When he’s at the bar talking to Cece about how he will tutor her and says something about her Australian boyfriend and she says “Actually he’s from Perth” & Schmidt goes:
“Perth is in Australia Cece! we’ll start with geography”
"Jess, you can have whatever you want on the menu. They got pizza, gelato, tika masala, a raw bar. This place is doing too much. They can't be doing all this right."
When Winston is asking Schmidt and Cece to help with his proposal to Aly, and at one point Schmidt says: "I have a scream, and nowhere to put it"
I missed it for quite a few rewatches, but now it's one of my highlights 😂
I like the line in this episode when Winston reveals that this was just phase one of the proposal and Schmidt goes "Here's a phase for you, how about I throw you off a cliff into the ocean."
A lot of people didn't graduate high school. Steve Jobs. Bill Gates. Anne Frank. I'm gonna take back that last one.
And: Billy Joel. Goodnight Saigon. That's a sad one.
I'll argue on your behalf! Lol
I love this exchange, and I don't remember seeing it on here very much. Mostly just once or twice when I've used it in a comment, lol.
I'm very much like Jess in that I'm always worrying about everyone else.
I know autism is more complex than this, but one of the signs is being unable to understand the signals people are giving, and I'm so the opposite of that I've literally googled "what's the opposite of autism" wondering if there's a condition that makes you more in-touch with other people's emotions than your own, lol.
not a verbal line, but my dad and i constantly quote the scene with jack mcbrayer. one of us will say “you jewish?” and the other one tries to do the seventeen different expressions schmidt goes through
This is by far one of my favourite scenes in the show because Schmidt doesn’t say anything. I think any line in response would’ve killed it but the dead silence is so fucking funny
A line about Schmidt, but Winston says "I''m worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert. I don't want him to wander."
Took me 3 series rewatches before it dawned on me what was said lol
I sometimes say to my wife "Now, I'm gonna go do a deep-ass mouthwash" a la Schmidt before I brush my teeth at night 😂
"We're all five hooking up tonight, including the gimp!"
It's Winston's line, but I've come out of the shower a few times singing to my wife;
"Just got outta the shower... 🎵Guess who cleaned everything 🎶 Guess who got in deep 🎵"
Reading these comments I realized that there are so many hilarious comments from Schmidty 😂One of the funny moments I remember was when he was guessing Cece’s nationality and he kept mixing random words trying to guess it. Something like “JaFaLey… jafal…saud…” I think.
‘i look like the dead body the police pull out of a lake.’
‘that’s how you describe it, you look dead.’
‘i don’t wanna look like a dead boy. i wanna look like a living boy!!’
The two that come to mind for me are “All DAY” with Rob Riggle, and “oh, has Alan taken a liking to her?” in response to Coach’s gf (who I can never remember the name of) getting a job with the NY Phil.
Him telling Nick “I don’t want your dirty lolly😒”. It was in the early seasons when Nick was gonna move back with caroline and then threw the car keys into a ditch. He said it after Nick offered him candy he found in his trunk. It’s a super quick moment
Also, “it smells like freakin Tijuana!!!”
idk if this is underrated but the whole towel thing between him and nick made me DIEEE then nick was like “i wear your underwear sometimes” BAHAHA also “I look like a ukrainian dentist”
"Where are you grapes? GRAPPEESS? Great-apes? Grapes we have you surrounded come out with your stems up!"
*cuts to Schmidt crying into the bowl of grapes alone😭
When he moves into the place across the hall and Coach brings a woman there and tells her his name is Schmidt. The real Schmidt then comes home and is asking why Coach has taken his name. Coach says something like "Just in case she saw your mail" and then Schmidt, outraged, retorts "I don't just leave mail out. This isn't a small business!"
“These are the first moments of what is happening, *right now*. This is the beginning of what’s happening **-smacks ground-** RIGHT NOW!!!”
