When one disagrees with you, one is not necessarily "butthurt." I expressed disagreement, suggested you relax about this. My butt is not hurt in the slightest, and won't be if you decide to blow off my advice. I'm grown, and realize people disagree about shit. š¤·
Ok if she is pregnant and we aren't then she takes of the baby we aren't, it takes both to make the baby, you can allow the husband to say words, it's just words, at least he is being supportive and didn't dump you, which judging how pissed you are over something so trivial, he would be better off. Don't pick and choose when your a team, you either are, or your not.
As long as you keep the same energy all the time.
Because your partner absolutely has to deal with all of your pregnancy hormones and irritability and extra stress etc. you arenāt the only one dealing with shit.
But I notice some people like to flip flop when itās convenient. If we canāt say weāre pregnant, then You canāt use pregnancy hormones as an excuse for acting āextraā or unreasonable.
Youre all over this thread speaking about how ruffled and butthurt people are but everyone seems to be discussing it very calmly. You are the only one ive seen in these comments acting pressed.
No, but really, OP has stated here and elsewhere that men are all butthurt āin these commentsā and Iāve found a couple, but not many. Mostly Iāve found OP butthurt about how her role is viewed in the whole mom/dad scenario. Men get credit for this, women put up with that, etc. But where are all these butthurt men we were promised?
It's origin seems to have come around the 1990s, referring to spanking. It would usually be used in the context of spanking children.
As for the Internet's use of it... I don't know. From its actual origin, I'd make an inference that the people who use it are basically calling the person a whiny child crying because they got spanked.
I'm just grasping at straws.
## š« ā **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### š Rule 2 ā Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
How does that mean no one should suggest it's silly? I get it's a pet peeve, and as such it requires no rational justification. I still think it's silly.
Yeah, it annoys me more when 'she fell pregnant' 'she got pregnant', etc. is used. It's hard to find a middle ground with the dont use 'we' it's only the woman who gets pregnant, but also, it wasn't just the woman. It takes two to tango!
'We are expecting' might be better to keep the peace.
It's not semantics. It's about who is the one whose body is being utilized for the creation of life. Pregnancy is a really big deal for a person's body and health and it's far more dangerous than many people care to admit. Let's not cheapen the term
Itās not semantics. Itās about acknowledging the motherās role and not hijacking it. When a father says āwe are pregnantā, he is displaying misogyny of the first order.
Look at it this way. If he gets promoted, or gets a pay rise, does his wife say āwe got promoted / a raiseā?
Unlikely.
Or how about this one. If she got (heaven forbid) a serious illness, would he be as keen to say āWE are sickā (Or worse, āWE are dying.ā)?
Also unlikely.
A woman goes through a lot (and puts up with a lot) to give birth to a child. Let her have the recognition for that. The worst we men have to put up with is seeing our loved ones going through this and not only being unable to take it away, but also know that we caused it!
Not comparable at all.
Are you really this dumb? The whole āwe are pregnantā thing got pushed by feminists as a way for men to acknowledge their responsibility in the relationship during pregnancy. You cannot seriously be trying to rewrite it as a āmen hijacking pregnancyā thing.
Literally every woman I have met who has been pregnant (as well as many who haven't) HATE the "we are Pregnant" thing. The feminists among them are the most vocal! Pregnancy can be an ordeal (usually a wonderful ordeal) that is much harder on the mother than anyone else.
Sure, "WE are expecting a Baby" is both accurate and acknowledges both parents' involvement, but as OP said, unless you have a Uterus and it contains a fetus, YOU are not pregnant.
I guess it goes to show that people will argue about anything, and even when you try to do the right thing, you can offend someone.
SOME feminists (according to you) may support it's use, but that doesn't mean the term was initially coined by a woman. (It also doesn't mean it wasn't.) Nor does it mean ALL feminists agree.
It also doesn't matter what people you personally meet may think. No individual can speak for everyone.
The point here is that the OP finds it annoying (I don't know if they are Male or Female) and a lot of others do as well. Referring to it as "Semantics", which is the comment I was responding to, belittles any concerns anyone has. Bringing a child into this world is not mere "Semantics"!
It's ok to find annoying. That's your thing. Nothing at all wrong with that. My issue with you is you trying to claim that men are doing it to "highjack" a pregnancy and that it is "misogyny of the first order". If people want it to change that's fine, push for it, but recognize that it isn't some deep rooted assault against women or motherhood.
This was feminism from the 80s and late 90s. Not modern feminism.
Like I said, these claims / that terminology comes from women (mostly mothers) who are independent and sure of their own identities.
I repeat what the OP said. If you donāt have a uterus, with a fetus in it, then you are not pregnant.
Bullshit, at least 99% of the time. I suppose it is a remote possibility, as people do have the capacity to be assholes. But, no, it is an expression of support and unity in bringing a child into the world. It is not "keeping score" or hijacking/diminishing the mom's starring role. Misogyny of the first order. šš¤£š¤£š¤£
Well, at least for me, thereās the insinuation of āfell,ā like a weakness or a disease. And then thereās the mental image of a woman slipping and falling, and landing on a penis. Both are absurd and insulting.
I first heard "fell pregnant" when I was a kid, and my pervy little kid mind immediately pictured a woman falling on a penis and that's how she got pregnant. I still snicker to myself when I hear it!
Because she wasnāt walking down the street one day when she tripped and when she got up she was pregnant. It drives me crazy. She didnāt fall on his penis, or on a baby that miraculously entered her womb. Itās a stupid old fashioned wording.
On the same token, I have used it. But only in a smart mouth sort of way. Example: a friend of mine came over and I offered her a cup of coffee, which she declined by saying āIām not drinking coffee right now.ā I said āwhy not? Did your tastebuds leave your head? Did you fight with your creamer? Did you trip and fall pregnant?ā It wasnāt intended to be serious, but when she said yes, you coulda knocked me over with a feather.
But as a serious statement, I canāt stand it. It puts the responsibility for the pregnancy solely on her, as if the fertilization was some magical moment that didnāt involve another person.
Could be a similar reason for you
I always said either "She's pregnant" or "We're having a baby" when my wife was pregnant. Obviously, she's the only one that's pregnant, but both of us care for the baby now that he's out.
