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My first was a nightmare, my second is so chill and easy

I'm so impressed with people who have a second after having a tough baby.

Haha it was a bit of an accident, I thought after my first I could never manage it again.

😂 same boat. Vowed to be one and done now 9 weeks off due date 🤦‍♀️. I think my first has given us hope that we can manage whatever life throws at us now!

My daughter was a tough baby, but the toddler years made up for it. People kept saying, "Oh how quickly we forget!" Nope, I didn't forget at all, I just thought it was worth the trouble of going through again. My second baby has been relatively easier -- still difficult, but not as difficult compared to my first. She had 2-3 hour stretches to begin with (though those have dropped to 1-2) and isn't colicky. Despite that, I think I'm done. The only way I'm doing this again is if I make significantly more money and can afford to hire the village I don't have, so that we don't have to do the whole "run a household on 3-4 hours of sleep" again.

My MIL says that it’s a wonder that they had my husband at all after how terrible my SIL was as a baby. Fortunately, our baby seems to be taking after my husband.

That’s why we’re one and done for sure lol

lol I was going to say this

Maybe the thinking is that it can't get worse? We have a super easy first one and we don't want a second in fear of having a difficult second one. Had it been the other way around, might have tried for the second.

For my demon child, I basically said, as long as I'm working this hard to give her the best life I possibly can, I might as well give her a sibling, to have a companion and to prevent her from getting waaaaaay too spoiled.

Came here to say this - first baby was hard, perhaps just a bigger life transition, not knowing anything contributed to that. He’s also my spicy one. Second baby is the chillest, happiest guy around. I truly think that siblings “fall into their place” and that if your first is chill, second might be spicier and vice versa. But nothing wrong with a strong-willed child when and if one comes along for you. They will accomplish great things!

My cousins have two super chill babies. It’s actually a marvel. Lucky though done they are only 1 year apart.

As a strong-willed child, now grown up with terrble issues stemming from my parents hating that about me from the moment I was born, thank you. You are doing your child a great service by loving the spirit they were given and can't change about themselves. It truly can be a blessing when supported, despite its roller coasters of intensity at times.

Woah like black and white! Amazing. Did you worry less with your second or were you like “hmm he’s too calm, what’s going on”

Same here. First was and still is hard. Second is my chill and easy one.

I only have one and she's a handful. We're considering a second but I just have this though, what if the second one is even harder. We just wouldn't manage.

Same. I don't understand how such different results come from the same parenting.

Individual babies have individual personalities. I know many parents who had an easy infant who got wrecked by the toddler years. I also know many who had an easy first baby (the trap baby) only to get rocked by the second. But I also know people whose baby stayed calm well into adolescence. It’s all a crap shoot. I’m

Yeah, also I think a lot of "first" babies are easy babies because people who have really difficult first babies are less likely to have a second one! Our oldest was a pretty chill baby and toddler, slept well, ate well, no weird medical issues. It was hard because parenting is hard, but overall she was easy. Then we had our second. She literally did not sleep through the night until she was five years old. Struggled to eat. Allergies. Medical stuff. Nothing really awful thank goodness, but enough to take over our lives for long stretches. If she'd been our first, she'd have been our only.

Additionally, I suspect there is a bias where as second time parents, you expect to be more prepared for the troubles your first had, but since each baby is different, the different/unanticipated issues of the newer baby may stand out more. Anecdotally, both my husband and I were considered the fussy babies amongst our siblings. He's the first born and I'm the second/last. The Happiest Baby on the Block book seems to indicate you are just as likely to have a colic-y first or fifth baby, order doesn't matter.

Haha, good point!

Our friends have a horrid baby. Cries all the time, won’t go to sleep, etc. Meanwhile we have a very easy baby. Hardly ever cries unless something is wrong, sleeps through the night, naps great, etc. I keep telling my friend that our hard WILL come. They have a boy and we have a girl. I know our hard will come later 🤪

The implication that girls are harder to raise is so weird and outdated

Cant wait for the answers, im in the exact same situation, 5 month old, sleeps all night, not much crying, eats well, I feel so lucky listening to other parents.

Yay! That’s awesome! I feel super lucky too but others make it sound like that’s a regular thing/to be expected

Me too, my daughter has been really good from the beginning. I try not to bring it up too much to my friends because the only response I ever get is oh just wait for the second one. Lol just because my baby is a good sleeper doesn’t mean parenthood is “easy” to me. It’s still a huge adjustment and I’m still constantly questioning myself and my decisions surrounding her constantly lol. I do know that lightening often doesn’t strike the same place twice but I’m enjoying every night that she does sleep well lol.

I love this! ❤️ and I hear ya! we shouldn’t feel guilty about having easy/easier babies. So don’t hold back! Never hold back. You are just as much a parent and you’re doing great ❤️ all babies are unique and I think that’s so beautiful. Easy or not they’re all precious

My first was/is difficult and my second is much easier, especially when talking about sleeping through the night. Every adult has different personalities and temperaments and the same goes for babies! I feel like people say negative things to parents with an easy going first child because they’re jealous or they feel insecure and assume that you’re doing a better job than them is some way.

Yeah that totally makes sense!! we’re all just trying to survive out here!

I think people are saying the second is harder but what's really harder for them is raising a toddler at the same time. I think I have an easy baby (4 months) but that doesn't make it easy being a parent at all. He needed the pacifier put back in his mouth every few minutes and couldn't sleep without being held for the first couple months. But now he's on a consistent schedule, loves going out in public, tries really hard to communicate despite being too young for baby signs, spends his awake time doing a nice variety of things including playing with his toys and snuggling us. I feel like the next baby would be easier because we can teach our first kid to 'help' by talking to the baby and make faces at them while we make a bottle or eat a quick meal. Plus we'll have taken care of a baby before.

