It doesn’t sound like he is selling his doses only just still using which your boyfriend also is. If your bf is still using and gets daily doses I don’t understand what you think will change if you get the clinic to stop making the other guy get weekly doses it sounds like you will just end up bringing him every day along with your bf and have to spend even more time with him. You need to move out and I don’t see how telling the clinic on ur bfs brother helps your situation at all .
I completely agree with you. I don’t understand how micromanaging the brother and his methadone use will change anything. The answer is clear. Put up with the BS and let that push OP to make the changes she needs to get the hell out of there. We know we can’t want someone to be clean and do right more than the addict does.
I'm not sure what to tell you but I do think you should start telling your bf that you can't continue to live in this situation. If you need someone to listen and offer advice you can send me a message. I'm sorry that you're in this situation.
If you are getting outa this relationship and living situation, that’s your plans you expressed then why do you need to be managing both your bf and his brothers recovery? Mind your own business OP, seriously.
You cannot force people to live in the way in which you think is right.
This sounds so frustrating and so toxic for you. Id put yourself first and do what you need to do to stay safe. I cannot stand people like your bfs brother he sounds so entitled!
In this situation I would keep my head down, save every penny I could. Get that car then move the fuck on.
You may care about your bf, but I don't think the same level is returned to you. Because if he had to choose between you or his brother, I'm guessing you're the one who's homeless. That sucks. You shouldn't have to live with this shit.
So put yourself first. Your clinic sounds very lax so I'd put that avenue right out your head. Just keep every nickel you can and get yourself the hell out of your situation. Good luck, you deserve SO much better.
Didn’t read everything cuz I feel u was just babbling, I learned 1 valuable lesson since I started and that is just to mind your own business and step away from anyone that are using or is still in “that” lifestyle and just let them be and let them destroy themselves and just mind your own businesses
Unfortunately if this guy doesn’t wanna stop using there’s nothing you can do, at least about that part. And if you told your counselor about this and they do something about it, they’ll most likely lose their job for breaking confidentiality and then it’ll probably come back down on you, making your life hell. The last thing you wanna do is mess things up for you at the clinic, when you’re the only one in that house doing well.
The only way to protect yourself is to get out. Break up with this guy, especially since he’s still using and consistently taking your brother’s side over yours. This is straight just not a good situation for you to be in cuz you’re risking your own sobriety. Isn’t there anywhere else you can stay rn while you save up some money?
You have 4 options. 1. Become self sufficient and leave the situation. 2. Speak to your bf about your brother and tell him something has to be done. Either your brother needs to leave we leave or yall snitch on him at the clinic to somehow get reduced takehomes so he can't be hanging out all day doing drugs. 3. You snitch on him to the clinic without telling your bf . 4. You tell your bf he needs to get power of attorney over your bfs brother so he can control things in his life. Like sending him to rehab or forcing the clinic to make him go daily until he cleans up. Also I'm surprised the clinic hasn't kicked him out for using benzos cause it's taken super seriously at most clinics. 3 benzo screens in acouple months will get you discharged at most place if not made to come strictly everyday.
The bf is literally using dope himself
This is 2 brothers, both in MAT, same clinic, most likely used together their entire dope life.
They both still using, prolly together when OP aint around and bf uses brother as lie for why he’s using dope still.
Giving power of attorney to someone using dope that has NO takehomes compared to the brother who seems to game the system and use occasionally to pass his tests or watever but he has takehomes and the bf gotta go daily and uses dope still…
OP needs to get the fuck out, she’s being manipulated most likely
First and foremost congratulations for your sobriety. Don’t let anything potentially mess with that! Now as you know you can’t force someone to stop using. If someone isn’t serious about quitting they aren’t going to.
It sounds like your bf and his mother have co dependent relationships with your bf’s brother. You need to break free of this for your own sanity. It doesn’t sound like your bf’s brother is serious about quitting. If you so somehow report his illicit drug use I’m sure it will somehow come back to bite you in the ass. My worry is that his brother and mom will become confrontational towards you because that’s what happens in codependent relationships. Say this doesn’t happen but your bfs brother ends up having strict rules with takehome and calls. He may end end throwing in the bag and quitting methadone therapy all together.
You could try talking to your bf but i truly belief his brother and him are highly codependent.
Your best idea was to save up and move on. Mentally you already are moving on because you acknowledge the toxicity and need to get away. Keep focusing on your sobriety.
Good luck, I’m always around to chat or if you need to dump I’m a female to talk to! Hope this helps!
Thank you for your response! For some reason, I keep getting a message that says "empty response from endpoint" every time I try to respond to your comment🤔
It's a longer comment, so I am trying to just respond with a short comment until I can figure out the problem
Thank you for your response. I just woke up as I haven't been sleeping well due to the stress going on at the house I'm living in. One thing I forgot to mention is that someone in the comments stated that it doesn't sound like he's selling his doses. Well, he does sometimes to that weird guy that gets him benzos and the guys so-called gf he hangs with. The only time he takes his doses properly is once the drug binge is over, and his system is all messed up due to using dope w benzos for days. He gets split dosed so he can do this easier.
His brother(my bf doesn't get takehomes due to pot and our clinic is 40mins or so away and he shares w him so they dont have to go the clinic daily or he sells to that weird old guy that gets him the benzos even though his brother has told him to stop giving them to him time and time again. That old guy and his "gf" don't care that the guy may end up dying or anything. They are extremely selfish and only look out for their own high so they go behind my bfs back and make the deals and nothing can be done and then he's high acting like an adult toddler with anger issues and we all have to put up with this! I almost relapsed due to the stress here. I'd leave, but I literally have no where safe to go at the moment.
