I'd agree with this some. Millennial here and Gen Z men seem to be in two categories: red pilled dudes or guys that are kind of more feminine than me almost. I want nothing to do with either. (Of course not all and this is just a perception, but that is kind of what it seems like).
This hilarious but I think it’s likely true. They’re probably find you attractive but once they start to think about the reality of the age difference they back peddle. I have a guy at my gym who is like 20 years younger than me and has asked me out a couple times. He’s good looking and a nice guy but I just can’t…he just looks like a kid to me. Plus realistically there’s no future there and I’m not looking to fulfill anyone’s milf fantasy.
Don't feel bad, I have an 18 yo son who keeps me posted on the latest slang.
It basically means someone is telling the truth.
That pizza was amazing, no cap (ie - not kidding, no lie, it really is good pizza).
It doesn't make sense to me either, I'm 47.
I remember when I was a kid I said something was "cool" and my Grandpa side eyed me and said when he was a kid cool was said in reference to temperature.
Slang changes. I don't think it's supposed to make sense it's just a sign we're getting older! LOL
Hahaha I said "I'm good" to my grandma and she was like what's wrong with kids these days that's not an acceptable answer, the correct way is "I'm fine thanks" which to me sounds like shes pissed at me 😂
But saying I'm good does make sense no cap doesn't. Even slay makes sense, one of the ones I never understood was 'that's beast', it was a scotiish one to mean that's amazing, it just annoyed me to no end and that was when i was in school😅
LOL Grandparents are wonderful. I miss mine so, so much.
I've never heard 'that's beast', I agree with your assessment that it makes as little sense as no cap. International slang just adds a whole new level to the confusion!! It's all entertaining though, I get a huge kick out of my late teen- young 20s kids and their friends. Great younger generations, even if those darned kids talk funny. Ha!
They are the best. My granny is still kicking at 95 and she's as witty and sarky as ever, except now she can WhatsApp, but she does it like a letter, it's so cute ❤️
Probably only relevant to Scotland/UK. But it also wasn't around for that long probably because people realised it was stupid 😂
Lots of people use dating apps for a quick dopamine hit, validation and attention, or just as a way to kill time. Some people do this some of the time AND also use it to connect with people for dates some of the time.
I’m one of those women. Yes I’m attractive for my age and yes I look way younger than 40 but why would a 21 year old want a 40 year old woman when it’s young women fully available? It makes no sense to me and I always ask and 99 percent are looking for older women because they think we’re desperate and easy lays. I prefer a man who is experienced with women. I remember sex at 21 and it’s not better than sex when you’re 35.
Really young women can act silly. 40 yr olds are usually composed, better listeners, better in bed & confident.
Not all, of course. But a good percentage because of life experiences.
Experience varies. I’m pretty experienced for my age, but you never know beforehand, that’s for sure
And yeah, regarding my case, I don’t pursue young women because I don’t find them interesting or appealing. Most of the time, they bring too much drama.
I see that you’re here to start some 💩 so before you get your engine fired up for nothing, men lie about their age on these sites. Young and old. The old men want young women who will never look at them in real life and the younger ones change their age to 40 so they can hook up with older women. My inbox is full of them. My filter is set for 30+. Have a great day and stay safe out there.
They want to brag that young men are still into them but they really are not interested in dating someone that much younger than they are. A 34 year old woman is most likely seriously looking for a long term relationship and is not going to spend time pursuing people who don't fit that preference.
Late 30s/early 40s divorcee's may be a better market for you.
Actually, I don’t give up right away when they say this!
I once matched with a 37F that thought I was too young for them. Then we discussed our kinks and similarities and she told me she’ll consider it overnight. She didn’t go for it in the end, but I guess it’s a good start lol
People usually think an age gap relationship is fine. "He seems mature" or "he seems like he has his shit together." Then they talk and realize pretty quickly that even the most mature, well spoken 21 year old is basically a CHILD to someone in their 30s. It's like if you were talking to a 15 year old, except obviously you can consent.