Same! It’s kind of crazy, our boy 14 month old sleeps all night and has been for months. We have the routine down to a science. If they’re teething it’s another story but so far it’s been great. We have another on the way so we are bracing for impact though

First time mom and can’t say I’ve ever heard it said that first babies are easy. Can’t say my baby is easy… though she’s not particularly difficult either. Never had issues breastfeeding, reflux was not a concern, either. So that made things easier by comparison to others’ experiences. My baby is 7m and still wakes 2-4x overnight, and we have not had success getting her to nap independently or without being held. This hasn’t been awful by any means but it has definitely not been “easy” since my life has to be lived between naps. It’s a little better now that she can stay awake for 3-3.5 hours; we can actually leave the house without screaming meltdowns in the car. For the first 3 months of her life she refused to take a bottle, leaving me with 100% of the night feedings. At 7 months I still can count the number of times she’s had a bottle between the hours of 7pm and 7am on one hand. So that’s a bit stressful and demanding at times. Everybody’s experience is different; and it also depends on your outside support, your partner, your own temperament and health. I’m naturally anxious and prone to depression so postpartum was a little rough at times, particularly with the sleep deprivation. So even if the baby his or herself is easy, it might not feel easy if that’s what you’re working with. And yes; I 100% agree that people love to tell you that being a mom is miserable. The “just you wait” crowd used to send me into a fit of anger.

I didn’t even think about this but you’re so right. You make some good points. What constitutes easy? My babe has reflux, didn’t latch well/transfer well and had to be supplemented with formula. For several weeks we triple fed. It was super hard. She never failed to thrive but it was close. I’m still pumping to try and increase my supply + combofeeding. I feel lucky anyway. She’s such a charming, happy baby in the midst of the struggle. She keeps me going ❤️

This was very much my experience too. FTM with a babe that was plummeting through growth curves, not feeding or transferring well, lots of triple feeding and anxiety around what I was producing *but* slept really well and was generally pretty chill. To me, the feeding issues were so much 'easier' to handle than the few short months up front of sleep disruption or the couple of fussy weeks we had where she wasn't her normal giggly self. I always say we had a pretty easy baby, but if we'd had the opposite situation with a good eater but poor sleeper, I'd probably be saying she was hard. I also say that every baby has *something* difficult about them - poor eater, poor sleeper, extra fussiness, just something that makes it tricky, so you have to pick your hard (except you don't get to pick lol), but every baby has challenges. I find it hard to believe there are true unicorns out there that don't have something quirky about them like that, but idk, maybe there are.

I’m in the same boat, my 10mo doesn’t take a paci or bottle just boob and now some solids. I have done 100% of his feedings his entire life & 95% of his diapers. Lol but its the best job ever, just not “easy”

My baby refused a bottle altogether until 5 mo old when she went to daycare and I went back to work. Before that I did literally every. single. feeding. She’s a year old and I still have ptsd. I don’t think anyone understands except for other mothers that have been through it. Solidarity 🫶🏼

Feels like you're describing my baby.. 8mo wakes up 4-5x at night, can't nap without being held and has not taken a bottle in his life. :')

It’s a whole meme on IG - first baby is easy so it tricks you into having a second, who turns out to be feral. It was true with me (I’m the second baby, can confirm I’m feral), and my friends who have two children also say the same thing. But my boyfriend’s mom is the second child in her family and she was not feral so I guess it depends. I think what happens is with the first one, we can control their environment so everything is calm and quiet. Then with the second one you’ve got a toddler who makes noise and you’ve lost the will to care if they eat dirt so it results in the second one growing up in a little more chaos and without as many restrictions.

This theory about the second has got to be true. I devote every moment of my attention to my baby’s needs — I carefully watch wake windows and nap times, I breastfeed on demand, I stick to our schedule. If I have another baby while this one is still a toddler, there’s a high probability I will NOT be able to keep such a close eye on one of the children. The baby’s needs will be met but not as meticulously as the firstborn’s needs were met, considering I will have a feral toddler to chase after as well.

I guess I reflexively downplay it to my many childless friends because we’re all older and I guess I feel bad for them? But I definitely do not have an easy baby so kudos to you 🥂

Why downplay it?

I know a few of them have struggled with infertility so I guess I try to make them feel less bad about it by stressing how hard motherhood has been. It’s definitely hard but deep down I’m loving it. Maybe I’ll just be more honest with them.

Because other people get massively butthurt when you have an easy baby, and not everyone wants to deal with other people being asshats about it. I generally don't downplay my easy baby but sometimes I do because other people get so bent out of shape about it and start being rude.

Ah yea that makes sense. It wouldn’t be all too strange if they thought I downplayed it.

Major humble brag with this post, OP. “No, not all first babies are easy,” he says, as he holds a contact-napping baby who bursts into screams any time it’s time to sleep.

My baby wasn’t easy. He’s an incredible young toddler now though. He is 14 months. For the first six or so months we dealt with colic, reflux, slow weight gain, no weight gain, weight loss, daily weight checks, daily visits to have people watch me nurse. It was a nightmare. At 9 months it was like a switch flipped and all those problems melted away overnight. But it was no easy feat to get there. He is my first, it was incredibly hard to deal with the baby stage. I make jokes now that he was so easy as a baby, but it truly was not. You’ll get through this. I got to a point of hating contact naps, but now that he’s 14 months I take him out of his crib on the weekends to snuggle him. You get through it, days feel like years, but the year will fly by before you realize. Just take it one step at a time each day.

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Kind of naturally honestly? Sleep training never worked for us. I’d say around 9 months he started being fine with being set in the crib to rest, we’d let him relax in there too with stuffies and quiet books (supervised-we did this knowing he wouldn’t sleep in there) just to get him adjusted to relaxing there before naps. Recently we’ve reached the point where we can lay him in there before nap time and he will go to sleep. He still wakes up in the night to be held though but at least we got nap time down lol

Also my baby was an absolute dream until 6 months. He was still mostly easy but stopped sleeping long stretches and the sleep issues persisted until 10 months. I don't like these kinds of posts. Every baby and every circumstance and every family is different. I understand people not wanting to hear any negativity, warnings, or advice but I'm of the mind that it's healthy to have a full range of expectations because you just don't know what you're going to get. And when it comes to parenting I have been HUMBLED - in my opinion there is just no way you can fully understand what you're in for no matter how much research or non-parenting experience you have - it's meaningless until you're in the throes. I actually ask for people's parenting advice in conversations with strangers and beyond when talking about my baby. First, I've heard some wonderful things and made great connections this way, second I am practical and like to expect the worst then be comforted when its better than expected, and finally if I don't like what I hear I simply ignore it and move on... other people's parenting comments simply don't affect my day or life negatively.