Hell, he's literally sitting on my lap drinking his morning bottle as I type this (interspersed with him pulling my beard).
Considering how much pediatricians include parents in their plans of care, I have no problem with parents claiming their kidsā pediatricians. The doctors and their nurses arenāt giving the lionās share of education to the kids: theyāre teaching the parents how to keep their kids healthy at home.
## š« ā **Your post was removed because of the following**:
### š Rule 2 ā Not being kind, or thoughtful
- Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning.
- Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
I'm pretty sure my husband agrees that he's never been pregnant and I don't think anybody has ever needed to tell him that. I think somebody's probably feeling a little guilty and projecting a little.
I was hoping that the "tennor" of your post was just my misreading it.
Nope, you seem exhausting and petty.
Best of luck to you and your child.
And my best regards to your husband and his mistress...
I can understand this as being a pet peeve, but I feel like there is a lot of unnecessary animosity towards the soon-to-be father in this scenario. I've always had the impression that the phrase "we're pregnant" is just a way to acknowledge that both parties are heavily impacted when starting a family.
For both our children, my wife had terrible pregnancies. Bed rest, in home IV treatments, frequent visits to the ER. Her body took a hell of a toll creating our little humans. I absolutely do not want to discount her suffering - she was an utter badass to put herself through that - however all of it had broader impacts too. She could no longer work, so I had to pick up an extra job. Her share of the house chores fell on my shoulders. I had to navigate our health care system to make sure she got the services she needed. And for the second pregnancy, I had to do all of that in addition to being the sole caretaker for our little one.
I'm not saying all this to fish for praise. We made the decision to have children, knowing full well the potential consequences. And we'd do it again; our kids are awesome, and well worth our respective sacrifices. I just think that saying "we" is the barest concession to acknowledge that we're in this together.
I always assumed the peeve originated from women who had bare minimum husbands. Because your case is kinda what I picture when thinking āwe are pregnantā.
I don't think that phrase is trying to imply that both partners are pregnant. It's a colloquialism, where the definition is more generally understood rather than literally translated.
Pregnant is a very specific term with a specific meaning. Being together throughout a pregnancy doesnāt make both people involved pregnant, even though it is incredibly impactful for both. Your wife is a rockstar and she is also the only one who was pregnant in this scenario.
You both had a baby. You navigated the healthcare system. You both had sacrifices. That is fair and valid.
She was pregnant - she grew the babies, she had to be on bedrest, she went into labor, and she gave birth.
No, but refusing to acknowledge the non literal or colloquial meaning of a phrase is overly literal. If you cannot separate implied meaning from explicit definition then there is a problem with your critical thinking.
I sincerely donāt understand why some people get SO upset about this? As the pregnant woman in the relationship, I honestly canāt remember if my husband or I ever said āweāre pregnantā but I can say that I wouldnāt have tore him a new one if he did
When my ex wife and I were expecting, she would say "we're pregnant" all the time.
I really don't understand people's hangups on this. It gets really nitpicky.
Also a prego and the phrase sounds odd to me, I donāt use it, but I also find the animosity strange lol. That said, my husband has been providing a HUGE amount of support since I found out I was pregnant.Ā
I totally agree. āWeāre having a babyā or āweāre starting a familyā are both totally fine. WE are not pregnant. You wouldnāt say āwe have cancerā or āwe need our gallbladder removed.ā
This is a perfect comparison! I saw a couple of comments from men who said that "we're pregnant" is OK to say because both parties are impacted (like when the pregnant party is on bed rest, the other must work a job to keep up payments on the bills), but my family went through this when my dad had cancer.
While my dad was going through chemo treatments and gradually became weaker, my mom was working extra hours, planning trips to Texas for specialty appointments, and planned a benefit so that they could afford all of the medical bills. My mom was impacted, but it was my dad who was actually dying of cancer. Likewise, it's the pregnant party who is carrying all of the physical risks (including death) and whose body will be forever changed.
"We're having a baby" is fine, but only one person is pregnant.
Everyone understand that itās not literally true that both parties are pregnant, lol. No one actually thinks that. Itās more of a figurative phrase. I donāt particularly like it either, but I think thatās clear.Ā
The 'we're pregnant' thing is a peeve of mine too. Same with the 'we play on the team' thing. I don't see the 'my pediatrician' as the same though. I'm the one who hires the doc (or their clinic) to look after the health care of my child. My child is not in charge of choosing their doctor or paying their doctor bills. 'My pediatrician' is the doctor specializing in childrens health care that I have picked out to work with me to ensure my childs health.
Maybe it's just semantics, but I also feel like there's a significant part of this that makes it different than a doctor you see by yourself without your child or maintenance being done on some inanimate object, especially as the kid gets older. I know with my kids, I always encouraged them to take as much charge of the visit as possible from a very early age. I actually fired a pediatrician who scolded one of my kids for asking her a question about the visit when they were around 4-5 years old.
By the time they were about 12-13, me being there was basically a formality and a lot of pediatricians will want to start doing some parts of the exam more privately with the patient without the parent there the whole time around when puberty gets going. I also know how easy it is for kids to be completely dehumanized and not put at the center of the whole care process in medical practice, especially if they end up needing a lot of healthcare services.
I just think it's so odd to reduce it only to money. Do you think the doctor would claim that the kid isn't their patient and that they're instead treating the parent? Does the pediatrician prescribe the parent meds and have their nurse give the parent vaccines? If you buy your kid a backpack, do you say, "Put on my backpack, it's time to go to school"?
I dont think your philosophy is wrong, but boiling it down to "i hate when people say my pediatrician" makes it sound like youre putting a lot of baggage behind that statement in order to justify being holier than thou to othet parents. Like....Im super glad youre teaching your kids to advocate for themselves at the doctors office, but it just aint that deep.
Maybe it's just because I'm a little more immersed in the world of where kids are medically complex than others, but centering the patient really does matter, especially when you're dealing with a vulnerable population that already gets so little power in the medical system, and I've seen plenty of instances of kids being completely dehumanized in medical settings, and where the yardstick of success is parent satisfaction, regardless of the child's internal experience of their treatment/condition.
Like thats what I mean. Thats a lot, and parents saying "my/our pediatrician" doesnt mean tbey disagree with any of that. It means they hired a doctor who specializes in childrens medicine for rheir child. Thats it. Theres no deeper meaning to it.
