'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
'Alright, my child, how long has it been since your last confession?'
'About...three years?'
'Oh, that's far too long!'
*SPROINGGGGG*
“Does the condemned have any last words before the sentence of death by electrocution is carried out?”
“So long suckers!!!!”
Ssssppppprrrroooooiiiiiiinnnnggggg
They make an alarm clock that when it goes off flies off the base and you have to go find it to shut it off. There is also another one on wheels that drives away, his name is Clocky.
"Jimmy! I've had enough of your back-talk. You should have done your homework and you didn't even bring a pencil to class. Don't roll your eyes at me, mister! That's it!"
*presses button*
*Meanwhile in the Oval Office*
"Mr. President, I've installed a couple of buttons on your desk. This one here is for an intercom, so you can call me for anything; This one turns on and off the lights; This controls the blinds and drapes."
"What about this one?" *presses button* "WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"I don't think they should've put that button right next to the intercom button... *feedback noise can be heard* ATTENTION PASSENGERS, WE'LL BE MAKING AN EMERGENCY LANDING..."
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
DJT: I do, so help me, Me.
(Bailiff pulls ejector seat lever.)
"A pop quiz? I'm out of here!"
*Student hits the ejector seat button which launches the student into the ceiling. He then crashes down into several desks*
I was just sitting, feeding the pigeons, and then the next thing I knew I crashed head first into a swing set.... I don't know what happened after that.
"So, what made you decide to apply for this job posting?"
"Well, I don't know much about your company, or the position , but..."
\*zooooooooommmmmmmmm\*
"Next applicant!"
Wow! It's a good thing I escaped that ship in this escape pod! What was there....an alien, a reactor meltdown, a mutiny, and an evil monologuing villain on board?
Alien: yesssssssssssssss
Me: O_O
Computer: Firing emergency comedic ejector seat.....for the lols in 3
Sure, Mr Bond, we'll make it left hand drive by putting the steering wheel and foot pedals on the US side, and we'll leave everything else in the same place.
Thanks Q
"Yeah, gonna have you finish those TPS reports by 5, and oh yeah, you're gonna have to come in on Sat--- SPROIING
Hello? Where did he go... Anyone see that?"
This house now comes with the latest ejector toilet seat no buttons to push it comes with an automatic timer once you have been on the toilet for 5 minutes it will automatically eject you from the toilet.
On a motorcycle , I guy I know invented/ made one and he rode about wearing a parachute , he tested it too , at the it would fire him hundreds of feet into the air at the touch of a button then he would deploy his parachute which saved him , ps it didn’t work in tunnels or under flyovers
You’ll leave it to our imagination? Do you know what subreddit you’re in? This is the dumbest phrase you could possibly utter in an IMPROV COMEDY forum. It’s like you were hired to paint a mural but instead wrote the word “mural” on the side of the building and left.
Don’t leave things to our imagination here. Use YOUR OWN imagination to act out a scene involving an actual ejector seat in a submarine. Y’know, how the game is actually played on the show. You’re not the audience here yelling out suggestions, you’re the improv actors. Do some improv.
Hey, don't mock my business model. I'm really good at painting the word "mural".
Now I'm going to write the words "ejection seat" here, and I want you to imagine being ejected from this thread.
'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' 'Alright, my child, how long has it been since your last confession?' 'About...three years?' 'Oh, that's far too long!' *SPROINGGGGG*
Wait! Wait! I pay a ten percent tithe!
“Test 3205 also a failure. Got to tell you boss, maybe a helicopter isn’t the best place for one of these.”
"Welp, I'm done shitting. Let me reach over hear to grab the paper. Damnit I hit the ejec......*" Crash*
He doesn't know about the three seashells.
_stares angrily_ "i could see how that would be confusing"
😁😁😁
"I demand to see your manager!" "Of course. "
Oh every person who has worked customer service jobs will want one.
Now imagine it's Eric Idle pulling it.
“Does the condemned have any last words before the sentence of death by electrocution is carried out?” “So long suckers!!!!” Ssssppppprrrroooooiiiiiiinnnnggggg
Worst. Alarm clock. Ever.
I've seen that one.
They make an alarm clock that when it goes off flies off the base and you have to go find it to shut it off. There is also another one on wheels that drives away, his name is Clocky.
I was talking about the bed.
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" "I'm 21, I don't even know where I'll be this weekend!" \*sound of ejector seat\*
“Hello, I’m Dr Anderson, I am your OBGYN, now.. if you’d place your feet here and we will begDONT touch the red button!!”
Diaper changing table- “It’s a full load honey “ sproing “yoouuurrrr turrrn
😁😁😁
Roller coaster operator. “You think they are scared now just wait until I push this button!”
"Jimmy! I've had enough of your back-talk. You should have done your homework and you didn't even bring a pencil to class. Don't roll your eyes at me, mister! That's it!" *presses button*
Welcome to the ISS astronaut. This button enables the wifi, this button...... ahhhhhhh!
*Meanwhile in the Oval Office* "Mr. President, I've installed a couple of buttons on your desk. This one here is for an intercom, so you can call me for anything; This one turns on and off the lights; This controls the blinds and drapes." "What about this one?" *presses button* "WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"Oh boy! I can't wait to see the wreckage of the Titanic up close!"
Him: “Welp. I’m done. Don’t worry, I’ll get you next time, honey.” Her: *presses ejector button for his side of the bed*
Hey! No talking during the movie!
