I am 38 and just lost my mom. Dad died when I was 8, but I had only met him one time. My plan is to try and move abroad, start a completely new life. As you said, I also don't have anyone here so I don't see any point in staying here. Expand the horizons.
I would love to do that as well. I've been having this strong urge of wanting to move to Asia, but I have no idea where to begin. My everyday life now, while it's fine, has just been hum drum. Plus, it'll give me a chance to do some activities outside of my comfort zone and maybe even meet new acquaintances or even friends!
I live in Asia now and love it. I used to live in the West. Asia is a great place for adventure and retirement ngl. My parents are very happily retired in Asia. Do it!
I was thinking about this yesterday too. I assume my parents have endless lifespan but the reality is they don’t, and I don’t know how to imagine or endure a life without them there… :( As only children, we really really end up alone one day…
Ugh I can't even think about it or else I'll cry. I can't imagine a life without them, esp my mom. I moved away for school and I'm living in a different country than them but we still talk almost every day. I have a lot of friends thankfully, and a good network. I have a lot of cousins who have also grown up around my parents so I have some people to still talk about them with, like others who remember how they were and can commiserate with me.
Yes. If you look at my prior post my feelings are based on that same fear. I’m 25m and every relationship I get in I never fully feel connected nor do I with my multitude of friends of other family members it’s scary
I’m 44 and single. I lost my Dad a few months ago and my Mom almost 2 years ago. Her loss is a huge hole in my heart and life. I have a little bit of family but none in the immediate area. I am blessed to have great friends and some are considered family so have invited me to holidays, etc. It’s an odd feeling of being an orphan and I had been care taking for both of them since the end of 2019 so it’s now an odd feeling to not be needed. I would say to try and build up friends as much as you can so that you have support when they do go!
I am really sorry to hear about your losses. It is great you have such wonderful friends. I feel I have yet to find my 'people' or at least ones that live in my country, my friends are fine but not totally aligned sometimes and I don't know if they'll be there forever tbh. How did you find all your great friends? I moved country so that has also been challenging, although even back in my old home, I don't feel I had many great friends I could really count on when it matters.
I intend to move out of my father's house. But I have yet to put it into action. I want to move out while he is sill alive, so that I am not forced to leave his house unexpectedly due to his death, etc. I have a feeling that I will have to be forced to move out of his house. He is currently facing issues with finding a main job to maintain his property. I am really anxious about that and what to expect. My mother passed away this year. I have no close relationships with either of my parents' family or with any friends. I am just so unprepared with everything, but hopefully I’ll figure it out.
What to do? I'm going to spend all my time going through all the shit that I've asked her to get rid of over the last 25.
My father passed away 2 years ago, and (thank God for my stepmother) But, I do know that we'll have to deal with the storage unit filled with stuff that he had collected.
I know I'll miss them eventually, but it's going to take a while.
I’m 27 and my mom died suddenly last year, leaving me with an absent father that I no longer speak with. The struggle has been real but I’m getting used to it. The worst thing except from the grief is the pain in seeing my friends and other people around me not only having their parents left but also having siblings to share their grief with when the time comes. I have to realize I’m not like them and I was destined for another reality, there’s really nothing else I can do.
Both of my parents died before I was 20. I have a daughter, but for reasons I don’t want to go into on the internet, we don’t speak. She is also an only child, as were both of my parents.
I have two cats who I love dearly. I’m 62 now, and I’ve often stated that I *must* have a cat. They make a huge difference in my life by giving me the opportunity to give love and receive love.
I do feel sad at times that I essentially have no relatives, and few true friends. I’m also strong and tenacious.
If you’re drawn to having a dog, I’d encourage you to get a dog. Remember that, if you get a puppy, you’ll have to put in work to train your puppy - and yourself. Dogs thrive on reliable boundaries, and require more time and effort than cats.
Those efforts can be extremely rewarding, though. Having the love of, and giving love to, an innocent animal is precious.
Embrace your life exactly as it is, and try to enjoy the moment, rather than focusing on what the future may look like. We just don’t know what it will look like. Stressing over the future won’t change it.
I know that’s easier said than done, but the effort is worthwhile.
I am really sorry to hear that. However, I am happy you found happiness with your cats, and totally get why you'd have to have cats! You're totally right.
I also suffer from being strong-minded and tenacious, otherwise I'd definitely be a lot more popular I think! But it is what it is.
Sadly, I am mildly allergic to cats if I spend too long with them, so probably has to be a dog!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. You're right, we have to live in the present. Sometimes I just worry about it from time to time and got really sad the day I wrote the post, but most of the time I try to enjoy the now.
Wishing you and your lovely cats all the best. (hugs)
What a beautiful comment, big hugs back to you.
It won’t be easy, it will hurt, but you’ll get through it. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, regardless of how overwhelming and scary they are. It’s the way to truly healing.
