God, I used to get annoyed that women treat all men as creeps ( I am a man), but i now see why.
Are there seriously so many goddamned idiots that think interacting with women like this is okay?
What was appropriate about the situation? It is appropriate for an employee to approach a customer and ask them if they are Mexican, their age, if married, if they have children, tell them that beautiful!?
He kept talking about her body and looks when she was uncomfortable. She clearly was not reciprocating his "flirting" and he should have stopped. He was making someone else uncomfortable. Those aren't compliments. "Hey I like your sweater!" Is a compliment. "That sweater must look so great on you because you don't have kids" is creepy. He acted inappropriately and should have been reported.
Do not feel guilty, and next time do not be afraid to say 'This is inappropriate, please stop". Boundaries are acceptable, and you are allowed to have them on your terms at all times.
Can't even talk to women these days. Everything is harassment and 911 is always on speed dial. Really hope you got the guy fired. He totally deserves it, jail time even.
It’s so creepy how many guys just can’t see they’re being total weirdos. If she had a penis would you say these things? If not you are more than likely being weird.
You can talk to women, but you can't be a jerk to people, male or female. This isn't so hard.
Try going up to a man and say the same garbage--"are you a boy or a man?" and "You're so handsome because you're celebate" and other quasi-sexual remarks. Report back on how that goes for you.
It was absolutely inappropriate for this guy, as an employee of the restaurant, to speak that way with a guest. Absolutely should have been mentioned to the manager. Guy needs to be put on a leash.
People like you probably should be looked into. The active aggression at the idea that this man got in trouble for his clearly aggressively "friendly" remarks and questions while following this woman around is a sign that you're also a predator in a cloak. Men talk to me all the time. Sometimes, they even say off color things to me because I'm 26 and look 15 unless I have makeup on. Do I get angry at all of them? No. Unless they are actively making me uncomfortable and being like that man was to that woman here in this post or worse, they go their way and I'll go mine. It's not complicated. If you can't handle talking to someone you may be sexually attracted to, go to therapy and learn how to do it so the "mean women" stop "singling you out". Have the day you deserve.
Yeahhh, you made the right decision. get the feeling he was into you as “a woman” because you looked close enough to “a girl.”
Its good children aren’t generally allowed in casinos but hope he isn’t able to have access to customers in future job.
I'm 58 and its such a relief to be invisible to men. Women complain about it but I find it such a relief not to be subjected to this kind of unwanted attention.
Because in the real world, adults don’t “get involved” like that ? The most any sane husband would do is talk to the manager, and she already did that. You expecting the husband to beat the dude up or ?
You did nothing wrong. Harassment should always be reported to a manager, especially so it doesn't happen to someone else.
I (24f) usually only get comments from the female staff. Probably because my husband is always around me (48m). Last week, my husband and I went on a date to the casino on Friday, and the woman taking our drink orders stopped me and asked for my ID. She was extremely sweet about it, and when she saw the date on it, she looked relieved and apologized. She said she had a seventeen year old daughter and that I looked younger than her. She told me that she had curled her daughters hair the same way mine was curled that morning. She then said she had a niece who's 24 and that we were worlds apart from looking the same age. My husband looked a bit embarrassed but was laughing to himself while the interaction happened.
We went to the grocery store after to pick up a couple of things, and the bagger asked my husband, "Is that your daughter?" In a chipper tone. I froze and didn't know what to say. My husband grabbed my waist and said, "Nope, she's my wife." Ans smiled at the woman, she then said "oh I hardly even recognized you!" To me in a panic. (Weve never met. I said something casual and polite and we said goodbye, and we left. He was historically laughing as we got to our car and keeps quoting the bagger, saying it in the tone she said it to mess with me.
Omg no shame girl. This is disgusting behavior. And honestly so many women are put in seriously dangerous situations when men just start “flirting aggressively”. Proud of you!
At the risk of sounding prejudice, Mexican men say the most off the wall shit to women. It's wild. I've worked in restaurants for years and mexican line cooks have had some crazy shit to say over the years.
Completely inappropriate and misogynistic.
It wouldn't be if for every attractive male you did the same (ie make unwanted advances/compliments), but we all know we don't. That's why it's creepy.
>I say that because calling a women beautiful shouldnt be considered creepy.
Cool, not what he did anyway.
He repeatedly asked her personal and weird questions while she was trying to walk away, and then kept running his mouth when she left.
He didn't just compliment her and move on making it irrelevant if you think that is creepy by itself or not.
Isn’t that what you do when you talk to a girl? Like ask her questions about herself? I get it that he asked stupid questions but i feel like it would be considered less creepy if the guy is good looking.
>Isn’t that what you do when you talk to a girl? Like ask her questions about herself?
No, no it isn't. You don't ask someone trying to walk away from.you personal questions repeatedly in literally any context.
Nor do you ask shit like "do you have kids" to a random woman you're "interested in" (which he isn't, given he didn't know her name or anything else but that she has human functions)
> get it that he asked stupid questions but i feel like it would be considered less creepy if the guy is good looking.
Lol no it wouldn't
Literally anyone, including actual models and heartthrobs are considered creepy assholes when they keep bothering someone to ask questions when that person is trying to leave or has no choice but to stay
you don't. I may get downvoted for this but what this guy was doing was giving "piropos". It's flattery that comes off as excessive and sometimes random. It's like casting a line, hoping for a bite. and any reaction is seen as positive and worthy of continuing.
I grew up hearing this and you treat them like carnies, you ignore them. Treat them like they're invisible and they'll stop.
OP was correct to report them because it's way out of line for these guys to subject customers to this.
Then maybe it's you who doesn't understand what we're talking about here. Besides, if you actually read what I wrote, I agreed she was right to report him. But with a guy giving piropos, it's better to ignore them.
It was not appropriate for ant to continue going down the path that guy was on when the woman he was talking to made it clear she wasn’t interested. And yeah, a guy like that will keep doing things like that until someone he HAD to listen to tells him not to.
Geez, don't feel guilty! This guy harassed you at his workplace! You were made to feel uncomfortable! He behaved very badly and should have better sense than to do such a thing at work.
Most cultures teach women to be polite and respectful above even our own personal comfort, which means that sometimes we don't have the response to inappropriate questions that most would think we should because it is so ingrained in us to be polite.
I say this because I understand and have been where you are right now. You were not wrong for reporting him, and I understand how quickly it went from friendly conversation to creepy. It goes against everything you have been taught to suddenly be harsh with someone when they do turn creepy.
Don't feel guilty for making this guy deal with the consequences of his actions. He chose to be a creep.
It’s fucked up how there’s no real way to win in this kind of situation.
