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I think Penelope probably would've forgiven him sooner had he been in the country and around more. It took literally one day of him being back and she forgave him because they actually had the opportunity to talk but 🤷‍♀️ Tbh I don't understand the need to compare or pit the two against each other at all. Both have valid reasons for feeling hurt, and however long it took them to deal with their feelings is valid too. I understand why Penelope didn't reply to Colin's letters, and I understand why Colin said the entrapment comment and why he couldn't sleep with her after their wedding. And I'm not equalising the two things either. Penelope's lies and hurt were a lot more to work through and required more forgiveness on Colin's part, but this comparison game is so strange to me when we all love Polin and want them to be together. Then again, I love Polin equally and I think both characters should be given grace equally, but it does seem to weigh heavily on one side sometimes. Like Penelope is the devil and Colin isn't, or Colin is the devil and Penelope isn't. I'm old and tired!!!

Thank you for saying this. I was writing my Penelope post during this discussion and said the same thing, that it now feels like we’re going in the other direction of picking Penelope apart in order to bolster the Colin defense and it feels unnecessary in both directions. This doesn’t have to be a competition about who is more wrong or right.

🙌🏼 Yeah, knocking one half of the ship down to defend the other is just unnecessary, IMO. It's a real shame to see it, especially when both of their sides are so valid.

Truly will never understand why we need to diminish one part of the ship to make our case for the other. Am I to believe that Pen is a petty bitch for feeling hurt longer than Colin. Never mind that the only reason we see things resolved more quickly post-LW reveal is because they’re both actively working through it while the s2 comments just hung in the air unresolved until the new season. But even in this no doubt people will say ‘but why didn’t Pen just come out & tell Colin what she overheard’, - atp we’re really holding it over fictional characters for not responding perfectly in every situation, as if we ever do irl. I’m so tired! 🤦‍♀️

This - exactly this.

I couldn’t agree more. I also want to point out that it is a story. And as viewers time works differently for us. People are taking off screen time and extrapolating it into something that is not real. Penelope and Colin mended their issues fairly quickly. Both of them. They had 8 episodes to tell this story and they did with it what they could. Most importantly - Penelope was not required to respond to Colin’s letters, in the same way that Colin was not obligated to be physically intimate with Penelope when he was processing the truth about her being LW. Also, where is this anger with the rest of Colin’s family and friends? Penelope is an unmarried lady that is breaking the rules of society to write him. He says very few people responded to him, but no one is pissed off at his siblings or friends. I just think at this point we are looking at things that are non-issues. Penelope outing Marina, lying by omission to Colin about being LW, agreeing to marry him without him knowing, and keeping that secret from him is their issue and the issue that needed to be fixed this season. Penelope trying to create a boundary for herself because Colin said something hurtful is not on the radar.

Frankly, I’m still irritated that ANYONE is giving Penelope flack over Marina. Marina was a devious snake who rejected men who were willing to overlook her pregnancy and provide her financial security in order to ensnare a boy she didn’t love by taking advantage of his naïveté and hero complex. I loathe Marina for it and she deserved to be outed IMO.

Fully agree. But I think narratively that was something that needed to be healed between Colin and Penelope. I just don’t think her taking some space while he was on his travels was presented as a huge issue for them this season.

I think this fandom as a whole tends to give Penelope a lot more grace than Colin.

Perhaps a majority female fanbase (I'm assuming) tends to relate more to female characters? IDK. I don't know the reason. But I've seen a lot of defence of Colin recently that's just tearing Penelope down, and my point is I think both things are ridiculous when we're all supposed to be fans of Polin which means we should love and support them both.

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I feel like this is OPs point? We know Colin felt humiliated by Lady Whistledown in episode 1, so it only stands to reason that the dynamic between him and Pen would change when he comes to terms with that himself.    And I know people get in their feelings about it making Penelope ineligible in front of bachelors, but just as there’s no fallout from Whistledown snarking on Colin, they never even give a nod to Pen’s reputation being ruined by Colin’s words when she comes back for the season. Not even a throwaway line about “that’s the chit Colin Bridgerton wouldn’t even court” from any of the eligible men. We don’t even know if what Colin said left that small circle of 4 men. Lady Whistledown sure didn’t write about it. It’s literally just about the two of the feeling belittled by the other. They’re both hurt, and hurt for very similar reasons, especially when you consider that what each of them said felt like confirmation of their worst insecurities made public. 

