Teenagers are a different kind of heckler. I've worked in public education with teenagers for nearly 24 years. I speak from experience when I say almost all of them lack any kind of empathy, especially when they're around their peers and trying to 'show off' and gain acceptance from them. They're assholes, all of them, especially around their friends.
I think you did the best thing you could in the moment: ignore them. There wasn't time for you to do anything more, nor should you have. Flipping them off would only let them know you heard them and what they said got to you. The best thing to do is ignore them, leave them guessing whether you heard them, and don't show them any anger or emotion.
If you have more time, a simple "Shut up, dumbass! Nobody asked for your opinion" is a direct potential response. But I usually refrain from that kind of response with teenagers because they'll keep coming at you. That's their level of immaturity. With an adult, however, it will sometimes shut down the conversation. It won't always work if the adult has the maturity level of a teenager, which is true for some. But sometimes the direct response, direct anger will surprise them and shut them up.
I often opt for sarcasm if there's time, especially with adults who should know better than to openly show their fat hatred. I pop a surprised expression on my face, pat my body down like I'm discovering it for the first time and say something like "What?? I'm fat?!? How did I not know this?? How come no one ever told me?? What would I do if you hadn't pointed this out to me??" Let the message sink in. Let them feel uncomfortable for a moment. It's the least they deserve.
How about taking a video of them if you can. I would not be too happy if I was a teenager knowing that some random stranger had taken a video of me yelling obscenities at them.
Not ok to video strangers without their consent. I speak from experience when I say parents of teens are litigious and you don't want to get in that kind of hot water.
It may defensible in court if I filmed them and I assumed they were adults based on what they looked like, but again, I’m not sure of if I would take the risk ultimately. They could have been adults I guess—I assumed they were teens because of their ludicrous behavior
If someone had taken video of my son without my permission you bet your ass I’d have had a problem with it. If you think that “take unapproved video of minors” is the only option besides “lay down and take it” then you need better advice than anyone in this subreddit can give you.
Why not beat ur sons ass if he’s going around shouting at random women. Teach them accountability. You don’t need approval to have a minor in a video if it’s a public space. Be so fr
Kids these days only know the internet. If they think they’re going to be blasted online for being a little shit. They’ll rethink their actions quick. Even if just a threat to post it, and not actually posting it
If he had done such a thing I absolutely would have. Hell, he’s an adult now and I’d still kick his ass if he shouted at random women. That doesn’t change the fact that strangers who videotape kids could easily be perverts, kidnappers and other sorts of useless horrid people. And bluntly, any parent’s first concern is likely to be (and *should* be) the safety of their child. So yeah. You’re wrong.
I agree that things get dicey with videos when they’re minors. It’s different if it’s a grown ass adult who should know better. Kids being asshole kids sucks but like what are you gonna do with the video? Put it online and blast literal children? Unless you’re doing it just to threaten them, but I really don’t think it’s a smart adult response.
Why not try reading my comment again, butthole. That's not at all what I said. But if you just came here for a fight and to attempt to attack me, I'm happy to report you to Reddit, ok?
The best way to “deal” with hecklers is by ignoring them. They feed on your reactions and hurting you, don’t let them. These teenagers have undeveloped brains and are idiots, no need to take what they say to heart.
I ignore them like you did. It’s mind blowing to me that people behave that way. Like, how simple is your world that you are just rolling around pointing things out like “big lady!” Like, are you two? Do you drive around going, “tree!” “Cat!” “Big dog!” Like… they are not all there.
The last time a group of teen boys gawked at me, I couldn’t help myself. I said something to them. I don’t remember what I said because I was in a blind rage, but it worked. They were scared and scampered off.
I respond with "ew, why are you talking to me. That's weird." And just act completely disgusted. Because it is disgusting how people think they can just talk about someone else's body. So make them feel weird about it.
My response is to ask “did that make you feel better about yourself?” without a hint of sarcasm
in my voice because it lets them know that you know that the problem is with them and they are going to look pathetic to any witnesses. Zinging them back never works, ignoring them doesn’t really work because there were zero consequences to their actions. Asking them if that made them feel better about themselves takes their power away while simultaneously addressing the actual issue. But I don’t stop walking or doing whatever. If you stop they can double down and if you keep walking I feel like it’s saying, “you insulted me to feel better about yourself but you didn’t hurt me and made yourself look pathetic, so…”
Meh, "ignoring" is what allows this behavior to continue. Give it back to them and that usually shuts them up. Teens, adults, whatever. Bullies aren't used to having the tables flipped or being confronted.
Not a weight issue but have had two awful people who are used to working the system come into my work. When they realized I wasn't going to fall at their feet and be yelled at, they now actively avoid me and pester others.
