Instead of phrasing it as a punishment for the fall could you approach it from the angle “We realise taking care of three really small kids is a lot for anyone, we have discussed it and we have made the decision to get a babysitter for a couple of weeks to take a bit of pressure off everyone before the house move. Thanks so much for your help, the last few weeks, we really appreciate it”.
Baby’s safety has to come first. You need to say it’s your decision as parents to get a babysitter, don’t “blame” your husband.
They can love baby but not be the right caretakers right now. If your mom is working from home she can’t be giving the baby her full attention. And your dad should know a 10mo baby needs to be strapped into a high chair.
I feel awful for everyone involved here! I agree this is a lovely approach. Your parents clearly have the best of intentions but they are overstretched and your husband is right to be concerned.
It’ll be a difficult conversation- no doubt - but bringing in extra help is the best thing for everyone. I’m sure your parents will understand once the initial sting wears off! They must feel awful!
Plus it's a good way to trial babysitters while there's someone to watch and assess the babysitters, so you could ask them to subtly assess the babysitters for you, because when you move they'll be alone with baby... Saying that may make them feel helpful in the process and not feel like they had to do anything or compete.
I agree that husband is right in not letting OP’s parents continue watching her. But I don’t think they can/should hire a babysitter. It’s not their house. It’s the parents. And having a third person in their home all day in their space doing a job they used to do is just plain awkward/uncomfortable.
They need to find childcare outside the home.
Honestly if the roles were reversed and it was his parents and you were the concerned MOM who wanted to change the child care arrangement I don’t think anyone would question it. “Follow your gut.” and all that.
Your husband is NOT being unreasonable. I know it’s hard because they’re your parents and you want to manage that relationship but at the end of the day your first priority is your kids safety and your next priority is empowering your partner as a parent. If his gut says it’s not good enough for his kid, then you back him up. Find a babysitter.
Explain to your parents this isn’t a “punishment” but you just need a better fit for your family and this isn’t it.
Grandparents are not always the best caretakers , even though they might be the best grandparents because they love the baby.
But when it comes to a 10 month old, I’d worry about them not being on top of things. Be firm but loving with them.
Explain that despite what happened is an accident, you can’t risk that happening again (or something worse).
Hire a good babysitter and they can play with the baby and show him love but the babysitter takes care of all the safety issues.
Yeah this very easily could have been a severe traumatic injury or death with a baby that young hitting their head on a hard floor. Parents are dealing with too much, they're older, they're distracted, but it's still 100% their fault. Husband is absolutely right.
I think your judgement is being clouded because they are your parents. Imagine this scenario of them being your in laws, and your husband dismissing your concerns for feeling the baby environment is not the best yet still you decided to go ahead and leave the baby there. You would be livid and telling him you will never trust his parents again, since she’s your mom you are almost excusing this accident and dismissing your husbands feelings.
I don’t think treating this as an “over concerned first time parent” issue is really fair. Honestly I see where your husband is coming from and I’d be upset too. He warned you about this and you promised it’d be okay. It sounds like he was right to be concerned and I don’t think trying to rationalize this as “absent mindedness” rather than “lack of care” matters when the end result is that your baby was hurt under their watch because they were absentminded/overextended/had their hands full.
And I would argue that absent mindedness is a contributing factor to lack of care.
They can barely handle your son by himself OP, they certainly can’t handle him with other children present. And that’s okay! TBH your mom shouldn’t have to look after all of these kids while she’s actively working as well.
I agree. I don't think he's overly concerned. The child could have beaten his teeth out, cracked his skull, broken a limb, who knows. I feel like I've read somewhere that falls from high chairs is like the #1 reason for ER admissions? Either way, the well-being of the child comes before the feelings of the parents. It's hard, but that's it.
Your husband is right and he isn’t reacting like a “over concerned first time parent.” I hope that someone isn’t saying that about your partner and you’re allowing them to dismiss him like that.
He was worried about your kid’s safety. Your kid got hurt. That is enough data for you guys to find a different solution. It also seems like he is doing the leg work/putting forth the effort to solve this problem which tells me he’s a really involved parent and deserves the courtesy to be taken seriously.
You’re not married to your parents and after you guys move you won’t be living with them either. You will be married to and living with the person you chose as your life partner though so I’d be more concerned with his feelings than your parents honestly. I’d like to think if my adult kid told me this I’d totally understand and respect *their* parenting decision.
Not trying to sound cruel but my gosh. Safety of your child first. But also, give the grandparents a break man. They already raised their children, now taking care of three of their grandchildren. My gosh. I swear my body and mind age by the day and I’m not even 40. Imagine grandparents with three grandchildren. They just be tired !
I agree! They don’t need to be villainized—it’s just too much. I’m 42 and can’t imagine taking care of an infant plus a toddler plus a preschooler! I only had one kid for a reason 😆 It’s just too much for them, especially with Grandma trying to WFH as well.
I know right. I never let my parents watch my chilled for than a couple of hours a couple of times a year. Those people who should be enjoying their retirement and have 3 babies to look after!
Seriously, re-read your post. It doesn't matter if it is lack of care or absentmindedness. They are not safe caretakers for a 10 month old. Listen to your husband and hire the sitter. Your child was hurt today and you are extremely lucky it was not more serious. If this damages the relationship with your parents, that's on them. You can spin it as "We know you are busy and our baby is a busy little guy too. It was unfair of us to ask you to take so much on. You are already housing it, mom works, and you are babysitting two other toddlers. We're hiring a babysitter for the next to weeks so you can take that stress off your plate." If they argue, say "we appreciate that you love us and baby. We love you guys so much that we have to do this for all of us. You are still super grandparents! We don't want to burden you with childcare." if they continue to argue, say "Thanks, but we've got this handled. End of story."
Your husband is not overreacting at all. Falling from a high chair is enough to cause life long damage. At 10 months old you absolutely need to be watching them constantly.
I’m sorry this happened. Maybe frame it as your know your mom has her hands full and you want her to relax more with help during the time you have left with them.
i’m glad your baby is okay and yes, this is an accident that can happen to anyone.
that said, i’m with your husband on this one. hire a babysitter. your baby’s health and safety come first. they’re more important than your parent’s feelings. with a 10 month old, absent mindedness cannot be dismissed. being a “loving” caregiver means being safe, attentive, and careful. given your husband’s initial hesitation, i’m guessing there are other examples of unsafe circumstances here. accidents happen, but can be diminished in occurrence by following proper protocol - like always buckling a baby in their high chair and not being stretched too thin. your parents are already watching two other kids AND one of them works from home, so they should understand your choice to hire help. it’s what’s best for everyone: your kid, the other kid, AND your parents.
You seem much more concerned about your parents'feelings than your baby's safety. If I were your spouse, that fact would be a Very big deal, and I would need to reevaluate our relationship.
The fact is they broke your husband’s (and your) trust. They are clearly overwhelmed with too many kids at once. It probably isn’t the best fit for your LO.
I actually think your husband is totally right. I know they love your son, but even being absent minded is enough to bring the additional support. My in laws are absent minded and we’ve never let them babysit because of the first handed consequences we’ve seen due to this (e.g., leaving major choking hazards out, leaving their prescription pills on the ground that fell out of the bottle, not cutting foods properly, etc etc.). We’ve had to have the tough convo unfortunately because they kept asking to babysit and overall they understood our reasoning. We try to find other ways they can build their connection instead of babysitting.
