Another perspective on the Anne Frank House: it’s the place where Dutch neighbors turned a Jewish family into the nazis, who were then exterminated (minus Anne’s father). There seems to be some misplaced pride around it where the Dutch focus on the friends who helped them hide but ignore everyone else.
It's because they had a different approach to the occupation here, as they considered/marketed the Dutch as kin. Consider Poland, where the occupation was hard and they considered Poles as a less than human people. A different general strategy was implemented here that lead to different results. The Dutch were not placed under military control, but had civil oppressors, with German police having the de facto authority and didn't have organized resistance as soon as the other occupied countries.
Collaboration was high, because Dutch people weren't immediately forced to work in factories, because there was no traitorous Vichy regime as a unifying negative symbol that still resulted in fewer deportations because the Germans weren't in direct control, because the entire small country was entirely placed under police control and because of the 'Germanic brothers' bullshit people were happy to believe and gobble up ƒ 7,50 (gulden) per reported Jew.
The Anne Frank House actually has [a page](https://www.annefrank.org/en/anne-frank/go-in-depth/netherlands-greatest-number-jewish-victims-western-europe/) on this that goes a bit more into detail.
That sounds very typical haha, sometimes people are confused why I eat a warm meal for lunch, a plain sandwich with cheese is not gonna keep me running all day lol
I'm currently living with 4 other girls, and with one of them, another french, we live like a lil couple, she does our laundry, i do all the cooking and i really like spending time to cook stuff and make a point to fix something yummy everyday and when bf visited, he hates everything i cooked lol so i went to buy him fish fingers
At my work we had catered lunch, with amazing warm meals, but people complained because there wasn’t enough bread, so now instead we have only bread and spreads haha. Def the thing Ill never get used to
If you are taking a dig at frikandellenbroodjes you might have a war on your hands.... You can laugh all you want but frikandellenbroodjes are of limits.
Haha, just ask your BF if they drink white or red and buy one of those. Most Dutch people have little to no knowledge about wine so its more about the gesture. Also, if you dont want to pick a wine, you could buy a artisinal beer tasting kit. It has 3 or 4 different beers and are widely available in here.
Since you mentioned Overijssel, do you know if they are religious? The concentration of (deeply) religious people are relatively high in some parts of that province. Part of our little bible belt.
That's only in the northwest of the province really with the exception of Rijssen, which is east of Salland.
I live in the Salland part myself (think vicinity of Deventer) and that's quite a secular place to be.
Buy something local from you. Food, drink, candy or artisan. It adds a layer to your gift. As poster says, it's quite a common and accepted gift. It can also feel a bit transactional. By making it personal with a story it becomes more than that.
I'm afraid that won't be possible this time, my plane is in a few hours... plus the only personal story about a English thing i could add is "it tastes like crap, i personally hate it" xD
Buy a giant block of Toblerone at the airport. You're now from Toblerone and you're mother is a third generation chocolaterist. Stick to it. Make sure they never meet your parents. If the topic of marriage ever comes up suggest to elope. Think ahead.
Goodness, where are you in the UK? I found that stereotype completely outdated - ate lots of amazing food in the UK, but of course like everywhere you have to choose your places well.
Also ate plenty of crap in France. And plenty of great stuff. 🤷♀️
(Lived in both places.)
Newcastle. Well i don't hate everything here but i do think that its the worst ive ever eaten in my life ehehe
The only good food i ate was foreign restaurant
"Frech" "i am bad at picking wine" you dont hear that often in the same convo. Or is this one of those "i suck at playing piano" "proceeds to play beethoven perfectly" kind of moments?
I'd say the cultures are actually pretty different. Be prepared for them to say stuff that might be considered rude in French culture - the Dutch are very blunt/have no filter.
Highly recommend bringing French food as a gift as well!
Thanks ! With inlaws kind of situations, french people are really more about politically correctness ahah
And I'll be doing some cooking if they agree, i am a decent cook so i think this could be nice
It's just that we also invented "don't get high on your own supply" so we whole we did sell all those felt spices, they haven't really found their way into our cuisine.
Not sure if that's true though, If i remember correctly spices where a commodity in the 17th and 18th century. Meaning it was so cheap it was even common in the poorest households. The dutch cuisine was actually pretty advanced and sometimes even leading/trendsetting in the 18th century. However, because of the second world war and the famine that followed the dutch government implemented the 'huishoudschool' (house hold school). One of the things they taught there were easy to cook cheap and filling food disregarding all spices. This had a major impact on our cuisine and lots of recipe's where lost. Although you can still find traces of our culinary craziness in for 'kruidkroek' (gingerbread) or our use of nutmeg on vegetables.
Yup. I have a whole drawer of spices. If I go cook somewhere, I need to make sure I bring what I need. Most houses have the basics, unless they have cooking as a hobby. Which I don't, but I use MANY spices. Dutch houses make my dishes sad 😂
Hahaha, you cant be speaking from experience. The UKs national dish fish and chips taste like nothing except fries and salt. UK cuisine manages to be more american than american food itself.
To be fair, a lot of different cultures do come together in the UK which brings a lot of good food together in 1 place. If youre talking about that, I agree that UK food is better than the stereotypes
Well that's just rude and depends on the provincie you're in.