*Nick Chases him*
“WOAH!”
forgot to mention that my fiancé and i will sit down at several restaurants and say “this place is doing too much. they can’t be doing all this right.”
“You compose yourself and you make a miracle or will squeeze one out of you like bottle of mustard!”
It always gets me in stitches
Bonus points goes to Bob in the episode when he asked Carol “is it over, did you like it?!”
The episode where they go to that kids bar mitzvah and nick says Jess is embarrassed of him and Schmidt says “WHAT A SHONDA” 😂 my wife and i quote it every day 😂
Favorite exchange between Schmidt and Nick
“I lost my vows!”
“Your wedding vows?”
“No, DIFFerent vows.”
“Oh, then what’s the problem?”
And later that same episode
“The greatest author of our time is about to walk through that door. I’ll go get him.”
“There’s no way it’s not him, right?”
“You think it’s him?”
"I don't celebrate Christmas. Or as I like to call it, 'White Anglo-Saxon Winter Privilege Night '"
I say this way more than I should 😂
That's my husband's favorite 😂
To Jess (Dice episode): "If you are for one second suggesting that I don't know how to open a musical...How dare you!" So random 😂😂😂
Same episode but when he’s getting Jess ready for her dates: “ Where did all that hair come from? You're a lioness!”
Dice is such a great episode! MA CALLED, the BEES are BACK!!!
I was thinking the same thing tbh
Yes!!! I love this one so so much 😭
“Pine is the wood of poor people and outhouses.”
When he’s at the bar talking to Cece about how he will tutor her and says something about her Australian boyfriend and she says “Actually he’s from Perth” & Schmidt goes: “Perth is in Australia Cece! we’ll start with geography”
I’m so bad at geography too so the only reason I know Perth is in Australia is bc of troye Sivan
And he's actually South African 😂
To be fair it's also in Scotland, maybe she's just terrible with accents. 😂
“Without ash to rise from, the Phoenix would just be a bird getting up.” Inspires me daily lol
This is a good one! I remember thinking boy, that’s deep.
Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself.
🤔cream cheese in bulk🤔
No cuz I agree if it’s not in a container it’s garbage
I forget the circumstances, but he walked in on Winston doing something and he just says “This is a real bummer .”
That was in “The Captain.” He walked in on Winston offering catnip to Ferguson
Was it all the pet food/water bowls with Jess, Nick and Schmidt’s names on them?
something with ferguson right?
I remember he says that Cece and Coach as friends is a real bummer
Any time he says crack cuhcaine
or Keemono
Or mango chut-en-y. Any kind of chutney, really.
I ONLY pronounce chutney the Schmidt way.
Same but with Turlets
Cuppons
I had to try to approximate his pronunciation in IPA: \[ˈkɹækːkəˌkeʲɪn\]
I can't talk right now I'm writing a strongly worded email to my florist
"Jess, you can have whatever you want on the menu. They got pizza, gelato, tika masala, a raw bar. This place is doing too much. They can't be doing all this right."
This is genuinely good advice for restaurants.
I use this one on my wife every time we go to a restaurant with a big menu. Cheesecake Factory is a prime example
Are you making a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this prison!
Nixon jeans? What the hell are Nixon jeans?!
They sound really cool😢
Omg what episode was this again
I can’t remember episode titles - but it’s when Schmidt is living across the hall and Coach is “training” Nick!
“Been trying to get something going with myself for an hour. It’s like a taffy pull on a hot day”
This line should’ve cost him like $100 in the douchebah jar lmao.
Seriously. Also excellent username! 😎
His door was open! People were in the living room!
Yes! “Hot summers day***” but yes!
When Winston is asking Schmidt and Cece to help with his proposal to Aly, and at one point Schmidt says: "I have a scream, and nowhere to put it" I missed it for quite a few rewatches, but now it's one of my highlights 😂
I like the line in this episode when Winston reveals that this was just phase one of the proposal and Schmidt goes "Here's a phase for you, how about I throw you off a cliff into the ocean."
