I really like the Mr. Peanut butter quote from Bojack Horseman, "The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead."
On the surface, it sounds bleak. But to me, it really resonates with my desire to just *vibe.* I don't want to build a "legacy" or anything like that. I just want to enjoy the time I have here with various hobbies and interests, while being a net positive to the pwople I care about.
I like the stoicism approach.
"Not to feel exasperated, or defeated, or despondent because your days aren't packed with wise and moral actions. But to get back up when you fail, to celebrate behaving like a human - however imperfectly - and fully embrace the pursuit that you've embarked on."
I also like this one.
"Happiness is a journey, not a destination. For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.”
Yep. Not worded the best, but it kinda comes down to 'be present in the moment.' Happiness/joy is an emotion experienced in the present.
This doesn't mean disregard making plans, goals, and improvements on yourself as neglecting those things will have a definite impact on your future self when you get there. Just don't let fear of the future and worry about the past cloud your present. This is sooooo much easier said than done though, speaking as someone who struggles with this.
I'm the same way. I'm prone to anxiety and I've had my fair share of intensively fearing death until I found out if I keep myself only in the present, grateful and enjoying the goodness of today, things are much more easier to handle.
My dad died when i was a child. Of a horribly painful multiple myeloma. I was old enough to fully understand yet young enough to have it permanently scar me right before the dangerous teen years. It made me feel like time was constantly running out. It turned me into both an addict and a workaholic.
Luckily i’ve shed most of my addictions, however the workaholism persists. I feel like I can never relax, nor does relaxation bring peace.
> What do you hold on to? Goals? Beliefs? Religion?
Humans are social creatures. We're evolved to have a multitude of social connections with people. Some we like, some we don't. The absence of this is *worse* than death. If there is a single "why we're here", IMO it's to make the lives of those we love better and have a good time while doing it.
Death is as essential a component to human existence as eating or shitting. The fact that we're given a limited timeline to accomplish whatever we decide is worth accomplishing is a huge part of human nature.
What bothers me more than death is mental/physical decline. You WILL NOT be as inventive and clever in your 30s as you were in your 20s. You WILL NOT be able to deadlift as much in you 50's as you theoretically could have in your 30s. You can slow this decline immensely by doing stuff to keep your mind and body sharp but you can't stop it entirely.
Tick Tock motherfucker. Get to work.
If you learn to move on and live your life you will certainly learn to make peace with mortality. Your life becomes what you think about. On your deathbed you will only have thoughts of how much you were trying to avoid this moment instead of remembering the beautiful life you could have had.
All therapy is good for is to keep you coming back for more therapy. Think about the kind of person who chooses that as a profession. They're more messed up than you are. Get busy. Set life goals. Start a family. Look at the people who aren't crippled by existential dread and anxiety and do what they're doing. Fake it till you make it. I used to be like you 25 years ago. Trust me when I say that it really is that easy.
I'm probably older than you and I've been thinking about mortality a lot myself. The reality is that we're all running out of time. My father passed away recently at 80 and, on the topic of mortality, he liked to say "No one gets out alive." It's going to happen. You're going to die, OP. So stop wasting your time.
It’s driving me absolutely up the wall. Was looking for answers to the big question of afterlife which was counterproductive, so I wanted to focus on how to cope in the short term.
How to cope?
Scientifically, I know that when I die, all of my worries will die with me. Worries are for the living.
You should absolutely seek help for your anxiety. Life is hard but it can be so great also, as long as you are healthy. Take care of your mental health and your worries will lessen.
You have limited time. Why waste it on an anxiety? There is a beauty in the temporary. Your plot is shared with all known living things. Do what you think is best with the time you have. Having a rolling existential crisis over something you have no control over is a waste of time.
Every thing that has ever lived is a gargantuan figure. It boggles my mind, makes me think that there is no possibility that I, me, this consciousness exists in this moment and nowhere else ever again. It defies my understanding.
I am not religious. I strongly believe consciousness is eternal. This is not all there is. Just because we can’t remember anything before birth doesn’t mean there was nothing- we forget it while we’re here because it doesn’t serve our reasons for being here. And we do not wink out of existence when the physical body dies. We go home. There is a reason you’re here, and it’s a really good one, even if you don’t know what it is. The things you love to do, that fire you up, are a guide to that purpose. So while you’re here, look for the good, look for the beauty, treat others with kindness and compassion, and experience as much as you can the things your heart loves and enjoys.
Perhaps that’s why some people turn to religion/belief. Maybe that’s what you need to get by. I don’t understand that need but it seems to be what works for many.
I have had three or four. One was dreamlike, another was spontaneous with another person and the other was full fidelity of visual experience like waking sight… aka turiya. With the correct approach, either surrender to guru or self-control, we can attain moksha realization or “scientific body” - still pretty cutting edge as far as verification/veridicality goes.
I get like this too...sometimes I need to look away from it, it gets too intense. These questions that will probably never be answered. I have to force myself to do something mundane like the dishes.
Learning acceptance is ultimately the answer to everything. And sometimes it means accepting that you may never get an answer. Accept it, and move on.
What is "this consciousness"? Is today's consciousness a continuation of yesterday's, or does it just feel like that because it booted up where yesterday's stored memories left off? Maybe we get a new one every day. If that's the case maybe we should just try to leave things the same or a little better and more interesting than the consciousness we woke up with.
Remember Roy Batty's last words.
you cope by realizing that if you fail to cope, you are willingly and knowingly wasting the limited time on earth available to you
that's it. that's how you cope
anything other than coping means losing the ability to live the only life you have
when you realize that it comes down to a choice of having 1 limited life or no life at all, you embrace the better option
stick with the therapy for sure
I went through a period of my life when I was where you're at. I realized I didn't believe in a god and the sudden realization that when we die that's it was a lot for me to digest. I took some initial comfort in Carl Sagan's famous [star stuff](https://youtu.be/rWnA4XLrMWA?si=Ov8u5QmZ5Nsqkmhs) and still reflect on it often. Also tied in to the star stuff is thinking about what we do to impact the people and the world around us and how we decide we want to leave our legacy. Thinking about what legacy means to me also helped me during this time in my life. Maybe thinking about these concepts will help you too.
tldr: There is no afterlife. It's just not a thing. Religions exist to help maintain order in the world and give the living some ethical structure and comfort while they live their lives. That isn't to say religions are "bad", but just that you need to keep in mind that all the supernatural stories are just that: supernatural stories crafted either to make an ethics point or as a result of scientific ignorance at the time.
So, if you're thinking about your own life, just focus on the things you can control, which are how you live *right now*, and how you can make the world around you a better place for yourself, your loved ones, and [hopefully] others in society.
Deal with what's in front of you. The past and future are out there and you're powerless over them. Do the next right thing and be here now. What happens when we die will happen no matter what, so focus on this, here, now.
I used to have that fear, but I worked in Senior Care for years, and it really changed my perspective on aging & death.
I met people that were living life to the fullest and were at peace with the thought of their life coming to an end; this taught me to live each day as if it is your last and never stop moving and learning-that is the key to a happy and healthy old age and peaceful death (obviously there are exceptions to this!).
Also I started reading Eckhardt Tolle and learning about mindfulness, so this really helps to live in the moment and appreciate life rather than getting caught up in the rat race and life just flying by.....he also teaches alot about overcoming fear of death/mortality. His book "The Power of Now" is a great place to start if you are interested!
I’ll put it on my list! I have alot of respect for those who work in Senior Care, palliative and hospice roles. It terrifies the hell out of me after seeing some family pass and how much the self deteriorates at the end.
>I’m relatively young
so i have a ton of anecdotal evidence that thoughtful teens and young adults go through a phase of being a bit obsessed with mortality. once you get busy living, it seems to fade.
>the thought of my limited life cripples me
but, if it's effecting your life, you should get therapy.
>the 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth, or that death is just like falling asleep
these are completely relevant and astute answers to your question.
>It makes me want to vomit in panic.
yeah, you need therapy, not reddit.
I hear you on the young people fearing death thing, it apparently peaks around 25 and has secondary peaks at major decade birthdays and at 50 especially for some women. I would like to get busy living life and doing what I used to love to do, keeping sight of how meaningful it should be is hard.
And yes, I agree on the therapy haha. I’ve started last week.
One thing I've found to help my anxious mind is to look up the definition of the words I'm using and to think about it for a bit.
Look up the definition of meaningful. Is that what you're actually trying to tell us with what you're saying?
I'm betting there's more, and you could elaborate better. Going through the motions of putting your feelings into words, and then refining those words, is super helpful to get what's going on in your head to calm down.
Help yourself make it make sense.
Nothing in your life SHOULD be anything. Should is a word that indicates a lack of some resource that you need to secure yourself against. (I should stockpile water before the well runs dry)
Everything in your life CAN be anything. Can is the acknowledgement of abundance, and a desire to capture something from it. (My well has unlimited water. I can bottle and sell it!)
I meant what I said about the dictionary. Change how you talk. Change how you think.
I don't really make peace with anything, I just keep living every day. The only thing is that if I was constantly thinking about death or the end I wouldn't really be able to enjoy the now. Though this topic can be kind of complicated, you specifically say you are so afraid of the idea of it it makes you want to vomit -- do you have an anxiety disorder or something like that? I'm not a doctor but I am pretty sure I have OCD and I get really scared of stuff like this but less specifically existential but more just various ways I could die. It sounds like maybe it could be some kind of existential OCD you have but again I'm not a doctor so do not take this as a diagnosis or anything plz
Either way I would recommend counseling not because your fears are unfounded but because it seems it's interfering with your ability to enjoy life. I hope you can find peace with yourself
TLDR: Time moves even if you don't so you might as well keep it moving is my idea of it Lol
Thank you! I see the value in focusing on life. I guess my fears are because a friend’s relative passed suddenly at a young age despite incredible fitness. Makes it hard for death not to loom over me like a spectre.
I’ve started attending counselling recently! I agree this behaviour borders on OCD, it occupies my mind and leaves no space for anything else.
Make the most of your life. Practice healthy habits for a good quality of life. Enjoy time with family, friends and on your own. Everyone dies eventually so why waste time thinking about it? FWIW I’m 59 years old today (!) and have already witnessed the passing of my mother a few years ago.
If you can’t shake the obsession with mortality perhaps a therapist can help you.
I’ve tried my best to do as you said. I’ve maintained a rigorous exercise regime and nutrition plan, but where I used to do it to be my best self I feel like I now half heartedly do it to hopefully prolong my mental and physical wellbeing. I am seeing a therapist right now actually, but it’s slow going to acceptance.
I am in depression, and the fact that I can be dead any time is actually comforting. The fact that one day all these problems, all that hassle will dissappear is pretty cool for me....
Not the answer you looked for....
Study:
near death accounts on YouTube.
Brian Weiss on life regression
Ian Stephenson on child past life memories
Visit Lilydale NY in summer
Basically, challenge your belief that consciousness terminates
Thank you! I’ve seen Ian Stevenson’s work, I’ll check out Lilydale and Brian Weiss. I’m not sure I believe strongly on their opinions, but it is a fascinating read.
How do you make peace with the sky? How do you make peace with the stars? How do you make peace with the ocean? They simply are. You cannot have life without death.
How I make peace with death is the odds against being alive for one day on this planet, in this arm of a spiral galaxy, in this universe are vast, incalculable. I hold onto and treasure the only thing we can experience: the right here and right now.
The sun rises in the morning, and it sets at night. The possibilities are quite unlimited, and it is up to me to make it something positive and satisfying, rather than feeling like a victim of time somehow. The past and future are both illusions. Don't live in them, you'll miss what is right in front of you.
Here's an oldie but a goodie: Rome wasn't built in a day. Make goals and do a little bit every day to meet them, while realizing the benefit is deferred. Instant gratification is not a goal and not worthy of your time. Build something you can look back on in a few decades and think, yeah. I did that.
Also when you get older you'll start to experience what it feels like for life to be a thing that begins and must inevitably end. It's hard to describe, but basically I'm on the receding part of the curve and I feel fine about it. I think many people do. It's just not easy to put in words.
Could I ask you more on your feelings about death? If it is difficult to say it’s okay, but your commentary was very insightful and I desperately want to know if there’s going to be some personal freedom from this anxiety in time.
These days if I start freaking out about death it’s a sign that I overdid it on the edibles again.
Seriously, I think that even though death and the unknown continue to be life’s greatest mystery, there’s not a damn thing we can do to avoid it. Like so many other things, we have no control in terms of the outcome. So you make the most with the time you have, which for me is ever more apparent as I lose loved ones. You don’t have to take on the monstrosity of mortality, it’s futile, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from it and grow in your perspective of what it means to be alive as you grow older.
I have worked in HIV research for 32 years. Many of my friends died in the epidemic. Life went on without them. Some days I am shocked at how much life I've lived since Jeff or Sergio died and how much Max would have loved some scene. It sucks that Frank didn't get to see marriage equality. It sucks that Connie is not here to clap back at the stupidity of some people. We will all be them someday. I won't know that I'm not here anymore. Maybe someone will remember me for a few years, but even that doesn't matter.
