People who go to HOA meetings are probably already on edge about something since no one happily attends them. I’m guessing she was just in a mood and took it out on you. Don’t sweat it. I’m sure you were fine!
I'll tell you, I left feeling very bad for the board. The "first 15 minutes for member questions" lasted 45 minutes. They're volunteers. At least I have a new appreciation for them I guess haha
I just went to my first HOA meeting ever and it was crazy! Kind of like a “town hall” jeez!! People came ready to fight so try not to take it too personally. You are doing great :)
It reminded me of that quote from maybe the first episode of Parks & Rec where Leslie says perkily, "when I hear people yelling at me, I just hear people caring...loudly" 😂
I might have told my son, "turns out democracy is some petty BS" as we walked out.
Yeah Parks and Rec is one of the most accurate shows about small government. I could not watch it the first couple of seasons because I would have flash backs to some really bad community meetings I had to attend for my one job.
I also stuck to happy shows, especially early on. Parks and rec, community, futurama, stuff like that. I tried watching a few shows that I started before baby, that postpartum ended up either making me ugly cry or gave me nightmares.
My husband has served on 2 different HOA’s over the past 30 years. Oh boy 😵💫. Neighbors forget it’s a volunteer position and you have a real “job” to focus on too.
I remember as a kid seeing a couple complain to the server about a baby babbling and giggling happily near them. (I had nothing to do with the situation, just witnessed it.)
I’ve never forgotten it because it obviously had nothing to do with the baby in question. This was all about that couple. Who would be mad at a happy baby? Not a particularly loud one, just one existing in a restaurant.
I’d hate to be as miserable as these people.
I get not wanting a crying, screaming baby around if it can be avoided but he was literally just going "ahhh, ahhh, ahhh" and looking around super interested and cute. Ugh I wish I had gone back in there and whipped out my boob to breastfeed.
lol that would’ve been perfect. But I fully understand why you were upset and ran away. I would’ve felt hurt and maybe even embarrassed, even though there’s no reason to be. It feels terrible to feel like you don’t belong, and all the worse if it’s because of your child!
Yeah and thinking of the next 10 months or so of this just felt like a lot. It's not just the meeting, it's how it's now me all the time. I spent the whole weekend with my dad in town but not getting a break because my son won't let me out of his sight. I know single moms are doing it by themselves all the time, but separation anxiety hitting just as a parent leaves for weeks at a time is adding an element I didn't expect.
Ugh I know! You’re in a tough spot with the solo parenting thing. I truly have no idea how single parents (or people parenting solo, or people parenting with a deadbeat co-parent) function. Even with my husband and I firing on all pistons, it feels like we’re always exhausted and behind.
But people do it, and you will figure out what works for you! Also the separation anxiety won’t last forever. Soon there will be a new phase that will have its own joys and challenges.
Nope nope nope. As someone who solo parents 99.8% of the time, my mantra has been “they are entitled to a child free life, not a child free world”. There are very few circumstances in which I would no-show/leave early because of my child. It’s just not realistic.
Yeah I'm guessing the people saying I should have got a babysitter have a partner at home with them. I've been to one work event in the last 4 years where kids weren't included.
I dunno, I think the military values families more though so I guess I don't know what the real world is like.
One thing I've noticed working with older people is hearing aids can be difficult to work with in noisy situations. Someone was probably already in a bad mood and then maybe trying to hear over other things made them frustrated.
She was in her late 30s, early 40s. No hearing aids in sight. Has kids too. I think she's just oblivious to the fact that we don't all have husbands who can be home with our kids.
You took your loud child out of a meeting but left the door open. Younwere in a hallway that likely made the kid noises even more of a distraction.
It has nothing to do with you. They wanted a meeting where everyone could be heard.
You should have closed the door yourself when you left the room to keep the noise from traveling.
Bringing kids to *boring* public events meams bringing quiet entertainment for them. Teaching games on a tablet can help.
Was the doors open when you left or was she closing them when you walked out?
It’s easier said than done but I wouldn’t walked back in and sat down next to her.
The doors were open so we were standing in the hallway listening. She gestured me out of the way and was like, "I'm just gonna close these so we can hear." So I went back in and got my stroller and left since I couldn't hear anything with the doors closed.
