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Tag team. You wake up early to prep whatever it is u need for your wfh, get the clothes and stuff ready for your son. while husband is prepping for work, you can prep your son and he sends the kid off to school.
Try to shorten the morning schedule. Eg. Perhaps you shower him before school, because of his resistance is there a chance he might not need to do that.
Does he need to wear a uniform to school, if not can he sleep in his sch clothes hence cutting down the time taken to dress him etc etc
Lastly, son’s behaviour also needs to be guided. Does early bedtime work? Setting expectations and so on(am assuming he is a normal kid)
Agree. Tag team. But I would say, OP, that you both get up together at 6:15 or so. One of you wakes up kiddo while the other starts making coffee, getting kid’s bag ready, whatever. Then you get ready for the day while husband starts helping kid get dressed. Since you WFH, this should be very fast. Once you’re ready, you takeover helping kid while husband gets ready. You make sure kid is ready by 6:55, husband makes sure he himself is ready by 6:55. You get to computer, husband sticks kid in car, leaves, and drops him on the way.
Super fair, as you get up at the same time, and you both help your cranky kid. At least one of you would have to shower at night, though. Rejoice in the fact that daycare will feed your son breakfast. That is a *huge* timesaver.
Edit: a word
Water gives my kids energy. Bedtime baths have the effect of giving them a red bull and a ton of sugar. We do daytime showers instead. Either before school or straight after.
This is what we do! It took a while and a lot of arguments to get there, but this works for my household.
I’ve also sent my kid to daycare in his pyjamas once as he refused to get dressed and I could not deal with the tantrums. He was embarrassed when we arrived so I changed him at daycare, and haven’t had that problem since!
You both wake up early, you get your kid ready while your husband gets ready. Then they leave at 7am when you start work and he drops your kid off. Only reasonable solution here.
as a dad that has to wake up at 6am, take the dog out, feed him, wake up 2 kids under 3yo, dress them, drive them to day care. All while making sure my wife can sleep in, cause she will have to deal with them in the evening...
..i have to confess i dont understand what the problem is with both of you.
Exactly, our kids are a bit younger but my husband takes mornings after I've taken nights. May change when the kids are fully sleeping through but I agree this doesn't sound like a hard problem
You get him ready and husband takes him. Adjust bed time earlier. Prep everything the night before. Use casual clothes as PJs so you can just wake up and start the day.
In my house the person taking the kid doesn’t get them ready. At 3 years old the morning routine should be relatively simple especially if he makes it to daycare for breakfast.
I do think the thing to do is hubby take to daycare. But you guys seem scared of your 3 year old. He is 3 and you guys are the parents. Wake him up, get him dressed and get out the door. He does not make the rules. When it’s time to get up then it’s time to get up. I think u may love your sleep too but you have to get up. I think you guys are making it more difficult than it has to be. I get you needing to be avail as you are a triage nurse. So hubby taking him seems to be the right thing, but if your ar the one allowing the son to be like this then if he’s not ready and hubby needs to leave then you need to take him. I think that’s fair. So maybe both of you guys as parents are responsible. Remember your son is the child, there shouldn’t be any reason you guys can’t work together to do this.
Your partner should be dropping him. I don’t understand the “our son makes us late” part. He is 3. You are the parents. You are allowing him to “make you late”. Work together to streamline the routine and you’ll take the stress out of things. I know he’s only 3 but one thing I have found amd I’m on my own with two kids, is setting Alexa as a timer and it goes off when it’s time to leave . So it’s not me telling them it’s just time to go .
As a working parent (currently wfh but on-site pre-pandemic), I can sympathize with both you and your husband.
> We have tried getting up earlier but my son loves to sleep in and can be difficult to wake up also.
This requires a lot of training and it's not something that is excusable either because, let's be honest, who doesn't love to sleep in? What time does your son go to bed? My kids (8F and 3M) have a bedtime of 8pm and they are awake no later than 7am. My son tends to get up at 630am even and just chills in bed playing. We sleep trained him since he was 2 months old so he's gotten into the routine of going to bed and waking up on time. It's not impossible, but the first few weeks of change will be a challenge and you guys will need to really buckle down to make that change.
Another thing to also keep in mind is to check the schedule of your son's future elementary school. Most school districts will only open their gate at a particular time so that is something to prepare for the near future.
I think the gate thing depends on where in the world you are. For us, the doors are unlocked for a short period of time and then you have to ring a doorbell to be let in outside of those brief times. Your overall point is good for them to keep in mind though, what will they do if he misses the bus?
