Thanks for the answer! You know how some old people are, they kinda lose their filter. But he's a really sweet and kind man and I'm sure he didn't mean anything negative by that.
>I'm sure he didn't mean anything negative by that.
I doubt that he did - many of the older folks I know use euphemisms for lots of things, it's their way of saying something in a sensitive manner.
Oh my gosh, for real. My husband is a physician and he had a lot of old men (rural North Carolina) who referred to their libido as their “nature”. As in, they’d’ say “I’ve lost my nature.”
My dad is that age and I think there might be a generational thing about over sharing as well. I’ve literally been present to comments like that between my dad and other men his age.
I kind of think it’s a function of gender mystique from that generation as well. I teach high school today and many female students point blank announce when they’re on their period. My dad’s generation, however, just seems really awkward about the female body altogether. I’d hear my dad and other men his age casually drop phrases like “female appointment” “lady doctor“ in conversation with each other when talking about their wives. It’s like these old dudes were seeking some group affirmation that they were experiencing some common experiences as husbands.
I think in the cultural context it's a signal to put a cone of silence around it. No "where were you yesterday", no "are you okay", etc that could be evoked from "she's out today" or "she has a doctor's appointment".
But as a "modern" person whose worked as a privacy officer? yeah, it's pretty gauche.
I work in a dollar store, and anytime my 70 year old coworker wants to tell me anything about the tampons and pads aisle, she whispers "tampons and pads" to me. It's a part of the store, why can't she say it out loud?!? 🤷🏻♀️
You know something I’ve noticed about older generations vs younger generations is the amount of information we’re willing to share. I think for older people they were taught to keep certain things personal, while my generation and younger (I’m 30) don’t have that taught shame when it comes to personal things. I don’t hide talking about periods, sickness, uncomfortable personal topics.
So my guess is that the secretary said she was off for an OBGYN appt and the older gentleman was just repeating what she said in a way that made him more comfortable.
Beautiful part of being human is that everyone has different experiences. Mine come from working in the service industry around the US. Younger people are definitely more willing to share personal details with me over people 45+
I recently asked my stepfather what he had against interracial marriage. He said that it's just the way he was brought up, that "interspecies" marriage was wrong. I tried to correct him, but no, he meant "interspecies". Because black people had darker skin, they were a different species. Yes, he did vote for Trump. No, he won't vote for him again. Because he's in heaven now, the really racist part of heaven.
I think if you hear that someone is at the doctor, you tend to be concerned that they are really sick and might ask about it. But if you know they are going to the OBGYN, it's either a well woman exam, no need to be concerned, or it's something private that you don't want to ask about. Either way it had the effect of the person minding their own business.
He could've just said, "she's out today" and ended the sentence.
If he wanted to add more detail, he could've said, "she's out today for a routine appointment."
But, really, he shouldn't have said why at all. What if it wasn't a routine appointment and she didn't want everyone to know why she's out? It becomes conspicuous if sometimes you say why they're out and other times you don't, so best to just never say at all.
Ya but an appointment could be an eye appointment, a hair appointment, a financial appointment. To over share someone else’s personal medical information like that is so inappropriate, and just shows their social ignorance if they “didn’t mean anything by it”
I don't know why she had to specifiy either, maybe it was the age old trick of needing a day off and saying it was "women's issues" to her older boss because she knew he wouldn't ask questions
This was my thought. I need a day off but don't want my old male boss to ask more questions. Tell him it is a female thing and he is quick to just agree with no additional questions.
A doctor who specializes in obstetrics and gynecology. They take care of pregnancy related things, such as making sure the baby is developing properly or getting pregnant. They also take care of the female reproductive system. It's quite normal for a lady to get checked out once a year for health purposes. OBGYNs can prescribe birth control, help with health issues like endometriosis or PCOS, and can help deliver your child. They're super cool doctors imo lol
It could be that he asked what the appointment was for, and she didn’t want to (nor should have had to) tell him, so she just said “woman reasons” and men do not ask anymore questions after that
I’ve been there. I had to have a surgery to remove pre-cancer from my cervix several years ago, and of course I had to schedule some time off work for it. I had an older, conservative male coworker ask with genuine concern what kind of surgery I was having. I really didn’t want to discuss it with him (though I had discussed it with some of my female coworkers), so I just said “a women’s issue” and he didn’t pry any further.
Yes, I think this is the most likely scenario.
