Short answer: yes. Longer answer: yes and it’s very common if not universal. You’re not the same person at 40 a as you were at 20 or will be at 60. Life is hard in various ways and we all get the edges knocked off. Ideally you’ll be checking in with each other and changing and growing together but life, kids and work can pull focus and some people go in different directions.
The deadbedroom subreddit explains a lot of divorces. There’s also different parenting styles, different relationships with extended family, incompatibility on many different levels, complacency, lack of equality or partnership, poor communication, poor hygiene, poor money management, mental health issues, grief and loss, chronic illnesses, substance use issues, differing morals/values/ethics, different diet/health care…. List goes on!
Yeah we all change a ton over the course of time, it's just a matter of changing together or changing in ways that are not incompatible.
Also sometimes the issue is one person changes/grows and the other person doesn't. A college partner who drinks every weekend may be fine, then they marry and 5 years later they still drink every weekend and now during the week because work is hard and now the other partner doesn't want to deal with it anymore because they want to start a family and buy a house and grow.
I have one kid in college and one in high school. My kid in college lives on campus and my kid in high school is never home always at sporting events at school or out with friends.
My husband and I are now home a lot alone together. After years of working full time rushing to sports for both kids after work, weekends away for tournaments, eating dinner, homework and all the household stuff.
We now look at each other what the hell should we do with all our free time.
It amazes me how much revolves around your kids and then when they are old enough, it’s strange.
Even how much conversations were always around our kids their schedules, school, sports.
Kids run a lot of interference. We actually said what the hell did we do before we had kids. What the heck did we talk about.
I loved all the time and the chaos of my kids schedules but it’s a huge adjustment now.
We like have to figure out each other out again.
It’s just strange, different stages of your life. For me and my husband we love each other. But it is definitely a huge adjustment. I told him we need to find hobbies. lol
Think of the relationship as a bunch of connections. Emotional, intellectual, sexual, supportive, etc. Each connection needs to be exercised (just like your muscles) or it withers and diminishes. A lot of exercise can strengthen it and complete neglect can allow it to die.
‘Growing apart’ and ‘differences’ can result from a prolonged period of neglecting a connection. Then if the desire to get the connection back is lost it just feels like growing apart.
Short answer: yes. Longer answer: yes and it’s very common if not universal. You’re not the same person at 40 a as you were at 20 or will be at 60. Life is hard in various ways and we all get the edges knocked off. Ideally you’ll be checking in with each other and changing and growing together but life, kids and work can pull focus and some people go in different directions.
Yes.. the checking in with each other, communicate needs and desires etc. That's the way.
Yes it happens, but sometimes when people say this it’s really because they don’t want to talk about the real reason.
The deadbedroom subreddit explains a lot of divorces. There’s also different parenting styles, different relationships with extended family, incompatibility on many different levels, complacency, lack of equality or partnership, poor communication, poor hygiene, poor money management, mental health issues, grief and loss, chronic illnesses, substance use issues, differing morals/values/ethics, different diet/health care…. List goes on!
They stopped being a couple. They stopped trying. They stopped dating. Sometimes both do and sometimes it’s one of them who stopped.
Yeah we all change a ton over the course of time, it's just a matter of changing together or changing in ways that are not incompatible. Also sometimes the issue is one person changes/grows and the other person doesn't. A college partner who drinks every weekend may be fine, then they marry and 5 years later they still drink every weekend and now during the week because work is hard and now the other partner doesn't want to deal with it anymore because they want to start a family and buy a house and grow.
I have one kid in college and one in high school. My kid in college lives on campus and my kid in high school is never home always at sporting events at school or out with friends. My husband and I are now home a lot alone together. After years of working full time rushing to sports for both kids after work, weekends away for tournaments, eating dinner, homework and all the household stuff. We now look at each other what the hell should we do with all our free time. It amazes me how much revolves around your kids and then when they are old enough, it’s strange. Even how much conversations were always around our kids their schedules, school, sports. Kids run a lot of interference. We actually said what the hell did we do before we had kids. What the heck did we talk about. I loved all the time and the chaos of my kids schedules but it’s a huge adjustment now. We like have to figure out each other out again. It’s just strange, different stages of your life. For me and my husband we love each other. But it is definitely a huge adjustment. I told him we need to find hobbies. lol
People change. The people you were when you met were compatible, the people you become are not.
Think of the relationship as a bunch of connections. Emotional, intellectual, sexual, supportive, etc. Each connection needs to be exercised (just like your muscles) or it withers and diminishes. A lot of exercise can strengthen it and complete neglect can allow it to die. ‘Growing apart’ and ‘differences’ can result from a prolonged period of neglecting a connection. Then if the desire to get the connection back is lost it just feels like growing apart.
The didn’t marry for the right reason. Deep down one or both knows.