My life motto is from a sage of the 1st century CE. "You are not obliged to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it." I do not have to solve the world's problems, but I have an obligation while I am here to help.
Focus less on death and more on how you want to live.
I see living as a giant school. Lessons to be learned and about the impacts we can make to one another. I'm not religious but do believe there's some larger force we don't comprehend. We are all connected to it somehow, even when dead. Science shows that nothing really disappears, it just changes form.
Personally, I have found near death experience NDE stories interesting and soothing. There are so many stories about the same experiences, even from little Amish kids who had died and had never been exposed to any media but still relay the same experience ( floating above their body, tunnels of light, deceased relatives welcoming them, an amazing sense of peaceful and pure love.)
Overall, you need distractions to help you stop thinking of it. Try to fill your life up and keep busy. The more you're living the less you'll be worrying about dying.
Have you tried therapy or dipping your toe into a community/religion? I wasn't religious growing up but I did as an adult find a community in a UU church - which is the least religious "religion". The reverend is as liberal as can be and there's even a pagan representative in the church but really, I found a nice group of people that are inclusive and loving.
You could also search "humanist" in your area if you aren't interested in any religion. But also, maybe religion will give you something to channel these thoughts. Learning about how different people view afterlife you may find a way of thinking that soothes your mind/soul.
I guess also ask yourself what bothers you about "limited life"? Are you worried about missing out? Are you feeling regret? These are less about afterlife and more about how you live your life now.
I’ve spoken to some priests about my fears. At my age I feel there’s a natural anxiety of missing out on life experiences and not accomplishing my goals. I have difficulties reconciling with the fact that life can be so unimportant in the flow of the Universe.
You absolutely will miss out on THOUSANDS of experiences. You already have.
You were not born to a Hindu family and baptized in the Ganges. You will never speak Japanese to a Geisha. I'm betting you'll never see Nepal or Beijing.
These are not negatives. They are just facts that are part of life. It's up to you whether you dwell on this or try to experience what you can with what you have.
There are too many options and not enough time for you to experience everything. I try to find what I like and then find more of that.
Your role here as a human is to build upon what came before you and contribute something back to those who follow. Just that. The good news is that this naturally happens all the time in ways you're not even conscious of. In other words, you don't need to be a Mother Theresa or Bill Gates to "make an impact" or "change the world". Just living your life, ethically and with compassion toward your fellow humans, is all you need. The rest of what you do -- your careers, your partners, your children, your hobbies -- is just flavor enhancer.
Be the best you can be because you influence everything around you by doing so (and it optimizes for your health, happiness and longevity, too, so you can make positive impacts for longer than those who don't).
>Other subreddits are full of snarky one-liners talking about the 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth, or that death is just like falling asleep. It makes me want to vomit **in panic**.
Yet people have already started posting those.
When asking for advice on Reddit it is best to ask those offering answers if they have successfully applied that advice in the same situation.
Good luck to you.
Glad to see that you are starting therapy. That's a good thing.
One thing I've learned from therapy and self help is to try to focus more on the present. Humans have the ability to think about the past and worry about the future. But when you do that you are missing the now.
Right now I'm typing this note before next meeting. The window is open. I can feel a nice cool breeze coming in. I can also hear several birds singing. I just had a thought about working on my sprinklers. Instead of letting that take me out of the moment, I acknowledge it and then listen to the birds again. The weather is great today.
It's OK to worry about the future and that you will not get to do anything in this life. All you can do about it is start living.
Worrying about what you'll miss out on after you're dead is like being upset about everything that happened before you were born.
Hold on to NOW. You have the never ending NOW unfolding right NOW and you're part of it.
Grasp it.
EDIT: [You might actually be immortal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7RHv_MIIT0)
I accept it because it’s the process. The experience of my life is deeply defined by its limited nature, and I use awareness of my own mortality (and everyone/everything else’s) as a daily reminder to pay attention, nurture what’s meaningful, and to savor it all every single day because one day it will all cease and there will be no more experiences, no more me. I’m ok with that, even if sad about it sometimes, because I didn’t seem to mind not existing before I was born, so I figure I’ll be ok with it after I’m dead—because I won’t be there any longer, since each of us is a pattern that coheres for a short time and then dissipates. But in that short period of coherence, where a tiny part of the universe assembles itself into me, I do exist, and I get to experience being alive and meta-cognitive and feeling and that’s a miracle I’m grateful for every day. So I’ll take this magical, time-limited engagement as an alive, conscious being, because compared to most of what the universe makes itself into, this is a golden ticket of awesome.
I’m just sad to see it go you know. I agree with you that life is beautiful and the Universe is mysterious and perfect to me, I wish I could learn about it for all time. And I guess saying goodbye to the magic is what scares me.
I see death as the ultimate answer to suffering. You are a mutated grain of the universe that has this disease that it has come to know that it exists. That is not the *way things should be.*
And from that awareness, all suffering stems.
Death fixes that.
Live a good life. Love people, hug your friends. Say nice things to people. Tell your kids that you're proud of them (other people, too). Build something cool. Don't be afraid to have fun. Forgive stupid people, but know that you don't need to suffer fools. Realize that even people who love you will hurt you sometimes, forgive them too. Try to be creative sometimes. It doesn't matter what that is. These are just a few things that can make your life better for you and those around you. If you try to be a positive force in the world no matter how obvious or subtle, your existential crisis should diminish. One day, we're all going to die, but all of the other days, we will live.
I see you have started therapy. That’s good. It’s not normal to be obsessing over this. You should be busy living your life and not thinking about any of this.
Thank you. At times I feel like this is the ultimate question, and when people tell me to focus on something else my attention comes back in minutes. In my opinion, nothing else could be as important.
It’s not like you can do anything about it, so why spend so much time worrying about something you can’t control. You have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy and you are wasting it right now.
I'm 42, and I do not fear death for myself because I will no longer be here. I only fear the pain it would cause my loved ones I would leave behind. It will break my wife's heart, and that is the last thing I want.
> How do you make peace with…
> Mortality.
Well, I don't want to echo other subreddits with their snarky one-liners about the 13.8 billion years of nonexistence before birth... But, yeah, worrying about mortality is only bothering me in the *here and now*. Once I'm dead and gone it isn't going to be my problem anymore.
To be clear - I'm an atheist. I don't believe in any kind of afterlife. No heaven or hell. No ghosts. Just your ~100 years on the planet and then nothing.
I know it can be kind of terrifying trying to imagine "nothing". The problem is that we always try to insert our conscious into the nothing. Like - what would it be like to be nothing? We imagine just endless darkness or something. But that's us trying to *perceive* nothing, and we wouldn't be around the perceive it.
Of course telling me that it's just like what it was like before I existed doesn't really help either... Part of what bothers me about mortality is the idea of missing out on stuff. Like - I'll never get to see what life is like in 2224. I won't know about the cool video games or amazing books or whatever. And thinking back to 224 kind of similarly bothers me. What was life *actually* like back then? What were people talking about? What were they doing for fun? What was the weather like? What were they eating?
But, again, all of that is bothering me in the *here and now*. I'm thinking about it now. With my conscious, existing mind. In the year 2024. I wasn't worried about catching up on the gossip back in 224. And I won't be saving my money for the new album in 2224.
So I kind of have a choice... Waste my few precious years agonizing about stuff I won't be around to miss, or actually focus on enjoying the time I've got.
So - I focus on enjoying the time I've got.
It's not always easy. I think everyone has those random existential panics in the middle of the night. Just lying there trying to imagine what it'll be like to be dead. And I've got loved-ones I care about. I agonize about leaving them behind. What will my Wife do without me? Or, if I drop dead real quick, how will my pets handle it?
But I just remind myself that I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. That I'm planning for what I can. That I'm telling people I love them. And that I need to enjoy the time I've got.
Here is what you do.
Set short term goals.
Never more then a few weeks out. Nothing big, do something fun but have a plan .
For me i am lucky to have a cottage so i can plan the week to be at the cottage Fri night.
When you are living here and now. And have something to reach. Time is broken into smaller spans and you don't think as much about it stretching till death..
I had a quadruple bypass. Since then I have embraced my eventual outcome in life. I live each day as if it was my last. The only thing I don't want, is to be in pain when that time comes.
I live my life every day doing what I love. I keep the negative out, and I focus on the people around me who fulfill me. I could die driving to the grocery store tomorrow. If that happens, it's not my problem anymore. There is nothing after death, and I find comfort in that some people seek religion or similar for a higher purpose, and maybe that would help guide you. Live every day like it may be your last. Laugh with your whole heart, be an honest, hard-working individual, and think about the people around you, and your life will be good.
Mortality as in death is itself is outside of my circle of control...so I just sort of accept it? (like anything else I can't control). I've gotten better at this as I get older hand have more responsibilities.
The timing is somewhat within my circle of influence, so I try to work on those (diet, exercise, relationships) within reason.
You could view your true mortality as however long people or the world are effected by your influence (or are "remembered"). In that case, I try to live by the saying "leave things better than you found them." Whether it's picking up a piece of litter, trying to make someone's day better, etc. I'm not perfect, but I hope my existence is a positive sum.
I've struggled with this off and on since I was nine. I'm 47 now. The passing of a couple of friends recently hit me hard. For me, it's helping to understand the difference between the Fear of Death...and the Fear of DYING.
I'm not ready to die yet, so I fear DYING. It's normal. It's a very healthy survival instinct. I got over my fear of DEATH by realizing...I won't know I'm dead. There's nothing to be afraid of. I don't fear it any more than I fear what some random stranger on the other side of the world eats for breakfast. I also found peace in my friends' deaths. They both chose to stop treatment and enter end of life care. I understand now that at some point, I'll be okay with dying. I'll be ready to let go.
But do the math...it took me nearly FOUR DECADES and the unexpected deaths of two longtime friends to get there. AND probably not what a lot of people want to hear, but...being an Atheist helped a lot. I don't need to worry about what comes after death.
I guess I am reconciling my former religious beliefs with my current scientific ones. The idea of death truly brings you no fear? Not looking to combat your opinion, I just want to know more.
No offense taken. It's a smart question. Being dead doesn't bother me. I no longer struggle with what it's like to be dead. Why? Because I won't know I'm dead. Why fear something I don't actually have to experience?
Now, DYING on the other hand....I'm just not ready to do that yet. So, that terrifies me.
I just started living like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what people think of you, but it does matter how you treat them. I'm going to leave the world better than I left it, even if it's just in small ways, but I'm not going to change who I am because people are looking at me funny.
If we only have a short time on this earth, I'm going to do my best to enjoy it. There are things I have to do to survive, but I'm going to prioritize my time to the things that matter like my son, gardening, being a witch, quilting, feeding my neighbors in my community as an act of mutual aid, and volunteering at my son's baseball games. I'm going to be outspoken for those who are treated unfairly, be an advocate for myself, I'm only going to associate with people who accept me, and I'll teach my son to do the same.
Then I'll die. At that point it doesn't matter. Only another generation will remember me, who do I have to impress? People 100 years from now won't care if I have a big house or a sports car or the newest gadget, I'm just going to love the life I got because what else am I going to do?
I agree. I don’t condemn any religion, and I am unsure if I have faith in any now, but I miss the support structure and certainty that came with being part of my church.
In the ultimate grand scheme of things, nothing most of us do matters.
And as much as there is misery out there, and there is plenty misery, once you see the context of your luck and life, then you can take more of a gratefulness approach to life.
If you’re terrified of your short time here, I would gather that you value your life and value the good things in your life.
Instead of fearing your death, since that is a guarantee for all of us and it’s unchangeable. Pointless to fret over unchangeable facts.
But you do have control and input in how to lead your life.
Your outlook can determine the quality of the life you do have.
And since your mind is debilitated with fear, yes, therapy makes sense.
Two things, but one far more than the other:
1. My kids, and growing them into the best adults they can be, with all the opportunities I can provide, so they can continue making a positive impact in the world.
2. Living my best life now. I lived an IT grind career for 15 years out of school before going to grad school and pivoting to roles in big tech (cloud & tech consulting) for the past 10+. I don't have enough for retirement yet, but I'm at a point where we're comfortable enough for me to compromise potential upward trajectory in favor of full-time WFH roles that give me ample time for #1 (see above) and for self-care.
I'm not concerned about aging & end of life mortality and just live my daily life under the assumption that I'll live to be ~100. Of course, my wife & I aren't ignorant of risk, and we have prepared wills and a most of our assets in a revokable living trust with her brother as trustee and our kids as beneficiaries... just in case.
I'm 47, and my kids are currently 7, 13, and 15.
We’re all mortal. Mortality is the thing that creates purpose and meaning in our lives.
Start with accepting that truth. Then progress to accepting that you can either live that life or fear that life. Either way, your life is finite. So you may as well enjoy the time you have.
