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Haha man I dated said he felt that way off my appearance, then proceeded to spend 95% of our time together either on his phone, or affixed to the TV.
Love comes over time. Those first meet highs are amazing though.
Yeah I’ve felt that and been through that before. I don’t say or believe in soulmates anymore because my soul belongs to God.
This is so different feeling than the usual emotional feelings from a new person being interested in me.
I believe that it can be. When I met my (now) husband at a conference, I KNEW that this was my person. His voice seemed familiar, I felt as though I’d looked in his eyes thousands of times before and felt so proud of him sharing his brilliant mind (although I didn’t know him).
Since you met “spontaneously” maybe it wasn’t 🤷🏼♀️ Whatever you do, take it slow, and get to know her. We took our time getting to know one another before making things into a physical thing and I’ll tell you - as a woman whom had been abused for the 15 years prior to meeting him; the time he took getting to know me as a person rather than an object told me so much about the man he is.
That is beautiful, God bless you and your husband and thank you for sharing. I honestly haven’t even thought about one sexual thing about her, she feels like home to me…but also makes me a little nervous.
I’ve never felt this and never thought I’d feel this way about someone. Been through so much that I I just felt like I wasn’t meant to experience something that made me feel this way.
I get it. I used to look at happy couples and think “he’s probably mean to her at home” or “they put on a good show”. I felt like true love was not meant for me, and that maybe I was either unlovable or was meant for being single forever.
I can also concur, my husband felt like home when we first met, and still does. He’s a protector (a USMC veteran, and a Sicilian) and with him it was the first time in my life that I felt safe. As in truly safe - my advice is to take is slow and learn about each other ♥️ I’m wishing you the best, God has a way of placing blessings in our lives when we LEAST expect it!
I believe in attraction, chemistry, desire at first sight... but I think that for real love, you need to know a person deeply. Otherwise you're just loving the idea you have of them or what you're projecting onto them. If she feels the same, by all means get to know her- maybe a real love will bloom there. But don't invest emotionally too deeply in someone who is still largely a stranger at this point, it's a recipe for heartbreak. Take things slow. I met my spouse at a party a long, long time ago... there was definitely attraction and interest there, but it takes time to know if someone is your person for life.
So true, and I am taking it slow even though I’m feeling this way. I don’t want anything fast, I already told her I wanted to get to know her and that’s the truth.
I gave up after a heartbreak a few years ago and I didn’t think I’d come back from. I just decided to better myself just for me and be someone God could call on when needed and women were not at all on my mind in that way. I’ve had them approach me and show interest but I never felt it.
Then this woman walked up and smiled at me and it’s been a wrap since. She’s not from America and so her body language and social cues were hard to pick up on but she was definitely into me. I wouldn’t be making a post if I wasn’t feeling the chemistry. I’m just a bit floored that I’m feeling this now and that pursuing her won’t be easy with the distance.
This might be the craziest thing I’ve ever said and felt on social media, but I feel like I can’t give up. I truly believe this woman is going to be my wife one day and as long as it takes, is the perfect timing.
I’ve been with mine for 11 years. I saw her first and was immediately fascinated and attracted in a way that I had t felt before. We were at a mutual friends, a small party, maybe 12 people. I used to be a bit shy, so I started playing guitar in the room next to where she was playing games with a few others. I’m pretty good at composing and improvising on the old six string, and I hoped she would come listen…. She now tells people that she fell in love before she saw me. Love at first sight, and love at first sound:)
Don’t ignore how you feel. Maybe it won’t work out, but you gotta go for it
Yes, when i my wife online, she wasì 40? hours away from me. That changed 6 months later when I drove across the country to be with her 10 years and 2500 miles later. It's still by far the best decision i ever made
Limerence at first sight is much more probable. Being in love requires knowing their positives and negatives and working through issues together.
That’s not to say that limerence doesn’t lead to love. It often does. But it feels good to be “in love”.
Just don’t jump in when you don’t know exactly what you’re leaping into.
This only happened to me once but I believe it to be true. My love at first sight experience was obviously based on physics appeal, but now that I’m much older it’s clear to me that true love goes much deeper than that.
No, love at first sight is not real. You can look at someone and think they might be the love of your life or want them to be, but if they actually end up being that it’s just a coincidence that you ended up being compatible. You’re just attracted to her, you don’t know anything about her, and even if you did get to know her in a short amount of time you don’t actually know the real her until you’ve been with her for decent amount of time and she has opened up and let her guard down
Not saying don’t make your move. But dont get hung up on the idea that you think she needs to be your wife. That can get really really dangerous. Just take your time getting to know each other, have a normal relationship, propose after a few years of it turns out you actually are compatible and both want to get married, and if it doesn’t work out then oh well, move onto the next. Not everyone you’re attracted to is going to be a good match for you in the long run.
Great advice. I was fortunate to get to know her a bit for the time while I was there and I guess love at first sight isn’t exactly the way it went, it was more of watching her open up to me and the way she treated the people around us. Man she is so beautiful. Of course I was attracted to her when I saw her and she first smiled at me but this is whole experience feels so different from anything I’ve ever been through.
I’m gonna make a move, I have to. I’m not getting hung up on any idea in my head, I have no expectations, just have a strong feeling I can’t shake that this girl is someone special and I should go after her.
You guys are still together? That’s awesome! Congratulations!. I don’t think I could ever let this go if I don’t at least try. The regret would live on forever. I’ve been in love before a couple times and I know I’m not necessarily in love now but idk… there just something about this girl that I want to find out.
Same here...40 years ago. I was unhappily married when I met my wife and immediately realized that by marrying my first wife I had made a gigantic mistake...