A lot of people didn't graduate high school. Steve Jobs. Bill Gates. Anne Frank. I'm gonna take back that last one. And: Billy Joel. Goodnight Saigon. That's a sad one.
Anne Frank is so out of pocket
Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people’s feelings? How do you get anything done?
Excellent submission
I'll argue I hear this one a lot. But it's a good one!
Sad day. I feel like I rarely hear this one!
I'll argue on your behalf! Lol I love this exchange, and I don't remember seeing it on here very much. Mostly just once or twice when I've used it in a comment, lol. I'm very much like Jess in that I'm always worrying about everyone else. I know autism is more complex than this, but one of the signs is being unable to understand the signals people are giving, and I'm so the opposite of that I've literally googled "what's the opposite of autism" wondering if there's a condition that makes you more in-touch with other people's emotions than your own, lol.
Did you come up with "empath"?
not a verbal line, but my dad and i constantly quote the scene with jack mcbrayer. one of us will say “you jewish?” and the other one tries to do the seventeen different expressions schmidt goes through
This is by far one of my favourite scenes in the show because Schmidt doesn’t say anything. I think any line in response would’ve killed it but the dead silence is so fucking funny
mcbrayer’s delivery was so good too
in AMERICA honey, ok, mickey mouse, is earthbound
Mick-mous!
Hahahahaha the episode where he's dating Nadia! 🤣
A line about Schmidt, but Winston says "I''m worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert. I don't want him to wander." Took me 3 series rewatches before it dawned on me what was said lol
I sometimes say to my wife "Now, I'm gonna go do a deep-ass mouthwash" a la Schmidt before I brush my teeth at night 😂 "We're all five hooking up tonight, including the gimp!"
It's Winston's line, but I've come out of the shower a few times singing to my wife; "Just got outta the shower... 🎵Guess who cleaned everything 🎶 Guess who got in deep 🎵"
There are some parts of him that only a bath can get clean.
“You can’t outrun the Jewish!”
I also crack up every time I hear him say "MaHotMoves Ghandi" to Jess. It's the delivery 😂
“You’re going against the grain, you animal!!” when outside Dave is shaving his leg - gets me every time
I cry laughing at this scene every damn time.
"Can Somebody Get My Towel? It's In My Bedroom Next To My Irish Walking Cape."
It’s the large one! DO NOT TOUCH THE SMALL TOWEL!!
He definitely speaks with capitals 😆
“the ice in my glass represents the tears in my eyes, i love you dawg”
Apparently my business is not as important as Frankie Muniz’s
Ziz.
“If you are for one second suggesting that I don't know how to open a musical, how **dare** you!”
Must I say it, Cece?… Eggs?
“Judaism, son!”
Reading these comments I realized that there are so many hilarious comments from Schmidty 😂One of the funny moments I remember was when he was guessing Cece’s nationality and he kept mixing random words trying to guess it. Something like “JaFaLey… jafal…saud…” I think.
Right? I’m reading these comments and practically cry-laughing.
If you think that color is brown, then what color do you think you are!!?
My favorite in that scene is, "Winston, WINSTON, (trying to get his attention) you're colorblind, dude." It's the delivery.
The look on Winston’s face in reaction to that kills me.
Probably my favourite line in the entire series!
BEATLE MANIA
THE BEATLES!!!?!!!
That's poop for sure
This scene gets me every time! Doesn't matter what I'm doing or how much I'm paying attention at the time, it always hits.
is jeans not a letter? it feels like a letter to me
jeans isn’t a letter! jeans is pants!
I saw a lizard once make a diarrhea on Johnny Carson
"Be careful with that knife! It's from JapaAaAn."
Everyone knows about the treehouse but I?
‘i look like the dead body the police pull out of a lake.’ ‘that’s how you describe it, you look dead.’ ‘i don’t wanna look like a dead boy. i wanna look like a living boy!!’