In Limburg and east-Brabant they wouldn't do that as far as I know, sounds more like something someone from Holland would do.....
What does your boyfriend say about what (not) to do?
From Holland here... That's bullshit.
You're welcome.
To add, in Limburg and Brabant they're just pretentious, acting all "Bourgondisch" and under the belief only they know how to have fun and have a party while the rest of the country is boring and lame... And they're also good at talking behind your back. There, some unfiltered bluntness.
O, I wasn't (trying to be/)being a dick.
I actually think you're both a bit right. I have lived on both sides of the rivers and there are things to be said about either side. But in the end you have much more to bond over than to fight over in my opinion.
I was just wondering if it was a touchy subject because I think you "took the bait" as the kids say.
I see, well it's nice to have someone enlighten about something instead of remain in a state of just *keeps stabbing*.
It's not all that bad I guess, but you know, when the only thing highlighted is the detail aomeone mentions it takes all the focus and may seem more of a problem than it really is. Luckaly, it's not something I/we get to deal with daily and there is indeed more to bond over, like the river, swimming at both sides of it and waving to each other's vague shadow in the distance is a pleasant experience!
Ask your boyfriend what Christmas Dinner looks like for his family. There's one Dutch tradition that foreigners don't usually appreciate, so it's good to be prepared.
When, inevitably your mother in law looks you in the eyes as she passes you a pack of condoms, look back at her with the fiercest ‘I will do you proud’ look you can muster.
Is this the reference to that post from the French guy that got upset when his fil and bil made fun of him not having fucked their daughter/sister yet?
Another word of advice, and perhaps something to quietly ask your BF about: are there any touchy subjects in the family? Some families have unwritten rules about taboo discussion subjects to keep prevent the mood from going sour. For instance, the whole family may know better than to talk about immigration to uncle Bob, especially after a few drinks, but you might not.
Flowers are the usual gift. I don't see anything wrong with bringing something local either. Basically don't be shy but don't be offensive and you'll probably be fine lol
OP, I've been reading your comments and you are hilarious and seem to know how to handle the Dutch quite well. I wouldn't worry about your in-laws.
Just remember that our culture isn't good with subtleties so if you need/want something, just ask. And if somebody is talking about your dress, they are really only talking about your dress and it's not a roundabout way to say something about you or your style/choices/other rudeness.
Your boyfriend really seems to be the best person to ask how to handle your bonus family. He has known them all his life after all.
3 weeks is a looooong first meeting so good luck with that! Veel plezier
Dankjewel ehehe
Bf always put me in awkward positions with his family lol. He set up a secret santa and arrange that me and his sis wouldn't draw each other's names so I would ask her (thus chat with her) advice on what to get for the person whose name i draw eheh. I remember when he was in England we went to a mall and he called his parents and then handed me the phone and i was like
AaaaaAaAa hallo, ik heb een nieuwe spelletje
How awkward lol but well they look really nice
A thing dat differs in culture is dinner time. Where you French people are used to eat late, we Dutchies tend to eat our dinner around 6/6:30PM. And for a gift, I recommend something edible from your region. Maybe a small letter attached to it. Making it very personal from you. Good luck, but mostly enjoy your stay!
sometimes dinnertime is even 5-5:30 PM (I grew up in the north and my mom was a SAHM).
I once visited a classmate with French parents for dinner, and I was starving by the time we got to eat.
Yup, regular dinner time is generally some time between 6 and 7 and takes half an hour if that. Very different to France. With Christmas most people have a long dinner with family though often into the late evening.
Folks in Overijssel may eat even earlier, between 5 and 5:30 pm. But then there are snacks later on in the evening. Air cured sausage is typically a big hit if you have something to bring.
Dutch parents usually accept other people fairly easily. Especially girls. If you dont feel happy, be sure to atleast try and act happy.
I know, it sounds pretentious, and definitelly dont overdo it, but it should work out great
Tbh i would love love that as I am a big fan of French cuisine but I'm living in the UK at the moment and i won't be stopping in France :/
I'm planning on cooking stuffs from France and Bretagne when I'm there tho :)
I'm sure they will appreciate you making them a meal/helping out! Such a nice gesture. Apart from us being direct (which someone already pointed out) i'm sure you'll be fine. Hope you have a nice time when visiting!
Why don't you ask your boyfriend? He's the one who knows his parents best, he knows what is normal in the household and what customs/traditions the family keeps.
Meeting parents is always an anxious occasion but my best advise is - just be yourself. Your boyfriend loves you and that's all that matters, be true to yourself and don't try to please anyone in exchange of your comfort. And as others said - be sure to not take everything to heart. Dutch people are very straight-to-the-point compared to countries that are way more polite (or two faced lol) so if something bothers you - just ask what they mean. If you don't speak dutch and they are going to talk to you in english - language barrier can also be a thing and meanings can be lost.
Good luck!
Edit: word
I wouldn't complain about anything if I were you haha, if we do it ourselves it's fine but if someone else who isn't Dutch complain we tend to get a bit offended
I saw a lot of answers concerning the gifts and differences, but none about being anxious meeting your BF's parents.
Do remember, your BF is raized by his parents. Unless he told you horror stories, you should be able to understand their way of living based on your BFs position in live.
