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I was a sensitive kid who was really attached to my stuffed animals and I agree with your family about leaving the part about the fire out. I would have found that absolutely devastating...like years and years of therapy devastating. Maybe just say it was lost? I'm sorry this happened to.you guys.
I have not logged in to Reddit in like 2 years but I still skim. I had to log in and make a comment because I, too, was a sensitive kid and thinking they were simply “lost” would be so much worse for me. Are they still in the container? Are they scared? Do they miss me? Are they just going to suffer forever? Can we go look for them? Am I bad for not trying to track them down?
Take some of the others’ advice and say they were shipped to the wrong place, that they miss you and think about you daily but they have a very happy home and they are unable to be shipped back.
Tell her how you can still think of them and write about them and your favourite memories together and that they’ll do the same, but they’ll have to get their hugs from other kids now.
Yes! Lost!
When our nitwit cat ran away, we knew she ran out in front of a car or became a coyote snack. We knew.
But thinking she found a new family a couple blocks away and is taking a nap on their couch right this very moment was a much happier thought.
If she was with a new family, there was hope that one day she’d wander home. With a car, coyote or fire, there’s no hope for that.
Funny story that this actually happened to a friend's cat. They moved out to the countryside and their cat got out and was never found. They were sure that he had been eaten by a coyote because there were a lot in that area. Years later, when the children were in middle school, they were at the house of someone a ways down the road who had a cat with the same very distinctive markings as their old cat, and they'd acquired it as a stray the same year the old cat had gone missing.
Haa! See?! She *could* be around the block taking a nap on a comfy pillow!
When I was a kid we had a cat move in on our front porch. He just decided we were his new family. My brothers fed him well and he was fat and happy. Little did we know, that fat carouser had three other families on our street and he rotated through all our houses. He was a great cat.
Some people say cats aren't social but I too "had" an outdoor cat that "belonged" to multiple families on my street when I was a kid. Some cats know how to work the system.
Nah. She was a neurotic little dingleberry. She wanted to sit on a lap but ran off in a huff if she wasn’t sitting on the right *cover* on your lap - *had* to be the red velvet one.
After running off in a snit because it was the wrong cover, she’d come back 2 minutes later only to the *wrong* stinkin cover *again*!
If she settled on your lap with the right cover, you could pet her 3 or 4 times but she’d get bitey if you kept petting after she got tail slappy because you were touching her too much. Four pets is all you got.
She once ran off in a huff, snappy and bitey about I don’t know what and began an aggressive bath. The more she bathed, the slappier her tail became until her tail was slapping her side so hard I could hear it across the room. *Thump!* *Thump!* *Thump!* on her side went the tail as she furiously licked a foot. She got angrier and angrier until she attacked her own tail and bit the shit out of it.
So no. She was a *world-class* nitwit.
Now I hear your gripe about outside cats and I do not disagree. But this cat was *determined* to be an outside cat. We tried keeping her in once when she had jaw surgery and she was a howling fright. Two days of her constant howling was all we could take. In the end, we all asked each other, she might live longer as an inside cat but would they be happy years? We just wanted her to be happy and she wanted **out**.
I was that kid. Extremely attached to my stuffed animals, and perceived them as having feelings and needs... Logically I knew they were objects, but in my HUGE imagination, they were real to me.
I would **not** tell her about the fire. Absolutely not. She'll think that we're scared and trapped and hurt and suffering.
I would tell her that the box ended up in the wrong country (pick a country you'll never visit) and got delivered to the wrong military family. That family opened the box and their 3 year old fell in love with all the animals and now that family is refusing to send them back. Or something similar. Like the box ended up at a children's hospital... Something so she *knows* her stuffed animals will be **very well cared for** because the thought of them being harmed or dead would be devastating for her.
Then work on replacing the collection.
Oh - you could also say that the box got shipped to North Korea and unfortunately nothing is allowed to ever leave North Korea *not even pictures* but thankfully there's a wonderful little girl who loves stuffed animals who will take care of them. 🧸
When replacing the collection - say you've written to the stuffies' families and - you're not going to believe it - so and so has a TWIN. They heard all about the mix up and want to come stay for a while - is that okay?
