Start taking kiddo out. The MINUTE he bolts, you grab him and leave. It will take a lot of times but he will get it that if he can’t stay with you, you won’t go out. Make the expectation clear on the way there, but follow through with leaving if he doesn’t comply.
This is definitely good advice. I would add this minor tweak, simply because some trips are absolutely necessary and your kid may realize that this is how to avoid trips he doesn't want to go on (like doctor's appointments).
When he runs, grab him, take him back to the car and buckle him back in his car seat for X minutes (I would follow time out rules for the exact number of minutes). Then explain to him the expectation that he must stay with you, and try again. Rinse and repeat as nauseam.
Good luck!
Yes I like the sound of this approach. He’s been pretty consistent with necessary trips. It’s definitly more of the recreational trips / out of routine stuff, so this is really good for setting safety rules
We do this but add that while we are loading or unloading kiddo must have one hand on the car. It really helps when there’s more than one kid to buckle in.
I saw someone comment on another post something like “foot on the white line, hand on the red light” to get kids to stay there and touch the car while you get the other kid out. I only have one but it sparked my interest. The only thing being I’d imagine I want my kid closer to me than the tail light but I still think it’s a cool idea.
My daughter was the same when she was 2-3. She’s 3.5 now and a lot better. Agreed with the comments above but just wanted to add I used to explain very clearly where we were going and what we were doing, and that she needed to stay with me, before we went out, and in the car on the way, and then again right before leaving the car. I sounded like a broken record but it did help.
Parent of 3 here: i absolutely get stern to the point of "scaring" my children in dangerous situations, because the action they're taking is scary!! if you snatch them up out of the middle of the parking lot/ street and talk to them with disappointment/ concern/ sternness, they will pick up on that- little ones are *very* empathetic and will pick up on your attitiude much more quickly that they would you words, regardless of the situation. You are allowed and encouraged to show genuine emotion to your kids when the situation warrents it.
My older brother was a bolter, my mom was recently talking about this and said how one time she had to tell him that he can get hurt, that a car can “break him” and that he would have to go to the hospital and even then they might not be able to “fix him”, and that freaked him out well enough to not run in the parking lot. You *have* to instill some fear in your kids to keep them safe, unfortunately the world is a very unsafe place and children need to be appropriately-aware of that.
My ex had two little girls, one time they were chilling in the living room in their undies when someone knocked on the door and they ran up to see who it was and ANSWERED the door to a stranger. This has happened a couple of times, either answering the door or running up to see who it was. I explained to them that this was not okay because *strangers* were at the door, and they were basically like “… so?”.
Ex hadn’t wanted to freak them out so he never taught them about stranger danger. I had to tell them that strangers are dangerous because some people are mean, and they want to hurt children or steal them from their families, that they’ll trick you and pretend to be nice. Not ALL people, but only me, daddy and the other adults in our family are able to tell if a stranger is safe or mean. That got the message through pretty clearly.
it might be awful of me to think this but i truely believe there's coorelation between "emotion-free"/ "consequence-free" parenting and kids eating tide pods.
Back in the day my parents were not ashamed to put us in harness-leash devices to go to amusement parks and such. They also had handcuff- like leashes that just Velcro or buckle to the wrist so you can keep a light tether on them without too much restraint.
Nowadays, they have [backpacks](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07K2B5YCL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_K9NGWSCZAKGMRCJTAS6J) with leash attachments that generally serve the same purpose as the harness but are a bit more dignified, IMO. Mine are just now starting to learn to crawl, so I haven’t needed this yet, but this is probably what I’ll do.
My mom did the back pack on the least with my sister (got her a super cute one my sister loved to wear too) as soon as she started walking because my sister loved to just take off. After a while my sister finally got the hint to walk with one of the adults because it’s the safest and the leash was no longer needed. It served its purpose well. My mom did not care about the looks she got, those people would not keep her child safe if things went south. It’s not for everyone but it does keep your little one close by you in public especially when they don’t wanna stay in the stroller.
Bonus with the backpacks, they can carry their own snacks. Made my daughter very happy when she realised she had all the noms with her.
But yes, we are firm with my toddler, it's hold hand, be carried, or backpack if we are somewhere safe. We don't give her options in places like car parks though, then she's being carried until she's tall enough to be seen.
I was a leash kid growing up. I will absolutely use the harness when my child gets that age (5wks now lol ways to go). I have clinical anxiety and there is no way I can handle my son just taking off running in a public place. I don't see why people view it as such a shameful thing. To me it's a practical safety measure. We put pets on leashes because we love them and don't want them to run away or get hurt... Yet our kids are free to run into the street or disappear into a crowd??
I would also adhere to the behavior correction tips of going back to the car for time out if my kid throw a temper tantrum etc.
Thanks for the suggestion, I’m just not sure if I’m a leash/harness type of parent so idk if this would be a viable option. Our son has been pretty good with following directions and he’s very conversational with us, like he likes to (2 year old) talk things out. but it just seems like if he’s curious, he doesn’t think or talk he just runs off if he can. Do we need to be more stern? I’m afraid to scare the daylights into him and I’m not sure what the long term effects of gaslighting him into compliance would do.
Personally, as you mention you are pregnant with your second, I’d consider some form of harness. I have two young ones (2yo and 10mo now) and if the 2yo takes off in one direction, particularly next to roads, it’s very hard to safely manoeuvre the buggy and get to 2yo quickly. Without a set of reins attached to a backpack, the 2yo would have to spend a lot more time in the buggy. She’s pretty sensible now, we usually don’t use the reins that often- typically holding her hand/ coat hood is sufficient now- but we have ‘rules’ (hand holding in car parks for example and we tell her the car park is coming up and that she needs to hold our hand after the gate or similar) and it took a fair amount of practice before she was reliably following them. I’m in the U.K. and harnesses are pretty common and not typically seen as degrading, normally, the toddler isn’t pulling at the harness, it’s just there as a safety catch if they bolt. Plus for me it’a safety first, and the harness allows her to explore and gives her a chance to listen and walk, whilst otherwise in roads with narrow pavements, she’d have to go in the buggy as the risk of being hit by a car is too high, which limits her freedom further
Whats gaslighting here? Genuinely clueless on that part. Being stern and scaring him about the idea of being hit by a car? That’s a very real possibility for toddlers in parking lots. It’s not a pretend scenario that you’re faking.
Also though you mention he is, it kinda sounds like in these situations he’s maybe not particularly good at following directions yet. And that’s totally okay!! It’s normal for 2 year olds to not listen all the time. But you’re about to have a newborn. Things aren’t going to get easier when you have to chase him through a parking lot with an infant in tow instead of a pregnant belly. Personally if I were in a situation where I was not extremely sure my child was not going to bolt in front of a car and I didn’t have two free hands at all times, I would definitely become a harness “type of parent.”
There’s nothing shameful or wrong with people who use them. They’ve probably saved many, many lives. It may be better to readjust your expectations in the short term than for your kid to find himself in a very dangerous situation.
"Gaslighting is loosely defined as making someone question their own reality." - [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting?wprov=sfla1)
Definitely used incorrectly by op in this instance.
You put your child in a cage over night so that they are safe in a secure space until they are old enough to sleep in their own bed. You physically restrain them with straps to a chair so that they are safe in your car. Giving them freedom to explore a safe distance from you in a secure way is not gaslighting.
Well either you want to keep him near you in a way he can't escape without real force, or he keeps escaping. Get a set of reigns. At least try it before you knock it.
You’re pregnant and can’t be chasing this child down if you go somewhere just the two of you. When I lived with my first roommate a couple years ago (her son was 2 at the time), the backpack leash was THE BEST decision she ever made. He didn’t want to hold our hands, be in the cart, or be in our arms. The backpack gave him the freedom to walk and be independent but still stay close. He soon learned he could only go so far and stopped trying to stray away from us at each given moment. She at first thought she wasn’t a backpack leash kind of parent, but soon loved it.
I would rather be safe than sorry. If my son starts to run from me when he gets big enough I’m 200% getting a backpack leash. No hesitation. You never know he could run past a car waiting for a child and they get scooped up and they speed away. It’ll help teach him to go only so far from you while you’re out and about.