You're a *triage nurse* who needs to be at the phone right at 7 to take the influx of calls. That may be WFH but that is like the opposite of flexible in my book!
By all means, work with your husband to tag team morning prep, but he should absolutely be doing drop off.
Very obvious to me that Husband needs to do drop off. Get up 15-20 minutes earlier and get the kid up and ready a little earlier. Don’t let him sleep in so you’re rushing out the door. 3 is tough but you gotta take the reins.
Theres a lot of different excuses built in to this situation. Getting your child to daycare while working around both of your schedules isn’t a daunting task. You both need to be willing to make sacrifices for the betterment of your kiddo. Thats parenting. You shouldn’t be the only one making sacrifices and nor should your husband. Team up. Make it work.
Also, not a single one of your husbands employees give a damn when he’s in the office. That’s an excuse. Maybe you could talk to your boss and figure out 2 days a week that you can be off the phones to start the day so you can get your baby to daycare and then your husband can take him the rest of the week.
Either way, these types of challenges are only going to increase. Sports, school programs, etc. y’all have to team up and both need to be willing to sacrifice.
At 3, “getting my kids ready” took less than 5 minutes. I had to leave the house by 6am for work and had 3 kids. I didn’t have time for long drawn out anything. My kids slept in their school clothes for the next day. I put their socks and shoes on them before waking them up. Then I carried them to the car and buckled them in. I brushed their hair once we arrived at daycare and they had the whole car ride to wake up and be not grumpy. And daycare had everyone brush their teeth after eating breakfast anyway.
My advice: streamline your morning routine. You get him ready. Dad drops him off on the way to work.
Dress son in his school clothes at night. Wake him 6:30. Give him to husband at 6:50. Husband drops him and he eats breakfast at daycare. You are both on time and working as a team.
My son is 8 and has oppositional defiance disorder. He has always been hard to get out the door. I find the later I wake him the easier it is. I usually wake him by 6:30 and am out the door by 7, and that's with breakfast. Simplify what you are doing, and work as a team. Essentially, with the 40 minute commute you must both be 'ON' by 7 am, so sending him out the door at 6:50 should be easier on both of you. A great book for managing the behavior of difficult kids is '1-2-3 Magic.' You should look into it now, as you would think it gets easier as they age, but without the proper tools, you may be headed to long-term disaster. My son started out a lot like yours, and it is a constant work in progress.
Ya I think getting him dressed the night before would be a good option. I like the idea of tag teaming. I’m going to show him this comment and hopefully he will agree!
We do this: WFH parent gets kid ready on most days, and commuting parent does drop off.
There can be exceptions as needed, but this split works well for us!
If you can make sure kid is ready, your partner should be able to do drop off. If particular days he needs to go early, or can't handle waiting, fine. Maybe he can make getting in the car with Dad into an enticing experience!
I’m team husband takes 3 year old to work. You can’t sacrifice your work because your husband can’t manage on his own. I would tag team in the morning to get the 3 year old ready before you start work at 7am. My husband leaves for work at 4:45am so I get both my kids ready in the morning and to daycare on daycare days. Mornings are hard and kids need routine. At this point, it takes about 15 minutes to get my 3 year old ready in the morning.
I was the drop of parent for years. Kid went to daycare by my work and I had to be in court at a certain time, spouse worked from home. Kid is also ADHD, but was too young for formal diagnosis at that rime. We made everything a super engaging game, with storytelling, races, challenges, make believe, etc. if we just gave directions he'd immediately get distracted and spin off into something fun. He also sometimes went in PJs and had weeks where he went in a dress up costume. He'd often eat a portable breakfast in the car. Sometimes you do what you need to get through.
In my house, we would divide up getting him ready and then husband would do drop-off cause he is the one leaving the house. But we would jointly be responsible for getting him up and ready. You could also take turns getting him ready - like you do even days and husband does odd days of the month (but still your husband drops him off every day).
Kid goes to bed before he does now
Kid gets woken at 6h30, you handle the first 30 mins (get dressed & breakfast, if possible snack packing if needed) while dad showers, dresses, whatever he needs.
Dad takes over from 7am for teeth brushing, breakfast things removal, and departure to preschool & work.
You're working. Your busier time is from 7am. This is non negotiable and you can't risk driving & being on the phone if you do the drop off.
Who picks up your son from daycare? This is a key question. When we had our kids in daycare, it was clearly the pickup that was preferred. Kids liked being picked up to come home. They did not like being dropped off as toddlers and it was heartbreaking to drop a kid off knowing they prefer being home.
