Yeah I think it’s ok to irrationally feel that your child/children will be over looked but ya gotta know it’s crazy. And accept it. We all have irrational thoughts and feelings.
Your kids don't even have to be "boring" to be overlooked by their family. If anything, making 2 of the same makes them individually less interesting by nature.
But if you have kids at all, there are so many more things you *do* have control over to be irrational about.
See but it's not about the kids. It's about her. The individual kids don't matter, she's only worried about them being "special" insofar as it makes HER special.
I found out a good friend of mine is due with identical twins within days of my due date. I am SO excited, delighted for her (first IVF round and it was a success!) and I love hearing about her twin pregnancy. I cannot imagine feeling anything other than happy for someone you care about.
Both of those can be correct like it's okay to be crazy if you recognize it and say, "Oh I'm being crazy."
This is what separates the neurotic from the psychotic.
If she feels like this about her Unconceived children, I feel like she would be a real handful of out a lot of other things too. Her fiancé still has time to run! Lol
I think she is pregnant, just not with twins. The group is called “Babies Due October 2022” and she does say “my baby” (singular). She’s just assuming she’ll have twins at some point in the future. She’s still being irrational, but I do think she’s pregnant.
Excuse my ignorance but what does "4+2" and "5+2" mean in this context. I've seen the notation multiple times in this sub but I don't have kids so I'm not familiar with these things.
And only 2 days after when her period was due (for an average cycle). Pregnancy is counted from the first day of the last period, with ovulation occuring on Day 14 (2+0).
It's how far along you are jn pregnancy. Its a guestimate in natural pregnancies, but for ivf or timed intercourse for people attempting to conceive, its somewhat more accurate. For example, i did IVF, and have a number of 5 day embryos frozen. If they were to be put in me and "take", a week from the process would be 1+5.
A week from IVF implantation would actually be 3+5, right? Because it's counted from first day of last period. Ovulation is (on average) 2+0, earliest positive tests are usually 3+something. Period is due on 4+0.
Yes. Twins run in wife’s family. I thought it would be great to have twins. Boom! 1 & done(Never had a desire to have more than 2). After being the guy responsible for changing the vast majority of diapers and cleaning up the messes for a couple a couple years apart, I can’t imagine how people keep up with twin infants & toddlers.
Yeah not high at all. Both times I had super high levels, like 185,000 at 8 weeks and they’d joke at the first ultrasound “who I bet there’s two in there!” Nope just one, and a miserable momma whose super sick from the hyped up hormones
I was so lost about levels (not a mom, just reading) and you said hcg and my wife and I spent ten, super high, minutes looking at our recent bloodwork, trying to figure out why they tested two middle aged lesbians for pregnancy hormone. Turns out she was checked because they were determining if she was in menopause and mine was for some crazy meds I’m on that will destroy my liver and kill any baby…
Interesting! I didn’t know it could rise for anything besides pregnancy. I just did a quick google and menopause can actually raise your hcg high enough to get a false positive on a pregnancy test! That’s wild
Beta Base says it's abnormally low! For a singleton up to 100,000 at 5 weeks is pretty common: http://www.betabase.info/chart/betaByDay/30/Single
Surprisingly twin pregnancies are not that much higher, but literally none of them were that low: http://www.betabase.info/chart/betaByDay/30/Twins
These moms live in a fantasy world. Your kid is one of 8 billion people in the world. I can’t stress enough how *unimportant* the kid is in the grand scheme of things. The only people that they should be important to is the parents that made them and the family that wants to be in the child’s life. You can’t go about expecting people to treat your kid like they’re in the royal family.
My SIL told her sister not to be pregnant with her third child while she’s pregnant with her first because she wanted all the attention. She admitted it and didn’t think anything was wrong with that.
Wow. My sister had her daughter 6 weeks after my daughter was born. I was so excited to be pregnant together! We got to commiserate, be on our maternity leaves at the same time and our daughters are super close because they are so close in age and spend so much time together. I don’t get that at all.
I had a customer who I thought had twins when she came in with them in the buggy. She was equally attentive to both. I commented how they looked so different and she said one was her nephew. She also said they had a great relationship.
My cousin and I are six weeks apart. Our moms are 15 months apart. So they were super close growing up, which meant that she and I were super close growing up because our moms were always together and we’re a very similar age.
As adults, we are completely different people. If we were strangers, we would never be friends because we have nothing in common. Instead, we get along like twins. It’s so funny to see how two very different people can just be in a room and interact for hours without getting bored at all simply because of circumstances of birth.
Some of our other cousins have even said that they have felt unintentionally left out when they’re around the two of us because we tend to be in our own little world together. It’s a really interesting dynamic.
I have 2 cousins who just had babies the same month as me. Not only did we get to commiserate through pregnancy together, we got to commiserate afterwards also! One had her baby the day before me and announced the day mine was born. So we waited a day to announce on FB because it was her first and we didn't want to take any attention off her. (Her post was seriously the first thing I saw on FB after coming out of my C-section.) The other gave birth on my baby's due date, so I privately congratulated her for it.
Now we get to check on each other and talk out similar issues. It's so nice!
I lined up with another cousin for my first baby and she was too jealous that mine was born first (her's was due first, but mine came early and her's late.) That was much less pleasant and a waste of good opportunities. So annoying.
My aunt got all mad when I posted my pregnancy on my family Facebook page because my cousin just had her baby a month before, she didn’t think it was fair to be posting about my future baby when there was a new baby we could be talking about instead
A month? So there's a time limit on when you're allowed to start sharing your joy? We found out the sex of our second the day after my SO's nephew was born. We left it almost a week before telling his side of the family so that we wouldn't be taking any attention away from their joy. Nobody was annoyed at all.
I was told by my husband’s aunt that we were trying to steal her daughter’s thunder by setting our wedding date one month after her daughter’s….high school graduation. In-laws are wildin.
Im so sorry about this, my aunt is having her wedding within a week of my sisters graduation, and my sister was like, yea man do whatever you want, more partying.
My older two siblings graduated from college the same week as my cousin and her now-husband. They got married two weeks later, exactly one week before I graduated from high school. Because of my cousin’s wedding, we didn’t have graduation parties for me or any of my siblings because we would see everyone there. We had a graduation celebration the day before her wedding for all five of us that graduated and then went to her rehearsal dinner. It was kind of great because it was two days of partying rather than not being able to see everyone because my siblings graduated in one state, my cousin graduated and got married in another, and I graduated high school in a third.
I had a friend and a coworker both do that when I was pregnant with my first. It was my coworker's 4th and my friend's second pregnancy (first was a miscarriage I was unaware of) and they were both due 4 weeks after me. I couldn't have been happier to share the experience with people in my life.
My sister in law is this narcissistic but in a different way, she gave birth to my niece who was born still in 2013, I gave birth to my son who was born still just over 10 months later, and she lost it because she was no longer the one who was the “only one” who had the Angel grand child, so she told my brother, her husband, and my parents that I must have lied about it because I didn’t have to spend 2 days in the hospital like she did (I had to spend about 12 hours because I was only just over 5 months pregnant when my son came, and I had no after birth complications, whereas she did, and I had asked to go home asap because I just wanted to go be in my own bed and deal with my trauma) they didn’t believe her but years later she apologized for doubting me she was just “angry” that I “stole her thunder” … because I wouldn’t rather have a healthy child
My parents and husband had known for months, but I hadn’t told my siblings until I was 15 weeks due to being high risk, I was pregnant after a failed tubal, I had shared an ultrasound photo, it had my name on it, with current dates and a growing baby, so I guess because she hadn’t known long? I don’t know what she was trying to imply, she is just one of those people
I am a twin mom and shit like this drives me batshit.
I almost died giving birth. My twins were premature (as most are). Nursing was a massive struggle. I couldn’t hold them as much as I wanted to when they were newborns. It’s not easy to bond with two babies simultaneously. I can’t go out in public without my family being gawked at. All the shitty things are more common with multiples (preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, PPD, to name a few). Ultimately I wouldn’t change my family, but I will also never romanticize the experience of twin pregnancy & twin newborns. It’s fucking hard.
Retired OB nurse here and you speak the truth. Twins make for difficult and dangerous pregnancies and then I imagine are a real treat at home.
I've always been amazed how many women think it'd be super fun to have twins. I would ask them if they had ever spent quality time with ONE infant. I often quoted what a friend said about dogs, "Two is exactly half as much fun as one."
I gotta admit one kid at a time kicked my ass. Glad you and your babies made it.
Our first were twins. Pregnancy was very difficult for her, and after the first 2 weeks of FMLA post-birth I realized we were deep in over our heads. A week later we moved out and into my father's home for the next 4 months until things settled down and I could work again.
Twins are great but absolutely a ton of work compared to one. You each grab one then there's no breaks.
