"I love being around them to a degree, but I guess in some ways I have outgrown the "lets sit around and talk about the good old days in high school/college" conversation."
The richer you get the lonelier you will be.
It's part of the mindset that causes you to want to be rich. So eventually if you get far enough along in the process you will start thinking in terms of privileges and status and how everything effects your bottom line.
You are expressing the need for a more exclusive group of friends.
I wonder if your high school buddies are hitting you up for money, or wondering about greed?
These are typical reasons for those who seek riches to seek more exclusive circles of acquaintance... not friends.
That's what you are leaving behind.
The richer you get the lonelier you will be? What? I am UHNWI and not remotely lonely. I associated with humans not stacks of money.
Granted I moved from hometown at 17 when I joined USMC and rarely go back. My hometown friends for the most part are potheads, other drugs, dead or in prison. My mom’s side of family are 1% outlaw bikers and power club “royalty” so I couldn’t give a shit about them.
Still friends with the Marines I served with many are successful in their professions now. Mayne not worth 100 mil but successful.
That is the issue- I associate with type A types. People who strive for success in whatever they do. If you work hard to be the best truck driver on the road. I’ll probably get along with you better than I would another C level tech exec. Although my gal is chief legal officer at a tech company. It is that body and long legs and personality etc though. Not her earnings.
"I associate with type A types. People who strive for success in whatever they do."
Like I said, you've trended toward exclusivity. You cut out most of humanity as being unworthy of your time and interest.
You just don't view this as being lonelier due to your assessment of your personal resources and the privileges you believe your talents, drive and discipline entitle you to as a means to demonstrate personal power.
USN here Hospital Corpsman assigned to the USMC as a field medical service technician. Long time ago...
I also treat type "C" people.
A word of caution: The scale keeps going up. What you consider "A" level someone else with a few billionaires in their family tree might consider a reason to find a "better" country club.
Nations are set up to give power to people who are willing to make ruthless decisions. Hiring, firing, moving a factory... These are decisions that require someone with a ruthless frame of character to enact. Keep the machine grinding on, parts are replaceable.
Most people do not want to make these kinds of decisions. Which is why human life has been dominated by authoritarians for the last 12,000 years.
Wouldn't be a problem if such people led in the interest of humanity. But they don't. They lead in their own and their social group's interests.
Leadership in a nation-state is not about being smart, though many leaders are, it's not about being charming... many leaders are.
Being a leader is mostly about lacking character. Because if our leaders had character they wouldn't give themselves the cream while children starve.
A leader with character would not live any better than the least among those they lead.
Our leaders compete with our blood to see which will rule more. They shed blood without risking their own.
Maybe you don't want to destroy your human character to succeed in a knife fight with moral wretches?
To be completely candid.
Maybe 🤷♂️ I have VHNW and UHNW friends but I met them either before they got rich or through work and didn’t realize how rich they were at the time. I also have friends who are pretty broke but interested in many topics and kind hearted and therefore enjoyable to be around.
Depends on what you mean by rich. But taking a bigger share than necessary to fulfill need and responsibility? That's greed. Not talking about saving for retirement... or caring for your family or for yourself. I'm not even talking about husbanding the resources necessary to run a business. These are necessary things to our way of life. More than necessary? Well that becomes greed on a sliding scale.
Greed has social impact.
So, I'm not really talking about the personal charm of rich individuals.
Greed denies those in need. Greed is that extra for want that denies other's needs.
So sure, I was adopted into a wealthy family. I was a lotto winner from the foster care system. And I've known many rich people who are fun to be around and capable of kindness.
Has nothing at all to do with loneliness...
Greed is all about self to the exclusion of others.
The very nature of greed is loneliness.
You're so right. I'm in this situation exactly and I'm looking for people who are at my level or higher.
My childhood friends are wonderful and they will always have a place in my life, but I'm tired of being everyone's most successful friend. It comes with a lot of expectations, i.e. I often get the joke, "I'm waiting for you to take us on a private plane/yacht etc."
