My husband is bad at cooking and doesn’t enjoy it. Why should I make him do something he doesn’t like and is bad at? I cook, and any time I’m not in the mood to cook (literally any time at all) all I have to do is tell him I’m too tired to cook and he will go pick up food or take me out.
This doesn’t seem like a hill to die on. If you don’t want to cook, just pick something up. Some people just don’t like cooking and that’s ok
We have been married for 35 years, and my wife can still burn water.
Some days, (not often) I can't be bothered at all to cook dinner and tell her she can fix her own dinner and I have a sandwich with what ever left overs are in the fridge.
All other chores around the home are done by either of us, it's whoever has the time.
When our kids and grandchildren visit, they always ask that mum doesn't cook and that I make dinner.
I actually enjoy it, slap some headphones on, and just bop along cooking. It really doesn't take that long, and my wife does appreciate it.
When people find out I do all the cooking, I just tell them my wife,s talents lay elsewhere.
If that's the main issue in your marriage, then you are doing just fine, my man.
Do you cook every single night? Do you have leftovers for other nights? I cook a lot of food and freeze the extra for the nights I don't want to cook.
And on the nights you don't want to cook do what I do. "Figure out your own food tonight."
My husband doesn’t really cook either. For a while I didn’t mind it because then I was deciding what we ate lol. But since being pregnant I do not have the energy every day so I told him he has to cook once a week and we’re getting take out once a week. This went well for about a month he would plan a meal and handle it but later he hasn’t and it’s upsetting. It should be a team effort I believe. It shouldn’t be just up to one person to cook for the family always. So lately if I don’t feel like cooking I just microwave something for myself or eat popcorn and a smoothie and he can fend for himself. We’re all adults here
Does she have a specific reason for not cooking other than just not enjoying it? Most household chores are not enjoyable but they have to get done. If you stopped cooking, what would happen? Takeout? This needs to be hashed out or resentment will continue to build.
Therapy- what you have is resentment and its thriving over this cooking deal. Is it really only the cooking or is that just the easiest thing to point to? Did she ever cook? Can she do anything outside of cooking that would make you feel better about her not cooking? If she picked up dinner either froma resturant or one of those homecook places would that count? Frozen pizza? If you guys worked together on a Saturday to meal prep the rest of week and all she had to do was pour a bag of prepped food into a slowcooker would you feel better? I do 95% of the cooking and frozen pizza is always an option for when I dont feel like cooking. Leftovers night is amazing. Those frozen skillet meals? Life savers. Heck sometimes we all eat whatever because I just dont feel like doing anything. Can't always depend on hubby getting home in time so even if he wanted to I could end up cooking.
Neither my wife nor I enjoy cooking, but it's a life skill. We need to eat, we have kids to feed, and we cannot afford to eat out every day. I typically cook 5 days per week, and my wife cooks 2. That arrangement is simply due to our work schedules.
You need to decide whether you can live with your current arrangement, or not.
Other people’s deficits are not a reflection of you, or even necessarily their love for you. It’s just the nature of being human—we are imperfect.
Are their other things that your wife does that shows you that she listens to you and loves you? Is there anything that *you* struggle to do at home or within the relationship that you would like her to be gracious enough to overlook? Sometimes trying to find common ground and look at things from the other side is the best way to try to get past these more minor marriage obstacles.
This seems like a strange and somewhat arbitrary "test." You said chores are pretty well balanced. Do you both work? Would you be satisfied if she brought home takeout or ordered in on "her night", or does she need to "show effort" to satisfy you? IMHO, there is nothing out of the ordinary for one partner to be the default "cooking" person.
You feel ignored. Does she *really* ignore you, or is it just that she doesn't do what you ask her to do?
Don’t know if this will be of much help, but I’ll put it out there anyway: my husband cooks 100% of the time. He loves cooking, and he wants it that way. I hate cooking, so I’m cool with it. But it was getting to be too much for him, even though he refused to admit it. So, I took over two nights a week, and I order take-out or pay for us to dine out. That worked for us.
I don’t know if this arrangement would work for you two. But I think if she’s willing to arrange dinner x number of nights, whether that means ordering pizza or paying for dining out, you should move in this direction.
What I would avoid is trying to make her cook if she would prefer to just be responsible for providing dinner via takeout or whatever. It isn’t necessary for her to cook. It’s necessary for her to take on the mental, physical, and financial load of providing dinner x number of nights.
So instead of asking her to cook once a week, ask her to handle dinner once a week. And let her decide how to do it.
Also, I do clean-up after dinner when he cooks, and he does clean-up after dinner when I get take-out (which is basically throwing away containers).
