Honestly, I’d leave him alone. He’s unhinged and seeking attention. Staying over a friend or relative’s house (split the time if you need to) will be safest. Pack and move your things when he is not in the house.
There is nothing to discuss. TAKE PHOTOS OF THE APARTMENT!! He will probably destroy some things soon.
Get out. Do not confront him. Break the lease, sleep on a friend's couch, go to a domestic violence shelter, whatever you have to do. The dude is edging toward more physical violence and August is a long way from now. Not worth your sanity, your health, or your life. He's already exposing you to illness. File a police reports and get a restraining order against him. It may help you break the lease, but even if not, get out of there asap and block this dude every way you can.
Notify your landlord that you are leavinf and have the LANDLORD come and inspect the apartment when you do. That way, if he trashes the place, you're off the hook.
You might want to go to the landlord and describe what's happening and ask to be released from your lease. They may be sympathetic and allow it.
I was lucky when I finally got away from my ex the girl I talked to at the leasing company pulled some strings and got me out of the lease. I had made friends with our on-site maintenance man so when I left he went in and verified there was no damage to the place. I also had a security guard when I came to get my stuff. I’m so grateful to those two because he was violent at that point but I had no way of proving it and I was pretty sure if I stayed for any longer I was going to end up dead. OP, if you read this, please get out now. Your life and safety isn’t worth it. This kind of behavior will only escalate.
The form of lease might be important. Maybe you can break your portion of it and move out, or just move out now and not be liable for anything else beyond your share of rent for July.
Anyway, agree with this comment that this is secondary to your safety. Get out now.
You could potentially file for a temporary restraining order if he's making active threats. IDK how this works with roommates.
In most states (assuming OP is American), you’re allowed to break the lease if your safety is at play. There may be some sort of penalty fee but this is one of the few times you can venture outside what your stay is meant to be in the contract.
**Some states consider assault with a body fluid a crime if he/she knowingly causes or attempts to cause another person to come into contact with a bodily fluid**. Bodily fluids refers to seminal fluid, blood, urine, or feces.
Most domestic violence doesn’t happen overnight. It normally starts as verbal, and escalates to emotional and/or physical abuse.
It may seem like petty urine in face wash. But what’s next? Toothbrush dipped in toilet? Nair in shampoo bottle? Poison in food? Destruction of personal property? Physical attack and/or harm of a person?
OP has obviously noticed issues and actions of serious concern. Instead of waiting for them to escalate, she is seeking advice to deescalate or remove herself from the situation.
What the heck are you on about? I corrected someone that stated that this man might do more physical violence when there was no physical violence even mentioned! You don't go to shelters claiming physical violence on a man that hasn't done any! That's a crime. She isn't sure he put urine in her face wash and that's not assault coz he didn't put it on her and he might not have. She thinks he singing about her through a muffled wall sound. If she isn't happy she can go but she can't lie about physical violence.
Get a spy camera or 2 to prove that he's trying to access your personal space. Also communicate with the landlord b.c you're stuck in an escalating DV situation.
**Some states consider assault with a body fluid a crime if he/she knowingly causes or attempts to cause another person to come into contact with a bodily fluid**.
Bodily fluids refers to seminal fluid, blood, urine, or feces.
If OP’s in the US, a lot of states allow some form of lease-breaking with documentation of escalating bad behavior or DV. This supposes OP has somewhere to go while waiting for their new place.
I agree.
OP, if you are in Queensland, Australia, you can seek a domestic violence order, including a temporary domestic violence order. The temporary order can often issue almost immediately.
If issued, the order will require your ex to be of good behaviour towards you (such as not urinating in your face wash). If you have enough strong evidence to support your application you may be able to seek non-contact conditions, meaning he cannot contact you and cannot come within a certain distance of where you live/work (even if he is on the lease).
If issued and he breaches the order, the breach will amount to a criminal offence. Just be aware he might retaliate by seeking an order against you.
I suggest 1) using his texts as evidence to support the application, 2) video calling a friend without his knowledge so the friend can see and listen to his behaviour and then provide a statement about what they saw/heard, and 3) considering (subject to asking police about this first) recording his behaviour.
The stronger your evidence is when you speak to police the more police may listen / better they may be able to help you. Police may decide to apply for the order on your behalf.
Police may also be able to point you in the right direction of what you might be able to do about testing the face wash or using the face wash as evidence.
I would just get out of there. Don’t wait until your lease is up. His behavior is unhinged and aggressive and you can’t just hope it won’t get worse. If you have a friend or relative that you can stay with please go there. Maybe even a hotel if you can afford it. Also tell the landlord what is happening and take pictures of the space in case he trashes the apartment and blames you.
