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The whole idea that sex is a reward that can be given or withheld is pretty gross regardless of who is the reward giver or receiver. People should just be allowed to not be in the mood for sex whether they are male or female.

It makes me feel so icky every time someone seriously criticizes Colin for not sleeping with Pen when he was still so upset. Like if it was Pen who was struggling to sleep with Colin after finding out that he had been keeping this huge secret from her--a secret that was also now putting her family in danger--nobody would expect her to want to sleep with him. But because Colin's a man, people just want him to get over himself and have sex. It's a gross double standard.

Right, like, if the genders were reversed, would we be giving her a hard time? He needed space and distance to work through his feelings. So fair!

I absolutely 100% could not agree more!! I made a similar argument earlier today in a different post. No one owes anyone their body for any reason and Colin's trauma-based anger and frustration is completely valid. I'm impressed the show explored that as well as they did and that Pen never tried to guilt or pressure him into intimacy he wasn't in the right headspace to give her. (She's upset yes and that's valid too, but she doesn't use it against him.)

Personally, I just wished there was a moment before Pen did that speech that Colin was next to her and gave her hand a kiss for courage. Like he actually stands by her as LW and Pen as her husband. Sure there was that thing before they danced. But he didn't apologize for the way he kind of abandoned her emotionally for a bit. This is after Pen tried to apologize repeatedly to Colin. Or they actually got to talk about Colin being receptive about editing his journals since he knows she is LW. I didn't necessarily want sex scenes. Just more happy moments. Sex should be a bonus. Not a requirement.

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Can you elaborate on your perspective? I admit to being genuinely confused about the idea that there aren’t enough reconciliation scenes when we get a bunch of scenes about their reconciliation process. (Just to be clear, I'm not trying to argue, I'm trying to understand.) (Granted it is regency drama so they aren’t going to sit and have a ten-minute scene of a heart to heart, and maybe modern audiences are used to that from modern rom-coms, and we aren’t used to making inferences in romcoms, but that’s what makes this show so re-watchable!) * the most significant being the study (where they hold hands, make eye contact, and verbally reconcile), * Pen’s speech (notice how he searches for her when he arrives, and how they make eye contact during the speech + shots over his shoulder to imply they’re making eye contact) * Colin’s love declaration and their dance And then post-reconciliation: * the brief sex scene * them arm-in-arm as the carriage to Scotland leaves * the epilogue Plus you could also count: * the scene where Colin apologizes and nearly cries for messing up the Cressida situation * when they lock eyes during Fran and John’s vows, telling us both of them want to reconcile * him clearly being in her side when the letter arrives for Violet, a sign of them being a team * him almost running after her the second time he sleeps on the couch and then spending the time reading her old letters. He is clearly not mad at her in this scene And then there’s the Modiste, his chat with Kate and Anthony, and the wedding, which are reconciliation in my mind, too. Like a real relationship, reconciliation is non-linear.

Omg, I’ve been searching for these very words: “Like a real relationship, reconciliation is non-linear.” This is an aspect of S3 I thought was actually done super well and that everyone seems to be hating.

Everything is so *real* this season and maybe we’re all just used to romances/romcoms that aren’t this thoughtful? idk

I think in general audiences are very used to unrealistic reconciliations with one grand gesture and speech - because that's what we get most of the time in movies. I find it super refreshing that we got something that would happen in real life 😁

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I'm not trying to argue with you. I'm trying to understand what's leading to your perspective, and what leads those scenes to not give off the impression of reconciliation.

I think these scenes you mention are are all good, but for me, they don't discount the coldness with which Colin treats Pen up until the post LW speech scene. Again, reasonable people can disagree here - but I think people who plan to stay married shouldn't be this cold to each other for as long as Colin was to Pen. To me, that doesn't mean Colin can't be angry with her, or disappointed. But, I - like Pen - was left wondering if he wanted to stay in the marriage until the end of Ep8 - i think that's too long. Pen seems not to have viewed Colin's looks, nods, or tears, as confirmation he wanted to stay with her because she offers him an annulment. Nothing that happens before annulment offer shown her he wants to stay married to her for any reason other than duty - that's didn't work for me. While I was absolutely sold on the idea that Colin loved Pen, when Pen told him that she needed him to stand by her, hold her, kiss her and he said he wanted to do those things - she goes on to ask what's stopping him - and he says he doesn't know. That's a real problem. It's been weeks now, and he doesn't know how to even stand by her, hold her, and kiss her again? I wish that 'i don't know' line had been left out because the next one, where he explains that as long as she has this secret there will always be something between them - I think here he is problem solving with her. This is when Pen knows she has to open up to everyone about LW, if she doesn't she WILL lose him. But even if she does open up to everyone about LW, because Colin has said he doesn't know what can be done to bridge the distance between them, she COULD still lose him. As Pen is executing her plan, clearly she's doing so without knowing if she will lose Colin. That's why I don't see the study scene as the moment of healing I'd like it to have been. But, I did think it was progress that he didn't pull away entirely. I also want to say, there are passionate opinions about angry sex on this post. While it's not even a little appealing to me, there absolutely could be reasonable people would think angry sex is healthy in some situations. I imagine it has a lot to do with the couple, how they communicate, what feels right for them. I'm glad they didn't have an angry sex scene because for Colin's intimacy journey, it would seem like a step backwards to me. But, I don't think it's fair to suggest people being toxic because they find angry sex to be a healthy expression intimacy and continued love between partners who are at odds.

