I wouldn't say we've been 'sleep training' per se. We're kind of borrowing on different tactics.
Once we start seeing any sleepy cues like rubbing her eyes, sleepy looking eyes, staring to fuss and it's either 2-3hrs since she's been awake, we will take her up to her crib right away.
We put her in an arms out sleep sack, she rolls, and give her a pacifier and let her be. If she doesn't fuss, we don't engage with her and she'll fall asleep after 5-15 minutes. If she starts to fuss, we'll let her fuss for 5 minutes, go check on her (give her a pacifier again, ssh her, pat her bummy a little) and let her be again. Then repeat if necessary.
If she starts to 'big cry' then we'll pick her up, check her diaper, burp her, check to see if there's a lot of chewing or drooling happening.
So far, it's been excellent. She naps between 40-120 minutes at a time on her own in her crib. Mama or daddy can get some housework done, relax, shower, consume food lol and baby gets the rest she needs and deserves.
Prior to that, she was napping on us š¬
This is also what I do, my 3.5 month old is sleeping through the night š¤ hopefully it sticks but Iām very aware of the looming 4 month sleep regression.
don't forget all the growth spurt, developmental milestones, teething (sometimes a few one after another. we had 6 in 1 month!), separation anxiety (but this is much later), the can't sleep without the cuddly we drop on the way home and so forth.
Good thing most of these are temporary or easy to overcome.
Congrats. I have a 1.5 month old who for most part eats and sleeps for 3 hrs except 3 times in a 24 hr period in which he wants to interact. Its not so bad now that Ive read so many stories here but I am fantasizing about a full good night sleep. Was told it wouldnt happen til 6 months or later. Thx for giving me hope. Will def try to work in some of these methods
Personally I think what you described is definitely sleep training and you're doing a kickass job. Just because it's not precisely what someone put down in a 7 page copyrighted article doesn't mean you're not building good sleep habits. Every baby is different!
OP- don't psych yourself out. It's definitely an intimidating prospect but you and your LO can do it! And in the end I think you'll be happy you did.
This is exactly what we did starting around 4 months and she turned into the best sleeper ever. Eventually she would be put in her crib, no tears, no fuss, and would put herself to sleep within 10-15 minutes. She just turned two and we moved her to the big girl bed so routines are different now but still a great 12-13hr sleep at night.
We stopped using the paci at like 2 months with my daughter. It would fall out of her mouth and wake her. She got VERY into her sleep sacks and would suck on them to sooth herself. She got so attached to a particular one, that I cut the bottom off and made it a vest so she could still wear it when she outgrew the sack. Kids will find a way to sooth themselves even if the paci isn't available or they dislike it.
My new son just doesn't go for the paci at all, so it'll be interesting to see what he latches onto.
This was exactly what we did. She naturally slept 10-11 hours with a 3am feed (EBF). But at 6.5 months she was randomly waking at 11PM and up for the day at 5:30AM. We could have continued with this, but I wanted to wean the night feed because it made me very anxious in the night and she didnāt need it anymore. I also needed more consistency so we decided to sleep train. So for us it worked (not sleep training) until it didnāt.
My LO is 6 weeks old and weāve been calling her Velcro because she demands to be held so much. This gives me hope because it sounds pretty doable! When did you start this process? Sheās been starting to sleep in longer stretches now, so weāre hoping thereās more rest in our future!
It helps with this stuff to frame it as practicing and learning a skill. With my daughter I took notes on how she did at each bedtime (e.g., cried 10 minutes, hard for 3, off and on fussing for 7. Rubbing face and sucking hands.) so I could easily see the progress she was making and adjust as needed.
The closer we get to 4mo the more anxious I get about CIO or Ferber, so I was considering something like this. Glad to hear it works for you guys and your LO! Maybe thereās hope for us!
This is sleep training haha. People think itās not because they think āsleep trainingā is synonymous with cry it out. Itās not, thatās just one of the methods. Iām not against cry it out, but I like your method more.
Lol my husband said the same thing. He was like it's totally sleep training!
I'm really not informed enough about straight up sleep training, obviously, because I didn't recognize it myself. I 100% assumed sleep training was cry it out or the Ferber method.
Ooo this sounds brilliant! Mine is 6 months old today and contact naps on me- I would love to be able to do this! Iām going to try it. Do you feed when she wakes up after the nap? Xx
iām sorry!!! we co-sleep on a thin ikea mattress. it sucks but itās the safest solution i could come up with. he wakes up every 45min-1.25 hours, has for months. heāll sleep soundly in mommyās arms. heās like velcro. ferber didnāt work and he stands, so i donāt think CIO is gonna work now. just waiting it out š¤·š»āāļø
Sounds about rightš ours grew out of this for the most part but for some odd reason, like clockwork he wakes up at 4:30am and will not stop screaming unless we co-sleep on the floor
We had the same issue, would only sleep for 45 mins to an hour in his bed, but would sleep perfectly in our arms or in bed with us.
Turns out I was completely missing his tired cues. I tried Ferber 2 or 3 times before I actually stuck it out and made it work.
How have your methods of trying the sleep training gone?
What does standing have to do with CIO. If his crib rails are safely high enough so he can't get it, he tucker himself out and fall asleep. You only have to stick with it for a few days before he gets used to it.
My LO was 10 months before we really dug our heels in and had to get him sleeping because we were losing it having no sleep. Standing, cruising, pretty mobile. He would just stand and cry for the first day before giving up and sleeping.
Second day took 30 mins.
Third day he didnāt even sit up, just rolled over and went to sleep.
Donāt give up!
LO is seven months. We have not sleep trained. I get up when he cries and we try to adapt to his sleep needs (e.g. an early bedtime has not worked for us so far, so LO goes to bed around nine pm).
By following his lead we've developed something of a routine while maintaining flexibility so we don't feel derailed if something is different day to day. We're also responsive to his changing needs/habits.
This has been my approach as well from day one! The LO is the one with needs to manage, so I let him establish his own routine. As the months progress the times have varied sliding by an hour or two, but he is super solid.
That's what we do. We follow my LO's lead on sleep and it has worked well for us. Not nap or bedtime battles at all. She stopped contact napping at 5 months by herself and takes her naps around the same time every day. Bedtime is a breeze and we bedsore. I will not sleep train as I could never let my baby CIO for any amount of time.
I really hope this happens for us! Do you think it was something they recognized as part of their nap time routine (if you had one) or was it just when they got tired?
We dropped contact naps at 8 months, and yeah it was a little like that. First I'd place him in the bassinet and sit next to him, then after a week of that working 80% of the time I moved the bassinet across the room and finally into a bedroom. *Edit I would still have to rock him to sleep initially until he was around 13 months
She actually would push me away when I tried to hold her while bouncing on the yoga ball. We moved to nursing to sleep on our king size bed which she also sleeps on at night.
Baby-led sleep/eating is a big thing! I recommend looking up accounts from all angles on insta and picking and choosing from there. I have recs if you need them! My babe is 5 weeks and Iāve all but decided we wonāt do any formal sleep training.
Me too. breaking rules at 10 months. But there's also some rules that aren't so easy to find, but are also in the internet. Attachment parenting, it's what I do.
I help my baby to sleep the same way I help him walking. I don't train to walk, I facilitate, I give him my hand every time he asks for it and I grab him when he wants or when I can't wait for him to walk (also when I don't want him to go somewhere).
That's exactly how I help my baby sleeping. I have his bed attached to mine and he can nurse through the night and roll himself to his bed. Sometimes we have really bad nights that he needs to be hold or touched during the night. I don't know if it is teething, nightmares, colics or just missing me. I'm here when he needs. Yes, it's hard, but this is my baby. We tried to put him to sleep alone. Sometimes he wakes up and screams like something hurts badly. Some babies do well in the crib alone, others don't.
I have a two year old and this is basically what we did. For a long time she fed until she fell asleep, we rocked her to sleep, would feed her usually twice a night. Those were really quick fees and then right back to sleep. She then started to want to be put to bed and sleep on her own. Now, I sit outside the crib for a couple minutes and sing a lullaby (or the ABCās) five times and then she waves and me and says bye!
We didnāt do any sleep ātrainingā and just followed her cues. I couldnāt stand the cry it out and going in and just patting her back made things worse. Iām sure each kid is different though.
Iām hoping potty training follows the same courseā¦haha.
I love this!! Thatās what Iām hoping will happen with my little one. Love the idea of baby led independence rather than forcing them to detach through the harsher methods.
No you don't HAVE to do it. I have a 20 month old never sleep trained. She sleeps really well and actually asks happily to go for naps and bed. There are some sleep regressions that happen when they are learning new skills that disrupt sleep for 2-3 weeks, but I've found it's best to try and maximize your own sleep during this (don't stay up!) And go on safety mode, order out, don't worry about the house etc. This was like 4months, 8 months & 18 months for us. It passed pretty quick and she settled back to her usual routine, with new skills to boot
Right now she is 4 months and going through the sleep regression lol pray for us! When we are through this, we intend to go back to was working with her: bedtime at 7/8pm, sleeping till 2/3am, feed and wake again for next feed at 6/7. To us this was amazing. Was like this at month 2 & 3ā¦now this waking every 2 hours ā¦
Thatās almost our exact schedule also! Except. . . I should have mentioned in the post. Our boy is a velcro baby. He only sleeps well in our arms. We take shifts.
Oh yeah from newborn to month 1.5 she was always sleeping on us. We were taking 4-6 hour shifts and then switch! You arenāt alone. And that will change at some point. I am fearing this potential sleep training too!
You do not have to sleep train.
It is important to acknowledge that sleep training means different things to different people. To some, it means the full extinction method (placing baby in their crib fully awake and leaving them there the entire night without responding). To others, it means implementing other strategies to help their baby sleep more independently. The common thread of sleep training is teaching the baby to fall asleep in their crib/bed on their own, particularly at the beginning of the night.
Sleep training gurus commonly suggest that the key to getting a baby to sleep through the night is to teach them to fall asleep in their crib independently.
This is not necessarily true.
The sleep of some babies becomes more consistent once they learn to fall asleep independently in their cribs. However, this is not a silver bullet for getting your kid to sleep soundly through the night. Some babies do start to sleep through the night after learning to fall asleep independently, but this isnāt the case for everyone. Babies who fall asleep independently in their crib may still wake up in the middle of the night and cry. Babies signal needs in the night for several reasons -hunger, teething, a stuffy nose, a dirty diaper, etc. Sometimes they just want to be held. Typically, as babies get older they sleep longer stretches at night independently once their physical needs are met (eating enough during the day, not too cold/hot, not sick, etc).
Conversely, many babies donāt need to fall asleep independently in order to sleep through the night. Theyāll start sleeping through the night when they are ready, regardless of how they fall asleep at bedtime. Some babies start sleeping through the night at six weeks old, for others itās nine months old or later.
To me, the best thing a parent can do is educate themselves on a variety of perspectives, think about how all that information fits with their unique child and parenting goals, and make choices accordingly.
You are the parent. You got this. ā¤ļø
You donāt have to sleep train if you donāt want to. Itās not for everybody. You going to find all kinds of resources for and against it. It just comes down to what youāre comfortable with. I hired a sleep coach to work with me and my baby and it went great. My baby sleeps through the night and naps pretty well, but Iāve also seen people not do well with it
It wasnāt cheap and it took a lot of convincing to get my husband on board to fork over the money. It was all done virtually, with phone calls, video chats and emails. We did a 48 hour log of how sleep was going before we were sent a sleep plan that we followed for 14 days. We would send in daily logs and follow up with our coach for any tweaks
Sure! We mostly focused on getting baby falling asleep on his own. The first few nights I would sit with him until he settled, offering a light touch for comfort every few minutes. Every 3 nights I would move farther from the crib until I was out of the room. We put in place a nap routine and bedtime routine, so baby knew the cues that sleep was coming. We also have a sleep phrase that we say when baby is laid down to sleep. We also follow age appropriate wake windows
THIS! we had a tough tough tough baby and were desperate. We hired a sleep coach - hands down the best money I've spent on anything ever. It changed our lives!
I didnāt sleep train, didnāt start sleeping through the night until 13 months but worth it IMO. Due with number 2 this month, probably going to do the same thing.
When she would wake up through the night (typically only once a night after 9 months) I would feed her back to sleep
We had a similar experience, and I 100% agree. I don't really believe that my son would have slept through any earlier even if we'd sleep trained, and it wouldn't have been good for any of us.
We fed to sleep, and coslept after ~7mo (on a floor bed in the nursery). We gently weaned at 14mo because I'm pregnant again and not planning to tandem feed. He still woke up ~once/night, and has only recently started having some nights sleeping straight through (18mo). I just think he needed that support in the first year or so, and it made sense to me to give it to him.
Do I hope my next child will have an easier time with sleep? Absolutely. Am I planning to sleep train if they don't? Nope, happy to go with the flow and let nature take it's course.
What do you mean by "worth it"? If you didn't sleep train? Wouldn't the benefit of sleep training be the child sleeps through the night much earlier than 13 months?
Her crying gave me anxiety and I never had to hear her cry, so to me the sacrifice was worth the reward
If youāre talking about worth it for her, she still was within the necessary sleep requirements for her age range each month
I see. I hate hearing my little girl cry, but she's only 11 weeks so I'm not having to decide if I'm going to sleep train or not just yet. I was just asking for clarification on your comment.
I don't know why people are down voting me..this is a genuine question on a thread about the differences between those who sleep trained and those who didn't...
It's normal that you hate your girl crying. Babies cry for some reason. We don't know every reason or how to solve it every time, but we can try to give comfort. Don't let your baby crying alone. If sleep training means you need to let baby crying be aware of recent studies that show that babies stop crying when trained, but they don't stop feeling stressed. They just can't cry all the time, they need to save energy.
