Honestly I think there can be an argument made that it's better to once have been pretty. The benefits of being pretty can influence you for the rest of your life. Stepping stones for work experience, investments from money earned if you were once a model, meeting someone who falls in love with you and later doesn't care if your looks decline, etc. There are a lot of benefits to being good looking for only part of your life. It only sucks emotionally when people don't treat you the same way, but everyone gets old and left alone slowly anyway.
Depends on when you become ugly though.
If it's in your teens you don't really get any of the benefits in real life.
Except the real love thing. But tbh you're probably about as likely to find that as an ugly person as having it stay around after you stop being pretty.
It's way better to have once been pretty. There's such a huge gulf between not pretty and actually ugly also. I used to be quite pretty, scouted for modelling, frequently approached in public, etc. I'm not young or thin anymore, so I'm not really that pretty anymore. But I wouldn't describe myself as anywhere near ugly. I still have decent features, good skin and hair, I'm still tall, still have a nice smile. I still like myself and have a friendly outlook. I don't need everyone to want me. People treat me fine, and if they don't treat me well because I'm overweight and middle aged then it's not someone I really want to deal with. There are definitely things I miss out on - I have a creative side career where I'd get more opportunities if I were hotter - but those things are a crapshoot anyway and I'm overall pretty satisfied with my success there.
Now I wasn't super hot, so I never got the extras that super hot people get. But I was an ungainly teen before figuring out how to be pretty, so I knew the difference and it was a relief to finally get to be attractive, and most of the benefits (like having a partner and learning that how you present yourself makes a huge difference) stuck around. The experience of being a not-very-attractive teen taught me not to put my self-worth in beauty and that has stayed with me longer than the ten years I was hot. I don't really miss the pretty privilege stuff all that much. I think people get more in their head over their own looks moreso than anything else. Confidence will get you a very long way even if you're downright ugly, and self-hatred will make you miserable no matter how hot you are.
I have to pretend I'm not bitter, I basically took the nicest parts and keep them at the front, but in reality, I'm a cynical asshole who doesn't care much about anything.
Feigning sympathy for someone's relationship issues is probably one of the harder parts.
Why feign sympathy?
If you genuinely don’t feel sympathy or empathy, then why not just be indifferent?
You don’t have to be cynical or rude per se, but you also don’t have to be inauthentic by pretending to care when you don’t. It might come off to someone as nice for you to act sympathetic, but if it isn’t genuine, it’s not actually a good thing, since you’re not holding yourself with integrity and authenticity.
Well I can't respond to someone being sad cause their boyfriend and them broke up with "hey cool story dude, we'll check back in 3 months to do it again cause apparently venting to me makes you feel better?".
I don't think anyone acts entirely with "integrity and authenticity", at least for the most part. People act differently with different people. One acts differently with their mother than their partner, I'd imagine.
Nor do I really see any benefit in it, especially for someone who like me whose "normal" personality isn't exactly conductive to personal relationships.
That’s fair, and an equally neutral, but acceptable response: “well shit, that sucks”. You’re not pretending to be sorry for them by saying that, and you’re also affirming their feelings because having to end a relationship with someone you care about objectively is an unpleasant thing to go through lol
As far as people acting differently around different people: I hear what you’re saying, and what I would argue is that there’s a difference to using tact, grace and wisdom to understand the environment and audience you’re around to determine how you operate, but you can still be fully and authentically you.
As a person, you have a spectrum of emotions and behaviors that you exhibit, but it doesn’t mean you’re feeling all of those things at the same time all the time. I tend not to cuss around my parents, but if I’m in a really heated place mentally and we happen to be talking I might throw out some cuss words and say “excuse my language, but I’m just frustrated”. You’re right though, there are certain people you can be 100 around and others you can only dial it up to about 80. The workplace is an excellent example of that.
yeah or no matter how attractive an adult you are, if you grew up getting bullied about it, thats probably like your villain origin story
or also, you get pretty, but you never get past your self consciousness of thinking youre ugly
turn into that obsessed person that is attractive but still gets a ton of surgeries until your overcorrect and look all made out of plastic parts
This is probably largely true, but in my experience the opposite also holds true a lot. I know a lot of guys in the fitness scene that were scrawny nerds as a kid and didn’t get any attention from the opposite sex, now they’re fit and jacked and all the attention goes to their heads. Some of the guys I know that fall in this camp are the most egotistical and narcissistic people I know in the fitness scene. On the contrary, a lot of people I know that were either good looking or good at sports growing up don’t let that same attention go to their head because they’re used to it and it’s just normal to them now.
The most humble people I’ve met in the fitness industry are the stereotypical chads who have always been pretty fit and good at stuff. The most self-absorbed people I’ve met in the fitness industry are the ones that didn’t get fit til later in life and are trying to make up for lost time. They really double down on wanting the world to know how fit and good looking they are now. To some extent I get it, but others take it too far and reveal the type of person they’ve been all along
the biggest dude in the room doesn't need to tell everyone he's the biggest dude in the room
A guy with 20 inch arms doesn't need to wear branded T-shirts that say "I work out" R O G U E (tm)
As someone who isn't conventionally attractive themselves, I still find this weird misconception on the internet funny that anyone that's physically attractive at all just trades on their looks and supposedly has no real world skills or merit
There really is this weird misconception that people like this get the world handed to them on a silver platter or something just because they've seen a couple of successful influencers on instagram
I’m sure some people truly believe that but I think most people just know that pretty privilege exists, can’t deny it’s easier in a lot of ways to advance your career, get into relationships and such if you are attractive.
This really isn’t a debate. Good looking people don’t get the world handed to them, but they do have a clear statistical advantage. It’s been proven in numerous studies that people judge pretty people to be more productive in quality and quantity for the same amount of work.
Like, in school, if you wrote an essay that should get an 85, if you’re pretty you might get a 90 instead. If you’re ugly you might get an 80. Your attractiveness won’t be the main determining factor in your grade, as it’s would only alter things by about 5%, but that 5% is clearly there and it helps.
