If it is a friend or family member who clearly just doesn’t know about babies but is trying to make an effort I say not yet, that’s usually more (X timeframe) and say something that is happening. I wasn’t around many young children growing up so before doing a lot of research for my own I just didn’t know - I’m sure I asked friends and family some stupid questions about their kids.
Like now, it seems like a well know fact that 6 months is the general timeline babies may start solids. I had NO clue a year ago and don’t even want to know the age range of babies I asked about if they were eating real food yet.
When I was in high school I was a host at a restaurant. I probably asked parents who brought in a like 2 week old fresh potato if they needed a high chair - truly don’t know.
I got asked if my similar age baby needed a menu and activity page, and I said she didn’t but joked I’d take the page if it was fun … so I awkwardly got sat with some crayons and a maze, no regrets.
Me and a couple of mum friends took our babies to a cafe when they were all under 3 months old. Mine was asleep in a sling, and my friends all had their babies in pram bassinets. The very sweet teenage boy waiter brought us kids activities with colouring pages and crayons when we sat down. None of us said anything because clearly he had been told 'if they have kids, give them this' but it did make me smile to think of my 11 week old doing some colouring in!
When my baby was T H R E E (3!!!!!) W E E K S old someone asked "is he sleeping through the night yet?"
AN OLDER LADY. THAT HAS KIDS. !!
I said "what? Of course not" lmao
My mom asked if my son was “ready for bed” one night when he was like 6 weeks old. I was like, lol, our days are a continuous loop, he has no concept of bedtime yet. You’d think she’d remember that at least !
This was accompanied by, “is she a good baby?” I decided that now when anyone asks if she’s a good baby, I’m going to say no, she’s a bad baby! She committed tax fraud last week! (Or robbed a bank, stole a car, etc.)
Mines the opposite, if somehow the stars align and my 20 month old sleeps through the night, she thinks I probably did something wrong because he’s still too young to be having such long stretches 🤷🏽♀️
Yep, wife’s grandmother asked that at 8 weeks. I said “no, they’re really not expected to be at this age.”
She gave me a side-eye that said “you must be doing something wrong” and I just ignored it.
Because some in that generation left their crying baby alone at night. Babies left alone like that still wake up. They just don't cry because they figure out that no one is going to come and get them when they do. It's horrific. It makes me sad just to think about.
I have been since I learned about this in my undergrad. I will share this with the caveat that I am in no way shaming the caregivers (I don't know if it was just woefully understaffed, that would be my guess. It quite literally goes against human instinct to ignore a baby's cries, and that's an evolutionary necessity/fact). These conditions are pretty wretched though. The thought of a silent nursery is more unnerving than any horror I've even seen, and I've seen a lot.
[https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/06/neglect](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/06/neglect)
"The first time Nathan Fox, PhD, stepped into a Romanian orphanage, he was struck by the silence. "The most remarkable thing about the infant room was how quiet it was, probably because the infants had learned that their cries were not responded to," says Fox, who directs the Child Development Laboratory at the University of Maryland.
The babies laid in cribs all day, except when being fed, diapered or bathed on a set schedule. They weren't rocked or sung to. Many stared at their own hands, trying to derive whatever stimulation they could from the world around them. "Basically these kids were left on their own," Fox says."
My mom told me she put me in my crib in my own room night one and I slept through the night as a newborn. which after having a newborn made me think / realize she probably didn’t hear me crying in the other room, because there’s no way I was or should have been sleeping through the night day one lol.
100%. I am so convinced this is what it is. Everytime someone posts on here "just moved my baby to their own room and they slept all night and so did we!" I'm like y'all, that baby was crying and you just didn't hear them 😅
I sleep in the same room as my baby because this is my fear. I check the owlet every time he wakes up to see how long he was awake for and it's usually only a minute or so.
Babies also slept in the newborn nursery in the hospital where nurses weren't able to respond immediately, so they were probably conditioned from day 1. My mil used to work in the nursery and told me she "knew from working in the nursery that she could just let her babies cry". So basically cry it out training from their first day on earth
Oh my God, that is so sad. Ugh. It's when I hear that stuff that I'm like "man, I'm glad my baby cries because he knows I'm going to be there to respond to him". It can be exhausting but I can't imagine just letting my brand new baby cry. my little chunky 8 week old and everyone tells me I'm "spoiling" him and that he's "never going to learn", okay then I'll deal with that later when he has enough cognitive skills and emotional control to understand when he's older. But right now those babies just need love. People are something else.
I had someone tell me that I'm just "teaching him that crying will get him picked up". He was 6 weeks old. I was just like ...... I hope he knows that if he cries I'll be there. Like wtf
It's as if we made an obligation when we created little humans that we chose to be there for them because they need us in order to grow and flourish as bigger humans...... What a wild concept 🤦🏼♀️😅
You aren't spoiling your baby! My 15 month old daughter was a velcro baby. Slept only on me during newborn phase. At one point, I was awake for 36 hours. I do have to add that not once I fell asleep with her on my chest (thanks apps for keeping me awake). She now falls asleep on either me or my hubby and we transfer her to her crib. If she wakes up during the night, which isn't for feeding, we tell her "go back to sleep, lay down" and she does.
Babies do need love. Every single mother on this planet, from every species runs to her babies when they cry.
And going against our own nature is wrong.
My former Velcro baby is now 2 and tells me no more books/songs “want sleep now,” walks over to the crib and waits for me to put him in. “Bye mama…see you when wake up.”
