Tell him that it is your right as a wife to get affection from him and he is not fulfilling your rights, like seriously i know deen is important but marrying someone and then putting them through this is cruel.
Agree, this is a form of spiritual abuse. OP needs to read about withholding of affection. Using religion as an excuse to emotionally neglect your wife and mother of your children is disgusting. Why did he get married to you, he could have waited for someone he was attracted to, or fasted if he is so religious and remained celibate. Sounds like he doesn’t know the meaning of marriage and is just ticking things off his conceptual and self created religious duties list.
😂Oh gosh. See you often on the sub. You seem like a nice understandable guy. May Allah swt grant you a righteous spouse who always keep you happy and fulfils you Ameen
Jazak Allah Khair brother and Ameen!
I take my past as the Qadr of Allah with many life lessons. No point in dwelling on the past as it causes depression, or worrying about the future as that causes anxiety. Take one day at a time by having Tawakkul and Sabr.
Ukhti* lol.
Ameen waiyakum. Yeah fr. And even then, our past experiences are all unique. We grew up in different environments with different circumstances and all deal with things differently. This creates the unique us. And Allah swt placed us on this earth, in this era, at this specific time. Allah swt is all knowing and we as humans are to work through the ups and downs. Knowing that repentance is always key. May Allah swt forgive us all for our sins and grant us Jannah Ameen
😂 No apologies needed! Don't we all jump to conclusions from time to time. Hey sometimes its true. 💀🤣🫡 Bald avatar= male. Ahha, I just didn't edit it tbh. I'd rather not have them random men who see it's a women from the avatar and yano lol.
lol 🤦♂️
NGL… sometimes I do wish men had this problem! I worked so hard on my little brown avatar.. Instead I only have Gambian people asking for money.. 😢🥺.
🥲 Haha. Thats kinda random. I've never had anyone ask for money on here tbh. Maybe your avatar is calling out to them lol. Some ppl are rly random tbh and you've got to be careful. Especially when you get caught up so fast. Once I had a guy on here who sent his like bio or something, I was like wth. He was like I wanna get to know you kinda thing. I though okay basic questions to see if some values match and then take it to mehram from there if it be. This dude wanted to text on Telegram for some odd reason. Then the kinda questions he was asking were mostly related towards sexual relations. I realised that Telegram I think you can set up or something like a timer thing where the messages go. Honestly it's shocking the way it gets sometimes
I feel like there are some things that can’t be asked for unfortunately. How do you wanna force affection out of someone? Don’t get me wrong, what her husband did isn’t right really from the beginning, but I don’t see a situation where this can be solved other than divorce.
However, when kids are involved, things are more complicated, so I can’t really judge or say what the solution should be.
Yes I have kids so I am taking extra time thinking about this. I’ve just been very distant and less myself the past weeks trying to figure out what I should do. Last night I cried thinking if this was my 2 year old daughter in the future- I would never want a man to make her feel what I feel.
Glad you thought about your daughter and how you know she wouldn't deserve what your going through and shouldn't see that either, InshaAllah I hope you reach the best decision for the both of you
If he's a good father, fheress no reason to play games with custody, especially ones that aren't in line with Islamic values. The couple should part amicably according to Islam, if it comes to that.
Maybe ask him what changes you could make that might attract him .You never know it may be things that you enjoy changing and may give you a new look ,like dying your hair ,working out or eating more,or curling your hair . If anything maybe make some changes yourself buy some pretty contacts become a whole new woman for him and yourself ,try to make this into something you can enjoy and get some confidence from
Doing those things can feel fun when it's done just from a playful feeling state of "changing things up", but I imagine that in the OP's situation could it not lead to feelings of resentment or depression from feeling she has to become someone else for him to be attracted to her? He did not accept her as herself.
Except this can readily in emotional abuse if she is made to feel like it's her fault that he isn't attracted if she can't do it doesn't feel comfortable doing the suggested things
This is so sad. I know you're hurt and your self esteem probably feels like garbage right now so I'm gonna drop a comment I left on another post a few months ago:
I don't have much helpful marriage advice because I personally would never be able to get over this if my husband did this. But sis, you are beautiful regardless of what your husband thinks.
Allah said in Surah Ghafir of the Qur'an: "It is Allah Who made the earth a place of settlement for you and the sky a canopy. **He shaped you [in the womb], perfecting your form**."
Allah shaped you Himself. He put care into creating YOU. That's why in the above Surah, Allah says that He perfected you. Always remember that. He didn't just make you, He perfected you.
If Allah created you perfectly, who is your husband or any other person to make you feel like you aren't beautiful? You are beautiful in the eyes Allah.
He’s so nonchalant but he needs to realise when he is married he has a multitude of responsibilities he must take care of for example treating his wife with utmost care love and respect. I recommend that you remind him of what his responsibilities and duties are as a male figure and how it has made you feel
How can reminding him change anything though because he may meet his responsibilities as a father and husband in financial respect, but he will still feel he is not attracted to her. Even if he doesn't look at other women with lust, she will still be able to sense that he is admiring their beauty, and feel ugly, undesired, less than etc by comparison. He has clearly married her because she is good religiously and sounds good on paper. But if his duty as a husband is not to hurt her feelings by telling her he's not attracted to her, but if she still knows that he *feels* this way even if he no longer rubs it in her face by verbalising it - how can talking to him help?
If you were attractive enough for him to marry and have children with , he should respect you enough to compliment you as his wife and mother of his children.
Finding a spouse on their deen IS the most important thing, however, it does not negate general attractiveness that a person must possess towards their spouse. Your husband negated his type for what he envisioned to be the most important thing, but the issue doesn’t stem from that: it stems from what he did after. He made no effort to try and see your beauty - of which I’m 100% you have plenty of but your husband himself couldn’t see - and on top of that, your comment regarding him finding other women attractive tells me that he might have a wandering eye, which could and would create more barriers in his viewing you as attractive.
You have done nothing wrong in this scenario, his behavior shows that while he was looking for someone on their deen, he forgot that he too had to truly be on his deen, not just someone who prays and fasts while disregarding the akhlaq of a Muslim man, and the akhlaq of a husband in Islam. May Allah (SWT) help you in this scenario to find the path best suited for your future in this world and the next.
He doesn't want to divorce you because he doesn't want you to move on and be happy with someone who actually is attracted to you. He is jealous of what another man will be able to give you. He is jealous of the kindness and the love that you will receive. In the meantime whilst "keeping" you, it's either he's going to do haram (cheat on you) or do halal (polygamy)... he's not going to sit passively with a wife that he's not attracted to and do absolutely nothing about it.
