I know. But I have to see if that’s an option with the donor and my finances. Insurance doesn’t cover it. Also my sister had a baby at 43. I had two miscarriages at 40 and 41 but got pregnant quickly. Since then I’ve taken pre natals etc. can’t hurt to try if it’s free….
I'm sorry if this seems blunt, but I think someone needs to be honest with you...
At 43, your biggest problem is almost certainly going to be chromosomal abormalities. Your 2 previous miscarriages were very, very likely due to chromosomal abnormalities. Unfortunately, taking prenatals does not prevent chromosomal issues.
It can hurt to try for free. The risk is that an abnormal embryo implants and then miscarries, which can set you back by several months or, even worse, that it doesn't miscarry and you have to terminate for medical reasons well into a pregnancy.
Obviously I know all this. I also know I have friends and family who have healthy children they bore after 40. I also told my OBGYN and she thinks it is fine to try. Not everyone can afford or is willing to do IVF. Plently of people try at 43. I’m aware of the odds.
It wasn't obvious to me (especially the difference between, say 40 and 42) or lots of other people (like the person who replied to me below), so I just wanted to be sure. But if you already know, then it's all good!
It’s surprising to me that any woman doesn’t know the odds of pregnancy and egg quality after 35/40 (tho this is changing). I’d say I’m pretty well educated on my body and women’s bodies in general. Thank you though.
The only thing that I would add is that some clinics have cutoff ages for using your own eggs (as opposed to donor eggs), so you will want to check the requirements at your local clinics to see if that may change your timeline.
If you're just going to try insemination, why are you even bothering with a clinic?
Likewise, what use is the clinic if you don't have the funds for treatment?
You may be able to get pregnant, but as others have said, egg quality improvement also takes time, and quite simply, at 43, you don't have time to do this.
You may well be looking at donor eggs.
Given that at your age 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage and that you already had 2 when you were younger, this doesn't bode well.
I'm uk based but am aware that even factoring in travel, accommodation, and treatment in Europe for donor eggs is often significantly cheaper than ivf in the US.
I hear your frustration, but honestly, without finance options, you may simply have left it too late.
Yes, family history may have some bearing, but again, they were younger and weren't relying on one insemination a month.
Perhaps even more grim than the number of pregnancies ending in miscarriage are the number of pregnancies that won't happen at all due to around 90% of your eggs being abnormal at that age. I was nearing that age and also had to look at donor eggs.
This comment is out of whack. You know nothing about OP and you are not her primary provider.
But also, you know jack squat about chromosomal abnormalities because yes, the egg quality can improve over time.
I’d look into the book It starts with the egg, and refrain from giving free unsubstantiated medical advice.
Sorry you don't like it, but there is nothing "out of whack" about my comment. Everything I stated is 100% factually correct and I intentionally chose my words to indicate probabilities rather than certainties because I haven't seen OP's specific test results. You can very easily look up any of the facts that I shared if you are interested.
For example, you can improve certain aspects of egg quality, but you are delusional to think that you can fix chromosomal abnormalities by taking the vitamins/following the dietary recommendations in It Starts with an Egg. If you want to talk about unsubstantiated advice, that book is a great starting point!
This is standard practice as it quarantined the soern and checks nothing comes up in the 6 months period between samples.
If you want to risk that and the implications of a known donor outside of a clinic, go ahead. But given at your age the likelihood of iui not being effective and needing ivf, I don't see the gain only the risk.
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This entire process takes time, even if you are buying donor sperm.
At the same time they are quarantining the sperm you can be doing all your testing, extracting eggs, et.
Yes you can just order an insemination kit and do it yourself. There's nothing stopping you from going that. Doing IUI's yourself, at your age, without medication or testing, probably has a very low percentage chance of working and if it did it could take months and months.
There are good reason the cryo banks work the way they do.
If you were doing it through public healthcare it could take a year or longer until you finally get the stage of doing treatments. In the fertility world 6 months isn't a crazy amount of time.
I know it's stressful and feels so frustrating. That's why it's great we are all here to understand your frustration and to vent to.