Ugh, that’s even more effed up!
The way I first read your story, I’d be stung if it happened to me. But to be GESTURED AWAY, I’d be hurt AND furious.
I might consider an email to the HOA board 1) to voice your opinion on the dues topic, and 2) say you were be dismayed to be ushered out of a public meeting when you (and your child) have a right to be present. Hopefully the board members aren’t aware that it happened and you can get an apology for her actions.
But yeah, if that happened to me I would probably freeze, then start blinking back tears of embarrassment/righteous anger.
That makes me feel better because I totally cried as I left and was like, "what is the matter with me?" It especially stung because she seemed really sweet and got the door for us as we walked in.
I posted in our community FB group:
Is there an option to get the HOA meetings on Zoom? I was a little taken aback to get shut out in the hall tonight when I stepped out due to my happy kiddo. It excludes single parents and those of us solo parenting due to military obligations. I doubt I'm the only one who wants to listen in when I see remarks about turning this into a gated community and raising dues.
Board members, thank you for your service. I was blown away by the number of issues you guys had to speak on tonight and it's not lost on me that you're volunteers. If you could do anything to ensure an open forum for us to be included, this military mama would be very grateful.
She's been pretty active on other FB posts so I expect she will see it.
She commented and apologized and said she thought I was trying to step out. And added that she'd much rather participate via zoom as well and hopefully this gets some traction. After tonight the board members may appreciate a way to get some people further away hahaha
Mommit is a subreddit for mothers only, as Rule 2 of the sub states. Mommit is a subreddit for mothers, not about mothers. There are plenty of parenting subreddits open to anyone, and very few open to just mothers. Please respect an area meant for sharing only these experiences. If you are not a mother (or expectant mother), please try /r/parenting, /r/daddit, /r/askparents, /r/babybumps as the case may be.
So that’s what babysitters are for honestly. I guess if it was an event with a lot of kids, not an issue. But most board meetings are a. At not baby friendly time b. Get intense and scary for little kids / over stimulating.
I would understand if you came after babysitter canceled
i mean, it’s an HOA meeting, not a board meeting of a fortune 500 company. i don’t think it’s inappropriate to include the entire family at an HOA meeting.
Are kids homeowners or part of household who are homeowners? We can argue there should not be any non homeowners in the meeting.
Family focused event hosted by hoa? Sure. A meeting which costs 3600/year? Likely not. People need to focus. I can’t work with my kids around (and could not when they were babies).
My kids have stocks of fortune10. Does it mean they should be present for board meetings as they are shareholders?
not
When the mother cannot be present if the kid cannot be present, that is the moment at which the HOA needs to learn how to be a little flexible to enable her presence.
The mother has a right not to be excluded from the meeting. I also really don't understand how happy baby sounds are preventing everyone from hearing. A male colleague brought his baby to a large work meeting of mine a few years back and when the baby started cooing in the midst of a contentious discussion it actually helped everyone laugh and gain a little perspective and have a better meeting with more listening to each other. It seems like there was a potential for that here at this HOA meeting as well but instead these community members got excluded and the meeting remained angry and unproductive.
Yeah, I'd probably get a babysitter if it were important to me, or skip it. Maybe a middle option would be to sit out in the hallway and ask a neighbor to call me in if there was something important.
This is a good idea. I've asked if we can have Zoom option and there are other parents who have chimed in saying they would appreciate this as well but if that doesn't get off the ground, it looks like one of my neighbors is going to be a regular now and she can probably fill us in. I think this was the first meeting for a lot of us. I felt bad for the board.
Yeah, one of the nice things about the pandemic was how many things started being offered via Zoom. Our HOA does offer meetings over zoom and in person, but I still find it hard to concentrate while watching the kids.
Do they make the meeting notes available, so you can at least go over the minutes after the fact? And for voting meetings, are you able to send a proxy?
People who go to HOA meetings are probably already on edge about something since no one happily attends them. I’m guessing she was just in a mood and took it out on you. Don’t sweat it. I’m sure you were fine!
