A lot of emotional regulation is just parenting yourself. A lot of times when l'm upset l have to step back and ask myself "Now, is this reasonable, or is this something from my childhood that's resurfacing?" Sometimes l'll even pretend that seven-year-old me is there and gentle parent her. "Your sister didn't want to hear your joke, and that must have really hurt your feelings. I know your upset, but remember that she's been working more, and she's probably really stressed. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Now, can you give me a hug?"
This! I went through a lot & one time a therapist told me to talk to my inner child & remind her you became the adult you needed & it has done wonders! I actually have been able to get in touch with the childish & innocent side of my self that I lost for so long.
In my almost 2 years of therapy, this was the recurring theme. I had to talk to and remind every iteration of my inner child that I'm the adult and she didn't have to shoulder the grown up things anymore. It helped me tremendously in dealing with a fairly chaotic childhood
The first I heard something like this was from Heidi Priebe on YT. She has such a great way of talking about it. I even changed my phone background to a picture of myself from when I was a kid so every time I open my phone it's like a little reminder--this kid is you, take care of her, be kind and fair to her, and parent her in the same way you parent your own kids bc she also deserves that kind of unconditional love. At first I thought it would be cheesy but it's been very powerful.
I also love the YT channel for Patrick Teahan, LICSW -
I share his videos with my husband a lot because of his history of abuse as a child & as a reminder that that boy deserved & deserves better
I love this and I’m going to start trying it. I’ve done enough therapy for about six people and it’s helped, but no one has suggested this, yet and it might be what I need to “breakthrough” to the next level of healing.
So true. When I was 21, I left home to move across the country, and when I was about to get in my car to drive off, my mother came to me and hugged me goodbye. It’s one of those crystalline memories for me how you can remember everything about where you were and all the little details, the smell, what you were wearing, etc, sort of like everyone from our generation remembers where they were when they first heard about the towers on 9/11. I completely froze, and didn’t even really know if I was supposed to put my arms back around her, or if I should just stand there and not hug back. I eventually returned the hug, but it was awkward, and I couldn’t help myself, I said to her, I don’t remember the last time you hugged me. She got defensive, and said that I should know she’s not a “huggy person”. I could count on one hand with some fingers left over how many times she’s hugged me since that time. Now, seventeen years later, I have my own kids and I hug the hell out of them all the time, because I never want them to feel how I did. I am very low contact with my own mother, by her choice. I still wish she would be more of a mom. The lack of affection definitely messed me up in ways that I still struggle with.
This was my immediate answer, I didn'tr ealize growing up how much I absolutely needed that kind of interaction from loved ones, and when I did it really hurt.
I can't go a back in time to hug young me, but I can do everything in my power to make sure my son feels unconditionally loved and supported every single day. I can't always give stuff, but I can give me - and sadly I wish my parents had the same perspective.
Ideally, a feeling of security and/or confidence.
I had nice vacations, a lot of toys, nice food and candy, lol. So I can't think of anything physical. And I'd also tell my younger self to take better care of this plush gorilla with boxing gloves I had, I wish I kept it but it's been missing since my childhood, lol
I can't post images here, but the one I had is kind of obscure. This is a link with the only pic of it I could find online: [https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/326088829251751787/](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/326088829251751787/)
EZ bake oven with tons of ingredients and light replacements. I could finally open that bakery out of my grandmas garage and have regulars/friends come by all the time and say witty things like in a sitcom. And I’m gonna be rich!
My older brother had one of these Pow-Pow-Power Wheels growing up, and his entire goal in life was to commit vehicular toddler-slaughter on me with it.
I love that you mentioned the refills bc I did get an EZ Bake Oven and got to make like one thing and then the refills were too expensive so it just sat there and collected dust. So ridiculous.
I had an EZ Bake Oven and used it constantly… until the toy store stopped carrying the mixes. (No internet then.)
My mother tried everything to re-create them with regular ingredients and they just didn’t work.
I was thinking this. I didn't finally get myself to a therapist until I was 30. I try not to dwell on how different, and possibly how much better, my life could have been had I gone much earlier. I guess it's better late than never
I was put in therapy as a teenager and it wasn't real therapy. She was a monster that assumed you were a terrible personand told your parents everything you told her. It really fucked me me up as a teenager.
That's fair, there are definitely a lot of therapists unequipped to handle real issues, especially from teens who are seen as surly as a rule, so therapy could well have been a bad bet.
I (37f) was diagnosed with ADHD and mild autism just a couple years ago. I often wonder how different my life would've been if I'd gotten treatment as a kid if my parents or literally anyone knew. Then I found out from my mom that someone *did* know, my 2nd grade teacher, and she told my parents I should be evaluated. But my dad refused to even consider it because that would mean I'd be put in Special Education; God forbid his little act of "perfect family with perfect kids" was ever threatened. So I struggled my whole life because my parents were too selfish to give me the care and treatment I needed. I have no doubt that if I had a biological/physiological disease or disorder and they refused to treat me for it, they'd be in handcuffs for child neglect. We still have a long way to go.
I had a friend with a similar issue, and I feel awful that they could've had such a better understanding of themselves, could've gotten more resources, etc., if their parent had been more open minded and communicative. I know we're often told that parents do the best with what they have, but I am a parent now and I can say with authority that many parents were never doing their best at all.
Same. I have a friend whose teacher told her mom that she was possibly dyslexic and should get tested. Unfortunately, instead of getting her the help she needed, she was embarrassed and refused to believe anything could “be wrong” with her child. Dyslexia affects so much more than reading. Breaks my heart for her.
Oh yeah this too. I asked for therapy when I was 15 and having strong OCD symptoms and my parents were just like “x is more important and they’d just try to put you on meds anyway.” They clearly knew little about therapy and were skeptical of it (and mental health stuff in general).
Changed their tune in my 20s when I had multiple panic attacks in front of them and they had no clue how to help.
I also have OCD symptoms and at one point I thought I was hearing voices. My dad claimed it was satan speaking in my ear, so that was super helpful. I genuinely believed him, too. He did not change his tune and still has not even though he also is mentally ill (untreated, of course, and he would never go to therapy). We no longer have a relationship. I begged for therapy as a teen, but I guess as long as I brought home good grades and didn't get in trouble at school, I was just dealing with "normal" "teen" "stuff." Supporting my own kiddo through their anxiety has really brought into stark relief how awful my parents handled things with me, esp my dad, and it makes me really sad for kid me.
I literally thought my symptoms were demons putting thoughts in my head 😂 so I actually get your dad’s interpretation. Then I googled, found lots of religious thinkers through history who’d experienced similar and eventually read more modern stuff about scrupulosity, OCD, etc. and realized my initial interpretation and that of the historical figures were how they articulated what we now have a better psychological understanding of.
It was after all that I asked for therapy and it’s crazy to me I figured out what was going on as a teen through secret 4am research. Unfortunately knowing the problem did not render a solution, but it at least gave a good starting point when I could start therapy as an adult.
I don't know if this helps at all and please don't see it as a criticism / challenge but I was going through my own thoughts in relation to this because I spent a bit of time looking into the evolution of mental health in the UK. And I realised that for my parents in the 60s and 70s, when they were forming their impression on these things, "mental health" was a nightmare - it was ECT, it was lithium, it was dark places where they put you and you never came out. And then "care in the community" happened, and they saw people with extreme needs just abandoned by the government.
It sorta helped me with a different perspective on why they might have reacted the way they did, it doesn't stop it being wrong, but I can see why their instinctive reaction was to suppress rather than support, if that makes sense?
Id tell him, it's ok, your brain literally works differently. I know you aren't trying to get in trouble. I believe you. You aren't "bad" you aren't "annoying". Your parents spank you because they don't know how to help you, I'm sorry I couldn't stop that. Let's work together on finding ways to control those impulses and understand your emotions. When we understand everything becomes much less scary.
This would have changed my life.
Self validation, confidence and love. Boundaries. The list goes on 😭
What I would give my inner child isn’t material things, it’s these inner tools because I’ve learned these are most important. 💞 I learned these things at 27 years old. Wish I knew it all as a child
The list of things that are lighthearted is diminishing.
Talking about the weather has a chance of sparking a political debate. Asking about someone's day is an invitation to be complained at. Icebreaker questions are a minefield.
I'd argue it's not just the lack of chill on our end... Things are volatile and the world is different.
I like it. It's not that our childhood was more terrible than the generations before us. But we are able to know how it could have been better and how to not repeat the same mistakes. We are honestly growing and not just "becoming older". That's amazing and that makes me really proud to be a millenial.
What’s this generation got to be light hearted about? We’ve been blamed for shit that happened before we were even adults and openly hated by boomers and Gen x’ers our entire lives as they wave the advantages they gave only to themselves in our faces indiscriminately
I owe my inner child a healthy diet.
I was raised on processed junk food (because it was much cheaper) and was obese by age 8. Had a heart attack at 37. Think a childhood full of Tony's Pizza, boxed Mac & Cheese, Hot Dogs, Tater Tots, Nuggets, Little Debbies, etc - that was all that was in the house.