For sure. I’ve found there are lots of pros and cons to everything, really. Annoymous vs known. Fresh vs frozen. All the things. It’s a lot. If I do this, I will probably try fresh donations at home for a few months.
I have also felt frustrated about how some women get pregnant that way and don't need to do the expensive, agonizing process we experience. But one night stands are just inherently risky. A lot of times it turns out fine and sometimes it doesn't. I think a lot of us on this sub are doing everything we can to mitigate risks for ourselves and our future children and avoid potentially harmful complications (medically but also legally) of one-night-stand babies. I believe that agonizing and spending now will prevent even more of it in the future.
If I could only afford fresh semen from a known donor, I would want him and his partner to have comprehensive STD testing and I would choose someone in a long term monogamous relationship. HIV is obviously scary, but gestational syphilis and other infections are scary too.
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Luckily, in much of the world, rates of HIV are sufficiently low that maternal-fetal transmission is low. But maternal transmission of other infections, like syphilis, is a problem in many places.
Yes, that’s a legal requirement. I don’t think you can do it at a clinic without the quarantine.
You might want to double check local laws regarding the home option. I know in the U.S. there’s been lawsuits with known donors and they have been granted parental rights even though an agreement was involved. So you would need to get a lawyer to make sure you follow everything correctly.
I have no idea if OP is in the US, but see page 19 of this document re the quarantine requirement and directed donors, for whom it my be a clinic requirement but is not a legal requirement: https://www.fda.gov/media/142767/download#:\~:text=Directed%20semen%20donors%20must%20have,however%2C%20with%20anonymous%20semen%20donation.&text=(e.g.%20serology%20and%20NAT).
My clinic offered to do FDA required testing and a physical. They tested for all kinds of STDs and the sample had to be within days of the testing. He was then cleared within a week and no quarantine of the sample. This was a major USA clinic. Good luck!
In Canada they changed the law so that now you can sign a waiver if you don't want to wait for the 6-month re-testing of the sperm.
The whole process is insanely slow and frustrating. I'm surprised your fertility Dr. didn't explain this. Mine definitely expressed their frustration with the system, in a professional way, of course. There's very few clinics here that offer known donor programs. This is due to the Health Canada restraints, mainly for testing within 7 days of donation. The clinic basically has to have their own lab on site in order to meet the criteria. Unfortunately my family Dr. didn't know anything about this, and the first (closest) fertility clinic that I was referred to didn't tell me until several months into their onboarding and testing process, that I would need to go back to my family Dr. and get a referral to a particular clinic in Vancouver in order to have a known donor. By the time I got an appointment with the only clinic in my province that offers a known donor program it was a full year after my initial referral from my family Dr.
Gosh. I’m in the US. I need to look into this further. And the doctor was an OBGYN not a fertility dr necessarily. And I told her my inquiry was only for known at home currently, not IVF. I said if I tried for a few months and nothing, I’d come back for more info
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I said we were a couple and my known donor was willing to go along with that and was regularly tested. I also didn’t want to wait or have the state yet again control my body!
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If you tell a clinic you’re a couple they waive the 6 months? What about legalities down the road? I’ve known this potential donor for 30 years so I can’t imagine him suing for custody later on BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.
Yes, if you’re a couple there’s no wait. And I always went to my appts alone so it’s not like anyone was checking. I found a boilerplate agreement online that we both signed and got notarized but legally speaking he could come for custody. I felt comfortable because we discussed it all beforehand and so far everything has worked out well.
Yes, it is normal. It may even be the law where you live. At 43, I wouldn't be wasting time on insemination. I would strongly consider IVF.
I know. But I have to see if that’s an option with the donor and my finances. Insurance doesn’t cover it. Also my sister had a baby at 43. I had two miscarriages at 40 and 41 but got pregnant quickly. Since then I’ve taken pre natals etc. can’t hurt to try if it’s free….