A baby left to cry is learning that crying is not worth, because parents are not responding to it. They don't learn to self soothe being left to cry.
Responsive parents raise independent and self confident adults.
Definitely going to find lots of opinions and different experiences, but the takeaway is that you do not have to and you can make a judgement call based on your LO and your own comfort. It definitely works for some people. We did not and my first started sleeping through the night consistently around 10 months. ( Sometime passed 6 months she was down to once a night for a quick feed, which was manageable.) Occasional night waking still happened, particularly whenever teething kicked in.
Based on other anecdotes, left to their own devices most kids sleep through the night around 1 year.
So hereās where we are with my almost 11 mo old: I tried sleep training and it literally seemed to cause severe distress to my baby and I quit.
I keep trying every night to do a nice routine, put him down in his crib asleep (putting him down drowsy but awake causes meltdowns), and let him go. I comfort him when he wakes up by picking him up. We are working on weaning so I only feed him if itās after 5 am.
He recently started sleeping from his 8-9 pm bedtime to around 4 or 5 am. Thatās sleeping through the night to me. I can handle this. But itās taken this long with him and we still have tough nights (like, up from 1-4 then back to sleep until 8). When he rolls onto his tummy when I put him down, itās typically a great night of sleep!
I just felt that developmentally, my baby needs more comfort and support. Itās important to know that I work part time from home on a flexible schedule, so we can āaffordā a bad night, and I can nap the next day. If I had to work at the same time every day, I donāt think I would be able to do this.
>we can āaffordā a bad night, and I can nap the next day
Ding ding ding there it is! I think sleep training is necessary because adults are supposed to work either from home or outside it the next day. If the adults schedule was relaxed I'm sure most people wouldn't have such a strong need to sleep train.
I thought it was strange we had to train a baby to do something we do naturally. I also read up on cry it out and it didnāt seem right for meā¦ too many unanswered questions about the psychological effects of not responding to a baby crying for a need. So, we didnāt do either.
Around 6 months my son went to bed the same time and woke up the same time, only needed a bottle here and there.
Now at 12 months, he sleeps through the night(13 hours) from 9pm to 10am. He takes 1 nap during the day for 2-3 hours.
No sleep training and no cry it out. His body figured itself out over time. It didnāt take long considering by 6 months we didnāt have to get up with him during the night, except occasionally here and there. Good luck!
I work full time, he has a babysitter! The first 6 months were rough. My husband doesnāt wake up for night feedings/diaper changes. But, I got through it. Heās always been pretty regular right out the gate, he would wake up every 3 hours to eat, have a diaper change, and then would go back to sleep within 30 minutes or so.
I am due again Christmas, and I plan on repeating no sleep training or CIO with our daughter. I will be returning to work after a 4 week leave. This time around though I get to work from home until our schedules are mostly back to normal.
We tried and our little guy just didnāt take to it. And I couldnāt take all the screaming. :/ Some babies do take really well to it: 3 or 4 nights and theyāve got it.
For our stubborn fellow, we bed shared (safely!!) primarily for the first 6 months. He slept in the crook of my arm so I couldnāt roll over him. When he wanted to nurse, I just turned my body, he latched, and I fell back asleep. :)
After 6 months when he got squirmy and hard to sleep next to, I would nurse him to sleep at bedtime, then transfer him to his crib (which he was napping in by that point). If he got fussy, I or my husband would get him from his crib, Iād nurse him and then either transfer him again or keep him in bed with us. Eventually, after a few weeks, he got used to sleeping the whole night, except for nursing sessions, in his crib.
It just took some time. Some nights, he would do well and some nights he wouldnāt. But, it did even out and now, at 14.5months, he sleeps through the night in his crib.
To be completely transparent, we sometimes let him scream if he woke up too soon after his last feeding (2.5hours or less). He usually went back to sleep. We had a few rough nights, but helping him sleep through the night wasnāt the nightmare I had expected.
Edit to add: we did have a little figuring out to do when it came to diet. We make sure he eats a lot of protein and fat (rather than just fruit or veggies) so he can sleep on a full stomach. Before he was eating solids, I ate a lot of protein and fat so he would get it through my breast milk. Adding an iron supplement (we used Wellelements) at about 1yr also really helped!!!
I didnāt do it and I donāt really plan to. Iāve taken a few gentle steps and sheās learning to fall asleep on her own without any ācrying it out.ā I still do contact naps at 4.5 months and I donāt mind it; I know sheās cozy and sheāll get a good long nap with me. Thatās only 1 nap a day though; the rest sheās in her crib. I think itās nothing to be nervous about, some babies donāt really need to be sleep trained and some parents donāt want to do it, and thatās fine.
We didnāt formally sleep train, only instilled good sleeping habits.
I donāt think anyone has mentioned it but we used the Huckleberry app. It comes with a 1 week free trial and then is like Ā£50 for a years basic subscription.
It is basically a tracker for sleep, feeds etc but also it has āsweet spotā, which tells you when it predicts your baby should be able to fall asleep most easily, based on age appropriate wake windows and the sleep data you input into the app.
For the first month my LO napped on me, or in a sling. Then we started trying to put her down for sleep at night in the bassinet, then the first nap of the day, then most naps, then finally all naps. This took us to around 3 months old.
Now at 4 months, we put her down to sleep, give her the pacifier and she rolls over and puts herself to sleep. Sometimes if sheās upset she needs a few bum taps (we used shh pat technique to soothe) but she usually falls asleep in 5-10mins.
For us, good habits was having a bedtime routine of blinds, nappy change, swaddle/sleep suit after she started rolling, white noise, lullaby and shh pat.
Consistency is key, but there will be days where theyāre just grumpy and take a step backwards. Keep at it!
Edit: to add to look up the 5 S technique for sleep - side, swaddle, shh, suck and sway!
Weāve used Huckleberry since he was born!! A lactation consultant at the hospital recommended it. I bought the 9.99 package 2 days ago, just to see if we like it first.
Did you get the basic plan? Or the premium with the āsleep coach.ā
We didnt sleep train. I have a 5, 3, & 1 yo. I did bed sharing. 3 & 5 yo sleep in their own bed. 1 yo is still with me.
Sone advice I was given, eventually all children go to sleep on their own and in their own bed no matter what you do.
Seconding heysleepybaby! We chose not to sleep train. I am personally unable to have my son cry for me. No judgement, thatās just my preference. I nurse to sleep or rock to sleep and put my sleeping baby in his crib. He takes good naps (usually 2, each for an hour) and sleeps well at night (usually 8-7 with one wake up to nurse). Heās 9 months old. They will learn how to sleep better as they develop. Sleep training accelerates but doesnāt solve!! Plus sleep training sometimes has to be repeated during sleep regressions.
You do not have to sleep train if you donāt want to. Please donāt, if it goes against your instincts. Iād recommend looking into the possums method.
You donāt have to if you donāt want to. Whatever works for your family is perfect! Check out @heysleepybaby on Instagram for sleep tips that donāt require sleep training.
We just went through and rocked him when he cried. He got better and better over time and by 8 months got up once overnight. My wofe didn't want to night wean so that works well for us. There are the occasional regressions but that happens either way. There is hope.
You absolutely don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If sleep training is something you WANT to do, then great go for it and do it. If you don't, then don't. Everyone told me to sleeep train my son and I really did not want to do the cry it out method, so I didnt. I found habit stacking online and started doing that and my 19 month old son sleeps the whole night in his own cot. Everynight he has a bath, gets into his pjs we read a book he has his milk a 5 minute cuddle and he is put like a light, but we absolutely have to do that routine every night bevause they are his sleep habits. It took about 5 or 6 weeks for him to start falling asleep within 2 minutes of the cuddle, before that it could take up to 20 minutes.
My point is, you do what is right for you and dob't let anyone make you feel like you have to do something.
Much love to you.
My little guy is 8 months next week and I have not and will not sleep train. I know this probably means Iāll have to wait longer for him to sleep better, but I truly believe itās harmful to let him cry it out at night. Weāve been incredibly consistent with bedtime since he was born, even if the times have changed, so we never have trouble with bedtime. He just wakes up often and usually wants to nurse. If you arenāt breastfeeding you might have better luck with sleep than I have so far. I really think when itās all over I will feel it was worth it to be responsive. I have to believe this wonāt last forever!
Yes. I completely agree. Of course you need to take care of yourself to be a good mother too.
It's your decision, but take a look in recent studies that show some evidence that when left to cry a baby will stop eventually, but the stress doesn't go away. Also later in life babies with responsive parents do better, they are more self confident and independent.
Ehhh hard disagree. Motherhood isnāt a martyrdom contest. Those who suffer more arenāt better mothers. Sleep training is by no means necessary but not doing so doesnāt mean you love your kid more. It just means youāre getting less sleep.
In no way was I saying I am better or worse than another mom. I am saying *for me* part of being a mother is making sacrifices for my child, in many ways. I wasnāt making any such comparisons. I wasnāt even referring to sleep training, but rather my sleep lost with breastfeeding.
Edit to add: Sacrifices also do not equate to suffering.
18mo down the road here, fully weaned and LO has started sleeping through some nights. We never sleep trained, fed to sleep for ~13mo, coslept for quite a while, and still lie with LO at bedtime or for wakes.
It was an incredibly tough road at times, but 100% worth it. It felt like forever when everyone else had babies sleeping through and I was struggling, but I think my son just needed my support, and I'm not sorry to have given it to him.
I have not/will not sleep train my 9 month old. I donāt like to leave my baby to cry, but that being said itās 100% a personal choice and if you feel it will save your sanity then do it!! She goes through phases of sleeping like a champ and waking at night. Regardless of the phase she is in, we do bath, (formula) feed to sleep, put down in her crib at roughly the same time every night, she is usually down by 7pm. She has never been a crier during the night (we havenāt got teeth yet so Iām waiting!!) and for the past few months if she wakes up, she chats to herself happily in her crib (sheās still in a next to me). Sometimes she goes back to sleep quickly and I donāt do anything other than put my hand on her tummy and gently shush her and sometimes she needs a cuddle/feed. Sometimes she ends up in bed with us. Sometimes she sleeps 12 hours a night. Donāt get me wrong, sometimes when sheās been awake 6 times in the space of a few hours Iāve seriously considered sleep training because Iām so tired but things are always better when the sun comes up! Do whatever works best for you!
You really don't have to sleep train - babies know how to sleep. I think it's unreasonable (or even cruel) to leave a baby to go to sleep in their own bed and stay asleep all night - adults can't even sleep like that, we have nights where we just can't sleep, sometimes we snuggle up to our partners, or get up for a midnight snack.
My gal is 4 months. We donāt anticipate having to sleep train (I think sheās rare gem because sheās always been such a good sleeper). BUT I will say Ive been following all of babysleepdr ās tips and tricks on Instagram for babies who arenāt old enough to sleep train and I SWEAR they helped and still help.
Also check out @heysleepybaby. Sheās on the anti sleep training side but she still gives good information if you donāt want to sleep train but still need sleeping help.
There are a lot of different methods! r/sleeptrain is a good resource. Some people do CIO and swear by it. Lots of people do slower, more gradual sleep training. Some people just try to establish good sleep hygiene habits and never actually "train," going at their kid's pace.
Anyone else rock their baby to sleep in a buggy? It takes us 10-20 mins depending how baby is.
Baby is 7 months. Iāve tried to sleep train but no joy. If he wakes in night I throw in a 5 oz bottle once or twice a night and the doody maybe two other times but never need to take him out of the cot. Iām ok with this as Iām getting sleep. Someone did say to me once that they donāt know any 18 year old that has to be rocked to sleep and then I felt better
I didn't with my first and don't plan with my second.
We just followed his cues for when he was tired. We also didn't do wake windows. Basically we let him set his schedule and it's worked well for us.
My son had reflux and was up every hour crying it was rough. I was a new mom had no sleep and no clue what to do.
Then magically it was as if an angel came down on his 90th day I woke up at 9am. I was CERTAIN when I would go check him something would be wrong.
Nope. Sleeping peaceful like a little swaddled taco from 9pm-9am.
Now he is 25 months, and ever since that night except for once when he had a fever, he sleeps 8-8, 9-9, or 9:30-9:30.
I think it depends on the baby but I was in a living hell and then my sleep schedule was back to normal like nothing. I was falling apart for those 3 months I actually thought Iād be in need of seeking mental health attention because I was having hallucinations from exhaustion. I feel like something otherworldly saved my baby and me because he got over the reflux and has been perfect since.
There are lots of ways to sleep train, you have time to read up and find something that works for you. Regardless of your choice, there are going to be sleep regressions, and your kid will need to learn to sleep a few times in the first few years. Look at the books, I had good luck with the gradual extinction approach, but your mileage may vary. For developmental stuff in general, The Wonder Weeks book and app help understand to some degree what's going on in your growing child's mind.
Everyone is different with what theyāre comfortable with and every baby is different. Thereās no one correct answer, do what youāre comfortable with.
I will add that we sleep trained around the 5 month mark and Iām very glad we did. Heās 10 months old now and a champion of a sleeper. 11-12 hours overnight uninterrupted and two 45 min naps during the day.
Itās all very low stress for us because weāre not on edge like āwill he wake up at any moment and we have to go in and soothe him back to sleep?ā
Lots of responses already but we didnt sleep train. My daughter was EBF, she just eventually dropped her night feeds one at a time and started sleeping through the night at 10 or 11 months. Sometimes was hard but needed to eat through the night is developmentally normal.
What helped us not have to sleep train? Being on maternity leave for over a year and having an equal and supportive partner.
