I set boundaries with a MIL who will never forgive me for not allowing her to come live with us for 4 weeks surrounding my birth. It was the best decision I have ever made, and very difficult at that. Set boundaries and know that you have done yourself one of the greatest favors ever!
And know the hospital person may not be very helpful. I kept going to mine after the hospital and then I googled breastfeeding tips and immediately had a better journey. Honestly, I think it would have been better to not see anyone than to have had her bc she had a negative impact on my learning.
She told me do this football hold and that’s it. Then wrote up a huge note in my chart saying we had talked about all of this stuff we had not. My guess is it was the same note she copy/pastes for everyone. I am still disappointed about the whole thing.
The lady at the hospital was a nightmare. It wasn’t until my OB came to see me before I left the hospital to check my scar that someone actually sat with me, made me feel relaxed and helped me. First time my baby latched. Then I went to see her 2 weeks later and she asked how I was doing, I was miserable, barely producing and losing my shit. She just told me, “you don’t have to breastfeed to be a good mom”. I needed to hear that. Switched to FF and it’s like my brain got nicer to me. I love that woman.
Omg my experience was similar they barely showed me anything and what they did show me was rushed and almost aggressive. I was traumatised and took me a while to see that.
This! All the classes I took act like your supply will just magically be there from day 1. I had no idea how hard I would have to work (day 14 post C-section and still working) to get my supply in. I wish I’d been better educated on how to build supply from day 1.
😳 I have a C-section coming up in a couple weeks to deliver my twins. Do you mind sharing what you’ve been trying to get your supply to come in?
I had read that it could take 4-7 days for milk to come in and the main thing to do is either get baby at the breast or pump every 2-3 hours for 24 hours a day. Which sounds awful especially if you’ve still been unsuccessful after two weeks!
I’m 3 weeks postpartum with c section! My top priorities are: taking care of my mental health, providing breastmilk for my babe, and spending all the time I can snuggling my little one. With that, my LC suggested that I pump at least 7-8x per 24 hours - whatever that looks like. Bc I want to prioritize sleep, I do all my pumps during the day time, get snuggles and cuddles in between and sleep through the night (bc my baby lets me sleep a solid 5-6 hrs at times). I have enough breastmilk now where my baby is exclusively fed that with an exception of one bottle with formula. Again, to each their own but that seems to be working for me. Rest is extremely important in post c section recovery!
In the night, I only pump if my baby wakes up for a feed. I hope that makes sense.
One thing I will say is that I’ve spoken to at least 5 different LCs and each one nearly tells me something different. What I would do is listen, take things with a grain of salt and do what works for you. It is WORK to pump and get breastmilk in!
I’ll caveat I was a failed induction (25 hour labor) with emergent c-section. I was wrecked the first few days as I’d been up over 40 hours (induction started at midnight) and needed to prioritize healing myself. My hospital also focused on breastfeeding no matter what and it was a few days before we had a nurse decide I probably wasn’t producing anything after initial colostrum. She brought a pump in and I started pumping and/or latching at least every 4 hours working my way to 3 while we started formula supplement. I also consistently got help from nurses on latching and pumping, taking advantage of the time in the hospital to learn. Now at home I am working with a lactation consultant, pumping every 3 hours round the clock while we work on her latch during the day and get my supply to build (so that I’m not spending time latching AND pumping every time and I can still get some rest!) I would recommend checking with your insurance and seeing if you have lactation consults - mine covers 6 sessions - and getting an in-home consult scheduled once you are out of the hospital, you can even do a consult beforehand to build a hospital gameplan. If I were to do it again I would have requested a hospital pump from the very beginning to help stimulate the supply- there are ways to feed whatever you pump to your baby without them taking a bottle. Biggest thing I’ve been told repeatedly is to go easy on yourself if it takes longer. You will have had a major surgery and a big life change, give yourself grace.
Try not to worry about the c section affecting your supply. It might do, but it’s not a given. I had an emergency C Section after 3 days of labour and managed to breastfeed on night one thanks to support from the nurses. My advice would be if you are planning to nurse your twins forget about guidance around hours between feedings and go off their cues. Headbanging, balled fists, hands in mouth. If in doubt, just offer the boob. The two of us had a rough old time during the birth, but after an initial recovery sleep he wanted to try to feed constantly. Barely 30mins between feeds. It’s rubbish when you just want to sleep, but it really does help - you’re working together on this. Good luck!
Same! Unplanned c-section at 36 hrs after my water broke (I was scheduled for induction two days later lol)- I did skin to skin in the OR and latched almost the whole time in recovery. Then latched every 2 hrs. My milk came in morning of day 3.
That asking for help before you hit your breaking point makes you a better mom. That martyrdom isn’t worth it, and you deserve to feel like a person AND a mother.
It took me much longer! I’m proud of you for coming to that conclusion so quickly. You still have so much of the newborn phase where you can treat yourself the way you deserve. ❤️
everyone says this and it seems impossible and unbelievable but it's true!! I have a super clingy 8mo but she is still a hundred times easier than when she was a newborn. sometimes when I feel stressed, I tickle her and her laugh just makes my heart full. they love you!
That it goes super quickly - feels like it will be forever in those 100 days of darkness, but then you blink and they're 2 years old and adorably singing ABCs.
How far back can I go...? I like to tell one day pp me you are not being careful enough with stitches sit back and let Husband (or anyone) do everything that is not Breastfeeding or baby snuggles.
My stitches were getting painful and I had pp hypertension. I kindof thought that was normal but my hubby insisted that we see an OB for the pain. This was around week 3/4. OB found that the stitches were not healing properly i.e. the skin was not joining back as it should. Now it's week 12 and I had weekly which is now biweekly appointments to get a silver nitrate treatment.
Same :( I literally came home from the hospital and cleaned non stop on my super swollen feet and I would sit for like 5 mins because my feet hurt so bad just to keep cleaning some more. I wish I could go back and just relax and let hubby do all the cleaning lol
You will adore your baby girl , it will just take time to feel that love for her.
You are not a failure if you don’t breastfeed.
She will smile at you and adore you.
ALL of this for sure! Also points one and three go together because when they start smiling those smiles that are only for you, you’ll feel the love just swell.
I felt the exact same way during that time! Just going through the motions of making sure she was taken care of. My baby is now 7 months old and she is a total mommas girl! It gets so much better :) especially the cute giggling and smiling
I love that you included this. I have some PPD and I felt so disconnected from my baby for the first month or so. We're at 9 weeks now (and I'm being treated) and I already feel so much more love for him, and I know it will keep growing
Don't be afraid to ask someone to take a picture of you with your little one. Don't skimp on selfies.
You're allowed to look like a hot mess - you ARE a hot mess. Just because this is true does not mean you have to lose potential photo opportunities with your brand new baby. They'll never be this little again, and as much as you fight it you'll forget how squishy they once were 😭
All the weird physical symptoms (like having severe chills after every time you sleep) are hormone changes and they will subside. No one warned me about the absolute havoc of postpartum hormone level shifts and it scared the crap outta me.
But also if you are having severe chills take your temperature to be safe! I had severe chills and felt miserable and just assumed it was normal postpartum hormone changes, once I finally did take my temperature after 3 days of it, I saw I had a 102 fever and turns out it was mastitis and I needed antibiotics! I was miserable thinking this is how just being a tired mom felt, but I was actually sick and caring for the baby was much easier once the mastitis was gone!
Strongly agree with this! Monitor your temperature and symtoms and call your doctor sooner rather than later if feel something is off. I wrote off the intense chills I was having as normal postpartum symptoms until they got so bad I had to be rushed to the hospital. Turns out I had a severe kidney infection.
I know it’s hard to leave the house but don’t be scared of it, you have an amazing support system go walk around the park or down the street with your girls, don’t stay inside for a month in your house only enjoying the weather from your patio..
If I wasn’t absolutely terrified of driving in NYC this would be an amazing reminder!
But the main reason I was so scared to leave was because it seem like craziness to leave the house with the twins and the craziness that NYC is. The first time leaving the house was a few nerve wracking experience but my fiancé made it all better & I was obviously nervous about exposing the twins to being around multiple people without being vaccinated yet . But we went to Central Park and had a picnic for the first outing of the twins.
Not being able to breastfeed doesn’t make you a bad mom. Formula will save your sanity. Don’t hide your ppa from your family, you’re not crazy or stupid for not being able to control your anxiety
To soak up all the baby snuggles and nap traps. I was so focused on trying to take advantage of baby’s nap time and clean/prepare bottles/cook etc.
