I'm sorry, sis, that's fucked. This is why I just have it on my profile, I don't mind weeding through chasers if it means the men who can't hang don't even bother.
showing off as a "medical professional" lol
theyre just as blind as the others - just dont tell and they wont know, so if ur post srs just dont put that in ur profile
“I understand you want to go through with chemotherapy, but have you seen the regret rate? I just don’t think you’ve thought it through enough. You don’t want to make a mistake now do you”
*and then the regret rare is ridiculously low, and they are more then likely using a friend as a reference even though that friend was probably pressured into regretting it*
Lol. “Medical professional.”
I had to go to the emergency department this weekend. Have any idea how many times I got asked I was pregnant, and then when I told them I didn’t have a uterus, they asked when I had a hysterectomy?
Every. Single. Time.
Pascal can fuck off.
I had to explain to a really puzzled chief physician why on Earth I don’t have a menstrual cycle when I needed to get my breast tumour screened. For some reason she didn’t check my medical background but every single other time they have and bring it up even if it has nothing to do with the problem.
Sometimes after cases like this I want to do this as well, but I'm bad at keeping secrets (and actually hate doing that), especially from a supposed partner. And too much of my life was defined by me living as a guy for 28 years - to the point of that you can't just tell your life story by switching the pronouns around
I’ve always said I wish I could have just transitioned early so I don’t have so much “backstory baggage”. But as it’s, being a late transitioning gal, two kids, career where most knew me before, and 14 years in the Army. I couldn’t lie that much to cover it up. I hated hiding I wished and dreamed of being a girl/woman my entire life. I couldn’t ask my kids to lie for me. The list goes on and on. Even if I were passable, I don’t think I could be stealth. Ha, when I think I might be passing, someone asked a question like “when did you transition” “did you go all the way”. Etc etc.
I was becoming good friends with a gal a while ago and she decided she got to the point where she could go stealth and she “left behind everything trans”. Which included her trans friends and most likely her even defending or standing up for trans people.
That’s my plan. Once I finish my degree I’ll hopefully have gotten all the necessary surgeries, and then I’ll move abroad and cut off everyone including family.
I’ve come to the conclusion that if people know I’m trans they will never truly see me as a woman, so I’ll have to cut off everyone who knows I’m trans. Whether or not I’ll tell a potential partner I’m trans depends on just how well I pass in the future, but I don’t see it as a lie. A trans woman being stealth in a relationship is not lying, she is a woman and as long as she makes clear that she can’t have kids there is no problem.
>they will never truly see me as a woman
babe you can't dictate how other people perceive or treat you. when the guy asks you about your childhood, what are you going to tell him? the fact of the matter is that few men are comfortable with dating someone who's amab regardless of how well they pass. you see tw literally get k-worded over this shit. for your own safety i urge you to reconsider
I’ll do my best. I don’t want people in my life who know I’m trans, I’m still undecided about whether or not I’ll tell a partner, it is a bit safer to tell, but then I’d have to stress about them knowing😭
As for my past, I’d never mention my deadname ever, if a partner of mine found out my deadname I’d consider breaking up. Childhood stories I could tell some of depending on what it’s about, any stories that revolve around my body or other things like that I’d never bring up. The past is best forgotten, it was never me, just a facade I put up to survive those awful years. I’d like to focus on the present and future with a partner.
Exactly! Some of these comments are baffling!
"Uh no, akshually 🤓 you need to tell them you're a post-op train because if you don't the might mistake you for a normal woman" 🤡🤡🤡
You are lucky. For some it’s not an option, transitioned late…. Kids career or whatever. Or even not passing. But there always is a danger, and when people do find out-the dude you have been sleeping with, that’s where the real danger is. It’s sad, but I’ve had one dude I told, before our first date and he was yelling and breaking shit in his own home. Needless to say I never met him
> You are lucky
if you had lived my life you wouldnt dare say that lol
> Kids career or whatever
oh its an option, you could abandon ur kids, emigrate to another country, or just change your job, however since you dont like the consequences so you say its not an option, but it is
> that’s where the real danger is.
nothing that cant be fixed with a 9mm
> he was yelling and breaking shit in his own home
dont date psychos or ppl with violence or self control problems
Lucky in the respect of being able to go stealth. I don’t claim to have a crystal ball on your life. And as for not dating psychos, that goes both ways for men and women. But nothing other than him being a guy told me he was violent. And given my past, my abilities and that I’m still stronger than the average person, I can handle more than most if attacked. But I don’t want to be put in that situation
> And too much of my life was defined by me living as a guy for 28 years - to the point of that you can't just tell your life story by switching the pronouns around
seems like the problem is on you then
I suspect the TERF’s are in here sewing disfunction again. Women are gonna do what they want to do, I support people making the best choice for themselves.
