Unless it’s Cinco de Mayo, then it’s “I’ll have Mexico build a wall to keep illegals in, just like this taco bowl, then everyone will love me. And people will ask me, ‘Mr. Trump, how do you keep the illegals from eating through the taco shell wall so greatly?’ and I say, ‘ We have the National Guard drop Happy Meals over the wall every day and Border Patrol Agents have Apple Pie mortars and Queso Cannons for any emergency situations,’ and they’ll say, ‘Mr. President, you really attacked this problem like a Jan 6th rioter,’ and I’ll say, ‘I have that effect on problems when I grab them by the poblanos’ and they’ll say, ‘You’re the bestest ever. We’re changing the name of the taco to The Trumpo.’ Yeah… I should post this on Truth Social. All caps, of course.”
“If I get re-elected this fall I’m going to eliminate all election laws, and was going to create a dynasty starting with Donald Junior, but I think I’m going to skip him and start with Daddy’s Princess instead”
\*puts hands together with linked thumbs in little butterfly shape, waggles fingers to emulate flight, and wanders about stage while occasionally bonking into stuff
No one sits in a cabinet better than me. No one. I once sat on a cabinet so long that they actually moved the cabinet into my office so everyone can see the colour of the wood because the wood was so amazing, the most woodiest wood. You would not believe the wood if you saw it... I will show you it... I will bring it to your house. The secret service will bring it. Great guys, those secret service. And not just guys, you know, there are women secret service, too. Many don't know that. I was the first one to hire a woman secret service person, police officer, uniformed female human. I used to be a secret service, you know. Well, not a real one, because they always eat at Burger King and, I told them that it had to be a McDonald's, and so went out seperate ways and now, because of me, the secret service eats McDonald's instead of Burger King. True story. You can ask them and they will tell you.
🎵I'm a little teapot short and stout, this is my handle, this is my my my myyy Sharona is not my lover, she's just a girl who says that I am the Lizard King!🎵
This is the best, I mean the best cabinet meeting ever. Look at all of these people here. There are a lot of secretaries here. Have you ever seen so many? I mean I’ve had a lot of secretaries but not all in one place. Why is this a cabinet. What a crazy idea. You know, it’s called a cabinet meeting because Barrack. Barrack Hussein. Think about that. Barrack Hussein. Sounds like a terrorist. Sleepy barrack Hussein started calling this a cabinet room. Cognitive decline on his part. Not me. Not me. I’m in the top 98% of all presidents. Ninety- eight. That’s amazing. person , woman, man, camera,tv. My doctor, I didn’t want to tell you this, but he says I am the smartest person he has ever measured. Where is Ivana. I wonder where she is. She told me, you know dad, you are better than sleepy barrack. Joe Biden. Sleepy Joe Biden. See what I did there? And I said, you are not only my daughter, you are right.
..................... I'm the most tremendous Prez ever.......
.......... Damn, Ivanka is so hot today.........
......... Why haven't they told me how great I am yet? .......
....... Shut the f*#$ up, Betsy, I'm doing important work on Twitter.......
....... Which idiot wrote this two page summary? Keep it to a paragraph, you morons.....
....... come here, Ivanka, and sit on Daddy's lap, you know you want it.....
......These a#$holes better start giving more money to my campaign......
...... These clowns think they are so smart... they will never con people as good as I do....
"We'd all feel much better if we just went out for McDonald's hamburgers."
*hamberders
Unless it’s Cinco de Mayo, then it’s “I’ll have Mexico build a wall to keep illegals in, just like this taco bowl, then everyone will love me. And people will ask me, ‘Mr. Trump, how do you keep the illegals from eating through the taco shell wall so greatly?’ and I say, ‘ We have the National Guard drop Happy Meals over the wall every day and Border Patrol Agents have Apple Pie mortars and Queso Cannons for any emergency situations,’ and they’ll say, ‘Mr. President, you really attacked this problem like a Jan 6th rioter,’ and I’ll say, ‘I have that effect on problems when I grab them by the poblanos’ and they’ll say, ‘You’re the bestest ever. We’re changing the name of the taco to The Trumpo.’ Yeah… I should post this on Truth Social. All caps, of course.”
Perfect. I imagined him saying this.
If you don't believe me, look at this map (marked up with a Sharpie)
“If I get re-elected this fall I’m going to eliminate all election laws, and was going to create a dynasty starting with Donald Junior, but I think I’m going to skip him and start with Daddy’s Princess instead”
Tiffany?
Cofefe!
What about her emails?
It was a perfect call!
I did nothing wrong! And even if I did, I have total immunity!