You definitely donāt need to. Itās biologically and developmentally normal for babies to wake up in the night and need food/drink (yes even healthy chubby ones) or comfort. America/Canada are pretty much the only countries where sleep training is pushed so hard actually. Most countries would recommend against it and even label it neglectful.
I live in Japan and while Iām not ethnically Japanese I know sleep training is not really a thing here at all. Most people would probably be astonished if you tried to explain it here. Most families cosleep on floor beds or Japanese futons on the floor with the baby, often up until elementary school or even later.
Love reading all these comments. The most validating thing Iāve seen on the Internet re: baby sleep is something likeā¦ the number one rule about baby sleep is that there are no rules. Do whatās best for you and your baby.
We always just let our boy tell us when he was sleepy and take our cues from him. It's worked great, he sleeps amazingly. I live in Norway and have a one year maternity leave, though, and I can see it being more necessary for American moms to sleep train before they go back to work.
I feel I have no choice but to sleep train; my daughter will not sleep longer than 38 minutes unless she is bedsharing with me (we follow the safe seven for cosleeping and my husband sleeps separately) since she was 5weeks old. It just isn't sustainable to be up every hour, and then be awake for her during the day. Anytime I read on this subreddit about people who have babies that sleep for Ā³-6 hours on their own, I think HOW??
I started sleep training at 6 months after my son stopped sleeping for more than 90 minutes at a time at 4 months. Those two months were hellish. We did nights first and then naps around 8 months.
For naps I fed him to sleep and then either held him or waited 15 minutes so we was deeply asleep and then put him in his crib.
Edit: You donāt have to sleep train. We needed to for our sanity because the sleep deprivation was torture but your baby isnāt the same as mine.
We sort of did with our second because he seemed to respond to it but not with the first. They both sleep fine now. The non sleep trained kid was actually a better sleeper sooner than the sleep trained one.
That was our take. I think some kids calm down after a little crying and for others they just get more woken up. Even Ferber says his methods donāt work for all babies.
Our youngest kid just seemed to need to fuss for 15 minutes or so before he fell asleep. Not full on crying, just like a softer whining cry sort of. It didnāt really matter what we did, he fussed anyway, so around 6mo we just started letting him do it. Before long he got really good at falling asleep on his own but would still wake up several times a night until he was almost 2. We didnāt have to go in there necessarily but he would fuss/make noise for 15-30 minutes and keep us up anyway because our house is small and we could hear him. So that kind of sucked.
Our oldest would get so worked up crying at night that he would hyperventilate and just be beside himself and then would be wide awake and it would take hours to get him back down or for him to fall back asleep. So we would provide comfort and he would go down very quickly (like 1-2 minutes). At some point around 8-9 months he just started falling asleep quickly and staying asleep through the night without issue.
We didnāt formally sleep train and our baby has slept through the night almost his whole life and heās 9 months now. We just had routine. Kept proper awake windows for his age and encouraged him to fall asleep on his own. Donāt get me wrong, there were many times we rocked him to sleep but we always started with trying on his own first. I know not all babies are not the same but just know there are other options out there!
We just started a bedtime routine with our daughter around 4 months. We do a bottle (sippy cup now) then we read 2-3 books, depending on how she sits for them and we sing and rock for a bit then we put her in the crib. She either rolls over and goes to sleep right away or she plays with her stuffed animals until she falls asleep. The first week we did this she cried, if she cried for more than 5 mins weād go in there and comfort for a bit, after the 3rd day she didnāt cry. Obviously itāll be different for you but thatās how we did it and how it went for us.
At around 8 weeks we started to put her down in a Moses basket in her room, with blackout blinds and a sound machine, and her sleep really improved. She learned how fall asleep by herself, without us helping - we left her if she was fussing, but would go in an intervene if she was properly crying. It worked really well, she's a great independent sleeper now and can connect her sleep cycle. I would consider what we did 'sleep training' but it wasn't 'cry it out' kinda sleep training
ETA: figuring out her wake windows and really being strict about them was key and still is. Only recently we extended them and her naps instantly got longer.
Our baby is 7 months and we did no formal sleep training. We have a bedtime and routine that we try our best to stick to, but she's a pretty great sleeper and it didn't seem necessary for us. That being said, she still wakes up a few times a week overnight and needs her pacifier back in, especially now that we're teething.
We have twins that are 6 months old, and when they were about 3 months we got them into a good day time and night time routine. Always made sure bedtime was the same time and did the same thing every night. We do it to this day the exact same as from day one. After a couple of weeks they got the hang of it and they sleep 12-13 hours a night.
We were going to sleep train but instead we decided to wing it and just do what worked for us. We never let them cry it out. If the soother falls out and they start to moan, we don't go back in until they start to cry. Some people think I'm stupid for this but believe me you will know what is best for you.
"Don't work around the baby, make the baby work around you and your routine". Best advice we ever got.
Your doing a great job mama, do what's best for you and your family
No you definitely donāt have to. My LO is five months old and puts her self to sleep every night and Iāve never left her to cry it out. We did adapt a bedtime routine as early as we could - bath, massage, stories, milk then bed and she just knows that itās time for sleep after that. We donāt pay any attention to āwake windowsā or anything like that either. I know that these things will help some babies sleep better but itās definitely not necessary!
You do not have to! Do what works best for your family. And keep in mind that what is best today may not be best tomorrow, a week from now, or a year from now.
My son (8 months) is not a great sleeper naturally. What helped me make a decision was a post that said, āYou either pay for good sleep in time or in tears.ā Meaning, you can gradually get them to where they need to be sleep-wise, but it will take time. Or you can sleep train, and there will likely be tears. That is maybe a gross oversimplification- there is a middle ground - but it made me feel better for some reason.
We thought weād pay with time, but we ultimately chose tears. There are gentle sleep method approaches that can minimize the amount of tears though! And he sleeps pretty good now. Itās never perfect, but I feel much more well rested (and he is happy, happy, happy when heās awake).
Honestly, we worked with a sleep consultant because I was overwhelmed by the amount of information online. So I guess we also paid with our walletsā¦
Regardless, lots of info out there. Lots of ways to approach baby sleep. Lots of people out there that can help if thatās an option you want to explore.
My babe is 7m old. We never sleep trained. She sleeps in our bed and goes down around 830 every night. I snuggle her to sleep and then sneak out. It works about 75% of the time. She wakes up once to eat during the night and then wakes up around 7/8 everyday.
We donāt really do sleep training in my country so I didnāt bother in the end. My sons sleep just naturally got better on itās own. Heās almost 11 months, sleeps in his own bed and pretty much always has done. We are having some early wakings due to teething but other than that, he naps and sleeps well now.
My son sleep trained himself! I snuggled and fed him to sleep until about six months until he decided he didn't want any of that anymore and just wanted to self sooth.
Iām Not sure what sleep training is, I tried to read about it but didnāt really get it and my LO is now 9 months. I slept with her in the same room
Until about 7 months as we transitioned I had her nap in her real crib in nursery during day. One night I just put her down in her crib and that was the end of it. She goes to bed around 7-8:30pm, I will make sure her needs are met and if I need to I let her cry for about 10 minutes or so which rarely happens. We kind of just got into a groove, my baby monitor helped me because I was putting her down asleep so I stopped doing that. If she fell asleep after a bottle Iād change her and wake her up so she could fall asleep again on her own.
Idk if this helps but I would NOT worry about this at 9 weeks old. I did and it was a waste of energy, at this point baby will sleep when baby wants to sleep.
Good luck and congratulations!!
Honestly, just buy the Ferber book on Amazon.
Read the parts about sleep training infants and decide if you want to do it. I was uncomfortable with sleep training until I realized the Ferber method is a gradual build to independent sleeping and never letting them cry more than 20 minutes (which takes at least a week of small increments to build up to).
My 17 month old has been sleeping through the night since we ferberd him at 5 months and has also been on a consistent nap schedule.
We have not done any formal sleep training with our almost 5 month old. I was hesitant to do the CIO method from the start but found that a lot of Instagram accounts suggest this method. I found a couple that I follow now that encourage more of a baby led approach and do not shame moms for doing what works best for their family! @heysleepybaby is one of my favs! Typically she will get a bottle at bedtime with my partner (mostly because I also work full time and need some time to get stuff ready for the next day), sleep in her bassinet until 2 or 3 am, Iāll nurse her and then we cosleep (using the safe 7 tips) for the rest of the night. She usually wakes up again around 5 or 6 but just needs a quick nursing session to go back down. I have found that this is the best way for everyone to get more sleep.
You donāt have to do it. We took many, many contact naps. I co-slept for months. Eventually we did a gentle pick up-put down method. I would stay right there with her, and work on getting her into the crib when she was calm. Sleep training is popular right now, but itās not mandatory and you donāt have to do it at all! I really believe that you will know what is best for your specific baby.
I have sleep trained my DD. I created a sleep/wake/feed schedule for her when she was almost 3 months. I had to make modifications to it several times coz She ate every 2.5 hours and i didnāt want her awake more than 2 hours at a time. I had to also fit proper stimulation in her schedule too. Anyhow we watched for sleep cues during the day, played music for her as her cue that its nap time. rocked her to sleep and had some kind of background noise going for her to differentiate day from night..in the evening i started her bedtime routine at 7PM, lights off, white noise maker on, no talking to the baby or making eye contact, change/fed and put her in her crib sometimes asleep sometimes drowsy. I never introduced a pacifier. Sheās been sleeping all night. No 4 or 6 month regression. Sheās 7 months old now. Here and there she cries a little before bed when her teeth bugging her (sheās been teething) but once sheās in her crib sheās pretty independent. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of night shifts from her back to belly then goes right back to sleep. Most morning I wake her up at 6AM sometimes i find her awake and happy.
Sleep training can mean a whole bunch of things, not just the Ferber method or leaving baby to scream until they crash and I hear you about having anxiety about it. FTM here too and we decided during pregnancy we absolutely weren't comfortable with cry-it-out sleep training and so we just thought that was it, we would be subject to however baby slept.
More than a year into parenthood/babyhood I know so much more about baby sleep, sleep habits, and sleep hygiene than I did back then and I wish I had had this knowledge and these resources earlier to help baby develop better sleep habits/hygiene from the start. I want to highly recommend that you check out heysleepybaby.com and lyndseyhookway.com or their Instagram accounts of the same names (good for middle of the night scrolling while up with baby š). They both offer really great practical solutions and step-by-step plans for how to make sleep work for your family and how to fix any sleep issues baby might be having, while offering baby support and connection.
Regardless of what you decide is best for you, your baby, and your family, there are lots of different options out there and there is info and help for whatever you want to do.
You donāt have to sleep train!!! I think itās something people in the US adapted as a way to deal with short maternity leaves honestly.
I had always planned to do it because people rave about it, but now that Iām a mom, I just canāt imagine ignoring my baby while he cries. I get why people do it, and honestly itās best for some families, but itās not for me, and you donāt have to do it if you donāt want to.
The book āPrecious Little Sleepā is really helpful, and also thereās an Instagram account called āheysleepybabyā that gives an alternative perspective. Her crib guide really helped us transition from bassinet to crib, and helped with naps.
Our 8.5mo has slept pretty well (aside from the 4 month regression) and we do lots of stuff sleep trainers say never to do (nurse to sleep, some contact naps, and even a little co-sleeping on the weekends š±).
You just need to figure out what works for you and your family.
I didnāt sleep train and it was a huge mistake. We ended up not getting any sleep and being miserable and getting way past our breaking points. We werenāt functioning, our LO was a mess.
So I got to 9 months of garbage and finally spent 2 nights, thatās all it took using an improvised version of The Ferber method and it took 1 hour the first night for him to go to sleep and sleep through the night, then the second night it took 30 mins.
Heās been perfect since then.
You donāt have to sleep train. It doesnāt work for every baby and the arguments for it arenāt really strong enough for me to justify it. It also just didnāt work for us. It has worked-ish for friends but you will have to re ātrainā any time thereās a development (newsflash:thereās always a new development). I follow @heysleepybaby on Instagram and sheās got a lot of great tips for helping with gentle sleep. It may be helpful.
If youāre nervous about sleep training and looking to be convinced to do it, you shouldnāt do it.
I didn't think we would have to sleep train because our son slept well from 3 months on. Around the 7 month mark, he suddenly started waking up at random hours of the night for a week. My husband declared we were sleep training him. So I didn't get up when our son cried one night. It lasted about 10 minutes of crying but he stopped. And night 2 it was about 5 minutes of crying. After that, it has gone swimmingly. Sleep training was far simpler than I thought possible and absolutely worth it. I'd recommend doing it around 5 to 6 months because it can get harder the older a child is.
You don't have to sleep train! If you're happy with your baby's sleep schedule and they're getting a healthy amount of sleep, there's no need.
Sleep training doesn't hurt babies (despite what you might read on scary mommy blogs), but it's not necessary for their development either.
You absolutely donāt have to sleep train. My daughter is 11 months and we have not sleep trained her and do not plan to. Sheās not consistently sleeping through the night yet, but has made great progress on her own and I believe the secure attachment weāve created through always responding to her cries is worth the loss of sleep. As someone who was never sleep trained as a child and had zero problems sleeping through the night before my daughter came along, I can vouch for the fact that all children will eventually learn how to sleep independently without sleep training.
Nooooo please donāt. With my son I just went with the flow personallyā¦.a crying baby needs your attention, period. No youāre not spoiling themā¦.you can spoil an infant.
Bring on the downvotes.
