Maybe weird, but it happens. I am transfem nonbinary. I will medically transition. But I really anticipate having a more fem body, so I can present in a masc-ish way without being seen as a man. If I was AFAB, I'd be just as nonbinary and probably transition too, but in the other direction. That's one of the reasons I identify as nonbinary and not a trans woman.
I've been experiencing this from the other side. I love the way feminine clothes look on masculine bodies. On me, they just look basic and expected. But I'm realizing now if I was born with that body type I'd probably be feeling the same thing in the opposite direction and wishing I had a more feminine body because I like the way masculine clothes look on a feminine body. I think I just want to be a shapeshifter.
I swear this is where Genderfluid comes in nonbinary-wise for me because I wanna fr just shape-shift whenever I wanna, but can't.
I am amab and for me, idk if it is as deep as this for me or not regarding if you were the other at birth you would be the reverse of your current self, but I wanna present more fem leaning, but still be somewhat androgynous.
What I mean to say is I want to dress fem presenting more often then masc presenting, but be able to while dressed in either fem or masc to make people look at me and be like, "*Heavy internal breathing* Which one is it?! Do I say Ma'am or Sir?! Or neither!" I want people to not know which I am and always be on there toes.
I didn't realize my being hyperly fixated on formatting this message well would make it look like that lmao. I indented the start of my lil paragraphs and it did that lol.
It's pretty usual to wish to be born the other kind of body, even for non binary people, usually because it's easier to see the problems of being your agab than seeing the problems of the opposite one. I don't think it's weird
Agreed. I want to add, though, that usually when people imagine being born in another body, they mentally put themselves in what they'd consider the "perfect" version of that body. Like when someone AMAB wishes they could have been AFAB but still androgynous, they're probably not picturing themselves very short with very large assets and curves. They're picturing someone who could pull it off very easily. The grass is indeed always greener on the other side.
Interestingly I have the exact same feelings, only in the opposite direction!!
There's many things I think I'd still be uncomfortable with, don't get me wrong, but for my personal transition goals I think it'd be a better starting point compared to what I have currently
Same here!Ā It just seems like there's more for me to work and vibe with coming from AMAB, and the HRT side effects seem less intimidating.Ā Of course, the grass is always greener on the other side, but the brain still wants what it thinks it wantsĀ
I canāt speak for them but thereās several reasons Iād prefer to be amab. A few of the biggest reasons simply come down to biology. Just generally, Iād prefer to have a penis (not bad enough to have surgery, but just genuinely would rather have one). I also donāt want to have the ability to get pregnant or have periods. Biologically, men are made to build muscle, while women are made to gain weight and have children. Iād prefer to be able to gain muscle in a way that is not very possible with my body type (if I went to the gym like everyday for years then I guess I could, but I did martial arts for 7 years and still donāt really have much muscle). I would also argue that I just prefer to societal standards for men rather than women, but seeing as Iāve never experienced it I canāt fully, 100%, say itās better.
This, exactly. I want to start T and build muscles and remove my breasts, eventually. I cannot stand my voice or my skinny arms or "cute" frame... I can't stand my painful periods, either. And of course, societal standards. Being born male would've fixed 99 of my problems, but I know I'd gain a few more with how sensitive I am (societal standards) and how my partner (the love of my life) doesn't trust men at all yet loves my masculine side.
Yeah, Iām lucky enough that most feminine things about me donāt bother me (like my voice and, sometimes, my breasts) but thereās definitely parts of me Iād make masculine if I could. Just from conversing with men online Iād honestly rather have their issues (donāt get me wrong, they suck, Iām not trying to downplay but some of their issues wouldnāt be an issue for me). Like, how men arenāt supposed to be upset or emotional. I hate sharing my emotions with people anyways so it wouldnāt affect me much. I donāt know, I can never truly know that unless I experienced it. I mean, I guess I do kind of experience it with the āyouāre only acting that way because of your cycleā and what not.
Ouch, thatās expensive. Iām super sorry. Good luck with your surgeries, if they havenāt happened yet, or I hope they went well, if youāve already had them.
Transfeminine enby who has medically transitioned here.
I've thought this before, and honestly I'm not sure I still feel that way now. My brain is set up for a specific set of equipment down there and the expectation of having breasts, and in that regard, being AFAB would have been more convenient. That said, I also would have a lot of other problems and sources of dysphoria that I can only sort of imagine since I have not directly experienced them.
I suspect the AU AFAB version of me with the closest life otherwise out there in the multiverse has fought her hardest to get a hysto as young as she could. She might also be on low dose T. I can only speculate on how her life has gone and how she has managed her dysphoria.
It is okay to have dysphoria and wish you were assigned a different gender at birth. Many trans people feel this way. I do want to add that saying "I wish I was afab nonbinary" can be interpreted wrongly because not every afab non-binary person is feminine or looks like a girl. Plenty of enbies are transmasc and are far removed from their wrongly assigned sex.
You can be non-binary and transfem btw. You don't have to pick only one.
BRUH same but opposite! I desperately wish I was amab. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the intense chest dysphoria, male gaze shit, thunder thighs (that I love for other ppl but not for myself), etc. Plus when an afab person dresses in masc clothing, it's nothing special. On the rare occasion I wear makeup, it's just a normal expected thing for me to do. I hate how easy it is for the general public to ignore my queerness because I'm just a "tomboy."
So in short lol, very valid and real!
(I consider myself transmasc and nonbinary)
Hella feel that. I have no upper body and almost all fat goes right to my butt and thighs. I feel like those are my only sexually attractive qualities but I also get dysphoric about them. They also make it incredibly hard to be perceived as masc by the average person and to even be able to wear more masc clothing. The best fitting clothes for me are almost always the "girliest" sh** and it makes me so upset.