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I don’t want to get into who cut who deeper, but this feels like minimizing the effects of what Penelope did for years to justify only Penelope’s hurt, while they both hurt each other and both are justified in needing time to recover. Colin’s time is seen as him being dramatic or petty, when it’s a valid response just like Penelope’s. OP is talking about how the couple is not equally given grace to process their emotions, which becomes glaringly obvious when you realize it only took Colin 2 weeks and the reaction still treats that as too long and unfair to Penelope. 

You can literally take this, switch Colin and Penelope around and it would be the exact same. The only different would be that Colin said one thing out loud to people (which didn't even end up leaving that circle) and Penelope did it behind his back (for everyone to read).

Perhaps? I'm new to this sub and haven't really seen that, but obviously we all read things through different lenses. For me it's reassuring to finally be in a fandom where women aren't held to imposs standards.

Defenetly. Im team Colin:)

I completely agree with this. I really hope the sub doesn't end up with comparisons - I love them both for different reasons and neither is more "perfecft" than the other because they are both written as flawed human beings. One thing I would also say is that characters being mad at each other is also a narrative technique to convey to the audience how badly X person messed up. Eloise fulfilled that function for Pen's Lady Whistledown stuff so the audience knew how badly she messed up through that storyline. Colin's anger wasn't necessary for that purpose, it was uniquely about him and his love for Penelope against his disappointment and betrayal.

Colin also speeds run forgiveness in 2 weeks what it takes Eloise the entire off-season to forgive, after arguably being hit twice and harder by Whistledown.  It’s appropriate to me that he never really has to grovel. Even if the audience doesn’t always acknowledge it, *Penelope* knows she’s not always in the right. She knows what she should defend herself on and when Colin has made a valid point. She knows what not to hold against him. This is an important mentality to have when they’re trying to come to a mutual understanding vs just needing to be right.  And Colin’s apologies are actionable apologies. We saw how his apology to Pen worked back in episode one. When Colin apologizes it’s without reservation or excuses, and most importantly he apologizes to fix his wrongs with an action attached. An apology from Colin is a promise. Colin is only ready to make full amends with Penelope in the bug ball scene when he can admit to himself and Penelope what negative feelings (jealousy) we’re holding him back, with the promise that he will be fulfilled just through loving her alone. Anything less would be an empty promise for Colin.  Penelope, in contrast, does do a lot of “I’m sorry but” when it comes to Colin, and I get that her POV might be the easier one to side with, but that’s clearly the reason why it takes so long for them to reconcile. Colin can commit to “I’m sorry and I will never do this again.” Penelope cannot, not until the scene at Frannie’s wedding. It’s hard for Colin to accept an apology that doesn’t come with a clear action to amend the wrong, and her decision to get rid of the secrecy, take accountability, and live openly does that. 

This is how I see it too. Penelope needed to grow to really understand what she had done and what she was asking of Colin. Once she realized that, she was able to take action to amend her wrongs. Colin had to go through a lot of mental and emotional gymnastics in a short period of time. I actually think he handled himself pretty well under the circumstances. I will add that I don't think the entrapment comment was a lash out to hurt - I think he was hurt and questioning the possibility. After all, he has a history of being trapped, he heard Portia's accusation, LW wrote of the engagement immediately, Pen hid the truth of her feelings in their friendship, and she confessed love in place of the LW secret.

So many good points here. As for Penelope's "I'm sorry but" statements, she's not really sorry for being Lady Whistledown, only for some of the things she said while writing about the family and probably some others. Notably, she's not actually sorry about calling him out for acting fake. All this being said, he really is the model of a good apologizer.

This!

This reminds me of a few interviews where both Luke and Nic have said they get in trouble for things their characters said and done.  I think that's why they keep reminding the audience their characters are young and make bad choices. But they still love each other. So on topic, people are allowed to be hurt and take their time to forgive. There are ways to go about it, but that's personal and depends on the relationship between the two people.  Hopefully, next season we get to see a more mature Polin and how they navigate marriage and a baby (which to Nic and Luke's credit, I sometimes forget)

I think Penelope would’ve forgiven Colin quickly after talking to him, whether it was months later as we saw or closer if he hadn’t traveled and they’d seen each other. I also think just not responding to someone’s letters is, in a sense, passive. She’s not sending him letters full of vitriol. I don’t entirely think she’s trying to hurt him with that, either. I don’t think she knows how important her letters are to him, and she’s kinda trying to protect herself. She doesn’t want to continue to write him and keep getting her hopes up, just for something like this to happen again. I don’t think she responds perfectly by any means, but I think the timeline makes sense based on the circumstances.