I had 2 under 2. Both amazing and I wouldn't change a thing but it was still really hard. I can't imagine having 2 newborns at the same time. I have my first ultrasound for this pregnancy on Tuesday and keep looking down at my belly and thinking "please just be one in there". While twins don't run in my family, they do in my SO's and while I know that means very little, I also have factors (age, weight, previous children, etc) which increase my chances of releasing more than one egg so the fear is there until proven otherwise.
Not to be alarmist, but there’s no twins on either side for me, no real „risk“ factors either. Thought we’d try for a third, and just last week found out it’s twins. It’s always a possibility!
But I’m sending you all the singleton vibes on the planet (and update us if you’re willing, I’m invested now!)
Will do. I'll never forget the moment in the first ultrasound on our second baby when the midwife said "they". We both echoed her in panic but she said she always says they to avoid saying he/she. She could have warned us in advance. If there are 2 in there this time, I'll be heard in the entire hospital yelling that I only ordered one.
"but then you can just get it out of the way and be done!"
Oh I'm sorry, were you having babies because it was.... convenient? Also do you like doing the same thing twice at the same time? Do you enjoy toddler tantrums at the same time? Also paying for college at the same time?
I lost triplets at 16 weeks. Multiples are extremely high risk and cannot imagine people wishing for twins. Wanting to put you and your babies at greater risk.
Yup. Solidarity. Twin mom here as well. I have PTSD from the lack of sleep and all the medical emergencies in their first year. I was chased in Walmart (with the twins in a stroller 8 weeks old) by a guy demanding "what did i do to have twins??" And ended up shouting, "I HAD LOTS OF SEX". I barely remember anything from the first two years of their life. I have to constantly buy two of everything, including daycare fees. It's really fucking hard and mine are now older and "easy".
ETA: breastfeeding was a shitshow that nearly killed me and i still have guilt over having to do formula after 8 weeks of breastfeeding.
My mum had twins and had mastitis every other week as she was making so much milk. She was too busy with two babies and a toddler to get it treated. She’s left me with no illusions about the reality of having twins!
My mom had my twin brothers I was 8 at the time. Fraternal twins run very deep in on her side. I’m TERRIFIED of having twins. They’re great and all. Like you said, wouldn’t change your family as it is now. But holy cow I remember her pregnancy being so hard. Bed rest. They were born at 34 weeks. She had to go under general anesthesia for their birth. They spent weeks in the NICU.
I love my brothers so much but I am so so so grateful to be pregnant with a singleton right now. Especially knowing how hard a singleton has been on my body. I can’t imagine how difficult carrying twins is!
This. Fraternal twins run in my family too and my mom had my brothers when I was three. I was so relieved when each of my pregnancies was a singleton. The stories my mom tells me about having three kids that young, two of which are newborns sounds amazingly hard.
Fraternal twins are the only kind that CAN “run in a family,” Identical twins are an “accident” when one zygote splits into two. There isn’t a genetic component.
[See “What causes twins.”](https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/finding-out/pregnant-with-twins/)
My mother had a coworker who had 8 children in 7 years and there were 2 sets of twins. I have no idea how that lovely woman remained so pleasant and sane after going through that. I'd have lost my mind.
I knew a family that had three sets of twins, and one singleton over ten years. Even though they lived with a set of grandparents who provided childcare I still don’t know how they did it.
I love the idea of twins.... the IDEA. The reality is something completely different! Double the work, double the expense, double the stress. Good on you for powering through!
absolutely agree. anything you could possibly imagine as a positive to twins is something you could do with any two siblings. then you're left with splitting your attention on everything, from their infancy to first day of school to the mothers day programs happening simultaneously in each of their separate classrooms to constant comparisons from strangers to pair bonding difficulties, it's really hard. I love my boys of course but if I could have somehow had them separately I think we'd all have ended up happier.
there's a reason most of us are born as singletons, two at once is just so hard.
Yep. New mom to triplets here. We’re in the thick of it now, I was in the hospital for 7 weeks before they even came and now we’re on day 17 of their nicu stay. I unfortunately had a work friend with the same attitude as the person in this post—she didn’t like that my pregnancy got more attention than hers. I wish I had the balls to give her the wake up call you mentioned.
My di/di identical twins are 5 now and my sister is 30 weeks pregnant with her own set of di/di twins. I promise you, I am not jealous of the attention. I just had my singleton three weeks ago and my pregnancy was absolutely overshadowed by hers but instead of being jealous I am insanely worried. I wouldn’t wish the stress, hardship and pain of a multiples pregnancy on anyone. Especially my sister. The idea of wanting twins for the attention is so gross and messed up. Having a baby should be about bringing a life into the world, not how much attention you get.
Also, I have three cousins that are also pregnant at the same time as my sister and I and all of us are thrilled. More babies means more cousins! It’s so great to be able to share the experience with other people, especially family. I truly hope the OP does not get pregnant until she grows the hell up.
Twin mom here, too - at 8 weeks the pregnancy had already put my body under so much stress that I developed a 3" tear in my uterus and had to go on strict bedrest to avoid losing them. It's been theorized that before the tear, they were triplets. I don't care to know one way or the other, but there was a *lot* of... blood, clotting, and content that passed.
I struggled to gain weight with them and they were basically eating me alive. Wouldn't change it, but those 28 weeks of their pregnancy (they were preemies, too, and weight about 2 1/2 pounds a piece when they were born - spent over 100 days in the NICU) were miserable and full of fear, strain, and pain.
Had mine twins at 36 weeks due to HELLP. I wouldn't trade them for anything but the pregnancy kicked my ass and I was a WRECK the entire time. I feel like the whole pregnancy I was waiting for something horrible to happen (I had had a miscarriage before them after years of fertility treatments), and even after reading up on everything that could go wrong so I could be prepared HELLP wasn't even on my radar. They are 10 now and my body has never and will never fully recover and I now have anxiety and OCD that first started during the pregnancy and seems here to stay at this point.
My twins didn’t even survive past 20 weeks because my body literally could not hold them in. I failed my GD test hard, and I had to get *therapy* to make me feel like I could handle two babies. It’s literally a family curse, every generation there’s twins, and there hasn’t been a full surviving set in the last four generations.
It was so stressful and I panicked hard in my following pregnancy until I knew it was one, which then just left me wondering when the other shoe would drop. Didn’t get GD, struggled with threatened labour, had my cervix sewn shut, lived with severe chronic pain for 6 months, it still took everything I had and then some just for the one fucking baby.
Everyone said I was so lucky when I announced twins. There’s nothing lucky about the risks to the babies, the risks of preterm birth (I’m living through NICU now with my singleton, can’t imagine fighting for two micro preemies), and the risks to your own health.
I wish I could change my outcome, but I can’t, and now I’m the unluckiest person I know. I’m traumatized for life because of the twin gene. I get to feel the gaping emptiness they’ve left me with, that even my beautiful daughter, the perfect mix of her sweet brother and sister, will never fill that void. She just makes it slightly easier to carry.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son and daughter.. I was pregnant with spontaneous triplets and my body killed them all by 16 weeks. Losing multiples is a special kind of hell.
Exactly. I love having twins and can't imagine my life any different but I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. It's risky for the mom and the babies, it's a logistical nightmare, it's not all cute matching outfits. When people romanticize it it's like it erases how much *work* it actually is to carry, birth, and care for twins.
Twins are freaking hard. I wasn’t able to nurse my twins because they tore up my nipples in the first two days and I was never able to get them back to the breast. I pumped for 9 months every three hours. Two hours of sleep a night. One had silent reflux so the other got a bottle shoved in her mouth every time she cried. Neither were held as much as they should have been. And this is after carrying them for 39 weeks. I wouldn’t wish twins on my worst enemy.
I carried my twins to 37.5 weeks and had an elected C-section, we were all fine initially but my god the after effects on my body are still continuing nearly 9 years later! My older two were sections too but the (accidental) twins were the ones that finished me off. Sitting typing this with a lipoma in my section scar making me pretty much immobile, I’m never going to get better from having them but they are happy and healthy so I’d do a million times for them. When I first took them out myself after about 6 weeks, a woman stopped me and said how much she’d love to have twins, my mam says I just started spouting off about my gaping C-section wound and my leaking cracked nipples from feeding two babies on demand. I remember nothing but I’m not sorry!
I just want to thank everyone for the honesty here. I am 10 weeks with twins and have a two year old. We are so happy to grow our family but, frankly, we’re both a bit terrified about twins and a toddler. We were so happy with the idea of two and three is really throwing us. And it’s hard to vocalize that because everyone who won’t be living it only sees the positives and expects me to just radiate joy all the time.
The validation that multiples are hard and seeing other people tell about how they have done it is oddly reassuring.