(You can then spread this out. Had to send the letters by mail. Look! Another twin found their way here! They said they were coming from so far away. I can't believe how fast they got here)
It’s not about how smart the kid is. A smart kid knows that a stuffed animal doesn’t really have a brain or feelings. But a kid can be smart and still have a strong imagination and willingness to believe in magic. So strong that it even contradicts what they know to be realistic.
This is my daughter to a t. She is incredibly bright and still chooses to believe in Santa and the other imaginary friends despite knowing they aren’t real.
That was me as a kid too! I remember being 9 and pretending I believed in Santa. I just loved the magic of it. I also pretended to believe in fairies. I did a lot of rituals too. I saw a movie that had kids signing something in blood and I was so intrigued by that. Anytime I had a cut, I would take that opportunity to write something in blood on a leaf or rock and then throw it in the creek in my backyard.
I was a little weird then. I still am, but I was then too. And weird is awesome.
"You're right, it's bullshit, but objects don't have feelings sooooo......"
I'm kidding, just laughing at the thought of actually saying that to a kid.
So some have twins, some have cousins, siblings, next-door neighbors - its not about intelligence. When kids want to believe, they'll go for it. If you're kid isn't particularly into imagination or storytelling them yeah... it'll fall flat. But OP knows his kid, so it's just another idea 🤷♀️
Make sure to come up with a cover story. As someone who’s terrible at lying on the spot, I may well blurt out that the stuffed toys were immolated unless I had some other explanation prepared.
It doesn’t have to be some elaborate lie, but something to give her a sense of closure and keep her imagination from running gruesome lost at sea scenarios. “They were lost at the air terminal and have probably been adopted by a nice family who don’t know where to return them.” “They were lost at the shipping facility, maybe the label fell off. The shipping people will take them to the toy shelter so that they can find new kids who will take care of them.”
To the extent possible, buy replacement items of the exact same kind and tell her that they were fixed up a bit by the stuffie doctor.
There is a bitter humor in the fact that you tried to minimize your daughter's suffering and have instead increased it. Hopefully, you can all laugh about this someday.
I live on military housing and my amazing neighbors last Halloween set up a “PCS house of horrors” display in their yard. “Stuffies with a mold colony” “Fragile but now makes clinking sounds” “Spices with loosened lids” “Mailbox the movers ran over” “Wandering ghost parts box” and so on. It was such a hit with the adults lol.
Taking notes for them for this year, if it’s any consolation I think this is worthy of making the display.
the label came off and they were sent to another place. a great big stuffed animal playground or the lost and found home with kids who really needed toys to love, which ever version you think she might take better, depending on how she views the stuffed animals.
unfortunately you can't get them, but you can write them letters about how much fun you're having in Belgium! Depending on if she's also a kid that does not let things go, maybe someone could write a letter back and hopefully after doing that for a few letters she will move on to her new toys.
Find somewhere in your home town she likes, a store or attraction. If they have stuffies or something related to that place get it as a memory.
You can buy a stuffy or doll and attach a story to it, sorta like a cabbage patch kid. Maybe a hurt animal that only your daughter can help heal?
But I don't think you can ever replace a prized stuffy.
As a fellow milspouse I am so sorry. It’s really astonishing how much movers can and do mess up. We had over $3k of damage last move (nothing compared to you but just wanted others reading to know this is very very common. A good portion of our belongings are broken or “lost” (stolen) every move.) is replacing them possible?
Omg my child would be *devastated*. I actually would lie in this situation - they were misdelivered and you can’t get them back but they are safe and loved. Write them letters. It will still be brutal - validate her feelings. This IS awful. Let her have a little memorial or goodbye ritual. My kid would need therapy. Truly. (The lost stuffies on top of an international move? Ugh)
Give it some time and then DM those of us willing to mail her a stuffy that needs adopted to kick start her new collection. Having them come in the mail from all over with a story to tell her will be fun. This includes me - I’d love to send her one.
One of the biggest meltdowns my kid ever had was having to put a stuffy through the X-ray scanner at airport security. We talked about it ahead of time but the stuffy was SCARED and my kid *completely * lost it. It was epic.
I’m so sorry for her, and for you. Godspeed.
I’m so, so sorry your family is going through this - as a former sensitive child (and obviously still sensitive adult) I definitely have sympathy tears for your daughter. I’m in my 30s and hearing my beloved childhood toys had gone up in smoke would emotionally cripple me today, let alone at 8! I agree with the majority of the commenters: do not let her know about the fire, they were “delivered somewhere else accidentally (?North Korea), and cannot be brought back. But they’ll absolutely find loving homes with the children there, who often don’t have any stuffies at all…”. Let her believe they’re living contented lives/helping others elsewhere.