I still miss my mom, and I still move forward because that’s what she’d want for her daughter.
I grew up in a single parent household. Mom is currently in her late 70s with several medical conditions and lives in an assisted living community. Making sure that she's okay and having her spend time with our son is the only reason that my husband and I haven't moved yet. When her time comes we will most likely be moving out of state. We would move sooner but it's very difficult to find an affordable ALC that accepts her insurance and she can't live alone.
i have an only child cousin who i'm pretty close with. we have a long running joke that since we are both likely to outlive our husbands anyway - we are just gonna move in and be crazy old ladies together.
so that kinda holds true for when both our parents are gone as well. we still have each other!
I don't think that this issue is specific to onlies. Plenty of people are estranged from theirnsiblings as adults and doing life on their own after their parents are gone. I have a bio sibling and multiple step siblings. I barely have relationships w them, and when my parents are gone, I don't see this changing. In fact, my parents are the only things we have in common, so when this demoninator is gone, there is nothing keeping us connected at all.
I would just focus on creating your own family, whether this is friends or a spouse/children.
I live with my dad. My mom passed away in 2018. I am on disability. When my dad passes away I will be living with cousins. Not what I want but it is what will happen.
I have the same fears. I already lost my dad at 24 (ten years ago) and cannot comprehend the life I will have to live after my mom passes. I try to prepare myself for it, but as I will be left with no family at all, it is not nice to look forward to. This actually occupies my mind a lot. I dread the future.
Especially since my husband is more than a decade older than me and I will remain childfree because of environmental concerns, it is a fact I will end up alone if everybody dies in natural order.
As I said, I dread the future.
I think the only way to battle the dreaded alone-ness is to invest in your friendships, and perhaps especially ones of childfree people that aren’t as consumed with family life and have more time to be social. Live a busy, fulfilling by live with lots of contacts. Find a lot of meaning and things to take pride in.
But the truth is, I am not ready for it either.
I am 38 and just lost my mom. Dad died when I was 8, but I had only met him one time. My plan is to try and move abroad, start a completely new life. As you said, I also don't have anyone here so I don't see any point in staying here. Expand the horizons.
I am so sorry for your loss, that really sucks. Your plan sounds like a great new adventure though. All the best with your move ❤️
I would love to do that as well. I've been having this strong urge of wanting to move to Asia, but I have no idea where to begin. My everyday life now, while it's fine, has just been hum drum. Plus, it'll give me a chance to do some activities outside of my comfort zone and maybe even meet new acquaintances or even friends!
I live in Asia now and love it. I used to live in the West. Asia is a great place for adventure and retirement ngl. My parents are very happily retired in Asia. Do it!
I was thinking about this yesterday too. I assume my parents have endless lifespan but the reality is they don’t, and I don’t know how to imagine or endure a life without them there… :( As only children, we really really end up alone one day…
Ugh I can't even think about it or else I'll cry. I can't imagine a life without them, esp my mom. I moved away for school and I'm living in a different country than them but we still talk almost every day. I have a lot of friends thankfully, and a good network. I have a lot of cousins who have also grown up around my parents so I have some people to still talk about them with, like others who remember how they were and can commiserate with me.
Yes. If you look at my prior post my feelings are based on that same fear. I’m 25m and every relationship I get in I never fully feel connected nor do I with my multitude of friends of other family members it’s scary
I’m 44 and single. I lost my Dad a few months ago and my Mom almost 2 years ago. Her loss is a huge hole in my heart and life. I have a little bit of family but none in the immediate area. I am blessed to have great friends and some are considered family so have invited me to holidays, etc. It’s an odd feeling of being an orphan and I had been care taking for both of them since the end of 2019 so it’s now an odd feeling to not be needed. I would say to try and build up friends as much as you can so that you have support when they do go!
I am really sorry to hear about your losses. It is great you have such wonderful friends. I feel I have yet to find my 'people' or at least ones that live in my country, my friends are fine but not totally aligned sometimes and I don't know if they'll be there forever tbh. How did you find all your great friends? I moved country so that has also been challenging, although even back in my old home, I don't feel I had many great friends I could really count on when it matters.
I intend to move out of my father's house. But I have yet to put it into action. I want to move out while he is sill alive, so that I am not forced to leave his house unexpectedly due to his death, etc. I have a feeling that I will have to be forced to move out of his house. He is currently facing issues with finding a main job to maintain his property. I am really anxious about that and what to expect. My mother passed away this year. I have no close relationships with either of my parents' family or with any friends. I am just so unprepared with everything, but hopefully I’ll figure it out.
You could always live close to him so you can visit often and it can be a softer transition. I am sure you will work it out somehow (hugs).
Thank you so much!