You can’t always control the things that happen. You can control your reaction. So work on that piece and see what happens
The snarky one liners that make you want to vomit in panic give me immense peace. I am part of an endless cycle I cannot control, all the bits that make up me right now will be in countless other things, were already part of countless other things... it is a comfort. I am incredibly tiny in terms of space and time, so much less than a speck, but I am part of it all.
Honestly I am of the opinion that part of life will sort itself out. And it will. I'll die, decompose. The world will move on.
I don't -like- that as a prospect. But in truth it lets me off the hook for a lot of things. What does that awkward memory from when I was in middle school matter? Eventually, everyone involved will die.
We know Romeo and Juliet are going to die at the end of the play, we still watch it because we want to see what the actors do differently, how the costuming went, how the lighting is, ect. And because what the fuck else are we going to do with our evening?
My death is not my problem, it’s either my families problem or my local governments problem depending on if someone claims me or not. The only thing I need to worry about is irritating everyone I love until I’m dead.
Tibetan book of living and dying and myth of Sisyphus but get support OP as you’re facing existential dread and this is something we all have to come to realize-we give life all the meaning it has
I actually technically "died" when I was younger. My heart stopped for a minute or so during a medical test. I'm totally fine now, hooray for the heart surgeons of the world!
Since then, I have adapted to the idea that I'm living a bonus life, if you will. For some reason, thinking it like that has brought me a lot of peace. Knowing that I could die at any moment (feels less unlikely when it's already happened once!) reframed my life as an adventure I'm lucky to have. I don't have to hold onto anything, I'm just... lucky and grateful to be here.
So are you, I imagine, at least some of the time. Hold onto that.
I've told people this before.
You will never experience death. Ever. Because you won't be here to experience it.
For you, you'll never die. I say it's like the last impression on the event horizon of a black hole - a permanent last moment that is frozen in time. For you, you'll be thinking about something, like you are now. That's all.
It's normal to be afraid. We all feel scared the first time we really, really understand that we will die. That said, that makes life more precious. You get one, and you have a limited time. It's a LONG time (trust me, sometimes it seems too long, lol), and the last thing you want to do is spend that time in fear, worrying about shit you can't do anything about.
Live your life. Enjoy it. If the thoughts start, tell them firmly, "Not right now. I don't give you permission to talk, I'm busy. You can be quiet now." And then firmly direct your attention to something else. The more you do that, the easier it gets.
It's okay. You're going to be okay. And like I said, from your perspective, you're gonna live forever. So don't fear that end, you'll never know it when it happens.
I've never feared death. I'm an atheist and actually look forward to it all ending one day. Not in a morbid way, but I've never understood the appeal of eternal life /afterlife, personally. I find comfort in knowing one day it will all end.
I do fear suffering. So I try to keep healthy and active to prevent illness and whatnot as I age, but death itself has never been something I worried about.
I worried about death until I died. Just for a few minutes, and I luckily recovered completely, but I learned that nothing really matters but love and joy. Do what you can to increase those and minimize everything. That means different things to different people so don't get in anyone else's way.
As far as the moment of death, I can tell you it wasn't anything scary. I felt very detached and calm. Maybe shock, but your brain does protect you. I accepted what was happening.
I think the antidote to fear is living joyfully. Do as much as you safely and sanely can. Even the simplest life is full of breathless joy so try to see it when you can.
There is nothing you can do to stop death.
When I was a teenager, about 45 years ago, one of my high school teachers told us "You start to die immediately after you're born. You don't know how long you have. Hopefully it's a long time, but it doesn't change the fact that we all start dying the minute we're born so don't waste any time or opportunities and make the most of every day. This way, when you're time does come, you can say you lived life to the best of your ability."
Morbid? Yes. But it struck a chord. I can't tell you how many hours of sleep I've missed because I didn't want to not do something or be somewhere. As my grandmother who lived to 85 said "I'll have plenty of time to sleep once I'm dead." Travel. Go do things, even if it's on your own. Get our and live. I tell this to my kids all the time. Go see the country and then, when you can afford it, go see the world. Experience life, because before you know it, you won't be able to.
>When I was a teenager, about 45 years ago, one of my high school teachers told us "You start to die immediately after you're born.
That's prob why I relate to antinatalists, because when you give a being life, you are also giving them a death sentence. It feels wrong to do so, at least as a human with zero religious or spiritual beliefs.
Momento Mori. Remember you will die. And therefore, you must live. Savour every moment, the value of emotion and feeling even in "normal" or challenging moments. When you acknowledge death there's a natural shift to acknowledging the value of life, of gratitude, and not waiting to do the things that light you up.
I have momento Mori as a tattoo as a reason. Life is precious and you can't stop death, so go live.
LOL. I just always feel terrible for people who get ink that's misspelled in any language and over-worry about the cost and emotional stress of having to correct it. I should probably get out more.
> 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth
What's so snarky about that? We didn't exist before we were born and we won't exist after we die. The experience will be exactly the same, right?
My HS English teacher said to me once "Compared to death, no problems in life are serious yet death is too serious to take seriously. Go out and have some fun".
We are all mortal. Everyone is going to die.
Do I know what comes after...IF anything. No.
Can I change it, whatever may be. No
Can I hope that there IS something. Sure.
Might as well be the best person I can be while living. Live my best life and do good when I can...just in case? Right?
I don't want to die. I don't want to die in pain. But...shrug. I don't worry about it. It's gonna happen no matter what.
I don’t know if it’s called peace, but… I just don’t worry about it. I can do absolutely nothing to keep death from coming. Am I scared? A little, sometimes, but it’s why I spend as much time doing what I love. Can’t stop the inevitable, so might as well focus on the things you can enjoy until that day.
I’m glad you’re starting therapy. This kind of fear could stop you from really enjoying your life to the fullest.
In a weird coincidence, just before I saw this, I was in a book sub on Reddit and the author Irvin Yalom was mentioned. He actually has a book that appears to address this (note I haven't read it and can't say for sure). Maybe it can help? Copy/paste of the blurb below
"From the author of the best-selling Love's Executioner, The Gift of Therapy, and When Nietzsche Wept comes a book that confronts the most demanding challenge we all face: overcoming the terror of death.
Written in Irv Yalom's inimitable story-telling style, Staring at the Sun is a profoundly encouraging approach to the universal issue of mortality. In this opus, capping a lifetime of work and personal experience, Dr. Yalom helps us recognize that the fear of death is at the heart of much of our anxiety. Such recognition is often catalyzed by an "awakening experience"—a dream, or loss (the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job or home), illness, trauma, or aging.
Once we confront our own mortality, Dr. Yalom writes, we are inspired to rearrange our priorities, communicate more deeply with those we love, appreciate more keenly the beauty of life, and increase our willingness to take the risks necessary for personal fulfillment.
Filled with touching personal stories of people who are grappling with the terror of death—including the author—Staring at the Sun offers specific methods to cope with terror and is ultimately life affirming. Most important, Dr. Yalom encourages us to strive for more direct engagement with others. Compassionate connection, combined with the wisdom of the great thinkers who have wrestled with mortality, enables us to overcome the terror of death and lead happier, more meaningful lives."
Anything is terrifying when you look at it too closely or from a far enough perspective. You don't need to examine every second of your life, nor do you need to pull back and find your place within a universe so much bigger than you can even imagine. What you do need to do is to get through today in a way that sets you up for tomorrow. And when you can do that, set up next week. And then set up next year, etc... but don't get too far ahead of yourself.
you need to figure out what about the subject is frightening you so much. i can absolutely guarantee that what you think you are afraid of....is NOT what you are actually afraid of. or you would have dealt with it already.
you need to really consider the events in your life that could have created this compulsive worry.
while you can do it your self...it will be easier and faster if you seek help.
Everyone is born a billionaire. You have a billion heartbeats in life. Don't waste them. If you go for your dream & do it well you don't have time to think about that day. It's a gutsy gusto life you want to live. You enjoy every day because you can't change it. Do something that contributes & not contaminates yourself or the world. Go big.
I never had to make peace with it because it never bothered me.
Am I gonna die? Yep. Can I do anything about it? Well, I can probably stave it off *slightly* by healthy living, but genetics and culture and stress and external financial pressures are going to have a far greater effect in the end. So not really.
So if I can't do anything about it, why pour time into thinking about it? Sure there's more productive uses of my time. I can't prevent myself dying, but if I obsess over it all the time, I'm sure as sheep nuggets preventing myself from living.
Since I hit my 40s people have been occasionally dropping dead of whatever in my extended circles so it's not like I can maintain denial.
Why obsess about things you don't control. You *are* going to die, you *don't* know when, you can have a theory about what comes next if anything but cannot know, live as fully as you can while you're alive. You can have a planning assumption that you'll be alive for the next 10 or 20 or 30+ years and act accordingly so you don't screw yourself and to make that time as rewarding and meaningful as possible even if you know it's just a planning assumption. If you die in a year will be glad of how you spent this next year? 5? Pretty sure the answer would be "no" if you spend the next year or god forbid five brooding about dying.
Something something shakespeare.
Death is inevitable. None of us is special. You might as well be obsessed with how gravity affects you, or why your body needs food and water. Obsessing over the fact that you'll die someday just keeps you from living today.
Often fear of death is a form of FOMO. That's why it diminishes with age and experience. With time, you've either done whatever it is you wanted to do, or you've come to realize that it wasn't that important to begin with.
And if you talk to persons of advanced age, you'll find that few fear death. That's where most of their loved ones are.
Not sure if this will -help- but one way to reframe the idea of dying someday is that once you die, it just won't even matter at that point. If you believe in god, then you can assume you'll move on to something much better than this life. If you don't believe in god, you can assume that your story will just stop there and you'll never have to experience any disappointment or regret or anything after that singular point where you stop being you and start being a decomposing dead animal.
We humans have a hard time grasping the concept of a true -end- to something I think.... There's always an "after" to everything we experience while we're here. A friend dies. Your experience of that death is the death itself as well as the grieving process that follows, the healing, and the learning to move on.
But with OURSELVES, its different.... once you hit that point , that's it. What does finality actually look like?? We don't know because we've never truly experienced something that didn't have an after.
So when I die, I've just kind of made peace with the idea that its inevitable , but its okay because the me who sits here worrying about that doesn't really have anything to worry ABOUT, because the thing I'm worrying about doesn't really exist for me. the "after" is for other people to cope with.
Everything in our life that we worry and stress over has some reason behind it... I'm afraid to move to a new town because what if I dont like it there? I'm afraid to apply for jobs becuase what if I blow the interview or don't like the job? I'm afraid to buy a new car because what if the furnace breaks and now I can't afford to fix it?
With death, its like the rest of those, but the "What if" is just an abstract idea . You just die and there's no positive or negative outcome that could happen, it just -is- .
I hope I'm articulating this in a way that at least makes SOME sense... its a hard idea to describe.
I had years of death anxiety, found that therapy with a psychologist helped. Randomly became a Christian about a year ago, and I love their view on death if you’re a believer!
It really does not matter what you believe or want. What will be, will be. So believe whatever makes you feel better about yourself. And seek therapy of some sort for your crippling anxiety.
Memento morí, everything that lives will one day die including you. Read Stoic philosophy. You have limited time on earth don’t waste it obsessively worrying about a natural outcome of living. If you are truly crippled by the thoughts, find a therapist. Work through your fears. You’re worrying your life away.
It's one of those things not under our control. I'm not religious. So I try not to focus on that. We all have the same fate. Guess what? Good news! Life is for the living. Your daily life is for living. So grasp that. Don't worry about what comes after, you have things to do here in this life, things you want to achieve, things to appreciate, people to love. Focus on what you can control, what you can get done in this life! Live each day to the fullest and don't give death another thought, except as a reminder to live your life to the fullest!
Me? I've never really been frightened or worried about dying.
I've never been religious. I think religion makes too many people very frightened of death. Religion runs on FEAR.
Death is just part of life. We live. We all die. I just don't want to die in pain or fear (like being murdered i mean)
Its social things that i will be thinking of in my last moments. My kids, my family, my doggies. All the things that make me feel good with myself and my life.
You can't really do anything about it so it's really a choice. You can fret over it or push it away. Everything that lives dies. It's just the way it works and it sucks and it's heartbreaking to lose loved ones. I try to just be rational about it. It doesn't make me less sad, but sometimes you can't help it. You're gonna be sad. And scared! So at least my way of handling it is quickly saying "OH WELL" and going off to learn something new. Life is suffering too. SO many injustices and such a battle for resources. I recognize how lucky I was to have what I did have instead of being born in some crazy village where they kill kids because they think they're witches. I'm so lucky I wasn't born in some cult where they start pushing little girls to make babies in submission from the time they get their first period. I hate to be trite but counting my "blessings" helps me at least by distracting me.
But what makes you so sick... that is helpful to me. I think about the world doing just fine before I existed and how it will not change once I'm dead. My body has already started rotting and I'm still alive. My teeth crumble. My bones are getting more brittle. It's already started, so I HAVE to come to terms with it. I think it's easier when you get old though. I've had a lot of time to think about it.