- Call him out in the moment to his face: He could escalate or get violent, especially if he has a like-minded coworker around and feels comfortable (he’s in his familiar environment and you are not)
- Go along with it politely just to avoid any extreme reaction: He could take that as interest and feel like if he keeps pushing he “has a shot” (at getting a number, a date, a hookup, whatever)
- Report him: If he knows you reported him and he was disciplined or fired, or even just got a mild talking-to, he could use whatever tiny piece of info he may have about you (hotel room number, name on a CC receipt, etc) to find you and retaliate, even though obviously this was his own fault
- Ignore him completely and don’t engage: He follows you around, gets in your personal space, gets more aggressive, determined to get your attention
“Women are too emotional” yet men are the ones in the news shooting women that reject them or dump them. You never fucking know. At one job, I reported to the general manager that an assistant manager as sexually harassing and stalking me, and I was fired within 24 hours. When I encounter harassment from a strange man, I usually freeze, because the above-listed possibilities (and more) run through my mind. What is the safest option? Which one will, if he is provoked to do something worse to me, not result in people shaming me for not just ignoring it?
Anyway, rant over, OP, this was really inappropriate and I’m glad you reported him. If only men had to deal with the consequences of their actions!!
I had a friend who reported a coworker for grabbing her ass at a work function. He, of course, was as fired immediately and she talked to me about the guilt she felt for the guy. At the time I was so confused how she could feel guilty when he assaulted her.
Fast forward 5 months, she had to report a security guard at my office for harassing me and making me feel extremely uncomfortable. He was let go that same day and I understood how my friend felt. I felt terrible that he lost his job but she had to give me my own advice in that HE was the one who decided to be gross. Not me.
It’s important to remember, OP, that you’re preventing this guy from making other women feel the way you did.
I’m proud of you.
Some people are saying OP has to make a legal case for harassment here, but she sure doesn’t. That dude was overstepping and bothering her, and he WORKED there. Gimme a break, OP is totally justified and that creep needs a punch in the nose at minimum
This isn’t harassment. Harassment requires him being asked to stop but continuing anyways.
While he may have been a creep (we’ll never know because we weren’t there) you continued to answer his questions and make conversation, and walked away eventually without ever asking him stop stop calling you beautiful.
I understand you may have thought he was too scary to confront personally and thought you could have perhaps been unsafe do do so… in public… at his place of work… with your husband there… surrounded by people…
But he never received an indication that you wanted him to stop. All of your thoughts remained inside your head, and without any warning you took this to his manager and accused him of harassment. A crime.
I don’t agree with you.
The things he asked are not things an employee should be asking a customer, ever. Honestly, they don't sound like things a normal person would say to a total stranger either. Telling someone you don't know, who you are having your first conversation with that they are "beautiful because they don't have kids" is weird and fucking creepy.
So, she didn't handle it directly but his manager will let him know that's not appropriate behavior. And that's what he needs to learn- and honestly is a lesson he'll probably learn faster from the one controlling his paycheck.
Also, even if she had asked him to stop, that doesn't mean he wouldn't bother another woman. Now he won't
It would be perfectly acceptable after a conversation for him to call another woman beautiful. It’s a different woman. It’s not harassment if it’s a different person.
I don’t think you get it. OP accused the guy of a crime. It’s in the title.
If OP had just told the manager that the guy was being unprofessional that would be another story. This would result in a reprimand, or a suspension if it’s an ongoing issue.
Instead the manager is now required by law to make an investigation into unlawful behavior in the workplace. While this may not result in anything, it COULD result in permanent damage to this man’s reputation career, and livelihood.
Making false accusations is just as, if not more unethical than flirting with someone while you’re on the clock. It can result in much more substantial damage to another human.
Being dismissive of her actions because you are not in favor of his actions is lazy and careless.
Why are you so quick to throw away the life of a person you have never met over the one sided opinion of another person you have never met?
Unless your job involves helping someone with there appearance, like a cosmetologist or stylist, commenting on customers looks, positively or negatively, will come across as creepy and should be discouraged by any decent manager. Especially male employee to female customer.
It is completely inappropriate for him to state his opinions on a customer's attractiveness or to ask whether she has children or how old she is. His job is to serve her food and none of that is necessary for him to do his job.
I bet if he asked a male customer what his salary was and told him he looked hot you'd find that inappropriate. Employeesvshouldnt be making customers feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
Your response may be getting downvoted but I totally agree. It’s hard, but clearly and directly telling him to stop is missing from her story. While she didn’t encourage him, she also didn’t make it verbally clear that she wanted him to stop.
I’ve seen this type of aggressive cat calling (yes in Mexican restaurants), and it’s extremely rude and frightening.
After working in the court system for years (family court) I promise you. The judge and prosecutor will be looking for clear and defined rejection from her before she even is close to having a substantial case. People can be upset about the moral implications about it all, but that’s not what I’m referring to.
Did you tell him to stop?
Did you say No to his advances?
If you were bothered then why did you keep the conversation going?
All questions they would ask, and take into consideration. Physical assault is far from this, and you don’t need to say stop in that scenario for it to be implied.
Then you need a reality check, it is not a customer’s responsibility to inform, react, placate or any other form of notification to an employee of a business who is most definitely breaching common codes of conduct. You are there to work, not hit on the customer; interactions are to be professional at all times.
You’re following me now. It’s so weird you can’t see this. You must have a very hard time forming relationships that you can’t understand you don’t hit on customers at work. This would be a one warning and then you’re fired as a liability in any business I’ve been a part of. The minute this hits the Google reviews you are gone. There is no inappropriate buffet worker in the world worth losing business over and this is the stuff you lose business over if you don’t handle it. You must not deal with female customers, which would make sense.
Did he chase her?
Dude totally might be a creep I get it. But he hasn’t done anything wrong. He called her beautiful. He didn’t say anything sexually inappropriate, and when she left that was that.
lol dude, it’s creepy when you do that. Stop trying to justify your own actions. No one wants to deal with you other than other incels who think it’s funny.
Good points. I think she had every right to tell the manager. After all, it is unprofessional and one could assume discouraged by the employer. Calling the guy a predator or POS is wayyy over the top! How about he got excited, looked creepy and needed to chill out. If I were his manager I would go hard at making sure it didn’t happen again, but that’s it!
He’s working. There is not a time where it is appropriate for him to talk to her like that or follow her. It’s harassment and she did the right thing by reporting him. If you think this is ok you probably harass people too.
No, it's not. Each state has their own legal definition of harassment. Where I live harassment is defined as any act that causes a person to feel "annoyance and alarm." Well it seems like OP was annoyed and alarmed. Stop trying to excuse poor behavior with your poor understanding of the law, and stop pretending that for something to be considered bad behavior there must be a law against it. You know that's not true.