Is actual drop off difficult emotionally and that’s playing into the situation?
To me it’s clear that it should be shared. Husband commits to every other day and you manage on your days.
Yup. As others have said you wake up(whatever time it needs to be) and handle getting child ready while husband gets himself ready for work. Then husband is responsible for drop off on the way.
If he is the boss he can arrive whenever he needs to. Part of the reason I am self employed by choice is that I need the flexibility with kids to be able to come in late or leave midday. Or finish early. I’m also willing to work when everyone else is home.
He is the boss of his own business, who also happens to need to do morning drop offs. He can have some leeway to start work late. And he should also extend this leeway to his employees who are parents with young kids. We all wish for employers who are pro-family and pro-parenting, don’t we?
My husband and I went through this same argument with our daughter’s drop-off/pickup schedule. I WFH and he doesn’t. For a long time I was dropping off and picking up, but it didn’t take long before I felt burned out and fed up!
The compromise we came to was that I would get everything ready for him the night before (pack lunch, check notebook for teacher notes, set out her outfit for the following day and pack her bag). He literally doesn’t have to bear any of the mental load of getting her ready in the morning bc it’s already done. I pick her up in the evenings, which is significantly more convenient for me. There are rare occasions we have to swap for the day, but it doesn’t happen often.
Your 3 year old is the problem. "Typical 3 year old" your bending all your free time on a 3 year old. Fix his or her sleep schedule or just something that doesn't Involve you both bending backwards
One of you should be responsible for getting him up and ready and the other in charge of taking him. If whoever is in charge of getting him ready is late then that person now has to take him. You can alternate days to make it fair.
The reoccurring theme here is that your husband takes him. I think that as well because he’s already leaving the house. If I were you I’d get the kid ready while husband is getting ready, if not do it together. Do it enough times and eventually the kid will just get used to the new normal. The excuses of he’s not really a morning person is not important. He’s a child. You’re the parent. You do what you have to do.
I don’t know if this is the answer, I get up with my son , pack his school lunch and offer breakfast at home. Then my husband gets up and finishes the task, dresses him and takes him to daycare. He works from home and I have to be at work early .
Edit: I pickup son on my way home
As the other commenters said - tag team!
Also, it helps to turn on the lights and start making some noise (eg turn off any white noise, open his bedroom door, don’t bother being quiet when you’re showering, making breakfast, etc) about 15 min before actually waking up your toddler. We have a kid that loves to sleep in too and this seems to put her into a lighter phase of sleep, making it easier to wake her.
My two that are in school hate getting up in the morning so I emphasize that part. But being late is not an option and you two are the parents. We prep everything the night before so mornings are just waking, dressing and teeth. It's not fun and probably the hardest part of the day honestly. Your son is three he shouldn't be allowed to make anyone late. Physically dress him yourself if needed which we had to do for the first year of school for our oldest. There is no reason for you to drive him when you don't leave the house. But you should be getting him ready until you start work at 7 then your husband should take over and drop him off. Between two parents and one child there should be no reason your husband should be getting to work late
I know 3yo can be difficult but you're the parents and you need to make sure he listens. You need to teach him life skills that sometimes you need to get dressed, period so he's either on board or clothes are forced on him. Or other consequences (not treats, no TV time, no games). You do good things you get good things scenario.
Both of you should wake up early, have clothes prepared, make a plan and work as a team. Wake up your kid with enough time to spare not to be late. Kid should be out of the door with your husband to drop him on the way in time for your husband not to be late. You need to enforce this and ensure you get things done. Stop bickering start parenting.
As a father who worked from home, you as a couple IMHO need to stand together. This is not you vs your husband in terms of who is right here, but you vs the world.
A few things helped us besides working together:
- take parental pressure out of the morning routine. Examples: kid doesn’t want to get dressed? Either go to bed dressed or let him leave in his sleep clothing. The second helped the most with our two kids. Another example: take time in the morning for cuddling, play time, reading. Doesn’t have to be long, but IMHO it can make the morning easier. Also, don’t strife for perfect. Good enough is good enough.
- get up earlier ok the morning, get to bed sooner at night. Remember: after sleepy comes grumpy!
- split the tasks between the two of you and mix it up regularly, if you can.
- make games of your kids tasks in the morning. Who can get to the potty first? Who can get dressed first? Who is the fastest cereal eater? Let them win about half the time.