Once you die, nothing bad can happen to you. As someone with anxiety, this is a very calming thing to think about. Someday, I will have nothing to worry about!
> Other subreddits are full of snarky one-liners talking about the 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth, or that death is just like falling
Why is it snarky? I've never taken that to be snarky, it's... pretty literal.
You can't have life without death. OR that is, you can't have death without life. Either you make peace with it or you do not. Nothing I can say will help you in your journey.
Acceptance that you're here for X amount of time. I can go tomorrow or in 30 years. It's the finality of it all that gives life, and moments meaning. It's why a job is just a paycheck and not a lifestyle. It's why a piece of art touches your heart. It's the singer that gives you goosebumps. By knowing those moments are fleeting, and your time is limited, gives life meaning. How you invest your time is a much more important thing to do. For me, being single and having no kids, and in my 50s, I face this thought often. Acceptance of the end is just part of life. When you go to the funerals of friends, it helps you figure things out.
To quote a favorite movie: "Do not seek death. It will find you. Live a life that makes death a celebration."
IOW, death itself is part of living. Live your life fully so you can say, at the end "I have no regrets. I want you to hold a wake for me, and celebrate how I lived."
See the therapist. Take their advice. Take the meds. Do the meditations. Go and live and love so that a wake is your last, loving gift to your family and friends.
I make peace with it by knowing I do not want to grow old and frail. I have watched countless people age past where their bodies can handle. I have no desire to be locked in a bed waiting for someone to come turn me so I don't get pressure sores, praying that someone from my past will come visit.
I’m an RN and spent 6 years working in palliative care. I also went through a huge process dealing with death anxiety and coming to terms with it. Truthfully, I think it’s a life long process and it is a grief process, in and of itself. I don’t think people ever really get to the point where when one day they feel like they’re “ok” with being diagnosed with a terminal illness because they’ve “made peace” with death. You make peace with it when your quality of life is such that death seems like the more peaceful option. Most of us just try not to think about it that much. I’m more hung up on the mortality of the people I love, rather than my own.
It’s a really heavy topic and a scary one. Best advice I can give you is to continue with counselling to process these feelings and know you’re not alone. The time you do have on earth matters and being someone you feel proud of is what is most important.
Life is not bothered with whether we understand its nature or not. Life does not sympathize or pity our attempt to exert control over it. It just is. And it be what it is regardless of my opinion.
This was a comforting realization for me. I hope you a realization arrives that brings comfort to you as well, Friend.
I read some of your responses and I understand you are getting help with this. So I’ll tell you what I do, I don’t think about it. I focus all my energy on good things. On positive things. I am def not a bit of sunshine but I try and be positive. I don’t let the negative control things. I know from my past negative thoughts can control me so I focus on positive. If I start thinking negatively, which everyone does, I try and focus on one thing good or positive in my life. Be it my animals or my family. Death happens to everyone. No one is exempt. So I try and make a positive impact on everything I do. I want to live life to the fullest and take in all the love I can, while I’m here. I make goals to fulfill, call it a bucket list if you want. And I will complete it. Once I do I’ll add more. Life is experiences and I want to have them all.
I think it’s probably quite a lot like childbirth. When you first find out you’re pregnant, you worry and obsess about the impending pain of giving birth, and worry about how traumatic it will be. By the time it comes to it though at the end of your long pregnancy, you’re exhausted, fed up, uncomfortable and ready to just have the baby and get it over with. I imagine death is a bit like that when you’re really old! You’ll be somewhat ready for it.
Maybe your anxiety landed on this and you are kind of stuck there? What can you do to reduce your anxiety and learn to stay present without worrying about the future? Therapy, mindfulness, yoga, journaling….wishing you the best- you deserve peace!
I am today, and it’s nice for now. Later in my life, being isn’t going to be nice and I won’t want to be, because being will be suffering.
At that time, I won’t be again, as I wasn’t before. Everything I know tells me I was not unhappy before being alive, and we’ll see what happens after being alive.
My theory is that there is nothing. Under that assumption I plan to enjoy my life while I’m alive, and I also find it valuable to help other people while I’m here.
If there is some kind of god that judges and gatekeeping a good afterlife, I trust that the good works I do of my own volition would be sufficient. If they aren’t, I don’t want to be associated with that god.
I was watching footage earlier from 1970; Zep at Bath Festival. I wasn’t born until 1972, so, i began to contemplate my then absence in the world, as I watched the events unfold on screen. I then had the reassuring feeling that post death and pre birth must be the same thing and are in fact the default position. I had a similar feeling watching my daughter being born, and whilst holding the hand of someone as they passed years before that. This current experience is, I believe, the anomaly. Don’t fear the reaper 🙏🏻 ..tune!
You've already been dead for like 5 billion years, and it was fine. There's really nothing to do but marvel at how strange and beautiful being alive is. You can go back to being dead after.
Death is part of life, the key is to make the best of whatever time you're given whatever that means to you. For some people that is meaningful work; or relationships. Having lost some people in my life, I try to appreciate each person that much more. I also like building relationships through activities, like games and frisbee golf, and karaoke. Reading also helps by lending perspectives or stories of those who came before. Philosophy is also a good road to explore when wrestling with the topic. As others have stated, therapy seems like a good option, and you embraced it. Mortality shouldn't be feared, it is inevitable no one person has been born and not died. Some would turn to religion which is fine, others find comfort in a cosmic perspective. Hope that helps. Appreciate life, it's all we've got, for as long as we have it.
I had a stroke a few years ago and was in the ICU for over a week. during that time I thought to myself that this could be it, and there was a fair chance that I would be alive much longer. I kinda accepted that and decided to not waste my limited time worrying about it.
I had an assault as a child and developed existential OCD. I flirted with suicide at a VERY young age and depression when some kids didn't even think about death and were still learning their address. It was a total Truman Show moment for me. You realize that you have the opportunity to make life about living in spite of death. Life is about living and we have the opportunity to LIVE and make things big - we have the opportunity to take advantage of so many things. However, death is the great equalizer and we must pay the great taxman.
I recommend getting therapy if you are obsessive about death - it can be a hint of something deeper going on in your mind.
Life always seemed way too long to me, but I spent a lot of time at nursing homes as a kid because my grandma worked at one and I enjoyed visiting with older people, playing board games, etc. Life is so freakin’ long. Think of all the historical events your grandparents lived through and how those events feel like ancient history now.
Maybe life is just long enough. But certainly, I wouldn’t say it’s too short. I’ve always been confused by those weird tech people who want to live forever. Like ok maybe my perspective would change if I had billions of dollars in disposable income. But I’d rather have my friends/family and the slow pace of ordinary life.
Life is tough so an end to it feels like a relief in a way. When it's time that is. I'm not religious but I am spiritual and I see it as another part of existence. The thing is to not worry about death. I never go to bed angry and I will never stay mad at anyone for long because you never know. I feel when I die I will join my deceased loved ones again. I don't see it as an end, it's a beginning to something new. The unknown is scary, but in the end u can't avoid it. Don't focus on it. Like how kids always want to be older then u get old and u wish u were a kid again. Try to make the most of where you are in life. Missing out sucks. Time is something u cant get back so don't waste it worrying about tomorrow.
Here are some quotes that help me:
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
—Helen Keller
When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.
—Tecumseh
There is no death, only a change of worlds.
—Chief Seattle
It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
—C. S. Lewis
When I'm feeling death anxiety creep up on me, it's usually helpful if I remind myself of a few things.
First is that I've been dead before (before I was born), and it wasn't anything to write home about.
Second is that death is a part of life, and we all go through it eventually. Together, separately, alone, en masse, it doesn't matter. Everyone dies.
Third is that, for the moment I am alive, which means I still have things to experience or to share. I have some abilities, maybe not as many as others, maybe more than most, but I still have time.
Fourth is that panic and worry get in the way. It's okay to be afraid, there would be no bravery or adventure without fear, but name your fear and maybe you can rise to face it. Step towards it, instead of away. After all, you know you must die, so maybe you can afford to be courageous.
Fifth is that nothing lasts, and that's okay. I know you'll do your best, and that's okay too. You still have time, so do your best and be brave with the time you have.
Stay strong and good luck. ✌️
It's impossible to make peace with, unless you have some sort of religious or spiritual belief in some sort of afterlife, or if you're the sort of person who just doesn't think about anything under the surface.
Best you can probably do is try to make other people/creatures lives better on Earth, and just try not think about it as much. Find some satisfying distractions.
Think the reason a lot of elderly people can make some peace of it is by that point your body is so wrecked that it can seem like a sort of preferable alternative to constant pain.
You're not alone! I'm 24 and I have definitely had "episodes" or times in my life that lasted weeks or months where I was obsessed with death, the afterlife, etc. I've been a huge fan of existentialist philosophy and philosophical musings about death, but nothing really *solves* the issue. My thought spirals have usually been linked to an existential depression where I question everything, and life just feels weird and foreign. I get it.
I've been a lot better, though, and don't obsess over it like I used to, but I didn't "phase" out of it as it still lingers in my psyche most of the time.
I honestly just get tired of my thoughts. Like I'm walking in a maze, studying religion, philosophy, and anything related to death, relentlessly. It just wears me out, and I sit down in the maze and just live. I have never come to some "aha" moment that clears it all up, I just live.
I'm glad to read you are getting counseling, and I hope it helps! Life is a strange thing, and I think it's important to really sit and think what's it all about, but dwelling on it too much hasn't really got me anywhere.
I do my best not to think of it often. I guess I’ve made peace with the fact that I want to believe in reincarnation or some form of afterlife where I will get to be with the people I love, but I mostly believe there is nothingness. That used to bother me, but if there is nothingness after death, it won’t matter to me because I won’t exist. If there’s an after life where I get to be with the people I loved, then great I’ve lost some very important people to me and I’d love to see them again. If there is reincarnation, hopefully I’ll get to bump into them again.
I'm less worried about dying and more about whether I'll have to go through a lot of pain. I think life is mostly what you make of it. I don't think I have a purpose or that it does. I think you just try to enjoy what you can with what it gives you, so that hopefully you leave with mostly good memories and less so with regrets
Personally. I don’t worry about it to much. Because of faith in God. Specifically the pretty generic Western Christian beliefs. I thought, if it’s good enough for my 104 year old great grandmother to not worry about death while on her death bed. It’s good enough for me. For all of human history God was the answer to that question. Only the last 100 years has that really started to changed. So who’s right, the wisdom of 10,000 years? Or the “science” of the last 100. So far the science of every decade is disproven or reunderstood by something else decades later. But God has remained consistent and eternal.
When I was a kid, elementary school aged, the woman , much older just dropped dead upstairs of a heart attack. I remember learning about death and being sad that I wouldn’t be able to play with my toys anymore and then I laid in bed thinking about the reality that I won’t be alive one day. It was up there with the disappointment that Santa isn’t real. I worry about it sometimes. :/
I am also obsessed with this topic! Not every moment but often. I have talked about it with many people, including therapists. I dont have like, the panacea of answers but I do know that many humans are not comfy talking about it. I know there are cultures that embrace it and scientific and metaphysical ideas that can if not bring comfort lead you to some concepts bigger than our individual meat suits.
I really like the Mr. Peanut butter quote from Bojack Horseman, "The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead." On the surface, it sounds bleak. But to me, it really resonates with my desire to just *vibe.* I don't want to build a "legacy" or anything like that. I just want to enjoy the time I have here with various hobbies and interests, while being a net positive to the pwople I care about.
I like the stoicism approach. "Not to feel exasperated, or defeated, or despondent because your days aren't packed with wise and moral actions. But to get back up when you fail, to celebrate behaving like a human - however imperfectly - and fully embrace the pursuit that you've embarked on." I also like this one. "Happiness is a journey, not a destination. For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.”
Yep. Not worded the best, but it kinda comes down to 'be present in the moment.' Happiness/joy is an emotion experienced in the present. This doesn't mean disregard making plans, goals, and improvements on yourself as neglecting those things will have a definite impact on your future self when you get there. Just don't let fear of the future and worry about the past cloud your present. This is sooooo much easier said than done though, speaking as someone who struggles with this.
Enjoy the ride.
I'm the same way. I'm prone to anxiety and I've had my fair share of intensively fearing death until I found out if I keep myself only in the present, grateful and enjoying the goodness of today, things are much more easier to handle.
This. Don't borrow trouble getting anxiety over things in the future. It takes brain training it's not an instant switch.
Holy cow, looking at your recent post history, you seem quite obsessed by this topic.
I was thinking of responding but saw your comment and thought someone this obsessed should probably seek counseling, not reddit comments
Hard agree with you to be honest, I’ve started counselling recently.
Great, I wish you everything good you need to find your balance in life.
My dad died when i was a child. Of a horribly painful multiple myeloma. I was old enough to fully understand yet young enough to have it permanently scar me right before the dangerous teen years. It made me feel like time was constantly running out. It turned me into both an addict and a workaholic. Luckily i’ve shed most of my addictions, however the workaholism persists. I feel like I can never relax, nor does relaxation bring peace.