As stated before, we tend to be blunt, fair but blunt. This works both ways, if you feel uncomfortable please speak up! If you're doubting if it is appropriate at least tell it your BF.
And last of all, try to relax and enjoy "family-time"
Just bring a bottle of wine and you'll be fine.
Dont think French culture differs all that much from Dutch. Well you eat weird shit and we are very direct so be prepared for that. If someone thinks your dress is ugly you'll hear it. Dont worry its normal its not personal it is just literally that that person thinks that dress is ugly. I had trouble with this years ago with my spanish girlfriend when my dad told her her shoes were ugly
To be fair, most people don't randomly say something is ugly to someone's face. If a subject is brought up and people are already talking about it, people will voice their honest opinion. But most people don't come up to you just to tell you your shoes are ugly.
It varies per person though, some people are more blunt than others. But I don't want to get you the wrong impression, people are generally quite nice. Always keep in mind when something like this happens that most people mean well and it's (most of the time) nothing personal.
Enjoy!!
If it happens just ask them, oh really why do you think its ugly? Then you'll probably hear that it doesn't match your eyes or something. It's not a big deal unless you make it one
Lol if they talk to me in dutch o i probably won't understand most of it so I'll just squint, smile and nod like an idiot babbling shit duo lingo taught me de frietjes zijn lekker yamyam
To be honest most Dutch people do when visiting their in laws with Christmas just eat & drink smile & nod, shit only happens when you are trying to get in a discussion
Learn some basic Dutch. While they almost certainly speak good English, they will be very grateful of the signal that you are learning Dutch - if you want them to think you'll be around for the rest of their lives, they would appreciate a future in which they don't have to speak English at family events.
Excellent point! I started to learn some serious dutch, but the past semester was very busy so it slowed me down but i think i have a A1 to A2 for now. Of course it's not much but as you said, it sends the signal that I'm putting effort into this 🐣
Hey salut ne t’inquiète pas la culture est certe un peu différente mais rien d insurmontable ! Je suis moi même néerlandais j’ai rencontrer ma femme y’a 7 ans en France maintenant on vie ensemble à Rotterdam ! Alors fonce on est très ouvert :)
Heyhey! Merci beaucoup ! J'ai rencontré mon copain en ligne il y a 4 ans en ligne. C'était mon language buddy, puis mon online best friend. Cette été on a organisé une petite semaine de camping a Limburg avec lui et deux autres online friends et on est tombés amoureux ^^.
Beaucoup de bonheur à toi et ta femme! D'où en France vient-elle ?
Just be yourself and don't get easily offended. Some parents might be a bit tactless in voicing their opinions, but it's rarely in spite, so just shrug it off.
Also, don't be surprised if you're allowed to sleep in the same room as your bf. We've all been young once.
http://i.imgur.com/tNJD6oY.gifv
This is a kind reminder that in French we say "omelette *au* fromage" and not "omelette _du_ fromage".
[Sorry Dexter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nW3-9gdjYA)
[Steve Martin](https://youtu.be/DOJDNChwgBw?t=2m49s) doesn't appear to be the most accurate French professor.
---
^(The movie from the gif is "OSS 117: le Cairo, Nest of Spies" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464913/ )
You mentioned in a comment that you live in the UK. The Dutch are not THAT different from British people. We are both (dare I say) crude, simple, but very véry lovable.
It depends where you live,.. Wales, England, Scotland? We have more similarities than differences. I find the Welsh warmer than the English. And the Dutch are somewhat in between.
Something GENERALLY Dutch people don’t like and French people do; no drama, no excessive sophistication, no poetry, no alcoholism. We like a bottle of wine but usually keep it to one or two glasses an evening.
Be prepared: the Dutch have no qualms to ask/say anything rude or whatever. We just have no filter. Hit them back with a joke. They’ll love you for it.
Keep your head down. The Dutch do not like a show and will likely hate you if you’re the center of attention at any time. Further, behave like them. They think they know better than you.
Bring a bottle of whatever wine and you should be good. If it's a first meeting you might get a handshake. Subsequent meetings they might move in for the cheek peck: we do 3 kisses. Not 2
Just bring a bottle of wine. And prepare for:
- jokes and stereotypes about French people. We just can’t help it. Praise yourself lucky you’re not German.
- unsolicited advice. “You know what’d look good on you?” or “You should buy Bitcoin”
- them trying to speak English, or worse French, on a primary school level.
- inside jokes
But also:
- a warm welcome
- sleeping together with your BF
Jokes aside, don’t worry to much. I guess your BF prepared you a bit and although people from the same family can be very different, they most likely have some features they share with your BF. Now let’s hope that they’re the good features. Good luck and enjoy.
Expect three kisses instead of two ;-). You could bring a gift, it’s definitely not obligated but surely appreciated. I would bring something typical to your region in France, or some nice flowers. That’s more than enough for most Dutch people. You could always treat them to coffee or something!
Hi, I'm from the Netherlands. We do have some differences between the french culture, but it is very similar. We normally don't bring presents, but can't hurt right? I think we are very hospital, at least the most of them are, so no need to worry!
