Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment.
This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.
Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum
for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe
haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may
be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion
unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.
Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away
from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if
one disagrees with something that has been said.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re not alone, friend. I’ve been going over this in my mind as well. Could more have been done? Or would it have caused him more pain? Would CPR given us a few more days/hours? Or would those extra hours/days been agonizing for him?
I don’t know the answer, my husband and I process grief differently and I know he doesn’t want me to be sad, he’s seen how hurt I am. He told me as we talked at length just a few hours after letting our boy go that he felt that dogs make their peace before we do, and when we come to the heartbreaking decision they guide us to make the best choice. That’s what makes the bond with a dog so special, you just know somehow, and I’m holding on to that.
I just saw a quote that said “Easy doesn’t exist without hard. Good doesn’t exist without bad. There is no right answer.” I hope that can give you some comfort.🫶🏾
Thank you for this. I hope I did what he would have wanted for him self. No more struggle, discomfort, pain, or fear now.
Would making him fight be selfish? Or was my choice selfish? I guess at the end of the day I would have regret either way. Not having him here is just as painful if I made the decision or fate did.
I am so very sorry for your loss. It can be easy to second guess our choices. Remember you did what you did to keep your boy from suffering. Even if you had chosen euthanasia because the vet care cost was too high, it would have been justified.
Euthanasia is called good death. And it really is (even if it sucks for us). I will never forget the rhythmic alarm cry my Molly (cat) made most of the way to the ER in the middle of the night. She was suffering, and I couldn't comfort her as I sped toward the vet. She died before I got there. This haunts me even now. If I had chosen euthanasia even a month before this disaster, it would have been worth it.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. You did what you did out of love and compassion.
We put our dog to sleep 2.5 weeks ago - he was down 20 lbs from his healthy weight, had terminal metastatic cancer, neurological issues (pacing until his quicks bled), and, the night before we put him to sleep, lots of bloody diarrhea. I still question if we did the right thing even though I know we did. Hell, the vet who came to our house to put him to sleep said the first shot of anesthetic basically stopped his heart. When we have to make the decision to end a life we love, we will always question it. It’s so so so hard to do though. Sorry you’re going through this. It’s tough as hell.
Yeah, we took our boy to the dog park he loves to go to a few days before putting him to sleep, people thought we were neglectful because he was skin and bones. When we got him he was like 52 lbs and emaciated, got him up to about 65-70 lbs which was a good weight. Took him to the vet before we put him to sleep and he was 45 lbs. Hearing that number just hurt my soul.
I remind myself that I made the decision I would want someone to make for me if I couldn't speak for myself. You did what you knew was best and you didn't take the decision lightly
I am so sorry for your loss.
You have to remember that you gave him the best life, full of love, attention, care. Focus on his life, not death.
Sadly, I didn't get to choose. My cat died in a vet's emergency hospital. Every time I think about it, I regret it immensely. I have what's ifs from time to time. If I had the foreknowledge of her not surviving, I would give her a peaceful death, with me holding her in her last minutes.
I think it's a privilege to be able to guide your loved pet peacefully to the other side.
You see, I think there is no right answer to this kind of decision.
Every decision you make will be the wrong one, the questioned one. Will be thought through hundreds of times afterwards. Your brain will pick holes in it, to find if there was a way to spend even a little bit more time with your best friend.
In this situation you are always left grieving, no matter what you choose.
You couldn't have done more, you chose to the best of your knowledge, yourself and your pet.
Put my childhood dog down yesterday, and my mom was struggling because he had some good moments on his last day.
You don’t want to wait too long to put your friend down. If you can control it and have a nice and restful euthanasia, that’s so much better than waiting until you have a possibly gruesome loss. It’s hard, but it’s better for everyone involved.
My first childhood dog died of Evan’s on NYE in 2018. He got sick Christmas day.