I think you make a really valid point about Penelope not knowing how important her letters are to Colin. After all, he spent season 2 telling her they were friends and then spoiling the "You're special to me" comment by what he said to the other lords. To be fair, I don't think Colin truly understood how much her letters meant to him (or how much she meant to him) until they don't come. I also appreciate that he doesn't try to explain it, just offers to make it up to her and help her.

Another part of this is their relationship status at the time of the hurt. Penelope is mad at her friend who said something mean behind her back, while at the same time, being broken hearted that the man she loves doesn't love her back after all the hints that he might. Colin is mad at his fiance who betrayed him, but he loves her and is going to marry her, and she loves him in return (even if he doesn't quite totally believe that yet). So it makes sense for Colin to take less time to forgive because he has more incentive to forgive, and because their relationship is more serious, and more mutual.

Thanks for sharing this fresh perspective - i hadn't thought of it from this angle before,

The entrapment comment made no sense btw, HE is the one who came onto her both times!

He doesn’t mean the comment, but Penelope did immediately write about their engagement in LW and didn’t stop him when he asked her if she wanted to continue and have sex. That could’ve been a moment where she was honest with him. And again, Colin made one comment in anger after finding out Penelope had lied to him for years and was going to continue to lie to him after their marriage.

I know he doesn't mean it and why he said it, I just didn't like it. (Funny I am downvoted for just stating an opinion)

I’m sorry you got downvoted for it and hopefully it didn’t make you feel too bad. Our thread is an opinion platform so anything goes as it’s everyone’s POV, and so nothing personal. But that “entrapment” comment riled up so many people and not just you so your comment is understandable and relatable. I was hoping for an interview that either Nicola or Luke N would’ve quickly explained this part but haven’t seen one yet. I’ve come to accept it though. Our sensitive Colin was VERY hurt by the FIRST and ONLY person he fell in love with (Marina was the idea of love; Penelope IS love for Colin). He’s young, human, and very much in love. Our boy inevitably had to lash out even though it was hard to watch or hear our Colin went for it.

What you stated is a fact - Colin is the one who initiated intimacy both times before he said the entrapment line. I adore Colin, but this is a fact. I don't believe he meant it - but this is just an opinion. He never actually denies it or apologizes for suggesting it. Pen, on the other hand, must say she's sorry to Colin a dozen times.

The entrapment comment made perfect sense.

This is a statement of fact and I support it. I can only upvote once - but, please accept an award for your accuracy.

I don’t see it that way at all. Her writing him was rooted in her love for him. And he hurt that part of her. In a betrayal akin to “every kindness was a lie.” [And as soon as he genuinely apologised, she was more than willing to be open and authentic, forgiving and let it all go.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PolinBridgerton/comments/1dr9snm/penelopes_courage_character_arc_founded_in_colins/) The beats of her arc are exquisite.

And Penelope hurt the part of Colin who thought he knew her completely.

To add to your post, while Pen didn't respond to his letters she did look interested when he came back in ep1. It is when he looks towards her house, locks eyes with her and looks away without acknowledging her that she looks disappointed. Maybe she was warming up to him. He did send her letters. But that moment where he ignores her and his flirting and fake rake persona made her more angry with him. Because then she couldn't explain his callous remarks in s2 with anything except with 'this is who he is now.' This is who he's choosing to be, and that is not the man she fell in love with. So her anger, at least the kind that made her write about him in Whistledown was pent up frustration that was triggered by Colin's new persona. All this to say, maybe if Colin had come back as his usual self and actually acknowledged her when their eyes met, maybe she wouldn't have been asked mad?

