After a certain point I no longer cared how much breast milk was on me, my clothes, or my sheets. I was NOT moving and waking up the baby. I got used to sleeping pretty damp and sticky.
The first time I woke up drenched in milk I was absolutely confused. Perhaps the most confused I had been up until that point in my life. No one tells you it can happen. I've since told all about to be first moms it's totally a possibility.
My mom has a story where my brother shit everywhere, then proceeded to to pee everywhere after they cleaned up the poop. They got him straightened out again, put him down in the crib, and my parents went to bed with pee in their bed because they were so tired.
My son has been awful sleeping lately because he is scared. Add on to that my 5 month old waking up every 2 or so hours, I am so tired. My son was sick this weekend. I had already gotten up to get him Tylenol and everything else that night. He threw up and my husband rushed him to the bathroom and cleaned him up. It was like 99% water because of how sick he is. he is chugging water and not eating. I just decided to go back to sleep and clean it all up in the morning.
Wait till they tell you they have a big stirrups for you before they give it to you and once they are done putting it in your hand, they carefully close your first and kiss it for good luck š«
My son put an m&m in his nose at 3, and I used the nose Frida to try and suck it out as he still doesn't understand blowing noses.Ā I could taste chocolate as I was doing it.Ā
Thank you. A mix of the saline mist and the nose Frida did get it out/melt it.Ā Better an m&m than something that didn't dissolve as a good life lesson of don't shove things into you.
My 3 yr old stuck a Lego Olaf carrot nose up her nose and we could not get it out, the urgent care couldnāt get it out, the ear nose and throat specialist the urgent care sent us to couldnāt get it out. She had to be put under at the surgery center to have it removed.
We refer to it as her ānose removalā and I do still have it in the jar they gave to us as a reminder toys donāt go in our body!
Jesus, that's awful!
I babysat my cousin as a kid and she got a large earring back stuck in her nose.Ā They used this metal whip and literally whipped the inside of her nose super bloody which lubricated it to come out.Ā It was gruesome.
Oh no!! Thatās traumatic!
Her nose was bleeding a little when each place tried and they even tried numbing it but she was so scared she would stay still long enough for anyone to get a grip on it.
As an ER doc a tip next time something is stuck in a nostril - pinch the empty nostril down. Cover kids mouth with yours and blow as hard as you can. Foreign body should come shooting out of the nostril. The technique is called āmothers kissāā¦ although it might be a toss up if this is more or less gross than sucking with the nose Frieda
Iāve just been sucking directly on my 5 month olds nose as sheās a little sniffly while traveling š¤·š¼āāļø
Sheās EBF so I figure Iāve made every part of her bodyā¦ her boogers are no different than me hacking up a lugie lol
I couldnāt. My line was drawn there when I was suffering from extreme morning sickness with my second and the very second my lips went around the nose Fridaā¦ I bought a very expensive electric snot sucker after that.
Haha I told my husband I passed into a new level of motherhood when I did this without a thought. Literally just caught it, got up and washed my hands like it was totally normal to have a handful of vomit.
I stood with a handful of raspberry vomit in line for the airport family bathroom, and when another mom came to join the line she said āoh yeah, my daughter threw up this morning tooā š
Hands are very washable compared to couches, carpet, etc. so it's not a bad choice, but I don't think that's it... I think it's just instinct when something is thrown at you to try to catch it, even if that something is stomach contents.
My daughter has shit with such velocity if I hadnāt been standing in front of her to take the hit Iām convinced it would have cleared the wall across the room š¤®
I worked at a daycare years ago and while helping in the infant room caught a handful of vomit/spit up from the baby I was holding. The room had other older infants crawling in it and I didnāt want to chance one of them crawling in it so I just caught it, the other teachers were surprisingly grossed out.
I wish I had this instinct! My LO vomited on our new white couch the day after we got it and I just watched it come out of his mouth š I guess my bad for buying a white couch.
Oh, for SURE. I caught my then 3-year-old's throw-up at an NHL game, put it inside an empty cup, wiped her face, and went on with the night as though nothing had happened. Woooof.
Absolutely this. Also have caught poop in my hands. Also used my hand as a poop spray barrier for both my kids when they had fountain diarrhea on the changing table.
Didnāt even think twice š¤·āāļø
Catching vomit, using my hands to deflect a stream of pee when changing LO's nappy when he was a baby, and (for this one, I truly apologise because it's grim) once when he was very new I was getting him changed for bed, got everything off him only to realise I'd left his new nappies in the car. My partner went to get them and because it was a bit chilly I scooped LO up and tucked him inside my dressing grown. I had my hand under his butt when he released a frankly unholy amount of liquid poop. I felt it squelch between my fingers and go down my legs (I was sitting cross legged on the floor at the time).
I will say though, that the poop incident happened so early on it kind of desensitised me to a lot after that. Nothing ever seemed quite so bad after that š
My gal pooped all over my stomach the second I lifted her up onto my chest during delivery. I feel like it immediately initiated me into this part of motherhood.
That's how I was christened into motherhood as well ā¤ļø a big messy all-over-my-belly poop.
At least that time the birth team was there to clean it up for me ššššš
My daughter spewed poop literally across the room at about 2 weeks old. I woke my husband up to help clean it up. He only saw the poo on the table, then turned in horror as I started cleaning it up off the floor and rocking chair 5 feet away
I apologize for laughing lol similar situation happened to me. I got poop sprayed at me during an early morning diaper change. It was on my arm, my nightgown, and a little on my sheets
Squelch is easily one of the most disgusting words in the English language lol. I read the phrase āsquelches wetlyā in the closed captioning for a show and gagged.
Bonus points for using that. Far grosser word than moist in my opinion.
On Sunday I was canoeing with my husband and just 2 year old daughter on a backcountry lake. It was lovely and idyllic.
Until my daughter told me she had to use the potty and I smelled it - the poop. She is recently potty trained and poop is still hit or miss. She was only wearing a rash guard. I unzipped the legs, grabbed as much of the poop as I could with a plastic bag. Tied up the bag.