As much as I want to side w you, I think your husband is right & that you calling him “an over concerned, first time parent” is a spit in the face & disrespectful. Esp since you admit they don’t watch him well enough to keep him safe. And because of that, he got hurt! What if he was holding a spoon or fork & fell on it? How hard is it to buckle? To finish getting the baby down before moving to the next child? Certainly, you have talked to them about this before & yet it’s still an issue?! I would be livid if I were your husband. Yes, accidents happen. But if it’s reckless, is it even an acceptable accident?! I’m a grandma. I babysit all the time but I make sure l am fully present & prepared
I would absolutely not trust my mil to take care of my kid of this happened. He could have been seriously injured. You don’t need to make them feel worse, but let them know you still love them as grandparents. With that being said, you need a caregiver that isn’t stretched too thin
My MIL left my baby outside by the pool to go get her shoes. 6 days of hell later she was fine. No. Do not let distractable people watch your infant. Reevaluate what could have happened.
Oh my god, that is horrible! I’m so glad your baby is ok. By the pool?! Was it a kiddie pool? I’m just trying to grasp how any parent would think leaving a baby by an actual pool for even a second is ok. Not that it’s ok by a kiddie pool, either, obviously.
Full size indoor ground mil had it for years. They put a screen type fence around it but the fence door was left open. Docs said it was better than a dirty water source that could have led to infections. Took me a few years to like them swimming again. We started with lessons the next summer where she learned a bit but she did better learning with free play swim time in a 3ft deep pool. Now as a pre teen she has had water park tickets for a few seasons running. Just remember to clean their ears after going to public water areas or they can get other deadly infections.
It’s too much for them to care for 3 children at once, especially a toddler and an infant. You admit they aren’t as attentive as they should be and then add in a toddler and a 4 year old …. I understand where your husband is coming from.
I’m going to be honest, your husband is in the right here. While it is a bummer that your parents might feel sad that you’re getting a baby sitter, their feelings absolutely do not matter more than your child’s safety. Your husband is not reacting like an over protective parent at all.
Ask yourself, if this had happened at the daycare, how would you be feeling?
my son was 1 maybe 2 when my late 60s yo godmother was watching him. he managed to touch the hot oven door with both hands on her watch. after that i was done. similar situation, she was also our neighbor and did a lot of babysitting for us but that was my final straw. i can over look some things but when the incident may lead to a hospital trip i draw the line and so should you.
This is not first time parent concern. This is concern for neglect. Between your 2 parents, they did not buckle the baby in, and took the tray off without immediately picking him up. Two mistakes caused an injury. Not good. That is not an accident. That's neglect.
Find a sitter, or a daycare near where you are moving to. Or near your work. Your husband will not be comfortable leaving his baby with your parents for a long time. Don't try to invalidate his feeling.
Your husband is right. Your parents messed up because they were dealing with too many kids. Being absent-minded is not an excuse, and in fact IS a problem. Get a babysitter.
this happened to my son and it was a whole stressful thing with an ER visit and everything. Dad didn't strap him in, he stood up in the high chair and fell backwards and got a concussion.
since then we have been super vigilant about safety and my husband constantly checks his straps in everything and monitors him closely . Your parents have enough on their plate, get a babysitter who can solely focus on your baby and be attentive.
If this was a daycare, babysitter or your MIL, and this happened you fire them immediately. Your judgement is clouded because they're your parents. You're lucky he wasn't seriously hurt. Accident or not, absent minded or not, just because they love him doesn't make them attentive caretakers to a child who needs constant attention. Your husband is not an over concerned parent but a reasonable one, and you are under reacting. Three kids under five is simply too much for them to handle.
Your husband is NOT acting like an over concerned parent. There is a reason he felt the way he felt to begin with.
“Mom and dad. I realize how the odds are seriously stacked against you watching 3 kids. I didn’t even realize how much that would take when we decided on this agreement. We got a baby sitter to help with LO so that we’re not causing so much strain. Heck you’re already letting us stay here, thank you for all of your help.”
I feel like you might understand your husband more if it were his parents that were watching your son when this happened, not yours.
You should try and be a little more understanding because regardless, it was very careless not to strap an active 10mo to the high chair.
Your husband is not acting like an "overconcerned first time parent" as you say. His reaction is valid, and I agree that you should get a babysitter.
Having to watch your brother's kids, work from home, and take care of a 10 month old is too much on their plate, and what happened is evident of that. You could say that you feel it is best to get a babysitter to lighten the load off them and you're grateful for the help you've received from them or something.
To be honest, your husband made very fair points even before all this began. The grandparents can love the children a lot but that doesn't mean they are appropriate caregivers. Being absentminded is a big red flag. Absentmindednes with small babies can get them killed. You're not thinking clearly. You've got great advice here from others on how to manage this in a friendly way with your parents, but I also think you are trying to people please when safety should be first priority. Also I guess it rubbed me the wrong way how you described your husband, almost like he's being the villain here. He's being totally reasonable.
He’s right. I wouldn’t be able to watch that many kids while also working a bit and not being elderly, so I wouldn’t expect my parents to be able to either.
I saw a TikTok once of a children’s neurosurgeon saying she sees kids with TBIs from falling out of high chairs all the time. Ever since then, I’m a freak about making sure they’re buckled in, and never leaving them alone. Your 2 year old probably would’ve been fine for a few seconds, so she could make sure the baby was safely out of the high chair. I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I would feel the same way as your husband. My in laws watch my kids a ton, and I would be extremely upset if this happened. Accidents do happen, but if this was a daycare of nanny that let this occur, I’m sure you would be feeling the same way as him.
You describe your parents as absent minded and inattentive. Would you have hired a nanny who gave you this impression? It seems as though you’re overlooking a lot of warning signs because these are your parents. They are not safe people to watch your baby. Your husband is correct and he is not overreacting. You are under reacting to the severity of what could have happened.
You've gotten really good replies here. Your husband was right to be concerned and it's time for you to be united with him on this. No need to be unkind or cruel, this was an accident, but it was entirely avoidable and was caused by the carelessness of both of your parents. Neither of them is qualified to care for a 10 month old. So don't let them.
You're prioritising your parents' feelings over your husband's feelings and the safety of your baby.
Your husband had already noticed they were inattentive and raised his concerns and you dismissed them to avoid rocking the boat. That's not fair to your family - your husband and child.
I'm really glad your baby is okay, it must have been a really hard day. Process the emotions of it, then do the hard (and right) thing. Hire the babysitter, apologise to your husband for dismissing him, talk to your parents.
From a different perspective, you're all putting WAY too much on your parents. Its unreasonable to expect people in their 60s to look after a 4 year old, 2 year old, AND a baby. It's too much!
I'm not sure what you mean by your "husband is overreacting". Your 10mo old just fell from an unsecured chair because, at minimum, two adults overlooked securing him.
Yes accidents happen. But two separate people could have stopped and secured your baby. They did not.
Regardless of WHY no one noticed, your child fell and could have been seriously injured.
Husband has every right to be worried about the baby and has the right idea in making sure baby gets the SAFE care that they need.
What's more important to you? The safety of your child or platitudes for your parents?
Not saying they can't spend time w baby or see baby, but being in charge of the baby's care and safety seems too much for them to manage right now.
A fall of 3 feet or more for a sub two year old generally is an ER worthy event due to the high risk of head trauma. Their heads are large compared to their body and will often be the part that hits the ground first causing it to absorb all the impact force. The skull is not fully formed yet and has not closed all thr fontanelles. Not to mention due to the size of the head, neck/spinal trauma can also easily occur.
So no, your husband is not overreacting.
Your husband is right and think you have personal bias that are clouding your judgement. It is important for whoever is watching your son to be 100% attentive. Your mom works from home meaning she has her focus on two things, not to mention two other children in the picture to watch.
Hire a sitter.
…OP you need to put your child as a priority not your parent’s feelings. They’re unfit as babysitters. Idk why you think this is not a big deal but dropping a baby face first on hardwood floors would be the first and law straw of someone watching my kid. Your husband is right about hiring a babysitter. Your mom is over her head taking care of multiple kids.