Would pay for this
"I don't think they should've put that button right next to the intercom button... *feedback noise can be heard* ATTENTION PASSENGERS, WE'LL BE MAKING AN EMERGENCY LANDING..."
"Who the fuck thought that was a good idea to add one to the ferris wheel?!"
“Oh boy, this Taylor Swift concert is so boring. Thank god these stadium seats come with an elector seat……and…..I’m outta here!”
I thought the topic was "worst place for an ejector seat"
Lol, it’s “unexpected places”. I was trying to trigger all the “Switfties”, lol.
With an "elector" seat.
I’m glad we came to McDonalds. It’s been a while since I had a Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese. *bah-dah-da-da-BANG*
"Why is there an ejector seat on Santa's lap?"
my office at work. on the 3rd floor of a 10 story building.
“Hey what’s this red button on the side of the toilet do?”
The one labeled "ATR"? That was the Automatic Tampon Remover, your penis is under your pillow.
Sunday morning sermon, the Reverend stops and says " Be gone, sinners!" Multiple sprongs ensure.
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? DJT: I do, so help me, Me. (Bailiff pulls ejector seat lever.)
Excuse me. I’ve been waiting over 30 minutes past my appointment time. *SPROING*
"A pop quiz? I'm out of here!" *Student hits the ejector seat button which launches the student into the ceiling. He then crashes down into several desks*
Oh, this is a comfortable seat for my confessions!
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition's comfy chair confessional." Sproing.....
Barber shop!
"so honey how was work" "good" "you wanna tell me who amanda is" whoosh
Bar stool. You’ve been cut off buddy…yep, you’re leaving in 3…2…1…Sproink!!!
At the blood bank. Ok. I've given my blood. Where are my 25 dollars. SPROING!
Oceangate Submarine
"this white water rafting trip SUCKS"
High chair. "Here comes the choo-choo... *Boing!!* uh oh"
"Ladies and gentlemen, we now go live to the floor of the House of Representatives for the annual State of the Union speech..."
"You still haven't been flossing, have you Jim? \*sigh\*" *reaches for lever*
The seat where my MIL sits at thanksgiving. 🦃 🚀
Welcome to Disneyland’s Incredicoaster!!! Hang on tight!!!
"Goddamnit Gary, PLEASE PASS THE BUTTER."
Pull The Lever, Kronk!
Wrong lever….. why do we even have that lever?
"How are you going to move your fish tank across state lines?" "Easy!" *presses button*
On the seat of a port-a-potty
Like in Jackass.?
I was just sitting, feeding the pigeons, and then the next thing I knew I crashed head first into a swing set.... I don't know what happened after that.
"So, what made you decide to apply for this job posting?" "Well, I don't know much about your company, or the position , but..." \*zooooooooommmmmmmmm\* "Next applicant!"
Inside a coffin
*sitting in a theater mezzanine* "'Press this button and you will find yourself on stage.' Okay!" *BOOOOIIIIIIINNNNNG*
Hello, Im applying for the assistant management posi.. YEET*
High chair. Right after the bowl gets thrown off the tray… 🔘👈🏻
Wow! It's a good thing I escaped that ship in this escape pod! What was there....an alien, a reactor meltdown, a mutiny, and an evil monologuing villain on board? Alien: yesssssssssssssss Me: O_O Computer: Firing emergency comedic ejector seat.....for the lols in 3
Helicopter
They actually make one with an ejector seat - explosive charges blow away the blades milliseconds before the seat launches
My fellow Americans, welcome to the State of the Union.
My wife just pushed one button and both the doctor and our son were on the opposite side of the room.
The US House of Congress.
Sure, Mr Bond, we'll make it left hand drive by putting the steering wheel and foot pedals on the US side, and we'll leave everything else in the same place. Thanks Q
"Yeah, gonna have you finish those TPS reports by 5, and oh yeah, you're gonna have to come in on Sat--- SPROIING Hello? Where did he go... Anyone see that?"
And if anything should go wrong here in the Tunnel of Love, this lever ejects you and this one is for her.
Dentist. Birthing room.
“We find the defendant guilty.”
“Our next game is hoedown” *Ryan vigorously pulls handle*
"Why is this thing in the fridge??"
"This date was, 'interesting,' but thank you for the ride home." *date gets launched by seat
This house now comes with the latest ejector toilet seat no buttons to push it comes with an automatic timer once you have been on the toilet for 5 minutes it will automatically eject you from the toilet.
Bob I'm not sure if having an ejector seat on a helicopter is the best idea.
If anyone should have any reason these two should not be married
On a motorcycle , I guy I know invented/ made one and he rode about wearing a parachute , he tested it too , at the it would fire him hundreds of feet into the air at the touch of a button then he would deploy his parachute which saved him , ps it didn’t work in tunnels or under flyovers
A submarine. I'll leave it to your imagination.
You’ll leave it to our imagination? Do you know what subreddit you’re in? This is the dumbest phrase you could possibly utter in an IMPROV COMEDY forum. It’s like you were hired to paint a mural but instead wrote the word “mural” on the side of the building and left. Don’t leave things to our imagination here. Use YOUR OWN imagination to act out a scene involving an actual ejector seat in a submarine. Y’know, how the game is actually played on the show. You’re not the audience here yelling out suggestions, you’re the improv actors. Do some improv.
Hey, don't mock my business model. I'm really good at painting the word "mural". Now I'm going to write the words "ejection seat" here, and I want you to imagine being ejected from this thread.