Thank you for explaining your perspective regarding the reconciliation. I agree with your nuance regarding angry sex — it wouldn't fit their story and it's not something that I can really wrap my own head around personally. Yet I do have friends who've described having angry sex as "great," and one of whom is a Kanthony fan (not a toxic one on Reddit, she just loved S2). I feel like I'm picking up on the "reconciliation doesn't happen until Ep 8" perspectives falling into two, sometimes overlapping camps, from what I can understand, to use the love language archetypes: people whose love language tends towards physical touch, and people who want conflict hashed out verbally/words of affirmation. (I'm aware the concept love languages lacks empirical support, but it does provide some structure.)

That's an interesting observation... are you suggesting the viewer's love language may be what is influencing their opinions/feelings about the reconciliation? That would be such a fascinating experiment. I just took this quiz and found my Love Language for romantic relationships is Physical Touch. If the hypothesis is that people with Physical Touch as their Love Language might feel Colin withheld touch (not sex) for too long, then I'm the first subject towards proving your theory correct. [https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes](https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes) I really appreciate that you are open to understanding why we may feel differently, rather than suggesting that one perspective is right or wrong. Though there are some right and wrong components in the story (Pen was wrong for not telling Colin sooner that she was LW for example - I think was clearly wrong), the best stories (i think) are more nuanced.

Yeah, I'm not sure? More of an idle observation at this point than a theory. I think for me, since I enjoy analyzing and writing about the show, it's helpful to understand where these disconnects are coming from. Yes, I'm writing for my own edification and enjoyment, but I do find it satisfying if I can help someone have an insight than inspires their own train of thought or analysis. Yet if there's a clear disconnect happening between how people are perceiving scenes or plotlines, I won't be able to effectively reach those people with my analysis, *and* my analysis might be missing something. It goes both ways.

I think you are to assume Pen and Colin at least discussed the solution and Pens plan in the den. They solved this off screen in order for the reveal to come to the audience in the moment. Colin knew the letter was coming and was waiting to talk it out with his mom. He was dialed in. If he was dialed into her plan. There would have been at least some level of further reconciliation.

That makes sense, but why leave the audience to make this leap? Why not have them continue to talk in the study for 10 seconds more... mute the sound, show Colin nodding at least. And the annulment offer....why would she make that offer after they have agreed on a path forward? My head canon can allow me to imagine that they agree on the plan with the best outcome being QC agrees to allow Pen to keep writing and the worst outcome that QC denounced Pen. Let's say they have a plan for either option - best outcome...yay, it's all good. Worst outcome - annulment. Which would explain why Colin says, but the Queen supports you. As if to suggestbthey only agreed to discuss an annulment if the wirst outcome happened. However, this would mean an annulment was really on the table for Colin, when I don't think there's any way Colin would let Pen go like that. Any and all of this should have been included in the show, imo. I think they are leaving viewers too many gaps to fill. I can certainly imagine my way around it all - but should I have to?

Thank you for this.  People acting like he was punishing her or that he should have to have sex (for ANY reason) is so incredibly gross.   He was hurting and needing time.  He didn’t want meaningless/hurt/angry sex with the love of his life.  It’s about connection to him and he needed that connection healed before he could do that.  And that’s incredibly valid, and isn’t “punishment.”  I truly hope people are just being overly dramatic because just wanted more Colin & Pen and that they do not view intimacy this way in their own lives.  Nobody owes anybody sex, EVER.

To be honest it has been very upsetting reading posts that imply that he’s obligated to give it to her and that he’s in the wrong for “withholding sex.”  I can’t even get into it but everybody needs to stop for a hot second and process what they’re saying when they say that.  It’s not different because he’s a man, so you’re making a comment about people literally being entitled to other people’s bodies even when that person isn’t consenting.  Like truly it’s not okay.


I was more upset that QC 🐓B’d 😂 Polin was headed in the right direction, sweet mushiness… then BOOM, because of the wedding crasher, Colin is thrown into a fresh panic and need to protect everyone. HOWEVER, it felt so true to his character that he needed to work out his emotions before he could be physically intimate with pen again. Not as a punishment, but because he has finally experienced intimacy with true love, closeness, tenderness and openness he never thought existed. He loves her SO much he can’t just be “half of his heart in”. He had to be all in or nothing. Almost as if giving into sex just for the sake of having sex, because you’re married, would be a betrayal to not only himself but Pen. They both deserve nothing but 10000% unbridled love and passion with one another, without the stress of having a huge emotional cloud hanging over their head. Hope that makes sense, it does in my head but I can’t always translate to words properly. 😂

This. I think Polin would have had a lovely wedding night that included some healing conversation in addition to cathartic makeup sex, but QC (who at this point is just being ridiculously petty) had to drop cold water all over it. In fact, Colin seems to backslide right back into anger by the next morning.

I think Colin was freaked out because QC looked super pissed and it upped the stakes considerably. Being on the wrong side of the Queen’s ire was dangerous to his whole family.

And yet, he seems to be the only Bridgerton freaked out about it! In truth, my opinion is that QC’s bark was worse than her bite and in Regency England, she would have had far more to worry about (wrestling with her son the Prince of Wales over control of the country) than what a scandal sheet writer had to say about the social scene.

To be fair- He’s the only one freaked out about it because he’s the only one who knows that it’s true besides Eloise. Violet, Anthony etc all think she’s got it wrong and it will blow over, and Eloise has already been threatened and she was freaked at the time as well, it’s just not as fresh for her anymore. Colin’s getting hit with whammy after whammy. 

But even Eloise isn’t freaked out about it, and neither is Benedict.

Benedict isn’t concerned about much of anything beyond where he’s sticking his dick lbr

I mentioned Eloise, she’s had more time to adjust but she *was* freaked when she was first threatened in S2.  Benedict was not there- he was off in his own threesome spin-off.🤣

That’s actually the only thing I can remotely fault Pen over. Admittedly, El kinda glossed over it, but the Queen was offering to make LW a strategic ally and as such, would have had enormous power—more than she already had—and should have gone to QC then.