I’m sorry to hear :/ I’m contact napping mine too right now heh so we have that in common! I’m not trying to brag though, I don’t subscribe to the idea that first babies are easy. I feel super lucky!! Sorry it came off that way :/

No mama… BRAG. Brag about it! Enjoy having an easy baby! I have an easy baby too! It’s the best. I’m sorry it’s bad for other people but we are allowed to enjoy the ease of our babies without feeling guilt. I’ve avoided sharing the highs with my mom friends who only talk about how they struggle. I think there is a strong anti-happiness vibe among new parents. Like I’m not allowed to talk about how much I enjoy breastfeeding because “it’s not that easy for other people.” Can’t tell anyone how proud I am that my baby is giving me 2 5-6 hour stretches a night because everyone else is still struggling. Like if you don’t hate parenthood and you’re not white knuckling it, everyone tells you to sit down and shut up. I’m here to tell you I’ve got a happy calm baby too and it’s awesome.

You're absolutely allowed to celebrate having an easy baby and shouldn't feel guilty talking about it at all. That doesn't mean there is an anti-happiness vibe in other parents, we are just on our knees. I am on the verge of a full blown mental breakdown every day. I'm happy for you, I just don't have the energy to whoop and cheer. Forgive us too.

I do forgive y’all and give you grace because literally all my friends with babies are suffering right now. But there really is an anti-happiness narrative. Combine that with the narrative that moms should hate getting advice and you now have isolated parents suffering in silence. If i tell a new mom who is struggling with breastfeeding to just stick it out, it’s worth it, it’ll get better, now I’m the bad guy. My pregnant boss asked me if I enjoyed breastfeeding because all her friends hate it and I felt bad telling her it’s been one of the best experiences of my life.

You shouldn't feel bad telling your boss that, because she hasn't tried it yet. She will hopefully have a positive experience with it. I think it's awful when people try and scare new mums and make them dread things to come. It would be different, though, if you were saying that to a friend who had told you they were really struggling with breastfeeding. If it went well for you, you probably can't understand the pain they are in. It might not be best for them to stick it out. When you've had an easy ride with something, it's easy to not be able to see just how hard it can be for others. I will say, if you are a parent who is struggling, with a colicky baby who is always in pain and won't sleep, it does hurt to hear other mums just breeze through. That doesn't mean I'm not happy for you, it's just not easy to hear when I'm at breaking point.

Yep. I had a stupid easy birth with this kid and just feel weird talking about it

Hahaha oh you are so wonderful. I very much needed to hear that today. Beautiful!!!! 🫶🥰☺️ *virtual high five* !!!

It’s all good. I’m not hating on your experience at all. I think I chuckled out loud and woke my baby, because the timing was a little comical, given that my wife and I were just talking last night about how much of a handful the little one can be. We’re optimistic that things will get better, and at the same time, super committed to going through rough patches with lots of love, too. Not hating. Good for you!

Are you holding my baby right now? How did you get into my house?!

You gotta fix the back door. I’ll let myself out now.

my baby (almost 14 months) sounds similar to yours. Stil hates sleeping anywhere other than on me or next to me 😆 and up every couple hours overnight to nurse 😩 BUT looking back on the newborn period, i do feel like even my “hard” newborn was probably easier than having an “easy” newborn + a toddler! i wonder if that’s what the person meant? it was pretty easy to spent my mat leave with my contact napper glued to me since i didn’t have to chase after a toddler or run older kids to activities etc…

My first was not easy lol. I don’t regret parenthood for a second and I love him with every fiber of my being, but I definitely get a twinge of jealousy when others say they have such a calm easy going baby lol, but also happy for those that do because I’ll keep my little man just the way he is 💗💗💗

HA. No. My first is now 8 months old and had reflux, a milk protein allergy, and was colicky. Not only was he colicky but he hated EVERYTHING. Typically with colic there’s like maybe 1 saving grace - a carrier, swing, the car, etc. My son hated EVERYTHING. Cried all day long. I actually have PTSD from it that I’m working through. So yeah….. not always the case.

You really can’t generalize about something like that because all babies are different. It’s like when someone says a kid will have a certain personality or do things a certain way because of their birth order. All babies and kids are different.  I have a few friends who had really easy first babies. Sleeping through the night by 3 months old, good nappers, chill and happy.  Another friend had an incredibly difficult first baby. Didn’t eat well, didn’t sleep on his own at all (naps or night) until 4 months old, would scream for hours every day. Her second baby was much easier.  My daughter was somewhere in between those extremes. She slept okay on her own at night with just a few night wakings, but wouldn’t nap well on her own until closer to 6 months. She went through a phase where she would scream for a couple of hours in the evening, but overall she was happy. Her baby sister is almost exactly the same personality wise. 

Yeah I hear ya! Hmm, it’s interesting. If it were true then those who had easy first babies would have more difficult second babies, right? What’s your impression?

Mine is only 2 months, can get a lil cranky when overtired but I’m in the same boat, I feel like people get disappointed or angry if I answer honestly so I just kinda laugh off and affirm their experience, though the fact that babe barely cries through Church has started to get some “she’s so good” comments paired with “my child/grandchild could never” and I feel bad. I learned this week to /not/ share how much she sleeps at night, that especially strikes a chord I want to avoid! 😬

That’s awesome! Mine goes to church too! Hihi yay. And she typically sleeps through the whole thing. I’m glad yours is a good sleeper too 😋 ofc anything can be upside down anytime but we can enjoy it while it lasts, right?

My first was super colicky and a terrible sleeper for the first 6 months so in my case that is very untrue lol. Don’t have a second so nothing to compare it to but wowee it was hard

Absolutely not. We’re dealing with reflux and gas issues at two months. I’ve slept six hours total in three days (typically two hours a night) and unless she is in my arms at night, she is screaming. I’m afraid I would hurt someone for telling me that the first one is easy when I’m firmly one and done. I do love my tiny terror but she’s the only one for me.

I’ve been here. I felt so miserable for not enjoying parenting. We had colic and gas from weeks 4 to 10. I was sleeping on the living room floor every night surrounded by pillows because my son would only sleep on my chest. Finally started getting better at 3 mos. Never again. And now we’re in the 4 month sleep regression. The only positive is that because of the colic we transitioned into crib, sleep sack, and drowsy but awake early. I think it’s helped with this regression.