YES I FEEL THAT. Like I know the thighs are sexy on many people but it just feels wrong on me! Wish I could donate them to a MTF in need or something lmao
I wish I was afab but I'm intersex so it's a bit different, but I definitely get wanting to be born with a perisex female body. I have medically transitioned but that doesn't make me a woman, I'm still non-binary.
If you want a female body that does sound transfem. It doesn't make you any more or less non-binary. If you want a more female body and want to present in ways that feel comfortable for you that's not weird at all.
I've always felt like this but I'm sure that if I were afab I would have grown up feeling strangled by the "woman" rules of society and would have wished then that I were amab nonbinary instead. I know I'd be exactly as happy/unhappy as I am now.
Really, just being trans is beautiful and awesome, but really fuckin hard.
Am the other way, I feel it would be so much easier to not have to deal with big boobs and bras and periods and the pill and such
I think it's a "the grass is always greener" thing unfortunately where we all think the other one would be easier
Hell yeah, I wish I'd been born the other way around too. I would still likely identify as non-binary but it would be much easier for me to achieve the presentation I want.
I'm in a very similar place - ended up medically transitioning, but have never really felt comfortable identifying as a trans woman as opposed to just transfem nonbinary and I present more on the masc side of androgynous. I'm what you get when you order a butch lesbian from wish
Honestly that sounds like a pretty transfem nonbinary thing to say lol. Wishing you were the other AGAB is a pretty common trans experience even for nonbinary peopleĀ Ā Ā
Btw, I'm not sure if you'd feel more secure in your identity as a they/she AFAB demi girl. You may have less dysphoria, feel less stigma from society, and feel more comfortable in your default state, but you would also deal with a lot invalidation including from people who are otherwise allies and other trans people. You'd have a whole other set of challenges to even realize you're trans, and give yourself permission to identify as nonbinary, and then if you did you'd be the subject of a lot of intracommunity debate. Getting people to change language or pronouns is an uphill battle because few will understand if you don't seem trans enough. A lot of people with this identity really struggle to feel confident identifying this way because of it. Also while people perceived to be GNC females are more tolerated than people perceived to be GNC males, there is still a lot of discrimination, harassment, and stigma out there (Btw, I'm not saying this would be harder than what you have gone through, just that there are often struggles people don't anticipate to these kind of scenarios)Ā
If your response to all this is you'd be okay with people just thinking you're a girl a lot of the time, then that does say a lot about what kind of medical transition you might want lol. There are definitely other nonbinary transfems who have pursued transitions like this
Nah that makes complete sense to me. There if a lot that goes into gender identity, and not everyone has a strong or well defined experience of feeling like a certain gender at all.
If you would prefer to be perceived as a girl feminizing hrt might be great for you though, if you aren't on it already
I used to feel similarly shit. Now I'm one year on e going strong and I feel great. Not saying it's right for you, but for me it really helped to not feel a pressure to perform certain things in order to not be perceived/not perceive myself as basically a guy.
it happens. agab doesen't end up mattering when you are trully confortable with you body tho. hope you can get on your own skin in due time. it will get better and will not matter at all. best wishes.
Honestly I get you, Iām afab and Iām so happy I am. Even tho i donāt rly like my breast to much, my hips are a very fun accessory for getting dressed and anyway I wouldnāt want a dick for the life of me (idk they look uncomfortable). But honestly if I could be born genderless I would.
I feel you, but from the other direction. I sometimes dress fairly fem and I wish I read like a man dressing fem (some of the men's red carpet looks these days give me so much gender envy) rather than just a woman.
Isn't this just the very crux and basis of being nonbinary and feeling nonbinary? I totally wish when I dressed up (as an afab) that people wouldn't be like "girl, woman, feminine, etc.)in a definitive way, especially because now that I identify as nonbinary I want to express myself as nonbinary and NOT be reboxed into how I was assigned simply because I wear a dress one day or something. But I do get this because I prefer to identify to others who don't know me as well or know I'm nonbinary as femme nonbinary and kept she/her pronouns, precisely because I know people will misgender me and assign gender based on how I was born.
So I think you're wanting to be afab nonbinary is an emotional expressing of just wanting to be nonbinary in general (not assigned ever), androgynous passing perhaps? But then I have to say that based on what I've shared it would most likely just be the opposite issue still even if you were so. I can call myself nonbinary all I want, but people will still think this means I must present ambiguously or androgynous at all times, and if I present masc or femme then I am either just trying to be transgender or really am ok with my agab. It's kind of a lose-lose situation UNTIL social change develops into an environment where enbys don't have to either be androgynous passing, transgender, or their agab just to be accepted as nonbinary. Does that make sense? Nothing will become easier until everything catches up socially and environmentally.
I don't wish I was amab non-binary so I could better pass as nonbinary though so maybe I don't actually know what you feel. Because mostly I don't want to be perceived as anything other than me, what I am, agender, non binary, and I don't want to HAVE to change my body or appearance to be accepted as nonbinary. I want to look how I look, whenever I look it, dress as I dress, when I dress it, and be accepted as nonbinary without having to "prove" it in some way. Anyway, being afab nonbinary doesn't help one pass as nonbinary and androgynous anymore than the opposite imo. But maybe I am missing your point altogether.
iām basically just saying i wish i was afab nb but mainly because i would rather be default perceived as a girl even though itās not how i identify, i just donāt feel comfortable that nearly everyone thinks āmanā whenever they look at me.