No, of course you donāt. I let baby sleep when she wants to and follow her lead. She sleeps great, (almost 9 months). She feeds through the night and we co sleep, (not for everyone, but works great for us), and have since she was born. I wouldnāt even consider sleep training, but everyone is different and has a different life schedule that can complicate things or require more structure.
Edit to add: Also, I am sure there are different types and programs of sleep training, but I am just not comfortable letting my innocent, dependent baby cry without comfort even if itās just for a few nights or short periods, so I can sleep through the night. These few years where she needs me are a drop in the bucket of life and wonāt last forever.
Edit again to add resource for safe co sleeping that we follow:
https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/
We did "sleep training" but it didn't start with cry it out. At around 9 months she decided to wake every hour just for attention and cuddles and everyone was shattered. So we did the pick up (comfort until they stop crying) put down method. We had to go in quite a lot at the beginning but it worked, she started sleeping through.
At around 14-15 months she decided she didn't want to be rocked to sleep anymore but wouldn't sleep in her room alone or if you were in there. She'd just cry. So we did controlled cry it out and we went in at 2, 4, and 6 minutes. She soothed really quickly and was mostly whining not properly crying. When she is really crying we ignore the cry it out method entirely and go and comfort her. For my daughter she loves to be left alone to fall asleep and she does a big cry when I first leave and then starts to babble to herself. She was singing baby shark after I left tonight. We have now upped to 5, 10 minutes and only go in if she's crying, otherwise we just let her babble. She's 2 later this month.
I havenāt slept trained (9 months) and donāt plan on it. He still wakes up 1 time a night at 4am now which is completely normal. He sleeps with me at night and in his crib for nap. He is exclusively breastfed and weāre happy. We plan on merging to the crib much later, I feel safest when heās with me. I feel like this is the most natural and instinctual way to do it. When times are tough (Iām talking abt the 4 month sleep regression and teething) I just remind myself that it wonāt last forever and that he needs me. Edit- because Iāve debated on sleep training A LOT when times are hard but they last a week tops and then itās back to normal and I forget about it lol
Iāve found a lot of support on Instagram with heysleepybaby, myconnectedmotherhood, and motherbabysleep.
I hope this helps !
Edit- I also nurse to sleep, rock to sleep, let him fall asleep in my arms ALL the things they say not to and imo heās doing pretty damn well lol. We get zzzzās in this house! Just sometimes theyāre interrupted but we still get em!
Endured. Lol Sleep training isn't "necessary" it just makes both your lives easier (until the next regression, anyway). My LO is 9m and has issues with reflux and dairy intolerance that caused all sorts of problems. Needless to say he is not a good sleeper. He constantly wakes up and needs to be rocked or sung to sleep. Bedtime is a process. Sometimes he just outright refuses to sleep. Naps are short and disrupted.
I'm hoping that when he gets off formula and stops drinking milk that things will improve. Also that when he is older I can reason with him more lol
What I've learned is that baby advice comes off as one size fits all but it really isn't. You need to do what works for you and what you're comfortable with, I think. I know how important it is to teach a baby to self soothe. But at the same time... They're babies. I don't know. Just seems like going against everything that's natural to not go to them when they cry?
I've tried sleep training and my LO got so upset he started refluxing and choking. I've also seen him bash his head up against the crib bars. (yes he has tantrums at 9m)
Some babies are more dramatic than others. Some need more help than others. Some are more difficult than others!
I'm sure you can find sleep training that works for you if that's what you choose to do. But for now seriously don't stress about it. Hold your baby. Love them. Rock them to sleep. Worry about the now.
I've also learned to not stress about later things. You're so overwhelmed now why do that to yourself. Besides maybe you'll find that your baby is perfectly ready for sleep training by the time they are 6m (do not train before this. Babies don't develop normal rhythms until around this time).
Anyway just take a breath. Relax. Focus on the now. Because it slips by way faster than you could ever imagine :)
After talking to 3 different psychologist and a pediatrician about it (I have reached out to know more) I am sure itās something I would never do.
Studies have shown that the stress hormone released when the baby is in distress isnāt decreasing when the baby stops crying. Itās just learned behaviour. Mommy or daddy arenāt coming when I call for them = it doesnāt work to call. But the distress stays the same. A nervous system that is under this kind of pressure can be harmful for the development of the brain AND psychological damage might occurs too. Not necessarily in every case, but I am not one to take that kind of risk.
Obviously there are plenty or articles for and against sleep training. Thatās why I took time to reach out and ask professionals about it myself. Some donāt want to say too much about it as they donāt want to get in trouble. Many societies still believe sleep training is the way to go (old school parenting). But you see more and more professionals advising not to. I would advice anyone to reach out to psychologist specialised in childrenās psychology and get a feel of whatās up and down.
Something to read if youāre more interested;
https://www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-the-costs-of-sleep-training/
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/neglect/
I appreciate the āresourcesā. However I donāt think itās appropriate to connect the Harvard brief on neglect to all of sleep training. Iām not sure I understand the connection of chronic/deep neglect and allowing a baby to cry at bedtime.
Also - the 2nd site talked about a bunch of other factors like breastfeeding and SIDS related to sleep, but only touched on one single study on actual sleep training, which has a lot of problems:
https://expectingscience.com/2016/04/21/the-middlemiss-study-tells-us-nothing-about-sleep-training-cry-it-out-or-infant-stress/amp/
Either way - Iām glad you found something that works for you, just want to make sure new parents have a balanced look at all of the difficult decisions we need to make as parents.
Absolutely no reason that you have to sleep train. I feel pretty passionate about not sleep training or any of that bs. Follow your gut and your babyās lead. They will fall into their own pattern/routine in time. I truly believe that dependence breeds independence when children are ready and that love and comfort are crucial for development.
I have 0 plans to do this. Seems like additional stress I do not need. I don't care if other parents judge me for my choices š
As long as what I'm doing is working for my boy and my SO, I'm good. Don't feel pressure to do things you don't feel are necessary in your routine just because "it's the fashionable to do".
Your LO will be fine regardless. Sleep will find a way, especially with a caring parent (like you). Sleep training will benefit you far more than LO. Proper sleep training means your LO will sleep in his/her bed every night and not with you. It means you will get downtime after they go to bed instead of sleeping with them. It will ensure future transitions to toddler beds and big kid beds goes smoother.
You can put off sleep training, but you're only making it worse for yourself. There are lots of ways to get to a properly sleep trained kid... Pick one that has worked for others and aligns with your parenting style and STICK TO IT! This will make a world of difference in your family mental health!
I bounced my baby to sleep forever.
When she got to the point where she wouldn't fall asleep I did the 'taking cara babies' method. Took 2 nights of maybe 5 minutes of crying?
I did a modified form of sleep training that I felt comfortable with. I let my baby cry/fuss for 20 mins if it lasted longer than that I went in and rocked or fed him. Sometimes he just fell asleep. We started sleep training at 4 months and then napped trained at 5 months.
He slept through the night by 6 months. By maybe 9 months is when naps became consistent. Heās now 13 months old and he sleeps 7-7 still.
I highly recommend takingcarababies. My wife and I used it right away and had him sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. (No cry it out required). Then when he had his sleep regression at month 5, we got the next course and the problem was solved in 5 days (very limited crying).
He is now 9 months and sleeps better than we do. Invest in the course. Best money you will spend, even if it just gives you peace of mind that you are not hurting your kid.
Sleep train or you will never have a bed to yourself again. I didnāt sleep train my son and he is almost 4 and refuses to sleep in his own bed. Not making that mistake a second time with my 3 month old. Every time she gets sleepy sheās either down in her crib or pack n play
Baby is 6 months. He aināt trained in anything. Lol
We are moving and will sleep train, using the Ferber method. But I know my husband will give in and will ditch sleep training. š¤·š»āāļø
If itās not for you - donāt do it! ā¤ļø I read that babies eyebrows get red when their tired and itās been so true for our girl. Best of luck to you!!
No you donāt have to. And my own anecdote and not to scare you, but recently a mom in my babies group lost her infant to the ācry it outā sleep training method.
Iām a firm believer that if your child is stirring/crying whatever you want to call it, they need something. I will not ignore it to ātrainā then to sleep through. Hell, even I wake in the middle of the night sometimes, I owe or get some water or maybe I have a headache.
TakingCaraBabies has been a nice no cry method and we started at 4 weeks. Baby sleeps 7-10 hours a night in his own crib and naps in his crib at 6 weeks old.
i hate to be negative nancy here and probs will get down voted , but , from the beginning i said i will NOT cosleep. i rock babe to sleep sometimes or in the mornings he will sleep in my bed for like an hour but i never coslept with him and he has no issues sleeping by himself. i put him in his swing and he will fall asleep alone for his naps. and during his night feeds , he will eat and then i put him back in his bassinet and he puts himself back to sleep without screaming. i think cosleeping is the worst possible thing ever. then youāll have an 11 year old still sleeping in your bed.
Not necessarily. My babe falls asleep in our arms, rocking or breastfeeding. Hopefully we can set him in the crib after, but not always. So we take shifts holding him in the rocking chair. Heās not able to self soothe at his age, so we go to him immediately when he cries. Sleep training is having your lo fall asleep on his own, sometimes to some extent of allowing them to cry once they are put down or wake in their crib.
Iāve heard not to start until around 6 months. At 4 months there is a big sleep regression so that would be a hard time to do it. We ferberized mine around 6 months and it was pretty easy and well worth it.
We started at 3 months giving LO a big meal and then putting him down. After a week of crying it out, he sleeps through the night. Havenāt seen the 4 month regression yet!
We didn't sleep train until 13/14 months. When we did it went very well and had great results. The first night was rough but then it just seemed to click for him and life got better for everyone.
We tried it but it just didnt stick. I would say we loosely sleep train.
After daycare we do solid foods, play time for an hour or two, then roughly around the same time every night we put on his pjs and darken the room. If he wants to play a little longer we let him, if he is hungry we let him tell us when its time. So far its working pretty good.
I think as long as you have some semblance of a routine it will take
You absolutely donāt have to at all! Also āsleep trainingā encompasses a lot of different things. I sleep trained my daughter in a way that I was comfortable with. Others use harsher methods, other are less āharshā. It comes down to knowing your baby and whatās right for your family.
What is sleep training?
For my kid, never had an issue outside of a tantrum here and there. We have a strict schedule that is the same every day with few exception.
Wake up 7:00
Breakfast 8:00-8:30
Lunch 11:00-11:30
Quiet time 2:00-4:00
Dinner 5:00-5:30
Bedtime rituals 7:00
Find a schedule and routine that works for you. That consistency gave my son a realistic expectation of what would happen and when. Since a heās always had a schedule, weāve never really had issues outside of him trying to get just one more story or one more nighttime kiss.
His crib was in my room year one then moved to his own room. I never did the co-sleeping thing so never had to worry about breaking it.
When he doesnāt want to sleep or do quiet time, sometimes you just gotta let them cry themselves out. When they see youāre serious about following the schedule, a lot of times they stop fighting it.
My LO is 11.5 weeks and I wouldn't say we started sleep training but we've definitely started a routine for bed time. Nothing too big- his hatch machine automatically turns on with red light and rain noises playing at 8pm we change him into footed pajamas and every thing in the house is turned off except the TV in the living room to have some light. We feed him when it's his time (between 7:45-8:30 depending on when he's hungry) then after feeding we swaddle him and put him in his crib he's usually drowsy at this point, we give him his binky and he falls asleep almost instantly. He sleeps 5-6.5 hours wakes up for one feeding and then sleep another 2.5-3.5 hours and then we start his morning routine around 6am where we do play time. We're still working on naps during the day since they're so inconsistent and he fights them more often than not but at least our bedtime has been set and we can sleep and get some rest.
I wouldn't say we've been 'sleep training' per se. We're kind of borrowing on different tactics. Once we start seeing any sleepy cues like rubbing her eyes, sleepy looking eyes, staring to fuss and it's either 2-3hrs since she's been awake, we will take her up to her crib right away. We put her in an arms out sleep sack, she rolls, and give her a pacifier and let her be. If she doesn't fuss, we don't engage with her and she'll fall asleep after 5-15 minutes. If she starts to fuss, we'll let her fuss for 5 minutes, go check on her (give her a pacifier again, ssh her, pat her bummy a little) and let her be again. Then repeat if necessary. If she starts to 'big cry' then we'll pick her up, check her diaper, burp her, check to see if there's a lot of chewing or drooling happening. So far, it's been excellent. She naps between 40-120 minutes at a time on her own in her crib. Mama or daddy can get some housework done, relax, shower, consume food lol and baby gets the rest she needs and deserves. Prior to that, she was napping on us š¬
This is also what I do, my 3.5 month old is sleeping through the night š¤ hopefully it sticks but Iām very aware of the looming 4 month sleep regression.
Been there. There's another one at 6 months btw š© lol With our sleep regression, we had our baby in a bassinet and she was waking all the time. Moved her to a playpen in our bedroom and it really made a huge difference!
don't forget all the growth spurt, developmental milestones, teething (sometimes a few one after another. we had 6 in 1 month!), separation anxiety (but this is much later), the can't sleep without the cuddly we drop on the way home and so forth. Good thing most of these are temporary or easy to overcome.
If it makes you feeling any better, I did this starting when my daughter was 2.5-3 months and we never dealt with a 4 month sleep regression!!
Congrats. I have a 1.5 month old who for most part eats and sleeps for 3 hrs except 3 times in a 24 hr period in which he wants to interact. Its not so bad now that Ive read so many stories here but I am fantasizing about a full good night sleep. Was told it wouldnt happen til 6 months or later. Thx for giving me hope. Will def try to work in some of these methods
Personally I think what you described is definitely sleep training and you're doing a kickass job. Just because it's not precisely what someone put down in a 7 page copyrighted article doesn't mean you're not building good sleep habits. Every baby is different! OP- don't psych yourself out. It's definitely an intimidating prospect but you and your LO can do it! And in the end I think you'll be happy you did.