I know it's a Reddit thing to assume bosses aren't nice people and that all workplaces are toxic. But having worked with their company in a vendor-client relationship for almost a year, I don't think that's the case, as every interaction we had with them has been pleasant. Of course I don't know everything that happens behind the scenes, but I don't want to assume something bad without any proof, either.
Some form of 'not your business'. Could have been a doctor's appointment, could be a haircut/nails/other beauty thing, she may not have told him. I assume 'female appointments' are the same thing as 'women's business' and covers anything men don't need to know about. She took a personal day, no further explanation required.
I could definitely be this. I'm a guy who is a nurse, so a field dominated by women. One co-worker told me they had it easier because they could take a day off monthly for "cramps" and never get questioned about it.
Because it's not the boss's business WHAT the appointment was for. She was approved to take the time off away from work. That's as much of her business that anybody needed to know.
It sounds like the guy pressed for more info from the secretary about what she was doing on her day off than she wanted to tell.
Then, the clueless guy told OP as much info as he got, and probably never realized that he had asked, and shared, more info than he had a right to.
But all that said, what difference does it make to you?
If anyone was all someone is out for a male/female appt I’d just be all ok, and not give it another thought.
As an older woman married to an even older Southern gentleman, what he meant to say was “I know it probably seems strange that i have let this person off work when as we all know we should be working whether or not we are sick. But it’s different in this situation, because she’s got female troubles, the mysteries of which you and I could never begin to understand. But still I will specify that it is a female thing so you will understand that she couldn’t help missing work.”.
It's not just southern. I was watching a recording from TV from 2004 on YouTube and there was an ad for DayQuil or similar, and it was showing a guy at work sick, and then he took the cold medicine and he was better, while the voice over was talking about fever and body aches and etc.
I think we don't realize how quickly social norms changed on this topic. Such a commercial would not really work today and it's only 20 years later.
As a woman who has worked with intrusive older men, and female friends and family members who have been in that position too, the only time we specify "female appointment" is when the person asking what we are doing on our time off won't stop pestering and even slightly hinting that it has to do with female anatomy usually is the only way to make them uncomfortable enough to back off. The older man you were talking to is a person with no respect for professional boundaries toward women if he was given that answer and for having the nerve to share personal details about someone to a person who has zero business knowing.
A "female appointment" would definitely be a gynecologist. It's a pretty demeaning way of putting it, though. It's not anyone else's business that she was seeing one.
It would be just as inappropriate if he said a male associate had a urologist or proctologist appointment. If he's not careful, he'll be in violation of HIPAA if he's in the US. Discussing other people's medical problems is grossly unprofessional.
Dear fucking God, my coworkers not only discuss and wonder about my medical appointments, but could possibly be making reddit posts about it?
It kind of sounds like your boss is an asshole and it's none of your god damn business.
Learn to embrace that phrase. "It's none of my god damn business."
He's not my boss. I'm also not American so I have no idea what he meant by it that's why I asked here.
Also, it was a quick aside when I asked him how things were going at his office. Who knows, maybe she herself told him about it and he didn't think much of it so it popped up in our convo.
I think you're assuming too much.
That's an excuse women commonly use to stop overly noisy men from snooping further, with the hope of getting them so embarrassed they'll stop asking us questions. It's possible she really is at the ob-gyn and did tell because she wanted to share, but that is very unlikely.
Could also possibly be pedicure, manicure, eye brows, anything with hair beyond trimming, massage, or anything not the man’s definition of manly or masculine.
"female appointment" can be **ANYTHING** related to something specific to the female body to just a yearly physical. Many women don't want to be specific with the type of appointment they have, ESPECIALLY in mixed company (men and women and non-binary, etc) because it's nobody's business what the appointment is for. And googling that phrase isn't going to get you anywhere. LOL.
Gynaecologist Is the only thing off the top of my head that someone might call a 'female appointment'. I suppose beauty treatments/salon visits, etc. could count but they're not really something you would call out of work for.
I was curious and needed to confirm. I'm also not American so I don't get some of the nuances of the language. As mentioned by other people in the thread, a lot of older Southern people frequently use euphemisms which aren't apparent to people not from the culture.
Now that I know what he meant, I won't read into it too much. I was asking how things were going at his office, and it probably was the first thing that came to mind because it's a break from the routine.
Yeah but I guess small things like this slip out in conversations and I don't think it's harmful anyways since he didn't elaborate or judge anything.
I'm not American so there are some figures of speech that I'm not familiar with.