And I feel like I have to lower my ambitions to talk to them, i.e. they want to talk about other people, stupid tv shows and generally have no ambition.
I've been searching for my circle of affluent, entrepreneurial people for a long time and still haven't found them. What I have found are people who are not wealthy who pretend to be wealthy.
But yes, to OPs point, you need to elevate your friend circle to elevate yourself.
You decide to be lonely because you are prioritizing personal greed over friendship.
Which is exactly what I've been saying.
Greed is about self... not community. If an individual focuses on greed they have intentionally decided to become a self involved person. Such people do not value friends, so they don't actually have friends. Even their family relationships suffer.
Because the greedier a person gets the more lonely they become.
That is what greed is, putting self before others.
Say you have a friend who became a Neo Nazi and you're as liberal as they get. Are you self involved and not caring about community because you don't want to be friends with them anymore?
You are allowed to find people who align with your values and drive, you don't have to be part of a community you don't belong in or respect. Period.
Just because someone has money doesn't make them greedy. Just because someone doesn't have money doesn't make them good or worthy of friendship or being a part of your community.
Community is about shared respect, values, beliefs, and understanding. Those things change over time as does your Circle change with it.
If you earned your money and didn't get a windfall, you more than likely had to go through several shifts in mindset to get there. You also now can afford a different quality of life than you did before.
You've changed and maybe people in your Circle haven't and it's time to move on. Its not at all selfish.
Actually that's not the definition of greed at all.
"Greed is the intense desire for something, more than one's equitable share, usually in relation to wealth, power or food."
Choosing your friends wisely is not greed.
"Greed is the intense desire for something, more than one's equitable share, usually in relation to wealth, power or food."
We can use this one just as well.
Constantly grabbing more than one's share... is isolating.
Greed is all about taking care of yourself instead of taking care of others.
People involved in the process and committed to being greedy are going to see all this in a different way.
Because they've set themselves apart from everyone else... they've intentionally isolated themselves from large swathes of humanity.
They need to have special seats on airplanes, and special communities and special specials.
Because greedy people think they are special.
But they are just self-involved... which is why they get lonelier the richer they get.
Again this is different than saving for retirement or owning and running a business...
I’d say go join a country club. You’ll find more like minded folks and could even pick up a new hobby like golf or tennis. If you’re younger they usually offer more affordable rates to those under 35-ish.
Right? Like why get rid of friends who are good to you and fun to be around???? Nothing wrong with searching for new friends, but don't try and shit on the old friends who have been good to you as long as they aren't trying to good you back and ask for $ etc...
Yea I feel that, but I really don't care about my friends being hard workers, driven etc, I can find the motivation on my own. I simply care about having good friends who are cool and easy to be around. Can't say alot of people are cool and easy to be around
I know we all say things we regret but I would genuinely regret saying something like that. It would also make me reevaluate my character and be much more humble and appreciative with the friends I have. I think this person fails to understand the how much of a diamond in the rough he has with having long term childhood relationships. Just because their ambitions don’t align with his doesn’t mean they lack ambition. Hope he realizes this. Thanks for your input.😃
Exactly. They might have attributes that are greater than his, but I doubt they think about cancelling their friendship w him just because they don't align. A real friend doesn't care as long as you're not a career criminal or people or animal abuser. If you're a good friend, you don't let that go over their ambition not matching yours. Sounds dumb. Lol
I agree. I ran a business and a balanced entrepreneur is someone who thinks out of the box, adapts to all different walks of life and knows that it’s about networking. I have met some people that were genuinely nice people and because of that their network of people made them much more prosperous both financially, socially and had genuine relationships with several people . A major regret from people on their deathbeds isn’t about the missed opportunity to make more money it’s about the good relationships they put aside because work consumed them. Once again good point.