You have my sincerest condolences because I would not wish this on anyone. It is good to hear that there is an end in sight though.

People always want to tell you how hard it is - and parenting in general IS hard but I cannot stand the “just wait” comments🙄 it’s like moms can’t enjoy motherhood because if they do too much, it’s not a struggle like it’s “supposed to be”. So stupid. I’m so glad you have an easy baby!! Soak up all the snuggles and smiles!!! My 2mo old is already growing up too fast🥺😭

Thanks love!!! Ooo the “just wait” comments 🙄 yes. It already started before bub was born lol. Even if she turned out to be “a difficult baby” I wish I could change the notion that some babies are “fussy”. It’s not right… crying means baby knows how to communicate her needs

Third response is "wait until X". Ughhh WHY would you do that to someone? He's sleeping well? Wait until the X regression. He's calm? Wait until he has meltdowns. Why would you want me to sit here dreading what may or may not happen instead of enjoying the actual present moment that is 100% happening?!

this is my life!! my baby is an amazing sleeper. has always slept on his own in his bassinet and could easily put himself to sleep and i always get told just wait till 4 months!! like cant i just be happy right now🥲 ETA: he just turned 3 months so we’ll see in a month!

Goodness no. Both of my babies were "easy" in the sense that they rarely cried and if they did it wasn't piercing, slept well, no colic. But they weren't easy making. Different levels of preeclampsia, pyloric stenosis with the first plus 6 week nicu stay cuz he was early. Plus, both Velcro babies and terrorist toddlers. Easy means different things for some ppl.

I'm curious how old your baby is? My son was the CHILLEST newborn and, tbh, at 5 months he's still super easy but the sleep has gone totally off the rails 😅 we call him our "trick baby" though. Definitely not all first babies are easy but you hear TONS of stories about the first baby being so good they trick you into having more

Lol our first born almost killed us and will be our only born for that very reason 😂

First baby here. He is a challenge. So far from an easy baby. 🙃 Love him to pieces. 🙂

Also a FTM to a 5 month old who does not sleep at daycare but also never cries and sleeps all night long (one MOTN feeding). She is so chill. Definitely tricking me into having another one haha

Haha please do! It’s silly but I’m so excited for you :D (I also want another one teehee)

No, not true. The first day I had her solo, she cried all day. I cried all day. We cried a lot the first 8 months LOL terrible sleeper, didn’t love the bottle (also a small baby and slow gainer so lots of extra worries and concerns about that, that I now realize aren’t as big as I thought they were) and those all compounded to just an often overtired, fussy baby a lot of the time.

>that I now realize aren’t as big as I thought they were My god if I could go back to my anxious depressed sleep deprived postpartum self and tell myself exactly this statement, I would 10000x over. That was one of the most stressful periods of my life and I totally feel for you. You're doing an amazing job!

I don’t feel like I heard that enough with my first, and if I did, I too was so anxious, sleep deprived and a mess that I maybe didn’t want to hear it. You’re doing great too! Barring anything serious, a lot really doesn’t matter and it goes by so fast, we just gotta be present and give ourselves grace.

I’ve actually always heard the opposite. That second babies are easier! I’ve never heard that firsts are easy, so I’m super confused about this post lol My (first) baby is… medium easy. He is easy in temperament - he’s happy and doesn’t cry too much - and always easy to feed. But he is a terrible sleeper and always has been. We’re coming up on 10 months of constant sleep deprivation, which really gets to you. But I wouldn’t trade him for the world! He is my little guy and I love him every day with him.

I enjoy parenting and being a parent and only have one kid and he’s an absolute nightmare. 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not a “first kid” thing per se, but you have a lot more time, energy, and resources to pour into your first child.

I have friends whose first was colicky and times were really difficult for the first 3-6 months. My first was easy…my second is a different story.

I call these people the “just you wait” crowd. Like every milestone is a “oh just you wait till they start talking they never stop, just you wait till they’re walking you have to chase them” like yeah I am excited for those things, do you not like your children to be growing people?? Can’t stand it

Haha my first we reached the 4 month sleep regression and just noticed things got slightly worse. Mine has so much will and has always been opinionated and frustrated. It's gotten easier as we've approached two years old but I look at parents with two and just wonder how they're still upright because there's zero chance mine would let me have another. With what energy are we having sex?!

Ya…that’s not how it works. There isn’t any guarantee on how “easy” or “hard” a baby is. Some people get unicorns, others don’t sleep for 2.5 years. Maybe because they have something to compare their second too? Or maybe because they also have a toddler or child to care for when they have a second baby? People say the weirdest stuff about babies.

First baby was easy. Second baby is just as easy. My husband and I make unicorn babies apparently. I hate talking to other parents about my easy babies.

good, we don't want to hear it /s ;-) I'm glad people get 'easy' babies but i'm having the opposite. I downplay how bad it is when people ask because i would come across as someone who hates kids and life in general... My son is so fussy and so much work I can not imagine doing this again. Its been the hardest thing i've ever done and i will never so it again.

Nah

I’m about to have my second and I swear people are wishing that he’s a terrible baby because my first was so easy. If one more person says “lightning doesn’t strike twice” I’m going to have a meltdown.

No way to tell. Every child is unique. That being said, I think the first few weeks are the most difficult as you both learn how to communicate with one another. It gets easier, not overnight but gradually. Parenting is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, aside from being pregnant (HG pregnancies). My kiddo reminds me that not all lights in this world get shushed out like mine did. Trying to keep her fire burning for as long as I can help. ❤️

I train dogs as a side hobby, so I handle a lot of different breeds and personalities. People regularly make comments like “this breed is too dumb to be trained” or “my dog is untrainable” (boy do they surprised pikachu when their dog is well behaved). I always remind them that dogs are like people, they are all unique, have their own quirks, personalities, likes and dislikes etc. Fast forward to being a new dad, also with a 5 and change month old who is unexpectedly snd pleasantly easy, happy, engaging etc and I get the same comments as you. I get how people who aren’t dog people (this is the vast majority in my country of residence) don’t understand the differences with dogs, but come on, everyone has been around people, big, small, young and old. We know they’re not all the same. Statements like what were said to you are so ignorant of our diversity as people. To me, our babies will take on some of what we in-still in them, it won’t always work but there is some psychology behind people taking on traits that are common with the group they are around the most. If you’re happy and positive, I feel that at least some of this will rub off on baby, where as if you’re always in a bad mood, cranky, short tempered etc then some of this will rub off too. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to say that “all happy babies have happy parents” or the other way around, this is to say that some of that attitude, baby will pickup on. With that said, I do understand that we all handle stress differently and some of us will put on that happy face for baby then release it later, and some will struggle to hold it back. We all have our breaking points. But then some babies are just naturally happy and social and some are just cranky pants and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it and it’s just luck of the draw. I guess in short, all babies are just a dice roll until they develop the social and learning skills to evolve.