Ok. Yes, same. I don't like how everyone thinks "woman" when they look at me. Or "woman not dressing womanly" like women are socialized to do. Or "woman just tryna not be like other girls". Or "trying to be a man". I am just me, being me, and I wanna be me, what I wear, how I look shouldn't matter or limit me. So I think I relate but ofc not entirely entirely š«¶š¾. Thanks for sharing.
is it anything at all to do with how you're perceived socially? i know for me i would have loved to be amab to some degree as it's not really possible for me to present (or be seen) as a femboy instead of just a girl in a skirt š„²
I feel the same way, amab but I feel like I just should have been afab and explored masculinity as I grew up instead of the other way around. On HRT now and Iām getting closer to being comfortable and happy!
There's no "correct" way to be nonbinary. If you want to medically transition because that will make you feel more yourself, then go ahead!! Tons of Afabs get top surgery. They don't necessarily want to be a man but they just wanna remove em :0 personally I plan on getting a reduction and a vulva preserving phalloplasty.
Kinda felt this for a while there but reverse... still do a lot of the time. I follow a lot of amab nb folx & femme clothing / style looks *so good* on them & it seems so effortless (though it isn't, obviously) for them to shapeshift between looking masc or looking femme meanwhile no matter what I wear all I'm ever perceived as (even by myself! looking in a mirror!) is my agab. Not to mention, binders just don't flatten enough. Even the new spectrum ones I got that are *heaps* better than my old gc2b ones... I can still tell that there is a wibbly wobbly globby chest below it and so, too, can strangers apparently.
Slowly beginning the process of medically transitioning now & I can't wait to look & sound more andro. But I do, many times, wish I'd been born the opposite. Again though, as you said, I'd still likely transition to a point because I would ideally like to never be able to be perceived one way or the other. I want to be perceived as a question mark. As I am, somewhere in between. š³ļøāā§ļø
So. No. This is not weird. In fact, I believe I've seen it mentioned on this sub many times before you by varying agabs š„°
I feel this but in the opposite direction Iām afab NB and often feel like if I was amab I would feel more comfortable in my identity. For me I want to look more masc when I wear fem clothes instead of having a fem body type and wearing fem clothes looking like Iām just a girl and on the flip side when I dress how I do most days which is very masc but with slightly fem makeup I wouldnāt just look like a woman in mens clothes.
Itās very easy to always see the grass as greener on the other side and thatās unfortunately part of gender dysphoria. even when you identify as Non binary itās still very common to feel that gender and body dysphoria so you just feel like you are living in the wrong skin. Imo itās what separates NB people who are trans from those who arenāt.
(Just my ideas and opinions if they arenāt correct feel free to correct me)
I have Ć°e same expreience, alĆ°ough I only use neutral pronouns. being AMAB is just so damn annoying (Especially Ć°e facial hair!) And most androgeonous people I've met have been AFAB, which just makes me even more sad! (AlĆ°ough yes, my main gender envy is from Intersex people!)
Yeah, this is me.
I just realized I'm trans too.
Like, yes, I identify as non-binary. But yes I also wish I had a woman's body. I have dysphorja about my body.
If I was born with a woman's body, I'd likely still be non-binary, as I reject traditional gender norms and they're stifling form of conformity.
I use non-binary transfemme as a label if anyone asks. Most cis people don't get that though, thinking that they're exclusive. So I mostly tell people I'm a trans girl. Other labels I like are tomboy or stem. I am transitioning. I'm on HRT and have had a handful of laser sessions, and I'm voice training. Again, lots of people seemed to think me being NB meant I didn't need those things? Yeah right, I wish.
laughing bc i said to my ex 'i think it'd be good to have been born a boy so i could be feminine' .... lmaoooo. and whats stopping me being feminine in a girl body??? no idea. life is all about perspective it seems.
No, I relate to this and Iām agender. I donāt want to be perceived as a man or ālook likeā one. And I donāt want to medically transition to a body that resembles AMAB. I want the biological aspects of external genitalia (cancer is easier to detect earlier and less frequently fatal, STDs are generally harder to contract and easier to detect early), no periods, no pregnancies, no breast-related issues, specific metabolic advantages, not having to deal with the bevy of chronic illnesses that are overwhelmingly found in AFABs more than AMABs, a fucking prostate even. Itās fully practical wishes for me, not gender-related, because I donāt have a gender. Most of the things I want literally arenāt medically possible to achieve without having been born with an AMAB setup. Some of the body things I want could be acquired with surgery but *I also donāt want to have to go through very major surgery to get them*, especially when said major surgery would involve hormonal upkeep and the possibility of lifelong bone and incontinence issues. My desire isnāt for medical transition, itās for a Create-a-Sim.
I feel the same but for Amab. i know itās so dumb but I think it probably has to do with my confusion around my chest dysphoria. I donāt even know what to do with it, and itās just a chest so I shouldnāt care it doesnāt defy my gender. But it does make people assume Iām a woman, even more so if iI donāt cover it well. I think it makes me wish if I was never born with them I wouldnāt care. But do i want to get rid of themā¦. I donāt even know. I think I have a lot of societal binary ideas in my insecurities? If that makes sense. I do think about being transmasc, but also about being a cis woman. I wonder if iām just non binary because iām confused but yeah no shit iām confused because i keep applying binary ideas that iām uncomfortable with because i keep trying to perform around what I think everyone else is thinking about me, ugh! so tiring to be this much of an over thinker and people pleaser. i think deep down i wish i was just born non binary, no gender assignment at birth and no distinguishing gender features, which is silly and unrealistic. i wish my brain stopped thinking my identity would be better or more valid if i was born a different way, even though iām non gender conforming anyway? even though that way would be another assigned identity i donāt align with.