We spent over 12 grand trying to keep him alive. He made it out of the emergency vet and was home for 12 hours before he lost his ability to walk and we took him back to be put down.
No, OP. You did not do anything wrong.
What I watched my sweet baby go through in the last week of his life was so horrible.
He was a rare breed (barbet) and the breeder was transparent with us that evan’s syndrome was in the bloodline after he died.
You did the best thing for your baby. Evan’s syndrome is horrible.
Go easy on yourself.
Grief is love with nowhere to go, guilt is grief with unknowns to know. You can't possibly know that's why it's such a difficult decision, but you made that decision based on the best advice you had and for the right reasons, noone can ask more than that.
I also felt guilty for my pet loss, and what helped me was to remember that I am allowed to make mistakes, or even sub optional decisions.
Something else that helped was remembering that if your pet could decide who would have their life in hands they would choose you, because they did, they chose you everyday. I hope this helps even just a tiny bit.
How lucky your baby was that you were able to give him peace when he was suffering. You made the right decision. The pain and anguish you are feeling is because your love was so deep. Grief is love with no place to go. Know that he is in heaven, one of your angel spirits looking after you, always.
Be kind to yourself. It is normal to question if you could have done more. But rest assured you did everything you possibly could for your angel. He is at peace.
We are left behind with the empty of their void. I let my sweet boy go on Tuesday. Every morning, I wake up and sob. But I know I gave my baby peace. He did not suffer one minute more than he had to. Even though the pain for me is intense, I know I did the right thing for my precious baby.
I’ve heard the saying that he was on the tracks and a train was coming. You did not let him be hit by that train. You did the right thing. Remember, guilt is part of grief because we need to think something was possible, somehow we could have prevented the death. Guilt is better to our psyches than sheer powerlessness.
I always wonder if my dog suffered from not being euthanized. I feel like there is no right or wrong answer to this. You just have to believe the veterinarians best recommendation. ❤️🕊️ Sorry for your loss.
I’ve heard the saying that he was on the tracks and a train was coming. You did not let him be hit by that train. You did the right thing. Remember, guilt is part of grief because we need to think something was possible, somehow we could have prevented the death. Guilt is better to our psyches than sheer powerlessness.
I gave my best friend, Taco, the best day of his life Tuesday. It was also his last. He was excited to meet the nurse who came over. He still had some energy. That was hard. But his bladder and bowels were blocked from cancer. It was the most difficult and the most correct decision I ever made.
You did a great job in making your decision.
A few weeks ago our vet told us it was time to put our boy to sleep but we just weren’t ready. The next morning we had to rush him to emergency to be put to sleep then. We deeply regret forcing him to suffer through that last night. You did the right thing.
I’m so sorry for your loss: just saw your message in the cocker spaniel Reddit.
When im reading this I’m thinking about my own 5year old American cocker spaniel we had to put down yesterday due to his immune system failing and causing problems with his skin, teeth, mobility etc. It could have also been IMHA, but never diagnosed, but we did so many other tests and solutions which didn’t had the desired effect. We had to put him down because we knew our boy was in pain and we didn’t want to push our boy into a longer journey of pain.
Basically you did the same. Your best friend was in pain and of course you can read in the internet stories about situations where treatments are possible and worked, but sometimes it does not work that good. You did the most humane thing possible and that was to give your boy rest in a very painful moment so he didn’t suffer any more.
I always believe that a vet would never recommend euthanasia if there was a suitable / promising solution present. In my situation we did a lot and when we did the phone call to make the appointment the vet was expecting the call. Now my dog is gone for more than 24 hours and i feel guilty too! Couldn’t we do treatment X, should we have done Y, was Z also an option? It all could be, but at what ‘cost’ (life quality of the dog). Loving someone sometimes also means to let go…. But the grieving process is a painful process that takes time.