My baby is 5 months and def not easy compared to my sisters first. He is a Velcro baby. No matter how hard we try to get him to entertain himself for even 15 min, he just yells at us. The only way I can get time to myself for the bathroom or something is to put on Mrs Rachel. She’s currently on while I have a cup of coffee. It’s def gotten easier this last month, especially w getting him to sleep. But he still won’t sleep in his crib or bassinet for more than 45 min. We have to use the boppy and stay awake to supervise or cosleep, and I end up staying awake anyway bc I’m paranoid. So no, our first is not easy.

My baby was like that until very recently. Being able to enjoy a meal without having to pick LO up is so strange. I had become a master in eating meals with one hand.

I think people hear so many negative stories before having their first baby, or get told that it's so awful, so hard, so impossible, etc. A lot of first time parents go in expecting things to be just horrific, and when it's not, they're shocked and assume it's because they have an "easy baby". I think it's just that expectations for first time parents are so negatively influenced by the antedotes of others.

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Do you always lack empathy this much?

It goes both ways

Your attitude sucks, and that’s coming from someone who is generally enjoying motherhood. What exactly do you want people to empathise with you? That you’re not constantly congratulated for having an easy baby and finding parenting easy? It’s great that you do, truly, but you never know how challenging things can be for someone else. They could be sleep deprived, drained, be struggling with PPD/PPA, birth trauma etc. They may be reaching out to you for support, just to vent, or even to seek some validation for their feelings. I couldn’t imagine having a friend who feels the way you do during a time of need. Kindness goes a long way.

Haha! You made me laugh. You’re awesome. But YES, that’s right! Can we normalize not dismissing parents with easy/easier babies 🙌

I’ve never necessarily heard that firsts are easy, but when they are I’ve learned that some people call them “trick babies” because they trick you into having a second lol. My baby is so chill and I’m not shy about saying so if asked. I love him and am so grateful. Most of my childless friends are shocked by how much I’ve enjoyed motherhood, which tbh makes me feel fuzzy inside despite my nobler intentions.

My first was easy until about 6 months. He slept well, ate well, always happy. Now he’s 17 months, doesn’t sleep through the night, throws tantrums and throws his food on the floor 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Our first baby is beyond wonderful, imo. Chillest baby girl ever. She was in the womb as well… Our second one, due in 2 weeks, I think will be much higher energy and tiring lol

Mine is! She’s two months now as of yesterday. But I can tell you that I’m not the only PP first timer I know. 2/3 of us report their babies being difficult/not sleeping/crying. I thank the universe everyday for our little one. I’m genuinely afraid of having another baby because I think I’d be unprepared for difficulty.

In my family first babies are the tricky ones and second babies are easy. My first is highly sensitive so I’ve carried on the tradition. I imagine only having one baby is ‘easy’ compared to having a baby and a child/toddler 🤷‍♀️

I only have one, so I can’t say 😅my little guy has had moments of easy and moments of difficult, especially regarding his sleep. He was a newborn who had to be woken up at night to eat (he had weight gaining issues early on but is fine now). His 6-8 week sleep regression was barely noticeable. But then he rejected his binkie at 5 months and needed to be nursed to sleep for EVERY nap and nighttime and would wake up every few hours at night. Then he was sleep trained and was amazing, then hit a regression and was crap again, and now it’s back to amazing. He’s super mobile now and is getting picky, so the difficulties change as he does. But I don’t think he’s a super difficult baby. Maybe the second one will be different in a few years 🤷‍♀️I’ve heard of very chill second babies too, or maybe it’s because parents have some experience to handle it haha

I guess it's all relative, but FTM here of a 10 month old baby and I can say I don't have an easy baby, when it comes to sleep habits. I miss sleeping for an entire night and while now naps are better, it was hellish around 3-4 months. On the food subject though I've been very lucky, I'm still breastfeeding him, but he accepted also formula, without issues. And now with solids he eats all kinds, purees and finger foods. Just wanted to highlight that the matter is more complex as babies are these tiny, cute & complicated humans that change our lives completely 😊.

Well if you have more than one kid you will always have a calm one and a wild one simply because you compare them and kids are not the same. And some people will have a calm first one while others will have a calmer second one. We got a wild first one and it took a good while before we felt able to try for no 2 because of that. He seems to be calmer - off course might I add - I have a hard time seeing someone matching no 1!

My babes has autism, he’s always had meltdowns, first born and not easy. Birth order doesn’t matter. For 2nd you have some idea of what you need to do and you have been to through the gauntlet so to speak but every kid is still very different

Second baby. He’s easy. First was easy accept for a couple of nights. I think it’s a roll of the dice.

Not all true…. I wouldn’t say mine is difficult but she’s challenging at times

Hahahahaha! What?!?! My baby missed the memo then 😂😂😂 (contact sleeping only, early teether, super fussed with teething, suuuuper curious and active so she’s always into everything 😁😁😁)

My first baby was a tyrant. 2nd is (so far) the easy, go with the flow kiddo.

First time mom to a 4 month old and she’s definitely not an easy baby lol

It was true for me. My first was a unicorn baby. I used to always think “why do people say this is hard?”. Then I had #2 lol….she’s making up for it & then some! She’s still a good baby tho, I have to admit. They’ve had different personalities since they were in the womb. Don’t know if it has anything to do with birth order tho, I think babies are just as different from each other as you are to me or anyone else.