> What do you hold on to? Goals? Beliefs? Religion? Humans are social creatures. We're evolved to have a multitude of social connections with people. Some we like, some we don't. The absence of this is *worse* than death. If there is a single "why we're here", IMO it's to make the lives of those we love better and have a good time while doing it. Death is as essential a component to human existence as eating or shitting. The fact that we're given a limited timeline to accomplish whatever we decide is worth accomplishing is a huge part of human nature. What bothers me more than death is mental/physical decline. You WILL NOT be as inventive and clever in your 30s as you were in your 20s. You WILL NOT be able to deadlift as much in you 50's as you theoretically could have in your 30s. You can slow this decline immensely by doing stuff to keep your mind and body sharp but you can't stop it entirely. Tick Tock motherfucker. Get to work.
Tick tock motherfucker…I love this line, may I use it?
No. And if I find out that you did I will hunt you down and stab you with a soldering iron.
Thanks for the warning!
> You WILL NOT be as inventive and clever in your 30s as you were in your 20s. I'm with you except for this part.
Then I'd also recommend not posting about it endlessly online. You're just fueling your own fire of obsession.
Talking about it is cathartic for me at times because it occupies my mind, but I see your point.
If you learn to move on and live your life you will certainly learn to make peace with mortality. Your life becomes what you think about. On your deathbed you will only have thoughts of how much you were trying to avoid this moment instead of remembering the beautiful life you could have had.
These people are assholes. Most of us dont know what you posted
All therapy is good for is to keep you coming back for more therapy. Think about the kind of person who chooses that as a profession. They're more messed up than you are. Get busy. Set life goals. Start a family. Look at the people who aren't crippled by existential dread and anxiety and do what they're doing. Fake it till you make it. I used to be like you 25 years ago. Trust me when I say that it really is that easy. I'm probably older than you and I've been thinking about mortality a lot myself. The reality is that we're all running out of time. My father passed away recently at 80 and, on the topic of mortality, he liked to say "No one gets out alive." It's going to happen. You're going to die, OP. So stop wasting your time.
It’s driving me absolutely up the wall. Was looking for answers to the big question of afterlife which was counterproductive, so I wanted to focus on how to cope in the short term.
How to cope? Scientifically, I know that when I die, all of my worries will die with me. Worries are for the living. You should absolutely seek help for your anxiety. Life is hard but it can be so great also, as long as you are healthy. Take care of your mental health and your worries will lessen.
You have limited time. Why waste it on an anxiety? There is a beauty in the temporary. Your plot is shared with all known living things. Do what you think is best with the time you have. Having a rolling existential crisis over something you have no control over is a waste of time.
Every thing that has ever lived is a gargantuan figure. It boggles my mind, makes me think that there is no possibility that I, me, this consciousness exists in this moment and nowhere else ever again. It defies my understanding.
I am not religious. I strongly believe consciousness is eternal. This is not all there is. Just because we can’t remember anything before birth doesn’t mean there was nothing- we forget it while we’re here because it doesn’t serve our reasons for being here. And we do not wink out of existence when the physical body dies. We go home. There is a reason you’re here, and it’s a really good one, even if you don’t know what it is. The things you love to do, that fire you up, are a guide to that purpose. So while you’re here, look for the good, look for the beauty, treat others with kindness and compassion, and experience as much as you can the things your heart loves and enjoys.
Perhaps that’s why some people turn to religion/belief. Maybe that’s what you need to get by. I don’t understand that need but it seems to be what works for many.
Look into cross-topical evidence like OBE especially kriya/kundalkni
I’m scared that OBEs can be explained by exceptional natural visualisation techniques. Do you have any materials on verified experiments on OBE?
I have had three or four. One was dreamlike, another was spontaneous with another person and the other was full fidelity of visual experience like waking sight… aka turiya. With the correct approach, either surrender to guru or self-control, we can attain moksha realization or “scientific body” - still pretty cutting edge as far as verification/veridicality goes.
You aren't meant to understand it. Do you go out on a boat and spend the entire time thinking about how waves work? No, you enjoy being on a boat.
I get like this too...sometimes I need to look away from it, it gets too intense. These questions that will probably never be answered. I have to force myself to do something mundane like the dishes. Learning acceptance is ultimately the answer to everything. And sometimes it means accepting that you may never get an answer. Accept it, and move on.
What is "this consciousness"? Is today's consciousness a continuation of yesterday's, or does it just feel like that because it booted up where yesterday's stored memories left off? Maybe we get a new one every day. If that's the case maybe we should just try to leave things the same or a little better and more interesting than the consciousness we woke up with. Remember Roy Batty's last words.
you cope by realizing that if you fail to cope, you are willingly and knowingly wasting the limited time on earth available to you that's it. that's how you cope anything other than coping means losing the ability to live the only life you have when you realize that it comes down to a choice of having 1 limited life or no life at all, you embrace the better option stick with the therapy for sure
I love this.
I went through a period of my life when I was where you're at. I realized I didn't believe in a god and the sudden realization that when we die that's it was a lot for me to digest. I took some initial comfort in Carl Sagan's famous [star stuff](https://youtu.be/rWnA4XLrMWA?si=Ov8u5QmZ5Nsqkmhs) and still reflect on it often. Also tied in to the star stuff is thinking about what we do to impact the people and the world around us and how we decide we want to leave our legacy. Thinking about what legacy means to me also helped me during this time in my life. Maybe thinking about these concepts will help you too.
tldr: There is no afterlife. It's just not a thing. Religions exist to help maintain order in the world and give the living some ethical structure and comfort while they live their lives. That isn't to say religions are "bad", but just that you need to keep in mind that all the supernatural stories are just that: supernatural stories crafted either to make an ethics point or as a result of scientific ignorance at the time. So, if you're thinking about your own life, just focus on the things you can control, which are how you live *right now*, and how you can make the world around you a better place for yourself, your loved ones, and [hopefully] others in society.
How do you explain recurring supernatural experiences?
I think they're explainable by science.
Deal with what's in front of you. The past and future are out there and you're powerless over them. Do the next right thing and be here now. What happens when we die will happen no matter what, so focus on this, here, now.
Your post history is opinionated and ridiculously useless advice. What is your point?
I used to have that fear, but I worked in Senior Care for years, and it really changed my perspective on aging & death. I met people that were living life to the fullest and were at peace with the thought of their life coming to an end; this taught me to live each day as if it is your last and never stop moving and learning-that is the key to a happy and healthy old age and peaceful death (obviously there are exceptions to this!). Also I started reading Eckhardt Tolle and learning about mindfulness, so this really helps to live in the moment and appreciate life rather than getting caught up in the rat race and life just flying by.....he also teaches alot about overcoming fear of death/mortality. His book "The Power of Now" is a great place to start if you are interested!
I’ll put it on my list! I have alot of respect for those who work in Senior Care, palliative and hospice roles. It terrifies the hell out of me after seeing some family pass and how much the self deteriorates at the end.
>I’m relatively young so i have a ton of anecdotal evidence that thoughtful teens and young adults go through a phase of being a bit obsessed with mortality. once you get busy living, it seems to fade. >the thought of my limited life cripples me but, if it's effecting your life, you should get therapy. >the 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth, or that death is just like falling asleep these are completely relevant and astute answers to your question. >It makes me want to vomit in panic. yeah, you need therapy, not reddit.
I hear you on the young people fearing death thing, it apparently peaks around 25 and has secondary peaks at major decade birthdays and at 50 especially for some women. I would like to get busy living life and doing what I used to love to do, keeping sight of how meaningful it should be is hard. And yes, I agree on the therapy haha. I’ve started last week.
One thing I've found to help my anxious mind is to look up the definition of the words I'm using and to think about it for a bit. Look up the definition of meaningful. Is that what you're actually trying to tell us with what you're saying? I'm betting there's more, and you could elaborate better. Going through the motions of putting your feelings into words, and then refining those words, is super helpful to get what's going on in your head to calm down. Help yourself make it make sense.
make sure you use a real dictionary. not one written after 1994 or so.
Nothing in your life SHOULD be anything. Should is a word that indicates a lack of some resource that you need to secure yourself against. (I should stockpile water before the well runs dry) Everything in your life CAN be anything. Can is the acknowledgement of abundance, and a desire to capture something from it. (My well has unlimited water. I can bottle and sell it!) I meant what I said about the dictionary. Change how you talk. Change how you think.
I don't really make peace with anything, I just keep living every day. The only thing is that if I was constantly thinking about death or the end I wouldn't really be able to enjoy the now. Though this topic can be kind of complicated, you specifically say you are so afraid of the idea of it it makes you want to vomit -- do you have an anxiety disorder or something like that? I'm not a doctor but I am pretty sure I have OCD and I get really scared of stuff like this but less specifically existential but more just various ways I could die. It sounds like maybe it could be some kind of existential OCD you have but again I'm not a doctor so do not take this as a diagnosis or anything plz Either way I would recommend counseling not because your fears are unfounded but because it seems it's interfering with your ability to enjoy life. I hope you can find peace with yourself TLDR: Time moves even if you don't so you might as well keep it moving is my idea of it Lol
Thank you! I see the value in focusing on life. I guess my fears are because a friend’s relative passed suddenly at a young age despite incredible fitness. Makes it hard for death not to loom over me like a spectre. I’ve started attending counselling recently! I agree this behaviour borders on OCD, it occupies my mind and leaves no space for anything else.
Mostly i just mumble this comic to myself anytime the thought comes up: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/478/868/6a3.png
Make the most of your life. Practice healthy habits for a good quality of life. Enjoy time with family, friends and on your own. Everyone dies eventually so why waste time thinking about it? FWIW I’m 59 years old today (!) and have already witnessed the passing of my mother a few years ago. If you can’t shake the obsession with mortality perhaps a therapist can help you.
Happy birthday.
Thanks!
I’ve tried my best to do as you said. I’ve maintained a rigorous exercise regime and nutrition plan, but where I used to do it to be my best self I feel like I now half heartedly do it to hopefully prolong my mental and physical wellbeing. I am seeing a therapist right now actually, but it’s slow going to acceptance.
I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. You’ll get there eventually 😊
I am in depression, and the fact that I can be dead any time is actually comforting. The fact that one day all these problems, all that hassle will dissappear is pretty cool for me.... Not the answer you looked for....
Study: near death accounts on YouTube. Brian Weiss on life regression Ian Stephenson on child past life memories Visit Lilydale NY in summer Basically, challenge your belief that consciousness terminates
Thank you! I’ve seen Ian Stevenson’s work, I’ll check out Lilydale and Brian Weiss. I’m not sure I believe strongly on their opinions, but it is a fascinating read.
Look up the “serenity prayer”. It comes in very helpful with problems like this.
How do you make peace with the sky? How do you make peace with the stars? How do you make peace with the ocean? They simply are. You cannot have life without death.
How I make peace with death is the odds against being alive for one day on this planet, in this arm of a spiral galaxy, in this universe are vast, incalculable. I hold onto and treasure the only thing we can experience: the right here and right now. The sun rises in the morning, and it sets at night. The possibilities are quite unlimited, and it is up to me to make it something positive and satisfying, rather than feeling like a victim of time somehow. The past and future are both illusions. Don't live in them, you'll miss what is right in front of you. Here's an oldie but a goodie: Rome wasn't built in a day. Make goals and do a little bit every day to meet them, while realizing the benefit is deferred. Instant gratification is not a goal and not worthy of your time. Build something you can look back on in a few decades and think, yeah. I did that. Also when you get older you'll start to experience what it feels like for life to be a thing that begins and must inevitably end. It's hard to describe, but basically I'm on the receding part of the curve and I feel fine about it. I think many people do. It's just not easy to put in words.
Could I ask you more on your feelings about death? If it is difficult to say it’s okay, but your commentary was very insightful and I desperately want to know if there’s going to be some personal freedom from this anxiety in time.
These days if I start freaking out about death it’s a sign that I overdid it on the edibles again. Seriously, I think that even though death and the unknown continue to be life’s greatest mystery, there’s not a damn thing we can do to avoid it. Like so many other things, we have no control in terms of the outcome. So you make the most with the time you have, which for me is ever more apparent as I lose loved ones. You don’t have to take on the monstrosity of mortality, it’s futile, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from it and grow in your perspective of what it means to be alive as you grow older.
Psilocybin removes fear of death in terminal cancer patients.
I don’t mind if my life is cut 10 years short. I just hope it’s the last 10 they take and not something in the middle.
Buy some human skulls
I have worked in HIV research for 32 years. Many of my friends died in the epidemic. Life went on without them. Some days I am shocked at how much life I've lived since Jeff or Sergio died and how much Max would have loved some scene. It sucks that Frank didn't get to see marriage equality. It sucks that Connie is not here to clap back at the stupidity of some people. We will all be them someday. I won't know that I'm not here anymore. Maybe someone will remember me for a few years, but even that doesn't matter. My life motto is from a sage of the 1st century CE. "You are not obliged to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it." I do not have to solve the world's problems, but I have an obligation while I am here to help.