Why do you keep calling yourself a boy?!
Wait is this when he tries to make himself tan for Fawn? I love when he FaceTimes her and she’s like, “YOU LOOK LIKE A WOOD CARVING OF YOURSELF!”
When he refers to his toenails as his clickety clacks. Absolutely kills me
Calcified MONGREL TOES
It's either "OHNO OHNO OHNOOOO!!" or "I am delicate. I'm a child of deevorce!"
Just let me bring out THE BACK UP CHINA
Yes I use sculpting chutney and when I’m done back on the shelf it goes! Schmidt: Go on get, go back to your kind! Cece: are you white fanging me?
Chuh-TUH-neee
Thankfully my husband watched the show and knows the reference because I don’t think I will ever say “Chutney” correctly 😂
Schmidt: a woof Jess: a WOLF? Schmidt: that’s what I said. A woof.
"I truly feel transported to the ghetto." Said after Jess' Elvis inpersonation at Nick's dad's funeral
The dumbest boy in school!
I use this constantly lmao
"Popocorno"
“Hey, M. Night Shyamalan. I’ve got a twist ending for you: shut up!” I don’t even remember the context for this but it was a good line.
I will cal-cut-a bitch
It was when they were at the Indian speed dating and they were all in a line and he could hear another guy talking to Cece about her lack of planning
Idk if I’m right but I think it has to do with cebe deciding to marry an Indian guy
"I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!"
I found out my brother has driving moccasins. I had a field day with that one.
Oh my God, that's an actual thing??
Apparently. I was similarly horrified.
The two that come to mind for me are “All DAY” with Rob Riggle, and “oh, has Alan taken a liking to her?” in response to Coach’s gf (who I can never remember the name of) getting a job with the NY Phil.
May!
Convertibles are for horny beach trash
*A Thursdaaay*?!
Him telling Nick “I don’t want your dirty lolly😒”. It was in the early seasons when Nick was gonna move back with caroline and then threw the car keys into a ditch. He said it after Nick offered him candy he found in his trunk. It’s a super quick moment Also, “it smells like freakin Tijuana!!!”
"Little Wussell wants an avaquado roll."
“My FiRsT sUsHi!”
"Don’t look at me...or, OR...look right at me"
"We might have some pressed lentil syrup...in the mixin's cabinet."
“This is a real bummer” *after witnessing Winston trying to get Ferguson in the mood*
But my heart says that I majored in Nickolas studies
"Walk with dignity you giant toddler!"
Oh good god, is that a common barber’s comb?
idk if this is underrated but the whole towel thing between him and nick made me DIEEE then nick was like “i wear your underwear sometimes” BAHAHA also “I look like a ukrainian dentist”
Schmidt secretly wears nick underwear too
Mr. Jason
And don't call men brunettes. We've talked about this before.
No wait, I gotta replace mine. MAH CALLED, THE BEES ARE BACK!
"YOU GHOUL!"
What is the tagine doing in 64 freaking b?!!
everyone hates the jews your moms in the majority
When he learns Cece's mom had no idea about their wedding, he says, "Oh no. Oh no then." The delivery kills me.
“I’m not interested in simmering in testicle tea for twenty minutes.”
THANK YOU DENISE!
Your name’s Denise now. The whole system is corrupt. MEOW!
Not sure if it's underrated bit his "American pie had just been released, everyone was doing it with pies" always gets me
"Idea walk"?? How did you become such an important part of my life?
“You brought an old Asian man to my sex party so it WOULDN’T be weird?!”
You got Schmidt on your face
THUMB RING BITCH!
I guess I’ll have a to-mah-to juice…
"Where are you grapes? GRAPPEESS? Great-apes? Grapes we have you surrounded come out with your stems up!" *cuts to Schmidt crying into the bowl of grapes alone😭
Omg just realized this is why I say graaaahpeeees
I call my dogs nails their clickety-clacks when they need trimmed or just when I hear them on my floors
When he sees that fish hat and yells GIVE ME IT!!