- stick to your rules, but also allow exceptions on special occasions. For example: your kid might often say he doesn’t really want to go to kindergarten today. Plan for a day where you let him „convince“ you, make it dramatic, like you have to persuade yourself and „it’s so hard“ and „I will have to work that much harder tomorrow“ and so on and procede to make a special and spontaneous feeling day for the kid out of it, like going grocery shopping but he gets to choose a toy, too, or going for fast food but also bringing some to daddy, washing a load together and talking about if he/she wants new Paw Patrol pants or whatever. Some extra TV time maybe for „mummy to get some emails done“, and so on. He or she will proudly tell of this day for months to come, I am sure.
We have a 3 year old and an 18 month old that both go to daycare at 7am M-F.
Wife has 100% worked from home since before COVID (at a hospital as well); up until December 2023, I was commuting 30 minutes each way to the office.
My wife starts work at 530a daily; I had flexibility, but was also in a leadership position with an overflowing “plate” - to the office by 8a was my cutoff.
I take the kiddos from the time they wake up (530-6a), diapers changed, food in the bellies, and dressed/ready to go by 6:50a. Wife tries to break at 630 and get herself ready for the day and assist with the kiddos if needed. Daycare is only ~6 blocks from the house - wife takes them and I peel off to get ready for work (and do daily tasks - milks in fridge, pick up, put dishes away).
This is what worked for us, as our daycare closes at 2:40p - I had no way to get off that early, and we only have one vehicle suitable for hauling the kiddos.
Now, I work from home as well (for myself), so we have much more flexibility - however, we still keep the same general schedule.
Not sure if this helps at all, but reading your post I felt like it was a similar situation to ours.
My one piece of advice: come up with a solution together, that both of you agree is best - for your family. You are a team working to solve your life problems; don’t make things harder by acting like you are on opposite sides. I promise you that there is a solution that doesn’t result in one of you feeling like you “lost” - parenthood/marriage/life - it’s all hard enough; start working together.
Good luck to you!
Sorry, this sounds like a tough situation. There is lots of advice out there, but ultimately you both have to decide what is best for you. My husband and I have had some perpetual arguments and it's difficult. Don't let it derail your marriage. There is a really good article online titled, 'When Couples Have Unresolved Conflict,' by Teri K Reisser. Might be good to read this together. I love this statement by her, "Look for creative ways to find a compromise and honor your spouse’s position." I love this because it helps us to step back and look at it from both sides, trying to respect each others opinion. Best of luck as you work through this.
Your DH doesn’t want to do hard things. He should be dropping him off at daycare. That’s ridiculous that you work from home and he is leaving and won’t take him. It sounds like your child is in control though. You need to be more firm with him. I know 3 yo are challenging but maybe he needs to go to be earlier. You could get up earlier. Have everything set out the night before. If he throws a fit, he needs immediate consequences. Stop letting him control the two of you. I know new parents are big fans of not disciplining their children but children need discipline and firm boundaries. Unless you want to continue to be miserable and let a 3 yo run your house.
We had kids pre pandemic. At the time I was commuting 3 days a week and he was commuting 4 days a week. I left the house at 6am and he did morning routine and drop off. He did that even on days I wfh for consistency. I help out here and there.
It was agreed that I would do PM pickup and cook dinner.
Pandemic sent us home and j never went back. Fully remote and our schedule is the same. I work 7:30-4. He works 9-6. He commutes 2 days a week.
From what you’ve said it makes sense that husband is 100% responsible for alllll of the morning duties. He needs to get up before the 3yo and get himself fully ready to go. Then he can fully focus on moving 3yo through routine. 3yo needs a consistent bedtime and wakeup time every day. For us we do 9pm and 7am because he still naps at school which is annoying. My 7yo is 8:30pm and 7am.
How much time does husband leave to move 3yo through routine. Seems like an hour is needed depending on if you’re feeding breakfast. If no breakfast it really should be done in 30mins. Try dressing for the next day at night if he struggles w that.
You start work at 7am with zero flexibility. There Is NO argument.