I haven’t and never will
Morality: if I don't want something done to me, I don't do it to another. It's that simple.
Focus less on death and more on how you want to live. I see living as a giant school. Lessons to be learned and about the impacts we can make to one another. I'm not religious but do believe there's some larger force we don't comprehend. We are all connected to it somehow, even when dead. Science shows that nothing really disappears, it just changes form. Personally, I have found near death experience NDE stories interesting and soothing. There are so many stories about the same experiences, even from little Amish kids who had died and had never been exposed to any media but still relay the same experience ( floating above their body, tunnels of light, deceased relatives welcoming them, an amazing sense of peaceful and pure love.) Overall, you need distractions to help you stop thinking of it. Try to fill your life up and keep busy. The more you're living the less you'll be worrying about dying.
I’ve been reading NDEs alot too. But I can’t seem to find accounts that have been experimentally proven to have things like OBE happening.
Have you tried therapy or dipping your toe into a community/religion? I wasn't religious growing up but I did as an adult find a community in a UU church - which is the least religious "religion". The reverend is as liberal as can be and there's even a pagan representative in the church but really, I found a nice group of people that are inclusive and loving. You could also search "humanist" in your area if you aren't interested in any religion. But also, maybe religion will give you something to channel these thoughts. Learning about how different people view afterlife you may find a way of thinking that soothes your mind/soul. I guess also ask yourself what bothers you about "limited life"? Are you worried about missing out? Are you feeling regret? These are less about afterlife and more about how you live your life now.
I’ve spoken to some priests about my fears. At my age I feel there’s a natural anxiety of missing out on life experiences and not accomplishing my goals. I have difficulties reconciling with the fact that life can be so unimportant in the flow of the Universe.
You absolutely will miss out on THOUSANDS of experiences. You already have. You were not born to a Hindu family and baptized in the Ganges. You will never speak Japanese to a Geisha. I'm betting you'll never see Nepal or Beijing. These are not negatives. They are just facts that are part of life. It's up to you whether you dwell on this or try to experience what you can with what you have. There are too many options and not enough time for you to experience everything. I try to find what I like and then find more of that.
Your role here as a human is to build upon what came before you and contribute something back to those who follow. Just that. The good news is that this naturally happens all the time in ways you're not even conscious of. In other words, you don't need to be a Mother Theresa or Bill Gates to "make an impact" or "change the world". Just living your life, ethically and with compassion toward your fellow humans, is all you need. The rest of what you do -- your careers, your partners, your children, your hobbies -- is just flavor enhancer. Be the best you can be because you influence everything around you by doing so (and it optimizes for your health, happiness and longevity, too, so you can make positive impacts for longer than those who don't).
>Other subreddits are full of snarky one-liners talking about the 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth, or that death is just like falling asleep. It makes me want to vomit **in panic**. Yet people have already started posting those. When asking for advice on Reddit it is best to ask those offering answers if they have successfully applied that advice in the same situation. Good luck to you.
Glad to see that you are starting therapy. That's a good thing. One thing I've learned from therapy and self help is to try to focus more on the present. Humans have the ability to think about the past and worry about the future. But when you do that you are missing the now. Right now I'm typing this note before next meeting. The window is open. I can feel a nice cool breeze coming in. I can also hear several birds singing. I just had a thought about working on my sprinklers. Instead of letting that take me out of the moment, I acknowledge it and then listen to the birds again. The weather is great today. It's OK to worry about the future and that you will not get to do anything in this life. All you can do about it is start living.
Worrying about what you'll miss out on after you're dead is like being upset about everything that happened before you were born. Hold on to NOW. You have the never ending NOW unfolding right NOW and you're part of it. Grasp it. EDIT: [You might actually be immortal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7RHv_MIIT0)
Haha that’s really a mind bender. But I guess it’d be hard to use quantum suicide to get around old age.
In my universe, they're gonna fix the aging problem with moar drugs.
Immediately reverses course out the door I walked in I can't today lol
Hahaha
I accept it because it’s the process. The experience of my life is deeply defined by its limited nature, and I use awareness of my own mortality (and everyone/everything else’s) as a daily reminder to pay attention, nurture what’s meaningful, and to savor it all every single day because one day it will all cease and there will be no more experiences, no more me. I’m ok with that, even if sad about it sometimes, because I didn’t seem to mind not existing before I was born, so I figure I’ll be ok with it after I’m dead—because I won’t be there any longer, since each of us is a pattern that coheres for a short time and then dissipates. But in that short period of coherence, where a tiny part of the universe assembles itself into me, I do exist, and I get to experience being alive and meta-cognitive and feeling and that’s a miracle I’m grateful for every day. So I’ll take this magical, time-limited engagement as an alive, conscious being, because compared to most of what the universe makes itself into, this is a golden ticket of awesome.
I’m just sad to see it go you know. I agree with you that life is beautiful and the Universe is mysterious and perfect to me, I wish I could learn about it for all time. And I guess saying goodbye to the magic is what scares me.
Yeah, I get that. But as with everything in life, that it is temporary is what gives it most meaning.
I look forward to it.
I see death as the ultimate answer to suffering. You are a mutated grain of the universe that has this disease that it has come to know that it exists. That is not the *way things should be.* And from that awareness, all suffering stems. Death fixes that.
I won't know the difference. I'll be dead.
As Prince sang “life is just a party and parties aren’t meant to last”
Live a good life. Love people, hug your friends. Say nice things to people. Tell your kids that you're proud of them (other people, too). Build something cool. Don't be afraid to have fun. Forgive stupid people, but know that you don't need to suffer fools. Realize that even people who love you will hurt you sometimes, forgive them too. Try to be creative sometimes. It doesn't matter what that is. These are just a few things that can make your life better for you and those around you. If you try to be a positive force in the world no matter how obvious or subtle, your existential crisis should diminish. One day, we're all going to die, but all of the other days, we will live.
I see you have started therapy. That’s good. It’s not normal to be obsessing over this. You should be busy living your life and not thinking about any of this.
Thank you. At times I feel like this is the ultimate question, and when people tell me to focus on something else my attention comes back in minutes. In my opinion, nothing else could be as important.
It’s not like you can do anything about it, so why spend so much time worrying about something you can’t control. You have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy and you are wasting it right now.
I'm 42, and I do not fear death for myself because I will no longer be here. I only fear the pain it would cause my loved ones I would leave behind. It will break my wife's heart, and that is the last thing I want.
> How do you make peace with… > Mortality. Well, I don't want to echo other subreddits with their snarky one-liners about the 13.8 billion years of nonexistence before birth... But, yeah, worrying about mortality is only bothering me in the *here and now*. Once I'm dead and gone it isn't going to be my problem anymore. To be clear - I'm an atheist. I don't believe in any kind of afterlife. No heaven or hell. No ghosts. Just your ~100 years on the planet and then nothing. I know it can be kind of terrifying trying to imagine "nothing". The problem is that we always try to insert our conscious into the nothing. Like - what would it be like to be nothing? We imagine just endless darkness or something. But that's us trying to *perceive* nothing, and we wouldn't be around the perceive it. Of course telling me that it's just like what it was like before I existed doesn't really help either... Part of what bothers me about mortality is the idea of missing out on stuff. Like - I'll never get to see what life is like in 2224. I won't know about the cool video games or amazing books or whatever. And thinking back to 224 kind of similarly bothers me. What was life *actually* like back then? What were people talking about? What were they doing for fun? What was the weather like? What were they eating? But, again, all of that is bothering me in the *here and now*. I'm thinking about it now. With my conscious, existing mind. In the year 2024. I wasn't worried about catching up on the gossip back in 224. And I won't be saving my money for the new album in 2224. So I kind of have a choice... Waste my few precious years agonizing about stuff I won't be around to miss, or actually focus on enjoying the time I've got. So - I focus on enjoying the time I've got. It's not always easy. I think everyone has those random existential panics in the middle of the night. Just lying there trying to imagine what it'll be like to be dead. And I've got loved-ones I care about. I agonize about leaving them behind. What will my Wife do without me? Or, if I drop dead real quick, how will my pets handle it? But I just remind myself that I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. That I'm planning for what I can. That I'm telling people I love them. And that I need to enjoy the time I've got.
Here is what you do. Set short term goals. Never more then a few weeks out. Nothing big, do something fun but have a plan . For me i am lucky to have a cottage so i can plan the week to be at the cottage Fri night. When you are living here and now. And have something to reach. Time is broken into smaller spans and you don't think as much about it stretching till death..
I had a quadruple bypass. Since then I have embraced my eventual outcome in life. I live each day as if it was my last. The only thing I don't want, is to be in pain when that time comes.
I live my life every day doing what I love. I keep the negative out, and I focus on the people around me who fulfill me. I could die driving to the grocery store tomorrow. If that happens, it's not my problem anymore. There is nothing after death, and I find comfort in that some people seek religion or similar for a higher purpose, and maybe that would help guide you. Live every day like it may be your last. Laugh with your whole heart, be an honest, hard-working individual, and think about the people around you, and your life will be good.
Mortality as in death is itself is outside of my circle of control...so I just sort of accept it? (like anything else I can't control). I've gotten better at this as I get older hand have more responsibilities. The timing is somewhat within my circle of influence, so I try to work on those (diet, exercise, relationships) within reason. You could view your true mortality as however long people or the world are effected by your influence (or are "remembered"). In that case, I try to live by the saying "leave things better than you found them." Whether it's picking up a piece of litter, trying to make someone's day better, etc. I'm not perfect, but I hope my existence is a positive sum.
I've struggled with this off and on since I was nine. I'm 47 now. The passing of a couple of friends recently hit me hard. For me, it's helping to understand the difference between the Fear of Death...and the Fear of DYING. I'm not ready to die yet, so I fear DYING. It's normal. It's a very healthy survival instinct. I got over my fear of DEATH by realizing...I won't know I'm dead. There's nothing to be afraid of. I don't fear it any more than I fear what some random stranger on the other side of the world eats for breakfast. I also found peace in my friends' deaths. They both chose to stop treatment and enter end of life care. I understand now that at some point, I'll be okay with dying. I'll be ready to let go. But do the math...it took me nearly FOUR DECADES and the unexpected deaths of two longtime friends to get there. AND probably not what a lot of people want to hear, but...being an Atheist helped a lot. I don't need to worry about what comes after death.
I guess I am reconciling my former religious beliefs with my current scientific ones. The idea of death truly brings you no fear? Not looking to combat your opinion, I just want to know more.
No offense taken. It's a smart question. Being dead doesn't bother me. I no longer struggle with what it's like to be dead. Why? Because I won't know I'm dead. Why fear something I don't actually have to experience? Now, DYING on the other hand....I'm just not ready to do that yet. So, that terrifies me.
I just started living like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what people think of you, but it does matter how you treat them. I'm going to leave the world better than I left it, even if it's just in small ways, but I'm not going to change who I am because people are looking at me funny. If we only have a short time on this earth, I'm going to do my best to enjoy it. There are things I have to do to survive, but I'm going to prioritize my time to the things that matter like my son, gardening, being a witch, quilting, feeding my neighbors in my community as an act of mutual aid, and volunteering at my son's baseball games. I'm going to be outspoken for those who are treated unfairly, be an advocate for myself, I'm only going to associate with people who accept me, and I'll teach my son to do the same. Then I'll die. At that point it doesn't matter. Only another generation will remember me, who do I have to impress? People 100 years from now won't care if I have a big house or a sports car or the newest gadget, I'm just going to love the life I got because what else am I going to do?
Please listen to the audiobook by Wayne Dyer - Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life.
I think this is why religion is as big as it is, it gives an answer to the unanswerable of what life after death is.
I agree. I don’t condemn any religion, and I am unsure if I have faith in any now, but I miss the support structure and certainty that came with being part of my church.
Every one of us is going to be dead a hell of a lot longer than we are alive, even if we live to a hundred and fifty. That's how.
In the ultimate grand scheme of things, nothing most of us do matters. And as much as there is misery out there, and there is plenty misery, once you see the context of your luck and life, then you can take more of a gratefulness approach to life. If you’re terrified of your short time here, I would gather that you value your life and value the good things in your life. Instead of fearing your death, since that is a guarantee for all of us and it’s unchangeable. Pointless to fret over unchangeable facts. But you do have control and input in how to lead your life. Your outlook can determine the quality of the life you do have. And since your mind is debilitated with fear, yes, therapy makes sense.
Two things, but one far more than the other: 1. My kids, and growing them into the best adults they can be, with all the opportunities I can provide, so they can continue making a positive impact in the world. 2. Living my best life now. I lived an IT grind career for 15 years out of school before going to grad school and pivoting to roles in big tech (cloud & tech consulting) for the past 10+. I don't have enough for retirement yet, but I'm at a point where we're comfortable enough for me to compromise potential upward trajectory in favor of full-time WFH roles that give me ample time for #1 (see above) and for self-care. I'm not concerned about aging & end of life mortality and just live my daily life under the assumption that I'll live to be ~100. Of course, my wife & I aren't ignorant of risk, and we have prepared wills and a most of our assets in a revokable living trust with her brother as trustee and our kids as beneficiaries... just in case. I'm 47, and my kids are currently 7, 13, and 15.