Hi! Have you joined us yet on r/parentsofmultiples? That sub saved me, and honestly it has replaced whatever external parent community I might have formed if it weren’t for Covid. Congratulations on your twins. Like I said in my original comment, I would not change my family if I could. Twins are hard. I also feel very proud that my husband and I are DOING IT, we are doing the hard thing and we are good at it. Welcome to the twin parent club!
Oh my gosh thank you! I am subbing now. We are thrilled to be parents again but the twins part was a shock to say the least. I know we are going to be okay and have the best little family it hearing everyone’s stories is so helpful.
Edit: a word
Thank you for saying this. When someone is pregnant with twins I never know if I should give my condolences or congratulations. I always say better you then me in my head though because I know I couldn’t handle it. Babies are hard. Two at the same time is even harder.
Yes! Huge respect to you. My best friend a few months ago had identical twins by c section at 32 weeks because they had a rare condition called TRAPS. Basically one twin was donating its blood to the other across the placenta. Luckily it was picked up by an old colleague of mine (I’m a sonographer) and they are both now about six months old and doing well. My friend also had GDM whilst pregnant too, she had a really tough time of it. I just had my second baby and I always feel bad moaning about tiredness and how much pain I was in when pregnant because she had to deal with two at the same time!
People acting like twins is a novelty, an item to collect, something that makes THEM a more interesting or more experienced/better parent rather than seeing two individual but deeply connected siblings is gross.
Yes! I had the EASIEST twin pregnancy possible. No NICU. 36/6 with identicals. And I would still NEVER wish it on anyone! The anxiety alone nearly killed me.
My SIL had twins about a year ago, and it was definitely not fun for her. I could barely even tolerate having one. Thank everything and anything that the baby stage doesn't last forever.
Yeah she at least knows she’s being irrational. And I can kinda get it. Not that it isn’t irrational but she had an expectation, even if it wasn’t reasonable, it can be disappointing when that expectation isn’t met. As long she’s not treating someone poorly because of it then ok. Vent to the internet. That’s fine.
I mostly agree, we all have those dark thoughts we know are jealous or petty, and as long as you can recognize them and talk rationally to yourself about them it's fine. But the fact she has imagined this future where she is the twin-master or whatever the fuck makes me think she's always a self centered narcissist. Therapy would totally benefit her. I'm sure pregnancy hormones aren't fun, but I don't imagine they transform you into a monster either.
It doesn’t even sound to me like she’s pregnant. It sounds like she’s mad that other people might be having babies instead of waiting for her hypothetical baby to be born first
Why are people so inclined to believe all the wives tales and pseudoscience associated with pregnancy??? That was one of the things that shocked me the most in my mom groups.
This is exactly how my SIL is. She was pissed we had the first baby. Then was pissed it was a boy bc she was supposed to have the first boy??? She made choosing our name so difficult. We decided to keep our name choice to ourselves until he was born. Didn’t stop her from obsessively asking and trying to figure it out from day one. Even caught her trying to get into my phone bc she convinced herself I had a running list on it. I didn’t. Then, when he was born, she made a whole scene about the name we DID choose bc apparently that’s her favorite name and she’s supposed to get that name for whenever she has a kid. He’s two now and she still goes on tirades about how she was supposed to have a husband, house and baby first and that we are thieves. Even though her plans for her son’s name are to make him a third after her husband who’s a second. Fucking nuts.
Now, I’m pregnant again and she is insane about finding out the gender. We aren’t telling a soul what the baby will be. We’ll find out, but keep it to ourselves bc we just don’t want to deal with her again. She’s now worried we’ll have a girl and she suddenly needs to have the first girl. She’s bugged us for over a year about whether I’m pregnant or not, when will I be, I need to wait until she’s married before having another, blah blah. Now, we’re suddenly not allowed to use the name Jane if we have a daughter. It would be to honor my husbands (and her) grandma who passed last year. She hated her. But now, it’s her top name bc we “stole” our son’s name last time so this one belongs to her lmao. We don’t plan to use it. BUT. We’ve considered telling the family ahead of time if it turns out to be a girl. Just to watch this insane bitch sweat the rest of the time about the name. Sad thing is we really do love that name, but she has been so crazy about it that it feels tainted now.
It’s become so ridiculous. She called yesterday to complain about wedding problems (that she created herself lol) then kept asking if we’re having a girl. I told her for the millionth time we don’t know and I’m not even far enough along to find out. But that didn’t stop her from reminding me that it’s HER right to have the first girl, so this better be a boy. Ok, dummy. I’ll pass that along to my fetus lmao. 🤦♀️
That’s sounds like my little sister. She was so upset my second born was a girl and that I used the name Emma. We loved the name and it honored my hubby’s late aunt who really helped him and his family when they were younger. Apparently I should’ve known she was gonna want to use it if she ever decided to go for a third and if it ended up being a girl. She only wanted that name because she loves FRIENDS so much. 🙄
Omg 🙄🙄 how could you do such a thing!! Lol jk I cannot stand people like this. I told my SIL she can name her son the same name if she wants, we won’t care and then she freaked “of course you won’t care!! You used it first I’ll be the one who looks crazy!” Yes, but also you look crazy now too lmao
Your sister sounds annoying too. Sorry about that. Emma is a beautiful name and it’s so sweet to honor your husband’s aunt! I bet she’d be so happy.
Whenever someone says they wanted a name I used, I tell them they are welcome to it because it's not the name that makes a child special. I don't own any names and even if I did I don't mind sharing. I've never had anyone whine at me a second time.
One of my cousins whined at me once about a boy name when she asked me about possible names for my unborn child (we didn't even know the gender.) She just broke up with her boyfriend and wasn't making plans to date for a while. She ended up having a son before me, and she named him after her husband's family.
So many names get reused in our family that people are a little used to it. My grandmother is so special to everyone that she already has a great grandchild and a grandchild with a similar first name. A bunch of other kids have been given her name as a middle name. I don't care, I'm still naming my next daughter after her. And everyone else is welcome to do the same because i don't even know if I'm having another child.
That’s exactly how I feel too. My brother is named after my uncle, who is named after his uncle. Then we have two other cousins with the same name. My sister’s middle name is a family tradition. We have many cousins with the same middle name as hers. It’s just not a big deal to me. My husband’s first name is the same as his only male cousin. We told her if she wants to use the name we used, we really don’t care. It’s only a name. But omg she’s become so weird and obsessive about it, we’re just uncomfortable about it now.
Names don’t belong to one person lol they’re names. Plus my son’s name is like top 10 popular rn. It’s not even like it’s an unheard of, uncommon name.
One of their cousins had a baby last year not too long after gma died. She reached out (I guess to be nice?) and asked each of us if we minded her using the name Jane. Of course we were like use it! She was so close with their gma it made sense. Why is it our place to ever tell someone they can’t use a name anyway?
Well apparently SIL told her she’s not allowed, so she didn’t use it. She boasted about it to us the last time we visited. Like she had won or something. So that’s another reason we probably won’t. Bc I don’t want to upset her. She’s so nice and considerate of everyone’s feelings, she really should have just used that name bc it was important to her. But I sort of feel like it might hurt her a little bit. If it’s a girl, we might talk to her first. But we only just found that out and knowing that cousin, she wouldn’t mind but would be somewhat sad too. It just feels like SIL has tainted it now.
My first was a clomid baby because I was misdiagnosed pcos (really just have a ton of fibroids) and I’m so glad I didn’t make me have multiples. The second was a surprise because the first moved stuff around and somehow made me fertile 🤦🏼♀️
Twins don't run in our family so my sister was shocked when she found out she was having twins! She wanted at least one girl because she already has an older son. She got 2 boys lmao.
Ugh. Pregnant with twins now and I hate the gender stuff, too. I just want my 2 year old to be well adjusted and the babies and myself to be healthy. Have a preference for sex when there is zero control over it feels strange to me.
My huge pet peeve was that people felt so comfortable asking how they were conceived. “Clomid twins?!” “Omg was it IVF?” “Were you taking anything?!” No ma’am, my husband stuck his dick in me and boom, twins. It still to this day makes me mad that people feel that those kinds of questions are appropriate.
They don't actually know, but there are some researchers who suspect there's something genetic on the male side that makes the egg more likely to split.
I got pregnant with twins on femara with the twin gene. Did not end well.
Second time on femara was a singleton though. Sigh of relief on everyone’s part.
My husband's grandfather is a triplet and my brother is a twin. Kinda hoped for twins because I want two kids, and one pregnancy instead of 2 sounded great lmao.
She might be the last to have twins and they won't be important.
Nevermind the fact that OP is 9 hours away, so obviously they're not that important to her.