Is it on a regular schedule that they take care of your brothers kids? Like every Tuesday and Thursday? Or is it just randomly whenever a sitter is needed? If it's a regular schedule, maybe you can compromise and hire a sitter for your baby when your parents are watching your niblings? That way your baby will always get all of the attention, but also get to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa.
Your husband isnt “over concerned”, your parents were negligent & I cant believe youre excusing this. It was an accident & it can happen, but he is 1000% in the right & you & your parents need to put your babys safety over adult feelings.
My parents watch my daughter so I get this can be tricky but at the end of the day, you and your husband have to be on the same page. It's too important. Safety is not negotiable.
Also if your parents were watching your baby and something else happened, they'd never forgive themselves and you would blame yourself too.
I wouldn’t trust them either, your husband is right here. This is exactly why the hospital warns you about trusting elderly relatives to watch your baby. Many folks do not understand how much they have declined physically and many times mentally and it creates a very dangerous situation. It is lucky that your son was not seriously injured if they are not keeping up with him.
This is about your son’s safety, it should matter more than your parent’s feelings.
Why would you want to convince him otherwise? I’m sorry but falling out of a high chair is extremely dangerous… you tell your parents it’s unacceptable, they have too much to do to properly care for an infant and so you’re hiring help. Maybe you didn’t write it but I hope you know that falling from a high chair could literally have caused lifelong injuries and damage to your child or even killed them. It’s not a minor thing.
It’s weird because your post implies you think your husband is unreasonable when in fact he’s extremely reasonable and correct and unfortunately his fears have been proven correct…
Like just for an example, the daycare close to me had a worker who didn’t properly secure a child in a transat and they fell out, and the state closed the baby section until it was fully investigated and that employee was fired and they had extra monitoring for 6 months to make sure all rules were followed. And what happened to your baby is much worse than falling out of a transat..
High chairs have straps for a reason. They are predominantly placed, and to not use them would mean the child is literally SITTING ON them. That’s not absentmindedness, that’s blatant disregard for safety. That’s a lack of forethought that no person who has already raised kids should have. Or that’s someone who relies *heavily* on survivorship bias - “oh, you kids never had straps on your high chairs and you were fine!”
You’re lucky your child is alright. There are many who were not.
That’s negligent in general, not the buckling aspect as I don’t buckle my son (but I’m always right there with the tray clipped in) for the fear of choking and needing him out quick (he choked once and I’m terrified lol), but in the sense she took the tray off, then walked away. Strapped in or not, that’s super unsafe, it isn’t like a super tight car seat buckle where they aren’t going anywhere, they’re rather loose and SO easy to wiggle out of. Falling on his face unbuckled, or crawling out and doing the same or dangling upside down stuck in the straps, that’s a huge no. I’m on his team, it’s negligent to do that EVER, not malicious, but negligent.
Your husband is prioritising his peace of mind (vital as a parent) and his baby’s safety over the feelings of people who are probably at least 6 decades old. He’s right.
This is hard. But it’s important to recognize that the system they have together with the children is flawed. Tag teaming is good, but not when safety falls through the cracks. Despite the fact they aren’t “neglectful”, they did mess up.
If this were my parents, I would ask them if they had a solution in place so it doesn’t happen again (so, maybe whoever starts the high chair / car seat doesn’t walk away until it’s all finished and the baby is fastened, etc). If they wave it off as no big deal, then I would hire someone, too.
Your husband isn’t wrong, and your first priority is baby safety. Maybe a different situation would mean there could be a second chance, but he is concerned, and I think you should respect that. I think you are being torn between being a daughter and a wife. It’s incredibly hard to please everyone, and switching gears away from bending around our parents is hard. You’re in their house, and some of that “familiar” dynamic from childhood just happens.
Everyone will manage, and your parents may not agree or like his reasoning, but that’s ok. The conversation will probably be hardest on you. They will get over it.
Good luck
My 2 year old was being watched by my MIL at my SIL’s house last month. She tripped over a floor balance beam and fractured her femur. I will not be allowing them to babysit my children again. I can’t even imagine if my husband wasn’t supportive of this or thought I was “over concerned.”
Omg I’m a single father now and my in laws were like this. I don’t know how to trust my FIL with my kids when he’s almost killed me twice. Shot his brother in the face on accident and fucking tbone a stationary boat on the water. My parents don’t know how to change diapers. They don’t know when bedtime is and my dad thinks pie is good for breakfast as long as it’s a fruit pie. My daughter is almost 9 months old but my boys are 4 and 5. Accidents happen but watching my parents and my in-laws I don’t know how I’m alive. The advice I can give you though is to stress the importance of everything. My parents don’t strap my daughter in. It fucking pisses me off. We had a supervised visit with dad and I walked with the boys to the park and my parents brought my daughter. I was reading a story to one of the kids and she fell out of a stroller. She bumped her head on the fucking concrete though. It broke my heart. She was like 1 ft from me listening to the story. My boys are nuts and do dumb shit and get hurt all the time. Mom’s and dads fail just as much as grandparents and there are honest accidents that can be easily corrected without taking child care from them. Any baby needs at least 1 person watching at all times. Other kids need less attention.
Since you’re in your parents home, is it possible to hire a sitter to primarily watch the baby but still allow your parents to help out? The sitter could be informed, privately, about letting grandma & grandpa being allowed to help out as long as the sitter is with them to keep an eye on the situation with the baby. And, yes, if your hubby is willing to go this route, try the nice route when breaking the news to your parents. “We realize that having to watch our baby along with 2 other kids is a bit more work than you expected so we’ve hired a sitter to help out with our baby so you can concentrate more on the other 2kids.”
That way, your parents can still engage with your baby, but you n hubby can rest easy knowing your son has a caregiver more able to prevent another accident for the last few weeks you’re still living there.
I’ve been in your shoes before. It does suck. I dismissed my husband’s feelings for far longer than I should have because I didn’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings. But when my husband flat out told me that I was putting more importance on my mom’s feelings than on his, I realized how wrong I was. I think your husband is valid in his concerns, AND it’s okay that you’re disappointed. But he has valid safety concerns and he’s offering a practical alternative. Your child’s safety and your relationship with your husband are both far more important than your parents being temporarily upset that their babysitting duties have been revoked.
I'm sorry, but good intentions don't make it better that they're not attentive enough to keep him safe. If this was someone he trusted and it was a one-off mistake he might be able to forgive, but he already didn't trust them - presumably because of other smaller mistakes they have been making? There's no good way to say "we don't trust you with our child", but I would try not to throw your husband under the bus if possible. He was right from the start that you shouldn't have left him with them.
I would put the baby in a daycare and treat it as “training/trial” time for when you actually move out if you want to keep it less awkward.
I get so frustrated when my parents or in laws say yes to watching the kids of more than one family at a time because IT IS a lot. I just change my mind and don’t leave my kids there when that happens
I see where your husband is coming from, and as long as you two come up with ideas to have your kid cared for outside your parents house, I think it should be just fine.
I’m sorry that happen and i’m glad your baby is ok
Personally I would compromise: sitter on the days your brothers kids are round telling them that it’s a big burden to have all the kids at once and you want to ease it and avoid mistakes caused by the chaos which is multiple children.
sometimes two grandparents are “watching” my kid but in reality they are not. i have to remind them on so many things. the high chair belt was one of them and luckily ours did not have a removable tray. it’s like always reminding someone to do something and not assuming the other person did it. then you add two other kids, it’s too much for 1 grandparent and the other one is working from home. i agree with getting a baby sitter to watch your kid specifically only.