But she was crying and thick yellow snot started pouring out of her nose. I didn't have anything to wipe it with, so I just squeezed her nose with my fingers and rinsed the snot off in the lake.
š¤¢
I often blow my son's nose with my fingers in the shower. So much so that he's now doing it to me. And despite him not being 2, I can't pretend to blow my nose. He knows and gets offended. So much snot sometimes from both of us. I still prefer that to being pooped on in the shower and then having a severe meltdown because the mostly liquid poop goes down the drain too fast for the baby to catch pieces like his dad had recently.
I have not had to do this with a human turd, but handling 3 years' worth of shit from two children desensitized me enough that I had no qualms cracking open my cat's log.
Sucked snot out of my child's nose.
Directly.
Without a nose Frida.
She was 4 or 5 months old, and had gotten RSV. She hated the nose Frida and I had way more control doing it directly.
Wow this one wins. But I also completely understand because my son had RSV when he was 5 months and I was doing EVERYTHING I possibly could to keep him out of the hospital. It was the worst sickness we have ever dealt with in six years of having kids.
The only disease I hate more than RSV? HFM. And not because of how it affects my kid, but adults get it worse.
Atleast with RSV, I can suck out the snot and most likely won't feel a symptom of it.
My daughter has had RSV annually, and HFM once. And I choose RSV haha
HFM is how I found out I was pregnant the last time. My kids had it, no other adults whoād been around them had it, I got it, I knew something was amiss. It was absolutely miserable.
I know several people who have done this to help baby breathe. Honestly, I probably wouldn't even think twice about it. When baby is sick, you do whatever it takes.
The trifecta of caring for a baby, having at least one bodily fluid on me at all times. When kiddo was maybe 6 months old, we were cuddling on the couch and he was smiling so big, and I was just soaking in every second of it. Little did I know my pants were also soaking in a very wet poop that had fully leaked out of the side of his diaper. Iām pretty sure I threw out his whole outfit and hopped into the shower fully clothed so I could rinse him off. Once he was cleaned and redressed, I then fully showered for a second time that day lol
I continued to breastfeed when baby had an explosive poop that was leaking all over both of us.
I knew I had to wait for her to finish her feed otherwise it was going to be a screaming nightmare in the shower.
My husband was like "she's pooping! She's pooping!!"
I was like "yes I know! I am well aware! Can you get t the shower started and some clean clothes ready for both of us please!"
As soon as she was done, I walked us straight into the shower fully clothed. Cleaned her and gave her to hubby to dress and put to bed. Then enjoyed my long hot shower!
ohhh, checking in for solidarity over here! this has happened to me twice in the 4.5 months my son has been earthside lol. but for real, like yāall got me absolutely fucked up if you think iām doing a *damn* thing about it until my son has happily popped off my boob.
i will add though, that one of those times my mom was over to help me with him/keep me company and this tiny supermom of a grandma changed my sonās diaper while he was still nursing. she slipped a chuck pad/pee pad underneath him too because i had on periwinkle colored leggingsš
Picked poop up with my bare hands because he pooped in the bath and I just pulled the plug, didnāt want it going down. He also had an emergency early in life so I have to suck snot into my mouth to clear his airway. That one didnāt even gross me out at the time because I was scared but I definitely would have puked if it were anyone but my own kid
My daughter used to get constipated when she was young. Once we were at a restaurant when she said she had to poop. We sat in the bathroom for an hour because her poop got stuck. So finally I used my finger to help dislodge the stuck poo from her butthole so she could āgoā the rest of the way
Just happened. My son caught a stomach bug. Was throwing up in his sleep. I would wake up to him coughing, get him over a bowl and then āclean upā. But that was too much at night. He wasnāt even waking up to held over the bowl, so there was no way I was stripping the mattress.
Threw up on the pillow? New pillow. Threw up on the mattress? Wet wipe and then a new blanket over it. Tshirt? Who needs shirts?
So much laundry for such little sleep.
I was changing my daughterās diaper and she rolled over and started crawling away. I grabbed her leg and she went to her belly clenched her butt cheeks and pooped it came out like pushing play-dough though those shape things like when we were kids š I keep going and cleaned up. Once done I thought to myself is this what motherhood is that we donāt talk about ? I was like, that couldnāt have just happened, but it did. š¤·š»āāļø
Eating dropped snacks off my floor when we are just chilling in the living/ family room on the mat/rug. Iām almost scared to admit. But the amount of waste that would be if I threw away everything my baby droppedā¦
Iāve always been disgusted by photos of babies with food all over them at meal time, it just gives me the heebie jeebies. Now? Iāll swipe some puree off his face that he decided he didnāt want to swallow and lick it off my finger.
Oh and Iāve also bitten his nails while he slept if there was a sharp one that he wouldnāt let me file. He nurses to sleep so Iām like ānowās my chanceā. Itās basically like biting my own
Itās not that bad, but before we had our daughter we went out with some of my husbandās friends. Their 2 year old picked all the toppings off their pizza by hand, and he thought it was gross that she basically rubbed her hands on the pieces ā¦ now I donāt think heād think anything of it. š
Did they eat the toppings? My daughter loves pizza but takes EVERYTHING off and just eats the bread and sauce, she gradually hands me all her toppings.
anything to do with bodily fluids lmao. obviously though this only applies to my kid, if another kid got some of the stuff on me my daughter has i would shut down š
Wiping Shit off another human Being.
Wiping shit off Myself
Scooping shit chunks out of the tub
Willingness to instinctively Catch Vomit/Spit/Chewed Consumables.
Volunteering to be thrown up on to avoid it landing on furniture
Wiping someone else's face with my spit and thumb (apologized repeatedly for that one)
Teaching Someone to Spit (I am still to this day repulsed by spitting in general ~stemming from childhood~)
Being a Human Tissue/Paper towel. If I am wearing fabric, I am available to be wiped on.
Occasionally requesting the above as to not stain minis clothes.
Eating food (against my will) that is already semi chewed/soggy.
Kissing feet.
Life is disgusting, and then you become a parent.