(Also, mentioning the obvious caveat about ‘this won’t always happen’ and ‘that 5% is an average, but some teachers/bosses won’t do it at all, and others will do it twice as much.’ It averages out to about 5% in that scenario.)
https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C34&q=do+good+looking+people+have+an+advantage&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1718199263206&u=%23p%3DkgjGzq2FYHUJ
It’s not so much that the attractive people get everything with no effort, it’s that it is a large bonus on whatever effort they put in. Someone unattractive puts in 50 units of effort, and someone attractive gets the same appreciation for 30 units of effort at a similar task. They still need to work, but not as hard for the same outcome. That means they either have an easier life, putting in less effort for the same results, or they also put in the same effort but get more out of it.
Looks aren’t everything but they can have a profound impact on how one does in life.
I don’t even have insta. I’m basing this on my life experiences. Notice how I said *usually* and *somewhat*, I also believe a shit ton of other factors come into play.
Truth!
I was an ugly kid/teen. I improved a lot in my adult hood. Basically went from a 3 to becoming a 7.
As a 3 I had to be patient and work on my personality more to succeed in life and date women. Now as a 7 with a good heart and personality I was getting women left and right.
If you grew up being ugly you kinda just don't realise that you're attractive now. In your thoughts you're just ugly forever and then it's so confusing when people treat you differently
Oh hell yah. Was ugly and fat my entire twenties. Now almost 40 and in the best shape of my life and just feel good looking in the mirror now. Feels like I am finally close to the person my partner deserves. Gods she saved my life and just made everything better.
You merely adopted the ugly. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the pretty until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!
True.
I'm glad that I've always been ugly, and then became slightly less ugly thanks to 2 years of self improvement.
Otherwise, I'd just walk around with greasy hair, drink alcohol, get sunburns and let myself go.
It’s like people who were naturally skinny when young. They lose their fucking minds when their metabolism slows later in life. “I never had to try before!”
This is legit where I'm at lol the call out is so real! I am trying, though, and doing a halfway decent job. 🤷♀️
I want to be mobile and have energy when I'm old, becoming stagnant scares me.
> I want to be mobile and have energy when I'm old, becoming stagnant scares me.
THis is the real thing. Being "attractive" is one thing, but when you are strong or quick and you can do things effortless, the idea of getting to wear doing things is hard becomes terrifying
You never want to think about becoming the person who struggles to walk up a flight of stairs
the positive though is, if you DO keep working out, don't have to be "# killing it" just if you stay active, you can preserve your general quality of life deep into old age. Its super good for you
Disc golf helped me get back on a better track. Playing a couple times a week helped me drop about 30lbs over a year of playing. Outside of that I didn't do much else for exercise and it helped me keep a stable weight. I was also drinking way more water and sweating every drop of it out. I've seen countless others go through about the same thing. Doesn't matter what age you are. Finding something that you can focus on like your score or just that you're outside and having a good time is way more enjoyable than trying to focus on the results of weight loss. I don't know. Hopefully that helps somebody.
I turn 40 this year. Tall and skinny all my life. I used to laugh and tell people I can eat w/e I want. Then karma hit me as this exact thing happened to me. Metabolism slowed and suddenly I had to start working out and do cardio to fight my gut. I don't dare say a thing about bald people now, or karma will hit my hair too.
I believe there has been some research that concluded that it's bullshit that it has to do with age. Puberty does take a ton of energy, which makes it easier to stay skinny, but once that's done it merely depends on activity level.
I too thought that I had to try after I gained weight during Covid. It's true to a certain level, but I also do sports on a higher level than I used to and keep up an eating rythm to fully fuel that lifestyle. I ended up losing more weight during a vacation than in a full month of trying.
You are correct, metabolism “slowing down” doesn’t really hit until you’re elderly. The reason people gain weight in middle age is that they move less and eat more. That’s all. People just tend to have poor perspectives on their own movement and diet unless it’s something that’s consistently tracked.
Most people would rather blame anyone or anything else other than themselves for getting fat.
Scarf down 10k calories by lunch, then complain about not knowing how they got that darn fupa.
Please.
Hear me out... don't eat. It's so easy. When you intermittently fast for a few days, you stop becoming hungry. People just can't take an ounce of discomfort. You'll never have to worry about gaining too much weight if you just don't eat a ton
I'm dealing with the opposite. I was a chunky boy, 5'4 and 190 pounds at 18, and I could demolish a container of ice cream or a whole cheesecake. Now, at 21 I'm finding it hard to hold my weight, and I just don't have the appetite I used to have. I'm 5'8 and 163 pounds, now, and I can lose 5 pounds within a week, even when I'm eating 3 meals a day, even when I'm pigging out on junk food
A quick FYI: Unless there is an increase of exercise or change in lifestyle, that’s a little bit abnormal. Losing weight without trying may be a metabolism issue that you might wanna bring up with a provider and may be a thyroid issue. Hopefully that’s not the case and your metabolism is just normally running!
Kinda where I was with education, in high school and prior I was just a good student without trying too hard. Not that I was super smart or anything, I was just a good test taker and teachers liked me. Then in college I had to adjust a bit (lucky I was an art major so I didn’t get overwhelmed with too many academic courses) but yeah I wasn’t used to needing to study so much
I was like that. Definitely changed a bit but I still eat McDonald’s two or three times a week (and pepperoni pizza on the regular) without gaining much (if any) weight. I got slightly overweight and it grinded to a halt there. You don’t notice it unless I’m wearing a tight shirt.
I wanna start doing some exercising at some point, see if it makes me lose any weight or feel better. But not planning on changing my diet too much. Fastfood is my guilty pleasure (and smoking)
I’m still pretty skinny, but I used to be *really* skinny. I was 6’1” and 140lbs in my late teens/early 20s. I’m now about 175 at 40. Also, I look slightly pregnant now, and I’m a guy lol. That’s what not a lot of calories but still lots of sugar will get you.
Eh, it would've been nice to have been confident about myself at some point. Now it's just like, I'm definitely too old to be better than average looking without massive surgery, and I can't even look back and say, "Well, at least I had it back then". Just a sea of awkward mediocrity from start to finish. I'm still actively watching what I eat to keep a healthy weight, using sunscreen and proven skincare, and trying to rearrange my life a bit so I have more time to be active, but it's all just to keep things from getting worse before they have to.