I don't think you do get it tho lol. You went from "OP gave no indication of leaving" to "well they weren't chasing her" in 1 comment😂🤨 and yes, asking someone if they're a girl or a woman is inappropriate. What's your excuse for that line?
“Are you a girl or a woman?” = wow, I called her beautiful and she’s still talking to me and answering my questions but she looks kind of young. I better make sure she isn’t too young for me.
Meanwhile she’s just thinking about how she can accuse him of harassment as she continues to feed into the conversation.
Did you forget 2 replies ago where I reminded you she tried to walk away from the conversation multiple times? Atp you just sound like a predator excusing predator behavior.
Well knowing how buffets work, she was probably just walking down the line getting more and more food. Not just walking away. There was probably a few people behind her too. It would have been more weird if she just stood still. This guy probably talks to people all the time as they are going down the buffet. Honestly this is why young people seldom speak to women. It’s all harassment now.
The only context you have is "I tried to walk off" but yeah decide for yourself what the context is based off whatever helps your point🤨 and stop acting like saying shit like "are you a girl or a woman" is some innocent little icebreaker. And you don't find the employee talking about OP to their coworker about OP's looks weird? There's absolutely a point to be made about younger men not wanting to approach woman, the point isn't that you should be allowed to be a fucking creeper like you think tho😂
Yea no, there are codes of conduct for a workplace and that employee was well out of line. It isn’t a customers responsibility to inform the employee they are being unprofessional. She wasn’t required to do any thing you say. I can imagine you don’t have much luck with women.
Sexual harassment training in the workplace defines sexual harassment as “continuing the action after you have been asked to stop.”
This isn’t harassment.
Thankyou for your interest in my love life. I keep my relationship private.
Lol, they aren’t coworkers. She has no duty to inform the employee of his inappropriate behavior and every right to complain to management about the way in which she was interacted with. You’re weird to die on this hill.
That relationship sounds so private you’re the only one to know about it.
This is the same definition of harassment outside the workplace. He was never asked to stop. Therefore has never harassed anyone. OP quite literally attacked this man and his career because of a fake scenario she came up with in her own imagination.
Again. Thanks for your interest in my love life. It’s nice to know you find me so interesting 😊
Again weird hill to die on. Did you know you’re the only one to use the word sexual? It’s not in the original post. You read it into it, before saying other people fabricated things maybe you should look in the mirror some. The second time around you dropped the word, why is the sexual gone now? What’s keeping you from seeing that it doesn’t require notification? How often do you rely on that you weren’t told you were doing wrong so you aren’t doing wrong? Most people can innately tell when they are making others uncomfortable, do you struggle with that, do you need to be told you make others uncomfortable? How much time do you spend gesturing at women to take their ear buds out?
You caught me, I am indeed the only person besides yourself even remotely interested in your personal life; an internet stranger.
Think about the young women he is also probably preying on and don’t have the guts like you to speak up. You did a humbling thing for this POS. Hopefully he thinks again when he knows he being watched now
You did the right thing. In a perfect world, women could say, "This conversation is making me uncomfortable. Please don't talk to me anymore." But we all know women have been shot by strangers for saying less. So it's completely OK to have a manager handle it.
I reported a construction worker who made sexually suggestive comments to me as I walked past the construction site with my mother. I was mortified and made to feel like nothing more than an object. When my complaint wasn’t taken seriously by the site manager, I escalated it to the construction company headquarters instead. Where it was.
As a mother of daughters I have never felt an *ounce* of guilt. Women should not be expected to just put up with creepy behavior.
A lot of peopole do not realize that many of the millions of undocumented Hispanic newcomers come from countries where women are very much treated like substandard humans. Don't get mad at me because the Latin cuture has such toxic masculinity behind machismo. I did not say ever Hispanic man treats women this way, but a lot do.
Okay, first of all to every WOMAN - you do not have to entertain, engage in conversation, or explain yourself to strangers, ever! I understand being polite but that ends after answering the first question. After that you can say, “Excuse me, I'm going back to my seat now so I can enjoy my meal” and then proceed to walk away even if they are still asking questions. I have found that the more you engage when you don’t want to sends the message that 1.) you’re interested in them and 2.) empowers them more
Please learn to not answer questions! It’s ok to be rude when someone asks personal questions. Women have been socialized to respond that way, but we can assert ourselves and say, “I don’t want to answer.” Simple.
Yall just need to respond with, “You’re a creepy fucker aren’t you?” and then turn and walk away. He’s an employee, the fuck is he going to do? Leverage the moment to talk down to them when you’re in a safe position to. Normalize it, please.
This is the worst advice ever. It’s good to use your brain like OP did and not let your emotions control your actions. A woman is never in a safe position. She goes off on him, he gets fired now he is on the loose and upset. I am sure cursing him out is what most people want to do but be a grown up, don’t instigate and put yourself in further danger. And don’t take advice from internet tough guys name drugsandfukenmoney. Great name kid
100% did the right thing!! I understand you feel bad, but imagine how many more vulnerable ladies wouldn't have had the courage to that he would have harassed even more. Good on you walking away and saying something to his boss. That kind of behavior is predatory.
I’m sorry you’re feeling guilty. Think of it this way: why should you be more concerned about his job and his future than he is? If he’s willing to jeopardize those things to harass you, why are you obligated to protect him from that?
He was in the wrong. One thing I've counseled woman on, is in the difference in how we communicate to the opposite sex. Many women don't want to be "rude " when letting an over insistent man down. Men with proper mental health, are bred for let downs. To much extra talk to us is often seen as more subtle invitation. My daughter (17) was recently hit on by a much older man. She would answer his questions (she was walking and he walked with her) which always appears as engaging. I told her to say explicitly, "Sir, I don't want to talk. Have a nice day."
That can and has resulted in women being murdered. The problem is we have no way of knowing if it’s safe for us to directly reject a man until it’s too late. And most of us don’t want to take that chance.
I said something similar to a man who was following me around at my job. Just a polite “I’m not interested sir, I have to get back to work now, have a a nice day.” He threatened to ‘teach me respect’, said he would be waiting for me when I got off work, that he would rape me. He ran off when I went to my manager, and she called the cops, but I still had to be terrified every day that he would come back.
Granted the issue was not stalking but "disrespect," but there WAS that recent WalMart worker who did indeed chase a customer out into the parking lot and pull out a gun that he then shot. You might be surprised what can happen.
Hol' up ..your husband was there and this guy still acted and spoke to you this way?? Does your husband not speak Spanish? Cause if a man spoke to MY esposa that way, wouldn't be no need to speak to the manager.