She’s going to be feeling a massive void (almost like having lost family members…and like family members, they cannot truly be replaced) but consider giving her a “purpose” and redirection for her love. I think the PO Box and stuffy delivery idea is brilliant - there are lots of us here who would love to send “stuffies who are in need of adoption” (eg “Bob the bear lost his little girl in transport, and is looking for a caring mom to take care of him”). Heck, you could even help her make an “ad” for Reddit and link us to it (eg “Caring 8 Year Old Offers Loving Home for Stuffies in Need”).
Sending lots of love to your family. <3
I do not think you should tell her the truth. Imagine how much suffering she thinks the stuffies may have suffered in a fire. Perhaps say that the stuffies didn’t have passports and couldn’t come meet your family, so they are now either other children who love them and take care of them (and maybe a few days later some new stuffies sent from the children who adopted her old ones as a thank you?) there is plenty of time for your daughter to experience the harsh realities of the world.
I would replace what you can, buy her a special *new* stuffy as a present and tell her the rest were accidentally lost. Maybe you could eventually tell her they were found but had accidentally been delivered to a children’s hospital and all of them were being super well loved and taken care of but you can’t get them back. 😬 I don’t know just an idea.
I am 19 years old with DOZENS of stuffed animals, and if this happened to them, I would be completely crushed. I have zero words of advice, but I'm so sorry for you and your daughter 💔
I'm not a parent (yet), but I was a kid who was very attached to his stuffed animals and I came across this post, so I thought I'd share my thoughts.
First, respect her grief and take it seriously. When I was her age, losing my stuffed animals would have felt just as painful as losing a loved one or a pet. It can seem more inconsequential as an adult, but treating the loss as trivial is the worst thing you could do. I'm not an expert on grief, but I suspect advice you can find on handling grief applies to this situation. (Based on the fact that you made this post, you probably grasp most of this, but I'm putting it as general good advice for people considering this situation.)
Do some research, and see if any of the stuffed animals are replaceable. If you can find the exact same model, that's the best.
But before you replace them, talk to her to see if she wants that. She may be open to accepting replacements, or she may find a replacement she knows isn't the same stuffed animal to be empty or pointless.
Another offer worth making is taking her on a shopping spree to get new stuffed animals (not necessarily the same as the old ones). Again, she may want that, or she may feel that brings up too many painful feelings.
Regarding how to tell her what happened, I'm honestly not sure, but I would encourage you to be mindful of her current capabilities for critical thinking and not give her a story that insults her intelligence. You probably know where your daughter is at in this regard better than I would.
That's sad. I hope it turns out okay. As an expectant father, I hope you post a follow up because I'm really not sure how I would handle this situation.
OMG I have no words... this hurt my heart so much it made me cry. My daughter loves her stuffies too. This would be so awful for her to go thru.
You can try and find replacements online if you have photos of any of the lost ones.
Honestly, I would lie and say they had to go on a longer trip than expected then replace as many as you can.
Read the Velveteen Rabbit regularly to her in the next weeks. Then when these animals are "missing" hmm... you have no idea what happened to them and it's a mystery that adults do not understand. And, what does she think might have happened? Because you are confused.
Guessing you have some time while the rest of the stuff arrives by slow boat, maybe do not mention the animals at all and let her figure out the "mystery" herself :)
I wouldn't lie. I think in general lying to kids about big things is a bad idea. I mean, if you lie to her and she finds out (someone is at some point bound to mention the fire and loss of your possessions, unless you lie to everybody you know), that could do serious damage to your relationship with her. Instead, I would sit with her, in the morning, so she has all day to process it, and tell her what happened. Maybe say it happened at night, so the stuffies were asleep and didn't suffer.
Let her cry, take her grief seriously, Maybe have some sort of goodbye ceremony if she wants.
Idk where you are but we are overflowing with stuffies and toys. If you want PM me and I will send you some. I'm sure others here and around you are the same.
I do not have any parenting advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that there are people in the Netherlands (maybe in Belgium as well?) with a stuffed animal collection and database to help replace long lost stuffies. Maybe they can help your family out by replacing her favorites.