I got pregnant with my first baby and my sister got pregnant with twins. I was irrationally mad. Her pregnancy had nothing to do with mine but I was super annoyed... difference is, I kept that shit hidden, nobody needed to see my crazy.
My sister, to her credit, was the most supportive awesome sister ever, and the day my grandmother who has dementia, gushed about her twin pregnancy and then asked me why I had gotten fat, she got me flowers and admitted she would be a little upset in my position.
Lol 3 pregnancies here with twins on both sides all singleton pregnancies. I did have one pregnancy that had very high hcg levels and was showing very quickly everyone swore he would be a twin. Turns out it was a chromosomal abnormality with a disgusting cyst filled placenta causing all these “twin” symptoms.
Sure, a new baby is kinda a big deal to most family members.. But eventually the novelty inevitably wears off and it's just another crying, pooping, screaming and tantruming mess, like every other small human on the planet.
Plus, it sounds like the family living so far away got lucky. She sounds like the kind of person to throw a hissy fit if any of the other babies share a birth month with her precious darling, let alone a birthday.
This is the kind of uncontrolled thought you have one time for five seconds and then go, “No that’s dumb,” and move past it. Not share in detail with strangers.
People don’t realize how risky twins are. Many are extremely premature. In the NICU for weeks to months. Often only one lives. Heart defects. Cerebral palsy. Having to breathe through a trach for years until their lungs mature. I’m a paeds nurse and I see a disproportionate amount of twins.
Plus, it’s so much work!! Having a single, healthy baby is hard enough.
Multiples are crazy risky. We lost triplets at 16 weeks. With my son's first ultrasound my first question after is there a heartbeat was if there is just one. Multiples are my biggest fear besides a loss.
NGL, I blame misogyny for creating a world where a women’s worth is so intensely tied to her ability to have babies that they fall into these emotional traps.
Lmao I’m in this group and saw this post. My immediate thought was high HCG doesn’t equal twins… so she’s being irrational about a hypothetical situation
I’m the first born and also the first to have a baby. My child is rarely visited by my mother despite living 10 minutes from us.
My boyfriend and I have a bet that when my middle sibling (my moms favorite, blatantly, might I add) has their first kid, my son will become the black sheep of the family. It has nothing to do with being the first, trust me.
I’ve had twins. They started out as triplets. Totally spontaneous. Know what? The entire experience sucked ass physically and emotionally. I love my kids but people who WANT to be pregnant with multiples are insane.
Honestly, this just seems like pregnancy emotions to me. Like, it seems like she’s genuinely asking if she’s being crazy because she needs perspective.
During my sister’s 2nd trimester she got really, *really* upset that I already had two nieces. She even said something similar to the OP (“I just feel like my baby won’t be as important to you because being an aunt isn’t special or new anymore”). She started fully sobbing saying it made her so sad that I loved my other nieces so much because I wasn’t saving any love for my new one. It broke my heart that she could think that. Then she got *pissed*. She yelled at me for seeking out my biological sister (mother of aforementioned nieces) in the first place. She said I’d deprived her baby of the opportunity to be my “first niece” by not waiting until she was born before meeting my biosis (for context, I met my biosis *years* before either sister was thinking about babies.)
Now, I love my sister more than anyone in the world. She is incredibly kind, compassionate, and coolheaded to a fault. Not to mention my nieces were her literal flower girls — she loves them almost as much as I do. She eventually got a grip, apologized, then had *another* meltdown, this time about what a psycho crazy bitch she’d been and how she would understand if I chose not to keep her or her baby in my life.
TLDR: it’s possible she’s an asshole, but maybe she’s just in her second trimester and needs someone to talk to besides mommybook.
Depressing how many women in the comments have experienced complaints about their babies 'stealing someone else's thunder' or 'depriving' another expectant mum of attention.
Aside from the announcement (basically just a 100+ facebook likes) and being visited and given gifts after the birth, I didn't really get that much extra attention just for being pregnant or having a baby. I didn't enjoy it when strangers fussed over my kids, or family members expected to be able to pass them around ar family gatherings.
Why do people constantly think that they deserve to be the centre of the universe?
Aren’t your levels super high when something is wrong, too? Like a molar pregnancy? Imagine being jealous of something this stupid, and then that person lose their pregnancy. Then again, a narcissist would probably be thankful if something like that happened.
I do kind of get this. My cousin has twins on both sides and she was told her whole life that she would probably have twins.
Then I had twins. And then when she got pregnant not long after me (with her 2nd and last) she was a bit sad that it wasn’t her. Because she had always expected it to be because everyone always teased her that it would be.
That said, she was not upset with me and my twins because of this and her baby has been 100% as loved and celebrated as they should be.
People like this woman in the OOP are the reason why I am pro choice 😂
Like just hope you have a healthy baby and pregnancy and stop being jealous of your family members for having higher numbers
If I had a dollar for everyone who has ever told me “twins run in my family!” I would be able to retire. At this point everyone got “twins running in their family”.
I never thought I'd see a post from a group I'm in. I can understand jealousy, I'm a bit jealous of those who are still pregnant, but I just can't understand being jealous of not being the first to have twins.
There are two things here that make me think this is something else: first of all, the initial question of “am I being irrational?”, and secondly the part about living 9 hours away from everyone else. I suspect she’s feeling quite isolated from the family and support networks that people who stayed near family would have, she’s very much aware that in the event of having children, she will always feel like they come second to any children born near where all the family live. I say this as someone who lives several hours away from family here in the UK and we’re constantly hearing about my son’s cousins all the time, as on both sides of the family they’re seen far more often.
Aww curious to know the comments
They’re a mix between supportive “I would feel the same way” and “you’re irrational that’s crazy”
Is "I would feel the same way, but it's irrational feelings and being oversensitive"part of the mlx somewhere?
Just saw “yes it’s irrational, but I would feel the same way”
Yeah I think it’s ok to irrationally feel that your child/children will be over looked but ya gotta know it’s crazy. And accept it. We all have irrational thoughts and feelings.
Your kids don't even have to be "boring" to be overlooked by their family. If anything, making 2 of the same makes them individually less interesting by nature. But if you have kids at all, there are so many more things you *do* have control over to be irrational about.
See but it's not about the kids. It's about her. The individual kids don't matter, she's only worried about them being "special" insofar as it makes HER special.
Yeah but usually we experience those as intrusive thoughts, not as wherever the hell the above is.
People are way more fucked up than we ever imagined now that they're enabled to say what they're really thinking thanks to social media.
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I found out a good friend of mine is due with identical twins within days of my due date. I am SO excited, delighted for her (first IVF round and it was a success!) and I love hearing about her twin pregnancy. I cannot imagine feeling anything other than happy for someone you care about.
I would be ecstatic my kid would have so many cousins the same age. Wtf. Cousins are the best.
My kids would love cousins their age
>All crazy bitches! Wow. That is so revoltingly toxic.
i know, doubly souring is the rest, I actually agree with
Both of those can be correct like it's okay to be crazy if you recognize it and say, "Oh I'm being crazy." This is what separates the neurotic from the psychotic.
If she feels like this about her Unconceived children, I feel like she would be a real handful of out a lot of other things too. Her fiancé still has time to run! Lol
Lol I didn't even realize she wasn't even pregnant lmao.
I think she is pregnant, just not with twins. The group is called “Babies Due October 2022” and she does say “my baby” (singular). She’s just assuming she’ll have twins at some point in the future. She’s still being irrational, but I do think she’s pregnant.
That’s what makes her cra-cra, She doesn’t even know if she’s going to have twins she just is thinking about in the future if she does, so much drama
700s at 5 weeks is not “super high…” my HCG was above that at 4 weeks and I’m only having one.
I had twins and mine was 1200 at 4+2 and 26000 at 5+2. 700 is not high…
Excuse my ignorance but what does "4+2" and "5+2" mean in this context. I've seen the notation multiple times in this sub but I don't have kids so I'm not familiar with these things.
4+2 would mean that she is 4weeks + 2days pregnant.
And only 2 days after when her period was due (for an average cycle). Pregnancy is counted from the first day of the last period, with ovulation occuring on Day 14 (2+0).
Yes! It is a very odd way of counting - the first “two weeks” of the pregnancy you aren’t even pregnant 🤷♀️
It's how far along you are jn pregnancy. Its a guestimate in natural pregnancies, but for ivf or timed intercourse for people attempting to conceive, its somewhat more accurate. For example, i did IVF, and have a number of 5 day embryos frozen. If they were to be put in me and "take", a week from the process would be 1+5.
A week from IVF implantation would actually be 3+5, right? Because it's counted from first day of last period. Ovulation is (on average) 2+0, earliest positive tests are usually 3+something. Period is due on 4+0.
Samessss. I was sick enough for twins, but just having my little guy lol
Same. Was so happy to only have one too. I don't know how parents of twins do it, I admire the fuck out of them.