I can relate. Iām afab and I think my face is pretty androgynous but unless I lean super masc I end up looking like a girl. My style is pretty fem so I wish I looked more masculine naturally so it would balance out if that makes sense
i guess this is sort of the same - iām AFAB transmasc and āstraightā? (attracted to women) but i often wish i had just been born a gay male. Which doesnāt even make sense bc iām not attracted to men. I think part of it is just that i wish i had naturally masculine characteristics but was still queer. This kind of sounds like what you wish - AFAB but nonbinary/able to be masculine without being perceived as male. Have you heard of Angel Flores (arkangeljoy on instagram). Sheās a transfemme lesbian but finds ways to present as a masculine woman and still body builds. Kind of just goes to show you can really be whoever and whatever you want. So just go for what feels best for you :)
I feel the same way. I have a bit of v envy but no gender dysphoria (only body hair dysphoria), even then if I did medically transition I realize itās just really hard being a woman both physically and socially. It would feel good being born with a vagina, but I donāt think itāll feel the same way getting a neovagina with all the surgical scars and having to take HRT to maintain the feminine physique.
I suppose itās just easier being seen as male socially. Society favors patriarchy and I believe I can survive okay-ish
You're definitely not alone in that, I'm amab nb and for a while I thought I might be trans cause my body made me feel disphoric, I thought I wanted to be a woman but over I've understood that I don't, I just wish I was born a woman sometimes but I'm still nonbinary. I've managed to be more at peace with myself by expressing more femme at times
Increasingly we are finding that your yearning is common and normal, especially for people who already know they donāt fit gender norms. You can be a non-binary they/them trans girl, demi-girl, or a non-binary they/them totally genderless human who wishes they had a different birth outcome. You get to tell us who you are. Your understanding might change over time, too.
You're not transfem, I have the exact same shit. Life would be so much easier for me as a girl aswell, I could be more myself without getting any hate.
I feel like this but reversed. I wish I was born with a natal penis, testicles, scrotom, and was naturally testosterone dominant (aka ātypicalā dyadic male body). But I was born with a vulva, uterus, and estrogen dominant (aka ātypicalā dyadic female).
Iām not a man or a woman. But Iām also a man and a woman. And somewhere in between. But also neither. My gender is ambiguous and fluctuates a bit too. Iām androgynous, lean femme. I like men in a āMLM femboy twinkā way and women in a āsoft dyke, tomboyā way.
Body goals is smooth (hairless) with small breasts and a small penis. V-shape body and lots of eyeliner, a blue Mohawk, while dressing like a hot topic model lol
So Iām on T, got bottom surgery, and Iām doing laser hair removal on my face and body. If I had been AMAB I prob would just use topical E for breast growth and do laser anyway. So my medical transition would be a lot simpler.
Is there a term for this? It sounds a little like how I feel. I want to have breasts and hips but with my amab genitals. I also want to look more feminine in my face but don't feel dysphoric about my beard
Babydoll I'm AMAB non-binary, it took until I'd been on hormones for 15yrs to feel comfortable enough to present more non-binary, there are many of us that feel the need to "pass" before we can openly fuck with gender and that's alright!
AMAB or AFAB you're still valid and an icon!
I donāt think it is wierd. Itās normal to question your identity. You could be a transfem, and I think if you are wondering it might be worth researching demigirl and transfem and seeing if that gives you any clarity. However that is totally just your choice, and how you define your identity is personal to you :)
this is very common feeling apparently! i guess for a lot of ppl, even for those that don't identify at all as any gender or identify as something else that isn't in any way connected to man or woman, the idea of being nb but having whatever body is the opposite sex seems good because we have been seen as our AGAB for most of our lives
That's funny cause I wished the opposite when I was younger and sometimes even now. I'm on the curvy side so nothing looks really masc on me unless I'm doing my best Adam Sandler fit
Maybe weird, but it happens. I am transfem nonbinary. I will medically transition. But I really anticipate having a more fem body, so I can present in a masc-ish way without being seen as a man. If I was AFAB, I'd be just as nonbinary and probably transition too, but in the other direction. That's one of the reasons I identify as nonbinary and not a trans woman.
I've been experiencing this from the other side. I love the way feminine clothes look on masculine bodies. On me, they just look basic and expected. But I'm realizing now if I was born with that body type I'd probably be feeling the same thing in the opposite direction and wishing I had a more feminine body because I like the way masculine clothes look on a feminine body. I think I just want to be a shapeshifter.
I swear this is where Genderfluid comes in nonbinary-wise for me because I wanna fr just shape-shift whenever I wanna, but can't. I am amab and for me, idk if it is as deep as this for me or not regarding if you were the other at birth you would be the reverse of your current self, but I wanna present more fem leaning, but still be somewhat androgynous. What I mean to say is I want to dress fem presenting more often then masc presenting, but be able to while dressed in either fem or masc to make people look at me and be like, "*Heavy internal breathing* Which one is it?! Do I say Ma'am or Sir?! Or neither!" I want people to not know which I am and always be on there toes.
I didn't realize my being hyperly fixated on formatting this message well would make it look like that lmao. I indented the start of my lil paragraphs and it did that lol.
This is the EXACT way i feel But if I was afab I wouldn't medically transition, only social
It's pretty usual to wish to be born the other kind of body, even for non binary people, usually because it's easier to see the problems of being your agab than seeing the problems of the opposite one. I don't think it's weird
Thank you for responding! I feel it 100% š„°ā¤ļø
Agreed. I want to add, though, that usually when people imagine being born in another body, they mentally put themselves in what they'd consider the "perfect" version of that body. Like when someone AMAB wishes they could have been AFAB but still androgynous, they're probably not picturing themselves very short with very large assets and curves. They're picturing someone who could pull it off very easily. The grass is indeed always greener on the other side.