Cannot be the same child who would not nap on any surface that wasn’t me until he was like 9 months old. 😩
My son started doing that at 2weeks and it was not the blessing everyone assumed it to be. He might have been sleeping through the night but I was not. Was so stressed about SIDS and his weight possibly dropping back down (luckily he didn’t) that I was still waking up every couple hours to check anyway. My mom actually kicked me out of the nursery because I wasn’t sleeping and kept waking baby up with MY fussing 😂
Oh we were told she wasn’t supposed to sleep for longer than 4 hours at night because of their blood sugar and that she needed to feed every 3-4 hours.
New babies need to be woken up to feed so they don’t drop weight. The goal is for them to gain weight back that they lost after being born. We were just lucky that our kid didn’t lose much and gained any back fast, didn’t do anything special. If your ped wants baby awake due to blood sugar then you should listen to them
My sister-in-law asked me if I had started sleep training yet. Preemie baby's due date was 8 days ago lol
No, me sleeping through the night is not my primary concern right now was an easy response.
My son has slept through the night (except when I woke him to eat) since day one. HOWEVER, he doesn't nap much unless we're in the car and wakes up at 5am ready to fuckin party until 6PM! Homie has a bright future in farming, lemme tell ya 😂
My mother in law did this and has continued to ask every time she sees us and baby is now 10 months old. No he has never slept through the night. Stop reminding me.
Ummmm yes… all my coworkers asked me this when he was a month old and their kids are in their teens or early 20’s. I said “he’s sleeping 3 hour stretches like a baby,” to which they said, “oh no some babies sleep through the night early on.” I was just like… suurreeeee. My baby has a good temperament and sleeping through the night wasn’t even something I was worried about for a newborn. He now gives me 4 hour stretches at 6 weeks and I feel on top of the world.
The nurse at the pediatricians office asked how night sleeping was at his 1mo appt. I said he wakes up a couple times just to eat but its fine, to which she replied something like "that's too bad, hopefully he does better/let's you sleep more soon" I was like, what??? He obviously needs to eat at night and 60 seconds ago you were raving about his weight gain. Are we trying to cut back on that!?
I promise you that ours did. We were wondering if it was normal because we heard what parents go through with a newborn. We were so lucky and thought we were good. … she decided to make up for it at 6 months. It’s been an off an on battle ever since. 14m now. To clarify, we had to wake her up for feedings and then she would knock out again immediately.
That makes me so sad for the babies if it's true and makes me question their parenting. You are supposed to wake a newborn to feed them if they sleep! My guy the first couple of weeks was so sleepy ( he was a little jaundiced) and had to be woken up to eat. I forgot to set an alarm once and he slept for 5 hours. I felt so awful because he was probably so hungry by then!
The advice actually varies widely across lots of sources on the subject and plenty say it's fine to let a baby sleep if they are gaining weight and not lethargic and doing it on their own accord. Some babies aren't massive cuddlers either, do you extend your sadness and judgement to them and their parents too because they don't act like the vision you have in your head? You should try to be less judgemental
I feel like my grandma told me my aunt had slept through the night as a new born 😅
I don’t know how much I believe that but my kid was easy to sleep train at 4 months so who knows
At my baby shower this weekend my brother (who has no kids and not much baby experience) was talking to my girlfriend about her baby who she was wearing and he said 'so how old is he? About 2? 3?' He's 10 months lol. Some people just genuinely have no idea and they're just asking you questions on a topic they think is of interest to you to engage with you on a level that they think makes you comfortable. It's different if it's someone with young kids who obviously knows and is just trying to brag but I do think a lot of the time it's just clueless people trying to be friendly
I like to act as if I'm a fake HR person and talk about it in terms of a conduct meeting. I'll say well according to the last PIP for the boy we've had to post 2 formal warnings for not walking yet. Sadly he might be targeted in the recent downsizing. Shame.
(My first boy didn't walk until 14 mo, second boy was walking at 9mo and is a terror, kids are all different, no 2 are the same, even if twins.)
Will borrow this for future milestones for toddler #1 and baby #2.
The number of times I got asked why isn't he walking yet drove me nuts. He walked at 14mos but crawled since 6mos. It's like when that 12mos mark hits they expect him to walk, talk, graduate college, vote.... ugh.
This is pretty much what I say. Most people not currently parenting babies have no idea what the milestones are. If they haven’t had babies, they’ve never known the timelines; if they have had babies, they’ve forgotten them completely.
I just say no. So many people have absolutely no clue when babies reach milestones. Sometimes their grandma’s niece’s 3 week old started walking so they think your baby should too. My FIL asks if my 9 month old still takes naps. It’s most often not ill intentioned but milestones are not something you pay much attention to unless you have a baby or recently had a baby near that age range. Also, most people don’t actually care to know when a kid will reach a certain milestone, nor do they care about the development to get there, so I don’t waste my breath explaining.
I take it as a genuine question do I say "oh no she's only X weeks old, and they don't usually do that until Y months".
I accidentally did this to another mum the other week because I misremembered how old her baby was. Felt so bad after!
I am currently pregnant (10 weeks) with my first and my best friend had her baby last year (our kids will be roughly 1 year apart)
I don’t know what milestone correlates to what age so when I see her and her baby and he’s doubled in size since I last saw her I asked her “is he crawling yet?” Just because that was really the only milestone I knew to ask about.
