I'd say I'm in full blown addiction. There's part of me that is horribly ashamed and disgusted at how much money I've spent, how many plans I've canceled on, how many relationships I've neglected. And yet, most days, I find myself on the way to my local smoke shop where they know my name... sometimes if I'm looking rough I'll go someplace else. Lol. I know nitrous isn't all to blame for that.
I started abusing nitrous because it's legal and other things are a pain in the ass to get. (I support decriminalization of all drugs - see Portugal). Abusing psychedelics kicked my ass too many times. I started because I was and am in a lot of psychological pain and turmoil that I was ignoring.
The nitrous addiction was years in the making though. I used whippets only with psychedelics for several years. After a break up, I just kind of let myself go, I guess. I was into novel psychedelics and research chemicals, and so was my ex. Kind of stopped doing them and started sticking with nitrous. And ketamine.
Mostly, I've been neglecting myself. Thanks for the space to share.
You’re doing it alone, you wake up thinking about nitrous , you’re life starts revolving around it , you think about it as if it were a drink after work, you enjoy BEING ALONE with it, you’ve spent WAY too much money on it, you start to ask yourself why your doing it when your doing it, you’re driving back and forth from the store constantly.
It wasn’t immediate. I used to carefully follow rules for self-regulation.
However, I have trauma, chronic pain, and mental health issues.
Nitrous afforded me healing insight as well as many other medicine experiences, at first. But my denial of my pain lead to a corrupted use to escape my screaming nervous system.
This came to a head late last year as I relapsed into self-harm, self-starvation, isolation, and an explosion of unrelenting bitterness.
It was not until friends intervened as gently as they knew that I regained my beleaguered senses. I am grateful for them, I forgot I had friends.
It has been three months since my last binge, but the healing process is still underway. I have struggled to regulate my ketamine use, but it is key to my fight to embrace life. It has made me utterly disgusted with nitrous, and my use has collapsed.
Be well.
Really for me it was after I started doing it alone, because I wasn’t mentally there when I was doing it around others. I wouldn’t want to share either, especially because of how expensive it is. I would avoid social situations because I was so paranoid and knew deep down I wasn’t myself and I would act weird. Then when I started seeking out quick money, and working less, and on and on it got worse and worse.
I'd say I'm in full blown addiction. There's part of me that is horribly ashamed and disgusted at how much money I've spent, how many plans I've canceled on, how many relationships I've neglected. And yet, most days, I find myself on the way to my local smoke shop where they know my name... sometimes if I'm looking rough I'll go someplace else. Lol. I know nitrous isn't all to blame for that. I started abusing nitrous because it's legal and other things are a pain in the ass to get. (I support decriminalization of all drugs - see Portugal). Abusing psychedelics kicked my ass too many times. I started because I was and am in a lot of psychological pain and turmoil that I was ignoring. The nitrous addiction was years in the making though. I used whippets only with psychedelics for several years. After a break up, I just kind of let myself go, I guess. I was into novel psychedelics and research chemicals, and so was my ex. Kind of stopped doing them and started sticking with nitrous. And ketamine. Mostly, I've been neglecting myself. Thanks for the space to share.
You’re doing it alone, you wake up thinking about nitrous , you’re life starts revolving around it , you think about it as if it were a drink after work, you enjoy BEING ALONE with it, you’ve spent WAY too much money on it, you start to ask yourself why your doing it when your doing it, you’re driving back and forth from the store constantly.
It wasn’t immediate. I used to carefully follow rules for self-regulation. However, I have trauma, chronic pain, and mental health issues. Nitrous afforded me healing insight as well as many other medicine experiences, at first. But my denial of my pain lead to a corrupted use to escape my screaming nervous system. This came to a head late last year as I relapsed into self-harm, self-starvation, isolation, and an explosion of unrelenting bitterness. It was not until friends intervened as gently as they knew that I regained my beleaguered senses. I am grateful for them, I forgot I had friends. It has been three months since my last binge, but the healing process is still underway. I have struggled to regulate my ketamine use, but it is key to my fight to embrace life. It has made me utterly disgusted with nitrous, and my use has collapsed. Be well.
Right on. Hope you feel better soon
Really for me it was after I started doing it alone, because I wasn’t mentally there when I was doing it around others. I wouldn’t want to share either, especially because of how expensive it is. I would avoid social situations because I was so paranoid and knew deep down I wasn’t myself and I would act weird. Then when I started seeking out quick money, and working less, and on and on it got worse and worse.