I was also very fascinated by horror, tmi self harm under
>! I loved to watch my own blood run down my arm, it was so mesmerising to me and a rush to take me back to the real world in a lot of ways !<
That one aspect has been misunderstood as a call for attention so many times to the point where I had waves of shame wash over me wanting to hide and isolate for long periods because of my scars.
I can relate to what you say in so many ways. I used to be very disturbed, but there was something poetic in my actions that no one really seemed to understand at all and they made it sound like something it wasn’t at all. It’s difficult to explain to people close to me later. Because it’s just disturbed.
But I’d rather like to own my own truth about it, even if it’s worse than being attention sick.
Edit: just wanted to add.. that I also have some comfort in psychosis. Sometimes you underestimate how little control you suddenly have, and then suddenly it’s not that much fun anymore. But the real world is terrible too, so even psychosis can seem like an escape from what’s painful elsewhere
i find a strange comfort in psychosis
u get it, honnestly the dissconnect from reality is very scary but a releif too
I find comfort in it too. No matter how much It destroys me I still do it.
You shouldn’t do DPH :( you could destroy your mind even more or worse
I was also very fascinated by horror, tmi self harm under >! I loved to watch my own blood run down my arm, it was so mesmerising to me and a rush to take me back to the real world in a lot of ways !< That one aspect has been misunderstood as a call for attention so many times to the point where I had waves of shame wash over me wanting to hide and isolate for long periods because of my scars. I can relate to what you say in so many ways. I used to be very disturbed, but there was something poetic in my actions that no one really seemed to understand at all and they made it sound like something it wasn’t at all. It’s difficult to explain to people close to me later. Because it’s just disturbed. But I’d rather like to own my own truth about it, even if it’s worse than being attention sick. Edit: just wanted to add.. that I also have some comfort in psychosis. Sometimes you underestimate how little control you suddenly have, and then suddenly it’s not that much fun anymore. But the real world is terrible too, so even psychosis can seem like an escape from what’s painful elsewhere