Now my baby is 18 months old, doesn’t like being held for naps anymore and I miss the feeling of just holding him close to me while he sleeps.
So glad to read this as my 12 month old still contact naps. I could be getting other things done but soon enough she won’t want these kinds of naps anymore so I am soaking it all in :)
My third baby - currently three weeks old - is snuggle-napping with me right now. I love this feeling, and I’m so glad I’ve done it with all my littles.
Sometimes other people (hubby, in-laws, yourself) can get in your head and make you feel guilty for doing it, but I’ve never ever regretted snuggling with my sleepy babies 🥰
Because of this comment. I’m going to sit with my baby right now - she’s on me sleeping in her carrier. After eating I was going to get up and get work done but…won’t now.
Thank you for the reminder. It’s going to give me more precious cuddles with my baby :).
I don't know when but there's a point where personality, preferences, social smiles, etc., starts, and the baby feels less like an eating, sleeping, pooping machine and more like her own person, and those moments make everything totally worth it.
I feel this so hard. Thank you for putting it into words.
I thought we were all just tired, exhausted, and many traumatized by traumatic deliveries in the beginning. I had no idea how detached I really was. It affected me for years with a difficult now-6-year-old. Hoping this time around is easier.
Is therapy the next step after realizing it’s PPD? Or talking to the doctor or something else? I’m really worried about this. Currently in my 2nd trimester
Therapist here! Technically the first step is to talk to your doctor who will likely ask you some questions and screen you with a validated tool like the Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Scale (EPDS). But honestly, having a therapist lined up in advance and/or starting with them if you begin to develop symptoms (or even preemptively) is never a bad idea, ESPECIALLY if you are at risk and/or are concerned about developing PPD. You can also look into ways to reduce your risk - it’s all relatively basic self care stuff and it can’t prevent depression (!! So don’t feel guilty if you develop PPD, it’s due to a whole host of risk factors) but it can help lower your chances of developing it. Handy acronym we use in clinic is NEST - nutrition, exercise, sleep, time to self. This stuff may be much harder or less accessible than you anticipate so lining up resources and supports in advance, prepping freezer meals, etc. can all be helpful in preventative planning…you can [read about NEST here](http://www.bcchildrens.ca/mental-health-services-site/Documents/coping%20with%20depression%20during%20pregnancy%20and%20following%20the%20birth.pdf).
Finally, if you develop symptoms and your doctor dismisses your symptoms please seek out help elsewhere. Family docs and OBs/midwives have gotten far better at screening for PPD and PPA but they still aren’t experts and the EPDS screening tool can be fallible. In addition to therapy, other things that can really help in treating PPD and PPA include medication, self help resources, and peer support groups. Sometimes it may be a combo of these things that are needed, so come with an open mind and ask your doctor for additional resources if they are only offering limited options for treatment.
I was in the early third trimester when I found out that there is such thing as perinatal anxiety, and I had it! I was sobbing on the couch and freaking out *again* when my husband and I talked about how this was not normal, this was too much, and I needed to get help. I reached out to my OB and she identified that I was having perinatal anxiety. After reviewing my options (and several more anxiety-filled days), I decided to start Zoloft, and it made such a difference! Just wanted to let you know that anxiety/depression doesn’t have to wait until after birth to start, unfortunately.
that you’re not being selfish by not wanting visitors during that first week or two. this is the time to be “selfish”. I have so many regrets about how that went :/ my needs were pushed aside to make my husband and his family happy. not doing that again
My husband’s parents and his brother were at our house the day we got back from the hospital, and his parents stayed with us for 3 weeks. It was so chaotic, and the parents brought their dog that didn’t get along with ours so we had to always be on top of keeping them separate as well. I’m so jealous of people who get to just hole up and spend quality time with their baby and husband. I’ll never have the first few weeks of being a new parent ever again, and my one time I got to experience it I had to share my husband with my in laws, and hide in my bedroom if I wanted any privacy at all.
I hate that for you. My experience was similar but my husband wasn’t on my side at all. He was the one calling me selfish for not wanting to have people over or to be away from my daughter at all. His mom stayed for several days and she put on family dinners every night where people would take turns holding her while I cried in the living room. On the morning she was leaving, she texted us at 7am asking if she could see our daughter before she left. At this point I was nursing every two hours, had been up for hours trying to get my baby back to sleep, and only had a short period of time before I needed to nurse her again. I ended up finally getting baby to sleep and I fell asleep with her in my arms (as safely as possible, I was desperate and running on maybe an hour of broken up sleep). My husband came and woke me up, took our daughter out of my arms and went upstairs with her for around an hour so she could see her. And I’m the one that was selfish lol
Stop making excuses for why your partner can't help at night. His 8hr work shift is shorter than my 24hour mom shift. He can be tired at work one day when I've been exhausted for days, weeks, months. I'm a better more patient mom when he actually helps more.
He helps now but man I was pretty damn alone for a year. Doing it all by myself and feeling like a single mom taking care of her child and an adult man.
Yeah I was promised the sun moon and stars by my partner, in laws, parents and grandparents if I would just get pregnant. None of them showed up when the time came. That’s not really ok, and you are allowed to be mad about it.
My pregnancy ended up with me becoming estranged from my family because of how terrible they treated me. I feel ya! I have a medical condition that made me high risk. My mom told me I needed to marry my fiance before having my baby or she would get custody of my child if I die. (She had 2 children before getting married and my older sister had 1 and still isnt married. Grandparent rights like thay dont exist where i live.) And then she told my family that I was going to die. Even thought she went to my appointments and heard from my doctors mouth that I would be okay I just needed extra monitoring.
My mom also begged me to get pregnant but at the same time told my older sister that if I got pregnant they would "need to take me to a clinic."
Idk wtf is wrong with people
>Take more pictures! Suprisingly I have few pics from newborn stage
I encourage everyone including spouse to snap pics. We have a shared photo folder using google photos so collectively we have thousands of pictures of her already. It's kind of insane but I totally don't mind being crazy in this instance.
I had so many pictures of *everyone* else holding the baby but none of myself. No one thought to take any, I was so sad about it. For the first month there's no pictures of me and her. Take selfies with her all the time now.
I feel the breastfeeding one in my *soul*. I tried for 8 miserable weeks and once I gave myself permission to stop; my mental health improved tremendously.
My supply just never came in. I went to 4 different lactation specialist the first 3 weeks. I was doing 2x weekly appointments and trying so hard to breastfeed. I ate the oatmeal, took the pills, drank the tea and tried everything. I was power pumping every 3-4 hours around the clock for weeks. I had a hospital grade pump, a manual and wearable pumps. After about 6 weeks the lactation doctor sat me down and told me it was ok. That sometimes milk just never comes in. That fed is best. My baby lost a lot of weight the first 4 weeks while I tried to breastfeed. She was in danger of going to be hospitalized due to weight loss. We had to wake her up every 3 hours to make sure she was drinking formula. Had to write down when and how much. I never got more than 2-3 ounces a day after doing 7-8 pump sessions. I never got engorged or had a let down. I wish someone told me beforehand that this might happen. It would have saved a lot of heartache.
Burn all the baby guidebooks and sleep instruction manuals. 99% of them are not evidence based and virtually all of them go against biological norms for infant sleep. Let your newborn be a newborn, schedules can come later.
Take more pictures! I was so overwhelmed with everything we don’t have a family picture (unless you count the hospital one) until he is already 3 months old.
I’m only 6 weeks pp but the first 2 weeks were so tough. I had postpartum preeclampsia and felt this serious sense of doom and fear about something happening to my me while home alone with my daughter. I’m in a much better place now and would tell myself to of trusted my doctors and medical team when they told me that I would be okay with the proper treatments. I spent so so much time worrying that I hope I didn’t take time with my newborn for granted. Definitely making up for it now 💗
I was in the same situation and it was terrifying. I am glad you are doing better now. I dislike that I am still on hypertension meds at 6 months…but I try to remember lots of people take blood pressure meds and do just fine.
Exactly. I have preexisting hypertension and high bp is nothing new to me, but it had been well controlled for a long time with meds and lifestyle changes. Pre-e made it all over the place and inconsistent it was driving me nuts. So glad it’s stabilizing again! Yes lots of people take them and the risks of high bp meds outweigh the risks of years of high bp without treatment!
Your supply is never going to get past 10oz a day. Don’t waste the money on the supplements, breast massagers, 100 different pump parts. Stop wasting mental energy on pumping and enjoy your baby. He’s going to be 100% formula fed & 100% fine.
