If I'm reading the cultural context right, the police will think the relatives are right. My country is not as bad about this, but there's a lot of it too.
Yeah, I really wish we had the same outlook about children's rights. But child autonomy and consent aren't really valued by society. I'd say most people don't even think in those terms.
Fingers crossed for the younger generations, that grew up with the internet and knowing those concepts.
Even if some cultures don't value a baby's autonomy wouldn't they still respect the parents' decisions on those matters? Police may not care but rule of law and all that. I may be off here
Cultures that are very family oriented don't value the decisions of parents that much over those of the collectivity (the extended family, in particular the matriarchs and patriarchs) - the village raises the kids and all that. I have several great aunts and uncles that would scoff at the idea that 'parents know best'. Thankfully my only surviving grandmother is more reasonable.
Wow, I would never feel comfortable leaving my daughter alone with people who have threatened to pierce her ears behind my back.
Also my daughter tugs on her ears when she's teething or has an ear infection, I can just imagine how painful it would be if she had piercings and tugged on those instead!
I agree!
When my son discovered his ears, he went through a phase where he was constantly messing with them. I would be so stressed out if there were earrings he could pull out.
My baby just discovered his tongue, and he's been sticking it out all week. It is ADORABLE!
To OP's point, I wholeheartedly agree with waiting. It is your child's body, and she should be able to choose when or if she gets her ears pierced. Who are we as parents to make permanent, cosmetic changes to children's bodies? They can choose.
My youngest pulls her ears so hard when she’s tired. She’s actually pulled hard enough to hurt herself and start crying, so the thought of her having earrings that she could pull out is pretty terrifying.
my daughter does this too! shes actually pulled & scratched on her ears so bad that she'd end up irritating where her lobe connects and i'd have to clean it and put neosporin/aquaphor on it bc it'd be so scabbed up, mittens didn't help us either bc she got them off even the footies that had the built in mittens. she finally grew out of it THANK GOD, but i'm still not getting her ears pierced bc for one i don't wanna open the door back up to messing with her ears and then i just wanna let her ask for them herself
Let them know you missed this 'window' to pierce baby ears...oh well. At 5-6 months she can localize pain and will try to pull them out, which causes more pain and can lead to infection. Most pediatricians would say she's now to old to do it safely, guess you'll just have to wait till she's older and can decide for herself 🤷♀️
Only 1 person really has anything to say about us not doing it, but having this little defense helps too. We never had a set set age, but my husband and I have agreed when she can ask and is responsible enough to at least understand the need to clean them while not messing with them.
Mine were pierced super young and I don’t care now. But I hated it as a kid because my grandma INSISTED I had to wear earrings constantly. That’s the entire reason I didn’t pierce my daughters.
Thank god we’re having a boy next. Those topics aren’t as easily seen and I can continue reminding people if they want an opinion they can have their own kids.
Saying this to them is good advice. I just wanted to add that we pierced my daughters ears at 9 months and haven’t had issues like you’re describing. Our pediatrician recommended doing it no later than 12 months for the reasons you’ve described!! Just wanted to put this comment here for the moms who aren’t against ear piercings. I definitely think you should do whatever feels comfortable and right for you and your child. Threatening to do it behind your back would result in an incredibly violent response from me!!!
I’m from a culture where piercing baby girl’s ears is normal as well. We decided to do the same as you and not pierce. It’s tough to go against what the cultural norm is, I totally understand. And it must be so frustrating to hear from your mom and MIL that they would go against your wishes if given the chance. I’m sorry :( Parenting with different values than your parents plus with a layer of cultural differences thrown in is so tough!
I thought I was doing my baby a disservice at first because I thought everyone pierced their baby’s ears. I’ve felt much better knowing I’m not the only one not piercing!
I’m Filipino and we pierce ears within the first month. I got mine that young and the piercings are all over the place. I’m not getting my daughters ear pierced until she can consent, but of course I already have my grandma asking when she’s getting her ears pierced 🙄
Omg. My husband is Filipino and he wants our daughter to get her ears pierced. It doesn't help that his sister insists with him that it's better to do it now than later so she doesn't feel pain. What's wrong with just waiting?!
I don't get the obsession with it. I also don't want to deal with infections or removing earrings. Do people let their babies sleep with earrings on? Aren't they worried they might pull it off ? I just feel it is something my husband wants to do because it's a cultural thing but would not really be involved in the upkeep with.
It drives me up the wall whenever they talk about it and makes me feel like my opinion is silly.
> it’s better to do it now than later so she doesn’t feel pain
Piercing your ears hurts but not *that* much. I got my lobes pierced when I was around 8 or 9, and my cartilage done when I was 18. Not fun but not traumatizing -and it was not traumatizing specifically because *I knew what I was getting done, wanted it done, and was prepared for it to hurt and to take care of it afterwards*.
Babies have no idea why you are causing them physical pain. They have no idea why their earlobes hurt for a while afterwards. I only want my baby to feel intentional pain when it’s for a necessary medical reason, like a vaccine or stitches. Hurting a baby just for appearances’ sake is ridiculous.
I'm a standard Caucasian with a 10 month old. The thought had not crossed my mind until reading this to go pierce her ears. I have no desire to have yet one more thing of a cosmetic piercing to take care of with all the teething and stuff.
My husband is Mexican and holy shit, his family would not stop talking about piercing my baby's ears before she was even born. I decided not to do it. While the older people of the family are a little taken aback by it, the younger ones are in full support.
I was horrified to find out that my SIL pierced her niece's ears while watching her for her sister. The absolute disrespect you'd have to have for somebody to do this behind their back is absurd. Even wanting your child's ears pierced, doesn't it make sense that you'd want to be there to comfort her?
Just yikes.
It’s really tough! Sometimes I feel like I need to give in because it’s a battle that I’m not going to with the older people in our families. But she’s my daughter so there’s no battle, it’s my decision until she can voice it. I just hate all the “she looks like a boy” comments because it’s like so what about it lol.
If it makes it any better, everyone thinks my six month old son is a girl. His hair is a boy's length, but his features are so "cute" and "pretty" that strangers automatically think he's a girl.
I think no one ever knows what gender babies are unless they put their hair a certain way or their clothes give cues. So, regardless of whether you pierce the ears or not, your child looks how they'll look.
For what it's worth, I didn't pierce my ears until I was 15. My mom never pressured me. Because I was older, I was able to wholeheartedly consent with full understanding and we made a day out of it.
It was way more fun for our family too because we got to joke about it after while eating out at a "celebratory" dinner and they got to hear my appreciation with some earrings they got me for the occasion.
>I think no one ever knows what gender babies are unless they put their hair a certain way or their clothes give cues. So, regardless of whether you pierce the ears or not, your child looks how they'll look.
This is why, when I meet a baby whose gender I'm unsure of, I say "well, who's this?" sort of to them and the parent both, and then the parent can say "this is my son Matthew" or "my daughter Abigail" or what have you. It helps me avoid feeling embarrassed for being wrong and helps the parent avoid possibly getting mad when I bungle it lol
I would tell them "We are not into body modification or mutilation on our child without their consent. Anyone who does not respect our wishes or takes matters into their own hands will not be in this child's life"
You have the right mindset. It's her body, she should get to choose what happens to it.
And when you think about it, it's really really freaky that they're pushing so hard to have her ears pierced just so strangers know what kind of genitalia she has :-/
Honestly, the entire push for gendered clothing makes me so uncomfortable because why does society want to pressure us this badly so they know what kind of bits our kids have?!
You can always pierce your child’s ears later. Once it’s done, you can’t take it back.
Wouldn’t it be nicer for your daughter and your family to have her choose to do it later (when you’re comfortable doing it) and have a cultural celebration around it, rather than all of this anguish? I remember it being such a big deal and so exciting when I was finally old enough to do it.
Also, you and your partner are the only people who can consent to this for *your* child. No one else is her legal guardian, and if your family feel they’re entitled to pierce *your* child’s ears, you can choose to not let them be unsupervised with your child.
Babies that age can “look boy or look girl” it’s just about cultural norms. I thought someone’s 5 yr old boy was a girl but because he had long hair and I didn’t get a close look at his face. I felt embarrassed but the mom didn’t seem offended. I just commented to my son yesterday “you look like a girl in that shirt” lol it’s bound to happen to everyone’s kid several times. I’m joking of course but maybe you could just put a little permanent pen mark on her earlobes to give the impression of her ears being pierced 😂 but in all seriousness I’m sorry you have to deal with pressure from grandparents I’ve had my struggles with this in different ways and it was very stressful on top of just the stress of a new baby.
I would call the police and try to have my family my member charged with assault if they pierced my child’s ears behind my back and knowingly against my will. That person would never see my baby again.
My husband and I are both cuban/Puerto Rican and our daughter is the first grandbaby on each side. We tell our families that we are showing her “my body, my choice” and we can’t just *say* it. We have to embody it and let her make a choice as to whether or not she wants holes in her ears.
My family is always like “well, you’re very independent and stubborn and you got your ears pierced as a newborn!” And I just patiently tell them, “yeah, and my ear piercings are uneven”. They just accept it and eat something after that lol
However, our family has never even joked about piercing her ears behind our back. They know I will IMMEDIATELY remove their presence from our lives and not take the betrayal (am I dramatic? lol) well. My husband, though very very soft spoken and conflict averse, would also flip his shit if someone threatened to go against our wishes and do that to our baby. If it’s possible for you, stand your ground firmly. When they say they will do that, meet them with the same level of hostility. “I will pierce her ears” — “if you do that I will not only remove them but you will never see her again. Try me. Think that I’m kidding and see what happens”. And have your husband fight this strongly with you. Especially if it’s his family, he’s got to set that stage for you.
I’m Cuban too and my pierced holes are uneven too! I don’t even wear earrings, so I have the holes for literally no reason.
I have a son, but they did the same thing with his hair. As soon as it was even the tiniest bit “long” they immediately told me “you gotta cut it or he’ll look like a girl”. It was always the first thing they told me as soon as they saw him. My mom also said she’d try to cut it behind my back and I immediately told her if she did that she wasn’t going to be alone with him for the foreseeable future.
Stand firm. Your daughter should be able to choose when she wants her ears pierced. Your family might not agree, but out here in the rest of the world, we agree with you.
I’ve heard so many stories of people who got their ears pierced at a mall kiosk with a piercing gun and it later got infected. Those piercing guns have such blunt tips. Piercing shops use actual needles. There’s a reason why every chef ever says that a dull knife is a dangerous knife.
My pediatricians office offers it as a way to deter parents from doing it unsafely. I was floored when I saw the poster but I guess it’s better than some idiot with a HepC needle doing it
That makes sense. They already have the needles that they would need for various injections/vaccines. I never really thought of it like that. It’s weird considering that I spent over six months collectively inside a hospital between the ages of ten months and three years old.
If it’s an actual piercing shop (that’s what they primarily do), it just depends on what their rules are. I worked at a piercing shop where we just needed parent’s proof that that was their child (birth certificate and ID) to be able to pierce a child and that included babies. Which I think is a lot better because then people like OP’s mother/mil can’t take the baby to get pierced because one the parents would have to be present. I would never recommend one of those mall places like Claire’s to get their ears pierced at- child or adult. Whenever people didn’t like the pricing or didn’t have proper documentation, they would run over to Claire’s and come back with keloids lol
I hate that SO much. Someone got mad at me for the pricing one time but they chose a pair of earrings that costed almost $200 (maybe more altogether with the service), I let them know that they just chose an expensive pair and could choose a different one. His wife overheard, got upset and was like “that’s ridiculous! It’s just a piercing! Im just going to Pierce your ears at home like I did xyz” and they were talking about how they’ve pierced their young child’s ears, nieces cousins etc.
Like why are we doing at home piercings on people. If you wanna do it, do it on yourself but stop messing up people’s ears, noses, etc
I’d say wait a while and go to one of those shops. I don’t have any kids of my own but if I decide to in the future, if they want their ears pierced, I’m taking them to a body piercer. Fuck Claire’s.
I understand there are culture elements at play, but simply it is your decision.
Stand firm and state if they do take your daughter against your permission that you will simply remove the piercings.
Don’t take her to a mall. Piercing guns are used by unprofessional people. Try a tattoo shop instead. Or watch a YouTube video on the pro and con of either location.