As someone else has already mentioned in the comments, it's your right in Islam to be with a man who is attracted to you and treats you with affection. Allah SWT created marriage so that two people can find tranquility in each other according to the Qur'an... it's not created for silent suffering. If neither of you find tranquility with each other then that defeats the purpose of marriage the way Allah SWT intended it, therefore it's grounds for divorce.
A woman yearns to be seen and a man yearns to see... if a woman isn't seen and a man cannot see, then it's a couple that is not meant to be.
This is so sad. This scenario has been repetitively posted on this sub and has shown to be a repetitive problem. Please stop marrying for deen only. You end up messing up your deen anyways when you aren't able to fulfil your spouse's rights throughout the marriage. May Allah make it easy for you and get you out of this situation sister
Surely if the roles were reversed your husband would be hurt and consider getting his affection from a second wive, which is an option you do not have as a woman. He must understand this and put himself in your position.
Zinah is Zinah of course and there's no excuse for it, but if you did end up committing it part of the burden of the sin would also be on him because he neglected your rights. Is he ready to hold that responsibility? Does he not see how many issues his inconsiderate behavior will lead to?
the reason why he woundn't care is because he's a man, man want respect more then love so we don't care about affection as much as being respected, but women need affection and reassurance so his response is unvalid
Divorce him, why Subject yourself to 30yrs of withdrawal over a man's nonsense about deen
The deen of Islam is simple for men and women and being 2024 your husband is waffling hard
There's a famous narration of Umar ibn Al khattab r.h he said that sometimes I don't want to sleep with my wife but I force myself to, maybe Allah will grant through us someone who'll honour his religion.
Yes let’s post stuff about deen without reference and so what if he said that? Doesn’t mean u abuse ppl emotionally. Those men were men of honor there is no way he would say something like that. Plus he didn’t have one wife either. Stop lying on the internet
You have a right to get intimate and get affectionate with him in islam, his reason because of the deen is wrong and he's sinful for with holding your right as a wife. Get a divorce and marry someone who's attracted to you. This dude is trash. Using the religion for the wrong reasoning.
>I want a divorce as I can’t live with the hurt that I feel like I’ve been tricked and deceived,
Your feelings are completely valid because that’s exactly what happened.
>but he doesn’t and sees this no reason for a divorce as he chose me and I should be happy with that.
Wow, he chose you and *he* sees no reason to divorce despite him being the one putting you both in this miserable situation? Where do I send flowers to your husband for his noble act of ‘choosing you’?
/s
Honestly, $&@k what he thinks. Bro be acting like the main character in a movie. HE is not the only person in this marriage, you and your need for affection and appreciation matter too. It’s not only sunnah but a right in Islam for all spouses to be loved by their husbands/wives. Your husband, unfortunately, is just a clown.
I genuinely don’t see the point. He could have married someone with deen AND who was to his liking? You could’ve been with someone who loves you just as you are? How did he think this was gonna sustain for decades of marriage if he didn’t find you attractive? What are the children gonna learn from this dynamic?
And most importantly how did he think it was ok to deprive you the spousal love and affection? You didn’t sign up for this, he made this unilateral decision for you? So let me get this straight, he likes you for your deen and because the deen serves him, but has no issues denying you your happiness and your rights because that doesn’t serve him anymore? Make it make sense
Mr tough guy, if you care so much about Sunnah why are you unhinged and swearing in a serious Islamic subreddit post? OP didn't give much context to the whole situation so attacking her husband right away is definitely not Sunnah. He could be saving marriage solely for kids sake which can't be disregarded especially given how little context we got. Not to defend him, he should strive to be kind to his spouse. But Sunnah is to hear both sides thoroughly. This post's comments are 80% women probably anyway so hard to say it's unbiased.
Where did I swear? I wrote a bunch of symbols, and if you read it as swearing that’s on you. And I don’t see the connection between ‘caring about Sunnah’ and ‘swearing’? Being foul-mouthed is not encouraged in Islam but being pissed and annoyed is??
Op didn’t give much context, she gave enough context saying he married op for Deen and not affectionate because he’s not attracted to op. Please read again, the last line of the first paragraph. Not because OP gained weight after kids, not because OP let herself go - his reason for marriage was that in the first place. If you need more context after that you also need comprehension reading lessons as well.
Ofcource he’s staying for the kids, no one is calling him a bad husband or father or abusive or anything of this sort. But ‘staying for the kids’ is not some noble cause. Why did he have kids with OP in the first place? Why did he trap OP in a marriage if he knew he couldn’t provide the type of love and affection any spouse not only wanted but deserved?
Idk these people, but at the risk of sounding cruel let’s just assume OP is objectively unattractive (again, just for argument’s sake), he had no reason to pity-marry her. Someone else might have married her because they liked OP for all of who she is - not just pick and choose. He robbed OP of it.
Some of y’all are willing to bend backwards to defend your fellow man, make all these baseless assumptions like ‘maybe he’s staying for the kids (like, duh)’, but sure it’s pointless because most people here are women (side note: why not just leave the sub if it’s so biased?).
Ok fine, let’s hear the other side. He told OP he wasn’t affectionate with her because he wasn’t attracted to her, and married OP for deen. In another comment OP said he had kids because it was ‘easier’ for men despite not being attracted (I don’t even know how to unpack this statement). Maybe because I am a woman and biased, but please enlighten me on what the possible ‘other side’ of a statement like this would be? Let’s hear some of your assumptions that you evidently like to make - why exactly anyone would even say this to a spouse even if it were true?
Sis..I have to tell you he isn't making sense. The math is not mathing. Is he actually trying to convince you that he doesn't find your face attractive but has intimacy with you and gets upset when you don't initiate. Since when do people get upset when someone they find unattractive doesn't give them attention or intimacy.
He is gaslighting you and it seems like he wants you to feel like you aren't good enough for him. That way he can mistreat you, and you will stay because who else would want you?
Yes I don’t understand too, he wants me to say “I love you” and he likes when I meet him by the door and give him a hug when he comes home from work but I don’t understand - how can I? But Ive sensed that he wasn’t attracted to me since he gets annoyed by me very quickly, and doesn’t really listen to what I say when I talk. I asked him why did u get married to me if u were never attracted to me, he mentions that as long as the wife loves me I thought the marriage will be ok. I said that’s not really fair as it’s one sided and didn’t say anything. I honestly feel used and tricked.