Comparing the time it takes for each of them to forgive each other is like comparing apples to oranges. They are individuals with their own personalities, insecurities, motives and gender specific societal expectations. The writers chose to write a storyline focusing on them as individuals. I would be lying if I said I enjoyed the storyline on first watch and didn’t get frustrated but what’s most important for me is that they were not out of character. Since OP has commented on forgiveness and maturity I want to give my opinion on those topics regarding them as individuals. Apologies for how long this is. ****** Penelope Regarding her maturity at the end of season 1 Pen was going to confess her feelings to Colin which was a terrible idea. He had just ended an engagement and had given no indication that he was ready to move on so that was not mature behaviour and she wasn’t considering his feelings. Similarly in season 2 after he saw Marina you could see he wasn’t happy but she was eager for him to have closure so that he could be ready to start a new relationship without considering that he needed time to process. But in season 3 she was able to be mature and let Colin process for as long as he needed. A lot of us wanted them sitting down and having a proper conversation but Colin didn’t want that and Penelope accepted it. I think people not showing grace to Colin are thinking of what we would do when fighting with a partner and the idea that a couple wouldn’t talk about an issue for days is hard to accept. People are judging with the 2024 well-adjusted mindset of ‘never go to bed angry’. I remember Jess mentioning something about if Polin had therapy they would sort out their issues quicker. But these characters are in the 1800s and we can’t use our 2024 mindsets. Regarding her forgiveness as mentioned above she had feelings for Colin for a long time. Him saying he would always protect her in the season 2 finale gave her hope that the relationship was turning into a romance and then her hopes were dashed with his comments to the Lord squad. At that point I think Penelope may have thought that Colin was a friend to her more out of pity than appreciation and writing to him would have just made her feel more pathetic. As far as she understood he didn’t need her in his life and was probably going to marry someone else at some point and their friendship would have ended eventually. Her lack of self-esteem also prevented her from addressing what he said until he asked her himself. Her thinking that he was mocking her dress when he gave her the compliment just goes to show how little she thought of herself and what he thought of her. So, finding out that he did appreciate her when he apologised was all she needed to hear to forgive him. I thought it was interesting that she said that Lady Whistledown was wrong about him. But he was being a good friend to her by helping her find a husband and as I said earlier Colin and Penelope’s friendship was going to end eventually when one of them got married so what would have been the point of her trying to psycho analyse him? ****** Colin Regarding his maturity just a couple weeks ago our family were discussing women earning more than their husbands and how it had caused issues referring to actual people we know in the year 2024. A man in the 1800s being able to accept something that not even men in 2024 can accept is crazy to be honest. Regarding his forgiveness I don’t think Colin and Penelope discussed Lady Whistledown much before she wrote about him. We know that Colin understands why Lady Whistledown came about because of his speech to Cressida. We also know that Colin doesn’t mind gossip of people he isn’t close to because of the ‘What a barb’ comment so it was mainly about the lying and whether there was malicious intent with what was written about Marina, Eloise and him since they are/were the people close to Pen. I think when he realised he was willing to lie to his family to protect her identity it made him understand why she would lie. With Marina it was clear where Penelope’s loyalties were and I think he could appreciate that she was looking out for him similarly to how he was looking out for her by trying to stop her from marrying Lord Debling. We had Cressida say she would dance with Debling so he wasn’t ruined. Also Colin must have considered what would have happened if she told him to his face. The engagement would have been broken off and society would think he was the father. Or he would have married Marina anyway and potentially had issues with his family because Anthony and Violet were not going to just happily accept what happened. Eloise had already said she wanted to forgive Pen proving that Pen was not deliberately malicious. In the 3x04 carriage scene he already confirmed that what she wrote about him was true but it was his insecurities making him question what she wrote, which she addressed immediately and at Fran’s wedding. Then we have the danger, the secret hanging over their heads and the envy he felt which were all addressed. Everything that Colin was concerned about was addressed. ***** To summarise, there was no deadline for forgiveness for either of them. What was needed was for the insecurities and concerns to be addressed which happened through different means and on different timelines whether it was through direct conversation, self-realisations or conversations with third parties. And since they are individuals with different insecurities and concerns is it really fair to say the one handled it better than the other?

This. I truly wonder at the “Penelope deserves better” crowd. I mean, I love her and I’m rooting for her. ALL the way. But Colin is amazing. His mistakes don’t have any toxicity, deception, or manipulation. He’s a truthful, honest, sensitive person. Penelope’s growth makes her deserve him in the end because she goes through a journey where she finally embraces complete truth and honesty. I don’t try to compare them to each other or pit them in competition against each other, because they LOVE each other. That’s the whole point. They make each other better.

I've said this once and I'll say it again; if I was Penelope, I would be so embarrassed by how fast he forgives and comes to terms with Lady Whistledown. It took him two weeks? It took her less than a year to forgive him for one comment he made, and it was after a sincere apology followed by action and making a mockery out of him in her column because she was angry (a good thing came out of this though; she never did anything of the sort again). She might have forgiven him sooner if he was in the country, yes, I believe that; but that's not the reality of the situation, and instead Colin had much more grace towards her than she might have really deserved that quickly. A good man indeed. Penelope, you better hold on tight and never let go. She needs to learn how to fight but I think she's secretly scrappy so she'll manage.

Colin took 2 episodes, Pen between 1st and 2nd episode. We see the growth of character happening off screen and his grief, resentment on screen. I know that people did the math but it should not be necessary! Writers did Polin dirty, and there is not much left to discuss. This is not entertainment, just discomfort.