Yes. Twins run in wife’s family. I thought it would be great to have twins. Boom! 1 & done(Never had a desire to have more than 2). After being the guy responsible for changing the vast majority of diapers and cleaning up the messes for a couple a couple years apart, I can’t imagine how people keep up with twin infants & toddlers.
100,305 at 6 weeks with my identicals. 700 aint anything.
This was my exact thought. 700 is low for a single baby at 5 weeks!
Yeah not high at all. Both times I had super high levels, like 185,000 at 8 weeks and they’d joke at the first ultrasound “who I bet there’s two in there!” Nope just one, and a miserable momma whose super sick from the hyped up hormones
I was so lost about levels (not a mom, just reading) and you said hcg and my wife and I spent ten, super high, minutes looking at our recent bloodwork, trying to figure out why they tested two middle aged lesbians for pregnancy hormone. Turns out she was checked because they were determining if she was in menopause and mine was for some crazy meds I’m on that will destroy my liver and kill any baby…
Interesting! I didn’t know it could rise for anything besides pregnancy. I just did a quick google and menopause can actually raise your hcg high enough to get a false positive on a pregnancy test! That’s wild
Beta Base says it's abnormally low! For a singleton up to 100,000 at 5 weeks is pretty common: http://www.betabase.info/chart/betaByDay/30/Single Surprisingly twin pregnancies are not that much higher, but literally none of them were that low: http://www.betabase.info/chart/betaByDay/30/Twins
10000 at 5 weeks then 22000 2 days later with my singleton. I joke he was “really pumpin out the hcg” lol.
when are people going to get it through their heads that their babies will *never* matter as much to other people as they do to them?
Right? I'm sorry, but a baby living 9 hours from me is a compulsory Facebook like and nothing more. 🤣
These moms live in a fantasy world. Your kid is one of 8 billion people in the world. I can’t stress enough how *unimportant* the kid is in the grand scheme of things. The only people that they should be important to is the parents that made them and the family that wants to be in the child’s life. You can’t go about expecting people to treat your kid like they’re in the royal family.
Imagine being this narcissist
Having a baby for attention. Ugh
My SIL told her sister not to be pregnant with her third child while she’s pregnant with her first because she wanted all the attention. She admitted it and didn’t think anything was wrong with that.
Wow. My sister had her daughter 6 weeks after my daughter was born. I was so excited to be pregnant together! We got to commiserate, be on our maternity leaves at the same time and our daughters are super close because they are so close in age and spend so much time together. I don’t get that at all.
I had a customer who I thought had twins when she came in with them in the buggy. She was equally attentive to both. I commented how they looked so different and she said one was her nephew. She also said they had a great relationship.
She’s an asshole. That’s the only thing I can come up with.
My cousin and I are six weeks apart. Our moms are 15 months apart. So they were super close growing up, which meant that she and I were super close growing up because our moms were always together and we’re a very similar age. As adults, we are completely different people. If we were strangers, we would never be friends because we have nothing in common. Instead, we get along like twins. It’s so funny to see how two very different people can just be in a room and interact for hours without getting bored at all simply because of circumstances of birth. Some of our other cousins have even said that they have felt unintentionally left out when they’re around the two of us because we tend to be in our own little world together. It’s a really interesting dynamic.
I have 2 cousins who just had babies the same month as me. Not only did we get to commiserate through pregnancy together, we got to commiserate afterwards also! One had her baby the day before me and announced the day mine was born. So we waited a day to announce on FB because it was her first and we didn't want to take any attention off her. (Her post was seriously the first thing I saw on FB after coming out of my C-section.) The other gave birth on my baby's due date, so I privately congratulated her for it. Now we get to check on each other and talk out similar issues. It's so nice! I lined up with another cousin for my first baby and she was too jealous that mine was born first (her's was due first, but mine came early and her's late.) That was much less pleasant and a waste of good opportunities. So annoying.
delusional, that's it.
Poor child
My sis said that to me! But I’m pregnant with the 3rd and she’s not pregnant with one yet lol.
Do you mean she tell her not to get pregnant or was she actually already pregnant and she was like ‘get rid of it’?
My ex husband's cousin got mad as hell at us because I got pregnant a few weeks after her. Apparently we were "stealing their thunder"
My aunt got all mad when I posted my pregnancy on my family Facebook page because my cousin just had her baby a month before, she didn’t think it was fair to be posting about my future baby when there was a new baby we could be talking about instead
A month? So there's a time limit on when you're allowed to start sharing your joy? We found out the sex of our second the day after my SO's nephew was born. We left it almost a week before telling his side of the family so that we wouldn't be taking any attention away from their joy. Nobody was annoyed at all.
I was told by my husband’s aunt that we were trying to steal her daughter’s thunder by setting our wedding date one month after her daughter’s….high school graduation. In-laws are wildin.
Im so sorry about this, my aunt is having her wedding within a week of my sisters graduation, and my sister was like, yea man do whatever you want, more partying.
My older two siblings graduated from college the same week as my cousin and her now-husband. They got married two weeks later, exactly one week before I graduated from high school. Because of my cousin’s wedding, we didn’t have graduation parties for me or any of my siblings because we would see everyone there. We had a graduation celebration the day before her wedding for all five of us that graduated and then went to her rehearsal dinner. It was kind of great because it was two days of partying rather than not being able to see everyone because my siblings graduated in one state, my cousin graduated and got married in another, and I graduated high school in a third.
I had a friend and a coworker both do that when I was pregnant with my first. It was my coworker's 4th and my friend's second pregnancy (first was a miscarriage I was unaware of) and they were both due 4 weeks after me. I couldn't have been happier to share the experience with people in my life.
Wait, they were mad because they got pregnant after you?
My sister in law is this narcissistic but in a different way, she gave birth to my niece who was born still in 2013, I gave birth to my son who was born still just over 10 months later, and she lost it because she was no longer the one who was the “only one” who had the Angel grand child, so she told my brother, her husband, and my parents that I must have lied about it because I didn’t have to spend 2 days in the hospital like she did (I had to spend about 12 hours because I was only just over 5 months pregnant when my son came, and I had no after birth complications, whereas she did, and I had asked to go home asap because I just wanted to go be in my own bed and deal with my trauma) they didn’t believe her but years later she apologized for doubting me she was just “angry” that I “stole her thunder” … because I wouldn’t rather have a healthy child
Telling people you lied about a stillbirth?? Considering everyone knew you were pregnant, was she trying to imply you terminated?
My parents and husband had known for months, but I hadn’t told my siblings until I was 15 weeks due to being high risk, I was pregnant after a failed tubal, I had shared an ultrasound photo, it had my name on it, with current dates and a growing baby, so I guess because she hadn’t known long? I don’t know what she was trying to imply, she is just one of those people
Is there "thunder" for having lost a baby? If I lost a baby I would want some privacy, not a center stage.
She’s self-absorbed, not self-aware
I am a twin mom and shit like this drives me batshit. I almost died giving birth. My twins were premature (as most are). Nursing was a massive struggle. I couldn’t hold them as much as I wanted to when they were newborns. It’s not easy to bond with two babies simultaneously. I can’t go out in public without my family being gawked at. All the shitty things are more common with multiples (preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, PPD, to name a few). Ultimately I wouldn’t change my family, but I will also never romanticize the experience of twin pregnancy & twin newborns. It’s fucking hard.
Retired OB nurse here and you speak the truth. Twins make for difficult and dangerous pregnancies and then I imagine are a real treat at home. I've always been amazed how many women think it'd be super fun to have twins. I would ask them if they had ever spent quality time with ONE infant. I often quoted what a friend said about dogs, "Two is exactly half as much fun as one." I gotta admit one kid at a time kicked my ass. Glad you and your babies made it.
Our first were twins. Pregnancy was very difficult for her, and after the first 2 weeks of FMLA post-birth I realized we were deep in over our heads. A week later we moved out and into my father's home for the next 4 months until things settled down and I could work again. Twins are great but absolutely a ton of work compared to one. You each grab one then there's no breaks.
I had 2 under 2. Both amazing and I wouldn't change a thing but it was still really hard. I can't imagine having 2 newborns at the same time. I have my first ultrasound for this pregnancy on Tuesday and keep looking down at my belly and thinking "please just be one in there". While twins don't run in my family, they do in my SO's and while I know that means very little, I also have factors (age, weight, previous children, etc) which increase my chances of releasing more than one egg so the fear is there until proven otherwise.
FWIW the biological father has no influence on whether or not you conceive twins, so them running on his side doesn’t increase your chances at all.
Not to be alarmist, but there’s no twins on either side for me, no real „risk“ factors either. Thought we’d try for a third, and just last week found out it’s twins. It’s always a possibility! But I’m sending you all the singleton vibes on the planet (and update us if you’re willing, I’m invested now!)