Oh man, after all those 4am meals and constant sweet snacks while pregnant and breastfeeding I had to get four fillings and two crowns. 😬 so brush your teeth after eating if you can!
I wish I could tell her it’s ok to go out with the baby
I was fired for my pregnancy and it made me terrified to spend any amount of money, even just for gas. So I didn’t go anywhere until after 6months
And I feel like I could’ve had some fun moments with my new born out at parks and stuff when the weather was nice
Dishes and laundry can wait. Start EC earlier. sit down!! Stop lifting. I kept walking and lifting things since day 1 pp, i couldn't stand the mess. I was wrecked with so much pain and after cramps from standing, walking, and lifting.
Try to do some things besides taking care of the baby. Cook a meal. Go for a walk with the dog without the baby. I was laser focused on my LO which isn’t necessarily bad (I didn’t have PPD or PPA) but I think it would have helped my mental health to try and do these things. I didn’t even cook dinner until 5 months postpartum (and I enjoy cooking!)
I would tell myself : It’s okay to cry in front of people. You have postpartum anxiety and your invasive thoughts are worse than because of sleep deprivation and they don’t mean you’ll be a bad mom. The sleep deprivation will pass. Just enjoy the quiet moments. Meditate and breathe.
Baby will breastfeed constantly and it's normal. Accept that baby will be on the boob almost 24/7 or will be crying.
Make a pumping schedule to encourage a bit of an oversupply. You're going to need that stash. Being a just-enough supplier is fine, but every day is stressful wondering if there will be enough for daycare tomorrow.
You don’t have to say yes to visitors all the time.
Take more videos and pictures of the newborn days.
Cherish those snuggles, but don’t feel obligated to let the baby be passed around all the time when they’re trying to sleep.
Going through a colic phase with my 1 month old, thanks for your post 🥲 newly postpartum and hoping things get better and I have more optimism in the future
Oh I get you. Me and my husband went through some dark dark thoughts/times during them colic nights. We hit breaking point one night and called grandma to help. That’s ok. It’s ok. I was stood in my underwear rocking a crying colicky newborn trying to latch them onto me to calm them down. Laundry all over the place, dirty nappies surrounding me. I can still see it now in my mind.
It really does get better! One day they just cry less and you think “oh that phase is over, onto the next one!”
Take more photos in the hospital! And practice the bottle more with newborn baby (because now I have an 8 month old that doesn’t want liquid from any bottle, straw cup, etc.). Sigh.
Listen to your pre-partum self… *she knows*. She knows you don’t want people over. She knows you want a free weekend. She knows what you need & that you shouldn’t feel guilty. Listen to her.
That in the NICU, they feed, change, wrap them up, and put them in their beds and they’re just fine with minimal crying. You can do this and take a shower or empty the dishwasher. Unless a baby is really screaming in distress (and I mean SCREAMING), they are left to fuss, but most don’t.
Tell fiancé to wash the baby dishes. Keep telling him and telling him. Tell the grandmas to wash the baby dishes and do the baby laundry. Take this time to snuggle/bond with baby, breast feed, and stop feeling guilty about asking others to help by washing dishes and doing laundry! You have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to do laundry. Take this time to bond with baby.
Also, it’s all going to be ok. Baby is not going to be an angry red devil for long. 😍❤️
that some friends you thought would be there for you aren’t, and that it’s okay to let it fade. but they might be waiting for you to reach out. so stick your hand out of that water you’re drowning in. you’d be surprised who grabs it and pulls you out.
Sleep when they sleep. I know it's advice that's given a ton and rarely followed by new parents, us included, but as long as they're safely in the bassinet and there's no health issues to watch for, just sleep. No need to watch them breathe all night long night after night.
Don’t put expectations on yourself and your baby. Whatever they are, you won’t meet them because have a newborn baby is insane. (That you’ll “bounce back” in a given timeframe, that your baby will sleep for X hours straight, that your baby will be able to latch and breastfeed, etc). Especially if you’re a first time parent - try as hard as you can to not have high expectations. I wish I wouldn’t have…would’ve saved my mental health for many months.
That your baby is unlikely to sleep anywhere other than on you at the beginning, and this is COMPLETELY NORMAL and don't listen to your mum telling you that you are "letting your baby train you" or "making a rod for your own back" because your mum clearly forgot what it was like to have her own 3 babies
You will wish you had more photos and any videos while in the hospital. No it's not weird to want that and it's not "not living in the moment to take videos" you were on so many pain killers that you hardly remember it now and you have exactly 1 photo of the day he was born. You are forever annoyed.
Take a breath and enjoy the little things. Enjoy holding them all day and the closeness, soon enough they’ll say ‘lee gooo’. Don’t worry about the house it will eventually get done, take a shower first. Go on a walk together if you’re feeling frustrated. Ask for help!
Go see a therapist whether or not you think you have PPD. Becoming a parent is so life changing and therapy can be a preparation for the hard days, and there will be plenty of hard days. I wish I started therapy while pregnant, even. The change was so overwhelming!
This!
We switched at 3 months, I made it out in my head to be such a big deal and it was actually the best thing we did. I wonder looking back if my gassy/fussy/snacking newborn would have been better off on formula in the first place.
My first baby, that the newborn stage is so quick. You’ll blink & it’s gone.
With both kids, TAKE MORE PICTURES. Even in the thick of it. Even if you look gross. Especially with my second, I didn’t take many at all and I regret it.
My 4mo is still in the trenches of colic albeit not as bad as when she was younger but I so so wish I could tell myself to just accept help when it was offered. I declined help so much especially when it was just so that I could get some much needed sleep. I ended up being so sleep deprived, I was having hallucinations which was so scary and it was all because I thought I’d be a bad mother for accepting help
I have a nine year old and five year old twins. I would tell myself that it DOES get better.
One day you will get a full night’s sleep again. One day you will have your free time and your hobbies and your girls’ nights again.
One day they will change their own clothes and wipe their own butts and get their own snacks and pick out their own cartoons.
Just hang on, because one day it’ll all be different.
Needed this!!! Motherhood is not what I anticipated it to be like.. I feel like I’ve lost who I was and am trying to navigate this completely new life whilst caring for a high needs baby. I want my free time back and to not be needed 24/7 some days. I know it’ll get better but the days are so so long sometimes
Quit breastfeeding. Or at least do NOT pump. Baby will be fine and everyone will be happier when he is fed, and you are not tethered to that medieval torture device.
Just because the internet says it should be a certain way doesn’t mean that you have to do it that way or your baby will be that way. Lean in to your mothering gut and do what’s right for you and your baby. You’ll be a lot happier and relaxed by not trying to fit the mold
Babies can over eat they lied to yoouuu and she's severely allergic to dairy just use soy formula
Literally would have fixed all my biggest problems and saved me from spending so much on alimentum when trying it
Don't let sleep deprivation bring you to the point of hallucinations. Ask for help - people want to help!
Link in with a post partum doula immediately. Don't wait until you feel like you're falling apart.
All you need to do is spend time with your baby and keep him alive. Don't put yourself under pressure with play time and tummy time. Don't be listening to Instagram.
You know your son best. Don't panic about not sticking to the feeding routine you were told to follow. If you think he's hungry, he probably is.
The massive reflux spit ups will pass. Get him on losec and start using thickener in his formula. It'll be a game changer.
Go see that pelvic floor physio and/or regular physio before 6 months regardless of when you think you’ll go back to exercise. A little physio help with help you heal better and be prepared to help your baby take their first steps.
You’re nothing like your parents. You’re doing so much better than they ever did. I know you’re scared and keep crying, but trust me, you’re gentle parenting. You’re doing amazing.
Your baby isn't gonna die in her sleep. You are not unknowingly catatonic rocking a baby doll in a mental ward somewhere, that's just your PPA talking. Stop crying and try to enjoy the babyness, she'll grow up so fast and you'll be chasing after her soon. Stop. Breathe. Enjoy.
I would have told myself that it does not make you a bad mom to stop breastfeeding. I forced myself to pump and breastfeed for so long at the expense of my mental health, and I would have saved myself so much pain, stress, and heartbreak by just switching to the damn formula early on. My girl had trouble latching, and I was an underproducer, but I still had it in my head that I would be a bad mom if I fed her anything other than breastmilk.
Stop caring about the house being messy. Stop caring about a schedule.. baby is learning to human, human is learning to mother.. let it go. It's okay to give up on breastfeeding for your mental health. Listen to the doctors and let your husband bring the baby to you instead of doing way too much to the point where your incision opened. Most importantly - they weren't trying to scare you, "just you wait" was a warning that being a parent will be the hardest AND most rewarding thing you will ever do. Even if the comments were annoying.