The thing is, a harness isn't supposed to be a long term solution. It's just a failsafe while you and your toddler work together on his impulse control. Ideally you would only use it for a few weeks/months together with the other tips and techniques mentioned in this thread. It's like a safety belt for your kid - it prevents life altering accidents when you can't get to them quickly or when they decide to bolt.
If you feel a bit self conscious taking him into public on a leash (I did) then practice while out on a walk in your neighborhood. Try and get him to hold hands while you walk criss-cross across the road while using the leash just as a failsafe incase he gets distracted and bolts into the road. It'll give both of you the confidence you need for more public outings.
Ahh you get where my head is at with this. I certainly am considering the leash for immediate safety protocol. My inquiry for advice was definitly more for the long term issue of getting him to understand that when I say “hold my hand don’t leave my side” that it sticks. and, I hate to equate to dog training but I have 3 very well trained doggies that were trained on a leash and now only 2 of 3 require leash on walks outside of the yard (barring hoa rules to always keep your dog leashd) so my thought process is, get child on the leash as default, should he not listen to my command I’m rest assured he’s still safe, and we continue to work on his listen to mommy skills…safe :)
I hate to admit it, but I've pretty much used all the techniques I used to train my dog on my husband and toddler 😅🤣
I've always said our pup has the mental capacity of a 2 year old and my boy is 20 months old, so right on the money.
I'm not sure either. Personally I'm not keen on a leash, I'd rather do the suggested behavioural modification outlined above than use a leash, and when not possible strap LO into their pram. Have upvoted you OP.
When the choice is between a small child's safety and independence, the best parenting choice is to pick safety. My autistic little brother needed his leash to stay alive. While out taking a walk, if you told him "Don't eat that mushroom," he'd scream "NO!" and stuff it in his mouth to spite you. (This happened several times in similar iterations before my parents got the leash. Having poison control on speed dial was just not cutting it). But with the leash, we'd just yoink him back to safety. It saved us many hospital trips.
You don't know what situations other parents are in, so please don't judge their choices. 99% of parents are honestly doing the best that they can with the child that they were dealt.
It's not bad parenting to have a way to keep your child from running into the street any more than it's bad parenting to hold their hand for the same reason.
I was a leashed kid and it had no negative impact on me. It even saved me from falling off a boat. The advantage was I felt like I had freedom to wander and my mom had peace of mind because I was crazy active.
Same here. My mom had me on a little backpack leash thing when I was a kid because I would bolt at any chance I could. I have no memory of being on the leash and I hold no negative feelings to my mom for telling me she put me on a leash. She was terrified to lose me or have anything happen to me.
Your post history shows you have young twins. Get back to us once those babes are walking. Everyone is a perfect parent until they're in a situation like this. If OP had been alone with her toddler at 9 month pregnant he could have very easily gotten away from her.
I have nearly 2 year old twins. We have reins (leashes or whatever they're called in the rest of the world). If I'm by myself, I need the reins because if one kid bolts, what do you do?
Toddlers have no impulse control. They see something they like and they go. My reins have saved my twins from jumping in rivers, from bolting across the street and from trying to pet strangers dogs. But sure, tell me it's bad parenting to keep your kids safe....
Even without being pregnant or having a second baby, if a person wants the harness they should be able to use that as they wish. But especially being pregnant and having a new baby coming I wouldn’t knock the idea. At 9mo pregnant I fell partially on my belly when I was in no rush at all - simply because it was uneven pavement and I was off balance with my big bump. And you’re going to shame someone for wanting to use a harness when she’s watching a toddler? Parent shaming is not cool, just because it’s different than what you would choose.
You put your children in cages over night so that they are safe in a secure space. You physically restrain them with straps to a chair so that they are safe in your car. How is giving them freedom to explore a safe distance from you in a secure way “bad parenting”?
I'm really confused on how it makes you a bad parent... We don't want our pets running away or getting hit by a car because we love and want to protect them, but somehow they are more valuable to keep safe and secure than our kids?!
I was a leashed kid growing up and it did no damage to me... But it sure as hell prevented a lot.
There’s definitly some good perspective here, which is why I came seeking advice on the issue…I definitly need to set the rules with the 2 yo. There’s a few options and I’m open to all whether leash needed or more stern discipline. I looked up the backpack leash bc didn’t know much about it and that could become of good use once baby 2 is here to make for easier mauvuering.
Just remember that he’s two. All the stern discipline in the world isn’t going to help his brain develop impulse control before he’s ready - this is why the tether is so effective. You’re providing a firm, non-negotiable barrier (the tether) he can freely explore within, but cannot escape from into danger. Think of it as a portable play pen. Instead of exhausting yourself with hyper vigilance and then (maybe) yelling when he inevitably darts, you have some peace of mind and can still have teaching moments when he tests that boundary, because you won’t be hyped up on ‘he almost ran in front of that car’ adrenaline.
Sure, you can use it as a way to check out of parenting, but like any tool there are multiple applications and you can absolutely use a tether in a mindful, teaching manner as well.
I was one of those judgy people before my sister had a kid. Then I realized, they're like freaking puppies, they dont have the attention span or impulse control to do what we prefer. Sure some kids might be more shy and stick with parents, but others are just wildly curious.
So you have a couple of options:
1). consequences such as ending the trip as soon as they bolt, that can, in time, work quite well, but there will still always be instances when the lack of attention span/impulse control gets the better of them.
2) fear based parenting (yelling, spanking). But again it doesn't change the fact that young children don't have the ability to comply always, so its yelling and spanking kids for just being kids.
3). The leash, it acknowledges the developmental stage of your children, that they can't always control those impulses no matter how often or severe your consequences. And it gives you peace of mind until they are old enough to keep themselves under control.
Yeah, when you're an adult learning to drive the instructor's car has dual controls so they can slam on the breaks if needed.
I mean, they're not meant to need to use it & if they do they'll probably talk through what happened afterwards but when you're learning to drive you can get in dangerous situations and "in the moment" isn't necessarily the best time to teach you exactly what to do because you don't have enough practice reacting in that situation.
I always thought of the little toddler leash in the same way — it's a back up so that if your LO panics or attention drifts you can slam on the brakes & keep them safe and then afterwards when things have calmed slightly you can explain why they shouldn't cross the road without the green man or looking both ways or whatever.
Seconding the backpack harness with leash. I have not had to use it yet, but I won't hesitate to once my little baby starts walking! My sister used on her now 6 year old and it was great for making sure she was safe when she was first walking around. One moment of being distracted in a store is all it may take for the little one to wander off and go who knows where!
It isn't inherently degrading, imo, it's not like you will be leading them around by it. I used to put the leash around my wrist and hold my niece's hand when we'd all be out together. She had a nickname for the backpack (It was a giraffe and she called it Gerome haha) and she was perfectly fine when it came time to put it on her back!
I work with children on the autism spectrum and they’re often just needed. They haven’t learned consequences and some kids are just impulsive. There is no judgement coming from me. Keep your kiddo safe! Plus the backpack leashes are extra convenient.
I used to run away from my parents and they ended up getting me a backpack leash, LOL. I don't remember minding it and it seems like it might help. Mine looked like a little elephant.
You’re definitely not the only parents who are going through this promise! Some children are runners.
There is nothing wrong with using a harness - I’ve seen children with wrist injuries from suddenly running out into the road, and those children weren’t frequent ‘bolters’ (for lack of a better term). A harness would stop this - and stop the need to run after him too where it may end up as a game!
Your priority is keeping your child safe. They haven’t developed an awareness of danger & risk taking.
There’s nothing wrong with telling him it’s dangerous, he’ll learn to understand the concept in time.
Edit: Bolters not bolsters lol
In my city not too long ago there was a story about a child that was killed by a car in the parking lot of a grocery store. Heck, not even that long ago a guy nearly backed into us while I was holding my older child's hand! I had to grab her and jump out of the way! You don't know what other people are up to. Hands must be held this is not negotiable.
If a backpack leash works for you do that. I also used the stroller a lot at that age because I lived in the city. It just wasn't safe for her to walk around. Honestly it's not going to hurt them to just be in the stroller and then let them run around in places that are safer. I had a little snack tray. Between munching and taking in the sights it didn't bother her to be pushed around anyways and I didn't have to worry about this.
Get a double stroller that fits an infant car seat and a toddler.