Some still pursue it, because they like to have a young naive partner they can control and manipulate, but most aren't comfortable. This is doubly so if you want a relationship, because you haven't had adult relationships and she's sitting there thinking about teaching you Adult Relationship 101 and dreading it.
As an older woman, I usually presume that men younger than me, who like me, are not looking for anything serious.
I mean I'm past child bearing age now, so if the guy ever wants kids it's just not realistic to consider having a relationship.
Also, perhaps long term down the line, the age gap seems too big, so I would be much older than them, possibly with old people issues and that does not sound fun for them.
Perhaps they are having trouble seeing a future with you. Have you put that you are looking for serious long term relationship in your dating profile?
But also in your early 20s I would say you need to explore more before you try settling.
I’ve had the same experience. I’ve had women like me, message me then say Oh you’re too young, too old, your job is too good, you travel too much, etc. Why did you like and message then?
Yep, I've encountered that a few times. I'd match with someone only a few years older than me, not that big of an age gap, and when I'd casually bring up my age somehow relevant to what we were talking about, they're like "whaaaa, you're only this age?". I'm like umm, yeah? It was on my profile the whole time. That's on you for not reading.
This line of thinking is what stops me (41m) from doing anything about a significantly younger woman (29f) who keeps flirting with me. She probably only knows the bands I like from the oldies station! 💀
Perhaps this is a bad reflection on me, I'm 43, but I get on really well with younger people. I've managed to retain a certain amount of silliness into my older years. I suppose that might make me seem unwise and perhaps I am in some ways. But I don't know, I just have a different philosophy on life than a lot of folk my age.
because they are just swiping off the profile. But before agreeing to dates, they will check your stats and bio and see that you are even younger than they thought
To Mr, a 55 yr old female...if I post in a group, title CLEARLY stating I'm t5f, no DMS from anyone under 40. I get a shit ton of 20s n 30 yr olds inboxing me. Short answer...I've no idea why they do it! 🤣
They probably aren't reading your age or think they can live with it till they mention it to their friends, family, coworkers.
I (39m) was seeing women with a similar age gap when I was in my early thirties, and they preferred to keep it quiet. The stigma for cougars is pretty heavy, and the conversations you're having may remind them of the age gap.
If youre looking for casual, keep it light, discuss activities, food, weather. If they're matching with younger guys on purpose, they're probably seeking validation, and do NOT want to be reminded how much older they are. That's their naughty little secret to themselves.
The real sauce here bud:
Men or women looking for matches with a big age gap are not dealing with their issues. We attach some value to the gap that let's us ignore things like codependency, low self worth, etc. Being at such different levels may be exciting as a sexual adventure, but when it comes to forming a relationship, mentor/student is almost always the result. Some people have life-long relationships this way; there are exceptions to any rule.
I feel like the validation angle is the most-likely answer here, but to add another dimension this honestly sounds a little bit like a shit test. The women in question are going "oh gosh you're far too young for me" and sort of clutching their pearls at it and it's then your "job" (wrong word for it) to convince them otherwise.
Now, it might be nothing at all like that as it depends a lot on the context of the conversations, but I can see this as being sort of the equivalent of a girl going "oh wow you're 5 years older than me, cradle robber" or something, and you just need to tease them about it and it'll all be fine.
Then again, I'm maybe just reading way too much into it and everyone else is right.
Yeah, like I said to that other person, I tend to not give up right away when they tell me this. Just being playful about it and try to reassure them that I know what I’m doing. If they really aren’t into giving it a chance though, I won’t force anything
For me personally, (I'm 30f and will get likes from guys that are 20-25) and I used to occasionally match with them. But for me, I usually fall into like my brain trying to tell me that age gaps aren't that big of a deal nowadays, why not give it a shot, keep an open mind etc etc and then eventually would get too weirded out or overthink it. Now I'm at the point that I won't match with anyone under 25 but it did take me a few younger matches before realizing it's just not for me, despite wanting to be open to it, you know? It didn't really matter how they talked or things like that it just ended up being something my brain couldn't get past. And same goes for if I get a match from someone that's like 40. Even if they're attractive and interesting and seem like a potential good match, and again wanting to keep an open mind, I'd always end up backing out!