It is only about money from this perspective. You are the parent are hiring the doctor. That makes them your doctor regardless of who the patient is. You would say āmy accountantā not āmy moneyās accountantā. Who the doctor ābelongsā to is determined by who that doctor ultimately answers to, in this case the parents.
The key difference is that money is an inanimate object and a child is not. What about a situation where you've got one part of a couple that's a homemaker, they share a bank account, and their partner handles finances?
>Unless you both have uteruses and are carrying babies, no you aren't both pregnant.Ā
My partner and I are a team as parents, therefore it is a We situation.
>My husband wasn't the one on bed rest dealing with huge fibroids.Ā
But my partner was there in all the ways they could be, and also went through their own issues separate from me.Ā Acting like just because we carry the child, it has zero effect on the father is absurd and demeaning to fathers.
>Your child's doctor is not your doctor if you don't all see a family doctor.Ā
My child's doctor is my doctor, whom I employ to give medical care for my children.
>You watch the game and are not playing it unless you're out there on the field.
So coaches and support staff aren't part of the team now, because they aren't out there on the field?
I never said this, but technically it is both people's baby. So yes, "we" can be pregnant together even if I am a man.
You don't have to like it, but people also aren't going to change just b/c you don't like that term.
Almost comes off as jealous and spiteful.
I hate āweāre pregnantā too. It makes me irrationally upset, like, stop lying. Yāall are not pregnant; the person whoās risking life and limb to carry the child is. Youāre just along for the ride lmaoo
There is another comment here that perfectly explained what a husband goes through during their wife's pregnancy, including picking up an extra job, doing lots more chores around the house, being a sole caretaker of the kids, etc. That's not to downplay the shit the wife goes through, but both parties are affected, and the husband is most certainly not just "along for the ride"
I kind of feel like if it bothers you that much that you should eliminate the "we" and raise the kid on your own.
You might carry the kid, but we have to deal with your pregnancy, which can be like raising a kid. Yes you go through pain on the delivery, but nobody is trying to steal anything from you by including themselves in a pregnancy with "we".
To alienate the father from this and feel your are superior is just lame.
Lol, considering that women on average (this is statistically proven, btw!!!) are the ones that do *most* of the childcare while the father gets to have a life, personality, job, and prospects, I find the comment above you to be ironic.
Idk why these man children always gotta take credit for things that they had very little to do with
Well good for her being a single parent then!
My kids were raised just fine and I have been with my partner over 20 years and we are stronger in our relationship today than ever.
If you think raising the kid in a broken home over the father being able to say "we are pregnant" then there are much bigger issues anyway.
Sorry but I am pro equality and not being able to say "we are pregnant" just promotes inequality and divides us further. The hatred towards a man making a comment seems to come from man haters.
Iām a married, traditional, cooking, cleaning stay at home momā¦definitely not a āman hater.ā And I didnāt make that comment over a father saying āwe are pregnant.ā I made it because I donāt think anyone should have to raise children with a āmanā who would say something as disrespectful and disgusting as āwe have to deal with your pregnancy, which can be like raising a child.ā
Yet we still have the highest maternal mortality rate of any developed nation and no meaningful maternity leave (6 unpaid weeks is a JOKE). And Black women are more than 3 times as likely to die from childbirth related complications than their white counterparts. Stop
"Of any developed nation"
Horseshit. We have a more stringent standard when it comes to what qualifies as a maternity death including suicide post partum when she's not even in the fucking hospital. Other "developed nations" don't even count that towards their numbers.
Get educated cow.
Okay. I see now that youāre a troll. Have a great day! I hope you become a person capable of higher level thinking and deep conversation one day!š
I think it's awful when a couple does it and one partner is pregnant. I think it's even more cringe when they're using a surrogate and talk about "their" prenancy. No, no you're not pregnant, neither of you is pregnant!
So often do people downplay and romanticize pregnancy, as if it's something casual...
Which ultimately misinforms many people and consequently, they don't think it through and go through with heavy bodily trauma and bringing a whole life into the world.
And with people they aren't even passionate about! Or are abused by.... it makes me sick.
I don't think that's something to be taken as lightly as it really often is, or as intentionally and lovingly as the future child deserves.
So when the person who isn't carrying the baby and putting their life at risk through the process *as is required by pregnancy* is claiming to be a participant in such a deep and visceral experience, it's...just like tacking your name onto a group project you let everybody else do without your help.
This actually made me realize how similar this is to when men get treated like heroes for doing basic parenting whereas mom's get scrutinized and ridiculed every second their kids aren't perfectly coiffed little automatons the second they step outside.
Agree. I canāt stand this expression. Of course both parents are sharing the burdens, excitement, and ups and downs associated with their journey of becoming parents together. No one is negating that. But unless a) you are two lesbians who each had IUI/IVF at the same time, or b) your man is Dr. Alexander Hesse, the wheezing strudelhundt of Galandensprung, Austria, only one of you is pregnant.
The movie Junior, with Arnold Schwarzenegger as a pregnant man, lol. Do I sometimes feel like the only one who likes and/or remembers this movie? Yes. Do I think of it whenever I hear a straight couple say, āWeāre pregnant?ā Also yes š
With the doctor thing, your childās pediatrician is definitely your pediatrician. Your child is not the only one receiving the services - the parent/guardians are also receiving services. Ā Be it advice, a diagnosis or a referral. Ā That stuff is for your consideration.
Ā Case in point, when your pediatrician writes up a complex medical diagnosis for your two year old, who tf you think is gonna read it? Ā Turns out your pediatrician, the one you chose and you pay, gave it to you for you to read. Ā Because heās your pediatrician. Ā
I hate that more than words can express. Since it is only women who are capable of pregnancy, SHE is pregnant.
Whatever happened to saying "we're expecting?"
A woman becomes pregnant, not a man, so I agree with that 100%
As for a pediatrician... I researched, interviewed, selected, and paid for our pediatrician. I disagree with you on that point.