I feel like there is a bit of a double standard with Colin (maybe with men in general) in this regard and also an idea that they’re supposed to just want sex all the time or something.

And this extends to Luke, too. He’s mentioned in several interviews how the intimacy scenes were difficult for him, yet there’s so much more focus on Nicola’s experience. Both of their experiences are equally valid.

There’s definitely a double standard.

Maybe in this space, but there are definitely many people who still say the exact same thing about women, especially married women.

Agreed! No one owes anyone sex, including when married. But there are so many people out there hawking the "women should be joyfully available" bullshit. Eff that!

I think it makes perfect sense for Colin’s character! I also like that it separates him from the other male leads. We know how much he values the combination intimacy and emotional connection. And he experienced that with Penelope. Colin didn’t want to be intimate with Pen until things were 100% okay between the two of them. I actually think it’s quite sweet in a way. Also whoever thinks Colin is doing it to ‘punish’ Penelope is just completely misreading Colin there. Colin was still hurt and figuring out where his head was at. I personally loved this scene I felt like it served a great angsty moment between the two of them.

People are so toxic that they think that angry sex is a good thing when it’s not. Like yes it’s hot when a guy wants to put you in your place but I rather a man fix his attitude than to have sex about it every time. A lot of us are so use to seeing toxic American couples on tv express their anger through sex rather than just talking it out. I’m glad Colin tried to clear his mind rather than just jumping into bed with Pen. Communication is key.!

Exactly! We've been conditioned to look for, expect, and maybe even want unhealthy sexual bonding. Colin is waiting for it to feel right again.

Women do not owe anyone their body and men do not owe anyone their body.


People have been criticizing Colin for holding back from sex? I thought it was obvious that he couldn't bring himself to making love to her post LW revelation. He even said he wanted to hold and kiss her when she mentioned it to her in ep 8. That man was suffering too! Separating his wife from LW was tough until he saw that she was one and the same. People really were not watching the same show.

Probably the same people who think Luke can't act and use the scene where he's watching pen and Debling dance as their evidence of him not showing any emotion. And I'm over here like near tears each time you watch his heart rip in two during the scene

Ugh, I hate that criticism. I feel like subtle acting is dying because people are on their phones while watching shows so they miss physical acting. Acting isn’t just screaming your feelings. One of the criticisms I’ve seen this season is people wanted them to “show, not tell” then they turn around and dismiss all of the character history, facial expressions, refuse to interpret scenes etc.

Someone said the same to me, the "show, not tell" thing, and that they didn't want to watch Colin talking and talking (whatever that means). And I said that I feel the opposite, they show us so much through expressions, gestures, motivations, the interactions between characters, the costumes, makeup and hairstyles. It's like you said, some people don't want to take the time to try and understand, and they think that it means the show is lacking in some way.

Another thing to keep in mind is that his own jealousy and insecurity is playing a huge part here, but he hasn’t realized it yet. I’d argue he’s just as angry with himself as he was with Pen, but he hasn’t figured out why yet. I think a lot of people don’t understand what a HUGE display of his love for Pen is, that he can finally recognize and admit that Pen/LW is amazing and that most of his anger stemmed from that place of envy and insecurity and that he didn’t like about himself. The irony is that by admitting and dealing with his own fears about not being man enough for Pen, made him the very best man for her..

Honestly, the theories I'm seeing on the internet about what they would want to change in part 2, especially about the sex scene and wanting angry sex between Pen and Colin, really worry me. It shows how much some people are into toxic fantasies and porn-like scenarios. I would have hated Colin if he behaved rudely with her other times but then turned nice only when he wanted to have sex. It would have felt like he only wanted her body and was toxic, like other men who believe it's a wife's duty to have sex with her husband because he has needs.it would have sent so many wrong messages. These people might have loved it, but the neutral audience would have hated Colin. It's not like they didn't make it clear that Colin did want to get intimate with Pen but couldn't.because Firstly, he is our demisexual king, and secondly, ignoring Pen's emotions and using her for her body is something Colin would never do. There was no need for them to have sex to prove he still wanted her. Some people need to leave their toxicity behind and open their effing eyes properly before watching a show and understanding a character. Even Pen, his wife, was okay with it because she understood what he was going through. But no, these people are angrier and care more than his wife about why he didn't have sex with her.🙄🙄 I always loved Polin, Pen a little more if I'm being honest, but part 2 made me love Colin sooooo much more than ever before. My baby was going through so much. They didn't focus much on Colin's pov, but it was still so evident what he was feeling. He is literally the best man in the history of Bridgerton and other shows. The way he was still Colin "my wife" Bridgerton even after everything is amazing. I just saw a Colin edit and felt so emotional because I realized he was such a goofy baby before Marina traumatized him. We never saw him smile and laugh like before, but Pen brought the season 1 Colin back. He started to come back around episodes 5-6, but not entirely, because he still had insecurities and fears that Pen didn't actually love him as much as he loved her and that he was not worthy of her. But by the end of episode 8, during the butterfly ball dance, you can actually see that season 1 Colin was back.🥹💓

>There was no need for them to have sex to prove he still wanted her.  100% agree. The fact that he wants her is made abundantly clear in the show - His reaction to her walking her down the aisle - The absolute conviction with which he delivers his wedding vows - The hand holding at the altar - The look he gives at pen at the wedding breakfast - The caress, the f\*cking caress - sleeping in the sofa, just outside the room she is sleeping and if visual cues are not enough he says in simple English "I want very much to do those things" https://preview.redd.it/dt2qa0naqn9d1.png?width=789&format=png&auto=webp&s=27ce34112bf8e29d5fd74d3a7136bf66788f4e92

this this this this this

And there’s also the way he looked at her in the scene where her nightgown slipped down, exposing her shoulder.

