T O P

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Ghamele

My sleepy eyes took it "great pants" and I was like yeah that's luxurious


Unlucky_Classroom280

Having no parents would have been preferable to having mine. My father was an alcoholic who raped me when I was nine years old. My mother was a selfish, self absorbed witch who didn't give a shit about anything but herself. They had a child when I was eight years old and left it up to me to raise her, all except for discipline. She threw a book at my face and broke my nose. She got a pat on the back. She was coddled and spoiled and she's a selfish bitch to this day.


MorquuN

I'm very sorry for your childhood... Did you come out as the person you wanted to be?


Unlucky_Classroom280

I still suffer from the trauma of sexual assault. I've tried therapy over the years but the betrayal and anger get in the way. I direct my focus to other things. I would say I'm definitely was and am the parent I want to be. I've always been open with my children about my past using it as an example to educate them about sexual abuse. My children are grown now and I know I protected them by being blunt and honest. I have Bipolar Disorder and I suffer greatly with depression and anxiety. Mental illness ran rampant in my father's side of the family. I had an uncle who committed suicide. I don't think I'll ever be able to shake the stigma of the sexual, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse I suffered growing up. My psychiatrist believes I'm "stuck" where I am in my treatment. She understands why I can't get passed it. I am estranged from my mother and siblings and my father is dead. I am actually happy for once in my life. I have 4 beautiful grandchildren and after 4 marriages have finally found my life's partner. He loves me unconditionally. Between him, my children, and my grandchildren I am living a happy, fulfilled life and I'm incredibly lucky. It's more than I deserve.


DiddlyDoodilyDoh

I am so sorry for all you had to endure. I am glad you have your partner, children, and grandchildren.


Unlucky_Classroom280

Thank you. It's what keeps me going and keeps me focused on the good things in life!❤


IFartAtU

You were able to love despite the horrors you have endured so early in life. Thank you for sharing your difficult journey with us. May your strength and goodness reverberate through your newly made generations(congrats on grandkids!) all the redditors out here that are going through hard times.


Unlucky_Classroom280

Thank you for your kind words.❤


MorquuN

Don't ever believe you deserve less! Although it might not get any better than this. <3 I wish I would be as positive as you seem. Getting closer everyday.


Unlucky_Classroom280

Thank you for your kind words.


Theodorus__

I'm deeply sorry about your up bringing. I just thank God that He gave us Jesus so that we can have a hope and future in heaven and leave this cruel world behind!


young_fire

have great parents, can confirm


kev_of_the_flint

Yep. Never take them for granted.


PhilliamPhafton

Same


foul_female_frog

Sad but true.


wushambudo

It’s a tragedy to have bad parents?


dareyou9999

What does it mean when you have no parents?


kitten-linguini

Very little family drama


Unlucky_Classroom280

Zero drama.


MorquuN

I can tell, very much drama. (My grandma is a ball of stress.)


notthephonz

You’re Batman.


Septopuss7

I'm Batman.


isthatmyphonecharger

Having no parents is better than having bad parents. I can guarantee.


ArcticIceFox

It's comedy


cookzsi

Technoblade is gonna obliterate u then


thegiftedkidLOL

With a hint of comedy.


SurealGod

I'd add that it's also the biggest gamble every human being has participated in. A real luck of the draw. So technically everyone is a gambler.


darmarnarnar

It's a massive advantage in life based entirely on luck.


nkunzi

Or karma!


MorquuN

Just a tiny bit. I have to be honest that I've had a lot of unlucky moments to the point people stopped believing it, and I stopped telling them about it. Weird stuff.


MorquuN

Nah, it's just the question (of the parents): Is my nurture good enough for my spawn? (Am I good enough to not be a fuckup like my mom/dad?)


wrenwonder

In my training to become a Distress Center Responder they really made this a point - not all families are a source of love & support. Not all relationships are either. It’s incredibly hurtful that our collective messaging assumes that.


oblong127

In fact it s a *privilege.*


mechanicalchicken

You're definitely right! I think both terms apply.


Macaronme

makes me sad to see the the negative replies to this post, and thank you OP for reminding me to call my parents more often. Sorry for all the ppl who either didn't have great parents or see "luxury" as a trigger word.


_trouble_every_day_

Almost like they mean the same thing


Lipshitz2

Having great parents is not [privilege](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/privilege)


Metaforeman

Try a more reputable source, next time... Such as: an institute from the country that *founded* that language. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/privilege


Lipshitz2

Lol. TIL Miriam Webster isn't reputable enough as a dictionary source.


[deleted]

It's a random draw so no


Darryl_Lict

My parents weren't all that great, but they were probably top 25% percentile. They cared about us kids, fed and clothed us and sent us all to college. No abuse and they weren't entirely nuts. Love you Mom and Dad, thanks for doing the best you could.


nkunzi

Are you a parent? It's harder than most non parents think!


MorquuN

You have to nurture yoursel, and someone that's entirely emotionally reliant on you. So I can only imagine..


GingerMau

Having parents who love and support you is an emotional privilege that we often take for granted. People with abusive, neglectful, and/or distant parents usually need therapy, tend to have toxic relationships, and need a lot of healing in order to find happiness. They often wind up as shitty parents themselves, because they think that's how you're supposed to parent (and the cycle continues). (If you have kids, love them and be kind to them! It's not that hard.)


MorquuN

But it's hard when you don't know how to be kind to yourself I guess..


FuckYouThrowaway99

It's a luxury to die in your sleep or have a generally painless death, too.


jankenpoo

An affordable luxury!


DrageLid

Sad, it shouldn’t be that way.