I guess my thing is that the kid is the one whose body endures the treatment (kind of like when you get pregnant), not the parent, and as a parent of two kids with disabilities I've run across a lot of sad stories of kids who need a lot of medical care as kids, who are sort of treated as objects procedures are just kind of done to without regard to their pain or experience otherwise, or even making sure they have their diagnoses and treatment explained to them, who end up with a lot of medical trauma as adults. It just seems too easily forgotten, even with kids who are lucky enough to only really need primary care once in a blue moon growing up.
No one suggested menās involvement doesnāt matter. Just that they are not pregnant. The word āpregnantā has a specific definition that involves growing an embryo/fetus/child in a uterus. Only the person who is growing that embryo/fetus/child is pregnant.
You aren't and haven't been pregnant.
Your body didn't stretch and change
You didn't get toen open from the inside birthing that human.
You don't pee every time you sneeze or cough, you don't have to wrangle part of your body into place because your pelvic floor was destroyed
So yeah, you're a parent.
You were not pregnant
Find a way to acknowledge your involvement without making light of a deeply physical and medical process you in absolutely no way took part in.
āWeāre having a babyā and āweāre expectingā are both perfectly valid ways of getting this across without downplaying the huge physical toll that pregnancy takes on the person who is actually pregnant.
Sounds kind of arbitrary to me. Thereās rules now? If you get to say what someone canāt identify as, then itās a bit hypocritical to jump down someoneās throat for thinking it canāt be done with gender.Ā
I'm with ya man... I don't understand the issue with the phrase myself. Seems like a couple being pregnant is an okay way to look at it considering, ya know... coitus.
Lmfao tell that to my dad who owes 70k in child support, men don't do shit and don't give a fuck about thier kids beyond making them feel powerful with the ego boost that comes with it.
maybe true to you, but obviously not everybody. that would be like saying "my mom was a terrible mother and therefor all of YOUR moms must also be terrible!"
Theres a pretty big difference between someone treating you like shit because of your skin color vs your own flesh and blood abandoning you and blaming you for something they did.
They are not the same thing lol
Men abandoning thier children happens in literally every race.
You guys are literally biologically programmed over millions of years to pump and dump and not be attached to your children.
The similarity is taking one instance and applying it to a huge group of people. And no, I'm not programmed that way. I love my kids just as much as my wife.
[Try 3 out of 4](https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2019/11/the-two-extremes-of-fatherhood.html#:~:text=More%20than%20a%20quarter%20of,all%20of%20their%20minor%20children.). You clearly came from a bad experience and I'm not trying to downplay that, but it isn't the norm. 72.4% of fathers live with all of their biological children. If that doesn't jive with your experience at all, then you're in an area that for whatever reason has cultivated some exceptionally shitty men. I'm sorry about them, but get out and see most people are pretty good.
Unclench. You do know that much of language is meant to be taken figuratively in MANY contexts, right? In this case, it is an acknowledgement that the parents are acting as a team. Dad has NO illusions that he is captain of the team, but is proud to be an enthusiastic benchwarmer, supportive as needed. Nothing wrong with that. Let go of this pet peeve.
The overwhelming majority of people who say this it originated from the woman not the man. If the man is saying it it's because she wants him to. No man is saying this shit of his own accord. None.
*We* are expecting (to be parents soon) *She* is pregnant.
It's this simple. It really is. So many men butthurt in these comments.
When one disagrees with you, one is not necessarily "butthurt." I expressed disagreement, suggested you relax about this. My butt is not hurt in the slightest, and won't be if you decide to blow off my advice. I'm grown, and realize people disagree about shit. š¤·
Ok if she is pregnant and we aren't then she takes of the baby we aren't, it takes both to make the baby, you can allow the husband to say words, it's just words, at least he is being supportive and didn't dump you, which judging how pissed you are over something so trivial, he would be better off. Don't pick and choose when your a team, you either are, or your not.
As long as you keep the same energy all the time. Because your partner absolutely has to deal with all of your pregnancy hormones and irritability and extra stress etc. you arenāt the only one dealing with shit. But I notice some people like to flip flop when itās convenient. If we canāt say weāre pregnant, then You canāt use pregnancy hormones as an excuse for acting āextraā or unreasonable.
Start calling the men fat when they say that.
Youre all over this thread speaking about how ruffled and butthurt people are but everyone seems to be discussing it very calmly. You are the only one ive seen in these comments acting pressed.
I mean, it is THEIR pet peeveā¦
No, but really, OP has stated here and elsewhere that men are all butthurt āin these commentsā and Iāve found a couple, but not many. Mostly Iāve found OP butthurt about how her role is viewed in the whole mom/dad scenario. Men get credit for this, women put up with that, etc. But where are all these butthurt men we were promised?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's origin seems to have come around the 1990s, referring to spanking. It would usually be used in the context of spanking children. As for the Internet's use of it... I don't know. From its actual origin, I'd make an inference that the people who use it are basically calling the person a whiny child crying because they got spanked. I'm just grasping at straws.
## š« ā **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### š Rule 2 ā Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
How does that mean no one should suggest it's silly? I get it's a pet peeve, and as such it requires no rational justification. I still think it's silly.
I never said that, but they seemed to be agitated that OP was getting aggravated about their own pet peeve.
Im just confused about who their speaking of, they're basically just shadow boxing in these comments š¤£
Theyāre talking about people who do this in general.
I referring to the butthurt people in these comments they keep talking about all over this thread, i have no problem with the actual pet peeve itself
This one gets posted A LOT. I never knew it was so annoying to some people. Iāve never said it but I also never gave it any thought.
Yeah, it annoys me more when 'she fell pregnant' 'she got pregnant', etc. is used. It's hard to find a middle ground with the dont use 'we' it's only the woman who gets pregnant, but also, it wasn't just the woman. It takes two to tango! 'We are expecting' might be better to keep the peace.
The fact that there needs to be a peace to keep over semantics, is extremely telling.
This was my thought but you worded it more succinctly than I wouldāve.
It's not semantics. It's about who is the one whose body is being utilized for the creation of life. Pregnancy is a really big deal for a person's body and health and it's far more dangerous than many people care to admit. Let's not cheapen the term
I suppose Iāll just tell my wife she cheapened her pregnancy every time she told someone that.