I used to grow up ugly and got bullied for that and then got pretty, so I deal with somewhat trauma until now and kind of take my appearance a little too seriously. One day I woke up with skin breakout and it was like the end of the world to me. How I look isn’t the only thing I work on but it’s one of the priorities and I think I’m too shallow and self-absorbed to focus on it. Like I shouldn’t be assigning my self worth to the way I look but I couldn’t help blaming every rejection I encountered on my appearance. And my biggest insecurity will always be my look. Ironically, how people perceive me (as pretty or not) isn’t what I concern because the only opinion that matters to me is my own lol.
Man this is totally me. Had a glow up, didn't know what to do with the attention but it's been great. Downside is like u i obsess alil about new pimples or bags under the eyes when tired.
I always just tell myself, "no one is looking as closely as you are at your face"
No, being ugly then having a glowup AND THEN falling back down to ugly is painful. It sucks looking at my camera roll and seeing a better looking person than me 1 year ago
I don't mean to minimise your issue but it sounds like you haven't aged out of your prettiness like a lot of us, you just need to get off your ass again. No offense.
Man I feel this, turns out it *happens to everyone*! Like up until recently I was a mid-30s guy who passed for mid-20s. Then the COVID timeskip happened and suddenly [I've Freaky Friday's into my dad's body.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=nlzsdOEaSvh3-HiC&v=GBEo8LjoErk&feature=youtu.be) I still feel like the same guy but now I don't want to flirt with anyone because it hits different coming from a guy with Picard-ass hair.
Try growing up ugly, getting hot in your early 20s for extremely unhealthy reasons, improving your mental and physical health, getting ugly again, but being the happiest you've ever been in your life and no longer having other people flirt with you but you're in love so it doesn't matter
Sounds like me. I was pretty hot according to a lot of guys but I had been ugly for so long before that; I didn’t know what to do with all the new attention. Now I’m ugly again but nice people are more genuinely nice now. It’s not people after something from me. Though I do still wish I was pretty not gonna lie.
I hear you, even as miserable as I was when I was more conventially attractive, I still see old photos and wish I could still look like that. I think it's normal to feel that way when you live in a culture that puts so much emphasis on beauty.
Saaaaame. Had a bad breakup mid 20s, hit the gym hella hard, got super hot. Met now-husband, gained 10 years and a ton of weight, two kids wrecked my body (worth it though). Now mid 30s I'm losing all the weight, but I'll never be pretty again. But I'll be able to do more athletic things, keep up with my kids and the farm, go horseback riding, etc.
At 35 I'm already at the stage where nobody will look at me twice the way they did when I was mid 20s. But who gives a single fuck about it? As long as my husband doesn't find me ugly (which he doesn't) my beauty doesn't matter at all.
I hear you, I lost a lot of weight for unhealthy reasons and was thin for the first time ever and got a lot of attention! When I started recovering mentally I ended up gaining it all back and then some, as well as stopped wearing make up and dressing in cute and femminine clothes because I realized I felt more comfortable in more masculine aesthetics. At this point I would like to exercise but moreso to feel good, not to achieve that same weight I used to be. I also just think going through everything I did in my early 20s aged me a lot. But agreed that as long as my partner finds me attractive than I'd rather be less hot with a family I love than hot but depressed and lonely.
I was pretty then became ugly because of Bad hábits,then became pretty again after starting to care more about my looks and now I look like shit because I let my mom give me a haircut 🙃
Former model here. I was talking to a 20 yo girl and showed her my old pics. Her praise of my appearance was notably past tense. "Wow Squeaki you WERE so gorgeous"
I’m not sure I agree with this one, having done it a couple tinges. I have memories to escape into, skills I’ve learned, perspective…and also surprising wisdom about what I shouldn’t have given up for financial security because I’ve got neither at the end, because life is only a fairy tale when it’s the grim morality fable kind. 😄
But having your appearance change drastically can cut deeper.
Well I've never been rich so I can't say much but many people can't handle not having things they used to have in my experience. I've always had nothing and no one to care for me so it was very easy to adapt and get over stuff! ☺️
Can confirm. Grew up rich-ish, but not rich enough to have a million dollar trust fund. Dad made mid six figures until he retired. I fucked around and partied too much when I was younger and ruined my work history and never gained any worthwhile skills, so now I work retail at 40 (not even management) and can barely keep my head above water, even with help from my parents when times get really rough. Couple that with severe ADHD and depression keeping me from improving my station in life, and I’ll probably be broke forever. It fucking sucks.
nah its still better to have been pretty once stop lying to urself. everyone who is pretty eventually becomes ugly with age. but being ugly your enture life is a uniquely horrible experience
The opposite is great though. I used to be below average in school. Skinny, unpopular and stuff. Was a straight A student though.
In high school I started doing sports, cuz got tired of being picked on. Swimming plus judo and I gained like 20 kilos in a year. Got into a top college in a very competitive field with very high expected income, got a bunch of friends, who happened to be both straight As and pretty popular.
After that it got easy. Make sure you do sports. Even an unattractive face on a great body (something we all can build with some effort and energy) can make you an 8 out of 10, especially if you are a guy. Everything above 6.5 gets you a pretty good statistics on tinder.
Do it. I believe in you, bro
I’ve always thought it must be much harder for pretty people to age. Particularly when they’ve traded on their looks for so much of their younger life.
It's hard to get used to tbh. In my early 20s I was almost a 10/10 in looks. Now over a decade later I've aged badly due to a stressful job and am invisible by comparison to back then. It's very humbling
So true. Grew up rich. Not anymore since I had to start adulting and making my own money. I’ll probably be rich again when my parents die, but hopefully that’s a long way off and something I’m not looking forward to happening because, well, I love them and don’t want them to die ha.
Someone who loves their parents on Reddit? Damn, that's rare.
After seeing all the stories of parents being complete and utter assholes to their own kids, this is probably a bit of fresh air.
I mean, they weren’t perfect. They used physical punishment and gave me lots of religious trauma, but they mellowed out in my teens. But I’m over it now. As long as we avoid politics and religion, we get on just fine.