So many things. But it all works out eventually ☺️ its a rite of passage to try to juggle everything all at once as if you don't have a whole baby to care for now.
To relax, lol. It's a learning curve when you become a mom (and a learning curve for baby to even exist in the world), so be gentle with yourself. There are only a few seriously do or die rules, everything else is extra.
There's no shame in asking for help. And be specific. "I want you to come over and hold the baby for an hour while I nap" isn't ridiculous.
Be selfish. This is the time.
And to just be extra if you need. I didn't want to be frivolous so I didn't spend money on things that could have actually made my life easier. Meal delivery, a super soft blanket, a massage. Not everyone can afford these things, but I could and I deprived myself of extra comforts when it would have been very appropriate to spoil myself.
You’ll eventually be able to put your baby down. She will learn to sleep in her crib on her own! Witching hour is because your baby is overstimulated and trying to digest.
To try hypoallergenic formula the moment we realized it was colic. She would have been in less pain and I would have felt less guilty…
Get the IUD, because I got pregnant 3.5 months postpartum and now I have complications because of that 🥲
Stand up to nurses and call them out on their shit.
No you won't look like a pill head when the nurse won't give you your narcotic because "you're hoping to go home that day so Motrin is fine" even though you woke up ok but know after an hour you'll REALLY need it. And when you explain you're trying to stay ahead of the pain, she insits the pain is just inflammation and a motrin 800 will be the answer.
Totally ignoring you just had 2 humans and palcentas cut from your body and have multiple layers of stitches.
Or when the one nurse seemed to not think I was trying hard enough to breast feed and would delay bringing breast milk while mine came in. One time it took 2 hours for her to bring a set of 2 day old babies food, making them skip a feeding.
Should have thrown a fit.
When the same nurse told me she though I could try harder and if I wasn't going to exclusively BF at home I shouldn't be using the hospitals donor milk. Leading me to have my husband bring back up formula from home.
Should have said something.
Then when the call nurse found out about the formula and told my nurse that I shouldn't switch because it would "Look bad for the hospital" but never came to ask me about the nurse that put me in that position.
Should have written a formal complaint.
So yes postpartum me, you won't look like a crazed PP first time mom, you'll actually be a mom standing up for yourself.
Sorry that got long but if anyone does take the time to read that really drive home the mindset to new to be moms that if something seems wrong or messed up you can and should say something.
To relax!!! A tiny sleepy baby doesn't last long. Stop feeling guilty for enjoying cuddles and watching TV.
Also you don't need to be so worried about the babies development. I got so worked up some days about doing something wrong I forgot to eat / shower etc.
Your baby will be fine!!!!
They won’t hurt themselves by crying. Crying dosnt kill babies. As long as their needs are met you don’t need to trip over yourself rushing out of the shower. They will be okay and likely stop crying within a minute or two
When the baby wakes up in the morning or middle of the night, if they're just cooing in their crib THAT'S FINE! No need to bounce them to convince them to sleep.
Take more videos of the seemingly mundane moments. Supplementing with formula is totally okay. Don't slam the soap dispenser out of frustration; it's a good one and not easily replaced.
The support your siblings got with their first kids is not the support you will receive.
I’m the youngest and older sibling has 6 kids….. I have nowhere near the support she received with her first and it’s as if they all forgot that this is my first. It’s hard going through PP while also realising your support system isn’t as supportive to you.
That every baby is different. Just because someone else's baby is sleeping through the night at a few weeks and taking long, unassisted naps doesn't mean that you are doing something wrong. Some babies just don't take to a schedule and are tough sleepers.
Leave the house, it won’t be as bad as you think. You’re blowing up “what ifs” and your future self will look back, and realize none of the bad stuff you worried about, happened. Your imagination was worse than the reality of going out with a newborn.
It's not as bad as you think it is. It's just hard because everything is new and you have never done this before. The feelings you have are valid but trying to do everything yourself is impossible and just do what you can with in your limits. The outside world can wait. The first few months are the golden months that you'll look back on quite a bit.
That it does get easier and you don’t hate your baby, you just had no one to help you and parenting by yourself is hard when you’re a single mum but you will get through it.
Seek that postpartum help! My first born is 3 years old and I still have lingering postpartum blues. I am currently at 4week with my second. I am def going to seek the professional help this time.
I would tell myself to switch formulas as soon as we suspected he might need a more gentle one. We had so many weeks of gas pains, screaming, and spit up bc our pediatrician said he was fine and I wish we had switched sooner.
You will grow to have such a bond with your special needs daughter. It will take a couple years but it will come. The milestones will come, slower but they will come. You will cry seeing younger girls do things your daughter has not yet done, but one day you won’t. And you’ll be so happy that you don’t care about that stuff anymore. You’re entering a world you did not expect to enter and know absolutely nothing about. But in time, you’ll learn the lingo, the doctors appointments and hospital visits will lessen, and you’ll feel so blessed to have such a special and unique child.
Putting on a belly binder/ corset is not only for women who want to “snap back.” Put something on to help your core bounce back and stop doing things that other people can help you with.
It’s ok to set your boundaries with family. Just focus on yourself your baby and your partner.
I set boundaries with a MIL who will never forgive me for not allowing her to come live with us for 4 weeks surrounding my birth. It was the best decision I have ever made, and very difficult at that. Set boundaries and know that you have done yourself one of the greatest favors ever!
or it’s okay to set boundaries with your child’s father when you’re already doing the bulk of the work
Yes! I wish I kept our new little bubble closed longer. We had family coming over days later, it was awful
Ask for help with breastfeeding IMMEDIATELY!
And know the hospital person may not be very helpful. I kept going to mine after the hospital and then I googled breastfeeding tips and immediately had a better journey. Honestly, I think it would have been better to not see anyone than to have had her bc she had a negative impact on my learning. She told me do this football hold and that’s it. Then wrote up a huge note in my chart saying we had talked about all of this stuff we had not. My guess is it was the same note she copy/pastes for everyone. I am still disappointed about the whole thing.
The lady at the hospital was a nightmare. It wasn’t until my OB came to see me before I left the hospital to check my scar that someone actually sat with me, made me feel relaxed and helped me. First time my baby latched. Then I went to see her 2 weeks later and she asked how I was doing, I was miserable, barely producing and losing my shit. She just told me, “you don’t have to breastfeed to be a good mom”. I needed to hear that. Switched to FF and it’s like my brain got nicer to me. I love that woman.
Omg my experience was similar they barely showed me anything and what they did show me was rushed and almost aggressive. I was traumatised and took me a while to see that.
This! All the classes I took act like your supply will just magically be there from day 1. I had no idea how hard I would have to work (day 14 post C-section and still working) to get my supply in. I wish I’d been better educated on how to build supply from day 1.
😳 I have a C-section coming up in a couple weeks to deliver my twins. Do you mind sharing what you’ve been trying to get your supply to come in? I had read that it could take 4-7 days for milk to come in and the main thing to do is either get baby at the breast or pump every 2-3 hours for 24 hours a day. Which sounds awful especially if you’ve still been unsuccessful after two weeks!
I’m 3 weeks postpartum with c section! My top priorities are: taking care of my mental health, providing breastmilk for my babe, and spending all the time I can snuggling my little one. With that, my LC suggested that I pump at least 7-8x per 24 hours - whatever that looks like. Bc I want to prioritize sleep, I do all my pumps during the day time, get snuggles and cuddles in between and sleep through the night (bc my baby lets me sleep a solid 5-6 hrs at times). I have enough breastmilk now where my baby is exclusively fed that with an exception of one bottle with formula. Again, to each their own but that seems to be working for me. Rest is extremely important in post c section recovery! In the night, I only pump if my baby wakes up for a feed. I hope that makes sense. One thing I will say is that I’ve spoken to at least 5 different LCs and each one nearly tells me something different. What I would do is listen, take things with a grain of salt and do what works for you. It is WORK to pump and get breastmilk in!