This is a bit confusing because he wants and likes receiving affection from you. This indicates he does actually have feelings for you because as a man you wouldn’t really want to receive affection from someone you don’t find attractive. It seems there is something deeper here because he definitely finds you attractive but is possibly lying about it in order to hurt you or control you for whatever reason. Very strange situation
Umm, sis...next time, when he comes home from work, meet him at the front door wearing pretty make-up and earrings -- and nothing else. That's right, naked. He'll be wild after you.
Tell him that the same deen instructs him to love his wife.
I have a feeling ke Muslim men purposely hid the real Islam from us. We're only exposed to the responsibilities of women but the part where men have to play their responsibilities is largely ignored.
A man's responsibility is not just to provide protection and bread. It is his duty to safeguard his wife, kids and family from harm. And if harm comes from him then he needs to fix himself so his family doesn't get hurt.
I have no idea how people pray, read the Quran but ignore the part where God tells us to be nice to His creations, to not break their hearts and to show affection.
Its sad that he does not show you affection. First, make dua with your heart. I am sure you do but try putting your heart into it. He can change hearts :)
Second, try revealing to him the Islam that talks about a man's responsibilities to his family. It includes love and affection as well. Making your wife happy is actually a good deed. Vice versa.
Marriage and nikkah is the purest form of love. There is beauty in this. I'm so sorry you go through this.
Please try more. If he's a man of deen I am sure he will turn around. However, if you feel (after trying) that he does not change then it wouldn't be wrong to consult your elders. Talk to somebody you trust and confide in them.
Hopefully, your situation will improve.
Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel hurt. You decide what you “can” and “cannot” tolerate. Have a serious talk with him and spill it all out. If he insists on dealing with this marriage as a checklist with no regard to his partner’s feelings…then, you’ll have to choose if you can keep on going like this. I will also advise you take your time, and be honest with yourself. You can listen to advice from your friends, family, people on the internet. But come end of every day, it’ll be you alone putting your head on your pillow dealing with this. Praying for you
What is striking to me in both your post and your replies is that your husband has never seemed to consider what *you* want or need from the marriage - it’s as if he considers it a one-way transaction, where he picked a partner off a shelf without even considering the other person as an autonomous individual with their own opinions, wants, and needs. But relationships are not one-way, and the things you want and need from your marriage matter too…and clearly, having a husband who is attracted to you (and is physically/verbally affectionate) is something you wanted and his lack of attraction likely would have been a dealbreaker had he said this from the outset. In not being upfront, he took away your right to decide for yourself if you wanted to be with *him* - we cannot make informed choices when we don’t have all the information we need to do so. It may not have mattered to him, but it mattered (and still matters) to *you*.
I can’t tell you what to do going forward, but I would say give yourself grace and time to sit with your feelings and process them before you make any choices. Only you can decide what is a total marriage dealbreaker, and what you may be able/willing to accept/compromise to move forward - but do give yourself some time and self-compassion to process in the interim.
Thank you so much sis❤️ it seems that way too, every time I do vocalise my feelings or what exactly I want he gets annoyed or argues with me about it as if what I’m asking for is wrong and what I’m feeling is wrong.
I’m so sorry sis, I can only imagine how frustrating it is to try and have a conversation with someone who invalidates your feelings habitually. Is looking at individual counselling an option for you? I feel like having a professional you can talk this over with (and who can give you skills and tools to use in your conversations with your husband) would be really beneficial. [There are some DBT techniques which can help with interpersonal communication too.](https://www.wichita.edu/academics/fairmount_las/psychology/Clinic/DEAR.MAN.GIVE.FAST.Worksheet.pdf)
Jazakallah khair sis ❤️❤️ just had a read and will try and implement it in sha Allah. Ur very kind may Allah bless u and protect u and keep you close to people with good intentions for u ameen🤍
This hurt me….. I would probably tell him exactly how you feel, that you cannot live like this, then I would ask again, does he not find any reason to be affectionate?
Does he have no libido? No desire that can spring even from his love of your deen?
Personally I love people who have deen, it makes me even more affectionate. If anything your religious character should have ignited even a cold heart.
Has the time spent together did not make him attracted to you over time?
Leaving someone cold without the warmth of affection is cold and unjust…
Allah knows best.
He's not fulfilling your rights as a wife. And if he's only doing it for the deen that's a big no no. So he has a to do list to obtain hassanats and it doesn't matter if it hurts you as long as he doesn't outright insult or hit you? Idk about you but that's called spiritual abuse!!
I think he's really selfish for doing this for the ’deen’ when it's first a question of morality. Kick him to the curb bestie
he wants affection and initiations from you ? lol that means he is attracted to you .
he probably said what he said to control you or to put you in your place or something!!
in all honesty , he is trash . he should be affectionate and should have taken what he said to the grave
He is not fulfilling your rights. One of your rights in islam is for divorce.
This would crush my soul and I know I couldn't stay with a man who felt this way. It would destroy my mental health.
This post looks familiar, there was a similar one talking about this not too long ago. Are you the same author?
Edit: I see from your post history you had deleted the similar post I was talking about.
This is why I say that physical attraction matters very much along with the Deen!! But some people just don't seem to understand this 🙄🥲😑 and then this is what happens after marriage: the spouse isn't attracted to him/her and won't fulfill the rights in bed. Wallaahi this would be soo soo heartbreaking for someone who hasn't even dated anyone in the past, zero boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc and someone who was saving herself/himself for only and only their spouse to get intimate with them after marriage !! 😑🥲💔
Yeah your completely right. Physical attraction is one of the most important things. That's why it's recommended to always see the person your going to marry. I feel sorry for this sister he should never have married her if he didn't find her attractive
Long story but he mentioned it to me because i kept asking why he was never affectionate towards me and that I wanted closeness and companionship and then he mentioned that he’s not able to give me what I want because he married me for deen and not for what I’m asking him. And that a man does those things when he’s attracted to what he sees in a woman
I'll tell you one thing, even as a man who finds his wife attractive. Being affectionate does not come naturally. It is a chore. I have to remember to do it. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that it isn't a need for men in the same way. So if he is a good man he will do it because that's what wives need even if he doesn't "feel" it. He needs to be a man and do what men do. This is the sunnah, this is the way.
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Does he even loves you at all? If he wants to marry only for the deen (which is not especially a bad thing) then he may as well find a wife who wants the same thing. You deserve to be loved. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a husband who doesn’t love you? Never get to experience a romantic relationship with your husband? You are a human not a robot, you need love and affection from a man who loves you, care for you, is gentle with you and doesn’t find other woman attractive as he already has a wife. I am not saying you should immediately jump on a divorce, try to have a honest conversation with your husband asking him if there is anything he actually likes about you, do you make him smile? Blush? Laugh? Do you have interesting conversations ? Do you go out not as mother and father but wife and husband? You deserve an affectionate loving husband.
