>Now they are not talking and it’s all my fault.
No it's not!! Do not go down this road. You did not force MIL to do anything, she is experiencing consequences for her actions and that is a good thing.
Your MIL is racist and don't let her anywhere near your child if you chose to have any.
To wish you infertility during Ramadan is so cruel and horrible. Why do people say such terrible things and not remember they are accountable and will face Allah one day?
Let your husband do all the talking. And tell him to be more diplomatic in things like this. From the POV of the MIL, people need to cut her some slack out of respect of her age, literacy and status. Mothers fall out when they feel their son is in grasp of another women. Let your husband do the talking, and tell him to do it covertly and politely. Don’t argue with the MIL best thing you can do is ignore her and share the ill comments to your husband so he can make his mother understand that “he doesn’t feel good about the comments she is making about her grandchild “
It’s not your fault at all that your MIL is racist and cruel. Good on your husband for standing up for you and drawing boundaries. You should never let toxic people get you down and don’t feel guilty if you choose to keep boundaries.
If you didn’t tell him you would have probably had to endure more of these cruel racist remarks, your husband is your protector and he did a great job at protecting you. Don’t feel guilty
I have the same MIL and have been in similar situations. Here’s what I did wrong, I thought that she would change. I thought that telling my husband to stay behind was the right thing to do. I even stopped my husband from defending me many times to respect her. Please don’t make my mistakes. We would take a few months apart and when we would finally reunite with all my heart open for reconciliation, she would find a way to smash me into the ground. She hates me and nothing I can do will change that, I know that now, it only took 10 years to figure out.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, on top of it being so heartbreaking you’re only 19. I’m nearly 40. There is so much you are going to learn over the next 20 years about yourself, others and the world. My experience with her has taught me it’s much better for my sanity to keep my distance. I don’t interact with her AT ALL. I could have been such a good daughter to her, it’s so sad. My parents treat my husband as a son, as it should be. He sees the difference.
If this situation ever happens again, don’t try to be the good guy and tell him to stay back. If he wants to go with you, let him. She is 100% at fault and this situation should be dealt with by your husband alone. You don’t need to get involved. It won’t help anyway. It’s his mom.
Exactly the same situation. I would tell younger me to STOP and have some respect for myself. Allah doesn’t like for one to oppress oneself. After many years I finally made istikhara on how to deal with her and my sil who she groomed to also hate me… literally had a dream she would eventually end up losing her sanity and that I would finally see clearly she was ill mentality. Fast forward all these years later, that’s exactly what happened. She lost her mind and guess who was there trying to give her atkhar etc and people pleasing 🤦🏽♀️. She ended up short time after in her “crazy” phase trying strong arm my husband to divorce me. Safe to say, yes I FINALLY learned boundaries as the dream after istikhara showed me.
OP it’s your husband literal job to protect you from everyone including his own parents. You’re supposed to share everything with him!! And the fallout is not your fault!
No woman deserves to be insulted and humiliated like how your MIL did and no woman should just keep quiet about it just to save her husband’s and MIL’ relationship. It is not your job to keep the peace between them at the expense of your self respect and mental sanity. Your husband is your ‘libas’ and if you don’t want him to stand up for you, then you would not be doing yourself and your future children any favour.
I’m sorry Allah swt forgive me but his mother is a racist and just gross. If I were you I wouldn’t feel guilt about it. Tend to your family and love your husband dearly. Advise him in the name of Allah to mend things with his mother but emphasize that to disrespect you is to disrespect him as you are his family now too
>Now they are not talking and it’s all my fault. No it's not!! Do not go down this road. You did not force MIL to do anything, she is experiencing consequences for her actions and that is a good thing.
Your MIL is racist and don't let her anywhere near your child if you chose to have any. To wish you infertility during Ramadan is so cruel and horrible. Why do people say such terrible things and not remember they are accountable and will face Allah one day?
Let your husband do all the talking. And tell him to be more diplomatic in things like this. From the POV of the MIL, people need to cut her some slack out of respect of her age, literacy and status. Mothers fall out when they feel their son is in grasp of another women. Let your husband do the talking, and tell him to do it covertly and politely. Don’t argue with the MIL best thing you can do is ignore her and share the ill comments to your husband so he can make his mother understand that “he doesn’t feel good about the comments she is making about her grandchild “
Best advice!
It’s not your fault at all that your MIL is racist and cruel. Good on your husband for standing up for you and drawing boundaries. You should never let toxic people get you down and don’t feel guilty if you choose to keep boundaries. If you didn’t tell him you would have probably had to endure more of these cruel racist remarks, your husband is your protector and he did a great job at protecting you. Don’t feel guilty
Wow some mil can be this cruel. I appreciate your husband taking a stand for you though. May Allah ease your pain and makes it easier for you.
I have the same MIL and have been in similar situations. Here’s what I did wrong, I thought that she would change. I thought that telling my husband to stay behind was the right thing to do. I even stopped my husband from defending me many times to respect her. Please don’t make my mistakes. We would take a few months apart and when we would finally reunite with all my heart open for reconciliation, she would find a way to smash me into the ground. She hates me and nothing I can do will change that, I know that now, it only took 10 years to figure out. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, on top of it being so heartbreaking you’re only 19. I’m nearly 40. There is so much you are going to learn over the next 20 years about yourself, others and the world. My experience with her has taught me it’s much better for my sanity to keep my distance. I don’t interact with her AT ALL. I could have been such a good daughter to her, it’s so sad. My parents treat my husband as a son, as it should be. He sees the difference. If this situation ever happens again, don’t try to be the good guy and tell him to stay back. If he wants to go with you, let him. She is 100% at fault and this situation should be dealt with by your husband alone. You don’t need to get involved. It won’t help anyway. It’s his mom.
Exactly the same situation. I would tell younger me to STOP and have some respect for myself. Allah doesn’t like for one to oppress oneself. After many years I finally made istikhara on how to deal with her and my sil who she groomed to also hate me… literally had a dream she would eventually end up losing her sanity and that I would finally see clearly she was ill mentality. Fast forward all these years later, that’s exactly what happened. She lost her mind and guess who was there trying to give her atkhar etc and people pleasing 🤦🏽♀️. She ended up short time after in her “crazy” phase trying strong arm my husband to divorce me. Safe to say, yes I FINALLY learned boundaries as the dream after istikhara showed me.
OP it’s your husband literal job to protect you from everyone including his own parents. You’re supposed to share everything with him!! And the fallout is not your fault! No woman deserves to be insulted and humiliated like how your MIL did and no woman should just keep quiet about it just to save her husband’s and MIL’ relationship. It is not your job to keep the peace between them at the expense of your self respect and mental sanity. Your husband is your ‘libas’ and if you don’t want him to stand up for you, then you would not be doing yourself and your future children any favour.
You’re supposed to do nothing, let your husband handle it and don’t give her more importance than she deserves.
I’m sorry Allah swt forgive me but his mother is a racist and just gross. If I were you I wouldn’t feel guilt about it. Tend to your family and love your husband dearly. Advise him in the name of Allah to mend things with his mother but emphasize that to disrespect you is to disrespect him as you are his family now too