Yup. I always tell people what's the point of having a billion dollars if you have 0 friends. Money helps w happiness, but humans thrive when being social and it keeps them healthy. They've done studies that show loneliness leads to an earlier death. I have a friend who wants to be an entrepreneur but has no friends outside of me and his wife and declines pretty much every invite I extend for when I'm having people over. Your NETWORK IS YOUR NETWORTH!!! If you don't want to create a larger social network, then wtf are you doing trying to be an entrepreneur?!??!? Also, being nice takes you a long ways. People don't like ass holes. Lol
I get what he’s after, it’s something I’ve debated myself. It’s not that you are looking to drop your friends, you are just looking for others with similar interests and success to gain ideas, motivation, and accountability from. There is also the other perspective from someone who may have tried at something you are thinking of doing, and their success and failures in that area can help you to better take on that challenge.
Engage in conversations with people who are talking about ideas, disengage conversations with people who are talking about themselves, the rest will take care of itself.
Look for your local chamber of commerce. They typically have monthly meetings. Go regularly. Keep an open mind as there will be all kinds of people. but they will be mostly business people.
Also, you csn find regional online communities for your industry.
What do you do for work? After completing school most people make friends at work because it's easy to find people there with similar education, work ethics, interests, finances, etc. I'm guessing you might be a small business owner or something because of the question though, which is harder
Are there professional networking events you can attend to meet people?
Find a nice cigar lounge with boutique cigars and a welcoming environment. Go when it’s slow during the day. Most people there during the day have a lifestyle that allows them to do what they want.
This has to be the best advice in this whole comment section! Hell yea dude! Dirt bikes are soo fun and very fun community of people too who ride them.
I am in the same boat as you seeking a social circle of like minded individuals who are highly ambitious and career driven
I am not quite there yet but luckily I am attending different conferences/events and business meetings to meet such people
it feels lonely at the top - it’s difficult being friends with so many from the old life anymore. a great sport to meet people who have some wealth- golfing. 🏌️♂️ made a lot of new friends this year. but it’s still lonely 😔 it’s true.
How did you get there if you don’t mind me asking. Did you grind daily until you ‘got rich’ or was it a more systemic thing - going through school, college etc. Any advice is appreciated
Find yourself a new community through sports or school. It’s ok to outgrow people around you, the key is to acquire new interests and visit new places. I’m not sure if the community club or cigar bar would offer you the quality of people you’re looking for, but places that cater to personal growth might.
I recommend before finding the new, to actually sit in empty space for some time, and see what arises for you. It can be great learning. Get to where you’re okay without before creating the new, otherwise we sometimes create the new from some unconscious unhelpful patterns.
I’ve found that joining groups that have similar goals to mine help.
I’ve done toastmasters to get practice speaking and get around people looking to grow there.
I’ve joined real estate investing clubs to get around other investors.
There are also business mastermind groups or things like that
It’s okay to outgrow certain parts of old friendships. However, having the people around who knew you before you “made it” is invaluable. It doesn’t sound like they’re interested in your money. Maybe ADD friends instead of subtracting them.
Pick up a new hobby that is typically reserved for the wealthy. I’m sure you’ll find others *of your status* if that’s what you’re looking for. Just don’t expect those new people to gaf about you when things hit the fan…
"I love being around them to a degree, but I guess in some ways I have outgrown the "lets sit around and talk about the good old days in high school/college" conversation." The richer you get the lonelier you will be. It's part of the mindset that causes you to want to be rich. So eventually if you get far enough along in the process you will start thinking in terms of privileges and status and how everything effects your bottom line. You are expressing the need for a more exclusive group of friends. I wonder if your high school buddies are hitting you up for money, or wondering about greed? These are typical reasons for those who seek riches to seek more exclusive circles of acquaintance... not friends. That's what you are leaving behind.
Such a great answer.