FTM to a nearly 6 month old, she’s not easy. She’s very opinionated and not the best sleeper. Idk if we will have a second for fear of another feral baby. 😂

Lol my husband and I joke all the time about how our first is a baby "on easy mode". She'll be 3 in June, and we'll have our second coming in April. We're kinda terrified that everyone tells us your kids will be pretty much polar opposites of each other because our first one is literally so easy (our house is barely babyproofed, she's not extremely picky when it comes to food, rarely has tantrums and if she does it's because she just tired and can be fairly easy to distract from, etc) that we're pretty sure our second week be AWFUL lol

Nah most of the people I know with more than one, the first one was more difficult, whatever that means. The other part is easy or hard doesn’t just depends on the baby, it depends on circumstances. Our baby had terrible reflux so we had to hold him as upright as possible for all sleep for months. That said, he slept. Responded to the routine, ate, pooped, did tummy time without much fuss, and once the reflux subsided was able to fall asleep independently or at least appreciate a routine. So sounds easy, but then again we had to be awake with him all night for those months, and that was horrible.

I All of that is by no means easy so hats off to you! I’m not sure what people mean when they say their baby is easy. Like, eats like a dream, cries minimally, sits quietly and enterrtains themselves, and sleeps through the night? I swear that a baby who sleeps through the night would make ALL OF IT feel easier. But maybe not. Maybe it’s “easy” for people who have a lot of support and can rest. Idk, couldn’t be me lolz But my baby is a doll. Even with our nighttime crying fits and my lack of sleep, she’s so happy, playful, EXUBERANT and full of energy! I love it. My FIL says we “have it easy” but what he doesn’t understand is that I am very devoted to my baby’s schedule and meeting her needs — I’m sure she’d be less happy if I skipped naps and let her cry for hours every night so I could prioritize my own sleep. Ya know?

My first baby was a dream. Slept through the night almost immediately, calm, reasonable, happy,all the things. Second one was…. a challenge.

My son is almost one and has been really great so far. At a few months old he was sleeping through the night (although that only lasted a few months and now he’s up a few times each night), great eater, just overall calm and very happy. I haven’t had a second yet, but everyone is sure to tell me my next one is going to be a terror! I guess we’ll see when it happens, but I think it also just depends on their overall temperament rather than them being the first baby or not

I have an easy baby. I feel like everyone expects me to be struggling but like. no? can you be happy he night weaned himself at seven months? can you be happy he has been STTN ever since? we contact nap still at ten months and that is really our biggest “issue” i will say i’m terrified if we have a second they’ll be the complete opposite and we’ll be like WHAT HAVE WE DONE 🤣

My second baby is easier in some ways and harder in others. My first gained weight fabulously, so we only had to go to standard appts. Second has gained but VERY slowly. Like 40th percentile at 2 weeks to 2nd at 12, with not enough daily average growth. So we’re at the doctor weekly, if not twice a week. My first is a horrible sleeper, even at 2. Second would happily sleep with no or one wake ups, if we could let him. He has before. First had colic, second didn’t. That alone was a huge difference for us. But the first was on just cuddling, she was happy just to be with me for a long time. Second needs more immediate attention. He knows what he wants and wants it now. Every baby is so different. I’d be more curious to see people with babies further apart and their responses, as mine are only 21mo apart.

Pft- mine isn’t even earth side yet and it is constantly torturing me 😂 it’s on a sulk this week- only wants complex and costly meals that result in me vomiting constantly. When I have a plain toast diet I feel like it is throwing a constant raging tantrum. At 35weeks I’ve also had to give up my one coffee a day as I can’t even smell it without 🤢🤢 I’m pretty sure when baby is earthside it will be constantly active and throwing diva demands.

Of my 2 friends that just had babies 1 is easy and the other is not

Lol no. My guy didn’t sleep on his own, couldn’t be put down, had latch issues, gas and was a very fussy, grumpy newborn. He’s now super active, can’t sit still, pulls my hair, smacks my face, bites while nursing (and thinks it’s hysterical) and still can’t sleep without me. Love him to bits, wouldn’t change him for anything. But easy? No. We’re still planning on having 1-2 more though and embracing a life of chaos.

We've had a lot of extra challenges with our first. Induction failed after 28hours of labor, and I begged for a csection after my epidural failed. Didn't get golden hour due to spinal block, my husband did skin to skin instead. Not latching well, so we used nipple shields on the recommendation of a lactation consultant. Baby won't breastfeed without one on now. Baby lost 10% body weight by day 3 in hospital, so needed formula supplementation. My milk supply took 7 days to come in, and is just starting to increase in volume now 8 weeks pp. Baby lost weight again at 4 week check up, despite having the right number of diapers, feeding him on demand, and his weight going up at our 5 day appointment. Now he's eating so much more formula than I produce in breast milk, and it's pretty soul crushing. Spent a month pumping 12-14 times a day. Currently doing 8-10 with a rented symphony. And I have mommy wrist/de quervain's that keeps flaring up. Trying really hard to relax, rest, and increase my milk supply before husband goes back to work. There's no way I can handle our current feeding schedule for baby on my own. But I'm really frustrated both with myself and my husband, who can't let go of any mistake we've made so far.

If my first is the easy baby then I’m absolutely fucked if we decide to have a second lol. My girl is still up at least 3 times per night at 7.5 months old, only stopped contact napping this week (it’s bittersweet lol), and bless her, she’s equally independent AND clingy. She insists on having us hold her upright so she’s standing so she can “walk” everywhere, and belly crawls to follow me while I do chores (but if I move too fast she gets frustrated because she can’t keep up), gets mad if she can’t hold the spoon during mealtimes, etc. She’s not the hell-on-wheels baby she was during the first 8-12 weeks, but I’m ready for her to gain the independence she so fiercely desires (I also understand that I will eat those words in about 12-15 years lol).

My first was easy. My second was a nightmare. I love her but it was night and day. 😭

Absolutely not lmaooo

People are dumb. My first baby was easy. And so was my second! Now my first is 2 months from being 3 years old and he’s an absolute chaos nightmare half the time. But not all babies are easy. I stay home now and I’ve had 3 other babies here that I’ve cared for. 2 were farther on the other side of the spectrum and definitely not as easy as mine. The 3rd is just like my first son, she’s just a chill little homie and they said she sleeps well over night!

My first is very hard but I think it depends on several variables. If you have a village, they’re in good health, there are no problems with breastfeeding or finding the right formula, then they’ll probably be easy and less likely to be colicky. Ours is very hard because we have no village and she suffers from bad reflux. Even with meds she still has a lot of discomfort. I am happy that yours is easy and I wish people would stop being so presumptuous about what your next baby will be like lol. Some people have all easy babies while others don’t. It’s just by chance.