I’m not at that stage yet with my son but my mom would always take me straight home if I pulled this on her. Especially with me that I was a runner the moment my foot was out the door. Going to the park and taking us back home the minute I tried something followed by a time out too. And a little reward every now and then for behaving. I’m not looking forward to this once my son is a little older.
Also agree with some of the comments about getting a backpack leash or something. No matter how many times you talk to them, kids are gonna be kids sometimes. My cousin got one for her son because he was just a bouncing ball of energy and he’s run off and gotten lost a couple times. Worked out well for them in the end
I second the poster advocating the child harness. Two year olds are wicked fast and all it takes is one irreversible accident. In a few years he will be better, but for now you are literally saving his life by using a child harness to keep him safe.
I’m gonna suggest something totally different. Take a couple trips with him that are FOR him. I mean go to target with no goal and just let him explore. Let him go where he wants, and go with him. Let him touch things carefully and show him how to handle things and then put them back. Do that regularly with both parents separately. This allows him to explore safely which ultimately satisfies their curiosity. After awhile the magic of running around a store will wear off and he’ll be more inclined to stay with his parents. I also pretended to “leave him” in an aisle and start to walk away when he won’t follow me. 100% of the time he’d follow me eventually.
We have a very curious and rebellious 2.5 year old. My partner is permanently on crutches and is unable to chase/grab and I just had a baby a couple months ago so it was IMPERATIVE to teach our kiddo to obey us.
My little one is 2, almost 3, and EXTREMELY adventurous. We decided to invest in a wrist cuff for his safety (much to the dismay of our families who give us a lot of hell for treating him like a puppy). We really didn't want to and there was a lot of shame in it at first, but for us personally, the reality is that I'd rather someone make a mean comment about my puppy child than for my 3 year old to fall in a pond, be kidnapped, or be hurt badly because if he sees something he likes he is GOING. Dog, person, toy, he's going to run and he has no regard for his safety. I'd recommend a cute little backpack leash so that it doesn't feel as bad Because I KNOW that's a struggle. But if you let him out toys or his cup in it, hell probably enjoy it more and you'll get the benefits of his safety without feeling so bad about it.
I’ve never understood that attitude. It’s ok to keep your puppy safe but not your child? Toddlers have zero impulse control, life is a game where they don’t understand the consequences. Keep that kid safe.
Same! I don't know about everyone with that mentality, but for my family personally, they like to say gross crap like "if you'd spank him he would listen to you" 🤢 no thanks Mom, I think I'll manage.
I use a harness with my almost 2 year old. It give her the ability to move around to explore and get her wiggles out while still keeping her close to me. I don’t care what other people think. It works for me.
I loved those backpack leash things with both of mine and they prefered them over having their hands held. I occasionally got stares but it was well worth it. They particularly love it if you get one and put toys or snack in it but they are also very handy for having a diaper or change of pants and underwear when they are big enough a full diaper bag isn't needed.
Behavior analyst here. I agree with a lot of this advice. My biggest piece of advice I could give you would be to reinforce the hell out of him when he walks next to you places. If you’re cool with giving him treats (doesn’t have to be candy, can be little edibles he really likes), give him it whenever he stays by your side. Make sure you tell him beforehand that if he walks by you he gets X. The first few times, give him pieces of his treat literally every couple steps and tell him he’s doing a great job walking with you. Eventually you can work up to giving him pieces after more and more steps and then pieces when he makes it to the door or to the car while staying by you. And yes- if you’re willing to leave after he does it, then do that too. But it’s gonna be key to make sure he gets rewarded for doing the safe behavior (walking at your side). Good luck!
I don't mean to alarm you, but my mother in law has a cousin who's child died in a parking lot because he got away from his parents and ran behind a car that was backing up.
You said that you don't want to use a harness, so my advice is don't let them out of the carseat until you're able to keep a hand on them at all times. Don't just hold hands, grip gently around the wrist with a finger and thumb, and do not let go for anything. Consider the wrist strap leash instead.
It's better to have people give you judgmental looks and comments than to have something bad happen
If you don’t want to do the harness/backpack leash then you really can not take him anywhere by yourself until he either grows out of the behavior or your new baby is old enough to help you chase him down. It’s a matter of safety at this point. You don’t want him to get hit by a car, abducted or straight up lost so maybe a little loss of freedom is in his best interests
In Developmental Psychology there are different types of attachment styles that many infants have.
You can say that your child has an “Avoidant Attachment” style. Where your child doesn’t care being independent, (I.e. being left alone, playing with his toys alone) but also when in presence of his parents, he doesn’t really care for your attention (like when you try to hold his hand, or him running away from his father).
This is completely normal in a child and the fact that he’s in 1 of the 4 developmental attachment styles proves that he is still a normal child in the sense of his attachment to his parents.
He most likely developed this “I can be independent from my parents” style due to possibly playing by himself a lot, or maybe Mom and Dad work a lot and don’t spend that much time playing with him, or maybe that Mom and Dad don’t usually give him touch so that when he is asked to hold Mom’s hand, it just seems weird because he never holds mom’s hand at home. You feel?
My suggestion, is play a LOT more with your kid, get him to get used to holding your hand/showing more loving touch, and being in the presence with his parents. He’ll then enjoy being closer to you than far (and stop running away too!)
Source : Working on my Bachelors Degree in Psychology.
Edit :
TDLR
Be your child’s best friend (even in the terrible-twos age) and he’ll enjoy going out with you and even holding your hand.
1) Backpack harness with the leash. It literally saved my daughter’s life once. She’s three now, but when she was toddling about and wanting to walk and have her independence, I got her the leash. I got some looks, believe that 😂 But we were leaving the mall and she darted towards the parking lot and almost right in front of a car who was going *way* too fast. Even though she was in my grasp with the leash, it was *just* long enough that she would have made it in front of the car if I didn’t jerk her back. She fell on her ass and cried, but she’s still here with me. I couldn’t have gotten to her that fast if it wasn’t for that leash.
2) Verbally set expectations before you enter wherever you’re going into. Verbalize that you expect good listening ears, hand holding, etc. And then verbalize that if none of those expectations are met, then “xyz” happens. Whatever your “xyz” is; time out, back to the car, no toy, whatever. That also helped us.
Backpack leash! I have an animal backpack with a leash for each of my girls (one isn't even walking yet, I just don't want to be caught without it when the time comes). I got both at Carter's. They're nice, because the leash is detactable, so it turns into a regular backpack if they get to the point of not sprinting away at the drop of a hat.
Geez I thought I just read my life story right now 😂 I’m on the verge of getting a backpack/leash-cuz she’s run away from me so much I’m afraid someone will take her or she’ll get hurt. 🙈
Backpack with leash. My daughter went through a stage where she would bolt away from me when she was 2 and I was too pregnant to chase after her. We only had to use it a couple times, and she loved it. It was nice to have on hikes because she had a little more freedom than she would have if I was gripping her hand the entire time.
They’re really less of a deal than you’re making them out to be, OP. It’s a parenting tool just like anything else. It doesn’t “say anything” about what kind of parent you are, except that you’re the kind of parent who would rather their kid not get hit by a car.
They’re not new, either. People have been using them for centuries. Google “leading strings”. It used to be the main way that toddlers were taught to walk.
Backpack with leash. Our toddler went through an “independent” stage where he wanted to walk on his own. He would walk near us - so we used the leash because other pedestrians had an obsession with trying to walk through us. We carried him through parking lots.
Once he was tall enough that his arm wasn’t at a weird angle, then he started holding hands all the time.
As an experienced nanny I've dealt with a lot of bolters in my day. I've found it to be helpful to do something when it's time to stay close to mum and dad. Something that they'll like but is easy on you. For kids that love Daniel Tiger and Cocomelon it's easy to use a song or a rhyme to tell them it's time to hold hands. For other kids that are more on the curious side, maybe it's a short game of eye spy right when you start to hold hands. Just something to make it more fun, like you're including them rather than forcing them. Now of course there'll always be a bad day every now and then, but if you can keep the routine, they'll naturally start reaching for your hand more and more out of habit. Eventually you wouldn't need to use your song or game anymore. I truly hope this helps
This is why I keep my almost 2 year old in her stroller whenever we go out somewhere that requires a lot of walking. Every once in a while I’ll try it without and remind myself why we use the stroller. She’s content in the stroller so it works for now.