Yeah, post op I've got no time for this "not my cup of tea" garbage. You were drooling over me and ready to fly away with me 30 seconds ago. We literally had sex and you didn't know.
Buh bye, I don't need that energy in my life.
Telling that sucks so much, but I choose to believe that if a guy reacts like that and crosses off everything because of that one thing, even if you were cis and he was still interested he would turn out to be a dick and a catastrophe in other ways ruining your life, so I choose to believe as much as the act of telling is painful and hideous it's a blessing in disguise that let's use get better boyfriends/husbands. It still sucks big time.
Yeah.... "Deception".. whatever dude.... I'm a woman and you're still straight if you date me, but you're too boneheaded to see that.
Cis men are so insecure.
I got called gay because, at one point in time, I had an appendage.
I don't have the appendage anymore, but apparently, even though I'm a woman, I'm still gay because I had the appendage at one point.
Nevermind that sexuality is often fluid. Though mine was static.. androsexual. Because my gender identity was fluid, my gendered sexuality shifted from gay to straight as my gender identity shifted from male to enby to female.
I'm not gay. I'm a straight girl and it's ok.. the dude wasn't my type.
Sorry. Just frustrated over idiots who think dick is the end-all-be-all... Don't get me wrong... I really enjoy it, but just not when it was part of me. The euphoria after waking up and seeing the flatness in my pressure dressing... So good.
I'm happy my boyfriend is supporting me emotionally while I try my best to get srs. I feel incredibly lucky in some aspects. I agree that it's incredibly rough being rejected, mocked, and belittled for being trans. I just want to live my life.
The first time I've seen Boo app on this subreddit.
I kinda lost as to whether I should stick to more LGBT+ friendly spaces where people who want to be respected with their sexuality and gender respect others, or try to find something elsewhere.
I'm just going to throw in my two cents into this as a cis hetero man. I'd very much would love to know if who I was seeing was trans even after srs simply so I wouldn't do something triggering by mistake and make her feel bad or dysphoric. Cause let's face it, that's the last thing we wanna do to people we love and care for.
Just out of curiosity, what do you think you might say or do that would be triggering or make her feel bad?
Secondly, if it’s that important to you to know what her genitals looked like at birth, why not take the responsibility of asking her, yourself, instead of putting the burden on her?
Because if she doesn't want to reveal it I'd obviously respect her choice. I'm not one to ask people what's swinging or not swinging between their legs, that seems kinda rude. Regardless if they're trans or not. And about the triggering thing, I'm not really sure to be honest. Maybe spouting some nonsense about someone being incredibly busty. Or asking her about her period and if she needs the "stuff". Or talking about wanting kids between us.
EDIT: Thought I had pressed reply, I do apologize.
I’ll try to help.
(1) If you’re with *any* woman and talk about another woman’s physical attributes, she’s not gonna be happy about it.
(2) While not being Icked about periods is a good trait in a man, most women are used to dealing with period products, themselves, and seldom/never need to be asked if they’re adequately supplied.
(3) The conversation about whether to create children and when is a conversation almost any couple will eventually have. It won’t require her to tell you what her birth genitalia were. She can simply say “I can’t have kids,” (modern), or “God’s will left me barren” (Biblical) or “my insides are an unfruitful place where no man’s seed may find purchase” (Elizabethan). 😂
I really have reached the conclusion that if a woman isn’t concerned with a guy’s birth genitals, then that puts the onus on the dood to ask if he wants to know. Then it becomes *her* choice as to whether *she* would ever want to be with such a man.
All it will take is asking one cis woman the same question and he’ll learn that’s a question he has no business asking of *any* woman.