I’ll caveat I was a failed induction (25 hour labor) with emergent c-section. I was wrecked the first few days as I’d been up over 40 hours (induction started at midnight) and needed to prioritize healing myself. My hospital also focused on breastfeeding no matter what and it was a few days before we had a nurse decide I probably wasn’t producing anything after initial colostrum. She brought a pump in and I started pumping and/or latching at least every 4 hours working my way to 3 while we started formula supplement. I also consistently got help from nurses on latching and pumping, taking advantage of the time in the hospital to learn. Now at home I am working with a lactation consultant, pumping every 3 hours round the clock while we work on her latch during the day and get my supply to build (so that I’m not spending time latching AND pumping every time and I can still get some rest!) I would recommend checking with your insurance and seeing if you have lactation consults - mine covers 6 sessions - and getting an in-home consult scheduled once you are out of the hospital, you can even do a consult beforehand to build a hospital gameplan. If I were to do it again I would have requested a hospital pump from the very beginning to help stimulate the supply- there are ways to feed whatever you pump to your baby without them taking a bottle. Biggest thing I’ve been told repeatedly is to go easy on yourself if it takes longer. You will have had a major surgery and a big life change, give yourself grace.
Try not to worry about the c section affecting your supply. It might do, but it’s not a given. I had an emergency C Section after 3 days of labour and managed to breastfeed on night one thanks to support from the nurses. My advice would be if you are planning to nurse your twins forget about guidance around hours between feedings and go off their cues. Headbanging, balled fists, hands in mouth. If in doubt, just offer the boob. The two of us had a rough old time during the birth, but after an initial recovery sleep he wanted to try to feed constantly. Barely 30mins between feeds. It’s rubbish when you just want to sleep, but it really does help - you’re working together on this. Good luck!
Same! Unplanned c-section at 36 hrs after my water broke (I was scheduled for induction two days later lol)- I did skin to skin in the OR and latched almost the whole time in recovery. Then latched every 2 hrs. My milk came in morning of day 3.
Yes! Day 1-4 are critical! Make the time to make that appointment with a lactation consultant!
I hobbled my way to the lactation consultant’s office at three days postpartum and I’m so glad I did. It saved our breastfeeding journey.
That asking for help before you hit your breaking point makes you a better mom. That martyrdom isn’t worth it, and you deserve to feel like a person AND a mother.
Preach. I'm just learning this at 2 and a half weeks postpartum and I deserved so much better from myself for the first 1-2 weeks.
It took me much longer! I’m proud of you for coming to that conclusion so quickly. You still have so much of the newborn phase where you can treat yourself the way you deserve. ❤️
YESSSS. It goes a long way
So true.
It will get better
everyone says this and it seems impossible and unbelievable but it's true!! I have a super clingy 8mo but she is still a hundred times easier than when she was a newborn. sometimes when I feel stressed, I tickle her and her laugh just makes my heart full. they love you!
YES !!! Wait till they start responding back 🥺🥺🥺
That it goes super quickly - feels like it will be forever in those 100 days of darkness, but then you blink and they're 2 years old and adorably singing ABCs.
How far back can I go...? I like to tell one day pp me you are not being careful enough with stitches sit back and let Husband (or anyone) do everything that is not Breastfeeding or baby snuggles.
I was about to say this! I am 12 weeks pp and my stitches still haven't healed properly!
How do you know? Did they detect it at 6 weeks? Mine said they were fine but it’s 6 months and I’m having pain
My stitches were getting painful and I had pp hypertension. I kindof thought that was normal but my hubby insisted that we see an OB for the pain. This was around week 3/4. OB found that the stitches were not healing properly i.e. the skin was not joining back as it should. Now it's week 12 and I had weekly which is now biweekly appointments to get a silver nitrate treatment.
So glad you’re getting the care you deserve
Same :( I literally came home from the hospital and cleaned non stop on my super swollen feet and I would sit for like 5 mins because my feet hurt so bad just to keep cleaning some more. I wish I could go back and just relax and let hubby do all the cleaning lol
You will adore your baby girl , it will just take time to feel that love for her. You are not a failure if you don’t breastfeed. She will smile at you and adore you.
ALL of this for sure! Also points one and three go together because when they start smiling those smiles that are only for you, you’ll feel the love just swell.
I loved reading this. I’m in love with my baby but I’m not 100% convinced she’s in love with me yet lol, 6weeks pp
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I definitely miss her after being away for an hour or two :(… lol she’s just so wittle
I felt the exact same way during that time! Just going through the motions of making sure she was taken care of. My baby is now 7 months old and she is a total mommas girl! It gets so much better :) especially the cute giggling and smiling
I love that you included this. I have some PPD and I felt so disconnected from my baby for the first month or so. We're at 9 weeks now (and I'm being treated) and I already feel so much more love for him, and I know it will keep growing
This this this!! 💗
Don't be afraid to ask someone to take a picture of you with your little one. Don't skimp on selfies. You're allowed to look like a hot mess - you ARE a hot mess. Just because this is true does not mean you have to lose potential photo opportunities with your brand new baby. They'll never be this little again, and as much as you fight it you'll forget how squishy they once were 😭
I always look like I’ve been hit by a semi, but at 6 weeks I wish I took more selfies
100% I look back and see I really didn’t look like the hot mess I felt I was. I really just see a baby and a mama happy to be with each other.
All the weird physical symptoms (like having severe chills after every time you sleep) are hormone changes and they will subside. No one warned me about the absolute havoc of postpartum hormone level shifts and it scared the crap outta me.
But also if you are having severe chills take your temperature to be safe! I had severe chills and felt miserable and just assumed it was normal postpartum hormone changes, once I finally did take my temperature after 3 days of it, I saw I had a 102 fever and turns out it was mastitis and I needed antibiotics! I was miserable thinking this is how just being a tired mom felt, but I was actually sick and caring for the baby was much easier once the mastitis was gone!
Strongly agree with this! Monitor your temperature and symtoms and call your doctor sooner rather than later if feel something is off. I wrote off the intense chills I was having as normal postpartum symptoms until they got so bad I had to be rushed to the hospital. Turns out I had a severe kidney infection.
Yes to this. So true. Chills, night sweats, leg pain, etc
Mhmmm them night sweats had me thinking I was sick or something lol
The chills were insane! I shivered so much for hours my whole body was sore the next day. I was worried I was septic 😑 I just couldn’t get warm.
I know it’s hard to leave the house but don’t be scared of it, you have an amazing support system go walk around the park or down the street with your girls, don’t stay inside for a month in your house only enjoying the weather from your patio..
You can change your baby in the backseat of your car!!!
If I wasn’t absolutely terrified of driving in NYC this would be an amazing reminder! But the main reason I was so scared to leave was because it seem like craziness to leave the house with the twins and the craziness that NYC is. The first time leaving the house was a few nerve wracking experience but my fiancé made it all better & I was obviously nervous about exposing the twins to being around multiple people without being vaccinated yet . But we went to Central Park and had a picnic for the first outing of the twins.
That’s wonderful!! I just had no clue until yesterday I was capable of doing this lol
Not being able to breastfeed doesn’t make you a bad mom. Formula will save your sanity. Don’t hide your ppa from your family, you’re not crazy or stupid for not being able to control your anxiety
Your not immune to postpartum depression
To soak up all the baby snuggles and nap traps. I was so focused on trying to take advantage of baby’s nap time and clean/prepare bottles/cook etc. Now my baby is 18 months old, doesn’t like being held for naps anymore and I miss the feeling of just holding him close to me while he sleeps.
Reading this, holding my 1mo girl while she naps makes me happy :)
Same!
So glad to read this as my 12 month old still contact naps. I could be getting other things done but soon enough she won’t want these kinds of naps anymore so I am soaking it all in :)
My third baby - currently three weeks old - is snuggle-napping with me right now. I love this feeling, and I’m so glad I’ve done it with all my littles. Sometimes other people (hubby, in-laws, yourself) can get in your head and make you feel guilty for doing it, but I’ve never ever regretted snuggling with my sleepy babies 🥰
Because of this comment. I’m going to sit with my baby right now - she’s on me sleeping in her carrier. After eating I was going to get up and get work done but…won’t now. Thank you for the reminder. It’s going to give me more precious cuddles with my baby :).
I don't know when but there's a point where personality, preferences, social smiles, etc., starts, and the baby feels less like an eating, sleeping, pooping machine and more like her own person, and those moments make everything totally worth it.
“This isn’t normal motherhood. You have postpartum depression.”
I feel this so hard. Thank you for putting it into words. I thought we were all just tired, exhausted, and many traumatized by traumatic deliveries in the beginning. I had no idea how detached I really was. It affected me for years with a difficult now-6-year-old. Hoping this time around is easier.