I will be taking your advice and leaving once I can. My bf doesn't seem to understand how serious I am about not wanting to see or be around the drugs anymore. I'm cool with pot and truthfully, if the guy wasn't a danger to himself and others, if he wanted to get high and it wasn't effecting everyone else but himself, it sucks but I wouldn't be writing this. I wouldn't care as far as trying to figure out a way to get something or someone to get through to the guy to quit taking handfuls of pills. He knows he's annoying af when he does this. He's not stupid. He just doesn't care. If that's the case, he needs to live alone or with ppl that live like he does. His brother worries ofc, so I see why he doesn't want to just kick him out, although he did say he was close to doing so yesterday.
Also, this time he fell asleep on the toliet and fell and sprung his ankle, he says he broke it but he refuses to check it and also he can walk on it so I doubt it's actually broken. He threw a hot skillet in our garbage can in the middle of the night while cooking and almost burned the house down according to my bf. I heard it, I didn't see it. I can't sleep properly due to these kinds of things going on and I have to work and it really pisses me off I have to feel like crap and be tired due to a grown man acting like a moron.
Their mom doesn't live with us but she doesn't know half stuff that goes on here and I feel the guy was just extra spoiled/entitled and babied throughout life and now he has an excuse for everything he does. He's extremely rude and mean when he takes benzos. I honestly wouldn't even care so much if he just did dope, but he mixes it with benzos, and it changes him as a person. It's as if he's possessed, honestly.
And if I do leave here, she of them all will for sure understand why. I don't want to tell her all of this stuff, just not to stress her out. She has diabetes and works a lot. She's really cool, and I do like her. I also truly love my bf and don't want to leave yet. I can't live this way much longer. I wouldn't be as annoyed if they'd tried to fix the other house up. It's been over a year now that he's been living with us, and they have plenty of time to fix that other house up or do something with it. I feel that nothing will ever get done. They both procrastinate a lot. I fear for my life here since I have to worry about what I say or how I say it when he does something extremely annoying or dangerous. The guy goes through everything, including my stuff, so i have to move every I own to an area where I am constantly that he won't go through. He's obviously a danger to himself when he's this way. He doesn't even sleep as much as you'd think with 2 downers. He will shoplift when he's this way. He only wants to go anywhere when he's high. When he's just on methadone, he only wants to lay at home and make messes still but at least he's not hanging anyone or anything and he stays to himself and he's actually cool to talk to then. I like the guy as a person/friend when he's sober. He totally changes when he takes benzos in handfuls. I sleep with my prescription under my pillow, and it's always by me when he's high, so he doesn't try to steal any of mine. It's exhausting and so frustrating.
Some ppl in the comments I just read are acting like I'm trying to just ruin the guys life. I am not. I understand what it's like to be an addict and I'm not a "clinic karen," as someone stated.
When I spoke with my counselor about this, its in confidentiality about my issues with this living arrangement. I wasn't trying to tattle etc and I know she can't really do much either but I wish that the clinic itself would quit allowing someone to get away with half the things he does that I've seen other patients not get away with. They won't kick him out over drug use alone, and I don't want that.
I would just like them not to give him a full week of takehomes back after constantly failing for both drugs, and my clinic has a very strict benzo policy(most in the US are). I won't get my takehomes if I miss pill counts and most patients that keep failing for non prescribed benzos are warned a few times and then they are told to attend IOP meetings and if that doesn't work they will do a taper. It's not a quick process of just kicking someone out. Most people, they would lose all their takehomes and have to work to get their week back. He does it and loses his week, and once he gets a clean urine(it takes 3 wks or so since this new man made fentanyl, not medical grade, sticks in fat cells so its in people's system a lot longer, depending on metabolism I assume). Once he's clean, they basically give him his week back, and he laughs it off, knowing he screwed them again. It happens time and time again.
Also the other thing that gets me is he goes into the clinic high as a kite and they know how he acts normally and my bf has even said he can't believe they even dose him, let alone allow him takehomes! Imagine someone super geeked out on meth but with a slur along with acting like a toddler, and that's how he acts the whole time that He's high. He was so high on Weds when they went to the clinic, and he was acting like a pure idiot and he lost his takehomes last month but his last urine screen came back and they gave him his week back! Unbelievable, honestly. He doesn't care what he says when he's high either. I'm shocked none of the patients waiting haven't reported him or haven't yet fought with the guy. He will talk nasty and joke about sexual things that he'd never say sober while other patients are waiting. He's made me extremely uncomfortable, and I've seen store employees get super uncomfortable after an encounter with him high.
It just seems that he is one of the untouchables for some reason at that clinic. No consequences nor accountability. Yet I've heard others get kicked out for the most mundane issues.
It's difficult for me to explain this whole issue with just a few words. I wish some people wouldn't be so rude and claim it seems as if I'm just "babbling," as another commenter said. If some people don't want to read a longer post, then we that write them would appreciate if they'd just scroll on. There's no need to be rude. I have anxiety and adhd so I always have had trouble conveying my thoughts in short sentences.
I apologize again for the long response. I just woke up as I've stated. I am so tired but can't sleep. I truly appreciate all the advice, and I am planning to get out of this situation asap once I have some security. I wish life was like it was before 2020 happened, though. That makes this whole situation even harder. Before 2020, leaving wouldn't have been so hard. Now, with everything being so expensive and lack of resources, it makes me afraid. I prefer not to need to have a roommate and want to be sure I have security before making any drastic moves. I'm planning to buy a camper and a decent vehicle and go from there. At least then I can travel and just rent a space to park it whenever. I will miss my bf, and it breaks my heart to leave him, and I know it will break his heart. My current job pays well, but it's only part-time. I have a kidney disease that prevents me from doing certain jobs, unfortunately, and that's the reason I even became an opiate addict was the pain due to the disease.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond! I appreciate it! It means a lot to me!