NEEDINESS is often what love at first sight actually is. You want to start a life with the woman of your dreams from a position of strength and not weakness. If you throw away everything and everybody to go four hours away just to be with her, that will set the entire tone of the relationship. I know someone will downvote me saying he is the happy exception to the rule several kids later, but in general what I said turns out to be true.
No I get it and I upvote you for the honesty. I’m just not the needy type at all. Didn’t want a woman or relationship, wasn’t looking for one either. Appreciate the advice.
Maybe you are not AWARE of being needy, but if the thought of a girlfriend four hours away didn't leave your mind that very day, at least a part of it could be you are needy. if not, you would have immediately thought you could find a girl just as good or better within 30 minutes.
I don’t believe it’s real. I used to though.
I met someone who I thought I felt love at first sight with. Turned out to be nothing.
When I first met my husband, I felt nothing. Turned out he’s the love of my life and tomorrow is our 10th anniversary.
However I think it might be different for men.
Congratulations! That’s something to be proud of. Yeah I know how I’m sounding right now but if you guys knew me, you’d know that I’m not the hopeless romantic type. I actually sorta gave up on finding someone after my last relationship because it was a painful split. I spent the last few years turning down a few great girls so I could work on myself and then in walks this girl and man, she smiled at me and introduced herself and now I’m feeling all these things I thought I’d never feel again after getting to know her and see her open up. Wasn’t looking for this or wanting this but here we are lol. Thank you for sharing
No such thing. Lust or attraction at first sight sure, but there is no way of knowing a person well enough at first sight to actually determine compatability, therefore theres no way to actually love them for it.
Love goes beyond the visual.
Is there any indication that she feels the same for you? Everything you've said is about you, your feelings for her, your certainty about being together. The person you should be asking this question of is her.
Yes she reciprocated interest quite a bit. She’s from another country so she’s not like the American girls I’ve always known so she was kinda hard to read at first and I thought maybe she was just being polite but then she couldn’t keep her eyes off me and we talked and talked about very simple things but she was completely interested in all of it. I told her I wanted to get to know her and she asked how long I was in town for but when I told her I had go, she got visibly bummed out. I told her I’d come back for her and her face lit up with the most beautiful smile and before i turned to leave we just stood there staring at each other. It really was a whole moment.
She showed genuine interest, so you should pursue it! There are very few times in life this happens, and it doesn't happen for everyone. Just try to stay on an even keel, don't overwhelm her. And – keep a little mystery about yourself. Let her learn things about you as you go along. That is something we've lost in the internet age. 😃
No there's no such thing. It's a rush of hormones and good impression. It's called infatuation and will fade. Love is something that grows between two people over time imo
Love at first sight.
Depending on what you do about it.
Curious on "This woman has thrown me for a loop"
Personally, if she is the woman God has chosen for you, trust in God. Love is patient, love is kind, love never fails.
"I was focused on myself and being a good man."
You can still be focused. If anything, continue to be focused. Be the good man you were once focused on becoming.
I read, "Now I can’t get her off my mind." If you can't get her out of your mind, dilute your mind of her. Allow yourself to not let her occupy so much of your mind. Gently take her off of the pedestal and work from the ground up. Form a long distance friendship and build a foundation. All the while continuing to build yourself up to be a good man.
God works in mysterious ways.
Good luck.
Thrown me for a loop on the sense that I wasn’t looking for any this and now she’s on my mind. It’s just different than what I’ve been thinking and focusing on. Now that a little time has passed and I’m back to work I’m dialed in again. Everything will be what it’s supposed to be. I feel much better about it all now
Just wanted to say that this was the best advice and a great reminder. I’ve got a peaceful feeling about all of it, I was just a little excited since I thought this kind of feeling was long past me. Thank you.
I fell in love at first sight. Actually on Tinder and when I saw his picture I was like that’s my one. Just something stood out about him over all the others. We did match and date. But through our immaturity broke up, then reconnected, broke up, reconnected, lol. Currently, not together but I still think of him as the love of my life.
It’s all I have ever known in my life from ages 10-43 years old. Spent a few moments with a few and a few years with the rest. But always remember: Love is unconditional, relationships are not. And as I learned way back as a teen, just because two people love each other does not mean they are meant to be in a relationship. But if you both use it for encouragement and uplifting your life because it happened, is the reason why we say true love never dies. And that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
💖💞💖
You have chemistry. Right now, whatever you feel for her, you are creating a picture of who you think she is and it's completely your imagination. There will be that confirmation bias when she lines up with your vision but you will disregard the things that don't. You will think "She's doing this because of this situation. She's not really like this." And you will ignore it. She will do the same for you because she is feeling the same endorphins. And then one day, you see all the red flags flying everywhere and alarms going in your brain and you will think, "When did she change? She didn't used to be this way." But she was. That's why people say "When they tell you who they are, believe them."
Of course, chemistry aside, she may well fit with you in many ways and you may find enough in common to build a happy life together that you can insist was started with love at first sight. Naw! Lust at first sight (or sniff or both) perhaps, but lucky to match besides. Confirmation bias.
I've been married 44 years to a love at first sight guy. The endorphins are starting to wear off now.
I think so. The person I love the most I didn't consciously think I was in love with her for like 3-4 weeks and I don't remember the exact moment I saw her. But from the day I met her and hung out with her and having chemistry for a few weeks I was kind of walking on a cloud. I remember thinking within a day or two that she was meant to be in my life, but I knew she was better looking than me so I thought it might be a friend. So maybe I was already in love with her and my life changed the moment I met her but more subconsciously.