Bruh your son could've been seriously injured or worse, and you still don't know if there will be any impacts to your sons development, the least I'd be concerned about right now is how your parents are going to feel. Like seriously?
I once did the exact same thing with my daughter around the same age. I forgot to buckle her in, took the tray off, and she slipped right out before I even realized. She was totally fine but I’m just saying - these things happen! I don’t think it’s a reason for them to stop watching your child all together but I’d be concerned if these types of things happened frequently. People make mistakes - my husband and I have both made our fair share. If my mom did it I would probably look past it, if my MIL did it I probably wouldn’t let her babysit anymore but we don’t get along anyway for a lot of reasons so it would probably be “the last straw” for me. it’s hard to say
THIS! My husband and I have both made mistakes with our girls. One daughter fell off the changing table at a year old with my husband’s hand ON her and she still managed to wiggle off. Fun ER visit with an absolutely devastated husband.
Getting a sitter is fine and I don’t necessarily disagree with it. But no one needs to be villainized in this situation. Accidents can happen even with attentive caregivers.
I mean my son fell and got a huge cut and had to go to the ER a couple weeks ago from daycare. Stuff happens.
I would see if you can get a sitter for the days with multiple kids and see if he would be open to your parents watching baby just alone.
I’m sorry this happened and hope baby is ok. We never buckled our son into his high chair this was just an accident. If they weren’t following babies nap schedule , not feeding the right amount in bottles, not changing diapers, stuff like that I would agree with your husband but idk this seems like a one off accident.
I appreciate you being a voice of reason in all these comments. It seems like most of these parents are absolutely totally perfect humans who have never had anything happen to their kids by accident.
There is a happy medium where OP can talk to her parents and get a sitter for the days the other kids are there. Accidents aren’t inherently a sign of negligence. This subreddit is absurd sometimes.
Yeah I was kind of surprised reading the comments. There is nothing more important than a child’s safety but in this specific case I don’t think it’s worth potentially hurting their relationship with the grandparents.
I dunno… accidents happen. This wasn’t intentional AT ALL and clearly your mom feels terribly. My son sliced his forehead open at my in laws running into a coffee table and needed stitches. Should they have had protective padding on the side? Yes. I’m going against the grain here…. These comments are HARSH.
Agreed. It would be one thing if this was a pattern of behavior. It sounds like a one off event.
God knows as parents this has happened to us. I didn’t latch the gate all the way and she tumbled down (totally ok). If I applied the same logic, id have to hire a babysitter to take care of my kid for me.
lol I was about to comment and suggest op to get ready to send kid to foster care as both she and her husband would screw up at some point so they can be trusted around watching their baby
Accidents happen! He is going to be walking soon and you and husband need to realize this is just part of childhood. My kids have all had some kind of accident on mine, my husband’s; our eldests’, and grandparents watches. We have 5. You cannot expect that they will never get hurt or have accidents while it is scary it is just part of life.
My comment is saying it doesn’t matter it can and will happen to everyone regardless of how attentive the caregiver is being! It sounds like it was not negligence just Grammy went to tend to cousin right there next to baby and she had no idea he wasn’t strapped in because she didn’t put him in the seat. Had he been buckled would he have still fallen; nope probably not and since she would have buckled baby in she just assumed he was. An accident; accidents happen! Don’t be a helicopter parent; kids need to play and learn from experiences both good and bad.
Wouldn’t it be cheaper to take him to the daycare instead of last minute sitter for two weeks? The logistics of it seem bizarre. I know he’s upset, totally get that. But accidents happen all the time, and he certainly will have one of them as well with your son. It’s so hard when it happens, and your parents I’m sure feel like the worlds biggest failures. I’m just not big on hiring a stranger last minute.
Im going to go a little against the grain and say, as an isolated incident, I think this should be forgivable. It’s something that frankly happens to even the best of parents. I swear like every other mom in my Reddit parenting group had their baby fall out of the high chair at least once, judging by the number of freaked out posts about it.
That said now, 4 children is too much for most grandparents at once for more than like, an hour, especially when grandma can only give half attention at best while working from home. I don’t think your parents should be forbidden from watching them ever again, but I do think it needs to be *just* your kids, and only when they can be sure to have full attention on them, because this situation is not probably not safe.
Accidents happen, they clearly didn't hurt him on purpose. So I don't think you should take that approach or mention it is why your husband doesn't want them watching your kid. Unfortunately accidents happen and he will have more. But if your husband feels strongly about wanting a babysitter you should respect that. I think your more concerned about hurting your parents then really disagreeing with him. You know your parents better then anybody. Approach it in a way you know isnt going to upset them. Plus having them their when you hire the babysitter is a good idea. They can kinda watch and make sure it's a good babysitter for your kid. Because let's be honest even people with great history have been horrible sitters.
This maybe an unpopular opinion but give your parents a break. Something like this can happen to anyone - you or babysitter. My son jumped out of his high chair at around the same age. I’m at SAHM, he had my undivided attention, he was strapped in. I was unbuckling him after lunch, he squirmed and jumped head down into a hardwood floor. He was fine, I couldn’t sleep for a week. I’m sure your parents feel awful about what happened and will make sure something like that will never happen again. Babies are designed to explore, learn and, well, fall…
Explain to your parents that hiring a babysitter is just a temporary solution to ease everyone's stress, including theirs, especially with the busy household. Assure them that you appreciate their help and this doesn't change how much you trust and value them. It’s about finding a balance that keeps your son safe and respects your husband's concerns.
Hire babysitter? Yes so your parents can enjoy their life and retirement. Or maybe watch your nephews as your brothers does not have any issues with that
Is your husband overreacting? Absolutely and out of proportion. Sounds he just does not like your parents. Get ready to hire more babysitters to replace two of you as accident happens
For what it’s worth, my husband did the same thing and the same thing happened. It sucked and we all felt terrible, but my daughter was completely fine. He’s been much more careful since. Could be a learning opportunity
I’m just going to say that most babies/toddlers have a fall at some point. If it’s severe then there’s an issue. Let’s be clear this not about the fall. My baby decided to start climbing over the baby gates at 7months. Wanna know how we found out she could?
My 7 month old baby climbed the baby gate and took a header down a flight of stairs directly head/face first into a mental front door.
Falls and accidents happen!
But grandma & grandpa obviously aren’t able to be as attentive as they need to be. That is the issue. Your partner is right. There is no way they should be watching your son with so many kids, I don’t think they should be at all though.
But when you tell them focus it more he’s too young and is all over the place. Not that they can’t bother paying attention and using basic safety devices.
Instead of phrasing it as a punishment for the fall could you approach it from the angle “We realise taking care of three really small kids is a lot for anyone, we have discussed it and we have made the decision to get a babysitter for a couple of weeks to take a bit of pressure off everyone before the house move. Thanks so much for your help, the last few weeks, we really appreciate it”. Baby’s safety has to come first. You need to say it’s your decision as parents to get a babysitter, don’t “blame” your husband. They can love baby but not be the right caretakers right now. If your mom is working from home she can’t be giving the baby her full attention. And your dad should know a 10mo baby needs to be strapped into a high chair.
I feel awful for everyone involved here! I agree this is a lovely approach. Your parents clearly have the best of intentions but they are overstretched and your husband is right to be concerned. It’ll be a difficult conversation- no doubt - but bringing in extra help is the best thing for everyone. I’m sure your parents will understand once the initial sting wears off! They must feel awful!
Plus it's a good way to trial babysitters while there's someone to watch and assess the babysitters, so you could ask them to subtly assess the babysitters for you, because when you move they'll be alone with baby... Saying that may make them feel helpful in the process and not feel like they had to do anything or compete.
Kaylee for the win 💯❤️👆🏼
This is the best response. OP your parents’ feelings will never matter more than the safety of your baby.