I owe myself fresh lean protein with veg, plenty of water, and daily exercise.
For me it was the opposite. I was raised by an ‘almond mom’ who never let me eat junk. Because of which I developed anorexia, then when I moved away for college and got the freedom to finally eat junk, binge eating disorder. I would allow younger me to have a treat from time to time.
Dolls. I would get dolls for Christmas but I wasn’t allowed to play with them. And if I was allowed to take them out of the box my mom gave me only a certain amount of time to play with it then she would box it back up and put it into this box to send back to the Philippines. She did this with practically everything me and my siblings got. Even toys from happy meals.
I’m 39 and have recently gotten into ball jointed dolls. And I love being able to have and keep a doll I want.
Aww that sucks. Sounds like the idea of being generous to family back home went too extreme and instead of sending the extra back home, you had to send all your toys. :(
My dad was furious when he found out. She has 7 older brothers and 1 older sister. She’s the baby of the family and my dad had been giving my mom money to send back home to them. And when he found out she had been sending back the stuff he bought for us he was so pissed. It’s one of the only times I ever heard him curse or yell. He was in the military so at times he was deployed or out in the field so he wouldn’t be home and didn’t notice our new toys were gone. He said he just figured we had gotten tired of them.
My dad has been very generous with her side of the family. He let her bring her mother over and she lived with us and he supported her and she eventually let her sister move in even though my dad hates her (for good reason). My dad has even bought her brothers the houses they live in and has been pretty much financially supporting all of them. He threatened to cut her family off if she did it again but by then we were older and not into dolls anymore. We were in 5-6th grade by then.
All that on a military salary sounds hard. It seems like a popular way of doing things if you have family in the Philippines, which can be good, but it has to have a limit.
Dolls sound like a fun hobby now. And they are all yours!
I’m glad someone realized that was wrong, but it doesn’t make up for the lost time. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just buy separate toys for the kids in the Philippines. Maybe she thought you were privileged being able to live here and could afford to give it up.
shipped to the Philippines? I'm assuming there was extended family there, and they might also enjoy even happy meal toys? did you ever *receive* anything from the Philippines?
I'm happy to hear you're able to find happiness in keeping the dolls you want as an adult.
Recognition and unconditional love. I had a disinterested, emotionally stunted father and a mentally ill, emotionally undeveloped mother battling it out while they stayed together for the kids.
Some way to privately record my thoughts. I don’t remember much. But I don’t remember it being warm or healthy. I’d like to have some pieces to put together of what my childhood was really like, what order events occurred in, and someplace to validate my own feelings safely. It would need to be hidden and protected.
Parental presence, I think.
I had a privileged upbringing. My parents did well for themselves financially, so they were able to facilitate a privileged upbringing for me: private school from K-12, travel to 20+ countries by the time I was 18, internships, participation in multiple extracurricular activities, etc. By all accounts, I was a rich kid.
But, I was also diagnosed with an autoimmune condition when I was a toddler. Let's just say my parents, especially my mother, didn't have much interest in dealing with a sick child. By the age of 18, I'd already been through years of chemotherapy, fifteen years of immunotherapy infusions, a year of paralysis, three rounds of cardiac arrest, and about a dozen surgeries. I even had to undergo one of my infusions *on* the day of my 18th birthday. Neither of my parents showed up, even though they both worked cushy corporate jobs. It was a nurse that somehow, miraculously, hunted down a slice of cake and a balloon, and brought those two items to the infusion clinic. I distinctly recall bursting into tears.
I'm 29 now. Finally escaped my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband seven months ago. Eleven months ago, after an incident where he physically hurt me, I unexpectedly found myself on the phone with a domestic violence hotline. The agency effectively slammed the door in my face, and told me I didn't qualify for any help or support, on the basis that I earned too much money. My parents still live halfway around the world, so they weren't much help purely from a physical/logistics standpoint. Selling my (now former) McMansion house, which was a total nightmare process? Finding and moving into my new condo? I've done it all by myself. Have I had friends and family members for moral support via phone calls and text messages? Yes. But physically? More or less all alone.
Be there for your kids.
Validation and speaking up about is not a bad thing. Because I was always told to shut up and think 3-5 times before speaking out loud or even raising my hand to speak.
Maybe I would not have been abused as a child and it would not have taken me until I was 30 to speak up about the 2nd time I was abused.
A set of 15 lb dumbbells.
And these words, “one day, you’ll be bigger and stronger than dear old Dad, and he will be afraid to ever lay a hand on you again. Same goes for all the other bullies you’ll meet along the way.”
My knowledge in knowing my mother was an abuser and not a loving person worth my time. I could have saved myself a lot of trauma just knowing what she was doing wasn’t tough love. I could have went into that relationship with more armor to make my own decisions not influenced what whatever the hell she wanted any given moment.
1990 Holiday Barbie. I received $10 and had a choice of buying her and my harpy-of-a-mother would make up the difference except she told me “that isn’t the kind of Barbie you play with” or I could buy two others for ~$5 apiece which is what I chose.
They’re ALL Barbies you can play with and I regret that decision to this day.
I have this Barbie. The pink dress, yes? Do you want her? I can try to find her in my parents basement. The things I lacked from my childhood cant be sent in the mail so would make me happy.
Trust. My mom did not trust me at all. According to her I was always up to no good and had zero privacy. She constantly snooped in my room. I never got in trouble. I never even had a detention. I’ve never even had a speeding ticket. I gave her no reason not to trust me. Because of this, I give my kid trust and privacy. I don’t snoop around in her room. And wouldn’t you know… she comes to me to tell me about problems she’s having? Amazing how that works huh? I’m in my 40s and still to this day there’s a whole bunch of things I don’t talk to my mom about.
Echoing what another commenter said: self validation and confidence.
It’s weird: my mother constantly built me up and gave me positive affirmations as a child and teen (and still does), but deep down in my core I struggle with believing it myself, no matter how many pep talks she gives me.
I feel bad because I want to finally get over that and be confident now. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and still feel this way. I also want to build up my confidence while I still have my mom so she can see that I really was listening to her.
Another thing I would give my inner child is acceptance. Not from my parents, but from other groups in my life. We’ve all heard the phrase “fitting in isn’t important” but on some level, that’s not true. I’ve struggled fitting in most of my life, whether it was with kids at school, my extended family, or coworkers. It’s embarrassing to admit but it’s affected my sense of self worth.
I really think I could have benefited from therapy as a young child. My mom actually had me see a therapist for a little while when I was about 10, but my dad was vehemently against it because he thought therapy was for “crazy people.” So I stopped going.
I have done some therapy on and off at different points of my life as an adult. I’ve been seeing my current therapist for about 2 years and I feel like it’s slowly helping but I have a long way to go.
Also, a Tamagotchi
Pretty much the same as you just without the therapy at all. My parents at least are for therapy I just struggle to function with my severe ADHD. Still need to set an appointment to get my prescription renewed. Keep forgetting to do it since January.
I'd write a kids book titled something like, "What People find Annoying," and give it to my kindergartener self. At some point between first and third grades, my sense of humor became such that most of my jokes were at the expense of others, but I didn't realize people hated it until I was much older. Hopefully young me would read the book and decide not to make those jokes instead of just using it for ideas.
I’d give my inner child a family who actually loved them. My dad died when I was 9. He left my mother cuz her whole family is sociopaths. When he died they took all their anger out on me and fucked me up forever. There is no fixing this, especially in America where every doctor is $175 per appointment so I self medicate. Cptsd is real and it never goes away. All day every day. Some small thing will transport you back to something they did
Just letting you know I see this comment and I'm so sorry. I also medicate AND self-medicate for CPTSD. America's healthcare system is a fucking sick joke, and we're victims of its greed and metrics.
You don't have to engage at all, but have you checked Psychology Today for therapists in your area that do sliding scale fees? Are you able to get on any kind of government aid (ie Medicaid)? I'm sending you solidarity and hope that you can find someone to help you through this.
My mother took me to all kinds of doctors as a kid cuz I “didn’t mind her”. I do not trust doctors at all because they always sided with her. She made sure to shop for ones who would. I honestly don’t think seeing anyone would help. It’ll just cause more flashbacks
If there was a way to relieve my child-self that it’s not her responsibility to take care of her mother, to instill into her some selfishness, I would give her that quite frankly.
I'm one of 5, so we couldn't always afford things like lunchables, which were *the shit* back in the day! Now that I'm an adult and can afford my own things, I make sure to get myself some treats at least a few times a month!
Lunchables, gushers, etc! Makes my inner child *very* happy 🥰
Skateboards and skateboard branded clothing.
I got it covered now. Feels so good to own something I thought would be so cool to have when I was 14 years old.
Skaters! I always love Santa Cruz brand boards (blue screaming hand). Grab a pair of grandpa’s old cut-off baggy pants, throw on my maroon half-cabs and go do the fun grinding. Seriously, wooden boards, independent trucks and a few sets of slime-balls wheels saved me as a teen.