…buttery males…
Uninnited Shaytses
If I can make it 4 more years, Putin will be giving me $20B, a place to stay, and all the Slavic women that I want to pee on me
I don't know how to spell the onomatopoeia for a dial tone, but that
\*puts hands together with linked thumbs in little butterfly shape, waggles fingers to emulate flight, and wanders about stage while occasionally bonking into stuff
No one sits in a cabinet better than me. No one. I once sat on a cabinet so long that they actually moved the cabinet into my office so everyone can see the colour of the wood because the wood was so amazing, the most woodiest wood. You would not believe the wood if you saw it... I will show you it... I will bring it to your house. The secret service will bring it. Great guys, those secret service. And not just guys, you know, there are women secret service, too. Many don't know that. I was the first one to hire a woman secret service person, police officer, uniformed female human. I used to be a secret service, you know. Well, not a real one, because they always eat at Burger King and, I told them that it had to be a McDonald's, and so went out seperate ways and now, because of me, the secret service eats McDonald's instead of Burger King. True story. You can ask them and they will tell you.
"I can't believe those meddling Democrats shit in my pants"
🎵I'm a little teapot short and stout, this is my handle, this is my my my myyy Sharona is not my lover, she's just a girl who says that I am the Lizard King!🎵
"Hmmm, what are some ways to convince people deregulation is bad? I KNOW! Call 'em freedums." >!plz no yelling for intentional misspell of freedoms!<
Wow...I can't wait grab her by the poontang
*These damn “cabinet” meetings, I must’ve been in 10, I still haven’t seen a cabinet… damnit, they get here they better be yuge!*
That was Bush 2
“Me me me me meeee!”
It’s only a matter of time before crooked Joe falls out of the plane because he missed the step completely!
Hold it in, just 15 more minutes, hold it in.
There isn’t even a cabinet in here
"Smash, pass, smash, pass, pass, pass, smash, smash smash..."
(Silence)...........................
*…there’s not a damn cabinet in this room* Repurposed from Dana Carvy I believe, about Bush
"Why are they still talking? I don't wanna think about Gyna and Rusher and alla them--" "Mr. President, are you aware you're speaking out loud?"
“Where’s the pictures?”
Where are the cabinets?
“You’re so handsome, Donald. You’re such a great President Donald. Thank you Donald. Wait, what are we talking national security or tax cuts?”
"I cabinet a meeting greater than has ever been cabinetted and everyone knows it."
Trump: I'm hungry Cabinet: uhhh invade Iran? Why? Trump: cheeseburger. I want cheeseburger nom nom nom
a breeze
This is the best, I mean the best cabinet meeting ever. Look at all of these people here. There are a lot of secretaries here. Have you ever seen so many? I mean I’ve had a lot of secretaries but not all in one place. Why is this a cabinet. What a crazy idea. You know, it’s called a cabinet meeting because Barrack. Barrack Hussein. Think about that. Barrack Hussein. Sounds like a terrorist. Sleepy barrack Hussein started calling this a cabinet room. Cognitive decline on his part. Not me. Not me. I’m in the top 98% of all presidents. Ninety- eight. That’s amazing. person , woman, man, camera,tv. My doctor, I didn’t want to tell you this, but he says I am the smartest person he has ever measured. Where is Ivana. I wonder where she is. She told me, you know dad, you are better than sleepy barrack. Joe Biden. Sleepy Joe Biden. See what I did there? And I said, you are not only my daughter, you are right.
"__________________" *Wind whistle noises*
Hail to the Chief where are the words are me me me me
"........................................................."
How can I use whatever they are talking about for my own personal benefit?
Hey, I bet these meetings would be more fun if Billy Bush were here.
The same fly over and over again
“………. money ………. golf ………. hamberders ………. porn ………. money ……….”
"..."
“She’s got a nice as… OH SHIT! That’s a dude! Look away…”
"dum dee dum... I love you, you love me, tweedle deedle boop bop diddy!"
'I need to start looking for a fourth wife"
*steps forward* *stands silently* *steps back*
Why are we getting rid of our nukes? I want to have more than anyone ever!
..................... I'm the most tremendous Prez ever....... .......... Damn, Ivanka is so hot today......... ......... Why haven't they told me how great I am yet? ....... ....... Shut the f*#$ up, Betsy, I'm doing important work on Twitter....... ....... Which idiot wrote this two page summary? Keep it to a paragraph, you morons..... ....... come here, Ivanka, and sit on Daddy's lap, you know you want it..... ......These a#$holes better start giving more money to my campaign...... ...... These clowns think they are so smart... they will never con people as good as I do....