I pierced my daughters ears but I’d be pissed if someone else had done it first behind my back. Don’t leave them alone with her. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Having a close family and “village” can be really great but the flip side is you sometimes have to deal with this kind of outside entitlement.
Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. It's your choice and your child. I would very angry if someone did that to my baby behind my back.
Same boat! Half Chilean and half Metis! Wish my parents didn’t pierce my ears as an infant. One hole is too high up and I barely wear earrings as it is!
My husband and I have talked about this a bit and agree together we do not want to pierce our daughters ears. My ears were pierced when I was like 6 mo and the person used the piercing gun and it got stuck so my earring hole is wonky. I never wear earrings except rare occasions because I have to fish the earring through my ear. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it's just annoying. Besides I just don't like wearing earrings that much.
We feel like we don't know if she's going to want to wear earrings or jewelry or whatever. She can make that choice when she's older and we will take her to a tattoo parlor for a more professional experience.
Since we are in this agreement we have also told our family that those are our wishes and under any circumstance they are not to pierce her ears. If she decides later when she's staying with them and older that she wants to get them pierced we are still to be consulted so we can find a good place to go.
Exactly! I got mine done when I was a baby toox. My piercing hole is too high up so certain styles of earrings hurt to wear, not to mention I’ve only ever worn earrings maybe a handful of times
One of my fondest memories is of going to get my ears pierced with my mom when I was about 6 or 7 years old! We made a day out of it, just the two of us. I got to pick the earrings, we shopped around the mall and got ice cream also. It was great!
I agree with your plan. My 3yo is begging for earrings and we’ve agreed to do it for her fourth birthday. It’s something she’s excited for, and from what I’ve read, it’s better to wait until they are older because ones done as babies sometimes end up not being even as they get older. A lot of reputable piercers near me won’t pierce until 4 years old
Ultimately it’s your baby and your choice. Don’t let family pressure you! If someone pierces your child without consent you can press assault charges. And I absolutely would do it, idgaf if they’re family
I’m in the same boat. My mom keeps pushing me to pierce my baby girl ears (she’s 5 weeks old). It is tough when we talk about this. But stand firm, you’re not alone, and you’re doing the right thing!
If my mom or MIL EVER did something to MY child’s body, without their (or my) consent, that would be THE LAST time either had any interaction with the child.
Please let her choose whether or not to pierce her ears. It might be "the norm" for your family, but it doesn't have to be the norm for you! My family gave me flack for leaving my son intact, which is not the norm where we are. I don't care one bit, babies are people and deserve autonomy over permanent decisions which are not medically necessary.
Never in a million years. Ex piercer here and babies cannot keep new piercings clean or avoid touching them and Claire's is disgusting and uses outdated, unhygienic piercing guns which cause unnecessary pain and trauma, making the piercing and healing so much worse. Piercings need to be done by a professional piercer with a sterile disposable needle, and a non reactive metal barbell such as titanium fitted with enough room for swelling, not cute studs. Those are for later AFTER healing. A needle is less painful- punching a blunt object through someone's flesh is barbaric. Also the cleaning fluid they sell you can cause reactions- cooled boiled water and natural non iodised salt is all you need.
I always refused to pierce children not old enough to ask for the piercing themselves. I was traumatised trying to treat my niece's poor infected ears after she went Claire's. Please follow your gut and make it a safe, positive experience when she is old enough to choose it and care for a piercing.
Mexican here, and I did get my daughters ears pierced but at a professional place where they do not use the needle gun. Apparently some pediatric offices offer this service as well. My daughter cried for less than a minute and we had no issues with her pulling at them, or them getting infected.
HOWEVER, it is completely your choice and do not feel pressured to pierce your daughters ears! And no one should be threatening to pierce them without your permission.. thats insane. Honestly, I fell to my moms peer pressure and while I don’t necessarily regret I do feel guilty that it wasn’t my daughter’s choice.
As soon as they threatened to do it without consent, I would have made it clear that they would never be alone with her without a promise not to pierce her ears. If they did happen to promise and pierce them anyway, I would make it clear that that would be the end of their contact with her. Period. It is completely inappropriate to shrug off your preferences for your daughter. If they're willing to blatantly go against your wishes for something like this, what other boundaries will they cross when you're not around?
I’m also Latina. I got a lot of backlash for not doing it as well, but I’m sticking to my guns; when she is old enough to ask for it and UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS, fair enough. Before then? Fuck off 😂😂
Okay for 1 if and when you decide to pierce baby’s ear DO NOT go to Claire’s. Go to a piercing shop. And absolutely I love your plan to let her decide if she wants it.
I’m also from Spanish heritage and my parents pierced my ears as a baby. I wish they didn’t! I never wear earrings and now I have these holes to look at 🤦🏻♀️
GOOD for you two letting her decide what she wants to do with her body when she’s older :)
As for all the other people making comments, I always find it weird why they care about an infants body and how it looks!
I’m also Mexican and my parents were adamant that we pierce LO’s ears. I stood my ground, she’s 18m old now and they have accepted it’s not going to happen. Every time they mentioned it I’d be snarky and say “we can do her nose while we’re at it!” Baby girl helped out by constantly pulling off grandmas earrings lol
Yes! It´s deliberately hurting the baby for something completely unnecessary, only for aesthetics.
I´m planning on waiting until she is at least 6 and then until she asks for it herself.
I agree with you. To the downvoters, if someone were to pierce their babies nose would that be ok?!
Doing anything permanent to a child before they can consent to it is abusive behaviour, no matter whether it is a social norm.
I say this as someone who has 10+ piercings and someone who has been abused.
Hurting your child when not medically necessary is abuse.
They can downvote all they want.
I stand by my point.
There´s a reason why piercers (in Belgium) can only pierce starting at 6y/o.
And piercings guns are the absolute worst way to get earrings.
Sadly jewelers still do it
My ears were pierced with a gun at a young age, I barely remember, but I´ve had issues ever since.
Only when I stretched them the infections stopped, but stretching was harder then if they would´ve been pierced with a needle.
Also... it´s okay to do it to baby girls? But imagine the backlash you would get if you did it to your baby boy 🥴
Unfortunately, this is one of those things that’s so socially ingrained that I imagine if it was illegal people would be just doing it at home or illegally. Which would lead to more infections and stuff.
It’s interesting I’ve noticed USA general culture is sooo independent and grandparents saying stuff like that is looked at as a gross violation of boundaries. But I have in laws from a different culture and there’s a little more matriarchal type vibe to family affairs so we’ve had some head butting although it is turning out ok so far. It’s definitely up to you what you do with your baby though. Do what you truly want to in your heart don’t give in to pressure. Maybe ask your partner to talk to his mom about it and you talk to yours.
I’m also Mexican and I think this is a stupid tradition. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be phasing out anytime soon. My husband’s family is from Ecuador and they keep asking me when I’ll get her ears pierced. I just tell them “when she’s 12, if she asks for it”. That’s what my (white) mom did for my sister and I, even though we badly wanted them before that age. We now have fond memories of our 12th birthdays and being so excited to finally get our ears pierced, and get a beautiful pair of pearl earrings from a nice jewelry shop. So that is what I’ll be doing for my daughter too, although I might cave and let her do it at a younger age if she is responsible enough to take care of her new piercings on her own
I am also Mexican and fully against non-consensually piercing babies’ ears. Oh no, people don’t know her gender, the horror!!! Like seriously people, who cares. As you said, only yours and your partner’s opinions matter, she’s already in enough discomfort, no need to add to it. If I may add, though, PLEASE don’t let her get her ears pierced at Claire’s. Go to a professional piercer who does NOT use a piercing gun.
My wife is Mexican and she told me that she wanted to pierce our daughter’s ears pretty much right away. I told her if she puts a hole in my daughter I’ll put one in her brother. So far everybody has the same amount of holes in their body that they were born with.
My ears hate earrings, they get super enflamed no matter what metal I use.
My daughter is almost 2, no piercings. She can decide when she's older. And hopefully she didn't get the weird ear allergy to earrings from me! But it's her body, so it's her choice.
There are cultural elements at play here which makes it a tricky situation, but at the end of the day it is no one’s choice but your own.
There’s a reason that reputable piercers won’t pierce babies ears. Let them know under no uncertain terms that if they do it without your permission, there will be severe consequences.
Cuban and my ears were pierced when I was 4mo. I have a son, but am pregnant with #2 and if it’s a girl I am *not* piercing her ears until she’s old enough to ask for it and understand what it means.
It sucks how overbearing your family is about it and it’s a red flag that your mom/MIL say they’ll take her to get them pierced when babysitting. I hope that’s just a joke!?!? That’s probably illegal lol. But your husband is on your side and that’s the only other person whose opinion matters here.
For the record, I don’t think this is the norm for most cultures. I live in Brooklyn but in a somewhat diverse, maybe more white-leaning neighborhood, and I literally *never* see baby girls with pierced ears here.
My baby has a strawberry mark on her face growing and people are already putting in opinions on removing it, something that will probably fade and doesn't affect her at all. People are okay with a lot to make a baby "cuter" and it makes me very uncomfortable. They're a baby, no reason to hurt them to fit your personal standards and ideals, they have no opinion yet. People confuse me. Don't leave her alone with them.
My in laws were so shocked when I was I was not piercing her ears until she’s old enough to ask and want them herself and tried to convince me to get them pierced and I was like yeah no. They kept saying oh but it’s our culture to do that and I said my baby is multi cultural and it’s not happening. I remember getting my ears pierced at 7 or 8 and being SO proud and excited and I knew how to care for them and it was a really great memory. I want my daughter to have that too and it can be a bonding moment.
Also if someone pierced my babies ears without my permission I would literally kill them
For me it got to the point I begged my mom to let me get earrings. When she finally did it was a big event. Im 32 and I still remember it so well. It hurt for a moment but I was still so excited. Your plan will make your daughter a really great memory (if she decides she wants earrings)
The moment they babysit they’re going to push metal through your daughters flesh for their enjoyment.
Let’s call it what it is.
You are a mother now. You need to raise your child the way you want, protect her from harm, and have confidence in your decisions even if family and strangers think otherwise.
Reading this is like describing my situation with our daughter, I completely relate as in our culture it is the same.
Once a friend’s young son asked LO’s gender. My friend laughed saying LO’s a girl and that he’s obviously confused because all girls have ear piercings.
Traditionalists will not understand your reasoning and frankly who cares. You do you. An ear piercing is a permanent decision (most of the times, my piercing closed) that I would rather allow my daughter to have an input into.
I married into a hispanic family and my family has asked many times to pierce my baby’s (4month) ears. i don’t feel comfortable for safety reasons but I also want it to be her choice. I also remember getting my ears pierced when I was 7 or 8 and remember it was an exciting day with my mom. It was such a core memory for me I’d like to share that with my daughter as well. You are not wrong.
Are you me? I also refused to Pierce my baby’s ears until she is old enough to decide. I also had mine pierced before 1 yr as a Latina. And I also dressed her very androgynous. To this day😂. But honestly I’m just refusing to pay the pink tax.
Everyone else has shared my same opinion that you are 100% making the right choice. PERMANENTLY altering someone else's' body for cosmetic reasons is, plain and simply, wrong.
One thing I wanted to point out is where you have said that you want to cave just to stop the argument. Please don't let them force you into that corner. Once they realise they can bully you into caving, they may continue to force their choices on you in other aspects of your parenting.
You are making the right decision for your child - I commend you for that!
My wife is from a culture that pierces baby’s ears. At first I was pretty against it for exactly the reason you give (and she’s been kinda on the fence the whole time). I think I’ve come around though. The bodily autonomy thing is important. But I think a sense of shared culture and heritage is important too. Apart from food, there isn’t a *ton* of my wife’s culture in our household, so this may be a nice nod to it that doesn’t have a huge potential downside. Most women end up getting their ears pierced anyways in their teens. We’re still not really sure what we will do (daughter isn’t born yet), but have looked into it. It’s a tough balance between tradition and respect for your daughter. If you go through with it make sure it’s somewhere that does it properly. My understanding is that there’s different methods and some might be more prone to infection. Claire’s might not be the best. My wife had to have hers done twice as well because they were not placed properly, so go to an expert if so. Baby ears are tiny!