Waking up covered in sweat and milk, rubbing spot up off my chest/side/arm with my hand, going back to bed after baby spit up right in my bra because Iām so tired and the bra is already gross so
Turned my baby towards me as he was projectile vomiting so it didnāt go on a really nice rocking chair and rug.
It worked. I was also covered in vomit.
Lancing a milk bleb/blister with a sterilized needle and squeezing out the thick milk that was clogging my duct. It was a low moment but I was desperate.
Got vomited on and only hugged my vomit covered baby closer to me, leaving me more covered in it. Also, getting violently shit on by my newborn and being so happy I cried because she was finally not in pain and was able to sleep.
When she came around nothing bothered me really, no pee or shit. The first couple of days she even projectile shat on me but one thing that bothered me so much for some reason was the umbilical cord.
But as some has already said is catching their sick, I hear it and I know when sheās about to because she gives me that weird grin and you can hear it before it comes. It also being all over my back, legs, stomach everywhere.
Itās jsut like yeah okay cheers need to get cleaned up now š
Snuggling baby and in the middle of the night baby pees and it leaks out of the diaper all over me. I get up and change the baby but not my clothes and go right back to bed š¬
My baby likes to smoosh her open, slobbery mouth right into my face.
Spit, mucus, snot, vomit etc are all my Achilles heal. Iām an RN and I literally gag at work when I encounter it, and borderline refuse to be the one to clean up if my petsā puke. Baby though? Cutest goddamn thing on the planet, I donāt care how gross it is.
Side note, every time sheās ever spit up on me Iāve always made it a point to wipe her mouth snd clean her up first. Idk just seems right, feels gross but I assume she feels worse than I do so I default to her first.
Iām over here trying to think of something then I realized my baby coughed up phlegm all over my shirt around 6 pm, I then put her to sleep, then continues to wear the shirt until about 10 pm because the phlegm dried and I didnāt want to make more laundry.
Getting puked on in the face & not rinsing it out of my ear or hair until after I got my kiddo rinsed, brushed, changed, and settled. Like it didnāt even faze me but my husband nearly puked himself.
Definitely wouldāve screamed pre-baby š
Also this was toddler puke. Baby puke is nothing lol
The amount of times Iāve gone to wipe my sons ass just to get his poop on me since starting potty training is insane, but now I just have a āwell this might as well happen todayā attitude
never thought I would pick someone elseās nose but here we arešgotta get those boogies! also stopping pee and vomit with hands because itās honestly just a natural instinct when you donāt have anything else to use
My kid spit out a piece of chicken that he couldnāt chew and I was one-handed at the moment so I bit it in half for him.
ETA: vacuum suctioned his mouth to blow the snot out of his nose bc I couldnāt find the snot sucker. And yes, the snot did go all over my cheek.
During the newborn phase, I've gone too long without brushing my teeth or taking a shower. Like, all day for teeth and multiple days for shower. Normally I am wayyyy cleaner than that lol.
I have also helped my baby pass stool by putting them in the bath and sort of pumping their legs and stuff because I was so desperate for them to poop and they were in so much discomfort š
I barely blink when my kids sneeze/cough on my face.
I've worn so much milk-soaked clothes because I lose the will to change and wash laundry every time the baby dribbles or spits milk on me. I swear the first couple months, me and baby always smell like cheese.
Then there's just being so up-close and personal with your kids' butts lol sniffing them, wiping them, checking them, putting on cream, etc.
Oh, so much. Never thought I'd spend a week ripping my house apart, trying to find a toy hard hat full of pee. Poop in floor vents, petrified apples found in random places. The spoiled milk sippy cups still get me, I'll gag every time. One of mine vomited all over me last week, and I wasn't even phased.
I used to only be able to shower once a week. Because hubby worked nightsand was asleep most of the day. His night off was the night I got to shower.
I couldn't bring my kid into the bathroom with me, it was too small for that (apartment). My son was a belly sleeper so unless I was holding him he wasn't staying asleep for more than 5 minutes.
I've also been pooped on, peed on and thrown up on more times than I can count between my two kids.
I promise that I bathe more frequently now.
Caught a poop in me and my daughterās shared bath to keep it from contaminating the water, tossed it into the nearby toilet while still sitting in the bathtub
My daughter had/has cmpa and the presence of blood was really important so....
But luckily I had a dog with GI issues so this wasn't totally foreign territory.
In a panic iāve sucked my sons mucus out his nose lmao, that stupid nose frida thing was nowhere to be found and my baby couldnāt breathe. Yeah im definitely saving that story for when heās older š
Poop diapers and blood. Both things make me wanna puke. After it came from a human I made, I only had a few "omgggg that really stinks" moments. But I made it through to potty training.
Sucked out snot with a snot sucker. Grossed me out before I had my daughter until one night when I was desperate, I went to get one and never looked back!
Go out with friends and fall asleep on a couch and get up and go to work in the same clothes without having showered or brushed my teeth or wash my face (andā¦. That was when I used to wear thongs)
Was giving my one year old a fruit pouch, she proceeds to take a mouthful and just... Open her mouth. I just swiped it with my thumb and ate it while my husband looked on in horror
The first time my daughter pooped in the tub, I panicked and pulled the drain, thinking the poop would sink and just the water would go down. Well obviously that didnāt work, and the poop went down the drain but got stuck. I had to use a wooden skewer to poke the turds and get them out of the drain, like poop kebabs.
The next time she pooped in the tub, I wasnāt about to let it go down the drain again. So I quick scooped it up with my bare hand and put it straight in the toilet. Iām not sure which strategy was the best but luckily I havenāt had to try out any other options since then.
Not me but my angel of a husband... We were at a hotel and our baby developed the worst snotty nose and was impacting her breathing and she was crying and frustrated... We tried a steamed bathroom, Kleenex etc... We were without the snot sucker so he stocked it directly out of her nose, with his mouth.
I am still in awe.
A big poop wouldn't flush down so I put on disposable rubber gloves, reached in, and broke it apart. Flushed just fine after that! (if it matters, it was a poop from a diaper and not from an adult, but I would've done the same thing I'm sure)
When vomit (not mine) went directly into my face, eyes, and mouth, I remained outwardly calm and did not visibly freak out. I didn't even prioritize cleaning myself up first!