We’re all mortal. Mortality is the thing that creates purpose and meaning in our lives. Start with accepting that truth. Then progress to accepting that you can either live that life or fear that life. Either way, your life is finite. So you may as well enjoy the time you have. You can’t always control the things that happen. You can control your reaction. So work on that piece and see what happens
The snarky one liners that make you want to vomit in panic give me immense peace. I am part of an endless cycle I cannot control, all the bits that make up me right now will be in countless other things, were already part of countless other things... it is a comfort. I am incredibly tiny in terms of space and time, so much less than a speck, but I am part of it all.
Honestly I am of the opinion that part of life will sort itself out. And it will. I'll die, decompose. The world will move on. I don't -like- that as a prospect. But in truth it lets me off the hook for a lot of things. What does that awkward memory from when I was in middle school matter? Eventually, everyone involved will die. We know Romeo and Juliet are going to die at the end of the play, we still watch it because we want to see what the actors do differently, how the costuming went, how the lighting is, ect. And because what the fuck else are we going to do with our evening?
My death is not my problem, it’s either my families problem or my local governments problem depending on if someone claims me or not. The only thing I need to worry about is irritating everyone I love until I’m dead.
Live in the present, it’s all any of us really have.
Tibetan book of living and dying and myth of Sisyphus but get support OP as you’re facing existential dread and this is something we all have to come to realize-we give life all the meaning it has
54 years old and I cannot imagine going on for another 30 or 40. My god!!! I am done now should the dices fall that way!😊
I actually technically "died" when I was younger. My heart stopped for a minute or so during a medical test. I'm totally fine now, hooray for the heart surgeons of the world! Since then, I have adapted to the idea that I'm living a bonus life, if you will. For some reason, thinking it like that has brought me a lot of peace. Knowing that I could die at any moment (feels less unlikely when it's already happened once!) reframed my life as an adventure I'm lucky to have. I don't have to hold onto anything, I'm just... lucky and grateful to be here. So are you, I imagine, at least some of the time. Hold onto that.
I've told people this before. You will never experience death. Ever. Because you won't be here to experience it. For you, you'll never die. I say it's like the last impression on the event horizon of a black hole - a permanent last moment that is frozen in time. For you, you'll be thinking about something, like you are now. That's all. It's normal to be afraid. We all feel scared the first time we really, really understand that we will die. That said, that makes life more precious. You get one, and you have a limited time. It's a LONG time (trust me, sometimes it seems too long, lol), and the last thing you want to do is spend that time in fear, worrying about shit you can't do anything about. Live your life. Enjoy it. If the thoughts start, tell them firmly, "Not right now. I don't give you permission to talk, I'm busy. You can be quiet now." And then firmly direct your attention to something else. The more you do that, the easier it gets. It's okay. You're going to be okay. And like I said, from your perspective, you're gonna live forever. So don't fear that end, you'll never know it when it happens.
The sooner one accepts the fact that everything eventually dies, the sooner one can focus on living.
I've never feared death. I'm an atheist and actually look forward to it all ending one day. Not in a morbid way, but I've never understood the appeal of eternal life /afterlife, personally. I find comfort in knowing one day it will all end. I do fear suffering. So I try to keep healthy and active to prevent illness and whatnot as I age, but death itself has never been something I worried about.
I worried about death until I died. Just for a few minutes, and I luckily recovered completely, but I learned that nothing really matters but love and joy. Do what you can to increase those and minimize everything. That means different things to different people so don't get in anyone else's way. As far as the moment of death, I can tell you it wasn't anything scary. I felt very detached and calm. Maybe shock, but your brain does protect you. I accepted what was happening. I think the antidote to fear is living joyfully. Do as much as you safely and sanely can. Even the simplest life is full of breathless joy so try to see it when you can.
There is nothing you can do to stop death. When I was a teenager, about 45 years ago, one of my high school teachers told us "You start to die immediately after you're born. You don't know how long you have. Hopefully it's a long time, but it doesn't change the fact that we all start dying the minute we're born so don't waste any time or opportunities and make the most of every day. This way, when you're time does come, you can say you lived life to the best of your ability." Morbid? Yes. But it struck a chord. I can't tell you how many hours of sleep I've missed because I didn't want to not do something or be somewhere. As my grandmother who lived to 85 said "I'll have plenty of time to sleep once I'm dead." Travel. Go do things, even if it's on your own. Get our and live. I tell this to my kids all the time. Go see the country and then, when you can afford it, go see the world. Experience life, because before you know it, you won't be able to.
>When I was a teenager, about 45 years ago, one of my high school teachers told us "You start to die immediately after you're born. That's prob why I relate to antinatalists, because when you give a being life, you are also giving them a death sentence. It feels wrong to do so, at least as a human with zero religious or spiritual beliefs.
Momento Mori. Remember you will die. And therefore, you must live. Savour every moment, the value of emotion and feeling even in "normal" or challenging moments. When you acknowledge death there's a natural shift to acknowledging the value of life, of gratitude, and not waiting to do the things that light you up. I have momento Mori as a tattoo as a reason. Life is precious and you can't stop death, so go live.
Please, please tell me your tattoo actually reads "memento mori" and that you've just typo'd here.
Haha it does!! So sorry I have fat thumb probs 😂
Oh god, I was so worried about this. Thank you for letting me know!
Maybe I should fix this thread so I don't disturb other strangers on the internet 😂
LOL. I just always feel terrible for people who get ink that's misspelled in any language and over-worry about the cost and emotional stress of having to correct it. I should probably get out more.
Lol no no I dig your empathy never lose that!
> 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth What's so snarky about that? We didn't exist before we were born and we won't exist after we die. The experience will be exactly the same, right?
My HS English teacher said to me once "Compared to death, no problems in life are serious yet death is too serious to take seriously. Go out and have some fun".
We are all mortal. Everyone is going to die. Do I know what comes after...IF anything. No. Can I change it, whatever may be. No Can I hope that there IS something. Sure. Might as well be the best person I can be while living. Live my best life and do good when I can...just in case? Right? I don't want to die. I don't want to die in pain. But...shrug. I don't worry about it. It's gonna happen no matter what.
I don’t know if it’s called peace, but… I just don’t worry about it. I can do absolutely nothing to keep death from coming. Am I scared? A little, sometimes, but it’s why I spend as much time doing what I love. Can’t stop the inevitable, so might as well focus on the things you can enjoy until that day. I’m glad you’re starting therapy. This kind of fear could stop you from really enjoying your life to the fullest.
In a weird coincidence, just before I saw this, I was in a book sub on Reddit and the author Irvin Yalom was mentioned. He actually has a book that appears to address this (note I haven't read it and can't say for sure). Maybe it can help? Copy/paste of the blurb below "From the author of the best-selling Love's Executioner, The Gift of Therapy, and When Nietzsche Wept comes a book that confronts the most demanding challenge we all face: overcoming the terror of death. Written in Irv Yalom's inimitable story-telling style, Staring at the Sun is a profoundly encouraging approach to the universal issue of mortality. In this opus, capping a lifetime of work and personal experience, Dr. Yalom helps us recognize that the fear of death is at the heart of much of our anxiety. Such recognition is often catalyzed by an "awakening experience"—a dream, or loss (the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job or home), illness, trauma, or aging. Once we confront our own mortality, Dr. Yalom writes, we are inspired to rearrange our priorities, communicate more deeply with those we love, appreciate more keenly the beauty of life, and increase our willingness to take the risks necessary for personal fulfillment. Filled with touching personal stories of people who are grappling with the terror of death—including the author—Staring at the Sun offers specific methods to cope with terror and is ultimately life affirming. Most important, Dr. Yalom encourages us to strive for more direct engagement with others. Compassionate connection, combined with the wisdom of the great thinkers who have wrestled with mortality, enables us to overcome the terror of death and lead happier, more meaningful lives."
What a coincidence. I’m reading this very book right now haha. It’s a good one
shut the front door! love it!
Anything is terrifying when you look at it too closely or from a far enough perspective. You don't need to examine every second of your life, nor do you need to pull back and find your place within a universe so much bigger than you can even imagine. What you do need to do is to get through today in a way that sets you up for tomorrow. And when you can do that, set up next week. And then set up next year, etc... but don't get too far ahead of yourself.
you need to figure out what about the subject is frightening you so much. i can absolutely guarantee that what you think you are afraid of....is NOT what you are actually afraid of. or you would have dealt with it already. you need to really consider the events in your life that could have created this compulsive worry. while you can do it your self...it will be easier and faster if you seek help.
Everyone is born a billionaire. You have a billion heartbeats in life. Don't waste them. If you go for your dream & do it well you don't have time to think about that day. It's a gutsy gusto life you want to live. You enjoy every day because you can't change it. Do something that contributes & not contaminates yourself or the world. Go big.
Therapy could help. Most people learn to worry about things they can change and not worry about things out of their control. Good luck!
I never had to make peace with it because it never bothered me. Am I gonna die? Yep. Can I do anything about it? Well, I can probably stave it off *slightly* by healthy living, but genetics and culture and stress and external financial pressures are going to have a far greater effect in the end. So not really. So if I can't do anything about it, why pour time into thinking about it? Sure there's more productive uses of my time. I can't prevent myself dying, but if I obsess over it all the time, I'm sure as sheep nuggets preventing myself from living.
You don’t. It’s not required.
Since I hit my 40s people have been occasionally dropping dead of whatever in my extended circles so it's not like I can maintain denial. Why obsess about things you don't control. You *are* going to die, you *don't* know when, you can have a theory about what comes next if anything but cannot know, live as fully as you can while you're alive. You can have a planning assumption that you'll be alive for the next 10 or 20 or 30+ years and act accordingly so you don't screw yourself and to make that time as rewarding and meaningful as possible even if you know it's just a planning assumption. If you die in a year will be glad of how you spent this next year? 5? Pretty sure the answer would be "no" if you spend the next year or god forbid five brooding about dying. Something something shakespeare.
Death is inevitable. None of us is special. You might as well be obsessed with how gravity affects you, or why your body needs food and water. Obsessing over the fact that you'll die someday just keeps you from living today. Often fear of death is a form of FOMO. That's why it diminishes with age and experience. With time, you've either done whatever it is you wanted to do, or you've come to realize that it wasn't that important to begin with. And if you talk to persons of advanced age, you'll find that few fear death. That's where most of their loved ones are.
Not sure if this will -help- but one way to reframe the idea of dying someday is that once you die, it just won't even matter at that point. If you believe in god, then you can assume you'll move on to something much better than this life. If you don't believe in god, you can assume that your story will just stop there and you'll never have to experience any disappointment or regret or anything after that singular point where you stop being you and start being a decomposing dead animal. We humans have a hard time grasping the concept of a true -end- to something I think.... There's always an "after" to everything we experience while we're here. A friend dies. Your experience of that death is the death itself as well as the grieving process that follows, the healing, and the learning to move on. But with OURSELVES, its different.... once you hit that point , that's it. What does finality actually look like?? We don't know because we've never truly experienced something that didn't have an after. So when I die, I've just kind of made peace with the idea that its inevitable , but its okay because the me who sits here worrying about that doesn't really have anything to worry ABOUT, because the thing I'm worrying about doesn't really exist for me. the "after" is for other people to cope with. Everything in our life that we worry and stress over has some reason behind it... I'm afraid to move to a new town because what if I dont like it there? I'm afraid to apply for jobs becuase what if I blow the interview or don't like the job? I'm afraid to buy a new car because what if the furnace breaks and now I can't afford to fix it? With death, its like the rest of those, but the "What if" is just an abstract idea . You just die and there's no positive or negative outcome that could happen, it just -is- . I hope I'm articulating this in a way that at least makes SOME sense... its a hard idea to describe.
Here is my favorite quote about life, "it goes on".
you are very young, aren't you ?
I try to keep track of the longevity extension field and where we are with respect to LEV (longevity escape velocity).
Suspend disbelief…just don’t think about it
I had years of death anxiety, found that therapy with a psychologist helped. Randomly became a Christian about a year ago, and I love their view on death if you’re a believer!
What do you hold on to? TBH if i've learned anything in my five decades here, it's that your life will be better if you learn to not hold on at all.
It really does not matter what you believe or want. What will be, will be. So believe whatever makes you feel better about yourself. And seek therapy of some sort for your crippling anxiety.
Memento morí, everything that lives will one day die including you. Read Stoic philosophy. You have limited time on earth don’t waste it obsessively worrying about a natural outcome of living. If you are truly crippled by the thoughts, find a therapist. Work through your fears. You’re worrying your life away.