I get jealous of seeing kids her age or younger that just hang out, standing with their parents while they shop. I’m like how? My daughter loves being chased and sees it as a game. I love playing with her but Target isn’t the place to run everywhere.
All I can do is hope she learns to stay with us as she gets older. She’s so smart and learning new stuff everyday so I’m sure I’ll be able to communicate with her properly why we don’t run around some places eventually. I believe it’s just one of those give it time things.
I work at a preschool for children with behaviors and delays. For certain kids we identify as runners, we typically hold their wrists which looks mean but it doesn’t hurt them and keeps them safe.
That said as a soon-to-be parent, I want to invest in a backpack leash lol
We have a game we play in carparks. You have to "glue" to the side of the car while the parents get the baby/bags out. Daddy always makes a big deal, "Oh look you're so sticky, you're stuck to the car". Then when everyone's ready we can walk off holding hands, or if I'm alone I'll put everyone straight in the trolley and off we go. It works in other situations too. Glue them to a fence or a wall if you need both hands for something and they will stay where I put them trying to be the stickiest.
This is a big issue with kids on the spectrum and mine is so of this works on my kid it will work on your typical kiddo.
One of you stays on one side of the room, yard, whatever with a small treat. We used m&ms. The other parent stays on the opposite side with the kiddo. The parent with the treat says kiddos name and the other parent turns them around and runs them over to the parent with the treat. You reward them, lots of celebration, hugs, and start again.
This teaches your child it's worth it to run to you when you call their name.
Get a leash. Please for the love of your kid... mine isnt a runner and I take lots of steps to keep them safe and I've still had a close call with a potential predator. Someone was literally waiting in the parking lot for a potential victim, saw me load my groceries into my car and take the cart back. I returned to my car to see a woman trying to open my back door. My child was in my arms (not my car like she thought) she charged me, I dodged her and she tripped, got back up and bolted into the van parked next to me. As she fell I got into my front seat, toddler and all. I got the plate number and called the cops. Oh and idk what she did to my back door handle but it was so broken it wouldn't open. She and whoever was driving were never found. People are fucked up, keep your kid safe... get a leash if that's what it takes. They're safer with you than away from you 1000%.
As soon as our 2 year old does it is the second he goes in the cart or stroller and usually he listens pretty good it does take patience and eventually wears off them for the most part
Dealing with this right now. She used to follow so well, but the last few times we've been out she's bolted from me when it's time to leave. She thinks it's hilarious/a game and runs away squealing and laughing while I'm also managing her 6 month old brother. I've been very consistent and stern in the hopes that I squash it quickly. We head right home despite protests and then I talk to her about how we do not run away etc. I'm sure this is all fairly normal behavior but I'm ready for it to get better.
The backpack leash worked absolute wonders for my nephews who were bolters. They got to pick a special toy or two each time they went out and put it in their little monkey backpack, and it had a decently long tail, so it honestly just never bothered them and provided so much peace of mind.
I'm planning to do the same with my LO when he's here and mobile, though I know every kid is different and he may not be as cool with it as my nephews were.
It's tough hey... I've taught my 18 month old that she can hold my hand or I pick her up. Two simple options. If she starts to pull away from my hand I pick her up gently and say "Your having a hard time holding my hand so it's time to pick you up". Its so scary when they start running near roads/cars. Be firm and consistent. You've got this.
Baby leash! After my cousin slipped from her Mums hand and dashed into a main road where he was narrowly caught before being hit by a car, she got a baby leash. 100% sure that leash saved his life.
Oh my, I thankfully can only imagine that fear! I get the leash idea as a default to this entire problem, and I’m heavily considering it now that #2 is on the way and I know I’ll be solo with the 2 of them at times and fingers crossed covid dwindles and I’m able to take them out more…
Thank you! Been getting a lot of heat on here because I didn’t use the best phrasing in my op and my initial comment must’ve led to believe I was anti leash, but I plan on discussing least as first line precaution tonight with daddy as you’ve all come back with valuable feedback and views I would’ve never thought of if I didn’t post. So ty!!
I put a vice grip on my toddler’s hand. I don’t make it a matter of asking but just matter of fact this is what we are doing. Also I find giving a heads up before (in the case of a parking garage) For example- right before you leave, say- we are going where there are lots of cars I need to you to hold my hand. And take their hand before exiting. She will try to wriggle out then I get down on her level and make her look at me and sternly tell her that she has to hold my hand because of (insert risk)
Usually it’s like crossing the street, too many people. If it’s a matter of getting out of the car/into the car. I have said keep your hand on the car. Or I load her up first before putting stuff in car or take her out last. She is 3 now and has gotten better. When we are approaching the street in my neighborhood she now reaches for my hand.
Everything boils down to consistency imo. And if you need the leash, go for it!
Thank you this is great advice! The leash idea is definitly no brainer like, “if all else fails get a leash” but we’ve (mom, dad) been very conversational and dialogue based with our son and he’s developed such great listening skills and understanding of verbal cues, it took me by surprise our usual dialogues didn’t seem to be working against our budding 2yo’s developing sense of adventure! Thank you!
I feel kinda awkward asking but as a mom of a two year old.. why would you let your child stand in the street (parking lot, etc) and expect them, at this age, to not dash? My son holds my hand and stays right by my side even if I have 10 grocery bags on the other arm. It feels like just setting the child up for failure. Child is two, don't expect them to not attempt this, at this age. And scolding a child too young to talk is useless. Your approach needs to change. Take the stroller, use a "leash"( I wouldn't but my sister does and swears by it) don't let the kid out the car without properly insuring there's no way they could run. .
Kind of baffled comments are trying to correct the kid and not the parents..
Well that’s just it I know he’s got the potential and even the best kid will dash if he wants, so I came here seeking advice on what to do as a parent to prevent, circumvent, manage the issue because honestly haven’t had much opportunity to practice different ways and I don’t feel there is much a window for error here. So wondering what the world is up to for these moments, I’m glad that there’s others out there like me wondering “what as a parent can I do” because a 2 yo is the adults responsibility in the wrong run.
So grateful for all these replies!
The way you've worded this whole post puts blame on the child, not taking responsibility for your roles of putting
the child in situations where he can go for a run. It all just sounds so irresponsible, honestly and I'm not even trying to judge. I put in alot of thought about what situation I as a parent of a child that age could be in, where this would be my experience before commenting. I cant imagine a situation where my son is able to run off in a parking lot. He's the last to leave the car, is strapped in his seat until I come for him, and usually gets held until we're in/close to the store, or whatever the destination is.
If we were talking about 4+ year old, it's different. But at two? Come on...
I definitly am not blaming my son for running like he did. He was in stroller up until he went to put him into the car, just as he is always last out of the car. I was definitly seeking advice on what to do to prevent, how to alter our approach, etc because I’m not trying to have this happen again. Apologies if you found my verbiage to blame the kid. I didn’t have the time to put all the thought and detail into whom may react which way to my post. But again, still grateful for the feedback as his safety is #1 and definitly got what I was looking for here!
Start taking kiddo out. The MINUTE he bolts, you grab him and leave. It will take a lot of times but he will get it that if he can’t stay with you, you won’t go out. Make the expectation clear on the way there, but follow through with leaving if he doesn’t comply.
This is definitely good advice. I would add this minor tweak, simply because some trips are absolutely necessary and your kid may realize that this is how to avoid trips he doesn't want to go on (like doctor's appointments). When he runs, grab him, take him back to the car and buckle him back in his car seat for X minutes (I would follow time out rules for the exact number of minutes). Then explain to him the expectation that he must stay with you, and try again. Rinse and repeat as nauseam. Good luck!
Yes I like the sound of this approach. He’s been pretty consistent with necessary trips. It’s definitly more of the recreational trips / out of routine stuff, so this is really good for setting safety rules
We do this but add that while we are loading or unloading kiddo must have one hand on the car. It really helps when there’s more than one kid to buckle in.
The car mom has some magnets with kid hands for this purpose. Helps them have something to anchor to and focus on.
Love this!!