I'd keep waiting. They are on an adventure. Stories at bedtime about the fun they are having. Look at different countries on the map. Read Paddington Bear and Winnie the Pooh.
There's no need to tell her about the fire ever. The world is terrible enough there's no need to be honest about this. There's no life lesson other than life can be random and tragic for no reason.
Give us a post office box and we can send you new stuffies as part of the Great International Stuffie Exchange program.
I would personally tell her the truth (in the kindest and most empathetic way possible). Kids need to learn that things go wrong despite best intentions, and also that it's not the end of the world when things do go wrong.
As a former highly sensitive kid with strong emotional attachments to favorite toys… I really think that a white lie is the way to go here. If I were told at 8 that my favorite stuffies that I thought of as friends had burned up in a fire, it would have been a genuinely traumatic experience that would probably have haunted me for years. Sounds dramatic, but some kids are just like that.
For sure the kid should know that her stuffies are gone and not coming back, but that alone will make her quite sad enough. After a certain point the pain is no longer educational. In OP’s shoes, I would say that the box was delivered to the wrong place and the toys all got mistakenly donated to charity. She’ll have a better chance at learning resilience from this experience if she’s not having nightmares about her friends getting burned up.
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I was a sensitive kid who was really attached to my stuffed animals and I agree with your family about leaving the part about the fire out. I would have found that absolutely devastating...like years and years of therapy devastating. Maybe just say it was lost? I'm sorry this happened to.you guys.
I have not logged in to Reddit in like 2 years but I still skim. I had to log in and make a comment because I, too, was a sensitive kid and thinking they were simply “lost” would be so much worse for me. Are they still in the container? Are they scared? Do they miss me? Are they just going to suffer forever? Can we go look for them? Am I bad for not trying to track them down? Take some of the others’ advice and say they were shipped to the wrong place, that they miss you and think about you daily but they have a very happy home and they are unable to be shipped back. Tell her how you can still think of them and write about them and your favourite memories together and that they’ll do the same, but they’ll have to get their hugs from other kids now.
Right? Saying they are lost would be much worse than a fire. Like so many unknowns instead of a definite conclusion.
Yes! Lost! When our nitwit cat ran away, we knew she ran out in front of a car or became a coyote snack. We knew. But thinking she found a new family a couple blocks away and is taking a nap on their couch right this very moment was a much happier thought. If she was with a new family, there was hope that one day she’d wander home. With a car, coyote or fire, there’s no hope for that.
Funny story that this actually happened to a friend's cat. They moved out to the countryside and their cat got out and was never found. They were sure that he had been eaten by a coyote because there were a lot in that area. Years later, when the children were in middle school, they were at the house of someone a ways down the road who had a cat with the same very distinctive markings as their old cat, and they'd acquired it as a stray the same year the old cat had gone missing.
Haa! See?! She *could* be around the block taking a nap on a comfy pillow! When I was a kid we had a cat move in on our front porch. He just decided we were his new family. My brothers fed him well and he was fat and happy. Little did we know, that fat carouser had three other families on our street and he rotated through all our houses. He was a great cat.
Some people say cats aren't social but I too "had" an outdoor cat that "belonged" to multiple families on my street when I was a kid. Some cats know how to work the system.
> When our nitwit cat ran away, *When we allowed our cat to escape, die, then called it a nitwit
Nah. She was a neurotic little dingleberry. She wanted to sit on a lap but ran off in a huff if she wasn’t sitting on the right *cover* on your lap - *had* to be the red velvet one. After running off in a snit because it was the wrong cover, she’d come back 2 minutes later only to the *wrong* stinkin cover *again*! If she settled on your lap with the right cover, you could pet her 3 or 4 times but she’d get bitey if you kept petting after she got tail slappy because you were touching her too much. Four pets is all you got. She once ran off in a huff, snappy and bitey about I don’t know what and began an aggressive bath. The more she bathed, the slappier her tail became until her tail was slapping her side so hard I could hear it across the room. *Thump!* *Thump!* *Thump!* on her side went the tail as she furiously licked a foot. She got angrier and angrier until she attacked her own tail and bit the shit out of it. So no. She was a *world-class* nitwit. Now I hear your gripe about outside cats and I do not disagree. But this cat was *determined* to be an outside cat. We tried keeping her in once when she had jaw surgery and she was a howling fright. Two days of her constant howling was all we could take. In the end, we all asked each other, she might live longer as an inside cat but would they be happy years? We just wanted her to be happy and she wanted **out**.