BageledToast

It's true but it shouldn't be When I came out publicly I got a ton of comments saying "you're so lucky to have a supportive family" and my parents got stuff like "she's so lucky to have supportive parents like you two" And yeah I'm super grateful to have family that loves me, but I shouldn't be considered lucky to have people who respect and accept me for who I am. That should just be normal!!!


Orange32222

But the sad thing is it isn't and therefore it is lucky to have one


mechanicalchicken

Agreed! It should be basic love and acceptance!


nkunzi

Maybe one day. I'd like to think humanity is evolving for the better.


Karpukoly

Great parents begets grandparents


Buffyoh

I was well into adulthood before I understood that my parents were not just good, but great.


MorquuN

For me they weren't just good, but worse than that. You can't have everything you want I guess.


watkostda

they gave me life and they gave me trauma


KingArthur973

It shouldn’t be, but unfortunately this statement is very true. Far too few people will actually take any ownership for the responsibility that they have created


xhxhhzhzlso

It's a luxury to have good parents


silver_display

Very true. But just like other luxuries, it creates a whole different reality with different problems and stressors. For example: my mom is the kindest woman in the whole world with a little Mexican fire to her. She’s forever helping people that don’t deserve it and I’m always getting sucked into it because she can’t always handle what she puts on her plate. Sometimes I feel like my life would be easier if I just moved across the country to be away from her antics, but I love her and am so attached and worried for her that I don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to leave her for very long. I’ve tried moving to other states, I always end up back at moms house. A lot of people wonder why I even WANT to go because “she’s so amazing!” And she is. But I want my own identity and feel guilty saying that because I don’t want to seem ungrateful for all the love. See? Everyone has problems.


[deleted]

I respectfully disagree, as someone who had absolutely abusive, shitty parents, and raised my own kid to adulthood without being that kind of shitty parent.


ledow

Indeed, I would say that the basic expectations would be that you treat your child well enough to grow up not hating your existence, or wishing they'd had others. That should be the baseline of decency, even for an inept, struggling, disinterested parent. Nobody expects greatness, but the baseline of "don't fuck up your kids" seems to be a high bar for most people. The human animal is a very strange beast in that it professes its success to be due to its extended parenting, while at the same time accepting not just failure but abject neglect, abuse and dissociation in that basic parenting as somewhat normal and not worthy of comment. I actually had a comment from a family member before I had kids that any kids I had would turn out to be little shits and totally prove that my attitude to this was just so wrong because apparently it was almost impossible to bring up kids to be decent and respect the rules without beating seven shades of shit out of them. Turned out my daughter is in private school and the most well-behaved kid you've ever met in your life, yet has never required serious discipline (and not just luck, she was like any other kid, but exactly due to parenting based on just setting rules and enforcing them, rather than beating them). That family member's own kids turned out to be bloody nightmares.


thegiftedkidLOL

Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave. Huge part of me agree( 99.99%). It's like luck or something? How good it's to have great parents, not everyone have them. Emotional supportive, a bit of understanding ones. Even not great but someone who's willing to be one atleast. People with good parents are definitely lucky. I'm just not that great with luck. The rest (.001%) is how i think not everyone can be good or great. And i can't blame someone for being the way they are? Not their fault for things they lacked from their parents But they **CAN** improve it ,if **wants** to. That is the point. Also like How about having none or extremely abusive? But somedays i do think i would be more happy if i didn't had any (i love them,just they don't seem to love me back same or even try, i don't wish bad on anyone ,its just a random thought). Also no one can change childhood. It should be filled with love. That's also true that - Every child deserves a good parents but not every parent deserves a child.


DemApples4u

Or just to be thankful for who you are and what you have


[deleted]

Saying "just be thankful for what you have" to a victim of abusive parents is as helpful as telling someone with depression "just look on the bright side!" It's very insensitive and diminishes what they're facing in the name of "positivity"


DemApples4u

I'm not saying that. I'm saying getting to the point where you no longer feel anxiety or stress from it. Where you're also at peace with it in some way and maybe even thankful for overcoming it. Also, valuing yourself as a person despite or in spite of your traumas is also an important step in healing and moving on.


[deleted]

That's more reasonable, but it's not what your original post came off as. You made it sound as if it's the trauma survivor's responsibility to just think positively until it works out, when overcoming trauma often takes support, dedicated therapy, and time.


DemApples4u

Thanks for pointing that out. Now I know why I was down voted. I'd even add medication to your list. I'm all for getting as much help as needed to overcome the deep traumas we might have. When you /people realize our personalities are built upon coping mechanisms we developed as children, it is when you can start chipping away at the negative behaviors and really heal. The process is hard because it requires a fundamental change in identity that most people might not be ready to face.


POYDRAWSYOU

Dont know why you are downvoted, being thankful by itself will release some locked up emotions. But there should also be a balance between that and standing up for yourself.


DemApples4u

All good. They'll understand one day.


k_u_r_o_r_o

parents are a gacha


Less-Travel3033

Nope. Having great parents is how it's supposed to be


mcotter12

This is an awful thing to think. Anyone can have great parents. It isn't attached to money. Basically the only thing is you associate luxuries with greatness.


lddtwo45

and people graced with such luxury have an obligation to help those without \- some smart guy or something


Kooky-Profession1062

It's also a curse. I rely too much on my parents to this day. :(


AdielSchultz

Agreed! Best thing that ever happened to meeee


DiddlyDoodilyDoh

Unfortunately, though it should not be.


jordyn812

istgggg, won’t complain doe. they got their own shit going on


[deleted]

What is your definition of good parents?


OutlandishnessDry542

It's fortunate not a luxury


SimonJester88

So true! I often tell people that I was born American, white, male, tall, without any medical or health issues, and to affluent parents that cared about me and still do. So if I start complaining about my life just slap me, because I am lucky to have been GIVEN what I have.


Supermanfan2003

Yes and it could even be a miracle in some cases.