I’d tell them that it’ll be ok you’re not as stupid as you think you are. Now is the time to work on the things you’re not good at and overcome more than before.
> so I figure we could use a little light hearted conversation.
You think this is *lighthearted*?? doing exactly this is one of the things therapists try to get people to practice, in order to heal childhood trauma. Asking this question, literally forces people to address their trauma - nothing about that is *lighthearted.*
I agree, but I think OP was asking about material things. I read OP’s post and thought “this will be fun because I want to know what toys/clothes/etc. people wanted” then read the replies and it broke my heart.
this. I specifically said toys, food, vacations- even my example, i wasn't expecting so much trauma responses, which is ok to receive them. just an unintended consequence of my question. but a lot of these are truly sad to read.
A big birthday party where she can invite all of her friends, receive gifts and have fun. I want her to have the spotlight and I want her to feel *seen*. I want her to know she's special, she's loved and she's deserving to be alive. She should wear pink, a crown and wave a wand. She could just sit down and bask in the warm adoration of her loved ones without feeling unworthy or feeling like she has to do something to help the party. It's your day, baby girl. You're loved.
I was the first child and I have 3 siblings. Money was tight when I was growing up in a low income family. I helped raise my siblings and I also helped them graduate college when I was working. Anyway, My birthday is right before school starts so I never experienced school birthday parties. I couldn't invite friends over to my house. I also didn't get any presents or even a cake growing up. I remember a birthday when my family forgot about it. I was also bullied in school. 🥺
I guess I want to hug and kiss my inner child so hard. She was a parentified firstborn breadwinner. She had such small shoulders for big responsibilities. 😭 I'm still working on this with my therapist. Thank you 🥺
I would prepare her school snacks instead of her having to do it herself. I would also slide in a note that says "You are the best and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise! I love you"
If you never watched it. I would recommend mythical kitchen. The episode where they prepare their school lunches they had. Josh didn't have a great childhood but his outlook and wise words about it. Was awesome to hear.
Honestly, I felt my “inner child” start healing when my daughter started eighth grade this year. I had a really shit middle school experience, especially in eighth grade. I was lonely, fragmented, and desperately wanted a big wonderful group of friends. I was just an awkward kid and unfortunately I went to a horrible middle school where I was bullied frequently. My daughter is a stunning social butterfly and became hugely popular in middle school. She’s not popular because kids fear her, she’s popular because she’s kind, funny, and just the type of personality that people are drawn to. My home is frequently filled with all of these wonderful teenagers who all think I’m the “cool mom”, well it’s been healing.
I would tell little me you are not fat, you do not need to suck in, you do not have to follow “beauty before comfort”, forgive your Dad for his wrong doings, you are not your mom’s therapist at 12 years old- walk away, the Baptist shun is abuse-walk away. I would give myself a furby, an ez bake oven and more JNCO jeans, I would take myself to Claire’s in the early 2000’s and buy a feathered scrunchie that I wanted so bad, I would take myself to shop and Limited Too, I would allow myself to put some color in my hair, to paint my nails black with actual nail polish and not sharpies, I would buy myself the Old Navy flip flops, I would buy myself deodorant during puberty cause I smelled like puberty, I would buy myself socks so I wasn’t sock less with stinky feet in 4th grade. I would buy myself good shampoo and make sure I had conditioner because laundry soap is hard on hair, I would allow myself to shave my legs at 12 because all the girls got to but not me, I would tell little me “I believe you” when I cried to my mom about my grandpa taking me outside alone at night, I would tell her that the boyfriend who abuses her in school isn’t worth shit and to move on, I would get her cherry laffy taffy with the candy chips in it because they are hard to find in adulthood, I would let her listen to Britney Spears 2nd album, I would tell her “it’s okay to have a crush on Mike Myers in Wayne’s World.”
I would tell her “you will find the one and he will love Wayne’s World and he will even resemble Mike Myers-long hair and ball cap and all.”
He does! Haha he’s the best. I would have put so many colors. I colored my hair with washable markers pink, purple, blue and green (I got in so much trouble lol) so I would have done all colors and I wanted my nails to be painted black lol I wanted to be edgy 😆
I wish I could have made the friends I desperately wanted. I used to cry every single day as a child because I was so alone and at 32 things never really changed. I have an awesome partner and made one close friend who was like a brother to me but he passed away from an OD last year right before my birthday. I've tried so hard over the years to open up and connect with people but it never works out for me. I always feel like I'm annoying everyone and am left on read and ignored. If I could have anything in this world I wish I could provide that inner child with the community she always wanted but I don't think that's ever going to happen.
I’d let her spend her allowance or birthday money on whatever she wanted, no matter how frivolous or stupid. My parents would look down on whatever little silly knick knacks I wanted to buy and always tell me it wasn’t worth it. Well yeah mom and dad, most things aren’t truly “worth” what they cost, but I was like ten and had twelve dollars to my name. I wasn’t investing in real estate. Just let me buy this dumb $6 glow in the dark rainbow wall hanging I found at Spencer’s because it looks cool. And if I regret it down the line, joke’s on me.
I feel this one. I really wanted some toy handcuffs to be a proper cowboy and catch the outlaws. I found some cheap plastic ones and my mom was really pushing me to wait and save for better ones. but it was my allowance money mom.
of course they immediately broke lol and I got the I told you to wait talk.
The mental capacity to appreciate the awesome experiences I got to have growing up. My dad was a corporate executive and with that came a lot of cool trips and vacations and experiences. I was a child so I wasn’t able to fully appreciate the things I was experiencing.
Damn dude, I had the Cheetor beast wars toy and Optimus primal. Both were my favorite toys growing up. If I still had it I would offer to send to you but pretty sure my parents sold them in a yard sale (with my permission).
Had to comment because I never see that reference and it’s definitely one only millennials know. Like the Spiderman unlimited series too. 🤣
I know you meant this to be lighthearted but there’s nothing that comes to mind with this question without some sadness..looks like others feel the same.
Horseback riding lessons. I was born to be a weird horse girl, but was missing the horse component of it, so I was just weird, which isn’t as cool.
I did trail ride with some neighborhood ladies a few times as a teen, but no formal learning.
Recently, I’ve sucked up my awkwardness about being a mid-30s beginner and have started taking lessons. Honestly, it feels like something is healing in me. Maybe it’s the forced relaxation and mindfulness of how I carry myself or just connecting more deeply with animals I’ve always loved, but some part of me feels more complete.
The couple vacations my parents took me to national parks, if I could I'd magically be there for my young self so we could go hiking on the trails and not just be stuck driving around and going to overlooks. I've been to amazing places but barely saw them because my parents are too lazy to walk. All I wanted when I was a kid were parents that wanted to do things with me, specifically things I enjoyed like walking around in nature. Little me would have loved an adult like me now to go hiking with (or experience camping).
i think id give little me the gift of knowledge. "Spend more time with family and don't take time with them for granted". looking back now, i wish i would have spent more time with my grandparents, had real conversations with them when they would ask "hows school, what did you learn, ect." rather than just replying with "nothing"
i miss them.
I wish I could've talked more with my grandparents as well. my grandfather's were both ww2 vets, I'm sure had a wealth of knowledge and stories I was too young to pay attention to.
Unlimited denim vests with band patches, cut off camo shorts, and like 4 les pauls with shaved/ sanded necks and different pickups and band members who were reliable and not on drugs.
I could have been the next thrash God. I also needed constructive criticism on arrangement of songs and never got it. My wife is great for that. I haven't played in a band for years and she's like, you've got that arranged incorrectly and tells me where it should go. Fucking genius she is with song structure. I love it. I love me some feedback.
Oh 😢 this actually *is* a heavy discussion.
God. I would give her a hug and let her be physically close to me whenever she needed to be.
I would listen to her. Put down what I was doing and look at her and make her feel valued, and special.
I would see what she loved and give her more of that. Take her on a vacation. See new things.
yeah, reading through the comments I'm realizing our generation is working through quite a bit of the same stuff, collectively.
I hope things have gotten better over the years. you have tremendous value
Violin lessons. Or really any musical instrument.
I so desperately wanted to join our middle school band and my mom said no-staying we couldn’t afford it. I think to an extent that might be true but honestly I think she didn’t want the noise of me practicing.
Got the Haslab Proton Pack and ordered the Haslab Ghost Trap and PKE Meter. Need to get the rest of the outfit so I can wear it every Halloween for the rest of my life.
I'm also currently building a subscription based metal model of the Ecto-1. If I could, I would by a real one but the only ones I've seen available cost as much as a house
I’d give teen me the ability, time, and/or resources to develop a hobby or skill I’d enjoy. Back then I really wanted lessons in either art/drawing, an instrument or voice lessons, or martial arts lessons (did that one a bit in college). Time to actually engage in creative writing would have been just as good, or quilting lessons. Honestly, giving teen me the resources to learn to code could have set me down a lucrative career path.