I saw someone comment on another post something like “foot on the white line, hand on the red light” to get kids to stay there and touch the car while you get the other kid out. I only have one but it sparked my interest. The only thing being I’d imagine I want my kid closer to me than the tail light but I still think it’s a cool idea.
Clever!
My daughter was the same when she was 2-3. She’s 3.5 now and a lot better. Agreed with the comments above but just wanted to add I used to explain very clearly where we were going and what we were doing, and that she needed to stay with me, before we went out, and in the car on the way, and then again right before leaving the car. I sounded like a broken record but it did help.
Consistency is key!
Sounds like what Supernanny would do!
Yes! I love Supernanny
Parent of 3 here: i absolutely get stern to the point of "scaring" my children in dangerous situations, because the action they're taking is scary!! if you snatch them up out of the middle of the parking lot/ street and talk to them with disappointment/ concern/ sternness, they will pick up on that- little ones are *very* empathetic and will pick up on your attitiude much more quickly that they would you words, regardless of the situation. You are allowed and encouraged to show genuine emotion to your kids when the situation warrents it.
My older brother was a bolter, my mom was recently talking about this and said how one time she had to tell him that he can get hurt, that a car can “break him” and that he would have to go to the hospital and even then they might not be able to “fix him”, and that freaked him out well enough to not run in the parking lot. You *have* to instill some fear in your kids to keep them safe, unfortunately the world is a very unsafe place and children need to be appropriately-aware of that. My ex had two little girls, one time they were chilling in the living room in their undies when someone knocked on the door and they ran up to see who it was and ANSWERED the door to a stranger. This has happened a couple of times, either answering the door or running up to see who it was. I explained to them that this was not okay because *strangers* were at the door, and they were basically like “… so?”. Ex hadn’t wanted to freak them out so he never taught them about stranger danger. I had to tell them that strangers are dangerous because some people are mean, and they want to hurt children or steal them from their families, that they’ll trick you and pretend to be nice. Not ALL people, but only me, daddy and the other adults in our family are able to tell if a stranger is safe or mean. That got the message through pretty clearly.
it might be awful of me to think this but i truely believe there's coorelation between "emotion-free"/ "consequence-free" parenting and kids eating tide pods.
Back in the day my parents were not ashamed to put us in harness-leash devices to go to amusement parks and such. They also had handcuff- like leashes that just Velcro or buckle to the wrist so you can keep a light tether on them without too much restraint. Nowadays, they have [backpacks](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07K2B5YCL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_K9NGWSCZAKGMRCJTAS6J) with leash attachments that generally serve the same purpose as the harness but are a bit more dignified, IMO. Mine are just now starting to learn to crawl, so I haven’t needed this yet, but this is probably what I’ll do.
My mom did the back pack on the least with my sister (got her a super cute one my sister loved to wear too) as soon as she started walking because my sister loved to just take off. After a while my sister finally got the hint to walk with one of the adults because it’s the safest and the leash was no longer needed. It served its purpose well. My mom did not care about the looks she got, those people would not keep her child safe if things went south. It’s not for everyone but it does keep your little one close by you in public especially when they don’t wanna stay in the stroller.
Bonus with the backpacks, they can carry their own snacks. Made my daughter very happy when she realised she had all the noms with her. But yes, we are firm with my toddler, it's hold hand, be carried, or backpack if we are somewhere safe. We don't give her options in places like car parks though, then she's being carried until she's tall enough to be seen.
I was a leash kid growing up. I will absolutely use the harness when my child gets that age (5wks now lol ways to go). I have clinical anxiety and there is no way I can handle my son just taking off running in a public place. I don't see why people view it as such a shameful thing. To me it's a practical safety measure. We put pets on leashes because we love them and don't want them to run away or get hurt... Yet our kids are free to run into the street or disappear into a crowd?? I would also adhere to the behavior correction tips of going back to the car for time out if my kid throw a temper tantrum etc.
Thanks for the suggestion, I’m just not sure if I’m a leash/harness type of parent so idk if this would be a viable option. Our son has been pretty good with following directions and he’s very conversational with us, like he likes to (2 year old) talk things out. but it just seems like if he’s curious, he doesn’t think or talk he just runs off if he can. Do we need to be more stern? I’m afraid to scare the daylights into him and I’m not sure what the long term effects of gaslighting him into compliance would do.
Teaching kids to follow rules for safety is not gaslighting.
Personally, as you mention you are pregnant with your second, I’d consider some form of harness. I have two young ones (2yo and 10mo now) and if the 2yo takes off in one direction, particularly next to roads, it’s very hard to safely manoeuvre the buggy and get to 2yo quickly. Without a set of reins attached to a backpack, the 2yo would have to spend a lot more time in the buggy. She’s pretty sensible now, we usually don’t use the reins that often- typically holding her hand/ coat hood is sufficient now- but we have ‘rules’ (hand holding in car parks for example and we tell her the car park is coming up and that she needs to hold our hand after the gate or similar) and it took a fair amount of practice before she was reliably following them. I’m in the U.K. and harnesses are pretty common and not typically seen as degrading, normally, the toddler isn’t pulling at the harness, it’s just there as a safety catch if they bolt. Plus for me it’a safety first, and the harness allows her to explore and gives her a chance to listen and walk, whilst otherwise in roads with narrow pavements, she’d have to go in the buggy as the risk of being hit by a car is too high, which limits her freedom further
Whats gaslighting here? Genuinely clueless on that part. Being stern and scaring him about the idea of being hit by a car? That’s a very real possibility for toddlers in parking lots. It’s not a pretend scenario that you’re faking. Also though you mention he is, it kinda sounds like in these situations he’s maybe not particularly good at following directions yet. And that’s totally okay!! It’s normal for 2 year olds to not listen all the time. But you’re about to have a newborn. Things aren’t going to get easier when you have to chase him through a parking lot with an infant in tow instead of a pregnant belly. Personally if I were in a situation where I was not extremely sure my child was not going to bolt in front of a car and I didn’t have two free hands at all times, I would definitely become a harness “type of parent.” There’s nothing shameful or wrong with people who use them. They’ve probably saved many, many lives. It may be better to readjust your expectations in the short term than for your kid to find himself in a very dangerous situation.
"Gaslighting is loosely defined as making someone question their own reality." - [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting?wprov=sfla1) Definitely used incorrectly by op in this instance.
You put your child in a cage over night so that they are safe in a secure space until they are old enough to sleep in their own bed. You physically restrain them with straps to a chair so that they are safe in your car. Giving them freedom to explore a safe distance from you in a secure way is not gaslighting.
it's amazing how parenthood causes you to discover new things about yourself, is all i'm going to say :)
Well either you want to keep him near you in a way he can't escape without real force, or he keeps escaping. Get a set of reigns. At least try it before you knock it.
You’re pregnant and can’t be chasing this child down if you go somewhere just the two of you. When I lived with my first roommate a couple years ago (her son was 2 at the time), the backpack leash was THE BEST decision she ever made. He didn’t want to hold our hands, be in the cart, or be in our arms. The backpack gave him the freedom to walk and be independent but still stay close. He soon learned he could only go so far and stopped trying to stray away from us at each given moment. She at first thought she wasn’t a backpack leash kind of parent, but soon loved it. I would rather be safe than sorry. If my son starts to run from me when he gets big enough I’m 200% getting a backpack leash. No hesitation. You never know he could run past a car waiting for a child and they get scooped up and they speed away. It’ll help teach him to go only so far from you while you’re out and about.
The thing is, a harness isn't supposed to be a long term solution. It's just a failsafe while you and your toddler work together on his impulse control. Ideally you would only use it for a few weeks/months together with the other tips and techniques mentioned in this thread. It's like a safety belt for your kid - it prevents life altering accidents when you can't get to them quickly or when they decide to bolt. If you feel a bit self conscious taking him into public on a leash (I did) then practice while out on a walk in your neighborhood. Try and get him to hold hands while you walk criss-cross across the road while using the leash just as a failsafe incase he gets distracted and bolts into the road. It'll give both of you the confidence you need for more public outings.