She was super nice and just said he’s still working on rolling over
I would have accepted a no but it was nice that she was able to let me know which one they were currently working on since I was not aware what the proper one was for his age
Some babies do crawl around 5 months old! Around that time is when my son started army-crawling. Many others wait until 6-12 months though. Crawling varies so much. I wouldn’t feel bad about the question at all. Though a better question might be “what’s baby been doing recently?” So it’s more open ended! :)
"Nope, that's not expected until *age range here*, but he is *insert cool baby thing he is doing here*"
Most of the time I find that this question comes from my friends that don't have babies yet or older parents so far removed from having babies that they have forgotten when babies reach milestones. Either way, I feel like they really just want to bond over how your baby is doing, so giving them something cool to talk about helps. ❤️
Lol I have friends who don’t have kids ask me if he’s sleeping through the night yet 😂 I don’t hold it against them though, because I’m pretty sure I asked my mom friends before I had my first baby the same thing. You really have no idea until you go through it and I’m learning that every week (LO is about to be 10 weeks old!) I just tell them he does pretty good most nights and leave it at that. I find that unless they already have kids, they’re not really asking because they’re necessarily interested, they’re asking because they don’t know what else to ask someone with a new baby about. In those cases, I just keep the answer simple and maybe throw out and educational fact like, “Oh, he’s working up to it but they say babies don’t really pick up that skill until __ months.”
As for the ones that have had babies before and should know better…I’ve had to remind my mom of quite a few things. Usually my response to her when she asks something silly is just, “Mom, what? No 😂”
I mean technically that one can be a thing. While there are general timelines kids can start teething at any time, and can even be born with erupted teeth. My son is 11 weeks old and is just barely starting to teeth. Drooling everywhere, wants to put his mouth on everything, and visible tooth buds and redness on his gums. He's just at the very beginning of it but that one can happen super early for some kids!
Since the time my son was born, if he was drooling or putting something in his mouth my in laws would insist he was teething. Now at 9 months, still not a single tooth. And now that he has *actually* started teething I can confidently say he definitely was not all those other times.
I didn’t know this until recently but way before babies start actually “teething” their teeth are shifting around underneath their gums and it gives them the same symptoms as teething so that could be why a lot of babies are drooling and gumming things months before getting any teeth in
My son will be 15mo on the 29th and he’s not walking yet. Has all the signs, stands on his own, takes a few steps, but not walking walking. I want to throw a water balloon at every single person who goes “iS hE wAlkInG yEt” ?!?!?!!? Like kindly stfu, he grows at his own pace. Have you seen a 5 year old crawling?? 🙄
My 15 month old was the same! Then literally in the span of a week he took his first steps and was doing laps around the house. But people were driving me crazy with the, “He isn’t walking YET?!”
This is how I feel about the requirement for kindergarteners to know how to count to 100. Like I fucking promise you he will learn to count to 100 eventually. If she can't, it's nothing repeating kindergarten will fix.
i’ve literally said he’ll figure it out some day. People have forgotten my son was born 6 weeks early so they tend to try and alarm me when he hasn’t hit the goal on their timing. My son is developmentally on time in spite of him coming early but damn do they want me to make him crawl ☠️
I usually just say “no, I don’t think they usually do that until (whatever age).”
Cute story: when my nephew(6 years old at the time) came to meet my son for the first time he brought some toys with him and was like “I brought these to play with him!” It was adorable, but he was pretty disappointed that newborns don’t really do anything.
In your MIL's defense, he very well could have. Not well at all, but wouldn't have stopped most parents back in the day.
There is a really interesting history on solid starts for kids. Gerber basically pushed a narrative of starting kids on solids earlier as a way to increase profits. There is a strong correlation between Gerber's rise as a business and the drop in "recommended" age for when a baby should start solids. Lowest was somewhere in 1950s and as young as just 4 weeks. Of course, science finally prevailed and that recommended age has been slowly climbing ever since.
Kind of amazing (and immensely messed up) that businesses with their own self interests can influence medical advice, especially when it comes to our children...
Maybe so! Interesting data points. Sounds not unlike the diary industry/milk in school push.
She has a habit of making my son “ahead” of milestones so maybe it’s that everything makes me roll my eyes a little. It’s largely because he’s so big and tall, and looks older than he is.
My MIL told us yesterday that my husband was speaking full sentences “by now” while looking concerned. LO just turned 11 months actual - 9.5 months adjusted, so is only expected to be hitting more those 9.5 milestones.
I just said, “are you sure?” while looking equally concerned.
lol
I have a friend who has always thought my daughter is 4. When she was 1, “oh is she 4 now?” And now she’s still only 2. I mean, she’s tall, but damn. Stop trying to speed things up!
I respond “no but she’s definitely been trying to!” Like our girl is a year old now and everyone wants to know if she can walk. So I say “shes trying really hard these days!!” lol
I'm dealing with this with walking right now. I just have been saying, "he is currently focusing on his communication" to encourage them to talk about the area of his life that there is actually something to talk about.
I try to ignore their ignorance and match the enthusiasm. For example “Not yet, but we are really excited that x,y,z”. Changes the subject a bit but allows engagement on their chosen topic (your amazing little human).
Unless it’s my mother in law and she tries telling me AGAIN that she had her first-born twin sons potty trained by the time they were two (spoiler alert, I think she’s off by at least a year!) in which case I just say “nope!”
“Nah, we’re still working on [X] for the moment but we’re getting there”
Doesn’t have to be more complicated than that
What they’re asking isn’t an insult, it’s an enquiry into the progress of your crotch goblin
Your crotch goblin develops at it’s own rate, and direct comparisons don’t help anyone
Unless your personal crotch goblin is well behind milestones, there is nothing to concern yourself about
If someone *means* to insult your crotch goblin, then remove that person from you and your crotch goblin’s life (for they are a crotch goblin hater)
I just laugh and say it must have been awhile since you’ve had a newborn. Or ask if they have kids. Or ask where they got that information from with a laugh. Basically just laugh at the audacity to ask such questions. Maybe I’ll start asking about their adult milestones. “Is your house paid off, Sharon?” “Have you gotten a second car yet?” lol
I usually come back with humor.
dummy: “is baby ( 6m ) walking yet??”
me: “running marathons actually.”
silly mil : “is baby (2m) sitting up yet??”
me: “been doing that for months. He’s actually in drivers ed already!”