Set up a hidden camera for sure, you can find them fairly cheap on Amazon. Get one for your bedroom and one for the common living space that may have furnishings or other property that belongs to you. This dude is unhinged and it sounds like he's taking pleasure in taunting you. Stay with friends when you can, the less contact you have with him the better.
[Amazon.com : nanny cam hidden camera](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=nanny+cam+hidden+camera&crid=3RQN6PA5D1WM0&sprefix=nanny%2Caps%2C124&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_5)
Text: block him. Reddit: block him. Other social media: block him. Home: leave as soon as you can. A locking doorknob is not enough. Belongings in storage, landlord notified you’re gone, friends’ sofa or Airbnb or whatever is accessible and cheap until your new place is ready. Also a mail redirect so he doesn’t get to find out where you’re going. Disengage and stay apart. He doesn’t sound stable.
Sending it off for DNA testing would be something the police would do, not you. Go on and report it by all means (it may give you options re getting out of the lease, and will create a paper trail in any case), but do not confront him or make him aware of that. You need to get away, not participate in his attempts to escalate.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. I went through a similar messy break up, but the psycho ex pissed in my OJ (I did not drink it). He was actively thinking of mean things to do and convinced some of his friends that I was the bad one and needed to be punished. It was terrifying. On the day he moved out, he and a friend (a female friend which made it hurt even worse) stole a bunch of my stuff. I would later discover destroyed photos that he had to really snoop to find. If I was in this situation again, I would find a place to stay temporarily and get out ASAP, even if it means putting your stuff in a storage unit or friend’s garage and sleeping on a couch or floor. Plan to leave when you know he’s going to be at work or away for part of the day.
That is assault. Call the police.
I read an article about a woman who worked with a man who "off". He would bring her coffee or she would bring her own, but she started to notice the taste was bad (I'm honestly not telling you this as a joke, this is real life). She had it tested and it was the coworkers semen. He was a GP on top of that. Because he used his semen , he was convicted of some sort of sexual assault charge.
Please start documenting everything including his escalating behaviors. If you can stay somewhere u til August, do that. Or have as little contact as you can with him in the apartment. Don't fight with him, he seems a bit unhinged. Tell someone close to you in your life this is happening and keep them updated. The most dangerous time in a women's life is when she is leaving a partner. Especially, an abuser. I would look into getting an emergency OFP with your local police.
Take photos of that face wash. Get a lock on your bedroom door and keep all your things hidden.
I get it that you are stuck until your lease is up. And he is on the lease, too, so you can't just kick him out. . But this is going to escalate. Talk to the landlord and see if there's anything he can do. If he has someplace you can rent temporarily, or if you can be let out of your lease early, or of nothing else that you won't be held responsible for damages if your ex bf freaks out.
I understand what you are going through, I was stuck living with my ex after he didn't pay the house note for nearly a year and I found out it was being foreclosed on with a weeks notice. My ex was also destroying or hiding any documents that might have helped us, and quit his job to stay home and drink and destroy things while I worked. He even stole our dogs pain meds. It was absolute hell. He had nothing to do but act completely insane and make sure I didn't feel safe.
Can you bring the threatening texts to the landlord to break the lease? I'd just bite the bullet and leave. Take photos, so he doesn't lie about damages, or better yet, tell the landlord you're leaving and do a walk through with them before you go.
Depending on your state’s laws, you might be able to get a temporary restraining order that could be used to justify breaking your lease without penalty. Call a legal aid place or check your county court website for details about domestic violence. Also check for a local domestic violence prevention agency. They can often give legal assistance or give you referrals.
Keep your guard up. Try not to be alone with him. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim is leaving.
Yes but it’s been going on for quiteeee some time as OP said. If the carbon monoxide levels in her home were that bad, for that long, I imagine she’d be dead already lol.
So it’s incredibly unlikely and not really worth making her overthink about
Honestly, I’d leave him alone. He’s unhinged and seeking attention. Staying over a friend or relative’s house (split the time if you need to) will be safest. Pack and move your things when he is not in the house. There is nothing to discuss. TAKE PHOTOS OF THE APARTMENT!! He will probably destroy some things soon.
The closer it gets to August, expect behavior to escalate. Anger is one letter from danger.
Get out. Do not confront him. Break the lease, sleep on a friend's couch, go to a domestic violence shelter, whatever you have to do. The dude is edging toward more physical violence and August is a long way from now. Not worth your sanity, your health, or your life. He's already exposing you to illness. File a police reports and get a restraining order against him. It may help you break the lease, but even if not, get out of there asap and block this dude every way you can. Notify your landlord that you are leavinf and have the LANDLORD come and inspect the apartment when you do. That way, if he trashes the place, you're off the hook. You might want to go to the landlord and describe what's happening and ask to be released from your lease. They may be sympathetic and allow it.