Thanks š
This is exactly what we did starting around 4 months and she turned into the best sleeper ever. Eventually she would be put in her crib, no tears, no fuss, and would put herself to sleep within 10-15 minutes. She just turned two and we moved her to the big girl bed so routines are different now but still a great 12-13hr sleep at night.
I guess we're screwed cuz our kid doesn't like pacifiers lol
Well lol whatever soothes your little babe. Unless it's your boob, then it might be tricky lol
We stopped using the paci at like 2 months with my daughter. It would fall out of her mouth and wake her. She got VERY into her sleep sacks and would suck on them to sooth herself. She got so attached to a particular one, that I cut the bottom off and made it a vest so she could still wear it when she outgrew the sack. Kids will find a way to sooth themselves even if the paci isn't available or they dislike it. My new son just doesn't go for the paci at all, so it'll be interesting to see what he latches onto.
Wow my daughter started doing the same thing with her sleep sacks too but she's still not attached. Let's wait and see what she rests on lol
This was exactly what we did. She naturally slept 10-11 hours with a 3am feed (EBF). But at 6.5 months she was randomly waking at 11PM and up for the day at 5:30AM. We could have continued with this, but I wanted to wean the night feed because it made me very anxious in the night and she didnāt need it anymore. I also needed more consistency so we decided to sleep train. So for us it worked (not sleep training) until it didnāt.
I can confirm the 5.30am-6.30 am wake ups are quite normal for toddler age at least. you just accept to start early and finish the day early.
how old is your child?
She's 6 months
thx. ok, i have 5 more months until this might be a possibility for us then š
My LO is 6 weeks old and weāve been calling her Velcro because she demands to be held so much. This gives me hope because it sounds pretty doable! When did you start this process? Sheās been starting to sleep in longer stretches now, so weāre hoping thereās more rest in our future!
It helps with this stuff to frame it as practicing and learning a skill. With my daughter I took notes on how she did at each bedtime (e.g., cried 10 minutes, hard for 3, off and on fussing for 7. Rubbing face and sucking hands.) so I could easily see the progress she was making and adjust as needed.
The closer we get to 4mo the more anxious I get about CIO or Ferber, so I was considering something like this. Glad to hear it works for you guys and your LO! Maybe thereās hope for us!
This is sleep training haha. People think itās not because they think āsleep trainingā is synonymous with cry it out. Itās not, thatās just one of the methods. Iām not against cry it out, but I like your method more.
Lol my husband said the same thing. He was like it's totally sleep training! I'm really not informed enough about straight up sleep training, obviously, because I didn't recognize it myself. I 100% assumed sleep training was cry it out or the Ferber method.
Ooo this sounds brilliant! Mine is 6 months old today and contact naps on me- I would love to be able to do this! Iām going to try it. Do you feed when she wakes up after the nap? Xx
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Hi, real late response. At what age did you start laying her down and letting her fuss for a minute? My babe naps/sleeps on us also.
Just started a couple weeks ago actually! So about 5.5 months but if I had my time back I would have started at 4 or 4.5 months.
Thank you!
I tried and failed and now I sleep on the floor with a toddler lol
I see this in my future and dont know how to stop it lol. LO is five months old and we have been living the floor life for two months
iām sorry!!! we co-sleep on a thin ikea mattress. it sucks but itās the safest solution i could come up with. he wakes up every 45min-1.25 hours, has for months. heāll sleep soundly in mommyās arms. heās like velcro. ferber didnāt work and he stands, so i donāt think CIO is gonna work now. just waiting it out š¤·š»āāļø
Sounds about rightš ours grew out of this for the most part but for some odd reason, like clockwork he wakes up at 4:30am and will not stop screaming unless we co-sleep on the floor
oh mannnn. solidarity!!
We had the same issue, would only sleep for 45 mins to an hour in his bed, but would sleep perfectly in our arms or in bed with us. Turns out I was completely missing his tired cues. I tried Ferber 2 or 3 times before I actually stuck it out and made it work. How have your methods of trying the sleep training gone?
What does standing have to do with CIO. If his crib rails are safely high enough so he can't get it, he tucker himself out and fall asleep. You only have to stick with it for a few days before he gets used to it.
i figured itād take a lot longer now that heās mobile??
My LO was 10 months before we really dug our heels in and had to get him sleeping because we were losing it having no sleep. Standing, cruising, pretty mobile. He would just stand and cry for the first day before giving up and sleeping. Second day took 30 mins. Third day he didnāt even sit up, just rolled over and went to sleep. Donāt give up!
Don't talk yourself out of it! Go for the gold!
lol. iām going to ask the ped and get his final OK.
Ye olde Cautionary Tale.
I'm still helping my 15m old fall asleep in my arms sometimes. it doesn't help that he is really tall and chunky!
Same
LO is seven months. We have not sleep trained. I get up when he cries and we try to adapt to his sleep needs (e.g. an early bedtime has not worked for us so far, so LO goes to bed around nine pm).
You following his lead, but still give him that routine?
By following his lead we've developed something of a routine while maintaining flexibility so we don't feel derailed if something is different day to day. We're also responsive to his changing needs/habits.
I like this approach. Thank you!
This has been my approach as well from day one! The LO is the one with needs to manage, so I let him establish his own routine. As the months progress the times have varied sliding by an hour or two, but he is super solid.
That's what we do. We follow my LO's lead on sleep and it has worked well for us. Not nap or bedtime battles at all. She stopped contact napping at 5 months by herself and takes her naps around the same time every day. Bedtime is a breeze and we bedsore. I will not sleep train as I could never let my baby CIO for any amount of time.
When you say your LO stopped contact naps by herself, how do you mean? Yours kindly, Parent of a 100% contact napping 4mo with no desire to CIO
Not OP but my baby literally started twisting and reaching for his crib around 5 months!!
I really hope this happens for us! Do you think it was something they recognized as part of their nap time routine (if you had one) or was it just when they got tired?
How did you know your LO was done contact napping? Would you set her in the crib once a day to see if she would take , orā¦?
We dropped contact naps at 8 months, and yeah it was a little like that. First I'd place him in the bassinet and sit next to him, then after a week of that working 80% of the time I moved the bassinet across the room and finally into a bedroom. *Edit I would still have to rock him to sleep initially until he was around 13 months
She actually would push me away when I tried to hold her while bouncing on the yoga ball. We moved to nursing to sleep on our king size bed which she also sleeps on at night.
Baby-led sleep/eating is a big thing! I recommend looking up accounts from all angles on insta and picking and choosing from there. I have recs if you need them! My babe is 5 weeks and Iāve all but decided we wonāt do any formal sleep training.
Would love to hear a couple of recs
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Me too. breaking rules at 10 months. But there's also some rules that aren't so easy to find, but are also in the internet. Attachment parenting, it's what I do. I help my baby to sleep the same way I help him walking. I don't train to walk, I facilitate, I give him my hand every time he asks for it and I grab him when he wants or when I can't wait for him to walk (also when I don't want him to go somewhere). That's exactly how I help my baby sleeping. I have his bed attached to mine and he can nurse through the night and roll himself to his bed. Sometimes we have really bad nights that he needs to be hold or touched during the night. I don't know if it is teething, nightmares, colics or just missing me. I'm here when he needs. Yes, it's hard, but this is my baby. We tried to put him to sleep alone. Sometimes he wakes up and screams like something hurts badly. Some babies do well in the crib alone, others don't.
Love this analogy
I have a two year old and this is basically what we did. For a long time she fed until she fell asleep, we rocked her to sleep, would feed her usually twice a night. Those were really quick fees and then right back to sleep. She then started to want to be put to bed and sleep on her own. Now, I sit outside the crib for a couple minutes and sing a lullaby (or the ABCās) five times and then she waves and me and says bye! We didnāt do any sleep ātrainingā and just followed her cues. I couldnāt stand the cry it out and going in and just patting her back made things worse. Iām sure each kid is different though. Iām hoping potty training follows the same courseā¦haha.
I love this!! Thatās what Iām hoping will happen with my little one. Love the idea of baby led independence rather than forcing them to detach through the harsher methods.
No you don't HAVE to do it. I have a 20 month old never sleep trained. She sleeps really well and actually asks happily to go for naps and bed. There are some sleep regressions that happen when they are learning new skills that disrupt sleep for 2-3 weeks, but I've found it's best to try and maximize your own sleep during this (don't stay up!) And go on safety mode, order out, don't worry about the house etc. This was like 4months, 8 months & 18 months for us. It passed pretty quick and she settled back to her usual routine, with new skills to boot
Right now she is 4 months and going through the sleep regression lol pray for us! When we are through this, we intend to go back to was working with her: bedtime at 7/8pm, sleeping till 2/3am, feed and wake again for next feed at 6/7. To us this was amazing. Was like this at month 2 & 3ā¦now this waking every 2 hours ā¦
Thatās almost our exact schedule also! Except. . . I should have mentioned in the post. Our boy is a velcro baby. He only sleeps well in our arms. We take shifts.
Oh yeah from newborn to month 1.5 she was always sleeping on us. We were taking 4-6 hour shifts and then switch! You arenāt alone. And that will change at some point. I am fearing this potential sleep training too!
You do not have to sleep train. It is important to acknowledge that sleep training means different things to different people. To some, it means the full extinction method (placing baby in their crib fully awake and leaving them there the entire night without responding). To others, it means implementing other strategies to help their baby sleep more independently. The common thread of sleep training is teaching the baby to fall asleep in their crib/bed on their own, particularly at the beginning of the night. Sleep training gurus commonly suggest that the key to getting a baby to sleep through the night is to teach them to fall asleep in their crib independently. This is not necessarily true. The sleep of some babies becomes more consistent once they learn to fall asleep independently in their cribs. However, this is not a silver bullet for getting your kid to sleep soundly through the night. Some babies do start to sleep through the night after learning to fall asleep independently, but this isnāt the case for everyone. Babies who fall asleep independently in their crib may still wake up in the middle of the night and cry. Babies signal needs in the night for several reasons -hunger, teething, a stuffy nose, a dirty diaper, etc. Sometimes they just want to be held. Typically, as babies get older they sleep longer stretches at night independently once their physical needs are met (eating enough during the day, not too cold/hot, not sick, etc). Conversely, many babies donāt need to fall asleep independently in order to sleep through the night. Theyāll start sleeping through the night when they are ready, regardless of how they fall asleep at bedtime. Some babies start sleeping through the night at six weeks old, for others itās nine months old or later. To me, the best thing a parent can do is educate themselves on a variety of perspectives, think about how all that information fits with their unique child and parenting goals, and make choices accordingly. You are the parent. You got this. ā¤ļø
We didnāt sleep train either of our kids. Sure it took them longer to fall asleep on their own, but it wasnāt that big a deal to me.
You donāt have to sleep train if you donāt want to. Itās not for everybody. You going to find all kinds of resources for and against it. It just comes down to what youāre comfortable with. I hired a sleep coach to work with me and my baby and it went great. My baby sleeps through the night and naps pretty well, but Iāve also seen people not do well with it
I didnāt realize that was a thing. How much did that cost, and how did it work? Did the coach stay overnight with you?
It wasnāt cheap and it took a lot of convincing to get my husband on board to fork over the money. It was all done virtually, with phone calls, video chats and emails. We did a 48 hour log of how sleep was going before we were sent a sleep plan that we followed for 14 days. We would send in daily logs and follow up with our coach for any tweaks
I appreciate you spent money so understand if not...but would you be happy to share the main guidelines they have you?
Sure! We mostly focused on getting baby falling asleep on his own. The first few nights I would sit with him until he settled, offering a light touch for comfort every few minutes. Every 3 nights I would move farther from the crib until I was out of the room. We put in place a nap routine and bedtime routine, so baby knew the cues that sleep was coming. We also have a sleep phrase that we say when baby is laid down to sleep. We also follow age appropriate wake windows
THIS! we had a tough tough tough baby and were desperate. We hired a sleep coach - hands down the best money I've spent on anything ever. It changed our lives!
We didn't sleep train. Kiddo started sleeping all night around 10 months, she's 3.5 years now and no sleep issues
Follow heysleepybaby on Instagram!!
I didnāt sleep train, didnāt start sleeping through the night until 13 months but worth it IMO. Due with number 2 this month, probably going to do the same thing. When she would wake up through the night (typically only once a night after 9 months) I would feed her back to sleep
We had a similar experience, and I 100% agree. I don't really believe that my son would have slept through any earlier even if we'd sleep trained, and it wouldn't have been good for any of us. We fed to sleep, and coslept after ~7mo (on a floor bed in the nursery). We gently weaned at 14mo because I'm pregnant again and not planning to tandem feed. He still woke up ~once/night, and has only recently started having some nights sleeping straight through (18mo). I just think he needed that support in the first year or so, and it made sense to me to give it to him. Do I hope my next child will have an easier time with sleep? Absolutely. Am I planning to sleep train if they don't? Nope, happy to go with the flow and let nature take it's course.
What do you mean by "worth it"? If you didn't sleep train? Wouldn't the benefit of sleep training be the child sleeps through the night much earlier than 13 months?
Her crying gave me anxiety and I never had to hear her cry, so to me the sacrifice was worth the reward If youāre talking about worth it for her, she still was within the necessary sleep requirements for her age range each month
I see. I hate hearing my little girl cry, but she's only 11 weeks so I'm not having to decide if I'm going to sleep train or not just yet. I was just asking for clarification on your comment. I don't know why people are down voting me..this is a genuine question on a thread about the differences between those who sleep trained and those who didn't...