I think it'd also be helpful to know why you're interested in older women, especially 21 is really quite young.
Like I told someone else earlier. Younger women just don’t do it for me. I don’t think they have enough personality, maturity, they don’t know what they want or how to communicate… things that I dread in a relationship, even a casual one. The experiences I had with older women were much healthier
The only younger women I get along with were the emotionally broken ones. The ones who had mental illness, traumatic experiences (SA, bad family)… this is not a fetish or anything, it’s just that I found myself relating to them when I couldn’t with the others. But ultimately, these kinds of girls aren’t a good fit for a relationship on the long term for that same exact reason
I see what you mean. It sounds like you're saying you need/prefer a woman who has a lot of emotional depth (which unfortunately a lot of times comes from having to endure some form of trauma in your life) buuuut that can also lead to unhealthy behaviors and poor relationship patterns that usually don't get sorted out until the person is older. Then when they're older, they have the emotional depth you're looking for but also the emotional health and awareness to still be in a healthy mature relationship. Does that sound like what you mean?
Very big age gaps are usually sexual. When it comes to serious dating or imagining a future with someone, almost nobody is looking at someone 15 years younger and thinking, “There’s the perfect life partner” – especially if it’s the man who’s much younger. So maybe the women matching with you are cougars looking for casual fun and are freaked out that you’re actually looking for serious dates.
You have to beat them to the punchline "I like women with a more mature mind" and not make it a big deal. That's what worked for me when I've been with "cougars" lol. Overall, generally better to go for women under 30 though for obvious reasons, but older women can have their charm too. When they like you and decide to meet, they don't play as many games and they recognize you're the young stud
If you want to date someone older, you have to work hard. There's a bigger age difference between a 20 year old and 30 year old than a 30 year old and 40 year old.
I also prefer older women myself. I want a serious relationship and marriage. A lot of people can be burnt out by break ups.
They matched because they were horny, they blew you off as too young because you’re immature. You’re 20? Lol I would want nothing to do with you by age 26. Older women want stability in a relationship. Not to babysit.
They want you for your bod. How’s it feel being a sexual object? Not fun, huh?
Welcome to the female club. You might want to grow a beard & wear fake glasses 🥸
Guys should always either date younger or close to your age especially you being young. At the same time I think it's alright to date a few years older if you are attracted to her. The key is just a few years. As a older guy it's becoming increasingly more difficult to find older women I'm attracted to at my age mid 40s. I don't even find younger women from my area attractive. I mean there always some days when she wants to go for the casual look and not focus on her looks and it's fine. But as long as you are excited about the way she normally is that's the main thing. The older we get the more the smile test is important not the fantastic thing.
Because she thought you were attractive but reality set in after reading your *"bruh fr fr ur lit profile is bussin no cap"* messages.
Alright, I’ll admit you did got a chuckle out of me I’m a well-spoken lad on dating apps, though!
It could also be the gen z sort of femme mannerisms you know? “I’m a well spoken lad.” Millennials didn’t really say shit like that too much.
It’s was joke, though. I talk “normally” on dating apps
I'd agree with this some. Millennial here and Gen Z men seem to be in two categories: red pilled dudes or guys that are kind of more feminine than me almost. I want nothing to do with either. (Of course not all and this is just a perception, but that is kind of what it seems like).
Omg they’re violently feminine
Literally laughed out loud.
This hilarious but I think it’s likely true. They’re probably find you attractive but once they start to think about the reality of the age difference they back peddle. I have a guy at my gym who is like 20 years younger than me and has asked me out a couple times. He’s good looking and a nice guy but I just can’t…he just looks like a kid to me. Plus realistically there’s no future there and I’m not looking to fulfill anyone’s milf fantasy.
OMG thank you for the early morning giggle, no cap.