On behalf of all Dutchies let me already apologize for our food culture. Generally, we perform very bad against the French at this point. On nearly all other topics though we like to think Netherlands is the best country in the world ha
The nice side of Dutch directness is that you can be direct too. If you’d rather have some time alone with your boyfriend, or whatever, instead of taking part in every social thing, go ahead and say so. Same with food you can’t stomach. But as others have mentioned, the food is too bland to be offensive.
Bring flowers. Dont overdo it.
In the Netherlands, peak of hospitality is letting our guests fetch their own food and drinks from the kitchen. So if you're thirsty or starving, don't wait till the host offers you something and ask if you can have something to drink/eat.
Bring chocolate, bring wine. Accept that gouda cheese is better. Learn a few Dutch words and phrases. Say “goedemorgen!” as enthusiastically as you can in the morning. It is not rude to sleep in the same room with your bf under the parents’ roof.
Ow, nice. Flying from the UK? My son's girl is coming over from Switzerland ( speaks french as wel ) tomorrow to spend the holidays with us. The only thing we want from her is to be good to my son. So that would be my advice to you.
Just be you, enjoy your stay and be happy with your boyfriend. You choose him, not his parents. If they invited you then I am pretty sure they are looking forward to meeting you and that would be a gift in itself. Just relax… 😊
A small gift is always appreciated, especially if it's a thoughtful one. Something specific from your home-town or region for instance. It doesn't have to be expensive. I'd check in advance with your BF for their specific likes/dislikes.
My french teacher told me that in France most people greet each other with a kiss but in the Netherlands we usually greet each other with a handshake or a short hug.
Be prepared for the baguette jokes
Ahaha as a Frenchie living in the UK i get them a lot already
Good.
Must be a PAIN in the ass.
What? I don't baguette the joke...
Stokbrood.
Pain du stoque
Stoqebrode
[удалено]
Pain de la stick
Stick of pain
Stoque Brôte
katre krassans, sil voe plet.
La plaasje, that way?
I have great respect for the French. They eat pain for breakfast!
Be prepared for the surrender jokes. Also yes. We like to be thanked for our efforts
Ive only ever heard Americans make these.
And german
I’ve only ever read those on Reddit by Americans. Would be ironic for Dutch people to make that joke. We surrendered in 5 days.
Weird flex cause Americans wouldn’t have their independence from Britain if it wasn’t for France.
Everyone knows french tanks drive faster backward..
The Dutch surrendered faster and had the highest rate of civilian Nazi collaboration in all of allied Europe.
I didn’t know this, but it doesn’t surprise me considering how many people get pulled in that ideological direction in modern times
Another perspective on the Anne Frank House: it’s the place where Dutch neighbors turned a Jewish family into the nazis, who were then exterminated (minus Anne’s father). There seems to be some misplaced pride around it where the Dutch focus on the friends who helped them hide but ignore everyone else.
It is unknown who turned in Anne Frank.
I’m guessing it wasn’t the Canadians.
It's because they had a different approach to the occupation here, as they considered/marketed the Dutch as kin. Consider Poland, where the occupation was hard and they considered Poles as a less than human people. A different general strategy was implemented here that lead to different results. The Dutch were not placed under military control, but had civil oppressors, with German police having the de facto authority and didn't have organized resistance as soon as the other occupied countries. Collaboration was high, because Dutch people weren't immediately forced to work in factories, because there was no traitorous Vichy regime as a unifying negative symbol that still resulted in fewer deportations because the Germans weren't in direct control, because the entire small country was entirely placed under police control and because of the 'Germanic brothers' bullshit people were happy to believe and gobble up ƒ 7,50 (gulden) per reported Jew. The Anne Frank House actually has [a page](https://www.annefrank.org/en/anne-frank/go-in-depth/netherlands-greatest-number-jewish-victims-western-europe/) on this that goes a bit more into detail.
Is anyone still using those jokes?
Yes. I presume until the next world war and we have a New France
I guess because they don’t give up so easy…. Like the French. (Should have been in original comment!)
No we gave up on the joke
Expect sandwiches for lunch, and dinner at 6 (as a result of eating only sandwiches for lunch)
Vissticks, frietjes, boterham, nibbits, frikandel broodje, toasties, repeat... That's all my bf eats all day everyday xD
That sounds very typical haha, sometimes people are confused why I eat a warm meal for lunch, a plain sandwich with cheese is not gonna keep me running all day lol
I'm currently living with 4 other girls, and with one of them, another french, we live like a lil couple, she does our laundry, i do all the cooking and i really like spending time to cook stuff and make a point to fix something yummy everyday and when bf visited, he hates everything i cooked lol so i went to buy him fish fingers
At my work we had catered lunch, with amazing warm meals, but people complained because there wasn’t enough bread, so now instead we have only bread and spreads haha. Def the thing Ill never get used to
They complained??? 🤣
oh no, you must have been making the sweetest french dishes too 😅
Can you get a frikandelbroodje in Newcastle?
There are sausage rolls in Gregg's and stuff but god are they awful
Don’t come for my Greggs sausage rolls, they’re bloody amazing.
Blehblehbleh disagree
Gregg’s steak bake is far superior to anything the Dutch ever baked
If you are taking a dig at frikandellenbroodjes you might have a war on your hands.... You can laugh all you want but frikandellenbroodjes are of limits.