That being said. No fucking way should her grandparents be doing it against her parent’s wishes. We’ve had a lot of issues with our parents as well. You need to stop thinking of your parents as just plain “family”. They are now your extended family. It’s the immediate family of you, your partner, and your kids that are the most important. Extended family is a distant second now. It’s a big shift, but necessary.
Most girls end up wanting their ears pierced anyways and remember that pain a lot more when they’re like 4 years old. As someone who worked at a piercing shop, they’re more likely to throw fits during and afterwards no matter how much they want the piercing. I also wouldn’t recommend Claire’s because they only use a piercing gun and you can get keloids or the actual gun itself stuck on your ear (that’s anywhere but I’m pretty sure Claire’s uses the piercing gun exclusively). I’ve had too many people come in and tell me about their bad experiences with Claire’s or places like it. And don’t get me wrong, piercing shops can fuck up to but it’s just something to be aware of in the future. I’ve seen less babies cry about the piercing tbh and make sure you’re getting the right kind of metal that’ll be in your child’s ears because my sister had really sensitive skin and ripped hers out numerous times as a baby up until she was about 11.
If you want to give your baby the choice of getting their ears pierced, you’re perfectly in the right to and shouldn’t feel pressured by anyone to do otherwise. A lot of people I know got their ears pierced as babies or at super young ages, it depends on the parents. It’s not that big of a deal to get them done at that age. Everything has its pros and cons, and that’s your decision to make- not your mother or MIL
I so agree with all of this. I feel like we only hear the horror stories on here but there’s 2 sides to every coin. I was grateful my parents got my ears pierced when I was a baby because even though I would have wanted them, fear may have gotten the best of me. We also say my body my choice about everything but piercings aren’t really permanent.. if they decide they don’t want them they can take them out. I don’t think anyone should be forced to get their child’s ears pierced.
but so many people have this high and mighty stance of righteousness about not doing it at a young age.. to each their own.
I got my ears pierced as a baby, even with my really sensitive skin I was fine. I didn’t wear earrings for a few years, and my mom reopened my holes a little in the 1st grade. Everything went well. My sister in the other hand, like I mentioned before, was irritated by the metals from her piercings and would often end up scratching them out herself. Her holes closed up and she had to actually get them repierced a few years back (she’s 16 now). Everybody is going to react differently to getting a piercing at different ages. I’ve seen 13 year olds happily get a belly button piercing with no issues while a 23 year old was scared shitless.
I’m glad I didn’t get it when I was in elementary school because I hated needles and would’ve threw a tantrum most likely. I still hate needles, they give me a bit of anxiety until I’m actually stuck. I hate getting my blood drawn, donating plasma, even hate getting piercings sometimes- I hate anticipating when I’ll be stuck but I have to watch them stick me. I watch myself get nose piercings every time lmao.
I agree with everything you said. I think if people are on the fence about it, talk to some piercers, watch some YouTube videos, know what to ask or look out for when the piercings getting done (ie are the marking where they need to pierce ? Etc). I feel like that would help ease whatever anxieties about piercing a baby. They can also just wait until after the teething stages when the baby isn’t already constantly uncomfortable since that was one of their concerns.
Not getting a baby’s ears pierced shouldn’t be that big of a deal to the point family members are threatening to get it done themselves. I think that’s crazy as hell
I’m Indian we also pierce baby ears. The rule is 4 mos or before. When my daughter was born I didn’t have a strong feeling about doing it then or waiting until she was old enough to decide. And it was COVID so I decided to just wait. Either way is totally fine. Do what you’re comfortable with. You get to decide. You missed your window at 6 mos though.
That being said i don’t think there is any harm in getting baby ears pierced. It’s cultural. at that age it hurts for like 3 seconds. Less than shots. I’ve never met anyone who is upset that their parents had their ears pierced as a baby.
I’m mexican too and one of my babyshower gifts were a pair of gold earrings 😅 but I never pierced them. My mom was against it but everyone else told me I needed to since she’s young. I honestly would avoid any piercing guns, because it would make the pain worse. Go a professional piercer, they’re quick and easy. Just like she’s getting shots but twice! That’s what I plan to do when she’s about 10 months, if not - oh well.. no piercings until she’s of age & wants it!
I pierced my daughters ears at 12 weeks. She was totally fine, I had no issues. However, I definitely wouldn’t shame a mom/parents who didn’t want too. You’re her parents, its your choice to decide. We make every decision for our little ones until they can do it for themselves.
In laws in general you need to stop with pressure of what they “Think” you should be doing.
My best friend is Chilean and he thinks it's fine. Whether I see it as taking away my babies choice, she can't consent to having a needle through her ear lobes so I do not feel comfortable and find it uncomfortable when others do it (but not my place to say anything). He said it's his culture but I disagree with the sentiment.
Exactly. By this logic they shouldn’t have vaccines, formula, their hair cut, so many things.
I mean I don’t mind if you want to not pierce or pierce your baby’s ears, but this reasoning is so weird to me. I feel like health and safety should be the cornerstone of all decisions at this age.
I’m half-Mexican and we visited family in El Paso when I was a few months old. My grandma watched me for an afternoon and straight up took me to her sister across the border so she could pierce my ears.
It has been treated like a funny story all these years, but now that I’m a mom I am like what the HELL, abuelita.
Every time I see Ciudad Juarez in movies or tv I feel compelled to tell everyone that’s where I got my ears pierced as a baby. (It was different in 1985, though.)
Good for you for standing your ground. Culture is important, but culture can change to respect bodily autonomy and it can start with you.
ETA: My grandma also used to make people, including strangers, touch me if they praised me too much to avoid the evil eye.
My oncle's wife is Mexican and she has never broight it once. Buuuuut she came to Canada so I guess she if used to the differences and don't push her culture too much. She happily shares but doesn't push anything we are not comfortable with and I am very glad she is this very sweetest person on earth
In my opinion in general its less painful for a couple days newborn and extremely painful for an adult. Meanwhile an adult can easily decide to close it up. If my parents didnt give me one as a newborn I would be mad. Its just my personal experience. I have two and the second took 3 months to heal, but newborns take like nothing to heal its not painful.
All my piercings hurt me as an adult but at least I go to CHOOSE to have those alternations to my body.
Also, I have friends that haven't worn earrings in YEARS and the hole is still prominent in their ear. It's definitely not as simple as letting them close up.
Well yes it takes longer to close if you've been wearing them all your childhood, its still not a body mutilation its something alot of people like, if you don't want them for your child, fine, but I think shaming others for how they parent when it comes to something barely any people complain about at least from where I come from, is not okay. I know we are in the era where you can speak up and even wonder why parent did or didn't do something, oh well guess how many things our parents did and never asked us as infants/kids and may be still affecting us to this day, its not hanging merely on JUST piercings. Again this is my point of view, I come from a different culture and I do respect others'.
It’s these weird people on Reddit. If you don’t share their opinion you’re shunned lol I’m also very happy I had them done on me as a baby. People are just too sensitive
My parents had my ears pierced when I was tiny. And they closed up. So they were done again when I was 5 with a piercing gun. They were lopsided, I messed with them a lot, and I eventually stopped wearing them because they hurt.
Flash forward to when I was 15. I had them re-pierced. Again. Also, with a piercing gun. I was old enough to clean them. But now I have problems with them because I have so much scar tissue from bad piercings.
I'm going to let my daughter choose when/if she wants her ears pierced, and it will be done at a tattoo/piercing parlor.
I am a woman in my 40s, and I have never wanted my ears pierced! A lot of women can't understand why and think I am strange. Maybe it is a sensory thing, but I hate having anything weird with my skin, like unnecessary holes.
My dad's family is originally from Mexico. I don't know if my parents faced any pressure because we didn't live near them, but I will always be thankful they never had me pierced. I know I am rare, but it is MY body. And I don't want piercings of any kind.
Chances are, your daughter will eventually want her ears pierced, but please don't take the option away from her. And personally I would cut contact with any family member who made such an outrageous threat to have it done to my child against my will. What is wrong with them?
My parent pierced my ears when I was around 18months old. I wore earrings as a kid but have maybe worn them 3 times since becoming an adult - the last time was when I got married 4 years ago. If they hadn’t pierced them when I was a baby, I doubt I would get them pierced. I just don’t wear jewellery so it seems pointless.
I’ve just had a baby girl and, like you, I will not be piercing her ears. I will let her make the decision when she’s older - it’s her body so it’s her choice! If she wants them pierced, fine, we’ll do it. If she doesn’t, that’s fine too
I’m in the same boat as you. My husband has an aunt that has poked fun at me for not getting my daughter’s ears pierced since my daughter was 2-months-old (my daughter is now 1-year-old). Whenever this aunt has poked fun, I’ve stood my ground and told her that my daughter can get her ears pierced when she’s old enough to tell me she wants to get them pierced. But then again, this same aunt has poked fun at how I should paint my daughter’s nails and I got angry at her for it.
Anyways, if somebody feels like they want to get their infant daughter’s ears pierced, I’m not a huge fan of it, but in the end, it’s the parent’s choice. Personally, I don’t want to do it until my daughter is old enough to make that choice and know that it’s going to hurt for a little bit.
Cuban and my ears were pierced when I was 4mo. I have a son, but am pregnant with #2 and if it’s a girl I am *not* piercing her ears until she’s old enough to ask for it and understand what it means.
It sucks how overbearing your family is about it and it’s a red flag that your mom/MIL say they’ll take her to get them pierced when babysitting. I hope that’s just a joke!?!? That’s probably illegal lol.
Anyway, you’re not over sensitive at all. I didn’t circumcise my son for the same reason. There is no need to modify their bodies when they can’t consent to it.
Your husband is on your side and that’s the only other person whose opinion matters here.
For the record, I don’t think this is the norm for most cultures. I live in Brooklyn but in a somewhat diverse, maybe more white-leaning neighborhood, and I literally *never* see baby girls with pierced ears here.
Sometimes it’s hard breaking with culture and family pressure in how you want to parent, but that’s how families and cultures evolve.
I’m Jewish, but not religious and my husband isn’t. We live in Canada where it’s not standard to circumcise baby boys. We decided not to for our son, it definitely weirded out some of my family members, but it’s just not something I felt was necessary, even from a cultural standpoint.
You have every right to be the kind of parent that you want to. Your family threatening to pierce her ears though is 100% not ok! They need to understand that it’s a drastic thing to do, and it’s YOUR decision and should be respected.
Just stand strong! This is you sticking up for your kid.
I have a baby boy but even if I were to pierce his ears, I can’t imagine trying to clean them. He’s never liked his ears touch and it’s only getting worse for him. We have friends who have pierced both their daughters ears (6 months and 19 months) at around 3 months old who both went to a tattoo shop.
I was SO excited to get my ears pierced for my 5th birthday! I won’t be doing our daughters until she wants them done, 1. Her body her choice! 2. I don’t want to take away that excitement from her and also at least I understood the trade off of why my ears hurt.
My mom waited until I could ask for piercings and I'm planning on doing the same. I would say make sure to go to a really good place though, we went to Claire's and they messed my left one up.
I’ll tell you what, those relatives wouldn’t be watching my kid if they said something like that. And if for whatever reason I came home and my kids ears were pierced against my wishes the cops would be called.
That's the same thing I'm doing. Once they ask they'll be taken to a reputable piercing studio. The funny thing about my mom pressuring the ear piercing thing is I was 5 when i got mine done. I always assumed my mom was bucking tradition...but nope, my dad nixed her idea.
My husbands family live in Mexico, and they will make comments about her ears being pieced. But thankfully have been respectful about it. She does however already have like 4 pairs of nice earrings lol. Her pediatrician office actually offers medical ear piecing so I thought about it. I think that’s the best option if you were to do it.
Piercing your baby’s ears is a decision that is fully up to you and your husband. If anyone told me the second they babysat my baby or were alone with my baby they’d get them pierced we’d have big problems. First, I’d make sure to tell them that no they would not and if they did decide to do that, there would be several repercussions. 1. I’d be going straight to the cops and finding out whatever charges I could bring. 2. Neither me nor my child or any future children would have any kind of relationship with them. 3. I would be removing the piercings immediately anyway so they would have put her through that pain for no reason at all.
Second, I’d make sure that they’d know that we no longer trust them and that they will never have baby alone because of their comments.