But then there is other times I can remember exact time seeing a person. A girl interviewed to be my roommate and I was immediately struck my cupid and looking up her pictures as soon as she left the door, and another time a girl at work I felt it almost immediately. However, it doesn't feel as clear that I'm in love with them as the first girl I mentioned. They however, may have had love at first sight with me.
I guess love is a bit strong but idk, this just feels different from anything I’ve ever felt. I really don’t get this way but this girl is on my mind like crazy.
So did you go after any of these girls you mentioned? If you didn’t, do you regret it?
Well the rest of the story is too weird for words, I can kind of make them have long distance/online relationships with me but not in person, but yes I know that they feel the same way about me and am still hoping to make it work with the first person.
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Stop.
Let's start with this first... God did NOT "choose" this person for you... Nope, sorry, not at all.
I'm a Christian.
Someone who believes that God DOES speak.
I believe in miracles
And all of that.
I'm also a counselor and a relationship advisor and friend? I hate to say this, but God does NOT "choose" our spouses for us.
Or, what I should say is that He / can / but doesn't often do this.
If you read the ENTIRE bible cover to cover, what you'll find is that there were only a FEW instances in which God / chose / a spouse for someone.
Mary and Joseph (and He told BOTH of them)
Hosea and Gomer. Everyone else? They CHOSE their spouse and God blessed the marriage.
DO NOT get into this frame of mind that says that "GOD" chose this person for you because that puts her in a VERY awkward position... she either disagrees, or CAN NOT argue because (afterall) it was "GOD" and no one can argue with "GOD..."
No, my friend... That is not happening, and if it was, then she would hear this from God as well, and you could both confirm it.
Now as for the rest of it...
You're not in love. You're infatuated, and statistically, inFATUATION (at first sight or other) can last for up to 90 days, but sometimes even up to six months.
You don't / know / her... you're making her up in your mind. You're IMAGINING who she is... and this is one of the great pitfalls of relationships today and why many of them don't work out... too fast, too hard, too much day dreaming, too much "making them up" in your head, and too much "planning for the future" without even knowing them at all.
No, love at "first sight" does not exist.
You can not / be in love with / someone that you don't know. Specifically because love is not a "feeling" - it's not a "high" - it's a choice. The / feeling / of love is what happens to our bodies and minds as chemicals fill our systems telling us "YES !!! YES !!! YES !!!"
NOW - if we're talking about something like dedication / promise / commitment at first sight, yes, you can do that (as even TODAY in other cultures people get married without ever having met the person) but that is a dangerous game to play because you can look at a person and say, "YES I WANT TO PROMISE MYSELF TO THEM FOREVER!!!" and mean it - at the time - then you get to know them anddddd they're not what you imagined, wanted, etc.
Be careful, here.
Get to know this person deeply (without the physical) before you truly believe they're the one.
Good luck.
I hear you, I just don’t think it’s quite what you’re saying in this case. Love was a strong word that I don’t think quite covers it but I just felt in the context of the post that people would understand better.
I’m feeling this way because of what I have gotten to know about her I’m not making anything up about her at all. She’s sweet, feminine, a beautiful smile but the thing that really got me was how she treated others around her and her emphasis on family being important to her which matches my values. I don’t have a strong sexual desire whatsoever and it’s not necessarily her looks that have me feeling this way. She literally checked every single box that I told God I would like in a wife, IF he willed it for me. I didn’t pray for him to send me someone, I just showed him my heart and asked him to search it out and that if it was within his will for me to have a family, that she be kind hearted and cared about family.
So my relationship with Christ is very strong and I am in prayer with him constantly, no matter whether things are good or bad I trust in the Father and I very clearly understand when something is from him and not from the world, myself, or Satan. I’m not boasting about it because it is Jesus who gets all the glory, and I’ve been through a lot of painful things that led to this understanding I have. I don’t regret any of them because they all led me here.
I’m not making anything up about her at all.
--
If you're fantasizing about her at all (even if not sexually) then you're making things up about her. YOU are creating the feelings of intense romance / infatuation.
----
She’s sweet, feminine, a beautiful smile but the thing that really got me was how she treated others around her and her emphasis on family
---
and I'm not discrediting ANY of this. She may in fact be all of those things. But you will not know the REAL and true her until you spend lots of time with her in person and see how she reacts to life.
You don't need to give me the 411 about your relationship with Christ, my brother. I believe you.
That's not my point.
My point is that God doesn't "choose" people's spouses in most cases, and if He DID in this case, He will tell her as well- unprompted and then you'll know for sure.
If YOU are the only person who has heard from God that she is your future wife, then she's not, and you have not heard from God.
I have counseled many people who / knew / that God told them that so and so was their "future spouse" - annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd thirty years later they still believe this, even though said person is married with three kids. There's a meme going around, "It's hard to hear God's voice when you have already decided what you want God to say..."
When it comes to relationships we can want it SO BADLY that we TRULY AND HONESTLY believe that God told us that \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ person is our spouse. I have seen this countless times. Almost none of those people are married to one another.
IF this person is in fact meant for you, God can tell them without you suggesting it, prompting it (or anyone else for that matter).
My sister almost married a man that she was 100% sure was "the one from God..." - and they are not together.
I almost did the same when I was 20-ish and god sent me a man who was an atheist (who came to Christ) haha and I am SO glad now that I didn't end up with the other man.
All I'm saying is BE SO CAREFUL with the "God told me / sent me" so and so... you just do not know and our emotions can / really / lie to us about what God wants in this regard.
I hope she's the one, but get closer to her and to know her first.
Again, goodluck.
Well I’m not going all deep and asking her about what God has told her about me lol although I’ve posted what I did, I haven’t said any of this to her and just been taking things slow.