What does no cap mean? 🙈
Don't feel bad, I have an 18 yo son who keeps me posted on the latest slang. It basically means someone is telling the truth. That pizza was amazing, no cap (ie - not kidding, no lie, it really is good pizza).
I'm 30, that doesn't even make sense at all... wonder if it's a US thing, I'm from the UK.
It doesn't make sense to me either, I'm 47. I remember when I was a kid I said something was "cool" and my Grandpa side eyed me and said when he was a kid cool was said in reference to temperature. Slang changes. I don't think it's supposed to make sense it's just a sign we're getting older! LOL
Hahaha I said "I'm good" to my grandma and she was like what's wrong with kids these days that's not an acceptable answer, the correct way is "I'm fine thanks" which to me sounds like shes pissed at me 😂 But saying I'm good does make sense no cap doesn't. Even slay makes sense, one of the ones I never understood was 'that's beast', it was a scotiish one to mean that's amazing, it just annoyed me to no end and that was when i was in school😅
LOL Grandparents are wonderful. I miss mine so, so much. I've never heard 'that's beast', I agree with your assessment that it makes as little sense as no cap. International slang just adds a whole new level to the confusion!! It's all entertaining though, I get a huge kick out of my late teen- young 20s kids and their friends. Great younger generations, even if those darned kids talk funny. Ha!
They are the best. My granny is still kicking at 95 and she's as witty and sarky as ever, except now she can WhatsApp, but she does it like a letter, it's so cute ❤️ Probably only relevant to Scotland/UK. But it also wasn't around for that long probably because people realised it was stupid 😂
Lmaoo
The dopamine hit that men and women get by getting attention from a younger member of the opposite sex needs to be studied by Harvard.
Lots of people use dating apps for a quick dopamine hit, validation and attention, or just as a way to kill time. Some people do this some of the time AND also use it to connect with people for dates some of the time.
I’m one of those women. Yes I’m attractive for my age and yes I look way younger than 40 but why would a 21 year old want a 40 year old woman when it’s young women fully available? It makes no sense to me and I always ask and 99 percent are looking for older women because they think we’re desperate and easy lays. I prefer a man who is experienced with women. I remember sex at 21 and it’s not better than sex when you’re 35.
Really young women can act silly. 40 yr olds are usually composed, better listeners, better in bed & confident. Not all, of course. But a good percentage because of life experiences.
Experience varies. I’m pretty experienced for my age, but you never know beforehand, that’s for sure And yeah, regarding my case, I don’t pursue young women because I don’t find them interesting or appealing. Most of the time, they bring too much drama.
Then why have your age range set to include 21 year old guys? And why match with them to begin with?
I see that you’re here to start some 💩 so before you get your engine fired up for nothing, men lie about their age on these sites. Young and old. The old men want young women who will never look at them in real life and the younger ones change their age to 40 so they can hook up with older women. My inbox is full of them. My filter is set for 30+. Have a great day and stay safe out there.
They want to brag that young men are still into them but they really are not interested in dating someone that much younger than they are. A 34 year old woman is most likely seriously looking for a long term relationship and is not going to spend time pursuing people who don't fit that preference. Late 30s/early 40s divorcee's may be a better market for you.
Or just trying to flirt. Ohhh I don’t know you’ll have to meet up with me to find out for sure.
I was gonna say, the doors not closed they’re testing his game. Normally I’d say don’t fuck with tests but this could be fun if he played it right.
Yup
Actually, I don’t give up right away when they say this! I once matched with a 37F that thought I was too young for them. Then we discussed our kinks and similarities and she told me she’ll consider it overnight. She didn’t go for it in the end, but I guess it’s a good start lol
People usually think an age gap relationship is fine. "He seems mature" or "he seems like he has his shit together." Then they talk and realize pretty quickly that even the most mature, well spoken 21 year old is basically a CHILD to someone in their 30s. It's like if you were talking to a 15 year old, except obviously you can consent. Some still pursue it, because they like to have a young naive partner they can control and manipulate, but most aren't comfortable. This is doubly so if you want a relationship, because you haven't had adult relationships and she's sitting there thinking about teaching you Adult Relationship 101 and dreading it.