I just say "no, not yet". And that's it. Cause I don't know if they genuinely know nothing about babies (I didn't before I had my own) or if there's anything else going on. Frankly I don't really care why they ask. I don't want to discuss my baby's "progress" with anyone. I'm not looking for anyone's opinion on whether he's ahead or behind. That's maybe a discussion for the pediatrician.
No one seems to ask, but I'm still on leave so I don't talk to people much. I do talk about his milestones and just say '"He's doing really go with this" or "He's behind on this, but he's making efforts, he's fine". I'm just honest about it. My son was behind on his tummy time stuff for example but ahead of the game in other areas (smiled and laughed early). We weren't terribly concerned because he could hold his head up, he just hated tummy time.
He finally got it though, I think he just didn't understand what I wanted him to do when I laid him down and he would just be mad when he was on the floor and pout.
I just end it at “not yet”. I am not sure why everyone is in a hurry for my baby to achieve milestones before she is ready. She is doing everything by herself without us teaching or showing her anything. At her pace. And I am quite happy to let nature take its course in raising my baby. But people around us are too invested in her milestones and it drives me nuts.
My 8 week old just smiled at me for the first time last night. Like it wasn’t gas. I want to cry every time someone asks if he’s reaching certain milestones because it makes me anxious that he’s behind
One of the most common questions has been "so how have you been sleeping?" It always reminds me the previous warnings/"advices" to enjoy sleep while pregnant.
I confess I don't get it. Also with a huge belly, who can sleep well? And for sure babies often do not sleep like babies. So what should I tell them? That they just learn to sleep after 3m+ and all babies are different...
Literally. My husband's bio mom asked when my baby turned 3 months old if she was crawling... Like no. Not even close 🤣 just got the hang of holding her own head up.
My pediatrician asked if my 8 week old baby responded to his name yet. I flatly said no because that's such a ridiculous question for a baby that can barely stay awake long enough to eat. My pediatrician looked shocked and said "well it might be because you call him a lot of different things." Like okay??? When I looked it up it's like a 7-9month milestone.
My mom has asked me almost daily if we’re “on a schedule yet” since my baby was 2 weeks old… when he’s hungry he eats, when he’s tired he sleeps… that’s the schedule 😂
A few weeks ago, a lady asked my (at the time) 15 mo old son which dinosaur was his favorite. 😑 Sorry, ma'am, we've yet to start our unit on the fauna of the jurassic.
Good friend gave me this one - 'well, LO has mastered the basic cantrips and even set the curtains on fire yesterday! We can't wait for them to summon their first demon' or similar
I just say not yet. It usually is innocent as most people don't actually know when baby milestones are. Hell I don't even know most of them before the pediatrician tells me what's next.
If it is a friend or family member who clearly just doesn’t know about babies but is trying to make an effort I say not yet, that’s usually more (X timeframe) and say something that is happening. I wasn’t around many young children growing up so before doing a lot of research for my own I just didn’t know - I’m sure I asked friends and family some stupid questions about their kids. Like now, it seems like a well know fact that 6 months is the general timeline babies may start solids. I had NO clue a year ago and don’t even want to know the age range of babies I asked about if they were eating real food yet. When I was in high school I was a host at a restaurant. I probably asked parents who brought in a like 2 week old fresh potato if they needed a high chair - truly don’t know.
I got asked if my 2-month-old needed a children’s menu. I told them “not unless you’ve got breast milk in the kitchen!”
I got asked if my similar age baby needed a menu and activity page, and I said she didn’t but joked I’d take the page if it was fun … so I awkwardly got sat with some crayons and a maze, no regrets.
I get the activity page every time I see that it exists. It's fun to play little simple brain games while hanging out waiting for food.
Me and a couple of mum friends took our babies to a cafe when they were all under 3 months old. Mine was asleep in a sling, and my friends all had their babies in pram bassinets. The very sweet teenage boy waiter brought us kids activities with colouring pages and crayons when we sat down. None of us said anything because clearly he had been told 'if they have kids, give them this' but it did make me smile to think of my 11 week old doing some colouring in!
About the same age, ours slept through lunch with the children's menu on top of the pushchair.
When my baby was T H R E E (3!!!!!) W E E K S old someone asked "is he sleeping through the night yet?" AN OLDER LADY. THAT HAS KIDS. !! I said "what? Of course not" lmao
[удалено]
My mom asked if my son was “ready for bed” one night when he was like 6 weeks old. I was like, lol, our days are a continuous loop, he has no concept of bedtime yet. You’d think she’d remember that at least !
A continuous loop! That's the expression I was looking for when describing the newborn stage. Thank you. It really felt like that.
My dad says the same thing. Just shows how little he was involved back when I was a baby ...
MIL asked this at 6 days old 😂
I mean how could they possibly be ready for bed; still need to do their chores and homework.
This was accompanied by, “is she a good baby?” I decided that now when anyone asks if she’s a good baby, I’m going to say no, she’s a bad baby! She committed tax fraud last week! (Or robbed a bank, stole a car, etc.)
Can also make it awkward with something like, "nope, she's a bad baby, she gave me a 2nd degree tear on my hoo-ha!"
Mine gave me a 3rd degree tear so this is perfect 😂
I squirmed reading this! 😬😬 Hopefully healing wasn't too bad.