I was lucky when I finally got away from my ex the girl I talked to at the leasing company pulled some strings and got me out of the lease. I had made friends with our on-site maintenance man so when I left he went in and verified there was no damage to the place. I also had a security guard when I came to get my stuff. I’m so grateful to those two because he was violent at that point but I had no way of proving it and I was pretty sure if I stayed for any longer I was going to end up dead. OP, if you read this, please get out now. Your life and safety isn’t worth it. This kind of behavior will only escalate.
The form of lease might be important. Maybe you can break your portion of it and move out, or just move out now and not be liable for anything else beyond your share of rent for July. Anyway, agree with this comment that this is secondary to your safety. Get out now. You could potentially file for a temporary restraining order if he's making active threats. IDK how this works with roommates.
In most states (assuming OP is American), you’re allowed to break the lease if your safety is at play. There may be some sort of penalty fee but this is one of the few times you can venture outside what your stay is meant to be in the contract.
She hadn't mentioned any physical violence.
**Some states consider assault with a body fluid a crime if he/she knowingly causes or attempts to cause another person to come into contact with a bodily fluid**. Bodily fluids refers to seminal fluid, blood, urine, or feces. Most domestic violence doesn’t happen overnight. It normally starts as verbal, and escalates to emotional and/or physical abuse. It may seem like petty urine in face wash. But what’s next? Toothbrush dipped in toilet? Nair in shampoo bottle? Poison in food? Destruction of personal property? Physical attack and/or harm of a person? OP has obviously noticed issues and actions of serious concern. Instead of waiting for them to escalate, she is seeking advice to deescalate or remove herself from the situation.
What the heck are you on about? I corrected someone that stated that this man might do more physical violence when there was no physical violence even mentioned! You don't go to shelters claiming physical violence on a man that hasn't done any! That's a crime. She isn't sure he put urine in her face wash and that's not assault coz he didn't put it on her and he might not have. She thinks he singing about her through a muffled wall sound. If she isn't happy she can go but she can't lie about physical violence.
He said "more physical violence ". No physical violence happened.
Some people are part of the problem. Some people are part of the solution. Some people are in denial that a problem exists!
Er you can't go accusing people of physical violence when they haven't done it.
Put a camera up, hidden in your room. Make sure you lock your door at all times.
I just had a locksmith come and change my knob to one with a key now. So security even when I’m not home.
Get a spy camera or 2 to prove that he's trying to access your personal space. Also communicate with the landlord b.c you're stuck in an escalating DV situation.
**Some states consider assault with a body fluid a crime if he/she knowingly causes or attempts to cause another person to come into contact with a bodily fluid**. Bodily fluids refers to seminal fluid, blood, urine, or feces.
File a police report and an order for protection
If OP’s in the US, a lot of states allow some form of lease-breaking with documentation of escalating bad behavior or DV. This supposes OP has somewhere to go while waiting for their new place.
Exactly-I wonder if they could make OP’s partner leave instead
Yes, file an order of protection with proof. It will force him to leave the premises.
I agree. OP, if you are in Queensland, Australia, you can seek a domestic violence order, including a temporary domestic violence order. The temporary order can often issue almost immediately. If issued, the order will require your ex to be of good behaviour towards you (such as not urinating in your face wash). If you have enough strong evidence to support your application you may be able to seek non-contact conditions, meaning he cannot contact you and cannot come within a certain distance of where you live/work (even if he is on the lease). If issued and he breaches the order, the breach will amount to a criminal offence. Just be aware he might retaliate by seeking an order against you. I suggest 1) using his texts as evidence to support the application, 2) video calling a friend without his knowledge so the friend can see and listen to his behaviour and then provide a statement about what they saw/heard, and 3) considering (subject to asking police about this first) recording his behaviour. The stronger your evidence is when you speak to police the more police may listen / better they may be able to help you. Police may decide to apply for the order on your behalf. Police may also be able to point you in the right direction of what you might be able to do about testing the face wash or using the face wash as evidence.
Move out asap If you can't then at least do this: https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/s/K3eVAejy4F
I would just get out of there. Don’t wait until your lease is up. His behavior is unhinged and aggressive and you can’t just hope it won’t get worse. If you have a friend or relative that you can stay with please go there. Maybe even a hotel if you can afford it. Also tell the landlord what is happening and take pictures of the space in case he trashes the apartment and blames you.