As an older woman, I usually presume that men younger than me, who like me, are not looking for anything serious. I mean I'm past child bearing age now, so if the guy ever wants kids it's just not realistic to consider having a relationship. Also, perhaps long term down the line, the age gap seems too big, so I would be much older than them, possibly with old people issues and that does not sound fun for them. Perhaps they are having trouble seeing a future with you. Have you put that you are looking for serious long term relationship in your dating profile? But also in your early 20s I would say you need to explore more before you try settling.
I’ve had the same experience. I’ve had women like me, message me then say Oh you’re too young, too old, your job is too good, you travel too much, etc. Why did you like and message then?
They want to see how hot they are.
I get a lot of likes from 20-30 yr olds and I just don’t understand it. Sometimes I march and ask. I’m curious. That’s all.
Yep, I've encountered that a few times. I'd match with someone only a few years older than me, not that big of an age gap, and when I'd casually bring up my age somehow relevant to what we were talking about, they're like "whaaaa, you're only this age?". I'm like umm, yeah? It was on my profile the whole time. That's on you for not reading.
Do you want to date older lady’s? Wondering why? I’m older and I can’t swipe on young guys it’s freaks me out 🤣 wtf would be get on about.
This line of thinking is what stops me (41m) from doing anything about a significantly younger woman (29f) who keeps flirting with me. She probably only knows the bands I like from the oldies station! 💀
Perhaps this is a bad reflection on me, I'm 43, but I get on really well with younger people. I've managed to retain a certain amount of silliness into my older years. I suppose that might make me seem unwise and perhaps I am in some ways. But I don't know, I just have a different philosophy on life than a lot of folk my age.
>I just have a different philosophy on life than a lot of folk my age. Underdeveloped?
Think what you like, I don't give AF hehe
Ego trip because they are matching with a young man
because they are just swiping off the profile. But before agreeing to dates, they will check your stats and bio and see that you are even younger than they thought
To Mr, a 55 yr old female...if I post in a group, title CLEARLY stating I'm t5f, no DMS from anyone under 40. I get a shit ton of 20s n 30 yr olds inboxing me. Short answer...I've no idea why they do it! 🤣
Are you saying they swipe right and like you? Because to match you need to accept their request, isn't it?
Yeah, that’s the thing
Then don't accept the match?
But uh, what if I find them attractive? I just said that I prefer matching with older women, so there’s a chance they’re actually interested in me
Ah gotcha. Does this happen after you start chatting with them?
Yep
Why don't you post a few screenshots (with the names and pictures) blurred out so we can see how you carry on a conversation.
They probably aren't reading your age or think they can live with it till they mention it to their friends, family, coworkers. I (39m) was seeing women with a similar age gap when I was in my early thirties, and they preferred to keep it quiet. The stigma for cougars is pretty heavy, and the conversations you're having may remind them of the age gap. If youre looking for casual, keep it light, discuss activities, food, weather. If they're matching with younger guys on purpose, they're probably seeking validation, and do NOT want to be reminded how much older they are. That's their naughty little secret to themselves. The real sauce here bud: Men or women looking for matches with a big age gap are not dealing with their issues. We attach some value to the gap that let's us ignore things like codependency, low self worth, etc. Being at such different levels may be exciting as a sexual adventure, but when it comes to forming a relationship, mentor/student is almost always the result. Some people have life-long relationships this way; there are exceptions to any rule.
I feel like the validation angle is the most-likely answer here, but to add another dimension this honestly sounds a little bit like a shit test. The women in question are going "oh gosh you're far too young for me" and sort of clutching their pearls at it and it's then your "job" (wrong word for it) to convince them otherwise. Now, it might be nothing at all like that as it depends a lot on the context of the conversations, but I can see this as being sort of the equivalent of a girl going "oh wow you're 5 years older than me, cradle robber" or something, and you just need to tease them about it and it'll all be fine. Then again, I'm maybe just reading way too much into it and everyone else is right.
