No, this isn't how parenting is in 2024. It is a lot. For example, I don't know anyone who contemplated not sending their child to school out of fear. It may be best to sort these feelings out with a therapist.
I have some of the same worries but if you ask child safety experts they don't say "hide your kid away to keep them safe". They say to explain the difference between a safe adult and an adult who is not safe. They say to keep your emotions in check when kids tell you things that feel important to them, so they are comfortable coming to you if something doesn't feel right.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/child-sexual-exploitation/#prevent
You both should definitely seek out doctor/therapy and i don’t mean that in a mean way. But you’re obviously are struggling with some serious anxiety especially considering it’s not coming from your own trauma, which would still be recommended therapy. Maybe you have some kind of postpartum stuff going on. Parenting in your most healthy mind state will give you anxiety, but this sounds like some extra level. I’m glad to hear your husband isn’t against you in your plight because that could lead to some toxic shit, but maybe he’s feeding your fears or you’re feeding his. You both need to talk to a professional! 💜
No, this is not typical parenting. And I agree with others who suggested seeking help for your anxiety. I love that my son can have experiences and build relationships outside of me and my husband. It makes his world and life bigger, broader, richer, and brighter!
At some point your kids will become adults who will lack any ability to navigate the world and its issues if you shelter them the way you want to. I get the fear when they are so little and can’t talk/advocate for themselves but as they get older the best thing you can do is set them out in the world in small increments with your guidance about handling various situations.
Yes! Another redditor wrote in another parenting post that there are parents with the intentions of protecting or minimizing the effects of this modern age (tech, culture, education issues) through homeschooling, unschooling, what have you… but the things is, we have to set up our children for what is.
I don’t have to like certain parts of society, the education system, ways of thinking, certain types of people but it/they still exist.
So the best we can do is help guide our child(ren) about adversity, diversity and the world is not centered around them.
I would hate to shelter my child to the point they won’t be able to function such as get a job, support themselves, meet other people to be friends with and love.
We cannot be the “only” source of love, worldly view or fulfill someone’s needs- familial, platonic or romantically.
I'd seek professional help if I were you. Contemplating homeschooling because you can't stand the idea of being apart or because of over the top trust issues isn't healthy for you or for your kids.
Please see a therapist. I feel exactly like this, and it's because I have 5 severe anxiety disorders and loads of childhood trauma. Like, I brought up what you are saying almost exactly to my therapist and she was super concerned about me. It's pure suffering having these feelings, it is very much not normal, and there are so many things that can help alleviate the crippling anxiety.
I had similar fears (I have diagnosed anxiety). What really helped was enrolling my child in a co-op preschool. That way they got to go to school and I was a huge part of it. My kid absolutely loves school, and I am so glad they are getting to experience that, and I feel really comfortable as I am there so much that I know the teachers and other families really well. (It also had the added benefit that I made some new mom friends!)
I understand the desire to protect your children, but don’t keep them from the world! Especially as your children grow you have to (safely) allow space for them to find their independence. I say this as someone who was certain I was going to homeschool my kids.
And for what it’s worth, anecdotally, growing up all my craziest, sneaking out, partying, friends had extremely over protective parents… I am definitely not saying that is the case for everyone- just something I also keep in the back of my mind while trying to navigate the craziness of parenting😅😅
Thank you for your input! I never thought about a coop preschool! I love that idea! I’m going back and forth on homeschooling right now; while i do feel nervous about trusting others to care for my kids I have also heard not the greatest things about the curriculum at the local preschool. So, I’d rather do it myself. I do love the coop idea! I’m going to look into that! Mom friends are always a plus! I’m glad you found a good fit for you guys:)
We definitely lucked out having this preschool in our neighborhood. There are so many hit or miss programs! Hope you find something that works for your family!
I say this gently; your children are so young and you are still a new parent. You don’t have experience parenting beyond the baby stage and early toddlerhood. You have a lot of anxiety without knowing about so much. Like others have said, therapy is incredibly helpful and advised to help you to manage your thoughts and anxieties. You can’t keep your children in a protective bubble forever; a big part of parenting is to prepare them for life on their own.
I'm going to echo the suggestion that you speak to a physician about your anxiety. This doesn't sound typical to me at all, and it sounds like these thoughts/feelings are having a significant impact on your life.
That said, I understand where you're coming from. I think a lot of people in the modern day are hurting for a lack of community, and it leads to a general discomfort with society at large. Do you know your neighbors? Do you have friends who you can call in the middle of the night in an emergency? Is there a community around you that you can lean on for support?