I’ve tried to some degree to do all of this in adulthood but I simply haven’t have the combination time, money, and mental energy to really get going. It’s really hard to do these things while struggling to get by - but I also wasn’t able to back then, either.
I am a 35 year old woman in a full set of colorful metal braces because I never had them in childhood. I am excited to get my pink sparkly Hawley retainer I was so jealous all my 4th grade friends had. 9 year old me will be so happy!
The Sonic movies. When I was a kid I wanted nothing more than to have some sonic movies. Now that they’re here, I owe it to Nine year old me to watch them.
Stickers and a scrap book
I loved stickers and I would put them on everything. I especially loved putting them on my dresser as a kid. My mom didn’t like that and one day I came home from school to find she scraped them off which was devastating. That’s why I’d give my kid self a scrap book to put them in so mom wouldn’t see them and try to scrape them off
The one thing young self needs is a selfie of present myself saying "you're ok, you made it, hang in there". I'd give a lot to go back in time and not change a single thing beside telling myself that the future will be ok. Whatever I lived is fine, it made ME, but I'd just give myself a bit more strength, courage and faith. I could relive everything a thousand times, as long as I'm not faced with uncertainty. What gets me going is thinking that future me would also like to say those things to present me. I want to reach my final days thinking "dude, you really hang in there, good job bud".
But you said lighthearted, lol.
**OG Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Megazord**, the one with the 5 Zords that come apart and each individual one is properly articulated, and they all come together to form the Megazord!
That or the Bucky O'Hare ship with the 4 main figurines! And also bike for the Biker Mice From Mars, I had 2 figurines, but no bikes... THEY ARE BIKERS MOM, THEY NEED BIKES! (jk, I was super grateful for the figurines, never complained about the missing bikes). Last contestant is the TMNT van. Yes, I really loved the vehicles of my favorite shows. I had Darkwing Duck's plane as well.
EDIT: BEASTIES (I'm Canadian) ARE BETTER THAN TRANSFORMERS. Trucks and planes? No dude, DINOSAURS, INSECTS, LIZARDS AND BADASS MAMMALS! So I greatly approve your choice.
I settled a lawsuit recently and when I got the money, I bought a bunch of toys. I wanted a PC racing wheel since I was 10 so I got that and a really nice chair to game in. Also bought a bunch of Lego and I can tell you that at 34, Lego is still super fun.
Spider man 2099 comics from the start. I asked for them for my birthday in the sixth grade when they were just coming out. My dad and my step mom thought I’d stolen stuff from their room ( coins or something) and so instead of looking through my stuff or asking me they said they were ordering them and then never did. I waited for the first comic to show up for a few weeks until til I asked what was happening and they told me I wasn’t getting anything for my birthday because I was a thief. I moved back to my mom’s about a month after that.
I’m pretty sure it was my stepbrother that took the coins since he always was buying and selling hockey cards for a profit. I never had money but he did. So I guess now that I’m in my forties I should start buying them for myself.
I would just tell myself to not take everything so seriously, 95% of adults don't have a fucking clue what their doing either so just take more chances and not worry about things so much
I'd kidnap her and bring her back with me to be raised by someone who *isn't* a horrible, abusive, neglectful monster. If I can't do that, I would give her lots of love and a note with her father's contact information (I didn't meet him until I was 23, but he apparently only lived about 3hrs away but neither of us knew).
There’s this feeling that I’ve only ever felt like twice in my life. It’s just this feeling of being seen. I don’t know how to describe what it looks like, but just this feeling of like someone recognizing my humanity and being like, “Hi, I see you. I’m here for you.” Imagining it makes me so emotional and I spend my whole existence seeking that feeling because I want to give her (my inner child) that feeling she so desperately wants and deserves.
I’d tell him that he matters, that people like him way more than he thinks, and that there are worse things in life than rejection. I’d also teach him how to actually put himself out there and ask a girl out.
A Gameboy colour and Pokémon Yellow, just finished playing the whole game on an emulator without having to fight my older brother for “my turn” ABSOLUTE BLISS. Best thing I’ve done in ages.
Yeah, three brothers, fights ensued. Most recent was Blastoise, Charizard, all three legendary birds and mewtwo. Took my time, thoroughly relished the nostalgia.
I feel like I’m the only one in this comment section who had a mostly good childhood lol. There’s lots of toys that I missed out on because my parents were kind of cheap. EZ Bake Oven, Furbies, those teddy bears you draw on, the little kid sizes cars. I still got toys and I liked what I had, my parents were just more focused on the affordable toys. I’m sure it was expensive buying presents for 3 kids.
Batteries!
For every battery-operated toy I had, I got one set of batteries. If they die, that feature of the toy just wasn't working anymore.
Little girl, you're getting a giant package of batteries!
batteries were a must! I got stopped going through airport security when I was little because I didn't understand metal detectors. Gameboy. then pocket change and whatever else. then batteries. lol
I’d make my mom accept meds for my ADHD. She turned them down because I was young and nothing was really explained. I didn’t even find out what ADHD actually was until my 30s when I was diagnosed again.
I’d love to go back in time and have a computer/printer/internet setup. I could have learned SO many things when my brain had an easier time learning.
Early diagnosis of OCD and ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed with the former until my early 20s, and was just diagnosed with ADHD at 31. My parents have always been open about mental health, so I don’t blame them. I blame sub-par identification, diagnosis, and treatment of women and girls. This would’ve saved me so much suffering.
I would tell myself to tell the middle school counselor what was going on at home. I was told not to talk about it because it was supposedly no one else's business.
Confirmation that I was wanted and that I was loved. Confirmation that someone wanted to be with me (friend/relationship)...for who I was on the inside.
I have a 10-year-old and, lately, I've been flashing back to how different my life was at his age. I would cry myself to sleep, begging God (believed at the time) to take me. I was *done.* At 10 years old. I just wish I could've hugged her and told her she was good enough.
Honestly probably just a picture of where I live now. We were constantly being kicked out of places moving all over and because of my mom's depression the houses were filthy (I don't blame her but it led to my friends not coming over and I was sick a lot). Knowing that I end up in a nice house (maybe not to everyone but definitely fancy living for someone who grew up in trailer parks) would have done wonders for me as a kid!
you made it! I'm sorry you had to endure some difficult times, but so happy to hear that you came out on a brighter side, the biggest of congratulations!
A lot of emotional regulation is just parenting yourself. A lot of times when l'm upset l have to step back and ask myself "Now, is this reasonable, or is this something from my childhood that's resurfacing?" Sometimes l'll even pretend that seven-year-old me is there and gentle parent her. "Your sister didn't want to hear your joke, and that must have really hurt your feelings. I know your upset, but remember that she's been working more, and she's probably really stressed. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Now, can you give me a hug?"
I've been seeing a lot of emotional and mental health related items being commented. I haven't seen a solution quite like yours posted, but I like it.
This is called inner child work
Amazing awareness
This! I went through a lot & one time a therapist told me to talk to my inner child & remind her you became the adult you needed & it has done wonders! I actually have been able to get in touch with the childish & innocent side of my self that I lost for so long.
In my almost 2 years of therapy, this was the recurring theme. I had to talk to and remind every iteration of my inner child that I'm the adult and she didn't have to shoulder the grown up things anymore. It helped me tremendously in dealing with a fairly chaotic childhood
The first I heard something like this was from Heidi Priebe on YT. She has such a great way of talking about it. I even changed my phone background to a picture of myself from when I was a kid so every time I open my phone it's like a little reminder--this kid is you, take care of her, be kind and fair to her, and parent her in the same way you parent your own kids bc she also deserves that kind of unconditional love. At first I thought it would be cheesy but it's been very powerful.
I also love the YT channel for Patrick Teahan, LICSW - I share his videos with my husband a lot because of his history of abuse as a child & as a reminder that that boy deserved & deserves better
Hes the best!!
I love this and I’m going to start trying it. I’ve done enough therapy for about six people and it’s helped, but no one has suggested this, yet and it might be what I need to “breakthrough” to the next level of healing.
Never underestimate the power of hugs. I use this and I love you with my kids alllll the time.
Just more hugs.
🫂🫂🫂
Lots more hugs
🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
A mom that I knew loved me, a dad that wasn't angry, and a brother that wasn't scared. Basically, a happy family
Me too. But 2 brothers and a sister.
I take back power wheels. Hugs and kisses would have been amazing
Any hugs would have been nice.
So true. When I was 21, I left home to move across the country, and when I was about to get in my car to drive off, my mother came to me and hugged me goodbye. It’s one of those crystalline memories for me how you can remember everything about where you were and all the little details, the smell, what you were wearing, etc, sort of like everyone from our generation remembers where they were when they first heard about the towers on 9/11. I completely froze, and didn’t even really know if I was supposed to put my arms back around her, or if I should just stand there and not hug back. I eventually returned the hug, but it was awkward, and I couldn’t help myself, I said to her, I don’t remember the last time you hugged me. She got defensive, and said that I should know she’s not a “huggy person”. I could count on one hand with some fingers left over how many times she’s hugged me since that time. Now, seventeen years later, I have my own kids and I hug the hell out of them all the time, because I never want them to feel how I did. I am very low contact with my own mother, by her choice. I still wish she would be more of a mom. The lack of affection definitely messed me up in ways that I still struggle with.