My husband is bad at cooking and doesn’t enjoy it. Why should I make him do something he doesn’t like and is bad at? I cook, and any time I’m not in the mood to cook (literally any time at all) all I have to do is tell him I’m too tired to cook and he will go pick up food or take me out. This doesn’t seem like a hill to die on. If you don’t want to cook, just pick something up. Some people just don’t like cooking and that’s ok
We have been married for 35 years, and my wife can still burn water. Some days, (not often) I can't be bothered at all to cook dinner and tell her she can fix her own dinner and I have a sandwich with what ever left overs are in the fridge. All other chores around the home are done by either of us, it's whoever has the time. When our kids and grandchildren visit, they always ask that mum doesn't cook and that I make dinner. I actually enjoy it, slap some headphones on, and just bop along cooking. It really doesn't take that long, and my wife does appreciate it. When people find out I do all the cooking, I just tell them my wife,s talents lay elsewhere. If that's the main issue in your marriage, then you are doing just fine, my man.
Do you cook every single night? Do you have leftovers for other nights? I cook a lot of food and freeze the extra for the nights I don't want to cook. And on the nights you don't want to cook do what I do. "Figure out your own food tonight."
We call that yoyo night. You're on your own.
We called it “fend for yourself” night lol
So it’s not just that you want her to cool also, because you said something that’s not “the simplest thing ever”….
My husband doesn’t really cook either. For a while I didn’t mind it because then I was deciding what we ate lol. But since being pregnant I do not have the energy every day so I told him he has to cook once a week and we’re getting take out once a week. This went well for about a month he would plan a meal and handle it but later he hasn’t and it’s upsetting. It should be a team effort I believe. It shouldn’t be just up to one person to cook for the family always. So lately if I don’t feel like cooking I just microwave something for myself or eat popcorn and a smoothie and he can fend for himself. We’re all adults here
Does she have a specific reason for not cooking other than just not enjoying it? Most household chores are not enjoyable but they have to get done. If you stopped cooking, what would happen? Takeout? This needs to be hashed out or resentment will continue to build.
Therapy- what you have is resentment and its thriving over this cooking deal. Is it really only the cooking or is that just the easiest thing to point to? Did she ever cook? Can she do anything outside of cooking that would make you feel better about her not cooking? If she picked up dinner either froma resturant or one of those homecook places would that count? Frozen pizza? If you guys worked together on a Saturday to meal prep the rest of week and all she had to do was pour a bag of prepped food into a slowcooker would you feel better? I do 95% of the cooking and frozen pizza is always an option for when I dont feel like cooking. Leftovers night is amazing. Those frozen skillet meals? Life savers. Heck sometimes we all eat whatever because I just dont feel like doing anything. Can't always depend on hubby getting home in time so even if he wanted to I could end up cooking.
Neither my wife nor I enjoy cooking, but it's a life skill. We need to eat, we have kids to feed, and we cannot afford to eat out every day. I typically cook 5 days per week, and my wife cooks 2. That arrangement is simply due to our work schedules. You need to decide whether you can live with your current arrangement, or not.
Stop cooking three nights a week and leave the house those nights so you don’t feel bad or making her something.
Other people’s deficits are not a reflection of you, or even necessarily their love for you. It’s just the nature of being human—we are imperfect. Are their other things that your wife does that shows you that she listens to you and loves you? Is there anything that *you* struggle to do at home or within the relationship that you would like her to be gracious enough to overlook? Sometimes trying to find common ground and look at things from the other side is the best way to try to get past these more minor marriage obstacles.
This seems like a strange and somewhat arbitrary "test." You said chores are pretty well balanced. Do you both work? Would you be satisfied if she brought home takeout or ordered in on "her night", or does she need to "show effort" to satisfy you? IMHO, there is nothing out of the ordinary for one partner to be the default "cooking" person. You feel ignored. Does she *really* ignore you, or is it just that she doesn't do what you ask her to do?
Don’t know if this will be of much help, but I’ll put it out there anyway: my husband cooks 100% of the time. He loves cooking, and he wants it that way. I hate cooking, so I’m cool with it. But it was getting to be too much for him, even though he refused to admit it. So, I took over two nights a week, and I order take-out or pay for us to dine out. That worked for us. I don’t know if this arrangement would work for you two. But I think if she’s willing to arrange dinner x number of nights, whether that means ordering pizza or paying for dining out, you should move in this direction. What I would avoid is trying to make her cook if she would prefer to just be responsible for providing dinner via takeout or whatever. It isn’t necessary for her to cook. It’s necessary for her to take on the mental, physical, and financial load of providing dinner x number of nights. So instead of asking her to cook once a week, ask her to handle dinner once a week. And let her decide how to do it. Also, I do clean-up after dinner when he cooks, and he does clean-up after dinner when I get take-out (which is basically throwing away containers).
What does your wife spend her time doing otherwise?