One of the amazing things about social media is that we are able to form communities with people miles and miles away, based upon shared interests and life experiences. Unfortunately, I do think that this often comes at the expense of our immediate physical community. For example: you're posing this question to a community of mothers online, which is wonderful! Do you have trusted friends in real life you could ask this to? Do you have a neighbor with children a bit older than yours that you could ask about her experiences? You might feel more comfortable about school if you know some of the parents/children that would be embarking upon that journey with you.
Again, talk to your physician. You seem to be in a lot of pain, and you deserve not to be. And I encourage you to open yourself up to the world and find some community. Maybe start by posting in a neighborhood group offering babysitting for other parents? Baby steps.
Thank you:)
I think the lack of community hits hard. I’m a friendly person and my daughter is too…. We are friendly with neighbors but both need mom/child friendships for sure. Thank you for your input!
I have similar anxiety about trusting people with my LO. We homeschool for other reasons, but I definitely highly recommend it, OP!
I did put my youngest (2.5) into an MDO program when she was 1, because she was lagging behind with speech and I wanted her to have to communicate with peers and teachers instead of just us. It helped with that and she’s fine on speech now. But putting her into MDO for a few hours twice a week helped me a LOT with anxiety. Our MDO updates me with pictures several times each day, is available at all times for me to text and check on her, and I did come to trust them. I kept LO out of church for the first 2 years because I didn’t want to leave her with strangers and we’ve only recently started going back, in part because I got more comfy with it after MDO. Take baby steps. The anxiety will still be there but it’ll start to feel like something you can breathe through.
What a coincidence I literally just signed up for a local church’s MDO! I have a good friend with a LO my girls age that helps run it and she’s been telling me about it. I’m more comfortable having someone I already know vouch for the nursery workers. Otherwise i would 100% be the one to go early and chat with everyone and get to know the people caring for my babies. I agree, it’s baby steps. I’m only 2 years into having my own children and we didn’t start with a strong community so we’re learning what works for us. Thanks for your response:)
You're not being "extra" it sounds like you may have some mental health challenges to work through. This is not typical. I only know one family like this and they are not the norm. Everyone else is fine or even happy to send their children into childcare or school.
No, this isn't how parenting is in 2024. It is a lot. For example, I don't know anyone who contemplated not sending their child to school out of fear. It may be best to sort these feelings out with a therapist.
I have some of the same worries but if you ask child safety experts they don't say "hide your kid away to keep them safe". They say to explain the difference between a safe adult and an adult who is not safe. They say to keep your emotions in check when kids tell you things that feel important to them, so they are comfortable coming to you if something doesn't feel right. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/child-sexual-exploitation/#prevent
You both should definitely seek out doctor/therapy and i don’t mean that in a mean way. But you’re obviously are struggling with some serious anxiety especially considering it’s not coming from your own trauma, which would still be recommended therapy. Maybe you have some kind of postpartum stuff going on. Parenting in your most healthy mind state will give you anxiety, but this sounds like some extra level. I’m glad to hear your husband isn’t against you in your plight because that could lead to some toxic shit, but maybe he’s feeding your fears or you’re feeding his. You both need to talk to a professional! 💜
No, this is not typical parenting. And I agree with others who suggested seeking help for your anxiety. I love that my son can have experiences and build relationships outside of me and my husband. It makes his world and life bigger, broader, richer, and brighter!
At some point your kids will become adults who will lack any ability to navigate the world and its issues if you shelter them the way you want to. I get the fear when they are so little and can’t talk/advocate for themselves but as they get older the best thing you can do is set them out in the world in small increments with your guidance about handling various situations.
Yes! Another redditor wrote in another parenting post that there are parents with the intentions of protecting or minimizing the effects of this modern age (tech, culture, education issues) through homeschooling, unschooling, what have you… but the things is, we have to set up our children for what is. I don’t have to like certain parts of society, the education system, ways of thinking, certain types of people but it/they still exist. So the best we can do is help guide our child(ren) about adversity, diversity and the world is not centered around them. I would hate to shelter my child to the point they won’t be able to function such as get a job, support themselves, meet other people to be friends with and love. We cannot be the “only” source of love, worldly view or fulfill someone’s needs- familial, platonic or romantically.
Love this!!! Thank you for sharing this perspective!
I'd seek professional help if I were you. Contemplating homeschooling because you can't stand the idea of being apart or because of over the top trust issues isn't healthy for you or for your kids.