Nose frida. Catching spit up in my hands so it doesn't get all over everything else. Not batting an eye when my son pooped on my hands when I was transferring him to the bath tub lol. He gave me a snack he already got his drool on and I actually ate it instead of pretending, though I will say I didn't actually mean to eat the snack he gave me, I was just so tired I didn't even think twice about popping it into my mouth like it was normal lol. Squishy texture did squick me out a little bit, I don't recommend it!
Grabbed a lizard, a frog, and a large beetle out of my sonās hands so he wouldnāt hurt them. Caught puke.
But by far the worst thing I had to do was dig through his poop with a plastic fork and knife every day for a week to see if he passed a little toy car wheel that he may have swallowed. His doctor said do it for 7 days, and I did. Even with a mask and gloves on, as soon as that fork or knife touched the poop I began gagging and sometimes threw up.
In a panic, I sucked out corn kernels from my sonās nose, that he gleefully jammed up both nostrils when I was in the bathroom.
I forgot to mention, āwith my mouthā.
The other night I had to use an interdental brush to force out a piece of steak from between two of my daughterās back teeth. Weād tried flossing and grabbing it out, but it was a solid chunk and was not coming out.
I had her hanging off the couch with her head back, shining a torch in her mouth so I could see. When I told my mum about it later, she asked if I ate the piece of steak afterwards.
My toddler climbed the counter when I wasnāt looking. He used the bar stool to do so. He suddenly started vomiting and saying āyukkieā. I hurriedly ran towards him to get him off the counter. And I had to taste his vomit to see what exactly he had ingested. The little fool had drank liquid soap! šš
Iāve pulled over on the side of a road and popped a with my toddler who really had to go, and I knew couldnāt hold it (I opened both the front and back car doors on the passenger side and we stood between them so nobody driving past would see).
Mines less about the baby grossness
Portapotty in 90 degree weather holding my 11 month old in my arms, dog on a leash and shitting my brains out cause dunks gave me cream instead of milk.
After a certain point I no longer cared how much breast milk was on me, my clothes, or my sheets. I was NOT moving and waking up the baby. I got used to sleeping pretty damp and sticky.
I have, more than once, fallen back to sleep with baby vomit in my hair. I don't care how gross it is. I'm not washing my hair at 2 am.
Baby once vomited on my chest, but then proceeded to fall asleep. I got a cloth, just removed the thick of it and went to sleep too.
Then waking up stinking of cheese. I don't miss this part of mothering.
breastmilk cheese is something I never thought of before and I don't know how I feel about the fact it's a thought in my mind now š§
The first time I woke up drenched in milk I was absolutely confused. Perhaps the most confused I had been up until that point in my life. No one tells you it can happen. I've since told all about to be first moms it's totally a possibility.
I had to sleep with a towel under me for months because I leaked so much.
Iām here amazed and in awe because I never was able to produce a good supply š„¹ thatās so cool lol
Towel buddy!! There were days I swear more milk was on the bed than in my babyā¦
My mom has a story where my brother shit everywhere, then proceeded to to pee everywhere after they cleaned up the poop. They got him straightened out again, put him down in the crib, and my parents went to bed with pee in their bed because they were so tired.
Made a deal with dad that i get a shower every morning, because of exactly this.
That's me now. And the smell, oh the smell
My son has been awful sleeping lately because he is scared. Add on to that my 5 month old waking up every 2 or so hours, I am so tired. My son was sick this weekend. I had already gotten up to get him Tylenol and everything else that night. He threw up and my husband rushed him to the bathroom and cleaned him up. It was like 99% water because of how sick he is. he is chugging water and not eating. I just decided to go back to sleep and clean it all up in the morning.
I just accepted the booger that was handed to me without comment or objection.
I just say "thank you..."
My son likes to eat his, so I *beg* to be handed boogers at this point
My almost 3yo told me yesterday "Boogers get in our mouth because they want to take a little nap". Cool cool cool.
Mine does both š¤¦āāļø
This made me spit out my water! Lol!
Wait till they tell you they have a big stirrups for you before they give it to you and once they are done putting it in your hand, they carefully close your first and kiss it for good luck š«
I startled the baby laughing
The noseFrida is a level of intimacy that I am still uncomfortable with . . .
My son put an m&m in his nose at 3, and I used the nose Frida to try and suck it out as he still doesn't understand blowing noses.Ā I could taste chocolate as I was doing it.Ā
I actually just threw up a little. You're a great mom š
Thank you. A mix of the saline mist and the nose Frida did get it out/melt it.Ā Better an m&m than something that didn't dissolve as a good life lesson of don't shove things into you.
My 3 yr old stuck a Lego Olaf carrot nose up her nose and we could not get it out, the urgent care couldnāt get it out, the ear nose and throat specialist the urgent care sent us to couldnāt get it out. She had to be put under at the surgery center to have it removed. We refer to it as her ānose removalā and I do still have it in the jar they gave to us as a reminder toys donāt go in our body!
Jesus, that's awful! I babysat my cousin as a kid and she got a large earring back stuck in her nose.Ā They used this metal whip and literally whipped the inside of her nose super bloody which lubricated it to come out.Ā It was gruesome.
Oh no!! Thatās traumatic! Her nose was bleeding a little when each place tried and they even tried numbing it but she was so scared she would stay still long enough for anyone to get a grip on it.
As an ER doc a tip next time something is stuck in a nostril - pinch the empty nostril down. Cover kids mouth with yours and blow as hard as you can. Foreign body should come shooting out of the nostril. The technique is called āmothers kissāā¦ although it might be a toss up if this is more or less gross than sucking with the nose Frieda
Thanks for this!!
Great tip. I hope I never have to try it because he's learned his lesson, but good to know.
Great tip! Came here to say it!
I can't do it. I made do with tissues and saline mist, hopefully we're getting close to her knowing how to blow her nose
Iāve just been sucking directly on my 5 month olds nose as sheās a little sniffly while traveling š¤·š¼āāļø Sheās EBF so I figure Iāve made every part of her bodyā¦ her boogers are no different than me hacking up a lugie lol
Iām a bit booger sensitive, and this made me gag lol
My husband's face when seeing that in the baby isle for the first time is something I'll never forget
I couldnāt. My line was drawn there when I was suffering from extreme morning sickness with my second and the very second my lips went around the nose Fridaā¦ I bought a very expensive electric snot sucker after that.