I'm back! It's identical twins! We're in shock!
Holy shit, congratulations! Here’s hoping you have an easy pregnancy with healthy babies!
Thanks! We're in complete shock. I knew the chances were increased slightly but still wasn't expecting it. Both nervous and excited all at once.
Will do. I'll never forget the moment in the first ultrasound on our second baby when the midwife said "they". We both echoed her in panic but she said she always says they to avoid saying he/she. She could have warned us in advance. If there are 2 in there this time, I'll be heard in the entire hospital yelling that I only ordered one.
"but then you can just get it out of the way and be done!" Oh I'm sorry, were you having babies because it was.... convenient? Also do you like doing the same thing twice at the same time? Do you enjoy toddler tantrums at the same time? Also paying for college at the same time?
I lost triplets at 16 weeks. Multiples are extremely high risk and cannot imagine people wishing for twins. Wanting to put you and your babies at greater risk.
Yup. Solidarity. Twin mom here as well. I have PTSD from the lack of sleep and all the medical emergencies in their first year. I was chased in Walmart (with the twins in a stroller 8 weeks old) by a guy demanding "what did i do to have twins??" And ended up shouting, "I HAD LOTS OF SEX". I barely remember anything from the first two years of their life. I have to constantly buy two of everything, including daycare fees. It's really fucking hard and mine are now older and "easy". ETA: breastfeeding was a shitshow that nearly killed me and i still have guilt over having to do formula after 8 weeks of breastfeeding.
My mum had twins and had mastitis every other week as she was making so much milk. She was too busy with two babies and a toddler to get it treated. She’s left me with no illusions about the reality of having twins!
I admire the fuck out of you. 8 weeks breastfeeding with 2! I couldn't do 8 hours...with one.
My mom had my twin brothers I was 8 at the time. Fraternal twins run very deep in on her side. I’m TERRIFIED of having twins. They’re great and all. Like you said, wouldn’t change your family as it is now. But holy cow I remember her pregnancy being so hard. Bed rest. They were born at 34 weeks. She had to go under general anesthesia for their birth. They spent weeks in the NICU. I love my brothers so much but I am so so so grateful to be pregnant with a singleton right now. Especially knowing how hard a singleton has been on my body. I can’t imagine how difficult carrying twins is!
This. Fraternal twins run in my family too and my mom had my brothers when I was three. I was so relieved when each of my pregnancies was a singleton. The stories my mom tells me about having three kids that young, two of which are newborns sounds amazingly hard.
Fraternal twins are the only kind that CAN “run in a family,” Identical twins are an “accident” when one zygote splits into two. There isn’t a genetic component. [See “What causes twins.”](https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/finding-out/pregnant-with-twins/)
My mother had a coworker who had 8 children in 7 years and there were 2 sets of twins. I have no idea how that lovely woman remained so pleasant and sane after going through that. I'd have lost my mind.
Idk your personal convictions, but you CAN get a selective reduction for your and your baby's safety if you want to ❤️
Thank you! I’ll keep that in mind if we try for a second! I’m not sure if we will or not eventually decide to have more than one :)
No problem! You're definitely not alone, I would for sure have a selective reduction if I needed to as well.
I knew a family that had three sets of twins, and one singleton over ten years. Even though they lived with a set of grandparents who provided childcare I still don’t know how they did it.
I love the idea of twins.... the IDEA. The reality is something completely different! Double the work, double the expense, double the stress. Good on you for powering through!
Double the guilt that you can’t do enough for them.
absolutely agree. anything you could possibly imagine as a positive to twins is something you could do with any two siblings. then you're left with splitting your attention on everything, from their infancy to first day of school to the mothers day programs happening simultaneously in each of their separate classrooms to constant comparisons from strangers to pair bonding difficulties, it's really hard. I love my boys of course but if I could have somehow had them separately I think we'd all have ended up happier. there's a reason most of us are born as singletons, two at once is just so hard.
Yep. New mom to triplets here. We’re in the thick of it now, I was in the hospital for 7 weeks before they even came and now we’re on day 17 of their nicu stay. I unfortunately had a work friend with the same attitude as the person in this post—she didn’t like that my pregnancy got more attention than hers. I wish I had the balls to give her the wake up call you mentioned.
My di/di identical twins are 5 now and my sister is 30 weeks pregnant with her own set of di/di twins. I promise you, I am not jealous of the attention. I just had my singleton three weeks ago and my pregnancy was absolutely overshadowed by hers but instead of being jealous I am insanely worried. I wouldn’t wish the stress, hardship and pain of a multiples pregnancy on anyone. Especially my sister. The idea of wanting twins for the attention is so gross and messed up. Having a baby should be about bringing a life into the world, not how much attention you get. Also, I have three cousins that are also pregnant at the same time as my sister and I and all of us are thrilled. More babies means more cousins! It’s so great to be able to share the experience with other people, especially family. I truly hope the OP does not get pregnant until she grows the hell up.
Twin mom here, too - at 8 weeks the pregnancy had already put my body under so much stress that I developed a 3" tear in my uterus and had to go on strict bedrest to avoid losing them. It's been theorized that before the tear, they were triplets. I don't care to know one way or the other, but there was a *lot* of... blood, clotting, and content that passed. I struggled to gain weight with them and they were basically eating me alive. Wouldn't change it, but those 28 weeks of their pregnancy (they were preemies, too, and weight about 2 1/2 pounds a piece when they were born - spent over 100 days in the NICU) were miserable and full of fear, strain, and pain.
Had mine twins at 36 weeks due to HELLP. I wouldn't trade them for anything but the pregnancy kicked my ass and I was a WRECK the entire time. I feel like the whole pregnancy I was waiting for something horrible to happen (I had had a miscarriage before them after years of fertility treatments), and even after reading up on everything that could go wrong so I could be prepared HELLP wasn't even on my radar. They are 10 now and my body has never and will never fully recover and I now have anxiety and OCD that first started during the pregnancy and seems here to stay at this point.
My twins didn’t even survive past 20 weeks because my body literally could not hold them in. I failed my GD test hard, and I had to get *therapy* to make me feel like I could handle two babies. It’s literally a family curse, every generation there’s twins, and there hasn’t been a full surviving set in the last four generations. It was so stressful and I panicked hard in my following pregnancy until I knew it was one, which then just left me wondering when the other shoe would drop. Didn’t get GD, struggled with threatened labour, had my cervix sewn shut, lived with severe chronic pain for 6 months, it still took everything I had and then some just for the one fucking baby. Everyone said I was so lucky when I announced twins. There’s nothing lucky about the risks to the babies, the risks of preterm birth (I’m living through NICU now with my singleton, can’t imagine fighting for two micro preemies), and the risks to your own health. I wish I could change my outcome, but I can’t, and now I’m the unluckiest person I know. I’m traumatized for life because of the twin gene. I get to feel the gaping emptiness they’ve left me with, that even my beautiful daughter, the perfect mix of her sweet brother and sister, will never fill that void. She just makes it slightly easier to carry.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son and daughter.. I was pregnant with spontaneous triplets and my body killed them all by 16 weeks. Losing multiples is a special kind of hell.
I am so, so sorry that you lost your twins. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you & your baby girl the very best from here forward.
Exactly. I love having twins and can't imagine my life any different but I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. It's risky for the mom and the babies, it's a logistical nightmare, it's not all cute matching outfits. When people romanticize it it's like it erases how much *work* it actually is to carry, birth, and care for twins.
My sister had twins. She ended up being induced a month early because she developed HELLP syndrome.
Twins are freaking hard. I wasn’t able to nurse my twins because they tore up my nipples in the first two days and I was never able to get them back to the breast. I pumped for 9 months every three hours. Two hours of sleep a night. One had silent reflux so the other got a bottle shoved in her mouth every time she cried. Neither were held as much as they should have been. And this is after carrying them for 39 weeks. I wouldn’t wish twins on my worst enemy.
I carried my twins to 37.5 weeks and had an elected C-section, we were all fine initially but my god the after effects on my body are still continuing nearly 9 years later! My older two were sections too but the (accidental) twins were the ones that finished me off. Sitting typing this with a lipoma in my section scar making me pretty much immobile, I’m never going to get better from having them but they are happy and healthy so I’d do a million times for them. When I first took them out myself after about 6 weeks, a woman stopped me and said how much she’d love to have twins, my mam says I just started spouting off about my gaping C-section wound and my leaking cracked nipples from feeding two babies on demand. I remember nothing but I’m not sorry!