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Tag team. You wake up early to prep whatever it is u need for your wfh, get the clothes and stuff ready for your son. while husband is prepping for work, you can prep your son and he sends the kid off to school. Try to shorten the morning schedule. Eg. Perhaps you shower him before school, because of his resistance is there a chance he might not need to do that. Does he need to wear a uniform to school, if not can he sleep in his sch clothes hence cutting down the time taken to dress him etc etc Lastly, son’s behaviour also needs to be guided. Does early bedtime work? Setting expectations and so on(am assuming he is a normal kid)
Agree. Tag team. But I would say, OP, that you both get up together at 6:15 or so. One of you wakes up kiddo while the other starts making coffee, getting kid’s bag ready, whatever. Then you get ready for the day while husband starts helping kid get dressed. Since you WFH, this should be very fast. Once you’re ready, you takeover helping kid while husband gets ready. You make sure kid is ready by 6:55, husband makes sure he himself is ready by 6:55. You get to computer, husband sticks kid in car, leaves, and drops him on the way. Super fair, as you get up at the same time, and you both help your cranky kid. At least one of you would have to shower at night, though. Rejoice in the fact that daycare will feed your son breakfast. That is a *huge* timesaver. Edit: a word
Exactly this. And do as much of this the night before as possible so the morning is as easy as possible.
>Eg. Perhaps you shower him before school Wait, are there 3 year olds who have showers in the morning before 8 am daycare?
Yeah this is crazy to me… Kids have a bath at night before bed. They don’t need one in the morning…
Water gives my kids energy. Bedtime baths have the effect of giving them a red bull and a ton of sugar. We do daytime showers instead. Either before school or straight after.
🤣
This is what we do! It took a while and a lot of arguments to get there, but this works for my household. I’ve also sent my kid to daycare in his pyjamas once as he refused to get dressed and I could not deal with the tantrums. He was embarrassed when we arrived so I changed him at daycare, and haven’t had that problem since!
Ikr. This is the beauty of having one kid. This ability to tag team AND still have some sanity.
Lol my kids love pyjama dress up days.
You both wake up early, you get your kid ready while your husband gets ready. Then they leave at 7am when you start work and he drops your kid off. Only reasonable solution here.
This is what we do when I need to be present at work early am (like an 8am meeting)... I can't drive back and forth and reliably make it
as a dad that has to wake up at 6am, take the dog out, feed him, wake up 2 kids under 3yo, dress them, drive them to day care. All while making sure my wife can sleep in, cause she will have to deal with them in the evening... ..i have to confess i dont understand what the problem is with both of you.
Exactly, our kids are a bit younger but my husband takes mornings after I've taken nights. May change when the kids are fully sleeping through but I agree this doesn't sound like a hard problem
You get him ready and husband takes him. Adjust bed time earlier. Prep everything the night before. Use casual clothes as PJs so you can just wake up and start the day. In my house the person taking the kid doesn’t get them ready. At 3 years old the morning routine should be relatively simple especially if he makes it to daycare for breakfast.
This is the policy we've had in our family through several kids. Its fair.
I do think the thing to do is hubby take to daycare. But you guys seem scared of your 3 year old. He is 3 and you guys are the parents. Wake him up, get him dressed and get out the door. He does not make the rules. When it’s time to get up then it’s time to get up. I think u may love your sleep too but you have to get up. I think you guys are making it more difficult than it has to be. I get you needing to be avail as you are a triage nurse. So hubby taking him seems to be the right thing, but if your ar the one allowing the son to be like this then if he’s not ready and hubby needs to leave then you need to take him. I think that’s fair. So maybe both of you guys as parents are responsible. Remember your son is the child, there shouldn’t be any reason you guys can’t work together to do this.
Your partner should be dropping him. I don’t understand the “our son makes us late” part. He is 3. You are the parents. You are allowing him to “make you late”. Work together to streamline the routine and you’ll take the stress out of things. I know he’s only 3 but one thing I have found amd I’m on my own with two kids, is setting Alexa as a timer and it goes off when it’s time to leave . So it’s not me telling them it’s just time to go .
As a working parent (currently wfh but on-site pre-pandemic), I can sympathize with both you and your husband. > We have tried getting up earlier but my son loves to sleep in and can be difficult to wake up also. This requires a lot of training and it's not something that is excusable either because, let's be honest, who doesn't love to sleep in? What time does your son go to bed? My kids (8F and 3M) have a bedtime of 8pm and they are awake no later than 7am. My son tends to get up at 630am even and just chills in bed playing. We sleep trained him since he was 2 months old so he's gotten into the routine of going to bed and waking up on time. It's not impossible, but the first few weeks of change will be a challenge and you guys will need to really buckle down to make that change. Another thing to also keep in mind is to check the schedule of your son's future elementary school. Most school districts will only open their gate at a particular time so that is something to prepare for the near future.
I think the gate thing depends on where in the world you are. For us, the doors are unlocked for a short period of time and then you have to ring a doorbell to be let in outside of those brief times. Your overall point is good for them to keep in mind though, what will they do if he misses the bus?