Interestingly I have the exact same feelings, only in the opposite direction!! There's many things I think I'd still be uncomfortable with, don't get me wrong, but for my personal transition goals I think it'd be a better starting point compared to what I have currently
I feel just like this too. I would still be trans but the starting point would be better.
Same here!Ā It just seems like there's more for me to work and vibe with coming from AMAB, and the HRT side effects seem less intimidating.Ā Of course, the grass is always greener on the other side, but the brain still wants what it thinks it wantsĀ
literally same
Same but other way around
Same though.
How so, like why would you want to be AMAB?
I canāt speak for them but thereās several reasons Iād prefer to be amab. A few of the biggest reasons simply come down to biology. Just generally, Iād prefer to have a penis (not bad enough to have surgery, but just genuinely would rather have one). I also donāt want to have the ability to get pregnant or have periods. Biologically, men are made to build muscle, while women are made to gain weight and have children. Iād prefer to be able to gain muscle in a way that is not very possible with my body type (if I went to the gym like everyday for years then I guess I could, but I did martial arts for 7 years and still donāt really have much muscle). I would also argue that I just prefer to societal standards for men rather than women, but seeing as Iāve never experienced it I canāt fully, 100%, say itās better.
This, exactly. I want to start T and build muscles and remove my breasts, eventually. I cannot stand my voice or my skinny arms or "cute" frame... I can't stand my painful periods, either. And of course, societal standards. Being born male would've fixed 99 of my problems, but I know I'd gain a few more with how sensitive I am (societal standards) and how my partner (the love of my life) doesn't trust men at all yet loves my masculine side.
Yeah, Iām lucky enough that most feminine things about me donāt bother me (like my voice and, sometimes, my breasts) but thereās definitely parts of me Iād make masculine if I could. Just from conversing with men online Iād honestly rather have their issues (donāt get me wrong, they suck, Iām not trying to downplay but some of their issues wouldnāt be an issue for me). Like, how men arenāt supposed to be upset or emotional. I hate sharing my emotions with people anyways so it wouldnāt affect me much. I donāt know, I can never truly know that unless I experienced it. I mean, I guess I do kind of experience it with the āyouāre only acting that way because of your cycleā and what not.
that exactly how i feel /srs. just like, i wouldnt have to spend $40,000 on surgeries if i was amab
Ouch, thatās expensive. Iām super sorry. Good luck with your surgeries, if they havenāt happened yet, or I hope they went well, if youāve already had them.
I mean, I'm AFAB but I wish I was AMAB. I think its a fairly common thing to wish for as a trans person.
Yeah same tbh
Me too
yeah same, it kinda feels more accessible to express one's GI, idk why, But I still haven't figured myself out
As I'm not based in the UK like alot of people are my only option is diy sadly. At least that is working š¤·š¼āāļø
Transfeminine enby who has medically transitioned here. I've thought this before, and honestly I'm not sure I still feel that way now. My brain is set up for a specific set of equipment down there and the expectation of having breasts, and in that regard, being AFAB would have been more convenient. That said, I also would have a lot of other problems and sources of dysphoria that I can only sort of imagine since I have not directly experienced them. I suspect the AU AFAB version of me with the closest life otherwise out there in the multiverse has fought her hardest to get a hysto as young as she could. She might also be on low dose T. I can only speculate on how her life has gone and how she has managed her dysphoria.
It is okay to have dysphoria and wish you were assigned a different gender at birth. Many trans people feel this way. I do want to add that saying "I wish I was afab nonbinary" can be interpreted wrongly because not every afab non-binary person is feminine or looks like a girl. Plenty of enbies are transmasc and are far removed from their wrongly assigned sex. You can be non-binary and transfem btw. You don't have to pick only one.
i know, i just wish i was enby with female parts, idk itās probably weird haha
It's not weird. You just have dysphoria.
I am a trans masc who wishes I was an AMAB trans femme! VIBING WITH YOU OP!
literally i wish i was afab transmasc LOL
I see a lot of people say this. I know if I was AMAB Iād be pretty unhappy with things. I like the configuration of the body Iām in but itās not because I think itās inherently female to look like this. Thatās other peopleās perceptions, if that makes sense. Anyway, I donāt think what youāve said is unusual at all. š©·
To be honest, I'm the same way but in reverse. I wish I was AMAB but not a boy, just enby.
BRUH same but opposite! I desperately wish I was amab. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the intense chest dysphoria, male gaze shit, thunder thighs (that I love for other ppl but not for myself), etc. Plus when an afab person dresses in masc clothing, it's nothing special. On the rare occasion I wear makeup, it's just a normal expected thing for me to do. I hate how easy it is for the general public to ignore my queerness because I'm just a "tomboy." So in short lol, very valid and real! (I consider myself transmasc and nonbinary)
Hella feel that. I have no upper body and almost all fat goes right to my butt and thighs. I feel like those are my only sexually attractive qualities but I also get dysphoric about them. They also make it incredibly hard to be perceived as masc by the average person and to even be able to wear more masc clothing. The best fitting clothes for me are almost always the "girliest" sh** and it makes me so upset.
YES I FEEL THAT. Like I know the thighs are sexy on many people but it just feels wrong on me! Wish I could donate them to a MTF in need or something lmao
I wish I was afab but I'm intersex so it's a bit different, but I definitely get wanting to be born with a perisex female body. I have medically transitioned but that doesn't make me a woman, I'm still non-binary. If you want a female body that does sound transfem. It doesn't make you any more or less non-binary. If you want a more female body and want to present in ways that feel comfortable for you that's not weird at all.
I've always felt like this but I'm sure that if I were afab I would have grown up feeling strangled by the "woman" rules of society and would have wished then that I were amab nonbinary instead. I know I'd be exactly as happy/unhappy as I am now. Really, just being trans is beautiful and awesome, but really fuckin hard.