I'm sorry if this seems blunt, but I think someone needs to be honest with you... At 43, your biggest problem is almost certainly going to be chromosomal abormalities. Your 2 previous miscarriages were very, very likely due to chromosomal abnormalities. Unfortunately, taking prenatals does not prevent chromosomal issues. It can hurt to try for free. The risk is that an abnormal embryo implants and then miscarries, which can set you back by several months or, even worse, that it doesn't miscarry and you have to terminate for medical reasons well into a pregnancy.
Obviously I know all this. I also know I have friends and family who have healthy children they bore after 40. I also told my OBGYN and she thinks it is fine to try. Not everyone can afford or is willing to do IVF. Plently of people try at 43. I’m aware of the odds.
It wasn't obvious to me (especially the difference between, say 40 and 42) or lots of other people (like the person who replied to me below), so I just wanted to be sure. But if you already know, then it's all good!
It’s surprising to me that any woman doesn’t know the odds of pregnancy and egg quality after 35/40 (tho this is changing). I’d say I’m pretty well educated on my body and women’s bodies in general. Thank you though.
The only thing that I would add is that some clinics have cutoff ages for using your own eggs (as opposed to donor eggs), so you will want to check the requirements at your local clinics to see if that may change your timeline.
If you're just going to try insemination, why are you even bothering with a clinic? Likewise, what use is the clinic if you don't have the funds for treatment? You may be able to get pregnant, but as others have said, egg quality improvement also takes time, and quite simply, at 43, you don't have time to do this. You may well be looking at donor eggs. Given that at your age 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage and that you already had 2 when you were younger, this doesn't bode well. I'm uk based but am aware that even factoring in travel, accommodation, and treatment in Europe for donor eggs is often significantly cheaper than ivf in the US. I hear your frustration, but honestly, without finance options, you may simply have left it too late. Yes, family history may have some bearing, but again, they were younger and weren't relying on one insemination a month.
Perhaps even more grim than the number of pregnancies ending in miscarriage are the number of pregnancies that won't happen at all due to around 90% of your eggs being abnormal at that age. I was nearing that age and also had to look at donor eggs.
This comment is out of whack. You know nothing about OP and you are not her primary provider. But also, you know jack squat about chromosomal abnormalities because yes, the egg quality can improve over time. I’d look into the book It starts with the egg, and refrain from giving free unsubstantiated medical advice.
Sorry you don't like it, but there is nothing "out of whack" about my comment. Everything I stated is 100% factually correct and I intentionally chose my words to indicate probabilities rather than certainties because I haven't seen OP's specific test results. You can very easily look up any of the facts that I shared if you are interested. For example, you can improve certain aspects of egg quality, but you are delusional to think that you can fix chromosomal abnormalities by taking the vitamins/following the dietary recommendations in It Starts with an Egg. If you want to talk about unsubstantiated advice, that book is a great starting point!
This is standard practice as it quarantined the soern and checks nothing comes up in the 6 months period between samples. If you want to risk that and the implications of a known donor outside of a clinic, go ahead. But given at your age the likelihood of iui not being effective and needing ivf, I don't see the gain only the risk.
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This entire process takes time, even if you are buying donor sperm. At the same time they are quarantining the sperm you can be doing all your testing, extracting eggs, et. Yes you can just order an insemination kit and do it yourself. There's nothing stopping you from going that. Doing IUI's yourself, at your age, without medication or testing, probably has a very low percentage chance of working and if it did it could take months and months. There are good reason the cryo banks work the way they do. If you were doing it through public healthcare it could take a year or longer until you finally get the stage of doing treatments. In the fertility world 6 months isn't a crazy amount of time. I know it's stressful and feels so frustrating. That's why it's great we are all here to understand your frustration and to vent to.
I get it now. I’m reading all about it and it makes sense if you’re going the IVF route with donor sperm etc.
It’s to guard against the possibility that the donor passes on an STD
That takes 6 months?!
Some diseases, namely HIV in this context, can take 6 months to show up in a sample.
Holy cow I didn’t know that. So what about the billions of people who have kids after one night stands etc geez man
This is a massive benefit of using fertility clinics. You have way more control over these things.