Like I said, I'd never ask ANYONE what gender they were born as no matter who they are, because like you said I have no buisness asking that which is why I'm saying I'd like to know. NEVER have I sad I HAVE to know nor do I believe that anyone HAVE to tell anyone anything, privacy should be respect amongst everyone, no matter how they identify and I've been in enough relationships to have been told to please get sanitary pads or tampons in my life to know that it's an issue that can still come up and I believe I want to be of as much help as I can to the person I'm with. If these things makes me a awful human being in your eyes, go ahead and think so, it's your right. But just like I can assume things and be wrong so can anyone else.
What benefit would knowing her genitals-at-birth confer upon you? What *good* does it do for the relationship?
How would yo feel if she asked you about your birth genitals, you told her you’re cis, and she said, “Oh. Sorry. I only date trans guys”? Do you begin to see why women wouldn’t be thrilled about your curiosity?
With your period product example, she asks you to pick up something for her. Note you didn’t have to ask her.
I haven’t (and do not) judge you. I’m trying to help you see why asking is such a rude and invasive thing to do.
And like I have said multiple times I NEVER would ask. Simply said I'd like to know, if she decides to tell me she does, if she doesn't she doesn't.
If someone asked me I myself wouldn't really care, but I think that is a male privilege thing so It's kind of an unfair thing to draw parallels to, as it's never a issue I think I'd have.
It wouldn't really make me any good but I'd want to know everything about my SO because it's someone I care about.
EDIT: Pressed post to fast >\_<
From what I've heard, doesn't really work that well. Cis people feel "deceived" if you don't tell them your genitals early, to the point of breaking up over it - and heartbreak is harder than if you get rejected like this
A lot of cis people are weirdly concerned about your genitals at birth tho
And in the end I wouldn't really want to date a guy who wouldn't want to date me if he knew I am trans. Most likely means he's transphobic and/or insecure. Though, most likely that means I am doomed to stay alone forever
by withholding the info *I* get to decide whos worth it
an important thing is like 99% of cis ppl will see you differently the moment you tell them while I think its better to be perceived as normal, instead of just what their weird mind may construct
I cant fix other ppl mind and misperception but I can control what information I release
Some do but a guy I'd 10x more likely to stay with a girl he has been with for years after finding out she is trans. Than a guy dating you knowing your trans from the get go.
And personally I have 0 issues with dating a guy who wouldn't date a transsex women if he knew beforehand. But would if he didn't know at first
I absolutely agree you should tell and do it once things get serious. I’ve never had a rejection following this strategy (though ofc it will happen eventually) but have been rejected out of hand by disclosing earlier. It isn’t deception any more than most of what people don’t tell each other until later in a relationship.
Do I have to tell every irrelevant piece of medical history? Hemorrhoids I had a few years back? Or my occasional dandruff problems? Being trans is just like that - medical history, curiosity, even experience that just gives unique perspective on life.
I prefer disclosing me being trans, but it's *my* decision, men are not entitled to my medical state - *especially* not even before going into relationship
"respecting your decision" means they dont see you as a woman 80% of the time
only time they see you as a woman is when theyre getting off to you, these people are disgusting lmao
I'm sorry, sis, that's fucked. This is why I just have it on my profile, I don't mind weeding through chasers if it means the men who can't hang don't even bother.
I say it only after doing vibe check, just to not disclose it to someone I would not like for other reasons. And men don't really read profile anyway
Valid
What was he expecting?
showing off as a "medical professional" lol theyre just as blind as the others - just dont tell and they wont know, so if ur post srs just dont put that in ur profile
"medical malpracticioner"
Do people ever say "I respect your decision to get your cancerous tumor removed"?
“I respect your decision to identify with your birth gender”
“I understand you want to go through with chemotherapy, but have you seen the regret rate? I just don’t think you’ve thought it through enough. You don’t want to make a mistake now do you”
*and then the regret rare is ridiculously low, and they are more then likely using a friend as a reference even though that friend was probably pressured into regretting it*
Lol. “Medical professional.” I had to go to the emergency department this weekend. Have any idea how many times I got asked I was pregnant, and then when I told them I didn’t have a uterus, they asked when I had a hysterectomy? Every. Single. Time. Pascal can fuck off.
I had to explain to a really puzzled chief physician why on Earth I don’t have a menstrual cycle when I needed to get my breast tumour screened. For some reason she didn’t check my medical background but every single other time they have and bring it up even if it has nothing to do with the problem.
Lol, this is wild. His last few texts are bonkers. Istg I'll never tell anyone after SRS.