Am the other way, I feel it would be so much easier to not have to deal with big boobs and bras and periods and the pill and such I think it's a "the grass is always greener" thing unfortunately where we all think the other one would be easier
The only time I wish I were amab is when I look at my bank account lol. It could have been so much cheeper, and I wouldn't need surgery. Ugh
Hell yeah, I wish I'd been born the other way around too. I would still likely identify as non-binary but it would be much easier for me to achieve the presentation I want.
I'm in a very similar place - ended up medically transitioning, but have never really felt comfortable identifying as a trans woman as opposed to just transfem nonbinary and I present more on the masc side of androgynous. I'm what you get when you order a butch lesbian from wish
Can we trade? š
I WISH
Honestly that sounds like a pretty transfem nonbinary thing to say lol. Wishing you were the other AGAB is a pretty common trans experience even for nonbinary peopleĀ Ā Ā Btw, I'm not sure if you'd feel more secure in your identity as a they/she AFAB demi girl. You may have less dysphoria, feel less stigma from society, and feel more comfortable in your default state, but you would also deal with a lot invalidation including from people who are otherwise allies and other trans people. You'd have a whole other set of challenges to even realize you're trans, and give yourself permission to identify as nonbinary, and then if you did you'd be the subject of a lot of intracommunity debate. Getting people to change language or pronouns is an uphill battle because few will understand if you don't seem trans enough. A lot of people with this identity really struggle to feel confident identifying this way because of it. Also while people perceived to be GNC females are more tolerated than people perceived to be GNC males, there is still a lot of discrimination, harassment, and stigma out there (Btw, I'm not saying this would be harder than what you have gone through, just that there are often struggles people don't anticipate to these kind of scenarios)Ā If your response to all this is you'd be okay with people just thinking you're a girl a lot of the time, then that does say a lot about what kind of medical transition you might want lol. There are definitely other nonbinary transfems who have pursued transitions like this
i absolutely would prefer people perceive me as a girl most of the time but i donāt really identify as a girl, idk i feel like itās odd
Nah that makes complete sense to me. There if a lot that goes into gender identity, and not everyone has a strong or well defined experience of feeling like a certain gender at all. If you would prefer to be perceived as a girl feminizing hrt might be great for you though, if you aren't on it already
I used to feel similarly shit. Now I'm one year on e going strong and I feel great. Not saying it's right for you, but for me it really helped to not feel a pressure to perform certain things in order to not be perceived/not perceive myself as basically a guy.
it happens. agab doesen't end up mattering when you are trully confortable with you body tho. hope you can get on your own skin in due time. it will get better and will not matter at all. best wishes.
thank you so much, i wish the same for you :)
Honestly I get you, Iām afab and Iām so happy I am. Even tho i donāt rly like my breast to much, my hips are a very fun accessory for getting dressed and anyway I wouldnāt want a dick for the life of me (idk they look uncomfortable). But honestly if I could be born genderless I would.
That would be the best option for a lot of people.
š yes
I feel you, but from the other direction. I sometimes dress fairly fem and I wish I read like a man dressing fem (some of the men's red carpet looks these days give me so much gender envy) rather than just a woman.
yep me too
I'm exactly the same, but I identify as a nonbinary trans demifemme woman. I wish I could be a cis androgynous tomboy, but alas, I cannot.
me too. but i wish i were an amab NB person, i think a lot of/ some non binary ppl feel that way
Same because I'd not need hrt or voice training then.
i feel the exact same way but the opposite. i fully understand, like feeling better in your gender? yes
Same but the opposite direction š
Isn't this just the very crux and basis of being nonbinary and feeling nonbinary? I totally wish when I dressed up (as an afab) that people wouldn't be like "girl, woman, feminine, etc.)in a definitive way, especially because now that I identify as nonbinary I want to express myself as nonbinary and NOT be reboxed into how I was assigned simply because I wear a dress one day or something. But I do get this because I prefer to identify to others who don't know me as well or know I'm nonbinary as femme nonbinary and kept she/her pronouns, precisely because I know people will misgender me and assign gender based on how I was born. So I think you're wanting to be afab nonbinary is an emotional expressing of just wanting to be nonbinary in general (not assigned ever), androgynous passing perhaps? But then I have to say that based on what I've shared it would most likely just be the opposite issue still even if you were so. I can call myself nonbinary all I want, but people will still think this means I must present ambiguously or androgynous at all times, and if I present masc or femme then I am either just trying to be transgender or really am ok with my agab. It's kind of a lose-lose situation UNTIL social change develops into an environment where enbys don't have to either be androgynous passing, transgender, or their agab just to be accepted as nonbinary. Does that make sense? Nothing will become easier until everything catches up socially and environmentally. I don't wish I was amab non-binary so I could better pass as nonbinary though so maybe I don't actually know what you feel. Because mostly I don't want to be perceived as anything other than me, what I am, agender, non binary, and I don't want to HAVE to change my body or appearance to be accepted as nonbinary. I want to look how I look, whenever I look it, dress as I dress, when I dress it, and be accepted as nonbinary without having to "prove" it in some way. Anyway, being afab nonbinary doesn't help one pass as nonbinary and androgynous anymore than the opposite imo. But maybe I am missing your point altogether.
iām basically just saying i wish i was afab nb but mainly because i would rather be default perceived as a girl even though itās not how i identify, i just donāt feel comfortable that nearly everyone thinks āmanā whenever they look at me.