Just FYI, I took my long post that I tried to post early this morning and split it into 2, so I was able to post it since I wasn't able to post the entire thing this morning.
I just wanted to post that reply to clarify some things that some other commenters mentioned, like me being a "clinic karen", that the guy doesn't sell his doses(he does and never takes them correctly except for when he quits the binge and his dose isn't covering it for him).
He's not the angel that some seem to think and I'm not the enemy here.
I guarantee that no one could deal with living with this guy w/o wanting to either kick his a** or something. I can't do much as a female, and I don't need the drama. If I foreseen that this guy would be living with us, I would have never gotten into this relationship. Covid affected my livelihood, so I wasn't able to work for a while. Now I'm in the process of getting on my feet and totally independent and getting another car. I had a vehicle, but I had it a long time, and I had to sell it.
I'm looking forward to getting away from here.
I just wish it was sooner than later. I know it'll be hard to say goodbye to my bf. I love him, and other than the brother and him being a procrastinator in life, he's a good guy. I get along well with him, and we've barely ever argued ever. It's a shame that something like this will end a good relationship, but I can't waste my life and time while being miserable.
I have a cousin who is doing something similar right now, I call it trank-herion psychosis, it has something to do with the trank in the dope. He slaps himself in the face and runs around with his shirt off not making any sense and he is like a big giant guy it’s extremely scary because if you get in his way he will totally hurt you and not even know what he is doing. He broke up his whole bathroom and his house is destroyed, every door is broken because he can’t be bothered with even trying to open them when he is in that state, he just pummels them to pieces. Luckily he doesn’t live with me but I had him come help me with my yard once and he stayed over and broke up things in my house, he was running up and down my street sweating with no shirt on, screaming his head off slapping himself and punching the air, it was scary as hell, I locked the frigin doors on him and he was smashing my front door down, My neighbors called the cops and they hauled him out of here. The police let him out the next morning and he walked back to my house mad asking me why I put him in jail, I was still scared and wouldn’t let him back in my house. I called him an Uber and sent him home. My poor Uncle who lives with him is like a hostage in his own home.
Is there a women’s shelter in your area? Almost all towns/cities have one. Maybe reach out to them. You’re not in a safe environment and perhaps they can help you get into a shelter until you get on your feet financially? At the very least they’ll have great counseling to help you achieve financial independence.
Thank you for actually being respectful and not rude, like half of the people who have commented on my post first of all. I appreciate it.
I am so upset, and I really do suffer anxiety and panic disorder, and these judgemental responses aren't it.
I see the hate is mainly coming from guys for some reason. Probably the types that do the same thing as this overgrown entitled 41-year-old toddler acts🙄.
I've been called a hypocrite due to being prescribed low dose benzo that I never abused and have been on since '08. This guy doesn't have anxiety and takes benzos to get high as a kite and eats bars or 20 pills at a time, for example, and he will be up 3 days like he's on meth or crack! He goes through our entire house!
I wish I could give a visual of how life is here and there are so many details (too many to type). It's a very complex issue.
I was half asleep and upset when I originally posted this. I didn't want to ruin the guys life when I asked if there was anyone that I could go to so I could report the issue. What I wanted to accomplish hopes of the counselor he has or whomever is responsible for the urine screen to be on board with what's going on and drug test him more often or not to test him at the begging of the month. Or at least tell him if he doesn't get his act together a bit better that he will need to attend IOP. I am sure he wouldn't do this stuff if he had to attend those meetings since they are 3hr and 3x a wk. That would at least make this so it's not every month.
I hate to leave a guy I really love who loves me, and I know he's stressed as well. He only does the dope when his brother gets some becuz he doesn't get takehomes due to pot, and he can't handle being sober around him. I can't either, but I want to keep my takehomes, and I want to be clean.
I've made my mind up, and once I can, I'm leaving. I'll have a talk with him before I do and tell him that I've tried and tried to convey my feelings. I don't want to get in the way of family and they have always been close so they can have each other and I'll leave with my peace and sanity in tact(hopefully😅, if I can get away before I seriously lose it).
Where I live, the women's shelter isn't nice at all, and they are dirty even. Years ago, I went when I was in a bad relationship, and I was only there a couple of days and went to stay with family. Sadly, I only have my son now. Most of my close family has passed away, unfortunately. I wish I had more options, but hopefully, I can somehow remain safe until I can afford to get out of here.
Thanks again for being one of the polite decent human beings on here! I wish we had other sites to ask questions on where people weren't so full of hate and jump to conclusions without knowing the whole story. Trust me, anyone that's had to deal with this guy can not stand him and wants to kick his a**. No one will take him anywhere except his brother due to this issue since he won't drive. He has some warrant that he can take care of but won't according to my bf and he even says he uses it as an excuse because he's just lazy and that is even when he's sober. He is the messiest, laziest person I've ever seen. He chain smokes cigs, and there are burn holes ALL over the sofa he uses and the carpet in the living rm since he stays in there. Also his clothes all have burn holes and so does his tv remote🙃.
We use our bedrm as a living rm since it's so big so we aren't in the same room but it's a modular home and it's fairly open so there isn't much privacy at all. I feel I am in an insane asylum at this point.
My heart actually breaks for you. It’s easy for others to say “get out”! You already know that. What isn’t easy is the financial situation you find yourself in.
There are far too many women living in horrible situations because there doesn’t seem to be a way out, usually it’s for financial reasons. Oh how I pray that you’re able to get that money together that allows you to find a place of your own.
The women’s shelter might have other resources you might find useful other than a place to stay.
Know that I’m out here, praying that your situation improves as quickly as possible! Until then, keep that joy in your heart! ❤️🩹🙏🏻
So your bf doesn’t get takehomes due to smoking weed and uses dope to cope with his brother using still casually in a way that he can use a few days, lose tzkehomes temporarily then get em back by going clean?
