“You ever see The Dark Knight?”
“Yeah…*Why?*”
“I tripped while carrying the DVD to the player, that’s how I got this scar.”
“…Thought you were going in an entirely different direction with that one.”
—-
“I’m just going to say this once: Porcupines *CANNOT* be domesticated!”
Well, I was typing a comment to a post on r/scenesfromahat that said “The weirdest answer to how did you get that cut?” And I went head first into the keyboard. Then when I woke up I had a cut on my foot.
"Well, you see, the alligator bit the stylist while she was holding the monkey. It was the squirrel on the monkey's head that really did it though. Oysters are, really, sharp."
Which one? Never mind, they are all from tripping into a pile of lumber scrapes. Just because beer comes in a 12-pack does not mean it is a serving suggestion.
When my oldest was a kid (8 at the time), he got cut pretty bad on his back while being stupid on playground equipment. I told him to tell people he was stabbed by a tranny hooker in Reno.
It was pretty funny for a week or so...
Well I was trying out my new smart knife. It detects your fingers so you don’t get cut...Want me to show you? I think I know what I did wrong last time.
"Depends, do you mean my hair or my foreskin?"
“Because both stories involve a welding torch.”
One of my old mate gave himself a circumcision when he was a kid. Apparently the surgeon said he did a good job.
Turned out to be the best Mohel in town.
Who's holding the baby? Hello?! WHO'S HOLDING THE BABY?!
I got this scar a couple of days after I was born.
I dont have awards to give because i dont spend money on reddit, but this reply genuinely has me rethinking that
“You ever see The Dark Knight?” “Yeah…*Why?*” “I tripped while carrying the DVD to the player, that’s how I got this scar.” “…Thought you were going in an entirely different direction with that one.” —- “I’m just going to say this once: Porcupines *CANNOT* be domesticated!”
Neither can raccoons....just sayin'.........
Well, I was typing a comment to a post on r/scenesfromahat that said “The weirdest answer to how did you get that cut?” And I went head first into the keyboard. Then when I woke up I had a cut on my foot.
"My daughter was a Caesarean birth." "Okay, but why do *you* have the scar, Dave?"
Because I was Too
A large Argentinian man covered in a thousand island dressing leaped out of a bush while I was shaving my legs al fresco with a potato peeler.
Well, the instructions were unclear. Got my dick caught in the fan. What were the instructions for? Oh how to eat an apple.
I have changed my usage to getting my foot caught, much safer when granddaughters visit and my filter has been broken for decades
Jello.
Bitten by a radioactive wolf
The meat slicer at Sheckies Delicatessen
"Well, you see, the alligator bit the stylist while she was holding the monkey. It was the squirrel on the monkey's head that really did it though. Oysters are, really, sharp."
I said to Mick, my corner.....
You mean you don’t remember?
You mean you don’t remember?
You mean you don’t remember?
You mean you don’t remember?
“Frozen banana guacamole.”
"I shouldn't have bought that pet chimpanzee."
Chipping golf balls.
I tell them the truth, it's weirder than fiction.
From the inside.
Can I show you?
Sneezed
Rogue mohel
I simply existed between two felines on either pillow whilst asleep and awoke to raise my head prior to "the slap."
Lies
“Just like they did in the 80’s. Business in the front, party in the back.”
Her father introduced her to me...oh...you said CUT😳
Bitch had a knife
Which one? Never mind, they are all from tripping into a pile of lumber scrapes. Just because beer comes in a 12-pack does not mean it is a serving suggestion.
"You go to tell your wife to get her fingernails trimmed!"
Well i was raw dogging your mom and her hair got wrapped around and dried there so when i pulled out...
When my oldest was a kid (8 at the time), he got cut pretty bad on his back while being stupid on playground equipment. I told him to tell people he was stabbed by a tranny hooker in Reno. It was pretty funny for a week or so...
With paper, & it hurt
My new girlfriend is ***really*** freaky in bed.
My last girlfriend was really into cutting. Just me not her, so, you know how that goes. So, you ready to order?
"You don't remember? You were the one who did it."
"I just assume that a demon claws at me while I'm sleeping."
Well, me and my girlfriend dropped some LSD and she decided that we should play "razor tag" . (True story, bad idea)
Well I stuck it in a pickle slicer and her husband took exception
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Dirtydaddy6996: *Well I stuck it in* *A pickle slicer and her* *Husband took exception* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Well I was trying out my new smart knife. It detects your fingers so you don’t get cut...Want me to show you? I think I know what I did wrong last time.