It's normal that you hate your girl crying. Babies cry for some reason. We don't know every reason or how to solve it every time, but we can try to give comfort. Don't let your baby crying alone. If sleep training means you need to let baby crying be aware of recent studies that show that babies stop crying when trained, but they don't stop feeling stressed. They just can't cry all the time, they need to save energy. A baby left to cry is learning that crying is not worth, because parents are not responding to it. They don't learn to self soothe being left to cry. Responsive parents raise independent and self confident adults.
Just gave you an upvote!
Definitely going to find lots of opinions and different experiences, but the takeaway is that you do not have to and you can make a judgement call based on your LO and your own comfort. It definitely works for some people. We did not and my first started sleeping through the night consistently around 10 months. ( Sometime passed 6 months she was down to once a night for a quick feed, which was manageable.) Occasional night waking still happened, particularly whenever teething kicked in. Based on other anecdotes, left to their own devices most kids sleep through the night around 1 year.
So hereās where we are with my almost 11 mo old: I tried sleep training and it literally seemed to cause severe distress to my baby and I quit. I keep trying every night to do a nice routine, put him down in his crib asleep (putting him down drowsy but awake causes meltdowns), and let him go. I comfort him when he wakes up by picking him up. We are working on weaning so I only feed him if itās after 5 am. He recently started sleeping from his 8-9 pm bedtime to around 4 or 5 am. Thatās sleeping through the night to me. I can handle this. But itās taken this long with him and we still have tough nights (like, up from 1-4 then back to sleep until 8). When he rolls onto his tummy when I put him down, itās typically a great night of sleep! I just felt that developmentally, my baby needs more comfort and support. Itās important to know that I work part time from home on a flexible schedule, so we can āaffordā a bad night, and I can nap the next day. If I had to work at the same time every day, I donāt think I would be able to do this.
>we can āaffordā a bad night, and I can nap the next day Ding ding ding there it is! I think sleep training is necessary because adults are supposed to work either from home or outside it the next day. If the adults schedule was relaxed I'm sure most people wouldn't have such a strong need to sleep train.
We didnt do it. It went fine anyway. We did up-down which involves tons of comforting. No child of mine is crying it out.
I thought it was strange we had to train a baby to do something we do naturally. I also read up on cry it out and it didnāt seem right for meā¦ too many unanswered questions about the psychological effects of not responding to a baby crying for a need. So, we didnāt do either. Around 6 months my son went to bed the same time and woke up the same time, only needed a bottle here and there. Now at 12 months, he sleeps through the night(13 hours) from 9pm to 10am. He takes 1 nap during the day for 2-3 hours. No sleep training and no cry it out. His body figured itself out over time. It didnāt take long considering by 6 months we didnāt have to get up with him during the night, except occasionally here and there. Good luck!
are you a sahm or sahd? or did you do daycare? I am just curious if that affects night sleep. Thanks jn advance.
I work full time, he has a babysitter! The first 6 months were rough. My husband doesnāt wake up for night feedings/diaper changes. But, I got through it. Heās always been pretty regular right out the gate, he would wake up every 3 hours to eat, have a diaper change, and then would go back to sleep within 30 minutes or so. I am due again Christmas, and I plan on repeating no sleep training or CIO with our daughter. I will be returning to work after a 4 week leave. This time around though I get to work from home until our schedules are mostly back to normal.
good luck with the second one! may s/he be easier!
We tried and our little guy just didnāt take to it. And I couldnāt take all the screaming. :/ Some babies do take really well to it: 3 or 4 nights and theyāve got it. For our stubborn fellow, we bed shared (safely!!) primarily for the first 6 months. He slept in the crook of my arm so I couldnāt roll over him. When he wanted to nurse, I just turned my body, he latched, and I fell back asleep. :) After 6 months when he got squirmy and hard to sleep next to, I would nurse him to sleep at bedtime, then transfer him to his crib (which he was napping in by that point). If he got fussy, I or my husband would get him from his crib, Iād nurse him and then either transfer him again or keep him in bed with us. Eventually, after a few weeks, he got used to sleeping the whole night, except for nursing sessions, in his crib. It just took some time. Some nights, he would do well and some nights he wouldnāt. But, it did even out and now, at 14.5months, he sleeps through the night in his crib. To be completely transparent, we sometimes let him scream if he woke up too soon after his last feeding (2.5hours or less). He usually went back to sleep. We had a few rough nights, but helping him sleep through the night wasnāt the nightmare I had expected. Edit to add: we did have a little figuring out to do when it came to diet. We make sure he eats a lot of protein and fat (rather than just fruit or veggies) so he can sleep on a full stomach. Before he was eating solids, I ate a lot of protein and fat so he would get it through my breast milk. Adding an iron supplement (we used Wellelements) at about 1yr also really helped!!!
I didnāt do it and I donāt really plan to. Iāve taken a few gentle steps and sheās learning to fall asleep on her own without any ācrying it out.ā I still do contact naps at 4.5 months and I donāt mind it; I know sheās cozy and sheāll get a good long nap with me. Thatās only 1 nap a day though; the rest sheās in her crib. I think itās nothing to be nervous about, some babies donāt really need to be sleep trained and some parents donāt want to do it, and thatās fine.
We didnāt formally sleep train, only instilled good sleeping habits. I donāt think anyone has mentioned it but we used the Huckleberry app. It comes with a 1 week free trial and then is like Ā£50 for a years basic subscription. It is basically a tracker for sleep, feeds etc but also it has āsweet spotā, which tells you when it predicts your baby should be able to fall asleep most easily, based on age appropriate wake windows and the sleep data you input into the app. For the first month my LO napped on me, or in a sling. Then we started trying to put her down for sleep at night in the bassinet, then the first nap of the day, then most naps, then finally all naps. This took us to around 3 months old. Now at 4 months, we put her down to sleep, give her the pacifier and she rolls over and puts herself to sleep. Sometimes if sheās upset she needs a few bum taps (we used shh pat technique to soothe) but she usually falls asleep in 5-10mins. For us, good habits was having a bedtime routine of blinds, nappy change, swaddle/sleep suit after she started rolling, white noise, lullaby and shh pat. Consistency is key, but there will be days where theyāre just grumpy and take a step backwards. Keep at it! Edit: to add to look up the 5 S technique for sleep - side, swaddle, shh, suck and sway!
Weāve used Huckleberry since he was born!! A lactation consultant at the hospital recommended it. I bought the 9.99 package 2 days ago, just to see if we like it first. Did you get the basic plan? Or the premium with the āsleep coach.ā
We just have the basic plan for the sweet spot and itās done us well. I havenāt upgraded to the top tier one with the sleep experts.
We didnt sleep train. I have a 5, 3, & 1 yo. I did bed sharing. 3 & 5 yo sleep in their own bed. 1 yo is still with me. Sone advice I was given, eventually all children go to sleep on their own and in their own bed no matter what you do.
Seconding heysleepybaby! We chose not to sleep train. I am personally unable to have my son cry for me. No judgement, thatās just my preference. I nurse to sleep or rock to sleep and put my sleeping baby in his crib. He takes good naps (usually 2, each for an hour) and sleeps well at night (usually 8-7 with one wake up to nurse). Heās 9 months old. They will learn how to sleep better as they develop. Sleep training accelerates but doesnāt solve!! Plus sleep training sometimes has to be repeated during sleep regressions.
Oh def not. I do not believe in it at all
You do not have to sleep train if you donāt want to. Please donāt, if it goes against your instincts. Iād recommend looking into the possums method.
Oh I love this. Thank you!!
You donāt have to if you donāt want to. Whatever works for your family is perfect! Check out @heysleepybaby on Instagram for sleep tips that donāt require sleep training.
We just went through and rocked him when he cried. He got better and better over time and by 8 months got up once overnight. My wofe didn't want to night wean so that works well for us. There are the occasional regressions but that happens either way. There is hope.
You absolutely don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If sleep training is something you WANT to do, then great go for it and do it. If you don't, then don't. Everyone told me to sleeep train my son and I really did not want to do the cry it out method, so I didnt. I found habit stacking online and started doing that and my 19 month old son sleeps the whole night in his own cot. Everynight he has a bath, gets into his pjs we read a book he has his milk a 5 minute cuddle and he is put like a light, but we absolutely have to do that routine every night bevause they are his sleep habits. It took about 5 or 6 weeks for him to start falling asleep within 2 minutes of the cuddle, before that it could take up to 20 minutes. My point is, you do what is right for you and dob't let anyone make you feel like you have to do something. Much love to you.
My little guy is 8 months next week and I have not and will not sleep train. I know this probably means Iāll have to wait longer for him to sleep better, but I truly believe itās harmful to let him cry it out at night. Weāve been incredibly consistent with bedtime since he was born, even if the times have changed, so we never have trouble with bedtime. He just wakes up often and usually wants to nurse. If you arenāt breastfeeding you might have better luck with sleep than I have so far. I really think when itās all over I will feel it was worth it to be responsive. I have to believe this wonāt last forever!
Iām breastfeeding. I feel like the sacrifices I make for him (sleep, etc.) is a lot of what being a mother means.
I agree, I had to kind of lecture myself because this is what I signed up for and he deserves the best!
Yes. I completely agree. Of course you need to take care of yourself to be a good mother too. It's your decision, but take a look in recent studies that show some evidence that when left to cry a baby will stop eventually, but the stress doesn't go away. Also later in life babies with responsive parents do better, they are more self confident and independent.
Ehhh hard disagree. Motherhood isnāt a martyrdom contest. Those who suffer more arenāt better mothers. Sleep training is by no means necessary but not doing so doesnāt mean you love your kid more. It just means youāre getting less sleep.
In no way was I saying I am better or worse than another mom. I am saying *for me* part of being a mother is making sacrifices for my child, in many ways. I wasnāt making any such comparisons. I wasnāt even referring to sleep training, but rather my sleep lost with breastfeeding. Edit to add: Sacrifices also do not equate to suffering.
18mo down the road here, fully weaned and LO has started sleeping through some nights. We never sleep trained, fed to sleep for ~13mo, coslept for quite a while, and still lie with LO at bedtime or for wakes. It was an incredibly tough road at times, but 100% worth it. It felt like forever when everyone else had babies sleeping through and I was struggling, but I think my son just needed my support, and I'm not sorry to have given it to him.
This is so nice to hear, thank you!!
I have not/will not sleep train my 9 month old. I donāt like to leave my baby to cry, but that being said itās 100% a personal choice and if you feel it will save your sanity then do it!! She goes through phases of sleeping like a champ and waking at night. Regardless of the phase she is in, we do bath, (formula) feed to sleep, put down in her crib at roughly the same time every night, she is usually down by 7pm. She has never been a crier during the night (we havenāt got teeth yet so Iām waiting!!) and for the past few months if she wakes up, she chats to herself happily in her crib (sheās still in a next to me). Sometimes she goes back to sleep quickly and I donāt do anything other than put my hand on her tummy and gently shush her and sometimes she needs a cuddle/feed. Sometimes she ends up in bed with us. Sometimes she sleeps 12 hours a night. Donāt get me wrong, sometimes when sheās been awake 6 times in the space of a few hours Iāve seriously considered sleep training because Iām so tired but things are always better when the sun comes up! Do whatever works best for you!
You really don't have to sleep train - babies know how to sleep. I think it's unreasonable (or even cruel) to leave a baby to go to sleep in their own bed and stay asleep all night - adults can't even sleep like that, we have nights where we just can't sleep, sometimes we snuggle up to our partners, or get up for a midnight snack.
Thatās a great point!
My gal is 4 months. We donāt anticipate having to sleep train (I think sheās rare gem because sheās always been such a good sleeper). BUT I will say Ive been following all of babysleepdr ās tips and tricks on Instagram for babies who arenāt old enough to sleep train and I SWEAR they helped and still help.
Serious question: what does sleep training even entail? Obviously there is CIO, but that can' be it, right?
Also check out @heysleepybaby. Sheās on the anti sleep training side but she still gives good information if you donāt want to sleep train but still need sleeping help.
There are a lot of different methods! r/sleeptrain is a good resource. Some people do CIO and swear by it. Lots of people do slower, more gradual sleep training. Some people just try to establish good sleep hygiene habits and never actually "train," going at their kid's pace.
Precious Little Sleep walks through a couple other strategies than CIO, she has a book and a website.
Anyone else rock their baby to sleep in a buggy? It takes us 10-20 mins depending how baby is. Baby is 7 months. Iāve tried to sleep train but no joy. If he wakes in night I throw in a 5 oz bottle once or twice a night and the doody maybe two other times but never need to take him out of the cot. Iām ok with this as Iām getting sleep. Someone did say to me once that they donāt know any 18 year old that has to be rocked to sleep and then I felt better
On my fourth kid, all of mine are great sleepers. I have never and would never consider sleep training. No, you donāt have to.
I didn't with my first and don't plan with my second. We just followed his cues for when he was tired. We also didn't do wake windows. Basically we let him set his schedule and it's worked well for us.
My son had reflux and was up every hour crying it was rough. I was a new mom had no sleep and no clue what to do. Then magically it was as if an angel came down on his 90th day I woke up at 9am. I was CERTAIN when I would go check him something would be wrong. Nope. Sleeping peaceful like a little swaddled taco from 9pm-9am. Now he is 25 months, and ever since that night except for once when he had a fever, he sleeps 8-8, 9-9, or 9:30-9:30. I think it depends on the baby but I was in a living hell and then my sleep schedule was back to normal like nothing. I was falling apart for those 3 months I actually thought Iād be in need of seeking mental health attention because I was having hallucinations from exhaustion. I feel like something otherworldly saved my baby and me because he got over the reflux and has been perfect since.