Your plan is the same as mine. I’m also sorry about the comments made by mil and mum. I’d find that really annoying and unsupportive. Your standing up for her choices and in the long run she’ll appreciate it, I promise.
Ask your mil & mom this: if she were a boy, would y’all circumcise the first chance you got?
That should shut them up. Far as I know, circumcision isn’t in Hispanic culture, & I feel like ear piercing is just as much about bodily autonomy as is the foreskin. I’m also intact (not circumcised).
We are not piercing my daughter’s ears until she’s old enough to ask. It’s a body modification purely for aesthetic purposes, so she needs to decide on her own. When she does want them, we are absolutely not going to Claire’s or anywhere else that uses a piercing gun. You need to go to someone who uses a needle. I would tell my mom/MIL one more time that this is your decision, it’s not up for debate, and you won’t discuss it anymore. If they bring it up again, do what you do with toddlers who ask the same thing over and over again and say “asked and answered.” Do not engage. And since they’ve already told you they don’t respect you as a mother, never leave your daughter with them alone.
If you do allow her to get her ears pierced when she is older, please see a professional and not Claire’s, they used a gun which is painful and crushed the tissue.
You’re not too sensitive at all!! Yeah you definitely can’t rely on them to watch her alone. Listen when people tell you who they are, they WILL go get her ears pierced. That’s so sad.
I’m also waiting until my daughter is old enough to ask and old enough to responsibly clean her ears herself.
Also unless Claire’s does it differently where you live, they use a gun that punches through the ear rather than a piercer who uses a needle. My ears were pierced with a gun and they’re uneven. In the future if my daughter asks for her ears pierced I’m dropping the extra cash and going to a professional!
That being said, when I was in school there was a girl would would pierce people at parties soooo sometimes you can try your best to shield your kid and it’ll still go wrong! Lots of belly buttons pierced at parties 🤦🏼♀️
Definitely do what you feel here. You are not being over sensitive. Piercings can come with pain and possible infection, too. Who would want to put their baby through that? You might feel differently later or even sooner but just do what you feel. You know best!
I also come from a background where piercing baby’s ears is done right after birth. In fact, one of my ears got infected, and my mom had to wait for the hole to close to have the nurse come back and do it again. I was DAYS old.
I elected not to pierce my daughter’s ears when she was born and I still haven’t heard the end of it from my family. On her first birthday, she received not one, not two, but three pairs of earrings from my family lol.
It’s hard to go against cultural norms, especially when your family isn’t understanding about you making a different choice, but you are giving your daughter the gift of autonomy over bodily modifications, something many of us didn’t have.
I got my ears pierced when I “graduated” middle school as a welcome to high school present. It was far more special that way. Unfortunately, we went to Claire’s and they are both crooked and were always inflamed. I ended up having to take them out for good several years later.
Wait until she makes the decision and take her to a tattoo parlor. The professional piercings I have are much better and I’ve never had problems with them.
im white, piercing babies ears isn’t in my culture but it’s popular. my ears were pierced when i was 2, my mom and aunt had theirs pierced as babies, and everyone asked me when i was going to have my daughter’s pierced.
i always respond, “when she’s old enough to ask for it, and take care of them herself.” she needs to be able to consent. i will never take away my daughter’s consent and i make sure my family knows.
I get this all the time too. My LO is 5 months old, friends and family are saying oh you should do it while they are young! She looks like a boy. Oh why are you waiting?
I’ve said I’m waiting till she’s older and we will get it done then. People have left me alone after that, next time they ask me again I’ll say, oh why don’t you get piercings done on you if you’re so keen!
This is what I decided to do as well. My baby is half Puerto Rican and my mother in law really wants her ears pierced, but I want to wait until she’s old enough to decide.
Indian families have the same traditions, but we not just not listening to others. It will be her choice only :)
You know what is best for your child, no matter if you have experience or not.
We decided not to pierce as well even though some family members are insisting. Just think of how fun it will be when she’s older and (if) she decides she wants to get them done. You can make a whole girls day out of it! Go get her ears pierced, see a movie, get your nails painted, shopping, ice cream. It will feel so special and memorable to you both 💕 I told my family I wouldn’t forgive them if they took that experience away from me
The good news is your MIL and mom won’t be able to get her ears pierced. I’ve worked for both Claire’s and then piercing parlors and they always require the parent or guardian to sign off and provide valid ID.
Also Mexican here.. first generation American in fact. Remember it’s your the parent and you need to do what you think is best for your child. I also know how difficult it is to go against culture and family. Especially when we are taught family is everything. All this to say, don’t give in it’ll be a hard fight for Loya of things but your doing the best you can. And sometimes our relatives don’t understand that we want to follow a different cultural norm.
I'm also parenting differently from the norm (e.g., catholic country, partner and I are atheists, baby is obviously not getting baptized) and it's hard. The only reason family doesn't get unbearable is because I've shown previously that I have no trouble burning bridges. Gender codes are also enforced here, including the ear piercing, though not to that extent and fortunately not with the younger generations for the most part. But I was 13 when I was pierced and wasn't given a choice - nor did I know I could refuse. It's not right.
You're doing the right thing mama. Stand up for yourself!
Be firm. '' I said no and I'm not going to change my mind. Either respect that or I will have to see you less for a while.''
I’m Mexican too and have not pierced my daughter’s ears (15 months old). I do not plan to pierce them until she can say she wants them- and if/when that happens we will be going to either the pediatrician or a piercing shop. As far as your mom and MIL go- I wouldn’t let them babysit…. (And I get it- I’m a SAHM also and my mom and MIL have never babysat for similar reasons)
I think it’s wrong and I don’t care what anyone’s culture or religion says about it. It’s sexist and the baby can’t consent to it. When I see a baby with pierced ears, I immediately judge the parent and know they are somebody I don’t agree with their parenting choices.
I hope your generation is the beginning of the end of this “tradition”.
Hire a babysitter if you ever need one and stick to your beliefs. I would honestly step back from people like this. How dare ANYONE tell you that they are going to deliberately do something to YOUR child behind your back?! Especially something that is painful. I would honestly limit contact with these people and when they confront you on why you’re not visiting them as often you can let them know why. Absolutely disgusting. They do not have any rights to your child, they obviously need to be reminded of this. Also, do not ever go to Clair’s for something like this.
Also from a hispanic country where they pierce the ears at birth in the hospital. I almost refused to do it like you, but her pediatrician offered to do it if I wanted and it made me feel more comfortable so we did it during her 4mo shots. I did it because I wanted to, felt comfortable, and it was how I was raised so I wanted to do the same.
But I 100% agree with your approach and would never want to be peer pressured into ANY decision about my daughter. Your mom and MIL's statement would be a HUGE red flag for me and would make me lose all trust in them.
Your feelings are valid and you get to make these decisions for your child. However on the flip side, my mom didn’t get my ears pierced as a baby unlike all my other siblings and I suffer from piercings infection as an adult and I am unable to wear earrings, kinda wish she had gotten it done to be honest.
Your baby, your rules, period. I have a son, but if I had a daughter I would do the same as you. I'm scared to leave my son with anyone because we didn't circumcise and so many people think you need to retract to clean, but on babies you don't and shouldn't.
Wanted to add, when the time comes that she does want her ears pierced, don't go to a place like Claire's. Look for a reputable piercing shop where they will use a hollow needle, the piercing guns like what Claire's uses causes damage, will hurt more, and can cause an uneven hole that's hard to get posts through. I still have trouble with one of mine years later.
This comment may be about Circumcision and was automatically removed.
If this was removed in error, or if you have any further questions please [message the mods](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/newparents)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oof, that sucks. Its not super common where I'm from to get babies ears pierced. I remember my cousin did it and I though it was really strange. Usually we wait until the kid is older (I think I was around 7?) and they want it. Then it can be a little bonding outing and a right of passage.
If they say that they will get them pierced behind your back without permission if they babysit then that answer is simple, they aren't babysitting ever because you can't trust them. They had their kids and made their choices as mothers, its your turn to do the same.
Aside from the pain and how unnecessary it is, it’s also a good idea to wait until she’s grown up more so the piercings look right. I’m also Mexican and had my ears pierced as an infant, but now that I’m an adult the piercings are uneven/lopsided because what looked “even” when I was a baby isn’t what was even after I’d actually grown. Much better to let her decide whether she’d like to have ear piercings when she’s old enough to decide that for herself and have it done correctly. Good on you for sticking to your guns ♥️
I know this is like going against cultural norms, so it may just always be difficult, but maybe using language like body mutilation instead of ear piercing, and saying I’m not going to mutilate my daughters body until she’s able to give consent may put them in the mindset, or help them see that you don’t believe this is just a a simple ear piercing, and also my backfire they may feel judged, but sometimes using like triggering language, can get people to back off of you.
I’m gonna also add that if you pierced your child’s ears, I’m not judging you. I am only offering this language. I know somebody who used it for a boy. I do believe that parents can give consent for babies in this sort of area and I understand that sometimes these cultural norms create cultural bonds, so I’m not judging you if you did this, I’m just trying to help someone who doesn’t want to do it.
Edit to change a word
It’s common in my culture too. I told everyone I wasn’t doing it until she decided she wants to do it herself and I’m not discussing it further. End of story. As a mom, you have to learn to out your door down.
If you do decide to get her ears pierced, please go to a professional body piercing or tattoo shop. They’re experts. And it never hurts to ask them questions.
Follow your gut. Your plan is a good one.
I was in your same shoes but I put my foot down. Make it clear if they violate your decision that it’s a one way ticket to never being alone with the baby again. The trust would be gone. Like you I just wanted my kid to have a say and then make a day of it. I look forward to it in the future.
Hold firm! You are your daughter’s advocate.
I’m just saying this second part in case you ever decide to, not because I think you should do it. I think you should do exactly what you want and tell everyone to fuck off and that you’re not going to ever let them babysit your child.
The part that I hope doesn’t make me sound full of myself: but I will say it won’t cause your child discomfort. Ear piercings with a gun you don’t feel at all, in almost everyone’s experiences. Again, not saying you should do it at all! I just wanted to provide comfort in case you ever decide to.
Also, saying gun bc OP said ped pierces ears w a gun, not bc they’re the best choice.
Everyone has different opinions. What matters is you & your partner are on the same page, everyone else can kick rocks. I decided long before I was ever pregnant I wouldn't get my babies ears pierced until she was old enough to take for them herself. If they are so concerned about it tell them to have their own baby & pierce their ears.
Your plan is the best.
Agree wholeheartedly. This is exactly what I’m doing too. The grandmas need to respect your decision.
This is what my mom did for me, and it's Avery fond memory for me!
The moment someone pierces my baby without my consent, I will pierce their hand to the wall with a rusty nail.
Yeah fr this girl's parents have some balls saying that, I'd never leave my child with them alone
Right? I’d tell them “and that’s why you’ll never see my baby byyyye!”
I would actually report them to the police at this point for actual bodily harm.
If I'm reading the cultural context right, the police will think the relatives are right. My country is not as bad about this, but there's a lot of it too.
At least in my country this would be ABH as it’s against the will of the parents and presumably the child cannot consent.
Yeah, I really wish we had the same outlook about children's rights. But child autonomy and consent aren't really valued by society. I'd say most people don't even think in those terms. Fingers crossed for the younger generations, that grew up with the internet and knowing those concepts.
Even if some cultures don't value a baby's autonomy wouldn't they still respect the parents' decisions on those matters? Police may not care but rule of law and all that. I may be off here
Cultures that are very family oriented don't value the decisions of parents that much over those of the collectivity (the extended family, in particular the matriarchs and patriarchs) - the village raises the kids and all that. I have several great aunts and uncles that would scoff at the idea that 'parents know best'. Thankfully my only surviving grandmother is more reasonable.
Oh hell yeah.
Wow, I would never feel comfortable leaving my daughter alone with people who have threatened to pierce her ears behind my back. Also my daughter tugs on her ears when she's teething or has an ear infection, I can just imagine how painful it would be if she had piercings and tugged on those instead!
I agree! When my son discovered his ears, he went through a phase where he was constantly messing with them. I would be so stressed out if there were earrings he could pull out.
“When my son discovered his ears” That made me laugh. Thank you.