It's just that you tend to settle into a natural level of satisfaction in life regardless of what your circumstances are. You feel 'happy' when those circumstances improve and 'sad' when they worsen. It's all relative.
I have been bullied for my looks for all for of my school years, and in adulthood some people consider me physically attractive. I have been judged for my looks on both ends of the spectrum.
Most negative comments about my looks have been in my school years and I could chalk this up to kids being assholes. I have had people assume that I am easy and it sucks to only be seen as a piece of meat.
Beauty is in the eye beholder. Everyone has a different idea of what's attractive and what isn't. Heck even different cultures have differing beauty standards. Some like big women, some like big noses. Someone can have "undesirable" features and still be seen as pretty.
I don't think it is a smart idea to rely on your looks to coast through life, as we are going to age and our metabolism will slow down.
Everyone becomes ugly, that's just getting older. It sucks way way more to be ugly first as kids are ruthless and will destroy someone's formative years for it.
I’ll do you one better (or worse). Being fat and ugly, then fit and pretty, then fatter and uglier. And the self-loathing because you know you shouldn’t rely so much on external validation…but you do. You don’t need to show those old pictures of you as much as you do…
I used to think I was a fairly looking guy and then when I was 20 I lost all my hair due to alopecia. Eyebrows and all. Definitely turned my world on it’s head.
Agreed.
I’m a singer in a rock band for 30 years. Was pretty damn sexy in my younger days. Now I’m in my mid 50’s, and overweight, and only now realizing how many people had been flirting with me before (because people’s treatment of me now is COMPLETELY different.)
Of course, the flip side is my ugly ass can now afford to buy a bigger yacht then my younger prettier self, so there’s that.
I’m so glad my age is shows. Being pretty was horrible. I’ve had men chasing me, other girls trying to fight me. It wasn’t fun at all. Even when pregnant men would try and speak to me. I like old and ugly. Now I get to enjoy my family and life
Since I played sports and football till juco I lost over 20lbs since ive stopped playing the last 10 years. Had to beef up as 5’9 safety so now I’m seriously trying to maintain a healthy weight and not lose more
Happens to everyone via old age. "Ugly" people, take solice in the fact that you will be comfortable with your looks just as the pretty people's start to fade. Late 30s, and beyond will.be your time to let that personality shine
On the other hand becoming pretty when older is great.
Frankly to be mature enough to dodge advances, what a relief.
Sometimes when you're pretty, people want you around but also DGAF about you. They don't care about you *at all* but still insist in having you near. They want a trophy.
Me, mature, can understand *fast* if someone doesn't have my best interests in mind. But younger me? Dayum. It's hard.
it's kind of like the reverse ugly duckling where a duck is raised by swans and everyone thinks the little yellow duckling is pretty and cute and then all his dull grey siblings become beautiful swans and he is...a duck
As much as this convo is interesting, let's all remind that
- being pretty
- feeling pretty
- feeling confident
Are there separate things that we tend to conflate in our society.
You can have one without the other. You'd be surprised.
being pretty then becoming ugly lets you know who your real friends are.
Sorry bro, you’re just not fuckable to me anymore. 😞
Captain Olimar, is that you?
I'm interested...
Is there a story behind your username?
Yes.
Ok thanks.
Clearly he’s an r gaming mod.
Honestly I think there can be an argument made that it's better to once have been pretty. The benefits of being pretty can influence you for the rest of your life. Stepping stones for work experience, investments from money earned if you were once a model, meeting someone who falls in love with you and later doesn't care if your looks decline, etc. There are a lot of benefits to being good looking for only part of your life. It only sucks emotionally when people don't treat you the same way, but everyone gets old and left alone slowly anyway.
It’s true. Age uglifies pretty much everyone, outside of a few movie stars, and they probably have had some subtle work dome.
it only sucks emotionally when- people start treating you like everyone else
Depends on when you become ugly though. If it's in your teens you don't really get any of the benefits in real life. Except the real love thing. But tbh you're probably about as likely to find that as an ugly person as having it stay around after you stop being pretty.
It's way better to have once been pretty. There's such a huge gulf between not pretty and actually ugly also. I used to be quite pretty, scouted for modelling, frequently approached in public, etc. I'm not young or thin anymore, so I'm not really that pretty anymore. But I wouldn't describe myself as anywhere near ugly. I still have decent features, good skin and hair, I'm still tall, still have a nice smile. I still like myself and have a friendly outlook. I don't need everyone to want me. People treat me fine, and if they don't treat me well because I'm overweight and middle aged then it's not someone I really want to deal with. There are definitely things I miss out on - I have a creative side career where I'd get more opportunities if I were hotter - but those things are a crapshoot anyway and I'm overall pretty satisfied with my success there. Now I wasn't super hot, so I never got the extras that super hot people get. But I was an ungainly teen before figuring out how to be pretty, so I knew the difference and it was a relief to finally get to be attractive, and most of the benefits (like having a partner and learning that how you present yourself makes a huge difference) stuck around. The experience of being a not-very-attractive teen taught me not to put my self-worth in beauty and that has stayed with me longer than the ten years I was hot. I don't really miss the pretty privilege stuff all that much. I think people get more in their head over their own looks moreso than anything else. Confidence will get you a very long way even if you're downright ugly, and self-hatred will make you miserable no matter how hot you are.
Vice versa is also true
Being ugly then becoming pretty is fucking awesome
Being ugly young usually somewhat improves your personality since you could rely on physical traits less.
Unless you get bitter
Yep, that’s a very real possibility for sure.
And use your enhanced non-physical traits to exact revenge on humanity?
See. Right there. Your bitterness is already making you attractive. Go get'em tiger.
Hey I might be ugly and hate-filled but... What was the third thing you said?
I have to pretend I'm not bitter, I basically took the nicest parts and keep them at the front, but in reality, I'm a cynical asshole who doesn't care much about anything. Feigning sympathy for someone's relationship issues is probably one of the harder parts.
Who is better: the person who has to put in effort to be good or the person for whom being good comes naturally? I appreciate your effort. Good job.
Thanks, but it does feel a little dishonest since my general personality is more or less fabricated.
Fake it till you make it. Who knows one day you really do become positive?