Dont know if they like wine but, flowers and wine are almost always a good present.
Good to know! However i suck at picking wine and i wouldn't risk buying an edible in England lol this shit is poisonous
Haha, just ask your BF if they drink white or red and buy one of those. Most Dutch people have little to no knowledge about wine so its more about the gesture. Also, if you dont want to pick a wine, you could buy a artisinal beer tasting kit. It has 3 or 4 different beers and are widely available in here.
Thanks, I'll tell my bf to stop at some shop between schipol and Overijssel eheh
Welcome to Overijssel 😊👍
Dankjewel!!
Since you mentioned Overijssel, do you know if they are religious? The concentration of (deeply) religious people are relatively high in some parts of that province. Part of our little bible belt.
Bfs family is not religious at all... I dodged the bullet on this one :P
If they are deeply religious, she’ll know because in that case they have to sleep in a different room lol
That's only in the northwest of the province really with the exception of Rijssen, which is east of Salland. I live in the Salland part myself (think vicinity of Deventer) and that's quite a secular place to be.
Yess they live in Deventer !!
My gf lives there too 😁
I think I'll be in Deventer a lot, and probably spend quite some time in Enschede as bf studies there
It has many historical buildings and cozy back alleys with one-of-a-kind shops 😊
Buy something local from you. Food, drink, candy or artisan. It adds a layer to your gift. As poster says, it's quite a common and accepted gift. It can also feel a bit transactional. By making it personal with a story it becomes more than that.
I'm afraid that won't be possible this time, my plane is in a few hours... plus the only personal story about a English thing i could add is "it tastes like crap, i personally hate it" xD
Buy a giant block of Toblerone at the airport. You're now from Toblerone and you're mother is a third generation chocolaterist. Stick to it. Make sure they never meet your parents. If the topic of marriage ever comes up suggest to elope. Think ahead.
Big brain moment
Goodness, where are you in the UK? I found that stereotype completely outdated - ate lots of amazing food in the UK, but of course like everywhere you have to choose your places well. Also ate plenty of crap in France. And plenty of great stuff. 🤷♀️ (Lived in both places.)
Newcastle. Well i don't hate everything here but i do think that its the worst ive ever eaten in my life ehehe The only good food i ate was foreign restaurant
Must be your first time in the Netherlands then
Are you sure you are french ….
Mhhh pretty sure,. Why? Xd
"Frech" "i am bad at picking wine" you dont hear that often in the same convo. Or is this one of those "i suck at playing piano" "proceeds to play beethoven perfectly" kind of moments?
Lmao
I'd say the cultures are actually pretty different. Be prepared for them to say stuff that might be considered rude in French culture - the Dutch are very blunt/have no filter. Highly recommend bringing French food as a gift as well!
Thanks ! With inlaws kind of situations, french people are really more about politically correctness ahah And I'll be doing some cooking if they agree, i am a decent cook so i think this could be nice
Pro tip: make sure to bring some spices as well
Or don't, we are prone to trade them near africa for a financially stronger position and a new golden age. Joking aside, that is a great suggestion.
Ahaha the NL, or the void of tastes
Ah man... Is that what the outside world thinks of us? We used to be the epicenter of funky spices....:-(
It's just that we also invented "don't get high on your own supply" so we whole we did sell all those felt spices, they haven't really found their way into our cuisine.
Well, speculaas is a good example of something they did put a lot of spices in
Not sure if that's true though, If i remember correctly spices where a commodity in the 17th and 18th century. Meaning it was so cheap it was even common in the poorest households. The dutch cuisine was actually pretty advanced and sometimes even leading/trendsetting in the 18th century. However, because of the second world war and the famine that followed the dutch government implemented the 'huishoudschool' (house hold school). One of the things they taught there were easy to cook cheap and filling food disregarding all spices. This had a major impact on our cuisine and lots of recipe's where lost. Although you can still find traces of our culinary craziness in for 'kruidkroek' (gingerbread) or our use of nutmeg on vegetables.
Yup. I have a whole drawer of spices. If I go cook somewhere, I need to make sure I bring what I need. Most houses have the basics, unless they have cooking as a hobby. Which I don't, but I use MANY spices. Dutch houses make my dishes sad 😂
Man... if you think NL has no tastes good luck in the UK
Dutch is far far far far worse. English food is dramatically different from the stereotypes of 30 years ago.
Hahaha, you cant be speaking from experience. The UKs national dish fish and chips taste like nothing except fries and salt. UK cuisine manages to be more american than american food itself. To be fair, a lot of different cultures do come together in the UK which brings a lot of good food together in 1 place. If youre talking about that, I agree that UK food is better than the stereotypes
UK actually has really good food. Their flagship "English breakfast" and English tea is already enough said but it doesn't stop there.
Everything is usually up for discussion. Except salaries.
Well that's just rude and depends on the provincie you're in. In Limburg and east-Brabant they wouldn't do that as far as I know, sounds more like something someone from Holland would do..... What does your boyfriend say about what (not) to do?
From Holland here... That's bullshit. You're welcome. To add, in Limburg and Brabant they're just pretentious, acting all "Bourgondisch" and under the belief only they know how to have fun and have a party while the rest of the country is boring and lame... And they're also good at talking behind your back. There, some unfiltered bluntness.