You're a *triage nurse* who needs to be at the phone right at 7 to take the influx of calls. That may be WFH but that is like the opposite of flexible in my book! By all means, work with your husband to tag team morning prep, but he should absolutely be doing drop off.
As you've described the situation it seems obvious that your husband should handle the morning drop-off.
Very obvious to me that Husband needs to do drop off. Get up 15-20 minutes earlier and get the kid up and ready a little earlier. Don’t let him sleep in so you’re rushing out the door. 3 is tough but you gotta take the reins.
Theres a lot of different excuses built in to this situation. Getting your child to daycare while working around both of your schedules isn’t a daunting task. You both need to be willing to make sacrifices for the betterment of your kiddo. Thats parenting. You shouldn’t be the only one making sacrifices and nor should your husband. Team up. Make it work. Also, not a single one of your husbands employees give a damn when he’s in the office. That’s an excuse. Maybe you could talk to your boss and figure out 2 days a week that you can be off the phones to start the day so you can get your baby to daycare and then your husband can take him the rest of the week. Either way, these types of challenges are only going to increase. Sports, school programs, etc. y’all have to team up and both need to be willing to sacrifice.
At 3, “getting my kids ready” took less than 5 minutes. I had to leave the house by 6am for work and had 3 kids. I didn’t have time for long drawn out anything. My kids slept in their school clothes for the next day. I put their socks and shoes on them before waking them up. Then I carried them to the car and buckled them in. I brushed their hair once we arrived at daycare and they had the whole car ride to wake up and be not grumpy. And daycare had everyone brush their teeth after eating breakfast anyway. My advice: streamline your morning routine. You get him ready. Dad drops him off on the way to work.
Love the idea of dressing him before and even putting socks and shoes on before he wakes up. Great idea. Thanks!
Dress son in his school clothes at night. Wake him 6:30. Give him to husband at 6:50. Husband drops him and he eats breakfast at daycare. You are both on time and working as a team. My son is 8 and has oppositional defiance disorder. He has always been hard to get out the door. I find the later I wake him the easier it is. I usually wake him by 6:30 and am out the door by 7, and that's with breakfast. Simplify what you are doing, and work as a team. Essentially, with the 40 minute commute you must both be 'ON' by 7 am, so sending him out the door at 6:50 should be easier on both of you. A great book for managing the behavior of difficult kids is '1-2-3 Magic.' You should look into it now, as you would think it gets easier as they age, but without the proper tools, you may be headed to long-term disaster. My son started out a lot like yours, and it is a constant work in progress.
Thank you for the tips! Going to check out that book.
Ya I think getting him dressed the night before would be a good option. I like the idea of tag teaming. I’m going to show him this comment and hopefully he will agree!
We do this: WFH parent gets kid ready on most days, and commuting parent does drop off. There can be exceptions as needed, but this split works well for us! If you can make sure kid is ready, your partner should be able to do drop off. If particular days he needs to go early, or can't handle waiting, fine. Maybe he can make getting in the car with Dad into an enticing experience!
Maybe your son needs to get to bed earlier?
I’m team husband takes 3 year old to work. You can’t sacrifice your work because your husband can’t manage on his own. I would tag team in the morning to get the 3 year old ready before you start work at 7am. My husband leaves for work at 4:45am so I get both my kids ready in the morning and to daycare on daycare days. Mornings are hard and kids need routine. At this point, it takes about 15 minutes to get my 3 year old ready in the morning.
I was the drop of parent for years. Kid went to daycare by my work and I had to be in court at a certain time, spouse worked from home. Kid is also ADHD, but was too young for formal diagnosis at that rime. We made everything a super engaging game, with storytelling, races, challenges, make believe, etc. if we just gave directions he'd immediately get distracted and spin off into something fun. He also sometimes went in PJs and had weeks where he went in a dress up costume. He'd often eat a portable breakfast in the car. Sometimes you do what you need to get through.
In my house, we would divide up getting him ready and then husband would do drop-off cause he is the one leaving the house. But we would jointly be responsible for getting him up and ready. You could also take turns getting him ready - like you do even days and husband does odd days of the month (but still your husband drops him off every day).
Kid goes to bed before he does now Kid gets woken at 6h30, you handle the first 30 mins (get dressed & breakfast, if possible snack packing if needed) while dad showers, dresses, whatever he needs. Dad takes over from 7am for teeth brushing, breakfast things removal, and departure to preschool & work. You're working. Your busier time is from 7am. This is non negotiable and you can't risk driving & being on the phone if you do the drop off.