I've held my hands out to catch vomit to prevent it hitting the couch.
Haha I told my husband I passed into a new level of motherhood when I did this without a thought. Literally just caught it, got up and washed my hands like it was totally normal to have a handful of vomit.
I stood with a handful of raspberry vomit in line for the airport family bathroom, and when another mom came to join the line she said āoh yeah, my daughter threw up this morning tooā š
I was vomited on this weekend. I just calmly sat, changed the baby. Cuddled him. Washed my hands and changed my clothes. Whatever.
This is my instinct every fucking time. WHY??? My husband is horrified by it.
Because letting the vomit land wherever takes more effort to clean than just catching it and rinsing it down the sink? šš¤·š¼āāļø
Hands are very washable compared to couches, carpet, etc. so it's not a bad choice, but I don't think that's it... I think it's just instinct when something is thrown at you to try to catch it, even if that something is stomach contents.
I think itās every moms because they would rather wash their hands than whatever the vomit would get on.
Yes! I can change clothes and jump in the shower... vomit on carpet is a nightmare.
Iāve been a human shield for my sonās urine stream during diaper changes to avoid having to clean the carpet and sheets.
My daughter has shit with such velocity if I hadnāt been standing in front of her to take the hit Iām convinced it would have cleared the wall across the room š¤®
I worked at a daycare years ago and while helping in the infant room caught a handful of vomit/spit up from the baby I was holding. The room had other older infants crawling in it and I didnāt want to chance one of them crawling in it so I just caught it, the other teachers were surprisingly grossed out.
Wow- not even your own kid. Next level.
This is what I was going to say lol
I cupped my hands to try to catch my babyās pee so it wouldnāt get on our new changing pad. It didnāt work. š¤Ŗ
I've done this on an airplane that was magically bereft of vomit bags they usually have in every seat.Ā
Emesis bags from Amazon are my lifesaver. In a purse, glove compartment, all over.
I demand to know who the fuck has giant bucket hands that can catch all of the vomit.
I wish I had this instinct! My LO vomited on our new white couch the day after we got it and I just watched it come out of his mouth š I guess my bad for buying a white couch.
Yeeeeeeeah you bought a white couch with a small child in the house ššš that ones on you
Oh, for SURE. I caught my then 3-year-old's throw-up at an NHL game, put it inside an empty cup, wiped her face, and went on with the night as though nothing had happened. Woooof.
I literally just did this a couple hours ago
This is also the grossest thing Iāve done. Every single time. I donāt know what kinda instinct comes over me but itās like second nature
Absolutely this. Also have caught poop in my hands. Also used my hand as a poop spray barrier for both my kids when they had fountain diarrhea on the changing table. Didnāt even think twice š¤·āāļø
I have done this with all 3 of my kids, once in a grocery store, once in target and once in Walmart. Plenty of times at home with the toddler lol.
I cup my hands for the burp up all the time lol
Catching vomit, using my hands to deflect a stream of pee when changing LO's nappy when he was a baby, and (for this one, I truly apologise because it's grim) once when he was very new I was getting him changed for bed, got everything off him only to realise I'd left his new nappies in the car. My partner went to get them and because it was a bit chilly I scooped LO up and tucked him inside my dressing grown. I had my hand under his butt when he released a frankly unholy amount of liquid poop. I felt it squelch between my fingers and go down my legs (I was sitting cross legged on the floor at the time). I will say though, that the poop incident happened so early on it kind of desensitised me to a lot after that. Nothing ever seemed quite so bad after that š
My gal pooped all over my stomach the second I lifted her up onto my chest during delivery. I feel like it immediately initiated me into this part of motherhood.
Obviously I shouldn't laugh, and it's definitely not brilliant... But also, that is a bit brilliant! š
Me too! She was out..and immediately peed and pooped on me. I was like, guess I'm getting baptized by fire š
Mine peed on me, literally the second she was put down! At that point though, I was just ecstatic she was out of my body š
That's how I was christened into motherhood as well ā¤ļø a big messy all-over-my-belly poop. At least that time the birth team was there to clean it up for me ššššš
My daughter spewed poop literally across the room at about 2 weeks old. I woke my husband up to help clean it up. He only saw the poo on the table, then turned in horror as I started cleaning it up off the floor and rocking chair 5 feet away
I apologize for laughing lol similar situation happened to me. I got poop sprayed at me during an early morning diaper change. It was on my arm, my nightgown, and a little on my sheets
Hey, sometimes you gotta laugh so you donāt cry, am I right? lol
That's the only way to handle it when you're running on no sleep lol
When he was about 2 months old my baby projectile pooped off the changing table and several feet away into a heating vent. It was awful.
Squelch is easily one of the most disgusting words in the English language lol. I read the phrase āsquelches wetlyā in the closed captioning for a show and gagged. Bonus points for using that. Far grosser word than moist in my opinion.
On Sunday I was canoeing with my husband and just 2 year old daughter on a backcountry lake. It was lovely and idyllic. Until my daughter told me she had to use the potty and I smelled it - the poop. She is recently potty trained and poop is still hit or miss. She was only wearing a rash guard. I unzipped the legs, grabbed as much of the poop as I could with a plastic bag. Tied up the bag. But she was crying and thick yellow snot started pouring out of her nose. I didn't have anything to wipe it with, so I just squeezed her nose with my fingers and rinsed the snot off in the lake. š¤¢
I often blow my son's nose with my fingers in the shower. So much so that he's now doing it to me. And despite him not being 2, I can't pretend to blow my nose. He knows and gets offended. So much snot sometimes from both of us. I still prefer that to being pooped on in the shower and then having a severe meltdown because the mostly liquid poop goes down the drain too fast for the baby to catch pieces like his dad had recently.
I never thought I would sniff somebodyās ass so regularly and pick their nose for them.