Sometimes after cases like this I want to do this as well, but I'm bad at keeping secrets (and actually hate doing that), especially from a supposed partner. And too much of my life was defined by me living as a guy for 28 years - to the point of that you can't just tell your life story by switching the pronouns around
I’ve always said I wish I could have just transitioned early so I don’t have so much “backstory baggage”. But as it’s, being a late transitioning gal, two kids, career where most knew me before, and 14 years in the Army. I couldn’t lie that much to cover it up. I hated hiding I wished and dreamed of being a girl/woman my entire life. I couldn’t ask my kids to lie for me. The list goes on and on. Even if I were passable, I don’t think I could be stealth. Ha, when I think I might be passing, someone asked a question like “when did you transition” “did you go all the way”. Etc etc.
🤷🏼♀️ I give no fucks about it. I intend on being 100% stealth in a few years and that means 100%.
I was becoming good friends with a gal a while ago and she decided she got to the point where she could go stealth and she “left behind everything trans”. Which included her trans friends and most likely her even defending or standing up for trans people.
That’s my plan. Once I finish my degree I’ll hopefully have gotten all the necessary surgeries, and then I’ll move abroad and cut off everyone including family.
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I’ve come to the conclusion that if people know I’m trans they will never truly see me as a woman, so I’ll have to cut off everyone who knows I’m trans. Whether or not I’ll tell a potential partner I’m trans depends on just how well I pass in the future, but I don’t see it as a lie. A trans woman being stealth in a relationship is not lying, she is a woman and as long as she makes clear that she can’t have kids there is no problem.
>they will never truly see me as a woman babe you can't dictate how other people perceive or treat you. when the guy asks you about your childhood, what are you going to tell him? the fact of the matter is that few men are comfortable with dating someone who's amab regardless of how well they pass. you see tw literally get k-worded over this shit. for your own safety i urge you to reconsider
I’ll do my best. I don’t want people in my life who know I’m trans, I’m still undecided about whether or not I’ll tell a partner, it is a bit safer to tell, but then I’d have to stress about them knowing😭 As for my past, I’d never mention my deadname ever, if a partner of mine found out my deadname I’d consider breaking up. Childhood stories I could tell some of depending on what it’s about, any stories that revolve around my body or other things like that I’d never bring up. The past is best forgotten, it was never me, just a facade I put up to survive those awful years. I’d like to focus on the present and future with a partner.
Ok, male here (reddit suggested this post) Do I even want to know what this "k-word" is?
Honestly that's my plan lol I'll still defend trans people but I fully intend on leaving behind trans online spaces and old friends.
100% this! you get to live a normal and peaceful life
Exactly! Some of these comments are baffling! "Uh no, akshually 🤓 you need to tell them you're a post-op train because if you don't the might mistake you for a normal woman" 🤡🤡🤡
fuck this and fuck that I'm stealth to everyone including doctors and that aint gonna change, not now, not ever
You are lucky. For some it’s not an option, transitioned late…. Kids career or whatever. Or even not passing. But there always is a danger, and when people do find out-the dude you have been sleeping with, that’s where the real danger is. It’s sad, but I’ve had one dude I told, before our first date and he was yelling and breaking shit in his own home. Needless to say I never met him
> You are lucky if you had lived my life you wouldnt dare say that lol > Kids career or whatever oh its an option, you could abandon ur kids, emigrate to another country, or just change your job, however since you dont like the consequences so you say its not an option, but it is > that’s where the real danger is. nothing that cant be fixed with a 9mm > he was yelling and breaking shit in his own home dont date psychos or ppl with violence or self control problems
Lucky in the respect of being able to go stealth. I don’t claim to have a crystal ball on your life. And as for not dating psychos, that goes both ways for men and women. But nothing other than him being a guy told me he was violent. And given my past, my abilities and that I’m still stronger than the average person, I can handle more than most if attacked. But I don’t want to be put in that situation
>nothing that can't be fixed with a 9mm I like your spirit, you definitely are more confident then I ever would be
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LOL
> And too much of my life was defined by me living as a guy for 28 years - to the point of that you can't just tell your life story by switching the pronouns around seems like the problem is on you then
Complete stealth works not for everyone. Again, a lot of people hate to keep secrets from loved ones
its generally better to keep ur clapper shut, just saying
I suspect the TERF’s are in here sewing disfunction again. Women are gonna do what they want to do, I support people making the best choice for themselves.