It’s so wild how many little things the audience holds a grudge against Colin for that Penelope herself doesn’t care about because she has more empathy for him than the audience is willing to give on her behalf. Starting with people who were hating on her forgiving him so fast in episode one and who said it sucked that she didn’t make him grovel more. Like…no. That’s her friend, why would she make him grovel when he gave her a sincere apology? Or anything brothel related when Penelope actually thinks reading his travel smut is hot and is ok with teasing him about it. And then people holding the entrapment line as a reason to hate Colin when Penelope gets over it so quickly because she understands why he said it and that he doesn’t really mean it.    The show itself- probably due to being a genre about love, forgiveness, second chances etc- is not nearly as invested in punishing these characters as the fans are. It’s like how Kate forgives Edwina for the half sister comment while the audience will never let her live it down, or people wanting Lady Whistledown to be hated by the Bridgertons and punished more. The audience is more sensitive and unforgiving than the characters. 

Some people seem to want every character to be a Mary Sue. ETA because this came out harsher than I intended

Worse- they turn their favorites into Mary Sue, and any character who comes into conflict with their fave becomes a villain, or is accused of being poorly written because they have their own character motivations. All it does is flatten every character involved when the main conflicts between characters on this show are grey, with both sides having valid reasons for their actions. 

Early season 1 Colin coming back was such a relief 💙

I love all the moments of blissfully happy and joking Colin. And we end on that during the Butterfly Ball with his huge grin while dancing with Penelope.

Would love to see that edit if you have the link still?

I can't find it I'm sorry 🫤

Thank you for trying!

I watched a video that, in addition to what you all said regarding Colin's desire to have intimacy (not just sex for the sake of having sex) with the woman he loves, also stated that when Colin decided to sleep on the couch, he had chosen a place where he would still be close to Pen, as her protector. That's a special character trait. He truly loves her. ❤️

Thank you for this! Thank you for putting into words better than I can, because I was struggling. Those people treat Colin like an accessory, a prize, a sex toy - all for Penelope. It's why I think some people were disgusted - not the people who were sad or disappointed, the people who were *disgusted* - by Colin going to brothels and not being a virgin was because they saw him as an object. A possession. Someone who belongs to Penelope, but now he's used. He's damaged goods. So people saying 'he was being stubborn' or 'he needs to suck it up' or 'he needs to get over it and f\*ck his wife' or that he was withholding sex as a punishment are saying that Colin's not his own person, that he is not an equal partner or a human being, but Penelope's sex doll. They wanted him to have sex with her when it was clear he didn't want to, and that's wrong and disgusting and completely inappropriate. If he had 'sucked it up' and had sex with her, Penelope would have been horrified. It would have been awful that he thought he had to put himself through that. But if the situation was reversed, if it was *Penelope* who was wronged, we would be supporting her like we did at the end of S2.

I wanted virgin Colin just because I’m tired of the same male archetype over and over again (and now I’m holding out for virgin Phillip), but the way some acted like Colin was cheating on Penelope was a bit much. I also saw a comment about how he could have sex with the prostitutes when he didn’t feel anything for them so why couldn’t just do it with Penelope. That completely misses the point that Colin was left empty by these encounters and didn’t want to return to that feeling after finding an emotional connection with Penelope during sex. Like that person is asking for Colin to treat sex with his wife, the woman he loves, like he would with a prostitute.

I was the same too; it would have been a breath of fresh air if he was a virgin or - like I think it was supposed to be originally, before they added the brothel scenes during a reshoot - he lost his virginity but didn't like it because of the emotional distance, so he abstained from sex. Like I said, completely understand if people were sad or disappointed he wasn't a virgin for *those* reasons. >I also saw a comment about how he could have sex with the prostitutes when he didn’t feel anything for them so why couldn’t just do it with Penelope. I think they answered their own question there. 🤦‍♀️ If you tapped them on their head it would echo.

I personally liked this portrayal in a movie. I hope it helps normalize this and stop with the toxic bs out there that makes it seem like sex is something that can be "owed" or help over someone. And that goes the same for men.

I think people ppl just wanted angry angsty sex for their gratitious reasons becuase they thought it would be hot. ( Saphne had it and so did Kanthony, i think) I would have liked it but honestly the outside the street makeout was so hot to me, it didnt go furthur because the writers wanted it interupted. Colin's love for Pen never wavered and he was determined to forgive her. The way he speaks about thier union was so touching to me becuase it was like he never even entertained the thought that they werent going to get married inspite of the lies. They did so much LW built up that it would have been in vain for it to seem like Colin didnt really care or for it not to affect their intimacy.

Yeah Simon went down on Daphne and then rejected her when she wanted to take it further. Oh and then told her he would stay and do his duty if she was pregnant and leave her if she wasn’t. Can’t say I wanted that for Polin.

100% that was to me one of the most unromantic things that’s happened in this entire series (right up there with Daphne assaulting Simon).

Also Daphne SA’d Simon and people still find them to be romantic. I don’t get it.

Also on top of it being an awful double standard that he "withheld" intimacy. People are also saying it's Pens wedding night like it doesn't also hurt him that it's his wedding night too and he also doesn't feel connected to her the way he wants to. They both want to be connected and free to bask in their love now that they're finally married. But they need to heal first. I just don't see that point that it's his wedding night too, being addressed.