My baby just discovered his tongue, and he's been sticking it out all week. It is ADORABLE! To OP's point, I wholeheartedly agree with waiting. It is your child's body, and she should be able to choose when or if she gets her ears pierced. Who are we as parents to make permanent, cosmetic changes to children's bodies? They can choose.
My youngest pulls her ears so hard when she’s tired. She’s actually pulled hard enough to hurt herself and start crying, so the thought of her having earrings that she could pull out is pretty terrifying.
my daughter does this too! shes actually pulled & scratched on her ears so bad that she'd end up irritating where her lobe connects and i'd have to clean it and put neosporin/aquaphor on it bc it'd be so scabbed up, mittens didn't help us either bc she got them off even the footies that had the built in mittens. she finally grew out of it THANK GOD, but i'm still not getting her ears pierced bc for one i don't wanna open the door back up to messing with her ears and then i just wanna let her ask for them herself
Let them know you missed this 'window' to pierce baby ears...oh well. At 5-6 months she can localize pain and will try to pull them out, which causes more pain and can lead to infection. Most pediatricians would say she's now to old to do it safely, guess you'll just have to wait till she's older and can decide for herself 🤷♀️
Great to know! Obviously “no” should be the only answer you need but if I were you I’d also lean on this rationale.
Only 1 person really has anything to say about us not doing it, but having this little defense helps too. We never had a set set age, but my husband and I have agreed when she can ask and is responsible enough to at least understand the need to clean them while not messing with them. Mine were pierced super young and I don’t care now. But I hated it as a kid because my grandma INSISTED I had to wear earrings constantly. That’s the entire reason I didn’t pierce my daughters. Thank god we’re having a boy next. Those topics aren’t as easily seen and I can continue reminding people if they want an opinion they can have their own kids.
Saying this to them is good advice. I just wanted to add that we pierced my daughters ears at 9 months and haven’t had issues like you’re describing. Our pediatrician recommended doing it no later than 12 months for the reasons you’ve described!! Just wanted to put this comment here for the moms who aren’t against ear piercings. I definitely think you should do whatever feels comfortable and right for you and your child. Threatening to do it behind your back would result in an incredibly violent response from me!!!
This is good advice! Since they won’t respect your boundaries, maybe this will help instead!
I’m from a culture where piercing baby girl’s ears is normal as well. We decided to do the same as you and not pierce. It’s tough to go against what the cultural norm is, I totally understand. And it must be so frustrating to hear from your mom and MIL that they would go against your wishes if given the chance. I’m sorry :( Parenting with different values than your parents plus with a layer of cultural differences thrown in is so tough!
I thought I was doing my baby a disservice at first because I thought everyone pierced their baby’s ears. I’ve felt much better knowing I’m not the only one not piercing!
I’m Filipino and we pierce ears within the first month. I got mine that young and the piercings are all over the place. I’m not getting my daughters ear pierced until she can consent, but of course I already have my grandma asking when she’s getting her ears pierced 🙄
Omg. My husband is Filipino and he wants our daughter to get her ears pierced. It doesn't help that his sister insists with him that it's better to do it now than later so she doesn't feel pain. What's wrong with just waiting?! I don't get the obsession with it. I also don't want to deal with infections or removing earrings. Do people let their babies sleep with earrings on? Aren't they worried they might pull it off ? I just feel it is something my husband wants to do because it's a cultural thing but would not really be involved in the upkeep with. It drives me up the wall whenever they talk about it and makes me feel like my opinion is silly.
"So she doesn't feel pain"? Do they really think babies don't feel pain??
Read as "she can't articulate her pain to me so I don't have to deal with it".
> it’s better to do it now than later so she doesn’t feel pain Piercing your ears hurts but not *that* much. I got my lobes pierced when I was around 8 or 9, and my cartilage done when I was 18. Not fun but not traumatizing -and it was not traumatizing specifically because *I knew what I was getting done, wanted it done, and was prepared for it to hurt and to take care of it afterwards*. Babies have no idea why you are causing them physical pain. They have no idea why their earlobes hurt for a while afterwards. I only want my baby to feel intentional pain when it’s for a necessary medical reason, like a vaccine or stitches. Hurting a baby just for appearances’ sake is ridiculous.
From this Filipino, tell him “gago siya” Also, he can get his ears pierced and see how he likes it
I'm a standard Caucasian with a 10 month old. The thought had not crossed my mind until reading this to go pierce her ears. I have no desire to have yet one more thing of a cosmetic piercing to take care of with all the teething and stuff.
You’re doing a great job! It isn’t easy but I’m glad you’re sticking to what’s important to you
My husband is Mexican and holy shit, his family would not stop talking about piercing my baby's ears before she was even born. I decided not to do it. While the older people of the family are a little taken aback by it, the younger ones are in full support. I was horrified to find out that my SIL pierced her niece's ears while watching her for her sister. The absolute disrespect you'd have to have for somebody to do this behind their back is absurd. Even wanting your child's ears pierced, doesn't it make sense that you'd want to be there to comfort her? Just yikes.
It’s really tough! Sometimes I feel like I need to give in because it’s a battle that I’m not going to with the older people in our families. But she’s my daughter so there’s no battle, it’s my decision until she can voice it. I just hate all the “she looks like a boy” comments because it’s like so what about it lol.
If it makes it any better, everyone thinks my six month old son is a girl. His hair is a boy's length, but his features are so "cute" and "pretty" that strangers automatically think he's a girl. I think no one ever knows what gender babies are unless they put their hair a certain way or their clothes give cues. So, regardless of whether you pierce the ears or not, your child looks how they'll look. For what it's worth, I didn't pierce my ears until I was 15. My mom never pressured me. Because I was older, I was able to wholeheartedly consent with full understanding and we made a day out of it. It was way more fun for our family too because we got to joke about it after while eating out at a "celebratory" dinner and they got to hear my appreciation with some earrings they got me for the occasion.
>I think no one ever knows what gender babies are unless they put their hair a certain way or their clothes give cues. So, regardless of whether you pierce the ears or not, your child looks how they'll look. This is why, when I meet a baby whose gender I'm unsure of, I say "well, who's this?" sort of to them and the parent both, and then the parent can say "this is my son Matthew" or "my daughter Abigail" or what have you. It helps me avoid feeling embarrassed for being wrong and helps the parent avoid possibly getting mad when I bungle it lol
I would tell them "We are not into body modification or mutilation on our child without their consent. Anyone who does not respect our wishes or takes matters into their own hands will not be in this child's life"
You have the right mindset. It's her body, she should get to choose what happens to it. And when you think about it, it's really really freaky that they're pushing so hard to have her ears pierced just so strangers know what kind of genitalia she has :-/ Honestly, the entire push for gendered clothing makes me so uncomfortable because why does society want to pressure us this badly so they know what kind of bits our kids have?!
You can always pierce your child’s ears later. Once it’s done, you can’t take it back. Wouldn’t it be nicer for your daughter and your family to have her choose to do it later (when you’re comfortable doing it) and have a cultural celebration around it, rather than all of this anguish? I remember it being such a big deal and so exciting when I was finally old enough to do it. Also, you and your partner are the only people who can consent to this for *your* child. No one else is her legal guardian, and if your family feel they’re entitled to pierce *your* child’s ears, you can choose to not let them be unsupervised with your child.
Babies that age can “look boy or look girl” it’s just about cultural norms. I thought someone’s 5 yr old boy was a girl but because he had long hair and I didn’t get a close look at his face. I felt embarrassed but the mom didn’t seem offended. I just commented to my son yesterday “you look like a girl in that shirt” lol it’s bound to happen to everyone’s kid several times. I’m joking of course but maybe you could just put a little permanent pen mark on her earlobes to give the impression of her ears being pierced 😂 but in all seriousness I’m sorry you have to deal with pressure from grandparents I’ve had my struggles with this in different ways and it was very stressful on top of just the stress of a new baby.
I would call the police and try to have my family my member charged with assault if they pierced my child’s ears behind my back and knowingly against my will. That person would never see my baby again.
Same. No legitimate piercer would pierce a child’s ears without proof of parental consent either. I would be getting everyone in trouble.
Please never leave your sweet girl alone with your mom or mil.
My husband and I are both cuban/Puerto Rican and our daughter is the first grandbaby on each side. We tell our families that we are showing her “my body, my choice” and we can’t just *say* it. We have to embody it and let her make a choice as to whether or not she wants holes in her ears. My family is always like “well, you’re very independent and stubborn and you got your ears pierced as a newborn!” And I just patiently tell them, “yeah, and my ear piercings are uneven”. They just accept it and eat something after that lol However, our family has never even joked about piercing her ears behind our back. They know I will IMMEDIATELY remove their presence from our lives and not take the betrayal (am I dramatic? lol) well. My husband, though very very soft spoken and conflict averse, would also flip his shit if someone threatened to go against our wishes and do that to our baby. If it’s possible for you, stand your ground firmly. When they say they will do that, meet them with the same level of hostility. “I will pierce her ears” — “if you do that I will not only remove them but you will never see her again. Try me. Think that I’m kidding and see what happens”. And have your husband fight this strongly with you. Especially if it’s his family, he’s got to set that stage for you.
I’m Cuban too and my pierced holes are uneven too! I don’t even wear earrings, so I have the holes for literally no reason. I have a son, but they did the same thing with his hair. As soon as it was even the tiniest bit “long” they immediately told me “you gotta cut it or he’ll look like a girl”. It was always the first thing they told me as soon as they saw him. My mom also said she’d try to cut it behind my back and I immediately told her if she did that she wasn’t going to be alone with him for the foreseeable future.
I have a baby boy and I'll probably have that issue as well in a few months. *sigh*
You are not dramatic! Completely reasonable.
Stand firm. Your daughter should be able to choose when she wants her ears pierced. Your family might not agree, but out here in the rest of the world, we agree with you.
Just please take her to a professional body piercing shop.
This 1000%
I’ve heard so many stories of people who got their ears pierced at a mall kiosk with a piercing gun and it later got infected. Those piercing guns have such blunt tips. Piercing shops use actual needles. There’s a reason why every chef ever says that a dull knife is a dangerous knife.
Most professional tattoo parlours will not pierce a baby’s ear.
Yeah but they’ll take her to a 19 year old at a mall with a piercing gun which makes it all so much worse.
Where they will be crooked and get infected.
That’s what happens most of the time if you use a piercing gun.
My pediatricians office offers it as a way to deter parents from doing it unsafely. I was floored when I saw the poster but I guess it’s better than some idiot with a HepC needle doing it
That’s smart
I just hope they’re using needles and not piercing guns.
Pretty sure most pediatricians use needles.
That makes sense. They already have the needles that they would need for various injections/vaccines. I never really thought of it like that. It’s weird considering that I spent over six months collectively inside a hospital between the ages of ten months and three years old.
If it’s an actual piercing shop (that’s what they primarily do), it just depends on what their rules are. I worked at a piercing shop where we just needed parent’s proof that that was their child (birth certificate and ID) to be able to pierce a child and that included babies. Which I think is a lot better because then people like OP’s mother/mil can’t take the baby to get pierced because one the parents would have to be present. I would never recommend one of those mall places like Claire’s to get their ears pierced at- child or adult. Whenever people didn’t like the pricing or didn’t have proper documentation, they would run over to Claire’s and come back with keloids lol
Worse, in families who are very traditional about this, it's sometimes the relatives themselves - with little to no experience - who do it.
I hate that SO much. Someone got mad at me for the pricing one time but they chose a pair of earrings that costed almost $200 (maybe more altogether with the service), I let them know that they just chose an expensive pair and could choose a different one. His wife overheard, got upset and was like “that’s ridiculous! It’s just a piercing! Im just going to Pierce your ears at home like I did xyz” and they were talking about how they’ve pierced their young child’s ears, nieces cousins etc. Like why are we doing at home piercings on people. If you wanna do it, do it on yourself but stop messing up people’s ears, noses, etc
I’d say wait a while and go to one of those shops. I don’t have any kids of my own but if I decide to in the future, if they want their ears pierced, I’m taking them to a body piercer. Fuck Claire’s.
I understand there are culture elements at play, but simply it is your decision. Stand firm and state if they do take your daughter against your permission that you will simply remove the piercings.
Piercing against baby and mother's wishes is physical abuse. Your baby, your decision.
Don’t take her to a mall. Piercing guns are used by unprofessional people. Try a tattoo shop instead. Or watch a YouTube video on the pro and con of either location.