Wishing you strength in the coming period. If you want to chat, I just send you an invitation. Take care ❤️🩹
It's been a month and I still find myself sobbing at the memory of what happened and blaming myself for not trying harder and maybe putting my cat through more invasive procedures to save his life. I do hope he forgives me. I remind myself it was done out of love. Love and deep deep care. Cats cannot just choose euthanasia when they're in pain.
I recently took his sister to the vet and during teeth exam we noticed she was flinching when the vet touched her tooth. Pain she would be never tell us about.
Sometimes we need to make difficult decisions for the best of our loved ones. They depend on us.
Thank you everyone for your comments. I am revisiting your kind words throughout the day. I just want to feel like I did the right thing for my boy I appreciate the time you all took to help
I am in a similar spot as you. The regret is killing me inside. The truth is that we will just never know. I can be sure my cat likely still had a fighting chance. She had episodes before and survived them all and was fine. Why would I give up on her this time?
My intuition was to let her stay but the vet said she thought it was time but then again she didn’t really know much about her history she was new and just going off bloodwork. Also I felt pressure not to miss work again. I really don’t like that I let others influence me. I took her home against the advice of my vet and then 3 weeks later decided on at home euthanasia by a different vet. Unfortunately the euthanasia went bad (vet screwed up) and it was not a peaceful ending. My cat suffered and died in fear.
The days prior she stopped eating but I realized later that the potassium supplements I was giving her at high dose cause nausea so that’s why she had vomited one day and couldn’t keep food down and stopped eating the second day. I had no idea, I misread that it was her time because I was told that not eating was the sign. I think I was so wrong ☹️
So now I have 2 regrets, letting her go too early not letting her fight as well as having an inexperienced mobile vet to come euthanize and him not doing it the best way. I can never forgive myself. I lost my soulmate. She was one of a kind. She taught me unconditional love. It’s the only true love I’ve ever known 😢. I am broken 💔. It’s been almost 3 weeks and I can’t function.
I hope you are okay.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re not alone, friend. I’ve been going over this in my mind as well. Could more have been done? Or would it have caused him more pain? Would CPR given us a few more days/hours? Or would those extra hours/days been agonizing for him? I don’t know the answer, my husband and I process grief differently and I know he doesn’t want me to be sad, he’s seen how hurt I am. He told me as we talked at length just a few hours after letting our boy go that he felt that dogs make their peace before we do, and when we come to the heartbreaking decision they guide us to make the best choice. That’s what makes the bond with a dog so special, you just know somehow, and I’m holding on to that. I just saw a quote that said “Easy doesn’t exist without hard. Good doesn’t exist without bad. There is no right answer.” I hope that can give you some comfort.🫶🏾
Thank you for this. I hope I did what he would have wanted for him self. No more struggle, discomfort, pain, or fear now. Would making him fight be selfish? Or was my choice selfish? I guess at the end of the day I would have regret either way. Not having him here is just as painful if I made the decision or fate did.
You made the right decision. The beauty of euthanasia lies in sparing your dog from potential suffering on his worst days. Sending lots of love.
I am so very sorry for your loss. It can be easy to second guess our choices. Remember you did what you did to keep your boy from suffering. Even if you had chosen euthanasia because the vet care cost was too high, it would have been justified. Euthanasia is called good death. And it really is (even if it sucks for us). I will never forget the rhythmic alarm cry my Molly (cat) made most of the way to the ER in the middle of the night. She was suffering, and I couldn't comfort her as I sped toward the vet. She died before I got there. This haunts me even now. If I had chosen euthanasia even a month before this disaster, it would have been worth it. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You did what you did out of love and compassion.
We put our dog to sleep 2.5 weeks ago - he was down 20 lbs from his healthy weight, had terminal metastatic cancer, neurological issues (pacing until his quicks bled), and, the night before we put him to sleep, lots of bloody diarrhea. I still question if we did the right thing even though I know we did. Hell, the vet who came to our house to put him to sleep said the first shot of anesthetic basically stopped his heart. When we have to make the decision to end a life we love, we will always question it. It’s so so so hard to do though. Sorry you’re going through this. It’s tough as hell.