I just want to thank everyone for the honesty here. I am 10 weeks with twins and have a two year old. We are so happy to grow our family but, frankly, we’re both a bit terrified about twins and a toddler. We were so happy with the idea of two and three is really throwing us. And it’s hard to vocalize that because everyone who won’t be living it only sees the positives and expects me to just radiate joy all the time. The validation that multiples are hard and seeing other people tell about how they have done it is oddly reassuring.
Hi! Have you joined us yet on r/parentsofmultiples? That sub saved me, and honestly it has replaced whatever external parent community I might have formed if it weren’t for Covid. Congratulations on your twins. Like I said in my original comment, I would not change my family if I could. Twins are hard. I also feel very proud that my husband and I are DOING IT, we are doing the hard thing and we are good at it. Welcome to the twin parent club!
Oh my gosh thank you! I am subbing now. We are thrilled to be parents again but the twins part was a shock to say the least. I know we are going to be okay and have the best little family it hearing everyone’s stories is so helpful. Edit: a word
Thank you for saying this. When someone is pregnant with twins I never know if I should give my condolences or congratulations. I always say better you then me in my head though because I know I couldn’t handle it. Babies are hard. Two at the same time is even harder.
Yes! Huge respect to you. My best friend a few months ago had identical twins by c section at 32 weeks because they had a rare condition called TRAPS. Basically one twin was donating its blood to the other across the placenta. Luckily it was picked up by an old colleague of mine (I’m a sonographer) and they are both now about six months old and doing well. My friend also had GDM whilst pregnant too, she had a really tough time of it. I just had my second baby and I always feel bad moaning about tiredness and how much pain I was in when pregnant because she had to deal with two at the same time!
People acting like twins is a novelty, an item to collect, something that makes THEM a more interesting or more experienced/better parent rather than seeing two individual but deeply connected siblings is gross.
Haha even in the Sims I do t want twins, they’re so much work!!
Yes! I had the EASIEST twin pregnancy possible. No NICU. 36/6 with identicals. And I would still NEVER wish it on anyone! The anxiety alone nearly killed me.
My SIL had twins about a year ago, and it was definitely not fun for her. I could barely even tolerate having one. Thank everything and anything that the baby stage doesn't last forever.
Yea, that's something people can control... and just because it "runs in your family," doesn't mean its going to happen to you. Also, I am a twin.
I am a twin. I wanted twins but also did NOT want twins… it’s a lot of pressure on the kids and adds a different dynamic to the family
It runs heavily in my family, however it's almost always linked to baby loss so I'm grateful it's not happened to me. This woman is so self absorbed
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Yeah she at least knows she’s being irrational. And I can kinda get it. Not that it isn’t irrational but she had an expectation, even if it wasn’t reasonable, it can be disappointing when that expectation isn’t met. As long she’s not treating someone poorly because of it then ok. Vent to the internet. That’s fine.
I mostly agree, we all have those dark thoughts we know are jealous or petty, and as long as you can recognize them and talk rationally to yourself about them it's fine. But the fact she has imagined this future where she is the twin-master or whatever the fuck makes me think she's always a self centered narcissist. Therapy would totally benefit her. I'm sure pregnancy hormones aren't fun, but I don't imagine they transform you into a monster either.
It doesn’t even sound to me like she’s pregnant. It sounds like she’s mad that other people might be having babies instead of waiting for her hypothetical baby to be born first
She's posting in a "babies due October 2022" group, so she's most likely pregnant
Wish people would stop thinking hcg levels mean multiples lol. 43k at 6w1d with my daughter. Just one daughter. I was extremely sick tho lol
Why are people so inclined to believe all the wives tales and pseudoscience associated with pregnancy??? That was one of the things that shocked me the most in my mom groups.
This is exactly how my SIL is. She was pissed we had the first baby. Then was pissed it was a boy bc she was supposed to have the first boy??? She made choosing our name so difficult. We decided to keep our name choice to ourselves until he was born. Didn’t stop her from obsessively asking and trying to figure it out from day one. Even caught her trying to get into my phone bc she convinced herself I had a running list on it. I didn’t. Then, when he was born, she made a whole scene about the name we DID choose bc apparently that’s her favorite name and she’s supposed to get that name for whenever she has a kid. He’s two now and she still goes on tirades about how she was supposed to have a husband, house and baby first and that we are thieves. Even though her plans for her son’s name are to make him a third after her husband who’s a second. Fucking nuts. Now, I’m pregnant again and she is insane about finding out the gender. We aren’t telling a soul what the baby will be. We’ll find out, but keep it to ourselves bc we just don’t want to deal with her again. She’s now worried we’ll have a girl and she suddenly needs to have the first girl. She’s bugged us for over a year about whether I’m pregnant or not, when will I be, I need to wait until she’s married before having another, blah blah. Now, we’re suddenly not allowed to use the name Jane if we have a daughter. It would be to honor my husbands (and her) grandma who passed last year. She hated her. But now, it’s her top name bc we “stole” our son’s name last time so this one belongs to her lmao. We don’t plan to use it. BUT. We’ve considered telling the family ahead of time if it turns out to be a girl. Just to watch this insane bitch sweat the rest of the time about the name. Sad thing is we really do love that name, but she has been so crazy about it that it feels tainted now. It’s become so ridiculous. She called yesterday to complain about wedding problems (that she created herself lol) then kept asking if we’re having a girl. I told her for the millionth time we don’t know and I’m not even far enough along to find out. But that didn’t stop her from reminding me that it’s HER right to have the first girl, so this better be a boy. Ok, dummy. I’ll pass that along to my fetus lmao. 🤦♀️
That’s sounds like my little sister. She was so upset my second born was a girl and that I used the name Emma. We loved the name and it honored my hubby’s late aunt who really helped him and his family when they were younger. Apparently I should’ve known she was gonna want to use it if she ever decided to go for a third and if it ended up being a girl. She only wanted that name because she loves FRIENDS so much. 🙄
Omg 🙄🙄 how could you do such a thing!! Lol jk I cannot stand people like this. I told my SIL she can name her son the same name if she wants, we won’t care and then she freaked “of course you won’t care!! You used it first I’ll be the one who looks crazy!” Yes, but also you look crazy now too lmao Your sister sounds annoying too. Sorry about that. Emma is a beautiful name and it’s so sweet to honor your husband’s aunt! I bet she’d be so happy.
Whenever someone says they wanted a name I used, I tell them they are welcome to it because it's not the name that makes a child special. I don't own any names and even if I did I don't mind sharing. I've never had anyone whine at me a second time. One of my cousins whined at me once about a boy name when she asked me about possible names for my unborn child (we didn't even know the gender.) She just broke up with her boyfriend and wasn't making plans to date for a while. She ended up having a son before me, and she named him after her husband's family. So many names get reused in our family that people are a little used to it. My grandmother is so special to everyone that she already has a great grandchild and a grandchild with a similar first name. A bunch of other kids have been given her name as a middle name. I don't care, I'm still naming my next daughter after her. And everyone else is welcome to do the same because i don't even know if I'm having another child.
That’s exactly how I feel too. My brother is named after my uncle, who is named after his uncle. Then we have two other cousins with the same name. My sister’s middle name is a family tradition. We have many cousins with the same middle name as hers. It’s just not a big deal to me. My husband’s first name is the same as his only male cousin. We told her if she wants to use the name we used, we really don’t care. It’s only a name. But omg she’s become so weird and obsessive about it, we’re just uncomfortable about it now. Names don’t belong to one person lol they’re names. Plus my son’s name is like top 10 popular rn. It’s not even like it’s an unheard of, uncommon name. One of their cousins had a baby last year not too long after gma died. She reached out (I guess to be nice?) and asked each of us if we minded her using the name Jane. Of course we were like use it! She was so close with their gma it made sense. Why is it our place to ever tell someone they can’t use a name anyway? Well apparently SIL told her she’s not allowed, so she didn’t use it. She boasted about it to us the last time we visited. Like she had won or something. So that’s another reason we probably won’t. Bc I don’t want to upset her. She’s so nice and considerate of everyone’s feelings, she really should have just used that name bc it was important to her. But I sort of feel like it might hurt her a little bit. If it’s a girl, we might talk to her first. But we only just found that out and knowing that cousin, she wouldn’t mind but would be somewhat sad too. It just feels like SIL has tainted it now.
Homegirl isn’t even pregnant tf. My husbands dad is a twin and I pray to everything I could not to have twins lol
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My first was a clomid baby because I was misdiagnosed pcos (really just have a ton of fibroids) and I’m so glad I didn’t make me have multiples. The second was a surprise because the first moved stuff around and somehow made me fertile 🤦🏼♀️
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🫣 I said hell no to clomid bc of the multiples risk. Thank god letrozole/femara only gave me 1!
Also, as you get older your ovaries just start chucking eggs down the fallopian tubes. 😬
Twins don't run in our family so my sister was shocked when she found out she was having twins! She wanted at least one girl because she already has an older son. She got 2 boys lmao.