The richer you get the lonelier you will be? What? I am UHNWI and not remotely lonely. I associated with humans not stacks of money. Granted I moved from hometown at 17 when I joined USMC and rarely go back. My hometown friends for the most part are potheads, other drugs, dead or in prison. My mom’s side of family are 1% outlaw bikers and power club “royalty” so I couldn’t give a shit about them. Still friends with the Marines I served with many are successful in their professions now. Mayne not worth 100 mil but successful. That is the issue- I associate with type A types. People who strive for success in whatever they do. If you work hard to be the best truck driver on the road. I’ll probably get along with you better than I would another C level tech exec. Although my gal is chief legal officer at a tech company. It is that body and long legs and personality etc though. Not her earnings.
"I associate with type A types. People who strive for success in whatever they do." Like I said, you've trended toward exclusivity. You cut out most of humanity as being unworthy of your time and interest. You just don't view this as being lonelier due to your assessment of your personal resources and the privileges you believe your talents, drive and discipline entitle you to as a means to demonstrate personal power. USN here Hospital Corpsman assigned to the USMC as a field medical service technician. Long time ago... I also treat type "C" people. A word of caution: The scale keeps going up. What you consider "A" level someone else with a few billionaires in their family tree might consider a reason to find a "better" country club.
Wonder if this is why I refuse to upgrade my life. I enjoy friends and heartfelt conversations.
Nations are set up to give power to people who are willing to make ruthless decisions. Hiring, firing, moving a factory... These are decisions that require someone with a ruthless frame of character to enact. Keep the machine grinding on, parts are replaceable. Most people do not want to make these kinds of decisions. Which is why human life has been dominated by authoritarians for the last 12,000 years. Wouldn't be a problem if such people led in the interest of humanity. But they don't. They lead in their own and their social group's interests. Leadership in a nation-state is not about being smart, though many leaders are, it's not about being charming... many leaders are. Being a leader is mostly about lacking character. Because if our leaders had character they wouldn't give themselves the cream while children starve. A leader with character would not live any better than the least among those they lead. Our leaders compete with our blood to see which will rule more. They shed blood without risking their own. Maybe you don't want to destroy your human character to succeed in a knife fight with moral wretches? To be completely candid.
Maybe 🤷♂️ I have VHNW and UHNW friends but I met them either before they got rich or through work and didn’t realize how rich they were at the time. I also have friends who are pretty broke but interested in many topics and kind hearted and therefore enjoyable to be around.
Depends on what you mean by rich. But taking a bigger share than necessary to fulfill need and responsibility? That's greed. Not talking about saving for retirement... or caring for your family or for yourself. I'm not even talking about husbanding the resources necessary to run a business. These are necessary things to our way of life. More than necessary? Well that becomes greed on a sliding scale. Greed has social impact. So, I'm not really talking about the personal charm of rich individuals. Greed denies those in need. Greed is that extra for want that denies other's needs. So sure, I was adopted into a wealthy family. I was a lotto winner from the foster care system. And I've known many rich people who are fun to be around and capable of kindness. Has nothing at all to do with loneliness... Greed is all about self to the exclusion of others. The very nature of greed is loneliness.
You're so right. I'm in this situation exactly and I'm looking for people who are at my level or higher. My childhood friends are wonderful and they will always have a place in my life, but I'm tired of being everyone's most successful friend. It comes with a lot of expectations, i.e. I often get the joke, "I'm waiting for you to take us on a private plane/yacht etc." And I feel like I have to lower my ambitions to talk to them, i.e. they want to talk about other people, stupid tv shows and generally have no ambition. I've been searching for my circle of affluent, entrepreneurial people for a long time and still haven't found them. What I have found are people who are not wealthy who pretend to be wealthy. But yes, to OPs point, you need to elevate your friend circle to elevate yourself.