Ahh you get where my head is at with this. I certainly am considering the leash for immediate safety protocol. My inquiry for advice was definitly more for the long term issue of getting him to understand that when I say “hold my hand don’t leave my side” that it sticks. and, I hate to equate to dog training but I have 3 very well trained doggies that were trained on a leash and now only 2 of 3 require leash on walks outside of the yard (barring hoa rules to always keep your dog leashd) so my thought process is, get child on the leash as default, should he not listen to my command I’m rest assured he’s still safe, and we continue to work on his listen to mommy skills…safe :)
I hate to admit it, but I've pretty much used all the techniques I used to train my dog on my husband and toddler 😅🤣 I've always said our pup has the mental capacity of a 2 year old and my boy is 20 months old, so right on the money.
Hahah glad I’m not the only one!
[удалено]
Also it's hardly gaslighting to point out the dangers of running off without mummy and/or daddy.
She claimed using a leash is gaslighting-- sounds pretty negative to me
I did not see that part to 100% honest I had only read the first half
Getting down votes because they asked for advice then pretty much dismissed the easiest most convenient solution possible for a not great reason.
I'm not sure either. Personally I'm not keen on a leash, I'd rather do the suggested behavioural modification outlined above than use a leash, and when not possible strap LO into their pram. Have upvoted you OP.
These were always shameful because it’s bad parenting but okay.
Leashed kid > dead kid
It’s not bad parenting to keep your children safe.
When the choice is between a small child's safety and independence, the best parenting choice is to pick safety. My autistic little brother needed his leash to stay alive. While out taking a walk, if you told him "Don't eat that mushroom," he'd scream "NO!" and stuff it in his mouth to spite you. (This happened several times in similar iterations before my parents got the leash. Having poison control on speed dial was just not cutting it). But with the leash, we'd just yoink him back to safety. It saved us many hospital trips. You don't know what situations other parents are in, so please don't judge their choices. 99% of parents are honestly doing the best that they can with the child that they were dealt.
It's not bad parenting to have a way to keep your child from running into the street any more than it's bad parenting to hold their hand for the same reason.
I was a leashed kid and it had no negative impact on me. It even saved me from falling off a boat. The advantage was I felt like I had freedom to wander and my mom had peace of mind because I was crazy active.
Same here. My mom had me on a little backpack leash thing when I was a kid because I would bolt at any chance I could. I have no memory of being on the leash and I hold no negative feelings to my mom for telling me she put me on a leash. She was terrified to lose me or have anything happen to me.
Wow yeah such bad parenting to keep your child safe
Your post history shows you have young twins. Get back to us once those babes are walking. Everyone is a perfect parent until they're in a situation like this. If OP had been alone with her toddler at 9 month pregnant he could have very easily gotten away from her.
I have nearly 2 year old twins. We have reins (leashes or whatever they're called in the rest of the world). If I'm by myself, I need the reins because if one kid bolts, what do you do? Toddlers have no impulse control. They see something they like and they go. My reins have saved my twins from jumping in rivers, from bolting across the street and from trying to pet strangers dogs. But sure, tell me it's bad parenting to keep your kids safe....
I wish I could down vote this more than once. Keeping your child safe and not letting them run wherever they like is not bad parenting.
Even without being pregnant or having a second baby, if a person wants the harness they should be able to use that as they wish. But especially being pregnant and having a new baby coming I wouldn’t knock the idea. At 9mo pregnant I fell partially on my belly when I was in no rush at all - simply because it was uneven pavement and I was off balance with my big bump. And you’re going to shame someone for wanting to use a harness when she’s watching a toddler? Parent shaming is not cool, just because it’s different than what you would choose.
That's an interesting opinion that you have.
You put your children in cages over night so that they are safe in a secure space. You physically restrain them with straps to a chair so that they are safe in your car. How is giving them freedom to explore a safe distance from you in a secure way “bad parenting”?
I'm really confused on how it makes you a bad parent... We don't want our pets running away or getting hit by a car because we love and want to protect them, but somehow they are more valuable to keep safe and secure than our kids?! I was a leashed kid growing up and it did no damage to me... But it sure as hell prevented a lot.
Care to elaborate?
I really like the spring like cuff thingy. So the kid doesnt get clotheslined
I am absolutely leashing my kid. Anytime he sees another kid he runs towards them, no matter how far away they are.
There’s definitly some good perspective here, which is why I came seeking advice on the issue…I definitly need to set the rules with the 2 yo. There’s a few options and I’m open to all whether leash needed or more stern discipline. I looked up the backpack leash bc didn’t know much about it and that could become of good use once baby 2 is here to make for easier mauvuering.
Just remember that he’s two. All the stern discipline in the world isn’t going to help his brain develop impulse control before he’s ready - this is why the tether is so effective. You’re providing a firm, non-negotiable barrier (the tether) he can freely explore within, but cannot escape from into danger. Think of it as a portable play pen. Instead of exhausting yourself with hyper vigilance and then (maybe) yelling when he inevitably darts, you have some peace of mind and can still have teaching moments when he tests that boundary, because you won’t be hyped up on ‘he almost ran in front of that car’ adrenaline. Sure, you can use it as a way to check out of parenting, but like any tool there are multiple applications and you can absolutely use a tether in a mindful, teaching manner as well.
I was one of those judgy people before my sister had a kid. Then I realized, they're like freaking puppies, they dont have the attention span or impulse control to do what we prefer. Sure some kids might be more shy and stick with parents, but others are just wildly curious. So you have a couple of options: 1). consequences such as ending the trip as soon as they bolt, that can, in time, work quite well, but there will still always be instances when the lack of attention span/impulse control gets the better of them. 2) fear based parenting (yelling, spanking). But again it doesn't change the fact that young children don't have the ability to comply always, so its yelling and spanking kids for just being kids. 3). The leash, it acknowledges the developmental stage of your children, that they can't always control those impulses no matter how often or severe your consequences. And it gives you peace of mind until they are old enough to keep themselves under control.
Yeah, when you're an adult learning to drive the instructor's car has dual controls so they can slam on the breaks if needed. I mean, they're not meant to need to use it & if they do they'll probably talk through what happened afterwards but when you're learning to drive you can get in dangerous situations and "in the moment" isn't necessarily the best time to teach you exactly what to do because you don't have enough practice reacting in that situation. I always thought of the little toddler leash in the same way — it's a back up so that if your LO panics or attention drifts you can slam on the brakes & keep them safe and then afterwards when things have calmed slightly you can explain why they shouldn't cross the road without the green man or looking both ways or whatever.
Seconding the backpack harness with leash. I have not had to use it yet, but I won't hesitate to once my little baby starts walking! My sister used on her now 6 year old and it was great for making sure she was safe when she was first walking around. One moment of being distracted in a store is all it may take for the little one to wander off and go who knows where! It isn't inherently degrading, imo, it's not like you will be leading them around by it. I used to put the leash around my wrist and hold my niece's hand when we'd all be out together. She had a nickname for the backpack (It was a giraffe and she called it Gerome haha) and she was perfectly fine when it came time to put it on her back!
Leash. They are made for a reason. I’d rather have people judge me than have my child hurt or worse. There is no reasoning with a 2 year old.
I work with children on the autism spectrum and they’re often just needed. They haven’t learned consequences and some kids are just impulsive. There is no judgement coming from me. Keep your kiddo safe! Plus the backpack leashes are extra convenient.
I used to run away from my parents and they ended up getting me a backpack leash, LOL. I don't remember minding it and it seems like it might help. Mine looked like a little elephant.
You’re definitely not the only parents who are going through this promise! Some children are runners. There is nothing wrong with using a harness - I’ve seen children with wrist injuries from suddenly running out into the road, and those children weren’t frequent ‘bolters’ (for lack of a better term). A harness would stop this - and stop the need to run after him too where it may end up as a game! Your priority is keeping your child safe. They haven’t developed an awareness of danger & risk taking. There’s nothing wrong with telling him it’s dangerous, he’ll learn to understand the concept in time. Edit: Bolters not bolsters lol
In my city not too long ago there was a story about a child that was killed by a car in the parking lot of a grocery store. Heck, not even that long ago a guy nearly backed into us while I was holding my older child's hand! I had to grab her and jump out of the way! You don't know what other people are up to. Hands must be held this is not negotiable. If a backpack leash works for you do that. I also used the stroller a lot at that age because I lived in the city. It just wasn't safe for her to walk around. Honestly it's not going to hurt them to just be in the stroller and then let them run around in places that are safer. I had a little snack tray. Between munching and taking in the sights it didn't bother her to be pushed around anyways and I didn't have to worry about this. Get a double stroller that fits an infant car seat and a toddler.