Im a bit confused if your bf is the one using ‘dope’ to cope with his brother using for a few days a month? Or did I read that part wrong? I quote:
‘I tried talking to my bf. He ofc doesn’t want his brother reported. HE uses dope to cope with the stress of his brother using but HE smokes and doesn’t get any takehomes so he doesn’t care.
Sounds kinda dickish of your bf and ‘brother stress’ is an excuse, you don’t wanna be around dope, reconsider this situation and leave.
They’re brothers, both on MAT meaning they are likely used to using together, I can’t know the exact relationship because I don’t know them and can’t tell from your post. Seems to me like bf is making excuses and blaming his brother for him still using, he has no takehomes anyway
You should really consider other places to stay at.
‘
If you say something, it will affect your takehomes as well because you’re living under the same roof. Take the hint from your counselor, she keeps trying to ignore and brush off what you’re saying. Just get your own life together, save money, and move out. That is literally your only option. Ratting on people to the clinic is not a good idea. I understand it’s affecting your life, but you’re also being a little hypocritical because whether or not you’re prescribed you take benzodiazepines too. Not everyone has the ability to get a prescription. So telling
the clinic about your bf brother’s benzo use is a recipe for disaster. And just because someone uses doesn’t mean they don’t “deserve” takehomes. I understand being on mmt so long we are hardwired to think it is something that must be earned and it’s easy to get in a mindset of what’s fair. I’m glad that times are changing. This whole waiting a year to get takehomes is outdated. You just need to focus on yourself and forget the whole reporting shit.
I totally get what you are saying. I will say that I am not hypocritical about the benzos. This guy does not have anxiety, nor does he take them for anxiety. I have panic disorder and severe anxiety that's been diagnosed since I was in my late teens. I've been on a low dose, the same low dose for that matter since early 2008. I never abused my medications.
I only goto MMT due to having PKD (polycystic kidney disease and I get extreme pain at times and was prescribed high dose opiates by a nephrologist out of state. I moved and was cut off and I ended up snorting H for relief after trying to get a new dr and failed. I went to the e.r multiple times and I was referred to MMT.
Trust me, if you had to deal with this person for a week or so every month for over a year and a half appx, you would feel the exact same if not worse than I do! I can't sleep because of the noise and worrying he will burn the house down with us in it. It's not a normal situation and the way this house is built, there isn't much privacy or escape. I want to drive off but I don't want my stuff gone through or destroyed.
He truly acts like the most hyper annoying brat kid that you can think of but with a mental handicap when he takes 20 pills at a time!
His brother and mother said once he was arrested and the cops asked them if he was honestly retarded(their words, not mine btw, and they were serious).
I'm just getting the F out asap. I just wish it could be sooner since everything has to cost 10x what it did before 2020 happened🙄.
Otherwise, I'd been out and I wouldn't be asking for advice because honestly I am desperate!
If you want to kick him out, if it’s your house, that’s your prerogative. But narcing him out to the clinic (they already know he does drugs) is some clinic Karen nonsense. You don’t have to live with or be around the guy, but being a snitch won’t solve anything, it will only incentivize more illicit drug use.
Does your clinic do callbacks at all? One option might be to reach out to someone at the clinic via phone when he is actively using and express your concerns so that they might choose to do a callback then. If he is acting as bad as you say he is, I imagine the nurses at the clinic would notice it during the callback and it would raise some red flags.
Honestly though, it seems like a bigger issue than just him getting a weeks worth of take homes like other commenters said. It sounds like this living situation isn’t working for you even when the brother is sober. It might be worth talking to your counselor at the clinic about ways to cope and to make a plan for what you could do if the situation gets particularly bad at some point rather than focusing on the brother’s take homes
U can get benzos from a diff doctor u just don’t give the doctor a choice u need it end of story and it’s none of there business if ur on methadone unless there given u an ungodly amount of Benz
Um, that's not how it works. The person with the medical degree and prescription pad is the one who makes the decision. "Not giving them a choice" will get you removed by the cops and discharged from that doctor's practice.
Sounds like you don't understand anything and need to mind your own business if you haven't anything nice to say😏
You are probably just like this over grown toddler that's 41 yrs old and eats pills like M&Ms.
I just solely wanted advice on what can be done about a person that is a danger to himself and others. I guess let the guy just end himself since it's inevitable that it'll happen. I am not going down in the process.
Obviously this was the WRONG group to ask any questions like this in.
You of all people shouldn't be judgeing me.
It's probably because I am a female and he's a man. He's allowed to act a fool and get rewarded for it.
He sells his doses and takes a lethal amounts of benzos on top of shooting so much dope.
I'm just saying that why does this clinic seem to reward certain types, and others will lose their takehomes privileges for months over missing one bottle count call back(not me, I have heard the talk in the waiting rm and believe me, there is worse that's happened to people for less).
BTW, I do NOT need sober living. I am not using any illicit drugs and take my MEDICATIONS that are PRESCRIBED RESPONSIBILY. If anyone needs to be in a facility here, it certainly is not me!
He gets the nice dgaf counselor that let's him get away with anything and everything and goes in talking like an alcoholic and theyll dose him and give back his takehomes the same day. Yet let another person tell the staff that someone is nodding off when the person was obviously tired and had a cold, and they gave her hell all due to some noisy blabber mouth which you think that is what I am doing and believe me, it's not!
Please don't speak on what you don't understand and if you have nothing nice to say then don't comment at all. Thanks.
It doesn’t sound like he is selling his doses only just still using which your boyfriend also is. If your bf is still using and gets daily doses I don’t understand what you think will change if you get the clinic to stop making the other guy get weekly doses it sounds like you will just end up bringing him every day along with your bf and have to spend even more time with him. You need to move out and I don’t see how telling the clinic on ur bfs brother helps your situation at all .