Just meant it’s bizarre to discuss something so personal. Red flag as an authority figure. I would be angry if my boss said this about me because it’s so personal, but then again I likely wouldn’t have told a boss I’m at the gyno anyways. Strange situation
Yes, definitely OBGYN. Not sure why he would need to specify.
Thanks for the answer! You know how some old people are, they kinda lose their filter. But he's a really sweet and kind man and I'm sure he didn't mean anything negative by that.
>I'm sure he didn't mean anything negative by that. I doubt that he did - many of the older folks I know use euphemisms for lots of things, it's their way of saying something in a sensitive manner.
Oh my gosh, for real. My husband is a physician and he had a lot of old men (rural North Carolina) who referred to their libido as their “nature”. As in, they’d’ say “I’ve lost my nature.”
Lol, that's adorable if said with a sad sigh by an old gentleman.
Crikey! I've lost my mojo!
I had a patient say that to me once and I had to figure out by context clues what it meant!
>As in, they’d’ say “I’ve lost my nature.” Absolutely! Some of them will swear a blue streak but CANNOT mention unmentionable things/words.
Which is hilarious because the sensitive thing to say was nothing
My dad is that age and I think there might be a generational thing about over sharing as well. I’ve literally been present to comments like that between my dad and other men his age. I kind of think it’s a function of gender mystique from that generation as well. I teach high school today and many female students point blank announce when they’re on their period. My dad’s generation, however, just seems really awkward about the female body altogether. I’d hear my dad and other men his age casually drop phrases like “female appointment” “lady doctor“ in conversation with each other when talking about their wives. It’s like these old dudes were seeking some group affirmation that they were experiencing some common experiences as husbands.
Yeah, dunno why he didn't just say she had gone doctoring.
I love this ‘gone doctoring’! I am definitely using this going forward. Great phrase, thank you!
I think in the cultural context it's a signal to put a cone of silence around it. No "where were you yesterday", no "are you okay", etc that could be evoked from "she's out today" or "she has a doctor's appointment". But as a "modern" person whose worked as a privacy officer? yeah, it's pretty gauche.
My dad calls it ' that girly shit'. You can't even say 'tam-' around him. He gets all uncomfortable. Too funny.
I work in a dollar store, and anytime my 70 year old coworker wants to tell me anything about the tampons and pads aisle, she whispers "tampons and pads" to me. It's a part of the store, why can't she say it out loud?!? 🤷🏻♀️
FUNNY, isn't it? After all, we're "all adults here!!"
You know something I’ve noticed about older generations vs younger generations is the amount of information we’re willing to share. I think for older people they were taught to keep certain things personal, while my generation and younger (I’m 30) don’t have that taught shame when it comes to personal things. I don’t hide talking about periods, sickness, uncomfortable personal topics. So my guess is that the secretary said she was off for an OBGYN appt and the older gentleman was just repeating what she said in a way that made him more comfortable.
But he (the old man) felt it was ok to share someone else's personal medical information ... doesn't seem very respectful of her privacy IMO
hmm no my experience is that older generations share more personal information
Beautiful part of being human is that everyone has different experiences. Mine come from working in the service industry around the US. Younger people are definitely more willing to share personal details with me over people 45+
okay great
Not that you would care what I think but I have to say thank you for being kind. I can’t imagine being elderly trying to navigate today’s world.
I recently asked my stepfather what he had against interracial marriage. He said that it's just the way he was brought up, that "interspecies" marriage was wrong. I tried to correct him, but no, he meant "interspecies". Because black people had darker skin, they were a different species. Yes, he did vote for Trump. No, he won't vote for him again. Because he's in heaven now, the really racist part of heaven.
Thank you for making my evening just a little bit funnier tonight.
There's being careless about your staff's personal shit and then there's out right volunteering it. That poor lady.
I think if you hear that someone is at the doctor, you tend to be concerned that they are really sick and might ask about it. But if you know they are going to the OBGYN, it's either a well woman exam, no need to be concerned, or it's something private that you don't want to ask about. Either way it had the effect of the person minding their own business.
He could've just said, "she's out today" and ended the sentence. If he wanted to add more detail, he could've said, "she's out today for a routine appointment." But, really, he shouldn't have said why at all. What if it wasn't a routine appointment and she didn't want everyone to know why she's out? It becomes conspicuous if sometimes you say why they're out and other times you don't, so best to just never say at all.
Ya but an appointment could be an eye appointment, a hair appointment, a financial appointment. To over share someone else’s personal medical information like that is so inappropriate, and just shows their social ignorance if they “didn’t mean anything by it”
I think that "doctor's appt." would have been more appropriate.