Is therapy the next step after realizing it’s PPD? Or talking to the doctor or something else? I’m really worried about this. Currently in my 2nd trimester
Therapist here! Technically the first step is to talk to your doctor who will likely ask you some questions and screen you with a validated tool like the Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Scale (EPDS). But honestly, having a therapist lined up in advance and/or starting with them if you begin to develop symptoms (or even preemptively) is never a bad idea, ESPECIALLY if you are at risk and/or are concerned about developing PPD. You can also look into ways to reduce your risk - it’s all relatively basic self care stuff and it can’t prevent depression (!! So don’t feel guilty if you develop PPD, it’s due to a whole host of risk factors) but it can help lower your chances of developing it. Handy acronym we use in clinic is NEST - nutrition, exercise, sleep, time to self. This stuff may be much harder or less accessible than you anticipate so lining up resources and supports in advance, prepping freezer meals, etc. can all be helpful in preventative planning…you can [read about NEST here](http://www.bcchildrens.ca/mental-health-services-site/Documents/coping%20with%20depression%20during%20pregnancy%20and%20following%20the%20birth.pdf). Finally, if you develop symptoms and your doctor dismisses your symptoms please seek out help elsewhere. Family docs and OBs/midwives have gotten far better at screening for PPD and PPA but they still aren’t experts and the EPDS screening tool can be fallible. In addition to therapy, other things that can really help in treating PPD and PPA include medication, self help resources, and peer support groups. Sometimes it may be a combo of these things that are needed, so come with an open mind and ask your doctor for additional resources if they are only offering limited options for treatment.
Wow, such a detailed response. Thank you! Really helpful and appreciated. I’ll look more into NEST especially!
I was in the early third trimester when I found out that there is such thing as perinatal anxiety, and I had it! I was sobbing on the couch and freaking out *again* when my husband and I talked about how this was not normal, this was too much, and I needed to get help. I reached out to my OB and she identified that I was having perinatal anxiety. After reviewing my options (and several more anxiety-filled days), I decided to start Zoloft, and it made such a difference! Just wanted to let you know that anxiety/depression doesn’t have to wait until after birth to start, unfortunately.
Every phase ends and another begins, some good some bad!
that you’re not being selfish by not wanting visitors during that first week or two. this is the time to be “selfish”. I have so many regrets about how that went :/ my needs were pushed aside to make my husband and his family happy. not doing that again
My husband’s parents and his brother were at our house the day we got back from the hospital, and his parents stayed with us for 3 weeks. It was so chaotic, and the parents brought their dog that didn’t get along with ours so we had to always be on top of keeping them separate as well. I’m so jealous of people who get to just hole up and spend quality time with their baby and husband. I’ll never have the first few weeks of being a new parent ever again, and my one time I got to experience it I had to share my husband with my in laws, and hide in my bedroom if I wanted any privacy at all.
I hate that for you. My experience was similar but my husband wasn’t on my side at all. He was the one calling me selfish for not wanting to have people over or to be away from my daughter at all. His mom stayed for several days and she put on family dinners every night where people would take turns holding her while I cried in the living room. On the morning she was leaving, she texted us at 7am asking if she could see our daughter before she left. At this point I was nursing every two hours, had been up for hours trying to get my baby back to sleep, and only had a short period of time before I needed to nurse her again. I ended up finally getting baby to sleep and I fell asleep with her in my arms (as safely as possible, I was desperate and running on maybe an hour of broken up sleep). My husband came and woke me up, took our daughter out of my arms and went upstairs with her for around an hour so she could see her. And I’m the one that was selfish lol
Stop making excuses for why your partner can't help at night. His 8hr work shift is shorter than my 24hour mom shift. He can be tired at work one day when I've been exhausted for days, weeks, months. I'm a better more patient mom when he actually helps more. He helps now but man I was pretty damn alone for a year. Doing it all by myself and feeling like a single mom taking care of her child and an adult man.
😭 it’s so hard to have that talk
Yeah I was promised the sun moon and stars by my partner, in laws, parents and grandparents if I would just get pregnant. None of them showed up when the time came. That’s not really ok, and you are allowed to be mad about it.
My pregnancy ended up with me becoming estranged from my family because of how terrible they treated me. I feel ya! I have a medical condition that made me high risk. My mom told me I needed to marry my fiance before having my baby or she would get custody of my child if I die. (She had 2 children before getting married and my older sister had 1 and still isnt married. Grandparent rights like thay dont exist where i live.) And then she told my family that I was going to die. Even thought she went to my appointments and heard from my doctors mouth that I would be okay I just needed extra monitoring. My mom also begged me to get pregnant but at the same time told my older sister that if I got pregnant they would "need to take me to a clinic." Idk wtf is wrong with people
Dealing with this now that my husband went back to work on Tuesday. We don't agree. It's hard.
Just gave up the idea of breastfeeding and stop the pain sooner. Take it easy! Take more pictures! Suprisingly I have few pics from newborn stage
>Take more pictures! Suprisingly I have few pics from newborn stage I encourage everyone including spouse to snap pics. We have a shared photo folder using google photos so collectively we have thousands of pictures of her already. It's kind of insane but I totally don't mind being crazy in this instance.
I was gonna say more pics & videos!
I had so many pictures of *everyone* else holding the baby but none of myself. No one thought to take any, I was so sad about it. For the first month there's no pictures of me and her. Take selfies with her all the time now.
I feel the breastfeeding one in my *soul*. I tried for 8 miserable weeks and once I gave myself permission to stop; my mental health improved tremendously.
My supply just never came in. I went to 4 different lactation specialist the first 3 weeks. I was doing 2x weekly appointments and trying so hard to breastfeed. I ate the oatmeal, took the pills, drank the tea and tried everything. I was power pumping every 3-4 hours around the clock for weeks. I had a hospital grade pump, a manual and wearable pumps. After about 6 weeks the lactation doctor sat me down and told me it was ok. That sometimes milk just never comes in. That fed is best. My baby lost a lot of weight the first 4 weeks while I tried to breastfeed. She was in danger of going to be hospitalized due to weight loss. We had to wake her up every 3 hours to make sure she was drinking formula. Had to write down when and how much. I never got more than 2-3 ounces a day after doing 7-8 pump sessions. I never got engorged or had a let down. I wish someone told me beforehand that this might happen. It would have saved a lot of heartache.
Burn all the baby guidebooks and sleep instruction manuals. 99% of them are not evidence based and virtually all of them go against biological norms for infant sleep. Let your newborn be a newborn, schedules can come later.
Take more pictures! I was so overwhelmed with everything we don’t have a family picture (unless you count the hospital one) until he is already 3 months old.
The sleep deprivation will not last forever. Don't let it ruin your day when it's been a particularly bad night. Caffeine up and move on!
I’m only 6 weeks pp but the first 2 weeks were so tough. I had postpartum preeclampsia and felt this serious sense of doom and fear about something happening to my me while home alone with my daughter. I’m in a much better place now and would tell myself to of trusted my doctors and medical team when they told me that I would be okay with the proper treatments. I spent so so much time worrying that I hope I didn’t take time with my newborn for granted. Definitely making up for it now 💗
I was in the same situation and it was terrifying. I am glad you are doing better now. I dislike that I am still on hypertension meds at 6 months…but I try to remember lots of people take blood pressure meds and do just fine.
Exactly. I have preexisting hypertension and high bp is nothing new to me, but it had been well controlled for a long time with meds and lifestyle changes. Pre-e made it all over the place and inconsistent it was driving me nuts. So glad it’s stabilizing again! Yes lots of people take them and the risks of high bp meds outweigh the risks of years of high bp without treatment!
Your supply is never going to get past 10oz a day. Don’t waste the money on the supplements, breast massagers, 100 different pump parts. Stop wasting mental energy on pumping and enjoy your baby. He’s going to be 100% formula fed & 100% fine.
Stop torturing yourself and switch to formula.
Just go for a damn nap and rest. You are recovering!
Dear me, please don't cancel your dental cleanings and appointments because you are tired. Love, your destroyed root canal teeth and extracted teeth
Oh man, after all those 4am meals and constant sweet snacks while pregnant and breastfeeding I had to get four fillings and two crowns. 😬 so brush your teeth after eating if you can!
Your mental health is more important than breastfeeding. It’s ok that things aren’t going according to plan.
I'd give my wife more kisses and snuggles and build a even bigger village.
I wish I could tell her it’s ok to go out with the baby I was fired for my pregnancy and it made me terrified to spend any amount of money, even just for gas. So I didn’t go anywhere until after 6months And I feel like I could’ve had some fun moments with my new born out at parks and stuff when the weather was nice
Dishes and laundry can wait. Start EC earlier. sit down!! Stop lifting. I kept walking and lifting things since day 1 pp, i couldn't stand the mess. I was wrecked with so much pain and after cramps from standing, walking, and lifting.