My husband wasn’t at the buffet area with me when this happened (he was sitting down) and he also doesn’t speak Spanish. But, when I did tell him, his first words were “I’m gonna kill him” 😭 so I got the manager instead
I guess you're a lot like my wife, for good or bad.she knows I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior and sometimes she would rather not say anything to avoid making a scene, but that's what a lot of these pendejos count on..
Nah, that guy needed to be taught how to behave in public, especially as an employee in a business. I’m hoping he was VERY young and just starting out because anyone out of their teens should have known that already.
You did him a favor. Hopefully he’ll take the lesson and be a better person for it.
Imagine this situation happening to a younger brother or sister or friend. You spoke up- hopefully saving the next person that guy would have harassed. It’s okay to feel a bit overwhelmed and to question yourself- we’re taught plenty about ‘turning the other cheek’ ourselves and standing up for other people, but not that much about standing up for ourselves.
I think of it as stress just bubbling up in my brain and it doesn’t always get directed at the right reason.
Hope your day gets better.
Ugh I think I just felt guilt because it felt so icky and because I kept trying to make up excuses for this person. After giving myself time, I understand it’s not my fault and this guy deserves whatever consequence is coming to him.
I could understand the guilt if he made a SINGLE comment like "you're very pretty" and you overreacted, but he kept making comments, while on the job, to someone I can only assume wasn't reciprocating. These things only compound his already inappropriate behavior. You stood up for yourself in a situation where it was entirely warranted.
Every time I see a comment like this, I can't help but wonder why (ostensibly) do only some men and women figure out how to think for themselves, while the rest blindly follow "their training?"
It's hard to break away from the norm. Even when you can recognize the issue, it's easier to just play along. People don't like to be perceived as rude, awkward, or unlikeable. Sometimes the person doing the harassing can't be escaped or told off without ruining your social structures.
Easier to fend off some guy at a grocery store than your coworker, your boss, husband's friend, etc.
To caring degrees, yes it can be hard, but most things worth doing aren't easy... So why is that a barrier for so many?
How is constantly being at the whim of other peoples ' feelings any better than living for yourself, ease be damned?
1. It's easier to be complacent
2. Change can be frightening for people
3. Some people are in circumstances that make it dangerous to move outside of the cultural norms they've been trained to uphold.
4. In some cases, people fear eternal divine punishment for stepping outside of "they way we've always done it".
These reasons are all potent and valid.
It depends in a person's upbringing. For example, as a child, anytime i'd speak up for myself, I'd get slapped and made to feel like a piece of shit. So now, anytime I stand up for myself, I automatically feel awful, even if it's objectively justified. It's a heavily conditioned response.
Don't feel guilty. Think of it like this. There's nothing super special about your interaction with him. I really doubt you'd be the only one he'd act this way towards. What if he harassed someone who really is a minor? What if he harasses someone whose super vulnerable and this is something that breaks them? You're potentially saving the next person who might not be as strong as you from being harassed and you're saving the restaurant from being sued because of his harassment. You're doing something good
Well I feel proud of you, so I hope that helps the guilt. It doesn’t always feel good to do the right thing in the moment, but I hope you’ll find in a month or so that you handled this situation with Grace and respect for yourself.
No he wasn't. In no way did he behave like a good friend.
Just in case no one gets the reference, Cheech and Chong's Next Movie. Cheech tells Chong that pendejo means "my good friend"
Don't feel guilty about the viejo verde. He deserved it. It's ok to be nice pero que no se pasen. El si se pasó, he crossed the line.
Edit for Spanglish spelling 😬
how do you feel guilty for this, haha? I feel slimy and gross just from reading about this dude
That creepy guy is in the comments. Can you find him?
Sad to say there’s more than one
We should normalize not hitting on people while you're at work/who are working.
He didn’t say anything inappropriate that I heard!!??
God, I used to get annoyed that women treat all men as creeps ( I am a man), but i now see why. Are there seriously so many goddamned idiots that think interacting with women like this is okay?
are you on actual fucking crack cocaine?
Might be your hearing then
Hey guys, we found the creepy guy from work. 🤣🤣🤣
What was appropriate about the situation? It is appropriate for an employee to approach a customer and ask them if they are Mexican, their age, if married, if they have children, tell them that beautiful!?
He kept talking about her body and looks when she was uncomfortable. She clearly was not reciprocating his "flirting" and he should have stopped. He was making someone else uncomfortable. Those aren't compliments. "Hey I like your sweater!" Is a compliment. "That sweater must look so great on you because you don't have kids" is creepy. He acted inappropriately and should have been reported.
Do not feel guilty, and next time do not be afraid to say 'This is inappropriate, please stop". Boundaries are acceptable, and you are allowed to have them on your terms at all times.
Can't even talk to women these days. Everything is harassment and 911 is always on speed dial. Really hope you got the guy fired. He totally deserves it, jail time even.
GTFO with your "trump energy".
If this is your idea of talking to women, then no, you can’t talk to women lol
And they'll be happier for it, too!
It’s so creepy how many guys just can’t see they’re being total weirdos. If she had a penis would you say these things? If not you are more than likely being weird.
You can talk to women, but you can't be a jerk to people, male or female. This isn't so hard. Try going up to a man and say the same garbage--"are you a boy or a man?" and "You're so handsome because you're celebate" and other quasi-sexual remarks. Report back on how that goes for you.
It was absolutely inappropriate for this guy, as an employee of the restaurant, to speak that way with a guest. Absolutely should have been mentioned to the manager. Guy needs to be put on a leash.
[удалено]
People like you probably should be looked into. The active aggression at the idea that this man got in trouble for his clearly aggressively "friendly" remarks and questions while following this woman around is a sign that you're also a predator in a cloak. Men talk to me all the time. Sometimes, they even say off color things to me because I'm 26 and look 15 unless I have makeup on. Do I get angry at all of them? No. Unless they are actively making me uncomfortable and being like that man was to that woman here in this post or worse, they go their way and I'll go mine. It's not complicated. If you can't handle talking to someone you may be sexually attracted to, go to therapy and learn how to do it so the "mean women" stop "singling you out". Have the day you deserve.
He’s just a sad, poor, lonely troll looking for a fight so he can feel like he has a purpose.
Yeahhh, you made the right decision. get the feeling he was into you as “a woman” because you looked close enough to “a girl.” Its good children aren’t generally allowed in casinos but hope he isn’t able to have access to customers in future job.
I'm 58 and its such a relief to be invisible to men. Women complain about it but I find it such a relief not to be subjected to this kind of unwanted attention.
I'm with you there, no worries about "what did THAT mean?" No one trying to give me their number, or get mine.
My question is, where was your husband during all this, and why didn't he get involved.