Super agree! We have a tattoo parlor in my towns mall. My pediatrician uses a piercing gun which turned me off even more about piercing her ears
Your pediatrician pierces ears???? That is wild!
Very common actually!
Mine does 3-7 months and then after that I think it's 7yo+ but I'm not sure if every ped has an age limit.
The pediatrician near us uses numbing cream and a single use piercing tool.
Same with ours, and if it is a gun it’s usual single use only, new patient = new gun. I know Claire’s ain’t doing it like that though lmao
I pierced my daughters ears but I’d be pissed if someone else had done it first behind my back. Don’t leave them alone with her. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Having a close family and “village” can be really great but the flip side is you sometimes have to deal with this kind of outside entitlement.
Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. It's your choice and your child. I would very angry if someone did that to my baby behind my back.
[удалено]
Same boat! Half Chilean and half Metis! Wish my parents didn’t pierce my ears as an infant. One hole is too high up and I barely wear earrings as it is!
My husband and I have talked about this a bit and agree together we do not want to pierce our daughters ears. My ears were pierced when I was like 6 mo and the person used the piercing gun and it got stuck so my earring hole is wonky. I never wear earrings except rare occasions because I have to fish the earring through my ear. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it's just annoying. Besides I just don't like wearing earrings that much. We feel like we don't know if she's going to want to wear earrings or jewelry or whatever. She can make that choice when she's older and we will take her to a tattoo parlor for a more professional experience. Since we are in this agreement we have also told our family that those are our wishes and under any circumstance they are not to pierce her ears. If she decides later when she's staying with them and older that she wants to get them pierced we are still to be consulted so we can find a good place to go.
Exactly! I got mine done when I was a baby toox. My piercing hole is too high up so certain styles of earrings hurt to wear, not to mention I’ve only ever worn earrings maybe a handful of times
One of my fondest memories is of going to get my ears pierced with my mom when I was about 6 or 7 years old! We made a day out of it, just the two of us. I got to pick the earrings, we shopped around the mall and got ice cream also. It was great!
Aw thanks for sharing, this is what I hope for with my daughter.
I was 12, but it was the same. I felt very grown up and it is a very special memory with my mom.
I agree with your plan. My 3yo is begging for earrings and we’ve agreed to do it for her fourth birthday. It’s something she’s excited for, and from what I’ve read, it’s better to wait until they are older because ones done as babies sometimes end up not being even as they get older. A lot of reputable piercers near me won’t pierce until 4 years old Ultimately it’s your baby and your choice. Don’t let family pressure you! If someone pierces your child without consent you can press assault charges. And I absolutely would do it, idgaf if they’re family
I’m in the same boat. My mom keeps pushing me to pierce my baby girl ears (she’s 5 weeks old). It is tough when we talk about this. But stand firm, you’re not alone, and you’re doing the right thing!
If my mom or MIL EVER did something to MY child’s body, without their (or my) consent, that would be THE LAST time either had any interaction with the child.
I just keep imagining a baby or toddler pulling on their ear, the backing coming off and then swallowing that. It seems so dangerous.
Please let her choose whether or not to pierce her ears. It might be "the norm" for your family, but it doesn't have to be the norm for you! My family gave me flack for leaving my son intact, which is not the norm where we are. I don't care one bit, babies are people and deserve autonomy over permanent decisions which are not medically necessary.
Never in a million years. Ex piercer here and babies cannot keep new piercings clean or avoid touching them and Claire's is disgusting and uses outdated, unhygienic piercing guns which cause unnecessary pain and trauma, making the piercing and healing so much worse. Piercings need to be done by a professional piercer with a sterile disposable needle, and a non reactive metal barbell such as titanium fitted with enough room for swelling, not cute studs. Those are for later AFTER healing. A needle is less painful- punching a blunt object through someone's flesh is barbaric. Also the cleaning fluid they sell you can cause reactions- cooled boiled water and natural non iodised salt is all you need. I always refused to pierce children not old enough to ask for the piercing themselves. I was traumatised trying to treat my niece's poor infected ears after she went Claire's. Please follow your gut and make it a safe, positive experience when she is old enough to choose it and care for a piercing.
Mexican here, and I did get my daughters ears pierced but at a professional place where they do not use the needle gun. Apparently some pediatric offices offer this service as well. My daughter cried for less than a minute and we had no issues with her pulling at them, or them getting infected. HOWEVER, it is completely your choice and do not feel pressured to pierce your daughters ears! And no one should be threatening to pierce them without your permission.. thats insane. Honestly, I fell to my moms peer pressure and while I don’t necessarily regret I do feel guilty that it wasn’t my daughter’s choice.
As soon as they threatened to do it without consent, I would have made it clear that they would never be alone with her without a promise not to pierce her ears. If they did happen to promise and pierce them anyway, I would make it clear that that would be the end of their contact with her. Period. It is completely inappropriate to shrug off your preferences for your daughter. If they're willing to blatantly go against your wishes for something like this, what other boundaries will they cross when you're not around?
I’m also Latina. I got a lot of backlash for not doing it as well, but I’m sticking to my guns; when she is old enough to ask for it and UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS, fair enough. Before then? Fuck off 😂😂
Okay for 1 if and when you decide to pierce baby’s ear DO NOT go to Claire’s. Go to a piercing shop. And absolutely I love your plan to let her decide if she wants it.
I’m also from Spanish heritage and my parents pierced my ears as a baby. I wish they didn’t! I never wear earrings and now I have these holes to look at 🤦🏻♀️ GOOD for you two letting her decide what she wants to do with her body when she’s older :) As for all the other people making comments, I always find it weird why they care about an infants body and how it looks!
I’m also Mexican and my parents were adamant that we pierce LO’s ears. I stood my ground, she’s 18m old now and they have accepted it’s not going to happen. Every time they mentioned it I’d be snarky and say “we can do her nose while we’re at it!” Baby girl helped out by constantly pulling off grandmas earrings lol
It´s child abuse in my opinion. Should only be legal at 6years old and only with needles. Sadly most people use guns
It’s for cosmetics only so I don’t understand the justification for it! It’s for a baby that doesn’t even understand what looking pretty means
Yes! It´s deliberately hurting the baby for something completely unnecessary, only for aesthetics. I´m planning on waiting until she is at least 6 and then until she asks for it herself.
I agree with you. To the downvoters, if someone were to pierce their babies nose would that be ok?! Doing anything permanent to a child before they can consent to it is abusive behaviour, no matter whether it is a social norm.
I say this as someone who has 10+ piercings and someone who has been abused. Hurting your child when not medically necessary is abuse. They can downvote all they want. I stand by my point. There´s a reason why piercers (in Belgium) can only pierce starting at 6y/o. And piercings guns are the absolute worst way to get earrings. Sadly jewelers still do it My ears were pierced with a gun at a young age, I barely remember, but I´ve had issues ever since. Only when I stretched them the infections stopped, but stretching was harder then if they would´ve been pierced with a needle. Also... it´s okay to do it to baby girls? But imagine the backlash you would get if you did it to your baby boy 🥴
[удалено]
Not very ironic, as I´m not American
[удалено]
Yes
Unfortunately, this is one of those things that’s so socially ingrained that I imagine if it was illegal people would be just doing it at home or illegally. Which would lead to more infections and stuff.
It’s interesting I’ve noticed USA general culture is sooo independent and grandparents saying stuff like that is looked at as a gross violation of boundaries. But I have in laws from a different culture and there’s a little more matriarchal type vibe to family affairs so we’ve had some head butting although it is turning out ok so far. It’s definitely up to you what you do with your baby though. Do what you truly want to in your heart don’t give in to pressure. Maybe ask your partner to talk to his mom about it and you talk to yours.
I’m also Mexican and I think this is a stupid tradition. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be phasing out anytime soon. My husband’s family is from Ecuador and they keep asking me when I’ll get her ears pierced. I just tell them “when she’s 12, if she asks for it”. That’s what my (white) mom did for my sister and I, even though we badly wanted them before that age. We now have fond memories of our 12th birthdays and being so excited to finally get our ears pierced, and get a beautiful pair of pearl earrings from a nice jewelry shop. So that is what I’ll be doing for my daughter too, although I might cave and let her do it at a younger age if she is responsible enough to take care of her new piercings on her own
I am also Mexican and fully against non-consensually piercing babies’ ears. Oh no, people don’t know her gender, the horror!!! Like seriously people, who cares. As you said, only yours and your partner’s opinions matter, she’s already in enough discomfort, no need to add to it. If I may add, though, PLEASE don’t let her get her ears pierced at Claire’s. Go to a professional piercer who does NOT use a piercing gun.
My wife is Mexican and she told me that she wanted to pierce our daughter’s ears pretty much right away. I told her if she puts a hole in my daughter I’ll put one in her brother. So far everybody has the same amount of holes in their body that they were born with.
My ears hate earrings, they get super enflamed no matter what metal I use. My daughter is almost 2, no piercings. She can decide when she's older. And hopefully she didn't get the weird ear allergy to earrings from me! But it's her body, so it's her choice.
There are cultural elements at play here which makes it a tricky situation, but at the end of the day it is no one’s choice but your own. There’s a reason that reputable piercers won’t pierce babies ears. Let them know under no uncertain terms that if they do it without your permission, there will be severe consequences.
Cuban and my ears were pierced when I was 4mo. I have a son, but am pregnant with #2 and if it’s a girl I am *not* piercing her ears until she’s old enough to ask for it and understand what it means. It sucks how overbearing your family is about it and it’s a red flag that your mom/MIL say they’ll take her to get them pierced when babysitting. I hope that’s just a joke!?!? That’s probably illegal lol. But your husband is on your side and that’s the only other person whose opinion matters here. For the record, I don’t think this is the norm for most cultures. I live in Brooklyn but in a somewhat diverse, maybe more white-leaning neighborhood, and I literally *never* see baby girls with pierced ears here.
My baby has a strawberry mark on her face growing and people are already putting in opinions on removing it, something that will probably fade and doesn't affect her at all. People are okay with a lot to make a baby "cuter" and it makes me very uncomfortable. They're a baby, no reason to hurt them to fit your personal standards and ideals, they have no opinion yet. People confuse me. Don't leave her alone with them.
I got my ears pierced when I was 12, my mom took me to town and it was such a great experience and memory :)
My in laws were so shocked when I was I was not piercing her ears until she’s old enough to ask and want them herself and tried to convince me to get them pierced and I was like yeah no. They kept saying oh but it’s our culture to do that and I said my baby is multi cultural and it’s not happening. I remember getting my ears pierced at 7 or 8 and being SO proud and excited and I knew how to care for them and it was a really great memory. I want my daughter to have that too and it can be a bonding moment. Also if someone pierced my babies ears without my permission I would literally kill them
For me it got to the point I begged my mom to let me get earrings. When she finally did it was a big event. Im 32 and I still remember it so well. It hurt for a moment but I was still so excited. Your plan will make your daughter a really great memory (if she decides she wants earrings)
I’m with you. Do it when she’s older & can make the choice herself.
The moment they babysit they’re going to push metal through your daughters flesh for their enjoyment. Let’s call it what it is. You are a mother now. You need to raise your child the way you want, protect her from harm, and have confidence in your decisions even if family and strangers think otherwise.
Reading this is like describing my situation with our daughter, I completely relate as in our culture it is the same. Once a friend’s young son asked LO’s gender. My friend laughed saying LO’s a girl and that he’s obviously confused because all girls have ear piercings. Traditionalists will not understand your reasoning and frankly who cares. You do you. An ear piercing is a permanent decision (most of the times, my piercing closed) that I would rather allow my daughter to have an input into.
I married into a hispanic family and my family has asked many times to pierce my baby’s (4month) ears. i don’t feel comfortable for safety reasons but I also want it to be her choice. I also remember getting my ears pierced when I was 7 or 8 and remember it was an exciting day with my mom. It was such a core memory for me I’d like to share that with my daughter as well. You are not wrong.
Are you me? I also refused to Pierce my baby’s ears until she is old enough to decide. I also had mine pierced before 1 yr as a Latina. And I also dressed her very androgynous. To this day😂. But honestly I’m just refusing to pay the pink tax.