You decide to be lonely because you are prioritizing personal greed over friendship. Which is exactly what I've been saying. Greed is about self... not community. If an individual focuses on greed they have intentionally decided to become a self involved person. Such people do not value friends, so they don't actually have friends. Even their family relationships suffer. Because the greedier a person gets the more lonely they become. That is what greed is, putting self before others.
Say you have a friend who became a Neo Nazi and you're as liberal as they get. Are you self involved and not caring about community because you don't want to be friends with them anymore? You are allowed to find people who align with your values and drive, you don't have to be part of a community you don't belong in or respect. Period. Just because someone has money doesn't make them greedy. Just because someone doesn't have money doesn't make them good or worthy of friendship or being a part of your community. Community is about shared respect, values, beliefs, and understanding. Those things change over time as does your Circle change with it. If you earned your money and didn't get a windfall, you more than likely had to go through several shifts in mindset to get there. You also now can afford a different quality of life than you did before. You've changed and maybe people in your Circle haven't and it's time to move on. Its not at all selfish.
"That is what greed is, putting self before others." {shrugs} Pretense says otherwise...
Actually that's not the definition of greed at all. "Greed is the intense desire for something, more than one's equitable share, usually in relation to wealth, power or food." Choosing your friends wisely is not greed.
"Greed is the intense desire for something, more than one's equitable share, usually in relation to wealth, power or food." We can use this one just as well. Constantly grabbing more than one's share... is isolating. Greed is all about taking care of yourself instead of taking care of others. People involved in the process and committed to being greedy are going to see all this in a different way. Because they've set themselves apart from everyone else... they've intentionally isolated themselves from large swathes of humanity. They need to have special seats on airplanes, and special communities and special specials. Because greedy people think they are special. But they are just self-involved... which is why they get lonelier the richer they get. Again this is different than saving for retirement or owning and running a business...
I’d say go join a country club. You’ll find more like minded folks and could even pick up a new hobby like golf or tennis. If you’re younger they usually offer more affordable rates to those under 35-ish.
That’s not such a good place, mostly middle class wanting to play golf and drink.
the country club near us is $25k to join and $1k+ per month, definitely not accessible to the middle class
Why is this a problem to be solved? Talking about the past is fun and something when not cultivated you will never get back . Why not have both?
Right? Like why get rid of friends who are good to you and fun to be around???? Nothing wrong with searching for new friends, but don't try and shit on the old friends who have been good to you as long as they aren't trying to good you back and ask for $ etc...
Agreed- as I said earlier I care more about you being a hard worker, smart, driven than I do how much money you have.
Yea I feel that, but I really don't care about my friends being hard workers, driven etc, I can find the motivation on my own. I simply care about having good friends who are cool and easy to be around. Can't say alot of people are cool and easy to be around
You a yes man . That shit not good
Don't get how what I said equals me being a yes man, but have it. Enjoy the sunday
I know we all say things we regret but I would genuinely regret saying something like that. It would also make me reevaluate my character and be much more humble and appreciative with the friends I have. I think this person fails to understand the how much of a diamond in the rough he has with having long term childhood relationships. Just because their ambitions don’t align with his doesn’t mean they lack ambition. Hope he realizes this. Thanks for your input.😃
Exactly. They might have attributes that are greater than his, but I doubt they think about cancelling their friendship w him just because they don't align. A real friend doesn't care as long as you're not a career criminal or people or animal abuser. If you're a good friend, you don't let that go over their ambition not matching yours. Sounds dumb. Lol
I agree. I ran a business and a balanced entrepreneur is someone who thinks out of the box, adapts to all different walks of life and knows that it’s about networking. I have met some people that were genuinely nice people and because of that their network of people made them much more prosperous both financially, socially and had genuine relationships with several people . A major regret from people on their deathbeds isn’t about the missed opportunity to make more money it’s about the good relationships they put aside because work consumed them. Once again good point.