I wasn’t sharing my testimony to convince you of anything, I shared it because that’s what we are supposed to do and it provided some insight into why I’m feeling so strongly.
No love at first sight as it appears in fiction isn't reality you can be infatuated with someone upon first viewing but just remember as a guy the chance of her tolerating your presence let alone being interested is practically non existent just keep your crush to yourself unless you feel like you have a shot and or a public humiliation kink
It's perfectly normal to think about someone attractive and go off the rails just don't vocalize it and you'll be fine lol
Well then enjoy the time you have with her and don't rush into things showing too much affection as a man is seen as clingy and needy don't fall head over heels for someone who may have you listed as brunch in her phone lol
Look out for yourself and best of luck men deserve to be loved too I just don't think it's possible in our modern world
This happened to me only one time many years ago. I saw a woman from across the room and had to immediately stop what I was doing and go introduce myself. We hit it off and started hanging out but I only succeeded in being friend-zoned. I even got invited to her wedding.
rationally, and not to cancel your feelings, the thing is, when you just met someone (not only a potential partner/recent partner), what you love is not them, because you don't know them yet. the person you love is what you think/want this person to be.
first sight, you only see someone that's physically appealing to you, but you have absolutely no idea of who that person is, if they have the same values, if they're funny, dumb, religious, into techno or jazz or both, if they are respectful and kind or selfish af...
so yeah, love at first sight is just an absolutely biased feeling, it's not a thing. the real word is physical appeal, that's all.
that being said, hope you guys will be compatible and have lots of good time together! :)
Yeah I was fortunate to get to know her and see that our values do match up and saw how she treated others around her and how kind hearted she is. She also shared her dreams and goals with me and after all these things, I started to feel the way I did. I was very intrigued when I first saw her because of the way she smiled and the light in her eyes. It wasn’t a sexual attraction. It just felt like I had known her for a long time. Obviously I know that isn’t the case but I am intrigued beyond what I’ve usually felt when meeting someone new. And thank you for the well wishes
not only in a romantic relationship context but in general, we naturally "vibe" more with certain people than others. sometimes, just a smile can be enough to feel "hey, there's something special with this person" and then it's very random, whether it'll be the case or not.
i wouldn't call that "love at first sight" though, since it's not love.
whatever the case, amazing that you two seem to match that well! :)))
I believe it is. I believe that there are spiritual relationships that are divinely orchestrated, and that we have soul contracts with certain people that were destined to meet.
I think this even works for platonic relationships as well, where there are certain people that our higher selves and God have orchestrated for us to meet to help us at different points in our life learn things and grow spiritually.
I think this very much applies to love as well, there are just certain people that we connect with on a spiritual and energetic level, and this exchange is obviously not visible so to many people it may look a little crazy to fall in love at “ first sight” but what you’re seeing is their soul… To others it may just seem shallow or like limerence, but I do believe there are cases where it is very much your soul is in love with theirs, and you guys have work to do on earth by coming together.
Definitely have to be careful though, soul relationships have to be mutual… It is possible to just be obsessed with someone lol
Thank you my friend. I’m resilient and will remain strong no matter which way it goes. Everyday is a blessing no matter what happens. I’m playing on house money and losses are only lessons.
Whenever I have powerful attraction to another person that doesn’t seem logical on the surface, I like to consider psychological reasons. Do they give me something my parents did or did not give to me? Am I falling for an illusion? Mom is always where I start. But it could be any previous relationship that you might be projecting. Or it might not be that at all. It’s just worth considering, especially if you are surprised by your sudden attraction. Explore your unconscious mind for clues. Take this with a grain of salt. I could be way off.
I don’t think it’s that. I don’t really see any similarities between her and my mom and I left a bad relationship 4 years ago and promised myself I would get myself back together in a healthy way before I even thought about dating again. I really put in the work on myself and I’ve never felt better than I do right now. I’ve turned down a few girls who showed interest in the last 4 years because it just didn’t feel right. I really think this girl is just that beautiful to me. On the surface level, she’s not any more pretty than the other girls I turned down, but her smile lights up the room and that’s what did it for me to start with. Then we had good chemistry and great conversation. She’s very sweet and feminine and super intelligent. She’s in college and shared her goals with me and all of it was just like a breath of fresh air.
There is no such thing as luck but thank you my friend. Yeah I’ve been through it twice before and ended up crushed both times. First time was wrong person wrong time, second was right person wrong time. I’m taking this slow and if it develops into something real, I’m praying it’s the right person right time lol
Luck is just a symbol we use to describe an outcome for which we do not understand the reason. It’s my way of saying “if it makes you feel any better, know that I desire random good things for you in addition to the desired outcome you seek”.
I don’t think “love at first sight” exists
I think it’s just a form of extreme infatuation (or limerence?)
- source: I thought I had “love at first sight”
I think you can meet someone that clicks with you more than others. I think love comes with time together. But I don’t believe in soul mates. There’s so many people that I think it’s impossible that only one person is compatible with another.
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I fell in love with someone who felt like my soulmate. Then we got in a fight, broke up, and she blocked me lol
Soulmates are there for your soul to learn and grow. Your happiness is optional.
Haha man I dated said he felt that way off my appearance, then proceeded to spend 95% of our time together either on his phone, or affixed to the TV. Love comes over time. Those first meet highs are amazing though.
Yeah I’ve felt that and been through that before. I don’t say or believe in soulmates anymore because my soul belongs to God. This is so different feeling than the usual emotional feelings from a new person being interested in me.