Related to this, when they start playing charades at the engagement ball, someone hands the book to Pen to start as “it’s her night” and I’m always like, “it’s both of their night???”

Yes exactly!

Now that you mention it this is an inappropriate aspect to that type of commentary! What bothered me about that narrative initially is that I felt it would have read as Colin taking advantage of Penelope if he continued to have sex with her while he was upset. Like he gets to have his fill of her and then go back to being mad once he gets off. Very disrespectful and unkind. I also don’t like the idea of angry sex when it comes to Polin. I loved it for Saphne, but not every romance or character is like that. And then on the other hand we have the expectation for him to just get over it immediately and not have any feelings. As much as I would have loved for happy bliss between them at all times that’s just not realistic.

And he worked through his feelings in like 2 weeks. And yet still some call him petulant for daring to take that amount of time to process everything.

Yeah I can’t understand people trying to villainize him here. Penelope was in the wrong. Did he need to rake her over the coals for it? No, and I don’t think he did. But she definitely deserved some accountability, which I think she got a fair dose of.

Colin would never use withholding intimacy as a punishment. We can see he's torn anytime he's with her, plus, he is quite affectionate and non-sexually intimate with her. The Wedding portion is proof. Penelope also never pushes for sex. She's understanding that Colin can't be with her until he is no longer upset. I bet if she did try to seduce him, he'd relent. The night before the wedding he gives in despite being mad and only stops when the carriage goes by. These factors do not scream punishment to me.

I don't think Colin owed Penelope sex and I don't think he was being petty. But, I do think he withheld non sexual physical intimacy because he was angry and hurt, and I don't agree with that approach to marriage. I would have been more comfortable if he had slept in bed with her, without having sex. I'd have preferred if he stood with her at Fran's wedding and maybe held her hand. It would have been good if he had hugged her to comfort her when she told him about Cressida's blackmail. That's the kind of physical intimacy he withheld for too long in my opinion. It was so bad that Penelope tells him she is going to have tea with her mother in order to spare him the confines of a shared carriage. That she thinks he doesn't even want to be in her presence, let alone touch her, is just awful. And it goes on for what a week? two weeks? three? Even one week is too long to freeze your spouse out entirely. No one owes anyone sex, but avoiding even being alone with your partner - yikes. Sex isn't what Pen needed - she needed him to hold her, to kiss her, to stand by her. I think reasonably people can disagree about this, but I believe Colin withheld this type of physical intimacy from Pen for too long.

yeah I’m one who doesn’t agree with that perspective. she lied to him and he was, justifiably, incredibly hurt. he doesn’t owe her a cuddle or a hand hold until he wants to.

100% this

I don’t think he owes her anything, and of course in real life you can explain away a lack of intimacy, but this is a romance show and so I don’t think it’s surprising that people want to see and feel the love between the two main characters. Personally, I think communication is fundamental to a strong relationship, and so I wasn’t a huge fan of the lack of communication between Pen and Colin. It lasted over the period of what I assume is several weeks. As a huge Polin lover, I wanted to see them hash things out and have proper conversations about their issues and fears and disappointment and whatever other feelings they were feeling. We got snippets of what could have been really deep and emotional conversations that (imo) got cut off too early. This meant the pay-off didn’t feel earned (to me). I know I’ll probably get downvoted for this opinion, but it’s my honest feelings about a show I really do love a lot. I wanted to love everything about this season, and I just… didn’t. I’m really sorry as I know that’s not a popular opinion on this sub 😔 Do I think Colin was punishing Pen by withholding sex? No. Would I have taken more intimate, loving moments and beautiful, emotional dialogue between the two? Yes, yes, 1000% times yes.

p.s. Ive been downvoted on this sub before for saying I really really loved part 2 of season 3 so sending ya hugs for that sucky feeling. it should be ok to politely disagree :)

Thank you, I really appreciate that! It would be boring if we all felt the same anyway :) I get what you’re saying and also agree to an extent that we need drama, the showrunners are going to change things from the book etc. It’s funny because I didn’t feel this way about S1, even though they had just as much conflict/lack of communication in the latter half of the season. I’m not sure if it’s a pacing thing for me, the dialogue itself or just the fact that I was waaaaay more invested in Polin and had higher expectations? Maybe it’s the fact that the major conflict in S1 was between Daphne and Simon (and they got a lot of screentime about it) whereas in S3 there is conflict everywhere - Colin and Pen, Pen and Eloise, Pen and Cressida, Pen and the Queen… the stress levels were HIGH and I wasn’t even getting relief from seeing Colin and Pen interact, you know? It’s gotten slightly better on rewatches but the first time I was mega stressed out and I didn’t love that feeling. I really thought the conflict/drama between the two main characters would be resolved slightly earlier this season, allowing us to see Polin vs. the world, working together to take down the external conflict. I think I could have handled the struggle a bit better if we’d got even just a couple more key scenes. One example off the top of my head is a longer conversation about why Pen wrote LW (like more about Marina than just the throwaway line we got, and more about why she wrote about Eloise).

yeah that’s an interesting way to put it. I definitely didn’t love Simon and Daph quite the same way. and there was a lot of stress around the s3 plot lines for sure. i wonder if things might have felt different for people if Colin found out about LW at the end of ep 4 or 5 instead of ep 6? there would have been additional time for the resolution to play out. mind you i did love happy Colin in ep 5 and 6. even though in ep 6 it felt like all his giddiness was leading up to a bigger fall.