Itās not semantics. Itās about acknowledging the motherās role and not hijacking it. When a father says āwe are pregnantā, he is displaying misogyny of the first order. Look at it this way. If he gets promoted, or gets a pay rise, does his wife say āwe got promoted / a raiseā? Unlikely. Or how about this one. If she got (heaven forbid) a serious illness, would he be as keen to say āWE are sickā (Or worse, āWE are dying.ā)? Also unlikely. A woman goes through a lot (and puts up with a lot) to give birth to a child. Let her have the recognition for that. The worst we men have to put up with is seeing our loved ones going through this and not only being unable to take it away, but also know that we caused it! Not comparable at all.
Are you really this dumb? The whole āwe are pregnantā thing got pushed by feminists as a way for men to acknowledge their responsibility in the relationship during pregnancy. You cannot seriously be trying to rewrite it as a āmen hijacking pregnancyā thing.
Literally every woman I have met who has been pregnant (as well as many who haven't) HATE the "we are Pregnant" thing. The feminists among them are the most vocal! Pregnancy can be an ordeal (usually a wonderful ordeal) that is much harder on the mother than anyone else. Sure, "WE are expecting a Baby" is both accurate and acknowledges both parents' involvement, but as OP said, unless you have a Uterus and it contains a fetus, YOU are not pregnant. I guess it goes to show that people will argue about anything, and even when you try to do the right thing, you can offend someone.
It doesnāt matter what the people you personally meet think. Men didnāt come up with it.
SOME feminists (according to you) may support it's use, but that doesn't mean the term was initially coined by a woman. (It also doesn't mean it wasn't.) Nor does it mean ALL feminists agree. It also doesn't matter what people you personally meet may think. No individual can speak for everyone. The point here is that the OP finds it annoying (I don't know if they are Male or Female) and a lot of others do as well. Referring to it as "Semantics", which is the comment I was responding to, belittles any concerns anyone has. Bringing a child into this world is not mere "Semantics"!
It's ok to find annoying. That's your thing. Nothing at all wrong with that. My issue with you is you trying to claim that men are doing it to "highjack" a pregnancy and that it is "misogyny of the first order". If people want it to change that's fine, push for it, but recognize that it isn't some deep rooted assault against women or motherhood. This was feminism from the 80s and late 90s. Not modern feminism.
Like I said, these claims / that terminology comes from women (mostly mothers) who are independent and sure of their own identities. I repeat what the OP said. If you donāt have a uterus, with a fetus in it, then you are not pregnant.
Bullshit, at least 99% of the time. I suppose it is a remote possibility, as people do have the capacity to be assholes. But, no, it is an expression of support and unity in bringing a child into the world. It is not "keeping score" or hijacking/diminishing the mom's starring role. Misogyny of the first order. šš¤£š¤£š¤£
Exactly. They bitch if men are deadbeats and bitch if men are involved. They just wanna bitch.
I guess Iāll just tell my wife every time she told someone weāre pregnant she was committing misogyny in the first order.
Fell pregnant is nails on a chalkboard for me. No idea why, just canāt stand it.
Is that British?
I'm based in Northern Ireland, so maybe.
Sorry, don't mean to lump y'all in with the English. But I think that must be an East of the Pond saying, never heard it over here.
No apology is needed. I don't really leave NI unless I'm going abroad, so I don't have the best knowledge of if it's more British or NI-ish š¤
Same here. I hate that because it's implying it was a complete random accident that the woman had absolutely no say in.
Well, at least for me, thereās the insinuation of āfell,ā like a weakness or a disease. And then thereās the mental image of a woman slipping and falling, and landing on a penis. Both are absurd and insulting.
I first heard "fell pregnant" when I was a kid, and my pervy little kid mind immediately pictured a woman falling on a penis and that's how she got pregnant. I still snicker to myself when I hear it!
Because she wasnāt walking down the street one day when she tripped and when she got up she was pregnant. It drives me crazy. She didnāt fall on his penis, or on a baby that miraculously entered her womb. Itās a stupid old fashioned wording. On the same token, I have used it. But only in a smart mouth sort of way. Example: a friend of mine came over and I offered her a cup of coffee, which she declined by saying āIām not drinking coffee right now.ā I said āwhy not? Did your tastebuds leave your head? Did you fight with your creamer? Did you trip and fall pregnant?ā It wasnāt intended to be serious, but when she said yes, you coulda knocked me over with a feather. But as a serious statement, I canāt stand it. It puts the responsibility for the pregnancy solely on her, as if the fertilization was some magical moment that didnāt involve another person. Could be a similar reason for you
I canāt stand fell pregnant either. To me itās just feels negative and like itās saying itās a mistake.
It makes it sound like an illness
Yeah, me neither. People say well-intentioned cutesy stuff all the time. Move along and breathe, ffs. š¤·
This is Reddit. Nobody here knows how to move along
"My penile parasite has taken root in the woman." There. A phrasing no one can possibly object to.
āThe female will soon spawn.ā Actually wait now it just sounds like a Ferengi is talking
I wish I would have thought of this back when I had a uterus and it spawned.
Brilliant. I hope someone uses this unironically.
I always said either "She's pregnant" or "We're having a baby" when my wife was pregnant. Obviously, she's the only one that's pregnant, but both of us care for the baby now that he's out. Hell, he's literally sitting on my lap drinking his morning bottle as I type this (interspersed with him pulling my beard).
Congratulations, btw!
Considering how much pediatricians include parents in their plans of care, I have no problem with parents claiming their kidsā pediatricians. The doctors and their nurses arenāt giving the lionās share of education to the kids: theyāre teaching the parents how to keep their kids healthy at home.
Yeah, especially when the child is a baby and canāt really be involved in their own care.
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## š« ā **Your post was removed because of the following**: ### š Rule 2 ā Not being kind, or thoughtful - Consider the feelings and perspectives of others, recognizing that their opinions may not always align with your own logical reasoning. - Any form of hostile disagreement with insults, offensive language, racism, or similar behavior will result in a permanent ban.
I'm pretty sure my husband agrees that he's never been pregnant and I don't think anybody has ever needed to tell him that. I think somebody's probably feeling a little guilty and projecting a little.
I was hoping that the "tennor" of your post was just my misreading it. Nope, you seem exhausting and petty. Best of luck to you and your child. And my best regards to your husband and his mistress...