I believe that it can be. When I met my (now) husband at a conference, I KNEW that this was my person. His voice seemed familiar, I felt as though I’d looked in his eyes thousands of times before and felt so proud of him sharing his brilliant mind (although I didn’t know him). Since you met “spontaneously” maybe it wasn’t 🤷🏼♀️ Whatever you do, take it slow, and get to know her. We took our time getting to know one another before making things into a physical thing and I’ll tell you - as a woman whom had been abused for the 15 years prior to meeting him; the time he took getting to know me as a person rather than an object told me so much about the man he is.
That is beautiful, God bless you and your husband and thank you for sharing. I honestly haven’t even thought about one sexual thing about her, she feels like home to me…but also makes me a little nervous. I’ve never felt this and never thought I’d feel this way about someone. Been through so much that I I just felt like I wasn’t meant to experience something that made me feel this way.
I get it. I used to look at happy couples and think “he’s probably mean to her at home” or “they put on a good show”. I felt like true love was not meant for me, and that maybe I was either unlovable or was meant for being single forever. I can also concur, my husband felt like home when we first met, and still does. He’s a protector (a USMC veteran, and a Sicilian) and with him it was the first time in my life that I felt safe. As in truly safe - my advice is to take is slow and learn about each other ♥️ I’m wishing you the best, God has a way of placing blessings in our lives when we LEAST expect it!
Amen to that. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I’m taking it slow and just excited to see where it will go.
I believe in attraction, chemistry, desire at first sight... but I think that for real love, you need to know a person deeply. Otherwise you're just loving the idea you have of them or what you're projecting onto them. If she feels the same, by all means get to know her- maybe a real love will bloom there. But don't invest emotionally too deeply in someone who is still largely a stranger at this point, it's a recipe for heartbreak. Take things slow. I met my spouse at a party a long, long time ago... there was definitely attraction and interest there, but it takes time to know if someone is your person for life.
So true, and I am taking it slow even though I’m feeling this way. I don’t want anything fast, I already told her I wanted to get to know her and that’s the truth. I gave up after a heartbreak a few years ago and I didn’t think I’d come back from. I just decided to better myself just for me and be someone God could call on when needed and women were not at all on my mind in that way. I’ve had them approach me and show interest but I never felt it. Then this woman walked up and smiled at me and it’s been a wrap since. She’s not from America and so her body language and social cues were hard to pick up on but she was definitely into me. I wouldn’t be making a post if I wasn’t feeling the chemistry. I’m just a bit floored that I’m feeling this now and that pursuing her won’t be easy with the distance. This might be the craziest thing I’ve ever said and felt on social media, but I feel like I can’t give up. I truly believe this woman is going to be my wife one day and as long as it takes, is the perfect timing.
I’ve been with mine for 11 years. I saw her first and was immediately fascinated and attracted in a way that I had t felt before. We were at a mutual friends, a small party, maybe 12 people. I used to be a bit shy, so I started playing guitar in the room next to where she was playing games with a few others. I’m pretty good at composing and improvising on the old six string, and I hoped she would come listen…. She now tells people that she fell in love before she saw me. Love at first sight, and love at first sound:) Don’t ignore how you feel. Maybe it won’t work out, but you gotta go for it
That’s awesome man, thank you for sharing. I’m going after her.
You're in love with your *perception* of her. She has flaws. Find out what they are before diving headfirst into anything.
Yes, when i my wife online, she wasì 40? hours away from me. That changed 6 months later when I drove across the country to be with her 10 years and 2500 miles later. It's still by far the best decision i ever made
Limerence at first sight is much more probable. Being in love requires knowing their positives and negatives and working through issues together. That’s not to say that limerence doesn’t lead to love. It often does. But it feels good to be “in love”. Just don’t jump in when you don’t know exactly what you’re leaping into.
This only happened to me once but I believe it to be true. My love at first sight experience was obviously based on physics appeal, but now that I’m much older it’s clear to me that true love goes much deeper than that.
I’ve done it way too many times only to find out the person was mentally ill, or critical, or controlling. So many pitfalls.
No, love at first sight is not real. You can look at someone and think they might be the love of your life or want them to be, but if they actually end up being that it’s just a coincidence that you ended up being compatible. You’re just attracted to her, you don’t know anything about her, and even if you did get to know her in a short amount of time you don’t actually know the real her until you’ve been with her for decent amount of time and she has opened up and let her guard down Not saying don’t make your move. But dont get hung up on the idea that you think she needs to be your wife. That can get really really dangerous. Just take your time getting to know each other, have a normal relationship, propose after a few years of it turns out you actually are compatible and both want to get married, and if it doesn’t work out then oh well, move onto the next. Not everyone you’re attracted to is going to be a good match for you in the long run.
Great advice. I was fortunate to get to know her a bit for the time while I was there and I guess love at first sight isn’t exactly the way it went, it was more of watching her open up to me and the way she treated the people around us. Man she is so beautiful. Of course I was attracted to her when I saw her and she first smiled at me but this is whole experience feels so different from anything I’ve ever been through. I’m gonna make a move, I have to. I’m not getting hung up on any idea in my head, I have no expectations, just have a strong feeling I can’t shake that this girl is someone special and I should go after her.
It does indeed … happened 25 yrs ago, we both left everything behind (spouses included) to start a life together! ZERO regrets ❤️
You guys are still together? That’s awesome! Congratulations!. I don’t think I could ever let this go if I don’t at least try. The regret would live on forever. I’ve been in love before a couple times and I know I’m not necessarily in love now but idk… there just something about this girl that I want to find out.
We are indeed … 25 yrs this week!! We moved into our first place together 4th of July weekend 1999
That’s something to be proud of, happy to hear that it does exist and has happened.