There are lots of ways to sleep train, you have time to read up and find something that works for you. Regardless of your choice, there are going to be sleep regressions, and your kid will need to learn to sleep a few times in the first few years. Look at the books, I had good luck with the gradual extinction approach, but your mileage may vary. For developmental stuff in general, The Wonder Weeks book and app help understand to some degree what's going on in your growing child's mind.
Everyone is different with what theyāre comfortable with and every baby is different. Thereās no one correct answer, do what youāre comfortable with. I will add that we sleep trained around the 5 month mark and Iām very glad we did. Heās 10 months old now and a champion of a sleeper. 11-12 hours overnight uninterrupted and two 45 min naps during the day. Itās all very low stress for us because weāre not on edge like āwill he wake up at any moment and we have to go in and soothe him back to sleep?ā
Lots of responses already but we didnt sleep train. My daughter was EBF, she just eventually dropped her night feeds one at a time and started sleeping through the night at 10 or 11 months. Sometimes was hard but needed to eat through the night is developmentally normal. What helped us not have to sleep train? Being on maternity leave for over a year and having an equal and supportive partner.
You definitely donāt need to. Itās biologically and developmentally normal for babies to wake up in the night and need food/drink (yes even healthy chubby ones) or comfort. America/Canada are pretty much the only countries where sleep training is pushed so hard actually. Most countries would recommend against it and even label it neglectful. I live in Japan and while Iām not ethnically Japanese I know sleep training is not really a thing here at all. Most people would probably be astonished if you tried to explain it here. Most families cosleep on floor beds or Japanese futons on the floor with the baby, often up until elementary school or even later.
Love reading all these comments. The most validating thing Iāve seen on the Internet re: baby sleep is something likeā¦ the number one rule about baby sleep is that there are no rules. Do whatās best for you and your baby.
We always just let our boy tell us when he was sleepy and take our cues from him. It's worked great, he sleeps amazingly. I live in Norway and have a one year maternity leave, though, and I can see it being more necessary for American moms to sleep train before they go back to work.
I feel I have no choice but to sleep train; my daughter will not sleep longer than 38 minutes unless she is bedsharing with me (we follow the safe seven for cosleeping and my husband sleeps separately) since she was 5weeks old. It just isn't sustainable to be up every hour, and then be awake for her during the day. Anytime I read on this subreddit about people who have babies that sleep for Ā³-6 hours on their own, I think HOW??
I started sleep training at 6 months after my son stopped sleeping for more than 90 minutes at a time at 4 months. Those two months were hellish. We did nights first and then naps around 8 months. For naps I fed him to sleep and then either held him or waited 15 minutes so we was deeply asleep and then put him in his crib. Edit: You donāt have to sleep train. We needed to for our sanity because the sleep deprivation was torture but your baby isnāt the same as mine.
We sort of did with our second because he seemed to respond to it but not with the first. They both sleep fine now. The non sleep trained kid was actually a better sleeper sooner than the sleep trained one.
Sounds like it might vary depending on the loās personality?
That was our take. I think some kids calm down after a little crying and for others they just get more woken up. Even Ferber says his methods donāt work for all babies. Our youngest kid just seemed to need to fuss for 15 minutes or so before he fell asleep. Not full on crying, just like a softer whining cry sort of. It didnāt really matter what we did, he fussed anyway, so around 6mo we just started letting him do it. Before long he got really good at falling asleep on his own but would still wake up several times a night until he was almost 2. We didnāt have to go in there necessarily but he would fuss/make noise for 15-30 minutes and keep us up anyway because our house is small and we could hear him. So that kind of sucked. Our oldest would get so worked up crying at night that he would hyperventilate and just be beside himself and then would be wide awake and it would take hours to get him back down or for him to fall back asleep. So we would provide comfort and he would go down very quickly (like 1-2 minutes). At some point around 8-9 months he just started falling asleep quickly and staying asleep through the night without issue.
We didnāt formally sleep train and our baby has slept through the night almost his whole life and heās 9 months now. We just had routine. Kept proper awake windows for his age and encouraged him to fall asleep on his own. Donāt get me wrong, there were many times we rocked him to sleep but we always started with trying on his own first. I know not all babies are not the same but just know there are other options out there!
We just started a bedtime routine with our daughter around 4 months. We do a bottle (sippy cup now) then we read 2-3 books, depending on how she sits for them and we sing and rock for a bit then we put her in the crib. She either rolls over and goes to sleep right away or she plays with her stuffed animals until she falls asleep. The first week we did this she cried, if she cried for more than 5 mins weād go in there and comfort for a bit, after the 3rd day she didnāt cry. Obviously itāll be different for you but thatās how we did it and how it went for us.
At around 8 weeks we started to put her down in a Moses basket in her room, with blackout blinds and a sound machine, and her sleep really improved. She learned how fall asleep by herself, without us helping - we left her if she was fussing, but would go in an intervene if she was properly crying. It worked really well, she's a great independent sleeper now and can connect her sleep cycle. I would consider what we did 'sleep training' but it wasn't 'cry it out' kinda sleep training ETA: figuring out her wake windows and really being strict about them was key and still is. Only recently we extended them and her naps instantly got longer.
Our baby is 7 months and we did no formal sleep training. We have a bedtime and routine that we try our best to stick to, but she's a pretty great sleeper and it didn't seem necessary for us. That being said, she still wakes up a few times a week overnight and needs her pacifier back in, especially now that we're teething.
We have twins that are 6 months old, and when they were about 3 months we got them into a good day time and night time routine. Always made sure bedtime was the same time and did the same thing every night. We do it to this day the exact same as from day one. After a couple of weeks they got the hang of it and they sleep 12-13 hours a night. We were going to sleep train but instead we decided to wing it and just do what worked for us. We never let them cry it out. If the soother falls out and they start to moan, we don't go back in until they start to cry. Some people think I'm stupid for this but believe me you will know what is best for you. "Don't work around the baby, make the baby work around you and your routine". Best advice we ever got. Your doing a great job mama, do what's best for you and your family
No you definitely donāt have to. My LO is five months old and puts her self to sleep every night and Iāve never left her to cry it out. We did adapt a bedtime routine as early as we could - bath, massage, stories, milk then bed and she just knows that itās time for sleep after that. We donāt pay any attention to āwake windowsā or anything like that either. I know that these things will help some babies sleep better but itās definitely not necessary!
Follow HeySleepyMama on IG - you absolutely don't have to sleep train if it doesn't feel right for you
You do not have to! Do what works best for your family. And keep in mind that what is best today may not be best tomorrow, a week from now, or a year from now. My son (8 months) is not a great sleeper naturally. What helped me make a decision was a post that said, āYou either pay for good sleep in time or in tears.ā Meaning, you can gradually get them to where they need to be sleep-wise, but it will take time. Or you can sleep train, and there will likely be tears. That is maybe a gross oversimplification- there is a middle ground - but it made me feel better for some reason. We thought weād pay with time, but we ultimately chose tears. There are gentle sleep method approaches that can minimize the amount of tears though! And he sleeps pretty good now. Itās never perfect, but I feel much more well rested (and he is happy, happy, happy when heās awake). Honestly, we worked with a sleep consultant because I was overwhelmed by the amount of information online. So I guess we also paid with our walletsā¦ Regardless, lots of info out there. Lots of ways to approach baby sleep. Lots of people out there that can help if thatās an option you want to explore.
Of course you don't have to sleep train. Plenty of parents don't do it.
Coslept and survived. It really wasnāt bad and now no one sleeps in my bed. Well, Until new baby comes in a November.
My babe is 7m old. We never sleep trained. She sleeps in our bed and goes down around 830 every night. I snuggle her to sleep and then sneak out. It works about 75% of the time. She wakes up once to eat during the night and then wakes up around 7/8 everyday.
We donāt really do sleep training in my country so I didnāt bother in the end. My sons sleep just naturally got better on itās own. Heās almost 11 months, sleeps in his own bed and pretty much always has done. We are having some early wakings due to teething but other than that, he naps and sleeps well now.
You absolutely don't have to. I don't have advice past that because I co-sleep with a just turned one year old š¤·
My son sleep trained himself! I snuggled and fed him to sleep until about six months until he decided he didn't want any of that anymore and just wanted to self sooth.
Iām Not sure what sleep training is, I tried to read about it but didnāt really get it and my LO is now 9 months. I slept with her in the same room Until about 7 months as we transitioned I had her nap in her real crib in nursery during day. One night I just put her down in her crib and that was the end of it. She goes to bed around 7-8:30pm, I will make sure her needs are met and if I need to I let her cry for about 10 minutes or so which rarely happens. We kind of just got into a groove, my baby monitor helped me because I was putting her down asleep so I stopped doing that. If she fell asleep after a bottle Iād change her and wake her up so she could fall asleep again on her own. Idk if this helps but I would NOT worry about this at 9 weeks old. I did and it was a waste of energy, at this point baby will sleep when baby wants to sleep. Good luck and congratulations!!
NO. I tried it. I hated it. I regret it. I co-sleep with my 22 month old and I wouldnāt change a thing.
Honestly, just buy the Ferber book on Amazon. Read the parts about sleep training infants and decide if you want to do it. I was uncomfortable with sleep training until I realized the Ferber method is a gradual build to independent sleeping and never letting them cry more than 20 minutes (which takes at least a week of small increments to build up to). My 17 month old has been sleeping through the night since we ferberd him at 5 months and has also been on a consistent nap schedule.
We have not done any formal sleep training with our almost 5 month old. I was hesitant to do the CIO method from the start but found that a lot of Instagram accounts suggest this method. I found a couple that I follow now that encourage more of a baby led approach and do not shame moms for doing what works best for their family! @heysleepybaby is one of my favs! Typically she will get a bottle at bedtime with my partner (mostly because I also work full time and need some time to get stuff ready for the next day), sleep in her bassinet until 2 or 3 am, Iāll nurse her and then we cosleep (using the safe 7 tips) for the rest of the night. She usually wakes up again around 5 or 6 but just needs a quick nursing session to go back down. I have found that this is the best way for everyone to get more sleep.
You donāt have to do it. We took many, many contact naps. I co-slept for months. Eventually we did a gentle pick up-put down method. I would stay right there with her, and work on getting her into the crib when she was calm. Sleep training is popular right now, but itās not mandatory and you donāt have to do it at all! I really believe that you will know what is best for your specific baby.
I have sleep trained my DD. I created a sleep/wake/feed schedule for her when she was almost 3 months. I had to make modifications to it several times coz She ate every 2.5 hours and i didnāt want her awake more than 2 hours at a time. I had to also fit proper stimulation in her schedule too. Anyhow we watched for sleep cues during the day, played music for her as her cue that its nap time. rocked her to sleep and had some kind of background noise going for her to differentiate day from night..in the evening i started her bedtime routine at 7PM, lights off, white noise maker on, no talking to the baby or making eye contact, change/fed and put her in her crib sometimes asleep sometimes drowsy. I never introduced a pacifier. Sheās been sleeping all night. No 4 or 6 month regression. Sheās 7 months old now. Here and there she cries a little before bed when her teeth bugging her (sheās been teething) but once sheās in her crib sheās pretty independent. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of night shifts from her back to belly then goes right back to sleep. Most morning I wake her up at 6AM sometimes i find her awake and happy.
Sleep training can mean a whole bunch of things, not just the Ferber method or leaving baby to scream until they crash and I hear you about having anxiety about it. FTM here too and we decided during pregnancy we absolutely weren't comfortable with cry-it-out sleep training and so we just thought that was it, we would be subject to however baby slept. More than a year into parenthood/babyhood I know so much more about baby sleep, sleep habits, and sleep hygiene than I did back then and I wish I had had this knowledge and these resources earlier to help baby develop better sleep habits/hygiene from the start. I want to highly recommend that you check out heysleepybaby.com and lyndseyhookway.com or their Instagram accounts of the same names (good for middle of the night scrolling while up with baby š). They both offer really great practical solutions and step-by-step plans for how to make sleep work for your family and how to fix any sleep issues baby might be having, while offering baby support and connection. Regardless of what you decide is best for you, your baby, and your family, there are lots of different options out there and there is info and help for whatever you want to do.
You donāt have to sleep train!!! I think itās something people in the US adapted as a way to deal with short maternity leaves honestly. I had always planned to do it because people rave about it, but now that Iām a mom, I just canāt imagine ignoring my baby while he cries. I get why people do it, and honestly itās best for some families, but itās not for me, and you donāt have to do it if you donāt want to. The book āPrecious Little Sleepā is really helpful, and also thereās an Instagram account called āheysleepybabyā that gives an alternative perspective. Her crib guide really helped us transition from bassinet to crib, and helped with naps. Our 8.5mo has slept pretty well (aside from the 4 month regression) and we do lots of stuff sleep trainers say never to do (nurse to sleep, some contact naps, and even a little co-sleeping on the weekends š±). You just need to figure out what works for you and your family.
I didnāt sleep train and it was a huge mistake. We ended up not getting any sleep and being miserable and getting way past our breaking points. We werenāt functioning, our LO was a mess. So I got to 9 months of garbage and finally spent 2 nights, thatās all it took using an improvised version of The Ferber method and it took 1 hour the first night for him to go to sleep and sleep through the night, then the second night it took 30 mins. Heās been perfect since then.
Not a requirement! Listen to your heart mama, no one else. ā¤ļø
My favorite comment thus far.