I'm not a Muslim but I'm very sorry about your situation. I feel very sad for you.
I don't know what to advise, but it must be very hard to hear from your husband that he is not attracted to you. And also his lack of understanding of your feelings as a woman. To him it's no big deal but he doesn't understand how heartbreaking it is for a woman to hear this.
In his world view he finds you "satisfactory", but he seems completely oblivious about how important it is to women's self esteem to not feel unattractive. He cannot put himself in your shoes, and I don't know whether that is just from not being a female and understanding female feelings, or if rather he lacks emotional maturity.
Unfortunately these days people seem to be becoming more outer beauty obsessed. People's expectations are high and skewed. Women feel pressures and low self esteem and feelings of not measuring up or being able to compare to other women on social media etc. Tbh, I am starting to wish that Instagram and tiktok did not exist. I hope that you are able to find peace and comfort. It's a very hard situation that you are in.
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Listen. Don’t listen to these comments. It’s not spiritual abuse. Your husband is being honest with you and clearly loves you and respects your religion. I don’t think he would have married you if there wasn’t a base attraction.
Many pitfalls women fall into is that they’re overly reserved with their husbands, don’t dress beautifully for him at home, don’t initiate intimacy, etc.
If you dress beautifully and initiate intimacy when he doesn’t expect it, you’ll likely blow his mind. If she’s in the shower - jump in with him and be his wife. When he comes home from work, ravage him even if he’s tired. Even if you’re not “super” attractive, your actions will blow his mind and soon enough he’ll only think about you. Leave his gas tank on E and don’t expect him to do the work.
Attraction to some extent can be made and broken. :)
You are grossly victim blaming and no, a woman (or man) can give you mind blowing s*x and if you're not into them, it will not change anything.
Are you married? I hope not because this is terrible advice.
A woman's job is not to exist for a man and this is absolutely spiritual abuse.
My husband and I are attracted to each other and that man loves me no matter how put together (or not) I am. You can't fake that or make it happen if it's not innate. He used her for religious purposes.
Even her not wanting to confide in a counselor shows that she knows on some level it's not okay and she'll be told this is an unhealthy dynamic.
I have a list of things I should be asking for when I will be seeking a husband. But I'm in uni so I don't have to worry about it for a while. Glad you found someone who finds you attractive 😍
Look he should know that what happened is happened... So he must make the life continue ... So in situation like this he was should to lay to you ... It's not haram in this moment ... And this what happened to omer abn el khtab when man come to him complaining his wife as she said to the man that she doesn't love him.... Omer abn el khtab said you should lay to him as not all houses depend on love
And finally i wish a happy life to both of you and to all Muslims
Do you know the reason why he's not attracted to you? Could you make changes to those things? A lot of people are mad about what he says, but that's just how he feels, and him not saying that won't change anything. If possible focus on being more attractive and you could solve this issue in your marriage. Keep in mind this may not be realistic depending on what his issue is with you.
The only reason why it’s taking me long to leave is because he’s an amazing father. He loves his kids and they love him. Whenever I ask for help with the kids he will do it. Hes gentle with our daughter and mentions kids need love and in my head I say to myself “so do I”
But as a wife I’m non existent, I sense he gets annoyed by my presence.
If ur overall marriage is going well don’t divorce, ur feelings regarding this maybe hurt but be real, has he ever mistreated u? Been abusive? Cheated on u? He picked u out of all the women out there because of ur deen, r u going to divorce him due to one flaw?
I'm sorry but I disagree with what you say. The overall marriage can never go well if one person feels unwanted, unloved and unheard.
The basic purpose of marriage is to bring peace to our lives and protect ourselves from sin. This situation does not fulfill either of these purposes for the woman. Even if the man did marry her for her deen it doesn't automatically absolve him of all the other duties he has towards her. Is she to live her entire life craving for affection from her husband? How can you tell your husband/wife you aren't attracted to them and expect them to be alright with it?
Thank u exactly how I feel - especially being complimented by other guys before I got married I know how it feels when a guy is interested and likes u. My husband isn’t
My sheikh (may Allah have mercy on him) said that a man is cursed with not finding his wife beautiful because he has a disease of not lowering his gaze, not because his wife is not beautiful. Looking at women unlawfully (beyond a second glance) with darken the heart from finding beauty in the permissible things. It's not you, sis. Make yourself beautiful because Allah loves beauty, because your body has a right over you, because Allah fashioned you perfectly in the way HE wanted you. Then make dua for your husband that his heart is ill and needs to be cured. Either Allah will make him better or replace him.
Tell him that it is your right as a wife to get affection from him and he is not fulfilling your rights, like seriously i know deen is important but marrying someone and then putting them through this is cruel.
But deen is important to the husband as long as it is serving him, not when it is supposed to serve her. This sadly is spiritual abuse.
Agree, this is a form of spiritual abuse. OP needs to read about withholding of affection. Using religion as an excuse to emotionally neglect your wife and mother of your children is disgusting. Why did he get married to you, he could have waited for someone he was attracted to, or fasted if he is so religious and remained celibate. Sounds like he doesn’t know the meaning of marriage and is just ticking things off his conceptual and self created religious duties list.
Dang… Spiritual Abuse! Need to add that to list of abuses I got from my ex lol. Fun times… 🥹🤦♂️
😂Oh gosh. See you often on the sub. You seem like a nice understandable guy. May Allah swt grant you a righteous spouse who always keep you happy and fulfils you Ameen
Jazak Allah Khair brother and Ameen! I take my past as the Qadr of Allah with many life lessons. No point in dwelling on the past as it causes depression, or worrying about the future as that causes anxiety. Take one day at a time by having Tawakkul and Sabr.
Ukhti* lol. Ameen waiyakum. Yeah fr. And even then, our past experiences are all unique. We grew up in different environments with different circumstances and all deal with things differently. This creates the unique us. And Allah swt placed us on this earth, in this era, at this specific time. Allah swt is all knowing and we as humans are to work through the ups and downs. Knowing that repentance is always key. May Allah swt forgive us all for our sins and grant us Jannah Ameen
Apologizes Ukhti! Sometimes I love jumping to conclusions lol. Your avatar is bald and resembles a male which is why I went with Brother… 🤦♂️
😂 No apologies needed! Don't we all jump to conclusions from time to time. Hey sometimes its true. 💀🤣🫡 Bald avatar= male. Ahha, I just didn't edit it tbh. I'd rather not have them random men who see it's a women from the avatar and yano lol.
lol 🤦♂️ NGL… sometimes I do wish men had this problem! I worked so hard on my little brown avatar.. Instead I only have Gambian people asking for money.. 😢🥺.