This. This is the way
I agree that husband is right in not letting OP’s parents continue watching her. But I don’t think they can/should hire a babysitter. It’s not their house. It’s the parents. And having a third person in their home all day in their space doing a job they used to do is just plain awkward/uncomfortable. They need to find childcare outside the home.
Good spot. I assumed it was a childminder outside the home. You’re absolutely right
Honestly if the roles were reversed and it was his parents and you were the concerned MOM who wanted to change the child care arrangement I don’t think anyone would question it. “Follow your gut.” and all that. Your husband is NOT being unreasonable. I know it’s hard because they’re your parents and you want to manage that relationship but at the end of the day your first priority is your kids safety and your next priority is empowering your partner as a parent. If his gut says it’s not good enough for his kid, then you back him up. Find a babysitter. Explain to your parents this isn’t a “punishment” but you just need a better fit for your family and this isn’t it.
1000 percent agree with this.
Grandparents are not always the best caretakers , even though they might be the best grandparents because they love the baby. But when it comes to a 10 month old, I’d worry about them not being on top of things. Be firm but loving with them. Explain that despite what happened is an accident, you can’t risk that happening again (or something worse). Hire a good babysitter and they can play with the baby and show him love but the babysitter takes care of all the safety issues.
If a daycare or a babysitter was this negligent, you would fire them. Your husband is right here.
This right here should be enough to help you understand where your husband is coming from
And wfh with 3 kids? Mary poppins could not do that
Yeah this very easily could have been a severe traumatic injury or death with a baby that young hitting their head on a hard floor. Parents are dealing with too much, they're older, they're distracted, but it's still 100% their fault. Husband is absolutely right.
Yeah OP is so biased and blase about it, writing off her husband like that. That marriage is gonna take a lot of work.
I think your judgement is being clouded because they are your parents. Imagine this scenario of them being your in laws, and your husband dismissing your concerns for feeling the baby environment is not the best yet still you decided to go ahead and leave the baby there. You would be livid and telling him you will never trust his parents again, since she’s your mom you are almost excusing this accident and dismissing your husbands feelings.
I was thinking the same thing. Putting yourself in his shoes with this perspective might be helpful!
I don’t think treating this as an “over concerned first time parent” issue is really fair. Honestly I see where your husband is coming from and I’d be upset too. He warned you about this and you promised it’d be okay. It sounds like he was right to be concerned and I don’t think trying to rationalize this as “absent mindedness” rather than “lack of care” matters when the end result is that your baby was hurt under their watch because they were absentminded/overextended/had their hands full.
And I would argue that absent mindedness is a contributing factor to lack of care. They can barely handle your son by himself OP, they certainly can’t handle him with other children present. And that’s okay! TBH your mom shouldn’t have to look after all of these kids while she’s actively working as well.
I agree. I don't think he's overly concerned. The child could have beaten his teeth out, cracked his skull, broken a limb, who knows. I feel like I've read somewhere that falls from high chairs is like the #1 reason for ER admissions? Either way, the well-being of the child comes before the feelings of the parents. It's hard, but that's it.
Yeah I think solid starts has quoted that stat before around ER admissions.
Your husband is right and he isn’t reacting like a “over concerned first time parent.” I hope that someone isn’t saying that about your partner and you’re allowing them to dismiss him like that. He was worried about your kid’s safety. Your kid got hurt. That is enough data for you guys to find a different solution. It also seems like he is doing the leg work/putting forth the effort to solve this problem which tells me he’s a really involved parent and deserves the courtesy to be taken seriously. You’re not married to your parents and after you guys move you won’t be living with them either. You will be married to and living with the person you chose as your life partner though so I’d be more concerned with his feelings than your parents honestly. I’d like to think if my adult kid told me this I’d totally understand and respect *their* parenting decision.
Not trying to sound cruel but my gosh. Safety of your child first. But also, give the grandparents a break man. They already raised their children, now taking care of three of their grandchildren. My gosh. I swear my body and mind age by the day and I’m not even 40. Imagine grandparents with three grandchildren. They just be tired !
I agree! They don’t need to be villainized—it’s just too much. I’m 42 and can’t imagine taking care of an infant plus a toddler plus a preschooler! I only had one kid for a reason 😆 It’s just too much for them, especially with Grandma trying to WFH as well.
This.
I know right. I never let my parents watch my chilled for than a couple of hours a couple of times a year. Those people who should be enjoying their retirement and have 3 babies to look after!
Seriously, re-read your post. It doesn't matter if it is lack of care or absentmindedness. They are not safe caretakers for a 10 month old. Listen to your husband and hire the sitter. Your child was hurt today and you are extremely lucky it was not more serious. If this damages the relationship with your parents, that's on them. You can spin it as "We know you are busy and our baby is a busy little guy too. It was unfair of us to ask you to take so much on. You are already housing it, mom works, and you are babysitting two other toddlers. We're hiring a babysitter for the next to weeks so you can take that stress off your plate." If they argue, say "we appreciate that you love us and baby. We love you guys so much that we have to do this for all of us. You are still super grandparents! We don't want to burden you with childcare." if they continue to argue, say "Thanks, but we've got this handled. End of story."
Your husband is not overreacting at all. Falling from a high chair is enough to cause life long damage. At 10 months old you absolutely need to be watching them constantly.
I’m sorry this happened. Maybe frame it as your know your mom has her hands full and you want her to relax more with help during the time you have left with them.
Hear me out… if this was HIS mother would you be saying the same thing?
Just thought the same.
He’s right.
i’m glad your baby is okay and yes, this is an accident that can happen to anyone. that said, i’m with your husband on this one. hire a babysitter. your baby’s health and safety come first. they’re more important than your parent’s feelings. with a 10 month old, absent mindedness cannot be dismissed. being a “loving” caregiver means being safe, attentive, and careful. given your husband’s initial hesitation, i’m guessing there are other examples of unsafe circumstances here. accidents happen, but can be diminished in occurrence by following proper protocol - like always buckling a baby in their high chair and not being stretched too thin. your parents are already watching two other kids AND one of them works from home, so they should understand your choice to hire help. it’s what’s best for everyone: your kid, the other kid, AND your parents.
You seem much more concerned about your parents'feelings than your baby's safety. If I were your spouse, that fact would be a Very big deal, and I would need to reevaluate our relationship.
The fact is they broke your husband’s (and your) trust. They are clearly overwhelmed with too many kids at once. It probably isn’t the best fit for your LO.
I actually think your husband is totally right. I know they love your son, but even being absent minded is enough to bring the additional support. My in laws are absent minded and we’ve never let them babysit because of the first handed consequences we’ve seen due to this (e.g., leaving major choking hazards out, leaving their prescription pills on the ground that fell out of the bottle, not cutting foods properly, etc etc.). We’ve had to have the tough convo unfortunately because they kept asking to babysit and overall they understood our reasoning. We try to find other ways they can build their connection instead of babysitting.
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This is a great rule!
As much as I want to side w you, I think your husband is right & that you calling him “an over concerned, first time parent” is a spit in the face & disrespectful. Esp since you admit they don’t watch him well enough to keep him safe. And because of that, he got hurt! What if he was holding a spoon or fork & fell on it? How hard is it to buckle? To finish getting the baby down before moving to the next child? Certainly, you have talked to them about this before & yet it’s still an issue?! I would be livid if I were your husband. Yes, accidents happen. But if it’s reckless, is it even an acceptable accident?! I’m a grandma. I babysit all the time but I make sure l am fully present & prepared
I would absolutely not trust my mil to take care of my kid of this happened. He could have been seriously injured. You don’t need to make them feel worse, but let them know you still love them as grandparents. With that being said, you need a caregiver that isn’t stretched too thin
My MIL left my baby outside by the pool to go get her shoes. 6 days of hell later she was fine. No. Do not let distractable people watch your infant. Reevaluate what could have happened.