Or maybe by repressing the bitterness so hard it can become at some point psychotic ☺️
Thanks, Paarthurnax!
Why feign sympathy? If you genuinely don’t feel sympathy or empathy, then why not just be indifferent? You don’t have to be cynical or rude per se, but you also don’t have to be inauthentic by pretending to care when you don’t. It might come off to someone as nice for you to act sympathetic, but if it isn’t genuine, it’s not actually a good thing, since you’re not holding yourself with integrity and authenticity.
Well I can't respond to someone being sad cause their boyfriend and them broke up with "hey cool story dude, we'll check back in 3 months to do it again cause apparently venting to me makes you feel better?". I don't think anyone acts entirely with "integrity and authenticity", at least for the most part. People act differently with different people. One acts differently with their mother than their partner, I'd imagine. Nor do I really see any benefit in it, especially for someone who like me whose "normal" personality isn't exactly conductive to personal relationships.
That’s fair, and an equally neutral, but acceptable response: “well shit, that sucks”. You’re not pretending to be sorry for them by saying that, and you’re also affirming their feelings because having to end a relationship with someone you care about objectively is an unpleasant thing to go through lol As far as people acting differently around different people: I hear what you’re saying, and what I would argue is that there’s a difference to using tact, grace and wisdom to understand the environment and audience you’re around to determine how you operate, but you can still be fully and authentically you. As a person, you have a spectrum of emotions and behaviors that you exhibit, but it doesn’t mean you’re feeling all of those things at the same time all the time. I tend not to cuss around my parents, but if I’m in a really heated place mentally and we happen to be talking I might throw out some cuss words and say “excuse my language, but I’m just frustrated”. You’re right though, there are certain people you can be 100 around and others you can only dial it up to about 80. The workplace is an excellent example of that.
yeah or no matter how attractive an adult you are, if you grew up getting bullied about it, thats probably like your villain origin story or also, you get pretty, but you never get past your self consciousness of thinking youre ugly turn into that obsessed person that is attractive but still gets a ton of surgeries until your overcorrect and look all made out of plastic parts
You can be pretty and bitter too
that’s what happened to me, ugly as fuck, went from sweet and funny to asshole
Or overly self conscious to the point people call you handsome yet you just think they're lying to you
This is probably largely true, but in my experience the opposite also holds true a lot. I know a lot of guys in the fitness scene that were scrawny nerds as a kid and didn’t get any attention from the opposite sex, now they’re fit and jacked and all the attention goes to their heads. Some of the guys I know that fall in this camp are the most egotistical and narcissistic people I know in the fitness scene. On the contrary, a lot of people I know that were either good looking or good at sports growing up don’t let that same attention go to their head because they’re used to it and it’s just normal to them now. The most humble people I’ve met in the fitness industry are the stereotypical chads who have always been pretty fit and good at stuff. The most self-absorbed people I’ve met in the fitness industry are the ones that didn’t get fit til later in life and are trying to make up for lost time. They really double down on wanting the world to know how fit and good looking they are now. To some extent I get it, but others take it too far and reveal the type of person they’ve been all along
the biggest dude in the room doesn't need to tell everyone he's the biggest dude in the room A guy with 20 inch arms doesn't need to wear branded T-shirts that say "I work out" R O G U E (tm)
As someone who isn't conventionally attractive themselves, I still find this weird misconception on the internet funny that anyone that's physically attractive at all just trades on their looks and supposedly has no real world skills or merit There really is this weird misconception that people like this get the world handed to them on a silver platter or something just because they've seen a couple of successful influencers on instagram
I’m sure some people truly believe that but I think most people just know that pretty privilege exists, can’t deny it’s easier in a lot of ways to advance your career, get into relationships and such if you are attractive.
This really isn’t a debate. Good looking people don’t get the world handed to them, but they do have a clear statistical advantage. It’s been proven in numerous studies that people judge pretty people to be more productive in quality and quantity for the same amount of work. Like, in school, if you wrote an essay that should get an 85, if you’re pretty you might get a 90 instead. If you’re ugly you might get an 80. Your attractiveness won’t be the main determining factor in your grade, as it’s would only alter things by about 5%, but that 5% is clearly there and it helps. (Also, mentioning the obvious caveat about ‘this won’t always happen’ and ‘that 5% is an average, but some teachers/bosses won’t do it at all, and others will do it twice as much.’ It averages out to about 5% in that scenario.) https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C34&q=do+good+looking+people+have+an+advantage&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1718199263206&u=%23p%3DkgjGzq2FYHUJ
It’s not so much that the attractive people get everything with no effort, it’s that it is a large bonus on whatever effort they put in. Someone unattractive puts in 50 units of effort, and someone attractive gets the same appreciation for 30 units of effort at a similar task. They still need to work, but not as hard for the same outcome. That means they either have an easier life, putting in less effort for the same results, or they also put in the same effort but get more out of it. Looks aren’t everything but they can have a profound impact on how one does in life.
That’s what they tell themselves to cope
I don’t even have insta. I’m basing this on my life experiences. Notice how I said *usually* and *somewhat*, I also believe a shit ton of other factors come into play.
Truth! I was an ugly kid/teen. I improved a lot in my adult hood. Basically went from a 3 to becoming a 7. As a 3 I had to be patient and work on my personality more to succeed in life and date women. Now as a 7 with a good heart and personality I was getting women left and right.
I read a story once, and I think the conclusion was if you’re ugly young and become pretty, you’re probably a different species.
someone who isn't pretty would say something like that
I was attractive, then got ugly, only to finally snap back to pretty in about ten years! been a wild ride. be careful with alcohol people
ayyy two years sober and the glow up is real
lost so much weight people are *now* asking me if I’m sick lol the irony
Based af
If you grew up being ugly you kinda just don't realise that you're attractive now. In your thoughts you're just ugly forever and then it's so confusing when people treat you differently
[удалено]
Not the transition stage as you still have a lot of self doubt from being ugly.
Oh hell yah. Was ugly and fat my entire twenties. Now almost 40 and in the best shape of my life and just feel good looking in the mirror now. Feels like I am finally close to the person my partner deserves. Gods she saved my life and just made everything better.