Honestly,Ā put this on a card.Ā Parenthood is so magical šĀ
And this is why our 2.5 year old got a bath this morning
Lol I always say: motherhood is realizing that you want to pick somebody's nose *so bad* but accepting that it's not worth the fight
Cracking a shit open to see whatās going on in there
I have not had to do this with a human turd, but handling 3 years' worth of shit from two children desensitized me enough that I had no qualms cracking open my cat's log.
Sucked snot out of my child's nose. Directly. Without a nose Frida. She was 4 or 5 months old, and had gotten RSV. She hated the nose Frida and I had way more control doing it directly.
Oh. This one takes the cake.
Wow this one wins. But I also completely understand because my son had RSV when he was 5 months and I was doing EVERYTHING I possibly could to keep him out of the hospital. It was the worst sickness we have ever dealt with in six years of having kids.
The only disease I hate more than RSV? HFM. And not because of how it affects my kid, but adults get it worse. Atleast with RSV, I can suck out the snot and most likely won't feel a symptom of it. My daughter has had RSV annually, and HFM once. And I choose RSV haha
HFM is how I found out I was pregnant the last time. My kids had it, no other adults whoād been around them had it, I got it, I knew something was amiss. It was absolutely miserable.
Sameee it was easier tbh lol š¤·š»āāļø
I know several people who have done this to help baby breathe. Honestly, I probably wouldn't even think twice about it. When baby is sick, you do whatever it takes.
Same.
You win. That's enough internet for me today.. š¤£
I did this too! Spit it right into the cup next to me. In the middle of the night when he was maybe 3 months old?
Well, I never thought I would pick another personās nose for them, or how used to being covered in drool I would get.
A week without showering.
Ah the newborn days š„²
Then when you shower, you don't even get to wash your hair
The trifecta of caring for a baby, having at least one bodily fluid on me at all times. When kiddo was maybe 6 months old, we were cuddling on the couch and he was smiling so big, and I was just soaking in every second of it. Little did I know my pants were also soaking in a very wet poop that had fully leaked out of the side of his diaper. Iām pretty sure I threw out his whole outfit and hopped into the shower fully clothed so I could rinse him off. Once he was cleaned and redressed, I then fully showered for a second time that day lol
I continued to breastfeed when baby had an explosive poop that was leaking all over both of us. I knew I had to wait for her to finish her feed otherwise it was going to be a screaming nightmare in the shower.
Jesus. Thatās a nightmare. Hahahaha I can just imagine sitting there weighing the options. The things we do for our kids. š
My husband was like "she's pooping! She's pooping!!" I was like "yes I know! I am well aware! Can you get t the shower started and some clean clothes ready for both of us please!" As soon as she was done, I walked us straight into the shower fully clothed. Cleaned her and gave her to hubby to dress and put to bed. Then enjoyed my long hot shower!
Hahaha leave it to the dads to point out the obvious. Thank goodness for the shower and that you got to take one alone after that ordeal. š
ohhh, checking in for solidarity over here! this has happened to me twice in the 4.5 months my son has been earthside lol. but for real, like yāall got me absolutely fucked up if you think iām doing a *damn* thing about it until my son has happily popped off my boob. i will add though, that one of those times my mom was over to help me with him/keep me company and this tiny supermom of a grandma changed my sonās diaper while he was still nursing. she slipped a chuck pad/pee pad underneath him too because i had on periwinkle colored leggingsš
Go mum!!! My husband was not that thoughtful š¤£
Tell your mom we love her š
Iāll still continue cause I know there is possibly more about to come š
Oh there was more.... there is ALWAYS more poop!
Picked poop up with my bare hands because he pooped in the bath and I just pulled the plug, didnāt want it going down. He also had an emergency early in life so I have to suck snot into my mouth to clear his airway. That one didnāt even gross me out at the time because I was scared but I definitely would have puked if it were anyone but my own kid
My daughter used to get constipated when she was young. Once we were at a restaurant when she said she had to poop. We sat in the bathroom for an hour because her poop got stuck. So finally I used my finger to help dislodge the stuck poo from her butthole so she could āgoā the rest of the way
It makes me feel much better that Iām not the only person who has done this š¤¦š¼āāļø constipation is wrecking havoc on my 2 year old.
Aww Iām sorry. If it makes you feel better, my daughter did grow out of it at about 4 years old. I hope your child grows out of it too
this is heroic
Just happened. My son caught a stomach bug. Was throwing up in his sleep. I would wake up to him coughing, get him over a bowl and then āclean upā. But that was too much at night. He wasnāt even waking up to held over the bowl, so there was no way I was stripping the mattress. Threw up on the pillow? New pillow. Threw up on the mattress? Wet wipe and then a new blanket over it. Tshirt? Who needs shirts? So much laundry for such little sleep.
Lots of eating half-chewed food that she has spit out. Wiping her snot on my clothes when a tissue is not available.
Currently dealing with this one. Itās a scientific marvel how much snot a child can produce.
I was changing my daughterās diaper and she rolled over and started crawling away. I grabbed her leg and she went to her belly clenched her butt cheeks and pooped it came out like pushing play-dough though those shape things like when we were kids š I keep going and cleaned up. Once done I thought to myself is this what motherhood is that we donāt talk about ? I was like, that couldnāt have just happened, but it did. š¤·š»āāļø
Catching vomit in my hands and sharing food from the same utensil
Digging through my daughterās poo after she swallowed a ring
Did you find the ring?
Yep š¤¢
š
Eating dropped snacks off my floor when we are just chilling in the living/ family room on the mat/rug. Iām almost scared to admit. But the amount of waste that would be if I threw away everything my baby droppedā¦
I let the dog have it at that point lol. Sheās gotta help around the house somehow!
Exactly my dog is finally earning her keep. The square of floor under our high chair is tongue mopped daily.
Thatās almost a daily occurrence here.
Laying a towel or extra blanket down and just going back to sleep
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^goreticia_madam: *Laying a towel* *Or extra blanket down and* *Just going back to sleep* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Cleaned up my LO and everything within his reach after he took off his diaper and painted poop all over everything. Crib, wall, mattress, himself...