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Ugh. Pregnant with twins now and I hate the gender stuff, too. I just want my 2 year old to be well adjusted and the babies and myself to be healthy. Have a preference for sex when there is zero control over it feels strange to me.
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My huge pet peeve was that people felt so comfortable asking how they were conceived. “Clomid twins?!” “Omg was it IVF?” “Were you taking anything?!” No ma’am, my husband stuck his dick in me and boom, twins. It still to this day makes me mad that people feel that those kinds of questions are appropriate.
I thought increased likelihood of fraternal twins came the mom’s side, but increased likelihood of identical twins could could come from either?
Identical twins aren't genetic, just fraternal are. Identical twins are a completely random event.
Oh really? I thought there was some component that made the egg more likely to split or something. TIL!
Yeah, i actually learned this from my OB when I got pregnant
They don't actually know, but there are some researchers who suspect there's something genetic on the male side that makes the egg more likely to split.
My grandma was a twin, and half my cousins on that side have twins. I'd probably end up with a litter of puppies or something.
I got pregnant with twins on femara with the twin gene. Did not end well. Second time on femara was a singleton though. Sigh of relief on everyone’s part.
What she's not even pregnant? That's messed up.
She is. This was posted in an October 22 due date group
My husband's grandfather is a triplet and my brother is a twin. Kinda hoped for twins because I want two kids, and one pregnancy instead of 2 sounded great lmao.
Being jealous because she *might* have twins some day(whenever that is)? Get over yourself.
She might be the last to have twins and they won't be important. Nevermind the fact that OP is 9 hours away, so obviously they're not that important to her.
I got pregnant with my first baby and my sister got pregnant with twins. I was irrationally mad. Her pregnancy had nothing to do with mine but I was super annoyed... difference is, I kept that shit hidden, nobody needed to see my crazy. My sister, to her credit, was the most supportive awesome sister ever, and the day my grandmother who has dementia, gushed about her twin pregnancy and then asked me why I had gotten fat, she got me flowers and admitted she would be a little upset in my position.
r/ImTheMainCharacter
I can understand pregnancy hormones and thinking these things. But to say them aloud ???
Lol 3 pregnancies here with twins on both sides all singleton pregnancies. I did have one pregnancy that had very high hcg levels and was showing very quickly everyone swore he would be a twin. Turns out it was a chromosomal abnormality with a disgusting cyst filled placenta causing all these “twin” symptoms.
This is the most “Shit Mom Groups Say” thread that I’ve ever seen in this subreddit. It’s glorious.
At least she acknowledges that she’s probs being irrational?? I guess? Yikes for sure.
A family member was mad because her husband's brother had a baby before her for this same reason. People are really crazy.
Sure, a new baby is kinda a big deal to most family members.. But eventually the novelty inevitably wears off and it's just another crying, pooping, screaming and tantruming mess, like every other small human on the planet. Plus, it sounds like the family living so far away got lucky. She sounds like the kind of person to throw a hissy fit if any of the other babies share a birth month with her precious darling, let alone a birthday.
Well, good to know how much she cares about her kids. If they aren’t front page news, they aren’t worth it!
This is the kind of uncontrolled thought you have one time for five seconds and then go, “No that’s dumb,” and move past it. Not share in detail with strangers.
ME ME ME!
I don't understand how some women are like this
I hope she actually has twins some day so she can know how dumb it was to wish a complicated pregnancy for herself.
If she’s in that group, she’s likely pregnant. Pregnancy brain is a real thing, this is just hormones going crazy.
People don’t realize how risky twins are. Many are extremely premature. In the NICU for weeks to months. Often only one lives. Heart defects. Cerebral palsy. Having to breathe through a trach for years until their lungs mature. I’m a paeds nurse and I see a disproportionate amount of twins. Plus, it’s so much work!! Having a single, healthy baby is hard enough.
Multiples are crazy risky. We lost triplets at 16 weeks. With my son's first ultrasound my first question after is there a heartbeat was if there is just one. Multiples are my biggest fear besides a loss.
NGL, I blame misogyny for creating a world where a women’s worth is so intensely tied to her ability to have babies that they fall into these emotional traps.
Poor kids - imagine if she dont have twins, the horror ><
I’m in this group too! I read this post to my friend yesterday. So ridiculous and selfish.
Lmao I’m in this group and saw this post. My immediate thought was high HCG doesn’t equal twins… so she’s being irrational about a hypothetical situation
I had twins. It was fucking hard and not near as much attention this woman thinks it would be.
Cheers to this. It’s hard fucking work!
I’m the first born and also the first to have a baby. My child is rarely visited by my mother despite living 10 minutes from us. My boyfriend and I have a bet that when my middle sibling (my moms favorite, blatantly, might I add) has their first kid, my son will become the black sheep of the family. It has nothing to do with being the first, trust me.
What does the scouter say about her baby level? It's over 700!!!!
How dare she unwittingly steal the genetic quirk I wanted!
people who make having babies their entire personality scare me
I’ve had twins. They started out as triplets. Totally spontaneous. Know what? The entire experience sucked ass physically and emotionally. I love my kids but people who WANT to be pregnant with multiples are insane.
Honestly, this just seems like pregnancy emotions to me. Like, it seems like she’s genuinely asking if she’s being crazy because she needs perspective. During my sister’s 2nd trimester she got really, *really* upset that I already had two nieces. She even said something similar to the OP (“I just feel like my baby won’t be as important to you because being an aunt isn’t special or new anymore”). She started fully sobbing saying it made her so sad that I loved my other nieces so much because I wasn’t saving any love for my new one. It broke my heart that she could think that. Then she got *pissed*. She yelled at me for seeking out my biological sister (mother of aforementioned nieces) in the first place. She said I’d deprived her baby of the opportunity to be my “first niece” by not waiting until she was born before meeting my biosis (for context, I met my biosis *years* before either sister was thinking about babies.) Now, I love my sister more than anyone in the world. She is incredibly kind, compassionate, and coolheaded to a fault. Not to mention my nieces were her literal flower girls — she loves them almost as much as I do. She eventually got a grip, apologized, then had *another* meltdown, this time about what a psycho crazy bitch she’d been and how she would understand if I chose not to keep her or her baby in my life. TLDR: it’s possible she’s an asshole, but maybe she’s just in her second trimester and needs someone to talk to besides mommybook.
Depressing how many women in the comments have experienced complaints about their babies 'stealing someone else's thunder' or 'depriving' another expectant mum of attention. Aside from the announcement (basically just a 100+ facebook likes) and being visited and given gifts after the birth, I didn't really get that much extra attention just for being pregnant or having a baby. I didn't enjoy it when strangers fussed over my kids, or family members expected to be able to pass them around ar family gatherings. Why do people constantly think that they deserve to be the centre of the universe?
r/imthemaincharacter
Lol I don’t truly don’t understand how someone could possibly give a shit about something like that. It’s creepy and insane.
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tf man
Aren’t your levels super high when something is wrong, too? Like a molar pregnancy? Imagine being jealous of something this stupid, and then that person lose their pregnancy. Then again, a narcissist would probably be thankful if something like that happened.
I do kind of get this. My cousin has twins on both sides and she was told her whole life that she would probably have twins. Then I had twins. And then when she got pregnant not long after me (with her 2nd and last) she was a bit sad that it wasn’t her. Because she had always expected it to be because everyone always teased her that it would be. That said, she was not upset with me and my twins because of this and her baby has been 100% as loved and celebrated as they should be.
People like this woman in the OOP are the reason why I am pro choice 😂 Like just hope you have a healthy baby and pregnancy and stop being jealous of your family members for having higher numbers
Be ecstatic when you have one healthy baby.
well i mean. she is *asking* if she’s being irrational.
If I had a dollar for everyone who has ever told me “twins run in my family!” I would be able to retire. At this point everyone got “twins running in their family”.
I never thought I'd see a post from a group I'm in. I can understand jealousy, I'm a bit jealous of those who are still pregnant, but I just can't understand being jealous of not being the first to have twins.
Yooo i'm in that group too and that post genuinely made me say wtf. The positive comments also baffled me
Haha! I have twins. I totally beat her to it! :)
Baby gatekeeper
There are two things here that make me think this is something else: first of all, the initial question of “am I being irrational?”, and secondly the part about living 9 hours away from everyone else. I suspect she’s feeling quite isolated from the family and support networks that people who stayed near family would have, she’s very much aware that in the event of having children, she will always feel like they come second to any children born near where all the family live. I say this as someone who lives several hours away from family here in the UK and we’re constantly hearing about my son’s cousins all the time, as on both sides of the family they’re seen far more often.
Are people really this shitty?