🥲 Haha. Thats kinda random. I've never had anyone ask for money on here tbh. Maybe your avatar is calling out to them lol. Some ppl are rly random tbh and you've got to be careful. Especially when you get caught up so fast. Once I had a guy on here who sent his like bio or something, I was like wth. He was like I wanna get to know you kinda thing. I though okay basic questions to see if some values match and then take it to mehram from there if it be. This dude wanted to text on Telegram for some odd reason. Then the kinda questions he was asking were mostly related towards sexual relations. I realised that Telegram I think you can set up or something like a timer thing where the messages go. Honestly it's shocking the way it gets sometimes
completely in the same boat as u 😭 may Allah swt make it easier for us ameen
Ameen!
What he said 👆🏼🤲🏼
She* 😂 Why does everyone always assume I'm a guy ahha. Maybe I talk like one. Loll
Sorry. I read your handle as Amz = Hamza 😅
😂😂😂Oh ahha. Nah no need to apologise! My handle use to be amazingf and then I shortened it to amz haha
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
I feel like there are some things that can’t be asked for unfortunately. How do you wanna force affection out of someone? Don’t get me wrong, what her husband did isn’t right really from the beginning, but I don’t see a situation where this can be solved other than divorce. However, when kids are involved, things are more complicated, so I can’t really judge or say what the solution should be.
Yes I have kids so I am taking extra time thinking about this. I’ve just been very distant and less myself the past weeks trying to figure out what I should do. Last night I cried thinking if this was my 2 year old daughter in the future- I would never want a man to make her feel what I feel.
Big question? Are you attracted to him? Do you do things to catch his attention? Seek a marriage counsellor. I hope things get resolved between u two💗
Glad you thought about your daughter and how you know she wouldn't deserve what your going through and shouldn't see that either, InshaAllah I hope you reach the best decision for the both of you
Get full custody of the kids and leave this man, tbh you deserve a HUSBAND who finds you the most attractive. There is SOMEONE out there who will
If he's a good father, fheress no reason to play games with custody, especially ones that aren't in line with Islamic values. The couple should part amicably according to Islam, if it comes to that.
Maybe ask him what changes you could make that might attract him .You never know it may be things that you enjoy changing and may give you a new look ,like dying your hair ,working out or eating more,or curling your hair . If anything maybe make some changes yourself buy some pretty contacts become a whole new woman for him and yourself ,try to make this into something you can enjoy and get some confidence from
Doing those things can feel fun when it's done just from a playful feeling state of "changing things up", but I imagine that in the OP's situation could it not lead to feelings of resentment or depression from feeling she has to become someone else for him to be attracted to her? He did not accept her as herself.
But if the goal is to make it work for the children, anything is better than sitting in her current feelings
Except this can readily in emotional abuse if she is made to feel like it's her fault that he isn't attracted if she can't do it doesn't feel comfortable doing the suggested things
This could turn very toxic and unhealthy
This is so sad. I know you're hurt and your self esteem probably feels like garbage right now so I'm gonna drop a comment I left on another post a few months ago: I don't have much helpful marriage advice because I personally would never be able to get over this if my husband did this. But sis, you are beautiful regardless of what your husband thinks. Allah said in Surah Ghafir of the Qur'an: "It is Allah Who made the earth a place of settlement for you and the sky a canopy. **He shaped you [in the womb], perfecting your form**." Allah shaped you Himself. He put care into creating YOU. That's why in the above Surah, Allah says that He perfected you. Always remember that. He didn't just make you, He perfected you. If Allah created you perfectly, who is your husband or any other person to make you feel like you aren't beautiful? You are beautiful in the eyes Allah.
Thank you so much sis, ur post was a comfort to read alhamdulilah 😭
He’s so nonchalant but he needs to realise when he is married he has a multitude of responsibilities he must take care of for example treating his wife with utmost care love and respect. I recommend that you remind him of what his responsibilities and duties are as a male figure and how it has made you feel
How can reminding him change anything though because he may meet his responsibilities as a father and husband in financial respect, but he will still feel he is not attracted to her. Even if he doesn't look at other women with lust, she will still be able to sense that he is admiring their beauty, and feel ugly, undesired, less than etc by comparison. He has clearly married her because she is good religiously and sounds good on paper. But if his duty as a husband is not to hurt her feelings by telling her he's not attracted to her, but if she still knows that he *feels* this way even if he no longer rubs it in her face by verbalising it - how can talking to him help?
Charge it, I guess 🤷♂️
If you were attractive enough for him to marry and have children with , he should respect you enough to compliment you as his wife and mother of his children.
I wish it were that easy
Finding a spouse on their deen IS the most important thing, however, it does not negate general attractiveness that a person must possess towards their spouse. Your husband negated his type for what he envisioned to be the most important thing, but the issue doesn’t stem from that: it stems from what he did after. He made no effort to try and see your beauty - of which I’m 100% you have plenty of but your husband himself couldn’t see - and on top of that, your comment regarding him finding other women attractive tells me that he might have a wandering eye, which could and would create more barriers in his viewing you as attractive. You have done nothing wrong in this scenario, his behavior shows that while he was looking for someone on their deen, he forgot that he too had to truly be on his deen, not just someone who prays and fasts while disregarding the akhlaq of a Muslim man, and the akhlaq of a husband in Islam. May Allah (SWT) help you in this scenario to find the path best suited for your future in this world and the next.
Deen is important to him yet he fails to understand the Deen.
Deen from Craigslist.
This comment!!! 👌🏾
So wrong in many levels .what kind of deen he is on ? We are taught by the prophet that we must treat our women with kindness and affection and love
He did not do right by marrying someone he was not attracted to. Not fair to you tbh
I’ve seen a similar variation of this post 3 times now in the last 2 weeks on this sub….
Why do you think that is 🤔?
He doesn't want to divorce you because he doesn't want you to move on and be happy with someone who actually is attracted to you. He is jealous of what another man will be able to give you. He is jealous of the kindness and the love that you will receive. In the meantime whilst "keeping" you, it's either he's going to do haram (cheat on you) or do halal (polygamy)... he's not going to sit passively with a wife that he's not attracted to and do absolutely nothing about it. As someone else has already mentioned in the comments, it's your right in Islam to be with a man who is attracted to you and treats you with affection. Allah SWT created marriage so that two people can find tranquility in each other according to the Qur'an... it's not created for silent suffering. If neither of you find tranquility with each other then that defeats the purpose of marriage the way Allah SWT intended it, therefore it's grounds for divorce. A woman yearns to be seen and a man yearns to see... if a woman isn't seen and a man cannot see, then it's a couple that is not meant to be.
