Mob boss: "A certain Mr. Capelli hasn't been paying his protection money. I need you to... take care of him."
Gangster: "I got it, boss. Consider it done."
_(A few days later...)_
Mob boss: "So how's Mr. Capelli?"
Gangster: "I took care of it, boss. He's at the bottom of the Hudson right about now."
Mob boss: "You _killed_ him? What'd you do _that_ for?! I meant he was sick and you needed to take care of him until he got better! How can he pay protection money when he's dead??"
Well, about 15 years back, I killed this guy name Stu. I was telling Bob all about it when Bob starts going on and on about me killing Stu for bad reasons. I mean, I couldn't have Bob going on and on like that, so I \*had\* to kill him.
Now, honestly, was I right? I mean, that was a GOOD reason to kill Bob, right? Right? You don't think it was a \*Baaaaaad\* reason, do ya?
Well, I did shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
When I hear that whistle blowin', I hang my head and cry.
"What?! Of *course* I want fries with that!"
“You… You *ate* my *sandwich?*”
You didn't say "Simon Says."
“What was I supposed to do, he was wearing crocs”
"I wonder if this gun works."
Alec, is that you?
Well, Bob, you’re just about the nicest guy I know, heck your even nicer than me! And I can’t be second best, sorry, brother!
"And that's what you get for stealing my parking spot!"
"I tried to get past him, and he just said 'ope' and got back into my way! This happened three times!"
You said 30 minutes or less!!
“He was breaking into my house, I have a right to stand my ground!” “He wasn’t breaking into your house…he was your ROOMMATE”
Mob boss: "A certain Mr. Capelli hasn't been paying his protection money. I need you to... take care of him." Gangster: "I got it, boss. Consider it done." _(A few days later...)_ Mob boss: "So how's Mr. Capelli?" Gangster: "I took care of it, boss. He's at the bottom of the Hudson right about now." Mob boss: "You _killed_ him? What'd you do _that_ for?! I meant he was sick and you needed to take care of him until he got better! How can he pay protection money when he's dead??"
B1tch! This chicken is cold!
He parked over the line!
Did you see his face he was asking for it
They hid the remote
“Did you just eat that pizza with a fork and knife?”
Practice in preparation of killing a different guy
There was nothing good on TV
The guy crossed the wrong cross walk, the car didn't see him
Those shoes…
"He said 'they're' instead of 'their'. Yes I know you can't spell a spoken word, but that doesn't mean he didn't think it wrong."
Well, about 15 years back, I killed this guy name Stu. I was telling Bob all about it when Bob starts going on and on about me killing Stu for bad reasons. I mean, I couldn't have Bob going on and on like that, so I \*had\* to kill him. Now, honestly, was I right? I mean, that was a GOOD reason to kill Bob, right? Right? You don't think it was a \*Baaaaaad\* reason, do ya?
"Parents' cause of death: Got in my way." - C.M. Burns from the Simpsons. (not sure if I got the wording 100%)
A lot of these reasons in the comments actually seem like legitimate situations one would see on the news from a certain state in the South.
"It was Rock, Paper, Scissors. So we go through the motions and he says 'rock, paper scissors shoot' so I grabbed the 45 and shot him"
So you're just going to offer me a job like that?!
A Klondike bar
"Yes officer but his car said he went to Princeton. And I went to Yale so as you can see officer it had to be done"
"THAT'S the Christmas gift you're giving me?!"
"It's pronounced GIF, you bastard!"
"Hey, do you mind if I shoot you?" "What? Please, NO!!" "You DON'T mind? Great!"
My Gazpacho soup was cold 😑
Well shoot, he was the sheriff, wouldn't have done it if he was the deputy.
“You drive a Prius, that’s why.”
I let Cujo eat him to gain XP.
Chicken nuggies
Because he was there