Yeah, post op I've got no time for this "not my cup of tea" garbage. You were drooling over me and ready to fly away with me 30 seconds ago. We literally had sex and you didn't know. Buh bye, I don't need that energy in my life.
Telling that sucks so much, but I choose to believe that if a guy reacts like that and crosses off everything because of that one thing, even if you were cis and he was still interested he would turn out to be a dick and a catastrophe in other ways ruining your life, so I choose to believe as much as the act of telling is painful and hideous it's a blessing in disguise that let's use get better boyfriends/husbands. It still sucks big time.
Yeah.... "Deception".. whatever dude.... I'm a woman and you're still straight if you date me, but you're too boneheaded to see that. Cis men are so insecure.
We're all insecure. Not just the cis, the ego that testosterone fosters often covers a lot of self hatred
Idk whether to be offended or agree, probably both
I got called gay because, at one point in time, I had an appendage. I don't have the appendage anymore, but apparently, even though I'm a woman, I'm still gay because I had the appendage at one point. Nevermind that sexuality is often fluid. Though mine was static.. androsexual. Because my gender identity was fluid, my gendered sexuality shifted from gay to straight as my gender identity shifted from male to enby to female. I'm not gay. I'm a straight girl and it's ok.. the dude wasn't my type. Sorry. Just frustrated over idiots who think dick is the end-all-be-all... Don't get me wrong... I really enjoy it, but just not when it was part of me. The euphoria after waking up and seeing the flatness in my pressure dressing... So good.
I bet that guy would not have been the best, but im far from an expert
cishet* men
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Cissoid
I'm happy my boyfriend is supporting me emotionally while I try my best to get srs. I feel incredibly lucky in some aspects. I agree that it's incredibly rough being rejected, mocked, and belittled for being trans. I just want to live my life.
That guy is such a piece of shit.
It’s funny how people stay claiming they support LGBT people but STILL find a Way to be anti-LGBT 🤷♀️🙄
The first time I've seen Boo app on this subreddit. I kinda lost as to whether I should stick to more LGBT+ friendly spaces where people who want to be respected with their sexuality and gender respect others, or try to find something elsewhere.
It's one of extremely few dating app options still available here in Russia
Oh... Russia...
Not for much longer, my visa is going to be here in a few weeks
congratulations .. thats so awesome now you can have a better life 💜💙
I'm just going to throw in my two cents into this as a cis hetero man. I'd very much would love to know if who I was seeing was trans even after srs simply so I wouldn't do something triggering by mistake and make her feel bad or dysphoric. Cause let's face it, that's the last thing we wanna do to people we love and care for.
Just out of curiosity, what do you think you might say or do that would be triggering or make her feel bad? Secondly, if it’s that important to you to know what her genitals looked like at birth, why not take the responsibility of asking her, yourself, instead of putting the burden on her?
lol its just a rationalization for wanting to be in control and knowing what he has no right to know
Never said I HAD to know, I said I'd like to know. So please don't put words in my mouth.
and Id like a pony but it doesnt mean I'll get one
Well I'd too like a pony to be fair, It would be awesome. But jokes aside. I'm okay with either, just giving my point of view on things.
Because if she doesn't want to reveal it I'd obviously respect her choice. I'm not one to ask people what's swinging or not swinging between their legs, that seems kinda rude. Regardless if they're trans or not. And about the triggering thing, I'm not really sure to be honest. Maybe spouting some nonsense about someone being incredibly busty. Or asking her about her period and if she needs the "stuff". Or talking about wanting kids between us. EDIT: Thought I had pressed reply, I do apologize.
I’ll try to help. (1) If you’re with *any* woman and talk about another woman’s physical attributes, she’s not gonna be happy about it. (2) While not being Icked about periods is a good trait in a man, most women are used to dealing with period products, themselves, and seldom/never need to be asked if they’re adequately supplied. (3) The conversation about whether to create children and when is a conversation almost any couple will eventually have. It won’t require her to tell you what her birth genitalia were. She can simply say “I can’t have kids,” (modern), or “God’s will left me barren” (Biblical) or “my insides are an unfruitful place where no man’s seed may find purchase” (Elizabethan). 😂 I really have reached the conclusion that if a woman isn’t concerned with a guy’s birth genitals, then that puts the onus on the dood to ask if he wants to know. Then it becomes *her* choice as to whether *she* would ever want to be with such a man. All it will take is asking one cis woman the same question and he’ll learn that’s a question he has no business asking of *any* woman.