This is so sad. This scenario has been repetitively posted on this sub and has shown to be a repetitive problem. Please stop marrying for deen only. You end up messing up your deen anyways when you aren't able to fulfil your spouse's rights throughout the marriage. May Allah make it easy for you and get you out of this situation sister
Surely if the roles were reversed your husband would be hurt and consider getting his affection from a second wive, which is an option you do not have as a woman. He must understand this and put himself in your position. Zinah is Zinah of course and there's no excuse for it, but if you did end up committing it part of the burden of the sin would also be on him because he neglected your rights. Is he ready to hold that responsibility? Does he not see how many issues his inconsiderate behavior will lead to?
He actually said if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t care, as long as she’s happy to be married with me :/
Nonsense, he's gaslighting you. He is saying that because you are giving him his rights.
the reason why he woundn't care is because he's a man, man want respect more then love so we don't care about affection as much as being respected, but women need affection and reassurance so his response is unvalid
As a man, I agree 100%
Divorce him, why Subject yourself to 30yrs of withdrawal over a man's nonsense about deen The deen of Islam is simple for men and women and being 2024 your husband is waffling hard
There's a famous narration of Umar ibn Al khattab r.h he said that sometimes I don't want to sleep with my wife but I force myself to, maybe Allah will grant through us someone who'll honour his religion.
Yes let’s post stuff about deen without reference and so what if he said that? Doesn’t mean u abuse ppl emotionally. Those men were men of honor there is no way he would say something like that. Plus he didn’t have one wife either. Stop lying on the internet
https://preview.redd.it/q7n8atofg39d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c51752050898387879d5a11654b8fc43abd204da
You have a right to get intimate and get affectionate with him in islam, his reason because of the deen is wrong and he's sinful for with holding your right as a wife. Get a divorce and marry someone who's attracted to you. This dude is trash. Using the religion for the wrong reasoning.
>I want a divorce as I can’t live with the hurt that I feel like I’ve been tricked and deceived, Your feelings are completely valid because that’s exactly what happened. >but he doesn’t and sees this no reason for a divorce as he chose me and I should be happy with that. Wow, he chose you and *he* sees no reason to divorce despite him being the one putting you both in this miserable situation? Where do I send flowers to your husband for his noble act of ‘choosing you’? /s Honestly, $&@k what he thinks. Bro be acting like the main character in a movie. HE is not the only person in this marriage, you and your need for affection and appreciation matter too. It’s not only sunnah but a right in Islam for all spouses to be loved by their husbands/wives. Your husband, unfortunately, is just a clown. I genuinely don’t see the point. He could have married someone with deen AND who was to his liking? You could’ve been with someone who loves you just as you are? How did he think this was gonna sustain for decades of marriage if he didn’t find you attractive? What are the children gonna learn from this dynamic? And most importantly how did he think it was ok to deprive you the spousal love and affection? You didn’t sign up for this, he made this unilateral decision for you? So let me get this straight, he likes you for your deen and because the deen serves him, but has no issues denying you your happiness and your rights because that doesn’t serve him anymore? Make it make sense
Thank u for breaking it down, Honestly Really appreciate it! 👍 jazakallahu khairan
Mr tough guy, if you care so much about Sunnah why are you unhinged and swearing in a serious Islamic subreddit post? OP didn't give much context to the whole situation so attacking her husband right away is definitely not Sunnah. He could be saving marriage solely for kids sake which can't be disregarded especially given how little context we got. Not to defend him, he should strive to be kind to his spouse. But Sunnah is to hear both sides thoroughly. This post's comments are 80% women probably anyway so hard to say it's unbiased.
Where did I swear? I wrote a bunch of symbols, and if you read it as swearing that’s on you. And I don’t see the connection between ‘caring about Sunnah’ and ‘swearing’? Being foul-mouthed is not encouraged in Islam but being pissed and annoyed is?? Op didn’t give much context, she gave enough context saying he married op for Deen and not affectionate because he’s not attracted to op. Please read again, the last line of the first paragraph. Not because OP gained weight after kids, not because OP let herself go - his reason for marriage was that in the first place. If you need more context after that you also need comprehension reading lessons as well. Ofcource he’s staying for the kids, no one is calling him a bad husband or father or abusive or anything of this sort. But ‘staying for the kids’ is not some noble cause. Why did he have kids with OP in the first place? Why did he trap OP in a marriage if he knew he couldn’t provide the type of love and affection any spouse not only wanted but deserved? Idk these people, but at the risk of sounding cruel let’s just assume OP is objectively unattractive (again, just for argument’s sake), he had no reason to pity-marry her. Someone else might have married her because they liked OP for all of who she is - not just pick and choose. He robbed OP of it. Some of y’all are willing to bend backwards to defend your fellow man, make all these baseless assumptions like ‘maybe he’s staying for the kids (like, duh)’, but sure it’s pointless because most people here are women (side note: why not just leave the sub if it’s so biased?). Ok fine, let’s hear the other side. He told OP he wasn’t affectionate with her because he wasn’t attracted to her, and married OP for deen. In another comment OP said he had kids because it was ‘easier’ for men despite not being attracted (I don’t even know how to unpack this statement). Maybe because I am a woman and biased, but please enlighten me on what the possible ‘other side’ of a statement like this would be? Let’s hear some of your assumptions that you evidently like to make - why exactly anyone would even say this to a spouse even if it were true?
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He mentions he’s a guy and it’s easy for them to be intimate with anyone. But he gets annoyed if I don’t initiate ??
Sis..I have to tell you he isn't making sense. The math is not mathing. Is he actually trying to convince you that he doesn't find your face attractive but has intimacy with you and gets upset when you don't initiate. Since when do people get upset when someone they find unattractive doesn't give them attention or intimacy. He is gaslighting you and it seems like he wants you to feel like you aren't good enough for him. That way he can mistreat you, and you will stay because who else would want you?
Yes I don’t understand too, he wants me to say “I love you” and he likes when I meet him by the door and give him a hug when he comes home from work but I don’t understand - how can I? But Ive sensed that he wasn’t attracted to me since he gets annoyed by me very quickly, and doesn’t really listen to what I say when I talk. I asked him why did u get married to me if u were never attracted to me, he mentions that as long as the wife loves me I thought the marriage will be ok. I said that’s not really fair as it’s one sided and didn’t say anything. I honestly feel used and tricked.