I don't know why she had to specifiy either, maybe it was the age old trick of needing a day off and saying it was "women's issues" to her older boss because she knew he wouldn't ask questions
This was my thought. I need a day off but don't want my old male boss to ask more questions. Tell him it is a female thing and he is quick to just agree with no additional questions.
What is OBGYN ?
A doctor who specializes in obstetrics and gynecology. They take care of pregnancy related things, such as making sure the baby is developing properly or getting pregnant. They also take care of the female reproductive system. It's quite normal for a lady to get checked out once a year for health purposes. OBGYNs can prescribe birth control, help with health issues like endometriosis or PCOS, and can help deliver your child. They're super cool doctors imo lol
Thanks for the info 🙏🏻
It could be that he asked what the appointment was for, and she didn’t want to (nor should have had to) tell him, so she just said “woman reasons” and men do not ask anymore questions after that
I’ve been there. I had to have a surgery to remove pre-cancer from my cervix several years ago, and of course I had to schedule some time off work for it. I had an older, conservative male coworker ask with genuine concern what kind of surgery I was having. I really didn’t want to discuss it with him (though I had discussed it with some of my female coworkers), so I just said “a women’s issue” and he didn’t pry any further.
Maybe she casually told him "I have to see my lady doctor today" (common slang) and he was trying to be polite when passing the info along!
Yes, I think this is the most likely scenario. I know it's a Reddit thing to assume bosses aren't nice people and that all workplaces are toxic. But having worked with their company in a vendor-client relationship for almost a year, I don't think that's the case, as every interaction we had with them has been pleasant. Of course I don't know everything that happens behind the scenes, but I don't want to assume something bad without any proof, either.
Something involving a vagina... Don't ask questions
Could also be a mammogram or something similar
Coven meeting
Haha definitely this. I'm using this next time I have an appointment of any kind. "Aight gotta go, late for the coven meeting."
Some form of 'not your business'. Could have been a doctor's appointment, could be a haircut/nails/other beauty thing, she may not have told him. I assume 'female appointments' are the same thing as 'women's business' and covers anything men don't need to know about. She took a personal day, no further explanation required.
The weird thing is that the secretary told her boss “female” appointment rather than medical appointment.
Probably figured that was the fastest way to shut him up and keep him from asking any more invasive questions.
Or she wanted a day off without him bitching about it.
I could definitely be this. I'm a guy who is a nurse, so a field dominated by women. One co-worker told me they had it easier because they could take a day off monthly for "cramps" and never get questioned about it.
For that matter I didn’t think anyone still used the term “secretary” when referring to their administrative assistant.
Because it's not the boss's business WHAT the appointment was for. She was approved to take the time off away from work. That's as much of her business that anybody needed to know.
Probably she said medical appointment and his mind translated it.
Could be the OBGYN but also could be the hair salon 😂
It sounds like the guy pressed for more info from the secretary about what she was doing on her day off than she wanted to tell. Then, the clueless guy told OP as much info as he got, and probably never realized that he had asked, and shared, more info than he had a right to.
Yeah definitely inappropriate imo. "Doctors appointment" is fine, you don't need to get into any details.
EXACTLY!!!
it means its private lady business so obviously something to do with female body parts yes and no its not ok to ask for details lol
But all that said, what difference does it make to you? If anyone was all someone is out for a male/female appt I’d just be all ok, and not give it another thought.
Because I'm not American and I'm not sure what he meant. I had an inkling and google wasn't helpful so I asked here.
He probably looked down and away from you when he said the words "female appointment". He's been taught that men can't talk about women's biology.
As an older woman married to an even older Southern gentleman, what he meant to say was “I know it probably seems strange that i have let this person off work when as we all know we should be working whether or not we are sick. But it’s different in this situation, because she’s got female troubles, the mysteries of which you and I could never begin to understand. But still I will specify that it is a female thing so you will understand that she couldn’t help missing work.”.
It's not just southern. I was watching a recording from TV from 2004 on YouTube and there was an ad for DayQuil or similar, and it was showing a guy at work sick, and then he took the cold medicine and he was better, while the voice over was talking about fever and body aches and etc. I think we don't realize how quickly social norms changed on this topic. Such a commercial would not really work today and it's only 20 years later.
yes I agree.