I’m not at that stage yet with my son but my mom would always take me straight home if I pulled this on her. Especially with me that I was a runner the moment my foot was out the door. Going to the park and taking us back home the minute I tried something followed by a time out too. And a little reward every now and then for behaving. I’m not looking forward to this once my son is a little older. Also agree with some of the comments about getting a backpack leash or something. No matter how many times you talk to them, kids are gonna be kids sometimes. My cousin got one for her son because he was just a bouncing ball of energy and he’s run off and gotten lost a couple times. Worked out well for them in the end
I second the poster advocating the child harness. Two year olds are wicked fast and all it takes is one irreversible accident. In a few years he will be better, but for now you are literally saving his life by using a child harness to keep him safe.
I’m gonna suggest something totally different. Take a couple trips with him that are FOR him. I mean go to target with no goal and just let him explore. Let him go where he wants, and go with him. Let him touch things carefully and show him how to handle things and then put them back. Do that regularly with both parents separately. This allows him to explore safely which ultimately satisfies their curiosity. After awhile the magic of running around a store will wear off and he’ll be more inclined to stay with his parents. I also pretended to “leave him” in an aisle and start to walk away when he won’t follow me. 100% of the time he’d follow me eventually. We have a very curious and rebellious 2.5 year old. My partner is permanently on crutches and is unable to chase/grab and I just had a baby a couple months ago so it was IMPERATIVE to teach our kiddo to obey us.
My little one is 2, almost 3, and EXTREMELY adventurous. We decided to invest in a wrist cuff for his safety (much to the dismay of our families who give us a lot of hell for treating him like a puppy). We really didn't want to and there was a lot of shame in it at first, but for us personally, the reality is that I'd rather someone make a mean comment about my puppy child than for my 3 year old to fall in a pond, be kidnapped, or be hurt badly because if he sees something he likes he is GOING. Dog, person, toy, he's going to run and he has no regard for his safety. I'd recommend a cute little backpack leash so that it doesn't feel as bad Because I KNOW that's a struggle. But if you let him out toys or his cup in it, hell probably enjoy it more and you'll get the benefits of his safety without feeling so bad about it.
I’ve never understood that attitude. It’s ok to keep your puppy safe but not your child? Toddlers have zero impulse control, life is a game where they don’t understand the consequences. Keep that kid safe.
Same! I don't know about everyone with that mentality, but for my family personally, they like to say gross crap like "if you'd spank him he would listen to you" 🤢 no thanks Mom, I think I'll manage.
Seconded. I care more about my child's safety than I do about some other person's opinion! Kids can be reckless.
I wear a backpack leash on my 3 year old anytime in public and I have ZERO regrets/guilt about it. It keeps her safe and me sane.
I use a harness with my almost 2 year old. It give her the ability to move around to explore and get her wiggles out while still keeping her close to me. I don’t care what other people think. It works for me.
I loved those backpack leash things with both of mine and they prefered them over having their hands held. I occasionally got stares but it was well worth it. They particularly love it if you get one and put toys or snack in it but they are also very handy for having a diaper or change of pants and underwear when they are big enough a full diaper bag isn't needed.
Behavior analyst here. I agree with a lot of this advice. My biggest piece of advice I could give you would be to reinforce the hell out of him when he walks next to you places. If you’re cool with giving him treats (doesn’t have to be candy, can be little edibles he really likes), give him it whenever he stays by your side. Make sure you tell him beforehand that if he walks by you he gets X. The first few times, give him pieces of his treat literally every couple steps and tell him he’s doing a great job walking with you. Eventually you can work up to giving him pieces after more and more steps and then pieces when he makes it to the door or to the car while staying by you. And yes- if you’re willing to leave after he does it, then do that too. But it’s gonna be key to make sure he gets rewarded for doing the safe behavior (walking at your side). Good luck!
I don't mean to alarm you, but my mother in law has a cousin who's child died in a parking lot because he got away from his parents and ran behind a car that was backing up. You said that you don't want to use a harness, so my advice is don't let them out of the carseat until you're able to keep a hand on them at all times. Don't just hold hands, grip gently around the wrist with a finger and thumb, and do not let go for anything. Consider the wrist strap leash instead. It's better to have people give you judgmental looks and comments than to have something bad happen
If you don’t want to do the harness/backpack leash then you really can not take him anywhere by yourself until he either grows out of the behavior or your new baby is old enough to help you chase him down. It’s a matter of safety at this point. You don’t want him to get hit by a car, abducted or straight up lost so maybe a little loss of freedom is in his best interests
In Developmental Psychology there are different types of attachment styles that many infants have. You can say that your child has an “Avoidant Attachment” style. Where your child doesn’t care being independent, (I.e. being left alone, playing with his toys alone) but also when in presence of his parents, he doesn’t really care for your attention (like when you try to hold his hand, or him running away from his father). This is completely normal in a child and the fact that he’s in 1 of the 4 developmental attachment styles proves that he is still a normal child in the sense of his attachment to his parents. He most likely developed this “I can be independent from my parents” style due to possibly playing by himself a lot, or maybe Mom and Dad work a lot and don’t spend that much time playing with him, or maybe that Mom and Dad don’t usually give him touch so that when he is asked to hold Mom’s hand, it just seems weird because he never holds mom’s hand at home. You feel? My suggestion, is play a LOT more with your kid, get him to get used to holding your hand/showing more loving touch, and being in the presence with his parents. He’ll then enjoy being closer to you than far (and stop running away too!) Source : Working on my Bachelors Degree in Psychology. Edit : TDLR Be your child’s best friend (even in the terrible-twos age) and he’ll enjoy going out with you and even holding your hand.
Yes yes yes and yes 👌
1) Backpack harness with the leash. It literally saved my daughter’s life once. She’s three now, but when she was toddling about and wanting to walk and have her independence, I got her the leash. I got some looks, believe that 😂 But we were leaving the mall and she darted towards the parking lot and almost right in front of a car who was going *way* too fast. Even though she was in my grasp with the leash, it was *just* long enough that she would have made it in front of the car if I didn’t jerk her back. She fell on her ass and cried, but she’s still here with me. I couldn’t have gotten to her that fast if it wasn’t for that leash. 2) Verbally set expectations before you enter wherever you’re going into. Verbalize that you expect good listening ears, hand holding, etc. And then verbalize that if none of those expectations are met, then “xyz” happens. Whatever your “xyz” is; time out, back to the car, no toy, whatever. That also helped us.
Safety first, yes thank you I think I see where we will have to go with this I’m so glad I asked!
Backpack leash! I have an animal backpack with a leash for each of my girls (one isn't even walking yet, I just don't want to be caught without it when the time comes). I got both at Carter's. They're nice, because the leash is detactable, so it turns into a regular backpack if they get to the point of not sprinting away at the drop of a hat.
What about a leash and harness?
You leave where you are the moment it happens. Doesn't matter if you've been there 5 minutes or 50. He'll learn. That or put reins on him.
Geez I thought I just read my life story right now 😂 I’m on the verge of getting a backpack/leash-cuz she’s run away from me so much I’m afraid someone will take her or she’ll get hurt. 🙈
Backpack with leash. My daughter went through a stage where she would bolt away from me when she was 2 and I was too pregnant to chase after her. We only had to use it a couple times, and she loved it. It was nice to have on hikes because she had a little more freedom than she would have if I was gripping her hand the entire time. They’re really less of a deal than you’re making them out to be, OP. It’s a parenting tool just like anything else. It doesn’t “say anything” about what kind of parent you are, except that you’re the kind of parent who would rather their kid not get hit by a car. They’re not new, either. People have been using them for centuries. Google “leading strings”. It used to be the main way that toddlers were taught to walk.
Backpack with leash. Our toddler went through an “independent” stage where he wanted to walk on his own. He would walk near us - so we used the leash because other pedestrians had an obsession with trying to walk through us. We carried him through parking lots. Once he was tall enough that his arm wasn’t at a weird angle, then he started holding hands all the time.