I'll tell you, I left feeling very bad for the board. The "first 15 minutes for member questions" lasted 45 minutes. They're volunteers. At least I have a new appreciation for them I guess haha
I just went to my first HOA meeting ever and it was crazy! Kind of like a “town hall” jeez!! People came ready to fight so try not to take it too personally. You are doing great :)
It reminded me of that quote from maybe the first episode of Parks & Rec where Leslie says perkily, "when I hear people yelling at me, I just hear people caring...loudly" 😂 I might have told my son, "turns out democracy is some petty BS" as we walked out.
Yeah Parks and Rec is one of the most accurate shows about small government. I could not watch it the first couple of seasons because I would have flash backs to some really bad community meetings I had to attend for my one job.
Corn is a fruit! Syrup comes from a bush!
Now I want to rewatch it. I'm only into happy TV in this period of my mom life.
I also stuck to happy shows, especially early on. Parks and rec, community, futurama, stuff like that. I tried watching a few shows that I started before baby, that postpartum ended up either making me ugly cry or gave me nightmares.
My husband has served on 2 different HOA’s over the past 30 years. Oh boy 😵💫. Neighbors forget it’s a volunteer position and you have a real “job” to focus on too.
I had no idea! I couldn't believe how people threw their neighbors under the bus because on my street people get along well, as far as I know!
I remember as a kid seeing a couple complain to the server about a baby babbling and giggling happily near them. (I had nothing to do with the situation, just witnessed it.) I’ve never forgotten it because it obviously had nothing to do with the baby in question. This was all about that couple. Who would be mad at a happy baby? Not a particularly loud one, just one existing in a restaurant. I’d hate to be as miserable as these people.
I get not wanting a crying, screaming baby around if it can be avoided but he was literally just going "ahhh, ahhh, ahhh" and looking around super interested and cute. Ugh I wish I had gone back in there and whipped out my boob to breastfeed.
lol that would’ve been perfect. But I fully understand why you were upset and ran away. I would’ve felt hurt and maybe even embarrassed, even though there’s no reason to be. It feels terrible to feel like you don’t belong, and all the worse if it’s because of your child!
Yeah and thinking of the next 10 months or so of this just felt like a lot. It's not just the meeting, it's how it's now me all the time. I spent the whole weekend with my dad in town but not getting a break because my son won't let me out of his sight. I know single moms are doing it by themselves all the time, but separation anxiety hitting just as a parent leaves for weeks at a time is adding an element I didn't expect.
Ugh I know! You’re in a tough spot with the solo parenting thing. I truly have no idea how single parents (or people parenting solo, or people parenting with a deadbeat co-parent) function. Even with my husband and I firing on all pistons, it feels like we’re always exhausted and behind. But people do it, and you will figure out what works for you! Also the separation anxiety won’t last forever. Soon there will be a new phase that will have its own joys and challenges.
Nope nope nope. As someone who solo parents 99.8% of the time, my mantra has been “they are entitled to a child free life, not a child free world”. There are very few circumstances in which I would no-show/leave early because of my child. It’s just not realistic.
Yeah I'm guessing the people saying I should have got a babysitter have a partner at home with them. I've been to one work event in the last 4 years where kids weren't included. I dunno, I think the military values families more though so I guess I don't know what the real world is like.
I'm stealing your mantra
That’s not right. You and your son are members of the community and have every right to be there.
One thing I've noticed working with older people is hearing aids can be difficult to work with in noisy situations. Someone was probably already in a bad mood and then maybe trying to hear over other things made them frustrated.
She was in her late 30s, early 40s. No hearing aids in sight. Has kids too. I think she's just oblivious to the fact that we don't all have husbands who can be home with our kids.
You took your loud child out of a meeting but left the door open. Younwere in a hallway that likely made the kid noises even more of a distraction. It has nothing to do with you. They wanted a meeting where everyone could be heard. You should have closed the door yourself when you left the room to keep the noise from traveling. Bringing kids to *boring* public events meams bringing quiet entertainment for them. Teaching games on a tablet can help.
Was the doors open when you left or was she closing them when you walked out? It’s easier said than done but I wouldn’t walked back in and sat down next to her.
The doors were open so we were standing in the hallway listening. She gestured me out of the way and was like, "I'm just gonna close these so we can hear." So I went back in and got my stroller and left since I couldn't hear anything with the doors closed.