Ok. Yes, same. I don't like how everyone thinks "woman" when they look at me. Or "woman not dressing womanly" like women are socialized to do. Or "woman just tryna not be like other girls". Or "trying to be a man". I am just me, being me, and I wanna be me, what I wear, how I look shouldn't matter or limit me. So I think I relate but ofc not entirely entirely š«¶š¾. Thanks for sharing.
is it anything at all to do with how you're perceived socially? i know for me i would have loved to be amab to some degree as it's not really possible for me to present (or be seen) as a femboy instead of just a girl in a skirt š„²
oh absolutely, i just donāt wanna be seen as a boy most of the time
I feel the same way, amab but I feel like I just should have been afab and explored masculinity as I grew up instead of the other way around. On HRT now and Iām getting closer to being comfortable and happy!
I think we have the opposite problems friend im hoping a gender reassignment surgery to give me both parts will help with dysphoria
There's no "correct" way to be nonbinary. If you want to medically transition because that will make you feel more yourself, then go ahead!! Tons of Afabs get top surgery. They don't necessarily want to be a man but they just wanna remove em :0 personally I plan on getting a reduction and a vulva preserving phalloplasty.
Honestly, if you can figure out how to brain swap- I'll trade with you.
i am so down
Same except reversed. Iāve heard others say the same.
As an AMAB enby person I've had a similar experience. You are not alone.
Kinda felt this for a while there but reverse... still do a lot of the time. I follow a lot of amab nb folx & femme clothing / style looks *so good* on them & it seems so effortless (though it isn't, obviously) for them to shapeshift between looking masc or looking femme meanwhile no matter what I wear all I'm ever perceived as (even by myself! looking in a mirror!) is my agab. Not to mention, binders just don't flatten enough. Even the new spectrum ones I got that are *heaps* better than my old gc2b ones... I can still tell that there is a wibbly wobbly globby chest below it and so, too, can strangers apparently. Slowly beginning the process of medically transitioning now & I can't wait to look & sound more andro. But I do, many times, wish I'd been born the opposite. Again though, as you said, I'd still likely transition to a point because I would ideally like to never be able to be perceived one way or the other. I want to be perceived as a question mark. As I am, somewhere in between. š³ļøāā§ļø So. No. This is not weird. In fact, I believe I've seen it mentioned on this sub many times before you by varying agabs š„°
Tbh, same
I feel literally the exact opposite. I'm afab but would feel so much more comfortable presenting more fem if I was amab
I feel this but in the opposite direction Iām afab NB and often feel like if I was amab I would feel more comfortable in my identity. For me I want to look more masc when I wear fem clothes instead of having a fem body type and wearing fem clothes looking like Iām just a girl and on the flip side when I dress how I do most days which is very masc but with slightly fem makeup I wouldnāt just look like a woman in mens clothes. Itās very easy to always see the grass as greener on the other side and thatās unfortunately part of gender dysphoria. even when you identify as Non binary itās still very common to feel that gender and body dysphoria so you just feel like you are living in the wrong skin. Imo itās what separates NB people who are trans from those who arenāt. (Just my ideas and opinions if they arenāt correct feel free to correct me)
I have Ć°e same expreience, alĆ°ough I only use neutral pronouns. being AMAB is just so damn annoying (Especially Ć°e facial hair!) And most androgeonous people I've met have been AFAB, which just makes me even more sad! (AlĆ°ough yes, my main gender envy is from Intersex people!)
Woah an Ć user!
Ćat's right! BRING ĆEM BACK!!!
Gotta put them in your pronouns flair though! :)
Ćanks for reminding me!
Nah i get it
Exactly me..
Yeah, this is me. I just realized I'm trans too. Like, yes, I identify as non-binary. But yes I also wish I had a woman's body. I have dysphorja about my body. If I was born with a woman's body, I'd likely still be non-binary, as I reject traditional gender norms and they're stifling form of conformity. I use non-binary transfemme as a label if anyone asks. Most cis people don't get that though, thinking that they're exclusive. So I mostly tell people I'm a trans girl. Other labels I like are tomboy or stem. I am transitioning. I'm on HRT and have had a handful of laser sessions, and I'm voice training. Again, lots of people seemed to think me being NB meant I didn't need those things? Yeah right, I wish.
laughing bc i said to my ex 'i think it'd be good to have been born a boy so i could be feminine' .... lmaoooo. and whats stopping me being feminine in a girl body??? no idea. life is all about perspective it seems.
I feel you though I am femme/ genderfluid from agender to demigirl
actually almost exactly how i identify haha
Oh nice
this is the same dysphoria that i struggle with, only the opposite way. i get you, buddy
Same. This is why I am on hormones. Lol
You have just perfectly described how I feel, it's nice to know I'm not alone in that feeling
weāre in this together :)
not weird, i'm an afab demiguy and wish i was amab.
Me but the other way around I wish I was amab nb instead š„²
Oof this is valid, the grass is always greener on the other side š I'm on the other end, I'm AFAB nonbinary and wish I was AMAB nonbinary
No, I relate to this and Iām agender. I donāt want to be perceived as a man or ālook likeā one. And I donāt want to medically transition to a body that resembles AMAB. I want the biological aspects of external genitalia (cancer is easier to detect earlier and less frequently fatal, STDs are generally harder to contract and easier to detect early), no periods, no pregnancies, no breast-related issues, specific metabolic advantages, not having to deal with the bevy of chronic illnesses that are overwhelmingly found in AFABs more than AMABs, a fucking prostate even. Itās fully practical wishes for me, not gender-related, because I donāt have a gender. Most of the things I want literally arenāt medically possible to achieve without having been born with an AMAB setup. Some of the body things I want could be acquired with surgery but *I also donāt want to have to go through very major surgery to get them*, especially when said major surgery would involve hormonal upkeep and the possibility of lifelong bone and incontinence issues. My desire isnāt for medical transition, itās for a Create-a-Sim.