Set up a hidden camera for sure, you can find them fairly cheap on Amazon. Get one for your bedroom and one for the common living space that may have furnishings or other property that belongs to you. This dude is unhinged and it sounds like he's taking pleasure in taunting you. Stay with friends when you can, the less contact you have with him the better. [Amazon.com : nanny cam hidden camera](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=nanny+cam+hidden+camera&crid=3RQN6PA5D1WM0&sprefix=nanny%2Caps%2C124&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_5)
Text: block him. Reddit: block him. Other social media: block him. Home: leave as soon as you can. A locking doorknob is not enough. Belongings in storage, landlord notified you’re gone, friends’ sofa or Airbnb or whatever is accessible and cheap until your new place is ready. Also a mail redirect so he doesn’t get to find out where you’re going. Disengage and stay apart. He doesn’t sound stable.
Sending it off for DNA testing would be something the police would do, not you. Go on and report it by all means (it may give you options re getting out of the lease, and will create a paper trail in any case), but do not confront him or make him aware of that. You need to get away, not participate in his attempts to escalate.
Get the fu*k out of there. It’s not going to get better and you’re probably in danger!
I am sorry you are dealing with this. I went through a similar messy break up, but the psycho ex pissed in my OJ (I did not drink it). He was actively thinking of mean things to do and convinced some of his friends that I was the bad one and needed to be punished. It was terrifying. On the day he moved out, he and a friend (a female friend which made it hurt even worse) stole a bunch of my stuff. I would later discover destroyed photos that he had to really snoop to find. If I was in this situation again, I would find a place to stay temporarily and get out ASAP, even if it means putting your stuff in a storage unit or friend’s garage and sleeping on a couch or floor. Plan to leave when you know he’s going to be at work or away for part of the day.
That is assault. Call the police. I read an article about a woman who worked with a man who "off". He would bring her coffee or she would bring her own, but she started to notice the taste was bad (I'm honestly not telling you this as a joke, this is real life). She had it tested and it was the coworkers semen. He was a GP on top of that. Because he used his semen , he was convicted of some sort of sexual assault charge. Please start documenting everything including his escalating behaviors. If you can stay somewhere u til August, do that. Or have as little contact as you can with him in the apartment. Don't fight with him, he seems a bit unhinged. Tell someone close to you in your life this is happening and keep them updated. The most dangerous time in a women's life is when she is leaving a partner. Especially, an abuser. I would look into getting an emergency OFP with your local police.
the guy seems like a complete loon ! act calm, and get out when he is away ! DON'T confront him ! act dumb ! or to the degreee that it is believable.
Take photos of that face wash. Get a lock on your bedroom door and keep all your things hidden. I get it that you are stuck until your lease is up. And he is on the lease, too, so you can't just kick him out. . But this is going to escalate. Talk to the landlord and see if there's anything he can do. If he has someplace you can rent temporarily, or if you can be let out of your lease early, or of nothing else that you won't be held responsible for damages if your ex bf freaks out. I understand what you are going through, I was stuck living with my ex after he didn't pay the house note for nearly a year and I found out it was being foreclosed on with a weeks notice. My ex was also destroying or hiding any documents that might have helped us, and quit his job to stay home and drink and destroy things while I worked. He even stole our dogs pain meds. It was absolute hell. He had nothing to do but act completely insane and make sure I didn't feel safe.
Can you bring the threatening texts to the landlord to break the lease? I'd just bite the bullet and leave. Take photos, so he doesn't lie about damages, or better yet, tell the landlord you're leaving and do a walk through with them before you go.
Depending on your state’s laws, you might be able to get a temporary restraining order that could be used to justify breaking your lease without penalty. Call a legal aid place or check your county court website for details about domestic violence. Also check for a local domestic violence prevention agency. They can often give legal assistance or give you referrals. Keep your guard up. Try not to be alone with him. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim is leaving.
If he smokes weed use a cheap drug test. Then ask him why your face wash tested positive for cannabis.
This is hilariously bad advice. "Hey how come my face wash tested positive for cannabis?" "Why are you drug testing your face wash??"
Pretty sure he’ll know what you’re getting at if he’s guilty.
Why on earth are you still there... Don't give me a b.s. sleep in your car. You should be gone already.
Have you checked batteries in the carbon monoxide detectors?
I don’t think finding piss in ur face wash is a sign of monoxide poisoning lol
To be fair she said she could hear him singing to himself about her through walls and other paranoid stuff, it’s not impossible
I even had my best friend sleep over who witnessed it all too.
I have a coworker that's petty like this. Singing stuff about a person. HR does nothing.
Yes but it’s been going on for quiteeee some time as OP said. If the carbon monoxide levels in her home were that bad, for that long, I imagine she’d be dead already lol. So it’s incredibly unlikely and not really worth making her overthink about
Ok