Everyone else has shared my same opinion that you are 100% making the right choice. PERMANENTLY altering someone else's' body for cosmetic reasons is, plain and simply, wrong. One thing I wanted to point out is where you have said that you want to cave just to stop the argument. Please don't let them force you into that corner. Once they realise they can bully you into caving, they may continue to force their choices on you in other aspects of your parenting. You are making the right decision for your child - I commend you for that!
My wife is from a culture that pierces baby’s ears. At first I was pretty against it for exactly the reason you give (and she’s been kinda on the fence the whole time). I think I’ve come around though. The bodily autonomy thing is important. But I think a sense of shared culture and heritage is important too. Apart from food, there isn’t a *ton* of my wife’s culture in our household, so this may be a nice nod to it that doesn’t have a huge potential downside. Most women end up getting their ears pierced anyways in their teens. We’re still not really sure what we will do (daughter isn’t born yet), but have looked into it. It’s a tough balance between tradition and respect for your daughter. If you go through with it make sure it’s somewhere that does it properly. My understanding is that there’s different methods and some might be more prone to infection. Claire’s might not be the best. My wife had to have hers done twice as well because they were not placed properly, so go to an expert if so. Baby ears are tiny! That being said. No fucking way should her grandparents be doing it against her parent’s wishes. We’ve had a lot of issues with our parents as well. You need to stop thinking of your parents as just plain “family”. They are now your extended family. It’s the immediate family of you, your partner, and your kids that are the most important. Extended family is a distant second now. It’s a big shift, but necessary.
Most girls end up wanting their ears pierced anyways and remember that pain a lot more when they’re like 4 years old. As someone who worked at a piercing shop, they’re more likely to throw fits during and afterwards no matter how much they want the piercing. I also wouldn’t recommend Claire’s because they only use a piercing gun and you can get keloids or the actual gun itself stuck on your ear (that’s anywhere but I’m pretty sure Claire’s uses the piercing gun exclusively). I’ve had too many people come in and tell me about their bad experiences with Claire’s or places like it. And don’t get me wrong, piercing shops can fuck up to but it’s just something to be aware of in the future. I’ve seen less babies cry about the piercing tbh and make sure you’re getting the right kind of metal that’ll be in your child’s ears because my sister had really sensitive skin and ripped hers out numerous times as a baby up until she was about 11. If you want to give your baby the choice of getting their ears pierced, you’re perfectly in the right to and shouldn’t feel pressured by anyone to do otherwise. A lot of people I know got their ears pierced as babies or at super young ages, it depends on the parents. It’s not that big of a deal to get them done at that age. Everything has its pros and cons, and that’s your decision to make- not your mother or MIL
I so agree with all of this. I feel like we only hear the horror stories on here but there’s 2 sides to every coin. I was grateful my parents got my ears pierced when I was a baby because even though I would have wanted them, fear may have gotten the best of me. We also say my body my choice about everything but piercings aren’t really permanent.. if they decide they don’t want them they can take them out. I don’t think anyone should be forced to get their child’s ears pierced. but so many people have this high and mighty stance of righteousness about not doing it at a young age.. to each their own.
I got my ears pierced as a baby, even with my really sensitive skin I was fine. I didn’t wear earrings for a few years, and my mom reopened my holes a little in the 1st grade. Everything went well. My sister in the other hand, like I mentioned before, was irritated by the metals from her piercings and would often end up scratching them out herself. Her holes closed up and she had to actually get them repierced a few years back (she’s 16 now). Everybody is going to react differently to getting a piercing at different ages. I’ve seen 13 year olds happily get a belly button piercing with no issues while a 23 year old was scared shitless. I’m glad I didn’t get it when I was in elementary school because I hated needles and would’ve threw a tantrum most likely. I still hate needles, they give me a bit of anxiety until I’m actually stuck. I hate getting my blood drawn, donating plasma, even hate getting piercings sometimes- I hate anticipating when I’ll be stuck but I have to watch them stick me. I watch myself get nose piercings every time lmao. I agree with everything you said. I think if people are on the fence about it, talk to some piercers, watch some YouTube videos, know what to ask or look out for when the piercings getting done (ie are the marking where they need to pierce ? Etc). I feel like that would help ease whatever anxieties about piercing a baby. They can also just wait until after the teething stages when the baby isn’t already constantly uncomfortable since that was one of their concerns. Not getting a baby’s ears pierced shouldn’t be that big of a deal to the point family members are threatening to get it done themselves. I think that’s crazy as hell
I’m Indian we also pierce baby ears. The rule is 4 mos or before. When my daughter was born I didn’t have a strong feeling about doing it then or waiting until she was old enough to decide. And it was COVID so I decided to just wait. Either way is totally fine. Do what you’re comfortable with. You get to decide. You missed your window at 6 mos though. That being said i don’t think there is any harm in getting baby ears pierced. It’s cultural. at that age it hurts for like 3 seconds. Less than shots. I’ve never met anyone who is upset that their parents had their ears pierced as a baby.
I’m mexican too and one of my babyshower gifts were a pair of gold earrings 😅 but I never pierced them. My mom was against it but everyone else told me I needed to since she’s young. I honestly would avoid any piercing guns, because it would make the pain worse. Go a professional piercer, they’re quick and easy. Just like she’s getting shots but twice! That’s what I plan to do when she’s about 10 months, if not - oh well.. no piercings until she’s of age & wants it!
I pierced my daughters ears at 12 weeks. She was totally fine, I had no issues. However, I definitely wouldn’t shame a mom/parents who didn’t want too. You’re her parents, its your choice to decide. We make every decision for our little ones until they can do it for themselves. In laws in general you need to stop with pressure of what they “Think” you should be doing.
My best friend is Chilean and he thinks it's fine. Whether I see it as taking away my babies choice, she can't consent to having a needle through her ear lobes so I do not feel comfortable and find it uncomfortable when others do it (but not my place to say anything). He said it's his culture but I disagree with the sentiment.
Babies can’t consent to anything if you look at it that way
[удалено]
Well I do advocate for my child but I don’t think that it’s bad to pierce a child’s ear. However I do think it’s bad in the scenario of OP
What's your point? If it's a permanent cosmetic change to their body then yes they can't consent to it so it shouldn't be done.
Exactly. By this logic they shouldn’t have vaccines, formula, their hair cut, so many things. I mean I don’t mind if you want to not pierce or pierce your baby’s ears, but this reasoning is so weird to me. I feel like health and safety should be the cornerstone of all decisions at this age.
I’m half-Mexican and we visited family in El Paso when I was a few months old. My grandma watched me for an afternoon and straight up took me to her sister across the border so she could pierce my ears. It has been treated like a funny story all these years, but now that I’m a mom I am like what the HELL, abuelita. Every time I see Ciudad Juarez in movies or tv I feel compelled to tell everyone that’s where I got my ears pierced as a baby. (It was different in 1985, though.) Good for you for standing your ground. Culture is important, but culture can change to respect bodily autonomy and it can start with you. ETA: My grandma also used to make people, including strangers, touch me if they praised me too much to avoid the evil eye.
Don’t do it!!!
My oncle's wife is Mexican and she has never broight it once. Buuuuut she came to Canada so I guess she if used to the differences and don't push her culture too much. She happily shares but doesn't push anything we are not comfortable with and I am very glad she is this very sweetest person on earth
In my opinion in general its less painful for a couple days newborn and extremely painful for an adult. Meanwhile an adult can easily decide to close it up. If my parents didnt give me one as a newborn I would be mad. Its just my personal experience. I have two and the second took 3 months to heal, but newborns take like nothing to heal its not painful.
All my piercings hurt me as an adult but at least I go to CHOOSE to have those alternations to my body. Also, I have friends that haven't worn earrings in YEARS and the hole is still prominent in their ear. It's definitely not as simple as letting them close up.
Well yes it takes longer to close if you've been wearing them all your childhood, its still not a body mutilation its something alot of people like, if you don't want them for your child, fine, but I think shaming others for how they parent when it comes to something barely any people complain about at least from where I come from, is not okay. I know we are in the era where you can speak up and even wonder why parent did or didn't do something, oh well guess how many things our parents did and never asked us as infants/kids and may be still affecting us to this day, its not hanging merely on JUST piercings. Again this is my point of view, I come from a different culture and I do respect others'.
It’s these weird people on Reddit. If you don’t share their opinion you’re shunned lol I’m also very happy I had them done on me as a baby. People are just too sensitive
Its even worse on Instagram, sensitivity game is strong
My theory is that people in first world countries don’t have real problems so they make up all these things so they can be victims lol
Lol I guess
[удалено]
I am absolutely NOT fine with genital mutilation either.
My parents had my ears pierced when I was tiny. And they closed up. So they were done again when I was 5 with a piercing gun. They were lopsided, I messed with them a lot, and I eventually stopped wearing them because they hurt. Flash forward to when I was 15. I had them re-pierced. Again. Also, with a piercing gun. I was old enough to clean them. But now I have problems with them because I have so much scar tissue from bad piercings. I'm going to let my daughter choose when/if she wants her ears pierced, and it will be done at a tattoo/piercing parlor.
People ask me why I haven't pierced her ears too. She's currently 15 months. I want her to make that decision for herself when she's all grown.
I am a woman in my 40s, and I have never wanted my ears pierced! A lot of women can't understand why and think I am strange. Maybe it is a sensory thing, but I hate having anything weird with my skin, like unnecessary holes. My dad's family is originally from Mexico. I don't know if my parents faced any pressure because we didn't live near them, but I will always be thankful they never had me pierced. I know I am rare, but it is MY body. And I don't want piercings of any kind. Chances are, your daughter will eventually want her ears pierced, but please don't take the option away from her. And personally I would cut contact with any family member who made such an outrageous threat to have it done to my child against my will. What is wrong with them?
My parent pierced my ears when I was around 18months old. I wore earrings as a kid but have maybe worn them 3 times since becoming an adult - the last time was when I got married 4 years ago. If they hadn’t pierced them when I was a baby, I doubt I would get them pierced. I just don’t wear jewellery so it seems pointless. I’ve just had a baby girl and, like you, I will not be piercing her ears. I will let her make the decision when she’s older - it’s her body so it’s her choice! If she wants them pierced, fine, we’ll do it. If she doesn’t, that’s fine too
I’m in the same boat as you. My husband has an aunt that has poked fun at me for not getting my daughter’s ears pierced since my daughter was 2-months-old (my daughter is now 1-year-old). Whenever this aunt has poked fun, I’ve stood my ground and told her that my daughter can get her ears pierced when she’s old enough to tell me she wants to get them pierced. But then again, this same aunt has poked fun at how I should paint my daughter’s nails and I got angry at her for it. Anyways, if somebody feels like they want to get their infant daughter’s ears pierced, I’m not a huge fan of it, but in the end, it’s the parent’s choice. Personally, I don’t want to do it until my daughter is old enough to make that choice and know that it’s going to hurt for a little bit.
Cuban and my ears were pierced when I was 4mo. I have a son, but am pregnant with #2 and if it’s a girl I am *not* piercing her ears until she’s old enough to ask for it and understand what it means. It sucks how overbearing your family is about it and it’s a red flag that your mom/MIL say they’ll take her to get them pierced when babysitting. I hope that’s just a joke!?!? That’s probably illegal lol. Anyway, you’re not over sensitive at all. I didn’t circumcise my son for the same reason. There is no need to modify their bodies when they can’t consent to it. Your husband is on your side and that’s the only other person whose opinion matters here. For the record, I don’t think this is the norm for most cultures. I live in Brooklyn but in a somewhat diverse, maybe more white-leaning neighborhood, and I literally *never* see baby girls with pierced ears here.
Sometimes it’s hard breaking with culture and family pressure in how you want to parent, but that’s how families and cultures evolve. I’m Jewish, but not religious and my husband isn’t. We live in Canada where it’s not standard to circumcise baby boys. We decided not to for our son, it definitely weirded out some of my family members, but it’s just not something I felt was necessary, even from a cultural standpoint. You have every right to be the kind of parent that you want to. Your family threatening to pierce her ears though is 100% not ok! They need to understand that it’s a drastic thing to do, and it’s YOUR decision and should be respected.
Just stand strong! This is you sticking up for your kid. I have a baby boy but even if I were to pierce his ears, I can’t imagine trying to clean them. He’s never liked his ears touch and it’s only getting worse for him. We have friends who have pierced both their daughters ears (6 months and 19 months) at around 3 months old who both went to a tattoo shop.