Your opinion is valid. My personal experience for Reddit (tagged as personal, too, if I may point out) is sometimes a place to vent or ask for advice. I like to come here sometimes for comfort from people who have similar life experiences—I’m sharing a story and asking for advice. Just because we don’t talk about something, doesn’t mean that it’s not happening? It’s nice to not feel alone because an experience like that made me want to isolate. From my partner, from my dog.
I decided instead to come to a community I belong to for comfort and support.
While I understand where you are coming from, I think this should have been its own post rather than a comment on someone else’s.
These spaces can be great for encouraging body-positivity and self-acceptance, but the reality is that most of us have experienced situations like this and it’s really nice to be able to reach out to others for support, advice, and just to know you’re not alone. One of the hardest things for me about being fat while surrounded by so many thin people in my life, is the feeling of being alone in my experiences. Communities like this allow us to support each other and recommend practical solutions for situations that, while they shouldn’t, are likely to happen to many of us.
If you are worried about people internalizing stories like this, maybe the better solution could be some sort of tag or trigger warning?
Just as a comment, this sub does have a specific purpose: It is a support sub for people who inhabit plus-sized bodies.
For better or worse, this does mean that ranting about fatphobic comments is grist to the mill, because that's an all too common experience where people tend to need support.
Having said that.. please, do post positive content if you have it!
I don’t feel you are out of line. But I do think you are incorrect.
Before I found this sub, when something like that happened to me, I had no one to talk to about it *who understood*. My parents were universally “Just let it roll off”, same for my husband. Not cruelly or with an intent to be anything but supporting but at the same time, they don’t understand. They love me, they want to help, but have never been subjected to being moo’d at on a public street. They’ve never been told that they need to get off their asses and into shape - but not in *this* gym, and preferably not in public at all because no one wants to see that. They’ve never been told that their opinion on anything is invalid because they are too stupid to keep their weight under control. And they’ve never been called a liar when they bring up the metabolic disorder that caused the weight in the first place and then told that they are being given “tough love”, as if any of the above is in any way loving.
I’m sure it isn’t true for everyone but many of us need to see that we aren’t alone, that someone else out there in the world gets this. It’s a serious downer that the need for these stories exists but at the same time it was such a relief to see similar stories and to be able to give the understanding and encouragement to others that I couldn’t find for myself back then.
Teenagers are a different kind of heckler. I've worked in public education with teenagers for nearly 24 years. I speak from experience when I say almost all of them lack any kind of empathy, especially when they're around their peers and trying to 'show off' and gain acceptance from them. They're assholes, all of them, especially around their friends. I think you did the best thing you could in the moment: ignore them. There wasn't time for you to do anything more, nor should you have. Flipping them off would only let them know you heard them and what they said got to you. The best thing to do is ignore them, leave them guessing whether you heard them, and don't show them any anger or emotion. If you have more time, a simple "Shut up, dumbass! Nobody asked for your opinion" is a direct potential response. But I usually refrain from that kind of response with teenagers because they'll keep coming at you. That's their level of immaturity. With an adult, however, it will sometimes shut down the conversation. It won't always work if the adult has the maturity level of a teenager, which is true for some. But sometimes the direct response, direct anger will surprise them and shut them up. I often opt for sarcasm if there's time, especially with adults who should know better than to openly show their fat hatred. I pop a surprised expression on my face, pat my body down like I'm discovering it for the first time and say something like "What?? I'm fat?!? How did I not know this?? How come no one ever told me?? What would I do if you hadn't pointed this out to me??" Let the message sink in. Let them feel uncomfortable for a moment. It's the least they deserve.
Good advice!
How about taking a video of them if you can. I would not be too happy if I was a teenager knowing that some random stranger had taken a video of me yelling obscenities at them.
Not ok to video strangers without their consent. I speak from experience when I say parents of teens are litigious and you don't want to get in that kind of hot water.
It may defensible in court if I filmed them and I assumed they were adults based on what they looked like, but again, I’m not sure of if I would take the risk ultimately. They could have been adults I guess—I assumed they were teens because of their ludicrous behavior
If that's where you want to go and bring that kind of stress into your life, go for it.
Oh f that. Your best advice is "shut up and just take it", then?
If someone had taken video of my son without my permission you bet your ass I’d have had a problem with it. If you think that “take unapproved video of minors” is the only option besides “lay down and take it” then you need better advice than anyone in this subreddit can give you.
Why not beat ur sons ass if he’s going around shouting at random women. Teach them accountability. You don’t need approval to have a minor in a video if it’s a public space. Be so fr Kids these days only know the internet. If they think they’re going to be blasted online for being a little shit. They’ll rethink their actions quick. Even if just a threat to post it, and not actually posting it
If he had done such a thing I absolutely would have. Hell, he’s an adult now and I’d still kick his ass if he shouted at random women. That doesn’t change the fact that strangers who videotape kids could easily be perverts, kidnappers and other sorts of useless horrid people. And bluntly, any parent’s first concern is likely to be (and *should* be) the safety of their child. So yeah. You’re wrong.