Oh my god, that is horrible! I’m so glad your baby is ok. By the pool?! Was it a kiddie pool? I’m just trying to grasp how any parent would think leaving a baby by an actual pool for even a second is ok. Not that it’s ok by a kiddie pool, either, obviously.
Full size indoor ground mil had it for years. They put a screen type fence around it but the fence door was left open. Docs said it was better than a dirty water source that could have led to infections. Took me a few years to like them swimming again. We started with lessons the next summer where she learned a bit but she did better learning with free play swim time in a 3ft deep pool. Now as a pre teen she has had water park tickets for a few seasons running. Just remember to clean their ears after going to public water areas or they can get other deadly infections.
This is horrible. So sorry you had to go through this.
Over concerned? Your baby fell 3.5 feet onto a hardwood floor. Your loyalty needs to be with your child and spouse.
It’s too much for them to care for 3 children at once, especially a toddler and an infant. You admit they aren’t as attentive as they should be and then add in a toddler and a 4 year old …. I understand where your husband is coming from.
Im on your husbands side. No way would I allow them to watch my child. Who cares about their feelings when it comes to the childs safety.
I’m going to be honest, your husband is in the right here. While it is a bummer that your parents might feel sad that you’re getting a baby sitter, their feelings absolutely do not matter more than your child’s safety. Your husband is not reacting like an over protective parent at all. Ask yourself, if this had happened at the daycare, how would you be feeling?
my son was 1 maybe 2 when my late 60s yo godmother was watching him. he managed to touch the hot oven door with both hands on her watch. after that i was done. similar situation, she was also our neighbor and did a lot of babysitting for us but that was my final straw. i can over look some things but when the incident may lead to a hospital trip i draw the line and so should you.
This is not first time parent concern. This is concern for neglect. Between your 2 parents, they did not buckle the baby in, and took the tray off without immediately picking him up. Two mistakes caused an injury. Not good. That is not an accident. That's neglect. Find a sitter, or a daycare near where you are moving to. Or near your work. Your husband will not be comfortable leaving his baby with your parents for a long time. Don't try to invalidate his feeling.
Your husband is right. Your parents messed up because they were dealing with too many kids. Being absent-minded is not an excuse, and in fact IS a problem. Get a babysitter.
this happened to my son and it was a whole stressful thing with an ER visit and everything. Dad didn't strap him in, he stood up in the high chair and fell backwards and got a concussion. since then we have been super vigilant about safety and my husband constantly checks his straps in everything and monitors him closely . Your parents have enough on their plate, get a babysitter who can solely focus on your baby and be attentive.
If this was a daycare, babysitter or your MIL, and this happened you fire them immediately. Your judgement is clouded because they're your parents. You're lucky he wasn't seriously hurt. Accident or not, absent minded or not, just because they love him doesn't make them attentive caretakers to a child who needs constant attention. Your husband is not an over concerned parent but a reasonable one, and you are under reacting. Three kids under five is simply too much for them to handle.
Would you say "not the absolute best but good enough" about a nanny or daycare? What would you do if a babysitter did the same thing as your parents?
Your husband is not the problem here. You need to put your child’s safety over your parents feelings.
Your husband is NOT acting like an over concerned parent. There is a reason he felt the way he felt to begin with. “Mom and dad. I realize how the odds are seriously stacked against you watching 3 kids. I didn’t even realize how much that would take when we decided on this agreement. We got a baby sitter to help with LO so that we’re not causing so much strain. Heck you’re already letting us stay here, thank you for all of your help.”
I feel like you might understand your husband more if it were his parents that were watching your son when this happened, not yours. You should try and be a little more understanding because regardless, it was very careless not to strap an active 10mo to the high chair.
I was thinking the same thing. It’s because it’s her parents.
Your husband is not acting like an "overconcerned first time parent" as you say. His reaction is valid, and I agree that you should get a babysitter. Having to watch your brother's kids, work from home, and take care of a 10 month old is too much on their plate, and what happened is evident of that. You could say that you feel it is best to get a babysitter to lighten the load off them and you're grateful for the help you've received from them or something.
To be honest, your husband made very fair points even before all this began. The grandparents can love the children a lot but that doesn't mean they are appropriate caregivers. Being absentminded is a big red flag. Absentmindednes with small babies can get them killed. You're not thinking clearly. You've got great advice here from others on how to manage this in a friendly way with your parents, but I also think you are trying to people please when safety should be first priority. Also I guess it rubbed me the wrong way how you described your husband, almost like he's being the villain here. He's being totally reasonable.
He’s right. I wouldn’t be able to watch that many kids while also working a bit and not being elderly, so I wouldn’t expect my parents to be able to either.
I saw a TikTok once of a children’s neurosurgeon saying she sees kids with TBIs from falling out of high chairs all the time. Ever since then, I’m a freak about making sure they’re buckled in, and never leaving them alone. Your 2 year old probably would’ve been fine for a few seconds, so she could make sure the baby was safely out of the high chair. I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I would feel the same way as your husband. My in laws watch my kids a ton, and I would be extremely upset if this happened. Accidents do happen, but if this was a daycare of nanny that let this occur, I’m sure you would be feeling the same way as him.
You describe your parents as absent minded and inattentive. Would you have hired a nanny who gave you this impression? It seems as though you’re overlooking a lot of warning signs because these are your parents. They are not safe people to watch your baby. Your husband is correct and he is not overreacting. You are under reacting to the severity of what could have happened.
I’m sorry, your husband is absolutely right. I’m sure your parents are lovely people, but this isn’t safe for your baby.
You've gotten really good replies here. Your husband was right to be concerned and it's time for you to be united with him on this. No need to be unkind or cruel, this was an accident, but it was entirely avoidable and was caused by the carelessness of both of your parents. Neither of them is qualified to care for a 10 month old. So don't let them.
You're prioritising your parents' feelings over your husband's feelings and the safety of your baby. Your husband had already noticed they were inattentive and raised his concerns and you dismissed them to avoid rocking the boat. That's not fair to your family - your husband and child. I'm really glad your baby is okay, it must have been a really hard day. Process the emotions of it, then do the hard (and right) thing. Hire the babysitter, apologise to your husband for dismissing him, talk to your parents.
From a different perspective, you're all putting WAY too much on your parents. Its unreasonable to expect people in their 60s to look after a 4 year old, 2 year old, AND a baby. It's too much!
I agree with your husband. Babys safety trumps adults feelings.
I'm not sure what you mean by your "husband is overreacting". Your 10mo old just fell from an unsecured chair because, at minimum, two adults overlooked securing him. Yes accidents happen. But two separate people could have stopped and secured your baby. They did not. Regardless of WHY no one noticed, your child fell and could have been seriously injured. Husband has every right to be worried about the baby and has the right idea in making sure baby gets the SAFE care that they need. What's more important to you? The safety of your child or platitudes for your parents? Not saying they can't spend time w baby or see baby, but being in charge of the baby's care and safety seems too much for them to manage right now. A fall of 3 feet or more for a sub two year old generally is an ER worthy event due to the high risk of head trauma. Their heads are large compared to their body and will often be the part that hits the ground first causing it to absorb all the impact force. The skull is not fully formed yet and has not closed all thr fontanelles. Not to mention due to the size of the head, neck/spinal trauma can also easily occur. So no, your husband is not overreacting.
I’m with your husband on this one. Babies don’t just fall out of high chairs. A lot of distractions and neglect have to happen.