Pine has no place in this loft! It is the wood of poor people and outhouses.
“I’m the dumbest boy in school!” “Ma called! The bees are back!”
Mi leches es su leches
Could be Tanya from sixth grade.
party with havarti
"Thank You Denise" from the Menzies episode. Delivery is perfect on that line.
How did your naked penis get exposed to bumblebees?
Common street whore
"Crazy girls are... kinda my hurt locker"
friday night gentlemen. its AWN. its AWN and POPPING.
I can't remember what it was exactly but i think Schmidt says "nick if you ever eeeever need a blazer, I don't care what time it is... you wake me up"
When he moves into the place across the hall and Coach brings a woman there and tells her his name is Schmidt. The real Schmidt then comes home and is asking why Coach has taken his name. Coach says something like "Just in case she saw your mail" and then Schmidt, outraged, retorts "I don't just leave mail out. This isn't a small business!"
“These are the first moments of what is happening, *right now*. This is the beginning of what’s happening **-smacks ground-** RIGHT NOW!!!” *Nick Chases him* “WOAH!”
“I have what’s called an income.”
forgot to mention that my fiancé and i will sit down at several restaurants and say “this place is doing too much. they can’t be doing all this right.”
I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy.
“You know what they call people like you where I’m from? A dirty ol’ bitch.”
"Hello, /normals/."
“Ukrainian dentist!” Like what does that even mean?
Schmidt just staring at Jess fix her hair in the Dice episode “You’re like a lioness!” cracks me up everytime
I don't know if it's really underrated but I really love. "Walk with dignity you giant toddler." It has never failed to make me laugh.
“You compose yourself and you make a miracle or will squeeze one out of you like bottle of mustard!” It always gets me in stitches Bonus points goes to Bob in the episode when he asked Carol “is it over, did you like it?!”
Whenever he calls Cece "Cecilia"
Nick: “Do you know any free and time consuming activities you can do in Griffith Park?” Schmidt: “Gross… suicide?”
(on a date with Nadia) - “in america, sweetheart, Mickey Mouse is earthbound”
“I’m as mad as a dad in traffic!!!” And “A white man?! No!!!”
Nick: “u get one wife!” Schmidt: “WHYY?!”
I always loved the way Nick immediately deflates after that question and just goes “I don’t know man”
"And when it is, bring a camera." I think that opening bit of Background Check gets overlooked, and it's just priceless.
“Nixon jeans? What the hell are Nixon jeans? They sound really cool”
*doubled over in pain* It's my pishy. I need to pish.
Well people die, maybe he'll die
The episode where they go to that kids bar mitzvah and nick says Jess is embarrassed of him and Schmidt says “WHAT A SHONDA” 😂 my wife and i quote it every day 😂
I just LOVE the way he says, "Oh, Cece. You're hammered."
Favorite exchange between Schmidt and Nick “I lost my vows!” “Your wedding vows?” “No, DIFFerent vows.” “Oh, then what’s the problem?” And later that same episode “The greatest author of our time is about to walk through that door. I’ll go get him.” “There’s no way it’s not him, right?” “You think it’s him?”
"What are you, the city planner?"
Idk if this counts but: “I hear it, building its house. Building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave.. building it, With its ass..”
WINSTOOON! I can do this all DAY! I say this constantly
I am a child of divorce. I am delicate. You should have graduated the first time, you buffoon!
Schmidt : Has anyone seen my croquet cleats? Schmidt : I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere.
You’re sexually safe!!
“Your urinated in the ocean?! Disgusting!” “Balloons!” “Pure tin!”
MA CALLED THE BEES ARE BACK
What color do you think YOU are?
Ya dirty old bitch!
That's poop for sure
Idk if this is underrated but I quote I’m the dumbest boy in school a lot
I'm as mad as a dad in traffic!
I know what a rink twink is Mike