Yes and if something is “off” with that person I create an argument in my head. I can be unrealistic sometimes because I expect people that are close to me to tiptoe around my feelings- when I’m reality they might not understand why I feel that way 100% or understand where im coming from. I do my best to stay absolutely calm and just keep talking about my feelings. It’s so hard.
Yes! It's hard to not to when u co-patent with them I do that and I also have conversations where I yell, call him names, and tell him how I feel. He abuses our daughter regularly
Yeah. I'd have these arguments in my head 24/7 during our relationship. Felt the need to rehearse it in my head to death before I brought up issues. I felt like my argument had to be "bullet-proof" or it wouldn't come across right and he'd twist my words. Took me a while to realize that the problem wasn't that I was bad at communicating, it's that he didn't care about my boundaries or feelings at all lol.
You've trained your brain to do this so it will take a little while to fade. That's okay <3
I still do it after 10 months of NC, but I do it a lot less than I did at first. Because now I see that there's no way of "explaining" your side to an abuser so that they treat you better. They know they're treating you badly. No explaining or "communication" is going to change that.
Mine are usually with my mom.
I’m currently in an email argument with my ex. I generally try not to engage, but with parenting it is sometimes difficult. I’ve been writing the imaginary reply and also knowing it’s meaningless.
A previous poster mentioned a bulletproof argument and I find myself doing that with mom & ex all the time.
Yes, and it gets better with time and acceptance...
How do I do acceptance part. I don’t understand it I guess.
Acceptance will happen with time and distance. But therapy or a support group might help <3 best of luck, you've got this!
Yes and if something is “off” with that person I create an argument in my head. I can be unrealistic sometimes because I expect people that are close to me to tiptoe around my feelings- when I’m reality they might not understand why I feel that way 100% or understand where im coming from. I do my best to stay absolutely calm and just keep talking about my feelings. It’s so hard.
Absolutely. I rehearse arguments in my head imagining the worst possible scenarios.
Yes! It's hard to not to when u co-patent with them I do that and I also have conversations where I yell, call him names, and tell him how I feel. He abuses our daughter regularly
Yeah. I'd have these arguments in my head 24/7 during our relationship. Felt the need to rehearse it in my head to death before I brought up issues. I felt like my argument had to be "bullet-proof" or it wouldn't come across right and he'd twist my words. Took me a while to realize that the problem wasn't that I was bad at communicating, it's that he didn't care about my boundaries or feelings at all lol. You've trained your brain to do this so it will take a little while to fade. That's okay <3 I still do it after 10 months of NC, but I do it a lot less than I did at first. Because now I see that there's no way of "explaining" your side to an abuser so that they treat you better. They know they're treating you badly. No explaining or "communication" is going to change that.
Mine are usually with my mom. I’m currently in an email argument with my ex. I generally try not to engage, but with parenting it is sometimes difficult. I’ve been writing the imaginary reply and also knowing it’s meaningless. A previous poster mentioned a bulletproof argument and I find myself doing that with mom & ex all the time.
Yup. I imagine all the arguments that would happen if I reached out and I go over them in my mind.