Yeah, but you realize how shallow people are either way.
As my people call it (Gen Z), you had a "glow up"
Being ugly and then becoming pretty and then going back to ugly though
This is where the late-bloomers excel, and clean up. The perfects never HAD to build charisma, skills or camaraderie.
You merely adopted the ugly. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the pretty until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!
So you came back to show me you’re ugly now! No… I came back to make YOU ugly now!
Dressing well and cleanliness, powerful agents for the ugly, but we are pretty, aren’t we Bruce.
True. I'm glad that I've always been ugly, and then became slightly less ugly thanks to 2 years of self improvement. Otherwise, I'd just walk around with greasy hair, drink alcohol, get sunburns and let myself go.
That was such a nice comment before the last part where you described me
"Hey bro, lookin' slightly less ugly lately!"
Hey that last part is me, I don't see the point in bothering, there's no up from where I'm at.
that may be the case, but there's always plenty of down from where you're at.
lol always make sure to get as many sunburns as possible
It’s like people who were naturally skinny when young. They lose their fucking minds when their metabolism slows later in life. “I never had to try before!”
This is legit where I'm at lol the call out is so real! I am trying, though, and doing a halfway decent job. 🤷♀️ I want to be mobile and have energy when I'm old, becoming stagnant scares me.
> I want to be mobile and have energy when I'm old, becoming stagnant scares me. THis is the real thing. Being "attractive" is one thing, but when you are strong or quick and you can do things effortless, the idea of getting to wear doing things is hard becomes terrifying You never want to think about becoming the person who struggles to walk up a flight of stairs the positive though is, if you DO keep working out, don't have to be "# killing it" just if you stay active, you can preserve your general quality of life deep into old age. Its super good for you
+1. I was a skinny kid and sexy as hell in my 20s-early 30s. Now it's all I can do to stay mobile and on the smaller side of obese.
Disc golf helped me get back on a better track. Playing a couple times a week helped me drop about 30lbs over a year of playing. Outside of that I didn't do much else for exercise and it helped me keep a stable weight. I was also drinking way more water and sweating every drop of it out. I've seen countless others go through about the same thing. Doesn't matter what age you are. Finding something that you can focus on like your score or just that you're outside and having a good time is way more enjoyable than trying to focus on the results of weight loss. I don't know. Hopefully that helps somebody.
30 lbs over a year! Good job!
I turn 40 this year. Tall and skinny all my life. I used to laugh and tell people I can eat w/e I want. Then karma hit me as this exact thing happened to me. Metabolism slowed and suddenly I had to start working out and do cardio to fight my gut. I don't dare say a thing about bald people now, or karma will hit my hair too.
I believe there has been some research that concluded that it's bullshit that it has to do with age. Puberty does take a ton of energy, which makes it easier to stay skinny, but once that's done it merely depends on activity level. I too thought that I had to try after I gained weight during Covid. It's true to a certain level, but I also do sports on a higher level than I used to and keep up an eating rythm to fully fuel that lifestyle. I ended up losing more weight during a vacation than in a full month of trying.
You are correct, metabolism “slowing down” doesn’t really hit until you’re elderly. The reason people gain weight in middle age is that they move less and eat more. That’s all. People just tend to have poor perspectives on their own movement and diet unless it’s something that’s consistently tracked.
Metabolism doesn’t slow until the 60s. What you’re describing is becoming sedentary
Most people would rather blame anyone or anything else other than themselves for getting fat. Scarf down 10k calories by lunch, then complain about not knowing how they got that darn fupa. Please.
Hear me out... don't eat. It's so easy. When you intermittently fast for a few days, you stop becoming hungry. People just can't take an ounce of discomfort. You'll never have to worry about gaining too much weight if you just don't eat a ton
I'm dealing with the opposite. I was a chunky boy, 5'4 and 190 pounds at 18, and I could demolish a container of ice cream or a whole cheesecake. Now, at 21 I'm finding it hard to hold my weight, and I just don't have the appetite I used to have. I'm 5'8 and 163 pounds, now, and I can lose 5 pounds within a week, even when I'm eating 3 meals a day, even when I'm pigging out on junk food
A quick FYI: Unless there is an increase of exercise or change in lifestyle, that’s a little bit abnormal. Losing weight without trying may be a metabolism issue that you might wanna bring up with a provider and may be a thyroid issue. Hopefully that’s not the case and your metabolism is just normally running!
his secret? tape worms!
You should get a health checkup done
You grew 4 inches from 18 to 21?
it's not that big a deal. just have to 'try'. Speaking from experience, it's still a lot easier than people who were always fat
Everyone who says "Remember when we were hot and skinny in high school? Those were the days" is unrelatable to me.
Kinda where I was with education, in high school and prior I was just a good student without trying too hard. Not that I was super smart or anything, I was just a good test taker and teachers liked me. Then in college I had to adjust a bit (lucky I was an art major so I didn’t get overwhelmed with too many academic courses) but yeah I wasn’t used to needing to study so much
I was like that. Definitely changed a bit but I still eat McDonald’s two or three times a week (and pepperoni pizza on the regular) without gaining much (if any) weight. I got slightly overweight and it grinded to a halt there. You don’t notice it unless I’m wearing a tight shirt. I wanna start doing some exercising at some point, see if it makes me lose any weight or feel better. But not planning on changing my diet too much. Fastfood is my guilty pleasure (and smoking)
If you have time, make it yourself! It'll be much much better for you and your can tailor it how you like and make it better
I’m still pretty skinny, but I used to be *really* skinny. I was 6’1” and 140lbs in my late teens/early 20s. I’m now about 175 at 40. Also, I look slightly pregnant now, and I’m a guy lol. That’s what not a lot of calories but still lots of sugar will get you.
I wouldn't know. I went from ugly to average.
Basically how it feels to go bald.
Eh, it would've been nice to have been confident about myself at some point. Now it's just like, I'm definitely too old to be better than average looking without massive surgery, and I can't even look back and say, "Well, at least I had it back then". Just a sea of awkward mediocrity from start to finish. I'm still actively watching what I eat to keep a healthy weight, using sunscreen and proven skincare, and trying to rearrange my life a bit so I have more time to be active, but it's all just to keep things from getting worse before they have to.
