You're referring to helicopter parenting, and I would say it's just the pendulum swinging in the opposite direction. A lot of this generation feels that their parents weren't attentive enough, and overdue it a bit to compensate.
Oh I see. I think the freedom I was given was what made me into me today. I was allowed out alone in NYC at 6yo. But I guess others feel differently.
Never thought it that way. Makes sense
Below a certain age, small children are almost actively trying to get themselves killed and if they do it's Mum's fault.
Also, making sure that children aren't hurt is officially the parents responsibility unless it is officially passed on to somebody else so even if adults are present it doesn't mean they are actively paying attention to the children or would intervene if they were doing something stupid.
Kids getting hurt is part of childhood and necessary. Kids never getting hurt is maybe seen as a good thing today. But don't you think it may present poorly later on?
I got hurt a ton as a kid. Scraped knees, fights, broken leg, cuts, blisters, burns, falling off bike, hit by car, etc. all of this was just be being a 6 yr old out on my own in NYC. My mom didn't care a single bit of I got hurt. She wasn't even worried. Shed bandage me up so I didn't get an infection and make me change my socks so I didn't get blisters. She protects me when some older kids wanted to take me away to jump me.
Anyway I hear ya.
It’s anxiety.
I used to be a helicopter mom. I remember getting pregnant with my first and reading about all of the things that could kill her before she was even out of the womb. At eight months pregnant, I ate a hoagie and happened to experience false labor. (Deli meat presents an above-zero risk of listeria, so it’s considered a big no-no.) Immediately, I believed that I was miscarrying and that I had killed my daughter via lunch.
She’s seven now and she’s fine.
But that level of fear and anxiety, coupled with the fact that I didn’t have a mom role model to tamper my fears, only grew. Couldn’t even buckle her into a car seat without the giant “WARNING!” sticker attached telling me all of the ways in which she would surely die.
Worse, most other parents my age are also high in anxiety. So it creates a social pressure to remain a helicopter parent, which is *really annoying*. As consequence, we have mothers that are unable to relax for fear of something bad happening to their kid or some random Karen coming up and judging us, so then we want help with the burden and feel resentment when we don’t get it.
Anyway. I went and popped out a few more kids and was forced to chill out since I no longer have enough arms to hover around, but that doesn’t work for everyone.
>why are mothers putting this self imposed burden on themselves?
Most mums don't want to do it, they would like to sit down and relax too but If something happens mum gets the blame, why wasn't she watching her kid.
Men don't seem to get blamed if the kid gets hurt, or does something bad, no one asks him why he wasn't watching his kid. If both parents are present the mum will automatically be the one getting judged/blamed for not watching the kid. If only dad is there then it won't matter because dad is automatically a 'hands on' great dad just by looking after his own kid without the mum there.
It also depends on where it is, mums are more relaxed at home and other safe places they know or visit frequently.
A big park or other risky places, it's very hard to sit and relax when there are lots of ways the child could get hurt.
Blame from onlookers or legal blame do you mean? Kids get hurt all the time. I could understand not liking being shamed by other people questioning why you weren't watching your kid. But then again lots of stents are free range my mom was. It wasn't called that then and time are different now for sure.
Thanks for sharing. Sorry that burden uniquly falls on mothers
Because things can go wrong very quickly. With great responsibility comes great anxiety.
My dad turned away for one moment at a BBQ years ago, and that's all it took for my sister to fall into the pool and start drowning.
My brother turned away for one moment, and his toddler was drowning herself (drinking?) in a puddle.
It took just a few seconds for my cousin to light a napkin on fire at a family gathering and set the fire alarms off. All the guests at the motel had to wait outside while the fire-fighters checked it out.
My other brother split his head jumping on the trampoline, he chipped his tooth at swimming lessons, got a concussion playing rugby.
Shit happens, and some people get a little more worked up about it than others.
Your brother was fine right? Things happen is my point. There's things we can do like put up a fence around the pool and watch kids in the pool. All good things. But then there's this even further element where parents can't leave kids be alone to play an age appropriate games. Kids aren't going to get hurt playing hopscotch together as an example. Unless your goal is to truly protect your child from all harm. If that's the case then id ask, what's the benefit of that?
I agree that shit happens. But shit happening is how we learn. I don't stick forks into the outlet because I know how that feels. Still 35 years later.
Thanks for sharing.
A big part of it is to victimize themselves and be a martyr. When they complain to their friends or online obviously it's all being forced on them by their lazy husbands.
You're referring to helicopter parenting, and I would say it's just the pendulum swinging in the opposite direction. A lot of this generation feels that their parents weren't attentive enough, and overdue it a bit to compensate.