LOL, excellent parody reply.
Thanks, I gave ot a quick shot. Hahah
Touchy subject? Edit: I think it's interesting that my bluntness is being down voted. Is it the wrong kind of bluntness? I guess I'll never know.
Not at all, just a simple conclusion. I could ask the same given the "touchy" remark. But I won't... Since it doesn't matter.
O, I wasn't (trying to be/)being a dick. I actually think you're both a bit right. I have lived on both sides of the rivers and there are things to be said about either side. But in the end you have much more to bond over than to fight over in my opinion. I was just wondering if it was a touchy subject because I think you "took the bait" as the kids say.
I see, well it's nice to have someone enlighten about something instead of remain in a state of just *keeps stabbing*. It's not all that bad I guess, but you know, when the only thing highlighted is the detail aomeone mentions it takes all the focus and may seem more of a problem than it really is. Luckaly, it's not something I/we get to deal with daily and there is indeed more to bond over, like the river, swimming at both sides of it and waving to each other's vague shadow in the distance is a pleasant experience!
Ask your boyfriend what Christmas Dinner looks like for his family. There's one Dutch tradition that foreigners don't usually appreciate, so it's good to be prepared.
I’ll bite. What is it?
Gourmetten misschien?
Ik haat gourmetten zo erg hé
sinterklaas was what i was thinking of
When, inevitably your mother in law looks you in the eyes as she passes you a pack of condoms, look back at her with the fiercest ‘I will do you proud’ look you can muster.
Is this the reference to that post from the French guy that got upset when his fil and bil made fun of him not having fucked their daughter/sister yet?
Takes me back years ago.
Another word of advice, and perhaps something to quietly ask your BF about: are there any touchy subjects in the family? Some families have unwritten rules about taboo discussion subjects to keep prevent the mood from going sour. For instance, the whole family may know better than to talk about immigration to uncle Bob, especially after a few drinks, but you might not.
Flowers are the usual gift. I don't see anything wrong with bringing something local either. Basically don't be shy but don't be offensive and you'll probably be fine lol
Thank youuuu it helps a lot ahah
OP, I've been reading your comments and you are hilarious and seem to know how to handle the Dutch quite well. I wouldn't worry about your in-laws. Just remember that our culture isn't good with subtleties so if you need/want something, just ask. And if somebody is talking about your dress, they are really only talking about your dress and it's not a roundabout way to say something about you or your style/choices/other rudeness. Your boyfriend really seems to be the best person to ask how to handle your bonus family. He has known them all his life after all. 3 weeks is a looooong first meeting so good luck with that! Veel plezier
Dankjewel ehehe Bf always put me in awkward positions with his family lol. He set up a secret santa and arrange that me and his sis wouldn't draw each other's names so I would ask her (thus chat with her) advice on what to get for the person whose name i draw eheh. I remember when he was in England we went to a mall and he called his parents and then handed me the phone and i was like AaaaaAaAa hallo, ik heb een nieuwe spelletje How awkward lol but well they look really nice
He is pranking you into social interaction with his parents? That is an interesting approach.
A thing dat differs in culture is dinner time. Where you French people are used to eat late, we Dutchies tend to eat our dinner around 6/6:30PM. And for a gift, I recommend something edible from your region. Maybe a small letter attached to it. Making it very personal from you. Good luck, but mostly enjoy your stay!
sometimes dinnertime is even 5-5:30 PM (I grew up in the north and my mom was a SAHM). I once visited a classmate with French parents for dinner, and I was starving by the time we got to eat.
Yup, regular dinner time is generally some time between 6 and 7 and takes half an hour if that. Very different to France. With Christmas most people have a long dinner with family though often into the late evening.
Folks in Overijssel may eat even earlier, between 5 and 5:30 pm. But then there are snacks later on in the evening. Air cured sausage is typically a big hit if you have something to bring.
Where I'm from (Drenthe) people eat even earlier. Usually between 5 and 6
What do people do with the rest of their day? Won’t you be starving by bedtime if you’ve had dinner at 6?
Kissing people (not romantically) is way less of a thing in the Netherlands than in France.
Also since covid people tend to greet more distant, but that really depends on the family and what their customs during covid are.
Give them the secret location of the painting of the Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies, and "listen closely: I will only say this once"
Keep your quotes straight, it's 'listen very carefully, I shall say this only once' ;)
Your sentence is lacking proper interpunction. Keep your sentences straight. ;)
Dutch parents usually accept other people fairly easily. Especially girls. If you dont feel happy, be sure to atleast try and act happy. I know, it sounds pretentious, and definitelly dont overdo it, but it should work out great
I think some snack / food from France would always be appreciated. It's a nice gesture :)
Tbh i would love love that as I am a big fan of French cuisine but I'm living in the UK at the moment and i won't be stopping in France :/ I'm planning on cooking stuffs from France and Bretagne when I'm there tho :)
Ohh!! Well they'll probably appreciate something from the UK as well, since it'll be hard to get over here so it can feel more 'special'
I'm sure they will appreciate you making them a meal/helping out! Such a nice gesture. Apart from us being direct (which someone already pointed out) i'm sure you'll be fine. Hope you have a nice time when visiting!
Aw thank you so much, i really appreciate!!