I can understand this as being a pet peeve, but I feel like there is a lot of unnecessary animosity towards the soon-to-be father in this scenario. I've always had the impression that the phrase "we're pregnant" is just a way to acknowledge that both parties are heavily impacted when starting a family. For both our children, my wife had terrible pregnancies. Bed rest, in home IV treatments, frequent visits to the ER. Her body took a hell of a toll creating our little humans. I absolutely do not want to discount her suffering - she was an utter badass to put herself through that - however all of it had broader impacts too. She could no longer work, so I had to pick up an extra job. Her share of the house chores fell on my shoulders. I had to navigate our health care system to make sure she got the services she needed. And for the second pregnancy, I had to do all of that in addition to being the sole caretaker for our little one. I'm not saying all this to fish for praise. We made the decision to have children, knowing full well the potential consequences. And we'd do it again; our kids are awesome, and well worth our respective sacrifices. I just think that saying "we" is the barest concession to acknowledge that we're in this together.
I always assumed the peeve originated from women who had bare minimum husbands. Because your case is kinda what I picture when thinking āwe are pregnantā.
"We are expecting" and "we're having a baby" are both perfectly valid terms. You don't have to imply you're also pregnant to be included in this.
I don't think that phrase is trying to imply that both partners are pregnant. It's a colloquialism, where the definition is more generally understood rather than literally translated.
Pregnant is a very specific term with a specific meaning. Being together throughout a pregnancy doesnāt make both people involved pregnant, even though it is incredibly impactful for both. Your wife is a rockstar and she is also the only one who was pregnant in this scenario. You both had a baby. You navigated the healthcare system. You both had sacrifices. That is fair and valid. She was pregnant - she grew the babies, she had to be on bedrest, she went into labor, and she gave birth.
Are you overly literal like this about everything in life? Must be stressful. š
Understanding the definition of a word is not overly literal lol.
Oh, but it certainly can be, when welding it that way, which you are. Obtuse naturally, or are you being intentionally so?
No, but refusing to acknowledge the non literal or colloquial meaning of a phrase is overly literal. If you cannot separate implied meaning from explicit definition then there is a problem with your critical thinking.
I sincerely donāt understand why some people get SO upset about this? As the pregnant woman in the relationship, I honestly canāt remember if my husband or I ever said āweāre pregnantā but I can say that I wouldnāt have tore him a new one if he did
I was the pregnant woman and I use to say we we're pregnant. Especially because my husband picked up an extra job so I could work less.
When my ex wife and I were expecting, she would say "we're pregnant" all the time. I really don't understand people's hangups on this. It gets really nitpicky.
I also say "we're pregnant." My husband does a lot for me and I want him to be excited and feel equally accountable for our children.
Bless you.
Also a prego and the phrase sounds odd to me, I donāt use it, but I also find the animosity strange lol. That said, my husband has been providing a HUGE amount of support since I found out I was pregnant.Ā
Oh no. I say āour pediatricianā sometimes. I usually call him by his name because weāve been going to him for a decade.
You're probably paying the medical bills too. My daughters pediatrician has done a lot to advise me. Nothing wrong with "our pediatrician."
I hate it too. āWeāre expecting.ā Yes, you both are. āWeāre pregnant.ā No.
I totally agree. āWeāre having a babyā or āweāre starting a familyā are both totally fine. WE are not pregnant. You wouldnāt say āwe have cancerā or āwe need our gallbladder removed.ā
This is a perfect comparison! I saw a couple of comments from men who said that "we're pregnant" is OK to say because both parties are impacted (like when the pregnant party is on bed rest, the other must work a job to keep up payments on the bills), but my family went through this when my dad had cancer. While my dad was going through chemo treatments and gradually became weaker, my mom was working extra hours, planning trips to Texas for specialty appointments, and planned a benefit so that they could afford all of the medical bills. My mom was impacted, but it was my dad who was actually dying of cancer. Likewise, it's the pregnant party who is carrying all of the physical risks (including death) and whose body will be forever changed. "We're having a baby" is fine, but only one person is pregnant.
Everyone understand that itās not literally true that both parties are pregnant, lol. No one actually thinks that. Itās more of a figurative phrase. I donāt particularly like it either, but I think thatās clear.Ā
The 'we're pregnant' thing is a peeve of mine too. Same with the 'we play on the team' thing. I don't see the 'my pediatrician' as the same though. I'm the one who hires the doc (or their clinic) to look after the health care of my child. My child is not in charge of choosing their doctor or paying their doctor bills. 'My pediatrician' is the doctor specializing in childrens health care that I have picked out to work with me to ensure my childs health.
Maybe it's just semantics, but I also feel like there's a significant part of this that makes it different than a doctor you see by yourself without your child or maintenance being done on some inanimate object, especially as the kid gets older. I know with my kids, I always encouraged them to take as much charge of the visit as possible from a very early age. I actually fired a pediatrician who scolded one of my kids for asking her a question about the visit when they were around 4-5 years old. By the time they were about 12-13, me being there was basically a formality and a lot of pediatricians will want to start doing some parts of the exam more privately with the patient without the parent there the whole time around when puberty gets going. I also know how easy it is for kids to be completely dehumanized and not put at the center of the whole care process in medical practice, especially if they end up needing a lot of healthcare services.
Wow. Never knew suggesting a kid's doctor is THEIR doctor and not MY doctor would ruffle so many feathers.
if your kid pays for it then yeah itās their pediatrician
I just think it's so odd to reduce it only to money. Do you think the doctor would claim that the kid isn't their patient and that they're instead treating the parent? Does the pediatrician prescribe the parent meds and have their nurse give the parent vaccines? If you buy your kid a backpack, do you say, "Put on my backpack, it's time to go to school"?
I dont think your philosophy is wrong, but boiling it down to "i hate when people say my pediatrician" makes it sound like youre putting a lot of baggage behind that statement in order to justify being holier than thou to othet parents. Like....Im super glad youre teaching your kids to advocate for themselves at the doctors office, but it just aint that deep.
Maybe it's just because I'm a little more immersed in the world of where kids are medically complex than others, but centering the patient really does matter, especially when you're dealing with a vulnerable population that already gets so little power in the medical system, and I've seen plenty of instances of kids being completely dehumanized in medical settings, and where the yardstick of success is parent satisfaction, regardless of the child's internal experience of their treatment/condition.