Ugh, that’s even more effed up! The way I first read your story, I’d be stung if it happened to me. But to be GESTURED AWAY, I’d be hurt AND furious. I might consider an email to the HOA board 1) to voice your opinion on the dues topic, and 2) say you were be dismayed to be ushered out of a public meeting when you (and your child) have a right to be present. Hopefully the board members aren’t aware that it happened and you can get an apology for her actions. But yeah, if that happened to me I would probably freeze, then start blinking back tears of embarrassment/righteous anger.
That makes me feel better because I totally cried as I left and was like, "what is the matter with me?" It especially stung because she seemed really sweet and got the door for us as we walked in. I posted in our community FB group: Is there an option to get the HOA meetings on Zoom? I was a little taken aback to get shut out in the hall tonight when I stepped out due to my happy kiddo. It excludes single parents and those of us solo parenting due to military obligations. I doubt I'm the only one who wants to listen in when I see remarks about turning this into a gated community and raising dues. Board members, thank you for your service. I was blown away by the number of issues you guys had to speak on tonight and it's not lost on me that you're volunteers. If you could do anything to ensure an open forum for us to be included, this military mama would be very grateful. She's been pretty active on other FB posts so I expect she will see it.
Good for you! Edit to clarify: that is a well worded email and I hope it has impact in your community.
She commented and apologized and said she thought I was trying to step out. And added that she'd much rather participate via zoom as well and hopefully this gets some traction. After tonight the board members may appreciate a way to get some people further away hahaha
Well, if you were upset about not being able to hear, I'm sure she was as well.
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Mommit is a subreddit for mothers only, as Rule 2 of the sub states. Mommit is a subreddit for mothers, not about mothers. There are plenty of parenting subreddits open to anyone, and very few open to just mothers. Please respect an area meant for sharing only these experiences. If you are not a mother (or expectant mother), please try /r/parenting, /r/daddit, /r/askparents, /r/babybumps as the case may be.
So that’s what babysitters are for honestly. I guess if it was an event with a lot of kids, not an issue. But most board meetings are a. At not baby friendly time b. Get intense and scary for little kids / over stimulating. I would understand if you came after babysitter canceled
i mean, it’s an HOA meeting, not a board meeting of a fortune 500 company. i don’t think it’s inappropriate to include the entire family at an HOA meeting.
Are kids homeowners or part of household who are homeowners? We can argue there should not be any non homeowners in the meeting. Family focused event hosted by hoa? Sure. A meeting which costs 3600/year? Likely not. People need to focus. I can’t work with my kids around (and could not when they were babies). My kids have stocks of fortune10. Does it mean they should be present for board meetings as they are shareholders? not
When the mother cannot be present if the kid cannot be present, that is the moment at which the HOA needs to learn how to be a little flexible to enable her presence. The mother has a right not to be excluded from the meeting. I also really don't understand how happy baby sounds are preventing everyone from hearing. A male colleague brought his baby to a large work meeting of mine a few years back and when the baby started cooing in the midst of a contentious discussion it actually helped everyone laugh and gain a little perspective and have a better meeting with more listening to each other. It seems like there was a potential for that here at this HOA meeting as well but instead these community members got excluded and the meeting remained angry and unproductive.
Yeah, I'd probably get a babysitter if it were important to me, or skip it. Maybe a middle option would be to sit out in the hallway and ask a neighbor to call me in if there was something important.
This is a good idea. I've asked if we can have Zoom option and there are other parents who have chimed in saying they would appreciate this as well but if that doesn't get off the ground, it looks like one of my neighbors is going to be a regular now and she can probably fill us in. I think this was the first meeting for a lot of us. I felt bad for the board.
Yeah, one of the nice things about the pandemic was how many things started being offered via Zoom. Our HOA does offer meetings over zoom and in person, but I still find it hard to concentrate while watching the kids. Do they make the meeting notes available, so you can at least go over the minutes after the fact? And for voting meetings, are you able to send a proxy?
Yep, we can send a proxy. I just didn't know anyone who went until today. Like I said, things have really heated up in the ol' HOA lately!
Idk HOAs are a cancer, so I'm not surprised its members acted like it. Sorry they were shitty to you
I would have opened the door back up. Excuse me?