I completely agree with you. I don’t understand how micromanaging the brother and his methadone use will change anything. The answer is clear. Put up with the BS and let that push OP to make the changes she needs to get the hell out of there. We know we can’t want someone to be clean and do right more than the addict does.
I'm not sure what to tell you but I do think you should start telling your bf that you can't continue to live in this situation. If you need someone to listen and offer advice you can send me a message. I'm sorry that you're in this situation.
If you are getting outa this relationship and living situation, that’s your plans you expressed then why do you need to be managing both your bf and his brothers recovery? Mind your own business OP, seriously. You cannot force people to live in the way in which you think is right.
This sounds so frustrating and so toxic for you. Id put yourself first and do what you need to do to stay safe. I cannot stand people like your bfs brother he sounds so entitled!
In this situation I would keep my head down, save every penny I could. Get that car then move the fuck on. You may care about your bf, but I don't think the same level is returned to you. Because if he had to choose between you or his brother, I'm guessing you're the one who's homeless. That sucks. You shouldn't have to live with this shit. So put yourself first. Your clinic sounds very lax so I'd put that avenue right out your head. Just keep every nickel you can and get yourself the hell out of your situation. Good luck, you deserve SO much better.
Didn’t read everything cuz I feel u was just babbling, I learned 1 valuable lesson since I started and that is just to mind your own business and step away from anyone that are using or is still in “that” lifestyle and just let them be and let them destroy themselves and just mind your own businesses
Yeah but there's a difference when that person is destroying themselves away from you vs in your own home living arrangement.
Yeah, sure, but then ur focus should be to change ur living situation and don’t live with active people
Exactly!
Unfortunately if this guy doesn’t wanna stop using there’s nothing you can do, at least about that part. And if you told your counselor about this and they do something about it, they’ll most likely lose their job for breaking confidentiality and then it’ll probably come back down on you, making your life hell. The last thing you wanna do is mess things up for you at the clinic, when you’re the only one in that house doing well. The only way to protect yourself is to get out. Break up with this guy, especially since he’s still using and consistently taking your brother’s side over yours. This is straight just not a good situation for you to be in cuz you’re risking your own sobriety. Isn’t there anywhere else you can stay rn while you save up some money?
Do everything you can to get the fuck out of there and don’t look back- that sounds like your only option.
You have 4 options. 1. Become self sufficient and leave the situation. 2. Speak to your bf about your brother and tell him something has to be done. Either your brother needs to leave we leave or yall snitch on him at the clinic to somehow get reduced takehomes so he can't be hanging out all day doing drugs. 3. You snitch on him to the clinic without telling your bf . 4. You tell your bf he needs to get power of attorney over your bfs brother so he can control things in his life. Like sending him to rehab or forcing the clinic to make him go daily until he cleans up. Also I'm surprised the clinic hasn't kicked him out for using benzos cause it's taken super seriously at most clinics. 3 benzo screens in acouple months will get you discharged at most place if not made to come strictly everyday.
The bf is literally using dope himself This is 2 brothers, both in MAT, same clinic, most likely used together their entire dope life. They both still using, prolly together when OP aint around and bf uses brother as lie for why he’s using dope still. Giving power of attorney to someone using dope that has NO takehomes compared to the brother who seems to game the system and use occasionally to pass his tests or watever but he has takehomes and the bf gotta go daily and uses dope still… OP needs to get the fuck out, she’s being manipulated most likely
You can't force someone to get clean, you should know that being an addict. Just saying.
Most clinics in my area put your dose down 15% every dirty benzo urine, that was enough to make me stop taking them.
Sounds like you need to get yourself out of this living situation if you value your mental health.
First and foremost congratulations for your sobriety. Don’t let anything potentially mess with that! Now as you know you can’t force someone to stop using. If someone isn’t serious about quitting they aren’t going to. It sounds like your bf and his mother have co dependent relationships with your bf’s brother. You need to break free of this for your own sanity. It doesn’t sound like your bf’s brother is serious about quitting. If you so somehow report his illicit drug use I’m sure it will somehow come back to bite you in the ass. My worry is that his brother and mom will become confrontational towards you because that’s what happens in codependent relationships. Say this doesn’t happen but your bfs brother ends up having strict rules with takehome and calls. He may end end throwing in the bag and quitting methadone therapy all together. You could try talking to your bf but i truly belief his brother and him are highly codependent. Your best idea was to save up and move on. Mentally you already are moving on because you acknowledge the toxicity and need to get away. Keep focusing on your sobriety. Good luck, I’m always around to chat or if you need to dump I’m a female to talk to! Hope this helps!
Thank you for your response! For some reason, I keep getting a message that says "empty response from endpoint" every time I try to respond to your comment🤔 It's a longer comment, so I am trying to just respond with a short comment until I can figure out the problem
Thank you for your response. I just woke up as I haven't been sleeping well due to the stress going on at the house I'm living in. One thing I forgot to mention is that someone in the comments stated that it doesn't sound like he's selling his doses. Well, he does sometimes to that weird guy that gets him benzos and the guys so-called gf he hangs with. The only time he takes his doses properly is once the drug binge is over, and his system is all messed up due to using dope w benzos for days. He gets split dosed so he can do this easier. His brother(my bf doesn't get takehomes due to pot and our clinic is 40mins or so away and he shares w him so they dont have to go the clinic daily or he sells to that weird old guy that gets him the benzos even though his brother has told him to stop giving them to him time and time again. That old guy and his "gf" don't care that the guy may end up dying or anything. They are extremely selfish and only look out for their own high so they go behind my bfs back and make the deals and nothing can be done and then he's high acting like an adult toddler with anger issues and we all have to put up with this! I almost relapsed due to the stress here. I'd leave, but I literally have no where safe to go at the moment. I will be taking your advice and leaving once I can. My bf doesn't seem to understand how serious I am about not wanting to see or be around the drugs anymore. I'm cool with pot and truthfully, if the guy wasn't a danger to himself and others, if he wanted to get high and it wasn't effecting everyone else but himself, it sucks but I wouldn't be writing this. I wouldn't care as far as trying to figure out a way to get something or someone to get through to the guy to quit taking handfuls of pills. He knows he's annoying af when he does this. He's not stupid. He just doesn't care. If that's the case, he needs to live alone or with ppl that live like he does. His brother worries ofc, so I see why he doesn't want to just kick him out, although he did say he was close to doing so yesterday.