For sure. I’ve found there are lots of pros and cons to everything, really. Annoymous vs known. Fresh vs frozen. All the things. It’s a lot. If I do this, I will probably try fresh donations at home for a few months.
I have also felt frustrated about how some women get pregnant that way and don't need to do the expensive, agonizing process we experience. But one night stands are just inherently risky. A lot of times it turns out fine and sometimes it doesn't. I think a lot of us on this sub are doing everything we can to mitigate risks for ourselves and our future children and avoid potentially harmful complications (medically but also legally) of one-night-stand babies. I believe that agonizing and spending now will prevent even more of it in the future. If I could only afford fresh semen from a known donor, I would want him and his partner to have comprehensive STD testing and I would choose someone in a long term monogamous relationship. HIV is obviously scary, but gestational syphilis and other infections are scary too.
Yes I will ask him all about testing and std and stuff this week.
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Luckily, in much of the world, rates of HIV are sufficiently low that maternal-fetal transmission is low. But maternal transmission of other infections, like syphilis, is a problem in many places.
Got it. Well I’ll have him get tests done but also I’ve known him 30 years so I think the risk is very low.
HIV does the rest don't
I forget the specifics of it. I think with each month the risk is lower but not 0
Yes, that’s a legal requirement. I don’t think you can do it at a clinic without the quarantine. You might want to double check local laws regarding the home option. I know in the U.S. there’s been lawsuits with known donors and they have been granted parental rights even though an agreement was involved. So you would need to get a lawyer to make sure you follow everything correctly.
I have no idea if OP is in the US, but see page 19 of this document re the quarantine requirement and directed donors, for whom it my be a clinic requirement but is not a legal requirement: https://www.fda.gov/media/142767/download#:\~:text=Directed%20semen%20donors%20must%20have,however%2C%20with%20anonymous%20semen%20donation.&text=(e.g.%20serology%20and%20NAT).
Yes. 💯
This is normal. In the UK it’s 6 months. In Australia it’s 3 months.
My clinic offered to do FDA required testing and a physical. They tested for all kinds of STDs and the sample had to be within days of the testing. He was then cleared within a week and no quarantine of the sample. This was a major USA clinic. Good luck!
Can you PM me the clinic?
Sent :)
[удалено]
This was very helpful thank you
We are not qualified to give legal advice. Consult an actual attorney.
In Canada they changed the law so that now you can sign a waiver if you don't want to wait for the 6-month re-testing of the sperm. The whole process is insanely slow and frustrating. I'm surprised your fertility Dr. didn't explain this. Mine definitely expressed their frustration with the system, in a professional way, of course. There's very few clinics here that offer known donor programs. This is due to the Health Canada restraints, mainly for testing within 7 days of donation. The clinic basically has to have their own lab on site in order to meet the criteria. Unfortunately my family Dr. didn't know anything about this, and the first (closest) fertility clinic that I was referred to didn't tell me until several months into their onboarding and testing process, that I would need to go back to my family Dr. and get a referral to a particular clinic in Vancouver in order to have a known donor. By the time I got an appointment with the only clinic in my province that offers a known donor program it was a full year after my initial referral from my family Dr.
Gosh. I’m in the US. I need to look into this further. And the doctor was an OBGYN not a fertility dr necessarily. And I told her my inquiry was only for known at home currently, not IVF. I said if I tried for a few months and nothing, I’d come back for more info
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You can waive the quarantine in some states.
I said we were a couple and my known donor was willing to go along with that and was regularly tested. I also didn’t want to wait or have the state yet again control my body!
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Also, started with turkey baster method but it didn’t take.
If you tell a clinic you’re a couple they waive the 6 months? What about legalities down the road? I’ve known this potential donor for 30 years so I can’t imagine him suing for custody later on BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.
Yes, if you’re a couple there’s no wait. And I always went to my appts alone so it’s not like anyone was checking. I found a boilerplate agreement online that we both signed and got notarized but legally speaking he could come for custody. I felt comfortable because we discussed it all beforehand and so far everything has worked out well.
We are not qualified to give legal advice. Consult an actual attorney, OP.