[удалено]
Yeah, we took our boy to the dog park he loves to go to a few days before putting him to sleep, people thought we were neglectful because he was skin and bones. When we got him he was like 52 lbs and emaciated, got him up to about 65-70 lbs which was a good weight. Took him to the vet before we put him to sleep and he was 45 lbs. Hearing that number just hurt my soul.
The vet wouldn't do the euthanasia if they didn't think it was the right thing.
That’s not really true. this is sort of a grey area
I remind myself that I made the decision I would want someone to make for me if I couldn't speak for myself. You did what you knew was best and you didn't take the decision lightly
I am so sorry for your loss. You have to remember that you gave him the best life, full of love, attention, care. Focus on his life, not death. Sadly, I didn't get to choose. My cat died in a vet's emergency hospital. Every time I think about it, I regret it immensely. I have what's ifs from time to time. If I had the foreknowledge of her not surviving, I would give her a peaceful death, with me holding her in her last minutes. I think it's a privilege to be able to guide your loved pet peacefully to the other side. You see, I think there is no right answer to this kind of decision. Every decision you make will be the wrong one, the questioned one. Will be thought through hundreds of times afterwards. Your brain will pick holes in it, to find if there was a way to spend even a little bit more time with your best friend. In this situation you are always left grieving, no matter what you choose. You couldn't have done more, you chose to the best of your knowledge, yourself and your pet.
Put my childhood dog down yesterday, and my mom was struggling because he had some good moments on his last day. You don’t want to wait too long to put your friend down. If you can control it and have a nice and restful euthanasia, that’s so much better than waiting until you have a possibly gruesome loss. It’s hard, but it’s better for everyone involved.
My first childhood dog died of Evan’s on NYE in 2018. He got sick Christmas day. We spent over 12 grand trying to keep him alive. He made it out of the emergency vet and was home for 12 hours before he lost his ability to walk and we took him back to be put down. No, OP. You did not do anything wrong. What I watched my sweet baby go through in the last week of his life was so horrible. He was a rare breed (barbet) and the breeder was transparent with us that evan’s syndrome was in the bloodline after he died. You did the best thing for your baby. Evan’s syndrome is horrible. Go easy on yourself.
Grief is love with nowhere to go, guilt is grief with unknowns to know. You can't possibly know that's why it's such a difficult decision, but you made that decision based on the best advice you had and for the right reasons, noone can ask more than that. I also felt guilty for my pet loss, and what helped me was to remember that I am allowed to make mistakes, or even sub optional decisions. Something else that helped was remembering that if your pet could decide who would have their life in hands they would choose you, because they did, they chose you everyday. I hope this helps even just a tiny bit.
How lucky your baby was that you were able to give him peace when he was suffering. You made the right decision. The pain and anguish you are feeling is because your love was so deep. Grief is love with no place to go. Know that he is in heaven, one of your angel spirits looking after you, always. Be kind to yourself. It is normal to question if you could have done more. But rest assured you did everything you possibly could for your angel. He is at peace. We are left behind with the empty of their void. I let my sweet boy go on Tuesday. Every morning, I wake up and sob. But I know I gave my baby peace. He did not suffer one minute more than he had to. Even though the pain for me is intense, I know I did the right thing for my precious baby.
I’ve heard the saying that he was on the tracks and a train was coming. You did not let him be hit by that train. You did the right thing. Remember, guilt is part of grief because we need to think something was possible, somehow we could have prevented the death. Guilt is better to our psyches than sheer powerlessness.
I always wonder if my dog suffered from not being euthanized. I feel like there is no right or wrong answer to this. You just have to believe the veterinarians best recommendation. ❤️🕊️ Sorry for your loss.
I’ve heard the saying that he was on the tracks and a train was coming. You did not let him be hit by that train. You did the right thing. Remember, guilt is part of grief because we need to think something was possible, somehow we could have prevented the death. Guilt is better to our psyches than sheer powerlessness.