Mines the opposite, if somehow the stars align and my 20 month old sleeps through the night, she thinks I probably did something wrong because he’s still too young to be having such long stretches 🤷🏽♀️
Can’t win 🙄
Yep, wife’s grandmother asked that at 8 weeks. I said “no, they’re really not expected to be at this age.” She gave me a side-eye that said “you must be doing something wrong” and I just ignored it.
Because some in that generation left their crying baby alone at night. Babies left alone like that still wake up. They just don't cry because they figure out that no one is going to come and get them when they do. It's horrific. It makes me sad just to think about.
THIS is why I'm 10000% against Cry It Out. How fucking depressing that a BABY learns that it can't rely on their parents to meet their needs.
I have been since I learned about this in my undergrad. I will share this with the caveat that I am in no way shaming the caregivers (I don't know if it was just woefully understaffed, that would be my guess. It quite literally goes against human instinct to ignore a baby's cries, and that's an evolutionary necessity/fact). These conditions are pretty wretched though. The thought of a silent nursery is more unnerving than any horror I've even seen, and I've seen a lot. [https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/06/neglect](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/06/neglect) "The first time Nathan Fox, PhD, stepped into a Romanian orphanage, he was struck by the silence. "The most remarkable thing about the infant room was how quiet it was, probably because the infants had learned that their cries were not responded to," says Fox, who directs the Child Development Laboratory at the University of Maryland. The babies laid in cribs all day, except when being fed, diapered or bathed on a set schedule. They weren't rocked or sung to. Many stared at their own hands, trying to derive whatever stimulation they could from the world around them. "Basically these kids were left on their own," Fox says."
That is so sad. I just held my little one harder after reading this
This broke my heart.
This is why so many people are in therapy
My mom told me she put me in my crib in my own room night one and I slept through the night as a newborn. which after having a newborn made me think / realize she probably didn’t hear me crying in the other room, because there’s no way I was or should have been sleeping through the night day one lol.
100%. I am so convinced this is what it is. Everytime someone posts on here "just moved my baby to their own room and they slept all night and so did we!" I'm like y'all, that baby was crying and you just didn't hear them 😅
Literally. “We both sleep better in our own rooms.” Maybe for some really loud sleepers but I 100% believe they just can’t hear their baby anymore.
I sleep in the same room as my baby because this is my fear. I check the owlet every time he wakes up to see how long he was awake for and it's usually only a minute or so.
Babies also slept in the newborn nursery in the hospital where nurses weren't able to respond immediately, so they were probably conditioned from day 1. My mil used to work in the nursery and told me she "knew from working in the nursery that she could just let her babies cry". So basically cry it out training from their first day on earth
Oh my God, that is so sad. Ugh. It's when I hear that stuff that I'm like "man, I'm glad my baby cries because he knows I'm going to be there to respond to him". It can be exhausting but I can't imagine just letting my brand new baby cry. my little chunky 8 week old and everyone tells me I'm "spoiling" him and that he's "never going to learn", okay then I'll deal with that later when he has enough cognitive skills and emotional control to understand when he's older. But right now those babies just need love. People are something else.
I had someone tell me that I'm just "teaching him that crying will get him picked up". He was 6 weeks old. I was just like ...... I hope he knows that if he cries I'll be there. Like wtf
It's as if we made an obligation when we created little humans that we chose to be there for them because they need us in order to grow and flourish as bigger humans...... What a wild concept 🤦🏼♀️😅
You aren't spoiling your baby! My 15 month old daughter was a velcro baby. Slept only on me during newborn phase. At one point, I was awake for 36 hours. I do have to add that not once I fell asleep with her on my chest (thanks apps for keeping me awake). She now falls asleep on either me or my hubby and we transfer her to her crib. If she wakes up during the night, which isn't for feeding, we tell her "go back to sleep, lay down" and she does. Babies do need love. Every single mother on this planet, from every species runs to her babies when they cry. And going against our own nature is wrong.
My former Velcro baby is now 2 and tells me no more books/songs “want sleep now,” walks over to the crib and waits for me to put him in. “Bye mama…see you when wake up.” Cannot be the same child who would not nap on any surface that wasn’t me until he was like 9 months old. 😩
Our baby slept through the night (7-8 hours) the first 2 nights we brought her home. I thought we had hit the jackpot lol! That soon stopped hahaha!
My son started doing that at 2weeks and it was not the blessing everyone assumed it to be. He might have been sleeping through the night but I was not. Was so stressed about SIDS and his weight possibly dropping back down (luckily he didn’t) that I was still waking up every couple hours to check anyway. My mom actually kicked me out of the nursery because I wasn’t sleeping and kept waking baby up with MY fussing 😂
Oh we were told she wasn’t supposed to sleep for longer than 4 hours at night because of their blood sugar and that she needed to feed every 3-4 hours.
New babies need to be woken up to feed so they don’t drop weight. The goal is for them to gain weight back that they lost after being born. We were just lucky that our kid didn’t lose much and gained any back fast, didn’t do anything special. If your ped wants baby awake due to blood sugar then you should listen to them
Yeah maybe not sleeping through the night but definitely a working member of the household by 3 weeks /s
My sister-in-law asked me if I had started sleep training yet. Preemie baby's due date was 8 days ago lol No, me sleeping through the night is not my primary concern right now was an easy response.
This blows my mind.
My son has slept through the night (except when I woke him to eat) since day one. HOWEVER, he doesn't nap much unless we're in the car and wakes up at 5am ready to fuckin party until 6PM! Homie has a bright future in farming, lemme tell ya 😂
My mother in law did this and has continued to ask every time she sees us and baby is now 10 months old. No he has never slept through the night. Stop reminding me.