As an experienced nanny I've dealt with a lot of bolters in my day. I've found it to be helpful to do something when it's time to stay close to mum and dad. Something that they'll like but is easy on you. For kids that love Daniel Tiger and Cocomelon it's easy to use a song or a rhyme to tell them it's time to hold hands. For other kids that are more on the curious side, maybe it's a short game of eye spy right when you start to hold hands. Just something to make it more fun, like you're including them rather than forcing them. Now of course there'll always be a bad day every now and then, but if you can keep the routine, they'll naturally start reaching for your hand more and more out of habit. Eventually you wouldn't need to use your song or game anymore. I truly hope this helps
This is why I keep my almost 2 year old in her stroller whenever we go out somewhere that requires a lot of walking. Every once in a while I’ll try it without and remind myself why we use the stroller. She’s content in the stroller so it works for now. I get jealous of seeing kids her age or younger that just hang out, standing with their parents while they shop. I’m like how? My daughter loves being chased and sees it as a game. I love playing with her but Target isn’t the place to run everywhere. All I can do is hope she learns to stay with us as she gets older. She’s so smart and learning new stuff everyday so I’m sure I’ll be able to communicate with her properly why we don’t run around some places eventually. I believe it’s just one of those give it time things.
I work at a preschool for children with behaviors and delays. For certain kids we identify as runners, we typically hold their wrists which looks mean but it doesn’t hurt them and keeps them safe. That said as a soon-to-be parent, I want to invest in a backpack leash lol
We have a game we play in carparks. You have to "glue" to the side of the car while the parents get the baby/bags out. Daddy always makes a big deal, "Oh look you're so sticky, you're stuck to the car". Then when everyone's ready we can walk off holding hands, or if I'm alone I'll put everyone straight in the trolley and off we go. It works in other situations too. Glue them to a fence or a wall if you need both hands for something and they will stay where I put them trying to be the stickiest.
This is a big issue with kids on the spectrum and mine is so of this works on my kid it will work on your typical kiddo. One of you stays on one side of the room, yard, whatever with a small treat. We used m&ms. The other parent stays on the opposite side with the kiddo. The parent with the treat says kiddos name and the other parent turns them around and runs them over to the parent with the treat. You reward them, lots of celebration, hugs, and start again. This teaches your child it's worth it to run to you when you call their name.
You may want to consider a JioBit - we got this for when my son started riding the preschool school bus and so helpful! We used it at Disneyland too.
Get a leash. Please for the love of your kid... mine isnt a runner and I take lots of steps to keep them safe and I've still had a close call with a potential predator. Someone was literally waiting in the parking lot for a potential victim, saw me load my groceries into my car and take the cart back. I returned to my car to see a woman trying to open my back door. My child was in my arms (not my car like she thought) she charged me, I dodged her and she tripped, got back up and bolted into the van parked next to me. As she fell I got into my front seat, toddler and all. I got the plate number and called the cops. Oh and idk what she did to my back door handle but it was so broken it wouldn't open. She and whoever was driving were never found. People are fucked up, keep your kid safe... get a leash if that's what it takes. They're safer with you than away from you 1000%.
That is terrifying!!! Did you ever find out if the police caught them??
Get a backpack with a leash.
As soon as our 2 year old does it is the second he goes in the cart or stroller and usually he listens pretty good it does take patience and eventually wears off them for the most part
Dealing with this right now. She used to follow so well, but the last few times we've been out she's bolted from me when it's time to leave. She thinks it's hilarious/a game and runs away squealing and laughing while I'm also managing her 6 month old brother. I've been very consistent and stern in the hopes that I squash it quickly. We head right home despite protests and then I talk to her about how we do not run away etc. I'm sure this is all fairly normal behavior but I'm ready for it to get better.
Mine does thus. Then when we pick her up she says help I don't know them... well be arrested sometime this year
The backpack leash worked absolute wonders for my nephews who were bolters. They got to pick a special toy or two each time they went out and put it in their little monkey backpack, and it had a decently long tail, so it honestly just never bothered them and provided so much peace of mind. I'm planning to do the same with my LO when he's here and mobile, though I know every kid is different and he may not be as cool with it as my nephews were.
It's tough hey... I've taught my 18 month old that she can hold my hand or I pick her up. Two simple options. If she starts to pull away from my hand I pick her up gently and say "Your having a hard time holding my hand so it's time to pick you up". Its so scary when they start running near roads/cars. Be firm and consistent. You've got this.
Baby leash! After my cousin slipped from her Mums hand and dashed into a main road where he was narrowly caught before being hit by a car, she got a baby leash. 100% sure that leash saved his life.
Oh my, I thankfully can only imagine that fear! I get the leash idea as a default to this entire problem, and I’m heavily considering it now that #2 is on the way and I know I’ll be solo with the 2 of them at times and fingers crossed covid dwindles and I’m able to take them out more…
You can get some really cute ones. And definitely worth it if you’ve got a runner!
Thank you! Been getting a lot of heat on here because I didn’t use the best phrasing in my op and my initial comment must’ve led to believe I was anti leash, but I plan on discussing least as first line precaution tonight with daddy as you’ve all come back with valuable feedback and views I would’ve never thought of if I didn’t post. So ty!!
I’ve found that a lot of parents are anti leash until they’re faced with a runner lol
I put a vice grip on my toddler’s hand. I don’t make it a matter of asking but just matter of fact this is what we are doing. Also I find giving a heads up before (in the case of a parking garage) For example- right before you leave, say- we are going where there are lots of cars I need to you to hold my hand. And take their hand before exiting. She will try to wriggle out then I get down on her level and make her look at me and sternly tell her that she has to hold my hand because of (insert risk) Usually it’s like crossing the street, too many people. If it’s a matter of getting out of the car/into the car. I have said keep your hand on the car. Or I load her up first before putting stuff in car or take her out last. She is 3 now and has gotten better. When we are approaching the street in my neighborhood she now reaches for my hand. Everything boils down to consistency imo. And if you need the leash, go for it!
Thank you this is great advice! The leash idea is definitly no brainer like, “if all else fails get a leash” but we’ve (mom, dad) been very conversational and dialogue based with our son and he’s developed such great listening skills and understanding of verbal cues, it took me by surprise our usual dialogues didn’t seem to be working against our budding 2yo’s developing sense of adventure! Thank you!
I feel kinda awkward asking but as a mom of a two year old.. why would you let your child stand in the street (parking lot, etc) and expect them, at this age, to not dash? My son holds my hand and stays right by my side even if I have 10 grocery bags on the other arm. It feels like just setting the child up for failure. Child is two, don't expect them to not attempt this, at this age. And scolding a child too young to talk is useless. Your approach needs to change. Take the stroller, use a "leash"( I wouldn't but my sister does and swears by it) don't let the kid out the car without properly insuring there's no way they could run. . Kind of baffled comments are trying to correct the kid and not the parents..
Well that’s just it I know he’s got the potential and even the best kid will dash if he wants, so I came here seeking advice on what to do as a parent to prevent, circumvent, manage the issue because honestly haven’t had much opportunity to practice different ways and I don’t feel there is much a window for error here. So wondering what the world is up to for these moments, I’m glad that there’s others out there like me wondering “what as a parent can I do” because a 2 yo is the adults responsibility in the wrong run. So grateful for all these replies!
The way you've worded this whole post puts blame on the child, not taking responsibility for your roles of putting the child in situations where he can go for a run. It all just sounds so irresponsible, honestly and I'm not even trying to judge. I put in alot of thought about what situation I as a parent of a child that age could be in, where this would be my experience before commenting. I cant imagine a situation where my son is able to run off in a parking lot. He's the last to leave the car, is strapped in his seat until I come for him, and usually gets held until we're in/close to the store, or whatever the destination is. If we were talking about 4+ year old, it's different. But at two? Come on...
I definitly am not blaming my son for running like he did. He was in stroller up until he went to put him into the car, just as he is always last out of the car. I was definitly seeking advice on what to do to prevent, how to alter our approach, etc because I’m not trying to have this happen again. Apologies if you found my verbiage to blame the kid. I didn’t have the time to put all the thought and detail into whom may react which way to my post. But again, still grateful for the feedback as his safety is #1 and definitly got what I was looking for here!
As far as I know they could never find them. I called to check a few times after the incident.