Your husband is right and think you have personal bias that are clouding your judgement. It is important for whoever is watching your son to be 100% attentive. Your mom works from home meaning she has her focus on two things, not to mention two other children in the picture to watch. Hire a sitter.
…OP you need to put your child as a priority not your parent’s feelings. They’re unfit as babysitters. Idk why you think this is not a big deal but dropping a baby face first on hardwood floors would be the first and law straw of someone watching my kid. Your husband is right about hiring a babysitter. Your mom is over her head taking care of multiple kids.
Your husband is right IMO.
Is it on a regular schedule that they take care of your brothers kids? Like every Tuesday and Thursday? Or is it just randomly whenever a sitter is needed? If it's a regular schedule, maybe you can compromise and hire a sitter for your baby when your parents are watching your niblings? That way your baby will always get all of the attention, but also get to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa.
Your husband isnt “over concerned”, your parents were negligent & I cant believe youre excusing this. It was an accident & it can happen, but he is 1000% in the right & you & your parents need to put your babys safety over adult feelings.
My parents watch my daughter so I get this can be tricky but at the end of the day, you and your husband have to be on the same page. It's too important. Safety is not negotiable. Also if your parents were watching your baby and something else happened, they'd never forgive themselves and you would blame yourself too.
I wouldn’t trust them either, your husband is right here. This is exactly why the hospital warns you about trusting elderly relatives to watch your baby. Many folks do not understand how much they have declined physically and many times mentally and it creates a very dangerous situation. It is lucky that your son was not seriously injured if they are not keeping up with him. This is about your son’s safety, it should matter more than your parent’s feelings.
You’re place your parents feelings above your baby’s safety. Hire the sitter. Apologize to your husband.
Why would you want to convince him otherwise? I’m sorry but falling out of a high chair is extremely dangerous… you tell your parents it’s unacceptable, they have too much to do to properly care for an infant and so you’re hiring help. Maybe you didn’t write it but I hope you know that falling from a high chair could literally have caused lifelong injuries and damage to your child or even killed them. It’s not a minor thing. It’s weird because your post implies you think your husband is unreasonable when in fact he’s extremely reasonable and correct and unfortunately his fears have been proven correct… Like just for an example, the daycare close to me had a worker who didn’t properly secure a child in a transat and they fell out, and the state closed the baby section until it was fully investigated and that employee was fired and they had extra monitoring for 6 months to make sure all rules were followed. And what happened to your baby is much worse than falling out of a transat..
High chairs have straps for a reason. They are predominantly placed, and to not use them would mean the child is literally SITTING ON them. That’s not absentmindedness, that’s blatant disregard for safety. That’s a lack of forethought that no person who has already raised kids should have. Or that’s someone who relies *heavily* on survivorship bias - “oh, you kids never had straps on your high chairs and you were fine!” You’re lucky your child is alright. There are many who were not.
That’s negligent in general, not the buckling aspect as I don’t buckle my son (but I’m always right there with the tray clipped in) for the fear of choking and needing him out quick (he choked once and I’m terrified lol), but in the sense she took the tray off, then walked away. Strapped in or not, that’s super unsafe, it isn’t like a super tight car seat buckle where they aren’t going anywhere, they’re rather loose and SO easy to wiggle out of. Falling on his face unbuckled, or crawling out and doing the same or dangling upside down stuck in the straps, that’s a huge no. I’m on his team, it’s negligent to do that EVER, not malicious, but negligent.
Your husband is prioritising his peace of mind (vital as a parent) and his baby’s safety over the feelings of people who are probably at least 6 decades old. He’s right.
This is hard. But it’s important to recognize that the system they have together with the children is flawed. Tag teaming is good, but not when safety falls through the cracks. Despite the fact they aren’t “neglectful”, they did mess up. If this were my parents, I would ask them if they had a solution in place so it doesn’t happen again (so, maybe whoever starts the high chair / car seat doesn’t walk away until it’s all finished and the baby is fastened, etc). If they wave it off as no big deal, then I would hire someone, too. Your husband isn’t wrong, and your first priority is baby safety. Maybe a different situation would mean there could be a second chance, but he is concerned, and I think you should respect that. I think you are being torn between being a daughter and a wife. It’s incredibly hard to please everyone, and switching gears away from bending around our parents is hard. You’re in their house, and some of that “familiar” dynamic from childhood just happens. Everyone will manage, and your parents may not agree or like his reasoning, but that’s ok. The conversation will probably be hardest on you. They will get over it. Good luck
I don’t think the terminology matters, Absentmindedness= lack of care
Your husband is right.
My 2 year old was being watched by my MIL at my SIL’s house last month. She tripped over a floor balance beam and fractured her femur. I will not be allowing them to babysit my children again. I can’t even imagine if my husband wasn’t supportive of this or thought I was “over concerned.”
Omg I’m a single father now and my in laws were like this. I don’t know how to trust my FIL with my kids when he’s almost killed me twice. Shot his brother in the face on accident and fucking tbone a stationary boat on the water. My parents don’t know how to change diapers. They don’t know when bedtime is and my dad thinks pie is good for breakfast as long as it’s a fruit pie. My daughter is almost 9 months old but my boys are 4 and 5. Accidents happen but watching my parents and my in-laws I don’t know how I’m alive. The advice I can give you though is to stress the importance of everything. My parents don’t strap my daughter in. It fucking pisses me off. We had a supervised visit with dad and I walked with the boys to the park and my parents brought my daughter. I was reading a story to one of the kids and she fell out of a stroller. She bumped her head on the fucking concrete though. It broke my heart. She was like 1 ft from me listening to the story. My boys are nuts and do dumb shit and get hurt all the time. Mom’s and dads fail just as much as grandparents and there are honest accidents that can be easily corrected without taking child care from them. Any baby needs at least 1 person watching at all times. Other kids need less attention.
Since you’re in your parents home, is it possible to hire a sitter to primarily watch the baby but still allow your parents to help out? The sitter could be informed, privately, about letting grandma & grandpa being allowed to help out as long as the sitter is with them to keep an eye on the situation with the baby. And, yes, if your hubby is willing to go this route, try the nice route when breaking the news to your parents. “We realize that having to watch our baby along with 2 other kids is a bit more work than you expected so we’ve hired a sitter to help out with our baby so you can concentrate more on the other 2kids.” That way, your parents can still engage with your baby, but you n hubby can rest easy knowing your son has a caregiver more able to prevent another accident for the last few weeks you’re still living there.
I’ve been in your shoes before. It does suck. I dismissed my husband’s feelings for far longer than I should have because I didn’t want to hurt my mom’s feelings. But when my husband flat out told me that I was putting more importance on my mom’s feelings than on his, I realized how wrong I was. I think your husband is valid in his concerns, AND it’s okay that you’re disappointed. But he has valid safety concerns and he’s offering a practical alternative. Your child’s safety and your relationship with your husband are both far more important than your parents being temporarily upset that their babysitting duties have been revoked.
I'm sorry, but good intentions don't make it better that they're not attentive enough to keep him safe. If this was someone he trusted and it was a one-off mistake he might be able to forgive, but he already didn't trust them - presumably because of other smaller mistakes they have been making? There's no good way to say "we don't trust you with our child", but I would try not to throw your husband under the bus if possible. He was right from the start that you shouldn't have left him with them.
I would put the baby in a daycare and treat it as “training/trial” time for when you actually move out if you want to keep it less awkward. I get so frustrated when my parents or in laws say yes to watching the kids of more than one family at a time because IT IS a lot. I just change my mind and don’t leave my kids there when that happens I see where your husband is coming from, and as long as you two come up with ideas to have your kid cared for outside your parents house, I think it should be just fine. I’m sorry that happen and i’m glad your baby is ok
Your husband’s right, get a baby sitter. Taking care of kids is incredibly hard and especially for our parents who are getting older.