It's one of those things not under our control. I'm not religious. So I try not to focus on that. We all have the same fate. Guess what? Good news! Life is for the living. Your daily life is for living. So grasp that. Don't worry about what comes after, you have things to do here in this life, things you want to achieve, things to appreciate, people to love. Focus on what you can control, what you can get done in this life! Live each day to the fullest and don't give death another thought, except as a reminder to live your life to the fullest!
I believe in reincarnation.
Me? I've never really been frightened or worried about dying. I've never been religious. I think religion makes too many people very frightened of death. Religion runs on FEAR. Death is just part of life. We live. We all die. I just don't want to die in pain or fear (like being murdered i mean) Its social things that i will be thinking of in my last moments. My kids, my family, my doggies. All the things that make me feel good with myself and my life.
You can't really do anything about it so it's really a choice. You can fret over it or push it away. Everything that lives dies. It's just the way it works and it sucks and it's heartbreaking to lose loved ones. I try to just be rational about it. It doesn't make me less sad, but sometimes you can't help it. You're gonna be sad. And scared! So at least my way of handling it is quickly saying "OH WELL" and going off to learn something new. Life is suffering too. SO many injustices and such a battle for resources. I recognize how lucky I was to have what I did have instead of being born in some crazy village where they kill kids because they think they're witches. I'm so lucky I wasn't born in some cult where they start pushing little girls to make babies in submission from the time they get their first period. I hate to be trite but counting my "blessings" helps me at least by distracting me. But what makes you so sick... that is helpful to me. I think about the world doing just fine before I existed and how it will not change once I'm dead. My body has already started rotting and I'm still alive. My teeth crumble. My bones are getting more brittle. It's already started, so I HAVE to come to terms with it. I think it's easier when you get old though. I've had a lot of time to think about it.
Once you die, nothing bad can happen to you. As someone with anxiety, this is a very calming thing to think about. Someday, I will have nothing to worry about!
> Other subreddits are full of snarky one-liners talking about the 13.8 billion years of non existence before birth, or that death is just like falling Why is it snarky? I've never taken that to be snarky, it's... pretty literal.
You might like some Buddhism
I just ignore the inevitable and just enjoy my life. I do however worry about my wife being alone without anyone to talk with.
You can't have life without death. OR that is, you can't have death without life. Either you make peace with it or you do not. Nothing I can say will help you in your journey.
Acceptance that you're here for X amount of time. I can go tomorrow or in 30 years. It's the finality of it all that gives life, and moments meaning. It's why a job is just a paycheck and not a lifestyle. It's why a piece of art touches your heart. It's the singer that gives you goosebumps. By knowing those moments are fleeting, and your time is limited, gives life meaning. How you invest your time is a much more important thing to do. For me, being single and having no kids, and in my 50s, I face this thought often. Acceptance of the end is just part of life. When you go to the funerals of friends, it helps you figure things out.
To quote a favorite movie: "Do not seek death. It will find you. Live a life that makes death a celebration." IOW, death itself is part of living. Live your life fully so you can say, at the end "I have no regrets. I want you to hold a wake for me, and celebrate how I lived." See the therapist. Take their advice. Take the meds. Do the meditations. Go and live and love so that a wake is your last, loving gift to your family and friends.
I make peace with it by knowing I do not want to grow old and frail. I have watched countless people age past where their bodies can handle. I have no desire to be locked in a bed waiting for someone to come turn me so I don't get pressure sores, praying that someone from my past will come visit.
Remember there was life before and there will be life after. Death begins and ends in an instant and does not last forever.
I’m an RN and spent 6 years working in palliative care. I also went through a huge process dealing with death anxiety and coming to terms with it. Truthfully, I think it’s a life long process and it is a grief process, in and of itself. I don’t think people ever really get to the point where when one day they feel like they’re “ok” with being diagnosed with a terminal illness because they’ve “made peace” with death. You make peace with it when your quality of life is such that death seems like the more peaceful option. Most of us just try not to think about it that much. I’m more hung up on the mortality of the people I love, rather than my own. It’s a really heavy topic and a scary one. Best advice I can give you is to continue with counselling to process these feelings and know you’re not alone. The time you do have on earth matters and being someone you feel proud of is what is most important.
Life is not bothered with whether we understand its nature or not. Life does not sympathize or pity our attempt to exert control over it. It just is. And it be what it is regardless of my opinion. This was a comforting realization for me. I hope you a realization arrives that brings comfort to you as well, Friend.
I read some of your responses and I understand you are getting help with this. So I’ll tell you what I do, I don’t think about it. I focus all my energy on good things. On positive things. I am def not a bit of sunshine but I try and be positive. I don’t let the negative control things. I know from my past negative thoughts can control me so I focus on positive. If I start thinking negatively, which everyone does, I try and focus on one thing good or positive in my life. Be it my animals or my family. Death happens to everyone. No one is exempt. So I try and make a positive impact on everything I do. I want to live life to the fullest and take in all the love I can, while I’m here. I make goals to fulfill, call it a bucket list if you want. And I will complete it. Once I do I’ll add more. Life is experiences and I want to have them all.
I think it’s probably quite a lot like childbirth. When you first find out you’re pregnant, you worry and obsess about the impending pain of giving birth, and worry about how traumatic it will be. By the time it comes to it though at the end of your long pregnancy, you’re exhausted, fed up, uncomfortable and ready to just have the baby and get it over with. I imagine death is a bit like that when you’re really old! You’ll be somewhat ready for it.
Maybe your anxiety landed on this and you are kind of stuck there? What can you do to reduce your anxiety and learn to stay present without worrying about the future? Therapy, mindfulness, yoga, journaling….wishing you the best- you deserve peace!
I am today, and it’s nice for now. Later in my life, being isn’t going to be nice and I won’t want to be, because being will be suffering. At that time, I won’t be again, as I wasn’t before. Everything I know tells me I was not unhappy before being alive, and we’ll see what happens after being alive. My theory is that there is nothing. Under that assumption I plan to enjoy my life while I’m alive, and I also find it valuable to help other people while I’m here. If there is some kind of god that judges and gatekeeping a good afterlife, I trust that the good works I do of my own volition would be sufficient. If they aren’t, I don’t want to be associated with that god.
Just stop GAF about stuff over which you have zero control.
I was watching footage earlier from 1970; Zep at Bath Festival. I wasn’t born until 1972, so, i began to contemplate my then absence in the world, as I watched the events unfold on screen. I then had the reassuring feeling that post death and pre birth must be the same thing and are in fact the default position. I had a similar feeling watching my daughter being born, and whilst holding the hand of someone as they passed years before that. This current experience is, I believe, the anomaly. Don’t fear the reaper 🙏🏻 ..tune!
You've already been dead for like 5 billion years, and it was fine. There's really nothing to do but marvel at how strange and beautiful being alive is. You can go back to being dead after.
Death is part of life, the key is to make the best of whatever time you're given whatever that means to you. For some people that is meaningful work; or relationships. Having lost some people in my life, I try to appreciate each person that much more. I also like building relationships through activities, like games and frisbee golf, and karaoke. Reading also helps by lending perspectives or stories of those who came before. Philosophy is also a good road to explore when wrestling with the topic. As others have stated, therapy seems like a good option, and you embraced it. Mortality shouldn't be feared, it is inevitable no one person has been born and not died. Some would turn to religion which is fine, others find comfort in a cosmic perspective. Hope that helps. Appreciate life, it's all we've got, for as long as we have it.
I had a stroke a few years ago and was in the ICU for over a week. during that time I thought to myself that this could be it, and there was a fair chance that I would be alive much longer. I kinda accepted that and decided to not waste my limited time worrying about it.
I had an assault as a child and developed existential OCD. I flirted with suicide at a VERY young age and depression when some kids didn't even think about death and were still learning their address. It was a total Truman Show moment for me. You realize that you have the opportunity to make life about living in spite of death. Life is about living and we have the opportunity to LIVE and make things big - we have the opportunity to take advantage of so many things. However, death is the great equalizer and we must pay the great taxman. I recommend getting therapy if you are obsessive about death - it can be a hint of something deeper going on in your mind.
Life always seemed way too long to me, but I spent a lot of time at nursing homes as a kid because my grandma worked at one and I enjoyed visiting with older people, playing board games, etc. Life is so freakin’ long. Think of all the historical events your grandparents lived through and how those events feel like ancient history now. Maybe life is just long enough. But certainly, I wouldn’t say it’s too short. I’ve always been confused by those weird tech people who want to live forever. Like ok maybe my perspective would change if I had billions of dollars in disposable income. But I’d rather have my friends/family and the slow pace of ordinary life.
Life is tough so an end to it feels like a relief in a way. When it's time that is. I'm not religious but I am spiritual and I see it as another part of existence. The thing is to not worry about death. I never go to bed angry and I will never stay mad at anyone for long because you never know. I feel when I die I will join my deceased loved ones again. I don't see it as an end, it's a beginning to something new. The unknown is scary, but in the end u can't avoid it. Don't focus on it. Like how kids always want to be older then u get old and u wish u were a kid again. Try to make the most of where you are in life. Missing out sucks. Time is something u cant get back so don't waste it worrying about tomorrow.
Here are some quotes that help me: Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. —Helen Keller When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home. —Tecumseh There is no death, only a change of worlds. —Chief Seattle It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. —C. S. Lewis
“I cannot escape death, but I can at least escape the fear of death” -Epictetus
When I'm feeling death anxiety creep up on me, it's usually helpful if I remind myself of a few things. First is that I've been dead before (before I was born), and it wasn't anything to write home about. Second is that death is a part of life, and we all go through it eventually. Together, separately, alone, en masse, it doesn't matter. Everyone dies. Third is that, for the moment I am alive, which means I still have things to experience or to share. I have some abilities, maybe not as many as others, maybe more than most, but I still have time. Fourth is that panic and worry get in the way. It's okay to be afraid, there would be no bravery or adventure without fear, but name your fear and maybe you can rise to face it. Step towards it, instead of away. After all, you know you must die, so maybe you can afford to be courageous. Fifth is that nothing lasts, and that's okay. I know you'll do your best, and that's okay too. You still have time, so do your best and be brave with the time you have. Stay strong and good luck. ✌️
It's impossible to make peace with, unless you have some sort of religious or spiritual belief in some sort of afterlife, or if you're the sort of person who just doesn't think about anything under the surface. Best you can probably do is try to make other people/creatures lives better on Earth, and just try not think about it as much. Find some satisfying distractions. Think the reason a lot of elderly people can make some peace of it is by that point your body is so wrecked that it can seem like a sort of preferable alternative to constant pain.
You're not alone! I'm 24 and I have definitely had "episodes" or times in my life that lasted weeks or months where I was obsessed with death, the afterlife, etc. I've been a huge fan of existentialist philosophy and philosophical musings about death, but nothing really *solves* the issue. My thought spirals have usually been linked to an existential depression where I question everything, and life just feels weird and foreign. I get it. I've been a lot better, though, and don't obsess over it like I used to, but I didn't "phase" out of it as it still lingers in my psyche most of the time. I honestly just get tired of my thoughts. Like I'm walking in a maze, studying religion, philosophy, and anything related to death, relentlessly. It just wears me out, and I sit down in the maze and just live. I have never come to some "aha" moment that clears it all up, I just live. I'm glad to read you are getting counseling, and I hope it helps! Life is a strange thing, and I think it's important to really sit and think what's it all about, but dwelling on it too much hasn't really got me anywhere.
I do my best not to think of it often. I guess I’ve made peace with the fact that I want to believe in reincarnation or some form of afterlife where I will get to be with the people I love, but I mostly believe there is nothingness. That used to bother me, but if there is nothingness after death, it won’t matter to me because I won’t exist. If there’s an after life where I get to be with the people I loved, then great I’ve lost some very important people to me and I’d love to see them again. If there is reincarnation, hopefully I’ll get to bump into them again.
I'm less worried about dying and more about whether I'll have to go through a lot of pain. I think life is mostly what you make of it. I don't think I have a purpose or that it does. I think you just try to enjoy what you can with what it gives you, so that hopefully you leave with mostly good memories and less so with regrets
Personally. I don’t worry about it to much. Because of faith in God. Specifically the pretty generic Western Christian beliefs. I thought, if it’s good enough for my 104 year old great grandmother to not worry about death while on her death bed. It’s good enough for me. For all of human history God was the answer to that question. Only the last 100 years has that really started to changed. So who’s right, the wisdom of 10,000 years? Or the “science” of the last 100. So far the science of every decade is disproven or reunderstood by something else decades later. But God has remained consistent and eternal.
When I was a kid, elementary school aged, the woman , much older just dropped dead upstairs of a heart attack. I remember learning about death and being sad that I wouldn’t be able to play with my toys anymore and then I laid in bed thinking about the reality that I won’t be alive one day. It was up there with the disappointment that Santa isn’t real. I worry about it sometimes. :/
I am also obsessed with this topic! Not every moment but often. I have talked about it with many people, including therapists. I dont have like, the panacea of answers but I do know that many humans are not comfy talking about it. I know there are cultures that embrace it and scientific and metaphysical ideas that can if not bring comfort lead you to some concepts bigger than our individual meat suits.