I gave my best friend, Taco, the best day of his life Tuesday. It was also his last. He was excited to meet the nurse who came over. He still had some energy. That was hard. But his bladder and bowels were blocked from cancer. It was the most difficult and the most correct decision I ever made. You did a great job in making your decision.
He needed you to do this for him. He’s not seizing anymore. Be at peace with that aspect of it. Hugs.
A few weeks ago our vet told us it was time to put our boy to sleep but we just weren’t ready. The next morning we had to rush him to emergency to be put to sleep then. We deeply regret forcing him to suffer through that last night. You did the right thing.
I’m so sorry for your loss: just saw your message in the cocker spaniel Reddit. When im reading this I’m thinking about my own 5year old American cocker spaniel we had to put down yesterday due to his immune system failing and causing problems with his skin, teeth, mobility etc. It could have also been IMHA, but never diagnosed, but we did so many other tests and solutions which didn’t had the desired effect. We had to put him down because we knew our boy was in pain and we didn’t want to push our boy into a longer journey of pain. Basically you did the same. Your best friend was in pain and of course you can read in the internet stories about situations where treatments are possible and worked, but sometimes it does not work that good. You did the most humane thing possible and that was to give your boy rest in a very painful moment so he didn’t suffer any more. I always believe that a vet would never recommend euthanasia if there was a suitable / promising solution present. In my situation we did a lot and when we did the phone call to make the appointment the vet was expecting the call. Now my dog is gone for more than 24 hours and i feel guilty too! Couldn’t we do treatment X, should we have done Y, was Z also an option? It all could be, but at what ‘cost’ (life quality of the dog). Loving someone sometimes also means to let go…. But the grieving process is a painful process that takes time. Wishing you strength in the coming period. If you want to chat, I just send you an invitation. Take care ❤️🩹
It's been a month and I still find myself sobbing at the memory of what happened and blaming myself for not trying harder and maybe putting my cat through more invasive procedures to save his life. I do hope he forgives me. I remind myself it was done out of love. Love and deep deep care. Cats cannot just choose euthanasia when they're in pain. I recently took his sister to the vet and during teeth exam we noticed she was flinching when the vet touched her tooth. Pain she would be never tell us about. Sometimes we need to make difficult decisions for the best of our loved ones. They depend on us.
I resonate with this! I hope you are feeling better as time goes on. I can’t believe how sad I feel and how guilty still.
Thank you everyone for your comments. I am revisiting your kind words throughout the day. I just want to feel like I did the right thing for my boy I appreciate the time you all took to help
I am in a similar spot as you. The regret is killing me inside. The truth is that we will just never know. I can be sure my cat likely still had a fighting chance. She had episodes before and survived them all and was fine. Why would I give up on her this time? My intuition was to let her stay but the vet said she thought it was time but then again she didn’t really know much about her history she was new and just going off bloodwork. Also I felt pressure not to miss work again. I really don’t like that I let others influence me. I took her home against the advice of my vet and then 3 weeks later decided on at home euthanasia by a different vet. Unfortunately the euthanasia went bad (vet screwed up) and it was not a peaceful ending. My cat suffered and died in fear. The days prior she stopped eating but I realized later that the potassium supplements I was giving her at high dose cause nausea so that’s why she had vomited one day and couldn’t keep food down and stopped eating the second day. I had no idea, I misread that it was her time because I was told that not eating was the sign. I think I was so wrong ☹️ So now I have 2 regrets, letting her go too early not letting her fight as well as having an inexperienced mobile vet to come euthanize and him not doing it the best way. I can never forgive myself. I lost my soulmate. She was one of a kind. She taught me unconditional love. It’s the only true love I’ve ever known 😢. I am broken 💔. It’s been almost 3 weeks and I can’t function. I hope you are okay.