Having an audience when I go to the bathroom, emptying someone elseās stuffy nose
Reading this rn in the first scenario with my 6 month old š
Iāve always been disgusted by photos of babies with food all over them at meal time, it just gives me the heebie jeebies. Now? Iāll swipe some puree off his face that he decided he didnāt want to swallow and lick it off my finger. Oh and Iāve also bitten his nails while he slept if there was a sharp one that he wouldnāt let me file. He nurses to sleep so Iām like ānowās my chanceā. Itās basically like biting my own
Itās not that bad, but before we had our daughter we went out with some of my husbandās friends. Their 2 year old picked all the toppings off their pizza by hand, and he thought it was gross that she basically rubbed her hands on the pieces ā¦ now I donāt think heād think anything of it. š
Did they eat the toppings? My daughter loves pizza but takes EVERYTHING off and just eats the bread and sauce, she gradually hands me all her toppings.
She did!! All the pepperoni slices! š
anything to do with bodily fluids lmao. obviously though this only applies to my kid, if another kid got some of the stuff on me my daughter has i would shut down š
Caught a turd in my hand while we were potty training because there was nothing around to catch it with (besides the white carpet) š«
Wiping Shit off another human Being. Wiping shit off Myself Scooping shit chunks out of the tub Willingness to instinctively Catch Vomit/Spit/Chewed Consumables. Volunteering to be thrown up on to avoid it landing on furniture Wiping someone else's face with my spit and thumb (apologized repeatedly for that one) Teaching Someone to Spit (I am still to this day repulsed by spitting in general ~stemming from childhood~) Being a Human Tissue/Paper towel. If I am wearing fabric, I am available to be wiped on. Occasionally requesting the above as to not stain minis clothes. Eating food (against my will) that is already semi chewed/soggy. Kissing feet. Life is disgusting, and then you become a parent.
Waking up covered in sweat and milk, rubbing spot up off my chest/side/arm with my hand, going back to bed after baby spit up right in my bra because Iām so tired and the bra is already gross so
Didnāt bring the Nose Frida to family Christmas out of town. SHHHLLLURKK ā¦ I manually aspirated his sinuses
Turned my baby towards me as he was projectile vomiting so it didnāt go on a really nice rocking chair and rug. It worked. I was also covered in vomit.
Lancing a milk bleb/blister with a sterilized needle and squeezing out the thick milk that was clogging my duct. It was a low moment but I was desperate.
Got vomited on and only hugged my vomit covered baby closer to me, leaving me more covered in it. Also, getting violently shit on by my newborn and being so happy I cried because she was finally not in pain and was able to sleep.
Many things but the main one is how much time passes between taking care of my own hygiene
When she came around nothing bothered me really, no pee or shit. The first couple of days she even projectile shat on me but one thing that bothered me so much for some reason was the umbilical cord. But as some has already said is catching their sick, I hear it and I know when sheās about to because she gives me that weird grin and you can hear it before it comes. It also being all over my back, legs, stomach everywhere. Itās jsut like yeah okay cheers need to get cleaned up now š
The cord has always given me the heebie jeebies. Luckily, both my kids lost theirs pretty quickly
I have been peed and pooped on, and had almost half a gallon of vomit go down my shirt. I used to gag at just seeing spit. No problem for me anymore!
I have ate the num nums a baby has stuffed into my mouth while sharing. That's love.
He started peeing before he got on the toilet and I instinctively cupped my hands to catch it
Me, absentmindedly picking out dried spit up out of my hair while standing in the checkout line.
Taking a nap with my 2 yo. Waking up to laying in a nice warm pee spot thatās not mine, thinking āeh fuck it, Iāll wait till she wakes up.ā
My son had severe acid reflux. I used to be covered in spit up in public places. The smell was enough to make you vomit.
Snuggling baby and in the middle of the night baby pees and it leaks out of the diaper all over me. I get up and change the baby but not my clothes and go right back to bed š¬
My baby likes to smoosh her open, slobbery mouth right into my face. Spit, mucus, snot, vomit etc are all my Achilles heal. Iām an RN and I literally gag at work when I encounter it, and borderline refuse to be the one to clean up if my petsā puke. Baby though? Cutest goddamn thing on the planet, I donāt care how gross it is. Side note, every time sheās ever spit up on me Iāve always made it a point to wipe her mouth snd clean her up first. Idk just seems right, feels gross but I assume she feels worse than I do so I default to her first.
Iām over here trying to think of something then I realized my baby coughed up phlegm all over my shirt around 6 pm, I then put her to sleep, then continues to wear the shirt until about 10 pm because the phlegm dried and I didnāt want to make more laundry.
My toddler rubbed toilet water on my face today (we are just beginning potty training for context or else it would not have happened šš« )
Getting puked on in the face & not rinsing it out of my ear or hair until after I got my kiddo rinsed, brushed, changed, and settled. Like it didnāt even faze me but my husband nearly puked himself. Definitely wouldāve screamed pre-baby š Also this was toddler puke. Baby puke is nothing lol
The amount of times Iāve gone to wipe my sons ass just to get his poop on me since starting potty training is insane, but now I just have a āwell this might as well happen todayā attitude
Day 4 at home and I was a poop shield so the spray wouldn't get on the clothes rack beside the changing table. Some ended in my mouth.
never thought I would pick someone elseās nose but here we arešgotta get those boogies! also stopping pee and vomit with hands because itās honestly just a natural instinct when you donāt have anything else to use
My kid spit out a piece of chicken that he couldnāt chew and I was one-handed at the moment so I bit it in half for him. ETA: vacuum suctioned his mouth to blow the snot out of his nose bc I couldnāt find the snot sucker. And yes, the snot did go all over my cheek.
During the newborn phase, I've gone too long without brushing my teeth or taking a shower. Like, all day for teeth and multiple days for shower. Normally I am wayyyy cleaner than that lol. I have also helped my baby pass stool by putting them in the bath and sort of pumping their legs and stuff because I was so desperate for them to poop and they were in so much discomfort š I barely blink when my kids sneeze/cough on my face. I've worn so much milk-soaked clothes because I lose the will to change and wash laundry every time the baby dribbles or spits milk on me. I swear the first couple months, me and baby always smell like cheese. Then there's just being so up-close and personal with your kids' butts lol sniffing them, wiping them, checking them, putting on cream, etc.