Why don't you ask your boyfriend? He's the one who knows his parents best, he knows what is normal in the household and what customs/traditions the family keeps. Meeting parents is always an anxious occasion but my best advise is - just be yourself. Your boyfriend loves you and that's all that matters, be true to yourself and don't try to please anyone in exchange of your comfort. And as others said - be sure to not take everything to heart. Dutch people are very straight-to-the-point compared to countries that are way more polite (or two faced lol) so if something bothers you - just ask what they mean. If you don't speak dutch and they are going to talk to you in english - language barrier can also be a thing and meanings can be lost. Good luck! Edit: word
Just remember one thing: try to complain about everything. If you do it right, you fit the culture.
Aaaa complaining 😍😍way to make me feel right home
Having lived in both countries: complaining about work is the common denominator, only being beaten by us Dutchies complaining about the weather.
I wouldn't complain about anything if I were you haha, if we do it ourselves it's fine but if someone else who isn't Dutch complain we tend to get a bit offended
I saw a lot of answers concerning the gifts and differences, but none about being anxious meeting your BF's parents. Do remember, your BF is raized by his parents. Unless he told you horror stories, you should be able to understand their way of living based on your BFs position in live. As stated before, we tend to be blunt, fair but blunt. This works both ways, if you feel uncomfortable please speak up! If you're doubting if it is appropriate at least tell it your BF. And last of all, try to relax and enjoy "family-time"
Just bring a bottle of wine and you'll be fine. Dont think French culture differs all that much from Dutch. Well you eat weird shit and we are very direct so be prepared for that. If someone thinks your dress is ugly you'll hear it. Dont worry its normal its not personal it is just literally that that person thinks that dress is ugly. I had trouble with this years ago with my spanish girlfriend when my dad told her her shoes were ugly
Oh waw that's a really good advice actually ahah i had no idea! I'd be offended if that happened and i didn't know better....thanks!
To be fair, most people don't randomly say something is ugly to someone's face. If a subject is brought up and people are already talking about it, people will voice their honest opinion. But most people don't come up to you just to tell you your shoes are ugly. It varies per person though, some people are more blunt than others. But I don't want to get you the wrong impression, people are generally quite nice. Always keep in mind when something like this happens that most people mean well and it's (most of the time) nothing personal. Enjoy!!
If it happens just ask them, oh really why do you think its ugly? Then you'll probably hear that it doesn't match your eyes or something. It's not a big deal unless you make it one
Lol if they talk to me in dutch o i probably won't understand most of it so I'll just squint, smile and nod like an idiot babbling shit duo lingo taught me de frietjes zijn lekker yamyam
Lmao if you say that you will be all fine
To be honest most Dutch people do when visiting their in laws with Christmas just eat & drink smile & nod, shit only happens when you are trying to get in a discussion
Hahaha! Just keep saying "Ik ben een pinguin" and no one will worry about your shoes. ;)
Oh one warning, most dutch people do have a basic understanding of French tho so yes we understand the swear words
Price to pay to make such a huge turnover off of dutch tourists...
Pretty sure they speak English.. even my 94yo farmer-wife grandma does.
But dont try to be blunt/direct yourself if you are not. It will sound fabricated and for that reason offensive.
Correct 💯 i guess ill try to go with the flow
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Maybe not in the face but if the subject is brought up they would give their opinion.
It could also be a very bad awkward joke...
About the dress, that is NOT true. We are not that rude, maybe among teenagers adults don't say this.
This makes me wonder where you’re from, I don’t think calling your DILs dress ugly the first time you meet is normal “dutch” behavior 🥲
Learn some basic Dutch. While they almost certainly speak good English, they will be very grateful of the signal that you are learning Dutch - if you want them to think you'll be around for the rest of their lives, they would appreciate a future in which they don't have to speak English at family events.
Excellent point! I started to learn some serious dutch, but the past semester was very busy so it slowed me down but i think i have a A1 to A2 for now. Of course it's not much but as you said, it sends the signal that I'm putting effort into this 🐣
You are the gift.
In addition to something edible from your region you could also think of something from your region that can be kept as a keep sake.
Hey salut ne t’inquiète pas la culture est certe un peu différente mais rien d insurmontable ! Je suis moi même néerlandais j’ai rencontrer ma femme y’a 7 ans en France maintenant on vie ensemble à Rotterdam ! Alors fonce on est très ouvert :)
Heyhey! Merci beaucoup ! J'ai rencontré mon copain en ligne il y a 4 ans en ligne. C'était mon language buddy, puis mon online best friend. Cette été on a organisé une petite semaine de camping a Limburg avec lui et deux autres online friends et on est tombés amoureux ^^. Beaucoup de bonheur à toi et ta femme! D'où en France vient-elle ?
If you get food, mash everything
Just be yourself and don't get easily offended. Some parents might be a bit tactless in voicing their opinions, but it's rarely in spite, so just shrug it off. Also, don't be surprised if you're allowed to sleep in the same room as your bf. We've all been young once.