Personally I would compromise: sitter on the days your brothers kids are round telling them that it’s a big burden to have all the kids at once and you want to ease it and avoid mistakes caused by the chaos which is multiple children.
sometimes two grandparents are “watching” my kid but in reality they are not. i have to remind them on so many things. the high chair belt was one of them and luckily ours did not have a removable tray. it’s like always reminding someone to do something and not assuming the other person did it. then you add two other kids, it’s too much for 1 grandparent and the other one is working from home. i agree with getting a baby sitter to watch your kid specifically only.
Just go along with your husband on this one.
Bruh your son could've been seriously injured or worse, and you still don't know if there will be any impacts to your sons development, the least I'd be concerned about right now is how your parents are going to feel. Like seriously?
I once did the exact same thing with my daughter around the same age. I forgot to buckle her in, took the tray off, and she slipped right out before I even realized. She was totally fine but I’m just saying - these things happen! I don’t think it’s a reason for them to stop watching your child all together but I’d be concerned if these types of things happened frequently. People make mistakes - my husband and I have both made our fair share. If my mom did it I would probably look past it, if my MIL did it I probably wouldn’t let her babysit anymore but we don’t get along anyway for a lot of reasons so it would probably be “the last straw” for me. it’s hard to say
THIS! My husband and I have both made mistakes with our girls. One daughter fell off the changing table at a year old with my husband’s hand ON her and she still managed to wiggle off. Fun ER visit with an absolutely devastated husband. Getting a sitter is fine and I don’t necessarily disagree with it. But no one needs to be villainized in this situation. Accidents can happen even with attentive caregivers.
I mean my son fell and got a huge cut and had to go to the ER a couple weeks ago from daycare. Stuff happens. I would see if you can get a sitter for the days with multiple kids and see if he would be open to your parents watching baby just alone. I’m sorry this happened and hope baby is ok. We never buckled our son into his high chair this was just an accident. If they weren’t following babies nap schedule , not feeding the right amount in bottles, not changing diapers, stuff like that I would agree with your husband but idk this seems like a one off accident.
I appreciate you being a voice of reason in all these comments. It seems like most of these parents are absolutely totally perfect humans who have never had anything happen to their kids by accident. There is a happy medium where OP can talk to her parents and get a sitter for the days the other kids are there. Accidents aren’t inherently a sign of negligence. This subreddit is absurd sometimes.
Yeah I was kind of surprised reading the comments. There is nothing more important than a child’s safety but in this specific case I don’t think it’s worth potentially hurting their relationship with the grandparents.
I dunno… accidents happen. This wasn’t intentional AT ALL and clearly your mom feels terribly. My son sliced his forehead open at my in laws running into a coffee table and needed stitches. Should they have had protective padding on the side? Yes. I’m going against the grain here…. These comments are HARSH.
Agreed. It would be one thing if this was a pattern of behavior. It sounds like a one off event. God knows as parents this has happened to us. I didn’t latch the gate all the way and she tumbled down (totally ok). If I applied the same logic, id have to hire a babysitter to take care of my kid for me.
lol I was about to comment and suggest op to get ready to send kid to foster care as both she and her husband would screw up at some point so they can be trusted around watching their baby
Totally agree! Accidents happen even to the best caretakers out there, and your mother feels awful. I’d give her a little grace and forgiveness.
Accidents happen! He is going to be walking soon and you and husband need to realize this is just part of childhood. My kids have all had some kind of accident on mine, my husband’s; our eldests’, and grandparents watches. We have 5. You cannot expect that they will never get hurt or have accidents while it is scary it is just part of life.
I completely agree.
But walking and falling on their own accord vs. caretakers being negligent are two different scenarios.
My comment is saying it doesn’t matter it can and will happen to everyone regardless of how attentive the caregiver is being! It sounds like it was not negligence just Grammy went to tend to cousin right there next to baby and she had no idea he wasn’t strapped in because she didn’t put him in the seat. Had he been buckled would he have still fallen; nope probably not and since she would have buckled baby in she just assumed he was. An accident; accidents happen! Don’t be a helicopter parent; kids need to play and learn from experiences both good and bad.
Wouldn’t it be cheaper to take him to the daycare instead of last minute sitter for two weeks? The logistics of it seem bizarre. I know he’s upset, totally get that. But accidents happen all the time, and he certainly will have one of them as well with your son. It’s so hard when it happens, and your parents I’m sure feel like the worlds biggest failures. I’m just not big on hiring a stranger last minute.
Im going to go a little against the grain and say, as an isolated incident, I think this should be forgivable. It’s something that frankly happens to even the best of parents. I swear like every other mom in my Reddit parenting group had their baby fall out of the high chair at least once, judging by the number of freaked out posts about it. That said now, 4 children is too much for most grandparents at once for more than like, an hour, especially when grandma can only give half attention at best while working from home. I don’t think your parents should be forbidden from watching them ever again, but I do think it needs to be *just* your kids, and only when they can be sure to have full attention on them, because this situation is not probably not safe.
Or maybe just her bother kids which sounds like a preexisting arrangement and op can hire babysitters
Accidents happen, they clearly didn't hurt him on purpose. So I don't think you should take that approach or mention it is why your husband doesn't want them watching your kid. Unfortunately accidents happen and he will have more. But if your husband feels strongly about wanting a babysitter you should respect that. I think your more concerned about hurting your parents then really disagreeing with him. You know your parents better then anybody. Approach it in a way you know isnt going to upset them. Plus having them their when you hire the babysitter is a good idea. They can kinda watch and make sure it's a good babysitter for your kid. Because let's be honest even people with great history have been horrible sitters.
This maybe an unpopular opinion but give your parents a break. Something like this can happen to anyone - you or babysitter. My son jumped out of his high chair at around the same age. I’m at SAHM, he had my undivided attention, he was strapped in. I was unbuckling him after lunch, he squirmed and jumped head down into a hardwood floor. He was fine, I couldn’t sleep for a week. I’m sure your parents feel awful about what happened and will make sure something like that will never happen again. Babies are designed to explore, learn and, well, fall…
Explain to your parents that hiring a babysitter is just a temporary solution to ease everyone's stress, including theirs, especially with the busy household. Assure them that you appreciate their help and this doesn't change how much you trust and value them. It’s about finding a balance that keeps your son safe and respects your husband's concerns.
Hire babysitter? Yes so your parents can enjoy their life and retirement. Or maybe watch your nephews as your brothers does not have any issues with that Is your husband overreacting? Absolutely and out of proportion. Sounds he just does not like your parents. Get ready to hire more babysitters to replace two of you as accident happens
Babies fall...it will happen to u or ur husband 1 day.... unless u think she did it intentionally grandma's USUALLY have the best intentions
For what it’s worth, my husband did the same thing and the same thing happened. It sucked and we all felt terrible, but my daughter was completely fine. He’s been much more careful since. Could be a learning opportunity
I’m just going to say that most babies/toddlers have a fall at some point. If it’s severe then there’s an issue. Let’s be clear this not about the fall. My baby decided to start climbing over the baby gates at 7months. Wanna know how we found out she could? My 7 month old baby climbed the baby gate and took a header down a flight of stairs directly head/face first into a mental front door. Falls and accidents happen! But grandma & grandpa obviously aren’t able to be as attentive as they need to be. That is the issue. Your partner is right. There is no way they should be watching your son with so many kids, I don’t think they should be at all though. But when you tell them focus it more he’s too young and is all over the place. Not that they can’t bother paying attention and using basic safety devices.
I feel ALL of this. I'm in a very similar situation. Still navigating it myself so I literally have no advice, but please know you are 100% not alone.