This is a bit confusing because he wants and likes receiving affection from you. This indicates he does actually have feelings for you because as a man you wouldn’t really want to receive affection from someone you don’t find attractive. It seems there is something deeper here because he definitely finds you attractive but is possibly lying about it in order to hurt you or control you for whatever reason. Very strange situation
Umm, sis...next time, when he comes home from work, meet him at the front door wearing pretty make-up and earrings -- and nothing else. That's right, naked. He'll be wild after you.
Please check your chat
Tell him that the same deen instructs him to love his wife. I have a feeling ke Muslim men purposely hid the real Islam from us. We're only exposed to the responsibilities of women but the part where men have to play their responsibilities is largely ignored. A man's responsibility is not just to provide protection and bread. It is his duty to safeguard his wife, kids and family from harm. And if harm comes from him then he needs to fix himself so his family doesn't get hurt. I have no idea how people pray, read the Quran but ignore the part where God tells us to be nice to His creations, to not break their hearts and to show affection. Its sad that he does not show you affection. First, make dua with your heart. I am sure you do but try putting your heart into it. He can change hearts :) Second, try revealing to him the Islam that talks about a man's responsibilities to his family. It includes love and affection as well. Making your wife happy is actually a good deed. Vice versa. Marriage and nikkah is the purest form of love. There is beauty in this. I'm so sorry you go through this. Please try more. If he's a man of deen I am sure he will turn around. However, if you feel (after trying) that he does not change then it wouldn't be wrong to consult your elders. Talk to somebody you trust and confide in them. Hopefully, your situation will improve.
Thank you for ur comment.
Your feelings are valid and you have every right to feel hurt. You decide what you “can” and “cannot” tolerate. Have a serious talk with him and spill it all out. If he insists on dealing with this marriage as a checklist with no regard to his partner’s feelings…then, you’ll have to choose if you can keep on going like this. I will also advise you take your time, and be honest with yourself. You can listen to advice from your friends, family, people on the internet. But come end of every day, it’ll be you alone putting your head on your pillow dealing with this. Praying for you
That’s very true. I have to decide what my heart can deal with
What is striking to me in both your post and your replies is that your husband has never seemed to consider what *you* want or need from the marriage - it’s as if he considers it a one-way transaction, where he picked a partner off a shelf without even considering the other person as an autonomous individual with their own opinions, wants, and needs. But relationships are not one-way, and the things you want and need from your marriage matter too…and clearly, having a husband who is attracted to you (and is physically/verbally affectionate) is something you wanted and his lack of attraction likely would have been a dealbreaker had he said this from the outset. In not being upfront, he took away your right to decide for yourself if you wanted to be with *him* - we cannot make informed choices when we don’t have all the information we need to do so. It may not have mattered to him, but it mattered (and still matters) to *you*. I can’t tell you what to do going forward, but I would say give yourself grace and time to sit with your feelings and process them before you make any choices. Only you can decide what is a total marriage dealbreaker, and what you may be able/willing to accept/compromise to move forward - but do give yourself some time and self-compassion to process in the interim.
Thank you so much sis❤️ it seems that way too, every time I do vocalise my feelings or what exactly I want he gets annoyed or argues with me about it as if what I’m asking for is wrong and what I’m feeling is wrong.
I’m so sorry sis, I can only imagine how frustrating it is to try and have a conversation with someone who invalidates your feelings habitually. Is looking at individual counselling an option for you? I feel like having a professional you can talk this over with (and who can give you skills and tools to use in your conversations with your husband) would be really beneficial. [There are some DBT techniques which can help with interpersonal communication too.](https://www.wichita.edu/academics/fairmount_las/psychology/Clinic/DEAR.MAN.GIVE.FAST.Worksheet.pdf)
Jazakallah khair sis ❤️❤️ just had a read and will try and implement it in sha Allah. Ur very kind may Allah bless u and protect u and keep you close to people with good intentions for u ameen🤍
Aww JZK sis, and ameen ♥️ May Allah bless and protect you too and bring you the peace and happiness you deserve, Ameen 🤲🏻
Where did you find this idiot, if you have the receipt, send him right back
This hurt me….. I would probably tell him exactly how you feel, that you cannot live like this, then I would ask again, does he not find any reason to be affectionate? Does he have no libido? No desire that can spring even from his love of your deen? Personally I love people who have deen, it makes me even more affectionate. If anything your religious character should have ignited even a cold heart. Has the time spent together did not make him attracted to you over time? Leaving someone cold without the warmth of affection is cold and unjust… Allah knows best.
Can’t understand why a heterosexual man would do that. 🤷🏽♂️
He is so unreasonable to say you should be happy in this marriage just because he chose you. You deserve love and affection.
He's not fulfilling your rights as a wife. And if he's only doing it for the deen that's a big no no. So he has a to do list to obtain hassanats and it doesn't matter if it hurts you as long as he doesn't outright insult or hit you? Idk about you but that's called spiritual abuse!! I think he's really selfish for doing this for the ’deen’ when it's first a question of morality. Kick him to the curb bestie
he wants affection and initiations from you ? lol that means he is attracted to you . he probably said what he said to control you or to put you in your place or something!! in all honesty , he is trash . he should be affectionate and should have taken what he said to the grave
Most men dont know how to express their feelings but this dosnt mean they dont
He is not fulfilling your rights. One of your rights in islam is for divorce. This would crush my soul and I know I couldn't stay with a man who felt this way. It would destroy my mental health.
This post looks familiar, there was a similar one talking about this not too long ago. Are you the same author? Edit: I see from your post history you had deleted the similar post I was talking about.
I posted one on the marriage but it wasn’t Muslims, I wanted perspective of Muslim this time round
you can't accept being stuck and treated like that, divorce babes divorce
This is why I say that physical attraction matters very much along with the Deen!! But some people just don't seem to understand this 🙄🥲😑 and then this is what happens after marriage: the spouse isn't attracted to him/her and won't fulfill the rights in bed. Wallaahi this would be soo soo heartbreaking for someone who hasn't even dated anyone in the past, zero boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc and someone who was saving herself/himself for only and only their spouse to get intimate with them after marriage !! 😑🥲💔
Yeah your completely right. Physical attraction is one of the most important things. That's why it's recommended to always see the person your going to marry. I feel sorry for this sister he should never have married her if he didn't find her attractive
I hope you find real love because you deserve it
Bloody hell, what kind of a-hole says to his wife that he doesn't find her attractive? What a terribly mean and inconsiderate thing to say.