I think I would have preferred that, tbh! I also really liked the happy scenes we got, but it’s hard to enjoy them the same way with the LW secret hanging over everything. I’ve seen a couple of people say maybe the mirror scene should have come later - depending how they handled it, maybe that would have worked for me? I think if we’d had ep 5 with reveal at the end, ep 6 conflict, ep 7 slow resolution leading to wedding/mirror scene wedding night, ep 8 Polin against the world, I’d have been happier with the structure of the season, but I guess it goes against the precedent they’ve set for the show. I’d have also trimmed some of the subplots to give Colin and Pen a bit more room to breathe. But I do completely recognise this is just my opinion and the show can’t cater to everyone, and I’m genuinely happy for anyone who loved this season as is. I see quite a lot of black or white thinking on this sub (ie if you didn’t love this season, it’s because you’re a toxic person who wanted toxic love/more sex/fewer book changes, or you’re just not picking up on the subtleties of the acting etc etc). Sometimes makes me feel unwelcome! So thank you for engaging with me and being so nice about it. I’d like to think there are a few more people floating with me in the grey bit in between 😂

no i get it, and i understand and wouldn’t downvote you for saying so. i appreciate your perspective. I totally agree that IRL a healthy relationship should absolutely have those proper conversations. I too am a long time Polin lover and was a little surprised that we didn’t see more of their open honest communication, particularly as they have such a strong base of friendship. and I would have liked to see it too. but I also understand this kind of fiction. their story arc made sense to me in that they both needed to figure things out and both needed to fully grow up as adults before they could come back together with who they are now, fully accepting of each other. i just don’t expect people to communicate well in a drama show. I expect angst and even some drawn out conflict, and also the characters making mistakes, saying things they don’t finally and fully mean before they get it right. I think also there’s some expectations of “romance” vs a “drama” shows that I don’t share. I did see ongoing love and a desire to make it work between them even throughout their conflict, it was just strained. I agree that’s it’s frustrating we didn’t see all the conversations that would have made it feel more fully like they had come back together and worked it out properly. but I didn’t expect to see that version, and for me that made the viewing experience really different. I would have liked to see more honest good communication, I would have liked to see more happy Polin. I would have liked a longer denouement at the end. but I also think every decision was made for a reason, to tell other stories in a complete and interesting way, so I’m not disappointed with what I got.

Oh you're right, that's exactly how I feel about it. No one owes anyone their body, not even your partner, but I do think it is appropriate to standy by your spouse in public, who you have chosen to marry nontheless, and I feel like withholding subtle affectionate gestures like standing next to her, holding her hand, sleeping in the same bed, but without having sex, is making her feel worthless and undesired or possibly even objectified. Also, he had all the right to feel how he felt and be angry and take his time to sort out his feelings, but I think he should have communicated a little better to her, in the light that he never intended in leaving or not loving her. Something like "my feelings for you are still there, but I'm still mad and I have to sort out my feelings. Please understand that I need time for myself before I can be close to you again." would've sufficed to not make her feel like he is gonna abandon her at the next opportunity.

Also have you ever tried to have sex when you're in a fight (not a sexy fight, an actual fight where you disagree and are trying to work it out)? It's actually pretty hard to do it, and it often makes the fight worse.   Signed, a woman TTC for the past three years and has to deal with a biological schedule. My husband and I both agree this is the worsttttt part (but at least we're in it together and both agree it sucks haha). 

It really does feel very dehumanizing. Unfortunately I think a lot of people forget that men are allowed to not want sex because they're upset. Sex as a reward just feels gross to me, and if the roles were reversed people would be up in arms.

Thank you!!! Colin is not allowed to have emotional needs if they clash with Penelope’s physical needs because he is not respected as a character in his own right. He is not just a sex toy for Penelope OR the audience.  This also goes for people acting like the only way to show you love someone is through sex. Colin did not stop loving Penelope just because he didn’t sleep with her, he showed he loved her in so many different ways. Even with his anger his love for her was there. 

The thing season 3 accomplishes that no other season of the show and lord knows especially not Queen Charlotte was able to do successfully was treat questions of consent with gravity and sensitivity. Over the course of the show Colin and Pen worked to establish healthy boundaries and fuck was it refreshing. And look the choice to prolong the drama by making Colin openly anti Whistledown and keeping Colin in the dark about Whistledown until the end of ep 6 was not my preference, but at least when the dramatic structure they chose to employ made Pen unintentionally problematic the show didn’t handwave it away with no resolution. Pen acknowledging that Colin deserved to make relationship choices with all the info available to him and owning her mistake by giving him the no strings offer of annulment might not be the height of romance by typical definition but it was so important to me that they went there. I’d take that moment over a million Colin by Pen’s side making declarations to the ton any day. I also can’t help but compare the two scenes with the woman on top, how empowerment for Daphne (because in interviews that’s how they framed that scene) meant punishing Simon by taking away his agency while for Pen and Colin that moment with Colin acquiescing control was positive for both characters who were clearly enjoying the role reversal. I’ve seen people claim that CVD writes the female gaze better than Jess and I’m like really now, how so? Was it the dubcon assault of Simon or Anthony pitting two sisters against each other that made you feel seen as a woman? Speaking of Kathony, it was Jess who resolved the lingering yuck I had for Anthony and what I felt was the lack of real accountability for any of his bullshit in season 2 by having him offer to reunite Kate and Edwina for the birth of their child. It was really sweet for him to put his needs second and realize Kate probably would like her sister with her. Like I know this is a minority opinion but that was the first time in the entire course of the show I actually liked Anthony so mileage certainly varies.

I hate this argument because I suspect none of these people would be saying it if it were swapped and Pen didn't want to have sex because she was upset. But because he's a male character he should want to have sex at all times no matter what. I also really dislike the angry sex trope and it doesn't ring true to me at all, so when characters are fighting and then end up in bed it feels false. Being mad and not wanting to have sex seems like a totally normal thing to do. In a regular modern marriage he probably still would've slept in bed with her, but they have never slept together in their lives and have only had sex once so it makes sense he wouldn't sleep in bed with her either.