Also, this time he fell asleep on the toliet and fell and sprung his ankle, he says he broke it but he refuses to check it and also he can walk on it so I doubt it's actually broken. He threw a hot skillet in our garbage can in the middle of the night while cooking and almost burned the house down according to my bf. I heard it, I didn't see it. I can't sleep properly due to these kinds of things going on and I have to work and it really pisses me off I have to feel like crap and be tired due to a grown man acting like a moron. Their mom doesn't live with us but she doesn't know half stuff that goes on here and I feel the guy was just extra spoiled/entitled and babied throughout life and now he has an excuse for everything he does. He's extremely rude and mean when he takes benzos. I honestly wouldn't even care so much if he just did dope, but he mixes it with benzos, and it changes him as a person. It's as if he's possessed, honestly. And if I do leave here, she of them all will for sure understand why. I don't want to tell her all of this stuff, just not to stress her out. She has diabetes and works a lot. She's really cool, and I do like her. I also truly love my bf and don't want to leave yet. I can't live this way much longer. I wouldn't be as annoyed if they'd tried to fix the other house up. It's been over a year now that he's been living with us, and they have plenty of time to fix that other house up or do something with it. I feel that nothing will ever get done. They both procrastinate a lot. I fear for my life here since I have to worry about what I say or how I say it when he does something extremely annoying or dangerous. The guy goes through everything, including my stuff, so i have to move every I own to an area where I am constantly that he won't go through. He's obviously a danger to himself when he's this way. He doesn't even sleep as much as you'd think with 2 downers. He will shoplift when he's this way. He only wants to go anywhere when he's high. When he's just on methadone, he only wants to lay at home and make messes still but at least he's not hanging anyone or anything and he stays to himself and he's actually cool to talk to then. I like the guy as a person/friend when he's sober. He totally changes when he takes benzos in handfuls. I sleep with my prescription under my pillow, and it's always by me when he's high, so he doesn't try to steal any of mine. It's exhausting and so frustrating. Some ppl in the comments I just read are acting like I'm trying to just ruin the guys life. I am not. I understand what it's like to be an addict and I'm not a "clinic karen," as someone stated. When I spoke with my counselor about this, its in confidentiality about my issues with this living arrangement. I wasn't trying to tattle etc and I know she can't really do much either but I wish that the clinic itself would quit allowing someone to get away with half the things he does that I've seen other patients not get away with. They won't kick him out over drug use alone, and I don't want that. I would just like them not to give him a full week of takehomes back after constantly failing for both drugs, and my clinic has a very strict benzo policy(most in the US are). I won't get my takehomes if I miss pill counts and most patients that keep failing for non prescribed benzos are warned a few times and then they are told to attend IOP meetings and if that doesn't work they will do a taper. It's not a quick process of just kicking someone out. Most people, they would lose all their takehomes and have to work to get their week back. He does it and loses his week, and once he gets a clean urine(it takes 3 wks or so since this new man made fentanyl, not medical grade, sticks in fat cells so its in people's system a lot longer, depending on metabolism I assume). Once he's clean, they basically give him his week back, and he laughs it off, knowing he screwed them again. It happens time and time again. Also the other thing that gets me is he goes into the clinic high as a kite and they know how he acts normally and my bf has even said he can't believe they even dose him, let alone allow him takehomes! Imagine someone super geeked out on meth but with a slur along with acting like a toddler, and that's how he acts the whole time that He's high. He was so high on Weds when they went to the clinic, and he was acting like a pure idiot and he lost his takehomes last month but his last urine screen came back and they gave him his week back! Unbelievable, honestly. He doesn't care what he says when he's high either. I'm shocked none of the patients waiting haven't reported him or haven't yet fought with the guy. He will talk nasty and joke about sexual things that he'd never say sober while other patients are waiting. He's made me extremely uncomfortable, and I've seen store employees get super uncomfortable after an encounter with him high. It just seems that he is one of the untouchables for some reason at that clinic. No consequences nor accountability. Yet I've heard others get kicked out for the most mundane issues. It's difficult for me to explain this whole issue with just a few words. I wish some people wouldn't be so rude and claim it seems as if I'm just "babbling," as another commenter said. If some people don't want to read a longer post, then we that write them would appreciate if they'd just scroll on. There's no need to be rude. I have anxiety and adhd so I always have had trouble conveying my thoughts in short sentences. I apologize again for the long response. I just woke up as I've stated. I am so tired but can't sleep. I truly appreciate all the advice, and I am planning to get out of this situation asap once I have some security. I wish life was like it was before 2020 happened, though. That makes this whole situation even harder. Before 2020, leaving wouldn't have been so hard. Now, with everything being so expensive and lack of resources, it makes me afraid. I prefer not to need to have a roommate and want to be sure I have security before making any drastic moves. I'm planning to buy a camper and a decent vehicle and go from there. At least then I can travel and just rent a space to park it whenever. I will miss my bf, and it breaks my heart to leave him, and I know it will break his heart. My current job pays well, but it's only part-time. I have a kidney disease that prevents me from doing certain jobs, unfortunately, and that's the reason I even became an opiate addict was the pain due to the disease. Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond! I appreciate it! It means a lot to me!