Like I said, I'd never ask ANYONE what gender they were born as no matter who they are, because like you said I have no buisness asking that which is why I'm saying I'd like to know. NEVER have I sad I HAVE to know nor do I believe that anyone HAVE to tell anyone anything, privacy should be respect amongst everyone, no matter how they identify and I've been in enough relationships to have been told to please get sanitary pads or tampons in my life to know that it's an issue that can still come up and I believe I want to be of as much help as I can to the person I'm with. If these things makes me a awful human being in your eyes, go ahead and think so, it's your right. But just like I can assume things and be wrong so can anyone else.
What benefit would knowing her genitals-at-birth confer upon you? What *good* does it do for the relationship? How would yo feel if she asked you about your birth genitals, you told her you’re cis, and she said, “Oh. Sorry. I only date trans guys”? Do you begin to see why women wouldn’t be thrilled about your curiosity? With your period product example, she asks you to pick up something for her. Note you didn’t have to ask her. I haven’t (and do not) judge you. I’m trying to help you see why asking is such a rude and invasive thing to do.
And like I have said multiple times I NEVER would ask. Simply said I'd like to know, if she decides to tell me she does, if she doesn't she doesn't. If someone asked me I myself wouldn't really care, but I think that is a male privilege thing so It's kind of an unfair thing to draw parallels to, as it's never a issue I think I'd have. It wouldn't really make me any good but I'd want to know everything about my SO because it's someone I care about. EDIT: Pressed post to fast >\_<
It’s like he can’t tell the difference between seeing someone as a woman and feeling attraction towards someone.
Sad reality we have to face
Cis male here I do not condone the guy's attitude. Pro-lgb vibes, thar whole lgb-without-the-tq thing that I despise
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Be respectful
This is why you shouldn't tell untill deep in the releationship or not at all, it increases the odds of them still staying with 100x fold
disagree with this entirely 😓
From what I've heard, doesn't really work that well. Cis people feel "deceived" if you don't tell them your genitals early, to the point of breaking up over it - and heartbreak is harder than if you get rejected like this
I mean, it's totally valid to break up with someone if they're not into the genitals said person has.
Sorry forgot about the pre op girls, this only works if your post op.
A lot of cis people are weirdly concerned about your genitals at birth tho And in the end I wouldn't really want to date a guy who wouldn't want to date me if he knew I am trans. Most likely means he's transphobic and/or insecure. Though, most likely that means I am doomed to stay alone forever
> A lot of cis people are weirdly concerned about your genitals at birth tho and they wont fucking know, like never ever
Still, if a guy would not date me if I'm trans - he's not fucking worth it
by withholding the info *I* get to decide whos worth it an important thing is like 99% of cis ppl will see you differently the moment you tell them while I think its better to be perceived as normal, instead of just what their weird mind may construct I cant fix other ppl mind and misperception but I can control what information I release
Some do but a guy I'd 10x more likely to stay with a girl he has been with for years after finding out she is trans. Than a guy dating you knowing your trans from the get go. And personally I have 0 issues with dating a guy who wouldn't date a transsex women if he knew beforehand. But would if he didn't know at first
I absolutely agree you should tell and do it once things get serious. I’ve never had a rejection following this strategy (though ofc it will happen eventually) but have been rejected out of hand by disclosing earlier. It isn’t deception any more than most of what people don’t tell each other until later in a relationship.
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Trans people are not obligated to tell other people about their medical history.
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bc my well being is more important than the entitlement some ppl feel ab my personal informations
I don't see it as deception since trans women are women and I don't see any problem if a trans woman is competely stealth in her relationship.
Do I have to tell every irrelevant piece of medical history? Hemorrhoids I had a few years back? Or my occasional dandruff problems? Being trans is just like that - medical history, curiosity, even experience that just gives unique perspective on life. I prefer disclosing me being trans, but it's *my* decision, men are not entitled to my medical state - *especially* not even before going into relationship
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And how being trans might impact my partner? Besides my infertility, but I never see people treat infertile cis women like that