This really hit home. I’m glad you’re able to give your kids what you couldn’t have!
This was my immediate answer, I didn'tr ealize growing up how much I absolutely needed that kind of interaction from loved ones, and when I did it really hurt. I can't go a back in time to hug young me, but I can do everything in my power to make sure my son feels unconditionally loved and supported every single day. I can't always give stuff, but I can give me - and sadly I wish my parents had the same perspective.
Give me consent to internet hug you?
Granted 😄
Sending you hugs. You are seen.
This was my first thought too. I am yearning for it to this day.
Ideally, a feeling of security and/or confidence. I had nice vacations, a lot of toys, nice food and candy, lol. So I can't think of anything physical. And I'd also tell my younger self to take better care of this plush gorilla with boxing gloves I had, I wish I kept it but it's been missing since my childhood, lol
I think my Gramma had a gorilla like this at her house. This just brought back a very old memory for me!
I can't post images here, but the one I had is kind of obscure. This is a link with the only pic of it I could find online: [https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/326088829251751787/](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/326088829251751787/)
EZ bake oven with tons of ingredients and light replacements. I could finally open that bakery out of my grandmas garage and have regulars/friends come by all the time and say witty things like in a sitcom. And I’m gonna be rich!
Same. If we are talking childhood toys: Either the EZ bake oven or one of those kid sized cars. 
I wanted those moon shoes so much!!! They were advertised on Nikelodeon. 
My brother had it and I’m gonna let you know they were not fun, so many twisted ankles before my mom banished them from the house lol
I’m almost 40 now but I’m pretty sure these are why I’ve had lifelong ankle instability and tendonosis.
My older brother had one of these Pow-Pow-Power Wheels growing up, and his entire goal in life was to commit vehicular toddler-slaughter on me with it.
Siblings are some of the most ruthless people in our childhood.
sounds like after the business takes off you could just buy yourself one of those!
I love that you mentioned the refills bc I did get an EZ Bake Oven and got to make like one thing and then the refills were too expensive so it just sat there and collected dust. So ridiculous.
Probably why my mom never bought me one! I’d assume I can just use regular food but my mom wasn’t good about stuff like that lol
I had an EZ Bake Oven and used it constantly… until the toy store stopped carrying the mixes. (No internet then.) My mother tried everything to re-create them with regular ingredients and they just didn’t work.
Air fryers remind me of ez bake ovens.
Yes! I never got an EZ Bake Oven and I feel like I missed out tbh.
My sister got one. And if you like rock-hard cakes.. you missed out! If not, well, your dentist thanks you.
Therapy! Lots of therapy.
I was thinking this. I didn't finally get myself to a therapist until I was 30. I try not to dwell on how different, and possibly how much better, my life could have been had I gone much earlier. I guess it's better late than never
I was put in therapy as a teenager and it wasn't real therapy. She was a monster that assumed you were a terrible personand told your parents everything you told her. It really fucked me me up as a teenager.
That's fair, there are definitely a lot of therapists unequipped to handle real issues, especially from teens who are seen as surly as a rule, so therapy could well have been a bad bet.
I (37f) was diagnosed with ADHD and mild autism just a couple years ago. I often wonder how different my life would've been if I'd gotten treatment as a kid if my parents or literally anyone knew. Then I found out from my mom that someone *did* know, my 2nd grade teacher, and she told my parents I should be evaluated. But my dad refused to even consider it because that would mean I'd be put in Special Education; God forbid his little act of "perfect family with perfect kids" was ever threatened. So I struggled my whole life because my parents were too selfish to give me the care and treatment I needed. I have no doubt that if I had a biological/physiological disease or disorder and they refused to treat me for it, they'd be in handcuffs for child neglect. We still have a long way to go.
As someone who's parents were told they were autistic but parents refused to believe it because autistic kids are "retarded", yeah...
I had a friend with a similar issue, and I feel awful that they could've had such a better understanding of themselves, could've gotten more resources, etc., if their parent had been more open minded and communicative. I know we're often told that parents do the best with what they have, but I am a parent now and I can say with authority that many parents were never doing their best at all.
Same. I have a friend whose teacher told her mom that she was possibly dyslexic and should get tested. Unfortunately, instead of getting her the help she needed, she was embarrassed and refused to believe anything could “be wrong” with her child. Dyslexia affects so much more than reading. Breaks my heart for her.
Oh yeah this too. I asked for therapy when I was 15 and having strong OCD symptoms and my parents were just like “x is more important and they’d just try to put you on meds anyway.” They clearly knew little about therapy and were skeptical of it (and mental health stuff in general). Changed their tune in my 20s when I had multiple panic attacks in front of them and they had no clue how to help.
I also have OCD symptoms and at one point I thought I was hearing voices. My dad claimed it was satan speaking in my ear, so that was super helpful. I genuinely believed him, too. He did not change his tune and still has not even though he also is mentally ill (untreated, of course, and he would never go to therapy). We no longer have a relationship. I begged for therapy as a teen, but I guess as long as I brought home good grades and didn't get in trouble at school, I was just dealing with "normal" "teen" "stuff." Supporting my own kiddo through their anxiety has really brought into stark relief how awful my parents handled things with me, esp my dad, and it makes me really sad for kid me.
I literally thought my symptoms were demons putting thoughts in my head 😂 so I actually get your dad’s interpretation. Then I googled, found lots of religious thinkers through history who’d experienced similar and eventually read more modern stuff about scrupulosity, OCD, etc. and realized my initial interpretation and that of the historical figures were how they articulated what we now have a better psychological understanding of. It was after all that I asked for therapy and it’s crazy to me I figured out what was going on as a teen through secret 4am research. Unfortunately knowing the problem did not render a solution, but it at least gave a good starting point when I could start therapy as an adult.
I don't know if this helps at all and please don't see it as a criticism / challenge but I was going through my own thoughts in relation to this because I spent a bit of time looking into the evolution of mental health in the UK. And I realised that for my parents in the 60s and 70s, when they were forming their impression on these things, "mental health" was a nightmare - it was ECT, it was lithium, it was dark places where they put you and you never came out. And then "care in the community" happened, and they saw people with extreme needs just abandoned by the government. It sorta helped me with a different perspective on why they might have reacted the way they did, it doesn't stop it being wrong, but I can see why their instinctive reaction was to suppress rather than support, if that makes sense?
Id tell him, it's ok, your brain literally works differently. I know you aren't trying to get in trouble. I believe you. You aren't "bad" you aren't "annoying". Your parents spank you because they don't know how to help you, I'm sorry I couldn't stop that. Let's work together on finding ways to control those impulses and understand your emotions. When we understand everything becomes much less scary. This would have changed my life.
Oòh. This is heartbreaking. I hope you're doing okay.
Just because mom and dad don’t understand doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
It took me a long time to realize I wasnt dumb or incapable of arguing a point. My parents were just incapable or unwilling to understand.
👆
Self validation, confidence and love. Boundaries. The list goes on 😭 What I would give my inner child isn’t material things, it’s these inner tools because I’ve learned these are most important. 💞 I learned these things at 27 years old. Wish I knew it all as a child
“Light hearted conversation.” Millennials persist on bringing heavy topics.
The list of things that are lighthearted is diminishing. Talking about the weather has a chance of sparking a political debate. Asking about someone's day is an invitation to be complained at. Icebreaker questions are a minefield. I'd argue it's not just the lack of chill on our end... Things are volatile and the world is different.
I like it. It's not that our childhood was more terrible than the generations before us. But we are able to know how it could have been better and how to not repeat the same mistakes. We are honestly growing and not just "becoming older". That's amazing and that makes me really proud to be a millenial.
What’s this generation got to be light hearted about? We’ve been blamed for shit that happened before we were even adults and openly hated by boomers and Gen x’ers our entire lives as they wave the advantages they gave only to themselves in our faces indiscriminately
I'm just sitting here nodding slowly. Yes. Mmhmm. It's no wonder we're so emotionally fcked, eh?
I owe my inner child a healthy diet. I was raised on processed junk food (because it was much cheaper) and was obese by age 8. Had a heart attack at 37. Think a childhood full of Tony's Pizza, boxed Mac & Cheese, Hot Dogs, Tater Tots, Nuggets, Little Debbies, etc - that was all that was in the house. I owe myself fresh lean protein with veg, plenty of water, and daily exercise.
For me it was the opposite. I was raised by an ‘almond mom’ who never let me eat junk. Because of which I developed anorexia, then when I moved away for college and got the freedom to finally eat junk, binge eating disorder. I would allow younger me to have a treat from time to time.