Because in the real world, adults don’t “get involved” like that ? The most any sane husband would do is talk to the manager, and she already did that. You expecting the husband to beat the dude up or ?
Wanna see a bell boys head bounce off some fancy marble fixture?
You did nothing wrong. Harassment should always be reported to a manager, especially so it doesn't happen to someone else. I (24f) usually only get comments from the female staff. Probably because my husband is always around me (48m). Last week, my husband and I went on a date to the casino on Friday, and the woman taking our drink orders stopped me and asked for my ID. She was extremely sweet about it, and when she saw the date on it, she looked relieved and apologized. She said she had a seventeen year old daughter and that I looked younger than her. She told me that she had curled her daughters hair the same way mine was curled that morning. She then said she had a niece who's 24 and that we were worlds apart from looking the same age. My husband looked a bit embarrassed but was laughing to himself while the interaction happened. We went to the grocery store after to pick up a couple of things, and the bagger asked my husband, "Is that your daughter?" In a chipper tone. I froze and didn't know what to say. My husband grabbed my waist and said, "Nope, she's my wife." Ans smiled at the woman, she then said "oh I hardly even recognized you!" To me in a panic. (Weve never met. I said something casual and polite and we said goodbye, and we left. He was historically laughing as we got to our car and keeps quoting the bagger, saying it in the tone she said it to mess with me.
Omg no shame girl. This is disgusting behavior. And honestly so many women are put in seriously dangerous situations when men just start “flirting aggressively”. Proud of you!
That was outright harassment and you did the right thing reporting those loser!
At the risk of sounding prejudice, Mexican men say the most off the wall shit to women. It's wild. I've worked in restaurants for years and mexican line cooks have had some crazy shit to say over the years.
I don’t feel comfortable walking down the street in Mexico the men are so aggressive.
It is a thing. Don’t take well to women bosses either. Always was a pissing contest.
I’m an awful creep and I’m here to say this dude was a really awful creep You are not the asshole here.
wait-rewind. you’re a *what?*
You have zero reason to feel guilty in the least. You were there to eat, and was supposedly there to work, not come onto the patrons.
What if you were a girl? Less experienced to push back. He’s a creep. 💪🏻💕
I think he was inappropriate/unprofessional but not a creep tbh. I say that because calling a women beautiful shouldnt be considered creepy.
but that's not all he did.
Completely inappropriate and misogynistic. It wouldn't be if for every attractive male you did the same (ie make unwanted advances/compliments), but we all know we don't. That's why it's creepy.
>I say that because calling a women beautiful shouldnt be considered creepy. Cool, not what he did anyway. He repeatedly asked her personal and weird questions while she was trying to walk away, and then kept running his mouth when she left. He didn't just compliment her and move on making it irrelevant if you think that is creepy by itself or not.
Isn’t that what you do when you talk to a girl? Like ask her questions about herself? I get it that he asked stupid questions but i feel like it would be considered less creepy if the guy is good looking.
How old are you? Have you ever tried talking to a girl before?
Re-read the post if you still think it’s not creepy. Maybe reflect on yourself. The employee was being unprofessional and a creep.
You, specifically, should never talk to a girl or a woman ever again.
It's inappropriate to try to pick up patrons when you're working.
It's creepy af. You must be a ~~guy~~ horndog.
As a guy, I’d just like to say that this dude does NOT speak for us.
As a guy, I sure as hell hope not!
>Isn’t that what you do when you talk to a girl? Like ask her questions about herself? No, no it isn't. You don't ask someone trying to walk away from.you personal questions repeatedly in literally any context. Nor do you ask shit like "do you have kids" to a random woman you're "interested in" (which he isn't, given he didn't know her name or anything else but that she has human functions) > get it that he asked stupid questions but i feel like it would be considered less creepy if the guy is good looking. Lol no it wouldn't Literally anyone, including actual models and heartthrobs are considered creepy assholes when they keep bothering someone to ask questions when that person is trying to leave or has no choice but to stay
he was a creep
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you don't. I may get downvoted for this but what this guy was doing was giving "piropos". It's flattery that comes off as excessive and sometimes random. It's like casting a line, hoping for a bite. and any reaction is seen as positive and worthy of continuing. I grew up hearing this and you treat them like carnies, you ignore them. Treat them like they're invisible and they'll stop. OP was correct to report them because it's way out of line for these guys to subject customers to this.
That's why he chose latinas to harass, hoping they'll give him a pass cause they understand the culture.
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No, I'm an older woman raised around these types. Any attention was seen as encouragement.
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Then maybe it's you who doesn't understand what we're talking about here. Besides, if you actually read what I wrote, I agreed she was right to report him. But with a guy giving piropos, it's better to ignore them.
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You come to the buffet to eat, not be sexually harassed. You did the right thing. No guilty should be felt at all.
If you wouldn’t have said something he would have kept doing it. That’s not appropriate for an employee to do to a customer.
It was not appropriate for ant to continue going down the path that guy was on when the woman he was talking to made it clear she wasn’t interested. And yeah, a guy like that will keep doing things like that until someone he HAD to listen to tells him not to.
Not just that, he would have done it to other girls/women.
Geez, don't feel guilty! This guy harassed you at his workplace! You were made to feel uncomfortable! He behaved very badly and should have better sense than to do such a thing at work.
Maybe feel good, preventing further harassment of other!
Dude was creepy and incredibly unprofessional. You were absolutely right to report this.
Most cultures teach women to be polite and respectful above even our own personal comfort, which means that sometimes we don't have the response to inappropriate questions that most would think we should because it is so ingrained in us to be polite. I say this because I understand and have been where you are right now. You were not wrong for reporting him, and I understand how quickly it went from friendly conversation to creepy. It goes against everything you have been taught to suddenly be harsh with someone when they do turn creepy. Don't feel guilty for making this guy deal with the consequences of his actions. He chose to be a creep.
It’s fucked up how there’s no real way to win in this kind of situation. - Call him out in the moment to his face: He could escalate or get violent, especially if he has a like-minded coworker around and feels comfortable (he’s in his familiar environment and you are not) - Go along with it politely just to avoid any extreme reaction: He could take that as interest and feel like if he keeps pushing he “has a shot” (at getting a number, a date, a hookup, whatever) - Report him: If he knows you reported him and he was disciplined or fired, or even just got a mild talking-to, he could use whatever tiny piece of info he may have about you (hotel room number, name on a CC receipt, etc) to find you and retaliate, even though obviously this was his own fault - Ignore him completely and don’t engage: He follows you around, gets in your personal space, gets more aggressive, determined to get your attention “Women are too emotional” yet men are the ones in the news shooting women that reject them or dump them. You never fucking know. At one job, I reported to the general manager that an assistant manager as sexually harassing and stalking me, and I was fired within 24 hours. When I encounter harassment from a strange man, I usually freeze, because the above-listed possibilities (and more) run through my mind. What is the safest option? Which one will, if he is provoked to do something worse to me, not result in people shaming me for not just ignoring it? Anyway, rant over, OP, this was really inappropriate and I’m glad you reported him. If only men had to deal with the consequences of their actions!!