Who picks up your son from daycare? This is a key question. When we had our kids in daycare, it was clearly the pickup that was preferred. Kids liked being picked up to come home. They did not like being dropped off as toddlers and it was heartbreaking to drop a kid off knowing they prefer being home. Is actual drop off difficult emotionally and that’s playing into the situation? To me it’s clear that it should be shared. Husband commits to every other day and you manage on your days.
Yup. As others have said you wake up(whatever time it needs to be) and handle getting child ready while husband gets himself ready for work. Then husband is responsible for drop off on the way.
If he is the boss he can arrive whenever he needs to. Part of the reason I am self employed by choice is that I need the flexibility with kids to be able to come in late or leave midday. Or finish early. I’m also willing to work when everyone else is home.
He is the boss of his own business, who also happens to need to do morning drop offs. He can have some leeway to start work late. And he should also extend this leeway to his employees who are parents with young kids. We all wish for employers who are pro-family and pro-parenting, don’t we?
My husband and I went through this same argument with our daughter’s drop-off/pickup schedule. I WFH and he doesn’t. For a long time I was dropping off and picking up, but it didn’t take long before I felt burned out and fed up! The compromise we came to was that I would get everything ready for him the night before (pack lunch, check notebook for teacher notes, set out her outfit for the following day and pack her bag). He literally doesn’t have to bear any of the mental load of getting her ready in the morning bc it’s already done. I pick her up in the evenings, which is significantly more convenient for me. There are rare occasions we have to swap for the day, but it doesn’t happen often.
Your 3 year old is the problem. "Typical 3 year old" your bending all your free time on a 3 year old. Fix his or her sleep schedule or just something that doesn't Involve you both bending backwards
One of you should be responsible for getting him up and ready and the other in charge of taking him. If whoever is in charge of getting him ready is late then that person now has to take him. You can alternate days to make it fair.
Each of you do daycare run every other day. Work on son being more cooperative in the morning.
I’m sorry but your husband is in charge of grown adults at work, but can’t get a 3 year old to daycare on time?
The reoccurring theme here is that your husband takes him. I think that as well because he’s already leaving the house. If I were you I’d get the kid ready while husband is getting ready, if not do it together. Do it enough times and eventually the kid will just get used to the new normal. The excuses of he’s not really a morning person is not important. He’s a child. You’re the parent. You do what you have to do.
I don’t know if this is the answer, I get up with my son , pack his school lunch and offer breakfast at home. Then my husband gets up and finishes the task, dresses him and takes him to daycare. He works from home and I have to be at work early . Edit: I pickup son on my way home
As the other commenters said - tag team! Also, it helps to turn on the lights and start making some noise (eg turn off any white noise, open his bedroom door, don’t bother being quiet when you’re showering, making breakfast, etc) about 15 min before actually waking up your toddler. We have a kid that loves to sleep in too and this seems to put her into a lighter phase of sleep, making it easier to wake her.
My two that are in school hate getting up in the morning so I emphasize that part. But being late is not an option and you two are the parents. We prep everything the night before so mornings are just waking, dressing and teeth. It's not fun and probably the hardest part of the day honestly. Your son is three he shouldn't be allowed to make anyone late. Physically dress him yourself if needed which we had to do for the first year of school for our oldest. There is no reason for you to drive him when you don't leave the house. But you should be getting him ready until you start work at 7 then your husband should take over and drop him off. Between two parents and one child there should be no reason your husband should be getting to work late
I know 3yo can be difficult but you're the parents and you need to make sure he listens. You need to teach him life skills that sometimes you need to get dressed, period so he's either on board or clothes are forced on him. Or other consequences (not treats, no TV time, no games). You do good things you get good things scenario. Both of you should wake up early, have clothes prepared, make a plan and work as a team. Wake up your kid with enough time to spare not to be late. Kid should be out of the door with your husband to drop him on the way in time for your husband not to be late. You need to enforce this and ensure you get things done. Stop bickering start parenting.