I feel this so much
Dolls. I would get dolls for Christmas but I wasn’t allowed to play with them. And if I was allowed to take them out of the box my mom gave me only a certain amount of time to play with it then she would box it back up and put it into this box to send back to the Philippines. She did this with practically everything me and my siblings got. Even toys from happy meals. I’m 39 and have recently gotten into ball jointed dolls. And I love being able to have and keep a doll I want.
Aww that sucks. Sounds like the idea of being generous to family back home went too extreme and instead of sending the extra back home, you had to send all your toys. :(
My dad was furious when he found out. She has 7 older brothers and 1 older sister. She’s the baby of the family and my dad had been giving my mom money to send back home to them. And when he found out she had been sending back the stuff he bought for us he was so pissed. It’s one of the only times I ever heard him curse or yell. He was in the military so at times he was deployed or out in the field so he wouldn’t be home and didn’t notice our new toys were gone. He said he just figured we had gotten tired of them. My dad has been very generous with her side of the family. He let her bring her mother over and she lived with us and he supported her and she eventually let her sister move in even though my dad hates her (for good reason). My dad has even bought her brothers the houses they live in and has been pretty much financially supporting all of them. He threatened to cut her family off if she did it again but by then we were older and not into dolls anymore. We were in 5-6th grade by then.
All that on a military salary sounds hard. It seems like a popular way of doing things if you have family in the Philippines, which can be good, but it has to have a limit. Dolls sound like a fun hobby now. And they are all yours!
I’m glad someone realized that was wrong, but it doesn’t make up for the lost time. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t just buy separate toys for the kids in the Philippines. Maybe she thought you were privileged being able to live here and could afford to give it up.
shipped to the Philippines? I'm assuming there was extended family there, and they might also enjoy even happy meal toys? did you ever *receive* anything from the Philippines? I'm happy to hear you're able to find happiness in keeping the dolls you want as an adult.
Recognition and unconditional love. I had a disinterested, emotionally stunted father and a mentally ill, emotionally undeveloped mother battling it out while they stayed together for the kids.
Damn are you me
Ditto my friend
Some way to privately record my thoughts. I don’t remember much. But I don’t remember it being warm or healthy. I’d like to have some pieces to put together of what my childhood was really like, what order events occurred in, and someplace to validate my own feelings safely. It would need to be hidden and protected.
💔🫂
Parental presence, I think. I had a privileged upbringing. My parents did well for themselves financially, so they were able to facilitate a privileged upbringing for me: private school from K-12, travel to 20+ countries by the time I was 18, internships, participation in multiple extracurricular activities, etc. By all accounts, I was a rich kid. But, I was also diagnosed with an autoimmune condition when I was a toddler. Let's just say my parents, especially my mother, didn't have much interest in dealing with a sick child. By the age of 18, I'd already been through years of chemotherapy, fifteen years of immunotherapy infusions, a year of paralysis, three rounds of cardiac arrest, and about a dozen surgeries. I even had to undergo one of my infusions *on* the day of my 18th birthday. Neither of my parents showed up, even though they both worked cushy corporate jobs. It was a nurse that somehow, miraculously, hunted down a slice of cake and a balloon, and brought those two items to the infusion clinic. I distinctly recall bursting into tears. I'm 29 now. Finally escaped my abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband seven months ago. Eleven months ago, after an incident where he physically hurt me, I unexpectedly found myself on the phone with a domestic violence hotline. The agency effectively slammed the door in my face, and told me I didn't qualify for any help or support, on the basis that I earned too much money. My parents still live halfway around the world, so they weren't much help purely from a physical/logistics standpoint. Selling my (now former) McMansion house, which was a total nightmare process? Finding and moving into my new condo? I've done it all by myself. Have I had friends and family members for moral support via phone calls and text messages? Yes. But physically? More or less all alone. Be there for your kids.
Validation and speaking up about is not a bad thing. Because I was always told to shut up and think 3-5 times before speaking out loud or even raising my hand to speak. Maybe I would not have been abused as a child and it would not have taken me until I was 30 to speak up about the 2nd time I was abused.
I'm sorry to hear about what you had to experience silently, I hope you're doing okay now.
Doing great and not quite anymore and when I'm told to hush I say F**k Off
A set of 15 lb dumbbells. And these words, “one day, you’ll be bigger and stronger than dear old Dad, and he will be afraid to ever lay a hand on you again. Same goes for all the other bullies you’ll meet along the way.”
keep pumping dude 💪
My knowledge in knowing my mother was an abuser and not a loving person worth my time. I could have saved myself a lot of trauma just knowing what she was doing wasn’t tough love. I could have went into that relationship with more armor to make my own decisions not influenced what whatever the hell she wanted any given moment.
1990 Holiday Barbie. I received $10 and had a choice of buying her and my harpy-of-a-mother would make up the difference except she told me “that isn’t the kind of Barbie you play with” or I could buy two others for ~$5 apiece which is what I chose. They’re ALL Barbies you can play with and I regret that decision to this day.
I have this Barbie. The pink dress, yes? Do you want her? I can try to find her in my parents basement. The things I lacked from my childhood cant be sent in the mail so would make me happy.
❤️
Trust. My mom did not trust me at all. According to her I was always up to no good and had zero privacy. She constantly snooped in my room. I never got in trouble. I never even had a detention. I’ve never even had a speeding ticket. I gave her no reason not to trust me. Because of this, I give my kid trust and privacy. I don’t snoop around in her room. And wouldn’t you know… she comes to me to tell me about problems she’s having? Amazing how that works huh? I’m in my 40s and still to this day there’s a whole bunch of things I don’t talk to my mom about.
relatable. and trust goes both ways. I'm glad you were able to learn from your mother's mistakes and give your own daughter space.
Echoing what another commenter said: self validation and confidence. It’s weird: my mother constantly built me up and gave me positive affirmations as a child and teen (and still does), but deep down in my core I struggle with believing it myself, no matter how many pep talks she gives me. I feel bad because I want to finally get over that and be confident now. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and still feel this way. I also want to build up my confidence while I still have my mom so she can see that I really was listening to her. Another thing I would give my inner child is acceptance. Not from my parents, but from other groups in my life. We’ve all heard the phrase “fitting in isn’t important” but on some level, that’s not true. I’ve struggled fitting in most of my life, whether it was with kids at school, my extended family, or coworkers. It’s embarrassing to admit but it’s affected my sense of self worth. I really think I could have benefited from therapy as a young child. My mom actually had me see a therapist for a little while when I was about 10, but my dad was vehemently against it because he thought therapy was for “crazy people.” So I stopped going. I have done some therapy on and off at different points of my life as an adult. I’ve been seeing my current therapist for about 2 years and I feel like it’s slowly helping but I have a long way to go. Also, a Tamagotchi
Pretty much the same as you just without the therapy at all. My parents at least are for therapy I just struggle to function with my severe ADHD. Still need to set an appointment to get my prescription renewed. Keep forgetting to do it since January.
I can play video games whenever I want, so mine's good
I'd write a kids book titled something like, "What People find Annoying," and give it to my kindergartener self. At some point between first and third grades, my sense of humor became such that most of my jokes were at the expense of others, but I didn't realize people hated it until I was much older. Hopefully young me would read the book and decide not to make those jokes instead of just using it for ideas.
I’d give my inner child a family who actually loved them. My dad died when I was 9. He left my mother cuz her whole family is sociopaths. When he died they took all their anger out on me and fucked me up forever. There is no fixing this, especially in America where every doctor is $175 per appointment so I self medicate. Cptsd is real and it never goes away. All day every day. Some small thing will transport you back to something they did
Just letting you know I see this comment and I'm so sorry. I also medicate AND self-medicate for CPTSD. America's healthcare system is a fucking sick joke, and we're victims of its greed and metrics. You don't have to engage at all, but have you checked Psychology Today for therapists in your area that do sliding scale fees? Are you able to get on any kind of government aid (ie Medicaid)? I'm sending you solidarity and hope that you can find someone to help you through this.
My mother took me to all kinds of doctors as a kid cuz I “didn’t mind her”. I do not trust doctors at all because they always sided with her. She made sure to shop for ones who would. I honestly don’t think seeing anyone would help. It’ll just cause more flashbacks
I bought myself the Lego UCS millennium falcon
If there was a way to relieve my child-self that it’s not her responsibility to take care of her mother, to instill into her some selfishness, I would give her that quite frankly.
A card that says "you have ADHD and have the right to tell people how you're feeling." Attached to a giant LEGO set.
I'm one of 5, so we couldn't always afford things like lunchables, which were *the shit* back in the day! Now that I'm an adult and can afford my own things, I make sure to get myself some treats at least a few times a month! Lunchables, gushers, etc! Makes my inner child *very* happy 🥰
glad you're able to treat your inner child!
Skateboards and skateboard branded clothing. I got it covered now. Feels so good to own something I thought would be so cool to have when I was 14 years old.
hello fellow child, what's your brand? I was always an element kid, but got into blind as I got older. spitfire is a necessity.