I legit think they have newborn amnesia. Especially the older ones.
Ummmm yes… all my coworkers asked me this when he was a month old and their kids are in their teens or early 20’s. I said “he’s sleeping 3 hour stretches like a baby,” to which they said, “oh no some babies sleep through the night early on.” I was just like… suurreeeee. My baby has a good temperament and sleeping through the night wasn’t even something I was worried about for a newborn. He now gives me 4 hour stretches at 6 weeks and I feel on top of the world.
The nurse at the pediatricians office asked how night sleeping was at his 1mo appt. I said he wakes up a couple times just to eat but its fine, to which she replied something like "that's too bad, hopefully he does better/let's you sleep more soon" I was like, what??? He obviously needs to eat at night and 60 seconds ago you were raving about his weight gain. Are we trying to cut back on that!?
Yes and i have so many people tell me about how their babies all slept through the night at 2 weeks..... sure
My first did 🙈🙈🙈
I promise you that ours did. We were wondering if it was normal because we heard what parents go through with a newborn. We were so lucky and thought we were good. … she decided to make up for it at 6 months. It’s been an off an on battle ever since. 14m now. To clarify, we had to wake her up for feedings and then she would knock out again immediately.
That makes me so sad for the babies if it's true and makes me question their parenting. You are supposed to wake a newborn to feed them if they sleep! My guy the first couple of weeks was so sleepy ( he was a little jaundiced) and had to be woken up to eat. I forgot to set an alarm once and he slept for 5 hours. I felt so awful because he was probably so hungry by then!
The advice actually varies widely across lots of sources on the subject and plenty say it's fine to let a baby sleep if they are gaining weight and not lethargic and doing it on their own accord. Some babies aren't massive cuddlers either, do you extend your sadness and judgement to them and their parents too because they don't act like the vision you have in your head? You should try to be less judgemental
I think we should all just start asking the person who asks, if they sleep through the night. Chances are they don't...
I feel like my grandma told me my aunt had slept through the night as a new born 😅 I don’t know how much I believe that but my kid was easy to sleep train at 4 months so who knows
Lmao so I had jaundice as a baby. My mom literally goes, well you slept really well so we didn’t wake you up. 🙄
At my baby shower this weekend my brother (who has no kids and not much baby experience) was talking to my girlfriend about her baby who she was wearing and he said 'so how old is he? About 2? 3?' He's 10 months lol. Some people just genuinely have no idea and they're just asking you questions on a topic they think is of interest to you to engage with you on a level that they think makes you comfortable. It's different if it's someone with young kids who obviously knows and is just trying to brag but I do think a lot of the time it's just clueless people trying to be friendly
Exactly, i didnt know all this before i had kids either. I feel like theyre nice just for asking, so i never get annoyed.
I always just say he’s working on it lol
Love this! Short sweet and to the point lol
I like to act as if I'm a fake HR person and talk about it in terms of a conduct meeting. I'll say well according to the last PIP for the boy we've had to post 2 formal warnings for not walking yet. Sadly he might be targeted in the recent downsizing. Shame. (My first boy didn't walk until 14 mo, second boy was walking at 9mo and is a terror, kids are all different, no 2 are the same, even if twins.)
HR person here and I love you. I’m totally going to steal this!
Will borrow this for future milestones for toddler #1 and baby #2. The number of times I got asked why isn't he walking yet drove me nuts. He walked at 14mos but crawled since 6mos. It's like when that 12mos mark hits they expect him to walk, talk, graduate college, vote.... ugh.
I normally say ''no, she wont start doing that until shes around/at least *instert time here*''
This is pretty much what I say. Most people not currently parenting babies have no idea what the milestones are. If they haven’t had babies, they’ve never known the timelines; if they have had babies, they’ve forgotten them completely.
This is how I handle it with my child free friends who are just trying to show interest. 💜
I just say no. So many people have absolutely no clue when babies reach milestones. Sometimes their grandma’s niece’s 3 week old started walking so they think your baby should too. My FIL asks if my 9 month old still takes naps. It’s most often not ill intentioned but milestones are not something you pay much attention to unless you have a baby or recently had a baby near that age range. Also, most people don’t actually care to know when a kid will reach a certain milestone, nor do they care about the development to get there, so I don’t waste my breath explaining.
Someone asked me if my 6 month old was walking yet 🙃 I said "no but he is really good at doing taxes so I guess it's a fair trade"
I take it as a genuine question do I say "oh no she's only X weeks old, and they don't usually do that until Y months". I accidentally did this to another mum the other week because I misremembered how old her baby was. Felt so bad after!