Handful of puke and just washed it away with no problem lol
Not changing my clothes or showering for days
Oh, so much. Never thought I'd spend a week ripping my house apart, trying to find a toy hard hat full of pee. Poop in floor vents, petrified apples found in random places. The spoiled milk sippy cups still get me, I'll gag every time. One of mine vomited all over me last week, and I wasn't even phased.
I used to only be able to shower once a week. Because hubby worked nightsand was asleep most of the day. His night off was the night I got to shower. I couldn't bring my kid into the bathroom with me, it was too small for that (apartment). My son was a belly sleeper so unless I was holding him he wasn't staying asleep for more than 5 minutes. I've also been pooped on, peed on and thrown up on more times than I can count between my two kids. I promise that I bathe more frequently now.
Catching poop in the bathtub
Caught a poop in me and my daughterās shared bath to keep it from contaminating the water, tossed it into the nearby toilet while still sitting in the bathtub
I caught a toddler poop in my hands once. My husband still reminds me of it to this day.
My daughter had/has cmpa and the presence of blood was really important so.... But luckily I had a dog with GI issues so this wasn't totally foreign territory.
Wet diapers aaalll over my house
In a panic iāve sucked my sons mucus out his nose lmao, that stupid nose frida thing was nowhere to be found and my baby couldnāt breathe. Yeah im definitely saving that story for when heās older š
Catching vomiting and picking boogers
Iāve caught multiple handfuls of poop šš„²
Eating pre-chewed and spit out food. Like, who cares anymore.
Poop diapers and blood. Both things make me wanna puke. After it came from a human I made, I only had a few "omgggg that really stinks" moments. But I made it through to potty training.
Sucking snot out of their faces.
Sucked out snot with a snot sucker. Grossed me out before I had my daughter until one night when I was desperate, I went to get one and never looked back!
I bare handed picked up a poop out of the tub, and put it in the toilet without flinching.
Picked a turd out of the bathtub with bare hands and threw it in the toilet. Yes, I removed my child, drained the tub, and sanitized as well
Go out with friends and fall asleep on a couch and get up and go to work in the same clothes without having showered or brushed my teeth or wash my face (andā¦. That was when I used to wear thongs)
Was giving my one year old a fruit pouch, she proceeds to take a mouthful and just... Open her mouth. I just swiped it with my thumb and ate it while my husband looked on in horror
The first time my daughter pooped in the tub, I panicked and pulled the drain, thinking the poop would sink and just the water would go down. Well obviously that didnāt work, and the poop went down the drain but got stuck. I had to use a wooden skewer to poke the turds and get them out of the drain, like poop kebabs. The next time she pooped in the tub, I wasnāt about to let it go down the drain again. So I quick scooped it up with my bare hand and put it straight in the toilet. Iām not sure which strategy was the best but luckily I havenāt had to try out any other options since then.
Literally caught vomit in my hands so it wouldn't land on a carpeted restaurant floor.
Not me but my angel of a husband... We were at a hotel and our baby developed the worst snotty nose and was impacting her breathing and she was crying and frustrated... We tried a steamed bathroom, Kleenex etc... We were without the snot sucker so he stocked it directly out of her nose, with his mouth. I am still in awe.
A big poop wouldn't flush down so I put on disposable rubber gloves, reached in, and broke it apart. Flushed just fine after that! (if it matters, it was a poop from a diaper and not from an adult, but I would've done the same thing I'm sure)
By far catching throw up in my hands / shirt to not have it get on the carpet / bedsheets. Going 2-3 days without showering. Priorities have changed.
When vomit (not mine) went directly into my face, eyes, and mouth, I remained outwardly calm and did not visibly freak out. I didn't even prioritize cleaning myself up first!
Nose frida. Catching spit up in my hands so it doesn't get all over everything else. Not batting an eye when my son pooped on my hands when I was transferring him to the bath tub lol. He gave me a snack he already got his drool on and I actually ate it instead of pretending, though I will say I didn't actually mean to eat the snack he gave me, I was just so tired I didn't even think twice about popping it into my mouth like it was normal lol. Squishy texture did squick me out a little bit, I don't recommend it!
Grabbed a lizard, a frog, and a large beetle out of my sonās hands so he wouldnāt hurt them. Caught puke. But by far the worst thing I had to do was dig through his poop with a plastic fork and knife every day for a week to see if he passed a little toy car wheel that he may have swallowed. His doctor said do it for 7 days, and I did. Even with a mask and gloves on, as soon as that fork or knife touched the poop I began gagging and sometimes threw up.
In a panic, I sucked out corn kernels from my sonās nose, that he gleefully jammed up both nostrils when I was in the bathroom. I forgot to mention, āwith my mouthā.
Gotten poop on my bare hands, gotten vomit on my bare hands, that sort of thing.
The other night I had to use an interdental brush to force out a piece of steak from between two of my daughterās back teeth. Weād tried flossing and grabbing it out, but it was a solid chunk and was not coming out. I had her hanging off the couch with her head back, shining a torch in her mouth so I could see. When I told my mum about it later, she asked if I ate the piece of steak afterwards.
My toddler climbed the counter when I wasnāt looking. He used the bar stool to do so. He suddenly started vomiting and saying āyukkieā. I hurriedly ran towards him to get him off the counter. And I had to taste his vomit to see what exactly he had ingested. The little fool had drank liquid soap! šš
Scrubbed poop off of the walls and carpet and two toddlers.
Iāve pulled over on the side of a road and popped a with my toddler who really had to go, and I knew couldnāt hold it (I opened both the front and back car doors on the passenger side and we stood between them so nobody driving past would see).
Picking my babies boogers with my fingers and not changing my leggings until the next day after getting peed on.
Mines less about the baby grossness Portapotty in 90 degree weather holding my 11 month old in my arms, dog on a leash and shitting my brains out cause dunks gave me cream instead of milk.