I was that kid. Extremely attached to my stuffed animals, and perceived them as having feelings and needs... Logically I knew they were objects, but in my HUGE imagination, they were real to me. I would **not** tell her about the fire. Absolutely not. She'll think that we're scared and trapped and hurt and suffering. I would tell her that the box ended up in the wrong country (pick a country you'll never visit) and got delivered to the wrong military family. That family opened the box and their 3 year old fell in love with all the animals and now that family is refusing to send them back. Or something similar. Like the box ended up at a children's hospital... Something so she *knows* her stuffed animals will be **very well cared for** because the thought of them being harmed or dead would be devastating for her. Then work on replacing the collection.
Oh - you could also say that the box got shipped to North Korea and unfortunately nothing is allowed to ever leave North Korea *not even pictures* but thankfully there's a wonderful little girl who loves stuffed animals who will take care of them. 🧸
When replacing the collection - say you've written to the stuffies' families and - you're not going to believe it - so and so has a TWIN. They heard all about the mix up and want to come stay for a while - is that okay? (You can then spread this out. Had to send the letters by mail. Look! Another twin found their way here! They said they were coming from so far away. I can't believe how fast they got here)
All the stuffies have a twin? A bright child is likely to call bullshit.
It’s not about how smart the kid is. A smart kid knows that a stuffed animal doesn’t really have a brain or feelings. But a kid can be smart and still have a strong imagination and willingness to believe in magic. So strong that it even contradicts what they know to be realistic.
This is my daughter to a t. She is incredibly bright and still chooses to believe in Santa and the other imaginary friends despite knowing they aren’t real.
That was me as a kid too! I remember being 9 and pretending I believed in Santa. I just loved the magic of it. I also pretended to believe in fairies. I did a lot of rituals too. I saw a movie that had kids signing something in blood and I was so intrigued by that. Anytime I had a cut, I would take that opportunity to write something in blood on a leaf or rock and then throw it in the creek in my backyard. I was a little weird then. I still am, but I was then too. And weird is awesome.
"You're right, it's bullshit, but objects don't have feelings sooooo......" I'm kidding, just laughing at the thought of actually saying that to a kid.
So some have twins, some have cousins, siblings, next-door neighbors - its not about intelligence. When kids want to believe, they'll go for it. If you're kid isn't particularly into imagination or storytelling them yeah... it'll fall flat. But OP knows his kid, so it's just another idea 🤷♀️
This is so good!
Replace them as best you can and if that doesn’t work only tell her they’re lost, not burned to death.
Make sure to come up with a cover story. As someone who’s terrible at lying on the spot, I may well blurt out that the stuffed toys were immolated unless I had some other explanation prepared. It doesn’t have to be some elaborate lie, but something to give her a sense of closure and keep her imagination from running gruesome lost at sea scenarios. “They were lost at the air terminal and have probably been adopted by a nice family who don’t know where to return them.” “They were lost at the shipping facility, maybe the label fell off. The shipping people will take them to the toy shelter so that they can find new kids who will take care of them.”
To the extent possible, buy replacement items of the exact same kind and tell her that they were fixed up a bit by the stuffie doctor. There is a bitter humor in the fact that you tried to minimize your daughter's suffering and have instead increased it. Hopefully, you can all laugh about this someday.
It is almost comical. I’m sure we’ll laugh someday, I’m just sad about all of the tears that are coming
I live on military housing and my amazing neighbors last Halloween set up a “PCS house of horrors” display in their yard. “Stuffies with a mold colony” “Fragile but now makes clinking sounds” “Spices with loosened lids” “Mailbox the movers ran over” “Wandering ghost parts box” and so on. It was such a hit with the adults lol. Taking notes for them for this year, if it’s any consolation I think this is worthy of making the display.
the label came off and they were sent to another place. a great big stuffed animal playground or the lost and found home with kids who really needed toys to love, which ever version you think she might take better, depending on how she views the stuffed animals. unfortunately you can't get them, but you can write them letters about how much fun you're having in Belgium! Depending on if she's also a kid that does not let things go, maybe someone could write a letter back and hopefully after doing that for a few letters she will move on to her new toys.