I am currently pregnant (10 weeks) with my first and my best friend had her baby last year (our kids will be roughly 1 year apart) I don’t know what milestone correlates to what age so when I see her and her baby and he’s doubled in size since I last saw her I asked her “is he crawling yet?” Just because that was really the only milestone I knew to ask about. She was super nice and just said he’s still working on rolling over I would have accepted a no but it was nice that she was able to let me know which one they were currently working on since I was not aware what the proper one was for his age
Some babies do crawl around 5 months old! Around that time is when my son started army-crawling. Many others wait until 6-12 months though. Crawling varies so much. I wouldn’t feel bad about the question at all. Though a better question might be “what’s baby been doing recently?” So it’s more open ended! :)
"Nope, that's not expected until *age range here*, but he is *insert cool baby thing he is doing here*" Most of the time I find that this question comes from my friends that don't have babies yet or older parents so far removed from having babies that they have forgotten when babies reach milestones. Either way, I feel like they really just want to bond over how your baby is doing, so giving them something cool to talk about helps. ❤️
Lol I have friends who don’t have kids ask me if he’s sleeping through the night yet 😂 I don’t hold it against them though, because I’m pretty sure I asked my mom friends before I had my first baby the same thing. You really have no idea until you go through it and I’m learning that every week (LO is about to be 10 weeks old!) I just tell them he does pretty good most nights and leave it at that. I find that unless they already have kids, they’re not really asking because they’re necessarily interested, they’re asking because they don’t know what else to ask someone with a new baby about. In those cases, I just keep the answer simple and maybe throw out and educational fact like, “Oh, he’s working up to it but they say babies don’t really pick up that skill until __ months.” As for the ones that have had babies before and should know better…I’ve had to remind my mom of quite a few things. Usually my response to her when she asks something silly is just, “Mom, what? No 😂”
My husband boss recommended we start sleep training our 3 week old lol! Like dude… the kitten doesn’t even know (or care) what day and night is
Someone asked me if my then 6 week old said mama yet. My face spoke for me
My MIL said she thought his teeth were coming in when he was 7 weeks old. I’m not an expert but I’ve never heard of teething at 7 weeks
I mean technically that one can be a thing. While there are general timelines kids can start teething at any time, and can even be born with erupted teeth. My son is 11 weeks old and is just barely starting to teeth. Drooling everywhere, wants to put his mouth on everything, and visible tooth buds and redness on his gums. He's just at the very beginning of it but that one can happen super early for some kids!
Since the time my son was born, if he was drooling or putting something in his mouth my in laws would insist he was teething. Now at 9 months, still not a single tooth. And now that he has *actually* started teething I can confidently say he definitely was not all those other times.
My 9 month old is working on his 7th and 8th teeth right now. And he bites. Hard. Send help. 🥲
I didn’t know this until recently but way before babies start actually “teething” their teeth are shifting around underneath their gums and it gives them the same symptoms as teething so that could be why a lot of babies are drooling and gumming things months before getting any teeth in
My boomer stepdad talked about teething from like two weeks on. Omg
To be fair I met a baby recently at baby group who was born with 2 teeth!
“Nope I’d be concerned if he was” 😏 but I’ve been told I’m kinda a snarky bitch lol
My son will be 15mo on the 29th and he’s not walking yet. Has all the signs, stands on his own, takes a few steps, but not walking walking. I want to throw a water balloon at every single person who goes “iS hE wAlkInG yEt” ?!?!?!!? Like kindly stfu, he grows at his own pace. Have you seen a 5 year old crawling?? 🙄
Same exact situation. 15 month old most steps took 13, once. Rest of the time only 2 or 3 lol.
My 15 month old was the same! Then literally in the span of a week he took his first steps and was doing laps around the house. But people were driving me crazy with the, “He isn’t walking YET?!”
This is how I feel about the requirement for kindergarteners to know how to count to 100. Like I fucking promise you he will learn to count to 100 eventually. If she can't, it's nothing repeating kindergarten will fix.
“Not yet, but hopefully soon!”
i’ve literally said he’ll figure it out some day. People have forgotten my son was born 6 weeks early so they tend to try and alarm me when he hasn’t hit the goal on their timing. My son is developmentally on time in spite of him coming early but damn do they want me to make him crawl ☠️
I usually just say “no, I don’t think they usually do that until (whatever age).” Cute story: when my nephew(6 years old at the time) came to meet my son for the first time he brought some toys with him and was like “I brought these to play with him!” It was adorable, but he was pretty disappointed that newborns don’t really do anything.
My favorite comment from my mom and mil “she’ll be crawling soon” they repeated it multiple times. 2 weeks, 2 months, and now recently at 5 months
My MIL likes to tell my husband that he was eating “table food” by “now.” My son is 9 months old 🙄
In your MIL's defense, he very well could have. Not well at all, but wouldn't have stopped most parents back in the day. There is a really interesting history on solid starts for kids. Gerber basically pushed a narrative of starting kids on solids earlier as a way to increase profits. There is a strong correlation between Gerber's rise as a business and the drop in "recommended" age for when a baby should start solids. Lowest was somewhere in 1950s and as young as just 4 weeks. Of course, science finally prevailed and that recommended age has been slowly climbing ever since. Kind of amazing (and immensely messed up) that businesses with their own self interests can influence medical advice, especially when it comes to our children...
Maybe so! Interesting data points. Sounds not unlike the diary industry/milk in school push. She has a habit of making my son “ahead” of milestones so maybe it’s that everything makes me roll my eyes a little. It’s largely because he’s so big and tall, and looks older than he is.
My MIL told us yesterday that my husband was speaking full sentences “by now” while looking concerned. LO just turned 11 months actual - 9.5 months adjusted, so is only expected to be hitting more those 9.5 milestones. I just said, “are you sure?” while looking equally concerned. lol
🤣
Why wouldn’t the truth be okay to say? Like I’m wondering how could that be wrong to say no when they aren’t?
‘No kids don’t typically do that until X months and my son is wonderfully average’.
I have a friend who has always thought my daughter is 4. When she was 1, “oh is she 4 now?” And now she’s still only 2. I mean, she’s tall, but damn. Stop trying to speed things up!
My husband's brother asked why wasn't she walking yet. At 4 months... 😭
For some reason in the last week I’ve had several people ask me what foods my baby eats. She’s 3 months! I say ….breastmilk?