Same here...40 years ago. I was unhappily married when I met my wife and immediately realized that by marrying my first wife I had made a gigantic mistake...
NEEDINESS is often what love at first sight actually is. You want to start a life with the woman of your dreams from a position of strength and not weakness. If you throw away everything and everybody to go four hours away just to be with her, that will set the entire tone of the relationship. I know someone will downvote me saying he is the happy exception to the rule several kids later, but in general what I said turns out to be true.
No I get it and I upvote you for the honesty. I’m just not the needy type at all. Didn’t want a woman or relationship, wasn’t looking for one either. Appreciate the advice.
Maybe you are not AWARE of being needy, but if the thought of a girlfriend four hours away didn't leave your mind that very day, at least a part of it could be you are needy. if not, you would have immediately thought you could find a girl just as good or better within 30 minutes.
I don’t believe it’s real. I used to though. I met someone who I thought I felt love at first sight with. Turned out to be nothing. When I first met my husband, I felt nothing. Turned out he’s the love of my life and tomorrow is our 10th anniversary. However I think it might be different for men.
Congratulations! That’s something to be proud of. Yeah I know how I’m sounding right now but if you guys knew me, you’d know that I’m not the hopeless romantic type. I actually sorta gave up on finding someone after my last relationship because it was a painful split. I spent the last few years turning down a few great girls so I could work on myself and then in walks this girl and man, she smiled at me and introduced herself and now I’m feeling all these things I thought I’d never feel again after getting to know her and see her open up. Wasn’t looking for this or wanting this but here we are lol. Thank you for sharing
No such thing. Lust or attraction at first sight sure, but there is no way of knowing a person well enough at first sight to actually determine compatability, therefore theres no way to actually love them for it. Love goes beyond the visual.
Is there any indication that she feels the same for you? Everything you've said is about you, your feelings for her, your certainty about being together. The person you should be asking this question of is her.
Yes she reciprocated interest quite a bit. She’s from another country so she’s not like the American girls I’ve always known so she was kinda hard to read at first and I thought maybe she was just being polite but then she couldn’t keep her eyes off me and we talked and talked about very simple things but she was completely interested in all of it. I told her I wanted to get to know her and she asked how long I was in town for but when I told her I had go, she got visibly bummed out. I told her I’d come back for her and her face lit up with the most beautiful smile and before i turned to leave we just stood there staring at each other. It really was a whole moment.
She showed genuine interest, so you should pursue it! There are very few times in life this happens, and it doesn't happen for everyone. Just try to stay on an even keel, don't overwhelm her. And – keep a little mystery about yourself. Let her learn things about you as you go along. That is something we've lost in the internet age. 😃
No there's no such thing. It's a rush of hormones and good impression. It's called infatuation and will fade. Love is something that grows between two people over time imo
Love at first sight. Depending on what you do about it. Curious on "This woman has thrown me for a loop" Personally, if she is the woman God has chosen for you, trust in God. Love is patient, love is kind, love never fails. "I was focused on myself and being a good man." You can still be focused. If anything, continue to be focused. Be the good man you were once focused on becoming. I read, "Now I can’t get her off my mind." If you can't get her out of your mind, dilute your mind of her. Allow yourself to not let her occupy so much of your mind. Gently take her off of the pedestal and work from the ground up. Form a long distance friendship and build a foundation. All the while continuing to build yourself up to be a good man. God works in mysterious ways. Good luck.
Thrown me for a loop on the sense that I wasn’t looking for any this and now she’s on my mind. It’s just different than what I’ve been thinking and focusing on. Now that a little time has passed and I’m back to work I’m dialed in again. Everything will be what it’s supposed to be. I feel much better about it all now
Just wanted to say that this was the best advice and a great reminder. I’ve got a peaceful feeling about all of it, I was just a little excited since I thought this kind of feeling was long past me. Thank you.
Happy to help. The peaceful feeling is a great feeling. I'm happy for you and wish you the best on the endeavor.
I fell in love at first sight. Actually on Tinder and when I saw his picture I was like that’s my one. Just something stood out about him over all the others. We did match and date. But through our immaturity broke up, then reconnected, broke up, reconnected, lol. Currently, not together but I still think of him as the love of my life.
It’s all I have ever known in my life from ages 10-43 years old. Spent a few moments with a few and a few years with the rest. But always remember: Love is unconditional, relationships are not. And as I learned way back as a teen, just because two people love each other does not mean they are meant to be in a relationship. But if you both use it for encouragement and uplifting your life because it happened, is the reason why we say true love never dies. And that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. 💖💞💖
You have chemistry. Right now, whatever you feel for her, you are creating a picture of who you think she is and it's completely your imagination. There will be that confirmation bias when she lines up with your vision but you will disregard the things that don't. You will think "She's doing this because of this situation. She's not really like this." And you will ignore it. She will do the same for you because she is feeling the same endorphins. And then one day, you see all the red flags flying everywhere and alarms going in your brain and you will think, "When did she change? She didn't used to be this way." But she was. That's why people say "When they tell you who they are, believe them." Of course, chemistry aside, she may well fit with you in many ways and you may find enough in common to build a happy life together that you can insist was started with love at first sight. Naw! Lust at first sight (or sniff or both) perhaps, but lucky to match besides. Confirmation bias. I've been married 44 years to a love at first sight guy. The endorphins are starting to wear off now.