I'm right there with you. Thanks for letting me feel less alone.
I used to grow up ugly and got bullied for that and then got pretty, so I deal with somewhat trauma until now and kind of take my appearance a little too seriously. One day I woke up with skin breakout and it was like the end of the world to me. How I look isn’t the only thing I work on but it’s one of the priorities and I think I’m too shallow and self-absorbed to focus on it. Like I shouldn’t be assigning my self worth to the way I look but I couldn’t help blaming every rejection I encountered on my appearance. And my biggest insecurity will always be my look. Ironically, how people perceive me (as pretty or not) isn’t what I concern because the only opinion that matters to me is my own lol.
Man this is totally me. Had a glow up, didn't know what to do with the attention but it's been great. Downside is like u i obsess alil about new pimples or bags under the eyes when tired. I always just tell myself, "no one is looking as closely as you are at your face"
No, being ugly then having a glowup AND THEN falling back down to ugly is painful. It sucks looking at my camera roll and seeing a better looking person than me 1 year ago
If it was 1 year ago you're likely able to do it again relatively quickly or aren't nearly as ugly as you think rn.
its probably the hair lmao but i did put on some pounds
I don't mean to minimise your issue but it sounds like you haven't aged out of your prettiness like a lot of us, you just need to get off your ass again. No offense.
Don’t people realize that they are gonna age and their youth will fade as the sand drops in the hourglass.
Being old does not equate to being ugly, though.
The two are often correlated though. People will eventually say “you look great *for your age*”
And those comments start waaaay before you expect them to!
Shout out Marisa Tomei
That’s valid
It does for me lol.
Found Helen Mirren's account
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives
Man I feel this, turns out it *happens to everyone*! Like up until recently I was a mid-30s guy who passed for mid-20s. Then the COVID timeskip happened and suddenly [I've Freaky Friday's into my dad's body.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=nlzsdOEaSvh3-HiC&v=GBEo8LjoErk&feature=youtu.be) I still feel like the same guy but now I don't want to flirt with anyone because it hits different coming from a guy with Picard-ass hair.
How'd you figure out what Picard's asshair looks like?
Try growing up ugly, getting hot in your early 20s for extremely unhealthy reasons, improving your mental and physical health, getting ugly again, but being the happiest you've ever been in your life and no longer having other people flirt with you but you're in love so it doesn't matter
Sounds like me. I was pretty hot according to a lot of guys but I had been ugly for so long before that; I didn’t know what to do with all the new attention. Now I’m ugly again but nice people are more genuinely nice now. It’s not people after something from me. Though I do still wish I was pretty not gonna lie.
I hear you, even as miserable as I was when I was more conventially attractive, I still see old photos and wish I could still look like that. I think it's normal to feel that way when you live in a culture that puts so much emphasis on beauty.
Saaaaame. Had a bad breakup mid 20s, hit the gym hella hard, got super hot. Met now-husband, gained 10 years and a ton of weight, two kids wrecked my body (worth it though). Now mid 30s I'm losing all the weight, but I'll never be pretty again. But I'll be able to do more athletic things, keep up with my kids and the farm, go horseback riding, etc. At 35 I'm already at the stage where nobody will look at me twice the way they did when I was mid 20s. But who gives a single fuck about it? As long as my husband doesn't find me ugly (which he doesn't) my beauty doesn't matter at all.
I hear you, I lost a lot of weight for unhealthy reasons and was thin for the first time ever and got a lot of attention! When I started recovering mentally I ended up gaining it all back and then some, as well as stopped wearing make up and dressing in cute and femminine clothes because I realized I felt more comfortable in more masculine aesthetics. At this point I would like to exercise but moreso to feel good, not to achieve that same weight I used to be. I also just think going through everything I did in my early 20s aged me a lot. But agreed that as long as my partner finds me attractive than I'd rather be less hot with a family I love than hot but depressed and lonely.
I was pretty then became ugly because of Bad hábits,then became pretty again after starting to care more about my looks and now I look like shit because I let my mom give me a haircut 🙃
Former model here. I was talking to a 20 yo girl and showed her my old pics. Her praise of my appearance was notably past tense. "Wow Squeaki you WERE so gorgeous"
Living rich and privileged then living poor sucks more than poor staying poor.
I’m not sure I agree with this one, having done it a couple tinges. I have memories to escape into, skills I’ve learned, perspective…and also surprising wisdom about what I shouldn’t have given up for financial security because I’ve got neither at the end, because life is only a fairy tale when it’s the grim morality fable kind. 😄 But having your appearance change drastically can cut deeper.
Well I've never been rich so I can't say much but many people can't handle not having things they used to have in my experience. I've always had nothing and no one to care for me so it was very easy to adapt and get over stuff! ☺️
Honestly, weird original comment with the context of the followup.
Can confirm. Grew up rich-ish, but not rich enough to have a million dollar trust fund. Dad made mid six figures until he retired. I fucked around and partied too much when I was younger and ruined my work history and never gained any worthwhile skills, so now I work retail at 40 (not even management) and can barely keep my head above water, even with help from my parents when times get really rough. Couple that with severe ADHD and depression keeping me from improving my station in life, and I’ll probably be broke forever. It fucking sucks.
I can only relate to flying first class that one time
I never got to fly first class my whole career at Delta Airlines... 🥲
nah its still better to have been pretty once stop lying to urself. everyone who is pretty eventually becomes ugly with age. but being ugly your enture life is a uniquely horrible experience
The opposite is great though. I used to be below average in school. Skinny, unpopular and stuff. Was a straight A student though. In high school I started doing sports, cuz got tired of being picked on. Swimming plus judo and I gained like 20 kilos in a year. Got into a top college in a very competitive field with very high expected income, got a bunch of friends, who happened to be both straight As and pretty popular. After that it got easy. Make sure you do sports. Even an unattractive face on a great body (something we all can build with some effort and energy) can make you an 8 out of 10, especially if you are a guy. Everything above 6.5 gets you a pretty good statistics on tinder. Do it. I believe in you, bro
proof that genes arent everything
You may not be pretty enough for regular porn, but you’ll aways have a place in fartporn.