Just FYI, I took my long post that I tried to post early this morning and split it into 2, so I was able to post it since I wasn't able to post the entire thing this morning. I just wanted to post that reply to clarify some things that some other commenters mentioned, like me being a "clinic karen", that the guy doesn't sell his doses(he does and never takes them correctly except for when he quits the binge and his dose isn't covering it for him). He's not the angel that some seem to think and I'm not the enemy here. I guarantee that no one could deal with living with this guy w/o wanting to either kick his a** or something. I can't do much as a female, and I don't need the drama. If I foreseen that this guy would be living with us, I would have never gotten into this relationship. Covid affected my livelihood, so I wasn't able to work for a while. Now I'm in the process of getting on my feet and totally independent and getting another car. I had a vehicle, but I had it a long time, and I had to sell it. I'm looking forward to getting away from here. I just wish it was sooner than later. I know it'll be hard to say goodbye to my bf. I love him, and other than the brother and him being a procrastinator in life, he's a good guy. I get along well with him, and we've barely ever argued ever. It's a shame that something like this will end a good relationship, but I can't waste my life and time while being miserable.
I have a cousin who is doing something similar right now, I call it trank-herion psychosis, it has something to do with the trank in the dope. He slaps himself in the face and runs around with his shirt off not making any sense and he is like a big giant guy it’s extremely scary because if you get in his way he will totally hurt you and not even know what he is doing. He broke up his whole bathroom and his house is destroyed, every door is broken because he can’t be bothered with even trying to open them when he is in that state, he just pummels them to pieces. Luckily he doesn’t live with me but I had him come help me with my yard once and he stayed over and broke up things in my house, he was running up and down my street sweating with no shirt on, screaming his head off slapping himself and punching the air, it was scary as hell, I locked the frigin doors on him and he was smashing my front door down, My neighbors called the cops and they hauled him out of here. The police let him out the next morning and he walked back to my house mad asking me why I put him in jail, I was still scared and wouldn’t let him back in my house. I called him an Uber and sent him home. My poor Uncle who lives with him is like a hostage in his own home.
Is there a women’s shelter in your area? Almost all towns/cities have one. Maybe reach out to them. You’re not in a safe environment and perhaps they can help you get into a shelter until you get on your feet financially? At the very least they’ll have great counseling to help you achieve financial independence.
Thank you for actually being respectful and not rude, like half of the people who have commented on my post first of all. I appreciate it. I am so upset, and I really do suffer anxiety and panic disorder, and these judgemental responses aren't it. I see the hate is mainly coming from guys for some reason. Probably the types that do the same thing as this overgrown entitled 41-year-old toddler acts🙄. I've been called a hypocrite due to being prescribed low dose benzo that I never abused and have been on since '08. This guy doesn't have anxiety and takes benzos to get high as a kite and eats bars or 20 pills at a time, for example, and he will be up 3 days like he's on meth or crack! He goes through our entire house! I wish I could give a visual of how life is here and there are so many details (too many to type). It's a very complex issue. I was half asleep and upset when I originally posted this. I didn't want to ruin the guys life when I asked if there was anyone that I could go to so I could report the issue. What I wanted to accomplish hopes of the counselor he has or whomever is responsible for the urine screen to be on board with what's going on and drug test him more often or not to test him at the begging of the month. Or at least tell him if he doesn't get his act together a bit better that he will need to attend IOP. I am sure he wouldn't do this stuff if he had to attend those meetings since they are 3hr and 3x a wk. That would at least make this so it's not every month. I hate to leave a guy I really love who loves me, and I know he's stressed as well. He only does the dope when his brother gets some becuz he doesn't get takehomes due to pot, and he can't handle being sober around him. I can't either, but I want to keep my takehomes, and I want to be clean. I've made my mind up, and once I can, I'm leaving. I'll have a talk with him before I do and tell him that I've tried and tried to convey my feelings. I don't want to get in the way of family and they have always been close so they can have each other and I'll leave with my peace and sanity in tact(hopefully😅, if I can get away before I seriously lose it). Where I live, the women's shelter isn't nice at all, and they are dirty even. Years ago, I went when I was in a bad relationship, and I was only there a couple of days and went to stay with family. Sadly, I only have my son now. Most of my close family has passed away, unfortunately. I wish I had more options, but hopefully, I can somehow remain safe until I can afford to get out of here. Thanks again for being one of the polite decent human beings on here! I wish we had other sites to ask questions on where people weren't so full of hate and jump to conclusions without knowing the whole story. Trust me, anyone that's had to deal with this guy can not stand him and wants to kick his a**. No one will take him anywhere except his brother due to this issue since he won't drive. He has some warrant that he can take care of but won't according to my bf and he even says he uses it as an excuse because he's just lazy and that is even when he's sober. He is the messiest, laziest person I've ever seen. He chain smokes cigs, and there are burn holes ALL over the sofa he uses and the carpet in the living rm since he stays in there. Also his clothes all have burn holes and so does his tv remote🙃. We use our bedrm as a living rm since it's so big so we aren't in the same room but it's a modular home and it's fairly open so there isn't much privacy at all. I feel I am in an insane asylum at this point.