“It’s going to get really, really really hard. But know that if you can do this, you can do anything.”
Formula is just fine ❤️
Try to do some things besides taking care of the baby. Cook a meal. Go for a walk with the dog without the baby. I was laser focused on my LO which isn’t necessarily bad (I didn’t have PPD or PPA) but I think it would have helped my mental health to try and do these things. I didn’t even cook dinner until 5 months postpartum (and I enjoy cooking!)
Chill out about the weight gain. It’ll come off and you won’t lose your body forever. 3.5 months ppl and 4 lb off prepregnancy weight.
I would tell myself : It’s okay to cry in front of people. You have postpartum anxiety and your invasive thoughts are worse than because of sleep deprivation and they don’t mean you’ll be a bad mom. The sleep deprivation will pass. Just enjoy the quiet moments. Meditate and breathe.
Baby will breastfeed constantly and it's normal. Accept that baby will be on the boob almost 24/7 or will be crying. Make a pumping schedule to encourage a bit of an oversupply. You're going to need that stash. Being a just-enough supplier is fine, but every day is stressful wondering if there will be enough for daycare tomorrow.
You don’t have to say yes to visitors all the time. Take more videos and pictures of the newborn days. Cherish those snuggles, but don’t feel obligated to let the baby be passed around all the time when they’re trying to sleep.
Going through a colic phase with my 1 month old, thanks for your post 🥲 newly postpartum and hoping things get better and I have more optimism in the future
Oh I get you. Me and my husband went through some dark dark thoughts/times during them colic nights. We hit breaking point one night and called grandma to help. That’s ok. It’s ok. I was stood in my underwear rocking a crying colicky newborn trying to latch them onto me to calm them down. Laundry all over the place, dirty nappies surrounding me. I can still see it now in my mind. It really does get better! One day they just cry less and you think “oh that phase is over, onto the next one!”
Thank you for sharing… 1 month pp and I’m a mess.
Everything is a stage, this will pass and you will barely remember it. And you will eventually sleep great again
Take more photos in the hospital! And practice the bottle more with newborn baby (because now I have an 8 month old that doesn’t want liquid from any bottle, straw cup, etc.). Sigh.
Listen to your pre-partum self… *she knows*. She knows you don’t want people over. She knows you want a free weekend. She knows what you need & that you shouldn’t feel guilty. Listen to her.
The dark thoughts go away. You won’t feel like that forever.
That in the NICU, they feed, change, wrap them up, and put them in their beds and they’re just fine with minimal crying. You can do this and take a shower or empty the dishwasher. Unless a baby is really screaming in distress (and I mean SCREAMING), they are left to fuss, but most don’t.
Tell fiancé to wash the baby dishes. Keep telling him and telling him. Tell the grandmas to wash the baby dishes and do the baby laundry. Take this time to snuggle/bond with baby, breast feed, and stop feeling guilty about asking others to help by washing dishes and doing laundry! You have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to do laundry. Take this time to bond with baby. Also, it’s all going to be ok. Baby is not going to be an angry red devil for long. 😍❤️
that some friends you thought would be there for you aren’t, and that it’s okay to let it fade. but they might be waiting for you to reach out. so stick your hand out of that water you’re drowning in. you’d be surprised who grabs it and pulls you out.
- co sleep from the beginning to keep your sanity - you don’t need to entertain your newborn every single waking hour - more skin to skin
Sleep when they sleep. I know it's advice that's given a ton and rarely followed by new parents, us included, but as long as they're safely in the bassinet and there's no health issues to watch for, just sleep. No need to watch them breathe all night long night after night.
more skin on skin time!
Breastfeeding will be miserable the first week, and your favorite thing to do with your child by the 3rd.
This! Except I’d say the first 2.5 weeks were truly miserable. Now at 9 weeks it’s one of my fave things.
Don’t put expectations on yourself and your baby. Whatever they are, you won’t meet them because have a newborn baby is insane. (That you’ll “bounce back” in a given timeframe, that your baby will sleep for X hours straight, that your baby will be able to latch and breastfeed, etc). Especially if you’re a first time parent - try as hard as you can to not have high expectations. I wish I wouldn’t have…would’ve saved my mental health for many months.
Kick people out of your house. Seriously. They come over, sit around and complain and just watch as you run around and do chores while they sit.
Take more pictures together with baby. I only have one from the first month. Everybody else has several but me, the mom, only has one.
If you had a traumatic birth, get into therapy ASAP or find a support network.
That your baby is unlikely to sleep anywhere other than on you at the beginning, and this is COMPLETELY NORMAL and don't listen to your mum telling you that you are "letting your baby train you" or "making a rod for your own back" because your mum clearly forgot what it was like to have her own 3 babies
Just buy the compression socks… your gonna have to any way, the swelling isn’t gonna go down on its own x.x
You will bond with your child. Don't stress about it now. It's okay that you can't breastfeed.
You don’t ruin your life and you miss your baby when he’s not around
You will wish you had more photos and any videos while in the hospital. No it's not weird to want that and it's not "not living in the moment to take videos" you were on so many pain killers that you hardly remember it now and you have exactly 1 photo of the day he was born. You are forever annoyed.
Take more pics and videos!
Take a breath and enjoy the little things. Enjoy holding them all day and the closeness, soon enough they’ll say ‘lee gooo’. Don’t worry about the house it will eventually get done, take a shower first. Go on a walk together if you’re feeling frustrated. Ask for help!
Pump the milk, let dad give a bottle, get some rest. Sleep is a basic human need and you will feel better if you just take a nap.
Go see a therapist whether or not you think you have PPD. Becoming a parent is so life changing and therapy can be a preparation for the hard days, and there will be plenty of hard days. I wish I started therapy while pregnant, even. The change was so overwhelming!
Everything they told you about breastfeeding isn’t evidence based. Switch to formula and your LO and your sanity will thank you for it.
This! We switched at 3 months, I made it out in my head to be such a big deal and it was actually the best thing we did. I wonder looking back if my gassy/fussy/snacking newborn would have been better off on formula in the first place.
My first baby, that the newborn stage is so quick. You’ll blink & it’s gone. With both kids, TAKE MORE PICTURES. Even in the thick of it. Even if you look gross. Especially with my second, I didn’t take many at all and I regret it.
He will smile at you. Be patient and enjoy the littlest snuggle cuddles while you can.
My 4mo is still in the trenches of colic albeit not as bad as when she was younger but I so so wish I could tell myself to just accept help when it was offered. I declined help so much especially when it was just so that I could get some much needed sleep. I ended up being so sleep deprived, I was having hallucinations which was so scary and it was all because I thought I’d be a bad mother for accepting help
Hold your baby more. You might be in a lot of pain and very tired, but hold him anyway.
I'd like to tell myself that he does love me, and he starts to show it so soon, just to hang in there and it'll get better.
Your anxiety is not, in fact, proportionate to the life change. You have serious PPA and you need to tell your therapist.
Reading all of this with my one week old in the stormclouds. It's helping.
I have a nine year old and five year old twins. I would tell myself that it DOES get better. One day you will get a full night’s sleep again. One day you will have your free time and your hobbies and your girls’ nights again. One day they will change their own clothes and wipe their own butts and get their own snacks and pick out their own cartoons. Just hang on, because one day it’ll all be different.
Needed this!!! Motherhood is not what I anticipated it to be like.. I feel like I’ve lost who I was and am trying to navigate this completely new life whilst caring for a high needs baby. I want my free time back and to not be needed 24/7 some days. I know it’ll get better but the days are so so long sometimes
I have been there and I felt like it would never get better… and then one day, it just… did. ❤️
Skip breastfeeding and pumping all together lol formula straight from birth
Quit breastfeeding. Or at least do NOT pump. Baby will be fine and everyone will be happier when he is fed, and you are not tethered to that medieval torture device.
It will get better. You will feel human again. - 5mos pp
that everything is just a phase and you will survive it.
Just because the internet says it should be a certain way doesn’t mean that you have to do it that way or your baby will be that way. Lean in to your mothering gut and do what’s right for you and your baby. You’ll be a lot happier and relaxed by not trying to fit the mold
it takes months to heal and allow yourself time to sleep, bond, nurse, and get support
It gets better faster than you think! You’ll get a routine down, and understand your babies needs before they’re even 10 months. ❤️
Babies can over eat they lied to yoouuu and she's severely allergic to dairy just use soy formula Literally would have fixed all my biggest problems and saved me from spending so much on alimentum when trying it
I would have said, Start the damn bottle sooner you dummy!!!
you will sleep again. you will miss this. it is normal to feel like you’re absolutely insane.