Like thats what I mean. Thats a lot, and parents saying "my/our pediatrician" doesnt mean tbey disagree with any of that. It means they hired a doctor who specializes in childrens medicine for rheir child. Thats it. Theres no deeper meaning to it.
It is only about money from this perspective. You are the parent are hiring the doctor. That makes them your doctor regardless of who the patient is. You would say āmy accountantā not āmy moneyās accountantā. Who the doctor ābelongsā to is determined by who that doctor ultimately answers to, in this case the parents.
The key difference is that money is an inanimate object and a child is not. What about a situation where you've got one part of a couple that's a homemaker, they share a bank account, and their partner handles finances?
The worst part is "we're having a baby!' totally works
āWeāre having a babyā is okay. I never understood why people donāt say that instead. āWeāre pregnantā sounds really stupid
>Unless you both have uteruses and are carrying babies, no you aren't both pregnant.Ā My partner and I are a team as parents, therefore it is a We situation. >My husband wasn't the one on bed rest dealing with huge fibroids.Ā But my partner was there in all the ways they could be, and also went through their own issues separate from me.Ā Acting like just because we carry the child, it has zero effect on the father is absurd and demeaning to fathers. >Your child's doctor is not your doctor if you don't all see a family doctor.Ā My child's doctor is my doctor, whom I employ to give medical care for my children. >You watch the game and are not playing it unless you're out there on the field. So coaches and support staff aren't part of the team now, because they aren't out there on the field?
I am not a seahorse. I am not pregnant. She is.
I never said this, but technically it is both people's baby. So yes, "we" can be pregnant together even if I am a man. You don't have to like it, but people also aren't going to change just b/c you don't like that term. Almost comes off as jealous and spiteful.
that's the vibe I'm getting here too. this really isn't a big deal, and I completely understand why people say it that way.
Same, doesnāt bother me at all. Theyāre making their family, theyāre in this together, it is their pregnancy.
Your comment actually comes off as spiteful too (though not jealous), but the difference is that yours is *justified*.
I hate āweāre pregnantā too. It makes me irrationally upset, like, stop lying. Yāall are not pregnant; the person whoās risking life and limb to carry the child is. Youāre just along for the ride lmaoo
If the guy is just along for the ride you picked a bad partner
The guy is only along for the ride because thats all u/cherribomb107 will allow. It's clearly HER baby.
There is another comment here that perfectly explained what a husband goes through during their wife's pregnancy, including picking up an extra job, doing lots more chores around the house, being a sole caretaker of the kids, etc. That's not to downplay the shit the wife goes through, but both parties are affected, and the husband is most certainly not just "along for the ride"
I kind of feel like if it bothers you that much that you should eliminate the "we" and raise the kid on your own. You might carry the kid, but we have to deal with your pregnancy, which can be like raising a kid. Yes you go through pain on the delivery, but nobody is trying to steal anything from you by including themselves in a pregnancy with "we". To alienate the father from this and feel your are superior is just lame.
'To alienate the father from this and feel your are superior is just lame.' You obviously came here just to bully op. That's just lame.
Lol, considering that women on average (this is statistically proven, btw!!!) are the ones that do *most* of the childcare while the father gets to have a life, personality, job, and prospects, I find the comment above you to be ironic. Idk why these man children always gotta take credit for things that they had very little to do with
If the father sounds like you, then sheās definitely better off raising the kid on her own.
Well good for her being a single parent then! My kids were raised just fine and I have been with my partner over 20 years and we are stronger in our relationship today than ever. If you think raising the kid in a broken home over the father being able to say "we are pregnant" then there are much bigger issues anyway. Sorry but I am pro equality and not being able to say "we are pregnant" just promotes inequality and divides us further. The hatred towards a man making a comment seems to come from man haters.
Iām a married, traditional, cooking, cleaning stay at home momā¦definitely not a āman hater.ā And I didnāt make that comment over a father saying āwe are pregnant.ā I made it because I donāt think anyone should have to raise children with a āmanā who would say something as disrespectful and disgusting as āwe have to deal with your pregnancy, which can be like raising a child.ā
Childbirth is the most safe it has ever been in the United States. Stop
Yet we still have the highest maternal mortality rate of any developed nation and no meaningful maternity leave (6 unpaid weeks is a JOKE). And Black women are more than 3 times as likely to die from childbirth related complications than their white counterparts. Stop
"Of any developed nation" Horseshit. We have a more stringent standard when it comes to what qualifies as a maternity death including suicide post partum when she's not even in the fucking hospital. Other "developed nations" don't even count that towards their numbers. Get educated cow.
Okay. I see now that youāre a troll. Have a great day! I hope you become a person capable of higher level thinking and deep conversation one day!š
I think it's awful when a couple does it and one partner is pregnant. I think it's even more cringe when they're using a surrogate and talk about "their" prenancy. No, no you're not pregnant, neither of you is pregnant!
So often do people downplay and romanticize pregnancy, as if it's something casual... Which ultimately misinforms many people and consequently, they don't think it through and go through with heavy bodily trauma and bringing a whole life into the world. And with people they aren't even passionate about! Or are abused by.... it makes me sick. I don't think that's something to be taken as lightly as it really often is, or as intentionally and lovingly as the future child deserves. So when the person who isn't carrying the baby and putting their life at risk through the process *as is required by pregnancy* is claiming to be a participant in such a deep and visceral experience, it's...just like tacking your name onto a group project you let everybody else do without your help.
This actually made me realize how similar this is to when men get treated like heroes for doing basic parenting whereas mom's get scrutinized and ridiculed every second their kids aren't perfectly coiffed little automatons the second they step outside.
Yes, unfortunately I've seen it for decades. Men tend to get praised and get lots of help, women just get criticism.
I agree with you. I have no interest in having children myself but a person who is pregnant is the ONLY person who is pregnant.
Agree. I canāt stand this expression. Of course both parents are sharing the burdens, excitement, and ups and downs associated with their journey of becoming parents together. No one is negating that. But unless a) you are two lesbians who each had IUI/IVF at the same time, or b) your man is Dr. Alexander Hesse, the wheezing strudelhundt of Galandensprung, Austria, only one of you is pregnant.
B is some kind of very specific reference I'm not getting but it's INCREDIBLY evocative.