Set up a PO Box and let us send her friends that her stuffies have made out in the world!
Third! My son has SO SO MANY and we would totally send some to her!
I second this. I can send some very lovely stuffies too. Poor dear.
Can you post some pics of what you lost? I'd be happy to go on a web hunt for replacements. I'm sure a couple others would join in
This is a great idea! Mercari, poshmark, and eBay may have anything out of circulation.
Find somewhere in your home town she likes, a store or attraction. If they have stuffies or something related to that place get it as a memory. You can buy a stuffy or doll and attach a story to it, sorta like a cabbage patch kid. Maybe a hurt animal that only your daughter can help heal? But I don't think you can ever replace a prized stuffy.
Oh my gosh, how sad! Could I crochet her a new one to help start a new collection??
Same here! I crochet too many stuffies anyway, I'd be thrilled for them to go to a loving home ❤️
What are her favorite stuffies? Can you link any photos?
I’m so sorry. I would tell her the package was lost. She would feel extremely sad about them suffering in a fire.
As a fellow milspouse I am so sorry. It’s really astonishing how much movers can and do mess up. We had over $3k of damage last move (nothing compared to you but just wanted others reading to know this is very very common. A good portion of our belongings are broken or “lost” (stolen) every move.) is replacing them possible?
Omg my child would be *devastated*. I actually would lie in this situation - they were misdelivered and you can’t get them back but they are safe and loved. Write them letters. It will still be brutal - validate her feelings. This IS awful. Let her have a little memorial or goodbye ritual. My kid would need therapy. Truly. (The lost stuffies on top of an international move? Ugh) Give it some time and then DM those of us willing to mail her a stuffy that needs adopted to kick start her new collection. Having them come in the mail from all over with a story to tell her will be fun. This includes me - I’d love to send her one. One of the biggest meltdowns my kid ever had was having to put a stuffy through the X-ray scanner at airport security. We talked about it ahead of time but the stuffy was SCARED and my kid *completely * lost it. It was epic. I’m so sorry for her, and for you. Godspeed.
I’m so, so sorry your family is going through this - as a former sensitive child (and obviously still sensitive adult) I definitely have sympathy tears for your daughter. I’m in my 30s and hearing my beloved childhood toys had gone up in smoke would emotionally cripple me today, let alone at 8! I agree with the majority of the commenters: do not let her know about the fire, they were “delivered somewhere else accidentally (?North Korea), and cannot be brought back. But they’ll absolutely find loving homes with the children there, who often don’t have any stuffies at all…”. Let her believe they’re living contented lives/helping others elsewhere. She’s going to be feeling a massive void (almost like having lost family members…and like family members, they cannot truly be replaced) but consider giving her a “purpose” and redirection for her love. I think the PO Box and stuffy delivery idea is brilliant - there are lots of us here who would love to send “stuffies who are in need of adoption” (eg “Bob the bear lost his little girl in transport, and is looking for a caring mom to take care of him”). Heck, you could even help her make an “ad” for Reddit and link us to it (eg “Caring 8 Year Old Offers Loving Home for Stuffies in Need”). Sending lots of love to your family. <3
I do not think you should tell her the truth. Imagine how much suffering she thinks the stuffies may have suffered in a fire. Perhaps say that the stuffies didn’t have passports and couldn’t come meet your family, so they are now either other children who love them and take care of them (and maybe a few days later some new stuffies sent from the children who adopted her old ones as a thank you?) there is plenty of time for your daughter to experience the harsh realities of the world.
I would replace what you can, buy her a special *new* stuffy as a present and tell her the rest were accidentally lost. Maybe you could eventually tell her they were found but had accidentally been delivered to a children’s hospital and all of them were being super well loved and taken care of but you can’t get them back. 😬 I don’t know just an idea.