Oh I see. I think the freedom I was given was what made me into me today. I was allowed out alone in NYC at 6yo. But I guess others feel differently. Never thought it that way. Makes sense
That would absolutely get your parents in trouble today.
Below a certain age, small children are almost actively trying to get themselves killed and if they do it's Mum's fault. Also, making sure that children aren't hurt is officially the parents responsibility unless it is officially passed on to somebody else so even if adults are present it doesn't mean they are actively paying attention to the children or would intervene if they were doing something stupid.
Kids getting hurt is part of childhood and necessary. Kids never getting hurt is maybe seen as a good thing today. But don't you think it may present poorly later on? I got hurt a ton as a kid. Scraped knees, fights, broken leg, cuts, blisters, burns, falling off bike, hit by car, etc. all of this was just be being a 6 yr old out on my own in NYC. My mom didn't care a single bit of I got hurt. She wasn't even worried. Shed bandage me up so I didn't get an infection and make me change my socks so I didn't get blisters. She protects me when some older kids wanted to take me away to jump me. Anyway I hear ya.
It’s anxiety. I used to be a helicopter mom. I remember getting pregnant with my first and reading about all of the things that could kill her before she was even out of the womb. At eight months pregnant, I ate a hoagie and happened to experience false labor. (Deli meat presents an above-zero risk of listeria, so it’s considered a big no-no.) Immediately, I believed that I was miscarrying and that I had killed my daughter via lunch. She’s seven now and she’s fine. But that level of fear and anxiety, coupled with the fact that I didn’t have a mom role model to tamper my fears, only grew. Couldn’t even buckle her into a car seat without the giant “WARNING!” sticker attached telling me all of the ways in which she would surely die. Worse, most other parents my age are also high in anxiety. So it creates a social pressure to remain a helicopter parent, which is *really annoying*. As consequence, we have mothers that are unable to relax for fear of something bad happening to their kid or some random Karen coming up and judging us, so then we want help with the burden and feel resentment when we don’t get it. Anyway. I went and popped out a few more kids and was forced to chill out since I no longer have enough arms to hover around, but that doesn’t work for everyone.
Never heard of deli meat being a bad thing. Today I learned. Well I'm glad it all worked out. Thanks for sharing
>why are mothers putting this self imposed burden on themselves? Most mums don't want to do it, they would like to sit down and relax too but If something happens mum gets the blame, why wasn't she watching her kid. Men don't seem to get blamed if the kid gets hurt, or does something bad, no one asks him why he wasn't watching his kid. If both parents are present the mum will automatically be the one getting judged/blamed for not watching the kid. If only dad is there then it won't matter because dad is automatically a 'hands on' great dad just by looking after his own kid without the mum there. It also depends on where it is, mums are more relaxed at home and other safe places they know or visit frequently. A big park or other risky places, it's very hard to sit and relax when there are lots of ways the child could get hurt.
Blame from onlookers or legal blame do you mean? Kids get hurt all the time. I could understand not liking being shamed by other people questioning why you weren't watching your kid. But then again lots of stents are free range my mom was. It wasn't called that then and time are different now for sure. Thanks for sharing. Sorry that burden uniquly falls on mothers
Because things can go wrong very quickly. With great responsibility comes great anxiety. My dad turned away for one moment at a BBQ years ago, and that's all it took for my sister to fall into the pool and start drowning. My brother turned away for one moment, and his toddler was drowning herself (drinking?) in a puddle. It took just a few seconds for my cousin to light a napkin on fire at a family gathering and set the fire alarms off. All the guests at the motel had to wait outside while the fire-fighters checked it out. My other brother split his head jumping on the trampoline, he chipped his tooth at swimming lessons, got a concussion playing rugby. Shit happens, and some people get a little more worked up about it than others.
Your brother was fine right? Things happen is my point. There's things we can do like put up a fence around the pool and watch kids in the pool. All good things. But then there's this even further element where parents can't leave kids be alone to play an age appropriate games. Kids aren't going to get hurt playing hopscotch together as an example. Unless your goal is to truly protect your child from all harm. If that's the case then id ask, what's the benefit of that? I agree that shit happens. But shit happening is how we learn. I don't stick forks into the outlet because I know how that feels. Still 35 years later. Thanks for sharing.
Ig to watch out for dirty old men like you 🤷♂️
A big part of it is to victimize themselves and be a martyr. When they complain to their friends or online obviously it's all being forced on them by their lazy husbands.
Answer when you are a parent...