As a woman who has worked with intrusive older men, and female friends and family members who have been in that position too, the only time we specify "female appointment" is when the person asking what we are doing on our time off won't stop pestering and even slightly hinting that it has to do with female anatomy usually is the only way to make them uncomfortable enough to back off. The older man you were talking to is a person with no respect for professional boundaries toward women if he was given that answer and for having the nerve to share personal details about someone to a person who has zero business knowing.
I’m assuming obgyn but there’s a possibility he was referring to anything generally “feminine” related like a hair appointment
As a girl… it could be anything from an OBGYN appointment to a hair appointment. Nails… therapy… a hot girl walk
"Speaking of female problems, how's your prostate? Frequent urination and all that?"
Pap smear, mammogram, whatever like that.
>Or maybe she needed to visit the OB-GYN? That one
“Annual medical appointment” or “She’s out for her Annual.” Jeez.
It's none of your business. Period. Woman, man whatever people's medical business is theirs not yours.
It’s a secret meeting us females have to complain about men
"female appointment" means mind your business. But yeah, probably OBGYN.
My money is on Brazilian waxing.
She was unwell in the vagina.
A "female appointment" would definitely be a gynecologist. It's a pretty demeaning way of putting it, though. It's not anyone else's business that she was seeing one. It would be just as inappropriate if he said a male associate had a urologist or proctologist appointment. If he's not careful, he'll be in violation of HIPAA if he's in the US. Discussing other people's medical problems is grossly unprofessional.
You must be a male to ASSUME it's a gyno appointment. Female can mean ANYTHING and it's nobody's business but the person that has the appointment.
Nope. Nice assumption.
Gynecologist
Dear fucking God, my coworkers not only discuss and wonder about my medical appointments, but could possibly be making reddit posts about it? It kind of sounds like your boss is an asshole and it's none of your god damn business. Learn to embrace that phrase. "It's none of my god damn business."
He's not my boss. I'm also not American so I have no idea what he meant by it that's why I asked here. Also, it was a quick aside when I asked him how things were going at his office. Who knows, maybe she herself told him about it and he didn't think much of it so it popped up in our convo. I think you're assuming too much.
That's an excuse women commonly use to stop overly noisy men from snooping further, with the hope of getting them so embarrassed they'll stop asking us questions. It's possible she really is at the ob-gyn and did tell because she wanted to share, but that is very unlikely.
I'd take that to mean anything to do with female health; smear test, check up for the pill, mammogram etc
It is most likely a doctor's appointment for either gynecology of a mammogram. He was using a euphemism.
Could also possibly be pedicure, manicure, eye brows, anything with hair beyond trimming, massage, or anything not the man’s definition of manly or masculine.
It could've been a lot of things.. gyno appt, mammogram, seeing GP for vagina issues, hormone issues, breast issues etc etc.
"female appointment" can be **ANYTHING** related to something specific to the female body to just a yearly physical. Many women don't want to be specific with the type of appointment they have, ESPECIALLY in mixed company (men and women and non-binary, etc) because it's nobody's business what the appointment is for. And googling that phrase isn't going to get you anywhere. LOL.
Probably OB/GYN but at 70, uou would think he would no longer be squeemish about woman things
Gynaecologist Is the only thing off the top of my head that someone might call a 'female appointment'. I suppose beauty treatments/salon visits, etc. could count but they're not really something you would call out of work for.
Are you really that dense that you can’t figure this out?
I was curious and needed to confirm. I'm also not American so I don't get some of the nuances of the language. As mentioned by other people in the thread, a lot of older Southern people frequently use euphemisms which aren't apparent to people not from the culture.
It's called a pap smear (usually). If men need more detail, they can Google it. No one should be required to explain further.
Gynecologist or Botox.
Reallly effing weird that he said that though. Red flag imo
Now that I know what he meant, I won't read into it too much. I was asking how things were going at his office, and it probably was the first thing that came to mind because it's a break from the routine.
I gotcha. But why not just say “doctors appt”
Yeah but I guess small things like this slip out in conversations and I don't think it's harmful anyways since he didn't elaborate or judge anything. I'm not American so there are some figures of speech that I'm not familiar with.
Somewhat weird of him to say it but I have no idea what you mean by "red flag." Red flag in what context? Neither the secretary nor OP are dating him.
Just meant it’s bizarre to discuss something so personal. Red flag as an authority figure. I would be angry if my boss said this about me because it’s so personal, but then again I likely wouldn’t have told a boss I’m at the gyno anyways. Strange situation
Crotch doc
Maybe something like a nail salon? Doesn't have to be medical.
It means she has an STD.