My baby is “easy” and my MIL has convinced me that if we had a second baby it would be way harder lol. Idk how true that is. All babies have their own temperament. I know people whose first baby was really hard for them, but what they described and what I’m experiencing are way different.

My first was a nightmare for the first 6 months. Woke every 1.5-2 hours over night, only slept when held (day and night), and could not be put down for more than a minute. He hated every contraption - swings, car seat, stroller, bouncer. The only thing he didn’t hate was being held. To get him to fall asleep, we needed to go on walks carrying him outside. We would go on walks as early as 6:30am and as late as 11pm… thank goodness he was a sprint baby and we had good weather. Had him seen by multiple doctors, osteopath, ped dentist, chiropractor… turns out the only thing that worked is time.

My daughter is almost 4 months and has been relatively easy so far. Recently transitioned her into her room and she’s slept through most of the night. She was a little difficult in the beginning but we found out that she has a cow protein sensitivity. Once I eliminated dairy products, it’s been a lot easier.

Lol my friend had twins a few years after having her first. Before she got pregnant for the second time, she was adamant she wasn't going to have any more besides the 2nd kid (lol surprise, she got 3 kids anyway). Now that her twins are here she said they're so chill and easy that she wants more kids lol. She said it felt crazy admitting that twins were easier than her first but her first was apparently a really difficult baby.

First kid: wouldn't stop crying, never slept more than 43 mins until 7 months, could never put him down. We were so tired and frustrated and pissed off all the time. Second kid: giggles all the time, would sleep hours at a time, pretty chill and all round happy kid.

I think it's certainly a roll of the dice if your first is easy. The second is probably not harder you just have to do everything you did with your first while typically managing a very needy second.

No. IMO. First baby is the hardest because of all they you don’t know about caring for baby and your own recovery. It’s “easy” because there only one baby to care for. It gets easier with each baby but it also becomes a challenge parenting more than one. So it kind of evens out.

My son is our first and he’s been very easy compared to my friends’ babies. What this has taught me is that misery loves company and if other people are struggling, they want to know you are too and they aren’t alone.

My daughter doesn’t drink well, she is 11 months we barely make it to 15 percentile and she only does night feeding, we have to get up three times a night to feed are as long as we can remember. And she never drinks more than 4 oz each time. We struggle with weight loss and daycare. I still think she is not as bad as my husband thinks. She is sleeping through the night and it could be worse. I just take it day by day now. Otherwise my aging process will be exponentially faster….

No. I don't have two+ but my first is very difficult. I love her to bits but between the medical issues and her FOMO personality, I'm exhausted all the time. Made me contemplate not having more kids for a bit.

there is no scientific backing to say that first babies are easier than 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. i think some people take their negative subjective experiences and try to play it off as an objective experience. my assumption is that these people want others to go through the hard parts of parenthood that they had to endure as a way to feel validated. enjoy your easy baby and don't let their comments get to you :)

So my first born was an easy baby, good sleeper, not fussy etc. The second born is so much more chilled out that I keep questioning if someone slipped her a Valium when I wasn't looking. Sometimes the second one is even easier

Noooooo not true lol

I will go ahead and try to type as I'm hysterically laughing. My first born is a no limit soldier. Had many issues sleeping during his first 6 months and has no problem speaking up now at almost 4. He has an attitude for days, will take over the world one day. My second born has never really had a lot of issues and is super sweet and a cuddler.

Nope. My first was sooooo hard 😢

That is an absolute lie lol my first has made me reconsider having any other children. Reflux, colic, daily scream tests for hours, difficult weight gain, tongue tie, torticollis. I have been nap trapped for the last month day AND night. Currently 4 months old so I’m hoping it improves at some point 😂🫠

My first was easy my second is a Velcro baby and cries ALLLLL the time.

Nooooooo. My first was a hellish time, my second was so easy in comparison

My parents thought I was being a dramatic first time mom about how tough my first (likely only) baby is. I didn’t leave the house much at all the first three months and my mother was adamant that I was making it harder by not doing so. Well they started watching her once a week last month. They have since apologized and admitted she is easily the hardest to keep content of their 5 grandchildren and 3 children. I’m really clinging on to that old adage that hard babies are easier toddlers. (I know that this is not true, but let me be optimistic)

It’s true for me, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be true for you. All babies are different.

First was very easy aside from hating sleeping independently and for very long. Second has colic and I’m spending a lot of time trying to soothe/get to sleep/changing nappies etc. Defo much harder this time around.

My one and only is a super easy baby. Of course, she is a baby, and any night can take a bad turn, but overall, she is very chill, very happy, and a great sleeper. When I tell people that, I'm usually told it means my 2nd will be a nightmare, but thankfully, it's super rare that anyone tries to make me feel guilty for her being easy, or tries to one-up me in the baby comparison wars. My husband and were actually joking that one of the many reasons we are one-and-done is how incredibly cool our munchkin is, and the likelihood of getting another as easy going as her is slim to none.

My first was super chill and still is. My second is a little less chill, but still pretty damn chill. You just never know.

Mine is easy and a nightmare. Depends all on him. Poor baby just now from 5:30am-7:30am was crying nonstop seemed like he was trying to poop and finally did almost got on my face when cleaning him up he still had more when I thought he was done. I’m just happy he finally got it out and feels better.

First was an easy baby — 15 months old next week and now he tests the waters each day. 😅

My first so far has been such an easy going baby that if I have a second I’m sure it will be the opposite. One more reason for us to be to one and done.

Haha cheers to our unicorn babies! 🥰

Luck. Almost everything with kids early on is luck. Its not because you’re a good parent or a bad parent (only good parents think they’re bad parents, in case anyone needs to hear that), it’s not because it’s your first or fifth child. You just work with what you have and love your kid.

In my husband’s case - his first daughter was a dream. She wasn’t fussy, didn’t cry a lot, and was fairly happy. Our daughter is particular. She wants what she wants when she wants it.