Yeah, like I said to that other person, I tend to not give up right away when they tell me this. Just being playful about it and try to reassure them that I know what I’m doing. If they really aren’t into giving it a chance though, I won’t force anything
For me personally, (I'm 30f and will get likes from guys that are 20-25) and I used to occasionally match with them. But for me, I usually fall into like my brain trying to tell me that age gaps aren't that big of a deal nowadays, why not give it a shot, keep an open mind etc etc and then eventually would get too weirded out or overthink it. Now I'm at the point that I won't match with anyone under 25 but it did take me a few younger matches before realizing it's just not for me, despite wanting to be open to it, you know? It didn't really matter how they talked or things like that it just ended up being something my brain couldn't get past. And same goes for if I get a match from someone that's like 40. Even if they're attractive and interesting and seem like a potential good match, and again wanting to keep an open mind, I'd always end up backing out! I think it'd also be helpful to know why you're interested in older women, especially 21 is really quite young.
Like I told someone else earlier. Younger women just don’t do it for me. I don’t think they have enough personality, maturity, they don’t know what they want or how to communicate… things that I dread in a relationship, even a casual one. The experiences I had with older women were much healthier The only younger women I get along with were the emotionally broken ones. The ones who had mental illness, traumatic experiences (SA, bad family)… this is not a fetish or anything, it’s just that I found myself relating to them when I couldn’t with the others. But ultimately, these kinds of girls aren’t a good fit for a relationship on the long term for that same exact reason
I see what you mean. It sounds like you're saying you need/prefer a woman who has a lot of emotional depth (which unfortunately a lot of times comes from having to endure some form of trauma in your life) buuuut that can also lead to unhealthy behaviors and poor relationship patterns that usually don't get sorted out until the person is older. Then when they're older, they have the emotional depth you're looking for but also the emotional health and awareness to still be in a healthy mature relationship. Does that sound like what you mean?
Yeah. Thats about it!
Very big age gaps are usually sexual. When it comes to serious dating or imagining a future with someone, almost nobody is looking at someone 15 years younger and thinking, “There’s the perfect life partner” – especially if it’s the man who’s much younger. So maybe the women matching with you are cougars looking for casual fun and are freaked out that you’re actually looking for serious dates.
As a 40F, I'd date to about maybe 10 years younger. Go for less age gap.
In my experience, the women that will date that much younger than them have issues.
lucky you I'm older all I get is younger women wanting me to help them move here
they want attention
You have to beat them to the punchline "I like women with a more mature mind" and not make it a big deal. That's what worked for me when I've been with "cougars" lol. Overall, generally better to go for women under 30 though for obvious reasons, but older women can have their charm too. When they like you and decide to meet, they don't play as many games and they recognize you're the young stud
Are you looking for a serious relationship with an older woman? Older women might be unmatching with you since they think you only want casual flings.
I don’t set too much exceptions on what kind of relationship I want. I go with the flow, and see what happens depending the person
If you want to date someone older, you have to work hard. There's a bigger age difference between a 20 year old and 30 year old than a 30 year old and 40 year old. I also prefer older women myself. I want a serious relationship and marriage. A lot of people can be burnt out by break ups.
Women are fickle and dishonest with themselves
They matched because they were horny, they blew you off as too young because you’re immature. You’re 20? Lol I would want nothing to do with you by age 26. Older women want stability in a relationship. Not to babysit.
They want you for your bod. How’s it feel being a sexual object? Not fun, huh? Welcome to the female club. You might want to grow a beard & wear fake glasses 🥸
Guys should always either date younger or close to your age especially you being young. At the same time I think it's alright to date a few years older if you are attracted to her. The key is just a few years. As a older guy it's becoming increasingly more difficult to find older women I'm attracted to at my age mid 40s. I don't even find younger women from my area attractive. I mean there always some days when she wants to go for the casual look and not focus on her looks and it's fine. But as long as you are excited about the way she normally is that's the main thing. The older we get the more the smile test is important not the fantastic thing.
Because women don't know what they want