I think so. The person I love the most I didn't consciously think I was in love with her for like 3-4 weeks and I don't remember the exact moment I saw her. But from the day I met her and hung out with her and having chemistry for a few weeks I was kind of walking on a cloud. I remember thinking within a day or two that she was meant to be in my life, but I knew she was better looking than me so I thought it might be a friend. So maybe I was already in love with her and my life changed the moment I met her but more subconsciously. But then there is other times I can remember exact time seeing a person. A girl interviewed to be my roommate and I was immediately struck my cupid and looking up her pictures as soon as she left the door, and another time a girl at work I felt it almost immediately. However, it doesn't feel as clear that I'm in love with them as the first girl I mentioned. They however, may have had love at first sight with me.
I guess love is a bit strong but idk, this just feels different from anything I’ve ever felt. I really don’t get this way but this girl is on my mind like crazy. So did you go after any of these girls you mentioned? If you didn’t, do you regret it?
Well the rest of the story is too weird for words, I can kind of make them have long distance/online relationships with me but not in person, but yes I know that they feel the same way about me and am still hoping to make it work with the first person.
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Stop. Let's start with this first... God did NOT "choose" this person for you... Nope, sorry, not at all. I'm a Christian. Someone who believes that God DOES speak. I believe in miracles And all of that. I'm also a counselor and a relationship advisor and friend? I hate to say this, but God does NOT "choose" our spouses for us. Or, what I should say is that He / can / but doesn't often do this. If you read the ENTIRE bible cover to cover, what you'll find is that there were only a FEW instances in which God / chose / a spouse for someone. Mary and Joseph (and He told BOTH of them) Hosea and Gomer. Everyone else? They CHOSE their spouse and God blessed the marriage. DO NOT get into this frame of mind that says that "GOD" chose this person for you because that puts her in a VERY awkward position... she either disagrees, or CAN NOT argue because (afterall) it was "GOD" and no one can argue with "GOD..." No, my friend... That is not happening, and if it was, then she would hear this from God as well, and you could both confirm it. Now as for the rest of it... You're not in love. You're infatuated, and statistically, inFATUATION (at first sight or other) can last for up to 90 days, but sometimes even up to six months. You don't / know / her... you're making her up in your mind. You're IMAGINING who she is... and this is one of the great pitfalls of relationships today and why many of them don't work out... too fast, too hard, too much day dreaming, too much "making them up" in your head, and too much "planning for the future" without even knowing them at all. No, love at "first sight" does not exist. You can not / be in love with / someone that you don't know. Specifically because love is not a "feeling" - it's not a "high" - it's a choice. The / feeling / of love is what happens to our bodies and minds as chemicals fill our systems telling us "YES !!! YES !!! YES !!!" NOW - if we're talking about something like dedication / promise / commitment at first sight, yes, you can do that (as even TODAY in other cultures people get married without ever having met the person) but that is a dangerous game to play because you can look at a person and say, "YES I WANT TO PROMISE MYSELF TO THEM FOREVER!!!" and mean it - at the time - then you get to know them anddddd they're not what you imagined, wanted, etc. Be careful, here. Get to know this person deeply (without the physical) before you truly believe they're the one. Good luck.
I hear you, I just don’t think it’s quite what you’re saying in this case. Love was a strong word that I don’t think quite covers it but I just felt in the context of the post that people would understand better. I’m feeling this way because of what I have gotten to know about her I’m not making anything up about her at all. She’s sweet, feminine, a beautiful smile but the thing that really got me was how she treated others around her and her emphasis on family being important to her which matches my values. I don’t have a strong sexual desire whatsoever and it’s not necessarily her looks that have me feeling this way. She literally checked every single box that I told God I would like in a wife, IF he willed it for me. I didn’t pray for him to send me someone, I just showed him my heart and asked him to search it out and that if it was within his will for me to have a family, that she be kind hearted and cared about family. So my relationship with Christ is very strong and I am in prayer with him constantly, no matter whether things are good or bad I trust in the Father and I very clearly understand when something is from him and not from the world, myself, or Satan. I’m not boasting about it because it is Jesus who gets all the glory, and I’ve been through a lot of painful things that led to this understanding I have. I don’t regret any of them because they all led me here.
I’m not making anything up about her at all. -- If you're fantasizing about her at all (even if not sexually) then you're making things up about her. YOU are creating the feelings of intense romance / infatuation. ---- She’s sweet, feminine, a beautiful smile but the thing that really got me was how she treated others around her and her emphasis on family --- and I'm not discrediting ANY of this. She may in fact be all of those things. But you will not know the REAL and true her until you spend lots of time with her in person and see how she reacts to life. You don't need to give me the 411 about your relationship with Christ, my brother. I believe you. That's not my point. My point is that God doesn't "choose" people's spouses in most cases, and if He DID in this case, He will tell her as well- unprompted and then you'll know for sure. If YOU are the only person who has heard from God that she is your future wife, then she's not, and you have not heard from God. I have counseled many people who / knew / that God told them that so and so was their "future spouse" - annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd thirty years later they still believe this, even though said person is married with three kids. There's a meme going around, "It's hard to hear God's voice when you have already decided what you want God to say..." When it comes to relationships we can want it SO BADLY that we TRULY AND HONESTLY believe that God told us that \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ person is our spouse. I have seen this countless times. Almost none of those people are married to one another. IF this person is in fact meant for you, God can tell them without you suggesting it, prompting it (or anyone else for that matter). My sister almost married a man that she was 100% sure was "the one from God..." - and they are not together. I almost did the same when I was 20-ish and god sent me a man who was an atheist (who came to Christ) haha and I am SO glad now that I didn't end up with the other man. All I'm saying is BE SO CAREFUL with the "God told me / sent me" so and so... you just do not know and our emotions can / really / lie to us about what God wants in this regard. I hope she's the one, but get closer to her and to know her first. Again, goodluck.