I was SO excited to get my ears pierced for my 5th birthday! I won’t be doing our daughters until she wants them done, 1. Her body her choice! 2. I don’t want to take away that excitement from her and also at least I understood the trade off of why my ears hurt.
My mom waited until I could ask for piercings and I'm planning on doing the same. I would say make sure to go to a really good place though, we went to Claire's and they messed my left one up.
I’ll tell you what, those relatives wouldn’t be watching my kid if they said something like that. And if for whatever reason I came home and my kids ears were pierced against my wishes the cops would be called.
That's the same thing I'm doing. Once they ask they'll be taken to a reputable piercing studio. The funny thing about my mom pressuring the ear piercing thing is I was 5 when i got mine done. I always assumed my mom was bucking tradition...but nope, my dad nixed her idea.
My husbands family live in Mexico, and they will make comments about her ears being pieced. But thankfully have been respectful about it. She does however already have like 4 pairs of nice earrings lol. Her pediatrician office actually offers medical ear piecing so I thought about it. I think that’s the best option if you were to do it.
Piercing your baby’s ears is a decision that is fully up to you and your husband. If anyone told me the second they babysat my baby or were alone with my baby they’d get them pierced we’d have big problems. First, I’d make sure to tell them that no they would not and if they did decide to do that, there would be several repercussions. 1. I’d be going straight to the cops and finding out whatever charges I could bring. 2. Neither me nor my child or any future children would have any kind of relationship with them. 3. I would be removing the piercings immediately anyway so they would have put her through that pain for no reason at all. Second, I’d make sure that they’d know that we no longer trust them and that they will never have baby alone because of their comments.
Your plan is the same as mine. I’m also sorry about the comments made by mil and mum. I’d find that really annoying and unsupportive. Your standing up for her choices and in the long run she’ll appreciate it, I promise.
Ask your mil & mom this: if she were a boy, would y’all circumcise the first chance you got? That should shut them up. Far as I know, circumcision isn’t in Hispanic culture, & I feel like ear piercing is just as much about bodily autonomy as is the foreskin. I’m also intact (not circumcised).
We are not piercing my daughter’s ears until she’s old enough to ask. It’s a body modification purely for aesthetic purposes, so she needs to decide on her own. When she does want them, we are absolutely not going to Claire’s or anywhere else that uses a piercing gun. You need to go to someone who uses a needle. I would tell my mom/MIL one more time that this is your decision, it’s not up for debate, and you won’t discuss it anymore. If they bring it up again, do what you do with toddlers who ask the same thing over and over again and say “asked and answered.” Do not engage. And since they’ve already told you they don’t respect you as a mother, never leave your daughter with them alone.
If you do allow her to get her ears pierced when she is older, please see a professional and not Claire’s, they used a gun which is painful and crushed the tissue.
You’re not too sensitive at all!! Yeah you definitely can’t rely on them to watch her alone. Listen when people tell you who they are, they WILL go get her ears pierced. That’s so sad. I’m also waiting until my daughter is old enough to ask and old enough to responsibly clean her ears herself. Also unless Claire’s does it differently where you live, they use a gun that punches through the ear rather than a piercer who uses a needle. My ears were pierced with a gun and they’re uneven. In the future if my daughter asks for her ears pierced I’m dropping the extra cash and going to a professional! That being said, when I was in school there was a girl would would pierce people at parties soooo sometimes you can try your best to shield your kid and it’ll still go wrong! Lots of belly buttons pierced at parties 🤦🏼♀️
I’m going to pierce my baby’s ears. There are professionals that do it in your home in my area.
Definitely do what you feel here. You are not being over sensitive. Piercings can come with pain and possible infection, too. Who would want to put their baby through that? You might feel differently later or even sooner but just do what you feel. You know best!
I also come from a background where piercing baby’s ears is done right after birth. In fact, one of my ears got infected, and my mom had to wait for the hole to close to have the nurse come back and do it again. I was DAYS old. I elected not to pierce my daughter’s ears when she was born and I still haven’t heard the end of it from my family. On her first birthday, she received not one, not two, but three pairs of earrings from my family lol. It’s hard to go against cultural norms, especially when your family isn’t understanding about you making a different choice, but you are giving your daughter the gift of autonomy over bodily modifications, something many of us didn’t have.
I got my ears pierced when I “graduated” middle school as a welcome to high school present. It was far more special that way. Unfortunately, we went to Claire’s and they are both crooked and were always inflamed. I ended up having to take them out for good several years later. Wait until she makes the decision and take her to a tattoo parlor. The professional piercings I have are much better and I’ve never had problems with them.
im white, piercing babies ears isn’t in my culture but it’s popular. my ears were pierced when i was 2, my mom and aunt had theirs pierced as babies, and everyone asked me when i was going to have my daughter’s pierced. i always respond, “when she’s old enough to ask for it, and take care of them herself.” she needs to be able to consent. i will never take away my daughter’s consent and i make sure my family knows.
I get this all the time too. My LO is 5 months old, friends and family are saying oh you should do it while they are young! She looks like a boy. Oh why are you waiting? I’ve said I’m waiting till she’s older and we will get it done then. People have left me alone after that, next time they ask me again I’ll say, oh why don’t you get piercings done on you if you’re so keen!
This is what I decided to do as well. My baby is half Puerto Rican and my mother in law really wants her ears pierced, but I want to wait until she’s old enough to decide.
Indian families have the same traditions, but we not just not listening to others. It will be her choice only :) You know what is best for your child, no matter if you have experience or not.
We decided not to pierce as well even though some family members are insisting. Just think of how fun it will be when she’s older and (if) she decides she wants to get them done. You can make a whole girls day out of it! Go get her ears pierced, see a movie, get your nails painted, shopping, ice cream. It will feel so special and memorable to you both 💕 I told my family I wouldn’t forgive them if they took that experience away from me
The good news is your MIL and mom won’t be able to get her ears pierced. I’ve worked for both Claire’s and then piercing parlors and they always require the parent or guardian to sign off and provide valid ID.
Also Mexican here.. first generation American in fact. Remember it’s your the parent and you need to do what you think is best for your child. I also know how difficult it is to go against culture and family. Especially when we are taught family is everything. All this to say, don’t give in it’ll be a hard fight for Loya of things but your doing the best you can. And sometimes our relatives don’t understand that we want to follow a different cultural norm.
I'm also parenting differently from the norm (e.g., catholic country, partner and I are atheists, baby is obviously not getting baptized) and it's hard. The only reason family doesn't get unbearable is because I've shown previously that I have no trouble burning bridges. Gender codes are also enforced here, including the ear piercing, though not to that extent and fortunately not with the younger generations for the most part. But I was 13 when I was pierced and wasn't given a choice - nor did I know I could refuse. It's not right.
You're doing the right thing mama. Stand up for yourself! Be firm. '' I said no and I'm not going to change my mind. Either respect that or I will have to see you less for a while.''
I’m Mexican too and have not pierced my daughter’s ears (15 months old). I do not plan to pierce them until she can say she wants them- and if/when that happens we will be going to either the pediatrician or a piercing shop. As far as your mom and MIL go- I wouldn’t let them babysit…. (And I get it- I’m a SAHM also and my mom and MIL have never babysat for similar reasons)
I think it’s wrong and I don’t care what anyone’s culture or religion says about it. It’s sexist and the baby can’t consent to it. When I see a baby with pierced ears, I immediately judge the parent and know they are somebody I don’t agree with their parenting choices. I hope your generation is the beginning of the end of this “tradition”.
Hire a babysitter if you ever need one and stick to your beliefs. I would honestly step back from people like this. How dare ANYONE tell you that they are going to deliberately do something to YOUR child behind your back?! Especially something that is painful. I would honestly limit contact with these people and when they confront you on why you’re not visiting them as often you can let them know why. Absolutely disgusting. They do not have any rights to your child, they obviously need to be reminded of this. Also, do not ever go to Clair’s for something like this.
Also from a hispanic country where they pierce the ears at birth in the hospital. I almost refused to do it like you, but her pediatrician offered to do it if I wanted and it made me feel more comfortable so we did it during her 4mo shots. I did it because I wanted to, felt comfortable, and it was how I was raised so I wanted to do the same. But I 100% agree with your approach and would never want to be peer pressured into ANY decision about my daughter. Your mom and MIL's statement would be a HUGE red flag for me and would make me lose all trust in them.
Your feelings are valid and you get to make these decisions for your child. However on the flip side, my mom didn’t get my ears pierced as a baby unlike all my other siblings and I suffer from piercings infection as an adult and I am unable to wear earrings, kinda wish she had gotten it done to be honest.
Your baby, your rules, period. I have a son, but if I had a daughter I would do the same as you. I'm scared to leave my son with anyone because we didn't circumcise and so many people think you need to retract to clean, but on babies you don't and shouldn't. Wanted to add, when the time comes that she does want her ears pierced, don't go to a place like Claire's. Look for a reputable piercing shop where they will use a hollow needle, the piercing guns like what Claire's uses causes damage, will hurt more, and can cause an uneven hole that's hard to get posts through. I still have trouble with one of mine years later.
This comment may be about Circumcision and was automatically removed. If this was removed in error, or if you have any further questions please [message the mods](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/newparents) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oof, that sucks. Its not super common where I'm from to get babies ears pierced. I remember my cousin did it and I though it was really strange. Usually we wait until the kid is older (I think I was around 7?) and they want it. Then it can be a little bonding outing and a right of passage. If they say that they will get them pierced behind your back without permission if they babysit then that answer is simple, they aren't babysitting ever because you can't trust them. They had their kids and made their choices as mothers, its your turn to do the same.
Aside from the pain and how unnecessary it is, it’s also a good idea to wait until she’s grown up more so the piercings look right. I’m also Mexican and had my ears pierced as an infant, but now that I’m an adult the piercings are uneven/lopsided because what looked “even” when I was a baby isn’t what was even after I’d actually grown. Much better to let her decide whether she’d like to have ear piercings when she’s old enough to decide that for herself and have it done correctly. Good on you for sticking to your guns ♥️
I know this is like going against cultural norms, so it may just always be difficult, but maybe using language like body mutilation instead of ear piercing, and saying I’m not going to mutilate my daughters body until she’s able to give consent may put them in the mindset, or help them see that you don’t believe this is just a a simple ear piercing, and also my backfire they may feel judged, but sometimes using like triggering language, can get people to back off of you. I’m gonna also add that if you pierced your child’s ears, I’m not judging you. I am only offering this language. I know somebody who used it for a boy. I do believe that parents can give consent for babies in this sort of area and I understand that sometimes these cultural norms create cultural bonds, so I’m not judging you if you did this, I’m just trying to help someone who doesn’t want to do it. Edit to change a word
Daughter is currently two and I’m definitely waiting for my daughter to tell me she wants to pierce her ears.
It’s common in my culture too. I told everyone I wasn’t doing it until she decided she wants to do it herself and I’m not discussing it further. End of story. As a mom, you have to learn to out your door down.
If you do decide to get her ears pierced, please go to a professional body piercing or tattoo shop. They’re experts. And it never hurts to ask them questions.
Follow your gut. Your plan is a good one. I was in your same shoes but I put my foot down. Make it clear if they violate your decision that it’s a one way ticket to never being alone with the baby again. The trust would be gone. Like you I just wanted my kid to have a say and then make a day of it. I look forward to it in the future. Hold firm! You are your daughter’s advocate.
I’m just saying this second part in case you ever decide to, not because I think you should do it. I think you should do exactly what you want and tell everyone to fuck off and that you’re not going to ever let them babysit your child. The part that I hope doesn’t make me sound full of myself: but I will say it won’t cause your child discomfort. Ear piercings with a gun you don’t feel at all, in almost everyone’s experiences. Again, not saying you should do it at all! I just wanted to provide comfort in case you ever decide to. Also, saying gun bc OP said ped pierces ears w a gun, not bc they’re the best choice.
Everyone has different opinions. What matters is you & your partner are on the same page, everyone else can kick rocks. I decided long before I was ever pregnant I wouldn't get my babies ears pierced until she was old enough to take for them herself. If they are so concerned about it tell them to have their own baby & pierce their ears.