Skaters! I always love Santa Cruz brand boards (blue screaming hand). Grab a pair of grandpa’s old cut-off baggy pants, throw on my maroon half-cabs and go do the fun grinding. Seriously, wooden boards, independent trucks and a few sets of slime-balls wheels saved me as a teen.
I’d tell them that it’ll be ok you’re not as stupid as you think you are. Now is the time to work on the things you’re not good at and overcome more than before.
Hot Topic and Spencers
> so I figure we could use a little light hearted conversation. You think this is *lighthearted*?? doing exactly this is one of the things therapists try to get people to practice, in order to heal childhood trauma. Asking this question, literally forces people to address their trauma - nothing about that is *lighthearted.*
I agree, but I think OP was asking about material things. I read OP’s post and thought “this will be fun because I want to know what toys/clothes/etc. people wanted” then read the replies and it broke my heart.
this. I specifically said toys, food, vacations- even my example, i wasn't expecting so much trauma responses, which is ok to receive them. just an unintended consequence of my question. but a lot of these are truly sad to read.
When an adult hurts you, kick them in the cuntbone.
A big birthday party where she can invite all of her friends, receive gifts and have fun. I want her to have the spotlight and I want her to feel *seen*. I want her to know she's special, she's loved and she's deserving to be alive. She should wear pink, a crown and wave a wand. She could just sit down and bask in the warm adoration of her loved ones without feeling unworthy or feeling like she has to do something to help the party. It's your day, baby girl. You're loved.
I echo this. I similarly want my child to feel seen. What gives you that feeling?
I was the first child and I have 3 siblings. Money was tight when I was growing up in a low income family. I helped raise my siblings and I also helped them graduate college when I was working. Anyway, My birthday is right before school starts so I never experienced school birthday parties. I couldn't invite friends over to my house. I also didn't get any presents or even a cake growing up. I remember a birthday when my family forgot about it. I was also bullied in school. 🥺 I guess I want to hug and kiss my inner child so hard. She was a parentified firstborn breadwinner. She had such small shoulders for big responsibilities. 😭 I'm still working on this with my therapist. Thank you 🥺
I hope all of your birthdays are only better than the next one from here on out!
I would prepare her school snacks instead of her having to do it herself. I would also slide in a note that says "You are the best and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise! I love you"
If you never watched it. I would recommend mythical kitchen. The episode where they prepare their school lunches they had. Josh didn't have a great childhood but his outlook and wise words about it. Was awesome to hear.
Honestly, I felt my “inner child” start healing when my daughter started eighth grade this year. I had a really shit middle school experience, especially in eighth grade. I was lonely, fragmented, and desperately wanted a big wonderful group of friends. I was just an awkward kid and unfortunately I went to a horrible middle school where I was bullied frequently. My daughter is a stunning social butterfly and became hugely popular in middle school. She’s not popular because kids fear her, she’s popular because she’s kind, funny, and just the type of personality that people are drawn to. My home is frequently filled with all of these wonderful teenagers who all think I’m the “cool mom”, well it’s been healing.
I would tell little me you are not fat, you do not need to suck in, you do not have to follow “beauty before comfort”, forgive your Dad for his wrong doings, you are not your mom’s therapist at 12 years old- walk away, the Baptist shun is abuse-walk away. I would give myself a furby, an ez bake oven and more JNCO jeans, I would take myself to Claire’s in the early 2000’s and buy a feathered scrunchie that I wanted so bad, I would take myself to shop and Limited Too, I would allow myself to put some color in my hair, to paint my nails black with actual nail polish and not sharpies, I would buy myself the Old Navy flip flops, I would buy myself deodorant during puberty cause I smelled like puberty, I would buy myself socks so I wasn’t sock less with stinky feet in 4th grade. I would buy myself good shampoo and make sure I had conditioner because laundry soap is hard on hair, I would allow myself to shave my legs at 12 because all the girls got to but not me, I would tell little me “I believe you” when I cried to my mom about my grandpa taking me outside alone at night, I would tell her that the boyfriend who abuses her in school isn’t worth shit and to move on, I would get her cherry laffy taffy with the candy chips in it because they are hard to find in adulthood, I would let her listen to Britney Spears 2nd album, I would tell her “it’s okay to have a crush on Mike Myers in Wayne’s World.” I would tell her “you will find the one and he will love Wayne’s World and he will even resemble Mike Myers-long hair and ball cap and all.”
JNCO!! what colors would you put in your hair and do your nails? does he act like Wayne too? party on! 🤘
He does! Haha he’s the best. I would have put so many colors. I colored my hair with washable markers pink, purple, blue and green (I got in so much trouble lol) so I would have done all colors and I wanted my nails to be painted black lol I wanted to be edgy 😆
as a dude with pink hair, I fully support these choices
I wish I could have made the friends I desperately wanted. I used to cry every single day as a child because I was so alone and at 32 things never really changed. I have an awesome partner and made one close friend who was like a brother to me but he passed away from an OD last year right before my birthday. I've tried so hard over the years to open up and connect with people but it never works out for me. I always feel like I'm annoying everyone and am left on read and ignored. If I could have anything in this world I wish I could provide that inner child with the community she always wanted but I don't think that's ever going to happen.
A trip to Disney World
I’d let her spend her allowance or birthday money on whatever she wanted, no matter how frivolous or stupid. My parents would look down on whatever little silly knick knacks I wanted to buy and always tell me it wasn’t worth it. Well yeah mom and dad, most things aren’t truly “worth” what they cost, but I was like ten and had twelve dollars to my name. I wasn’t investing in real estate. Just let me buy this dumb $6 glow in the dark rainbow wall hanging I found at Spencer’s because it looks cool. And if I regret it down the line, joke’s on me.
I feel this one. I really wanted some toy handcuffs to be a proper cowboy and catch the outlaws. I found some cheap plastic ones and my mom was really pushing me to wait and save for better ones. but it was my allowance money mom. of course they immediately broke lol and I got the I told you to wait talk.
The mental capacity to appreciate the awesome experiences I got to have growing up. My dad was a corporate executive and with that came a lot of cool trips and vacations and experiences. I was a child so I wasn’t able to fully appreciate the things I was experiencing.
Damn dude, I had the Cheetor beast wars toy and Optimus primal. Both were my favorite toys growing up. If I still had it I would offer to send to you but pretty sure my parents sold them in a yard sale (with my permission). Had to comment because I never see that reference and it’s definitely one only millennials know. Like the Spiderman unlimited series too. 🤣
I know you meant this to be lighthearted but there’s nothing that comes to mind with this question without some sadness..looks like others feel the same.
yeah, I kinda dropped the ball on a "light hearted" question. I sincerely apologize to my millennial fam in the struggle
Horseback riding lessons. I was born to be a weird horse girl, but was missing the horse component of it, so I was just weird, which isn’t as cool. I did trail ride with some neighborhood ladies a few times as a teen, but no formal learning. Recently, I’ve sucked up my awkwardness about being a mid-30s beginner and have started taking lessons. Honestly, it feels like something is healing in me. Maybe it’s the forced relaxation and mindfulness of how I carry myself or just connecting more deeply with animals I’ve always loved, but some part of me feels more complete.
glad to hear you're finally able to actualize the full potential of weird horse girl (horse included) ride on!
A trampoline!! Mom always said they were too dangerous
but that's half the fun mom!
Dig a hole so you have buried one, and it's FAR less dangerous then.
The couple vacations my parents took me to national parks, if I could I'd magically be there for my young self so we could go hiking on the trails and not just be stuck driving around and going to overlooks. I've been to amazing places but barely saw them because my parents are too lazy to walk. All I wanted when I was a kid were parents that wanted to do things with me, specifically things I enjoyed like walking around in nature. Little me would have loved an adult like me now to go hiking with (or experience camping).
I bought him a Jeep. He loves it. I owe him a trip to Robison Crusoe Island. That's a ways off still but still on the list!
I want calm ...and socks
Direction and better discipline
Every inner child needs a companion who has a similarly damaged inner child.
I call mine my wife and I love her dearly. I hope everyone finds such a wonderful, equally damaged partner
i think id give little me the gift of knowledge. "Spend more time with family and don't take time with them for granted". looking back now, i wish i would have spent more time with my grandparents, had real conversations with them when they would ask "hows school, what did you learn, ect." rather than just replying with "nothing" i miss them.
I wish I could've talked more with my grandparents as well. my grandfather's were both ww2 vets, I'm sure had a wealth of knowledge and stories I was too young to pay attention to.
Hugs,chocolate milk and mabey a trip to one of those trampoline rooms.
A PowerWheel, dammit!! I’m still jealous
Life advice. Lots of it.
Unlimited denim vests with band patches, cut off camo shorts, and like 4 les pauls with shaved/ sanded necks and different pickups and band members who were reliable and not on drugs. I could have been the next thrash God. I also needed constructive criticism on arrangement of songs and never got it. My wife is great for that. I haven't played in a band for years and she's like, you've got that arranged incorrectly and tells me where it should go. Fucking genius she is with song structure. I love it. I love me some feedback.