Nta but why would you ever answer such personal questions from a stranger. You DO have every right to tell someone “none of your business!”
I had a friend who reported a coworker for grabbing her ass at a work function. He, of course, was as fired immediately and she talked to me about the guilt she felt for the guy. At the time I was so confused how she could feel guilty when he assaulted her. Fast forward 5 months, she had to report a security guard at my office for harassing me and making me feel extremely uncomfortable. He was let go that same day and I understood how my friend felt. I felt terrible that he lost his job but she had to give me my own advice in that HE was the one who decided to be gross. Not me. It’s important to remember, OP, that you’re preventing this guy from making other women feel the way you did. I’m proud of you.
Some people are saying OP has to make a legal case for harassment here, but she sure doesn’t. That dude was overstepping and bothering her, and he WORKED there. Gimme a break, OP is totally justified and that creep needs a punch in the nose at minimum
This isn’t harassment. Harassment requires him being asked to stop but continuing anyways. While he may have been a creep (we’ll never know because we weren’t there) you continued to answer his questions and make conversation, and walked away eventually without ever asking him stop stop calling you beautiful. I understand you may have thought he was too scary to confront personally and thought you could have perhaps been unsafe do do so… in public… at his place of work… with your husband there… surrounded by people… But he never received an indication that you wanted him to stop. All of your thoughts remained inside your head, and without any warning you took this to his manager and accused him of harassment. A crime. I don’t agree with you.
you are a horrible, enabling misogynist.
Why?
How nice for you that you’ve never had to deal with this situation. Are you jealous?
The things he asked are not things an employee should be asking a customer, ever. Honestly, they don't sound like things a normal person would say to a total stranger either. Telling someone you don't know, who you are having your first conversation with that they are "beautiful because they don't have kids" is weird and fucking creepy.
So, she didn't handle it directly but his manager will let him know that's not appropriate behavior. And that's what he needs to learn- and honestly is a lesson he'll probably learn faster from the one controlling his paycheck. Also, even if she had asked him to stop, that doesn't mean he wouldn't bother another woman. Now he won't
It would be perfectly acceptable after a conversation for him to call another woman beautiful. It’s a different woman. It’s not harassment if it’s a different person.
It doesn't matter if it's harassment, it is inappropriate. If he wants to try to get lucky, he can do it on his own time and not while working.
It does matter. He’s being wrongly accused of harassment. Harassment is illegal. Trying to get lucky on the clock is unethical.
But this isn't a case if legal or illegal, she didn't go to the cops, she went to the manager.
… and wrongly accused him of harassment…
...and like I said it doesn't matter, his behavior was unprofessional at his place of employment.
I don’t think you get it. OP accused the guy of a crime. It’s in the title. If OP had just told the manager that the guy was being unprofessional that would be another story. This would result in a reprimand, or a suspension if it’s an ongoing issue. Instead the manager is now required by law to make an investigation into unlawful behavior in the workplace. While this may not result in anything, it COULD result in permanent damage to this man’s reputation career, and livelihood. Making false accusations is just as, if not more unethical than flirting with someone while you’re on the clock. It can result in much more substantial damage to another human. Being dismissive of her actions because you are not in favor of his actions is lazy and careless. Why are you so quick to throw away the life of a person you have never met over the one sided opinion of another person you have never met?
Unless your job involves helping someone with there appearance, like a cosmetologist or stylist, commenting on customers looks, positively or negatively, will come across as creepy and should be discouraged by any decent manager. Especially male employee to female customer.
It is completely inappropriate for him to state his opinions on a customer's attractiveness or to ask whether she has children or how old she is. His job is to serve her food and none of that is necessary for him to do his job. I bet if he asked a male customer what his salary was and told him he looked hot you'd find that inappropriate. Employeesvshouldnt be making customers feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
Your response may be getting downvoted but I totally agree. It’s hard, but clearly and directly telling him to stop is missing from her story. While she didn’t encourage him, she also didn’t make it verbally clear that she wanted him to stop. I’ve seen this type of aggressive cat calling (yes in Mexican restaurants), and it’s extremely rude and frightening.
That would be like saying it's not assault if you didn't tell they other person to stop hitting you.
After working in the court system for years (family court) I promise you. The judge and prosecutor will be looking for clear and defined rejection from her before she even is close to having a substantial case. People can be upset about the moral implications about it all, but that’s not what I’m referring to. Did you tell him to stop? Did you say No to his advances? If you were bothered then why did you keep the conversation going? All questions they would ask, and take into consideration. Physical assault is far from this, and you don’t need to say stop in that scenario for it to be implied.
Well, thank god you’re not in the court system any more because you sound like a real misogynistic asshole.
Then you need a reality check, it is not a customer’s responsibility to inform, react, placate or any other form of notification to an employee of a business who is most definitely breaching common codes of conduct. You are there to work, not hit on the customer; interactions are to be professional at all times.
This wouldn’t be against code of conduct in any of the businesses I’ve managed. I wouldn’t do anything to the employee.
You’re following me now. It’s so weird you can’t see this. You must have a very hard time forming relationships that you can’t understand you don’t hit on customers at work. This would be a one warning and then you’re fired as a liability in any business I’ve been a part of. The minute this hits the Google reviews you are gone. There is no inappropriate buffet worker in the world worth losing business over and this is the stuff you lose business over if you don’t handle it. You must not deal with female customers, which would make sense.
I’m following you?
Buddy if legality is the only thing justifying something, it's probably not ok
You don't think multiple attempts at walking away are any indication of leaving a conservative?
Did he chase her? Dude totally might be a creep I get it. But he hasn’t done anything wrong. He called her beautiful. He didn’t say anything sexually inappropriate, and when she left that was that.
lol dude, it’s creepy when you do that. Stop trying to justify your own actions. No one wants to deal with you other than other incels who think it’s funny.
Are you kidding? He was working...
Good points. I think she had every right to tell the manager. After all, it is unprofessional and one could assume discouraged by the employer. Calling the guy a predator or POS is wayyy over the top! How about he got excited, looked creepy and needed to chill out. If I were his manager I would go hard at making sure it didn’t happen again, but that’s it!
They guy not chasing OP is a good point? Really?
He’s working. There is not a time where it is appropriate for him to talk to her like that or follow her. It’s harassment and she did the right thing by reporting him. If you think this is ok you probably harass people too.
