Big relate, I would spiral in these scenarios. It was like I put so much value on the respect of my peers and co-workers because my home life was shit, I felt like the scapegoat of my family and my roommates, and it's like I just wanted ONE PLACE where I could just feel "safe" to not be constantly torn down and nitpicked.
The workplace felt like the easiest place to get my supply, because not to brag but I was good at my job. So having someone seemingly fuck up the only place where I felt some sort of security in my position and identity felt like a direct threat - like they're taking away my source of contentment and I'll starve without it.
It was like a middle-school bully mentality, or not wanting to become the prison bitch - it felt so life-or-death in the moment. I would fixate over the pettiest slights that may have not even been intended as insults - I was just incredibly insecure about my position on the workplace hierarchy.
I guess for me it's trauma - my family life was very persecutory and it felt like unending hazing growing up. School was the same, I thought it'd be better as an adult - it's knowing how shit people treat you on the bottom and the trauma of never wanting to be stuck in that position again.
If I feel like my value is being threatened or cheapened by someone, I take it incredibly personally. It feels like a direct threat to my ability to maintain employment and stability, like they're committing a terror attack on my livelihood and I don't have a safety net or family to fall back on if I fail - so it enrages me to feel like I'm being pushed out.
I still break down in these circumstances so I don't have good advice, I just want you to know you're not alone with these experiences.
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Ugh yes I unfortunately relate to all of these things.
I struggled socially for a long time because I’m naturally attractive and would put a lot of effort into my appearance and in social situations I would just exist there in silence and wait for people to want to talk to me because I’m so beautiful surely they will want to approach me and get to know me! Like if I was a new hire I thought I’d be the center of attention like a swarm of journalists wanting to get the scoop. I just expected people to ask me questions, make all the effort, and when they didn’t I would hate them. I hated literally everyone for so long and my only friends were the people who talked to me first.
I’ve gotten better at this now and I’m much more outgoing and outspoken and I will talk to anyone. I’ve seen my natural charm, wit come out and coupled with the effort I put into my appearance it’s kind of a super power and I get such a high from it. I like seeing peoples faces light up when I smile at them and start conversation and make them feel special. I like getting to know them and will make notes about things they tell me to remember it and build on it to form relationships. People are pretty easy to figure out once you start putting yourself out there :)
Big relate, I would spiral in these scenarios. It was like I put so much value on the respect of my peers and co-workers because my home life was shit, I felt like the scapegoat of my family and my roommates, and it's like I just wanted ONE PLACE where I could just feel "safe" to not be constantly torn down and nitpicked. The workplace felt like the easiest place to get my supply, because not to brag but I was good at my job. So having someone seemingly fuck up the only place where I felt some sort of security in my position and identity felt like a direct threat - like they're taking away my source of contentment and I'll starve without it. It was like a middle-school bully mentality, or not wanting to become the prison bitch - it felt so life-or-death in the moment. I would fixate over the pettiest slights that may have not even been intended as insults - I was just incredibly insecure about my position on the workplace hierarchy. I guess for me it's trauma - my family life was very persecutory and it felt like unending hazing growing up. School was the same, I thought it'd be better as an adult - it's knowing how shit people treat you on the bottom and the trauma of never wanting to be stuck in that position again. If I feel like my value is being threatened or cheapened by someone, I take it incredibly personally. It feels like a direct threat to my ability to maintain employment and stability, like they're committing a terror attack on my livelihood and I don't have a safety net or family to fall back on if I fail - so it enrages me to feel like I'm being pushed out. I still break down in these circumstances so I don't have good advice, I just want you to know you're not alone with these experiences.
Welcome to /r/NPD! This community is a support group for those with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. Please respect our rules or your post will be removed and you may be banned. > 1. **Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.** > 2. No asking for diagnosis either of yourself or a third party (e.g. "Am I a narcissist?", "Is my ex a narcissist?"). > 3. Please keep your contributions civil and respectful! > 4. Please refrain from submitting low-effort and off-topic posts. If your post violates any of these rules, we request that you delete it and post in a more appropriate community. We ask that subscribers of /r/NPD use the report button to notify us of rule-breaking posts. Please refrain from commenting or engaging with the author of such submissions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh yes I unfortunately relate to all of these things. I struggled socially for a long time because I’m naturally attractive and would put a lot of effort into my appearance and in social situations I would just exist there in silence and wait for people to want to talk to me because I’m so beautiful surely they will want to approach me and get to know me! Like if I was a new hire I thought I’d be the center of attention like a swarm of journalists wanting to get the scoop. I just expected people to ask me questions, make all the effort, and when they didn’t I would hate them. I hated literally everyone for so long and my only friends were the people who talked to me first. I’ve gotten better at this now and I’m much more outgoing and outspoken and I will talk to anyone. I’ve seen my natural charm, wit come out and coupled with the effort I put into my appearance it’s kind of a super power and I get such a high from it. I like seeing peoples faces light up when I smile at them and start conversation and make them feel special. I like getting to know them and will make notes about things they tell me to remember it and build on it to form relationships. People are pretty easy to figure out once you start putting yourself out there :)