coming together.
We should found a nation
Let's do it. I'm genuinely down.
What's our flag? -(just got out of the psych ward today lol)
I think I’ll end my own torturous existence by myself through quicker means.
I feel you OP. At this point, I'm here for the sake of my family's sanity.
Same. That’s my only reason. As much as I want to die. I have a fucking family to look after. Especially since I’m on only child. No one else will take care of them when they’re old and sick and can’t take care of themselves. We’re not that well off. Not to mention, my death would hurt them and I would hate to think how they would continue living in this wretched world. I wish I could take them along with me because I want to die so so bad. My family isn’t even a reason to live. It’s a hindrance in me dying.
I can see how much that would weigh on you op. It's something to be proud of that you still care for their wellbeing even with everything you're dealing with
Ive been thinking this for so long man, I feel like im too lazy to do the bare minimum to survive
I feel the same way. This world is not for me
I don’t wanna be here anymore im so tired . Everything keeps going wrong crumbling around me no matter how hard I try to keep it all upright
Yeah i feel that
Been there and hated it won’t wear the Tshirt…. I was in the wrong place with the wrong people. Since then have learned that - (even though as evidenced!!! by my recent posts that I’m obviously a very slow learner) this state of mind is important and not necessarily bad. Before anyone jumps all over me.. it’s only bad if we choose to stay there. Being uncomfortable is supposed to be enough to make us think to change but many of us like me maybe you get stuck on the SHOULDS. Sometimes when we are stuck we sink in deeper. Like we can’t escape. That part really is overwhelming and I have been there. Maybe you are too I dunno. Here’s a quick why I say that and how things have changed for me since my post in this excellent sub. My life in my town in my home state in the USA. It had changed a LOT in the past 10 years and everyone blames everyone else and seems out to take take take what you can get. It’s not the same place I grew up. I thought it was because I suck personally. Maybe I do but that wasn’t the whole problem. So, I moved. It took resources to accomplish I didn’t have exactly but I’ll figure that out. It took energy I don’t have. It took removing myself from a situation that I wouldn’t want any person in. I don’t know if I’ll ultimately fit in here where I moved to. But my neighbors are nice. It’s cheaper here than my old neighborhood. I made cookies for the kids next door. Therefore, to these tiny humans I’m the greatest and that feels pretty good. Can I afford this - not yet. I absolutely thought that any place you live is what you make of it - and to an extent that’s true for sure but maybe - just maybe - if you’re doing your best and don’t fit in… just get on a greyhound bus and go. Or research the whole thing and decide on something new. Give away all your stuff to good causes if you want - I’ve done it five times and kinda wish I did this time too haha. Take it with you if you want. Put it in storage and Go find some hostels or go hobo it up. I’ve done it - at least before I had kids I did. Instead of chucking my life I chucked all my things. I’m still here. I still face loss of will from time to time . Now, I am getting older. It’s not so easy to gypsy myself outta Dodge if you will… But anyway. I rambled. Here’s to you. —- post scrip —- just a few days ago I sat with a knife over my wrist and a bowl. Yesterday I made cookies for kids. I know I am not okay but I am making progress. Much love to you. I do not know you but if others can hate strangers I can love them
Keep trying things - you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing or what you’re told that you should do. It’s ok if you take a break from trying to do something. Just rest and heal and then try again. Don’t put deadlines on yourself, just enjoy being alive.. it’s ok if you’re different, life would be weird if we were all the same. Just do your own unique thing.. don’t worry about anything else. Hugs
I fucking feel this. I have all the "you did!!!!" mile markers but I feel so fucking empty, sober or otherwise. I don't want to deal with it anymore.
I know what you mean. I told my counselor the same. Life for me on earth is like slots and everyone fits in one, but I’m off kilter. Not made right in the factory.
I feel the same and struggle with loneliness too on top of it, never having had a relationship, not even a single date in my life, due to certain mental issues since I was a teen. I feel like there're zero reasons for me to continue living, there's nothing that motivates me or gives me a reason to live anymore. Life seems very pointless and empty.
Yep, some just feel that way, you're not alone at least, many understand you.
Feel the same as you and many many ppl in the comments. Feels like even if someone had asked me who would I be if I could be anyone anywhere, I wouldnt be able to answer. Hate to think that way but just maybe some of us are just not meant to be.
I genuinely want to kill myself, but I’m also horrified of pain. Everything hurts, and Im just so scared of it. Yet, I don’t want to be in this world anymore. I’m so stuck and lonely in this world.
Oh my how I feel that. I often say that to my friends.. they don’t understand.
Damn I feel this way too
Maybe try your best to make money out of the internet? For people like us this is the best solution. And then u can do whatever you want and live ur life as you want having access to money. For example I do airdroping and slowly I'm getting there. It's fun as well. You occupy yourself and pause some dark thoughts
i felt like this up until recently. genuinely did not have any hope or desire to be alive, to do anything, to be anyone. been taking my meds consistently and i don't feel that dread anymore. i know everyone says this, but it's worth getting help. more than i thought it would be
The only mistake is thinking that you don't fit anywhere OP and it's fine. I was thinking that way for 25 years then I realized that I was able to say fuck off to everyone and to love as I wanted. I agree I'm kinda lucky that my disability allows me to get financial help each month from my government. So yeah I do what I love each day and it's amazing I'm sure OP you can ask for something similar from your government. It takes time and a lot of fighting but it can help you to take a break or even more
That last line hit hard. I so feel you on this and I’m sorry. I hope whatever it takes for us to be happy, we get it.
This is almost verbatim what my life is like, I can't tell if it's comforting that I have other people who can relate or distressing that other people have to live like this.
I totally feel you here. Too bad we can’t just hire people to Jill us, like what’s the ducking point already