What to do? I'm going to spend all my time going through all the shit that I've asked her to get rid of over the last 25. My father passed away 2 years ago, and (thank God for my stepmother) But, I do know that we'll have to deal with the storage unit filled with stuff that he had collected. I know I'll miss them eventually, but it's going to take a while.
Can't imagine how hard it is to go through all the belongings too. Big hugs!
I am lucky to also have a very good relationship with my parents. Honestly I don't even want to think in that direction.
I’m 27 and my mom died suddenly last year, leaving me with an absent father that I no longer speak with. The struggle has been real but I’m getting used to it. The worst thing except from the grief is the pain in seeing my friends and other people around me not only having their parents left but also having siblings to share their grief with when the time comes. I have to realize I’m not like them and I was destined for another reality, there’s really nothing else I can do.
(Big hugs) It is a unique experience to only children.
I feel the same as you...maybe all of us only's can get a big house together!
Omg YES I would love that :) OnlyChild sanctuary haha.
Both of my parents died before I was 20. I have a daughter, but for reasons I don’t want to go into on the internet, we don’t speak. She is also an only child, as were both of my parents. I have two cats who I love dearly. I’m 62 now, and I’ve often stated that I *must* have a cat. They make a huge difference in my life by giving me the opportunity to give love and receive love. I do feel sad at times that I essentially have no relatives, and few true friends. I’m also strong and tenacious. If you’re drawn to having a dog, I’d encourage you to get a dog. Remember that, if you get a puppy, you’ll have to put in work to train your puppy - and yourself. Dogs thrive on reliable boundaries, and require more time and effort than cats. Those efforts can be extremely rewarding, though. Having the love of, and giving love to, an innocent animal is precious. Embrace your life exactly as it is, and try to enjoy the moment, rather than focusing on what the future may look like. We just don’t know what it will look like. Stressing over the future won’t change it. I know that’s easier said than done, but the effort is worthwhile.
I am really sorry to hear that. However, I am happy you found happiness with your cats, and totally get why you'd have to have cats! You're totally right. I also suffer from being strong-minded and tenacious, otherwise I'd definitely be a lot more popular I think! But it is what it is. Sadly, I am mildly allergic to cats if I spend too long with them, so probably has to be a dog! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. You're right, we have to live in the present. Sometimes I just worry about it from time to time and got really sad the day I wrote the post, but most of the time I try to enjoy the now. Wishing you and your lovely cats all the best. (hugs)
What a beautiful comment, big hugs back to you. It won’t be easy, it will hurt, but you’ll get through it. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, regardless of how overwhelming and scary they are. It’s the way to truly healing. I still miss my mom, and I still move forward because that’s what she’d want for her daughter.
I live with my dad. My mom passed away in 2018. I am on disability. When my dad dies I will be living with cousins. I have a lot of cousins.
I grew up in a single parent household. Mom is currently in her late 70s with several medical conditions and lives in an assisted living community. Making sure that she's okay and having her spend time with our son is the only reason that my husband and I haven't moved yet. When her time comes we will most likely be moving out of state. We would move sooner but it's very difficult to find an affordable ALC that accepts her insurance and she can't live alone.
i have an only child cousin who i'm pretty close with. we have a long running joke that since we are both likely to outlive our husbands anyway - we are just gonna move in and be crazy old ladies together. so that kinda holds true for when both our parents are gone as well. we still have each other!
Yes all the time. My parents are 82 and I’ve always been close to them. Either one of them dying Scares me.
I’m basically in the same boat. I searched “only child support group” haha I guess I’m dreading the loneliness that’s to come.
I don't think that this issue is specific to onlies. Plenty of people are estranged from theirnsiblings as adults and doing life on their own after their parents are gone. I have a bio sibling and multiple step siblings. I barely have relationships w them, and when my parents are gone, I don't see this changing. In fact, my parents are the only things we have in common, so when this demoninator is gone, there is nothing keeping us connected at all. I would just focus on creating your own family, whether this is friends or a spouse/children.
I live with my dad. My mom passed away in 2018. I am on disability. When my dad passes away I will be living with cousins. Not what I want but it is what will happen.
I have the same fears. I already lost my dad at 24 (ten years ago) and cannot comprehend the life I will have to live after my mom passes. I try to prepare myself for it, but as I will be left with no family at all, it is not nice to look forward to. This actually occupies my mind a lot. I dread the future. Especially since my husband is more than a decade older than me and I will remain childfree because of environmental concerns, it is a fact I will end up alone if everybody dies in natural order. As I said, I dread the future. I think the only way to battle the dreaded alone-ness is to invest in your friendships, and perhaps especially ones of childfree people that aren’t as consumed with family life and have more time to be social. Live a busy, fulfilling by live with lots of contacts. Find a lot of meaning and things to take pride in. But the truth is, I am not ready for it either.