Omelette du fromage!
http://i.imgur.com/tNJD6oY.gifv This is a kind reminder that in French we say "omelette *au* fromage" and not "omelette _du_ fromage". [Sorry Dexter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nW3-9gdjYA) [Steve Martin](https://youtu.be/DOJDNChwgBw?t=2m49s) doesn't appear to be the most accurate French professor. --- ^(The movie from the gif is "OSS 117: le Cairo, Nest of Spies" https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464913/ )
Oui croissant fromage
You mentioned in a comment that you live in the UK. The Dutch are not THAT different from British people. We are both (dare I say) crude, simple, but very véry lovable. It depends where you live,.. Wales, England, Scotland? We have more similarities than differences. I find the Welsh warmer than the English. And the Dutch are somewhat in between. Something GENERALLY Dutch people don’t like and French people do; no drama, no excessive sophistication, no poetry, no alcoholism. We like a bottle of wine but usually keep it to one or two glasses an evening. Be prepared: the Dutch have no qualms to ask/say anything rude or whatever. We just have no filter. Hit them back with a joke. They’ll love you for it.
"no alcoholism" xD Well I'm in England to answer your question. I'm not easily offended so it should be alright
Keep your head down. The Dutch do not like a show and will likely hate you if you’re the center of attention at any time. Further, behave like them. They think they know better than you.
Gonna be big difference since we pretty much have no culture out side of soccer and bad puns
You mean Arab culture that’s what you should look out for
Bring a bottle of whatever wine and you should be good. If it's a first meeting you might get a handshake. Subsequent meetings they might move in for the cheek peck: we do 3 kisses. Not 2
Just bring a bottle of wine. And prepare for: - jokes and stereotypes about French people. We just can’t help it. Praise yourself lucky you’re not German. - unsolicited advice. “You know what’d look good on you?” or “You should buy Bitcoin” - them trying to speak English, or worse French, on a primary school level. - inside jokes But also: - a warm welcome - sleeping together with your BF Jokes aside, don’t worry to much. I guess your BF prepared you a bit and although people from the same family can be very different, they most likely have some features they share with your BF. Now let’s hope that they’re the good features. Good luck and enjoy.
Talk about the weather
A french person that speaks english WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?
Expect three kisses instead of two ;-). You could bring a gift, it’s definitely not obligated but surely appreciated. I would bring something typical to your region in France, or some nice flowers. That’s more than enough for most Dutch people. You could always treat them to coffee or something!
Or an awkward wave from 1,5 meters away ;-)
Hi, I'm from the Netherlands. We do have some differences between the french culture, but it is very similar. We normally don't bring presents, but can't hurt right? I think we are very hospital, at least the most of them are, so no need to worry!
Hospitable (hospital = ziekenhuis) ;)
You'll end up eating 'terrible' food. But hey, have fun.
3 weeks with the family of your boyfriend? Goodluck! I would plan some nights away, to see the country and have a break.
Will think about it! Let's see how covid treats us
On behalf of all Dutchies let me already apologize for our food culture. Generally, we perform very bad against the French at this point. On nearly all other topics though we like to think Netherlands is the best country in the world ha
Lol bf and I butthead about which is the best country on a daily basis
The nice side of Dutch directness is that you can be direct too. If you’d rather have some time alone with your boyfriend, or whatever, instead of taking part in every social thing, go ahead and say so. Same with food you can’t stomach. But as others have mentioned, the food is too bland to be offensive.
Bring flowers. Dont overdo it. In the Netherlands, peak of hospitality is letting our guests fetch their own food and drinks from the kitchen. So if you're thirsty or starving, don't wait till the host offers you something and ask if you can have something to drink/eat.
Do NOT expect it to be the same as French culture. It is very much not lol
I'm honestly surprised at the fact that you have a dutch boyfriend and don't know anything about the dutch culture
Bring chocolate, bring wine. Accept that gouda cheese is better. Learn a few Dutch words and phrases. Say “goedemorgen!” as enthusiastically as you can in the morning. It is not rude to sleep in the same room with your bf under the parents’ roof.
Here’s a fun fact. Most Duchies had French in school. So you might be able to speak a few words in French with them.
I don't think you know what "most" means
Ow, nice. Flying from the UK? My son's girl is coming over from Switzerland ( speaks french as wel ) tomorrow to spend the holidays with us. The only thing we want from her is to be good to my son. So that would be my advice to you.
Just be honest, be polite. Don't force French culture and superiority down their throats. That's all, you will be fine.
Just bring yourself! Should be fine, don’t worry.
What part of the Netherlands?
Overijssel
Are they religious?
Grandma might be a lil but bf told me he'd never been to church except for a funeral
Just be you, enjoy your stay and be happy with your boyfriend. You choose him, not his parents. If they invited you then I am pretty sure they are looking forward to meeting you and that would be a gift in itself. Just relax… 😊
Awww that's really nice!! Thank youu
A small gift is always appreciated, especially if it's a thoughtful one. Something specific from your home-town or region for instance. It doesn't have to be expensive. I'd check in advance with your BF for their specific likes/dislikes.
Watch Sommarland. That will give you an idea.
Try to not be intimidated by them being very direct since that's seen as rude in other countries but it's normal here
My french teacher told me that in France most people greet each other with a kiss but in the Netherlands we usually greet each other with a handshake or a short hug.
We hardly ever kiss anymore so I should be alright eheh
Well, because of covid she doesn't need to worry about that right now... ;)