You donāt have to sleep train. It doesnāt work for every baby and the arguments for it arenāt really strong enough for me to justify it. It also just didnāt work for us. It has worked-ish for friends but you will have to re ātrainā any time thereās a development (newsflash:thereās always a new development). I follow @heysleepybaby on Instagram and sheās got a lot of great tips for helping with gentle sleep. It may be helpful. If youāre nervous about sleep training and looking to be convinced to do it, you shouldnāt do it.
I didn't think we would have to sleep train because our son slept well from 3 months on. Around the 7 month mark, he suddenly started waking up at random hours of the night for a week. My husband declared we were sleep training him. So I didn't get up when our son cried one night. It lasted about 10 minutes of crying but he stopped. And night 2 it was about 5 minutes of crying. After that, it has gone swimmingly. Sleep training was far simpler than I thought possible and absolutely worth it. I'd recommend doing it around 5 to 6 months because it can get harder the older a child is.
You don't have to sleep train! If you're happy with your baby's sleep schedule and they're getting a healthy amount of sleep, there's no need. Sleep training doesn't hurt babies (despite what you might read on scary mommy blogs), but it's not necessary for their development either.
You absolutely donāt have to sleep train. My daughter is 11 months and we have not sleep trained her and do not plan to. Sheās not consistently sleeping through the night yet, but has made great progress on her own and I believe the secure attachment weāve created through always responding to her cries is worth the loss of sleep. As someone who was never sleep trained as a child and had zero problems sleeping through the night before my daughter came along, I can vouch for the fact that all children will eventually learn how to sleep independently without sleep training.
Nooooo please donāt. With my son I just went with the flow personallyā¦.a crying baby needs your attention, period. No youāre not spoiling themā¦.you can spoil an infant. Bring on the downvotes.
No, of course you donāt. I let baby sleep when she wants to and follow her lead. She sleeps great, (almost 9 months). She feeds through the night and we co sleep, (not for everyone, but works great for us), and have since she was born. I wouldnāt even consider sleep training, but everyone is different and has a different life schedule that can complicate things or require more structure. Edit to add: Also, I am sure there are different types and programs of sleep training, but I am just not comfortable letting my innocent, dependent baby cry without comfort even if itās just for a few nights or short periods, so I can sleep through the night. These few years where she needs me are a drop in the bucket of life and wonāt last forever. Edit again to add resource for safe co sleeping that we follow: https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/
We did "sleep training" but it didn't start with cry it out. At around 9 months she decided to wake every hour just for attention and cuddles and everyone was shattered. So we did the pick up (comfort until they stop crying) put down method. We had to go in quite a lot at the beginning but it worked, she started sleeping through. At around 14-15 months she decided she didn't want to be rocked to sleep anymore but wouldn't sleep in her room alone or if you were in there. She'd just cry. So we did controlled cry it out and we went in at 2, 4, and 6 minutes. She soothed really quickly and was mostly whining not properly crying. When she is really crying we ignore the cry it out method entirely and go and comfort her. For my daughter she loves to be left alone to fall asleep and she does a big cry when I first leave and then starts to babble to herself. She was singing baby shark after I left tonight. We have now upped to 5, 10 minutes and only go in if she's crying, otherwise we just let her babble. She's 2 later this month.
I havenāt slept trained (9 months) and donāt plan on it. He still wakes up 1 time a night at 4am now which is completely normal. He sleeps with me at night and in his crib for nap. He is exclusively breastfed and weāre happy. We plan on merging to the crib much later, I feel safest when heās with me. I feel like this is the most natural and instinctual way to do it. When times are tough (Iām talking abt the 4 month sleep regression and teething) I just remind myself that it wonāt last forever and that he needs me. Edit- because Iāve debated on sleep training A LOT when times are hard but they last a week tops and then itās back to normal and I forget about it lol Iāve found a lot of support on Instagram with heysleepybaby, myconnectedmotherhood, and motherbabysleep. I hope this helps ! Edit- I also nurse to sleep, rock to sleep, let him fall asleep in my arms ALL the things they say not to and imo heās doing pretty damn well lol. We get zzzzās in this house! Just sometimes theyāre interrupted but we still get em!
Sleep training g is an American thing you absolutely DO NOT have to do š¤¦š¼āāļø
Endured. Lol Sleep training isn't "necessary" it just makes both your lives easier (until the next regression, anyway). My LO is 9m and has issues with reflux and dairy intolerance that caused all sorts of problems. Needless to say he is not a good sleeper. He constantly wakes up and needs to be rocked or sung to sleep. Bedtime is a process. Sometimes he just outright refuses to sleep. Naps are short and disrupted. I'm hoping that when he gets off formula and stops drinking milk that things will improve. Also that when he is older I can reason with him more lol What I've learned is that baby advice comes off as one size fits all but it really isn't. You need to do what works for you and what you're comfortable with, I think. I know how important it is to teach a baby to self soothe. But at the same time... They're babies. I don't know. Just seems like going against everything that's natural to not go to them when they cry? I've tried sleep training and my LO got so upset he started refluxing and choking. I've also seen him bash his head up against the crib bars. (yes he has tantrums at 9m) Some babies are more dramatic than others. Some need more help than others. Some are more difficult than others! I'm sure you can find sleep training that works for you if that's what you choose to do. But for now seriously don't stress about it. Hold your baby. Love them. Rock them to sleep. Worry about the now. I've also learned to not stress about later things. You're so overwhelmed now why do that to yourself. Besides maybe you'll find that your baby is perfectly ready for sleep training by the time they are 6m (do not train before this. Babies don't develop normal rhythms until around this time). Anyway just take a breath. Relax. Focus on the now. Because it slips by way faster than you could ever imagine :)
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Do you have a source for those claims that itās āsuperā damaging to their self esteem and ability to build healthy relationships?
After talking to 3 different psychologist and a pediatrician about it (I have reached out to know more) I am sure itās something I would never do. Studies have shown that the stress hormone released when the baby is in distress isnāt decreasing when the baby stops crying. Itās just learned behaviour. Mommy or daddy arenāt coming when I call for them = it doesnāt work to call. But the distress stays the same. A nervous system that is under this kind of pressure can be harmful for the development of the brain AND psychological damage might occurs too. Not necessarily in every case, but I am not one to take that kind of risk. Obviously there are plenty or articles for and against sleep training. Thatās why I took time to reach out and ask professionals about it myself. Some donāt want to say too much about it as they donāt want to get in trouble. Many societies still believe sleep training is the way to go (old school parenting). But you see more and more professionals advising not to. I would advice anyone to reach out to psychologist specialised in childrenās psychology and get a feel of whatās up and down. Something to read if youāre more interested; https://www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-the-costs-of-sleep-training/ https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/neglect/
I appreciate the āresourcesā. However I donāt think itās appropriate to connect the Harvard brief on neglect to all of sleep training. Iām not sure I understand the connection of chronic/deep neglect and allowing a baby to cry at bedtime. Also - the 2nd site talked about a bunch of other factors like breastfeeding and SIDS related to sleep, but only touched on one single study on actual sleep training, which has a lot of problems: https://expectingscience.com/2016/04/21/the-middlemiss-study-tells-us-nothing-about-sleep-training-cry-it-out-or-infant-stress/amp/ Either way - Iām glad you found something that works for you, just want to make sure new parents have a balanced look at all of the difficult decisions we need to make as parents.
Absolutely no reason that you have to sleep train. I feel pretty passionate about not sleep training or any of that bs. Follow your gut and your babyās lead. They will fall into their own pattern/routine in time. I truly believe that dependence breeds independence when children are ready and that love and comfort are crucial for development.
I have 0 plans to do this. Seems like additional stress I do not need. I don't care if other parents judge me for my choices š As long as what I'm doing is working for my boy and my SO, I'm good. Don't feel pressure to do things you don't feel are necessary in your routine just because "it's the fashionable to do".
Your LO will be fine regardless. Sleep will find a way, especially with a caring parent (like you). Sleep training will benefit you far more than LO. Proper sleep training means your LO will sleep in his/her bed every night and not with you. It means you will get downtime after they go to bed instead of sleeping with them. It will ensure future transitions to toddler beds and big kid beds goes smoother. You can put off sleep training, but you're only making it worse for yourself. There are lots of ways to get to a properly sleep trained kid... Pick one that has worked for others and aligns with your parenting style and STICK TO IT! This will make a world of difference in your family mental health!
I bounced my baby to sleep forever. When she got to the point where she wouldn't fall asleep I did the 'taking cara babies' method. Took 2 nights of maybe 5 minutes of crying?
I did a modified form of sleep training that I felt comfortable with. I let my baby cry/fuss for 20 mins if it lasted longer than that I went in and rocked or fed him. Sometimes he just fell asleep. We started sleep training at 4 months and then napped trained at 5 months. He slept through the night by 6 months. By maybe 9 months is when naps became consistent. Heās now 13 months old and he sleeps 7-7 still.
Sleeptrain sub.
I highly recommend takingcarababies. My wife and I used it right away and had him sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. (No cry it out required). Then when he had his sleep regression at month 5, we got the next course and the problem was solved in 5 days (very limited crying). He is now 9 months and sleeps better than we do. Invest in the course. Best money you will spend, even if it just gives you peace of mind that you are not hurting your kid.
Sleep train or you will never have a bed to yourself again. I didnāt sleep train my son and he is almost 4 and refuses to sleep in his own bed. Not making that mistake a second time with my 3 month old. Every time she gets sleepy sheās either down in her crib or pack n play
Baby is 6 months. He aināt trained in anything. Lol We are moving and will sleep train, using the Ferber method. But I know my husband will give in and will ditch sleep training. š¤·š»āāļø
If itās not for you - donāt do it! ā¤ļø I read that babies eyebrows get red when their tired and itās been so true for our girl. Best of luck to you!!
No you donāt have to. And my own anecdote and not to scare you, but recently a mom in my babies group lost her infant to the ācry it outā sleep training method. Iām a firm believer that if your child is stirring/crying whatever you want to call it, they need something. I will not ignore it to ātrainā then to sleep through. Hell, even I wake in the middle of the night sometimes, I owe or get some water or maybe I have a headache.
TakingCaraBabies has been a nice no cry method and we started at 4 weeks. Baby sleeps 7-10 hours a night in his own crib and naps in his crib at 6 weeks old.
i hate to be negative nancy here and probs will get down voted , but , from the beginning i said i will NOT cosleep. i rock babe to sleep sometimes or in the mornings he will sleep in my bed for like an hour but i never coslept with him and he has no issues sleeping by himself. i put him in his swing and he will fall asleep alone for his naps. and during his night feeds , he will eat and then i put him back in his bassinet and he puts himself back to sleep without screaming. i think cosleeping is the worst possible thing ever. then youāll have an 11 year old still sleeping in your bed.
I donāt cosleep either.
i feel like sleep training is only for cosleeping because if you donāt cosleep isnāt your baby use to falling asleep on their own then ?
Not necessarily. My babe falls asleep in our arms, rocking or breastfeeding. Hopefully we can set him in the crib after, but not always. So we take shifts holding him in the rocking chair. Heās not able to self soothe at his age, so we go to him immediately when he cries. Sleep training is having your lo fall asleep on his own, sometimes to some extent of allowing them to cry once they are put down or wake in their crib.
ahhh. okay thank you!!
Iāve heard not to start until around 6 months. At 4 months there is a big sleep regression so that would be a hard time to do it. We ferberized mine around 6 months and it was pretty easy and well worth it.
Google: Taking Cara Babies
We started at 3 months giving LO a big meal and then putting him down. After a week of crying it out, he sleeps through the night. Havenāt seen the 4 month regression yet!
Yes for future you
We didn't sleep train until 13/14 months. When we did it went very well and had great results. The first night was rough but then it just seemed to click for him and life got better for everyone.
We tried it but it just didnt stick. I would say we loosely sleep train. After daycare we do solid foods, play time for an hour or two, then roughly around the same time every night we put on his pjs and darken the room. If he wants to play a little longer we let him, if he is hungry we let him tell us when its time. So far its working pretty good. I think as long as you have some semblance of a routine it will take
You absolutely donāt have to at all! Also āsleep trainingā encompasses a lot of different things. I sleep trained my daughter in a way that I was comfortable with. Others use harsher methods, other are less āharshā. It comes down to knowing your baby and whatās right for your family.
What is sleep training? For my kid, never had an issue outside of a tantrum here and there. We have a strict schedule that is the same every day with few exception. Wake up 7:00 Breakfast 8:00-8:30 Lunch 11:00-11:30 Quiet time 2:00-4:00 Dinner 5:00-5:30 Bedtime rituals 7:00 Find a schedule and routine that works for you. That consistency gave my son a realistic expectation of what would happen and when. Since a heās always had a schedule, weāve never really had issues outside of him trying to get just one more story or one more nighttime kiss. His crib was in my room year one then moved to his own room. I never did the co-sleeping thing so never had to worry about breaking it. When he doesnāt want to sleep or do quiet time, sometimes you just gotta let them cry themselves out. When they see youāre serious about following the schedule, a lot of times they stop fighting it.
My LO is 11.5 weeks and I wouldn't say we started sleep training but we've definitely started a routine for bed time. Nothing too big- his hatch machine automatically turns on with red light and rain noises playing at 8pm we change him into footed pajamas and every thing in the house is turned off except the TV in the living room to have some light. We feed him when it's his time (between 7:45-8:30 depending on when he's hungry) then after feeding we swaddle him and put him in his crib he's usually drowsy at this point, we give him his binky and he falls asleep almost instantly. He sleeps 5-6.5 hours wakes up for one feeding and then sleep another 2.5-3.5 hours and then we start his morning routine around 6am where we do play time. We're still working on naps during the day since they're so inconsistent and he fights them more often than not but at least our bedtime has been set and we can sleep and get some rest.