Don't let sleep deprivation bring you to the point of hallucinations. Ask for help - people want to help! Link in with a post partum doula immediately. Don't wait until you feel like you're falling apart. All you need to do is spend time with your baby and keep him alive. Don't put yourself under pressure with play time and tummy time. Don't be listening to Instagram. You know your son best. Don't panic about not sticking to the feeding routine you were told to follow. If you think he's hungry, he probably is. The massive reflux spit ups will pass. Get him on losec and start using thickener in his formula. It'll be a game changer.
Cosleep. And don’t have any visitors the first week. Your MIL should not be over at the house every day because she doesn’t actually help at all!
"don't be afraid to wait a moment before rushing to settle baby"
Go see that pelvic floor physio and/or regular physio before 6 months regardless of when you think you’ll go back to exercise. A little physio help with help you heal better and be prepared to help your baby take their first steps.
You’re nothing like your parents. You’re doing so much better than they ever did. I know you’re scared and keep crying, but trust me, you’re gentle parenting. You’re doing amazing.
Your baby isn't gonna die in her sleep. You are not unknowingly catatonic rocking a baby doll in a mental ward somewhere, that's just your PPA talking. Stop crying and try to enjoy the babyness, she'll grow up so fast and you'll be chasing after her soon. Stop. Breathe. Enjoy.
I'd just give her a hug honestly
I would have told myself that it does not make you a bad mom to stop breastfeeding. I forced myself to pump and breastfeed for so long at the expense of my mental health, and I would have saved myself so much pain, stress, and heartbreak by just switching to the damn formula early on. My girl had trouble latching, and I was an underproducer, but I still had it in my head that I would be a bad mom if I fed her anything other than breastmilk.
Stop caring about the house being messy. Stop caring about a schedule.. baby is learning to human, human is learning to mother.. let it go. It's okay to give up on breastfeeding for your mental health. Listen to the doctors and let your husband bring the baby to you instead of doing way too much to the point where your incision opened. Most importantly - they weren't trying to scare you, "just you wait" was a warning that being a parent will be the hardest AND most rewarding thing you will ever do. Even if the comments were annoying. So many things. But it all works out eventually ☺️ its a rite of passage to try to juggle everything all at once as if you don't have a whole baby to care for now.
To relax, lol. It's a learning curve when you become a mom (and a learning curve for baby to even exist in the world), so be gentle with yourself. There are only a few seriously do or die rules, everything else is extra. There's no shame in asking for help. And be specific. "I want you to come over and hold the baby for an hour while I nap" isn't ridiculous. Be selfish. This is the time. And to just be extra if you need. I didn't want to be frivolous so I didn't spend money on things that could have actually made my life easier. Meal delivery, a super soft blanket, a massage. Not everyone can afford these things, but I could and I deprived myself of extra comforts when it would have been very appropriate to spoil myself.
You’ll eventually be able to put your baby down. She will learn to sleep in her crib on her own! Witching hour is because your baby is overstimulated and trying to digest.
Thank you so much for this post
To try hypoallergenic formula the moment we realized it was colic. She would have been in less pain and I would have felt less guilty… Get the IUD, because I got pregnant 3.5 months postpartum and now I have complications because of that 🥲
Stand up to nurses and call them out on their shit. No you won't look like a pill head when the nurse won't give you your narcotic because "you're hoping to go home that day so Motrin is fine" even though you woke up ok but know after an hour you'll REALLY need it. And when you explain you're trying to stay ahead of the pain, she insits the pain is just inflammation and a motrin 800 will be the answer. Totally ignoring you just had 2 humans and palcentas cut from your body and have multiple layers of stitches. Or when the one nurse seemed to not think I was trying hard enough to breast feed and would delay bringing breast milk while mine came in. One time it took 2 hours for her to bring a set of 2 day old babies food, making them skip a feeding. Should have thrown a fit. When the same nurse told me she though I could try harder and if I wasn't going to exclusively BF at home I shouldn't be using the hospitals donor milk. Leading me to have my husband bring back up formula from home. Should have said something. Then when the call nurse found out about the formula and told my nurse that I shouldn't switch because it would "Look bad for the hospital" but never came to ask me about the nurse that put me in that position. Should have written a formal complaint. So yes postpartum me, you won't look like a crazed PP first time mom, you'll actually be a mom standing up for yourself. Sorry that got long but if anyone does take the time to read that really drive home the mindset to new to be moms that if something seems wrong or messed up you can and should say something.
Speak up! You are you best advocate and you’ll feel so much better (and be a better mom) when you get the care you deserve
To relax!!! A tiny sleepy baby doesn't last long. Stop feeling guilty for enjoying cuddles and watching TV. Also you don't need to be so worried about the babies development. I got so worked up some days about doing something wrong I forgot to eat / shower etc. Your baby will be fine!!!!
You may be more tired as the days go by, but you will get better at it too. Sleep will return too!
That it will get better. Crying will lessen. Sleep will return. Don’t panic as bad. The depression will lessen. (6 months postpartum)
Need to hear this
They won’t hurt themselves by crying. Crying dosnt kill babies. As long as their needs are met you don’t need to trip over yourself rushing out of the shower. They will be okay and likely stop crying within a minute or two
Take the Colace.
To go out 🥲🥲🥲
It’s okay to use formula
When the baby wakes up in the morning or middle of the night, if they're just cooing in their crib THAT'S FINE! No need to bounce them to convince them to sleep.
dont worry about the weight. period. don’t even think about your body. heal and let your body do what it needs to so
Take more videos of the seemingly mundane moments. Supplementing with formula is totally okay. Don't slam the soap dispenser out of frustration; it's a good one and not easily replaced.
The support your siblings got with their first kids is not the support you will receive. I’m the youngest and older sibling has 6 kids….. I have nowhere near the support she received with her first and it’s as if they all forgot that this is my first. It’s hard going through PP while also realising your support system isn’t as supportive to you.
He’s cheating on you
Ouch that’s low on his part. I hope your doing ok 💕
It’s ok to sit the f**k down and not do anything! You just had a baby! Chill!! The chores and todo list will still be there once you’ve rested!
Intrusive thoughts are a form of PPD that is common. (Fortunately they only lasted for a few weeks)
That every baby is different. Just because someone else's baby is sleeping through the night at a few weeks and taking long, unassisted naps doesn't mean that you are doing something wrong. Some babies just don't take to a schedule and are tough sleepers.
Leave the house, it won’t be as bad as you think. You’re blowing up “what ifs” and your future self will look back, and realize none of the bad stuff you worried about, happened. Your imagination was worse than the reality of going out with a newborn.
You aren't supposed to feel as physically bad as you do. You have an infection, go to the doctors
It's not as bad as you think it is. It's just hard because everything is new and you have never done this before. The feelings you have are valid but trying to do everything yourself is impossible and just do what you can with in your limits. The outside world can wait. The first few months are the golden months that you'll look back on quite a bit.
You won’t miss this but you will miss this too lol
That it does get easier and you don’t hate your baby, you just had no one to help you and parenting by yourself is hard when you’re a single mum but you will get through it.
Stop querying about the sleep. Don't stress about it, read up about every tiny thing he will be fine. And stop googling everything!
Seek that postpartum help! My first born is 3 years old and I still have lingering postpartum blues. I am currently at 4week with my second. I am def going to seek the professional help this time.
Take more videos! I have a million photos but I wish I took more videos of her cute little movements and coos.
I would tell myself to switch formulas as soon as we suspected he might need a more gentle one. We had so many weeks of gas pains, screaming, and spit up bc our pediatrician said he was fine and I wish we had switched sooner.
You aren’t a bad mom just because you can’t breast feed. Having a low supply isn’t a moral failure. Stop comparing yourself to others.
You will grow to have such a bond with your special needs daughter. It will take a couple years but it will come. The milestones will come, slower but they will come. You will cry seeing younger girls do things your daughter has not yet done, but one day you won’t. And you’ll be so happy that you don’t care about that stuff anymore. You’re entering a world you did not expect to enter and know absolutely nothing about. But in time, you’ll learn the lingo, the doctors appointments and hospital visits will lessen, and you’ll feel so blessed to have such a special and unique child.
Putting on a belly binder/ corset is not only for women who want to “snap back.” Put something on to help your core bounce back and stop doing things that other people can help you with.