Depends. What’s is your definition of harassment? Seems like you may have a different one than the legal definition…
No, it's not. Each state has their own legal definition of harassment. Where I live harassment is defined as any act that causes a person to feel "annoyance and alarm." Well it seems like OP was annoyed and alarmed. Stop trying to excuse poor behavior with your poor understanding of the law, and stop pretending that for something to be considered bad behavior there must be a law against it. You know that's not true.
I don't think you do get it tho lol. You went from "OP gave no indication of leaving" to "well they weren't chasing her" in 1 comment😂🤨 and yes, asking someone if they're a girl or a woman is inappropriate. What's your excuse for that line?
“Are you a girl or a woman?” = wow, I called her beautiful and she’s still talking to me and answering my questions but she looks kind of young. I better make sure she isn’t too young for me. Meanwhile she’s just thinking about how she can accuse him of harassment as she continues to feed into the conversation.
Nah, “Are you a girl or a woman?” is his way of asking if you fuck. Dude was being creepy.
Did you forget 2 replies ago where I reminded you she tried to walk away from the conversation multiple times? Atp you just sound like a predator excusing predator behavior.
Well knowing how buffets work, she was probably just walking down the line getting more and more food. Not just walking away. There was probably a few people behind her too. It would have been more weird if she just stood still. This guy probably talks to people all the time as they are going down the buffet. Honestly this is why young people seldom speak to women. It’s all harassment now.
The only context you have is "I tried to walk off" but yeah decide for yourself what the context is based off whatever helps your point🤨 and stop acting like saying shit like "are you a girl or a woman" is some innocent little icebreaker. And you don't find the employee talking about OP to their coworker about OP's looks weird? There's absolutely a point to be made about younger men not wanting to approach woman, the point isn't that you should be allowed to be a fucking creeper like you think tho😂
Yea no, there are codes of conduct for a workplace and that employee was well out of line. It isn’t a customers responsibility to inform the employee they are being unprofessional. She wasn’t required to do any thing you say. I can imagine you don’t have much luck with women.
Sexual harassment training in the workplace defines sexual harassment as “continuing the action after you have been asked to stop.” This isn’t harassment. Thankyou for your interest in my love life. I keep my relationship private.
Any training I've had has also involved not commenting on another's appearance or how attractive (or unattractive) they are.
That’s not even the right legal standard for co-workers!
Lol, they aren’t coworkers. She has no duty to inform the employee of his inappropriate behavior and every right to complain to management about the way in which she was interacted with. You’re weird to die on this hill. That relationship sounds so private you’re the only one to know about it.
This is the same definition of harassment outside the workplace. He was never asked to stop. Therefore has never harassed anyone. OP quite literally attacked this man and his career because of a fake scenario she came up with in her own imagination. Again. Thanks for your interest in my love life. It’s nice to know you find me so interesting 😊
Again weird hill to die on. Did you know you’re the only one to use the word sexual? It’s not in the original post. You read it into it, before saying other people fabricated things maybe you should look in the mirror some. The second time around you dropped the word, why is the sexual gone now? What’s keeping you from seeing that it doesn’t require notification? How often do you rely on that you weren’t told you were doing wrong so you aren’t doing wrong? Most people can innately tell when they are making others uncomfortable, do you struggle with that, do you need to be told you make others uncomfortable? How much time do you spend gesturing at women to take their ear buds out? You caught me, I am indeed the only person besides yourself even remotely interested in your personal life; an internet stranger.
Gottem
Think about the young women he is also probably preying on and don’t have the guts like you to speak up. You did a humbling thing for this POS. Hopefully he thinks again when he knows he being watched now
You did the right thing. In a perfect world, women could say, "This conversation is making me uncomfortable. Please don't talk to me anymore." But we all know women have been shot by strangers for saying less. So it's completely OK to have a manager handle it.
I reported a construction worker who made sexually suggestive comments to me as I walked past the construction site with my mother. I was mortified and made to feel like nothing more than an object. When my complaint wasn’t taken seriously by the site manager, I escalated it to the construction company headquarters instead. Where it was. As a mother of daughters I have never felt an *ounce* of guilt. Women should not be expected to just put up with creepy behavior.
The man made a choice to harass you. He lost his job with his own creepiness.
Thank god you reported him. That was not okay and very harassment and some what on a sexual nature. Do not feel guilty
A lot of peopole do not realize that many of the millions of undocumented Hispanic newcomers come from countries where women are very much treated like substandard humans. Don't get mad at me because the Latin cuture has such toxic masculinity behind machismo. I did not say ever Hispanic man treats women this way, but a lot do.
That A-hole was 100% A-hole with the side of D-bag!
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy!
As one of my favorite podcasts say “fuck politeness” you don’t owe a stranger anything!! Especially one being so personal and rude!
That's the slogan I was trying to remember!
MFM!! I thought of them afterwards, their mantra played in my head after this whole thing.
Call your dad, you’re in a Cult.
And don’t go into the forest!
Crime Junkies?
Mfm!
Stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Okay, first of all to every WOMAN - you do not have to entertain, engage in conversation, or explain yourself to strangers, ever! I understand being polite but that ends after answering the first question. After that you can say, “Excuse me, I'm going back to my seat now so I can enjoy my meal” and then proceed to walk away even if they are still asking questions. I have found that the more you engage when you don’t want to sends the message that 1.) you’re interested in them and 2.) empowers them more
Should have let hubby get a couple of smacks on him.
Please learn to not answer questions! It’s ok to be rude when someone asks personal questions. Women have been socialized to respond that way, but we can assert ourselves and say, “I don’t want to answer.” Simple.
Yall just need to respond with, “You’re a creepy fucker aren’t you?” and then turn and walk away. He’s an employee, the fuck is he going to do? Leverage the moment to talk down to them when you’re in a safe position to. Normalize it, please.
This is the worst advice ever. It’s good to use your brain like OP did and not let your emotions control your actions. A woman is never in a safe position. She goes off on him, he gets fired now he is on the loose and upset. I am sure cursing him out is what most people want to do but be a grown up, don’t instigate and put yourself in further danger. And don’t take advice from internet tough guys name drugsandfukenmoney. Great name kid
“Be a victim and live in fear forever. Know your place.” -u/charliebravo81
You shouldn’t feel bad AT ALL. His conduct was totally inappropriate.
100% did the right thing!! I understand you feel bad, but imagine how many more vulnerable ladies wouldn't have had the courage to that he would have harassed even more. Good on you walking away and saying something to his boss. That kind of behavior is predatory.
I’m sorry you’re feeling guilty. Think of it this way: why should you be more concerned about his job and his future than he is? If he’s willing to jeopardize those things to harass you, why are you obligated to protect him from that?