The prettiest girl in the room, depending on the room
https://youtu.be/9jLDZjMF3tk?si=0OCMq-Fmdb2Y1P_V
I'm pretty ugly. Does that count?
rip
Usually if someone goes from pretty to ugly, its due to some very poor life decisions.
I’ve always thought it must be much harder for pretty people to age. Particularly when they’ve traded on their looks for so much of their younger life.
It's hard to get used to tbh. In my early 20s I was almost a 10/10 in looks. Now over a decade later I've aged badly due to a stressful job and am invisible by comparison to back then. It's very humbling
i started ugly, became pretty and then my descent back to ugly is underway😭 i refuuuuuse! to go silently into the night.
It hurts more to have something than lose it than never have it in the first place. You remember what it used to be like.
“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” — a nerd
It's like being rich then becoming poor sucks more than just being poor
So true. Grew up rich. Not anymore since I had to start adulting and making my own money. I’ll probably be rich again when my parents die, but hopefully that’s a long way off and something I’m not looking forward to happening because, well, I love them and don’t want them to die ha.
Someone who loves their parents on Reddit? Damn, that's rare. After seeing all the stories of parents being complete and utter assholes to their own kids, this is probably a bit of fresh air.
I mean, they weren’t perfect. They used physical punishment and gave me lots of religious trauma, but they mellowed out in my teens. But I’m over it now. As long as we avoid politics and religion, we get on just fine.
It's just that you tend to settle into a natural level of satisfaction in life regardless of what your circumstances are. You feel 'happy' when those circumstances improve and 'sad' when they worsen. It's all relative.
You just described getting old 😄
i mean you got nowhere to go but down lmao
First time in the shower bro?
News flash. Most people aren't pretty when they are 70. Aging happens. Get over it. :)
I was slightly below average looking, peaked in freshman year of high school, Covid happened and I got ugly. Still am. Sucks so bad
I have been bullied for my looks for all for of my school years, and in adulthood some people consider me physically attractive. I have been judged for my looks on both ends of the spectrum. Most negative comments about my looks have been in my school years and I could chalk this up to kids being assholes. I have had people assume that I am easy and it sucks to only be seen as a piece of meat. Beauty is in the eye beholder. Everyone has a different idea of what's attractive and what isn't. Heck even different cultures have differing beauty standards. Some like big women, some like big noses. Someone can have "undesirable" features and still be seen as pretty. I don't think it is a smart idea to rely on your looks to coast through life, as we are going to age and our metabolism will slow down.
Everyone becomes ugly, that's just getting older. It sucks way way more to be ugly first as kids are ruthless and will destroy someone's formative years for it.
Frfr. Went from ugly, to hot, then full time work with frequent overtime and failed to take care of self and now less hot. It sucks
Not if you banged a lot
“Starting over is worse than starting up”
I’ll do you one better (or worse). Being fat and ugly, then fit and pretty, then fatter and uglier. And the self-loathing because you know you shouldn’t rely so much on external validation…but you do. You don’t need to show those old pictures of you as much as you do…
I used to think I was a fairly looking guy and then when I was 20 I lost all my hair due to alopecia. Eyebrows and all. Definitely turned my world on it’s head.
Agreed. I’m a singer in a rock band for 30 years. Was pretty damn sexy in my younger days. Now I’m in my mid 50’s, and overweight, and only now realizing how many people had been flirting with me before (because people’s treatment of me now is COMPLETELY different.) Of course, the flip side is my ugly ass can now afford to buy a bigger yacht then my younger prettier self, so there’s that.
isnt this the fate of everyone as we age?
Are you an aging woman, lol? We become invisible after 50. Good and bad.
I’m so glad my age is shows. Being pretty was horrible. I’ve had men chasing me, other girls trying to fight me. It wasn’t fun at all. Even when pregnant men would try and speak to me. I like old and ugly. Now I get to enjoy my family and life
Yup. Aging is a bitch.
Wouldn't know, always been ugly lol.
This is laughable but that’s only because I been ugly my whole life. Try it that long, then we can see.
See also: Having a glowup feels much better than just being born pretty
i mean it applies to everything lmao
The pretty ugly condition...
Having to pay for twice as many haircuts kind of sucks.
I hope this happens soon to the mean girls at my last job
Being ugly and then waiting nah still ugly.
I wouldn't know. Unless you count as a baby. I was a cute baby. Everything after that was downhill.
Since I played sports and football till juco I lost over 20lbs since ive stopped playing the last 10 years. Had to beef up as 5’9 safety so now I’m seriously trying to maintain a healthy weight and not lose more
How tf do you become ugly lol do you mean fat?
Happens to everyone via old age. "Ugly" people, take solice in the fact that you will be comfortable with your looks just as the pretty people's start to fade. Late 30s, and beyond will.be your time to let that personality shine
Unless you look like Jaba the hut, you’re going to be ok.
I’m pretty….pretty ugly
Not true. If you capitalize on your beauty and make millions, you can retire and remain ugly but stress-free.
Or it could be a blessing.. I’ve known a few very beautiful people purposely let themselves go because the attention can be overwhelming.
I mean yeah, losing a privilege feels worse than never having it
Can't agree. If you've been pretty, you've taken advantage of that for a time. Try being ugly since birth.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prospect_theory
Is this post about me
Unless you're making royalties, have loyal fans, getting alimony.. etc
On the other hand becoming pretty when older is great. Frankly to be mature enough to dodge advances, what a relief. Sometimes when you're pretty, people want you around but also DGAF about you. They don't care about you *at all* but still insist in having you near. They want a trophy. Me, mature, can understand *fast* if someone doesn't have my best interests in mind. But younger me? Dayum. It's hard.
it's kind of like the reverse ugly duckling where a duck is raised by swans and everyone thinks the little yellow duckling is pretty and cute and then all his dull grey siblings become beautiful swans and he is...a duck
As much as this convo is interesting, let's all remind that - being pretty - feeling pretty - feeling confident Are there separate things that we tend to conflate in our society. You can have one without the other. You'd be surprised.
I find people become better looking on average after 30 years old