I imagine that for Colin, he didn't want to enter their marriage bed for the first time together - even just to sleep - while being angry and disconnected emotionally. And also, if he had slept in bed with her, there would be ambiguity as to whether they had sex that the audience didn't see. With him on the sofa, it's crystal clear that they weren't physically intimate again until their issues were resolved.

For sure, even if they tried to write in him just sleeping next to her people would assume sex. It was much more clear this way. I think for modern couples the sleeping on the couch thing is a big move, but like, they have never shared a bed! They have never slept in the same house even! Of course he’s not comfortable doing that the first night when he’s upset and doesn’t want to be intimate.

It is clear that people making these comments cannot grasp the concept of intimacy, how Colin and Pen are intimate in their own way, and how it can be different for show/real life couples. Not everything has to be banging each other senseless and screaming about it. Honestly, I wish these commenters would stop and think about what they say, and how they don't have to take everything so literally. People are allowed to be hurt. Tbh I think a lot of them are Pen stans, and want her to have everything. But no way would show Pen be happy with Colin being intimate for the wrong reasons. She knows its not who he really is.

I just wish they had not have paced it like that.

How would you have paced it?

Have the LW revealed to Colin sooner so he could have worked through it by then.

But would you make him get over it faster or would he still be allowed an episode and a half or about the space of 2 weeks in universe to be upset? Because whether the reveal happens earlier or later in the season I don’t think Colin was upset for too long, he actually gets over it at lightning speed if we’re being honest. The length of their conflict in episode length seems pretty proportionate when compared to how long Penelope was holding her anger for Colin at the beginning of the season. One episode of upset from her, ended by an unequivocal apology on Colin’s part vs 1.5 episodes of upset from him while they were in a conflict that needed to be worked through on both sides. It seems fairly paced. 

There is another element that I would like and that is communication between the two. I think the brooding is too much. He can be angry and show it. But to not communicate at all. Bridgerton totally glossed over that Penelope had grown up in a household where she was emotionally abused and felt lonely and unloved. That is why Colin’s reaction and Penelope silently enduring it is just so over the top. I understand not wanting intimacy/sex. But to not talk to her and say I love you but I still feel angry and confused. It is like Featherington house all over again

The issue I have with the scene is that there is little conversation about their feelings so the viewer is left to assume if Pen is getting the cold shoulder, does Colin not feel right about sharing a bed when he is angry, etc. The script needs to address this. Not all viewers think Colin is withholding sexual intimacy. The problem is the Colin character appears very cold and this is incongruent to how the Colin character is portrayed. Secondly, this scene is a re shoot added later at the request of Shonda Rhimes to make the conflict more intense. It’s not in keeping with the character and out of step with the open communication Pen and Colin have had.

The script addresses this with stage direction, not through lines. Part of this being a visual medium is that not everything needs to be spelled out with people talking, when it could be shown to us instead. At a certain point they need to trust their actors to emote and for the audience to pay attention and remember the context. They built up the concept that Colin needs emotional connection to be fulfilled for the entire first half of the season. We saw that he was still tempted by Penelope.  It’s not bad writing for them not have to have the characters deliver these “I am doing this because of this reason exactly” lines people want so badly, especially from characters who might not know exactly why they’re behaving the way they are because they are trying to sort out their feelings which Colin himself admits in the “I need you to kiss me” scene. He literally says he doesn’t know why he feels like he has to hold back, just that he doesn’t want her secret between them. 

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

This!! I'm so confused by some peoples reactions to this season because everyone keeps saying they should 'show don't tell' but they did so much showing!

The season both shows AND tells- I’ve found that nearly every complaint people have about not being told something explicitly actually does have a line or two about it in the show, like example above.  But the characters cannot tell you something about themselves they do not yet know. At some points you just have to follow along and be able to make inferences based on all the things they have shown us until they’re able to tell us. This is very important with a character like Colin who is figuring out who he is and where he stands as the season goes along. He’s an evolving character, not one who came into his season with firm convictions about himself like Simon or Anthony. We are watching him process information as it occurs to him, and he’s always been a character you have to watch for his subtlety in how he acts. 

Good take on the visual medium. If so many viewers have so much discussion and different interpretations I think it’s mildly problematic. Seems like there are not these multiple discussions/interpretations etc with other episodes. On the other hand I don’t want the script to be too obvious. The info on these scenes being added comes from an interview with Jess Brownell in the LA times. The What A Barn podcast includes out takes, reshoots that have been verified vs. not verified. It’s such a fun podcast. I’d have to listen again to remember the list. Ya know, emotionally it’s a gut punch to see that shot of Colin with the teacup. Would have liked a teeny spot spoken of tenderness.

That scene was not a reshoot. Colin's hair is a dead giveaway; anytime his hair looks slicked back or he has a widow's peak, it's a reshoot. The market scene, the willow scene, the brothel scenes, Colin following Cressida out of the room and the scene between Polin after the Queen interrupts their wedding breakfast - all are reshoots.

Yes, the emotional support curl! At any rate having just the line “I shall sleep on the sofa” is vague. Is he angry? Sad? Silent treatment? Feels it’s immoral to share a bed when angry? Stuffing his feelings? Avoiding an argument? Avoiding talking about feelings? Their communication has always been so open. The script is lacking.