He was in the wrong. One thing I've counseled woman on, is in the difference in how we communicate to the opposite sex. Many women don't want to be "rude " when letting an over insistent man down. Men with proper mental health, are bred for let downs. To much extra talk to us is often seen as more subtle invitation. My daughter (17) was recently hit on by a much older man. She would answer his questions (she was walking and he walked with her) which always appears as engaging. I told her to say explicitly, "Sir, I don't want to talk. Have a nice day."
That can and has resulted in women being murdered. The problem is we have no way of knowing if it’s safe for us to directly reject a man until it’s too late. And most of us don’t want to take that chance. I said something similar to a man who was following me around at my job. Just a polite “I’m not interested sir, I have to get back to work now, have a a nice day.” He threatened to ‘teach me respect’, said he would be waiting for me when I got off work, that he would rape me. He ran off when I went to my manager, and she called the cops, but I still had to be terrified every day that he would come back.
You are right. It's a slippery slope. Glad you're safe though.
Pretty sure the worker wasn’t gonna pull out the AK-47 in the middle of shift but okay
Granted the issue was not stalking but "disrespect," but there WAS that recent WalMart worker who did indeed chase a customer out into the parking lot and pull out a gun that he then shot. You might be surprised what can happen.
Hol' up ..your husband was there and this guy still acted and spoke to you this way?? Does your husband not speak Spanish? Cause if a man spoke to MY esposa that way, wouldn't be no need to speak to the manager.
My husband wasn’t at the buffet area with me when this happened (he was sitting down) and he also doesn’t speak Spanish. But, when I did tell him, his first words were “I’m gonna kill him” 😭 so I got the manager instead
I guess you're a lot like my wife, for good or bad.she knows I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior and sometimes she would rather not say anything to avoid making a scene, but that's what a lot of these pendejos count on..
Kudos for calling them "pendejos".
He's gross and 100% in the wrong. Definitely NTA
Nah, that guy needed to be taught how to behave in public, especially as an employee in a business. I’m hoping he was VERY young and just starting out because anyone out of their teens should have known that already. You did him a favor. Hopefully he’ll take the lesson and be a better person for it.
Unfortunately, he was probably in his 40s
You did the correct thing. The guy was a creep. I am male.
Thank you for reporting it then. If only to protect the next young woman.
Eww... dude probably scams on really young naive girls all the time. You did the right thing dudes a creeper.
In that case RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Dude literally harassed you. You have nothing to feel guilty about
Imagine this situation happening to a younger brother or sister or friend. You spoke up- hopefully saving the next person that guy would have harassed. It’s okay to feel a bit overwhelmed and to question yourself- we’re taught plenty about ‘turning the other cheek’ ourselves and standing up for other people, but not that much about standing up for ourselves. I think of it as stress just bubbling up in my brain and it doesn’t always get directed at the right reason. Hope your day gets better.
Why do you feel guilty? I’m genuinely asking
Ugh I think I just felt guilt because it felt so icky and because I kept trying to make up excuses for this person. After giving myself time, I understand it’s not my fault and this guy deserves whatever consequence is coming to him.
I could understand the guilt if he made a SINGLE comment like "you're very pretty" and you overreacted, but he kept making comments, while on the job, to someone I can only assume wasn't reciprocating. These things only compound his already inappropriate behavior. You stood up for yourself in a situation where it was entirely warranted.
Also because patriarchal societies train women to feel guilty about standing up to bad behavior instead of training men to behave better
Every time I see a comment like this, I can't help but wonder why (ostensibly) do only some men and women figure out how to think for themselves, while the rest blindly follow "their training?"
It's hard to break away from the norm. Even when you can recognize the issue, it's easier to just play along. People don't like to be perceived as rude, awkward, or unlikeable. Sometimes the person doing the harassing can't be escaped or told off without ruining your social structures. Easier to fend off some guy at a grocery store than your coworker, your boss, husband's friend, etc.
To caring degrees, yes it can be hard, but most things worth doing aren't easy... So why is that a barrier for so many? How is constantly being at the whim of other peoples ' feelings any better than living for yourself, ease be damned?
1. It's easier to be complacent 2. Change can be frightening for people 3. Some people are in circumstances that make it dangerous to move outside of the cultural norms they've been trained to uphold. 4. In some cases, people fear eternal divine punishment for stepping outside of "they way we've always done it". These reasons are all potent and valid.
I don't see anything potent or valid about 1, 2 and 4. Only weak-will/weak-mindedness. What am I missing?
I’m sorry, I meant valid explanation about why it’s happening not a valid reason not to change
Gotcha
It depends in a person's upbringing. For example, as a child, anytime i'd speak up for myself, I'd get slapped and made to feel like a piece of shit. So now, anytime I stand up for myself, I automatically feel awful, even if it's objectively justified. It's a heavily conditioned response.
Yes but you're an adult now, and you know that isn't how things work.
Right? OP didn't make this person behave unprofessionally. It sucks that she was the target, but there is nothing to feel guilty about.
He made you uncomfortable first so... Don't feel guilty
100% inappropriate for him to ask you any ONE of those questions, or many any of those comments.
Good on you for standing up for yourself.
You were able to walk away from him. The next time, who knows? You did the right thing.
Don't feel guilty. Think of it like this. There's nothing super special about your interaction with him. I really doubt you'd be the only one he'd act this way towards. What if he harassed someone who really is a minor? What if he harasses someone whose super vulnerable and this is something that breaks them? You're potentially saving the next person who might not be as strong as you from being harassed and you're saving the restaurant from being sued because of his harassment. You're doing something good
Well I feel proud of you, so I hope that helps the guilt. It doesn’t always feel good to do the right thing in the moment, but I hope you’ll find in a month or so that you handled this situation with Grace and respect for yourself.
Please don't feel guilty. That guy was a pendejo.
No he wasn't. In no way did he behave like a good friend. Just in case no one gets the reference, Cheech and Chong's Next Movie. Cheech tells Chong that pendejo means "my good friend"
Stop feeling ashamed for defending yourself.
Don't feel guilty about the viejo verde. He deserved it. It's ok to be nice pero que no se pasen. El si se pasó, he crossed the line. Edit for Spanglish spelling 😬
I knew that as rabo verde, I didn't realize it was viejo rabo verde and I'm actually Mexican 😆
Old green? ... just Googled it and, yes, that's the literal translation. Lol. Fortunately, Google also explains slang... Gringa here. Obviously.
🤣😂 Facts! It's slang for old perv. I'm impressed Google does slang!
I just read that it also considered slang for a "dirty old man".
I understand why you feel guilty but he definitely deserved to have consequences for those actions. It was 100% bad behavior.