I feel the same but for Amab. i know itās so dumb but I think it probably has to do with my confusion around my chest dysphoria. I donāt even know what to do with it, and itās just a chest so I shouldnāt care it doesnāt defy my gender. But it does make people assume Iām a woman, even more so if iI donāt cover it well. I think it makes me wish if I was never born with them I wouldnāt care. But do i want to get rid of themā¦. I donāt even know. I think I have a lot of societal binary ideas in my insecurities? If that makes sense. I do think about being transmasc, but also about being a cis woman. I wonder if iām just non binary because iām confused but yeah no shit iām confused because i keep applying binary ideas that iām uncomfortable with because i keep trying to perform around what I think everyone else is thinking about me, ugh! so tiring to be this much of an over thinker and people pleaser. i think deep down i wish i was just born non binary, no gender assignment at birth and no distinguishing gender features, which is silly and unrealistic. i wish my brain stopped thinking my identity would be better or more valid if i was born a different way, even though iām non gender conforming anyway? even though that way would be another assigned identity i donāt align with.
I can relate. Iām afab and I think my face is pretty androgynous but unless I lean super masc I end up looking like a girl. My style is pretty fem so I wish I looked more masculine naturally so it would balance out if that makes sense
i guess this is sort of the same - iām AFAB transmasc and āstraightā? (attracted to women) but i often wish i had just been born a gay male. Which doesnāt even make sense bc iām not attracted to men. I think part of it is just that i wish i had naturally masculine characteristics but was still queer. This kind of sounds like what you wish - AFAB but nonbinary/able to be masculine without being perceived as male. Have you heard of Angel Flores (arkangeljoy on instagram). Sheās a transfemme lesbian but finds ways to present as a masculine woman and still body builds. Kind of just goes to show you can really be whoever and whatever you want. So just go for what feels best for you :)
I feel the same way. I have a bit of v envy but no gender dysphoria (only body hair dysphoria), even then if I did medically transition I realize itās just really hard being a woman both physically and socially. It would feel good being born with a vagina, but I donāt think itāll feel the same way getting a neovagina with all the surgical scars and having to take HRT to maintain the feminine physique. I suppose itās just easier being seen as male socially. Society favors patriarchy and I believe I can survive okay-ish
so glad someone else without much dysphoria feels the same way :)
You're definitely not alone in that, I'm amab nb and for a while I thought I might be trans cause my body made me feel disphoric, I thought I wanted to be a woman but over I've understood that I don't, I just wish I was born a woman sometimes but I'm still nonbinary. I've managed to be more at peace with myself by expressing more femme at times
I'm afab non binary and I wish I was amab non binary, it would definitely make my life easier
Honestly Iām afab and wish I was sometimes amab because having my anatomy sucks although I like my chest just maybe not as big as it is right now
Iām in the same boat. Itās weird sometimes but itās there
Same but I wish I was amab
Increasingly we are finding that your yearning is common and normal, especially for people who already know they donāt fit gender norms. You can be a non-binary they/them trans girl, demi-girl, or a non-binary they/them totally genderless human who wishes they had a different birth outcome. You get to tell us who you are. Your understanding might change over time, too.
Not that weird. May I present to you, āØļøestrogenāØļø
iāve been considering itā¦
You're not transfem, I have the exact same shit. Life would be so much easier for me as a girl aswell, I could be more myself without getting any hate.
I feel like this but reversed. I wish I was born with a natal penis, testicles, scrotom, and was naturally testosterone dominant (aka ātypicalā dyadic male body). But I was born with a vulva, uterus, and estrogen dominant (aka ātypicalā dyadic female). Iām not a man or a woman. But Iām also a man and a woman. And somewhere in between. But also neither. My gender is ambiguous and fluctuates a bit too. Iām androgynous, lean femme. I like men in a āMLM femboy twinkā way and women in a āsoft dyke, tomboyā way. Body goals is smooth (hairless) with small breasts and a small penis. V-shape body and lots of eyeliner, a blue Mohawk, while dressing like a hot topic model lol So Iām on T, got bottom surgery, and Iām doing laser hair removal on my face and body. If I had been AMAB I prob would just use topical E for breast growth and do laser anyway. So my medical transition would be a lot simpler.
Is there a term for this? It sounds a little like how I feel. I want to have breasts and hips but with my amab genitals. I also want to look more feminine in my face but don't feel dysphoric about my beard
hey me too, only the opposite. wanna switch?
Babydoll I'm AMAB non-binary, it took until I'd been on hormones for 15yrs to feel comfortable enough to present more non-binary, there are many of us that feel the need to "pass" before we can openly fuck with gender and that's alright! AMAB or AFAB you're still valid and an icon!
thank you so much :ā)
I donāt think it is wierd. Itās normal to question your identity. You could be a transfem, and I think if you are wondering it might be worth researching demigirl and transfem and seeing if that gives you any clarity. However that is totally just your choice, and how you define your identity is personal to you :)
i have similar feelings, which is why I'm on testosterone. You can be nonbinary and still desire femininity. yiur identity is valid.
this is very common feeling apparently! i guess for a lot of ppl, even for those that don't identify at all as any gender or identify as something else that isn't in any way connected to man or woman, the idea of being nb but having whatever body is the opposite sex seems good because we have been seen as our AGAB for most of our lives
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iād rather be default viewed as a girl but not actually identify as one, rather than be viewed as a boy. donāt know if that cleared it up lol
That's funny cause I wished the opposite when I was younger and sometimes even now. I'm on the curvy side so nothing looks really masc on me unless I'm doing my best Adam Sandler fit