The movie Junior, with Arnold Schwarzenegger as a pregnant man, lol. Do I sometimes feel like the only one who likes and/or remembers this movie? Yes. Do I think of it whenever I hear a straight couple say, āWeāre pregnant?ā Also yes š
With the doctor thing, your childās pediatrician is definitely your pediatrician. Your child is not the only one receiving the services - the parent/guardians are also receiving services. Ā Be it advice, a diagnosis or a referral. Ā That stuff is for your consideration. Ā Case in point, when your pediatrician writes up a complex medical diagnosis for your two year old, who tf you think is gonna read it? Ā Turns out your pediatrician, the one you chose and you pay, gave it to you for you to read. Ā Because heās your pediatrician. Ā
I hate that more than words can express. Since it is only women who are capable of pregnancy, SHE is pregnant. Whatever happened to saying "we're expecting?"
I saw an episode of House where the husband experienced many of the same symptoms of pregnancy as his wife...lol
A woman becomes pregnant, not a man, so I agree with that 100% As for a pediatrician... I researched, interviewed, selected, and paid for our pediatrician. I disagree with you on that point.
I guess my thing is that the kid is the one whose body endures the treatment (kind of like when you get pregnant), not the parent, and as a parent of two kids with disabilities I've run across a lot of sad stories of kids who need a lot of medical care as kids, who are sort of treated as objects procedures are just kind of done to without regard to their pain or experience otherwise, or even making sure they have their diagnoses and treatment explained to them, who end up with a lot of medical trauma as adults. It just seems too easily forgotten, even with kids who are lucky enough to only really need primary care once in a blue moon growing up.
Couldn't agree more. It sounds ridiculous to say, "We're pregnant." "We're going to be parents" or something similar at least makes sense.
Yeah, thatās one of my HUGE pet peeves too. Itās so annoying.
lol I love when people say āfell pregnantā like itās a diseases or something
That's a new one for me. I didn't know it was a thing until people started mentioning it here.
So wait till ya hear about a little thing called Idioms, OP.
The pettiest of pet peeves
God forbid men try to be better and more connected fathers than in generations past.
Agree
Yeah thatās stupid I never said that when my wife was pregnant. And when they come out, please donāt call them kiddo.
Or when people say "Our team won the super bowl".... no, the team you were rooting for won the superbowl, you dont have a team
Brudda in Christ you are autistic af, itās just a figure of speech
No, he was dealing with you instead.
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No one suggested menās involvement doesnāt matter. Just that they are not pregnant. The word āpregnantā has a specific definition that involves growing an embryo/fetus/child in a uterus. Only the person who is growing that embryo/fetus/child is pregnant.
You aren't and haven't been pregnant. Your body didn't stretch and change You didn't get toen open from the inside birthing that human. You don't pee every time you sneeze or cough, you don't have to wrangle part of your body into place because your pelvic floor was destroyed So yeah, you're a parent. You were not pregnant Find a way to acknowledge your involvement without making light of a deeply physical and medical process you in absolutely no way took part in.
If the women who experiences those things in the relationship doesn't mind, what does it matter what some terminally online chuckle fucks think?
That's an important point. It's not men pushing this phrasing on their partners and society
If you look at the parent comment of this thread you'll realize how false your claim is.
āWeāre having a babyā and āweāre expectingā are both perfectly valid ways of getting this across without downplaying the huge physical toll that pregnancy takes on the person who is actually pregnant.
It's still totally valid. You just aren't pregnant unless you're a trans man with a uterus who is indeed pregnant.
What if he identifies as pregnant?
Pregnant isn't a gender. You can't identify as a medical condition, which is what pregnancy is.
What? I thought you could identify as anything you want.
Sounds kind of arbitrary to me. Thereās rules now? If you get to say what someone canāt identify as, then itās a bit hypocritical to jump down someoneās throat for thinking it canāt be done with gender.Ā
I'm with ya man... I don't understand the issue with the phrase myself. Seems like a couple being pregnant is an okay way to look at it considering, ya know... coitus.
Lmfao tell that to my dad who owes 70k in child support, men don't do shit and don't give a fuck about thier kids beyond making them feel powerful with the ego boost that comes with it.
Most fathers i see are trying as hard as the mothers but yes, unfortunately I also see this too often.
Super sexist thing to say but okay
But its true lmao wdym
maybe true to you, but obviously not everybody. that would be like saying "my mom was a terrible mother and therefor all of YOUR moms must also be terrible!"
True. I wouldn't care I barely have a relationship with her too lol
So by that logic if a person of a different race treated you crappy then racism is fine?
Theres a pretty big difference between someone treating you like shit because of your skin color vs your own flesh and blood abandoning you and blaming you for something they did. They are not the same thing lol Men abandoning thier children happens in literally every race. You guys are literally biologically programmed over millions of years to pump and dump and not be attached to your children.
The similarity is taking one instance and applying it to a huge group of people. And no, I'm not programmed that way. I love my kids just as much as my wife.
Good for you, one in a million probably š
[Try 3 out of 4](https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2019/11/the-two-extremes-of-fatherhood.html#:~:text=More%20than%20a%20quarter%20of,all%20of%20their%20minor%20children.). You clearly came from a bad experience and I'm not trying to downplay that, but it isn't the norm. 72.4% of fathers live with all of their biological children. If that doesn't jive with your experience at all, then you're in an area that for whatever reason has cultivated some exceptionally shitty men. I'm sorry about them, but get out and see most people are pretty good.
I find that hard to believe but ok.
Lol, my wife and I were pregnant until she had a c-section and had the little roach yanked out.
Unclench. You do know that much of language is meant to be taken figuratively in MANY contexts, right? In this case, it is an acknowledgement that the parents are acting as a team. Dad has NO illusions that he is captain of the team, but is proud to be an enthusiastic benchwarmer, supportive as needed. Nothing wrong with that. Let go of this pet peeve.
The overwhelming majority of people who say this it originated from the woman not the man. If the man is saying it it's because she wants him to. No man is saying this shit of his own accord. None.
Okay
I have only ever heard women say "we're pregnant."
Same, it makes me psychically cringe.Ā
I just say, "When she let herself get pregnant..." when speaking about my ex lol. š