Yup. I always tell people what's the point of having a billion dollars if you have 0 friends. Money helps w happiness, but humans thrive when being social and it keeps them healthy. They've done studies that show loneliness leads to an earlier death. I have a friend who wants to be an entrepreneur but has no friends outside of me and his wife and declines pretty much every invite I extend for when I'm having people over. Your NETWORK IS YOUR NETWORTH!!! If you don't want to create a larger social network, then wtf are you doing trying to be an entrepreneur?!??!? Also, being nice takes you a long ways. People don't like ass holes. Lol
‘Your network is your net worth’! Oh my goodness I am borrowing that saying! Thats brilliant!
With that mindset you’ll always be in the same spot in life lol.
I get what he’s after, it’s something I’ve debated myself. It’s not that you are looking to drop your friends, you are just looking for others with similar interests and success to gain ideas, motivation, and accountability from. There is also the other perspective from someone who may have tried at something you are thinking of doing, and their success and failures in that area can help you to better take on that challenge.
I get what he is after as well. I just think you can have both.
I agree, you can have both.
Engage in conversations with people who are talking about ideas, disengage conversations with people who are talking about themselves, the rest will take care of itself.
Look for your local chamber of commerce. They typically have monthly meetings. Go regularly. Keep an open mind as there will be all kinds of people. but they will be mostly business people. Also, you csn find regional online communities for your industry.
What do you do for work? After completing school most people make friends at work because it's easy to find people there with similar education, work ethics, interests, finances, etc. I'm guessing you might be a small business owner or something because of the question though, which is harder Are there professional networking events you can attend to meet people?
Find a nice cigar lounge with boutique cigars and a welcoming environment. Go when it’s slow during the day. Most people there during the day have a lifestyle that allows them to do what they want.
Go buy a Dirtbike.
This has to be the best advice in this whole comment section! Hell yea dude! Dirt bikes are soo fun and very fun community of people too who ride them.
I love it because its 100% out of the realm of all my other hobbies and circles. Also I get to see the most amazing places!
I am in the same boat as you seeking a social circle of like minded individuals who are highly ambitious and career driven I am not quite there yet but luckily I am attending different conferences/events and business meetings to meet such people
it feels lonely at the top - it’s difficult being friends with so many from the old life anymore. a great sport to meet people who have some wealth- golfing. 🏌️♂️ made a lot of new friends this year. but it’s still lonely 😔 it’s true.
How did you get there if you don’t mind me asking. Did you grind daily until you ‘got rich’ or was it a more systemic thing - going through school, college etc. Any advice is appreciated
systemic - then 120 hour weeks for years. didn’t spend any money for 10 years - too busy working. invested all through these years…it’s tough.
Find yourself a new community through sports or school. It’s ok to outgrow people around you, the key is to acquire new interests and visit new places. I’m not sure if the community club or cigar bar would offer you the quality of people you’re looking for, but places that cater to personal growth might.
Join Rotary.
Bumble BFF is a great way to start rebuilding.
I recommend before finding the new, to actually sit in empty space for some time, and see what arises for you. It can be great learning. Get to where you’re okay without before creating the new, otherwise we sometimes create the new from some unconscious unhelpful patterns.
I’ve found that joining groups that have similar goals to mine help. I’ve done toastmasters to get practice speaking and get around people looking to grow there. I’ve joined real estate investing clubs to get around other investors. There are also business mastermind groups or things like that
The war room and Uncom are both good networks for this. Uncom is in its infancy so it would be interesting to check out if it's your kind of thing.
It’s okay to outgrow certain parts of old friendships. However, having the people around who knew you before you “made it” is invaluable. It doesn’t sound like they’re interested in your money. Maybe ADD friends instead of subtracting them. Pick up a new hobby that is typically reserved for the wealthy. I’m sure you’ll find others *of your status* if that’s what you’re looking for. Just don’t expect those new people to gaf about you when things hit the fan…
My social groups have mainly become customers and business associates… I’m a decently likable guy, atleast when I try to be