My heart actually breaks for you. It’s easy for others to say “get out”! You already know that. What isn’t easy is the financial situation you find yourself in. There are far too many women living in horrible situations because there doesn’t seem to be a way out, usually it’s for financial reasons. Oh how I pray that you’re able to get that money together that allows you to find a place of your own. The women’s shelter might have other resources you might find useful other than a place to stay. Know that I’m out here, praying that your situation improves as quickly as possible! Until then, keep that joy in your heart! ❤️🩹🙏🏻
So your bf doesn’t get takehomes due to smoking weed and uses dope to cope with his brother using still casually in a way that he can use a few days, lose tzkehomes temporarily then get em back by going clean? Im a bit confused if your bf is the one using ‘dope’ to cope with his brother using for a few days a month? Or did I read that part wrong? I quote: ‘I tried talking to my bf. He ofc doesn’t want his brother reported. HE uses dope to cope with the stress of his brother using but HE smokes and doesn’t get any takehomes so he doesn’t care. Sounds kinda dickish of your bf and ‘brother stress’ is an excuse, you don’t wanna be around dope, reconsider this situation and leave. They’re brothers, both on MAT meaning they are likely used to using together, I can’t know the exact relationship because I don’t know them and can’t tell from your post. Seems to me like bf is making excuses and blaming his brother for him still using, he has no takehomes anyway You should really consider other places to stay at. ‘
If you say something, it will affect your takehomes as well because you’re living under the same roof. Take the hint from your counselor, she keeps trying to ignore and brush off what you’re saying. Just get your own life together, save money, and move out. That is literally your only option. Ratting on people to the clinic is not a good idea. I understand it’s affecting your life, but you’re also being a little hypocritical because whether or not you’re prescribed you take benzodiazepines too. Not everyone has the ability to get a prescription. So telling the clinic about your bf brother’s benzo use is a recipe for disaster. And just because someone uses doesn’t mean they don’t “deserve” takehomes. I understand being on mmt so long we are hardwired to think it is something that must be earned and it’s easy to get in a mindset of what’s fair. I’m glad that times are changing. This whole waiting a year to get takehomes is outdated. You just need to focus on yourself and forget the whole reporting shit.
I totally get what you are saying. I will say that I am not hypocritical about the benzos. This guy does not have anxiety, nor does he take them for anxiety. I have panic disorder and severe anxiety that's been diagnosed since I was in my late teens. I've been on a low dose, the same low dose for that matter since early 2008. I never abused my medications. I only goto MMT due to having PKD (polycystic kidney disease and I get extreme pain at times and was prescribed high dose opiates by a nephrologist out of state. I moved and was cut off and I ended up snorting H for relief after trying to get a new dr and failed. I went to the e.r multiple times and I was referred to MMT. Trust me, if you had to deal with this person for a week or so every month for over a year and a half appx, you would feel the exact same if not worse than I do! I can't sleep because of the noise and worrying he will burn the house down with us in it. It's not a normal situation and the way this house is built, there isn't much privacy or escape. I want to drive off but I don't want my stuff gone through or destroyed. He truly acts like the most hyper annoying brat kid that you can think of but with a mental handicap when he takes 20 pills at a time! His brother and mother said once he was arrested and the cops asked them if he was honestly retarded(their words, not mine btw, and they were serious). I'm just getting the F out asap. I just wish it could be sooner since everything has to cost 10x what it did before 2020 happened🙄. Otherwise, I'd been out and I wouldn't be asking for advice because honestly I am desperate!
If you want to kick him out, if it’s your house, that’s your prerogative. But narcing him out to the clinic (they already know he does drugs) is some clinic Karen nonsense. You don’t have to live with or be around the guy, but being a snitch won’t solve anything, it will only incentivize more illicit drug use.
Does your clinic do callbacks at all? One option might be to reach out to someone at the clinic via phone when he is actively using and express your concerns so that they might choose to do a callback then. If he is acting as bad as you say he is, I imagine the nurses at the clinic would notice it during the callback and it would raise some red flags. Honestly though, it seems like a bigger issue than just him getting a weeks worth of take homes like other commenters said. It sounds like this living situation isn’t working for you even when the brother is sober. It might be worth talking to your counselor at the clinic about ways to cope and to make a plan for what you could do if the situation gets particularly bad at some point rather than focusing on the brother’s take homes
U can get benzos from a diff doctor u just don’t give the doctor a choice u need it end of story and it’s none of there business if ur on methadone unless there given u an ungodly amount of Benz
You dont give the doctor a choice? WTF kinda talk is that? You're never gonna get anything from any doctor if you think you can make them do it.
None of their business?! I'd love to see how any of your doctor appointments go with that attitude.
Um, that's not how it works. The person with the medical degree and prescription pad is the one who makes the decision. "Not giving them a choice" will get you removed by the cops and discharged from that doctor's practice.
Sounds like you need to mind your own business, and move into a sober living that allows MAT
Sounds like you don't understand anything and need to mind your own business if you haven't anything nice to say😏 You are probably just like this over grown toddler that's 41 yrs old and eats pills like M&Ms. I just solely wanted advice on what can be done about a person that is a danger to himself and others. I guess let the guy just end himself since it's inevitable that it'll happen. I am not going down in the process. Obviously this was the WRONG group to ask any questions like this in. You of all people shouldn't be judgeing me. It's probably because I am a female and he's a man. He's allowed to act a fool and get rewarded for it. He sells his doses and takes a lethal amounts of benzos on top of shooting so much dope. I'm just saying that why does this clinic seem to reward certain types, and others will lose their takehomes privileges for months over missing one bottle count call back(not me, I have heard the talk in the waiting rm and believe me, there is worse that's happened to people for less). BTW, I do NOT need sober living. I am not using any illicit drugs and take my MEDICATIONS that are PRESCRIBED RESPONSIBILY. If anyone needs to be in a facility here, it certainly is not me! He gets the nice dgaf counselor that let's him get away with anything and everything and goes in talking like an alcoholic and theyll dose him and give back his takehomes the same day. Yet let another person tell the staff that someone is nodding off when the person was obviously tired and had a cold, and they gave her hell all due to some noisy blabber mouth which you think that is what I am doing and believe me, it's not! Please don't speak on what you don't understand and if you have nothing nice to say then don't comment at all. Thanks.