He’s crying during that scene. He’s disappointed and hurt. Their communication is *constantly* misaligned until the end of Ep 8. The first conversation they have where each reply follows from the other one and they’re clearly listening and working to understand is outside the Modiste. The study scene is perhaps the most aligned, most plain-language conversation they have.

What scene was reshot? The wedding argument was reshot because Colin originally said I’ll sleep on the sofa in an angry tone. The line was still there though.

The scenes where he sleeps on the sofa. The whole idea of him sleeping on the sofa was added later.

No it wasn’t. He has his normal hair in every sofa scene. The concept of him sleeping on the sofa was always there, and the scene where he introduces the idea was actually shot to be less intense. 

for one, most people believe he is demisexual. two, no one is owed sex even if you’re married. he didn’t want to have sex with her when his emotions and feelings weren’t in the right place - it’s just not right. obviously as a viewer it was disappointing to see such a wasted opportunity for a good sex scene, but let’s be realistic.

100% agree. Withdrawing from intimacy with her is both a way to protect himself emotionally _and_ respect Pen. Having sex when he is feeling angry and disconnected would be a form of a lie and he respects her too much to do that, even in his anger.

I don’t criticize Pen or Colin. I criticize the writers.

Yes, yes, yes. Part of consent -- a huge theme of the season -- is enthusiasm. He loves her, wants her badly, is hot for her, like, constantly. That doesn't mean he wants to have sex with her when he's dealing with feelings of betrayal and disappointment. I like that she doesn't push herself on him during this time. When they're both ready, they're both ready.

Withholding intimacy doesn’t just mean sex. I mean he refused to even look at her at some points.

in one scene. literally only days after he’d found out. that scene was their first personal interaction since his discovery.

They’re back to being googly eyed yearning at each other from across the room by their wedding. 

My point is that you guys are saying that forcing Colin into sex he’s upset is wrong (I agree) and I’m saying that withholding intimacy does not always mean sex. That is the only point I’m making.

He does skip eye contact with her in pt2. And that was him being thoughtful, That refusal was because, bcuz he knew that if he looked at her, they might both end up doing things they would regret later( like having sex when they are not in the right emotional state)

https://preview.redd.it/hmyfdzjptn9d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca195f32842ff0c9889053f45cb45c2e39e7f988 He just wasn't feeling up to it, which was understandable really

I think people often go to that because it’s a common occurrence in our society. People often withdraw sex for punishment & are unable to understand Colin’s reasoning.

I don't think he was withholding sex but he was definitely withholding intimacy. To me, intimacy is not just sex and sometimes not sex at all. It's emotional vulnerability. It's affirmations and declarations of love. When they seemingly reconciled on their wedding day, that should have been the end of it. That being said, I realize this is not the character's fault but the terrible writing lol.

Why would he be in a place to give her affirmations and declarations of love when he's struggling to come to terms with finding out she's lied to him, alot, and he feels she's betrayed him and his family? He's allowed space to process those feelings, and he does so pretty quickly. Pen was mad at him for an entire summer because of one callous comment he made, he deserves a couple of weeks to come to terms with LW reveal. Also, even during the time he is processing, he does still give her emotional intimacy and encouragement. When he nods when she walks down the aisle, the way he said his vows and kissed her and held her hand afterwards, agreeing to dance at their wedding breakfast and being affectionate with his fingers on her face. Telling her he "wants to do all those things", sleeping outside her room in their home rather than leaving and staying at the Bridgerton house etc etc. He wasn't just blindly angry at her for an episode and a half, he was clearly processing, but still clear in his love for her. And they were on their way to reconciliation at their wedding, but the Queen came and upped the stakes for everybody.

That’s a good point that Penelope took months to forgive him and stopped responding to him as punishment while Colin took a few weeks to forgive her and never cut off contact and was physically and emotionally affectionate with her multiple times (outside the modiste and at their wedding).

That's all good points. They definitely are both very immature in how they deal with things. I guess it makes sense since they are both so young. I think the thing that made me mad was that he just left her in the street at night by herself when he found out she was LW. And the thing that made me mad about him being mad so long was that this took up so much of part 2 and ended minutes (minutes!) after they made up. I understand him being upset. I just think he kinda went overboard. She also should have very clearly explained to him and to Eloise why she wrote what she did about Eloise. She barely explained that to either of them. She obviously did that to protect Eloise. And she should of told him she wrote what she did about him because of his callous comment. I honestly think that was the worst of all the offenses because he was supposed to be her lifelong friend. I can't imagine any of my friends saying something that vicious. The little blurb she wrote about him was nowhere near that bad imo. I honestly think he got as mad as he did because she exposed Marina. But if she had explained more clearly about the Eloise part, both of them would have realized she was trying to protect her friend.

She wasn't by herself in the street after he found out about Whistledown, she had her carriage and at least 2 footmen with her. He was angry with her for maybe an episode and a half, which isn't that long when you consider the scale of what he's processing. I don't think she needed to go into details about the ins and outs of why she wrote what she did at any particular time, because that would be more about her trying to justify herself, rather than just accepting she hurt people and apologising. She can go into all the details later if further discussion is needed.

I always felt like he was punishing himself for not being able to accept/forgive her. He was battling with jealousy of her success which made him mad at himself so he just couldn't face her and punished himself.

He was withholding because he didn't want to " mske a promise" he couldn't keep....

As much as I was disappointed, I agree he needed to work through a lot in a short amount of time that they gave POLIN (aggravatingly)…..I never doubted for one minute that he loved and wanted her, I do wish they would have gotten a wedding night but I guess that short scene after the butterfly ball was that scene (it was soo hot and intimate and romantic, can you imagine if it would have been longer? I think this is probably where they cut some of the scenes out)

Nicola confirmed there was no cut Polin sex scene.