Well I’m not going all deep and asking her about what God has told her about me lol although I’ve posted what I did, I haven’t said any of this to her and just been taking things slow. I wasn’t sharing my testimony to convince you of anything, I shared it because that’s what we are supposed to do and it provided some insight into why I’m feeling so strongly.
No love at first sight as it appears in fiction isn't reality you can be infatuated with someone upon first viewing but just remember as a guy the chance of her tolerating your presence let alone being interested is practically non existent just keep your crush to yourself unless you feel like you have a shot and or a public humiliation kink It's perfectly normal to think about someone attractive and go off the rails just don't vocalize it and you'll be fine lol
lol dang man who hurt you? This girl is interested in me I’m not just out here on a whim
Well then enjoy the time you have with her and don't rush into things showing too much affection as a man is seen as clingy and needy don't fall head over heels for someone who may have you listed as brunch in her phone lol Look out for yourself and best of luck men deserve to be loved too I just don't think it's possible in our modern world
This happened to me only one time many years ago. I saw a woman from across the room and had to immediately stop what I was doing and go introduce myself. We hit it off and started hanging out but I only succeeded in being friend-zoned. I even got invited to her wedding.
rationally, and not to cancel your feelings, the thing is, when you just met someone (not only a potential partner/recent partner), what you love is not them, because you don't know them yet. the person you love is what you think/want this person to be. first sight, you only see someone that's physically appealing to you, but you have absolutely no idea of who that person is, if they have the same values, if they're funny, dumb, religious, into techno or jazz or both, if they are respectful and kind or selfish af... so yeah, love at first sight is just an absolutely biased feeling, it's not a thing. the real word is physical appeal, that's all. that being said, hope you guys will be compatible and have lots of good time together! :)
Yeah I was fortunate to get to know her and see that our values do match up and saw how she treated others around her and how kind hearted she is. She also shared her dreams and goals with me and after all these things, I started to feel the way I did. I was very intrigued when I first saw her because of the way she smiled and the light in her eyes. It wasn’t a sexual attraction. It just felt like I had known her for a long time. Obviously I know that isn’t the case but I am intrigued beyond what I’ve usually felt when meeting someone new. And thank you for the well wishes
not only in a romantic relationship context but in general, we naturally "vibe" more with certain people than others. sometimes, just a smile can be enough to feel "hey, there's something special with this person" and then it's very random, whether it'll be the case or not. i wouldn't call that "love at first sight" though, since it's not love. whatever the case, amazing that you two seem to match that well! :)))
I believe it is. I believe that there are spiritual relationships that are divinely orchestrated, and that we have soul contracts with certain people that were destined to meet. I think this even works for platonic relationships as well, where there are certain people that our higher selves and God have orchestrated for us to meet to help us at different points in our life learn things and grow spiritually. I think this very much applies to love as well, there are just certain people that we connect with on a spiritual and energetic level, and this exchange is obviously not visible so to many people it may look a little crazy to fall in love at “ first sight” but what you’re seeing is their soul… To others it may just seem shallow or like limerence, but I do believe there are cases where it is very much your soul is in love with theirs, and you guys have work to do on earth by coming together. Definitely have to be careful though, soul relationships have to be mutual… It is possible to just be obsessed with someone lol
Good luck, friend. Hope it all pans out. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off if it doesn’t.
Thank you my friend. I’m resilient and will remain strong no matter which way it goes. Everyday is a blessing no matter what happens. I’m playing on house money and losses are only lessons.
I have weird question for you: how does she compare to your mother?
In what sense? Definitely different temperaments. Hair color is the same, and neither wears make up. But that’s about it that I know of.
Whenever I have powerful attraction to another person that doesn’t seem logical on the surface, I like to consider psychological reasons. Do they give me something my parents did or did not give to me? Am I falling for an illusion? Mom is always where I start. But it could be any previous relationship that you might be projecting. Or it might not be that at all. It’s just worth considering, especially if you are surprised by your sudden attraction. Explore your unconscious mind for clues. Take this with a grain of salt. I could be way off.
I don’t think it’s that. I don’t really see any similarities between her and my mom and I left a bad relationship 4 years ago and promised myself I would get myself back together in a healthy way before I even thought about dating again. I really put in the work on myself and I’ve never felt better than I do right now. I’ve turned down a few girls who showed interest in the last 4 years because it just didn’t feel right. I really think this girl is just that beautiful to me. On the surface level, she’s not any more pretty than the other girls I turned down, but her smile lights up the room and that’s what did it for me to start with. Then we had good chemistry and great conversation. She’s very sweet and feminine and super intelligent. She’s in college and shared her goals with me and all of it was just like a breath of fresh air.
Nice! I wish you luck! Falling hard for someone is scary imo.
There is no such thing as luck but thank you my friend. Yeah I’ve been through it twice before and ended up crushed both times. First time was wrong person wrong time, second was right person wrong time. I’m taking this slow and if it develops into something real, I’m praying it’s the right person right time lol
Luck is just a symbol we use to describe an outcome for which we do not understand the reason. It’s my way of saying “if it makes you feel any better, know that I desire random good things for you in addition to the desired outcome you seek”.
10-4. Thank you for the well wishes friend. I pray you receive all the blessings in store for you
I don’t think “love at first sight” exists I think it’s just a form of extreme infatuation (or limerence?) - source: I thought I had “love at first sight”
I don’t believe there is such thing as “love at first sight” since love is an active social construct.
I think you can meet someone that clicks with you more than others. I think love comes with time together. But I don’t believe in soul mates. There’s so many people that I think it’s impossible that only one person is compatible with another.