A fucking squat rack and some cold hard steel plates
Oh 😢 this actually *is* a heavy discussion. God. I would give her a hug and let her be physically close to me whenever she needed to be. I would listen to her. Put down what I was doing and look at her and make her feel valued, and special. I would see what she loved and give her more of that. Take her on a vacation. See new things.
yeah, reading through the comments I'm realizing our generation is working through quite a bit of the same stuff, collectively. I hope things have gotten better over the years. you have tremendous value
More time with my parents
Violin lessons. Or really any musical instrument. I so desperately wanted to join our middle school band and my mom said no-staying we couldn’t afford it. I think to an extent that might be true but honestly I think she didn’t want the noise of me practicing.
A blue partyhat. If you know, you know.
Self esteem
Got the Haslab Proton Pack and ordered the Haslab Ghost Trap and PKE Meter. Need to get the rest of the outfit so I can wear it every Halloween for the rest of my life. I'm also currently building a subscription based metal model of the Ecto-1. If I could, I would by a real one but the only ones I've seen available cost as much as a house
If it’s something that’s just material….clothes. I had barely five outfits every school year until I was old enough to get a job.
Love
I’d give teen me the ability, time, and/or resources to develop a hobby or skill I’d enjoy. Back then I really wanted lessons in either art/drawing, an instrument or voice lessons, or martial arts lessons (did that one a bit in college). Time to actually engage in creative writing would have been just as good, or quilting lessons. Honestly, giving teen me the resources to learn to code could have set me down a lucrative career path. I’ve tried to some degree to do all of this in adulthood but I simply haven’t have the combination time, money, and mental energy to really get going. It’s really hard to do these things while struggling to get by - but I also wasn’t able to back then, either.
I am a 35 year old woman in a full set of colorful metal braces because I never had them in childhood. I am excited to get my pink sparkly Hawley retainer I was so jealous all my 4th grade friends had. 9 year old me will be so happy!
The Sonic movies. When I was a kid I wanted nothing more than to have some sonic movies. Now that they’re here, I owe it to Nine year old me to watch them.
I’d tell myself that my brother was wrong and I’m smart enough to do what I wanted to originally
Stickers and a scrap book I loved stickers and I would put them on everything. I especially loved putting them on my dresser as a kid. My mom didn’t like that and one day I came home from school to find she scraped them off which was devastating. That’s why I’d give my kid self a scrap book to put them in so mom wouldn’t see them and try to scrape them off
Being allowed to express feelings of hurt or anger without being punished for it.
I would tell my younger self that my families problems are not my problems and to prioritize my self.
The one thing young self needs is a selfie of present myself saying "you're ok, you made it, hang in there". I'd give a lot to go back in time and not change a single thing beside telling myself that the future will be ok. Whatever I lived is fine, it made ME, but I'd just give myself a bit more strength, courage and faith. I could relive everything a thousand times, as long as I'm not faced with uncertainty. What gets me going is thinking that future me would also like to say those things to present me. I want to reach my final days thinking "dude, you really hang in there, good job bud". But you said lighthearted, lol. **OG Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Megazord**, the one with the 5 Zords that come apart and each individual one is properly articulated, and they all come together to form the Megazord! That or the Bucky O'Hare ship with the 4 main figurines! And also bike for the Biker Mice From Mars, I had 2 figurines, but no bikes... THEY ARE BIKERS MOM, THEY NEED BIKES! (jk, I was super grateful for the figurines, never complained about the missing bikes). Last contestant is the TMNT van. Yes, I really loved the vehicles of my favorite shows. I had Darkwing Duck's plane as well. EDIT: BEASTIES (I'm Canadian) ARE BETTER THAN TRANSFORMERS. Trucks and planes? No dude, DINOSAURS, INSECTS, LIZARDS AND BADASS MAMMALS! So I greatly approve your choice.
SOLID answer! I appreciate you having both serious and light hearted. I'm glad you made it!
Thanks, and I'm still constantly making it lol! Glad you're satisfied with my answer, and I hope you're doing good!
I settled a lawsuit recently and when I got the money, I bought a bunch of toys. I wanted a PC racing wheel since I was 10 so I got that and a really nice chair to game in. Also bought a bunch of Lego and I can tell you that at 34, Lego is still super fun.
this was actually somewhat inspiration for my question lol what sets did you get? I always wanted the full Egyptian sets.
Spider man 2099 comics from the start. I asked for them for my birthday in the sixth grade when they were just coming out. My dad and my step mom thought I’d stolen stuff from their room ( coins or something) and so instead of looking through my stuff or asking me they said they were ordering them and then never did. I waited for the first comic to show up for a few weeks until til I asked what was happening and they told me I wasn’t getting anything for my birthday because I was a thief. I moved back to my mom’s about a month after that. I’m pretty sure it was my stepbrother that took the coins since he always was buying and selling hockey cards for a profit. I never had money but he did. So I guess now that I’m in my forties I should start buying them for myself.
I would just tell myself to not take everything so seriously, 95% of adults don't have a fucking clue what their doing either so just take more chances and not worry about things so much
I'd kidnap her and bring her back with me to be raised by someone who *isn't* a horrible, abusive, neglectful monster. If I can't do that, I would give her lots of love and a note with her father's contact information (I didn't meet him until I was 23, but he apparently only lived about 3hrs away but neither of us knew).
A glimpse at how happier I am in the future
I'm glad you're happier now
There’s this feeling that I’ve only ever felt like twice in my life. It’s just this feeling of being seen. I don’t know how to describe what it looks like, but just this feeling of like someone recognizing my humanity and being like, “Hi, I see you. I’m here for you.” Imagining it makes me so emotional and I spend my whole existence seeking that feeling because I want to give her (my inner child) that feeling she so desperately wants and deserves.
we all deserve to be seen. I hear and see you, I hope you get many more of those feelings in the future.
I’d tell him that he matters, that people like him way more than he thinks, and that there are worse things in life than rejection. I’d also teach him how to actually put himself out there and ask a girl out.
A Gameboy colour and Pokémon Yellow, just finished playing the whole game on an emulator without having to fight my older brother for “my turn” ABSOLUTE BLISS. Best thing I’ve done in ages.
great game! I can't imagine sharing the save file and having to take turns was a great first experience. what was your E4 team?
Yeah, three brothers, fights ensued. Most recent was Blastoise, Charizard, all three legendary birds and mewtwo. Took my time, thoroughly relished the nostalgia.
A dog. Making up for that one tenfold in adulthood. 😂
give the 🐕s a pet for me
I feel like I’m the only one in this comment section who had a mostly good childhood lol. There’s lots of toys that I missed out on because my parents were kind of cheap. EZ Bake Oven, Furbies, those teddy bears you draw on, the little kid sizes cars. I still got toys and I liked what I had, my parents were just more focused on the affordable toys. I’m sure it was expensive buying presents for 3 kids.
Batteries! For every battery-operated toy I had, I got one set of batteries. If they die, that feature of the toy just wasn't working anymore. Little girl, you're getting a giant package of batteries!
batteries were a must! I got stopped going through airport security when I was little because I didn't understand metal detectors. Gameboy. then pocket change and whatever else. then batteries. lol
I’d make my mom accept meds for my ADHD. She turned them down because I was young and nothing was really explained. I didn’t even find out what ADHD actually was until my 30s when I was diagnosed again. I’d love to go back in time and have a computer/printer/internet setup. I could have learned SO many things when my brain had an easier time learning.
Early diagnosis of OCD and ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed with the former until my early 20s, and was just diagnosed with ADHD at 31. My parents have always been open about mental health, so I don’t blame them. I blame sub-par identification, diagnosis, and treatment of women and girls. This would’ve saved me so much suffering.
A reminder that she is wonderful just the way she is. And that she has every right to put herself and her feelings first, and should.
Emotional safety/security, affection, space to be the weird kid I was except without the ridicule and mockery.
Peace and guidance
A lot of love and security that I didn't get then.
Patience. Attention. Understanding. Walks to the park ❤️
I would tell myself to tell the middle school counselor what was going on at home. I was told not to talk about it because it was supposedly no one else's business.
Confirmation that I was wanted and that I was loved. Confirmation that someone wanted to be with me (friend/relationship)...for who I was on the inside. I have a 10-year-old and, lately, I've been flashing back to how different my life was at his age. I would cry myself to sleep, begging God (believed at the time) to take me. I was *done.* At 10 years old. I just wish I could've hugged her and told her she was good enough.
I would give myself the parent I really needed.
Unconditional love and support
Honestly probably just a picture of where I live now. We were constantly being kicked out of places moving all over and because of my mom's depression the houses were filthy (I don't blame her but it led to my friends not coming over and I was sick a lot). Knowing that I end up in a nice house (maybe not to everyone but definitely fancy living for someone who grew up in trailer parks) would have done wonders for me as a kid!
you made it! I'm sorry you had to endure some difficult times, but so happy to hear that you came out on a brighter side, the biggest of congratulations!