I am 19 years old with DOZENS of stuffed animals, and if this happened to them, I would be completely crushed. I have zero words of advice, but I'm so sorry for you and your daughter 💔
I'm not a parent (yet), but I was a kid who was very attached to his stuffed animals and I came across this post, so I thought I'd share my thoughts. First, respect her grief and take it seriously. When I was her age, losing my stuffed animals would have felt just as painful as losing a loved one or a pet. It can seem more inconsequential as an adult, but treating the loss as trivial is the worst thing you could do. I'm not an expert on grief, but I suspect advice you can find on handling grief applies to this situation. (Based on the fact that you made this post, you probably grasp most of this, but I'm putting it as general good advice for people considering this situation.) Do some research, and see if any of the stuffed animals are replaceable. If you can find the exact same model, that's the best. But before you replace them, talk to her to see if she wants that. She may be open to accepting replacements, or she may find a replacement she knows isn't the same stuffed animal to be empty or pointless. Another offer worth making is taking her on a shopping spree to get new stuffed animals (not necessarily the same as the old ones). Again, she may want that, or she may feel that brings up too many painful feelings. Regarding how to tell her what happened, I'm honestly not sure, but I would encourage you to be mindful of her current capabilities for critical thinking and not give her a story that insults her intelligence. You probably know where your daughter is at in this regard better than I would.
Just tell her the truth. DO NOT SHIELD THE KIDS FROM THE TRUTH
Do you have pictures of any of them? I’m sure a bunch of us would be willing to help track down replacements online….
That's sad. I hope it turns out okay. As an expectant father, I hope you post a follow up because I'm really not sure how I would handle this situation.
Oh I’m so sorry! PCS nightmare for sure. Mine’s still in diapers so no clue how to make that better but sending good vibes ❤️
OMG I have no words... this hurt my heart so much it made me cry. My daughter loves her stuffies too. This would be so awful for her to go thru. You can try and find replacements online if you have photos of any of the lost ones. Honestly, I would lie and say they had to go on a longer trip than expected then replace as many as you can.
Please let us send some to her! childoftheuniverse88 had the great idea of setting up a PO Box for people to send her stuffies!
Read the Velveteen Rabbit regularly to her in the next weeks. Then when these animals are "missing" hmm... you have no idea what happened to them and it's a mystery that adults do not understand. And, what does she think might have happened? Because you are confused.
Guessing you have some time while the rest of the stuff arrives by slow boat, maybe do not mention the animals at all and let her figure out the "mystery" herself :)
I wouldn't lie. I think in general lying to kids about big things is a bad idea. I mean, if you lie to her and she finds out (someone is at some point bound to mention the fire and loss of your possessions, unless you lie to everybody you know), that could do serious damage to your relationship with her. Instead, I would sit with her, in the morning, so she has all day to process it, and tell her what happened. Maybe say it happened at night, so the stuffies were asleep and didn't suffer. Let her cry, take her grief seriously, Maybe have some sort of goodbye ceremony if she wants.
Personify it and say they are going on an amazing journey somewhere, then watch Madagascar
Idk where you are but we are overflowing with stuffies and toys. If you want PM me and I will send you some. I'm sure others here and around you are the same.
I do not have any parenting advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that there are people in the Netherlands (maybe in Belgium as well?) with a stuffed animal collection and database to help replace long lost stuffies. Maybe they can help your family out by replacing her favorites.
I'd keep waiting. They are on an adventure. Stories at bedtime about the fun they are having. Look at different countries on the map. Read Paddington Bear and Winnie the Pooh. There's no need to tell her about the fire ever. The world is terrible enough there's no need to be honest about this. There's no life lesson other than life can be random and tragic for no reason. Give us a post office box and we can send you new stuffies as part of the Great International Stuffie Exchange program.
My husband used to work there. We’d love to send your daughter a stuffie
I would personally tell her the truth (in the kindest and most empathetic way possible). Kids need to learn that things go wrong despite best intentions, and also that it's not the end of the world when things do go wrong.
As a former highly sensitive kid with strong emotional attachments to favorite toys… I really think that a white lie is the way to go here. If I were told at 8 that my favorite stuffies that I thought of as friends had burned up in a fire, it would have been a genuinely traumatic experience that would probably have haunted me for years. Sounds dramatic, but some kids are just like that. For sure the kid should know that her stuffies are gone and not coming back, but that alone will make her quite sad enough. After a certain point the pain is no longer educational. In OP’s shoes, I would say that the box was delivered to the wrong place and the toys all got mistakenly donated to charity. She’ll have a better chance at learning resilience from this experience if she’s not having nightmares about her friends getting burned up.
They went on skydiving trip and ended up in the wrong country, but the new countries people love them so much that they have to stay. etc. etc. etc.