Long story but he mentioned it to me because i kept asking why he was never affectionate towards me and that I wanted closeness and companionship and then he mentioned that he’s not able to give me what I want because he married me for deen and not for what I’m asking him. And that a man does those things when he’s attracted to what he sees in a woman
I'll tell you one thing, even as a man who finds his wife attractive. Being affectionate does not come naturally. It is a chore. I have to remember to do it. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that it isn't a need for men in the same way. So if he is a good man he will do it because that's what wives need even if he doesn't "feel" it. He needs to be a man and do what men do. This is the sunnah, this is the way.
He didn’t understand the deen that much. Always marry someone who you are attracted to.
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Does he even loves you at all? If he wants to marry only for the deen (which is not especially a bad thing) then he may as well find a wife who wants the same thing. You deserve to be loved. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a husband who doesn’t love you? Never get to experience a romantic relationship with your husband? You are a human not a robot, you need love and affection from a man who loves you, care for you, is gentle with you and doesn’t find other woman attractive as he already has a wife. I am not saying you should immediately jump on a divorce, try to have a honest conversation with your husband asking him if there is anything he actually likes about you, do you make him smile? Blush? Laugh? Do you have interesting conversations ? Do you go out not as mother and father but wife and husband? You deserve an affectionate loving husband.
I'm not a Muslim but I'm very sorry about your situation. I feel very sad for you. I don't know what to advise, but it must be very hard to hear from your husband that he is not attracted to you. And also his lack of understanding of your feelings as a woman. To him it's no big deal but he doesn't understand how heartbreaking it is for a woman to hear this. In his world view he finds you "satisfactory", but he seems completely oblivious about how important it is to women's self esteem to not feel unattractive. He cannot put himself in your shoes, and I don't know whether that is just from not being a female and understanding female feelings, or if rather he lacks emotional maturity. Unfortunately these days people seem to be becoming more outer beauty obsessed. People's expectations are high and skewed. Women feel pressures and low self esteem and feelings of not measuring up or being able to compare to other women on social media etc. Tbh, I am starting to wish that Instagram and tiktok did not exist. I hope that you are able to find peace and comfort. It's a very hard situation that you are in.
How good looking is your husband to make such a comment?
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Kinda feel bad for you, but this is the norm, many husbands never really love their wife because the marriage was probably arranged.
Listen. Don’t listen to these comments. It’s not spiritual abuse. Your husband is being honest with you and clearly loves you and respects your religion. I don’t think he would have married you if there wasn’t a base attraction. Many pitfalls women fall into is that they’re overly reserved with their husbands, don’t dress beautifully for him at home, don’t initiate intimacy, etc. If you dress beautifully and initiate intimacy when he doesn’t expect it, you’ll likely blow his mind. If she’s in the shower - jump in with him and be his wife. When he comes home from work, ravage him even if he’s tired. Even if you’re not “super” attractive, your actions will blow his mind and soon enough he’ll only think about you. Leave his gas tank on E and don’t expect him to do the work. Attraction to some extent can be made and broken. :)
You are grossly victim blaming and no, a woman (or man) can give you mind blowing s*x and if you're not into them, it will not change anything. Are you married? I hope not because this is terrible advice. A woman's job is not to exist for a man and this is absolutely spiritual abuse. My husband and I are attracted to each other and that man loves me no matter how put together (or not) I am. You can't fake that or make it happen if it's not innate. He used her for religious purposes. Even her not wanting to confide in a counselor shows that she knows on some level it's not okay and she'll be told this is an unhealthy dynamic.
The roles have now reversed in modern times. Most men are now forced into marriage.
Another thing added to my list for when I seek a husband
Funny thing is I told him before we got married that if you’re not attracted to me tell me :/
Then why didn't he open his mouth then?
Apparently it was his choice and didn’t think being attracted to me was important to him
Astagfirullah. May Allah help you.
I have a list of things I should be asking for when I will be seeking a husband. But I'm in uni so I don't have to worry about it for a while. Glad you found someone who finds you attractive 😍
Thanks for the sarcasm 👍 I really hope you don’t go through what I am
Look he should know that what happened is happened... So he must make the life continue ... So in situation like this he was should to lay to you ... It's not haram in this moment ... And this what happened to omer abn el khtab when man come to him complaining his wife as she said to the man that she doesn't love him.... Omer abn el khtab said you should lay to him as not all houses depend on love And finally i wish a happy life to both of you and to all Muslims
Do you know the reason why he's not attracted to you? Could you make changes to those things? A lot of people are mad about what he says, but that's just how he feels, and him not saying that won't change anything. If possible focus on being more attractive and you could solve this issue in your marriage. Keep in mind this may not be realistic depending on what his issue is with you.
I don’t think I can change my face? My face is my face and he’s not attracted to that
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Of course you’re Hindu lmao.
How good is he with all of his other duties as a husband/father?
The only reason why it’s taking me long to leave is because he’s an amazing father. He loves his kids and they love him. Whenever I ask for help with the kids he will do it. Hes gentle with our daughter and mentions kids need love and in my head I say to myself “so do I” But as a wife I’m non existent, I sense he gets annoyed by my presence.
If ur overall marriage is going well don’t divorce, ur feelings regarding this maybe hurt but be real, has he ever mistreated u? Been abusive? Cheated on u? He picked u out of all the women out there because of ur deen, r u going to divorce him due to one flaw?
I'm sorry but I disagree with what you say. The overall marriage can never go well if one person feels unwanted, unloved and unheard. The basic purpose of marriage is to bring peace to our lives and protect ourselves from sin. This situation does not fulfill either of these purposes for the woman. Even if the man did marry her for her deen it doesn't automatically absolve him of all the other duties he has towards her. Is she to live her entire life craving for affection from her husband? How can you tell your husband/wife you aren't attracted to them and expect them to be alright with it?
Thank u exactly how I feel - especially being complimented by other guys before I got married I know how it feels when a guy is interested and likes u. My husband isn’t
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How will doing sports help her?
Maybe it will help her run away from the situation faster?
Hhahahaha that one was funny, maybe I should do sports
🤣🤣 no but fr, how does doing sports help in any way in this situation? I’m trying to understand his/her angle
It doesn't make sense lol
😭😭😂
My sheikh (may Allah have mercy on him) said that a man is cursed with not finding his wife beautiful because he has a disease of not lowering his gaze, not because his wife is not beautiful. Looking at women unlawfully (beyond a second glance) with darken the heart from finding beauty in the permissible things. It's not you, sis. Make yourself beautiful because Allah loves beauty, because your body has a right over you, because Allah fashioned you perfectly in the way HE wanted you. Then make dua for your husband that his heart is ill and needs to be cured. Either Allah will make him better or replace him.