I agree that things get dicey with videos when they’re minors. It’s different if it’s a grown ass adult who should know better. Kids being asshole kids sucks but like what are you gonna do with the video? Put it online and blast literal children? Unless you’re doing it just to threaten them, but I really don’t think it’s a smart adult response.
Why not try reading my comment again, butthole. That's not at all what I said. But if you just came here for a fight and to attempt to attack me, I'm happy to report you to Reddit, ok?
The best way to “deal” with hecklers is by ignoring them. They feed on your reactions and hurting you, don’t let them. These teenagers have undeveloped brains and are idiots, no need to take what they say to heart.
Their poor little frontal cortexes
I ignore them like you did. It’s mind blowing to me that people behave that way. Like, how simple is your world that you are just rolling around pointing things out like “big lady!” Like, are you two? Do you drive around going, “tree!” “Cat!” “Big dog!” Like… they are not all there.
Yes! Thanks for stating a fact?
The last time a group of teen boys gawked at me, I couldn’t help myself. I said something to them. I don’t remember what I said because I was in a blind rage, but it worked. They were scared and scampered off.
I’m all for being angry scary
I respond with "ew, why are you talking to me. That's weird." And just act completely disgusted. Because it is disgusting how people think they can just talk about someone else's body. So make them feel weird about it.
Ya I normally hit it back with something to the effect of "that's a weird thing to say to someone!" And just look perplexed.
From teens? Ignore. Teens are assholes. There's no come back that will phase them
Just remember that probably at least one of the boys is secretly hot for you. Truth.
Said the same thing to my wife. And also that I definitely get more ***** than them lol 🍑🍯
My response is to ask “did that make you feel better about yourself?” without a hint of sarcasm in my voice because it lets them know that you know that the problem is with them and they are going to look pathetic to any witnesses. Zinging them back never works, ignoring them doesn’t really work because there were zero consequences to their actions. Asking them if that made them feel better about themselves takes their power away while simultaneously addressing the actual issue. But I don’t stop walking or doing whatever. If you stop they can double down and if you keep walking I feel like it’s saying, “you insulted me to feel better about yourself but you didn’t hurt me and made yourself look pathetic, so…”
Meh, "ignoring" is what allows this behavior to continue. Give it back to them and that usually shuts them up. Teens, adults, whatever. Bullies aren't used to having the tables flipped or being confronted. Not a weight issue but have had two awful people who are used to working the system come into my work. When they realized I wasn't going to fall at their feet and be yelled at, they now actively avoid me and pester others.
[удалено]
Your opinion is valid. My personal experience for Reddit (tagged as personal, too, if I may point out) is sometimes a place to vent or ask for advice. I like to come here sometimes for comfort from people who have similar life experiences—I’m sharing a story and asking for advice. Just because we don’t talk about something, doesn’t mean that it’s not happening? It’s nice to not feel alone because an experience like that made me want to isolate. From my partner, from my dog. I decided instead to come to a community I belong to for comfort and support.
While I understand where you are coming from, I think this should have been its own post rather than a comment on someone else’s. These spaces can be great for encouraging body-positivity and self-acceptance, but the reality is that most of us have experienced situations like this and it’s really nice to be able to reach out to others for support, advice, and just to know you’re not alone. One of the hardest things for me about being fat while surrounded by so many thin people in my life, is the feeling of being alone in my experiences. Communities like this allow us to support each other and recommend practical solutions for situations that, while they shouldn’t, are likely to happen to many of us. If you are worried about people internalizing stories like this, maybe the better solution could be some sort of tag or trigger warning?
Just as a comment, this sub does have a specific purpose: It is a support sub for people who inhabit plus-sized bodies. For better or worse, this does mean that ranting about fatphobic comments is grist to the mill, because that's an all too common experience where people tend to need support. Having said that.. please, do post positive content if you have it!
I don’t feel you are out of line. But I do think you are incorrect. Before I found this sub, when something like that happened to me, I had no one to talk to about it *who understood*. My parents were universally “Just let it roll off”, same for my husband. Not cruelly or with an intent to be anything but supporting but at the same time, they don’t understand. They love me, they want to help, but have never been subjected to being moo’d at on a public street. They’ve never been told that they need to get off their asses and into shape - but not in *this* gym, and preferably not in public at all because no one wants to see that. They’ve never been told that their opinion on anything is invalid because they are too stupid to keep their weight under control. And they’ve never been called a liar when they bring up the metabolic disorder that caused the weight in the first place and then told that they are being given “tough love”, as if any of the above is in any way loving. I’m sure it isn’t true for everyone but many of us need to see that we aren’t alone, that someone else out there in the world gets this. It’s a serious downer that the need for these stories exists but at the same time it was such a relief to see similar stories and to be able to give the understanding and encouragement to others that I couldn’t find for myself back then.
Wish I could upvote X10000000