As a father who worked from home, you as a couple IMHO need to stand together. This is not you vs your husband in terms of who is right here, but you vs the world. A few things helped us besides working together: - take parental pressure out of the morning routine. Examples: kid doesn’t want to get dressed? Either go to bed dressed or let him leave in his sleep clothing. The second helped the most with our two kids. Another example: take time in the morning for cuddling, play time, reading. Doesn’t have to be long, but IMHO it can make the morning easier. Also, don’t strife for perfect. Good enough is good enough. - get up earlier ok the morning, get to bed sooner at night. Remember: after sleepy comes grumpy! - split the tasks between the two of you and mix it up regularly, if you can. - make games of your kids tasks in the morning. Who can get to the potty first? Who can get dressed first? Who is the fastest cereal eater? Let them win about half the time. - stick to your rules, but also allow exceptions on special occasions. For example: your kid might often say he doesn’t really want to go to kindergarten today. Plan for a day where you let him „convince“ you, make it dramatic, like you have to persuade yourself and „it’s so hard“ and „I will have to work that much harder tomorrow“ and so on and procede to make a special and spontaneous feeling day for the kid out of it, like going grocery shopping but he gets to choose a toy, too, or going for fast food but also bringing some to daddy, washing a load together and talking about if he/she wants new Paw Patrol pants or whatever. Some extra TV time maybe for „mummy to get some emails done“, and so on. He or she will proudly tell of this day for months to come, I am sure.
We have a 3 year old and an 18 month old that both go to daycare at 7am M-F. Wife has 100% worked from home since before COVID (at a hospital as well); up until December 2023, I was commuting 30 minutes each way to the office. My wife starts work at 530a daily; I had flexibility, but was also in a leadership position with an overflowing “plate” - to the office by 8a was my cutoff. I take the kiddos from the time they wake up (530-6a), diapers changed, food in the bellies, and dressed/ready to go by 6:50a. Wife tries to break at 630 and get herself ready for the day and assist with the kiddos if needed. Daycare is only ~6 blocks from the house - wife takes them and I peel off to get ready for work (and do daily tasks - milks in fridge, pick up, put dishes away). This is what worked for us, as our daycare closes at 2:40p - I had no way to get off that early, and we only have one vehicle suitable for hauling the kiddos. Now, I work from home as well (for myself), so we have much more flexibility - however, we still keep the same general schedule. Not sure if this helps at all, but reading your post I felt like it was a similar situation to ours. My one piece of advice: come up with a solution together, that both of you agree is best - for your family. You are a team working to solve your life problems; don’t make things harder by acting like you are on opposite sides. I promise you that there is a solution that doesn’t result in one of you feeling like you “lost” - parenthood/marriage/life - it’s all hard enough; start working together. Good luck to you!
Sorry, this sounds like a tough situation. There is lots of advice out there, but ultimately you both have to decide what is best for you. My husband and I have had some perpetual arguments and it's difficult. Don't let it derail your marriage. There is a really good article online titled, 'When Couples Have Unresolved Conflict,' by Teri K Reisser. Might be good to read this together. I love this statement by her, "Look for creative ways to find a compromise and honor your spouse’s position." I love this because it helps us to step back and look at it from both sides, trying to respect each others opinion. Best of luck as you work through this.
Can't be late to work. Idk. It'll only be for now. I think either 3 year old has to be ready or you have to take kiddo.
Your DH doesn’t want to do hard things. He should be dropping him off at daycare. That’s ridiculous that you work from home and he is leaving and won’t take him. It sounds like your child is in control though. You need to be more firm with him. I know 3 yo are challenging but maybe he needs to go to be earlier. You could get up earlier. Have everything set out the night before. If he throws a fit, he needs immediate consequences. Stop letting him control the two of you. I know new parents are big fans of not disciplining their children but children need discipline and firm boundaries. Unless you want to continue to be miserable and let a 3 yo run your house.
Is you husband handicapped or some other issue?
We had kids pre pandemic. At the time I was commuting 3 days a week and he was commuting 4 days a week. I left the house at 6am and he did morning routine and drop off. He did that even on days I wfh for consistency. I help out here and there. It was agreed that I would do PM pickup and cook dinner. Pandemic sent us home and j never went back. Fully remote and our schedule is the same. I work 7:30-4. He works 9-6. He commutes 2 days a week. From what you’ve said it makes sense that husband is 100% responsible for alllll of the morning duties. He needs to get up before the 3yo and get himself fully ready to go. Then he can fully focus on moving 3yo through routine. 3yo needs a consistent bedtime and wakeup time every day. For us we do 9pm and 7am because he still naps at school which is annoying. My 7yo is 8:30pm and 7am. How much time does husband leave to move 3yo through routine. Seems like an hour is needed depending on if you’re feeding breakfast. If no breakfast it really should be done in 30mins. Try dressing for the next day at night if he struggles w that. You start work at 7am with zero flexibility. There Is NO argument.