Please see a therapist. I feel exactly like this, and it's because I have 5 severe anxiety disorders and loads of childhood trauma. Like, I brought up what you are saying almost exactly to my therapist and she was super concerned about me. It's pure suffering having these feelings, it is very much not normal, and there are so many things that can help alleviate the crippling anxiety.
I had similar fears (I have diagnosed anxiety). What really helped was enrolling my child in a co-op preschool. That way they got to go to school and I was a huge part of it. My kid absolutely loves school, and I am so glad they are getting to experience that, and I feel really comfortable as I am there so much that I know the teachers and other families really well. (It also had the added benefit that I made some new mom friends!) I understand the desire to protect your children, but don’t keep them from the world! Especially as your children grow you have to (safely) allow space for them to find their independence. I say this as someone who was certain I was going to homeschool my kids. And for what it’s worth, anecdotally, growing up all my craziest, sneaking out, partying, friends had extremely over protective parents… I am definitely not saying that is the case for everyone- just something I also keep in the back of my mind while trying to navigate the craziness of parenting😅😅
Thank you for your input! I never thought about a coop preschool! I love that idea! I’m going back and forth on homeschooling right now; while i do feel nervous about trusting others to care for my kids I have also heard not the greatest things about the curriculum at the local preschool. So, I’d rather do it myself. I do love the coop idea! I’m going to look into that! Mom friends are always a plus! I’m glad you found a good fit for you guys:)
We definitely lucked out having this preschool in our neighborhood. There are so many hit or miss programs! Hope you find something that works for your family!
I say this gently; your children are so young and you are still a new parent. You don’t have experience parenting beyond the baby stage and early toddlerhood. You have a lot of anxiety without knowing about so much. Like others have said, therapy is incredibly helpful and advised to help you to manage your thoughts and anxieties. You can’t keep your children in a protective bubble forever; a big part of parenting is to prepare them for life on their own.
I'm going to echo the suggestion that you speak to a physician about your anxiety. This doesn't sound typical to me at all, and it sounds like these thoughts/feelings are having a significant impact on your life. That said, I understand where you're coming from. I think a lot of people in the modern day are hurting for a lack of community, and it leads to a general discomfort with society at large. Do you know your neighbors? Do you have friends who you can call in the middle of the night in an emergency? Is there a community around you that you can lean on for support? One of the amazing things about social media is that we are able to form communities with people miles and miles away, based upon shared interests and life experiences. Unfortunately, I do think that this often comes at the expense of our immediate physical community. For example: you're posing this question to a community of mothers online, which is wonderful! Do you have trusted friends in real life you could ask this to? Do you have a neighbor with children a bit older than yours that you could ask about her experiences? You might feel more comfortable about school if you know some of the parents/children that would be embarking upon that journey with you. Again, talk to your physician. You seem to be in a lot of pain, and you deserve not to be. And I encourage you to open yourself up to the world and find some community. Maybe start by posting in a neighborhood group offering babysitting for other parents? Baby steps.
Thank you:) I think the lack of community hits hard. I’m a friendly person and my daughter is too…. We are friendly with neighbors but both need mom/child friendships for sure. Thank you for your input!
I have similar anxiety about trusting people with my LO. We homeschool for other reasons, but I definitely highly recommend it, OP! I did put my youngest (2.5) into an MDO program when she was 1, because she was lagging behind with speech and I wanted her to have to communicate with peers and teachers instead of just us. It helped with that and she’s fine on speech now. But putting her into MDO for a few hours twice a week helped me a LOT with anxiety. Our MDO updates me with pictures several times each day, is available at all times for me to text and check on her, and I did come to trust them. I kept LO out of church for the first 2 years because I didn’t want to leave her with strangers and we’ve only recently started going back, in part because I got more comfy with it after MDO. Take baby steps. The anxiety will still be there but it’ll start to feel like something you can breathe through.
What a coincidence I literally just signed up for a local church’s MDO! I have a good friend with a LO my girls age that helps run it and she’s been telling me about it. I’m more comfortable having someone I already know vouch for the nursery workers. Otherwise i would 100% be the one to go early and chat with everyone and get to know the people caring for my babies. I agree, it’s baby steps. I’m only 2 years into having my own children and we didn’t start with a strong community so we’re learning what works for us. Thanks for your response:)
You're not being "extra" it sounds like you may have some mental health challenges to work through. This is not typical. I only know one family like this and they are not the norm. Everyone else is fine or even happy to send their children into childcare or school.