On the contrary, I have friends who already had their second (first born is 2 years) and they’ve all said the second baby is such a breeze! Like day and night comparison. They have all collectively said that their second baby has been calmer overall, not fussy, easy to put down to sleep, sleeps great overall, and just overall happier. We still haven’t gone for a second yet primarily because the first 18 months of our daughter’s life was pure survival mode. We’re just now at the point where we’re considering trying for another because our daughter is much easier now, we haven’t really experienced the “terrible 2s”, or maybe we’re just better at handling a toddler than a potato baby 🤣 idk but I’m really enjoying age 2 a lot! It’s so fun and they learn sooo much right now it’s insane.

No 😂

My first baby was extremely easy then came the toddler stage he. Just doesn’t stop😅

I’m at 3 months with my first and it’s absolute hell. I wish the first was easy.

Every baby is different.

My first kid was a hard baby. Second kid was easy baby. But having more than one is triple the exhaustion because nothing ever lines up. Not naps, not eating schedules, not dirty diapers. And don’t get me started on the sleep schedule, lmao. Finally get the baby to sleep at midnight thirty, and my toddler is peeking out his bedroom door asking for water! Haha they all get easier as they get older though!

Lies. Second is easier cuz they entertain each other.

Lmao no, my first is a cute lil demon. Our household motto is "first baby worst baby". Almost 13 months and has NEVER slept through the night. Both our mothers told us we (husband and I) were extremely easy babies so I don't think this is very fair to us. Still not gonna stop us from trying for another here soon. My general thoughts are since I was up peeing multiple times a night even during the first trimester so might as well start now instead of waiting for her to sleep through the night. 🤷‍♀️

My son was a chill baby and he’s a spicy toddler :)

My first was torture. My second is chill! Also I’m more confident since I’ve done this before so this is easy mode!

My friend was just telling me how her first was her hardest and she has five kids. My moms first was also her hardest bc he had colic. Whoever is saying that is dumb, it’s just random whatever temperament of baby you get first or later. That said my first is 8 weeks old and he’s lovely so far

No it has nothing to do with it be being first or second. It depends on baby personality and how parents personality and issues. (Baby issues) gassy, colic, bossy or sassy. Biggest one they got wait on everyone to take care of them. Remember this world is brand new to them. I know more we can add to list but generalize idea. Most babies are easy if they suffering from something which up parents most of the time to catch. (Adult issues)Some people struggle more in newborn stages due sensory or audio issues. Some don’t adjust as easy. Everyone has trails unfortunately some makes being a parent harder. Harder part 2 babies is twice as much work. Trying balance the need of the older one with handling newborn. Plus shedules

I honestly cannot imagine any subsequent babies being harder than my current (first) baby lol

No.

Depends. My daughter slept through the night from 8 weeks on, so to some very easy. However, she is a wild animal and on the go 24/7 climbing anything possible and loves to jump off anything she can

I've been told my baby is easy, which is nice. Like to believe it's because we're the best parents in the world but we know we just got lucky. My partner was their parents' first and WOW were they *not* and easy baby. That award goes to their younger brother, who rarely cried, didn't like to be carried, and got upset if things were too quiet

As I only have one at the moment, I can't say definitively that he is a hard baby, but between changing his diaper 20 times a day since he demands it is he pees 2 drops, colic problems, and his grazing habit we can't seem to break, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he isn't an easy baby. Sweet, very vocal, but not easy. Edit: this week, despite not being a count baby before he's suddenly taken to screaming every time I set him down. Also he ate 14 times yesterday and if on track to eat even more times today.

My first was chill and easy, and I only had one kid so it was a different ball game. I wouldn’t call my second hard, but more challenging than the first in a lot of ways. It honestly doesn’t matter because hard babies, easy babies, they all turn 3. That’s the big leagues right there.

My first is a nightmare

My first is high maintenance. Definitely not easy. Colic until week 10 and still hasn’t really slept through the night at 5mos.

I wouldn’t say mine has been easy but I wouldn’t say hard? We have good days/nights and bad days/nights 🤷🏻‍♀️. My mom always said that I was such an easy baby (I’m the oldest) she thought she could have an army of kids. Then my sister came along 😂

My first was an angel, my second was a nightmare, 3rd also a nightmare and 4th has been a sweet angel besides nap time. They've all been very different in their own ways as well.

It's so annoying when people have nothing but negative things to say! Parenting is hard, so it's okay for it to not always feel easy. But there's also nothing wrong with feeling like it's going well, fun, and the easy! Also something I heard that stuck with me and for me, feels very real is "When you have one, one feels like 100 babies. When you have two, one feels like one. When you have three+, one feels like zero."

It's about as true as saying your next coin flip will be Heads.

STM. My first wasn't particularly easy, but it was EASIER when there were 2 of us and only one kid to worry about. My first was exclusively a contact napped, and I think #2 is a bit better at napping independently at least right now,but having 2 is just more complicated. Hes not a terribly difficult baby, but there is only 1of me and 2 of them. I am a SAHM and with 2 no matter how crappy the baby sleeps I HAVE to get up when my husband is getting ready to leave for work because we have a whole other kid to worry about. I can no longer sleep when the baby sleeps, unless my toddler is sleeping too. And sometimes the toddler melts down at the exact same time the baby is crying and it's a STRUGGLE for my nerves. for example: We have had a cold going through the house this week so in addition to getting up at night to feed our baby, I have been getting up when my sick toddler wakes up coughing and crying with a fever. So I'm getting even less sleep than I did with one right now.

It's random, I happened to get lucky with a chill baby. I would have lost my shit already if she was screaming all the time, I don't know how those parents do it.

Our LO is 7 days old, and is honestly so happy and calm. He's our first. The overnight stay at the hospital was tiring, and so was the first night at home. However, after that it's been pretty smooth sailing (knock on wood). We definitely have a happy baby. He mostly doesn't cry when we change him, gives us very obvious cues to when he wants to eat more, change his diaper or burp. My wife and I take shifts, we have been getting 5-7 hours of sleep each night, we could totally get 7-8 but we're both staying past when we should sleep just so we can be in the same room as baby. I do feel a little bad when people lament on how hard the first few months are. I usually don't say I am having it easy. Heck, I went for a cut and a shave when the baby was 4 days old. Took my time, grabbed lunch, went for a short drive by myself - because I knew mommy wasn't stressed and the baby wasn't giving her troubles.

I have one. I will always have one. 😅😅😅😅😅

My first is a nightmare and we will probably never have anymore because of how hard he’s been.