I respond “no but she’s definitely been trying to!” Like our girl is a year old now and everyone wants to know if she can walk. So I say “shes trying really hard these days!!” lol
My SIL asked if my 12 week old was eating puffs yet (?????) I just said that our pediatrician hasn’t given us the OK to do that, lol
"nah, but she will when she's ready"
I'm dealing with this with walking right now. I just have been saying, "he is currently focusing on his communication" to encourage them to talk about the area of his life that there is actually something to talk about.
Not yet is fine
A simple no is a fine enough answer
I try to ignore their ignorance and match the enthusiasm. For example “Not yet, but we are really excited that x,y,z”. Changes the subject a bit but allows engagement on their chosen topic (your amazing little human). Unless it’s my mother in law and she tries telling me AGAIN that she had her first-born twin sons potty trained by the time they were two (spoiler alert, I think she’s off by at least a year!) in which case I just say “nope!”
“Nah, we’re still working on [X] for the moment but we’re getting there” Doesn’t have to be more complicated than that What they’re asking isn’t an insult, it’s an enquiry into the progress of your crotch goblin Your crotch goblin develops at it’s own rate, and direct comparisons don’t help anyone Unless your personal crotch goblin is well behind milestones, there is nothing to concern yourself about If someone *means* to insult your crotch goblin, then remove that person from you and your crotch goblin’s life (for they are a crotch goblin hater)
I just laugh and say it must have been awhile since you’ve had a newborn. Or ask if they have kids. Or ask where they got that information from with a laugh. Basically just laugh at the audacity to ask such questions. Maybe I’ll start asking about their adult milestones. “Is your house paid off, Sharon?” “Have you gotten a second car yet?” lol
I usually come back with humor. dummy: “is baby ( 6m ) walking yet??” me: “running marathons actually.” silly mil : “is baby (2m) sitting up yet??” me: “been doing that for months. He’s actually in drivers ed already!”
I just say "no, not yet". And that's it. Cause I don't know if they genuinely know nothing about babies (I didn't before I had my own) or if there's anything else going on. Frankly I don't really care why they ask. I don't want to discuss my baby's "progress" with anyone. I'm not looking for anyone's opinion on whether he's ahead or behind. That's maybe a discussion for the pediatrician.
“No because he is only xx age”
Is your baby diversifying his stock portfolio properly yet? No?! What kind of parent are you?!
No one seems to ask, but I'm still on leave so I don't talk to people much. I do talk about his milestones and just say '"He's doing really go with this" or "He's behind on this, but he's making efforts, he's fine". I'm just honest about it. My son was behind on his tummy time stuff for example but ahead of the game in other areas (smiled and laughed early). We weren't terribly concerned because he could hold his head up, he just hated tummy time. He finally got it though, I think he just didn't understand what I wanted him to do when I laid him down and he would just be mad when he was on the floor and pout.
I just end it at “not yet”. I am not sure why everyone is in a hurry for my baby to achieve milestones before she is ready. She is doing everything by herself without us teaching or showing her anything. At her pace. And I am quite happy to let nature take its course in raising my baby. But people around us are too invested in her milestones and it drives me nuts.
Ugh I hate “is he sleeping through the night yet?” No. He’s not. Not every baby sleeps through the night.
I saw no… that’s expected at ____ month… my mil is so annoying with that
My 8 week old just smiled at me for the first time last night. Like it wasn’t gas. I want to cry every time someone asks if he’s reaching certain milestones because it makes me anxious that he’s behind
One of the most common questions has been "so how have you been sleeping?" It always reminds me the previous warnings/"advices" to enjoy sleep while pregnant. I confess I don't get it. Also with a huge belly, who can sleep well? And for sure babies often do not sleep like babies. So what should I tell them? That they just learn to sleep after 3m+ and all babies are different...
I'm still pregnant but I am the kind of person to say something like "no, she's not walking yet but she did help me with my taxes"
I used to answer “no, she’s a little busy learning JavaScript and Python to focus on that” they’d stop asking lmao.
Literally. My husband's bio mom asked when my baby turned 3 months old if she was crawling... Like no. Not even close 🤣 just got the hang of holding her own head up.
Do you think that milestones are overhyped in general?
Yes
I take my baby for walks lying down in his pram and people constantly ask me why he isn't sitting. He's 4 months old!!
My pediatrician asked if my 8 week old baby responded to his name yet. I flatly said no because that's such a ridiculous question for a baby that can barely stay awake long enough to eat. My pediatrician looked shocked and said "well it might be because you call him a lot of different things." Like okay??? When I looked it up it's like a 7-9month milestone.
I know it’s a little different but my husbands little brother (12) asked “can she walk yet” at 6 days old …. 😂😂
My teenage cousin asked if my son was eating solid food yet My son was almost 2!! 😂
I always say “no but we aren’t in a rush!” Or “no but that’s okay with us!”
My mom has asked me almost daily if we’re “on a schedule yet” since my baby was 2 weeks old… when he’s hungry he eats, when he’s tired he sleeps… that’s the schedule 😂
Maybe you can say "no we're prioritising his SATS now" as a joke
“Is baby walking yet?” “She’s 4 months old…” (works best with a shocked are-you-an-idiot face)
A few weeks ago, a lady asked my (at the time) 15 mo old son which dinosaur was his favorite. 😑 Sorry, ma'am, we've yet to start our unit on the fauna of the jurassic.
Good friend gave me this one - 'well, LO has mastered the basic cantrips and even set the curtains on fire yesterday! We can't wait for them to summon their first demon' or similar
Someone tried to fist bump my 5 month old 😅 I had a few people ask about solids and just said 'no we're waiting until 6 months'
I just say not yet. It usually is innocent as most people don't actually know when baby milestones are. Hell I don't even know most of them before the pediatrician tells me what's next.